People Navigate Tricky Personal Dilemmas In These 'Am I The Jerk?' Stories
27. AITJ For Insisting On Discussing Wills And Insurance With My Husband?
“I f(35) and my husband m(41) have been together for 13 years…married for 2 and have a 1 year old son.
We have no wills or life insurance or anything in place if something was to happen to either of us. My mother has been telling me since before we got married that we need to get this stuff sorted out…and I agreed and have been bringing it up to my husband since we got engaged.
He always said he didn’t want to talk about it…or flat-out ignored me. I figured I’d give him some time and maybe he’d get around to it and we could talk.
He never brought it up.
Fast forward to last week and I started bringing it up again.
There have been a few deaths in my family lately so of course this issue came to the front of my mind.
And once again I brought it up to my husband because now we have a child to make sure would be taken care of in the event of something tragic.
I wrote out a list of things I felt we needed to take care of to make things easier on either of us…or our parents should something happen to both of us.
And once again…he ignored it. Literally the day after I give him this list his younger brother and nephew get in a bad car accident…they’re are ok…a bit bruised up but the car is totaled.
I didn’t bring up the wills or insurance to my husband directly but I did say something along the lines of “this is exactly why we need to get our stuff in order”.
The next morning my husband texted me while he was at work and basically called me heartless to bring up the wills and insurance during this time.
Which obviously wasn’t my intention…I was just thinking out loud.
My husband isn’t easy to talk to about anything(he wasn’t always like this)…especially if he isn’t interested in it. Which is very stressful to me…I like to have plans in place to minimize stress during uncertain times, he’s a take things as they come kind of guy.
AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Your husband is being purposefully irresponsible- and he’s dismissing your concerns. You can take out life insurance for yourself and on your husband. He’ll need to approve it but if it’s just a signature and not something he has to think about maybe he’ll do it.
Get your will in order. Him not having a will wouldn’t be the end of the world but it would be a huge headache.” No_Location_5565
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Some people think if they ignore it, it will never happen, which is totally BS.
I had to ask my ex to do this and ended up asking for it as a Xmas gift to me that we do this together. If that doesn’t work, just tell him you are looking online for quotes and select the one you like best. Have the kids as beneficiaries and then set up a trust next.
It would be best if he wanted to help, but it needs getting done.” KSknitter
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. You’re totally right here. But you’re implying this isn’t just about end of life planning, which is difficult for many people – he “isn’t easy to talk to about anything”.
You probably need to address that as well, separately from wills and insurance. What are you doing toward planning? Are you just saying “hey, we need to plan” and expecting him to run with it? Or are you researching it yourself and presenting him with specific options?” NapalmAxolotl
26. AITJ For Wanting To Discuss My Partner's Ex's Expensive Food Preferences For Their Daughter?
“I (21f) have been in a relationship with my partner (23m) for over a year. His ex partner (28f) had their daughter in 2021. She’s now almost 3 and such a lovely kid.
BM and I have not really gotten along that well, we’re civil at pickups and drop offs but we aren’t friends at all.
We both have very different views on a lot of things. She’s very much on the crunchy/hippie mom type of thing. No big deal, everyone lives their lives in different ways and I don’t have a problem with it.
His daughter started spending the weekends at our place and it’s been a great time.
Her mother gave me a list of all of her favorite foods which was perfectly fine because I wasn’t sure what she liked at all. Now here’s the issue, she buys all-natural and some vegan-style foods for their daughter. Once again no biggie she wants her daughter to eat healthy and all of that jazz BUT she has food stamps..
She is able to spend a good chunk of change on all of these foods for her daughter so she eats healthy. My partner and I don’t have food stamps since we don’t qualify for it (we actually tried to get them).
We had BM over for dinner so she could see the place and her eyes nearly burst out of her skull at some of the stuff I had.
I got a good amount of off-brand healthy stuff for their daughter. She started tell me that I needed the on-brand stuff since it’s all she buys and etc etc. After she left I talked to my partner about all of it and he said that he just wants to make BM happy and that we should just follow all of her rules and such.
I rarely give my opinion on things regarding their daughter but I just can’t hold back on this because it’s starting to bother me and we really can’t afford to get these things.
So, WIBTJ for telling my partner how to raise his daughter at our house?”
Another User Comments:
“Perhaps don’t give an input on how to raise your partner’s daughter but comment on how much all this food costs and it is affecting your budget. To be honest, the problem is your partner. He needs to grow a pair and make his own decisions regarding his daughter because that is called parenting.
He is allowing his ex to dictate how their daughter is raised in your home. He needs to make those decisions when his daughter is in your home, including what she eats.” Dalton402
Another User Comments:
“NTJ This is a budget issue, but really it sounds more like she was waiting to find something she could complain about.
You can be sure this will be the start of many problems she will have. Your partner needs to grow a pair and needs to address it. Not you.” bansheebones456
Another User Comments:
“NTJ you still brought the stuff just off brand which is affordable.
Partner needs to pull his head out of his butt and communicate clearly. Either BM can send over the expensive products or be happy with what you guys have. She is gonna keep being unreasonable until he steps up. He doesn’t need to people please when he is not in the wrong.
If she threatens no visit get it on record, keep receipts of what you buy. BM won’t have a case on grounds of specific brands. Have more conversations about it via text to help the case. Keep in mind HE needs to do it.” blackwillow-99
25. AITJ For Telling My Mom To Stop Projecting Her Body Image Issues Onto Me?
“I’ve been overweight all of my life. What made it harder was growing up with what TikTok calls an ‘almond mum’ and she set a really poor example of a healthy relationship with food. From the age of five, she put me on diets, took me to see specialists, refused to buy me new clothes until I lost weight, leaving me to squeeze into clothes I had before puberty when I was 13 and refused to buy me clothes that showed off too much of my arms, legs, stomach etc. She was the thin mum with the overweight daughter and I never felt good enough.
I felt like I was an embarrassment.
As she ages, her body is changing. She still looks great but she constantly complains about her ‘pouch’ and her flabby arms and has an awful image of herself, which I do sympathize with. I’m still much larger than her but as an adult, I have a lot more autonomy over what I wear.
It’s taken me years and a lot of therapy to love my body after being taught to hate it and now I wear shorts and tank tops and tight dresses without a second thought and I feel great.
I went out on a date last night and after coming home, she couldn’t believe what I’d left the house in.
It was a long, but form-fitting dress with spaghetti straps, so lots of arm action going on. She made so many comments about how I should’ve worn a big jacket to hide my ‘lunch lady arms’ and that I needed to go shopping for more modest clothes.
Eventually, I grew tired of the comments and said to her that she needed to stop projecting her body image issues onto me and that she should be happy for me that I’ve come so far after hating myself for 20+ years thanks to her non-stop comments.
My brother overheard this and came down to intervene, calling me a jerk for blaming her. Neither of them have spoken to me yet today.”
Another User Comments:
“You are NTJ for setting a boundary with your mum! It sounds like she has been projecting her insecurities onto you for a long time and it’s taken you a long time to get to the point where you can wear the clothes you want without worrying about how other people might perceive you.
You have every right to tell her that her comments are not helpful and that you won’t tolerate them anymore. You were expressing your frustration and your brother should stay out of it.” [deleted]
Another User Comments:
“NTJ Honestly, here’s a piece of advice. Don’t feel bad about someone choosing not to talk to you, because what they are granting you is their silence.
They are giving you peace and thinking it’s punishment. Your mother endlessly makes comments and now she’s just not engaging, which is a better alternative.” [deleted]
Another User Comments:
“NTJ – it was probably about time your mother got a wake-up call. You’re an adult, she can no longer “police” what you wear, and honey, wear whatever you want to, and rock it like the Queen I have no doubt you are.
I happen to be a fuller-figured lady myself – and older than your mom. I’ve got the baby belly, and the added rolls in places – guess what – it happens when we age. At my age, I wear what I want, when I want, depending on the dress code required for whatever I’m doing.
(and when I say dress code, I mean black tie, formal, business etc)” toosheeptheorist
24. AITJ For Getting Upset At My Bumble Date For Peeing Off My Porch?
“I matched with this guy on Bumble and before this incident, he had come over to my place and we hung out. Everything went well blah blah. He comes over for the second time and decides to explore my place a little more.
I live on the first floor of my condo complex and I have an open porch/patio that faces the community “backyard”. The guy goes out to check out my porch and I walked up to the door a few minutes later. When I get to the door and open it he says “I’m peeing right now.” Honestly thinking he was joking I respond “Wait are you serious?”.
