People Want To Be Advised On Their Fascinating "Am I The Jerk?" Stories
25. AITJ For Wearing Comfortable Clothes In My Own Apartment?
“I live in a small apartment building on the ground floor. It’s a small complex with no indoor walkways or anything so all the apartment windows look out into the parking lots if that makes any sense.
My apartment has a lot of windows, the one in the bedroom is always closed but I have a sliding door and another window that people can walk by. My blinds are about 3/4 of the way closed and while you can kinda see in if you’re really trying it’s not like my blinds are totally open.
I also live in a college town so there are a ton of people moving in before school starts.
Yesterday I was hanging around my apartment when someone knocked on my door. Apparently, she and her partner are moving into the complex and they saw me the other day when they were moving in in my shorts/sports top combo.
She’s asked me to not wear that because she doesn’t want her partner seeing and it just isn’t appropriate. She was pretty aggressive about it and was clearly trying to make me feel bad about it.
I feel like if they’re staring into my apartment enough to see what I’m wearing that’s a them issue?
One window has the blinds up just enough for plants to be at the bottom and the sliding door has a pride flag in it and maybe a 3-inch gap between that and the blinds there so they’re not open very much at all either.
Obviously, I’m not wandering around the complex without clothes in the middle of the day but when it’s warm I’m going to wear a full-coverage sports top and short shorts to chill in my apartment. So AITJ like she made me feel or is it fine?”
Another User Comments:
“People are so WEIRD.
Like what is going on through her mind to go all the way up to some stranger’s apartment, knock on the door, and fully ask them to stop wearing whatever they want in their OWN HOME because of her own insecurities??
She’s not paying your rent, she doesn’t get to say anything whatsoever. The absolute audacity of her, I really can’t believe it
If her partner is going out of his way to look at you, then that’s an issue to take up with HIM, not random women existing in their own spaces.
Sports tops and shorts aren’t even an issue in a public space, she’s reaching.
NTJ.” GeneNeat906
Another User Comments
“NTJ. I’ve seen people wear less on a night out. You’re obviously well within your rights to wear something comfortable within your own home.
I can’t actually imagine having the gall to knock on a neighbor’s door when I’ve just moved in and suggest they wear different clothes. This is mad, she doesn’t know you!” not_a_bad_egg
24. AITJ For Refusing To Give My Number To My New Coworker?
“I (32f) recently changed my number. It’s been a bad year and my mother (60f) whom I’ve had no contact with for over a decade has greatly increased her harassment and stalking.
Feels great to be free.
I don’t want to have to do it again though. So I haven’t been giving my number out to anyone really. My close friends have it, and the four relatives who won’t give it out who I talk to frequently have it.
I’ve also given it to my superiors at work so they have the best info and explained I want it kept out of any employee directories.
I’ve also been keeping the old number (and phone) with me through the week so that as I receive calls from the pharmacy and such I can just update them as we talk.
A new coworker saw today that I had both phones on me and said ‘Why do you have two phones, are you being toxic?’ I let her know ‘No, I changed my number but I’m still updating people.’ So she said, ‘What is the number?’ And I said – ‘Oh I don’t give it out.’
Her jaw dropped and she turned and walked off. I walked to the front of the area and saw/kinda overheard her complaining about it to a coworker. I then had a boss come up at talk to me about it.
I honestly have no idea what I did to this woman.
We work at the same place, sure, but I work at my own desk and kind of am my own department. Sometimes there’s some overlap and I’ll go up to help with her area. Originally her position was supposed to be under me, but that changed and now she is at the front office team for this business.
I don’t give it out at all.
AITJ for not giving out my number?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. First, kind of rude of her to even suggest that ‘You are being toxic’ for having 2 phones. Second, I don’t get why she even asked for the new number.
You don’t even sound like work friends let alone real-life friends. Honestly, it seems like she just wanted to start some kind of drama for no reason at all. Let her be offended, who cares? Just keep things professional on your end.” Stranger0nReddit
Another User Comments:
“NTJ
You have absolutely no obligation to give your number to this person. I’m not even sure what is ‘being toxic’ about having two phones. But, complaining to another coworker that you got denied a number you aren’t entitled to… seems toxic.
I have two phones.
One for work, one for personal. I don’t give friends my work number. I don’t give coworkers my personal number. These people don’t need the numbers.
Just like this person doesn’t need your number. They don’t work for you. You do not work for them.
You are not working together on anything. They’re not your friend, or they’d understand the reason for the phone. Screw ‘em.” NotTaintedCaribou
23. AITJ For Being Angry At My Aunt For Ruining Our Place?
“My (f) parents own a flat in another country where the rest of my relatives live. My grandpa and my two aunts who live together had a fire in their home so my parents allowed my grandpa and one aunt to live in our flat (the other one lived alone as she doesn’t get along with the other one).
This was supposed to be for the short term but with the global crisis, etc, it ended up being more than 3 years. My grandpa eventually moved back into his old flat with the other aunt after it was fixed but my aunt stayed for a few more months because the two aunts hated each other.
She eventually moved out one day before we arrived and only because my parents put so much pressure on her. Her excuse was she couldn’t find anything which I think is nonsense, as she literally found a flat within a day after asking if we were serious that we were coming (as if it was a joke???).
Anyway, my parents were on a separate flight and I arrived earlier (long story) and when I got in the flat I was like WHAT?! There was trash everywhere, used toothbrushes and toothpicks on the TV table, onion peel on the floor, the toilet had yellow stains all over it, and half of her stuff was still there.
Almost all of our dishes have been broken and thrown away, same with the cutlery and we had very expensive pots which have been scratched into oblivion (probably with steel wool). Urine stains in the toilet, yellow stains in the shower. The TV table is scratched and needs to be painted all over, we need a whole new set of dishes, pots, and cutlery, the freezer has broken plastic inside of it so needs to be replaced, etc. I estimate the damages to be around $1000 if not significantly more.
My parents were as angry as me but the first thing I had to do after traveling for almost 24 hours was clean. She didn’t even at least tell us she ruined the flat so we could prepare. I think it was extremely disrespectful.
We have spent the first 5 days of our holiday cleaning the mess she made.
We knew it was her because she admitted to it. Her excuse is that she easily drops things because her nerves are weak. She attempted to replace the dishes by giving us a 2 pack of extremely cheap glasses.
My dad and I refuse to speak to her and don’t want her to come into our flat.
While my mum respects that she still talks to her and sees her outside of the flat. Her choice. However, my aunt recently asked to see me because she is lonely living by herself. And she asks my mum why I don’t wanna speak to her, trying to guilt trip me.
I think this is all ridiculous and I don’t want to see her or hear from her until she pays for all the damages and apologizes. In reality, this means I will not see her for years.
I am however starting to feel like the jerk because she has not seen me in years and maybe I am being too harsh.
What do you think?”
Another User Comments:
“I was always taught that if you use something that belongs to someone else, you return it in the same or better condition. Like if you borrow someone’s car, you replace the gas you used and fill up the tank if you can afford it.
Her behavior shows a lack of basic respect for people who are doing her a huge favor. If she has mental issues that make it difficult for her to clean, she could have hired a cleaning company with some of the money she saved by not paying rent for three years.
Replacing broken dishes is way cheaper than three years of rent.
I definitely would not want to speak to this person. It’s totally reasonable that you don’t want her in your life and you should not feel guilty. NTJ.” Alison-Chains
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, you and your parents provided a home when she was in need and she repaid your kindness by destroying your home and leaving you to clean up after her. She took advantage of you and now wants you to feel bad. No way are you wrong for being upset and choosing not to speak with her.” SheepherderWild3578
22. AITJ For Asking My Mother-In-Law To Talk To Her Husband In The Other Room?
“MIL recently came to visit us and to meet our almost two-year-old son who she has only seen once. We had no contact with her husband due to him being verbally abusive to both of us, and we made it very clear he was not welcome.
The issue is MIL could not sleep because apparently, she can’t sleep on her own but figured she would just get tired enough and fall asleep, so after forty-eight hours with zero sleep, she was a mess. My husband took her phone and FaceTimed her husband, as she wasn’t even thinking straight to do that.
The moment I heard his voice in my living room I just felt violated. It brought back the horrible things he had said about my appearance, and I just didn’t want to hear that in my safe space. Also, I didn’t want him to even see a glimpse of our house.
At this point, MIL was losing her mind about how much she missed him, and he was actually doing a better job of comforting her than we could, but I asked her to go in the guest room and not video call him in a public area.
MIL glared at me and I heard her husband say wow. He ended up flying down and getting a hotel room for them, so she could meet up with us for a few hours and then go back there. Once he got there and she slept she was fine, but very cold to me the rest of the visit and said I showed how self-absorbed I am.
My husband said I was being cruel as she hadn’t slept in two days, was hardly eating, and it was a ‘medical emergency’. I feel kind of bad because MIL isn’t emotional ever and was obviously in a vulnerable space.”
