People Boast About Their Successful Revenge
48. We Reported Her After She Adopted Our Dream Dog
“My now-husband’s ex was a little bit of a crazy. We posted pictures of a dog we were planning on adopting. Low and behold, ex-girl adopts said dog within 24 hours. A few weeks later, she posts a Vine of her blowing smoke in the dog’s face and calling him stoner puppy. The dog was yelping and whining in the video.
So, I copied the video to the shelter she got it from, and soon she had no dog and was on probation. I guess animal control came with police officers and found a lot of goodies! No regrets.”
47. He Was Told To Think About What His Boss Said, And So He Did
“This is the story of my former employer. I work in the northeast US and my employer at the time was a very small company (boss and 5 employees) in a very specific industry where 90% of our work was on construction sites and finding a well-qualified person in this very specific industry is a very very hard thing to do.
My boss was the kind of boss that every employee hates.
Corners were cut every possible way in order to keep overhead costs down. On top of that, he would constantly overbook on jobs (like signing contracts for 6 projects during the same week knowing full well that he only has 5 employees) which would result in the employees often working 14 hour days or more, which really sucks when you’re on salary (no overtime).
His worst attribute by far was approving time off and then during your time off calling or texting you asking if you would be willing to work a day or cut your vacation short.
Sometimes he’d even ask you to move your time off to the next week or next month ‘when the workload lightens up’ (hint: it never lightened up due to his constant overbooking).
After working at this company for 6 years, I got used to all the aforementioned annoyances. But then things changed, my son was born. In the months leading up to his birth, I made it very clear that I would be taking a 5-week unpaid leave of absence once he arrives.
The state we’re in allows new parents to take up to 8 weeks of unpaid leave. I told my boss that I know 8 weeks would be a huge strain on such a small company so I was willing to take 5 weeks but those 5 weeks would be completely ‘off the grid’ meaning don’t call me, don’t text me, if you’re going to ask me to do anything work-related the answer will be no so don’t bother.
I’m going to be spending time with my family. He 100% agreed.
Fast-forward to my son’s birth. He was born on a Friday and after a short stay in the NICU (don’t worry, he’s fine) was released on Monday and we took him home. Tuesday morning (yeah…the next day) I wake up to a missed call, an email, and 3 texts all from my boss asking me to call him back ASAP.
For reasons still unknown to me to this day I call him back and he tells me there’s a slight emergency (code speak for he screwed up the scheduling and has a job with no employee at it) and asks if I could maybe come into work that day and maybe work a couple more days that week until he finds someone to cover it.
I lost it.
I literally felt something in my neck snap and unleashed a verbal assault on him that I still feel bad about now, a year later. I ended my rant with an apology…as much of a stupid move it was for him to be calling me in that situation it was still completely unprofessional of me to say what I said to him. Obviously, he wasn’t a big fan of what I said and after a small rant of his own ended with the sentences that made this whole story possible.
He said, ‘You’ve got a pretty good gig at this company that most people your age would be thankful for.
I’d be impressed if you could find a better job in this field because I’ve been doing this for 30 years and I know how small this industry is and trust me, good jobs like yours don’t come along very often. Think about that.’
So we ended the call and I did what he said.
I thought about it. After thinking about it for about 30 seconds I got out of bed, sat down in front of my computer and started looking at job postings.
5 weeks later my time off came to an end and my first day back I came into work, walked into my boss’s office and handed him a piece of paper.
Boss: ‘What’s this?’ Me: ‘I thought about what you said about how you be really impressed if I could find a better job than the one I have here.
…so I did.’
My boss reads over what I handed him…a job offer from a competitor for the exact same job I was performing but at a 25% higher salary, an extra week of paid vacation compared to what I had AND a stipulation that company policy was that work hours are capped at 8 per day meaning that once I hit 8 hours on a job I pack up and leave it until tomorrow.
No exceptions.
Boss: ‘Well then…ummm…can I have the day to crunch some numbers to come up with a counter-offer?’ Me: ‘No, don’t bother. I just wanted you to see it because I know you wouldn’t have believed me otherwise.’
Gave my two-week notice and left for whatever job site I was on that day. That was a year ago and I could not be happier with my new job. I get to spend lots of time with my boy and that’s the best job perk there is.
For all you bosses and managers out there. Don’t mess with your employees…especially the good ones. Treat them how you’d want to be treated.”
46. His Manager Can't Handle Anything Other Than Straight
“I work at a grocery store. My man and I both buy our groceries there and sometimes he’ll see me and maybe wave or say hi, we don’t chat or waste any time unless I also happen to be going on break.
My department manager didn’t know I was gay when he hired me and he figured it out when he asked me who the guy that was waving to me was.
He made a weird face, not necessarily disgusted but you get the point.
Anytime my partner would enter the store after that, my manager would keep his eye on him. Now if he were to wave to me, my manager would start to berate me and try and make it out like I’m slacking, when I’m just stocking shelves and smiling in his direction, nothing bad at all.
He never cared prior, until he learned he’s my man.
After a week, he has a private talk with me saying my partner is causing too much of a distraction and he should shop here while I’m on shift and that if something didn’t change I might be let go.
I was mad, told my man about it, he was even more mad. I didn’t really want to make a big deal out of it though, as this is a temp job and I probably won’t even have it longer than a year or two.
So I decided to prank my manager instead of getting into legal or corporate stuff. We have other gay friends who shop there. Crazy enough, we look just like regular people so no one would realize, including my manager!
Sure my partner won’t shop there but what about other gay people? That shouldn’t matter he just doesn’t want my SO distracting me at work…right?
So, I mentioned what happened to my 5 friends who mentioned it to their friends and so on.
The next shift, I bore witness to 30 extremely flamboyant and openly gay men and women flaunting their orientation and being flirty in the store. My manager was trying to hide in the back but every customer needed the ‘manager’s’ assistance for the most mundane questions lol. He ended up going home early but after that shock, he actually stopped berating me for the past couple of months, he might just be happy that I’m not very open about my orientation so he can choose to ignore it.”
45. He Got Beat At His Own Rules
Here’s reverse malicious compliance…and done well too, I might add!
“I own an escape room company in a town which borders a pretty touristy area and is very close to an airport.
As such we tend to get a lot of bookings from people all over the UK who are visiting the area for the weekend or international people coming to do an escape room on the way to the airport.
We only take online bookings and don’t take walk-ins, therefore the site is only really manned whenever we have bookings. As such, our cancellation policy is that we only allow refunds if the cancellation is more than 24 hours before the scheduled start time. If it is 2-24 hours before the start time, we can only reschedule the booking. Now, it’s worth mentioning that for the majority of cases (weekdays) we are pretty relaxed with our policy as long as it doesn’t cause any big issues and try our best to accommodate a group as usually, I am the one hosting them so there are not any additional expenses on our part (i.e.staff wages/loss of income from other potential customers).
However, the only day where this policy is really relevant is on Saturday where we are almost always entirely booked from morning to night and have staff members working for us. So any canceled slots would most likely have been filled by other customers, and we are of course still paying our staff for that time. Although I must say, we have only ever had to enforce this policy a couple of times as we usually accommodate a group in some shape or form.
So I get a call earlier today from a gentleman with a thick Scottish accent that was scheduled to come in with his group in around 2 and a half hours from the time of the call.
The group said that they would be unable to make their booking as they were running late with some other activities or something like that, and asked to reschedule the booking for a later slot.
I checked our schedule but didn’t have any slots left for today in any of our rooms. He then asked for a refund as they would be returning back to Glasgow tonight and didn’t know when they would be next down here.
I told him our policy and that our system only allows reschedules instead of refunds due to the time frame and explained that given it’s a Saturday we can’t refund so close to the time as the staff has been arranged, the slot would have been booked etc.
Rescheduling wouldn’t have worked for them as they wouldn’t be in the area anytime soon.
After a short pause, he asked if we had any free slots to schedule for next month. I checked the system and offered to move the booking to the same time on 16th November, to which he said, ‘Yeah I think that works.’
I changed the time on the system and informed him he would get an email confirming the new time slot.
He replied, ‘Great, so the booking is more than 24 hours away now right?’ Me: ‘Yes it’s booked in for 4 weeks time from today.’ Him: ‘Right so, the booking is more than 24 hours away, I won’t be able to make it, can I have a refund?’
I paused for a second trying to process what had just happened in my head and realized that he had found a loophole in the system!
TECHNICALLY, his booking was more than 24 hours away so he is TECHNICALLY entitled to a refund.
I started laughing and congratulated him on beating the system as I processed his refund.”
44. Stolen Ornaments For Bad Behavior Go Undetected
“It is 2020, unfortunately. It’s the day after my two younger sisters and I flew out to Pennsylvania to see my dad, who lives there after getting divorced by my mom for fifteen years of not being a good husband or dad. He lives with his mom, Cranky Grandma, and her devil cat, as well as my amazing aunt and her angel kitten.
Dad gets home from work.