He was being totally serious. I tell him that I have a bathroom and he says he knows, but where he’s from (Kansas) they do it all the time. He comes back inside and is surprised that I’m mad. I explained that I didn’t appreciate that.
The complex I live in is a mixture of college students, regular adults, and people with kids. I don’t want to get in trouble for him. Again, reiterating this is the second time I’ve ever met this man. I should’ve made him leave after that but I didn’t.
Fast forward 30 minutes he starts to go on a rant about how hard it is for men to meet people and he’s tired of having to do everything. He finishes this rant saying that he doesn’t want to have to hide who he is.
I asked him why has to hide who he was, and he responded that he had to walk on eggshells around me. Again, I ask why. He responds that I got mad at him for peeing off my porch. Apparently where he’s from they do that all the time.
He’s done it his whole life. It’s part of who he is. (I promise I’m not adding any dramatics here. This is what he said to me). I again explain why I am mad and tell him it’s not something I’m ok with him doing.
We get into a fight about this and he ends up leaving after.
So am I in the wrong for being mad? I have a perfectly fine, clean, working bathroom. Where I’m from (Colorado) people don’t do that.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. If he wants to pee off his porch, in a private area, where no one can see, whatever.
Doesn’t hurt anyone. In all honesty, most guys pee outside at some point in their lives. But it isn’t ok to do it at someone else’s place in a communal yard. Especially someone you barely know. And then to move into “Oh I’m such a good guy I’m just misunderstood so people do not want to go out with me” is red flag central.” DMoplenty
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. If you’re just getting to know someone you should be on your best behavior. If he was meeting the queen of England he wouldn’t be doing that off the porch of Buckingham Palace. I mean she is dead now but you get the picture.
He knows better and he knows that when you’re on best behavior you don’t do that. He is a jerk for getting angry. You dodged a bullet, if he thinks not doing that off the porch is walking on eggshells….whew boy” rchart1010
Another User Comments:
“NTJ but let’s see…you spent time with him (I assume “blah blah” means the same as “yadda yadda”) after inviting him TO YOUR HOUSE WHERE YOU LIVE SO NOW HE KNOWS YOUR ADDRESS because you saw his picture on an app and had texted him a few times and then you’re surprised he did that off your porch.
You’re definitely kind of clueless.” jpenneyreddit
23. AITJ For Not Wanting To Split Rent Equally After Partner Insisted On More Expensive Apartment?
“My partner (25m) and I (23f) moved into a new townhouse 4 days shy of a month ago. We got a deal on the rent for the first month, but the second month’s rent is coming due. He is angry with me for saying I don’t think I should be expected to split it with him.
A little bit of backstory: we were originally looking at apartments within a lower budget. I don’t want to post exactly what each of us makes, but he is working a full-time tech job making 3 times more than my salary per year, as I am still in graduate school.
Our original budget was one that I had agreed on and was already in the top of my range. We had agreed that we would each pay half of the rent.
However, my partner was not exactly thrilled with the part of town our original budget put us in, and he “put his foot down” and insisted we move someplace a little more expensive.
I figured that since it was his idea and he was insisting, he would make up for the difference in the rent, as I was already at the top of my budget with our original agreement, which he was well aware of. He is still insisting I still pay exactly half, as “that was our original agreement”.
I tried to suggest a plan that was more proportional to our respective salaries, as I do want to help contribute to the rent, to which he called me selfish and accused me of using him for his money.
I still need to be able to use what I make to pay for my tuition and other expenses, and cannot afford to split half of this higher rent, and it’s not like he can’t afford the rent on his own.
He is just unwilling to hear of any rent payment plan that does not involve me paying at least half of the entire cost.
AITJ for thinking our contributions should be more proportional to our respective financial situations?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ Is your partner always this controlling because if he is, you have bigger issues?
You have your budget, your partner knew this yet he signed a lease for a more expensive property. You aren’t on the lease. You can move out. You need to take a good long hard look at this relationship and all the red flags that may be waving at you and decide whether he really is the guy for you or whether he’s just a controlling, manipulative jerk.” KitchenDismal9258
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Time to leave if he can unilaterally decide where you both will live and force you to pay a rent amount you cannot afford. Why stay when he doesn’t care about your well-being? You’d be the jerk to yourself if you let him walk all over you like this, seriously.
Like, what’s the end game here?” Techlet9625
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. BF just doesn’t want to listen. This might be a good time to reevaluate the relationship. I’m not saying to leave, but if he constantly ignores what you say and then blames you for the things he chose not to hear, yeah, not a good sign.” BetweenWeebandOtaku
22. AITJ For Not Wanting My Husband To Celebrate The Holidays With Me Because He Constantly Complains About Them?
“Writing that felt icky. Because deep down inside my heart I truly do want my husband’s presence during the holidays – Thanksgiving, Christmas & NYE that is.
But I want a happy husband. I know I can’t control that…
But this year I feel different. I don’t want to be around him because his energy is hard to ignore.
You see, my husband dislikes the holidays. They can be stressful, costly, involve travelling with two small children, etc.
And most of all he doesn’t want to observe them because of their roots – consumerism, the massacre on Thanksgiving, Santa Claus, etc.
So leading up to the holidays he complains. We finally got our first Christmas tree and he said he wasn’t going to help because he doesn’t believe in Christmas.
So he sat on the couch and complained as I put it up with the kids.
We still open presents and watch Christmas-themed movies. We even own an entertainment company where we have people pay for tickets to our events and yes, we have Thanksgiving & Christmas-themed events.
He said our kids are not allowed to say “Merry Christmas”. They can only say “Merry Xmas”.
But remember, my husband doesn’t believe in these holidays and he despises them, right?
I think my husband is being a hypocrite.
My husband deep down inside doesn’t like anything mainstream and can be a bit of an extremist.
Of course, I want to teach our children the truth and observe them in a different manner, such as taking our kids to church on Christmas and calling Thanksgiving “Native American Remembrance Day”.
But I also want to be happy.
I don’t want to hear him complain and nag yet still want to come to the family events.
I think if he truly doesn’t like these holidays, then he should just stay at home.
I don’t understand why he has to ruin something that brings warmth and joy to my heart just because of his “beliefs”.
My husband is not light-hearted or open-minded when it comes to his philosophies.
I’m telling y’all he will NOT budge.
Am I the jerk? I will apologize immediately if so.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ I knew a guy like this. He was constantly pushing these beliefs on whoever walked into his house, his friends, family… He stole all the joy from this time of year and made everyone miserable.
Believe what you want to believe but you don’t get to dictate what others believe, including your spouse. Let him work and go enjoy being jolly with your family. Maybe one day he’ll see how much he’s missing and how much joy he killed and change.” emotionallydented445
Another User Comments:
“NTJ Ugh. I have a family member like your husband. He’s such a freakin Debbie downer. Every conversation is about how much of a scam the holidays are. But he doesn’t turn down presents or “perks” (like free dinner). He just won’t be the one to actually put forth effort.
I do have to ask, did you know he was like this when you got married and had kids with him?” JarethsBuldge
Another User Comments:
“Yeah, I don’t understand these types of people. It’s like veganism or religion. I have no problem with you being one just don’t push your drama on me.
You can be miserable there in your corner but don’t feel offended if I don’t care or have fun regardless. To each his own I say. Leave the dude at home that way you both can be happy. NTJ and let the Grinch work on the holidays if that pleases him.
We have so little joy left in this world now he wants to take even that away.” h3llios
21. AITJ For Not Wanting To Care For My Roommate's Cat?
“I get asked multiple times a week…. She’s not upfront about it either she’ll just lead with “are you busy” or “are you home?” And it’s a trap question…. I don’t mind taking care of him when she’s legitimately gone or in an emergency but I don’t like feeding her cat regularly because he begs me for food as soon as I walk in the door.
He gets left with dry kibbles, so he’s not going hungry, just wanting wet food. If she is gone for the night she always comes home in the morning to feed him before work… so I’m not sure why it’s also difficult to make a point to come home, feed him, and give him attention.
I also spend nights away from home and I do not have a cat because it hasn’t fit my lifestyle the last few years. I’ve even purchased a battery-powered feeder with two door slots that pop open at hours you set. So, she could feed him wet food one morning and not have to come back until the next evening.
I bought this for her cat and she decided to use it for a few months and I have no idea where it’s at now, but it sure alleviated my responsibility over her cat.
So, AITJ for not replying to her even if I am home to feed her cat?
