People Want To Know What They Did Wrong In Their "Am I The Jerk?" Stories
23. AITJ For Trying To Leave My Daughter's Father?
“I (23f) have a one-year-old daughter with my (ex)partner (30m). Our relationship was very complicated, and it was a mistake, for the most part, the only reason I don’t regret it is I have my daughter.
When I was 19 I met her father, let’s call him Steve. Steve has a wife and three children, his older brother has none. His brother ‘Dan’ was engaged to my very good friend I had met years ago and invited me to come to them with her.
There I met Steve and he was very attractive and we didn’t talk much, but for some reason, before I was to leave for home he wanted me to make a WhatsApp so we could talk.
I did. When I got home he started messaging me and I started falling in love with him, and he said he loved me. He even got my name tattooed on his body.
After a while, he mentioned that I could come and be with them, him and his wife.
I was young and very stupid and said yes. I moved in with them within three months. It was very bad from the start, I was jealous she was around too, he was fighting with me over everything.
We grew up very different and have different cultures. He and I were just so toxic but I loved him. I should have left him before having a child but I don’t regret it. I love my daughter with every part of my being.
A lot happened between us. I was not perfect but he wasn’t either.
What finally changed was within a week of giving birth, he was already talking to another girl, only slightly older than me. He said it was my fault, that after giving birth I paid more attention to my phone than him which wasn’t true.
He ignored me every time I tried to talk. So he started a relationship with her and wanted her to come to us. Well, when he left to pick her up, he ended up getting stuck there with her and has been away from his entire family for over half a year.
Over the course of his being away, I expressed my desire to leave and live with my daughter in my old home, but he has fought me quite a bit saying how he is her father.
He never even changed a diaper of hers and he held her a number of times, he hasn’t been a father to her. She believes her uncle is her father. Everyone in his family makes me feel like I am in the wrong so I guess my question is Am I The Jerk?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ.
First, you’re never obligated to stay in a relationship, even if you don’t have a good reason. Second, he abandoned his family. He doesn’t get an opinion about where his family lives. Third, even if he didn’t abandon his family, you’re not obligated to live where he tells you to.
In some cases, judges might limit where a parent with primary custody can move if it interferes with the other parent’s ability to see the child, but it’s hard to imagine a judge objecting in this case.
But, and this is very important, you need to contact a divorce and custody rights lawyer. If everything is as you say, you should be awarded full or primary custody, but you need to act before he does.
Make sure you document everything you can. You may even want to text him your version of events (not telling him why) and ask him to agree to it. That way you have his response documented.
If he says something crazy like that you kicked him out and wouldn’t let him visit, you have it in writing that he moved out willingly.” FrederickChase
Another User Comments:
“NTJ.
He groomed you to be in a polygamous relationship and now wants you to add another.
Please seek help from the proper authorities to get away. His family and probably his friends too are all in on it and next thing you know your daughter is engaged to some 30-year-old.” Amarain14
Another User Comments:
“NTJ.
He seems to have forced polygamy onto his wife, you, and now he’s trying with yet another girl, after already having his fourth child.
He love-bombed you, knocked you up, and now he’s moving on to yet another version of what you used to be – young, naive, without pregnancy stretch marks or parental responsibilities. A new plaything for him to use and manipulate.
Get out, now.” Amaranth_Addams
22. AITJ For Not Spending Much Time Over Easter Weekend With The In-Laws?
“My fiance’s family is always getting together and very religious. Think Valentine’s dinner at grandma’s house to talk about Jesus type of religion. Most of her family is well-off with 3 of 4 main households having a SAH mom, so there are always multiple people organizing some event almost every weekend.
Whereas my fiance and I work full-time, overtime, I do food delivery on some weekends to save for the wedding. We’ve got 2 large dogs and a cat and a wedding immediately followed by a move out of state.
We’ve got a lot on our plate, is what I’m saying.
This is also a problem with every holiday, as they usually expect us to go to multiple events over holiday weekends. This means, that when we only go to one of their events because my family wants to see us too, they’re visibly (not vocally) unhappy at the news.
It makes me feel like they don’t care about me or my family. Which was always weird to me because they like me, all of them do. The little kids love me, the teenagers and I get along really well, and the adults have always had high opinions of me.
There isn’t anyone in her family who ‘dislikes’ me, and this fact is obvious.
Over Easter weekend, we spent Friday night unwinding from the week and doing some chores/wedding prep so we missed the dinner at GMa’s house.
On Saturday, we went to her younger siblings’ track meet and soccer game. Then we took the dogs out as it’s been raining all week and they’re antsy, then we did some more chores/wedding planning. We missed church brunch and dinner at GMa’s house again.
Now, Saturday was supposed to be our dinner with my mom’s side, but at the last minute, my uncle canceled (he just got diagnosed with a brain tumor that was causing him a lot of pain and he couldn’t handle it that day.
His surgery is scheduled, it’s benign, he’ll be fine, but he’s hurting right now.). That’s when we decided to stay in and chore it up because we were going to spend Easter Sunday with them. On Sunday morning, my mother tells me her side is going to be at my father’s side of the family’s Easter at lunchtime.
We originally planned to go over there at 2:30 but had to go at 12:30 because my uncle and grandma can only handle so much time out and about right now.
This means we had to leave my in-law’s post-church brunch early.
This means we only spent a few hours with them over the most important holiday weekend (for them).
Nobody is calling us out on not being there but knowing how judgy some of her aunts can be, I’m sure it was the topic of at least one conversation.
(Not the first time that would happen. The last time was when we skipped family Valentine’s dinner to have a romantic evening with each other.) We’re just worried that we aren’t trying hard enough but I don’t think that’s fair, since we see them all the time.
Not just holidays. We also make it to at least one of their events every holiday.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. While it’s really nice to have family traditions they should be optional and should not be met with criticism or judgment for not joining them.
You and your fiance are in the process of creating your own family. It’s going to be really important for you to navigate these issues now.
Create your own traditions for you two without feeling bad that extended family doesn’t agree/like your choices.
You didn’t mention if your fiance is feeling guilty about this as well. If she is comfortable with making plans as you guys are currently doing that keeps you from attending 1st breakfast, 2nd snack hour, or third.
Tea time and 5th lunch on Sunday at GMa’s then don’t give it any more thought or attention than she is.
If however, your fiance is feeling anxious and stressed about missing these events then of course you should talk to her and come up with solutions that you and your fiance will be happy with.
It’s not about either of your grandmother’s, either of your parents, or either of your aunt’s, siblings, cousins, etc’s wants. Your decisions should always be about what makes you both happy and nourishes the relationship you two want to have with each other.
I wish you both nothing but happiness going forward and that your wedding is amazing, as stress-free as possible, and that you have a wonderful future together. Good luck!” Jovon35
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. It sounds like you both have a terrible case of the ‘people pleasers.’ You don’t have to do anything you do not want to do ever.
They didn’t say anything, but you’re worried about it because you’ve been so conditioned to always feel guilty and have to run around for everyone else. It’s ok to say no, even to a holiday gathering.
You’re going to have to learn how to slit the holidays or celebrate on your own once in a while or you will run yourselves ragged doing the holiday commute. I used to do that and most holidays ended with severe stress or tears.
Say yes to events that make you both happy and start prioritizing your time together.” LiveLovelyLala
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. let them plan as many events as they want. Do not try to attend all of them. Chose which ones fit best with your schedules and that you want to attend.
Do not feel guilty for not being at everyone. Remember you set the precedent for how holidays and family events will be handled for the rest of your lives. Easier to begin the way you want the family you’re starting to go, then to find yourselves trying to make changes later when they have started counting on you being there.
Balance both sides of in-laws, but be sure the two of you and your relationship come first.
Let the Aunts be judgy. That’s a them-problem, not a you-problem.” neenerfacer
21. AITJ For Making The Decision To Stay Home And Go To A Friend's?
“I turned 18 on the 14th. I live with my grandma but technically I’m under my mom’s care. She lives across the street. For years she has ignored my wishes and done what she wanted or made me do what she wanted me to, even if it caused me tears.
I had a couple of friends over from out of state for a week, with 20+ people interactions every day out of that week. I’m mentally exhausted as someone that has social anxiety and whose depression has been coming in full force.
So I told my mom I’m staying home today because I’m mentally exhausted from the previous week, as I didn’t get any rest. I told her the only assignment due today is an essay assigned a month ago, so it’s not like anything remotely important is happening at school today.
She proceeded to try to make a deal with me where I go half the school day so I’m still allowed to go to my SO’s house instead of staying home all day as well as rest.
I told her that it was up to me where I went today. She seemed frustrated, barely said anything else, and left, she said she’d be back in 2 hours. She smoked stuff, came back in, reminded me she’d be back, and I think tried to guilt trip me with fake sniffles.
I don’t know, they could’ve been real, but I don’t understand how what I said could’ve hurt her. I just stood up for myself.
I’m extremely tired of being dictated. I have been for 18 years. Staying home and then going to my SO’s house (with a good excuse to stay home and leave) sounds like a minuscule decision.”
Another User Comments:
“You decided to have a plethora of social interactions which took up a lot of your time (and there’s nothing wrong with that).