“Where’s Emi?” he asks my Cranky Grandma.
“She’s in the basement,” Cranky Grandma says, probably throwing in a snide comment or two about the newly-dyed purple hair adorning my head or the leather fingerless gloves that have joined my black wardrobe. “Lookin’ for some Christmas ornaments.”
Dad goes down the basement stairs and finds me rummaging through cardboard boxes. “What are you looking for?” he says.
“Hi, Dad,” I say.
“Well, I noticed that you decorated for Christmas, but you’re missing a few things! Where are The Mooses?”
The Mooses are a pair of stuffed mooses that have been put up every Christmas since I can remember. They’re brown, about two feet tall, and soft as a marshmallow. There’s Mama Moose, who is named Merry, holding Baby Moose, who is named Christmas and is in a red velvet sack reading “Merry Christmas” on it in gold embroidery.
The Mooses always go on the couch to watch over the living room and all the decorations and presents in it while we’re asleep.
The problem with The Mooses is that when my mom divorced Dad, she was so scared of him that she let him have almost everything. This included The Mooses and quite a few more of her treasured ornaments. And since I’ve always been the one to set The Mooses on the couch, that first Christmas with a divorced dad just didn’t feel right without them.
Dad helps me look for The Mooses for awhile.
“Sorry, sweetie, they must have gotten lost in the move,” he says.
I smile and don’t tell him that I hate being called sweetie. “It’s okay,” I say, and pull out a cardboard box. “Hey, look! It’s your What God Wants For Christmas box! I love that tradition!”
We go set up What God Wants For Christmas in the living room. I say, “I think I’m going to go take a nap.”
Dad says, “Okay.”
I go upstairs and into my room and shut the door.
I walk over to the window seat/storage chest under the window. I open it.
“Hello, Mooses,” I say.
The Mooses lay on top of my stuffed animal collection, looking dusty. Several other ornaments I recognize as Mom’s are keeping them company. I grin and shut the chest.
It is the day we fly back to my home state. I have The Mooses packed away in my suitcase, and the other ornaments tucked beside them, wrapped in my fluffiest (but still black) hoodie to protect them.
I roll my suitcase out to the hallway.
Dad is weighing Youngest Sister’s bag to make sure it’s under fifty pounds. “Okay, now I need to check it to make sure you’re not stealing any of my stuff!” he tells her.
My mind says, Oh no.
My brain gives me uncomfortable memories of how Dad raged when he thought one of us had stolen his coffee mug.
My voice says, “Privacy invaded in three…two…” in a joking tone.
Dad and Youngest Sister laugh. Dad does not check anyone’s suitcase.
We are at the airport. Younger Sister’s suitcase is somehow three pounds over the weight limit.
Dad says, “Emi, grab one of the suitcases that already went through and open it up. We’ll put some of Younger Sister’s stuff in there.” He gestures to my suitcase.
My mind makes an earsplitting screeching noise that sounds like someone slammed their brakes to avoid hitting a pterodactyl and hit the pterodactyl anyway.
My brain imagines Dad opening the suitcase and going into a rage at the sight of The Mooses.
My voice says, “Sure, Dad.” My hands grab Youngest Sister’s suitcase instead of mine and pass it over.
Dad opens it. Her suitcase contains no smuggled goods. We transfer the stuff and the very nice airport lady sends all the bags down the conveyor belt. Dad asks me why I wave to mine. I shrug. “Just being weird,” I say. Good luck, Mooses, my mind says.
We are back home. My family- my Older Sister, who didn’t go with us, Mom, my other grandma, who we call Maga, and my Boppa, or grandpa, are all sitting in the living room catching up.
I say, “I’m disappointed you took the tree down already.”
Older Sister laughs.
“It’s past New Year’s!”
“I know,” I say, “but I brought some stuff to put on it.”
I open my suitcase. I show around the ornaments I smuggled back- three tiny stuffed snowmen, our cat’s catnip-stuffed cat ornament, a white clay angel, a wooden rocking horse, a wooden mouse king, a clay snowman, my older sister’s stuffed dog. When I unveil the rocking horse, Maga gasps. “I bought that for your mother when she was little!” she exclaims.
“How did your dad get it?”
“That’s not everything,” I say. I unzip the flap hiding The Mooses from view.
I pull out The Mooses.
Older Sister and Boppa clap. “How did you get those back here right under Dad’s nose?” Older Sister asks. Maga laughs so hard she has tears in her eyes.
The tears in Mom’s eyes are not from laughter.
Slowly, she reaches out and takes The Mooses, hugging them to her chest. Over their antlers, she mouths “Thank you.”
And then, she gets up, and she sets The Mooses down. On the couch.
Right where they belong.”
Told the whole family we couldn't have a real tree because I was allergic, my siblings hated me for it, thanks dad. Anyway, the Xmas after she left him my mother took all his blue ornaments to work and after the season was over her coworkers admired them. She gave them all away. Decorated her tree with ornaments we had made and ones from her grandkids.
43. What Happens When You're Always the Bully
“I just want to start off by saying I was the offender that deserved the revenge in this story. We were both kids at the time, and we are on good terms now. We had a good laugh about this the other day when I came back home to visit, and I thought I would share. This is going to be a bit of a short story, but it just proves that even toddlers know how to pro revenge.
At the time my sister was about 2-3 and I was about 9-10.
I am not sure exactly the ages. There is about a 6 ½ year age gap, and, unfortunately, I and my sister were generally at each other’s throats for the first half of our lives.
This was in the middle of my summer vacation, and for whatever reason, I felt the absolute urge to be the bully this day. Mocking her, making fun of her, making her cry, taking her toys… you know, the typical crappy sibling bull.
Even shoving her about a little bit.
It would be a few hours of this before it was nap time. This meant mom would put her in her playpen, wait until she fell asleep, and then go take a nap herself while I was busy working on any midsummer lesson my mom had planned for me.
Well, my little sister goes to naptime without a fight. No big deal.
My bullying probably wore her out. Once my mom figured she was asleep, my mom went on for her nap.
I didn’t suspect a darn thing. I didn’t even pay attention to the noise of my sister crawling out of her playpen or going into the kitchen. I was so focused on whatever lesson I had that my sister acted swift and I never had a chance to react.
My sister has always been the smart one.
When I was busy eating crayon tips and whatever would land me in the hospital for poison control, she was already learning how to plot stuff. She pretended to be asleep, waited until mom went to bed, and then got out of the playpen, went to the kitchen and grabbed the heaviest utensil she could find…
And cracked me over the head with it, enough to daze me.
I heard her laugh, that’s how I knew it was her, but by the time I had any time to react, the little poop had already put the utensil away (Wasn’t hard, my mom kept them in a mess in a drawer) and had already gotten herself back into the playpen.
Unfortunately, my mom didn’t believe me that my sister had done that.
To be fair, I deserved it.
Thankfully, nowadays, my sister saves any pro revenge against anyone that would harass either one of us. Meanwhile, I have yet to learn her pro revenge finesse.”
42. Yell At Me For No Reason? What Goes Around Comes Around
“PART I
So one day I am shopping at my usual supermarket. As I so often do I have my headphones in: So I don’t hear what’s going on round me. I primarily rely on my eyes to notice what is happening. Anyway there I was, all paid and putting my groceries into my bag, when suddenly a dripping cup of potato salad appears in front of my eyes.
Dripping oily marinade into my bag and all over my groceries.
I look up and see a red round angry face (RRAF) saying something to me. So I pop out a headphone.
RRAF: “… freaking now.” At this point I didn’t realize one thing: He was speaking English. As you can tell by this single sentence: Where I live we speak a different language, but as I speak and hear English almost all the time.
I don’t realize that at the moment.
ME: “Huh?”
RRAF: “This potato salad is leaking. Get me a new one! Right freaking now, you lazy mofo.”
ME: “Um … why?” His beheaviour hasn’t really sunk in yet.
RRAF: “That’s what you bag boys are supposed to do! You lazy mofo!” Okay now I have caught on.
ME: “Hey jerk face, I’m not a bag boy.”
RRAF: “Whatever you are get me a new potato salad.”
Me: “Hey moron, I’m just shopping here.” Which was when he saw the potato salad in my bag.
RRAF: “Then just give me yours.” ‘Reaches for/into my bag and forces his cup of potato salad into my hands. “It’s covered in marinade!” He made a disgusted face and tossed it back into my carefully packed bag. “Get me a new potato salad.”
I have had enough by then. I took my bag and walked “into” the store to dump his potato salad in a trash can.
He turned even redder before I left the store. I can’t even begin to rationalize how he could have reasonably thought that I was a bag boy. 1. around here there are no bag boys. 2. I was a military-looking black jacket. The supermarket employees all wear red polos. 3. There were two other people packing their shopping bags.
PART II
Later that night as I arrived at my work I was introduced to my new manager: RED ROUND ANGRY FACE.
Well crap … or not. His predecessor introduced him as the new “temporary manager” who would get the office into shape until a “permanent manager” would take over. Turns out I don’t work there, but I do work for RRAF.
