People Ask For An Analysis Of Their "Am I The Jerk?" Story
22. AITJ For Kicking A Roommate Out Of Our Agreement Due To His Partner?
“I (24F) have been living with 2 roommates A (30M) and B (26M) for 4 years now.
We have separate leases, I rent the master bedroom with a walk-in closet and ensuite with a bathtub, they each rent a room with a simple closet and share the other bathroom with a shower.
We split all bills (utilities, gas, streaming services…) equally.
When they first moved in (after I had lived there on my own for 2 months), I proposed we have a sort of “contract” to nip any roommate problems in the bud. We came up with this agreement:
We each are responsible for cleaning our private areas, they are responsible for cleaning the shared areas and in exchange, I do all the grocery shopping and cooking.
Usually, I send a meal plan to the GC, they send back any changes they want, I grocery shop and send the receipt, and they send me what they owe me (I also buy them their snacks, which are not shared, and their toiletries…etc.).
It’s worked for us since Feb 2018. There have been partners for both of them, most of them did not like me, but I got along with some of them.
3 months ago B asked to move in his partner of 6 months, we agreed as long as she agreed to the “contract” and we split the expenses by 4.
She did, and then she moved in.
About a month in she has already complained about paying for HBO since she doesn’t use it, complained about me not cleaning the shared space, wanted to force me out of my room since she didn’t want to share the bathroom with A, wanted to force me to share my bathroom with her, and finally upped her complaints about my job.
B started taking her side, so I talked with A, and we told them that B was out of the agreement, the utilities will be split by 4 but the streaming services will be split by me and A, and they can pay for their own.
Also, I will no longer be cooking or shopping for B and his girl.
They are now trying to backtrack, it has caused them more grief than they thought, but I refuse to go back to the old deal. So AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ.
Her opportunity to negotiate any part of the established contract was before/when she was moving in, not once she moved in after already agreeing to them. You and A agreed to her moving in on the assumption she’d follow the contract. If she wanted to disagree with it or propose changes, she should’ve given you and A the opportunity to weigh in or say no before she moved in.” Whoevenknowswhat
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. It’s entirely up to you and A to decide if you want to let B back into the old contract or not. B’s partner sounds like a toxic drama llama who wants everything her way. IMO you’re better off leaving her out of the agreement.
B is collateral damage. He earned his consequences first by not stopping her and then by agreeing with her. The one wrinkle I see is that you were exempt from cleaning common areas as a result of shopping and cooking. If you aren’t shopping or cleaning for B and his partner, it seems like you should pick up a share of common area duties.” throw05282021
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Your lease is for that room specifically, it’s not something she can arbitrarily change, just like I cannot tell my neighbor that we should switch houses because I like theirs better. She also doesn’t get to come in and make changes to an agreement that pre-existed her and that she agreed to as a condition of her moving in.
Sounds to me like she tried to throw her weight around, and it backfired on her. That’s entirely a her problem, not your problem.” krakeninheels
21. AITJ For Leaving My Half Sister's Wedding Early?
I would have left too… or called Dad out in front of everyone.
“My (f26) younger half-sister, Erica (f25), got married last weekend. I got invited, and even though I did not want to go, I put on my best dress and went.
My sister’s a product of my father’s affair with a coworker.
I was barely some months old when my dad left my mother for that woman after he confessed to her that he got his mistress pregnant. As you can imagine, growing up with divorced parents was hard, but he made it harder. Every time I would go to his house (only on weekends, my mom had custody the rest of the week), he would treat me very crappy like he wanted to show me how much he disliked me.
His wife did the same. They never showed me love like he did with his other kids.
I’m NC with my dad now and LC with my half-siblings. When Erica asked me to assist her wedding, I was unsure but agreed in the end.
The wedding was fine until my father got everyone’s attention to make a speech.
He then went on for about ten minutes about how happy he was for Erica and such, but he kept referring to her as “my only girl” and stuff like that (I have two more half brothers, and Erica is the only girl with his new wife).
I felt very bad about that like I was ten years old again sitting at his dining table as he said that I shouldn’t exist and that Erica was his princess. I got up and left without even saying goodbye, I texted Erica to tell her I was sorry when I got home.
I know I’m making it about myself when this was my sister’s moment but I truly felt unappreciated. Erica got mad at me for leaving without at least letting her know.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Rant! I don’t give a darn how good your dad was to your half-siblings.
He was crappy to you, and they should give a darn. Erica isn’t innocent or dumb. The princess heard the crap your dad said…and didn’t do anything. She planned for a speech from her daddy and listened to it. What the heck kind of warning could she need from you about you leaving?
If she really cared, she would’ve kicked him out or hopped her butt up and left with you.
OP, go no contact with them. You deserve better. You’re still making excuses for your half-siblings being the way that they are. That’s a problem. You need to realize that your half-siblings enjoy seeing you beneath them.
Otherwise, they’d stand up for you. Erica wants to believe that she was extra special being the reason for your dad mistreating you and treating her better. That is what people do when they don’t want to admit that they don’t deserve the privileges they get.
Then they pretend that your mistreatment wasn’t so bad. Yet, they know good and darn well that they wouldn’t want the same mistreatment that you got.” [deleted]
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. I’m so sorry your dad did this to you at your half-sister’s wedding (and for how he treated you growing up).
You had every right to leave the reception and your half-sister should forgive you (you sent her an apology text and if she had a shred of empathy, after hearing your father’s speech, she will know exactly why you left). If she doesn’t forgive you (which would be terrible of her), I think it might be best to close yourself off from that side of the family.
Even if she does “forgive you for leaving without telling her,” I would still keep my distance, physically and emotionally. Again I’m so sorry, no parent should be allowed to treat their child the way your Sperm Donor treats you.” SapphireShelle91
Another User Comments:
“Respond to Erica with a sandwich sort of answer: “Our father was good to you and you love him for it.
However, I had a vastly different experience as his child, and rather than ruin your day with an outburst calling him out for his statement, I made my quiet exit to allow you to enjoy your day. If I had stayed and anyone asked who I was, I would have been honest. That would have caused bigger problems than my departure did.
I appreciate you including me. I am happy for you. Enjoy your honeymoon. Tell me about it when you get back.” NTJ for sparing your dignity and avoiding awkward conversations that would have blown up exponentially bigger than this did.” FeistyIrishWench
20. AITJ For Telling My Mom She Needs To Own Up To The Decisions She Made?
“I (f21) love my mom (50f) and appreciate the fact that she raised me and gave me great opportunities, despite the fact that my dad left us when I was 3.
However, I do not have the greatest relationship with her. I do not fit what Mother thinks is a “great” daughter.
Last week, we got into a heated argument and I said some words that I wish I could take back. For background, my father is of a different ethnicity than my mother, which makes me obviously mixed. Every time we argue, she starts saying things like “Of course you would act like that.
You are that part of that ethnicity,” and “I do not expect anything from people of that descent.” During our last fight, she said, “Even if you did not see your father, you act like him and his people,” and “I wasted all my youth on you.” That is when I snapped and said, “It is not my fault you married him and had his children.
Maybe you should have thought more about your decisions.” She started crying and left to her room, and now she is not speaking to me at all.