Another User Comments:
“Uh, this whole situation sounds really weird.
Why did she come to visit if she can’t sleep by herself? Why can’t she sleep by herself? What steps has your husband taken with his father to address his father’s poor behavior?
I don’t know if I would say you’re the jerk in this situation because it’s your house.
I feel bad for your MIL, though, it sounds like it just added stress to her plate. But NTJ, I guess, as you said it’s your safe space and it didn’t kill her to go to the guest room. However, if you want her involved in her grandkid’s life down the road, it sounds like your whole family needs to have some long talks and hash some stuff out otherwise this will just get worse.” princessbeatrix1923
Another User Comments:
“NTJ
You and apparently your husband agreed that no contact with your FIL was the lay of the land.
It’s not your fault that your MIL cannot be away from her husband. She either didn’t realize that her mental health is tied to being in his presence or she’s acting a fool, hoping you change your mind about no contact.
Your well-being is directly tied to the well-being of your child (and vice versa). If hearing the sound of your FIL’s voice in your own home is upsetting to you, so be it.
Again, NTJ.” effie-sue
Honestly, in your shoes, I'd be forbidding MIL AND FIL the house. And if they want to come visit your husband and baby, they can do that, but neither is staying in your home, and your husband will have to take the baby to see them on his own because you will not be in their presence and they will not be in your home. I think this is a hill to die on.
21. AITJ For Not Letting My Partner's Family Use My ID?
“I live with my long-term partner (and father to my child ) who is currently the only earner in our home while I finish my last semester of grad school.
I only bring this up because there is a charge involved.
Currently, my family is visiting from 5 hours away along with some pretty close family friends of mine, they will be staying the weekend. My partner had previously agreed to help his sister move out of her home and back into her parents’ home.
This sister has a lot of issues with me and has previously said unthinkable things about my baby while I was pregnant, and me. Truly disgusting and it made me very cautious of her going forward, I’m in no hurry to help her.
My partner and I had a disagreement about whether he should really ditch my whole family to help his sister move because when I was pregnant she very purposely avoided helping us move at all (actually my partner’s entire family didn’t help at all and only my parents helped us).
He told me it was important to him to make sure his dad didn’t get hurt trying to lift heavy things his sister was asking him to lift. I agreed that was a good reason and just asked if he could try to keep it contained to before 4 ish so that his family could still do dinner with us.
The part where I think I may be the jerk is this… My partner’s father on a phone call told my partner to bring his ID and our utility bills so that the sister could throw away her old washer. They could not do this because they don’t live within city limits.
The problem with this is that I keep track of our bills and almost every account is in my name. I told my partner I wasn’t okay with his sister using our bills to drop something off, as there would be a fee on our next bill and I wouldn’t leave my family to present my ID to help her (she also banned me from using this same washer any time I visited my partner when they lived together).
I did however look up a service that could come pick her washer up, and I asked my partner if he wanted me to send it to his father.
This is when my partner started ignoring me and saying he didn’t want to talk to me.
I asked why and he said all I’ve done is give him grief about wanting to help, which is mostly true as I feel it’s rude to leave a family that doesn’t treat our family like trash. But I did agree to him going and helping all day in the end after he explained he was mostly doing it for his dad.
He left in a huff this morning but I don’t really get how that correlates to the washer, but I am diagnosed with some neurodivergentness and just don’t know if I am in the wrong here. Is it expected that because he pays for the bill before I start my new job, he should get the final say even though he’d have to use my ID?
AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“You’re NTJ for not wanting to lend out your ID.
But it seems like you’ve been kind of a jerk regarding separating him from his family and expecting him to put your family over his.
His sister may have been the one to drive a wedge between them and push you and your partner away, but you don’t have to help her or insist on making it stay that way.
You’re painting yourself in a bad light by insisting on punishing her for her treatment of you, yet the only thing you’re doing is punishing your partner for still being related to her and still wanting to have contact with his own sister.
A favor and a relationship, especially with family, aren’t always about keeping score and making it even.
He has a whole life’s worth of history with his family that makes it his prerogative if he wants to help her move, even if she didn’t help you move. You’re just doing the same thing she is – being negative about and trying to keep him away from someone he considers family.
You may not be doing it as much, but it’s still similar enough to the spirit of how she is regarding you. Don’t be like her or try to keep score or keep the family apart – she’s doing that all on her own. And if he wants her in his life he will keep her regardless of what you do, and if her actions warrant distance then he will keep a distance.
Your actions are only reflecting you, not affecting his judgment of her. Be the better person.
If you had not been so negative about him helping her, it wouldn’t have been such a big deal that you didn’t want to lend your ID and instead found a service to fix the problem.
But because of this, it went from being a safety regard to being about you making his life harder yet again, just to punish his sister.” could_not_care_more
Another User Comments:
“NTJ
No wires crossed here you are spot on. Your family has helped you BOTH, gone out of their way to help you move, and never abused you.
You are right to understand your partner’s concern for his dad and it is not unreasonable for you to ask him to try to be home by 4ish. But you have no responsibility to his sister, you owe her nothing it is much more the other way round.
Surely your partner knows that the bills are in your name, sounds like it slipped his mind when dad first wanted help to get rid of the washing machine.
He is being unreasonable if he believes you should do this for his sister, if he thinks he has the final say because he is presently paying the bills then his logic is both flawed and unreasonable.
Now, he is leaving your family to go to help his, if he is in a huff because he thinks you should interrupt even a few hours in the few days YOU have with YOUR family while they stay with you then he is SO WRONG!
That would be wrong in any case, taking the washing machine to that one place at that one time is NOT the only solution. You even went and found another one for them.
Was your partner getting grief from the family because you wouldn’t drop everything for them to do what they don’t HAVE to do right now but because that is what they WANT?
Not thinking your family visit to be as important as a washing machine being disposed of. You were absolutely right to not hand over YOUR ID in the hope his sister might get away with using it, that is just a silly idea. That is all practical, logistical, responsible, polite, and fair without the fact that his sister is incredibly cruel to you.
As I said she owes you a lot more than the zero you owe her and helping her here was ridiculous to ask by his family, especially your partner. You, your partner, and your child are a family unit and because you pay the bills doesn’t mean you get the last say, skewed logic!
You had to go through 9 months of pregnancy and give birth to your baby, you have last say, I clean the house, so it’s me, etc etc. This is so simple it was your ID and your decision, there could have been some discussion if you didn’t have guests but you did so no discussion.
Try not to second guess yourself so much because you seem to be doing very well working people and situations and the such like out for yourself.” Fun-Attorney4071
20. AITJ For Not Wanting My Mother-In-Law To Come With Us To Doctor's Appointments?
“My wife and I are high school sweethearts and have been married for 3 years now.
We recently found out we are having our first child and we are so excited!
My mother-in-law has always been extremely controlling of her daughter. One example is when she would invite boys over to the house that she wanted to go out with her daughter even when my wife and I were already together.
While we were in a relationship (for 4 years), my now wife got home late – she was living with her parents at the time – and her ex was waiting for her. My MIL wanted her to dump me and continue going out with her ex.
Fast forward some years and we are now happily married but my MIL has always hated me for taking her daughter from her and has made our lives pretty miserable since. Once we told her we were pregnant, she immediately asked for the schedule of doctor’s appointments so that she could take off work and be at them.
She insists that it is normal for the mother of the pregnant woman to go to these appointments. We have continued to tell her that we feel as though this should be a special moment for the two of us and we would not like her to go to these appointments.
In turn, she continues to call and pester us about how we have taken what is supposed to be one of the happiest times of her life away from her and so forth.
I’m afraid I only see this situation getting worse.
AITJ for not letting my MIL go to our pregnancy appointments?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, unfortunately, if you think things are bad now wait until you have the baby shower drama, who gets to be in the delivery room saga and all of the baby’s firsts! You and your wife need to be on the same page and set healthy boundaries.
There will be pushback and guilt trips but stay firm. On another note, doctor’s appointments aren’t all that exciting other than the ultrasounds sooo if you can’t make one she might be an alternative option.” AccomplishedPick6271
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. You and your wife need to set up boundaries now.
If she’s this bad, it’ll escalate as her pregnancy progresses. Set clear expectations with her and if she insists on doing it her way, go no contact and block her from contacting you.
Another note, notify your wife’s OB that MIL may attempt to contact them.
Her OB can absolutely prevent anyone other than you/your wife from getting any information regarding her health. It’s super important to give them the heads up in case she tries to contact them directly claiming she’s the one who is the ’emergency contact’.
They deal with this more than you think, but it’s important to communicate it up front so it’s documented.” Coffeeforcobwebs
19. WIBTJ If I Don't Allow My Guests To Bring Their Kids?
“My (17f) eighteenth birthday is coming up, it is a very big birthday to celebrate in Australia.
It is my first one in eight years as I was a loner when I had to move away with my abusive dad and this is a celebration of my escaping him as well.
