People Want To Know Where We Stand On Their "Am I The Jerk?" Stories
23. AITJ For Wanting To Supervise My Daughter At An All-Girls Birthday Party?
“My (23M) daughter (6) (judge me all you want about my age, I know I was stupid) was invited by one of her friends to an all-girls birthday event with the rest of her friends (7 other girls) next week.
Naturally, all of the moms are going for their daughters but the issue is that I’m a single parent.
When the birthday girl’s mom dropped off the invitations she mentioned that I wouldn’t need to come and that she and the other moms would take good care of my daughter.
I told her that I wanted to be there for her as her parent and she simply gave me her number to discuss it later. When I had time to call her back I explained that I just wanted to be there just in case something happened or if she needed me but the mom stated again that she’d make sure my daughter would be alright.
The first part of the birthday event would take place at our local mall where there is a bounce house type of place they will be playing at and then they’d eat there and go back to the birthday girl’s house for the rest of the festivities.
I told the mom that I would at least want to be there for the mall portion of the day and drop her off at her house after as I’d imagine it would be hectic managing a large group of little girls in public even with their parents there.
I also feel like each parent would naturally worry about their child first before worrying about mine. She told me to please consider it some more as it was an all-girls event and did not explain further.
WIBTJ if I keep insisting on being there for at least the mall portion of the day?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, good on you for being responsible enough to want to be part of your daughter’s life and trying to gauge trust in the people she’ll be around.
If I’m being honest:
1. It sounds like that mom either doesn’t like you or is just cliquey and that sucks either way because it’s your daughter’s friend.
Hopefully this changes.
2. Also honestly, your daughter is 6. While giving her a voice and letting her speak her mind is important in many ways, her opinion should hold little value.
Not trying to sound diminishing but there’s a reason why 6-year-olds aren’t in charge of things.
You are the adult and it is your responsibility to provide a safe environment for your daughter. Even if you leave her with another adult, and your daughter becomes their responsibility, since it was your responsibility to make that judgment call, anything that happens to your daughter in their care is still your responsibility.” Psychological_Web151
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. It seems reasonable, as a compromise, to come to the mall part only; the mall will have people of all genders present, even if it’s not at the party per se. It’s not like the mother organizing the party will refuse to be served by male employees or anything, or push male patrons away from the restaurant or whatever.
As such, your presence would absolutely not be out of the ordinary. But more broadly, it’s a bad precedent to set. You’re a single parent, and as such you are THE parent. When it comes to the safety (physical, emotional, etc.) of your child, you can’t just decide that you take the day off just because it’s girls only.
Also, for Pete’s sake, they’re 6, what could possibly a girls-only party entail at that age? Ugh. If you are so inclined, offer to come dressed in pink or wear a dress, in order to fit in.” ladyteruki
22. AITJ For Not Wanting To Share My Inheritance With My Stepsiblings?
“So I (17M) found out only a few weeks ago that my dad left me a lot of money in a trust. Like it’s such a crazy amount that I didn’t really believe it at first. But it’s true.
The reason is my dad had inherited from both his parents already, he also inherited from the only two uncles he had as well, and one of them was very successful and had a business. This was all explained in a letter my dad wrote to me.
He had the trust set up before he came into most of the money but when he found out his cancer was incurable, he decided to put it all aside for me once all medical bills were paid off for him. My parents were separated but not legally divorced when my dad was sick/died. But they hadn’t lived together or been a couple for a year.
This was 10 years ago.
My mom found out about the money because she read the letter he sent to me about the issue. Then she insisted she was joining me to meet with the lawyer to discuss this.
When my mom learned about the money she told her husband and suddenly the money became a very touchy subject.
I can’t touch it until I’m 19 with the way my dad set it up. So I have some time to deal with this but my mom and her husband want me to share the money with my stepsiblings (14, 8, and 7). The money is enough where even if I pay for college and buy a house I would have money left. The way the trust works I was told it’s also getting interest. Which my dad had intentionally set up.
My mom and her husband have struggled financially for years. They started going out when his youngest kid was 1. His wife had died, he was going through a legal battle with the mother of his oldest, and his oldest was in therapy for trauma caused by their mom.
Also, his youngest was born with some medical issues and has lots of doctor appointments. Between everything money was tight. We live paycheck to paycheck and I work to make my own life a little more comfortable. But we had no college savings or anything before this.
My mom and her husband drained their own bank account to keep a roof over our heads.
This has all been brought up to me as a good reason why I should do this. My mom told me it was selfish for Dad to put it all away solely for my future and he should have been thinking about raising me as well.
She told me I might not call her husband ‘dad’ or his kids my siblings, but we are a family and that this family has been through so much together and we have struggled for so long, that it would be so good and generous for me to do this.
I told her it’s not like I can access the money now. She said no, but when I do, I should set up accounts for my three stepsiblings so they have a better chance at college and if not college, the chance to have a help start in life.
Despite all their trying to talk me into it, I said no. I told them I wasn’t going to share the money. My mom was SO mad. But it was nothing compared to how mad her husband was. They told me to quit being selfish and start acting with compassion.
AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ: if your mom and stepdad were good parents, that’s great. If you want to help them out, you can. But you’re not at all obligated and it’s not their money. Your dad intended you to have it. You don’t say how much it is but even if it funds a house and college that doesn’t make you wealthy.
Just comfortable. Money goes fast once you start spending it. And it goes even faster if you give it away. Do with it whatever you want. But do not do anything with it just out of guilt. If you share it, it should be something you WANT to do.
You say you don’t want to. So don’t. Assume your mom and stepdad might not be supporting you more than the minimum from now on, but that’s okay, that in and of itself helps the other kids.” DragonBard_Z
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. You’re the child, which means your mother had an obligation to put a roof over your head.
Their financial problems are not your problems, their children are not your problem, so don’t let them bully you into taking on their problems. Your dad was very smart to put it in trust, that way your mom couldn’t get to it. Obviously, he saw a future problem for you.
This money was made by your family, it should stay in your family. Go to college, get a home, and have a nest egg. Whatever makes you happy. This is your dad’s gift to YOU.” Less_Ordinary_8516
21. AITJ For Not Throwing My Period Products In The Big Trash Outside?
“I am a high school female living with their parents (as most of us do.)
In our house, we have two bathrooms. One my parents use. The other I share with my brother.
My dad will come into the shared one with my brother to brush his teeth. He doesn’t use the toilet in the second restroom and the trash can is right next to the toilet.
If you are only in the bathroom to brush your teeth and use the sink, you will not have to interact with the bathroom toilet.
I menstruate (as most of us do) and I dispose of my menstrual products by wrapping them in some toilet paper and putting them in the trash can.
The other day, my father was in the bathroom and saw one of my wrapped items. He told me that it was extremely unhygienic and I should put my used menstrual products in the large trash can outside of the house.
The bathroom is on the second floor.
I don’t want to go down and outside, especially in the middle of the night, just to dispose of my used menstrual items. I am also the one who cleans this bathroom (which includes emptying the trash can).
I told him no and that he was being unreasonable.
This morning, I woke up and he didn’t make me breakfast, which is fine, I can make breakfast myself. The issue is that today I had early classes (not for school) and I had agreed with my dad that he could make breakfast for the two of us.
I ended up going to class without breakfast and he is clearly mad. AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. You come across as a wonderfully smart, responsible, logical young woman (and very articulate!). Your dad is being unfair and more than a little misogynistic in his request and his attitude.
As such – and as a woman who is probably older than he is – I give you full permission if he brings this up again to LEAN IN to his own nonsense. Go full ‘hormonal young woman’ and bring on the fake tears. Tell him that you’re incredibly hurt and that he has really upset you by trying to make you feel embarrassed of the normal things your body is doing as a girl, and trying to make them seem dirty and shameful.
Tell him that you look up to him, as your dad, and that you never thought that HE OF ALL PEOPLE would try to humiliate you by treating your perfectly normal period waste, which you carefully wrap and throw out just like snotty tissues or the products of a nosebleed, or any other unfortunate garbage… that he would try to make you feel gross and embarrassed instead of being the reassuring, supportive dad you’ve always known him to be (note: this may not actually be true, but the point here is to shame HIM, LOL).
Girl, you go ahead and embarrass him, because he should be embarrassed by his behavior. You are NTJ, and he should be proud to have such a smart, well-spoken young woman as his daughter. You go remind him of that.” Sorry_I_Guess
Another User Comments:
“NTJ: I would get it if you threw it in the trash and left it uncovered, but you’re wrapping it in toilet paper. The best analogy I could think to get him to understand is, when he’s sick he’s got a runny nose does he up and throw every tissue in the outside bin?
Cause it’s germs and gross, and just leaving it in the trash would be just as unhygienic as leaving a tampon/pad in the trash covered. He’s being passive-aggressive about something that has no effect on him unless he outright goes searching for it.
You look for a problem, you’ll find one. Or malicious compliance if you’re like me. LOL. I’d be going out the door loudly every night that week every 2 hours to ‘throw out my menstrual products’ and see how he enjoys having to hear that so often.