The choice to do this, knowing you have social anxiety, was not maybe the best choice for you to have made (but what’s done is done).
With that being said, you still knew that you would have had to go regardless of how light you think your workload is.
Mental health days are super important so I’m not knocking that but you put yourself in that spot. Your mother even tried to work with you on it but that wasn’t good enough. You’re 18 so I’m hot gonna you crap about making that choice but as an adult, which you are now, sometimes you have to suck that up and do what you have to do.
As an adult, I’ve gotten wasted with my friends knowing I had work in the morning and I did what we all have to do. I begrudgingly got up, dressed, and kicked myself in the butt for it. So I’m gonna say soft ‘everyone sucks here.’ And I hope that you have recharged and I wish you the best.” Clean-Ad-257
20. AITJ For Not Wanting To Update My Grandma About My Pregnancy?
“My husband (37y) and I (34y) are expecting our first child in September. For context, our 2020 wedding was delayed, and we started trying to conceive later than we would have liked, which led to some struggles/challenges.
We have tried to keep the pregnancy quiet and personal for this reason.
My grandmother lives an airplane ride away, and she and my grandfather can no longer travel. I see them at most once a year.
They are understandably very excited that I am having a baby. She texted me a couple of days ago (the first time I’ve heard from her in months) saying, ‘As you know, your precious baby is going to be our first great-grandson.
Please send us monthly bump photos.’ It was not a question, but an expectation/demand. My own parents have not asked/expected this.
She and I are not close. This is not something I’m comfortable with. It felt kind of invasive and weird for her to ask me that.
My husband was very annoyed and noted that she seems to think she’s entitled to photos of my body just because I happen to be growing her great-grandchild.
However, here’s some background about my relationship with my grandmother.
Since I was in high school, she has only been concerned with me getting married and having children. That was her only goal for me. I understand that is common for women of a certain generation.
She often lamented that she ‘would be gone before becoming a great-grandmother.’ Our family (including her own children) finds her to be self-centered and challenging to be around.
She also has serious boundary issues. We had to make her promise not to share anything with anyone when we told my family I was pregnant.
I’m very nervous about what she might do with any photos.
I was a Division I scholarship athlete on a championship-winning team at a good college, finished my Master’s with high honors, and have gone on to do work I’m very proud of.
None of that has ever been on her radar. Whenever we check in with her, it’s for her to complain.
Her not having an interest in my or my brother’s life is normal at this point, but I feel strange that she wants intimate access to this part of my life.
I know she’s excited, but again, she and I are not that close.
But again, I’m a first-time mom. Am I being bratty? Is this normal? Am I the jerk for not wanting to indulge her with monthly baby bump photos?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ but grandma is.
That’s a weird request. Who even takes bump photos every month?
Just don’t send them and when she complains, just tell her ‘we didn’t take any and won’t be.’ At least she won’t be popping in on you to see for herself.
Be careful of her asking another family to take pictures (if any live near you).
But please do take a profile picture of yourself near your due date. Don’t have to share but it is amazing to see what the body can do and you will want a reminder of what you looked like doing this amazing thing.” Ducky818
Another User Comments:
“NTJ.
She said ‘please’ so I would call that a request, not a demand. Still, no reason to comply.
As you’ve explained, this is their first great-grandchild and she is very vested. What she does NOT have, is any leverage.
At all. What do you imagine she will do if you don’t send baby bump photos–refuse to see the child? (You could only wish).
You can deal with this any way you like, but you could make a fun game of it.
When she texts you asking again, reply with ‘I’ll send you a photo if you can tell me what my Master’s degree is in. You have 30 seconds to reply, so I know you’re not asking Mom.’ Next time ‘what sport did I play in college?’ etc.” 1962Michael
Another User Comments:
“NTJ.
She is being her normal, self-absorbed self. And you have the right to not indulge that part of her personality.
If you don’t want to make your bump or your bun the focus of her entertainment, then don’t.
Ignore her. Send her what you and hubby want to send her when you are ready to send it. No more, no less. No sooner, no later.
That goes for anyone else who has it in their head to be that nosy.” ilikethecold_65
19. AITJ For Not Giving My Mother Money For Smoking?
“This is the conversation that happened between me and my mom.
Mom: Hey, do you want to do something for me?
Me: What?
Mom: transfer €10 to my bank account. you’ll get it back tomorrow!
Me: What for?
Mom: smoke
Me: No
Mom: Seriously? I’ve paid €60 for your fitness subscription last month and you didn’t even have to give it back to me.
I’m just asking for €10 and I’m giving it back tomorrow!
Me: No.
Mom: If you won’t even do THAT for me… (annoyed sigh)
She’s very unreliable with giving back the coins she borrowed. Whether they’re big or small amounts.
And I think if you’re an adult, managing finances is your own responsibility. So if you don’t have enough coins for smokes, that’s your problem. She’s been asking and stealing my moolah ever since I was little.
I’m 17 now, so I’m still a minor. I have to buy everything I want myself. Clothes, toothbrushes, other basic necessities… The fitness subscription was an exception. I feel like it’s very unfair of her to hold it against me for that one time.
I’m usually a very sympathetic person but after all those years of this, I have no remorse for telling her no. Even if it’s for sustaining an addiction which I know can be hard being without.
But I’m tired of this.
She always makes me feel like I’m a bad person for wanting my money back, or for not giving her moolah. She’s always done this so it’s making me doubt whether I’m being reasonable or not.
So, am I the jerk?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. She should be paying for your necessities, not harassing you for coins (or stealing it) so she can get her smoking fix. She’s supposed to be the responsible one here.” Medysus
Another User Comments:
“NTJ no guarantee she will pay you back, but you don’t want to support her unhealthy addiction, if she wanted some food it would have probably been a different story.” Awkward_Joke_5748
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, but your mother is.
She is unreliable with repaying you. she will hold that fitness subscription against you for a while. see if you can sell some stuff or find a way to pay for your own stuff, like getting a part-time job.” ClearlyCaileigh
18. AITJ For Letting My Kids Have A Taste Of My Food?
“My wife and I have 2 kids aged 4 and 6. She’s pregnant with our third. She’s about 24 weeks into the pregnancy.
Recently, I had major surgery so I was prescribed a ton of medications. Since there are really a very large number of meds, I’m getting mouth ulcers and I’ve been unable to eat almost anything that’s not sweet or bland.
My doctor gave me some B-complex as well to reduce the mouth ulcers but since I’m still taking the other medications, my mouth ulcers aren’t reduced much.
Today, after I came home from work, we sat down to dinner.
My wife had made idli (a type of rice cake) and bean curry. I tried some of the curries but wasn’t able to tolerate the spice although my wife and kids felt it was normally spiced.
So I added some sugar to the milk and started eating the idlis with the sugary milk. When the kids saw what I was having, they too wanted a taste. I fed them some from my plate and they said they wanted what I was having instead of the curry.
My wife and I tried coaxing them into eating the curry but they refused and the younger one started to cry so we eventually relented and let them have the idlis with milk.
After I gave the kids a bath and put them to bed, my wife told me that if I hadn’t let the kids taste my food, they wouldn’t have thrown a tantrum about not wanting to eat the curry she made.
She said that she’d put a lot of effort into making the curry and felt hurt that the kids and I didn’t eat it. I tried apologizing but she refused to listen and turned her back to me.
AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“Everyone sucks here. You made alterations to your meal to accommodate your mouth ulcers, that’s understandable. While letting them taste what you were having wasn’t a big deal, the issue is the aftermath. Children need to be taught that A.
They can’t always have/get what they want. B. They can’t always have what an adult is having for various reasons. You and your wife both rewarded a temper tantrum from your children. Your wife is hurt that the meal she lovingly prepared for the children wasn’t eaten, understandable, but you both should not be blinded from the bigger picture.
You guys need to sit down and discuss together how you want to handle parenting during temper tantrums, giving in will only be a recipe for disaster years down the road.” EnigmaticSmackdown
Another User Comments:
“YTJ, not for not eating the curry yourself – as someone else noted, there was nothing wrong with you having to eat a different meal because you currently have sores in your mouth and spicy food is painful.
But why would you undermine your wife by giving your kids a taste of literal rice with sugared milk, which would taste like dessert to them, in the middle of their meal, when they’d been eating the curry just fine up until that point? OF COURSE, they were going to refuse to eat anything else after that!
Your wife worked hard to cook a healthy, balanced meal for her and the kids, and when they wanted to eat your sugary, bland alternative, all you had to do (as another commenter said) was say gently, ‘I’m sorry but Daddy is only having this because my mouth hurts right now; it’s not a proper healthy meal for growing kids.
Maybe you can have some another day, or I can save you a few spoons for AFTER you finish your curry!’ Instead, you basically gave them a taste of sugary goodness in the middle of dinner, and then acted surprised and like it wasn’t your fault when they didn’t want to finish their regular, healthy meal.
What kid is going to go back to ‘bean stew’ when they’ve just had a spoonful of the equivalent of sugary rice pudding?