Neither of them realizes: Those are code words … for me. I know the company CEO and almost everyone directly underneath him, but there are a few layers of hierarchy between them and me.
I am officially an independent contractor with a fixed hourly rate that is independent of my work time (day/night) and the office manager is supposed to call me in as necessary.
My secret is: I am the company hitman. Due to the nature of the company people in manager-level positions have very generous severance packages … unless they are fired for cause. I can see why they want to get rid of RRAF.
Long story short: We both act as nothing happened, but he schedules me to work full night shifts for a month, which suits me perfectly fine given my hourly rate. The problem is: He was supposed to work these shifts instead of me. Strike One.
His computer doesn’t properly log his weekly reports, because of a crappy security system. Usually, I help people with that, but tough luck.
Company Headquarters flags him as non-compliant. Strike Two.
Finally, a month in he calls me into his office and tells me that I am fired. That my services were no longer needed. Never mind that I cannot be fired without the authorization of the division manager. Strike Three.
He was fired the day after. I was asked to supervise him clearing out his office and was probably grinning like a moron the whole time.”
41. She Gave Her Customer Exactly What She Asked For – A Discount
“I worked at a pretty popular department store for years, and I have to say that the customers this store breeds are the worst of the worst.
This store is probably 90% of the reason that so many customers feel as entitled as they do. (‘The cashier had the hiccups, it was incredibly annoying, isn’t there anything you can do for me?’ Was an actual honest to God complaint one lady had for me when I was a supervisor.)
So anyway, I was covering a break up at the registers.
I was a supervisor at the time and I had also already given my two weeks’ notice. I was beyond fed up. It was like spring of my senior year all over again.
So I’m up at the registers, and this lady who couldn’t have been more than 40 comes up with a huge cart full. Anyone who has worked retail, you know this woman. She’s got The Hair, she’s smacking her gum at me while she talks on the phone, the entire transaction is delayed because I need her to pay and she starts to ignore me because apparently I’m the rude one for interrupting her phone call.
She proceeds to tell the person on the other end ‘give me a second,’ and finally turns to me and says, as if I’m an impatient child testing her last bit of patience, ‘Yes?’
‘Here’s your total, ma’am.
Do you have any coupons or rewards to use today?’
She nodded, and here is when she drops a few clippings on the counter in front of me, ignoring my outstretched hand, and turns her attention back to her phone.
As soon as I look at the coupons, I see that none of them are usable. She has one that is $10 off your menswear purchase of $50 or more. She has all women’s clothing. The next coupon expired two months ago. Another one doesn’t start for another week, etc.
So I try again to get her attention. She’s just as lovely and accommodating as the last time.
She rolls her eyes, tells the person on the phone that she will have to call them back, and gives me another sharp “Yes?”
‘Sorry ma’am, this coupon is expired, this one hasn’t started, and this one is only for when you purchase $50 worth of menswear. Do you have any other coupons or rewards?’
She stares at me as though I had just called her mother some unsavory name.
‘UH excuse me, WHAT?’
What could I do but shrug helplessly?
‘You have GOT to be kidding me! That is the entire reason I came out here today, to use those coupons! I really can’t use them?? Unbelievable.
Some customer service here!’ All the while she’s packing her useless coupons back into her purse and glaring scorch marks into my soul.
Remember I said I was done? My patience before Shopzilla here was already at 0.
She tipped the scales. I was officially in the negatives. I had negative patience left.
So when she said, ‘You should be ashamed of yourself, being so rude to a customer.’ Something in me snapped.
I smiled sweetly at her, mustered up a bright and cheery expression that I usually reserve as my ‘waitress’ face, and said “I’m so sorry you feel that way, ma’am.
But on the bright side, since it’s Tuesday I can still apply your senior’s discount! So at least you aren’t losing that one, right?”
I can’t quite describe her expression.
I think she was angry, but I think she was more shocked. And in that state of shock, she sputtered out ‘I’m not a senior!’
I mimicked her shock, trying to appear horrified by my ‘accidental’ faux pas, and then immediately said: ‘let me take that off of there for you, then!’ And promptly took the senior discount off, bumping her total up another $20. ‘I’m so sorry for the misunderstanding, ma’am.’
Oh boy, she was angry, but as I said, I think she was more shocked.
She seemed a little dumbfounded, she paid, she took her stuff, she left.
I will take that petty moment of satisfaction at her horrified expression to my grave. (It was even worth the write up that I did end up getting after she called the store and gave my manager a piece of her mind.)”
40. I Smacked Him With A Book For Bullying Another Student
“While in my final year of school, I was sitting up the back of the bus studying on the way home. My little brother approached me from the front of the bus and sat down on the seat in front of me.
Before I could ask him what he thought he was doing at the back of the bus, he pointed down the front of the bus and explained that one of the kids was continuously flicking the ear of one of the other kids who had some kind of learning impairment.
Looking down the bus, I saw the little poop do exactly as my brother had explained. So I stood up and moved down the bus. I stood in the aisle slightly behind the kid’s seat, waiting until he did it again. When the moment came, I took the study book that I had rolled up and smacked the little poop on the back of the head.
Hard.
Obviously he turned to me, and at that moment, I whacked him again on the upside of the side of his head just behind his ear. Getting close to him, I did my best threatening voice, speaking sternly but still quiet. Picture a tall eighteen-year-old menacing a fourteen-year-old kid. ‘If you freaking touch him again, I’m going to do whatever you do to him, twenty times worse to you. Got it?’
I reckon the kid near wet his pants, but he certainly stopped.
I’m not sure if what I did counts as mean, but I certainly don’t regret it.”
39. This Mother Was Quiet, Reserved…And Knew When To Employ Tactics Used In The Scarlet Letter
“Not me but my mom.
When I was nine (I’m 26 now) my parents went through a really rough divorce. Long story short, my dad had a very public and long-term affair with a prominent public figure in our area (We’ll call her Debbie.) Naturally, my mother was humiliated, but back then she was quite meek, unassuming, and not at all vindictive.
She only did one thing to the woman that broke up my family.
My mom is a nurse and about 6 months after the divorce she was attending a medical conference in our area. As she walks into the room, she saw that one of the panelists was the woman who slept with her husband. Shocked, but always in control, my mother calmly walked to the very front of the room and sat down silently in front of Debbie.
Now, Debbie had been a family friend for over a decade, so my mom was intimately familiar with her upbringing and unfortunate issues.
Remembering that she was an English Lit major in undergrad, my mom took out a red sharpie and drew a very large ‘A’ on the notebook that she brought to the conference. She turned it around and faced it directly at Debbie, never saying a word.
Debbie was visibly agitated, and when it came time for her to speak, something amazing happened: She started ticking. You see, my mother also knew Debbie had a condition that when under immense stress, despite significant speech therapy and experience in public speaking, she began to twitch and stutter. She twitched so much it impaired her speech, and she had to rush her portion.
When she ended, my mother calmly shut her notebook, smiled at the woman, and walked out of the room. She never spoke a word. That was the last they saw of each other.”
38. They Gave Him A Hard Time So He Gave Out Free Food
So I am a business consultant, and usually during the week we are at client site and get paid for travel, meals, etc. The meal reimbursement policy is quite flexible and doesn’t limit what we can claim, like some of the other consulting companies. So we can claim lunch, booze, whatever. The policy, however, does lay down a GUIDANCE for a daily limit for food expenses, based on the country where you’re traveling.
I capitalized the word GUIDANCE since that is exactly how it is written in the policy.
It is a guide, not a hard limit. For the UK, where my current project is, the limit is $40 per day, which is mostly ok but can be a bit low if you’re in the center of London for example.
Now I do Intermittent Fasting, so most of the days I don’t have breakfast and lunch, and just have one big meal a day, and have no problems keeping to the $40 (usually around $20).
On some days, I might go to a fancy restaurant, have a couple of scotches with a steak, and run up a 60 bill. But during the course of a 5 day week, my average meals would run about $30 a day, if not less.
I’ve never had a problem claiming these expenses in my 9 years with the firm, but recently a new project manager (read: bean counter) came on board, and he sent back a couple of my expense reports for having meal expenses in excess of the $40 for a couple of days, even though the average meal expense over the week was much less than $40.
I tried to reason with him, told him that anyway, it was a guide and not a hard limit, and I was keeping the costs down on other days, he refused to budge and said I could only claim $40 a day for food.
So guess what, I started doing exactly that. Every day, I made sure I was claiming $40 or thereabouts for food. I started buying meals for the homeless people around the train station to make sure I could make up the $40.
So now, where I was claiming less than $150 a week for meals, I now claim $200 and get some good karma for it.”
37. Big Bro Takes Care Of LIttle Sister
“Before I was even born, around 30 years ago, my dad was left in charge of his sisters, as both their parents had died fairly young. As a result, he was always very protective of them. My youngest aunt (I think she must have been around 19 at the time) was living with her dumb manfriend. My father had never liked him. He would talk crap about our family behind their backs, would pretty much control everything my aunt did, he couldn’t keep a job because he spent his time partying… Just not a great guy.