Also, make a show off every time you take it outside. Either way, you’re NTJ and your dad needs to worry about himself.” Present_Pay_4214
20. AITJ For Being Mad When My Mom Invited 8 People To Ride In Our Car?
“I went to church with my mom and younger brother and we delayed going home because my mom was doing something so I was sitting in the car sweating and all I wanted to do was go home.
When it was time to go home my mom came to the car with 8 people behind her and she said we would have to carry them in our car.
I was a bit shocked cause our car is a 5 seater and we were going to be 11 people plus my younger brother and me.
First, my mom said I could sit in the front and I could carry my brother on my lap then she changed her mind and said that one of the women from church would carry me on her lap.
I was a bit uncomfortable with the idea because I’m a teen I don’t like such situations where I’m that close to someone let alone someone I don’t even know.
Anyway, I sat on her lap on the left side next to the window and all the other people got in the car.
I admit I made a face because firstly I was uncomfortable and being in a small car with people over the passenger limit is dangerous. We dropped them at their stop after a few minutes and my mom drove us home. When we were home she looked at me and told me that I was being rude and that I don’t know how lucky I am.
(I didn’t mean to offend anyone.)
Sooooo am I the jerk?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. It is dangerous to carry more people than a car has seatbelts. If you had gotten into an accident (which is not necessarily always the fault of the driver), the majority of the people in the vehicle would have been unrestrained. Alongside this, placing people where they are not supposed to be, things like the airbags will not be able to function correctly, and could in fact become potentially dangerous – sitting sideways on someone’s lap like you were, for example, means a standard front airbag might be hitting you awkwardly side on, and one in the A-pillar will be hitting you in the side of the head at very close range.
If you need to carry more people than the car is designed for, take two trips.” Nrysis
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, from a former ‘small up yourself’ family to ensure that more than the legal limit of people fit into a car multiple times in my childhood carting people to and from church, it’s not fun being the youngest/smallest and expected to just suck it up all under the guise of being a ‘good Christian’.
Unfortunately, you may have to deal with this for a while, but the alternate option is to start asking questions about why it’s okay to break this law, and (hopefully) have a discussion with your mom about morality vs following the law. It may help you both see each other’s point of view.
If not, and you want to go with a lil petty revenge/malicious compliance, start counting how many people loudly and show the utmost concern about safety, seatbelts, and accident protection. Short rides and once in familiar neighborhoods are commonly how most accidents happen, so you can use that to your advantage if you get pushback!
Your mom’s heart might be in the right place by offering those without transportation rides home, but it shouldn’t be at the risk of the safety of everyone in the vehicle, especially not her own children.” GuaranteeThat810
You are NTJ! You are way too old to sit on someone's lap unless you are 100% comfortable with that person.
19. AITJ For Being Upset At My Partner For Eating My Food?
“I (22f) had my partner (24m) over last weekend.
He usually asks for food and such which I’m ok with. I have many food allergies that make it hard to buy food I can eat, but I keep other things for my partner to eat. This one particular night I had hopped in the shower, meanwhile my partner was going through my pantry, fridge, etc, and just grabbing whatever he wanted to eat.
I didn’t have much at the time because I needed to go to the grocery store.
When I got out of the shower I got dressed and asked him what he wanted to eat for dinner, he replied, WHILE eating my protein bars, that he ‘wasn’t hungry.’ I found that a little weird but didn’t push it.
I then started to realize I didn’t have any more food I could eat, all that was left was food he could have. I asked him if he knew where all of my food went and he said ‘Yeah, I ate it, I got hungry.’ I then got upset and went over to the couch where he was sitting and found wrappers, empty boxes, and bags empty, and him staring at me.
I started screaming, asking him if he knew how expensive my food was because I had to eat with accommodations and how I didn’t have much left to eat to begin with. He then replied ‘Can’t you just order takeout?’ I got so upset that I packed my things and told him to leave and go home.
In conclusion, AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. This person has very bad manners. Imagine it was just regular snacks he ate. How terribly rude to come to your partner’s house, she takes a shower before dinner, and instead of starting to cook or thinking about what to order together, HE STUFFS HIS FACE WITH SNACKS.
A 6-year-old child will ask for snacks and pout if he doesn’t get them right before dinner time. But an adult? ‘I don’t want to eat dinner with you, I’ll eat a lot of crap so you will have to eat alone’. Maybe it is just a cultural thing.
Where I am from, you have dinner together, and it is a social thing to sit down and eat together. Even if you eat in front of a movie, you eat together. If you are really starving you can have a little something to nibble on while you wait for dinner to be ready.
But several snack items? Enough to skip dinner? Ridiculous. OP, this is not a man to share your life with. Find someone better.” JaguarZealousideal55
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. It would be one thing if he had a lapse due to an eating disorder and binged. Sometimes people grab stuff that’s within reach when they’re binging, even if it’s not ‘theirs’.
However, his response to being confronted was wild. ‘Can’t YOU order takeout?’ No. The response is ‘Omg I’m so sorry, let me go get something for you!’ It’s possible to have an eating disorder and not be a complete jerk. This guy is not meeting that mark.
It was completely reasonable for you to be mad and ask him to leave. And if this behavior is a pattern, maybe you don’t ask him back.” theturkstwostep
18. AITJ For Reporting My Coworker To Our Supervisor?
“I (23f) recently worked a temp project at my job that required us to break into teams and work 12-hour shifts, mine was 7 pm to 7 am.
Towards the end of the project, my partner was taken off for personal reasons and was replaced with someone else. Since this was towards the end the person who sat on shift with me had no responsibility and mostly their job was to sit at the station since it wasn’t supposed to be unattended or answer the phone if I was already on the phone.
Well the person who was put on shift with me showed up at 7 pm and everything was fine.
At around 10 pm they said they were going to go grab dinner and asked if I wanted anything, I said no due to having already brought my food and so they went… and never came back.
At around 1 am, I started to worry and I started calling and texting, and no answer. I tried looking to see if maybe they were just chilling in another office, but this person was nowhere to be found.
At around 4:30 am, they finally answered and they said they were in the other office asleep.
I know that wasn’t the case because I had checked there multiple times. What made me mad was that they actually started laughing and they thought it was funny, on top of the lie of actually being there. I said I couldn’t believe they just left and they said they would come back and I said the shift was almost over as it was close to 5:15 and the busy part was over.
However, I still think they should’ve come back and this person is one of my bosses so I can’t make the call to them not to come in or finish the shift.
I got off the phone and I waited and they really never came back.
I was angry.
So every day of the temp project has been rough for the night shift and one of the top supervisors for our team as a whole checks in on me every day after my shift so I told them what happened; how the person left me on shift after only doing three hours.
My supervisor was angry and even more so because he personally asked this person to sit on the shift with me so I could occasionally take a break or use the bathroom but they just left. They literally just had to sit there and just be alive.
So, my supervisor gave him a suspension that would cut his pay.
Important notes:
- The suspension will go in his work file and follow him throughout his time in the company
- This suspension will potentially make it hard to get promoted in the future
- This suspension, according to my supervisor, was a culmination of bad behavior but this incident was the straw that broke the camel’s back
- This person did not apologize at all
- The suspension is not in effect and my husband is friends with the guy and they are still buddy-buddy due to my husband not wanting to add to the tension and hostility
- Everyone (including my husband) says I just should’ve spoken to him directly instead of telling the supervisor
- Apparently, the loss in pay will affect him next month when he has his child support hearing (he has two kids).
So AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. You were concerned for a colleague who could have been in an accident or something. This person took advantage of you and the company he works for.
If you cover for him stealing time from the company the very 1st shift he is on with you, then he would have continued to use you to do this. Your coworker is to blame for any loss of money or face he got from his leaving a job mid-shift and not returning.
That was entirely his decision, not yours. Your husband is a jerk though. He needs to have your back, not his buddy’s. You did speak to your coworker and he blew you off. I’d drag your husband for failing to support you while his friend took advantage of your time.” NoDaisy
Another User Comments:
“It’s sad he’s losing pay but… he had been warned multiple times. That warning also included what the consequences would be next time. He chose to disregard the warning. There’s even a possibility they gave him the job on purpose. What job has fewer responsibilities?
He brought this on himself. You’re not a snitch – you did not go running to your manager to complain or tattle. You were asked a specific question by your manager and you answered. Had you been the manager it would have been your responsibility to write this incident up.
You did talk to him when you finally found him, you told him you were looking for him, and obviously, you needed him to cover for you. He said he took a nap, and was on the way, laughing. Then he still didn’t show up for a long while.
For all you know, he’s left the building. Had you been caught lying to cover for him that would not have looked good. Plus they may make a notation that you’re not management material.
He’s an adult. He wasn’t doing his job. He didn’t even call you at regular intervals to ask if you needed him.
Then you could have answered that he took short walks and touched base with you regularly or said it was great having him because you were able to take your lunch/dinner/meal break and use the bathroom when you needed to. But you couldn’t say any of that.
NTJ. A snitch tells someone in authority something with the intent to cause trouble for the other person. That was not your intent, so you’re not a snitch.” Outrageous-forest
2. He was assigned work and obviously left, which means he got paid for not doing his job. He not only lied but he also stole from the company.