You wrecked your kid’s meals because you refused to parent responsibly, and I don’t blame your wife…
who was the one who not only did all the hard work of cooking but is very pregnant and dealing with both a sick husband AND two small children… for being frustrated with you. Learning how to say, ‘No, listen to your mum,’ is the LEAST you can do as a parent and supportive partner.
YTJ.” FoolMe1nceShameOnU
Another User Comments:
“Everyone sucks here.
Once kids are exposed to ultra-sweet foods, they will often beg endlessly for that. You absolutely should not be eating foods that are painful for you while sick, but you shouldn’t have been giving your kids a taste of your meal.
You both could have ended it by saying ‘Dad is sick, this is food for someone who is sick and can’t eat regular food, not for children, I would want what you’re eating if I could have it!’
Spicy food is perfectly fine for children as long as they are consistently exposed to it in early childhood.
I was the youngest of many children in a troubled family and my mom just gave me whatever I wanted food-wise because it was easier than arguing with a 4-year-old and I never learned to tolerate a lot of foods.
It’s a lot harder as an adult now and I can’t enjoy the spicy food that’s common in my parents’ home countries with comfort.
I can understand why your wife would make a curry even though you can’t have it because depending on how long you’re expected to have that issue, it could actually be a bad idea to let your kids adjust to non-spicy foods, but I can’t understand how either of you expects a grown human to subsist on bread and milk.
You also needed an alternate meal with some vegetables or protein at least.” Mayalestrange
Another User Comments:
“No jerks here. Kids are going to throw tantrums and whine. 6 years old is a little too old for tantrums so maybe you and your wife need to address that together, but that isn’t the point of the post.
Your wife is 24 weeks pregnant. Her hormones are raging, and she’s taking care of two young children. You just had surgery, are dealing with a painful recovery, and are still working. You both have a lot of stress and this argument probably just stemmed from that. Have a heart to heart together and use it as a learning experience.” Razzberries91
Not your fault they had the tantrums. And she could have really stepped up herself and said NO, Daddy has to eat special stuff right now because of his mouth, etc
17. WIBTJ If I Walked Out On A Party?
“I’m leaving my current place of employment next Tuesday, I’ve only worked here for 9 months but one of my coworkers is insistent that he’s going to get everyone together and throw a going away party.
I absolutely hate parties, I never let anyone know when my birthday is, for fear that they’ll attempt to do something to celebrate it. I’ve told this coworker that I do not want this at all, but he keeps pushing it and I’ve seen him conspiring with my coworkers.
If he goes through with his plan would I be the jerk for immediately walking out? I know he means well, and if it were just him and I grabbed a burger, that would be fine, but he wants to get everyone involved.
I keep telling him that I don’t like events like that, but I can see that he’s starting to pull things into place for such an event and since he will not heed me, my best option seems to be to simply walk away when it happens.
If I force myself to endure it, I will either freak out, shut down, or bash my head into a wall. None of which seem pleasant, but I know that some primitive part of me will take over and attempt to get me out of there in any way it can.
Walking away keeps that aspect at bay, and allows me to moderate myself without having to worry about onlookers. And I’m pretty sure that I’ll look like the jerk, but I don’t mean to. I’ve said no to this multiple times, and I feel like I don’t have any reasonable action to take except to walk out if he succeeds.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, seems like you have been pretty clear about not wanting a party.
I think you should tell him you’re not planning to stay and prefer to have dinner with him. Maybe you should even tell other colleagues. If they still throw the party, you are allowed to leave.
You won’t be working there so if they blame you, you won’t even notice.” Imkode8719
Another User Comments:
“YWBTJ, I think in life you will be faced with things you don’t want to do but should. This is a small act of kindness from your coworkers and you should be gracious and accept it even if you’re uncomfortable.
Just practice saying ‘thank you so much’. ‘I will miss you guys’. That is all you have to do.
I say this because I have a coworker who recently retired. He was a nice guy, was well-liked, and had lots of people that sincerely wanted to wish him well.
A group of us pitched in for coffee, bagels, cake, and balloons to have a little office breakfast party. When he arrived at the office he saw the balloons and saw that we were setting out plates and napkins.
He figured out what was happening, he angrily grabbed his briefcase and stormed out of the office. He never came back even tho he had 6 more days of work. As great a guy he was for all those years he worked with us, it’s all overshadowed by that final jerk move.” RivChk
Another User Comments:
“NTJ.
You’ve told him, quite a few times, that you do not want a party. He’s ignoring you. If there is any way to let the other co-workers know that you aren’t going to attend and that you’ve told this guy over and over that, you will not attend, I’d do that. Just so they don’t waste their time.
But yes, walk out if necessary. You shouldn’t have to do something you’ve very clearly stated you don’t want to do.” Feisty_Brunette
16. AITJ For Not Showing Up To My Dog-Sitting Job?
“I’m self-employed and work nights. I’m not in a great place financially. A few months ago I picked up an afternoon dog walking/sitting gig a few days a week through a post on a neighborhood app.
The job is to walk a large dog for 30 min and then spend time outside with the other 4 dogs and 6 puppies while the owner gets work done. She works from home.
The owner has ADHD but I do as well.
The hiring agreement was that I get paid weekly on Friday. This has been inconsistent at best. At first, I was paid on time but over the weeks it has not stayed that way. I tried to be flexible but it finally came to a breaking point a couple of weeks ago.
At this point, Friday came and went but I continued to sit for another week. My van broke down and I needed an unexpected repair. I kindly asked if I could expect payment for (2) weeks on that Friday.
Well, the payment never came and I had to borrow the $450 I was expecting. I went to a music festival and all weekend there were excuses. On Monday I told her I would not be coming by again until I was paid for the last two weeks.
She apologized, paid me, and promised to be better about paying on time. Well, this past Friday payment never came. I was kind enough to give her until late at night to ask about it and she told me I’d have it this morning.
My scheduled time is 12:30. I asked if she’d be able to send payment at 12 and was told it would be sometime today because she forgot about the bank holiday Friday.
I told her I wouldn’t be able to come by until paid.
She seemed upset with me and told me it would really inconvenience her busy day and now she has to hire someone from a dog walking app. She mentioned she was ‘hurt I didn’t trust her but she understands.’
I like her personally and love my time walking and watching her dogs.
The extra income is really needed right now.
I just don’t think it’s fair to expect me to come by when I have to hound her for payment. I know she’s lost other sitters for this reason in the past and she really needs the help.
I feel bad I left her without help today.
AITJ???”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ.
From your description, you offered more than reasonable accommodation. It’s unreasonable for a person to employ someone with an agreement to pay weekly and then not pay them weekly.
ADHD (yes I have it) is not a reasonable excuse to not pay people for their work. Repeated issues are failures on part of the payor to find a way to make sure they uphold their responsibility.
If payor knows they have issues, it’s on payor to address those issues, not ask the payee to suffer the burden of inconsistent payments.” Gradual_Sigh
Another User Comments:
“NTJ.
‘She mentioned she was ‘hurt I didn’t trust her but she understands.’
You did trust her and she failed on multiple occasions.
She then has the balls to tell you that YOU are inconveniencing HER. Gimme a break. She knows which day she’s supposed to pay you. It’s not like the bank holiday was a surprise or that there are no ATMs anywhere.
Perhaps you can tell her you enjoy the dogs and want to keep doing the job, but you now require payment in advance – by Friday – for the following week. If she doesn’t want to be inconvenienced, she can pay.
If she doesn’t pay, you aren’t working for free and you don’t have to hound her for payment.” throwaway20698059
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, cash is king, if they can’t honor their end of the agreement the fault is on them.
Also, trashy of them to gaslight you into the ‘I’m hurt you didn’t trust me.’ Well, she can’t be trusted to pay you on time so shame on her. The only thing you should feel sorry about is the dogs missing out on play time, not the owner (who could better adjust her schedule to make time for her pets).” tacospaghettidad2
15. AITJ For Talking Trash About Someone On Text?
“I (19F) have been thinking about this for more than a month now. There used to be 4 people living in our house the past year, me, my sister (18F), my 2nd cousin (20), and my mother (54).
For context, I am a 1st year allied health student, and my cousin is a 2nd year (mom let her stay with us because she has online classes, same as me) my sister is in 11th grade, and my mom works.
So it used to be only the 3 of us at home when she goes to work.
My cousin, being the eldest of the 3 of us, has taken it to herself to act like she’s the one in charge like she owned the house, which I kind of found annoying at first, but didn’t mind.
But then it got worse, she would try to claim stuff, and let me and my sister share over what she had left (i.e. our study area), and would ask me for help with school things, even when I have to do my own work, I have to answer quizzes bc according to her I’m good at math, even blasted music while I was doing my midterms, I tried my best to keep quiet with hers.
I also heard she’s backstabbing me and my sister to our other relatives. I was infuriated.
So, 2 months ago, my mom had to attend the wedding of my cousin, and she was gone for 1 week.
On the first night, my sister and cousin slept in the living room while I slept in my room, my sister kept asking me to sleep with her, but I didn’t want to and made excuses but mostly bc I didn’t want to be with my cousin until I admitted, and my sister said she feels the same, we talked about our opinions and if you heard it, it would be kind of negative, through Messenger as it was our main mode of texting, but we didn’t care bc it was our private messages.