Anyway, one day, my aunt shows up at my father’s place.
Turns out the dummy has been shoving her, grabbing her… for months, and finally escalated. My dad, being the good man he is, let her move in with him. The thing is, she had left a few of her things at her ex’s place, records, clothes, etc. But he wouldn’t give it back, and had the locks changed before she could come back to get them.
For a few weeks, no matter how much she asked, she just couldn’t get her things back.
Eventually, she let it go, thinking she’d never see them again. Until one morning, when she found a box on her doorstep, filled with her things. No note, nothing. She thought it was weird. Maybe he had finally come around? Maybe he decided not to be such a butthole?
Anyway, years go by, she hasn’t heard from the guy, almost forgot about him… And then, one day out of the blue, she runs into him.
But before she even has the chance to panic, he turns around, crosses the street, and basically runs away.
She came home, and told my father about it. “What if he decides to come back? I’m not sure I can face him again!” And that’s when she, and the rest of the family, found out what had happened.
A few weeks after their breakup, my father got fed up with seeing his little sister cry.
Fed up with this guy trying reaching out to her, holding her things hostage so that she’d come back to him, fed up with him hurling insults at her on the phone. So he went back to her former apartment, and picked her locks (don’t know when he learned to do that. or why.). He could have just taken her things, and left, but he didn’t.
He wanted to make sure this butthole wouldn’t come back. Now I think it’s important to state that at the time, my dad was military. You DID NOT want to mess with him.
So he sat down, in the middle of the living room, in the dark. And when butthole ex came back, my father grabbed him. Didn’t punch him, didn’t kick. Just grabbed him from behind, and told him to get my aunt’s things and put them in a box.
“And don’t damage them.” He told him to just leave them at the doorstep, to not even try to talk to her. “Because if you ever talk to her again, I will do something much worse than this.” And then he threw him out of the window of his 1st floor apartment.
In the end, butthole probably broke a few bones, and even though it wasn’t legal, and I do not recommend it, it worked. Because he never talked to my aunt again.”
36. This Police Officer Engaged In A Dangerous Race And Got Exactly What He Deserved
“While driving to drop someone off, my radar detector went off. I saw a cop sitting in a parking lot. Dropped off my friend and headed back. The whole way some butthead is tailgating me. Speed limits 40, I’m doing 45 and he’s so close I can’t see his headlights.
We come up to a traffic circle and he tries to pass me on the right.
I sped up and he kept trying. We hit about 80-90 with him on the shoulder. Come up to the crest of a hill and I know the cop is right on the other side. I hit the brakes and he flew up over the hill, had to be doing 90 in a 40.
I even stopped to let the cop out of the parking lot. MOST. SATISFYING. THING. EVER.”
35. Beating His Bully At Baseball Was The Best Revenge He Could Have Asked For
“When I was 12 years old, a kid beat me up at a birthday party for reasons unknown. 4 years later, the kid is a pitcher (and a very good one at that) for his school in the playoffs.
I was playing for the other team. After going 0-3 to start the game, I hit a walk-off home run off of him to advance to the next round. The kid actually started crying on the mound. I don’t think I’ve ever had a bigger smile than I did at that moment. Still, have the ball in my apartment at college.”
Another User Comments:
“Being better than him at something he loves. Best form of revenge right there.” [deleted]
34. He Made Sure Those Kids Were Taught A Very Valuable Life Lesson About Patience
“I was living in a Middle Eastern country a few years back. Nice place, but because 50% of the population in the region is under the age of 20, the roads are simply overrun by teenage and early-20s hooligans. The culture’s fatalism makes young guys even more reckless and irresponsible than they are already programmed to be by their hormones.
So, after a rare rain shower, the highway becomes flooded up ahead.
18 inches deep. Traffic is backed up for at least a mile, and it takes us 15 minutes to get to the flooded patch. Everyone is angry. Then I see two cars full of teenage yahoos passing people on the shoulder on the right from way behind me. Mofo, there’s just no excuse for that horsepoop.
Eventually, they get to where I am, and they pass me just as we’re reaching the 50-yard stretch where the flooding is crossing the road. One of them crosses into the far left lane, and one stays in the right lane to avoid the deep water…
in the middle lane…
And wouldn’t you know it? Their windows are rolled down…
I’m in a Toyota Land Cruiser – nice big 4WD.
So while they’re crawling through a foot of water in their little action-boy Hondas, I decide to GUN IT between them through the deep stuff in the middle lane.
The wave from my front wheels was about 6 feet high, and it had to have put 20 gallons of water through the windows of both cars.
Completely. Freaking. Drenched. All of them. With nasty urban stormwater runoff.
Of course, they chased up after me once they cleared the water, screaming and cursing, but I just pretended to be on my phone and ignored them. Eventually, they gave up and (I hope) figured I had just been as impatient and selfish as them and had hosed them by accident.
Most satisfying revenge of my life.”
33. This Teacher Caught His Cheaters Red-Handed And They Got Exactly What They Deserved
“I’m a professor. Many years ago, I had a small cluster of students in one course that I strongly suspected were cheating scattered evidence suggested that they had knowledge of my test content ahead of time.
I don’t let my students keep their test copies, and I re-write my tests every semester, so this was puzzling. I determined that the most likely way they were cheating was during the photocopying process, so I set out to test that possibility first.
When the next test in the course was getting close, I left the previous semester’s version of the test in the photocopy room as bait. I then rewrote the new version of the test, keeping page 1 the same to avoid raising suspicions on test day but otherwise completely revising the questions. I made the new copies on another department’s copier the morning of the test.
Sure enough, when I graded the test I found that my cheaters all had perfect scores on the page 1 questions, but then bombed all subsequent questions to varying degrees. They all went from ‘A’s on the first two tests to ‘D’s and ‘F’s on the test in question. Those patterns alone probably wouldn’t be enough evidence for an airtight academic integrity charge, but one of them gave up the whole group and the plan when I called her in to confront her with the test copies.
Turns out they had access to my department’s copy room from a former student worker and would routinely pop in and steal exams in the to-be-copied pile after hours.
In the end, it caused a big disciplinary fuss in the administration with ‘F’ grades, multiple suspensions, and one expulsion, which is a true rarity given how gun-shy universities are about kicking out students. The cheaters were hoisted by their own petard and I got what passes for professor street cred among my peers for catching a well-organized group that many others had missed.”
32. The Rude Customer Ordered Ham, And Only Ham
“I work at Potbelly sandwiches and whenever I get a doorknob guy or gal, I give them a crummy-cut bread or less meat. This one time I had a lady order 5 sandwiches. I’m about to start making her sandwiches when the guy behind her comes up and says, ‘Ham.’
Me: ‘I’ll be with you in a minute sir.’
Doorknob: ‘Ham.’
Me: ‘Sir, I will be wi –
Doorknob: ‘No I just want ham.’
This dude proceeds to step out of line to answer his phone.
Instead of trying to stop him to find out the size or type of bread, I finished the woman’s order then sent a serving of ham through the oven. When the guy finally came back 10 minutes later, cutting a bunch of people in line, he was upset to find he got just ham, like he ordered. I probably would’ve gotten in trouble if my manager wasn’t right behind me when he ordered.”
31. Getting Called A Name Was A Small Price To Pay For A Lifetime Of Satisfaction
“This may seem small, but it was the most satisfying thing I have ever done.
When I was in the seventh grade I sat behind a jerk who hated me and enjoyed being annoying. Every single goshdarn day he would lean back in his chair and hit the front of my desk, over and ever again. If I was trying to write something, he would do it even harder.
So one day I decided enough was enough, and in the middle of a lesson, he started again. So I waited, and right as he was leaning his chair back fast, trying to knock my desk hard, I pulled it back.
Without my desk behind him, his chair tipped right over and he hit the ground hard.
I can still clearly remember him whispering ‘you witch’ beneath the laughter of the whole class and the teacher yelling at him to get up. The look on his face was a mixture of shock, embarrassment and pure rage as he looked up at me from the floor. Buddy never messed with me again.”
30. I Made Sure His Ex Got Less Custody Of Their Child
“My fiancé is an amazing father and has had his son for four years on his own. His ex-wife fought in court with him for years over the stuff they owned, even though he had already given her half. Only when she found out about having to pay child support did she fight for custody.
My man is a good guy and attractive, but he has a temper when he gets nervous and an awful case of resting bee with an itch face.
The judge was skeptical of him and asked to meet me to really judge his character.
The worst thing I ever did to her was told the darn truth and knocked it out of the park. When I was cross-examined, the ex’s lawyer asked a handful of questions trying to make me or my fiancé look bad. Each one, I was able to turn around to look positive on us.
His ex lost even more custody and visitation, and now we can move wherever we want.