Like I said, he’s not without food or water, and she feeds him wet food in the mornings.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Your roommate got the cat and can’t take care of it. She’s negligent as a fur mommy and should make time her her furbaby or give it to a good home.
You even spent money to help her lazy a$s. Don’t feel guilty. Rather than ignore her. Just say no.
Next time she asks hey are you home? or are you busy? Only reply with What’s up? Do not tell her what you are doing.
She will then ask and you can politely decline.
Not your cat. Not your responsibility. You’ve done more than most.” Chirality-centaur
Another User Comments:
“NTJ.
Whether or not you’re home or busy is irrelevant, because the cat is the owner’s responsibility, not yours. You do not have to care for her cat.
She does.
As for the trap questions, the smart thing is to counter with “Where is this going?” or “Just tell me what you want” etc. But, again, she can’t “trap” you, because you don’t owe her anything. She is irresponsible and is using you to pick up her slack.
Tell her you’ll report her to the ASPCA police if she does it again.” RealbadtheBandit
NJH. Communicate. If after communication occurs there is still an issue, then proper jerk judgment may be in order.” catechizer
20. AITJ For Wanting To Defend My Father?
“My father is a plumber, a successful one with his own business. My current partner of 3 years has know that from the start. His mother and stepdad asked me about 2 years ago what my parents did and I explained. Fast forward to yesterday me, my partner, his mom and stepdad, brother and grandfather were all sitting around a table just chatting.
Then all of a sudden one of his stepdads says and I quote “Plumbers and electricians don’t have brains, they don’t need brains to do what they do”. What? Also saying things like they just connect wires and such. When I go to chime in and say literally for this stuff to stop, mind you this has been a 10-minute conversation atp, my partner SHUSHES me and says “We don’t need your unnecessary comments”.
I’m just fuming atp and we’re now home and I’m able to ask him what happened. 2 things he said you need to know. 1. “they didn’t personally attack your dad”, and “It’s not like they were personally attacking him saying **** is an idiot”.
they did though. right? How I view it is if you think someone who does a certain occupation is stupid then they would think anyone who does that occupation is stupid. No? Well since they didn’t say his name I should’ve basically ignored what they said and let it “ roll off my back”.
What are your thoughts? Would you feel the need to defend the people you love and what they do or just ignore it? Did I overreact?”
Another User Comments:
“Definitely NTJ it is directed at your father even if they didn’t mean it because he is a plumber.
Moreover, your partner shushes you and saying they don’t need your “unnecessary comments” is a major red flag and he obviously doesn’t care about your input and feelings.
I will always stick up for those I love and care about and having someone tell me that my comments aren’t needed would make me lose my mind.
You are not wrong at all for feeling this way and maybe it’s time to move on from this ignorant partner who can’t even listen” RaccoonLord12
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. These people are idiots if they don’t understand just how complicated both modern plumbing and electric work can be.
(Exactly who are they going to call when the hot water goes or the outlet starts to spark?) Then your bf shushes you and tells you not to take it personally? Oh, NO! I’d be fuming if I were you. BTW, your biggest problem is your partner.” NGDGUnpunished
Another User Comments:
“You didn’t overreact.
And you wouldn’t be over-reacting if you rethought whether you actually want a partner who wants you sit there quietly while his father insults and attacks your father, and says he has no brains. (And of course it was personal!) And who criticizes you for trying to make the very rude insults stop.
Red flag alert!
There is an extremely ugly, class-related condescension going on here, and it’s not even close to OK. Not only doesn’t your BF or his family respect plumbers and electricians and other skilled blue collar workers, they think it’s OK to run them down in front of their relatives.
Walk out the door. You have backbone and integrity. Your BF doesn’t, and he also likely signs on to his family’s snobbishness.
NTJ” Nester1953
19. AITJ For Not Wanting To Take My Brother On A Trip?
“I (19M) was able to save up enough money to be able to buy to 2 tickets and a hotel room for the F1 race in Las Vegas this year.
I have been wanting to go to this race since F1 first announced it and started saving up money for it. Well now that I have the tickets and hotel room my parents want me to take my little brother(13). I tried explaining to them that I wanted to go with either one of my cousins or one of my close friends who are closer to my age.
I’m leaving it up to a raffle to decide who goes to make it as fair as possible. Well, now my parents(especially my mom) are demanding that I add my brother to the raffle so he too has a chance of going to the Race.
Don’t get me wrong I love spending time with my brother, I love him to death but I don’t want to be responsible for him at all times and I also don’t want to have to pay for his food and expenses while over there and tbh he’s not a big fan of F1.
I explained this to my mom and she refuses to understand and is saying that I am a terrible brother for not wanting to add my brother to the raffle.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Your parents are being unreasonable and unfair. You are not a terrible brother.
It’s incredibly unfair of them to turn a trip that you saved up for to see an event that really means something to you into babysitting your little brother who doesn’t really care about F1 and will be bored by the end of FP1 with two more days of race weekend to go.
Hold the line with a firm no. You earned the trip you imagined. Take that trip.
If you really feel like you have to give them some kind of concession, suggest an alternative with the little brother on another weekend, like a camping trip.” thefanciestcat
Another User Comments:
“NTJ
Your trip that you are paying for and you likely can’t afford to pay for another person to join. Not to mention going on a trip with a minor is a whole other kind of responsibility. I assume your brother wants to go because little siblings always want to tag along (I am one) but you can spare his hurt feelings by rigging the raffle and maybe bringing a souvenir?
You feeling bad for your brother doesn’t mean you’re a jerk. I don’t know why your parents are making such a big deal about this and making it your problem.” Chan-tal
Another User Comments:
“NTJ,
They probably want something special for their other son too.
Or maybe this makes your parents kid-free for the weekend?
It’s just not going to be the same with your brother than with a friend. You’ll have less freedom, you’ll need to watch your brother.
Maybe you can talk to your brother? Does he want to come along?
Is it for the F1 or to spend time with you?. If it’s the latter, you can do something much cheaper and more fun as brothers later on.
For adding him to the raffle: I wouldn’t do that. He’s your brother, he deserves a straight answer even if it is a no. It would also give a weird dynamic to the raffle if there’s someone in there that you’d rather not bring along.” bob3725
18. AITJ For Agreeing To Let My Best Friend's Partner Propose At My Wedding?
“I (25f) am getting married in late January of next year.
We have been engaged for almost a year and have been together for six years.
Two weeks ago my best friend’s (and MOH) partner came up to me and asked if I would be okay with him possibly popping the question at my wedding reception.
I’ve known my best friend since we were 10 and couldn’t be happier for her because I know she’s been getting a bit wedding-weary (I don’t know what else to use) while helping me plan mine especially since they have been together for longer but had to wait due to personal reasons.
I told the partner that I would be okay with it, I’ll even help plan it but I needed to run it by my fiancé first. I promised to tell him by that night because again I was very excited and wanted to make this as magical as my best friend had made my wedding for me.
So I get home and bring it up immediately and my fiance goes a bit quiet and explains that he really wouldn’t be comfortable with that. I’ll admit I had already sold myself on the idea and sulked a bit through the night as I told the partner.
But I didn’t push and he took it well and promised to keep me in the loop for the next plan.
I noticed my fiance acting a bit off after that, at first I chalked it up to work stress but two days after I asked if I could do anything to help.
The proposal was genuinely not even on my mind by then, he said no and that was that. But after much poking and prodding he finally admitted that seeing me so excited for someone else’s proposal on our wedding made him think maybe I wasn’t as excited for my wedding, like it wasn’t as special to me as it was to him.
I immediately apologized for making him feel like that and I know he is still bothered by it but I can’t seem to figure out why.”
Another User Comments:
“YTJ. If you can’t figure out why, that’s your problem. How did you expect your future husband to be okay with your best friend taking the spotlight at your wedding?
Your fiancè feels that you are prioritizing your best friend over him and your relationship with him, and that probably wasn’t even the first time, it wasn’t, that’s why.” BendPresent1437
Another User Comments:
“Yeah, YTJ. Your idea isn’t bad at all, and IF your husband was into the idea.
It would be fine, but he isn’t, and the fact that you put all of the decisions on whether or not it would happen is messed up. It shows a clear lack of respect or care for your husband’s feelings or how he would be perceived by other people, and your wedding is not only all about you.
I hope you can fix this before something bad happens sooner, or later down the line” jo-joke
Another User Comments:
“YTJ. Why do they need to propose at your wedding? They can do it anytime but they want to make your wedding, which you and your fiance are paying for, a free celebration that’s all about them.