The reason why I think I might be the jerk is because I heard stories about my father and he was mean and toxic.
I feel horrible because I feel like I victim blamed her.”
Another User Comments:
“OMG. I don’t know how real jerks manage to reverse the roles so that their victims believe the jerks are them. Unbelievable. Surely your mother’s life has not been easy having supposedly endured the toxicity of a partner.
But that doesn’t give her the right to take the part for the whole, blame an entire ethnicity for a person, and, above all, lump you into that fallacy to criticize you. That kind of racism is sick, but using it against your own child is indescribably surreal. And you were right: she made a mistake in choosing the wrong partner and must accept the consequences of her decision.
What I regret is that you have not been even harder on her to get rid of her desire to mistreat. NTJ.” Mrs_Naive_
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. This is going to be a terrible thing to hear, but as a biracial person raised by their white parent, I need to tell you this: some people cannot look past their own racial prejudices, even when it comes to their own children.
If your mom truly feels this way about your ethnicity, that is not a relationship that I think is worth having. You were fully correct in your call out: you did not force her to have a child with a man of a different race.
But that is another truth: you did not get to choose your race or the way you look. You should never be made to feel ashamed about your racial or ethnic background, and if she truly thinks these comments are okay, then I urge you, for your sake, to create some distance with her.” Reddit user
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Your mother is taking her anger at your dad out on you. She is being verbally unfair and wildly racist. Any toxicity and mistreatment your dad directed at your mother doesn’t justify her directing her maltreatment at you, nor does it make her racism valid.
She is upset because you are correct in that she did choose your dad. If she deems that to have been a mistake, it is her mistake. She doesn’t get to lash out at you because she chose the wrong man, and she doesn’t get to claim his entire race is awful just because he was, nor does she get to say that you are bad or wrong because you have that heritage.
She is wrong. You did not ask for this, and your father’s sins are not yours.” Buttered_Crumpet09
19. AITJ For Buying A Jacket That A Woman Saw First?
“In a local charity shop, spotted a Belstaff jacket, right size, looks great, bargain for a brand jacket. I’m standing in the queue to be served to pay for it with a few T-shirts.
The shop is usually busy. A woman (Mrs A) tapped me on my shoulder…
Mrs A: Hi there, I’m sorry. I was going to buy that jacket. I just put it back to have a look at something else.
(Jacket was in the jacket rail amongst other jackets where I picked it out, but she proceeds to move her hand out as if she’s about to take it.)
Me: Oh sorry, I just picked it from the jacket rail. (I put the jacket over my arm.) Sorry. no.
Mrs A: But I saw it first, give me the jacket! I need that jacket! You’re wearing a warm jacket; you don’t need another one!
I was kinda lost for words and a bit embarrassed at this point. People were looking at us, and the woman started getting quite irate. I did consider giving her the jacket, so I could get out of that shop and away from her. But instead, I just turned my back to her & ignored her arguing until I had paid for everything and left the shop.
She threw a few comments my way as I left: “selfish,” “putting yourself over a struggling family without a jacket.” I felt crap. I don’t think the insults were necessary. To be honest, I don’t know her situation; she may have been struggling more than others.
There were plenty of other jackets there to choose from.
AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“”Hi there, I’m sorry. I was going to buy that jacket. I just put it back to have a look at something else.” No, lady, you put it down which means it’s still for sale, and you shouldn’t have put it back and left it there if you weren’t intending to buy it.
She lost out on the jacket. She doesn’t get to demand that a paying customer give it back to her. It wasn’t her property. She could have gone back to look for another jacket. No need to feel bad about it. You did the right thing, and she needs to learn her lesson.
NTJ.” CyclonicHavoc
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. If she was buying it, she should have had it in her hands. Lol, you can’t just walk through a store and eye things up making a list, and then mentally saying dibs on crap and expect everyone else to read your mind.
Haha, well, I want this jacket, but clearly, that person halfway across the store had her eyes on it. I can just tell by reading her mind. No need to give her the jacket when there are plenty of other ones there for her to pick from.” [deleted]
Another User Comments:
“Is that jacket like a high-quality brand or something?? I know thrift stores have essentially turned into people going there to purchase name brands, so they can resell for profit. I’ve seen videos of people hiding stuff to buy later, etc. I bet that’s what the problem was with this lady.
When you want to buy something, hold onto it til you go to the checkout. This is something widely known.” deleted
18. AITJ For Making My Brother Feel Bad About His Hygiene?
Someone had to tell him.
“I’m 21f, and my brother is 18.
One day after I wash my face, I grab my towel to dry off. When I got it close to my face, I noticed it smelled really bad. I was a bit confused because I had just got that towel from the clean stack.
I shrug it off and grab a new one.
Two days later, I grabbed my towel to shower, and I noticed it smelled bad again. This makes me wonder what’s going on. My first thought was my brother using my towel, but then I went nah, he keeps his towels in his room, and his are black while mine are teal, so he couldn’t have got them confused. I just chalk it up to me leaving them too wet, and they get mildew buildup.
Yesterday I go to shower, and again, my towel smells bad, but this time, it has marks on it. That’s when I knew it wasn’t me. I march into the living room and confront my brother about it. He just casually admits that he uses my towel when he forgets his.
When he says this I feel sick and call him disgusting. He tells me to calm down and says he uses it after he showers so he’s clean. I told him he’s doing something wrong because he’s not clean after he showers.
Our mom steps in and says that was unnecessary. I told her to go look at the state of my towel and tell me that’s not gross. She goes look, and when she comes back, she’s like yeah, that’s nasty. Dad then says it can’t be that bad and then he goes look.
He comes and goes yep, it is that bad. My brother then gets a long lecture on good hygiene.
Later my brother comes to me and says I’m a jerk for embarrassing him like that. I don’t believe I was in the wrong.
He was the one leaving my towels in that state. If he saw nothing wrong with that, then I think he needed to be told something. I didn’t intentionally call him out in front of our parents; they just happened to be nearby. Was I in the wrong?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Clearly, he wouldn’t have learned anything from just you. Maybe the embarrassment will help him learn and remember. Also, I’m a firm believer that parenting doesn’t just stop. If your brother didn’t know how to shower, I’m glad your parents talked to him about it.
It is embarrassing, but he still needed it. You know what would have been more embarrassing? Getting the hygiene lecture from a significant other (or, more likely, getting dumped).” Critical-Musician630
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. You guys are part of a family unit and the conversation came up spontaneously.
You didn’t wait so you could bring it up in front of them. He’s embarrassed, as he should be. Hopefully, this will teach him about the need to clean where the sun don’t shine. For crying out loud, it’s not like you outed him for drinking or other forbidden activities.
Give him space. Can you keep your towel hanging in your own room and take it with you when you shower?” Wonderful-World1964
Another User Comments:
“I’m of the belief you’re never too old to be lectured on hygiene, especially when your lack of effort is noticeable from a third-party perspective.
One moment of embarrassment in a family unit is not the end of the world. Your brother is kidding himself if he thinks he’s the only teenage boy who’s never been on the receiving end of a family talk about why he needs to try harder to clean up after himself or keep his body clean.