So my birthday is being held in a bar and my step mum is paying for the whole venue.
I am so thankful to her because I wouldn’t be able to have a party without her. So there is a cap of 32 people. I live with my aunt and uncle and I have quite a large family on my mum’s side and of course, my family/friends’ partners are invited. My problem is my cousin (28F) and her husband (29M).
They have four kids under six (F 7, M 5, F 4, and F 2). I have five reasons for making me believe that it would be better to not have kids there.
The party I’m having will be going late into the night, 12 AM, the kiddos need to be in bed by eight usually as the younger ones get tired and throw tantrums e.g screaming, or crying, I don’t want that at my party as it’s disruptive since there will be games and slideshows.
The theme is also euphoria so there will be some skimpy outfits.
(M 5) has autism so he has sensory issues with food and will only eat beige fast foods such as chicken strips, I am making all the finger foods to save up, and the kids only like nuggets.
The party is at a bar so they’d be bored as there is no playground or internet for them to be entertained and they usually end up roughhousing if bored.
My final but biggest deal breaker is the 32-person cap. I have quite a lot of important people coming nearly everyone on my mum’s side of the family, friends plus their partners.
If I let the kids come it means I lose four spots on my list and it would mean some people important to me wouldn’t be able to come, I’d be heartbroken about it since everyone is excited about my eighteenth as it’s the first party where they can all attend.
My nan and sister support it being child-free as I don’t believe it’s an appropriate event for kids. So WIBTJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, in fact, if you let them you will be a jerk. If this is a normal Aussie 18th Birthday then there is no way small children should be there unless at least one parent isn’t drinking, which I doubt they will.
This isn’t a family get-together at a house with casual drinking, this is a ‘get so trashed we may throw up’ event. (even if you don’t plan to, your friends might) It’s not ok at all for them to come. Just be prepared for your cousin to not come if she doesn’t want to leave them yet.
She won’t be a jerk for that.
Have fun, and don’t stress about this. Put your boundaries in place and if she asks why mention you’ll have adults drinking heaps who may be strangers to them around so it’s not safe (which is the truth, they’re not strangers to you but might be to them).
Plus no 18-year-old wants to have toddlers at a bar party anyway.” BabyCake2004
Another User Comments:
“NTJ – when you’re planning it come with a written list of who you want to invite and if they try and say it’s not fair, politely but firmly tell them it’s your party and you want these people to come.
If your stepmum tells you you need to invite your cousins then say you would need a bigger venue because you won’t budge on your guest list. You’re ok with the cap as long as the people you want come, if they want more people to come then they need to cough up for a larger venue.” manofmatt
18. AITJ For Eavesdropping?
“I was taking care of my kids. I have two 7-year-old twin girls and a 4-year-old boy who has autism from a previous marriage.
My ex had an affair and moved his mistress in with us which caused me to live in my car for a while while my kids lived with their grandmother while I tried to get on my feet. I eventually did. It took about a year but I was able to get an apartment for us.
My son was 3 months old when the separation occurred. (This is relevant information)
My current husband who I have been married to for two years and I have a 1-year-old son together.
Well while I was getting my kids ready for bed I heard my MIL say my name.
So I started down the stairs because I thought she needed me. When I was halfway down I heard my husband say ‘This house always stinks because that boy is always peeing in the bed. Constantly screaming, she doesn’t do anything about it. He is nothing but a problem.
He needs to go back and live with his grandmother because (my name) obviously can’t take care of him.’
I wasn’t going to listen but my son has special needs and he can’t always control what he does and I’m doing my best.
My mil then said ‘(my name) is constantly correcting (1 year old) and that is very unfair since she lets (4-year-old) get away with everything. You need to take (1 year old) and get full custody.’
At that point, I went into the kitchen where they were and confronted them over it.
They immediately said it was my fault for eavesdropping and that my husband just needed to vent about the way things were in the house. I told him if he didn’t like the way things were that he could leave with MIL.
He didn’t leave but MIL did.
Now his sisters are calling me and saying I was being a jerk to their mother and a snoop and I deserved what I heard. AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. They were speaking badly about you and your child in the common areas of your home, while you were around.
Your husband knew you had a child with autism when you got married. He knew that there were going to be challenges and rewards in life unique to raising a child with autism. He literally signed up for them when he married you.
Your MIL clearly favors the child she has a genetic tie to, as many older people seem to.
She should take her son, to whom she has the closest genetic tie, and stop darkening your doorstep with her nastiness. Unfortunately, that involves your husband leaving, but it sounds like he is not fit to be a father figure to all of your children, and especially unfit to be the partner that you need.” 94mac819
Another User Comments:
“NTJ
And it worries me that you have to ask that. Your MIL was in your house and was talking crap and your HUSBAND, who is supposed to be Team OP, was right there with her.
This wasn’t venting, he can talk about his frustration with knowing how to help or how parenting a child with special needs is incredibly hard and can leave him wondering what to do.
But blaming OP for everything wrong is not okay in any sense.
Marriage therapy is needed at the least. And keep MIL away from your 4-year-old.” emotionallydented445
17. AITJ For Keeping On Saying No To Babysitting My Niece?
“I (18F) have recently just started back at university and don’t have a lot of spare time on my hands. (When I do I’m either out at concerts, traveling, or out with family and/or friends)
I have 2 older sisters, Jess and Amy. Jess (27F) has 2 children, Mateo (4) and Rosa (2) while Amy (25F) has a little girl, Mariana (1).
I see my nieces and nephew frequently but don’t usually babysit.
Earlier this week Jess asked me if I could babysit Rosa while she took Mateo for a haircut, I declined and told her that my week was going to be pretty busy with school, and she told me she understood and would ask Amy.
During the week I didn’t hear much from Jess aside from the occasional ‘Are you ok’, up until Thursday anyway. I missed a call from Jess on Thursday morning (I was in a class), I answered during break and she asked me again if I could babysit Rosa because everyone else said no. I told her I’d already said no and that I was busy.
She kept insisting that I was ‘her favorite sister’, I told her no means no and she should listen to me. The conversation continued for a little, Jess asked a couple of times but I shut it down.
Well, during class, my phone was non-stop buzzing, I clicked on it and Jess was messaging me things like ‘I’m here with Rosa, where are you?’, ‘Why aren’t you answering the door?’.
I put my phone back and was pretty mad. I messaged her back at break and told her I was at university and I’d told her no on multiple occasions and she should’ve listened to me, she called me a jerk and said I didn’t care for Rosa or Mateo and was a bad sister and auntie.
She’s now ‘ignoring’ my messages.
I don’t think I’ve done anything wrong but from another person’s perspective, AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. This seems to be a typical ‘You don’t have kids therefore your time isn’t important’ mindset. You told your sister ‘No.’ That should have ended the conversation right there.
She hoped to show up at your door and drop her kid off on you, which is a real jerk move. The fact that she couldn’t find a babysitter is not your responsibility. It’s entirely hers.
Basically, your sister has absolutely no respect for you or your time.
You have nothing to feel guilty about. And her ignoring your messages is her emotionally punishing you for not doing what she wants – which is for you to put your life on hold whenever she needs you. Don’t fall for this or you will never get out from under her.” bamf1701
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, you told her no firmly and repeatedly, she is a big jerk for not taking no for an answer, and thinking she is entitled to drop her kids when it suits her even after being told no multiple times and has the nerve to call you names and trying to gaslight you when she is clearly in the wrong in the situation.
Nobody is entitled to your time not even her, she should be ashamed of herself.” Apprehensive-Fox3187
16. AITJ For Not Making My Son Do House Chores?
“My ex-wife and I (31m) have been divorced for ten years. We kept the proceedings as civil as possible but I still find co-parenting to be a challenge all these years later. We got married when I was young and I left the relationship feeling used and taken advantage of.
The one good thing that came out of it all was our son (12m).
Since the divorce, I have remarried. My husband and I have another child (6m). I thought it would get easier over time, the week-by-week custody agreement, but I think it’s gotten harder.
My son has a familial unit here. He has two loving parents, a little brother he adores, and a huge backyard he can play in. It’s difficult for all of us to say goodbye to him and just go about our lives while he’s elsewhere – and that ‘elsewhere’ is a place he doesn’t enjoy being.
All that backstory leads to the issue we’ve been having lately: My husband and I don’t require either of our children to do traditional chores. We employ a housekeeper who has since become a family friend, so all the common shared areas of our home are always kept in order that way.
Instead, everyone is only responsible for their own bedroom. The littles often still help one another and help my husband and me tidy up. We feel like this still promotes responsibility and a feeling of camaraderie, maybe even more so since they’re helping each other out of kindness instead of doing it because they both share the same space.
My oldest son has been complaining to me for a while now that he feels his mom doesn’t do much of the cleaning at all and leaves it all for him to do when he arrives at her house for the week. He says there are often dirty dishes and unmopped/vacuumed floors in the home when he arrives and he is expected to do both of those things within the first day of him being there.