That’s incredibly disrespectful; your fiance probably has second thoughts about marrying you. Why do you think their hijacking of your wedding is acceptable? Why should he have to pay for their attention-seeking hijacking? Why don’t you care? He’s probably worried now that they’ll go ahead and do it anyway.” Zolarosaya
17. AITJ For Shutting Down After Feeling Neglected By My Husband?
“I am F(31) and married to M(32). I lost 3 of my grandparents in under a year and have had a lot of other major life stressors.
I know that I am an emotional wreck and I am in therapy as well. The grief of losing my third grandparent has finally hit me and I know I am an absolute emotional wreck.
Last night I tried talking to him and I explained that I felt like he had not been present and I felt neglected by everyone (parents, friends, family, etc.).
We went through the days and realized he was only home one day out of the week. He became very defensive and told me he has been constantly calling me and checking up on me which is true. He just hasn’t been in person. I wound up breaking down and crying for an hour straight and he was there and held me.
The next day I felt much better and we decided to go to the store. We were going to clean the house today (Saturday) which is fine but I wanted tomorrow to just rest and get myself together. He wants to do yard work instead.
I expressed that I wanted to just take the day and he said, “You need to deal with it and do it. This is life.” At that point, I felt my emotions come back full blast and shut down.
I tried to explain that what he said wasn’t empathetic and he slammed his hands down and said, “What is wrong with you?
I am trying and can’t win.” At this point, I stopped talking. We went to the store and he tried to comfort me and asked me to talk to him. I said I am okay and just do what you need to do and I’ll be here.
He became upset and stormed off.
Since then we have not talked, he is avoiding me and is being very cold.
AITJ for not talking to him in the store when he asked me to?”
Another User Comments:
“YTJ I read through the comments and saw that you were out of town with family for a month to grieve.
He changed his routines to accommodate the absence, he’s still coming home at night to you. He sounds like he is being compassionate to the situation by letting you vent your emotions (you cried for an hour straight) but he’s also being realistic in the situation and you shouldn’t ice him out as punishment.
After my grandma died I remember I took it tough and I asked my dad for advice on how to get through it and he said lovingly Thee rest of the world doesn’t care, it keeps spinning”. You’ll always miss your loved ones but sometimes you’re going to have to push through.
It’ll get easier, chin up” Strawberry_Flower
Another User Comments:
“Ytj, sorry for all you are going through, but yta. Because of how you describe it, your husband cannot win. You acknowledge that your husband is trying to be there for you, and is trying to comfort you when needed, checking in on you when he is away.
What do you want, and what if it is more than your husband is already giving and he cannot give more?” Forward-Pick22
Another User Comments:
“NTJ based on the info he chose not to be home, the last death was only 2 weeks ago, and you’ve been away most of the past month essentially for family reasons related to the death You do need to sit down and process.
What you asked for was not unreasonable: you weren’t doing anything, you wanted a day after cleaning the house to decompress. You are likely touchy-er than usual because you seem like you have been in “go” mode for a while. The yard work didn’t have to be that exact day.
It was a stupid hill to die on and could have easily been remedied by setting another specific day. Force the downtime because, honestly, you are not going to react well until you can deal with emotional and physical exhaustion.” whichwitch9
16. AITJ For Accidentally Exposing My SIL's To My Friends?
“My (26M) SIL (31F) has been going out with a friend of mine for a couple of months. They met on a social platform and they hit it off pretty well.
The thing is, while going out with this friend (I’m going to call him L) she started seeing another friend of mine (call him M) and they also started going out.
The thing is, L and M have been friends for 15 years, we are brothers and talk to each other every day. I didn’t know she was seeing M at the time. To make small talk, I asked L about her in our group chat, if things were good etc. Long story short, L found out about M, and they both got angry at her and decided to block her everywhere.
L got upset to the point of taking a screenshot of the group chat and send to her before blocking her, to show her that he knew she was ‘unfaithful’. When she saw me asking about her in the group chat, she confronted me, asking why was I snooping around her business.
I said I was only making small talk with a friend. She called me a jerk and told her mother she didn’t want me visiting.
I asked both L and M if either of them were exclusive with her, and they showed me the texts.
She told both of them they were exclusive and that she wanted a serious relationship and a father to her son (she’s a single mom and I’m the godfather of the child). I confronted her about that, we argued and she forbade me from seeing my godson.
She called me a jerk for snooping around, and that I should’ve taken care of my own business. I saw a bit of logic in her thinking, but it wasn’t on purpose (and I’m glad I did it because I helped my friends from being fooled by her).
But… AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. It was an accident. I don’t know if she knew the two guys were acquainted with each other or not, but if she *was* aware then that’s her fault. It was bound to come to light eventually anyway. Imagine her choosing one of the guys and they move in together and he invites you and the other one over to hang out – boy, that would have been awkward.” ThisIsTheCaptain
Another User Comments:
“NTJ – you didn’t know she was seeing both of them so hardly your fault. She’s just angry she got caught out, how did she think it was gonna end if these two guys were friends? She is a total AH for using her child as a weapon against you though.
No call for that whatsoever.” DependentDangerous28
Another User Comments:
“You’re NTJ in any way at all. You weren’t in her business, you were asking your friend about his relationship. It’s a very normal, natural thing to ask especially when you know both of the parties involved. It was all very innocent, with no malicious intent.
She’s angry because she was exposed as a liar. That’s not on you. Someone needs to straighten her out.” uTop-Artichoke5020
15. AITJ For Falling Asleep Before Sealing The Pot Roast Due To New Medication?
“Worked all day and spent all night doing household chores, dishes, laundry, getting the mail, taking out the trash, cleaning the litter box, bathing the baby, filling the humidifiers etc.
I took some new medication that my doctor prescribed me for depression/anxiety for the first time (since I was about to go to sleep and a side effect is drowsiness).
As my wife was going to bed she asked me to close the containers of pot roast that spent all day in the crockpot. We couldn’t seal the containers we put the roast in right away because the heat causes a vacuum in the airtight food containers and it becomes very difficult to open, so I set a reminder on my phone for 20 minutes to remember to do so.
All of my other tasks are done so I sit down and turn the TV on, baby monitor and phone in hand. Well, the medication kicked in faster than I thought and I fell asleep sitting there on the couch and I bulldozed through my phone reminders.
Luckily my son slept all night as far as I know. I guess in retrospect I probably should have just stood there in the kitchen for 20 minutes instead.
She wakes up in the morning and is very VERY upset with me because I slept on the couch (I have passed out from exhaustion in the past which she hates) and left the roast out all night on the counter effectively ruining the entire roast wasting money and food.
I apologized (which she dismissed) and I dressed our son for daycare.
When I asked what I could do she said “It’s the lack of planning for me”.
However, I took the medication before I was assigned this new task of waiting for the roast to cool.
It was an honest mistake and I didn’t intend for it to happen.
She then stormed off to work and didn’t even say “I love you” which is uncommon. I also didn’t get to say goodbye to my son. AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. This seems like an overreaction on her part, especially as she seems to know that you sometimes just crash and fall asleep wherever and whenever.
She is aware of the medication you take, isn’t she? The question is, though, if the dosage ought to be so strong if you are dead to the world after. (Also, I don’t think the food has gone bad and needs to be thrown out after one night out in the open.
Just put the lid on and put the containers in the fridge/freezer now, wtf.)” backyardchick
Another User Comments:
“NTJ – you didn’t know how it would affect you. Kind of shocked at how much your wife sucks. It sounds like the list of activities you have at night, after work might contribute to your depression and anxiety.
It’s great that you help out but it sounds like you’re doing all or most of the heavy lifting (great she threw food in a crockpot, but it sounds like you do everything else). Just wondering, since your wife has no sympathy over something relatively minor, do you think how she treats you will get better with time?
Honestly, her treatment of you and where you are with things could be a major cause of your mental health issues. Are you sure you should be around this?” vt2022cam
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. If sleepiness is a side-effect of the medication then that’s the way it is and you and your spouse need to work together on this.
Frankly her response is a little over-the-top. Sure, a roast got ruined and that sucks, but heck, it’s not as if you burned the house down or killed a kitten. It’s a minor mishap. I wouldn’t say she’s the jerk either but she certainly needs to work on her anger management and sense of perspective.” quantitativemonkey
14. AITJ For Confronting A Classmate Who Tried To Push Me Out Of His Way?
“Earlier today, I was standing with a friend near the doorway of our classroom, specifically to the side of it. I was packing up my things and chatting with her about this project of ours when this guy — “Brock” — came up behind us and tried to shove me out of the way, half shouting “Out of my way!” as he ran through a group of people.