It’s an incredibly mundane experience and you shouldn’t have to suffer smelly towels because he’s lazy. Lord knows there have been tons of stories here about women enduring partners with poor hygiene standards, and that’s his future if he can’t learn to be considerate and clean.
NTJ.” addisonavenue
17. AITJ For Being An "Irresponsible" Babysitter To My Niece?
“My sister dropped off my niece (6. We’ll call her Kate) at my house this morning because she had an appointment, and I offered to babysit.
All she said to me was which foods Kate can and cannot eat, then she left.
It’s been a while since my own kids were that age, so I was unsure what to do with her. She mentioned she likes art, so I found my daughter’s old art set and let Kate at it.
She had a wonderful time! She especially liked the unfinished unicorn statues which led me to getting the glue and glitter out.
By the time Kate was finished she was covered in paint, glitter, and everything else. I got her into the shower and did my best to clean any mess, but glitter has the tendency to stick to you no matter what, and I didn’t have time to wash Kate’s clothes by the time her mother came back.
You would have thought I shaved Kate’s hair by the look on my sister’s face. She started screaming about how I was irresponsible to let Kate get so filthy, and before she stormed out, she said I’ll never be babysitting Kate again. I did offer for her to drop the clothes off later for me to wash but she was too angry at this point.
Is she overreacting or AITJ for not considering how she would feel about this?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ – friend and I had daughters 5 days apart. They were about 2, and I’d gone to my friend’s house We lived in different states, and I’d come home to visit.
We made chocolate chip cookies. I sat my daughter in a chair, took her shirt off, and handed her a cookie. My friend put her daughter in a high chair, put on a bib the size of Texas, and fed her by breaking off tiny bits of cookie at a time and putting them directly in her daughter’s mouth.
The look on my friend’s face, when she saw my daughter with chocolate on her face, hands, and smeared on the table and belly, was hilarious. She was outright disgusted. After they were done, her daughter got down from the highchair without so much as a crumb.
My daughter needed a ton of wet wipes before I let her down. I knew if she got one drop of chocolate on anything my friend would have a fit. I cleaned up all the evidence. She asked me how I could let my daughter get so filthy?
Lol, her daughter grew up to be a jerk. My daughter is not.
Kids gotta be kids. They’re totally washable. Let em have fun. Let em get dirty.” bflamingo63
Another User Comments:
“ESH. She overreacted and was rude when you were doing her a favor (she will surely regret it when she later needs a babysitter) — but you should have only done those activities if you had a change of clothes for her, an apron, or whatever was needed to keep paint, glue, and glitter off her clothes.
(There’s her hair to consider as well.) When it’s all stuff that doesn’t just wash out or sticks around like the Devil’s possessed shiny confetti, then you need to take precautions.” jwjnthrowawaykfeiofj
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Kids get dirty playing. Shoot, it’s glitter and such.
Not even literal dirt. As a parent and the one who does the laundry in the house, all I’ll say to your sister is. Waaaah wah! The kid had fun being creative and nurturing her imagination? How dare you! Next thing you know you’ll tell me you told your niece she’s loved and a good girl.
The nerve. I mean, you did her a favor and watched her child who not only was fine, safe, and fed, but she had fun? How are you not in jail lady? Pffft. The nerve. Maybe she had a stressful appointment or is under some other stress, but how are you supposed to know that if she doesn’t tell you?
Nah. Sorry, only a childless person or someone with serious neat freak issues would think you’re a jerk here. I feel bad for your niece.” Think4myself1Real
16. ATIJ For Being The "Reason" My Daughter Got In A Car Accident?
“I have 2 daughters who have different moms, Lauren (16) and Elena (14), and I have 50-50 custody for both.
Lauren and Elena don’t get along at all which is mostly Elena’s fault as she enjoys making fun of her sister.
A few days ago, I had both girls, and Elena kept making fun of Lauren’s weight. She has self-esteem issues, so these comments really affect her.
I tried whatever I could including talking to her and punishing her to stop her, but she wouldn’t stop, and Lauren was about to cry, so I called Elena’s mom and asked if she could take her home. My home is on her way from work.
I told Elena she is welcome to come home as soon as she apologizes and stops bullying her sister.
About an hour after they left, I got a call telling me they had an accident and were in the hospital. I rushed there. They are both fine.
Elena had a mild concussion, but the doctors say she’ll be ok. She is refusing to talk to me.
When my parents came to see her, they asked what happened, and her explanation was, “My dad thinks my sister’s emotions are more important than my life.
It’s ok if anything happens to me as long as it makes my sister happy.”
I told her this is a horrible thing to say. I had no idea this would happen. I would never do anything to hurt her. My parents are furious. They called me a jerk among other names.”
Another User Comments:
“YTJ because you basically refused to deal with and discipline your daughter. Instead, you sent her back to her mother. If the two girls were with you full time you wouldn’t have this luxury. I have two kids, and if they’re fighting and one is in the wrong, I deal with it instead of sending them back to the other parent.
That makes no sense to me what you did. Your daughter is acting badly towards her sister. If you won’t protect them both (one from being a bully and the other from being bullied), then don’t take them at the same time.” cassidyben
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, and that’s seriously worrying stuff to say. How is her mom picking her up endangering her life? How is her suffering consequences for bullying her sister – and I obviously don’t mean the accident but being sent to her mom outside the regular schedule – making her a victim?
Why is she so jealous considering Lauren isn’t even the younger one, so we can rule out that you left Elena and her mom for Lauren‘s mom? Is she in therapy? How on earth do your parents think you are to blame? Were you supposed to predict the accident?
Were you supposed to accept her delusional complaint? Why are they taking the bully‘s side in all this?” RiverSong_777
Another User Comments:
“I’m going against the grain here and saying slight jerk. It’s not your ex’s job to parent during your time. You take her phone/tablet, send her to her room, have her mom come over & help you parent together, etc. It helps to separate them sometimes, but by sending her to Mom’s, she not only faces no real punishment, but you’re teaching her she can cause pain & walk away.
She should absolutely have to view the hurt she causes her sister. Next time she wants to spend time with mom or her friend group over there, she knows how to get it.” misskelly08
Another User Comments:
“Ok, first of all, get your own thoughts straight.
You did not “cause her to get into an accident,” and this had nothing to do with you, nor is it your fault. You didn’t even get her mom out of her way, for crying out loud! She happened to be in the wrong place at the wrong time – fine, but that’s random.
If anything, it was her behavior that caused her to be there at that time.
You are obviously all in shock, but after you get your own thoughts straight, talk to your parents, and state the facts. I have no idea if you are handling the issue with your daughters properly or not, nor what Elena’s issue is.
From what she said in the hospital, it sounds like jealousy. For your sake, I hope it is because if she produced this kind of response in order to manipulate you all, while she is still hurt and in the hospital, I really don’t know what can save you!
But in regards to the accident, this had nothing to do with you, and you are NTJ.” Eddy5264
15. AITJ For Making My Mom Move Out?
“I 34f own 2 properties, one my family and I live in, and the other is supposed to be an income property.
In 2020, my mother, stepfather, and one of my siblings moved into my other property.