The witch deserved it. My fiance’s son has asthma, and the ex smoked in the car with him and let her friends smoke in the car with him. She’s had screaming matches with the child about how the child was lying, so she could cover up her lies.”
29. I Put Her In A Wheelchair
“Back in high school, I used to wrestle. I was against a girl in a tournament who kept sumo wrestling me out of the ring, not even trying to do any moves whatsoever, but the ref was still giving her points. What made it worse is she was carrying on like she was the best wrestler ever, being so obnoxious. She was just simply big. I was really angry as there were no other girls in my weight class all the way to unlimited, so this chick was twice my size.
We had about 1.5 minutes left on the clock, and it was nearing the end of the tournament. The only support I had was my friend holding up my Metallica Tee saying ‘Do it for the metal!’ as everyone was starting to head out. I was so annoyed at this girl, I finally grabbed the back of her neck and turned into the position for a head and arm throw.
(Fireman’s throw, I believe they call it.) It was the only thing I could think of doing considering how great the size difference, me being about 160 and herself about 230. Basically, you hold the opponent’s neck and turn your hip into them. Using your hip to throw them, it’ll allow you to throw a MUCH heavier person with little effort.
I put in A LOT of effort, I threw her so hard it shocked me.
She landed directly on her back and began wailing in pain. Apparently I had bruised her spine, and she had to be taken away in an ambulance, and she was in a wheelchair for 3 months. She saw me later at another tournament where she threatened she couldn’t wait to fight me again for putting her in a wheelchair. Unfortunately, I was only there as a spectator as I dislocated my shoulder in practice a week prior. No regrets.”
28. She Nair-ed Her Stepmom
“When I was growing up, my parents had been divorced (not a big deal) but my dad had remarried to a woman who was the closest thing to satan I have ever personally met. I hated this woman with every fiber of my being.
So a couple of years pass and I have two younger brothers, whom I am very close with. Well, she constantly abused me: verbal, physical, emotional, the whole nine yards.
We are from a relatively small town in California and had an average-sized house, but one bathroom. So another day comes where she abuses me and I go to take a shower, and I notice that her shampoo is out (she usually hides it for some reason) and I notice that we have a bottle of Nair under the sink. Keep in mind, I was probably no older than 13, and decide to put some of it in her shampoo.
Not enough to burn or anything, just a little. Well about a week later, she begins freaking out, screaming and running through the house. My dad is trying to figure out what the heck happened and sees her. She had started losing her hair and to this day has bleach marks on her head. She and my dad divorced a few years later, but every time I see that small bald spot I laugh and laugh. I have absolutely no regrets.”
27. I Got My Bully Back Big Time
“I did some theatre when I was young. My sister’s high school had some plays that needed a 10- or 11-year-old kid, and I fit the bill. There was a 13/14-year-old who was part of the chorus of most songs, and his mom was also in the play.
This kid was a butthole. He would constantly insult my ‘squeaky’ voice (bruh, I’m 10 years old) and do the thing Bellatrix Lestrange did with Harry in the books where she mimicked what he said in a baby voice.
He would randomly slap the back of my head or 5-star me when I was facing the other way.
Since I was smaller than him, my push hit his stomach and knocked the wind out of him. He falls over, gasping for air, and I say, ‘How does it feel?’ and walk away.
This isn’t the end of the story.
I walked away, and we did a scene after the show started back up. The main characters were on stage, so the chorus and I were waiting to come back to the big finale.
I go to the bathroom, and who do I see? Butthead crying by himself.
After the play, his mom finds out that I pushed him and practically shouts at me.
I just told her what he did and she just kept repeating, ‘Don’t you ever touch my child again.’ I look behind her and there’s Butthead smirking.
My mom sees this, comes over, and tells butthead’s mom, ‘Your child is a bully, and you’re encouraging it right now. Thebachmann stood up for himself, and you need to work on being a better parent, or your child will grow up to be a failure.’
Another User Comments:
“There are few things that anger me more than parents that enable their child’s crappiness through pure apathy. If you’re that careless and inconsiderate of others, you shouldn’t be a parent.”
26. He Showed Him Who's The Lunch Boss
“Someone in my office would always crush lunches with his gigantic lunch box. Either he ate bricks or lead, I don’t know, but I always came to the office fridge and found that my lunch was in pieces.
So, after three bouts of this, and numerous notes from myself and other colleagues, I carefully removed his lunch box, emptied the contents (a gigantic sandwich, a Twinkie, chips, some vegetable pieces, and a few other bits), and ran over them with my car. I carefully packed it back in, and put it back.
He kept his lunch in a cooler by his cube from then on.”
25. We Ruined Her Abusive Step Father's Sports Car
“In middle school, my friend Jessica had a really cruel step-father, and one day, she was crying the whole way to school as we rode our bikes. When I asked her why later when we were alone (she was very private), she told me just how bad it was at her house.
Later that night, me and my other friend Anana sunk over to Jessica’s house, and her stepdad’s sports car was parked in the driveway.
The window was down just a little bit, probably because he smoked, and we took the hose from the side of the house and snaked it inside the car and turned it on and left it then went back home.
The next morning, Jessie had a shocked look on her face the whole bike ride to school. I asked her what happened, and she said that her stepfather Paul had ‘started screaming and crying” ’cause someone hurt his car, and he called the police!
No regrets.”
24. Don't Mess With The Electrical Engineering Genius
“Years ago in college (Electrical Engineering. It’s important to know this), one of the quiet kids, who was a very nice and intelligent guy, was being bullied for no reason. The kid was some rich boy who didn’t really care if he failed or passed and was just there to ‘pass the time.’
Well, I did a study group for some of the new kids regarding electrical theory and witnessed this kid mess with him first hand.
I had assigned seats for them. Thank god I set this up. I had taken a capacitor, which holds an electric charge (much like a battery), placed it under his seat with the prongs facing up, and when he sat down, it discharged causing a small yet effective shock.
He asked, ‘What the heck was that?!’ ‘I don’t know, but if you keep messing with people trying to learn, I’ll make sure it happens frequently and with more kick to it.’
Didn’t see much of this kid after this. He either left or got kicked it. Don’t regret it at all. Especially messing with people trying to learn.”
23. Make My Last Week A Nightmare? I'll Return The Favor After I'm Gone
“So this story goes back about 20 years when I was a student working part time at a PC World in Bristol (big box retailer in the UK).
To set the scene, this store (arguably the entire company) ran on the model of selling as much stuff as possible to uneducated shoppers. You know, USB cables for 20 a pop, etc. I wasn’t in sales but worked in customer support, so ended up with a mix of genuinely nice people needing help with their computer through to really irate ones who felt they had been wronged / ripped off / etc and thus had a vendetta against the shop.
Being a student, the next semester rolled around so I quit, giving a weeks notice.
For some reason the manager of the store took this as a personal affront and decided to make my life a misery for that last week. This mainly consisted of being forced to do the worst jobs in the store, like standing at the front “meeting and greeting” for hours on end.
To cut to the chase, I decided to return the favour…
Now customer services had a book of the worst customers, ones with long-running, often tenuous, complaints.
You’d have to occasionally call them up and fob them off as to why they weren’t getting a refund. Pretty soul destroying work.
So on my last day I picked up the book and called everyone in it. I told them that the company was sorry, and that they should come in next week and they could get a full refund (which would never happen). All they had to do was ask for me by name and their wish would be granted.
We could even refund their bridge tolls (also never happening). The expressions of relief down the phone just made it even more satisfying.
Then I left for the store for last time.
Cut to a few weeks later and I bumped into an ex-colleague in town, and first words out of his mouth were “I can’t believe you did that”. He told me that there was a near riot in the store, with a rogues gallery of the worst disgruntled customers demanding their refund (running to thousands each) coming in one after the other the whole day all saying my name to the manager and demanding he did something…”
22. Greedy Bicycle Lady Doesn't End Up Getting What She Wants
“Sure, we’ve all dealt with idiotic Craigslist sellers out there, but this woman was too greedy not to have this coming to her:
I collect vintage road bicycles, of which one showed up on our local Craigslist for $100, being sold by Greedy Bicycle Lady (G.B.L.). It is an upper-entry-level road bike by one of the better English manufacturers of the 1970s. At best, it’s worth $300 cleaned, fixed up, and perfect.
As it is now, $200-250 tops.
I know a good deal when I see one, so I email G.B.L. with my phone number and tell her I can come by within the hour and buy it. Shortly thereafter, I receive this response in my inbox:
“Ok, So I know realize that the bike is worth more. I’ve upped my price to $200. Give me a call if you’re interested.”
It’s not as good a deal as before, but it’s still a bike I’d like to have in my collection.
This time, I call her to confirm an appointment time.
I haven’t been talking to her for 30 seconds before I am informed that the price is now $350, based on the latest inquiry she has had, which have been “numerous.”
I don’t mind a bit of friendly competition, but this is ridiculous. Sure, she has a right to getting what the market will offer, but deals cannot be made with sellers that cannot stand behind their word.