Now, I’m normally a pretty chill person, but Brock constantly pretends he’s better than everyone and deserves special treatment just because he’s been bullied (thanks to his sense of entitlement…). Brock’s done stuff like this before, even making a friend of mine spill water all over himself after being shoved away.
I snapped and stood right in front of Brock, blocking the door and telling him, “Don’t shove me, jerk!” He looked shocked for a moment but then started cussing at me.
Annoyed, I told him I didn’t care where he had to be, he should respect my space and have “some sense of decency.” Brock got madder and tried to push past me, then realized I wasn’t going to let him and reluctantly gave me a half-hearted “sorry for pushing you; can I please leave?”
At that point, I was just tired of his nonsense, so I moved away and he left. Some of my friends told me I shouldn’t have argued with him, saying letting him pass was the best way to deal with it, but others said they were glad somebody finally stopped him from pushing us all around.
Brock’s friends are calling me a jerk for arguing with him over something so trivial, but I’m not so sure since he’s done this so many times and to so many people. Also, I wasn’t even in his way — he tried to push me around on purpose when he could’ve left without me moving.
AITJ for not letting this guy go after he tried to force me out of his way?”
Another User Comments:
“Being considerate of others isn’t hard to do. I mean, since when isn’t it the acceptable way to say “Excuse me, can I get through please?” There was no need to shove someone to get through.
I get why you did what you did, good on you. You weren’t rude to him, you just stood your ground. NTJ” peacekermit
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. It sounds like he’s the bully, and you did exactly what you are supposed to do to bullies.
Tell him that he is pathetic for pushing around a bunch of people who didn’t antagonize him instead of picking on someone like the people who bullied him.” [deleted]
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. With people like Brock, you have to avoid them and ignore them.
But when that’s not possible, you have to stand up to them. I bet he won’t try to pull this nonsense on you moving forward. I would also report a man who tried to physically intimidate me and called me a misogynistic and derogatory name.
I hate people like Brock.” friendlily
13. AITJ For Using The Bathroom Before My Sister In The Morning?
“I (26F) have been making an effort to get up early to start my day at 5:30a.
As soon as my alarm goes off, I jump out of bed and head to the bathroom to do my business which takes 5-10 minutes. If I wanted to do more (such as taking a shower or doing my makeup) I could do that later.
However, the reason why I’m quick is because my sister Deena (16F) gets up early for school. I was a teen once so I know how it is. Also to clarify: we only have one bathroom in our house.
When the family got together later in the evening, Deena put me on blast for using the bathroom before her and said it was my fault she slept an extra 10 minutes.
Our alarms go off at the same time and I wouldn’t be mad if she used the bathroom first. However, when her alarm goes off she’s always hitting snooze. If she’s gonna sleep a little bit extra it’s fine but I’m not gonna lay in my bed and wait for her.
Maybe I’m the jerk because as soon as I finish using the bathroom I pray, stretch, drink some water, and then take a nap. I’m not even employed but if I was this is something to prepare for. Deena even made a point that I don’t have to be up early because of that but still.
What didn’t sit right with me was that when Deena put me on blast she was like “You stink up the bathroom too! I don’t need to smell your business first thing in the morning!” which is a lie because I don’t dump most mornings but when I do I Febreeze the bathroom and open a window because I’m not an animal.
Deena is the reason why I’m not a morning person. She hasn’t apologized for her behavior and she’s been mean to me for no reason. I just wanna start off my day in peace and get my life back on track one day at a time.
Members of the jury, am I the jerk?”
Another User Comments:
“YTJ. So, you for some reason set your alarm at the EXACT same time as her, and you JUMP OUT OF BED to monopolize the bathroom for 10 minutes in your rush to do nothing and go nowhere.
She has somewhere to go…you don’t. > However, the reason I’m quick (you’re not – this isn’t a 30-second pee) is because she gets up early for school. I was a teen once and know how it is….(then stop it)” dart1126
Another User Comments:
“YTJ, for choosing an inconvenient time to use the bathroom for no good reason. You have better choices: go for it 10 minutes early, so that the bathroom is free when your sister’s alarm goes off, or alternatively for after she’s finished in the bathroom.
But what you are doing now is making it impossible for her to even try to get started when her alarm goes off.” anonymous_for_this
Another User Comments:
“YTJ. What’s the point in you setting an alarm if you’re going to take a nap so soon to get up?
Why not get up later and let your sister and whoever else needs the bathroom have the use of it.” tonyrock1983
12. AITJ For Missing An Annual Family Trip Due To A Wedding Commitment?
“I (33F) am one of three girls of my widowed mother (63F). Last October, the four of us went on a mother-daughter trip to a resort we had often gone to with my father as children.
We had a good time and it brought back many happy memories. My mom said she’d like to make this an annual tradition and we agreed.
This summer I was asked to be a bridesmaid in a very small wedding (17 people). There were four total people in the wedding party +2 children.
The wedding fell on the weekend my mother had planned for the resort trip. When I said I wouldn’t be able to go, she got so angry. She accused me of putting strangers ahead of family, insisted I could skip the wedding, and that I had agreed to the trip the year before and should have told the groom I was unavailable.
However, she never brought up the trip at all this year! (Never once between November-August). I had honestly forgotten about it when I was asked to be at the wedding party. I asked if we could move the trip, but my mom has a very strict work schedule and only had this weekend off.
To make matters worse, my youngest sister ‘Ella’ (27F) could also not make it due to a conflicting work schedule. My mother was furious Ella hadn’t requested time off either.
This past weekend was the wedding. My mother took her and Elaine to the resort alone (which was fine!
I’m glad she went). But all weekend she sent extremely passive-aggressive pictures of their room, their dinners, and their pool trips. Elaine privately texted she was miserable because our mother was in a bad mood the whole time and it wouldn’t have killed us to rearrange our schedules since we did technically agree to the trip in 2022.
AITJ for reneging on this promise? Mom is so upset and basically is swearing that me and my sister love money and strangers more than her and that family and our world are trash.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ A wedding that you are in takes precedence over a regular family vacation.
I understand mom being mildly frustrated given your prior commitment, but ultimately she could have been more understanding and reasonable – her stance was a bit selfish.” jmgolden33
Another User Comments:
“NTJ Ignore Elaine. She’s just PO’d that she’s stuck with Drama Mama. You had a wedding.
An important conflict. It happens. I would reconsider going at all, now. Passive Aggressive, like your mom’s antics, are worst aggressive.” KronkLaSworda
Another User Comments:
“Ntj. Life happens. Other things come up. The weekend didn’t work for you or your other sister. And it seems like the sister that did go regretted it.
Your mom should have just cancelled the trip. It’s a her problem. I feel like now you will hear about this for every trip to come.” eventually428
11. AITJ For Wanting To Do A Paternity Test Without Telling My Family?
“I (26F) have reason to suspect that my dad(48M) isn’t my biological father. I look nothing like my 3 siblings and during an argument with my mom a few years ago, I overheard him mention that he didn’t believe I was his.
Later on, during an argument between the two of us, he also said that he didn’t even think I was his kid. He immediately backpedaled and said he was just angry and didn’t mean it, but it haunts me. It’s been 2 years and it just lingers in the back of my mind.
I mentioned doing a paternity test but he said no he wouldn’t agree to it because I was his and he didn’t want to. He refused to talk about it after that.
I mentioned taking a paternity to my sister(24F) and she was adamant that it was a bad idea.
She said it would only start arguments and that our mother would have never been unfaithful to him. She is the spitting image of my dad, as is our younger brother and the youngest sibling we have looks like a combination of my mom and dad.
I told her I wouldn’t do it, however, I still planned to. I was trying to figure out how I was going to get a sample from either a sibling or my dad, but my fiance (26M) told me that I would be a huge jerk for saying I wouldn’t and then doing it anyway.
I argued that none of them understood what it felt like and neither did he. It blew up and he insists that all I’m doing is being dramatic and trying to hurt everyone. We went to bed angry last night, and now I’m worried that I am going to cause unnecessary drama, especially if it comes back he is my bio dad and they find out I did the test.
So would I be the jerk for not telling any of them? I know they’re never going to agree to it, so I feel like it’s my only option.”
Another User Comments:
“So it is complex. NTJ for wanting to know but you need to be prepared for potential fallout.