I was going to raise this issue with my ex-wife soon, but instead, she came to ME and said she felt I was spoiling my son by not requiring him to do some of the more traditional chores, and that he was often complaining about what he had to do at her home.
I told her that he had actually been telling me he was basically getting used as a glorified maid at her house, and that she has an entire week free to prepare for his arrival. There is no reason for him to be showing up to a dirty house.
We are seemingly at an impasse now.
AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“Hmm. I think everyone sucks here but this is also dependent on some missing context. I think you need to ask questions and get some more definitive info from your ex about what is going on at her house.
Because I don’t necessarily think that the 12-year-old is lying, but if he is not expected to contribute to any of the common living spaces then maybe doing dishes when he gets home does feel like a week’s worth. At the same time, if he’s 100% on point and your ex is using him, then you as his parent need to address that situation and get it fixed as soon as possible.
You need to start teaching him how to take care of common spaces. Period. He will not always have the luxury of a housekeeper and will eventually be a partner or a roommate. I have worked for wealthy people for years – my current family who has me and a cleaner has their 5 and 3-year-old children help with small age-appropriate tasks with plans to expand their responsibilities as they get older.
When parents don’t, even if it isn’t the intention, you are instilling a habit that someone will clean up after them. I have lived with a ton of these people. Don’t create these people.
You and your ex both need to find a way to communicate in order to get on the same page with what is happening with your kid.
It is hard, but part of co-parenting is needing to be on the same page UNLESS there are clear instances of mistreatment, neglect, and/or general toxicity. It just doesn’t feel like either of you is trying to figure out what is happening and instead are blaming each other for your parenting fails.” Technical-Future-642
Another User Comments:
“YTJ – because you don’t actually co-parent with your ex. Not speaking to her on the semi-regular means there is no way you are. Your ex works full time without a housekeeper so I’m reasonably sure to your 12-year-old her house seems very messy.
Cause again she doesn’t have a full-time maid. He keeps his room clean and he is only in part-time, you say. OK fine. But that is your house and not hers. She doesn’t make the rules at your house and you don’t make em at hers.
Honestly, it sounds like you could afford to go to counseling to deal with your ex-wife issues that you’re holding onto. Maybe ask her to sit in a session to clear the air. For the sake of your kid, the resentment of her does come off in your story.
Doesn’t seem like you could even imagine she might hate parting with her son at the end of her week too. YTJ.” dsmile14707
15. AITJ For Not Giving The Mattress To My Ex?
“I was with Laura for 4 almost 5 years. The first while we were together, I didn’t actually have a bed. I slept on an air mattress the majority of the time and was saving up for a good mattress.
At the time, I lived alone so expenses are expenses and I had a mattress but it was as stiff as a board and almost rotted to the core. You couldn’t pay me to sleep on it.
A while back, Laura saw one of her social media friends was moving and inquired about a mattress.
They said we could have it for free if we came and picked it up. We used my car and I did the heavy lifting and got the mattress and bedspring back to my place and set it up. No more blow-up mattresses!
We used it constantly and I slept in it the majority of the time because Laura only ever came to stay with me every other weekend.
There were no qualms about it being ‘her’ mattress at the time. We broke up when she had an affair because I told her to get a full-time job if she was going to move in with me and she refused and pitched a fit, so I said we couldn’t move in together.
Cue having an affair. That was a few months ago.
I basically prodded at her to come to get the rest of her crap out of my house – I’m talking massive trunks of dusty clothing that sat in a musty shed for 10-something years that had cluttered my living room and foyer for months, still dusty with cobwebs.
I considered throwing them out because she refused to come get them.
Until the mattress. She says it’s her mattress because she knew the friend and I didn’t. It’s hers because she’s the one who found it. It’s been at my house for 2 years. She has a mattress at home amass several others her family has.
I told her no, I’m keeping it. It’s been at my place for 2 years and not once has she expressed she wanted it for herself. This was after I practically threatened to throw her other stuff out because she refused to come get it off my property.
She’s calling me a jerk and that it’s her property. I asked to see a receipt. She called me an even bigger jerk. I told her everything that’s been on my property for several years is legally mine. Another jerk response. I’m fed up with this.
Should I just give her the mattress and AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“You were with her for 4-5 years but she had stuff at your house for over 10? I would offer her 20 bucks for the used mattress and call it a day. Used mattresses are worth literally nothing.
She is fighting over an old used mattress? It isn’t about the mattress – it is about keeping in contact with you. NTJ.” crazycatlady45325
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Neither one of you has a solid claim to the mattress, but as the saying goes, possession is nine-tenths of the law.
This problem can only be solved by one of you giving in, and if you don’t want to give in, then it’s over. Tell her the discussion is over, and if there are no more issues to discuss, you are blocking her.” emma7734
14. AITJ For Being Mad At My Mom For Forcing Me To Overwork?
“So when school ended my (16M) mom (39F) wasn’t supportive of me getting a job and she would get mad at me if I applied to places.
This was because she wanted me to work for her doing nails. At first, I wasn’t opposed to the idea because I would be making more money and I thought that it would be a valuable skill to have.
When I started working I was convinced I would just be working on walk-ins and extra clients.
As time progressed I was forced to do more clients and eventually, they would book extra clients so that I had to work on them. This caused me to have to skip breakfast because she would get mad if I didn’t start at 10 even though we drove in the same car, I also had to wait hours to eat and I would also be in pain because I am fairly tall and I had to bend over to look at the toe nails.
I tried bringing these issues up with my mom but she would always compare my issues to her saying stuff like she doesn’t eat all day and she is also always in pain, even though she doesn’t do pedicures because it causes her pain.
Yesterday I drove my own car and around 4 I asked if I could leave a little early as I was in pain and she yelled at me in the middle of the salon and made me do another pedicure. Once I was done with that she made me work on another client.
I’m not normally emotional but I was crying while working on her and I don’t even know why, I guess I was just mad about everything. After that, I just went outside and sat because I couldn’t stand being in there any longer.
My mom had then come outside and said I could leave but then made a comment about me being negative, which caused us to get into a small argument.
When she had gotten home she called me down to talk and she asked for my perspective.
I told her that it felt like she cared more about her clients than me because she would rather me be hungry and in pain so that she could get clients done and out the door. When I said this she flipped and started cussing at me and yelling at me and it ultimately ended with me crying and locking myself in my room.
I still have a lot of anger writing this but I was wondering am I the jerk for saying what I did?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, an adult asked you their opinion and you shared it. They are 100% responsible for their reaction to it. You are not responsible for their reaction.
And if I knew your mother I would call her on her nonsense. Because that was not okay for a parent to do in front of their kid. Not okay.
She should have stepped away and calmed her own butt down. That being said I totally give you credit for not cussing back at your mom.
You were right to take yourself out of that situation. I also agree this does not seem to be the work for you whether it’s a physical issue, the co-workers working with family, any of those reasons to get another job. But if you do wish to keep working there set strict guidelines that are to be adhered to and stick to them.
Like if you tell them I’m only working 4 hours this day and I’m not doing pedicures then no matter what they say stick to it.
I think it makes it doubly hard to stand up for yourself because not only are you standing up to someone you work with but they’re your parent.
So be professional and say Mom even if you are my parent this is what I would be telling a boss in your place. Whether you choose to continue to work there and keep your boundaries or decide to look for another job I wish you luck.” boiledpenny
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Your mom was abusive in this situation. She shouldn’t yell at you at all, let alone in front of others at work. Your mom choosing to be miserable doesn’t mean you have to be miserable. You are your own person and can choose another job.
Avoiding working for family and friends will spare you grief in your personal relationships.” Steel_Rail_Blues
13. WIBTJ If I Don't Pay Back Everything My Ex Paid For During Our Relationship?
“My ex and I were together for almost 10 years and lived together for 4.
When we moved in, I was paying most of the utilities because I was the only one working. I later found out that, during this time, my ex’s parents gave him money that was supposed to cover our rent, as help since we were both still in college, but he made me pay half of the rent.
Later in our relationship, I started working only part-time in order to finish grad school (I was having a hard time managing and felt really burnt out). My ex then started complaining about not splitting everything perfectly 50/50.
I then suffered from depression. I quit my job and was unemployed for around 3 months.
During this time, my ex was pressuring me a lot to find a job and even went as far as offering me to work as cleaning staff for one of his friends (not that I think there’s anything wrong with working as cleaning staff, I just thought I was a bit over qualified).
I think it’s also relevant that I gave up a lot in order to help my ex follow his dream job. I didn’t go to grad school abroad because he asked me not to, and I was super supportive – went to all of his planned events.
In return, he would often lie or omit stuff from me in order to get me to spend time away from my studies and in his chosen hobby.
We finally broke up because he was having an affair. I do not blame him, in part, I understand that I wasn’t being intimate with him and that I was checked out from our relationship.