The next day, my cousin wouldn’t talk to us and left to go back home. Turns out, she opened my sister’s account and read what we have talked about the night before and told all our relatives and now everyone looks at us differently.
Were we the jerks?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, and it sounds like your cousin has been poisoning your relatives against you for some time now.
It’s probably time to ask your mother to intervene and either have the cousin’s attitude improve, or show her the door.
At the moment, your mother’s two daughters are suffering for the sake of an ungrateful, poisonous extension of your family. She needs to prioritize.” quintessence314
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. You know what they say eavesdroppers hardly hear favorable things about yourself, don’t you? At the end of the day, it isn’t nice to talk badly about someone but from where I see it you were both simply venting your understandable frustrations.
And she really shouldn’t have read your sister’s private messages in the first place.” Just_the_doctor1988
Another User Comments:
“NTJ – nothing after ‘she opened my sister’s account’ matters. Enjoy the peace from her leaving. Hopefully, your relatives are staying out of it or giving cousin talking to about privacy, boundaries, and being grateful, not obnoxious when a guest in someone’s house.” Jinx6393
My younger daughter went into my phone and read a convo I had with my older daughter.
I don't even open her junk mail.
I was LIVID.
She was 100% the jerk.
14. AITJ For Kissing My Girl In Front Of My Ex?
“Last week my SO invited me to the birthday party of one of her best friends, we arrived at approximately 8 with the appropriate dress code (theme party) and so far so good. To tell the truth, the party got pretty good, word spread, and people who weren’t invited began to arrive.
Among those people, my ex arrived with her new guy candidate, and honestly, I didn’t care, I kept enjoying the party with my girl, the next morning I woke up with messages from my current one showing me screenshots of some tweets in which they called me sick, idiot and even harasser and they called her a witch, stupid, stinky and other names, and they said that we were childish for kissing in front of her, that I did everything to annoy her and that I’m still traumatized with her.
It should be clarified that we broke up in December 2020, and although at the time I must recognize I as looking for her, I tried to get back with her, since February 2021 I have not established a relationship with her, nor do I follow her on social media or seek her by any means.
She is already in her second relationship and this girl is my first attempt at trying something after her, honestly, I didn’t do anything to annoy her but I don’t think I should stop doing things just because she has arrived at the same place as me, especially when she wasn’t even invited.
And though all of my male friends agree with me, two of my female friends agree with her, so… AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, you aren’t being an abuser by kissing your SO in front of your ex.
She is acting like she is 13 and needs to grow up. You might count yourself lucky she isn’t your SO anymore if that’s the kind of person she is…” Just_the_doctor1988
Another User Comments:
“NTJ – your ex sounds like she’s jealous that you’ve done the healthy mature thing and moved on.
I also can imagine had you stopped those displays of affection towards your gf when your ex walked in that your gf would be sad/hurt/thinking that you still want your ex to think you’re available.” Flimsy-Dragonfly-178
Another User Comments:
“NTJ.
She can just grow up, honestly. You broke up years ago, and she shows up with a love interest but it’s suddenly a problem that you’ve moved on? If you see her again, get extra lovey with your SO. Smack her butt if she’s cool with it and give her a big ole smooch, and hold up the middle fingers while you do it. Your ex sounds super immature.” Zestyclose-Hour8614
Sure shouldn't be news to her that when 2 people are in a romantic relationship they DO kiss. And what's with all of the others?? They need to grow up too
13. AITJ For Not Listening To My Roommate's Advice About Eating Leftovers?
“My roommate and I were close friends before we moved in together, and have been living together since January.
For the most part, it’s been going well. She tends to be a bit more high-strung and confrontational, so she will talk to me about any issues she’s been having.
It’s not a problem, we have good communication and usually, she approaches it calmly. Sometimes she would be passive-aggressive but she apologized for it when she notices it.
So one issue she had, is that I cooked some chicken and accidentally forgot to refrigerate it overnight.
She texted to remind me about it but I only saw it this morning. I said, ‘whoops, need to do a better job’ and put my chicken in the fridge (it was out for 6 hours).
She got very upset and frustrated I don’t care about my own health. I do agree I can be reckless at times, and it’s not that I don’t want her to stop bringing up concerns for me, but I’m also on a budget.
I try not to leave cooked food overnight, and when it happens, I still eat it. It has happened once or twice before when I forgot to refrigerate an item.
She brought up that she feels like I don’t care about her concerns for me, and that maybe she shouldn’t mention anything at all the next time she’s worried about me because I won’t listen to her.
It’s also a strong value of hers to not eat food sitting out overnight so that’s why she said it frustrates her. And I do listen to her advice when she tells me, but I just don’t always do it because I really just don’t want to waste my chicken.
I think she left work in a sour mood and I’m unsure what to do. Should I apologize? AITJ?
Edit: Ok y’all I’ll throw the chicken out, I get it’s bad but I guess I didn’t realize 6 hours could do so much damage
Edit: I also want to phrase that I don’t expect my roommate to take care of me when I’m sick either because I know it would be my fault if I did get sick.”
Another User Comments:
“No jerks here – Yeah leaving chicken out overnight is not a smart move.
If you have ever worked in the food service industry there is something called the ‘danger zone’ for food. It basically means when it is left out at a temp either below a certain level or above another (so not kept hot and not refrigerated) and means it becomes a breeding ground for bacteria.
This is how you get sick.
Chances are you will be fine, but with chicken, it’s not worth the risk.
She is right to be a bit concerned here, but in the end, it’s your business.” AngeloPappas
Another User Comments:
“YTJ.
You are putting yourself at high risk for food poisoning. Meat, chicken in particular as it’s very prone to salmonella, should never be left out. As soon as you serve yourself, you should put the leftovers in small containers so that they will cool down quickly.
If you leave them in a large container the middle of the food stays hot for long enough for pathogens to breed. You then need to put the small containers in the refrigerator immediately.
It is unrealistic to say that your roommate wouldn’t have to take care of you if you contract food poisoning.
You will be unable to do anything except dump and throw up. She would have to get you beverages with electrolytes, clean up and perhaps take you to the emergency hospital. At the very least, she will have to deal with the awful smells you’ll be creating.” maccrogenoff
Another User Comments:
“NTJ.
Her response ‘maybe I shouldn’t say ANYTHING EVER’ is controlling and histrionic. She can give advice and you can ignore it. That’s fine. But insisting you follow ALL her advice or she can NEVER SPEAK – that way madness lies.
Regarding the food safety of the chicken – that totally depends on your home and climate. Everyone yelling YOU RE IN DANGER doesn’t know either of those. (for what it’s worth, my partner works in a restaurant, I know food safety inside out, and no home operates to restaurant standard or needs to, including the chefs’ homes) Where I am, it’s still dropping below zero at night and we open windows before bed (so outdoor temp is indoor temp) and I’m happy to leave food out, covered.
It’s colder than in the fridge! But as a general rule, if you’re at a comfortable temperature, the nasties are having their playtime all over your food.
She might be right about that particular chicken but she’s not right that she is your new god who must be obeyed or will weepingly crucify herself.
She can get in the sea with that nonsense.” angels-and-insects
Another User Comments:
“Everyone sucks here. For the most part, I wouldn’t want my roommate to act like my parent and expect me to listen to their recommendations on how to live my life, but in this instance she’s right.
You really, really, really shouldn’t be eating chicken that was left out overnight. I get you’re trying to save up, but time to take this one on the chin and learn a lesson to not make the mistake again” AgnarCrackenhammer
12. WIBTJ If I Made A Store Owner Count Hundreds Of Photos By Hand?
“There’s this local store called The Idea Store where they sell a bunch of old/used random items for crafts or whatever, and everything they have they have in bulk (all donated things). My partner and I go in and look at all the assortment of things they have quite often.
This last weekend when we went, we got engrossed by a mid-sized box of old photos (most from the early 2010s, some vintage) because as we were digging we were finding images that belonged to the same sets and were having fun piecing them together and seeing what people chose to take photos of.
These photos are images that people were going to throw out from albums and other things of that nature. The box had a label on it that was ’10 photos for $0.25′.
We wanted to buy the whole box to take home so we could archive them and put them in binders since we were having so much fun.
We figured since a lot of these photos are just random people, scenery, or items there’s no way they’d ever completely sell them, so we took the bin up and offered $40 for the whole container, which we thought was more than fair since even if there were 1,000 photos in there, we’d be giving them more than it was worth.
The lady at the desk (who is the lady that owns the store) rolled her eyes at us and said ‘We don’t offer these by the pound, so if you want to buy them I’d have to stand here and count every single one.’
My partner and I are both pretty timid, so I just said it’s not worth it and had him put it back, but the more we thought about it, the more frustrated and sad we got because we really wanted to do that project.
My partner wants to go back and put them down and just say ‘Okay, count them out them or take us up on the $40.’ I think it would be a little rude to make her spend so much time on it, but I also think it’s a little rude to not even consider a bulk offer, or at least offer a price in return if ours didn’t seem reasonable.
I tried looking on eBay or Etsy for similar offers, but all I could find were bulk vintage photos in ‘themed’ packs, and that’s not what we’re after.