They lived in the house for a year rent-free as they were fixing minor things in the house. In September of 2021, I asked them if they could pay $300 a month to help out with taxes and such on the property. It is a 3 bedroom, 2 bath house.
They are now currently $1,300 behind. I want to sell the property because it is only costing me at this point. I am the oldest of 4 and have allowed them to live there for more than 2 years. My mother and stepfather are both nurses and are fully capable of working.
I don’t think that is too much to ask.
I might be the jerk because I want to sell the second property, which would mean my mother will have to pay the new owner rent or find a new place to live.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. But do things properly. File an eviction notice like you would with any other renter, telling your family that you have to do it this way to be legally correct. Make sure they know you’re selling the property and cannot keep it because it’s losing money without any rent.
If you want to be kind because they’re family, give them 60 days to move out instead of 30…but get them out. They’re taking advantage of you.” tracygee
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. No one is obliged to offer free housing for someone who is able to have a fixed income, especially for someone fully grown up.
We all know that family relationships are important and require a lot of empathy and affection, but if the situation is negatively interfering with YOUR finances, then you have every right to manage it with YOUR needs in mind. Paying rent or finding a new house is a normal occurrence in the lives of all across the world, and at this point in their lives, they should be aware of this.
Of course, it’s a situation that needs to be handled wisely and respectfully on both sides.” 00_mesita
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Inform them that they need to look for alternative accommodation immediately as you’re selling your house and you’ll give them until say the end of February to move out and file for eviction down at the courthouse.
When they start complaining remind them that you went above and beyond for them by allowing them to pay no rent for 12 months then begrudgingly only charged them $300 per month which is a steal, yet they now owe you well over $1300 and you can no longer afford to financially support them anymore.
Your mother is an adult and she needs to be held accountable for her actions. She also needs to remember that actions have consequences and a failure to pay your rent means an eviction is inevitable, and screwing over your child will backfire.” G8RTOAD
14. AITJ For Refusing To Let My Unborn Child Meet Their Brother From Another Mother?
“I’m 25, and I was going to get married to my partner ”Matías” (26) in July. We were really excited to get married, but Matías died in a car crash. I was destroyed. My ex-best friend ”Christie” was there for me. She always brought me food when I needed it and took care of everything in my house.
Christie is pregnant. I asked her lots of times who was the father, but she always said that she didn’t know. 6 weeks ago, Christie came to watch movies and eat dinner with me, and I asked her if she was going to do a DNA test to at least know who the father is.
She suddenly started crying and said that she knew who the father was. Matías. I went pale. I didn’t say a word. She tried to hug me, but I pushed her away from me and told her to never talk to me again and blocked her on everything.
2 weeks ago, I went to the doctor and realized that I was pregnant too. I made a post on social media saying that I was pregnant. Somehow, Christie discovered this and sent me an email telling me that I should show my son/daughter to her son when they are born because they are siblings.
I said NO. I don’t want my son/daughter to have any contact with theirs. She said that I was mean and a jerk for this because the kids need to know each other because they are family.
I told this to some of my friends, and there are really divided opinions.
AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“Dear OP. You don’t owe Christie anything. You do owe it to your child to be the best parent and raise him/her to be a responsible adult who knows how to make healthy relationships. That is something very difficult to do.
And to be able to do that, you need to start dealing with your emotions concerning this betrayal by your fiancé and your friend. Secrets always come out. And when the adults do not handle it correctly, the children always have to pay the price.
With the help of the paternal grandparents, you can help your child foster a healthy relationship with his/her half-sibling. And maybe one day in the future you can tolerate Christie’s presence during birthdays/holidays for your child’s sake. And please remember, the half-sibling is just as innocent as your child is in this situation.
So you are NTJ for not wanting Christie in your life at this time.” Majestic-Moon-1986
Another User Comments:
“NTJ in my opinion, OP, but I’m going to give an anecdote because I like to. I have 1 sibling I know (have met and speak to regularly).
We are full siblings, and I helped raise him. I also have 4 half-sibs I’ve never met. My dad is an immature idiot who can’t handle responsibility. Each of my half-sibs has a full sib, but then Dad takes off and finds a new barely legal girl.
My half-sibs live nowhere near me and as the oldest, I had no desire to search them out. Our shared crap dad wasn’t enough for me to want to bond. Your kiddo may eventually want to meet his sibling, and I think you should prepare yourself for that, but you don’t have to raise your kiddo alongside your ex-friend’s just because they may be half-sibs.
When they’re older, they can make that decision for themselves.” RaefnKnott
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, this “friend” is claiming she had an affair with someone who is not able to dispute it. If she hasn’t gone to your fiancé’s parents with a DNA test to ask for their participation with her child there is NO REASON to believe that your ex-friend is telling the truth regarding the baby or the affair.
DNA does not make a family. People who love and support each other make a family. This woman will destabilize your relationships as she tries to insert herself into your life as some kind of fake twin or sister wife. If this was your fiancé’s child and your fiance was alive to make them part of his life, there might be a reason to introduce your children.
If your friend hadn’t told this story, you definitely would have introduced your children. They aren’t siblings unless you raise them to be siblings. I don’t know what kind of game she is playing, but whatever it is, it isn’t healthy and is always going to be underpinned by manipulation and cruelty.
Protect your family from her. There is something very, very wrong here.” Capable-Trainer-9577
13. AITJ For Not Waiting With My Neighbor Until A Tow Truck Arrived?
“I live in an apartment complex. The parking lot has a terrible entrance: in order to exit the parking lot, you have to traverse a small tunnel (about 4-5 meters long). A car is barely able to pass through the tunnel.
A tow truck cannot.
A couple of days ago, my neighbor came knocking at my door. I barely know him, but he seemed like a kind person the few times I talked to him. He told me that his car broke down and asked if I could help him push it to the other side of the tunnel so that a tow truck could come and pick it up.
I said sure.
My cousin was with me at the time, so he came to help too. We pushed the car at the end of the tunnel and left it on the side of the road at a point where the road got larger. The neighbor thanked us, and we parted.
The next day, his wife came to knock at my door. She initially thanked us for helping her husband, but then she started scolding us when she found out we left her husband alone. Apparently, the man suffered a stroke a few weeks ago, and he is not supposed to be left alone for prolonged periods of time.
I didn’t know this. He looked like a healthy man in his late 40s, and he said nothing to us. We explained this to her, and she said that even if we didn’t know that, we should have stayed with him. What if the tow truck had a problem picking up the car?
What if he had to move the car again?
I tried discussing it with her for a few minutes, but to be sincere, I had no strength to argue, so I simply said I was sorry and dropped the whole thing.
Now I’m curious though.
AITJ for leaving the man alone there and not waiting for the tow truck to arrive?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ – You did nothing wrong. For what it’s worth, while she shouldn’t have put that on you, it sounds like she’s just a natural worrier whose husband is vulnerable, and maybe she’s having a hard time coping.
Sometimes, the loved ones of people who’ve experienced sudden medical emergencies like that will try to find someone to blame because if there’s nobody at fault, then they’re at the mercy of whatever reality brings with it. It’s not correct and she should be having this conversation with her husband, not you, but it’s possible there was nothing really crappy in her intentions.” Adverbsaredumb
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, he is a grown man. He was clearly going to go out for a period of time without her. He also could have left the car and gone back to his home until the tow company came and called him. He also could have called his wife, family, friends other people if he needed help.