3. If he did this to THAT extent once, it probably wasn't the first time he did that particular thing (as they have things documented) nor will it be the last time.
NTJ. Dude is and hubby is because he took the side of dishonesty.
17. AITJ For Not Wanting My Partner To Go On An International Trip With His Female Coworker?
“My partner and I have been together for a little over 2 years. Lately, he has been talking about traveling and going on this trip to South America with his coworkers.
Yes PLURAL. It has been an idea for about 2 weeks maybe less.
He said his ‘coworkers’ have family there that could show him around and even give him a place to stay in the meantime. Today he had asked if he should say screw it and book the ticket because it’s super cheap and he also wouldn’t have to worry about finances for a place to stay.
I said I mean why not then I asked who he would be going with, and he said my coworker, let’s go with ‘Becca’ (obviously a woman’s name).
I proceeded to ask how old she was and he said she was 30-ish. He is 27 and I am 26 for the record.
I immediately felt uncomfortable for one, I have never met a coworker with that name and he has been working there for about a year which means I have been at his workplace numerous times. I also see it as, they must be pretty close, especially considering meeting up with someone overseas and being so gracious to offer a place to stay, which, he said they wouldn’t be staying together and that she would just be showing him around.
I am also looking at it from a woman’s perspective, I would never invite a male coworker to a vacation overseas or vacation period, no matter how long I have been working with them especially alone, you never know someone’s true intention. That is just my opinion and view on it, I am not speaking for all women.
I told him I was uncomfortable with it and he immediately got defensive and said I am not supporting his first international trip alone and to not look at it that way, that it’s strictly platonic.
Also mentioned that I have not made it a priority to travel, which, I do not get paid well, and also have a child and a bunch of expenses that I am just trying to keep myself above water so that is why traveling has not been my priority right now.
Key words. Right Now.
I don’t know… I am very uncomfortable with it and yes I feel bad for holding him back from traveling or not supporting his trip, he has been wanting to travel for a while now. I don’t want to control his life but I do know if the roles were reversed he would be very uncomfortable with it as well.
I get yearning to travel, and I yearn to travel as well but this is very uncomfortable for me… I don’t know am I the jerk?”
Another User Comments:
“You’re right to think this is sketchy. ‘Coworkers’ and one woman are two totally different things.
He’s being deliberately deceitful. Which lets you know everything you need to know. If he insists on doing something that makes you so incredibly uncomfortable then you need to say goodbye to this relationship. This trip is going to make you miserable. Resentment will grow towards him every single day he is gone for taking a trip rooted in deceit, and having so much fun with another woman in a foreign country.
While you sit at home worrying about what they’re doing. This will be debilitating in the long run. It’s not something that will just go away when he gets home. This shifts everything.
Hey, you can always tell him that while he’s gone you’re going to make different living arrangements.
You’ll be staying with a friend. A man. That’s around your age. That your partner doesn’t know. Tell him you’re inspired by his spirit of adventure. So while he’s exploring another country you and your male friend are going to enjoy a more financially attainable option of exploring the state where you live.
There are historic sites, parks, and museums. Full of fun, knowledge, and adventure.” pickensgirl
Another User Comments:
“So, is it this ‘coworker’s’ family they are going to stay with? Look, it’s really weird. Going on trips with friends does happen and usually, it’s absolutely fine.
But, he’s been so shady on soooo many levels. Saying it’s multiple people and now it’s just one woman, whom you’ve never heard of before. Please. And, trying to pin it on you talking about ruining his first international holiday?! Bha ha ha I’m sorry.
International trips are not last-minute… visa alone can take weeks! Of course, it’s a cheap holiday. But, it’s going to cost him a whole relationship. Nothing about this is ok. You are most definitely NTJ. Your partner is though.” Glass-Intention-3979
Even platonic, I wouldn't go on a trip with someone of the opposite gender without my husband. I wouldn't want to. jerk is even more easier to justify having a fling.
NTJ, but definitely be honest with the situation. Do not be wishy-washy! If it ends, hold your head high as you walk away. (Just not your nose in the air.)
16. AITJ For Not Giving The Earrings To My Friend?
“Back in January, a friend of mine gave me a parachute from a parachute drop that was done at my job, giveaway to the guest. Attached to the parachute was a T-shirt and a postcard.
She told me to give it to my son.
A few days ago, I was cleaning up my house, and my son brought the postcard to me and asked me what it was while I was on the phone with that friend. I read the postcard and the postcard said that I had a pair of diamond earrings.
I told my friend that I think it came from a parachute that she had given me, and she told me that it would probably be some crappy cheap earrings. I told him my children were asking about it, and she said I should give it to them, and I told her I would probably keep it for myself.
She made the statement if it was her, she would just give it to her kids because they’re probably gonna be crappy and cheap anyway.
Fast forward, I made an appointment and went and picked up the earrings, I was on the phone with her on my way home and told her that I went and picked up the earrings and they were actually kind of nice.
I told her I was thinking about wearing them to my sister‘s wedding or giving them to my mother. She then asked me why would I give away her earrings. She went on to say that she didn’t intend to give me that, she only meant to give me the T-shirt.
I asked her if she wanted it, why didn’t she say that whenever I told her about the postcard? She then went on to say any decent human being would’ve given it back, like if I had a pair of her jeans and found $50 in it would I not return it?
I told her I would because that’s money that you earned, but when I told you about the postcard you made it seem like you didn’t want it because they were just gonna be crappy and cheap.
Now she’s saying that I am not a good friend, and basically an indecent human being for not giving her the earrings.
I feel like it’s crappy that she didn’t care about them until she saw that they were nice, and now she feels like I have to give them to her so she can give them to her daughter. She said ‘I could just give them to my daughter because I wouldn’t care if she lost them since they were free’.
I am so taken aback by this, am I the jerk?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. If your friend gave you a soda that was running a contest and you won a prize, would they expect you to give it to them? Or split a lottery prize if they bought you a ticket?
No. They only care because it turns out the thing they gave you was valuable and now they’re lying about whether they gave it to you or not. This doesn’t sound like someone you’d want to keep around as a friend…” Abstruse
Another User Comments:
“NTJ and keep the earrings. As for her slandering you at work – if you have an HR department, tell them what happened, and that she didn’t want the card back or the earrings until she found out they weren’t crap, and that she voluntarily gave you the card.
Make sure it is all written out – if any of those conversations were via text, print them out for backup. Then let them deal with it. But drop the idea that this woman is a friend – she isn’t.” IntroductionPast3342
15. AITJ For Eating My Partner's Food?
“We eat out a lot, we can’t cook, and my partner does that thing that women do in movies a lot, where they take a bite off their partner’s plate.
But… she does it like, a lot. I’m not talking about like, a handful of chips or something, she ate over half of my loaded BBQ fries last time we were in my hometown. The plate sits in front of me, but it’s clear that it’s her food, and I get the leftovers.
I’ve asked why, but she claimed that genuinely she didn’t realize she was as hungry as she was, or that my food just looked better.
No biggie, because we’re both very active/outdoorsy people, and food is fuel. Haha. I would just order bigger portions, and be happy to share.
And then she started ordering smaller portions and mostly eating my food. I didn’t say anything, even when it got kind of ridiculous. (Think full full-grown woman went on a seven-mile hike, and now she wants a side salad with no croutons).
Still not a problem, honestly.
If I’m still hungry when I finish eating, I just order something else. This is when the problem arose. Getting back out to the car after every time I ordered a second entree because she ate most of mine, she would freak.
The first time, she told me I had embarrassed her, and she asked me not to do that again.
I explained that I had still been hungry after the first meal, and I just wanted to fill up before we hit the road again. The second time, she started crying in the car and asked if I thought she was fat. When I said no, she asked why I had to order a second entree if I didn’t think she was a ‘pig’.
Every time it was a fight, it got so bad that a couple nights I just didn’t want to deal with it and went to bed hungry.
We were at an unnamed neighborhood bar and grill, and she went big spender today and ordered a chicken wonton taco appetizer and water.
I ordered as well, and as is usually the case at this particular restaurant, they either forgot or didn’t give a crap when we asked to bring out the tacos at the same time as my meal. She starts eating, and I’m left staring, and hungry.
We had been hiking that morning already, and it felt like my stomach had given up and was digesting my spine. I quickly convinced myself that it wouldn’t be a big deal to have one of the tacos because she eats my food without asking all the time, and that’s what our relationship is.
So I grabbed one and started eating (insert incredibly loud incorrect buzzer). I knew it was a bad idea the minute I did it, but it was too late and I kept eating. She looked shocked for a moment but didn’t say anything. Throughout the meal, I would try to engage her in conversation, but she wouldn’t respond.
When we finally got out of the car she asked if I thought she was fat again, and we had that argument, and eventually, it came around her saying that a man taking food off of a woman’s plate for any reason is sending a message that she’s fat.
If I’m wrong I’ll apologize, but I really don’t see how that is the case?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Your partner is wayyyyyy too fixated on this ‘Do you think I’m fat’ thing when you criticize her eating methodology. Does she think eating food from your plate doesn’t count?
