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Sad that he doesn't care about spoiling the holidays for your children...
I don't see him so much as stupid, but more in line with stalker. He is obsessed with your personal habits and I think he gets a charge out of spying on you. Call him stalker and see how he likes that!
Actually, things do not look good for you so far as your partner is concerned. He is the one who signed you up for this, then bailed. What makes you think he won't be doing the same thing when your baby arrives?
I'm facing this same situation. My mother died in April and I went into therapy. I found that there is something called "Family Scapegoat Syndrome" where one child is bleamed for all the family's misfortunes. It's real. Go NC with the brother and get to a therapist.
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