If he thinks his health is more important, then at any point all he had to do was lock the car and go. So what if he gets a ticket – his health is more important, and it was no longer obstructing the road. And no – no one would stay with someone else after pushing the car.
Unless it was a disabled or elderly person or maybe someone with a baby and they were all far from home.” Big__Bang
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. You’re not responsible for babysitting a grown man, and she’s freaking delusional. She’s just worried about his health & fraught with the idea something could’ve happened & nobody would’ve been around.
When you see him ask about the car (hopefully he’ll give a short answer, as you’re not friends). When you see her, ask how he’s doing (try to sound interested, she’s less likely to give a short answer, but in the long run, it’s better than having her delusional butt mad at you).
In the future, confirm a tow truck has been called & is on the way before moving a car. In my area, they say it’ll be 1hr, so it’s nice to know they’re already in the process (as opposed to pushing the car & then waiting 1 hour).
Once you’ve pushed the car, ask if they need anything else. An adult is perfectly capable of communicating their needs & if not well, “a closed mouth don’t get fed.”” rtgd_mmm
12. AITJ For Being A Bad Host?
“My (28/f) partner (32/m) has several close female friends. This generally does not bother me as I also have close male friends and don’t think it’s a problem as long as the relationships are platonic.
The only issue I have with my man’s female friends is that I sometimes feel that he places their needs above mine or doesn’t treat me much differently than his female friends. I feel there should be a very clear difference in the nature of the relationship between your platonic female friends and your female significant other.
We’ve had discussions about this before and how I feel bothered about it.
Before the story, I also want to say that I am one of those annoying people who NEEDS a cup of coffee in the morning to function, and my man knows this.
Last weekend, 2 female friends of his came to stay with us. I like them and get along with them, so it’s all fine. Friday night, we went out for dinner and had a few drinks. On Saturday morning, my man got up and made coffee and breakfast. I came down 15-20 minutes later than everyone else, so they were all finishing up their first cups of coffee.
I went into the kitchen to pour myself my first cup, and my man follows me in and says, “Don’t take it all in case x and y want some more.” This immediately ticked me off, as there was only enough left for 1 full cup.
I said I wanted my first full cup, and we could make more if anyone wanted more. I could tell he was annoyed, but he just walked away.
Later, he completely chewed me out for being rude and a bad host. I told him I thought it was unfair for him to expect me to give up my cup of coffee for his guests when they’d already had one.
It turned into a big ugly fight and left me feeling pretty hurt and misunderstood. It sounds so petty but it really stems back to me feeling second-best when his female friends come along.
So I want to know, should I stand my ground, or am I actually in the wrong?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Stand your ground. Also, your house, your rules. I suggest you two go to a professional counselor – it will be too difficult for your man to hear genuine concerns from you. This much is obvious in how you’ve communicated your concerns and this still happens.
Also, if he knew friends were coming over, he knew you liked coffee, and he knew you’d be joining them later, why didn’t he make more coffee? Also what kind of host is he that he didn’t think his PARTNER who lives with him also doesn’t deserve a fresh pot?
Poor hosting skills.” bunyanthem
Another User Comments:
“You probably should consider ending your relationship. This likely isn’t gonna magically get better, and honestly, if it did get better after you talked to him about it, where even is the value in that? That would just mean that he is inconsiderate of you by default, and has to be talked into showing you what should be a base level of consideration.
Is that what you want your future to be? A husband who doesn’t prioritize you? Would be a great example to set for any potential future kids, too, wouldn’t it? I genuinely think you’re probably wasting your time. Maybe you can make him see the light somehow and he suddenly recognizes how much of a tool he’s been all this time..but I doubt it.
More likely is he begrudgingly agrees to be more considerate..at which point, just dump him tbh.” [deleted]
11. AITJ For Making My Sister-In-Law Wait For Me To Finish With My Workout?
“I (25f) like to stay in shape. I go to the gym at least 4 times a week. My SIL (34) has been overweight her entire life and wants to make a change and asked if she could be my gym buddy because she needs motivation.
I said sure and she signed up at the same gym.
Yesterday was our first gym date. I picked her up after work, and we went. 20 minutes in, she is done and wants to leave. I told her I still wanted to get my workout in and would be another 40ish minutes, so she could wait in the lobby (they have a little waiting area with tables and chairs) or in the car if she wanted to.
I thought she did, but when I was done, I saw a text on my phone that my brother picked her up. I texted her this morning to tell her to let me know when she wanted to go with me again. She never replied, but I got an angry text from my brother.
He is telling me it’s hard for her to go to the gym and what I did completely discouraged her. He said I humiliated her by telling her to wait in the lobby and should have left with her. He claims she needs time to adjust, and after what I did, she may never go back.
He said I should be patient with her since she is just starting out. Now I feel terrible like I should have left and SIL is very upset with me.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, and here’s why: 1) You took her to be supportive. 2) She decided 20mins was enough for her, but still behaved entitled enough to expect that her finishing was more important than you having a significant amount left to do.
3) What would’ve been humiliating or discouraging is if you had made fun of her or shouted at her or forced her to do more, or shamed her for doing only 20 minutes. Instead, you were understanding, let her live her life, and just asked her to wait till you were done to go back home together.
4) If she wants someone to take her to the gym and leave when she leaves, she should pick someone who works out at her level or hire a trainer.
“She needs time to adjust, and after what I did, she may never go back.” Sounds like she just needed to use that excuse to avoid going to the gym.” Stroopwafeled
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. There could have been more communication around how long you’d be at the gym. “I usually am there for an hour.” Then she’d know ahead of time that’s what she was signing up for. When I go to the gym with friends, this is one of the first things we discuss: how long will we be there.
Her embarrassment for not being a gym goer is not your responsibility. She didn’t express any feelings of discomfort to you when you were present, so how would you expect her to feel that way? Just because some fat people are embarrassed in the gym, doesn’t mean they all are!
Plenty of fit fat people (oh hi Lizzo!) exist. You were not acting as her trainer. You were there to be there together. You weren’t even doing the same things, presumably. If she needs a cheerleader she can pay a personal trainer for that.” deleted
Another User Comments:
“NTJ – THIS is why I don’t like going to the gym with other people who don’t work out as much. OP goes to the gym a lot. She has a routine. SIL wants to get in shape. Great. But she’s just starting out and it takes time to build up stamina.
SIL asked to go with OP and OP has no indication that SIL would expect her to cut her workout short. Recommend having a conversation about how OP is happy to be SIL’s gym buddy but for the first few workouts, SIL may be ready to leave before OP.
Make a plan for SIL to kill time until OP is ready. Maybe bring a book and grab a post-workout smoothie.” deleted
10. AITJ For Refusing To Move My Brothers In With Me When My Parents Want To Kick Them Out?
“I (29M) have 5 brothers. 31, 25, 15, 12, 6 (Mom wanted a girl and didn’t get one). I went to uni, got my degree(s), and moved back in with my mom for a year after graduating before moving out when I was 22, which was 7.5 years ago.