That you ordered yourself more food because she eats a large portion of yours somehow means you think she thinks you think she’s fat, as opposed to just… you still being hungry? And also not recognizing that you were starving when she got her food first and didn’t just offer you a piece, or understand why you grabbed a bite.
Yep, she has some disordered dining habits. Maybe she should see someone about that.” fallingintopolkadots
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. I will say that this kind of behavior is really rude – eating from your plate to the point where you need to order more food, and then getting upset and projecting heavily onto you is not okay and I suggest from now on defending your food more.
Don’t let her take any more – if she wants that food she can order her own plate. If she doesn’t and goes hungry then that’s her own issue. She has a very negative relationship with food and body image and desperately needs help.
Her mind seems to have the twisted logic that if she eats food off someone else’s plate, the calories don’t count. Also seems to believe you taking food from her plate was you saying ‘You’ve eaten enough food you pig’ which is also a screaming neon sign?
She needs therapy, pronto.” Frozefoots
14. WIBTJ If I Cut Ties With My Mother-In-Law?
“I (26F) and my partner (25F) live with her mother (MIL) and her grandparents who only moved out two weeks ago.
Since they moved out, MIL has been awful to be around. Constantly using it against us that we are in her house, getting angry about every little thing, etc.
Keep in mind that MIL doesn’t drive and never has. My partner only got her license last year, so prior to that I was driving everyone around everywhere, including MIL. If I didn’t/said no, MIL would ignore me for at least a day.
2 days ago, a petty argument started, MIL asked me ‘What have you ever done to help my family’, to which I replied ‘For 3 years before my partner got their license I drove you around’. She got extremely heated and got up and started coming at me, screaming ‘Screw you, get out of my house’ etc. I walked away to pack my bag, which my partner followed. I tried to say to her, ‘You need to decide if you’re coming with me or not’.
Before I could finish my sentence, MIL burst into the room, right up in my face, and screamed ‘She’s MY daughter, SHE’S MINE’, to which I just responded over and over ‘She’s my partner’. MIL then turned around and screamed at me ‘Screw you, jerk, no wonder your mother never loved you’.
My mother and I have a strained relationship, and I’ve previously confided in MIL about it.
My partner and I left and went to her grandparents (my partner is allergic to dogs and everyone in my family has them, so we had nowhere else to go).
Fast forward to the following day, we are at her grandparents’ house. MIL calls grandma, makes her put it on speaker, and starts berating me, calling me names, ‘Get out of my parents’ house, you little jerk, screw you, you’ll use them like you used me’ etc. I left and told my partner I would never forgive her, she would never be welcome in my home, and she could get lost as far as I’m concerned.
I’ve told my partner I understand it’s her mother, and I would never stop her from having a relationship with MIL – but she is not welcome around me, I don’t want her in my life or anything to do with me.
Now, my partner is annoyed with me because I won’t forgive her mother, and I’m annoyed as I feel my partner should be defending me more. I feel I’m well within my rights to be feeling the way I am – and not to forgive someone who could be so horrible and nasty to me, bringing up something so sensitive to specifically hurt me.
So, WIBTJ/AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ – Your partner is in a difficult position, but not as difficult as you. If the roles were reversed, they would not want to take this treatment lying down and they would want you to stand up for them.
Your MiL is not having a one-off mental breakdown where she snapped at everyone and quickly apologized, she is not kind to you and she will continue to abuse you if you are subjected to her. If your partner condones her mother’s abuse, then she is equally to blame for allowing it to happen and enabling it by asking you to get over it.” strangeloop414
Another User Comments:
“Your partner doesn’t even have enough self-respect to care that her mother disrespected you in hateful ways. You can’t trust a partner who doesn’t have self-respect, respect you, or insist others show you respect & actually expect you to set aside your own self-respect.
You’re never going to feel safe with a partner who demonstrates these issues. You’re never going to fully trust them because people with no self-respect make extremely poor decisions and drama chases them like fire on a trail of gasoline. Your only option is to have self-respect and walk away from anyone who doesn’t respect you.
You have to take responsibility for your own well-being. Your partner can’t be trusted with your well-being. You can’t make her develop self-respect – dealing with the miserable consequences of having no self-respect is the only thing that will ever motivate her to make the necessary changes.
If you choose to stay with your partner, then you are choosing to subject yourself to the consequences of her lack of self-respect and respect for you – can’t hold it against her because it is your choice.” GracefullyEmpowered
13. AITJ For Expecting My Housemates To Take Care Of My Dog While I'm On Vacation?
“So I haven’t been on a proper holiday in about 10 years.
This year I’ve booked to go away to Europe for 6 weeks because screw it, it looks like I’ll never afford a house so I might as well have some fun with my savings.
I had a conversation with my housemates at the start of the year and my understanding was they would look after my dog as long as I arranged alternative accommodation for him on 3 of the 6 weekends and during one of the weeks so they could go away.
I agreed to this and asked them to let me know when they intended to go away and I would organize something else.
Tonight they sat me down and said they no longer want to look after my dog anymore and it was unfair of me to expect them to in the first place as it’s a long time and stops them from going away and living their lives.
They also told me the previous conversation was only a conversation and not an agreement. They suggested I send him home to my mum ($1200 return flight) or drive him home to my mum (4 days drive there and back; I live in Australia). When I said I didn’t want to spend that money or time and thought he’d be happier staying with them at home with his best dog mate for the majority of the time their response was ‘Well you’re about to spend 6 weeks in Europe, you can afford it’.
Some extra context: I’m a carpenter and last year spent way more than 6 weekends helping them fit out a van for free so they could do trips away/rent it out for some extra cash (it’s a fancy fit-out as one of my housemates is an architect).
I genuinely wanted to help and my housemate said all along that one day he’d return the favor in some way. I also look after their dog regularly when they go away (they have also looked after my dog when I’ve gone away up until now).
I feel like I’ve been gaslit a little bit as if the first conversation never happened and they don’t understand why I’m annoyed. Am I a jerk?”
Another User Comments:
“Maybe it’s because I’ve never owned a dog so I don’t really know what a pain it is to dog sit, but I’m gonna say NTJ because you did discuss it with them before booking your holiday and they were seemingly ok with it at the time, so it’s kind of trashy of them to turn around now and say that the talk you had was just talk and not an agreement (the time to bring up any concerns or say no would’ve been during that initial talk).
Poor communication on their part. You’re not a jerk for keeping track of favors. He did literally tell you that he owed you one. It seems like a one-sided relationship if there’s no give with the take. Also, the snarky comment they made about you being able to afford it since you’re going overseas makes me think that jealousy or financial issues might be a factor here?” Severe_Chicken213
Another User Comments:
“No jerks here. You asked, they thought about it & said no. Yes, you’ve done large favors for your housemates in the past, but 6 weeks is a long time to be tied to the house for feeding, attention, walkies & any potential pup-related emergencies.
Your dog = your primary responsibility. You can look into boarding options, driving to your mum’s (or hiring someone to do it for you), or finding a way to split up dog sitting between multiple friends/family so that no one is inconvenienced for more than a week or so at a time.
You would be a jerk if you kept using ‘gaslit’ incorrectly. Stop it. No one in this situation is attempting to intentionally manipulate you into questioning your own sanity.” ClockworkMeow
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. You’re adults and had the conversation beforehand, and you made appropriate accommodations to fit their schedule in addition to offering to pay, they could have said no months ago but chose to be inconsiderate and wait until it was putting you in a tough position — but that means moving forward you need to understand the implications.
Don’t help take care of their pet, don’t offer a hand, be cordial, and set boundaries. At least you’d do them the courtesy of being upfront rather than blindsiding them the way they did you.” GaveUpOnBeingPretty
12. AITJ For Not Helping My Ex Buy A New Car?
“I have a son with my ex. He is six.
I have been married for two years and my wife is currently pregnant with our first child.
My ex is my ex partly because she makes bad financial decisions. She has a tendency to live beyond her means.
Her partner crashed her car. It was a car I got her when she had our son.
She went shopping for a new car. She wanted a brand new Jeep Grand Cherokee. Due to her extremely bad credit, the interest rate and payments were ridiculous. She asked me for help.
I told her that a brand-new car was a terrible idea. I explained to her about depreciation and why the interest rate she was offered was terrible.
Stuff she should already know.
My wife and I had her over to the house and we hashed stuff out.
I had all the maths ready. I showed her how much money she could save if she got a good used car. I showed her how much she would save over time if I bought the car and subtracted the payments from the child support.
It literally went from being almost 80% of what I give her to just over 20%.
My wife knows a lot of people and used her connections to find a two-year-old loaded Cherokee. It’s in great shape. Her friend was going to trade it in but he agreed to sell it to us for what he was being offered for the trade.
It is a very good deal.
She said she would consider it. The next thing I know I’m hearing from our acquaintances that I’m a jerk and that I’m using the child support money to control her.
I said screw it, I’m out. I told anyone who said anything like that to me that they were correct and that I would in no way involve myself in her purchase.
I really only tried to help so my kid would be in a safe car when he was with her.
She called me about the used car but I said I was not interested anymore. I gave the seller her information and he contacted her.
It didn’t go well and there was no deal.