I’m not proud of it, but I also tried to end the relationship plenty of times before, but he coerced me not to, mostly by just plain ignoring what I was saying. I was the one who left, so he got all the furniture, appliances, and the great lease (rent prices have since tripled).
Now, since we broke up, I’ve gotten a great corporate job with high pay, I have a great relationship with the sweetest man alive, a beautiful home, and a furry baby (sorry if that was cringe). I’ve never been happier in my life and this feels like pure bliss.
My ex, however, won’t stop trying to contact me. He claims that I owe him money from the time he had to pay most of our expenses. Apparently, he has kept an Excel sheet of all the things he paid for, including the times we went out and my birthday dinner, from that time.
I do have a high-paying job, but also have student debt, I’m still building an emergency fund and I’m saving for our wedding and a home entry. I don’t feel like I have the disposable income to pay him. He says he really needs the money to finally pay for the qualifications that will warrant his dream job.
He’s also threading taking legal action.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. That guy was a fuming garbage fire from beginning to end and has the nerve to demand money from you?
He tried to sabotage your career, drove you to depression, used you, had an affair, and somehow convinced you to not ‘blame him’ and feel shame for how it ended?!
My love, you checking out of a relationship he’s ‘coerced’ you into remaining in is manipulation at its finest. His way of controlling you, just like your career and living situation. His demand for money is another way of him just trying to control you.
I guarantee if you pay, he’ll just find something else.
Screw that guy. You should be suing for emotional damages. Tell him if he contacts you again you’ll pursue legal options for his harassment.
I am so mad. Don’t you pay a single cent. That man has the AUDACITY.” Shes-ranting-again
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. He’s trying to bully you. No lawyer would take this case without a huge chunk of change from him, because it’s a loser case for him. Don’t give this guy a penny. For fun, you COULD list all the money he owes YOU for supporting him and for the money he kept that was supposed to pay YOUR rent.
Maybe that would back him off. I’m glad you have a good life now, I hope it lasts a long time. It sounds like you deserve it!” grckalck
12. AITJ For Telling My Husband To Stop Being Too Emotional?
“My husband’s mother hated me from day one. She mocked me, ignored me, talked trash. She was just awful. I put up with it for so long because I love my husband, but then we had our first child and MIL was ignoring him too.
I told my husband I was sick of her nonsense and that he needed to stand up for his family.
He tried to set boundaries, but MIL didn’t care. She flat-out said no contact was fine, but she would not play nice with me. He ended up going no contact after she said some nasty things.
Despite being no contact, we do occasionally see her at family stuff. MIL does not come over and speak to us, so I view it as a non-issue. My kids don’t even know she is their grandma. I think they might know her first name, but that is it.
I know this is hard on my husband and I have tried to sympathize. MIL broke her foot recently. She’ll be fine, but she fell on a waterfall. When we got home from the family cookout, my husband broke down crying about how someday she is going to be elderly and the thought scared him, because what if she needs someone?
I pointed out that MIL had spoken about that in family therapy, and said that she had made very careful plans and made sure there was money there, made sure didn’t need a power of attorney, and that she will be fine. He said it still isn’t the same and he is so torn up about the thought of no one taking care of her.
I again tried to be rational. I said it was just her foot. She is married, so it makes sense that we wouldn’t be the ones helping her right now anyway, and she might not even need care as she gets older. No one can predict the future, but she is in excellent shape and very active.
Whatever care she does need, they can afford, and she is very responsible when it comes to planning that stuff.
He began crying and said he hated his life. She is ‘just a jerk’ but she is still his mom and he is supposed to take care of her.
I told him that he was hurting my feelings, but he snapped at me that it wasn’t about me. I ended up snapping and telling him what it says in the title. He said I’m heartless and don’t care about him.”
Another User Comments:
“YTJ.
He’s given up contact with her to protect you and your family, he’s allowed to find that hard. He was upset about knowing she’s going to grow older and die and their relationship will probably never heal and then you respond by making it about you.
I don’t think you are heartless but I think in that moment your husband needed your sympathy but instead, you got defensive.” TamWings
Another User Comments:
“YTJ
You aren’t listening to your husband, you entirely dismissed his feelings and invalidated his emotions. This is his mother you are talking about, and you want him to think about it in some calculating manner as though he was trying to determine how many miles were left in a secondhand car.
The situation with your MIL is bad and she doesn’t seem like a pleasant individual but to be frank that is no excuse for the empathy void you have towards your husband.” isogaymer
11. AITJ For Getting My Nephew-In-Law's Friends Banned From My In-Laws' Property?
“So I live in a tiny home in my in-laws’ property out in a very rural area. The house belongs to my husband and we share it with my older son (15m) and baby boy (9 months m). We have a house under construction on the property but it’s still not livable yet.
The others living on the property are my husband’s family; his mother, father, brother, his wife, and their son (8). They all live in their own houses and we all get along pretty well.
Well, one weekend Brother’s son, we’ll call Todd, has his friend and friend’s little brother over to spend the night.
Ty and Kai. Ty is the same age as Todd and Kai is 3. They have been told not to play in the construction area because it’s dangerous and they have no business over there. They have been warned several times and I understand ‘boys will be boys’.
Well, Sunday morning the boys came over to my house waiting to play on the Xbox One, I told them no, it was too early and my baby was trying to sleep. It was 9 am at the time. About an hour later they came back beating on the door, this time my son Ron answered the door, and the boys were back asking to play Fortnite.
Ron told them No, and to stop beating on the door as his baby brother was trying to sleep.
The boys ran away for a while but suddenly I smelled a weird smell flooding the house. Ron ran outside to see Ty with a can of spray paint and he was spraying it into the vent near Ron’s room.
Ron snatched the can away and told them to go to MIL’s house. Then came back inside and told me what had happened. We immediately started opening windows and turning on fans to get rid of the smell. I then picked up my baby and went to MIL’s house to yell at the boys.
Now Ty and Kai aren’t allowed back on the property. Todd is sad because he doesn’t have many friends that live nearby and my son doesn’t always want to play with him. So, am I the jerk for basically getting my nephew-in-law’s closest friends banned from the property?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Their response to being told no was to try to assault you guys with spray paint. This sort of behavior is way out of line – nobody should want it happening on their property, and everyone should be kinda concerned about whether these kids should be friends.
Sometimes it’s one kid with bad impulses, but sometimes it’s a pair who are good kids apart but egg each other on to bad stuff together.” KaliTheBlaze
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, but someone is, and I think it’s the parents of the other children.
Your nephew, Todd, is 8 as you mentioned, and I am guessing Ty is around the same age while Kai, Ty’s younger brother, is 3? 3? Am I really understanding that part? Because if that’s true, I want to know what the heck these kids’ parents were thinking of sending a 3-year-old out with an 8-year-old.
Oh, and it’s not that ‘boys will be boys’. It’s that children will be children. They have no impulse control; this is why they shouldn’t be allowed to run amok unsupervised in the first place.” TarafyingPanda
10. AITJ For Calling Out My Mother-In-Law's Comments About My Son?
“My son (8) is autistic.
We recently enrolled him in a mainstream school and he is excelling. He is participating more than ever in school, he is interacting with the other students, he is making friends… all of which he used to struggle with a lot. Every day he is making amazing progress with his education and I couldn’t be prouder of him.
He recently said when he grows up he wants to join the Air Force and fly planes. My husband and I have been supportive of this, he has always loved planes and if that is something he wants to do we will do anything we can to help him achieve it.
My MIL was over today and he mentioned it, he also mentioned he wanted to move out when he was 18 and have his own house. She instantly started crapping on his ideas and telling him he probably won’t be able to do it and that he should think about doing something easier like working in a grocery store.
She told him that he should also consider that he will probably not be able to live independently and that we should consider some of the programs around the city for disabled people.
I told my son he could do anything he wanted to do in life and that I’d support him along the way to help him.
My MIL pulled me aside later and told me that I was setting him up for failure. He should know that he isn’t like everyone else and he can’t do what normal people can and that I need to accept that he will never move out or if he does it will be in a special home for people like him.
I told my MIL (quite sternly) that I was not going to break an 8-year-old’s heart and tell him he couldn’t do the one thing he had said he wanted to do… when I was 8 I wanted to be a singer and as I grew up I changed my mind.
If he changes his mind as he grows up that’s fine. I told her that her views on him not being ‘normal’ were incredibly ignorant and that if he can’t function on his own in the world then I will deal with it as he gets older.
It’s not something to worry about now.
I told her that she could either stop putting him down for being autistic or leave and never come back.
She got huffy with me and walked off, leaving shortly after. I’ve been dealing with calls all afternoon from my SIL and BIL saying I’m a jerk for treating my MIL like that and she was only trying to be realistic.
So AITJ for calling my MIL out on her nonsense?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, she had it coming. Having autism doesn’t mean you can’t do things and be dependent. Isn’t that why autism is a spectrum? I bet dollars to doughnuts that if she made those comments about MIL and SIL’s kids they wouldn’t call you a jerk.