So, WIBTJ if we made her count all of them just so we could have a few hours of fun?
ETA: We have seen people haggle at this store, it’s more like a thrift store than a retail store.
We also would be more than happy to help count, but the way she said it made it seem that she, herself, would have to count them. If we went back, we would offer to help if allowed.
Also, I looked on their website today and it does say: ‘Sometimes we have just one of something, other times we have thousands. If you’re looking for something special or a huge quantity, give us a call.
We’ll do everything we can to help you out.’ So it does appear that they are willing to sell in bulk..”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ but as there are a lot, is it possible for you to speak to her and see if it was something you could say come back in a week for? That would give them time to count them all instead of standing there watching them be counted while other customers wait.
Instead of saying she would have to count them all as if it is impossible she should have offered a reasonable time frame for you to come back and pick them up as counting them will take a while and if there are no other employees/registers it could impede business.
I would go back or call and restate that you would like to purchase all of them but you understand it will be time-consuming to count them, so you can either ask how long that will reasonably take them and come back for them or offer to do it yourself in-store and bundle them (if they would trust you to count them).” pandalicious7
Another User Comments:
“$40 = 160 quarters.
Meaning 1600 photos. I mean if the box obviously holds less than that she’d come out ahead. On the other hand, if there were more than 1600 in there she’d have sold them at a loss.
And as for not being able to find anything online. No offense I just found a lot of 300+ pictures for a variety of subjects for 18 bucks on eBay.
But hey you want $40 worth of pictures from that shop? Fine but unless you’re both gonna help count out 1600 pictures move on.
YTJ.” PommeDeSang
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, if you commit to purchasing them before the counting takes place, i.e. ‘we will buy up to X of these photos at $0.25 per 10, or all of them for $40.’
If you told them to count them out but then realized it was actually 3000 photos and would cost $75 and that’s too expensive, Y W B T J.
But as long as you’re actually going to purchase them it’s fine.
A simple solution though would probably just be to use a precise scale, measure the weight of 100 photos and use that to roughly count the photos by weight.” ThankKinsey
Another User Comments:
“Everyone sucks here.
As far as the $40 offer, it’s not a garage sale, it’s a business. I’ve never been to a legitimate business that haggles unless it’s a pawn store. As far as her counting them out, that’s her job.
If she’s not the owner/sole employee, you could go during someone else’s shift.” GlassSandwich9315
11. WIBTJ For Not Including My Mom In My Family Tattoo?
“I (17F) am turning 18 in a few months and I want to get some tattoos. One is very specific, I want it to be drawings of flowers from members of my family. I already know whose flowers I want there but I’m afraid it will hurt my mom’s feelings.
But let’s just start with whose drawings I want. First off, I want my grandpa’s drawing of flowers to be there. I really love him, he is one of my favorite people in the world. Then I want my grandma’s drawing to be there because she always makes me feel at home when I visit them.
In the next drawing, I want to be my dad because he is always there for me and we never fight.
My mom never really liked them (at least I think). Our family is very specific and it splits, my brother (25) is a lot like my mom and her family, I am more like my dad and his family.
My mom always loved my brother more and prefers him to this day. It was very obvious since I was a baby.
But the relationship with my mom got worse over the past few years. My grandmother’s (mom’s side) health got really bad and my mom took her in to live with us.
Mom quit her job and started taking care of my grandma who now needs around-the-clock care. Everything would be fine probably if 2020 wasn’t that awful. School closed and we had online school. I was with my mom 24/7 and that really damaged our relationship.
Right now she screams at me at least twice a week and blames me for so many things.
So I don’t have the best relationship with my mother right now and I want to get out of my hometown as soon as I finish high school.
I know it could change and maybe I will want to have her drawing be part of the tattoo, but right now I really don’t want it there. I just want there my dad’s and grandparents’ drawings.
I feel like I could hurt her feelings but at the same time she is mean to me for quite some time now and I feel like it’s getting worse.
I should probably say that my mum has a mental disorder.
But she doesn’t take her meds correctly. And I think she could handle her emotions if she wanted to.
So I really don’t know what to do. WIBTJ? What do you think? Am I just a teenager with feelings all over the place?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ.
Get the tattoo you want, and if your relationship ever heals then you always have the choice to add it in or place a symbol near it to represent her. That’s the beauty of it.” mysweetboop
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, it’s your body. You can always get something representing your mom later if you choose.” CampClear
10. AITJ For Telling My Mom To Ask Permission First Before Posting Pictures Of My Kids?
“My mom has a habit of taking pictures I post of my kids on my social media and sharing them as her own. She doesn’t even re-share my post or tag me. She downloads and saves my pictures then makes her own post like they’re her pictures.
We have limited in-person contact, so she’s not even in any of them and it’s not like she was there to make the memory or whatever. She’s done this since the first child was born ten years ago, and I have always asked her to ask me first before she does it.
It’s a very firm boundary I’ve set, and I’ve brought it up every single time she does it. I’ve told her that nine times out of ten I’ll say yes, but that I want her to ask first because I view it as common courtesy.
I limit the pictures I post of my kids because I want to protect their social media presence, and my accounts are private and limited to close friends. I don’t know the majority of the people my mom is friends with.
Every time this happens, she’ll comply for a while, then start all over again like we’ve never had this conversation. She gets annoyed when I bring it up and says I’m controlling and have ‘too many rules’ and that she’s ‘just trying to share the joy of grandchildren’ with her friends.
But I don’t like pulling up my social media feeds and being surprised to see pictures of my kids. I find it infuriating. She did it again recently, I called her out (politely reminded her that I’d appreciate her asking first), and her response was to delete the post entirely and give me the silent treatment.
Am I crazy and controlling, or is she manipulating? I can’t tell anymore.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Controlling where your child appears on the internet (if at all) is important.
My dad did this with pictures of my son and my baby nephew that my sister and I TEXTED him with because we don’t want our kids on social media.
He sets his posts on public and once tagged me on a photo of my son. An internet stranger who was mad at me connected that tagged photo to my account, then to my membership in a parent’s group for my son’s daycare, and threatened to harm my son at his daycare.
After that happened, my dad continued to post photos to the public.
Guess who no longer receives photos of either of his grandbabies?” PutridWafer8760
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, they’re not her kids and she needs to respect your decisions.
Is she just doing this for attention from her social media friends? My MIL does that kind of stuff (even with my niece and nephews who aren’t on her side of the family and her grandkid’s friends).
Consider limiting what she can see on your accounts. I know on the face app you can still be friends with someone, but block them from seeing posts. It doesn’t sound like she’s going to stop, so you might have to limit her access.” ExRiverFish4557
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, since she’s not respecting your very reasonable wishes.
That being said, while you are not the jerk, this is partially your own fault. You’re posting the pictures of those kids for anyone to see. When you do this, like it or not, you have absolutely zero control over what people will do with those photos.
So while this doesn’t mean it’s okay for your mom to deliberately ignore your wishes, I would look into changing your privacy settings or either unfriending/blocking your mother, or just being more selective of what you post publicly.” ShiningConcepts
9. WIBTJ For Complaining About A Rude Employee Who Kicked Me And My Friends Out?
“Yesterday a few friends and I (19M) left a small party to walk back to our dorm. We were hungry so we decided to make a small detour to get some ice cream. Most places were closed because it was around 11:30 pm at night and it was Easter Sunday, and the only place still open was the ice cream shop so instead of going hungry we just said whatever we’ll get ice cream.
By the time we get to the shop, it’s around 11:55 pm, 5 minutes before it’s supposed to close. As soon as we walk in though I see only about half the lights are on and it looks pretty closed, but there is still one worker left.
We walk up, say hi, and start to give her our order. 2 milkshakes and 2 sundaes. The worker stops us and says that we can’t get that, but she would be happy to scoop our ice cream.
I ask why we can’t get what we originally wanted and her response was that because it was so close to closing and she hadn’t had many customers in the last 30 she was planning to close at 12 so all the utensils had already been washed and toppings put away.
I asked why she couldn’t clean the utensils and put the toppings away after making our order and she just said that if we wanted plain ice cream we were welcome to it, but she wasn’t going to make anything else.
My buddies and I were looking at each other because while I understood she was hoping to leave by 12, we came in before closing, and technically they were supposed to be still serving customers. We kind of started to argue a bit, and then the worker just up and told us we could ‘leave then’ since it was past 12 by then and we weren’t ordering.
I told her she was out of line and she went into a big speech about how she opened at 11 am that morning and had been there all day and hadn’t gotten a break and apparently her 3-year-old was at home with a fever getting looked after by her mom, it was a lot.
I asked her what that had to do with her trashy customer service and she just said to get out and we finally left.
I’ve been contemplating calling the owner about this because my dad owns a few restaurants back in my hometown, and this little ice cream place is a local small place and I know how much crappy customer service can make or break a small business.
WIBTJ if I called to complain?”
Another User Comments:
“YTJ, obviously. Let’s run through the chain of events:
You tried to demand full service, 5 minutes before closing, on a holiday no less.
The employee graciously still offered you something and explained why she couldn’t offer full service.