She asked if I could at least cosign for her to lower the interest rates she was offered. I said that any deal we made would have to go through a lawyer and involve her being on the hook no matter what.
She agreed and after doing the math she figured out that she could not afford to eat and have a new car.
Now she is crying because her insurance wrote off her old car and is taking back the loaner. It’s chaotic.
I can still get the other car but I’m reluctant to do more than I’m currently doing.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ because it doesn’t sound like there was any ‘controlling’ here. You won’t cosign for her, and that’s more than a reasonable boundary (Don’t do it! You know she is irresponsible with money.) Other than that, you gave advice and tried to connect her with a seller you knew.
Those could be overstepping, and now you know to stop getting that involved, but it falls short of jerk behavior, in my opinion. She has discovered for herself that she can’t afford a NEW car. If she has bad credit, she’ll have a higher interest rate, but that is not a you-problem, that’s a her-problem.
You focus on you and your son, and if she can’t drive him around, you may have to do more of that – but her own transportation is not about you. Leave her to it. Pay your obligations. She’s your ex and this is not your circus.” Tangerine_Bouquet
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. This was not you being controlling. This was her running face-first into the mirror that reflected her financial reality and she didn’t love what she saw. As a parent, her first priority is protecting her kid. That means getting a safe, affordable vehicle that will protect her kid and keep the household finances stable, not a brand-new jeep that will destabilize her ability to feed her child.
And where is the guy in this? He crashed the car. He should be making amends to her. He put her in a lousy situation.” Otherwise_Nothing_53
11. AITJ For Comparing My Wife To A Cat?
“I had a little disagreement with my wife this morning, because I said she was more like a cat and my spirit animal was more like a dog. We have two large playful dogs and one one-year-old cat, and they are all stereotypical dogs/cats, which is what I was comparing us to.
My 9-year-old daughter woke up this morning and was sitting at the kitchen counter eating breakfast while my wife made herself something in the kitchen, they were chatting. I came downstairs and gave a big ‘Well good morning pretty girl!’ to my daughter and gave her a big hug.
She smiled and gave me a hug back, and my wife said ‘Why didn’t I get that kind of reaction from you?’ (to my daughter)
I told my wife it’s because I’m like a big dog that comes running up with its tail wagging when you get home, and you can’t help but smile at it, and my wife is more reserved like a cat, so the reaction is just more reserved. My wife got upset when I said that, and immediately got pretty grumpy, muttering and telling me to get out of her way.
My wife is pretty affectionate but on her own time. She doesn’t usually say good morning/good night, and when I get home she never gets up to say hello and rarely reacts – when she or my daughter gets home I usually stop what I’m doing and get up to say hello, help with groceries, ask how it went, etc. Which I think is really similar to how our dogs/cat react.
So, AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“Your wife was clearly hurt by the fact that your daughter acts more warm to you than she does to her. Reacting to that pain by saying ‘It’s because you’re like a cat!’ is really dismissive and unthoughtful.
It seems like something else is going on here. Obviously, I can’t say for sure, but from what I’ve seen, it sounds like your wife is holding in a lot of resentment if she doesn’t even greet you or say goodbye to you.
Have you considered that you maybe aren’t paying enough attention to your wife’s feelings? Check in with her more, and ask more questions. After that, take her answers seriously. You might be surprised by what she has to say. YTJ and this doesn’t sound very ‘lighthearted’ to me, sorry.” bordennium
Another User Comments:
“No jerks here. I think you meant something in a fun, lighthearted way, and your wife, for whatever reason, didn’t take it that way. A simple ‘I didn’t mean to hurt your feelings – I was just being silly; I’m sorry’ might go a long way in fixing things.
It’s not an admission that you did anything wrong, just that y’all got your wires crossed. On the other hand, it might be worth a conversation with her to find out why it hurt her feelings. Did she think you were calling her cold or unemotional or lacking some kind of maternal loving feeling?
Dunno. It’s up to you which angle to take, but I don’t think either of you is the jerk here.” MaggieMae68
Another User Comments:
“Gentle YTJ. You were probably accurate with your assessment of your daughter being reserved due to your wife being reserved, and sometimes the truth does hurt.
It’s understandable that your wife got upset, but that’s not what made you the jerk in my mind. The thing is, your wife was asking your daughter, not you, so you technically gave her an unsolicited opinion. And I suspect it was a rhetorical question, that she just wanted your daughter to give her the same reaction that she gave you, not to explain why she hadn’t.
So you didn’t read the room well, and that merits a gentle YTJ verdict.
Backing up and looking at this bigger picture, this is about the relationship between your wife and daughter, which is ultimately their shared responsibility, and probably best for you not to meddle with it unless you are asked for assistance.
There may be more interactions like this as your daughter gets older, and as long as it doesn’t become toxic or anything I would say it’s best to keep out and let them work through it themselves.” Jenstigator
10. AITJ For Punishing My Stepdaughter For Disrespecting A Waiter?
“I (42M) was dining with my wife and kids yesterday. It included Hailey (16F), who’s my stepdaughter. We had picked a relatively expensive restaurant as we thought it’d be better to do things properly as we were going out together for the first time in a while.
During dinner, while the waiter was serving one of the dishes, he accidentally tripped or something. I think he might have lost his grip, I am not sure. But some of it fell onto Hailey’s clothes, ruining it. He apologized immediately, but she got livid at him.
She proceeded to call him a jerk, saying ‘Why are you a waiter if you can’t even watch where you are going? You are already paid low, so I’d have thought you’d be more careful.’ She was shouting, and almost everyone was looking at us now.
I was shocked and asked her to apologize for that.
She refused by saying she did not have to as he had ruined her dress. I asked her to apologize repeatedly, but she did not listen. In the end, I told her that I might not be able to force her to apologize, but that I could definitely refuse to pay for her.
I asked her to get out of the restaurant. She began screaming and protested. I did not relent, and the end result was that she had to leave.
My wife lashed out at me, saying that I overreacted/that although what she said might have been wrong, it did not warrant asking her to leave.
AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Your stepdaughter absolutely was out of line here, and you were justified in your punishment. She can’t behave herself? Then she’s not going to be there. It was absolutely disgraceful for her to punch down on someone who made an honest mistake.
Not to disrespect your wife in the slightest, but she isn’t exactly helping here. What her daughter did? THAT was an overreaction, and it should’ve been corrected right then and there by her as the biological parent. I’m not saying that she’s an irredeemable monster with anger issues, in fact, her reaction could have been genuine anger in the moment.
She’s a teenager, she likely spent a ton of time getting ready and looking her best only to have it ruined. She maybe felt annoyed, to begin with, having to go out with her stepfamily. There are a ton of mitigating factors there… none of which of course justify what she did, but knowing how she feels could seek to understand why she lashed out the way she did.
If this isn’t the first time she’s done this, THEN it’s a problem, and your wife enabled it by taking her side right after and giving her validation for acting out like that.” BaggedGroceries
Another User Comments:
“NTJ at all, and I commend you for not letting it slide.
I also do not tolerate people in my presence being obnoxious to waitstaff for any reason. If your server is clearly indifferent or even rude, call them out calmly and assertively, ask to speak with management, and don’t leave a tip. Publicly berating and demeaning them is extremely low-class behavior.
Servers are human beings and human beings make mistakes. Trips and spills happen in restaurants. He apologized for it profusely. I’ve openly scolded dates for mouthing off to the waiter. You don’t do that in front of me. There are some teenagers who think they can do and say whatever they want.
You need to put them in their place immediately and by whatever means necessary short of smacking them. If that takes making a scene and tossing them out of a restaurant, that’s what it takes. Your wife is no better – and clearly, seems to be enabling this kind of bratty, obnoxious behavior.
If she’s angry with you, tell her to go pound sand. Have a backbone. Stand up for what’s right.” DressedToKeel
9. AITJ For Refusing To Fund My Parents' Vacation?
“I moved abroad from the UK around 8 years ago. My parents like to come out on holiday to visit me a few times a year because where I live now has a far better climate and better quality of life than where they live.
Okay, awesome no problem.
The problem I have is that every time without fail they turn up with pounds, make a big stink about exchange rates, and insist that I give them cash for spending money.
They try to pay me back in pounds but because of exchange rates and commissions, this means I’m always losing the value of the money.
I’ve set up Revolut and Monzo accounts for them so they can pay digitally but no matter how big or small their expenses they refuse to pay in any way other than cash.
It’s not like I have a big stash of cash lying around and since I am now a stay-at-home mom the money that goes into our joint account is from my husband.
If I start withdrawing large amounts of cash only when they’re here then it’s pretty obvious that it’s not for me.
I’ve told them so many times that either they exchange cash themselves or they use the digital cards I set up for them but I’m not funding their holiday expenses anymore.
(When they do pay me back it’s ‘later on’ and in my UK account which doesn’t exactly help me)
They’re here now and when we went shopping my mum demanded I pay for her clothes bill in cash. I told her I didn’t have enough.
I waited outside the store and when she finished the transaction she came out of the shop yelling at me for embarrassing her.