I ask if she’s willing to stand by this price if I commit to driving halfway across town to pick it up right that minute.
“No.”
“Lady, I doubt you’ll find anyone willing to put up with this nonsense. I could drive across town and find that you’ve doubled the price by the time I get there. Good day.”
Edit: I think it should be noted that I’m really not interested in the bike anymore at this point.
Vintage roadbikes were unusually common in my city at the time of this story, and I knew – with time – I could put my efforts towards something much nicer (and I did, with the acquisition of two chrome Schwinn Paramounts shortly thereafter). Not to mention that my collection was already quite sizable (at the time, a fleet of over 15 classic and vintage road and touring bicycles.
Yes, I had the N=N+1 syndrome quite bad back then).
But back to the story. My last email seemed to end any hope of further discussion…but too many old movies have taught me that the greedy person is the easiest to have “fun” with. Especially when “spare” email addresses are close at hand. No longer was it about the bike.
Within 10 minutes, G. B. L. had a $500 offer from Mr.
A, ready to come by. And 5 minutes later, Mr. B just had to have the bike for $750. And thus G.B.L. told Mr. A that the price was now $850. So Mr. A confirmed that he’d match that offer, while Mr. B dropped out.
But then Mr. C pops up: “will buy now no questions asked $1,500”
And of course, G.B.L. will take Mr. C’s offer any day of the week.
But Mr. C can’t commit to show up until the weekend – almost a week later. That’s fine with her. Mr. A, however, soon gets an email with the new $1,500 price. Mr. A can match it.
But Mr. A drops off the face of the earth come his appointment time the next day.
So she tries to get Mr. C back, who confirms for that weekend…then drops off the face of the earth too.
The day after Mr. C. misses his appointment, Mr. A gets back in touch with our greedy bicycle-owning friend, who apologies for his “family emergency.” He makes an appointment for the weekend after.
…and Mr. A misses that appointment too.
In the meantime, Mr. B wants to know if she’ll do his $750, as the “ad still appears to be up.”
…and Mr. B doesn’t show up for his appointment.
And thus begins a vicious circle of emails from Bicycle Lady to Mr.
A, B, and C, as she desperately tries to get at least one sucker with more money than brains to her doorstep, following three weeks of runaround.
Of course, nobody ever replies – and by this point, no real buyers from Craigslist are willing to bother with her nonsense either.
And so the bike disappears off Craigslist. But almost exactly a year later, G.B.L. posts the bike back up. Same seller name, new pictures, nothing done to improve the bike’s condition. The asking price is a flat $500.
Thus I emailed her from my original address (as myself), just to be a pest:
“Remember me, lady? When you want to talk about that $200 price again, give me a call. Maybe you’ll actually get to sell it this time.”
21. The Girl I Loved Was Living A Double Life, So I Threw Out Everything She Owned
“This girl and I dated for 4 years, loved her, and would have done anything for her. She lived with me, I paid the bills, drove her to work, never asked for a dime. Bought her clothes, make-up stuff, hair things, all that stuff she wanted. Started putting money aside for the engagement ring. Her friend finds out and then tells me that she’s been hooking up with several other guys.
Also, find out that she has been telling people I’m just her ‘roommate’ and has been listed as single on The Book of Faces for the entire duration. I didn’t know the whole social media sitch due to me not personally having any of it.
Chucked all of her crap out: clothes, the hair tools, makeup, all that garbage that I bought in the first place and laughed my butt off knowing she is so vain; she would just be in misery not having her war paint and mop done.
She actually came to my door banging and hollering to which I responded by opening the curtain and eating a taco until said taco was consumed, closed the curtain and walked away and haven’t seen that bee with an itch in 8 years.”
20. She Held A Grudge For So Many Years That When She Had Her Revenge, It Unfolded Naturally
“My first ‘real’ partner (we kissed instead of just holding hands) kissed another girl and dumped me for her when I was a freshman in high school.
She had actively pursued him although she knew he had a partner, so I blamed her rather than him. (I know, I know.)
Fast forward four years: I was a volleyball player throughout college. In the off-season, I played in a city women’s league and a co-ed league as an outside hitter.
My team played a new team with a familiar face. She didn’t recognize me (different high schools), but I immediately recognized her. My team’s setter kept giving me amazing sets and I kept slamming the ball over the net, just waiting for my shot. Finally, she was in the back row and my setter set me up.
I hit the ball and the partner stealer stepped into the hit. It bounced off her foot, and went straight up into her face… and broke her nose.”
19. The Youngest Brother Was Sick And Tired Of Taking Orders From Someone He No Longer Recognized as Family
“Okay. I have two older brothers.
Eldest is a good person. The middle is a monster. He is a substance-addled felon. He has tortured my family for 20 years and I have taken the brunt of the assault as the only person willing to openly challenge him.
He stole my mother’s wedding rings, my grandmother’s car, and my tv – to name a few things. My family has decided to try again to welcome him back into their lives so I followed suit.
It’s Christmas 2013 – the best holiday celebration I could never imagine. All is well. – Middle brother walks in the door to collect presents two days after celebrations – Strike one.
The middle brother drops bag of substances when he walks in the door – Strike two. Middle brother criticizes the eldest brother’s renovations and tells my grandmother she wasted her money. – Strike three.
In the car on the way home.
Decide it is best to go back into town together so it saves someone a trip. Middle brother asks me for my passport. I say “no I can’t do that.” Middle brother concocts magical story where I have borrowed his ID to get into clubs when I was a teenager. Lies. I did not and would not. He says he needs it to get into a party.
He’s 300lbs and 35 and would never be carded under any circumstances.
Middle brother differs to his standard method of persuasion and starts yelling and is getting increasingly loud and argumentative. I tell him that it is illegal and that it would be very bad for him if he gets caught.
There’s a line somewhere between asking and demanding something of someone – he crosses it. My heart races like it used to when I was a boy.
When he used to follow my friends and I and beat the crap out of us with his friends. I remember him pulling me out of a lake where I almost drowned.
But it’s not him anymore. The brother I knew is gone and there’s a total stranger directly behind me demanding the symbol of my liberty. Strike four. I tell him that if he mentions my passport again on the ride home, I will crane the steering wheel into a snowbank and beat him within an inch of his life.
I hear ‘Give me your passport’ in the voice of a man I don’t know, from a face I don’t recognize. Blood and adrenaline surge from my heart faster and more rapidly than I have ever felt. We pull into a parking lot, I open my door and wait patiently until that loser works up the courage to fight me.
He steps out and yells something I don’t hear.
I tell him that I’ll give him one more chance to get back in the car without saying a word about my passport ever again. He says ‘passport’ with a wily grin and expects me to be the same cowering boy that I used to be. The same kid who loved him and adored him and wanted nothing else but to be just like him.
I connect the quickest and hardest fist I’ve ever thrown against another person directly onto his chin. It didn’t end all too well for us.
If you’re reading this, middle brother – Fudge you.”
18. I Made A Cruel Comment About His Dead Father
“There was this kid I went to school with from elementary school through most of high school; we weren’t exactly friends but we lived in the same neighborhood, so it was more of a ‘strong acquaintances’ type of deal. For some reason, in elementary school, this kid loved to make jokes about my dad being blind. The jokes never really bothered me, but this kid had some balls to make jokes about my dad because his own father had passed away years ago.
I remember having a crappy day at school, and it just so happens this kid was walking home with me and my buds that day. Sure enough, this kid finds it to be another perfect time to make a blind dad joke, and I wasn’t letting this one slide by. ‘You know what, that’s really funny. But I would much rather have a blind dad than a dead one.’
This was either in 4th or 5th grade, so I kind of surprised myself at how dark of a statement that was. Kid had it coming though, I should have said it earlier. The jokes about my dad stopped after that walk home.”
17. I Stabbed Her In The Leg For Threatening Us
“I stabbed a girl in the leg with a pen.
No, I’m not nuts, hear me out. I was around 12, and my little sister (9 at the time) had been acting strange. So, when she asked my mom for some candy money, I followed her to the store. It was just a few houses down since it was family-owned.
While she was on her way there, this awful girl rolls up with 2 other girls.
They are around 14-16. They start bullying my little sister and forcing her to give them her moolah. Now I see why a usually happy child like my little sister had been so jumpy and sad lately.
I don’t remember what I said, but I know I gave them the option to just walk away and leave me and my sister alone. One of them agreed, but the head girl in charge thought it was going to be a 2 for 1 special.
So she kept getting closer and closer threatening us. I pulled out the only thing I had (a pen) and stabbed her in the leg so hard the pen broke.
My sister and I booked it out of there, but no one ever messed with her again. Sometimes I think back on it and wonder if she still has a scar on her leg the size of a penny. I start to feel a little bad but then I remind myself it’s a pretty good wake-up call to stop being such a doorknob and not pick on little kids. Maybe she’s a better person now because of it. At least I would hope so.”