Maybe your mom was unfaithful. Maybe she was forced. Maybe you were switched at birth. What happens then? Will you want others to know? There are a lot of factors that can go into something.” NoGur9007
Another User Comments:
“NTJ But instead of paternity, why not do one of the ancestry tests?
You keep your word that you won’t do a paternity test. You can even mention it to your sibling to see if he wants to do it with you. they even have ones that can show you medical information so you can say you want it for that.
It’s not as accurate as a paternity test but it might show you enough to have an answer. And it has the option that you can add it to the database and they’ll contact you with any familial matches.” Commercial_7336
Another User Comments:
“NTJ if you get it done for your own peace of mind, but don’t lie about it. Be honest that even though it has been a while it is still really really bothering you and you need to know. I did a 23&me test last year to figure out if the man who raised me is really my dad.
No one with his last name or his mother’s maiden name came up in the list of possible relatives. It was a little disappointing, but at least I know for sure. It doesn’t make him, not my dad. He is still the man who was there for me my whole life and who showed up every time I needed him.
I still love him with my whole heart. For medical reasons, though, I HAD to know for sure.” ThatWhichLurks782
10. AITJ For Moving My Neglectful Roommate's Cat's Litter Box Into Her Room?
“I (20M) moved into a 4 br/2bath house with some coworkers. For the most part it’s been okay except for average cleanliness arguments. However I have one roommate (20F) who has a cat and has lived there longer than anyone else. She generally doesn’t contribute to any mess because she spends 90% of her time at her partner’s apartment.
But this causes an issue because she keeps her cat’s litter box in the bathroom.
Since moving in, nobody has used the second bathroom is pretty gross and covered in mold, which I think is mostly due to the litter box. My roommate comes home about once a week, and she only scoops the litter box.
From what I’ve seen it has never actually been fully cleaned out. The litterbox has gotten so bad, that we have had guests come over, see the state of the litter box, and scoop it themselves because they feel so bad for the cat.
The rest of us have been feeding and giving her cat water every day, since the owner is not here to do it.
Every once in a while this issue gets brought up to her and she just says “I’ll clean it”, but she only scoops it and then leaves it for another week or so.
It came to a boiling point today because the main bathroom flooded so I took it upon myself to deep clean the second bathroom. My other two roommates have been trying to convince her to move the litter box to her room for a while now so I just went and put it in her room.
She came home about an hour later, moved it back into the bathroom and knocked on my door, yelling at me to not go into her room or move her things without permission.
AITJ for moving the litter box? The way I see it, nobody wants it in there except for her, and she doesn’t clean it nearly enough for it to be sanitary for us or her cat to be around.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ and dude, you have to clean out the litter box daily. You have to confront your roommate and tell them that she is neglecting the cat and not properly taking care of her. And if she continues to do so you have to take action and inform animal care or STH.” [deleted]
Another User Comments:
“NTJ – she is creating a health hazard for everyone in the house, including the cat. Personally, next time she leaves for her partner’s house put the litter box in her bedroom and leave it there all week. That way she can see how gross it really is.
If she is never there why does she have a cat anyway? She clearly doesn’t care if it has suitable toilet facilities, or if it has food or water.” Comfortable-Sea-2454
Another User Comments:
“NTJ I would confront her one last time and really stress that she is a neglectful cat owner who is not doing the bare minimum to keep her cat fed, and if you all decided to stop picking up her slack her cat would be dead by now.
If she can’t keep her cat’s litterbox clean that you’ll take the cat to the shelter because you can’t be party to this kind of animal neglect and cruelty, an owner that doesn’t bother to even check that her roommates will feed her pet. And then I’d do it!
Or steal the cat when you move out.” hammocks_
9. AITJ For Blowing Up At My Sister For Sending Unwanted Videos On My Birthday?
“Family was supposed to celebrate my (26F) birthday today and I blew up at my sister.
Right before I left (I don’t live at home) my sister (24F) sent me a couple of videos about decentering men. I’ve watched those videos and have learned a lot about how to better value myself as a woman but I try not to watch them too much because they’re a reminder of how broken I feel and how most of the male role models in my life raised me to devalue myself and validate poor behaviour from men.
Because I had a couple of bad experiences I haven’t been in a meaningful relationship in over a year, meaning the most I’ve done is make out once with one guy.
I asked her why she felt the need to keep sending these videos to me.
I’m paraphrasing—she says, “I thought it might help you prioritize men less. You prioritize the male gaze too much.” I reply, “I’m annoyed because I don’t prioritize men as much as you think I do. Please don’t send me stuff if this is the intention behind it.” She doubles down and says, “Well I think you do if not please disregard.”
After that, I lost it. Cussed her out. Called her a piece of crap. Blocked her and didn’t end up going home because I knew my mom was going to let her get away with this and I would have to be the bigger person yet again just to maintain the peace.
Told my mom I wasn’t going to go home and she went ahead and gave me the silent treatment so I lost it and yelled at her too because I was so frustrated at the fact that she was gonna let my sister do this again.
I know I shouldn’t have lost it but this isn’t the first time it’s happened—last year my dad caused some drama and we didn’t get to celebrate my birthday. The following month my mom looked at me and said, “Do you want a celebration?
I don’t want you to use this against me.”
I don’t know I’ve gone through a rollercoaster of emotions and can’t think straight anymore…AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“Happy Birthday! Hard to say if you’re the, one the one hand to me it seems neither case is bad enough to flip out on.
On the other hand, you didn’t give us a lot of historical context. How is your relationship to your family in general? It comes down to whether your sister and your mom could expect such a reaction based on their pattern and if you gave them a chance to stop it before you broke.
It doesn’t sound like you did for your mom and your sister was a bit dismissive but not pushing too hard. But that doesn’t take any history into account so that’s why I’m asking all these questions. I hope you have a lovely day” emkdfixevyfvnj
8. AITJ For Not Wanting My Mom's Partner To Eat My Specific Food?
“So I’m a 34 year old woman, and my mom lives with me since her rental was sold. She’s had a partner for the past 12 years and he regularly comes to my house to spend time with her on his days off, because he himself lives with his parents (by choice, cultural thing I’m assuming).
As for me, I’m a pretty specific person. I’m lactose intolerant and a pescatarian and I also have psychiatric disorders. I’ve got ADHD and borderline and one of these conditions makes me feel very controlling of my surroundings. I like my food a certain way, I butter my toast a certain way and I have hyperfixation food in the house.
It doesn’t go over to other people’s businesses. It’s literally just my own. I won’t even drink a beer that’s not mine without asking for permission, because my mum may be counting on it for something.
Now… I’ve spoken to my mom about this several times but she just keeps ignoring me and it’s starting to escalate into massive fights every day.
My mom’s partner uses substances regularly and when he gets the munchies he absolutely destroys my fridge and pantry – indiscriminately. He goes through what my mom bought for them and he goes through MY things as well without even asking.
When I get home from work, I’m expecting to have the food that I PURCHASED for MYSELF and for MY MEALS.
And it’s gone. And my mother’s reply is just: I didn’t teach you to be greedy and not share with others.
I don’t mind sharing occasionally but if I’m the only one spending money on my specific requirements (like lactose-free butter and milk) it’s not fair that I get home and my food is gone.
In my mother’s opinion we don’t need 2 of everything, so if my stuff is there, she’s not gonna buy duplicates just cause I’m “picky”.
This is causing a huge rift between me and my mom and moving out isn’t an option because it’s both our incomes that keep us going.
Am I the jerk for not wanting to share what I work hard to buy?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Not even with your particularities in mind, it’s just common decency to not touch other people’s food and meals when you didn’t pay for them.
If you can spare or hop on social media market place buy a mini fridge and lock for your room” dopenamepending
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, the most infuriating thing in the world is someone using or taking your items without asking. I had roommates who would eat anything in the fridge and use any toiletries in the bathroom.
While you shouldn’t have to do this, to avoid fights, you might have to get a mini fridge for your room and a storage container for dried goods. And lock your door when you’re not home, because you will be 100x angrier if he went into your room and took things.
Prevent that from happening. If you can’t change the person, you change the environment.” MediumSpaces
Another User Comments:
“NTJ Your mom is not going to change. Since you state you need the income from her to stay your options are buy a fridge for your room and A LOCK for your bedroom door so he can’t get in.
I would also give him a Zelle/ Venmo payment request for the food he has consumed. Don’t be his personal food bank. You can’t trust your mom to keep him in check so make sure you get paid for your food Edit to add: whose name is on the lease?