She and my dad are in a mood now and have been really snippy with me and my husband. AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. You should not be made responsible for making sure your parents have money to spend while they’re visiting you. They are supposed to be adults and should be able to figure this out for themselves. Were you treated like this by them before you moved away?
I think the time has come to tell them both that unless they can sort their finances out before they visit you, they won’t be welcome in your home. Your husband doesn’t deserve to put up with their nonsense either, so you really need to put your foot down with them.” ImStealingTheTowels
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Boundaries mean nothing if you don’t back them up with consequences. It sounds like you’ve been telling them for years that you will not continue to pay for them, you’ve offered them other options that they’ve refused, but then you’ve KEPT PAYING FOR THEM.
This made you a jerk to yourself and your husband who is basically the one paying for them. The only way to stop this is for you to stop paying. Another option is to rescind visitation. It’s not your job to fund your parents’ holidays.
And if you lived in a ‘worse’ place, would they still visit you?” friendlily
8. WIBTJ If I Don't Bring My Partner To Thanksgiving?
“I (20f) have been with my partner ‘Issac’ (23m) for seven months, and he met my parents (46m & 48f) a couple of weeks after we started officially going out. My parents seemed to like him, and so did the rest of our family (grandparents & aunt) when they met him as well.
However, his birthday was back in September and during a conversation at his birthday dinner, Issac revealed that he was adopted at eleven. I didn’t think there was an issue or that my parents would be so invested in this fact about Issac but during visits, they have asked Issac deeply personal questions as to how his childhood was, how many foster homes he’s been in, why it took so long for him to get adopted, and whether his adopted parents were the same race.
Issac didn’t have the greatest childhood growing up in the foster care system, so he prefers to not talk about it and he tends to give them vague answers, but my parents are persistent so I’ll usually redirect the topic to something else. I’ve talked to my parents about this in private and asked them to stop but they’ll insist that they’re just trying to get to know my partner better.
Today, my parents called to remind me about them hosting the Thanksgiving dinner this year and invited Issac. I told him about this and Issac told me he’d prefer to stay home or spend Thanksgiving with his parents due to my parents’ behavior.
My parents have been texting me about their plans for the dinner, and how excited they were to have Issac over in our group chat.”
Another User Comments:
“Honestly, I think YTJ if you go at all. While skipping a holiday can seem extreme, if your parents have refused to listen more than once, then maybe you should give them hard consequences. Perhaps easier to write a message than on a call, but either way state, ‘Mom, Dad, I have talked to you repeatedly about not asking Issac questions about his childhood.
He has already stated it’s a painful topic, and he does not care to discuss it, yet you have ignored both him and me. Consequently, he does not feel comfortable attending Thanksgiving with you, and so we are going to his parents’ together. You owe him an apology for your behavior, no matter what your intentions were.
Until such time as you do, and agree to drop discussion of his past, we will not be visiting.’
This is also good for your future. Whether Issac and you stay together, or you have other relationships later, setting boundaries as an adult with your parents now will help you in the future.
They may not want to acknowledge that you are an adult, and it may cause a fight now, but holding your ground solidifies your independence and partner’s treatment later.” robertthebruce17
Another User Comments:
“NTJ and I hate to say that it doesn’t seem as if you’re standing up for your partner in a strong way, OP.
First off, getting to know him is one thing. Getting invasive is a whole other category. The question that you stated that rubbed me the entire wrong way is ‘What took him so long to get adopted?’ What?! As if it’s a child’s fault they were born into an unstable situation with people unfit to care for them?
As if he somehow the cause of him not being adopted immediately? As if there is something defective about him?
It almost feels as if they examined him as if he were some sort of exotic bug they’d never seen before. Just way out there wrong.
Your parents were rude, critical, and hurtful. It’s no wonder that he doesn’t want to be around them. You need to let them know that he’s not coming and it’s due to the way that they behaved. And in the future, you need to cut them off right there and then in defending him if they get out of line.
And don’t you dare pressure him into being around them again before he’s ready and they’ve apologized to him.” moew4974
Another User Comments:
“Actually, I think you would… because you should decide to spend Thanksgiving with your partner – away from your parents.
1. Do not let your parents get away with excusing their own behavior.
Tell them clearly – there is a big difference between ‘getting to know a person’ and hounding them about private, personal questions they are not comfortable discussing. Be clear that they owe your partner an apology.
2. Ask your partner whether he would like to enjoy Thanksgiving with you or whether he has other plans in mind.
Assuming he does want to spend it with you: Tell your parents that, had they shown any understanding of how wrong their grilling of him was and any remorse for having done so (and apologized directly to him!), then maybe your partner would have been OK with giving them another chance.
Since none of that happened, you will be spending Thanksgiving with him. You would love to spend time with them (your parents), but it will have to be another time. If he’d rather do something solo, you may choose to see your parents (and use the opportunity to continue pressing your point with them as fitting the conversation).” swillshop
7. AITJ For Not Pushing My Daughters To Bond With My Partner's Daughter?
“I (43m) have three daughters ages 12, and 13 (Dina & Tracy), and my oldest is 22 (who’s irrelevant to this and has moved away from home) from my marriage with my late wife. I’ve been with my current partner Amber for almost 2 years, and she recently moved into my home.
She has a 9-year-old daughter (Cara) with her ex. They recently moved in with me in late September.
Dina and Tracy have always stuck together, they were closest in age compared to their oldest sister. Especially after the passing of their mother. Before they moved in obviously all the girls had met each other numerous times, but they never really clicked. Amber and I hoped this would change after the move but unfortunately didn’t.
I guess Cara had her feelings hurt because she had tried to come into Dina and Tracy’s room, which they wouldn’t let her in, and told her to go away. Amber was upset at this, and so was I because it was mean.
Amber demanded I make them spend time with Cara because she was being left out, and I agreed what they did was mean, but that I wouldn’t force them to spend time. She said they live together now, and that it was only fair they all hung out today, and that it couldn’t always be just Dina & Tracy anymore.
I reminded her of the age difference between the girls, and how they’ve been stuck like glue their whole lives, then again told her I wouldn’t force them to spend time, and when they wanted to it was natural they would. She got super angry, started shouting at me accusing me of treating Cara unfairly, & that I was being a huge jerk about this whole thing.
She is now sleeping in Cara’s room because she doesn’t want to be near me. AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ and you may need to rethink this relationship because your partner is intent on forcing something that at this time IS NOT THERE. Maybe in a few years, they COULD become friends, but that age difference says not right now.
Even if they were actual siblings, WHICH THEY AREN’T, I wouldn’t expect girls at 12/13 to be thrilled about hanging out with a 9-year-old. If your partner keeps pushing this and you give in, you will be poisoning your relationship with your daughters POSSIBLY FOR LIFE.
Your daughters lost their mother. If they don’t openly hate Cara and your partner you’re doing well, but your partner may as well make that happen anyway. You aren’t treating Cara unfairly unless YOU treat her like you don’t care about her. Your daughters have no obligation to do anything here.” Otherwise_Window
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Is it sad that Cara is being excluded? Maybe. But here’s the thing. If you let your daughters do their own thing, maybe they’ll warm up to Cara somewhat, maybe they won’t. But if you force them to hang out with Cara, that will 100% build resentment.
There’s a balance to be struck here, and while again forcing your daughters to hang out with Cara all the time isn’t the right way to go, it’s not unreasonable to have some ‘family time’ like family dinners where all of them will interact. The dynamic of younger sibling wanting to play with older sibling/s who don’t want to deal with them is also very common and happens all the time even with full bio-siblings.” blanketstatement5
6. AITJ For Not Being Able To Attend My Friend's Wedding Event?
“I (32m) was asked to be a groomsman for my friend (34m) last Fall. The wedding and bach party were across the country. The bach party cost me over $1500. The wedding will probably cost that if not more.
I was unaware of a big Thursday event before the wedding, the day I am flying in.
The event is over an hour away from the venue. Which means I would need to fly to a different airport and rent a car. I also would need to wake up at 5 am, fly over 10 hours, and then attend this big event completely exhausted or fly in a day early and pay for additional lodging.
I have already been so stressed out due to the financial aspects of this wedding, my own financial standing, health issues I need to take care of/pay for, life in general, etc. and this event is bringing me to my breaking point.
I told the groom I would not be able to attend the event on Thursday, explained it wasn’t financially or logistically possible to accommodate, and apologized profusely.
I received a raging text in response that I wouldn’t even read for my own mental health but my roommate read it, told me it was BAD, and that I was kicked out of the wedding, but could come as a guest ‘if I wanted’.
Honestly, I don’t.
I know when you agree to be in a wedding it’s going to cost money but asking for $4000+ and all the time off I get in a year just seems extreme. Also, the groom is aware I am not in the same financial standing as they are and thought they would understand.
So am I the jerk for saying no?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. If you can’t afford it, you can’t afford it. When people request others to be members of their bridal party, they need to do so while providing a complete set of expectations of what it means to say ‘yes’.