16. Verbally Spit Back At My Ex's Mother
“My ex’s mother is a real piece of work. I’m talking about the kind of narcissist who believes she’s perfect and infallible, and anyone who doesn’t fall in line with her will is a ‘sponge’ or ‘useless.’
Important to the story is that she had a Maltese that died back in the early 2000s. She carries the dog’s ashes with her. That dog is so well-traveled post-mortem.
In the three years that I was with my ex, that dog went to Jamaica three times, Mexico twice, and on various road trips from Gananoque to Ottawa, Gananoque to Toronto, Gananoque to Niagara Falls… I digress, but again, pertinent to the story.
New Years 2015, I had been on stress leave from my job, heavily medicated and was mentally drowning. She got fairly inebriated and decided this would be a perfect opportunity to verbally attack me and tell me all the reasons why I’m a terrible person and don’t deserve her (booze-hound, substance-addicted) son.
‘You know, dante_, when I first met you I thought, ‘She’s not that pretty, but at least she’s smart.” Beauty fades. I’m actually very happy with myself, so is her son, and I value intelligence over beauty any day.
She spent two hours going at me, attacking my issues with depression, my chronic near full-body eczema, my family (even though she’s never met them), anything she could think of to try to get under my skin.
All the while her son is sitting between us, occasionally defending me. Eventually, she tells him: ‘Robert, switch places with me, so I can sit next to her and continue.’ ‘No, Mom, I’m not moving.’
She got up and sat on my other side, just to get even more in my face. This whole time I’ve kept polite, no swearing, no attacks, just listening.
Eventually, she takes a breath, and I pull out one of my proudest lines ever.
Me: ‘That’s great, Edith, but I still think it’s a shame you love your dead dog more than your only son.’ Her: ‘… You bee with an itch.’
The icing on the cake was when my ex jumped in: ‘Oh Mom, you know it’s true.'”
15. I "Booked" Tables For A Nightclub
“When I was little, we’d keep getting phone calls from people who thought our phone number belonged to some nightclub. Apparently, a decade earlier the nightclub changed its phone number and we got it.
Now the people who called didn’t do it maliciously, but they did call at really inconvenient hours, asking for a table for four or six or whatever. We’d tell them they reached a household, they’d hang up, and ten minutes later, another person would call.
It was really annoying, especially at times when we wanted to rest.
So five years of this garbage, I decided to actually start booking tables. I booked for them a table for four, three tables for six, some supplier asked how many breadsticks and pistachios to deliver, and I told him four times the ones ‘we’ asked for last time, booked tables at really peak hours, the list goes on, for half a year, any time anyone asked for a table, I ‘booked’ it.
They stopped calling after half a year of that. My guess is the nightclub decided they’d notify their old clients to call them with their new number. I must have cost them a lot of dough. No regrets.”
14. He Stole Her Futon, So I Stole From Him
Sister goals.
“My sister was an 18-year-old college freshman when she started seeing this bag of poop named Ben. He was 32, did illegal substances, was a deadbeat dad and lived close to campus so he could mess with college girls more conveniently.
I was 16 and went to visit my sister. I noticed her new futon that my parents had just bought her was missing from her dorm room, I asked her where it went and she told me Ben stole it one day while she was in class.
He claimed he took it because she hung out at his house so often and needed to ‘contribute to the house.’ My sister was kind of a pushover and didn’t fight for it.
That night we went to a party at Ben’s house and everyone was wasted except me. I went into Ben’s room to use the attached bathroom and noticed a roll of 20’s sticking out from underneath a sweater on his dresser.
I took $260 and tucked it in my back pocket.
We stayed the night there and were awoken to Ben flipping out about the missing cash. Still with it tucked in my pocket, we helped him look for it for almost an hour. As soon as my sister and I got back to her dorm, I gave her the cash and told her we were going couch shopping.”
13. We Killed His Entire Front Yard
“When I was younger, a friend and I were walking around the neighborhood looking to do yardwork for pay. A middle-aged guy with an overgrown front yard took us up on our offer when we knocked on his door and told us that he wanted his lawn mowed, edges trimmed, and his bushes trimmed.
We did a great job, and after the better part of two hours, we knocked again to collect the $15 we had agreed upon, except he didn’t answer the door.
He hadn’t left, his car in the driveway was evidence of that. We tried the back door, we tried the side garage door, and we even went home for a glass of water and took a break before going back and knocking again. When I say ‘knocked,’ I mean making an absurd amount of noise on just about every exterior surface of this man’s house. We could hear the TV on inside too.
At this point, it became clear that he was attempting to scam us out of our work. His doors were all locked, we could hear him inside, and he wasn’t coming out.
Well, being the vengeful 14-year-olds that we were, we walked to the hardware store and used some of the money we earned later that day to purchase road salt. A LARGE QUANTITY OF SALT. Late that night, we visited his house and generously salted every living plant in the yard and used a fertilizer spreader to evenly salt his front lawn.
We killed this man’s entire front yard. For the rest of the year, his yard was a very visible brown wasteland in an otherwise lush green neighborhood.” EKS916
Another User Comments:
This is actually a brilliant idea.
“Should have called 911 and reported a likely heart attack since he clearly should’ve opened but didn’t.
Either you possibly save a man’s life, or he’ll be embarrassed to heck and back when an ambulance and stuff shows up and maybe police kicks down the door.”
12. I Damaged Their Flip Phone
“I was waiting tables when a few teenagers sat down in my section. They were clearly just killing time and ordered some sodas. I didn’t mind, I probably did the same thing when I was their age. Then they started seeing how much they could boss me around.
“Can I get some more ice?” I’d get them more ice. “Um, this one doesn’t taste good. Can I have a new one?” I’d get them a new one.
With each request, they’d giggle and turn to each other like, “I can’t believe you said that! I can’t believe she’s doing it!” Now, as a server, I’ve had my fair share of abuse, but this was just plain mean.
The ridiculous requests continued until they left. On the table was a single penny (their parting insult.) As I cleaned the table, I noticed they had also left a flip phone in the booth. Without thinking twice, I took the phone into the restroom and submerged it in the sink. Then, for good measure, I tore up the charger input with a fork. I dried it off and put it back in the booth.
It was petty and childish, but I like to think they learned not to mess with waitstaff after that.”
11. I Stole Their Kitten
“Ok, so back in the day, my boss gave me a kitty. His wife’s sister flipped her wig because she didn’t want any of the other kitties and wanted the one I had. Not wanting to be a problem for someone’s family, I agreed to take a different kitty. I was sad, but I figured it was for the best.
Loaded up the car dressed in black and stole the darn cat! One day she came over, and without thought, had brought her niece.
Well, the niece looks at kitty and says that it looks like Mittens (the rename they had given him).
I stared her dead in the eyes and said, ‘Nope, that’s Freddy.’
16 years later he’s still a happy kitty living with his brother, myself and my wife.”
10. I Rejected Him When He Asked Me To Be His Girl
“A little idiot would pester me in class all through elementary school (6 years here in Mexico.)
He’d push me around, trip me, sit in front of me and yawn and stretch backward, so he could push my things off my table with his freaking long, scrawny arms. He was a little idiot. He’d sneeze and get snot all over everything and clean it off ON MY THINGS.
I was a 10-year-old girl. I was fed up with years and years of this kid being awful.
‘Aww, he probably just likes you!’ everyone said.
They were right.
Valentine’s Day rolls up, and he comes up with a bouquet of pink roses. The most ridiculous thing you’ve ever seen happen in elementary school. Sure, kids gave flowers to their crushes, maybe a rose or two, not a freaking bouquet of them.
So he strolls up, pink in the face, and asks me if I’d like to be his shiny new GF.
Like he hadn’t tripped me or pulled my hair yesterday. I picked up the bouquet, and with hatred in my voice, grabbed the roses and ripped them off the stems while proclaiming in front of our whole classroom.
‘OVER MY DEAD BODY.’
Kid left crying his eyes out, boys comforting him all day, and girls thinking I was a bee with an itch for it. Freaking heck, he threw rocks at me!! Why would I want to be his GF? Ever?
Turns out, he’s gay now, and everyone thinks I did that. He still seems like an insufferable brat 15 years later, but hey, at least I don’t have to see him anymore.”
9. Make Fun Of My Clothing? I'l Soil Yours!
A small but necessary act of revenge!
“This sounds like something from a TV show, but it actually happened. I probably got the idea from TV.
A friend and I were sitting in a trendy restaurant in NYC. Now I didn’t make a lot of coin at the time and couldn’t afford designer clothes, so I shopped at thrift stores and sample sales, etc. So, the woman at the table next to me compliments me on my shirt and asks me, ‘Who is it?’ ‘I have no idea.
it’s just something I picked up at a sample sale.’
Well, she laughs and proceeds to talk trash about me to her friend. I seemingly let it slide until we get up to leave. The tables were close together, so I had to squeeze by her. She had a bottle of beer in front of her, and I positioned the umbrella I was holding to knock said bottle all over her lap. I gave a quick, insincere apology and got the heck out of there. Eff that shallow, materialistic bee with an itch.”