Or is it your own house and mom paying you rent? Because based on this you have options to ask her to leave and just rent out a room to a stranger Or institute a no-substance use ban on him. He can use substances in his own house.” Beneficial-Eye4578
7. AITJ For Yelling At My Mom After She Started Seeing My Partner's Father?
“I (f20) have been with my partner (m22) for four years now. We’ll call him Matt. We started seeing each other when I was 16, and he has spent a lot of time with my family since then.
Everyone in my family seems like to him and get along. Because of this, our families also know each other pretty well. We own a house and two cats together. Recently we’ve been talking about getting engaged, and I am really excited about this.
However, about a week ago my mom decided to let everyone at family dinner know that she has recently started seeing Matt’s father. Obviously, I was very upset and confused. She acted completely clueless as to why I was upset and said she thought I would be happy for her.
I tried to explain to her that it was inappropriate and that this is wrong considering my relationship with Matt, and she said that she thought it was obvious that I would be expected to break up with him because it would be inappropriate for us to interact like that when we “become step siblings”.
I tried to communicate with her but she just kept saying it was a silly teenage romance and not as serious as her new “adult relationship” with his father so I should just let it go. After that remark, I couldn’t take the frustration and I yelled at her that she was being entitled and selfish.
Everyone saw the whole thing and was mad at me. I left and haven’t spoken to her since, but apparently she’s telling all my family members that I’m being childish and immature and some of them seem to agree.
I know that yelling probably wasn’t the best way to go about it, but am I really the jerk in this situation?
Me and my partner both think that this is ridiculous and are standing firm about not breaking up, and I really don’t think I’m the jerk here, but she’s acting so surprised by me being upset that it’s making me think I’m missing something here.
So, AITJ for yelling at my mom?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ I would have the same reaction if I was in your shoes. I can’t understand how she says you should break with him just because she’s RECENTLY seeing his father, who is going to be your father-in-law.
They are being inconsiderate to you and your soon-to-be-fiance. It’s weird they started seeing each other now, knowing that you two were in a relationship. However, even if it’s weird, I don’t see any problem them seeing each other because they don’t share the same blood.
But still, it’s weird.” MJ_092023
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Lol you own a house but it’s a “silly teenage relationship”? Your mom is being ridiculous. Look, if she is seeing your future FIL that’s on them and it’s not something that you and your partner can really control.
They have to handle their own relationship. But they have no business expecting you to modify your relationship for their comfort.” mojo4394
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. My mind always boggles at how parents think that when they marry, their kids somehow magically just become siblings.
No, Matt will never be your brother. Your mother has no right to tell you who you can and can’t see. You’re an adult. By that same measure, you also can’t tell her who to see and who she can’t (not that I see you trying to do so).” QuesoDelDiablos
6. AITJ For Wanting Space From My Partner After Our Child's Death?
“So to cut a long story short m23 f20 we had a child who was diagnosed before being born with vactral a rare genetic disorder unfortunately after being born he only managed to survive 2 months, now I understand we all grieve in different ways but I have spent every day looking after her and her family she doesn’t work and flat out refuses too which I would be fine with however it means she moans all day she has nothing to do now so I spend all day working and all night driving her round and running errands for her family to keep her busy.
2 days ago I was so ill to the point I couldn’t get out of bed and she still expected me to take her and her dad out to lunch whilst paying for it all, now usually I’m fine with this but it feels like a losing game recently, anyway I suspected I was unwell so I picked up some tests and a friend of mine asked me to drop her some tests too so as I was taking a test and I could be positive I asked my partner who had no symptoms to put the tests through my friends letterbox as I had driven there it was literally a 2 second walk but she refused and called me lazy.
Ever since that night my partner has been nothing but horrible to me saying she doesn’t even want to stay with me right now because I’m unwell and in a bad mood but since we did test positive she can’t go home my main issues are her attitude has completely changed she does nothing and complains about everything and it’s annoying me I’ve been left in charge of everything funeral planning paying all the bills for the last year straight and I’m still lending her and her family money I’m starting to think some space is needed AITJ is this a way of grieving and I have suggested therapy and offered to go with.”
Another User Comments:
“No jerks here. You’ve both been through a traumatic event. I’m sorry that the burdens are falling on you. Your partner absolutely needs to get to therapy. Be very careful about lending her family money, though. It’s unclear exactly what led to that.
If you’re trying to help her get through a temporary period of grief-related unemployment that’s one thing, but she HAS to go to therapy and I’m not sure why anyone other than your partner would be entitled to loans from you.” nasofictile
Another User Comments:
“No jerks here but this is not a sustainable situation. She needs a different environment but she also needs not to feel rejected. I don’t envy that tightrope you’re on, brother. Wish you the best of luck and strokes of wisdom out of nowhere.” MinorIrritant
Another User Comments:
“No jerks here. You also deserve a chance to grieve. You don’t have to light yourself on fire to keep someone else warm. I can’t bring myself to call her a jerk though since I don’t know where her head is at.
She sounds like a diva, but we are only getting your side of the story and you are emotional right now.” FunBodybuilder4620
5. AITJ For Being Upset My Dad Forgot My Birthday?
“I’m a 20-year-old male and I feel kind of silly even being upset about this. Some background. My parents have been taking care of my older sister Mae (24F) for a long time. She’s been in and out of the hospital and specialists offices for various physical and mental ailments since she was 14.
Some time in there my parents got divorced so my sister and I were back and forth between them. When I was 16 I got tired of it and moved in with my grandparents while they continued to co-parent Mae and tried to keep her healthy.
I now live alone and don’t see my family much. Lately Mae has been doing somewhat better so both of my parents have been spending a lot of time with her and her soon-to-be-husband. As they put it, they’re trying to “build a relationship” which is all well and good.
My birthday was a month ago. My mom made me lunch and gave me a card which was nice. I didn’t hear from my dad. According to his social media he was with Mae doing some home repairs.
He recently asked if I would help Mae and her fiance with some yard work that had gotten out of hand so this morning I did (I do landscaping anyway so it made sense).
While I was there he said, “Oh by the way happy belated.” I just kept working. He asked if I heard him and I said yeah. Then he asked me why I had an attitude. I told him “sorry, better late than never I guess, thanks.” He then went on this rant about how he has been busy and he can never do enough to keep everyone happy.
He said I was essentially a jerk because I could have reminded him.
He’s not wrong. I’ve seen him mostly in passing a couple of times in the last month. He said it’s wrong of me to hold something against him that I could have rectified by reminding him.
AITJ for not mentioning my birthday to him?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, I’m sure he just already felt bad and wanted you to tell him it was okay, and when you didn’t he wanted to somehow pass the blame to ease his guilt!
My dad notoriously forgot my birthday, it was either a phone call a few days before or a few days after, it was so funny to me to get the phone calls. In recent years he finally got it right.. so imagine my surprise when he recently passed away and I gained possession of his phone and got an alert on my brother’s birthday, because he had calendar reminders set.
He rigged the system. Bravo dad.” bremarie3
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, you should never have to remind your parents when your birthday is. It sounds like you were lost in the mix with your sister’s health issues, I’m sorry, that is tough. You’re not silly for being upset at all.
Maybe try to write your dad a letter, it might not help him realize he is the jerk, but it might help you process your feelings. And from a random user, Happy Birthday! I hope you have a great year and your 20s are better than your teens were.” Traditional_Line_656
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, it’s really not hard to solve this by setting a reminder. Electronically, with a calendar, even a sticky note on the fridge would’ve solved it. My father never prioritised me and now we’ve not spoken in 17 years, I often wondered if I was wrong or never gave him enough chances.
Then I had my 3 kids and I realized he was just a jerk and I was right to drop him from my life.” harty16
4. AITJ For Wanting To Return My Wife's Shoes?
“My wife threw out a pair of my ‘old favourite’ track pants (trakky daks in Australia) that had worn through. Fair enough, she was the one looking at my bare arse.
Yesterday she came home with a pair of replacement trakky daks. Nice. This morning she says; “Use to be a time when $10 was how much you would expect to pay for a pair of trakky daks. I paid $40 for yours yesterday.” I said “I’ll take them back.
They’re not worth that. I have enough trakky daks that I don’t need them.”
She is now upset with me. She says she bought them from a ‘cheap’ menswear store. That they might be expensive because they are paying for someone’s wages to make them in Australia, so they might be more expensive.