You and your friends not only decided to try and argue with her but also unilaterally decided you were entitled to her time past closing. She was planning on closing 12 because that is when they closed.
After arguing with her and belittling her for not caving to your demands for full service, despite her generously offering you something initially, they closed. At that point, she had every right to ask you to leave.
You somehow decided this was trashy customer service, without having the common sense to realize that she is not required to provide any customer service to you after closing because she’s no longer serving customers.
You decided you deserved more of her time, past closing time, for no other reason than your own entitlement.
She handled it with far more patience than most, and that still wasn’t satisfactory for you. I have no clue where you get off thinking she was rude to you, but if you feel that compelled to call them up and whine about this, I’d assume the employee has already briefed management and/or there is camera footage of this interaction.
If you were even half as rude and condescending as this story makes it seem like you were, there’s a good chance you will be banned for harassing their employee and you won’t have to worry about demanding full service 5 minutes before closing.
Problem solved!” El_Ren
Another User Comments:
“You are the worst type of customer any shop could ever get. You knew it was 5 minutes till closing. That should’ve made something in your mind click that ‘hmm this place is about to close soon, so it’s safe to say that all the ice cream product/equipment has already been cleaned & put away.’ You saw half the lights off, which is another uninviting sign that they were closing.
You acknowledged that it was a holiday & most places had closed earlier on. Plus there was only one person in that place. But you & you’re entitled clique still decided to walk up into that shop & ask for two of the most time-intensive & equipment dirtying products they sold…
at closing. For Pete’s sake, yes, YTJ. Double jerk for saying your ice cream is more important than her tending her sick toddler.
‘I’ve been contemplating calling the owner about this because my dad owns a few restaurants back in my hometown, and this little ice cream place is a local small place and I know how much crappy customer service can make or break a small business.’
Then go to one of your daddy’s restaurants & hassle one of his employees at closing time to make you & your buddies some ice cream if it’s so crucial that you got one.
You’re triple a jerk if you have done that before too.” Bread_Overlord-89
Another User Comments:
“YTJ, have you ever worked in the Customer Service/Food industry a day in your life? Or during the night shift in ONE of your daddy’s few restaurants, when an inconsiderate, entitled customer demands you service them in their way a few minutes before closing? If not, then gain some experience and perspective first before you complain that the world isn’t revolving around you.
If you already have, then you learned nothing. Courtesy and respect goes both ways… you don’t deserve it simply because you breathe, or because you’re a small-town prince. You get what you give.
You clearly don’t know that certain machines get shut down for the night at a certain time for a reason.
You were discourteous to her, so she was discourteous in return. But the major difference between her behavior and yours is that she offered you a compromise. Does your 19yr old stubble even know or value what that means??? It means that all parties involved do not get exactly what they want out of a transaction, but make an attempt to find a solution that equally benefits them.
She could have flat-out rejected your arrival, but instead offered you a reasonable option. You all wanted some form of ice cream, so she offered ice cream that was available at that. time. She didn’t offer you something unreasonable with a side of ‘screw you.’ No, she didn’t. Learn this lesson now when you’re young, or it’ll just get harder.” gumbygumgum
8. AITJ For Not Letting My Mother's SO To Have A "Special" Name For My Son To Call Him?
“So as a teenager my mother found a new guy, he was rarely nice to me growing up and we had many falling outs, I was around 16 years old when he came into our lives, in short, he tried to father me and raise me differently from how my mom had raised me so far and I started kinda rebelling, I could probably have been nicer to him too I admit that.
Now that is all in the past and we are, not really friends but we don’t fight and we can have a nice conversation with one another, in short, we get along just fine now. I am 29 years old now and I have a son who is about 8 months.
My mother’s SO and my son are very close, and I am so happy that he has such great grandparents, who love and adore him.
Now in my country, we have special words for maternal and paternal grandparents, in my case since I am female, my mother would be mormor (which roughly translates to mother’s mother) to my son, and morfar would roughly translate into mothers father.
I don’t want my mother’s SO to be morfar as I have never seen him as my father nor will I ever, I have said that my son could call him bedstead instead which basically is just our word for grandpa, since that doesn’t hold a special meaning like the other word.
So am I the jerk?”
Another User Comments:
“Soft YTJ. You have an issue with your mother’s SO, and you are welcome to call him whatever you like and have whatever relationship you like with him. But also understand that your son is going to develop a relationship with this person, and already has.
Bringing your resentment into his relationship isn’t going to do you any favors. You can try to teach the name you prefer, but just as you have decided what he is to you. You’re going to have to let and be ok with whatever your son decides your mothers SO is to him.” Agreeable-Tale9729
Another User Comments:
“You kinda are, if i understand correctly, Your kid is close with your stepdad, and because you don’t get along great with him, you are forbidding your child to call him morfar – that your stepdad is just not biological, My point is that by doing that you are putting your feelings over your child’s For you he might be just mother’s SO but for your kid he is morfar, and you shouldn’t change it just because of what do you see him as If I misunderstood something please inform me.” polar_bear_dude
Another User Comments:
“NTJ
In the US, it’s common to call stepfathers or ‘sorta father figures’ by anything but grandpa which tends to be most familiar and endearing.
You are allowed to have your son refer to this person however you’d like, especially since bedstead seems to be most accurate for your and your son’s relationship to your mother’s SO. He should be honored to be referred to as someone special at all.” quidyn
7. AITJ For Being Annoyed At My Friend For Not Coming To My Send-Off Meal?
“M (35F) and I (35F) have been friends for 20 years or so. I went through a bad time a few years ago and we were joined at the hip. She was always there for me.
But when I started to get better and met my partner, things started to change. She reminded me that she was the one who ‘saved me’. She got angry with me for ‘leaving her’ when I went to live with my partner in France for 2 months.
M also has her own issues. She suffers from PTSD, has just been diagnosed with arthritis, and only sees her man once a week.
I have just bought my first home and I’m moving 5 hours away.
I organized a meal with my 4 good friends so we could all get together before I left. Of the 4 of them, one I haven’t seen in 3 years, one in 2 years, and 2 fairly recently (M included).
One told me straight away she couldn’t make it. Another got sick. Then the night before M said one of her kittens had been neutered and so she might not be able to make it because she needed to look after her.
A week earlier, M had asked to see me the afternoon of the meal. I said yes, and that maybe we could surprise our friend who got sick and show up at her front door with a care package.
Now I knew about the kittens, I asked if she still wanted to surprise our friend. She said no because she didn’t want to leave the kitten twice that day.
I chose to go and see my friend who’s sick anyway because I hadn’t seen her for 3 years.
On the afternoon of the meal M says she’s still not sure if she’ll come because of the kittens.
J had a baby 10 weeks ago. J is REALLY looking forward to going out and says on the group chat that she is up for drinks first.
M says we can go and sit in her yard, but J and I discuss privately; that we don’t really want to sit in a small yard (not a garden). The table is booked for 7.
Makes sense to drink at the pub/restaurant.
J tells M we’ll just go straight there, but that we’ll see her at 7.
M’s response: ‘Okay no worries – if you guys are heading to the pub early then I may just leave you to it to enjoy the night together.
I think that way you’ll both get the night you’re looking forward to xx.’
I was angry. This reason had nothing to do with the kittens, and indeed an hour later she said the kittens were now fine.
She told me later: ‘You were going to come to mine this afternoon – this would have cheered me up so I wouldn’t be a party pooper by the time we joined the others.’
I was so upset and annoyed.
She knew how much this meant to me and she didn’t come.
I honestly feel like for the past few years she’s been manipulative and made herself the victim whenever she could. But I can’t stop thinking that I was a jerk because she says she expected more compassion.
I really would like an outsider’s perspective on this because I either have a toxic friendship that I need to re-evaluate, or I need to do more to be a better friend and not be selfish.
I’m genuinely torn.”
Another User Comments:
“Your friend seemed to be able to self-assess and see that her mood would negatively impact everyone around her and didn’t want to subject you all to that – especially when it’s supposed to be a happy occasion.
I, personally, would rather my friend didn’t come if they knew they’d be a stick in the mud the entire time… that’s uncomfortable for everyone involved. Also – it seems like she tried compromising and to make time to see you while also tending to her kittens and you declined bc it’s not a garden. Idk the history of your friendship but you look like the toxic jerk here.” laelaemoon
6. AITJ For Refusing To Help My Future In-Laws After They Went Back On Their Word?
“I work in the hospitality industry and my SO is a teacher. My company has 8 restaurants and I am the operation manager. For some time I was dreaming of opening my own restaurant. My SO’s family owns a commercial property.
Her dad shut down his business because my SO and her sister were not interested in their family business. Her sister and her husband work in IT and lives in another city.
Last year her parents suggested I can rent their empty property to start my own restaurant.
I told them I wouldn’t be able to pay any deposit money right now but they were fine with just monthly rent and told me to go ahead with my plan. I quit my job since I had to spend most of the day visiting and talking to various vendors.
I started to buy kitchen equipment. I sent them the rent agreement papers as it was required to get all the necessary licenses.
After about two weeks they called me over for dinner and informed me that my SO’s sister has decided to come back and wanted the same property to open their own business.