Realistic with an 8-year-old? These kids can be anything they want. Whatever they set their minds to they can accomplish. We as parents are there for any support and lots of cheerleading.” ProfessionalSir9978
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. This is not a defense of your MIL, but when she was raising children there was probably little to zero support or understanding for any child who was autistic.
Perhaps a better tactic would be to share with MIL some education on current support systems around autism. There are so many great examples of people with autism flourishing at all stages of life. I think she may just need to see that her worldview on this is outdated.” oldladymillenial
9. WIBTJ If I Don't Let My Nephew Play With My Stuffed Animals?
“I (16m) collect plushies and stuffed animals because it helps me cope with certain events in my past. They also help me with my anxiety and night terrors.
When I and my mother recently moved away and downsized to a small 1-bedroom apartment most of my collection along with my other valuables were stolen by my dad’s crappy friends. I was only able to save 3 of my childhood ones I brought on the first load.
It’s been a few months now and we’re adjusting to everything. I took the bedroom and my mom has made the living room into her own bedroom. I’ve started collecting again and have about 6-7 now, many of which are cutesy Squishmallows. I love them all and my mom knows that.
Recently my mom has been talking about bringing my (2m) nephew over while I’m at school. I don’t have a problem with this, as she knows (most) my boundaries around kids, but something she does is that if any little kid finds something they like of mine and asks to play with it, she’ll just give it to them without my permission.
She’ll make sure they take it home and I never see that item again.
She’s done this before with really valuable things of mine, like a remote helicopter me and my grandfather fixed together, my paints, crystals, and even my plushies before. I ask her not to but she just says I’m ‘too old’ or ‘didn’t pay for it’ even though most of the time I do.
I love my nephew, but I know as soon as he lays eyes on them she’ll go crazy and just let him have them and rip, stain, and just mess them up. I have a space where I can hide at least my favorites but that feels mean to do.
I have nothing against him (even though my mom thinks I do. I just have sensory issues) but I don’t want my possessions stolen again. WIBTJ for hiding them? I know she loves him, I do too, but I can’t stand having my things stolen again.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Your mother absolutely should NOT be taking your things and letting someone play with them and/or just take them. These things are important to you, and I am so sorry that your mom can’t respect you enough as a person to see that.
How would she feel if you were babysitting a little girl and let the little girl have her makeup or dresses or heels? Then you told her she was too old for these things??? It’s just ridiculous.
If your mom can’t respect your things, that you care for, absolutely hide them.
It’s so sad that you even have to consider this. Would you be able to install a lock on a closet door maybe? I’m assuming she’d flip if you installed a lock on your bedroom door. Maybe grab one or two Dollar Store animals and give them to your mom, let her know the kid can have these, but the rest are off-limits, even if she thinks you’re too old.
I’m almost 40 and have 3 from my childhood that I adore.” beccaminute
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, they’re yours. Your mother is 100% the jerk here though – the kid is two, he’s not going to know who or what you have in your room or care about it unless she actively shows him.
Deliberately doing that is just mean on her end.
Also, plushies aren’t exactly luxury goods, you can get squishmallows for under a tenner: if she wants your nephew to have some, she can easily buy them for him herself.” LordVetittynari
8. AITJ For Wanting A Break From Taking Care Of My Son?
“I (26f) have a 2-year-old son who’s quite difficult, active, and needs a lot of attention. I currently have quite severe postnatal depression (I won’t go into detail but it’s bad) and am struggling A LOT. Both kids (2 years and 2 months old baby) just recovered from being sick.
It was a tough few days but today was by far the worst.
For context: ‘John’ who is 2 years old goes to his paternal grandparents’ house twice a week for lunch and spends 2 hours there with his grandma. He also goes there some weekend mornings and has breakfast and lunch and sees his cousins.
They live across the road.
John visits his maternal grandparents’ house and stays for 1 week every few months. They live 1.5 hours away. Yes, I know we are lucky there are so many people helping us out before anybody calls me ungrateful. I am very thankful for all the help we get.
Anyway, I told my mum about my day over a phone conversation and she offered to take my 2-year-old son to her place for 4 days so I could have a break. (He also went to her house 2 weeks ago for 1 week)
I then proceeded to ask my husband if it was okay if I sent John to my parents’ house and he said no. He said he wants me to send him to his parents’ house as normal because they haven’t seen him and they miss him.
I would usually be perfectly fine with this but this arrangement means I still have to look after both kids as well as my mental health for the rest of the day and night. My husband works 8-5 and John goes to bed at 8 so he only sees him/looks after him for 3 hours a day.
He also said that I’m trying to offload our kid because I need some time to myself and paternal grandma is happy to look after him for the selected hours so I should send him there and have him home the rest of the day.
So I told my mum that John won’t be coming and he’ll be going to his other grandparents’ house as per his father’s request and she asked if she should take him on Sunday instead so they get to see him for a few days and my husband responded with ‘We’ll see how it goes.’
The funny thing is, when the kids were sick he couldn’t wait to go back to work to get a break from the kids.
I feel like my husband made this all about him and his parents while not taking into consideration my mental health.
I look after the kids and work (only 2 hours a day) while he works outside the home.”
Another User Comments:
“Tell your parents that your kid is going to spend that time with them and tell your husband there is no ‘we will see’ about it.
Your husband is a jerk – taking away the mental health aspect too – he is dictating that his family gets all the nice time with your child & your family doesn’t. He is stopping your child from having a nice experience with your parents & for what?
He can go back to his routine with his parents the week after.
I sent my kids to grandparents for five days before and I’m not even depressed just so I and my husband could go on holiday and chill (we do take our kids on holidays too though).
Everyone needs a break, everyone feels overloaded and needs downtime – you do especially if you’re struggling. Your husband needs to stop with this.
NTJ.” User
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. You have a baby and potential post-partum depression. Get that kid to your mother for a week!
You have the resources to make your responsibilities not aggravate your mental health, use them! The LAST thing your family needs, husband, kids, in-laws, and parents, is for you to get worse and need even more help. ‘An ounce of prevention…’ ‘A stitch in time…’ etc are REAL.
Don’t ask for permission. Tell your husband your mom is taking them.
Your son is really lucky he has grandparents to dote on him to give mom a break. It’s truly what grandparents are for.” Neenknits
7. AITJ For Calling My Family "Disgusting"?
“I (15f) have 3 siblings (17m, 16f, & 13f) with a single mom (42). To put it simply I’m disgusted with my family & I feel terrible about it but I truly can’t help it.
My family is extremely unhygienic & irresponsible. There are times they go weeks without showering. The house is absolutely filthy, we have 3 dogs & they let them poop all over the house, and the list goes on. Like them not flushing the toilet & letting it pile & clog, piles of dishes.
I realized that I deserved better & couldn’t live like this. I was tired of going to school with stains & smelling badly. I was tired of having rashes from god knows what & having no friends. So in 2020, I decided to change that. I saved up money from jobs around town & I sold some stuff.
I worked really hard & I redid my room, I bought myself a new wardrobe & hygiene products, taught myself new habits. It was very hard. My mother never really taught us how to do things like hygiene, cleaning & nutrition, or anything so it was super overwhelming teaching myself everything with YouTube videos.
It felt like discovering an entirely new world.
I’ve been keeping up the appearance & hygiene of myself & my room very well almost obsessively. I had to get a lock for my door & a mini fridge cuz my family was using & destroying the stuff I bought for myself.
I have friends & ever since I started high school I always get compliments on how I smell, look, etc. I actually cried, I was so happy. But I’ve isolated myself from my family, I don’t speak to them unless I have to.
Tensions have been rising ever since my new lifestyle change my siblings & mom have been making fun of me nothing malicious or sinister but very annoying.
To be honest, I was fine with that. But lately, my mom has been whining & crying over me ignoring her or not spending time with the family. My mom isn’t a bad person but she has very low emotional intelligence & is manipulative & can be really mean when upset.
I spent the holidays with my friend’s family and when I got back from their X-mas my family was having a party with friends & other families. They were really wasted & as soon as I stepped in the door I tried to head to my room but my siblings spotted me & they called my mom over & she started screaming & berating me over not spending the holidays with them & isolating myself & ‘hating them’.
My siblings, the rest of my family & their friends started yelling at me & my older siblings got into a really heated argument where they called me a ‘stuck-up jerk’. I lost it & said ‘I would rather be that than fat white trash, y’all are literally disgusting, and it takes all the lord’s strength to keep me from gagging being near y’all’… it went really silent before EVERYONE started down my neck calling me disrespectful & more.
I just ran to my room & locked the door.
In the A.M. when I went to go brush my teeth my sis brushed past me calling me a jerk & I saw my other two siblings bagging something up & matter-of-factly told me that my mom told them to throw away my presents.
I just went back to my room.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ – it takes a lot to see something isn’t right or what you want to be and it takes guts to act on it when everyone around you is trying to drag you back down to their level.