My older brother lives with my mom and has 2 kids, can’t hold a job due to heavy drinking problems, and has a really toxic relationship with the mothers of his 2 children. He uses that as an excuse to continue self-destructive drinking.
My younger brother (25) has a 2-year degree after attending college for 6 years (he kept quitting), has quit more jobs than I’ve had, has a severe dependency on smoking, and refuses to work full time.
My mother is trying her best to provide, but she’s struggling. I help with my younger brothers as I’m able (getting them expensive gifts and video games that they want, so my mom doesn’t have to), but it’s only a bandaid.
She wants to put my older and younger brother out but doesn’t want them to be homeless. My dad tried to help my older brother but quickly gave up due to his drinking problem.
They refuse to check into programs, and now my name is coming up in arguments as a “way out” (of my mom’s house), and I refuse to let them move in with me.
AITJ for not wanting to support them? I feel bad for my mom, but I don’t really have the space or mental fortitude for them, not that she does either. They are upset at me for “turning my back on them,” but I feel like they shouldn’t be anyone’s responsibility, let alone mine.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. They have sucked every bit of compassion and money out of your mother, and now they are looking for someone else to ENABLE them to continue living without any responsibilities. They refuse to go to a program. They don’t want to get clean.
They want guaranteed meals and lodging. And nobody to nag them about sobriety. And they think YOU will provide it.
If they move in, they will drain your bank account, befoul your house, and make you sorry you ever let them in. If you say anything to them about their behavior, they’ll tell you, “You’re not my mom!
You can’t tell me what to do.” They won’t move out when asked, either. They probably know EXACTLY how many days they can stay before you need a lawyer to evict them.
These aren’t people who NEED help. They REFUSED help. Their own father had to back away from this train wreck.
They are adults, one of whom has children he should be parenting and providing support for. Not puking into a bucket on your couch. People try to pull the “But familllyyyy” card to get people to do what they want. Do not fall for it.
You do not need two addict, jobless men in your house, eating all your food. Consider attending a few Al-Anon family meetings to see how others have handled similar situations.” Abject-Technician558
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. I’ve been sober for six years, and I have to say this: Your parents have to STOP enabling your brothers.
This is serious. Sobriety will never happen without rock bottom. They will never actually grow up without facing the consequences of their actions and learning their lessons the hard way. They can’t just be foisted onto you to be provided with another safety net. Every addict I know who was enabled or coddled is either dead or still in active addiction.
The ones, like myself, whose parents tossed them out (with tough love) are sober and thriving. They have to get better for themselves. They have to make the decision. You can’t just convince them to; it doesn’t work that way. I’m sorry you are dealing with this, but you have to stop helping them.
You’re making it worse. I wish you the best of luck. This will be a tough thing for you to watch in the short term… But it does get better.” farmwifejourno
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. You’re not responsible for your older and younger brother, especially given that they are 31 and 25 respectively.
It’s time for them to learn to stand on their own 2 feet without relying on your mother and her home as a backup and time for your mother to step up and give them tough love, by giving them their 30 days’ notice to find both a job and a place to live in.
Your mother also needs to stop enabling them both and stand up and start holding them accountable for their behaviors, as your younger brothers don’t need to witness their self-destructive behaviors and think that it’s acceptable. They need to live on their own, financially support themselves, and learn the harsh way that they need to pay their own bills, make their own food, clean up after themselves, and learn to be held accountable for their own actions now that they are adults.
Get your mother to go down to the courthouse and file formal eviction paperwork and have them both served. Once the 30 days are up, then they can have the sheriff remove them and change her locks. As harsh as it may be, you may need to sit down with both your parents and do include your father in this and tell them calmly and firmly that they are responsible for enabling your brothers.
They’ve chosen to allow it to continue for far too long. Remind them that you’ve all had the same opportunities that they’ve had, and you’ve managed to graduate college, maintain a job, find a place of your own, and compared to both of your brothers, adult successfully, and it’s not fair on you to have to bail your brothers out, to help out your parents, and that’s not your job.
If your mother refuses to do something about them, then calmly and firmly tell her you no longer want to hear anything about either brother from her, and seeing as she may choose not to do something, it may be time for you to stop your financial support in buying things for your younger brothers, because if your mother decides to not do anything, then it’s also time for you to stop enabling your mother and let her deal with lack of money moving forward.
Good luck.” G8RTOAD
9. AITJ For Saying I Wish My Parents Had Stayed Together?
“I’m 24f, and I live with my partner. So I am not supported by Dad and his wife. Wanted that out of the way first.
So anyway. My parents divorced when I was 11. My dad remarried when I was 17. His wife is Haley. Haley’s younger sister recently went through a divorce, and her two daughters are having a hard time, so she asked me to speak to them because I was the only person she felt she could ask who had been through a divorce.
I said sure.
Her girls were honest that they wanted their parents back together and how they hated that both their parents already had new partners, and they just wanted to be a family again, without new people. I told them it was okay to feel that way.
They said people have told them they should be glad their parents are doing what makes them happy and that they don’t have an unhappy home. I told them that how they feel is okay. That they could be happy that their parents are happier, and still wish that they hadn’t been unhappy together.
I told them they might be glad someday, or they might never be glad it happened, but still be okay with it and acknowledge that while it was tough, others are far happier. I told them life is messy and divorce can make life messier and our feelings about that are never wrong.
I assured them that it can get easier but sometimes you need someone like a therapist to talk about it with. But ultimately, there is nothing wrong with there being sadness when you think about it, just like there’s nothing wrong when people are happy when their parents divorce.
They asked how I felt. I told them I would always wish my parents had been happy together and could have had a happy and healthy marriage together. But I am still glad for them that they are happy. They were happier after the talk.
Their mom ended up talking to them in front of Haley, and she didn’t like what the girls said about her talk. She went to my dad and then the two of them tackled me saying I would always wish my parents could have been happy together.
Haley said if that had happened she wouldn’t be in my life and that I should be glad that they divorced, so I could grow my family. Dad said I spoke like my brother (long story, but he and Dad are not close anymore). I told them the girls needed to hear the truth and I hadn’t shared with the two of them because I never intended to try and say my parents should have stayed together.
But I can feel how I feel. They said I shouldn’t ever say it. I told them they could not dictate how I speak to others and especially to kids who were going through heck, and I knew how they felt. They told me I was talking back like a child.
They were unhappy with me and I with them.
AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. And this…this is just WOW: “Two of them tackled me saying I would always wish my parents could have been happy together. Haley said if that had happened she wouldn’t be in my life and that I should be glad that they divorced, so I could grow my family.” You should be GLAD THAT YOUR PARENTS DIVORCED, not because they were unhappy together, but so you could…have a bigger family?
Instead of an intact original family unit? SHE THINKS YOU SHOULD HAVE WANTED TO HAVE STEPPARENTS INSTEAD OF HAPPY PARENTS? Haley is delusional. It’s one thing to be happy that your parents found love after unhappiness, to make the best of your family breaking up, and to learn to care for new stepparents.