There should never have been a moment where you found out about something you were expected to attend last minute. Their response and subsequent kicking you out of the wedding is a big jerk move and just indicates they don’t actually want YOU there, they just wanted a body.” StellarPhenom420
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. But I think I would get your roommate to respond to the Groomzilla to acknowledge the text telling you that you are dropped from the wedding party so that he realizes that you accepted his insistence on this and you’ll also be confirming the fact that you will not attend the wedding as a guest either so they can invite someone else instead.
Not confirming this leads the groom to tell you that he was upset and didn’t mean it and expects you to continue being in the wedding party because he’s spoken to the others and they have changed his mind about you. Then don’t block but mute him so she can dig an even deeper hole and you can keep all his texts as evidence of his Groomzilla behavior if it’s ever needed.” KitchenDismal9258
5. AITJ For Forcing My Dad To Leave My House?
“My younger brother died in a car crash.
Our dad Steve was not that great. He had an affair and was in and out of our lives. My brother was younger so he was more forgiving of Dad’s sins and how he treated our mom and later stepmom and then another stepmom and now single again.
I was going to let my dad stay with me but one day he started being a jerk to my wife who’s a night shift nurse in an ICU. It pays well but she often comes home after I’m at work. She had a trying night and she worked about 14 hours straight getting home around 11 am.
My dad started talking trash to her immediately about how she could have got him breakfast or how she should make breakfast. I was at work just finishing up things before I went off for my brother’s funeral. I asked to go home after I heard about my dad and I rushed home and told him to get out of my home.
I threw his stuff outside and threatened to call the police if he didn’t leave because it escalated to him saying why didn’t my wife die instead.
I called my mom who was in charge of my brother’s funeral because they are close and she has banned my dad from attending because of this.
My grandmother who came into town and is having my dad stay in her little hotel room has called everyone jerks and is now banned.
I feel bad about my dad not attending and there has been another incident where he demanded to see my brother and was escorted out of the funeral home.
So it shows that he can’t control his emotions right now.”
Another User Comments:
“Your dad is an awful human. He wished his DIL dead which in itself is unforgivable but to do it after you both opened your house to him in his time of need makes it 1000 times worse.
The consequences he is suffering now are on him. He and his actions and attitude alone did this to him. NTJ, OP. This man does not deserve to be considered by you. Grieve for your brother and don’t give him another thought. I’d be blocking the flying monkeys coming at you too.
Condolences for your loss.” Unicorn71_
Another User Comments:
“NTJ but grief makes everything more amplified. I think you probably wouldn’t have thrown his stuff into the yard if you weren’t grieving. I imagine he was being a jerk – at least in some part – because he’s grieving.
Your dad already knows he’s a failure in many ways. You need to honor your brother by allowing your dad to say ‘goodbye’ in another way that isn’t the funeral. None of your family or your mom needs to be there. But your brother sounds like he would want his dad to have a few minutes to ‘say his peace.’ Notify the funeral home that your dad wants to say goodbye but cannot attend the funeral. Notify your dad that he can contact the funeral home directly to arrange a time to come up.
Then step out of the way and let yourself grieve. I’m so sorry for your loss. ” TexasGamerGirl10000
4. WIBTJ If I Expose My Stepmom To My Dad's Family?
“I (25F) live independently and several states away from both parents & my dad’s wife (stepmom), and have done so since I was 21. Two Thanksgivings ago, I went to visit my dad, stepmom, and sisters for the holiday, and my golden child cousin (whom my stepmom thinks 110% hung the moon) was invited by them to stay with us (she attends nursing school 40 min away).
The whole time I was there, dad was at work and stepmom kept kissing my cousin’s butt about how she’s ‘going to make soooooo much money!’ once she finishes school. She then turned to me and said ‘Too bad you will never amount to what she makes!’ To which I responded, ‘Once I finish my PhD in math, I can easily make 6 figures, as do most faculty in my department.’ She began to contradict me a bunch, and nobody bothered to stick up for me.
That hurt so much. For the rest of my visit, I had to isolate myself because of feeling like such an island.
Dad and Stepmom came two years later to watch me walk for my master’s. The night before, Stepmom and I got into a heated discussion over text.
What happened: she suggested my mom and dad won’t get along, I told her they would and that all I ask is that she maintains civility. Then I broke it to her that during our last Thanksgiving together she and everyone hurt me badly by their treatment, and that I am still very upset.
She told me to get over it and that I was gaslighting her, then begged me to call her and work it out because my dad was now upset and crying in the bedroom. I told her no, goodnight, I’m going to bed, and ended it.
She then went on about how me telling her how she and everyone made me feel upset her, but I did not answer.
The next day, we met for drinks and she apologized but suggested that I next time ‘be more communicative’, to which I responded that communication is not the issue, but rather the lack of respect she has for me.
I told her I could not accept her ‘apology’ because it was two years too late and did not involve full accountability from her.
Now, I’m not sure if I will be the jerk here, but I am going to visit my dad’s sister next week and am thinking about showing her and my uncle the texts between us, especially the part where she told me to ‘get over it’ when I was honest with her about hurting my feelings.
They think she is so wonderful, but I now think it’s time they know the truth. WIBTJ for sharing these texts as proof that stepmom is not the sweet little angel everyone thinks she is?”
Another User Comments:
“Everyone sucks here – it’s hard to know who to believe here.
You as OP, we hope you are being accurate. But it’s a bit odd when a house full of people witnesses what you describe and no one says anything. That and your stepmom claiming you are gaslighting her now. I have to imagine there’s your version, her version, and then the truth.
When it comes to this conflict, communication is an issue. You were upset with her and waited two years to tell her. She maybe half apologized but either cut contact or move on. Trash-talking her is just being messy.” jrm1102
Another User Comments:
“Time to get your stepmother out of your head.
Carrying this grudge has no effect on her, but it is hurting your mental health. Yeah, I think YWBTJ if you brought this up to your dad’s sister and her husband. Among the reasons why: it will make you look like you can’t be a grown-up and move on.
Seems pretty clear there are some things you haven’t worked out about your dad’s marriage to this woman. Maybe it’s time to focus on that? Wishing you much success in your schooling and career! And… spend time with the people you care about, and who care about you.
Leave your stepmom out of it.” InedibleCalamari42
Another User Comments:
“Everyone sucks here. She’s clearly not a nice person. She tries to put you down and make you feel less than. She undermines you. She makes a lot of your cousin in order to make you feel bad.
She has a big problem with you, it seems. But you trying to out her to your aunt and uncle out of revenge isn’t ok, either. You are creating negative drama where you don’t need to. And money isn’t everything – who is she to praise people for the money they are going to make?
Ugh. Her values are twisted. You should not join her in the gutter by trying to pay her back. I’m pretty sure her real self is clearer than you think to others already, and if it comes up, you can reveal the texts then.” Euphoric_Travel2541
3. AITJ For Making Fun Of My Significant Other For Still Failing A Test?
“My significant other (17M) and I (18M) were in my room talking. He was just venting to me because he and his cousin ‘Bree’ are taking two college courses, trigonometry and physics, to get college credits for when they go to college.
Unfortunately, they both decided to do something dishonest on their test before spring break started and they both failed both of their tests. He was crying because his grade dropped and now has a high B in Trig and a low A in Physics.
He told me that he felt like he could’ve had a better grade if he actually did it by himself but trusted Bree because she convinced him to look up the answers.
I was still a little confused and asked him why he would even listen to Bree but he told me that their teachers allowed whoever finished their work early was able to leave class before the bell rang and they didn’t want to sit in class for the whole two hours because they felt like doing the actual work would be too time-consuming.
I was still kinda confused by this and told him that I found it crazy that both of them did a dishonest thing and still failed and that I didn’t know what answers they found but it wasn’t the right ones.
He got mad at me and accused me of victim-blaming him.
I told him that I wasn’t and I was sorry that his grades dropped but I don’t understand how he failed.
But he told me to get lost because he was tired of listening to ‘dumb people’ who don’t know anything because every time he does he gets in trouble.
I told him that it wasn’t fair to blame Bree and he has to take accountability for his own actions because it’s not like Bree forced him to do anything.
When I told him that he got really mad and told me that he was already suffering the consequences because his grades dropped and he didn’t need me adding on to that.
He left and told me not to talk to him again until further notice since I ‘love’ to blame the victim.
He didn’t own that though and called me like 2 hours after he left and basically told me that he was still mad but he missed me?
(We live next door to each other). But I was happy that he called me though and I did apologize and he forgave me.
We talked on the phone for a while before he hung up. I talked to my dad about it though because I didn’t think I said anything wrong initially but he told me that I was being a horrible partner because I made fun of him while he was vulnerable and I should know not to do that, especially knowing how much he cares about his grades.
I’m confused if I was in the wrong. I was genuinely confused about how he failed too.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, victim blaming… he thinks he is a victim? He decided to be dishonest on a test but failed, he is a victim of his own decisions, nothing else.
If it is a common thing for him to play the victim you might want to get away from him as soon as possible. It was his decision, he needs to take the consequences. You are a good partner, you listened to him and were honest, what other personality traits would anyone want in a partner?
Would he rather you lie to him just so he doesn’t feel that bad? Nah, stand your ground, man.” [deleted]
Another User Comments:
“First of all when he started to at you for victim blaming, I bet he was angry you didn’t agree with him that he shouldn’t have trusted Bree and that it’s her fault he failed. He’s mad that you didn’t agree with him and he didn’t want to take responsibility for his actions… does he blame you if he drops a cup when you walk past him?