They think it’s the only way for her to come back as there are very few IT companies in our city. I was heartbroken but it was ultimately their property. My SO blasted her parents but I told her to just let it go.
My mom said I was stupid to quit my job on a verbal agreement. I didn’t want to sour my relationship with them and just went into low contact with them. I took another job.
After two months I got to know from my SO that her sister was also planning to open their own restaurant.
I was shocked because they didn’t have any experience. According to them, how hard can it be to run a restaurant because hundreds of them are running all over the city? Although I was invited to the opening of their restaurant, I skipped going citing prior work commitment.
I maintained low contact with them all and got busy with my new job.
Now after 6 months suddenly her parents invited me over again. Over dinner, they informed me that her sister’s restaurant wasn’t running smoothly and they were losing a lot of money every month.
They wanted my help to run the restaurant. Her husband suggested that I work for them as a manager. I got really angry and said I wasn’t unemployed and wasn’t looking for a job. My SO also got really angry.
As things started to get heated, her parents suggested that I could join the business as a partner. They were even willing to loan me the money for my share. This way I could be an equal partner in the business and I could pay them back over the years.
Sister and her husband agreed to this but I straightaway refused.
Her sister and her husband said they’re willing to compromise and I am just being a jerk for holding on to my ego. Her parents want us to get along even if I refuse their offer.
I don’t want their help even if it means I have to keep working for years before I get to start my own business. I don’t think I am in the wrong here. So AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ.
They screwed you over and now that they figure out that it isn’t that easy to run a restaurant they all of a sudden want your help. Tell them that you would take over the restaurant as 60% owner without putting any investment in.
That 60% is for your expertise and your ability to make it profitable. The other option they have is to lose all of their moolah and go broke supporting an unsuccessful business. You need 60% as you must be able to make all decisions.
And as you won’t be able to give yourself a salary for some time you would have to work for free which is your monetary contribution. But it would probably be easier to just say no and tell them that you are not responsible for their stupid decisions.” Capable_Voice_5479
Another User Comments:
“NTJ
A couple with zero restaurant experience opening a restaurant on their family’s property who have all decided ‘how hard can it be’ is like a giant ‘welcome to the titanic’ sign – no thank you.
Being a partner – even an equal partner – in a failing restaurant is a terrible idea. Good restaurant owners with good experience still fail sometimes, so there’s no way going into business with the sister is a good idea.
You are better off waiting and doing it alone. Even if they hadn’t gone back on their word with you and presented this as the first option, you should still have said no.
They didn’t just want to pick your brain for a few hours, nor were they offering you full control, and you can’t trust the parents because they already went back on their word about the space before.
All of this sounds terrible and a recipe for disaster.
You learned her family isn’t very smart about business, and can’t be trusted when it comes to business. Give them all a polite ‘no thank you, I have a job and a plan’ and just never allow yourself to be dragged into these conversations again.” mfruitfly
Another User Comments:
“NTJ
You know that the restaurant is failing, so why would you leave your current guaranteed employment, for a job that may not exist in a few months?
Offering you to be a partner.
Again, business is failing. Why would you take out a loan that you will still need to pay if the restaurant closes?
Offering you a management position. Nice way to make you the scapegoat for a failing business.
They want you to join because you have knowledge and experience with vendors, equipment, etc. I doubt that would be reflected in your pay. After all… family.
You’re not holding onto your ego, you’re using pure logic and sense.
They need to let go of their egos and admit that they know sweet financial assets about running a restaurant business and either close its doors or hire people who can try and save it.” HunterDangerous1366
5. AITJ For Not Visiting My Uncle When I'm In Town?
“My birthday is next week and I’m flying to Seattle to spend the weekend with friends there. My uncle also lives in Seattle. I was talking to my mom on the phone and the topic of birthday plans came up; when she heard I was going to Seattle she said: ‘Oh that’s nice I’m sure your uncle will take you out to a nice dinner for your bday.’ I didn’t have any plans for seeing him; I only see my Seattle friends every couple of months so the days I’m there are pretty packed with us doing things.
My mom got really mad about that and said some rude things about me, saying how the family is more important than another night of drinking with my friends. I mostly ignored it as her being dramatic, but now I feel kinda bad that I don’t visit him when I’m in town.
I justified it to her by saying that I wouldn’t want to use my friends as a taxi service; ‘thanks for picking me up and letting me stay with you guys, can you drive me across town to my uncle’s house?’
She countered that by saying that uncle would probably be happy to drive and get me, but if he’s gonna do that then I would feel obligated to spend a while with him, which I only have a couple of days there and I would like to spend that time with my friends.
I’m sure my uncle doesn’t really mind one way or the other, but would I be the jerk?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ – I would suggest that the next time you head to Seattle, you make time for your uncle (only if you want to, which you indicate that you would like to do).
I totally understand with family and friends that are far away (English guy in the USA). Making plans to see everyone is not easy to manage and you will never get to see everyone – especially if you are only there for a couple of days.
I would suggest sticking with your original plans, but call your Uncle and give him the heads up and maybe set a seed of wanting to meet up the next time you are in town.
Plus if you are coming there for your birthday, it would seem kinda crappy to visit and have him pay for your meal as your mother thinks he would…
kinda crappy of her to assume he would do that (whether it is true or not).
Happy birthday btw.” True-Tomatillo-4720
Another User Comments:
“NTJ but you might want to phone your uncle, say you’re in town and just want to say hi.
Your uncle may be busy himself and not want to go all out, but he might also be hurt if he found out you were in town and didn’t call him. Believe me, your mother will tell him.” Smudgikins
Another User Comments:
“I’m not a HUGE family person but YMBTJ if you don’t at least connect with him.
No need to spend an entire evening with him, but a quick afternoon beer or coffee would be nice. It’s very possible in 10 years those friends will be long gone and your uncle is still your uncle.” User
4. WIBTJ If I Don't Want To Pay For Lunch?
“A friend of a friend of mine invited me to Easter lunch at their house. I accepted and went, they had made lasagna. The food was good and they had served some appetizers (pizza rolls, French fries, mozzarella sticks, etc) before I got there but it was cold and I didn’t have any.
I had one serving of the lasagna and was full. I drank maybe about three adult beverages before we played some pong then I left.
They’ve had many parties in the past, Halloween, birthdays, just because and I’ve attended maybe twice and never until now, was I asked for reimbursement.
I get a text from a said friend of a friend ‘I’m collecting payment for yesterday’s lunch, 40$’. I can’t tell if he’s serious or not but even if he were, what exactly about the lunch cost 40? For 40 I could buy the pasta, ground beef, cheese, and sauce twice over.
He’s charging me for the vodka? 40 bucks buy absolutely twice, maybe the appetizers too? I didn’t even have any.
I’m genuinely surprised I’m being charged, I don’t think I should pay for anything when he invited me to lunch at his house and never mentioned payment beforehand? He never asked or suggested that I contribute – or anyone contribute.
I don’t even like lasagna or the appetizers they served. WIBTJ if I don’t pay?
edit: I asked him what the 240 was for he said ‘177 for the groceries and appetizers and 65 for the booze’ being that I had one beer and then my friend’s vodka, I asked him to charge me for the one piece of lasagna and beer that I consumed since I didn’t have any dessert or appetizer.
He added it all up and divided it by 6. Said ‘we shared the groceries’ but I never agreed to that. If I was paying for lunch I would’ve paid for steak instead.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ.
You can’t invite people over to eat and drink and then tell them AFTERWARDS that they’re going to be charged for it!
Super tacky.
Don’t pay. Tell them that in the future they need to tell guests that is pay for your meal and drinks event and say how much the cost will be that way invitees can decide whether or not they want to attend.” nappingthedream
Another User Comments:
“NTJ.
It’s really bad form to charge people for food after the fact. I’ve hosted many times before and generally never charge people for food. If I do, I let people know ahead of time ‘hey, we’re ordering pizza for everyone can you bring $5 to contribute,’ and then provide free snacks/appetizers, drinks, and booze.
If someone can’t afford/forgets payment I don’t care.
IMO your host was really rude. $40 would buy a really nice dinner out with booze included.” dragonkeeperemme
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. I could not fathom inviting someone over for a meal and then asking for reimbursement.
Especially 40$. If they were concerned with the cost they could have A. Not thrown the party or B. Asked everyone to bring a food item to help offset the costs BEFOREHAND. They can’t go around demanding payment that was never agreed upon.” Graves_Digger
3. WIBTJ For Confronting My Brother's Partner For Being Possessive?
“My little brother, we’ll call him Sam, has been with his girl for coming up on a year on a memorial day. We used to be really close and do a lot of things together. Since he’s been with her, he’s paid for everything.
Even after losing his job, he’s supported both of them with his savings. She works when she feels like it and spends what little amount she does get on stupid things like game cards or decorated tumblers or keychains when she doesn’t drive or have keys to anything.
I came down here 2 weeks ago to see him because he asked me to. Conveniently, she was sick so she didn’t want him to leave her alone. She went to the doctor and refused to let the doctor test her to actually see what was wrong so she could milk the situation in my opinion.
Now it’s the day before I’m supposed to leave and I haven’t seen my little brother at all because of her. I don’t want my little brother to feel bad but I also think it’s nonsense she acts so childish and immature.”