Your family may not be horrible or whatever but they are jealous that you have changed and they have not or they just plain don’t see that there’s anything wrong with how they are. You keep on doing you – keep on doing what makes you happy, but I’d be now spending less on ‘things’ and start saving that money to move out when you are old enough.
(keep the money in a bank account rather than in cash) just in case any of them want to help themselves.” User
Another User Comments:
“Wish I could give you a big hug, and talk to your mum, parent to parent. What you said was honest and hard-hitting to your family, and a huge shock to them.
To them, you have rejected the family and their normal and they don’t understand why. You want a better life, a life where you fit in with your peers. They don’t understand this, and you’re standing out in their eyes. I wonder if you could talk calmly to your mum.
Are there any adults/family who could help you?
If things get worse there is the risk of your isolation from family forever. If there can be some understanding hopefully you’ll be able to maintain some sort of positive relationship with your family and siblings.” colettecatlady
6. AITJ For Not Feeling Bad For My Mom After I Found Out Who My Real Father Is?
“So I (24F) found out that my dad isn’t my bio dad two years ago after taking an ancestry test. My mental health plummeted and I still consider it to be the worst thing that’s happened in my life.
I’ve had a strained relationship with my mom since about 16, there are many things that have strained our relationship but frankly, it’s too much to write.
Anyway when I found out about my dad I was distraught, I texted her that I was going out of town for a bit and would talk to her when I got back.
I took the news particularly hard because of my relationship with my mom, I’ve always felt very connected to my dad, and all of a sudden I went from belonging to this big family and beautiful culture to nothing. My dad and his side assured me that the DNA test wouldn’t change anything and it didn’t, everything has stayed the same thankfully.
So back to my mom, when I sent her that text she blew up. Calling, texting, messaging on multiple social media demanding I tell her what’s wrong, telling me that I have to verify who I am cause her daughter would never say these things, and threatening to call the police.
I ended up blocking her on everything and took my two-week hiatus to try and piece myself back together.
When I got back I confronted her about my dad, she cried and said she didn’t know that he wasn’t my dad but when I disappeared she had a feeling maybe my dad wasn’t my bio dad.
I was flabbergasted, why would that thought even cross her mind unless she knew already? I did ask how she could’ve possibly come up with that unless she knew all along he wasn’t my dad, she denied knowing and said that it was the only thing she could think of that I would be upset enough to disappear over.
Then she urged me to tell the rest of my family, I agreed and one by one she brought them into her bedroom so I could tell them. I was shocked at their reactions in that there was no reaction, here I was crying my heart out to my sister, brother, and stepdad and there wasn’t an ounce of shock on their faces.
My sister later confirmed my suspicions and told me my mom had told her the day I disappeared.
So now to address the question, my mom and I have gotten into many arguments since this happened and she’s constantly telling me things like ‘You should feel bad for everything I went through cause of him’ and ‘How do you think I feel finding out the man that’s put me through misery never had to be in my life’ and many other things about how I should feel sympathy for what this put her through and she told me that this has been way worse for her than it could ever be for me.
I can’t stop thinking about everything that’s happened and I wonder if I’m too harsh on her? Am I being a jerk by not seeing her side? I’ve kept this secret for two years and I’ve never had an outsider’s opinion.
I don’t think I can look at this clearly, it’s too emotional for me still.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ – If she had had a grain of sympathy for you finding out this huge news and had been supportive of what you were going through, then this might be different.
Had she sat you down and explained the situation to you about why this was the case then this might be different.
But she accused you of being someone else and told you she didn’t know. Just continually denied this, after having told your other relatives.
And as for this bringing them one by one into the bedroom – this seems unnecessarily dramatic.
However, your dad sounds pretty great. And I know you don’t have that genetic connection but he is being there for you in a way that your mother is simply not.
He is doing what a parent is meant to do.
Your mum sounds a little narcissistic, to be honest.
Are you seeing a therapist or counselor about this? I recommend that you do – that’s a lot to deal with by yourself.” Sloppypoopypoppy
Another User Comments:
“NTJ as this issue affected you at least as much as your mum and you get to prioritize your own feelings. I wonder if it’s possible that your mum genuinely didn’t know who your biological father is, just that it might not be the man she always told everybody it was?
That might explain why she went straight to this conclusion when you had no contact for a while. In that case, as much as it was wrong for her to not be honest about not knowing, I can at least understand why she really hoped it wasn’t the person who treated her badly.
That doesn’t make it right in any way, just understandable.” integranda
5. AITJ For Causing My Aunt To Not Get Direct Medical Updates About My Mom?
“My mother ended up in the ICU where she was sedated for 2+ weeks. My siblings and I were at her bedside every day from 8 AM until 8 PM. Due to hospital restrictions, only one person could be in the room with her at a time, and technically for only 15 minutes but the nurses graciously allowed us to stay longer.
We provided everyone in the family with daily updates.
My aunt, my mother’s older sister would call the ICU at 3 AM, demanding medical updates about my mother’s treatment, what medications she was on, test results, etc. The nurses answered her questions but my aunt did not understand the responses so continued asking the same questions repeatedly, refusing to get off the phone.
My aunt would then sensationalize and misconstrue the info to my siblings sending them into a panic which I had to handle.
When my aunt came out to visit my mom, she harassed the nurses and was physically in the way when the nurses were trying to treat our mother.
At one point she threatened a nurse. My aunt would insist on being in the room with us after she had already had her turn alone. The nurses repeatedly reminded her, one person at a time.
Eventually, the head nurse asked me who could they give medical updates to because it was getting out of hand, so I limited medical updates to just me and my siblings.
My aunt could still call and ask if my mom was alright but she could not get medical details. My aunt became upset and demanded I put her back on the list. I told her she could call and ask if my mom was OK but all medical updates had to go through me and my siblings.
She then went to my siblings crying saying that the nurse wouldn’t tell her anything and lied saying she never asked about treatment info or medical updates. Then, the moment my mother was awake and my aunt could FaceTime her (the hospital had gone into isolation at this point), my aunt cried about how I banned her from calling which upset my mother who has a severe heart condition.
My siblings are upset with me because ‘family comes first’ but my aunt was not helping anyone and was only making a stressful situation more stressful with her actions.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ
Tell your mother and family that the nurses asked you to restrict who was getting info, specifically your aunt because she upset and harassed the nurses.
It was either restrict her or the nurses would have cut you all off.
And by the way, that’s not a lie – if you hadn’t done that, the nurses absolutely would have taken action to restrict all of you because they don’t have time for that nonsense.” mfruitfly
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Tell your mom and siblings that you did not ban your aunt from calling to get a general update. You just restricted her access to specific medical information because your aunt was harassing the staff and interfering in the medical care of a heavily sedated patient.
Remind everyone that aunt is lucky that law enforcement was not called after she threatened a nurse. Tell the siblings that next time you’ll let them handle your aunt while you watch with a bucket of popcorn.” Flat_Contribution707
4. AITJ For Not Letting A Kid Pet My Cat?
“I (21f) have a new 5-month-old cat. She’s super sweet and was raised in a college so she’s also very social. Because of this I usually let people pet her and play with her when we’re out on walks.
Recently a mom and her son who’s around 10-11-ish has been taking walks around campus the same time I do. It’s an open campus and it’s usually fun to see families here during breaks.
Anyway, the mom asked if her son could pet my cat so I said yes.
It’s all going good but she takes the kitten out of my hands without asking to give it to her son which was a bit annoying. The kids are gentle with my kitten so I’m okay with it. But the moms say kind of weird things like ‘This cat loves you’ and ‘Poor cat having to live in a dorm.’ Stuff like that to her son.
Like Ma’am this cat has a three-tier pink castle, unlimited pets, and homemade cat toys don’t you worry about her.
About a week later I see the two again on a walk and they ask to pet the cat. I say yes but make it clear I’m holding her this time.
The woman then tells me her son has never bonded this much with a kitten (um he’s met her twice) and offers to buy my kitten because it deserves more space and to be an outdoor cat… apparently?
I was kind of offended because I love my cat and think I give her a great life, I’m always on time with vet appointments and am a very responsible pet owner.
This is where I think I may be the jerk. The next time I saw them walking when the mom asked if her son could pet the cat I said no and walked off. The kid looked pretty upset and he didn’t do anything wrong.
I felt bad but I was really uncomfortable. AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, you set a boundary with this woman who was acting inappropriately. Honestly, the way she was talking to you about the cat I wouldn’t put it past her to continue to try and use these ‘pet stops’ as a way of manipulating or guilting you into giving her son your cat.
It’s unfortunate the kid has to deal with the disappointment but that’s the mother’s fault, not yours. Also, this mom seems really entitled, and saying ‘No’ absolutely does not make you the jerk.” WhichwitchAmI
Another User Comments:
“Definitely NTJ
I’m sure you’ll probably stick out in the mom and kid’s memory as ‘that one lady who wouldn’t let us pet the cat’ but unfortunately they probably won’t remember the circumstances that led up to this decision.