All of those things are healthy and good. But what Haley is suggesting is that back when you still had an intact nuclear family, you should have wished for it to FALL APART, so you could “grow” it with additional stepparents, etc.
No one wishes for their family to dissolve unless something is very wrong, nor should they.
Haley is very confused, is suggesting something deeply unhealthy, and needs therapy. You can care for her and even love her, but that doesn’t mean that you should have wished for a life with her in it back when your family was intact. You are NTJ, and you’re 100% right with everything you told those girls.
It was sensitive, thoughtful, and supportive of their complex feelings around their changing family. Good for you!” FoolMe1nceShameOnU
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Some parents only see the world through their own eyes. If they are unhappy with their former partner so are the children.
But that is not true. Children still love both their parents and the dream of growing up in a happy nuclear family. If the parents and their new partners respect and accept the children’s feelings the children will with time learn that it is better that their parents are not together anymore.
Apparently, you touched a sore spot with what you told the children, but you spoke the truth.” StomachLow7268
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, from your post, it seems like you are a very level-headed and emotionally mature and intelligent person, even more so than your dad and his wife.
In my opinion, what you said to those kids is exactly what they needed to hear to feel validated and make peace with their emotions. It possibly set them on a path where they can heal from the hurt of divorce, or at least not become bitter and resentful.
Hopefully, Haley’s sister is smarter than her and will see how what you said is helpful for the kids, even if parents would rather hear how kids are happy with the divorce and new spouses. Forcing them to fake happiness would probably cause more damage to them at this point.” vik_thewomaninblack
8. AITJ For Not Saving Any Hot Water For My Sister To Bathe In After She Had Surgery?
“I (26F) normally live alone but my sister (24F) recently had major surgery and some other health complications so she is staying with me while she recovers.
I moved my office into my closet to accommodate her.
My work is freelance, and my hours are very flexible, but I’ve gotten into a routine over the last few years, and I rarely deviate from it – work 5 am to 9 am, work out, shower, lunch, work from 11 am til 3 or 4.
My apartment’s hot water heater sucks and my landlord doesn’t seem willing to do anything about it so you get one 15-minute hot shower and that’s it for an hour.
My sister has been waking up every day at 10 am and wanting to bathe as soon as she wakes up but there’s never any hot water at that time since that’s right as I’m finishing up.
She’s been complaining that I “am making her sit in her own filth” by making her wait and risking infection at her surgical site by refusing to change my shower time and that there’s no concrete reason I couldn’t adjust my schedule.
Which is true but I need stability to be productive. When I suggested she wake up earlier, she told me I was pushing her recovery too hard.
I love my sister but I’m already feeding her, housing her, driving her, and helping her get around the house.
I gave up my office. I’m not giving up my schedule too. But she got my parents on her side, and they’re insisting, “It’s just one tiny thing,” and I’m blowing it out of proportion.”
Another User Comments:
“Ultimately, NTJ. I’m not sure what kind of surgery she had, but waiting an hour shouldn’t make a major difference.
For instance, we have patients that sleep shorter or longer time frames. If someone went to bed and got up one hour later, would they then have an infection from sleeping in for an extra hour? Likely not. I get that it’s uncomfortable for her, and it would be nice if you could shift your schedule slightly up, especially since your schedule is flexible, but it sounds like you need the routine, and you are already doing a lot to support your sister.
If your parents want to weigh in, why can’t they help support her?” feyinbetween
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. You’re doing a lot and should feel good about it. Anybody who says “it’s just one tiny thing” isn’t looking at the whole list (feeding, housing, driving, mobility, office).
Your sister, who has had major surgery, is entitled to have poor perspective — but should learn it quickly. Your parents are the source of the problem here because they should have told the sister she was being unreasonable. Sister should get up earlier, get up later, find another method of washing, or something.
“Sit in her own filth” is pure manipulation. Your parents should support you as a loving sister who is doing everything she can. You should not be pushed in areas you care about as you’ve given up a lot as you’re used to your own space.” James_of_London
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, you’re not depriving her of her ability to bathe. She’s being ridiculous for talking about it like you’re abusing her for making her adjust to your schedule, the person who is hosting her. I think you need to look at the fact that you’re already giving her so much and she’s trying to manipulate you into believing that you have to make your whole life about her.
As soon as she’s healed up you need to give her marching orders, cause she’s getting very very comfortable making herself the dominant in your home, or just send her to your parents right now since she’s coughing such an attitude and they care.” JCBashBash
7. AITJ For Not Calling My Son To Wish Him A Happy Birthday?
“My son Adam (30M) had his birthday two weeks ago and was on vacation with his girl Clara to celebrate. He doesn’t live in the same state as us, so each year my wife and I call him and mail a box with a few presents and a card inside.
Last year, he was also on vacation for his birthday and when we called, he didn’t have much time to talk. He appreciated us calling but said he wished we would have called in the morning so that we weren’t interrupting his vacation to chat.
My wife especially was hurt by that but never brought it up again, and I figured if we were an inconvenience for him, we just wouldn’t call. This year since we knew he would be on vacation again, my wife and I decided we wouldn’t bother him and he could call us when he had time.
We all sent him happy birthday texts in the family group chat and that was it. However, we hadn’t heard from him since his birthday and so I talked to his sisters (26F, 26F, and 28F) to see if they had heard from him.
Apparently, they all called on his birthday on top of sending texts so he’s really hurt that his mom and I didn’t call. He’s also mad because apparently “a text isn’t good enough”. I tried calling him to talk about it but he’s been declining them and ignoring my texts.
I didn’t think it was that big of a deal, so AITJ or is he overreacting?”
Another User Comments:
“ESH. Like for sure your son is a jerk for giving you the silent treatment over this instead of just talking to you about it.
I think overall you’re more of a jerk though. Maybe last year, he meant that he wished you’d called in the morning so that you guys had more time to talk instead of when he was busy, instead of meaning that your call was a nuisance.
I was on vacation for my birthday this year and it was definitely kind of difficult to find a time to call my parents that worked for us both between the time difference and scheduled activities. I ended up calling them while in a long line for food lol.
But the difference is they communicated with me, saying that they wanted to call, knew I’d be busy, and asked what time we should plan on. So we worked it out together and communicated throughout the day.
It sounds like you just assumed he’d be busy because he dared to mention your call last year was at an inconvenient time, and decided the fairly nuclear option of not even trying.
I’d suggest telling your son why you didn’t call, and then apologize for not attempting to contact him and find a time he wouldn’t be busy to call. Don’t get me wrong, it’s ridiculous that he won’t contact you now, but I do think you owe him an apology anyway.” Commercial_Camera257
Another User Comments:
“YTJ. Son makes an offhand comment about inconvenient timing, parents then keep it in the back of their heads to ‘maliciously comply’ this year when the opportunity arises. I’ll tell you who does this kind of crap. Emotionally immature, passive-aggressive babies.
Nothing could stop me from calling my kids on their birthdays, even if it’s a 45-second phone call. Even if it annoys them at that exact moment. Because I love them, I’m thinking of them, and I want them to feel and know that love.
Rethink your parenting. Jesus.” Panlouie
Another User Comments:
“ESH. It sounds like everyone likes to have hissy fits. Your son said last year he wished you had called in the morning when he had time for you because he was busy when you did call.