Another User Comments:
“YTJ.
Ultimately, everything your brother has done is his choice.
Sure, she’s ‘convincing’ him to do some of these things, but she isn’t his keeper. Unless she is doing things like ‘I’ll break up with you if you go see your sister!’ He’s the one making the choice to put up with her behavior.
Talking down to her is just going to push him away further. Also, it’ll give her leverage over you in an argument with him. She can say ‘please don’t hang out with your sister! She’s such a jerk to me! Look at what she did last time she was here.’
Also, I can’t stand the mindset that some people have that their son/daughter/sibling is a slave to their spouse.
Unless he is being hurt, he can decide to ignore her/break up with her. He’s choosing not to. That’s his decision.” RissaRay113
Another User Comments:
“YTJ.
How do you know for sure that SHE is responsible for every single thing that your brother does that you don’t like? Who tells you this? Your brother?
If he’s adult enough to date, he’s adult enough to make his own choices.
Takin’ out your issues on HER and blaming the woman for HIS action is a jerk move. Trash talk her all you want to HIM, but confronting her with ‘hey don’t do XYZ with my brother’ is immature.
If he’s willing to date someone that’s ‘childish and immature’, then guess what, your brother is also childish and immature and you need to look at that fact in the fact instead of blaming the woman.” blackandwhitepaint
Another User Comments:
“She’s a professional victim, if you confront her, she’ll just keep being the victim.
She’ll tell your brother that you were mean to her.
There’s also a tricky thing that happens if you criticize someone’s partner to them – they defend their partner and blame you.
This is why so many abuse victims never leave their abusers, they become isolated and unable to see a way out.
You need to be supportive of your brother, tell him that you are there for him anytime day or night and that he deserves a kind partner who treats him well. Then the rest is up to him.
Contact him a lot, except that he won’t do things you think are wise and good and that he is going to be hurt. But be there anyway and love him.
YTJ if you confront her at this point, it won’t achieve what you want it to achieve and it’ll push your brother further away from you.” amyezekiel
2. AITJ For Not Accepting My Mother's Partner?
“This started back in 2019. My mom met a guy at work who she ended up with. It’s been 3yrs since they’ve been together and every second of it has been miserable for everyone. To begin with, I feel like all of this was my fault since I encouraged her to go out and enjoy her life which is what led to this relationship.
Back when they started going out, I was 18. My mom hasn’t had a good history with men since they all end up doing her dirty, when she met this guy she seem happy and she would often tell me of the places they went to visit or restaurants he took her to he would pay for everything and constantly treat her like she deserves or so I thought.
A few months in (probably 3), my mom started talking about the terms and restrictions he put on the relationship (My mom and I are open w/ each other). One of them was deleting all social media, sending him pictures of everything she was doing or going to during the summer.
She was not allowed to go out to family parties if she wasn’t with him. She wasn’t allowed to have friends as well. She was prohibited from going out with her daughters if it wasn’t with him.
He was the nicest person with us as well but as I started telling her she didn’t deserve that, that she should leave the relationship, he started attacking me by criticizing everything I did and talking trash about me.
He was a mean person towards me. We all talked about going on a trip to California. I told him where I wanted to go and I said ‘we should go’ which I meant me, my mom, him and my sibling, however, months later in a big fight my mom and I had, she’d told me that her man told her that I was insinuating myself to him and how she believes him bc ‘she knows how I am’ I was 20 at the time and it broke my heart completely I never meant it that way but he swears I meant it that way.
Keep in mind I was 18 and he was 30 when I supposedly insinuated myself to him, I can’t help but feel disgusted. Since then I told my mom how I don’t want to hear absolutely anything about him and his family nor do I want him near me or sleeping over at our apt.
There’s way more that has happened that led me to wish the worst for this guy, all of that has led my mental health to decline drastically. So AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. This guy’s behavior towards your mother is textbook abusive.
He is isolating her and demanding control over every aspect of her life and doing what he can to get rid of anyone who might tell her that what he is doing is wrong. The sad thing is it might be difficult to get her to accept that he is bad news until he gets worse.
Expect him to escalate when he feels he’s got her ‘locked down’ and is confident she won’t leave him.” DoctorDoompants
Another User Comments:
“Your mom needs to get out of that relationship ASAP. It’s only gonna get worse. She needs to go before she gets permanently stuck with him for something like having a kid with him. NTJ.” thundaga0
1. AITJ For Standing My Ground About Having Pets?
“I (33M) always had some kind of pet since I was a child. When I started going out with my current wife (36F), my cat had just died from old age and I was very shaken about it.
She was supportive, saying that she understood and was there for me. A few years later I got out of my parents’ house and rented a place to live by myself, and asked if it was ok to adopt a new kitten to keep me company, she was ok with it and even helped me to choose one by photo.
Later that year she moved in and we were living together. She never really bonded with the cat, shooing him when he was close and saying that he was mine and wouldn’t clean any litter or fur ball because that was my responsibility, I found that strange but ok, I adopted it and was fair for me to take care of it.
11 years later the cat is 12 and we have a 2-year-old daughter. She just turned to me and declared that when my cat is gone, we will not have any other pet. When I refused and asked why, we entered a fight that lasted days.
She said that she never really liked cats or pets in general, that she was supportive because of me but she lied about liking pets because she was trying to get close to me and now she wants a house clean of fur and pee smell.
Also, I wouldn’t ‘need’ a pet because now I have a daughter to take care of. The cat is my friend and I don’t wanna plan its passing in advance, but I will not compromise to live the rest of my life without any pet.
I always try to reach a middle term, but we live in the same house and can’t have half a pet, so I’m really seeing a huge fight on the horizon. AITJ for standing for it?
EDIT: As he is getting older, sometimes he dumps in the bathroom and pukes hairballs in the living room.
I work from 9 to 18, she isn’t working right now and she refuses to clean it herself. So, when I’m done with the work, I clean at night.
Also, I’m not really serious about cats. Some people on this thread suggested guinea pigs or rodents, and maybe it’s a good idea.
Just kind of annoyed about the whole situation.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, let me count the ways.
Your wife lied about being okay with animals in order to lock you down.
Your wife is trying to change a fundamental part of how you want to live your life now that she thinks she has you locked down.
(Even if we’re generous and say she didn’t do it on purpose, it’s certainly where she’s at. She doesn’t think she needs to keep up the lie any longer because she assumes you’ll just cave.)
Your wife doesn’t help with the cat ever.
I don’t care if this is something you actually agreed to because if you thought it was reasonable that only you clean up after your pet, you’re wrong. Cats and dogs, or any pet that does not live inside a cage or a pen, is a family pet.
And everybody is on call for pet duty all the time. Specifically because of your exact situation. You cannot be there and available literally all the time to handle everything immediately.
Your wife refusing to clean up after the family is your wife choosing to live in a house that is sometimes messy.
I cannot express this strongly enough. If the cat coughs up a hairball and your wife waits for you to get off work to clean up after the cat, your wife is literally choosing to ignore the mess and walk around it and is then complaining about it.
If this were me I’d sit my wife down and explain that she chose me. That I had been clear about my desires from the start and that I’m not going to suddenly stop needing to have a pet as part of how I feel fulfilled in life.
She made her choice. And to be clear, the choice wasn’t just ‘To lie,’ where she has now decided ‘to stop lying.’ The choice she made was ‘To stay with someone despite knowing she was incompatible with them.’ You didn’t have that choice specifically because she lied.
If she wants to make a different choice, the choice that is open to her is choosing not to be with someone who is fundamentally incompatible with her. Not just to stop lying and expect you to change.” Korrin
Another User Comments:
“NTJ.
Your wife admitted she lied and misled you to keep you around. Well, tough crap, she lied to get you married, and now she has to live up to that lie.
The moral part is the easy part, how you’re actually going to deal with it is going to be more difficult.
Dogs are out because you cannot get a dog without the household being involved. A rodent like other commenters said would be an easier choice as a personal pet.
I’d suggest looking into Degus? They are cuddly and don’t have the stigma rats do, and their mess will be confined to the enclosure or the free run area which you can more easily watch over.
Guinea pigs work but they do poo and wee like no tomorrow. Rats are like little dogs, but I doubt you could convince someone like her to be okay with that.” FlahBlast
Another User Comments:
“NTJ
She literally lied and manipulated you in the aspect she likes pets, this post suggests she never tried getting close enough to like having pets and put the care of the cat on you which is fair since it is yours but she encouraged you to get it and told you she liked them so this one on her.
You are entitled to have pets if you want to and she can dictate that. Not to mention she’s complaining about the smell when that’s her fault, if she refuses to clean up the messes because it’s ‘your cat’ then she can’t complain about them as you stated you clean them up once you’re home.
She’s massively the jerk OP doesn’t worry. Kids are not substitutes for pets and her suggesting that in itself is just awful
I’d suggest having a long talk with her and considering all your options, but don’t sway on having a pet may choose one easier to manage than a cat and won’t produce as much of an issue for her? Perhaps a caged animal more a mouse or hamster as they aren’t bad for smell and such.” Deer-Sage
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