8. I Destroyed Their Creation On Minecraft
“I used to play Minecraft. For a while, the only server I could really go on while playing with other people was this one where the heads of the server were total butthole. They had a mod that let them regularly call down Armageddon from the skies, and it literally got to the point where I’d be tending my garden and get the message of the end times, and I’d just sort of roll my eyes and head back into my house until it was over.
I built my house somewhat away from the main town, partially because I liked the area and partially because it meant I wouldn’t be messed with as much, but I still got messed with. One guy poured lava on my house. Another poured massive amounts of water into the area I used to get underground. Several times, I considered moving to another server, but there was really no other server I could think of moving to, and I had developed a rapport with some of the other people there.
It was mainly the mods who were jerks.
One day, I discovered that the mods had built a giant space shuttle not too far from my house. It was huge and very detailed. And it was made almost entirely out of wool.
I made a flint and steel. The space shuttle was on a hill, so I carefully burrowed until I could dig up and be just underneath the shuttle. I set fire to a single piece of wool. I burrowed back, replacing the dirt.
On the chat, I see several panicked and angry messages about how the space shuttle is on fire and how whoever did this was going to be banned. They never found me out.”
7. I Destroyed The Spoil Kid's Ego
“In school at lunch, this kid was bragging about his awesome house which his mom had gotten from a nasty divorce from his father. His issues with his parents were well documented as he’d tell anyone who would or wouldn’t listen about his home life.
One day, he was going on and on about his room and insisted everyone know how cool it was. I didn’t really give a flying fudge and was having a conversation of my own.
So, when he came up interrupting me going, ‘Isn’t that sweet?’ I said, ‘Sure’ and went back to my conversation.
I still didn’t give a fudge. My 42-inch LED was enough for me.”
In school at lunch this kid was bragging about his awesome house which his mom had gotten from a nasty divorce from his father. His issues with his parents were well documented as he'd tell anyone who would or wouldn't listen about his home life. One day He was going on and on about his room and insisted everyone know how cool it was. I didn't really give a fuck and was having a conversation of my own. So when he came up interrupting me going "isn't that fucking sweet?" I said "sure" and went back to my conversation. He was apparently annoyed says for the rest of the table to hear. "Sounds like someone's a little jealous because they don't have a 50 inch plasma in their room." It got a few chuckles and I just turned to him and said "yeah but both my parents love me every day not just when the other is around." He cried. I still didn't give a fuck, my 42 inch LED was enough for me.
6. While He Caught The First Trick, The Sweetest Revenge Of All Is The Prank He Never Found Out About Until Months Later
“About a month ago, I found out my coworker, a good friend of mine was with my girl at the time. Teamed up with few other work buddies and decided to teach him a lesson. We went to a Korean mart and bought 2 frozen raw fish. With the help of one of my buddies, I was able to get hold of his car keys. So we hid one of those 2 fish we bought earlier in a place that would be pretty obvious and easy to notice and we duct-taped the other fish underneath his passenger side seat.
He did find one of the fish and was pretty mad with us. Here’s the sweet revenge though: He kept complaining that he just couldn’t get rid of the fishy smell from his car even though he cleaned his car with shampoo and has used all kinds of car scent.
I quit that work a few days after, so I don’t know if he found the other fish yet. We don’t talk anymore.”
5. She Wanted To Get Even At Her Ex-Bestie, So She Completely Ruined Her Birthday Party
“In high school, one of my best friends started seeing my ex-boy the day after we broke up… Which happened to be my 16th birthday.
So then and there I decided to ruin her sweet sixteen. I just wasn’t sure how.
Fast forward three months. She planned an extravagant birthday party and played hooky from school the Friday before the big party to prepare. This was my opportunity.
I told everyone at school that she had gotten the flu, and was postponing the party (hence why she wasn’t in school). We were neighbors so everyone bought it.
The next day she got all dolled up, arrived at her sweet 16 party in a large rented ballroom only to spend the entire party with her mom and little sister, not one person showed up.
Looking back it was terrible and mean, but to a 16-year-old girl I felt she broke sacred girl code, and that’s never okay.”
4. He Thought “If You Can’t Beat Them, Pee In Something Of Theirs!"
“When I was a kid (probably 4 or 5 years old) I was watching Dumbo with my neighbor.
The ‘elephants on parade part’ was scary as all heck to me back then, and I peed my pants. My neighbor told everyone in my Pre-K class and would not stop calling me the ‘pants-peer’ for weeks. Finally, one day I slept over at her house and took a pair of her pants out her closet, put them on, and peed in them. I woke her up to show her, and that’s the story of how I became the two-time pants-peer.”
Another User Comments:
“Kid logic.” [deleted]
3. He Two-Timed Me, So I Gave His Girl An Infection
“My ex-boywent behind my back and the girl he two-timed on me with had been to our home and known me and worked very hard for this to happen, so they were both crappy people as far as I was concerned.
As I was moving out of his place, he was moving her in. When I went to get the last of my stuff and give back the key, he wasn’t home.
Her stuff was all over the house, and a bunch of adult goodies was lying on the kitchen island. The rage part of my brain took over, and I dipped every one of those toys in the toilet and put them back where I’d found them. Then, because I take everything too far, I dipped their toothbrushes and scrubbed the sides of the toilet a little with them.
He called me about a month later, he wanted to meet up. I was curious, so I did. Of course, because he’s a doorknob, he tried to get me to hook up with him. I didn’t, but in the course of trying to convince me, he revealed that she had a weird internal infection, and they hadn’t been able to hook up for a couple of weeks. I like to think it was due to my toilet water. I have never felt bad about it. In fact, I still giggle when I think about it.”
I poured out about a quarter of their lube and refilled it with toilet water. Put it back where I found it and left the key on the table.
He called me about a month later, he wanted to meet up. I was curious so I did. Of course because he's a douchebag he tried to get me to have sex with him. I didn't but in the course of trying to convince me he revealed that she had a vaginal weird infection and they hadn't been able to have sex for a couple weeks. I like to think it was due to my toilet water. I have never felt bad about it, in fact I still giggle when I think about it.
2. I Added A Little Something To His Drink
“I worked at a restaurant when I was a kid and our fry cook (several years older and much bigger than me) decided to make it part of his job description to make me hate my job.
I never did anything to him, as I had worked there before him and only crossed paths with him because we both happened to be there.
One night after we closed up, a bunch of us employees stayed and played some poker. I offered to get people some drinks, so I went to the bar to fill my 4-5 requests, one of them being his Mountain Dew.
Knowing I could get away with it, I debated with myself for 30 seconds while getting other drinks if it’d be something I could go through with. Then I thought about my hand being on fire from grease, so I did.
I peed in his drink. I filled about 1/3 of it with my urine and began to lightly cackle to myself like some kind of psychopath, imagining him sucking my Mountain Dew pee through a straw. Kid you not, after I gave everyone their drinks, I looked at him across the table as he took a huuuuuuuuge drink and watched him just grin at me like he always did. My poker face must be strong because he had no idea something was up.”
TL;DR - Dude harassed me at work, I pissed in his mountain dew for revenge.
1. Miffy The Cat Didn't Come Back
“My ex ran over a cat after leaving my house one night. She was devastated. As anyone who owns a pet knows – as did she – your cat or dog is as much a part of your family as anyone else. She called me from the side of the road to come to help her as she was in a panic. ‘Should we call the police, should we put up flyers? Should we leave a sign someplace? What if someone did this to my cat? I would want to know!’ I told her, no, I don’t think she would, and I checked the cat for a collar.
Turns out, the cat did belong to someone and its name was Miffy. I confirmed the cat was, in fact, dead, and pulled the collar off the cat and put it in my jacket pocket, but I didn’t tell my ex about the collar thinking it would just upset her further. My logic was, should someone be missing Miffy, it was better the cat never be found dead and for them think that the cat simply got lost and was being taken care of somewhere else.
Now, I don’t know if that was the right call or not, I’m just saying that was my call in the heat of the moment.
Two weeks later, my ex and I are going for bagels in her car one morning and she’s giving me attitude. She was definitely in a mood and acting like a bee with an itch. I leave her in the car to go into the store and see a ‘Lost Cat’ sign on the window of the Bagel shop.
Sure enough, it was Miffy. Miffy belonged to a sweet little girl who was missing Miffy so much. Miffy was her best friend, she loved her, and was heartbroken, according to the flyer. She offered a reward for Miffy’s safe return.
I get back in the car with our bagels and coffee and she starts being moody with me. She wouldn’t shut up about something, so I snapped.
‘Oh, yeah?! You have a problem with me? Well, at least I didn’t kill some little kid’s cat!’ And I hand her the flier. She looks at it. She says, ‘How do you even know Miffy was the cat I ran over?!’ I reach in my jacket pocket and toss the collar in her lap. She lost it. Now she was uncontrollably sobbing, but at least I didn’t have to hear her whining at me anymore.”
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