With any luck, Mom and Kid will both realize that Mom’s judgmental tone and back-handed insults were behind this situation, but it’s probably more likely that Mom won’t recognize her inappropriate behavior as being a factor.
The Kid was probably bummed out, but he’ll get over it.
Maybe it’ll be a learning experience for him, retroactively thinking about his mom’s behavior as an example of what NOT to do.
As a (fur-baby) parent, it’s important to trust your instincts, this lady made you feel uncomfortable, and you don’t owe her anything.” PsychologicalScale57
3. AITJ For Asking My Cousin A Pregnancy Question?
“My (26F) cousin (Tia, 24F) experienced a stillbirth in the latter part of last year (around 6 months ago).
I was heartbroken for her and supported her through the grieving process in any way I could, and the two of us became extremely close as a result of this.
Last week, Tia announced that she and her husband are expecting again, they chose to wait until three months to announce, due to Tia’s anxieties surrounding the pregnancy.
I, having recently found out I was expecting (we have decided to wait a while to announce to the family – due to Tia’s grief, I want to be there to support her entirely through the process, before telling any family. It means that now, due to wanting to wait until she has given birth and the baby is a little older, we won’t be announcing until near my due date, we’re currently considering a ‘secret pregnancy’ in order to ensure everyone’s attentions are focussed on her, and her sweet baby).
The pregnancy does, however, mean I have been doing research, my husband and I want to have a few children with relatively small age gaps. I asked, a little in shock, if the same recommendations of waiting a year to 18 months between pregnancies applied to her situation, a thoughtless comment that I regret deeply.
She immediately left my house, blocked me on everything, and had her husband do the same. I apologized via a handwritten letter delivered to her address, along with a basket of some self-care items to look after herself, knowing she must be riddled with anxiety.
I’ve since had aunts, uncles, and other cousins calling up to harass me, saying I am a jerk, to leave her alone, and that most of our family want nothing to do with me now, as I have ‘made Tia feel ashamed for having another baby so soon’ and have accused me of implying that ‘Tia is replacing her baby in heaven’.
I never implied that, and apologized as soon as I could, knowing that the comment was wrong, I told Tia I would give her her distance to grieve and process her feelings, but I am always available as a shoulder to cry on. While Tia has acknowledged my apology, and said she just needs some time to process, her family will not stop abusing me, one has even gone as far as speaking to my workplace in order to ‘tell them that they have someone heartless’ working for them.
Over the course of the last week, I have been signed off sick from work with anxiety, and my morning sickness has worsened to the point that I am on the brink of being hospitalized, as a result of my family’s acts. I know I was a jerk for my comment, but after my apology and Tia’s acceptance, AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“Everyone sucks here except Tia. Obviously, you should have never said what you said. I can’t even imagine what you were thinking. More than likely you weren’t thinking which is a common story when we hurt those we profess to love.
Your family members are being massive jerks, way out of proportion to the circumstances. You need to talk to someone, a trusted sibling or cousin. Explain that you have apologized and that Tia has accepted your apology and that they need to stop the abuse and never reach out to your work again.
To be honest, you may have to tell them you are pregnant to get them to back off. I’m not sure if this family situation is salvageable, I can’t imagine wanting to hang out with family who treated me this poorly for one stupid comment.
Good luck.” Excellent_Care1859
2. AITJ For Telling My Wife She Should Work More If She Wants To Financially Support Her Sister?
“My wife (38f) and I (37M) have been married for 12 years and have 3 kids (10, 8, & 5). We both work full-time and have the kids in daycare during the summer until school starts up again. We both make decent money, but with the cost of literally everything going up more and more often, our budget is getting tighter.
We still live comfortably within our means, but we are saving much less and are becoming more conscious of our discretionary spending.
Our youngest is starting kindergarten this fall, so that will help because we aren’t spending on daycare anymore. But our oldest kids are now in more sports and extracurricular activities which pretty much offset any savings we would be doing on childcare.
We aren’t anywhere near struggling, but we are definitely more aware of how we spend our money now.
My wife’s younger sister, Jen (30F), is 6 months pregnant with her 3rd child. Jen is not married and this is her 3rd different baby daddy. Only one of the first 2 fathers is involved, the other is a complete deadbeat who regularly skips child support payments.
Jen recently called my wife and told her that her current baby’s dad left her and she’s freaking out and asking for help. Whether that be money, a place to stay, anything.
My wife’s parents have both passed away and they have no other siblings, just each other.
So, obviously, my wife wants to do whatever we can to help. But, we don’t have the space to house them and don’t have a lot of extra money to give them either. My wife wants to give Jen a few hundred dollars every month and to start watching her 2 older kids so Jen can keep working.
Personally, I think that idea is short-sighted because Jen won’t be able to work after the new baby comes.
My idea was to dip into savings and pay for a lawyer for Jen to do a better job of getting the child support she is owed. I would rather bite a bigger bullet once than die by a thousand cuts over months and months.
But my wife says that won’t help put food on Jen’s table every week.
I laid out our budget and asked my wife where we could make cuts to support Jen because I just didn’t see it. I asked her what she would be willing to give up or have our kids go without, to support Jen.
She got mad at me and called me heartless for not wanting to help. It turned into a fight and I ended up telling her that if she wants to support her sister like this, then she is going to need to work more or get a 2nd job because I’m not compromising our family budget long-term.
All of our finances are shared, so it’s not like either of us has our ‘own’ money to use however we want. I also know that my wife and I are the only family Jen has and I agree that we should help. But adding hundreds or possibly more to our monthly budget isn’t going to work.
Jen needs more help than we can provide and she needs to find resources that can do that for her. But my wife thinks I am being an uncaring jerk about this.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. You’re not ignoring the situation; you provided an alternative (lawyer) and actually sat down with the finances to figure out options with your wife, but she said no. Another option would be for her to get more gov’t assistance.” Girlzenberry
Another User Comments:
“NTJ – You and your wife first owe to your immediate family which includes your very young children. You need to provide for their needs, such as a roof over their heads; and provide for their future needs such as their education.
It sounds like you are living on a tight budget and there is no extra for a whole other family. Your wife’s sister needs professional help to get the money from the baby daddies and perhaps some form of welfare and even counseling to help her prevent future children.
If you start assisting this extra family with some income… then you will be obligated to assist them just about forever.” orangeupurple1
1. AITJ For Favoring My Son's Ex-Wife Over Him?
“16 years ago my son Matthew had a daughter with his now ex-wife Josie. I have always thought of Josie as my own daughter, so when they divorced 7 years ago due to my son having an affair, I was conflicted and disappointed. Josie wasn’t particularly close with any of her family, so my husband and I naturally took them in.
Josie was an angel, she had insisted that we didn’t have to lift a finger more than before we had taken them in, and though she was hurt, she kept civil around Matthew.
My husband and I held a huge hand in raising their daughter Ruth because Matthew remarried less than a year later and now has a four-year-old son after disowning Ruth.
Two years ago my husband was diagnosed with lung cancer, it was hard on everyone, especially Ruth. They were extremely close, she told him about her partners before anyone else and has always wanted him to be the one to walk her down the aisle at her wedding.
Matt rarely ever visited and didn’t answer our calls often saying that we had other kids so it wasn’t like my husband was dying lonely.
Last night Matt stopped by to talk about inheritance, he never mentioned Josie nor Ruth and hinted that he thought he should get more inheritance than his siblings the entire time.
My husband and I shared awkward looks until he decided to cut in, he explained that everyone would get a piece, but he’d focus more on Ruth and Bonnie (one of our other grandkids). Matt got angry and said that Ruth was just an illegitimate child and that his son deserved more than her, my husband got furious after that and left the room saying that he wouldn’t include Matthew at all.
Matt yelled back and turned to me saying that Ruth wasn’t worth it because she’d just grow up to be a flirt like her mother, I told him that I’d rather have her mother as my daughter than him as my son and insisted that he leave.
I’m getting phone calls from Matt’s wife and family friends saying that my husband and I overreacted and he was just angry that we were playing favorites.
AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ!
How nasty to come for the inheritance while his father is still alive.
And even to think that he wants more than his sibling. I’m guessing that there’s more to this story. And you know what, blood doesn’t always make family sometimes there are people who come into your life and because of their love support, and actions, they become real family!
But again no NTJ!
And I wish you all the best wishes and a lot of strength for everything you and your husband are going through.” Mrs-Fleury
Another User Comments:
“I think that it is dangerous to ‘play favorites’ as it sets up the next generation for conflict.
And you say that Matt also has a son. My suggestion is that you treat the grandchildren equally. After all, it isn’t Matt’s son’s fault that his dad is a jerk.
However, your reaction is justifiable in that it is a.) your money and b.) Matt has clearly stated that he thinks you have the right to play favorites.
You just have a different metric about what should earn that favor – i.e. be a decent human being.
NTJ.” Unknown_Ocean
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