(Just checked; made in China). That I am ungrateful for her gifts. We are more or less living paycheck to paycheck and trying to pay off a credit card.
I know I am difficult to buy for. I have a few hobbies that I like to buy specific quality/brands for.
I hate buying cheap things that fall apart and have to be replaced quicker and more often. She often sees things from my hobbies (music and surfing) and buys things that aren’t, useful, practical or necessary. And then gets upset when I don’t use them.”
Another User Comments:
“NJH. Your wife was just trying to be nice, so she’s not really the jerk in this situation, but you’re right that if you can’t afford to be making unnecessary purchases, then you shouldn’t be making them.” TheLobsterCopter5000
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, but I have a better one.
My wife decided I needed a new jacket, I have three jackets already. I kept saying no and she gave me the Jacket I never wanted for my birthday. It was my only gift from her. She would not tell me where she got it so I could not return it.
It sits in my closet and I refuse to wear it.” User
Another User Comments:
“Soft YTJ. Yes it’s not great to spend $40 when you’re paying off credit cards and struggling with the cost of living. However, you admit you’re hard to buy for, seem genuinely pretty ungrateful when your wife does try and buy you things for your interests and you appreciated her buying these until you knew the costs.
If you genuinely can’t afford it, then it’s fair to have a conversation about that fact, but otherwise be grateful for a lovely replacement gift from your wife.” Deadly-Siren
3. AITJ For Yelling At My Wife About Parenting?
“So we live in a state affected by the wildfires in Canada. Today we were in Code Red for air quality and the warnings specifically said for young children to stay inside. I told this to my wife at around 10 am because she had been planning on taking them to an outdoor event while at her mother’s.
I said not to and that it could wait for another day. Later on in the day, I noticed her location is the exact place this event is at. She had our 3 and 1-year-olds out at this event in harmful air quality. When I confronted her, she said “Well our son wanted to go.” I honest to god was just speechless.
I couldn’t believe that she disregarded warnings that this air quality could have short and long-term effects on our kids. We had plenty of health issues with our son so that’s why I was so angry. And what’s worse is she snuck off about it, had I not noticed the location change then I wouldn’t have even known.
I yelled at her and told her that I was just disgusted at the disregard for our kids’ health. AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Your kids and their safety needs to be paramount, whether other people deem the hazard as dangerous or not. The fact is that warnings were put out to keep kids inside, but she did not do so.
It’s that simple. Not to mention she did it without even speaking to you, parenting is a two-way street and the fact that she took them without telling you says she already knew it would cause an issue.” User
Another User Comments:
“NTJ
To give you some idea.
In the USA they were telling people in cities near Canada to use N95 or KN95 masks and that breathing in the air for just a few hours was the equivalent of smoking. Children and the elderly were told not to go out at all.
Adults were told to limit exposure as much as possible with masks.
Watch your son for signs of respiratory distress. Then just impress upon your wife that your children are still growing and this can affect the development and health of their lungs.” MaryAnne0601
Another User Comments:
“NTJ- She doesn’t understand how to be a mom, she’s being a friend. Friends try to make you happy, Moms take care of you even when it means saying no. She needs to Mom-up, especially if your son has health concerns. Ignoring health concerns is showing you don’t love your son.
Assuming she does love him, she needs to show it with her actions.”MaryAnne0601
2. AITJ For Pressuring My Friend To Go On A Rollercoaster Despite His Fear?
“So basically for my birthday I decided to go to an amusement park and invited one of my friends. The ticket would be paid for and so he decided to come. He sounded quite ambitious saying he would do “this and that” ride so I expected him to be open to anything.
So, when the day came, I asked him if he wanted to do a big roller coaster and he seemed quite scared so I tried to make him feel better. He then suggested we do something less intense first then do the big coaster. I agreed and after we went in line for the big coaster I saw he was getting more and more scared so I tried to make him feel better saying that the ride wasn’t bad and I’d be by his side etc. Then he wanted me to do the ride first and then he’d do it.
So I did. He saw I had fun and was okay so we redid the queue so he could finally do the big ride and right as it was our turn to enter the cart he bailed last minute being afraid he wouldn’t fit and left me to do the ride alone again.
At that point, I started getting annoyed because he kept saying he was gonna do it and I told him if he didn’t want to then just don’t do it, but don’t keep saying you are if you’re gonna keep bailing. Around the entrance of the roller-coaster, there was a cart you could sit in to see if you fit so you don’t waste time in line I insisted he try it if he was that scared so we don’t waste time in line but that point he started saying I was pressing him too much and made me out to be the jerk.
AITJ? Not only was I super patient, but he kept saying he’d do it and then bail on me. He did that for like half the rides. And I mean, if you’re that scared why agree to come in the first place? Specifically when you’re aren’t paying.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. From what I understand, you tried to ease your friend into doing the ride and he said he would do it on two occasions but then wasted your time which is a jerk thing to do. I agree that if he just doesn’t want to do it, then not to do it.
That way everyone is happy. You don’t waste time, and he doesn’t have to do what he doesn’t want to. If you insisted despite him saying “no” then yeah, you’d be the jerk but you aren’t. You’d also be in the wrong if you called him a coward or something but that’s not what happened from my understanding In short: NTJ” Shizuku_Simp
Another User Comments:
“I’m going to go with YTJ. You get people who talk big, but in the end, their nerves get shot and they get frightened. Which is fine, but still. This doesn’t mean you get to pressure him to get on a ride, regardless of how far in the queue you get or regardless if you’re the one who PAID for the ticket.” JupiterSWarrior
1. AITJ For Covering My Friend's Poor Tips at Restaurants?
“I (30F) have a friend I often go out with, I’ll call her Marie (30F). Marie is a good person and a great friend.
However, one of her flaws is that she is a terrible tipper. I’m talking 10% or less a lot of the time. This isn’t even if the service was bad, this could just mean they didn’t anticipate her every need or come to the table often enough.
To be clear it isn’t that she can’t afford it, she just thinks they don’t deserve it.
On the other hand I consider myself a good tipper. I’m not trying to brag I think it’s relevant though. I usually tip 22-25% on average and I never go lower than 20%.
But when we go out together, I tip far more to cover her tip since I know she tips so poorly. We halve checks. I usually tip at least 30% but often more, maybe 40-45%. I don’t tell her I do this.
Well today Marie saw my receipt and asked why I tipped so much for subpar service.
I danced around the answer at first but she kept pushing so finally I admitted to tipping more since I knew she would tip less. She called me a jerk and said I was making her look bad and that how much she tips is her business and I shouldn’t tip so much.
This has become a divided issue in my friend group. Some people are saying it was okay for me to do this but some of them said I should have just let it go.
Also Marie doesn’t know that I do this all the time, she thinks it was just this one time, and so does everyone else since I don’t tell people I do this.
Also we are American just to be clear.
So, AITJ for covering her tip? I don’t think I am because I’m just trying to make sure the waitstaff get paid for their work, but I guess I can see how my friend thinks I am undermining her and maybe I shouldn’t be doing this and only worry about my own tip.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. How much she tips is her business and how much you do is yours. It’s not like you were rubbing it in her face or something rather you never mentioned it even once and just told her because she was being pushy.
I don’t think it’s a jerk move at all tbh.” Minnie-Chuu-4062
Another User Comments:
“NTJ in general for your good intentions, but you might be a jerk to yourself for trying to make up for your cheap friend. I’m glad you told her the truth.
It gave her a chance to question her behavior. Seems like she didn’t bother to though, only doubled down on being a jerk to service people. It’s not your responsibility to compensate for other people’s behavior. Just keep being your considerate self and let others own their mistakes.” napsrule321
Another User Comments:
“YTJ – she is responsible for her own tipping and if she chooses not to, or to tip poorly that is her choice too. Americans have created a terrible culture of putting it on the customer to pay the wages that a business should be paying and this kind of behaviour only perpetuates that.
And you were kind of bragging about how much you tip. Clearly it’s something that you do for you, as much as for the waiter.” Angelblade92
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My advice would be to take the position that since you know he doesn't want to burden anyone about his postmortem choices, he needs to be the one to make the arrangements he wants for himself, and not leave it to you or his family to make those choices after he's passed, when everyone is emotional and grieving. Tell him it's a gift to you and to his family to take that responsibility on now and make all the arrangements, so that they don't have to. That's what got my husband to finally go to the attorney and get things done. And, surprisingly enough, we're going to the funeral home this weekend and get our final arrangements made and paid for, again to ensure that that's one less thing a grieving spouse has to deal with. Good luck.