He’s mad he was proven wrong by you about his point when he should be right so he calls you dumb and doesn’t know anything when he just got done telling you about what happened (I’m not agreeing with him, I’m trying to understand his thinking and his actions and see here this part makes no sense).
So after you disagree with him he leaves and tells you not to contact him but calls you later saying he misses you… only for you to apologize for what? You had nothing to be sorry for? (Pretty sure you were guilt-tripped into apologizing since it was easy for you to when you said or did nothing wrong) He’s no victim.” Throwaway_Fear_1711
2. AITJ For Sending My Ex-Sister-In-Law Money On My Brother's Wedding Day?
“My (36F) brother (39M) married my SIL, Mary (40F) in 2012. They had two kids together and then subsequently divorced in 2020. My SIL was blindsided, as she was willing to do anything to make their marriage work. My brother was over it and didn’t think anything, including counseling, would help… so he moved out.
It’s taken a lot of work on both of their parts, but they are now in a place where they both co-parent well and respect each other.
My brother met his new wife, Amy (36F), in December 2022. By October 2023, they were engaged and then married in March 2024.
My brother kept his relationship with her a secret – none of our family met her until 1 month before they were engaged. I’ve met her a handful of times and really like her. She even asked me to be a bridesmaid at the wedding, which I accepted.
Here’s the problem… I’m extremely close to my ex-SIL Mary. She’s the mother of my niece and nephew and she’s my friend. That will never change. I’ve sensed that this makes Amy uncomfortable, but she’s never brought it up. I try not to bring up Mary’s name when I’m around Amy, and vice versa.
Mary was having a hard time leading up to the wedding. She no longer has romantic feelings for my brother, but it’s still tough for her to see him move on. Not to mention, Amy comes from an extremely wealthy family, while most months Mary struggles as a single mom (they have shared custody, but to be honest, my brother only has them 4 days a month).
As a surprise, several of Mary’s friends chipped in and bought her a plane ticket for a weekend getaway to California for her 40th birthday, which also coincided with the weekend of my brother’s wedding. It was a ‘happy birthday, let’s celebrate and take your mind off the fact that your ex-husband is getting re-married’ type of thing.
So, on the day that she flew out, I sent her money via Venmo and left a note like ‘Buy a drink on me! Love you!’
Here’s where I might be the jerk… I sent the money the morning of my brother’s wedding. I also sent my new SIL, Amy, a Venmo the same morning to cover my portion of hair and makeup for the wedding.
She saw the transaction of the money I sent to Mary and was upset, which I didn’t find out about until later in the night. Apparently, she took it as me having loyalty to Mary and not her. At the tail end of the reception, Amy’s maid of honor told me that it was really rude and callous to do that to Amy and that I owed her an apology.
Amy has yet to say anything to me about it. I don’t think I did anything wrong. In hindsight, I could’ve made the transaction to Mary private, but it just never occurred to me. So AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. There is nothing rude about sending money to someone who is your friend, and the maid of honor and Amy can shut the heck up.
Amy didn’t raise it with you, so don’t mention it. Unless she’s mature enough to ask you about your relationship with your SIL, then what you do with and for her is none of Amy’s business. Mary is the mother of your niece and nephew – she’s going to be around.
Also if Amy didn’t want to have complicated family relationships, she shouldn’t have married a man with kids and an ex-wife. Your brother sounds like a jerk – kinda makes me wonder what he’s told Amy.” CalicoHippo
Another User Comments:
“No jerks here.
I think you need to clear the air and tell her it was a birthday present/drink on you to your friend. Yes, there will be feelings on both sides. If you tell both of them your boundaries (no putting you in the middle, no bad-mouthing the other to you, etc), then you will hopefully be ok.
I really hope your brother pays more child support to actually support his kids. He is the only jerk in this story, I think. If the mother of his kids is struggling, he should try to help her out with the kids more somehow.” Trick_Delivery4609
Another User Comments:
“NTJ but your brother only having the kids for 4 days and not paying child support makes him a deadbeat dad. No one should ever see your transactions, make that a default for your own safety. Amy needs to get over it – you have history and she’s your friend and the mom of your niece and nephew.
Amy can grow up. But I doubt she will since your brother has picked her after showing his true colors – walking out and not paying child support. 4 days/month without any reschedules or cancelations means that your SIL has them 87.5% of the time. And she is the one who has to resettle them every time they come home and pack them up when they leave for short-term guest visits.
This makes her 100% a FULL-TIME mom. Amy is wealthy. She will never see your brother for what he is and I’m afraid you don’t either. Be friends with Mary. Forget Amy and your brother. ” Comeback_321
1. WIBTJ If I Prohibit My Partner's Parents From Visiting Our House Anymore?
“I’ve been in a relationship with my partner for 7 years now and lived with her for I think about 4 years.
During this time I have had an on-and-off relationship with her parents. Usually more off than on. We moved about 3 hours away from them which I thought would help us diminish contact a fair bit. But it’s actually worse. They visit once a month. They used to do Friday-Sunday, then it became Wednesday-Sunday.
Now they do the entire week. And it’s just too much, man. They sit around the house doing nothing all day and hog the TV. I come home from work and then have to cook for them. Then I end up washing the dishes afterward.
But the second I want a bit of downtime to play on my Xbox, they start moaning that I’m taking the TV from them and criticizing and saying I should respect them as guests.
Going on from this, they are always rude to me. My partner is an only child and is absolutely the golden girl of the family.
She’s a scientist with a master’s degree making really good money. I’m her lazy-idiot partner, fit to be the butt of every joke by them. Their entire sense of humor is mocking my intelligence, making jokes about how I wouldn’t know how to change a lightbulb, picking out children’s books for me when we’re in town, or asking me if I need help counting past 10.
Yeah, yeah. It was funny the first few years but now it’s getting old. If it’s not dumb jokes it’s lazy jokes. Comments about how I’m scared of working, comments about how my idea of a hard day’s work is getting off my chair and walking to the fridge, comments about how the furthest I’ve gone on holiday is from one side of the house to the other, constantly taking jabs at my weight even though they are both fatter than me.
Not being funny. I’m just as qualified as she is. I work the same amount of hours as she does. I’m in a pretty similar field than she is. I come home and I’m the one that cooks and cleans. Not her. They call me lazy, because I won’t run around making them coffee all the time and because after dinner I go to my room and stay there.
I’m not sleeping. I don’t want to talk to them.
They also argue with me non-stop. Constantly try to take control of everything when they are in the house. Try to establish rules for me in my own house while they are there. And I’ve spoken to my partner about toning them down since I’ve had a million or more arguments with them and they don’t take me seriously.
They speak to me like I’m the family dog or something. My partner does nothing. I clearly clash with them. We aren’t going to get along. I just want to be able to have my own house and my own space without them spending a week every month invading it.
We live in a small place without many rooms. They are hard to avoid. I feel as though I’m entitled to have a say in my own place. I am paying half of the rent after all. I’m not stopping her from seeing them. She can visit whenever she likes.
I just don’t want them here.”
Another User Comments:
“You wouldn’t be the jerk to request boundaries with your partner where her parents are concerned. You should be asking her questions like:
- How can you be so accepting of having your space invaded?
- Why is it acceptable to allow your parents to make me feel like a servant in my own home?
- Why is it acceptable for my peace in our house to be so disregarded?
- At what point would their negative attitude towards me be too much for you to accept? Is she ok with it because it isn’t directed at her?
Frankly, you’re at a point where you need to consider how much of your peace you’re willing to compromise for a partner who seems to be ok with accepting her parents’ belittlement of you.
She chose you, obviously enough to move in with you but by being accepting of their attitude and actions she co-signs the behavior and you will become further disillusioned about your place in her life and that would end badly for both of you. For your own mental health, stop pandering to them by cooking and cleaning for them.
Tell your partner since she is allowing them into your home she can host them moving forward. Their opinion of you is set, they think so little of you even when you pander to them. What else could they say to you that they haven’t already if you stopped.” Western_Ganache4807
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Time for scorched earth. Sit all 3 of them down and inform them of how things are going to be. Do not let anyone else speak. They can visit one day per month, no overnights, and no more of their passive-aggressive nonsense.
I’d throw them out where they stand the VERY next time they insult you. Inform your partner how things will be going down next time they arrive, and give her time to make a decision. Either you are her first priority, and she does WHATEVER she has to do to preserve the sanctity of your home, or she can go home with them.
Now. Right now.
Having said all this, your relationship is actually over. She is either too gutless or actually agrees with them, to stand up against them. I know this all sounds like an ultimatum, but it’s just the reality of the situation. You are already 3/4 gone, and she can finally stand up against mommy and daddy dearest, or find someone else.
Sorry this is happening to you, but you don’t just marry someone, you also marry their family.” According-Western-33
Metaspoon Slow or Crashing?
If Metaspoon is causing your browser to crash or run slowly, please try viewing the article in Lite Mode and it should run more smoothly!