That’s not an unreasonable remark. Most vacations are leisurely breakfasts then lots of activities all day, often going on to late evening. He didn’t say, “How dare you call me on my vacation?!” He simply gave you a better time to call because he’d have plenty of time for you then.
For all you know, you called just as he was double-checking his parachute before his first skydiving lesson. You and your wife decided that meant not calling at all when he was on vacation instead of just calling during the time frame he said was more convenient.
He then threw a fit when you only sent a text on his birthday instead of calling. (I suspect the text didn’t say anything like, “Hey, let us know a good time to call you so we can talk and not interrupt your schedule.”) I wonder where the tendency to overreact came from.” MythologicalRiddle
I think you should just send him an email or text explaining YOUR feelings, while understanding his.
Honestly, this just sounds like one big miscommunication.
6. AITJ For Not Making Eggs How My Partner Likes Them?
She has specific egg preferences.
“I (25M) have been with my girl Jenny (24F) for 2 years now, and we just moved in together at the start of this year.
For context, one of the reasons I love Jenny is her attention to detail.
I’m more of an if it works, it works kind of guy, especially when it comes to food. I don’t mind how a meal looks when it’s cooked, as long as it tastes nice. Presentation is more of a big deal to her, and she’ll take longer to plate things and make things look pretty.
Now, the issue. Given that I am more of a morning person out of the two of us, I have taken it upon myself to cook breakfast more, so she can lie in a bit in the morning. In return, she washes up, so it evens out.
Jenny loves a fried egg on toast for breakfast. She’s made them before for us and I noticed she always centers her yolk. I think it’s slightly over the top of her to go to all the effort she does to make them perfectly centered – she’ll separate the yolk and whites and then slow cook the white and place the yolk in the middle after (I just slap the whole egg in the pan and let it cook).
I never realized how big a deal it was to her that her yolk was centered because this morning, she asked me not to make them unless the yolks are in the center. Her reasons being that when the yolk is off to the side, it all dribbles off the white when the egg is cooked, and she claims there is yolk wastage.
She also claimed she’d asked me before about the yolk, but I don’t listen? She might have, but I don’t remember having a conversation about it.
I think the whole thing is ridiculous and told her that I don’t see the big deal and just think it’s more washing up to do and that if I’m going to make breakfast, I’ll cook what I want for us (given she has input as well, of course).
I made us eggs this morning, and she just grabbed an apple instead and left for coffee.
It’s not like she has OCD or anything. I think she’s being stupid and don’t see why I should have to change how I cook my eggs when it’s easier and quicker and less washing up for her anyway.”
Another User Comments:
“YTJ. Everyone seems to be focusing on the eggs. Yeah, it’s a little out there, but not hurting anyone; just a quirk. But the OP is dismissing his girl’s feelings, and that makes him the jerk. (He failed to tell us that she’s overreacting, but calling her stupid I think makes up for the omission.)
OP, you’ve got two alternatives here: (1) Make her the eggs the way she wants them. This would actually be a sweet gesture; not sure how you feel about that kind of thing. (2) Not make her eggs. Making her eggs while ignoring her clearly stated preference and explaining how her preference is wrong, is not among your options, if you don’t want to be the jerk.” albertthealligator
Another User Comments:
“She said don’t cook it if you’re not willing to do it the way she likes, easy enough. Don’t cook it! It’s a nice thing to make breakfast for her but it actually drives me crazy that the expectation is to be grateful for whatever you get even if it’s not what you actually want.
NTJ for not centering the egg, but YWBTJ if you keep cooking it in a way that’s going to bother her after she asked you to stop. She can’t, and shouldn’t, demand you do it her way, but she also is allowed to have preferences (even though it seems extreme for sure).
My husband knows that I don’t want him to make me toast unless he does it my way, which is actually to spread the butter or whatever out, so it’s an even layer. He does not care at all about that. I don’t mind if he doesn’t make me toast though!” UnsuspectingPuppy
Another User Comments:
“YTJ for getting mad. She didn’t want to eat what you made. She’s told you she doesn’t like eggs that way. She’s told you she’d rather cook her own. You decided her sleeping in was more important than her food preferences, which she disagrees with.
It’s not doing a favor for someone if you choose to do it in a way they don’t like and is not useful for them. You’re not obligated to make those eggs the way she likes but she’s not obligated to eat something she doesn’t like.
Also not okay for you to be calling her or her preferences stupid. Just because it’s not what you’d do doesn’t make it less valid. Why this is your hill to die on is unclear. Do you want to be “right” about dumb eggs or do you want to be in a relationship where you respect each other and don’t argue over how you want to eat breakfast?” RuthlessBenedict
5. AITJ For Keeping My Promotion A Secret From My Partner?
“I got my first job in late 2021 in a cushy copywriter role that started me off at 48K. My job’s workload is really light, my coworkers and boss are great, it’s WFH, and everything about the role is very easy. I’ve always felt slightly guilty about having such a great job like this one, especially because my partner works as a contractor, making about the same amount of income I believe, yet he works much harder with a lot of physical labor that leaves him exhausted by the end of the day.
He deserves more, and I always hated the discrepancy in pay between us and in general in the workforce and how unfair/unjust it is.
All that to say, yesterday I just got confirmation that I got a promotion that boosted me to 58K, which may not sound like much, but I live alone in a relatively LCOL area, so I have a lot of extra income to spare now for the same level of work.
I decided not to tell my partner because I didn’t want him to feel bad.
The other day, my man had the rare off day and visited my place, and when I stepped away to the bathroom, he saw the promotion email I had open on my WFH laptop.
He was nice and happy about it at first, then asked why I didn’t tell him. But then as the day went along, he was acting a little off, and then when we finally talked at night, he said it was “weird” I didn’t tell him when we’re supposed to share our “wins” with each other as a couple, and it felt like I was hiding it from him.
AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“Soft YTJ. It is very normal and expected as a couple to celebrate “wins” like a promotion together. You made a slightly condescending decision that your SO wouldn’t be able to handle you having a win, which speaks poorly for how you see him overall.
I understand that you just didn’t want him to be hurt, but it’s sad to expect that you finding success in your career is going to hurt him. Hiding your promotion was somewhat paternalistic and not very good communication. I’d apologize and try to work on being more open.” imothro
Another User Comments:
“Very soft YTJ. Feeling sorry for his work situation isn’t a good reason not to share this, despite good intentions. If he’s a good partner then he’d be happy about your achievements (which he was), you don’t need to hide this, and going forward how long were you planning on keeping it from him?
When you moved in together? When you get married? This could’ve very easily spiraled into a big thing and felt like a much bigger lie. I can see why he’d be a bit off, it implies that you don’t think he’d support you in your achievements and that he’s selfish enough to make them about him, not saying that is how you feel, but it’s certainly how it looks.
Also, if you explained the reason for not wanting to tell him it implies pity, which isn’t going to make him feel any better.” BeeHonest94
Another User Comments:
“I’m going to go the opposite of everyone else here and say NTJ. You don’t live together, don’t share finances, aren’t married or even engaged, and you pay for your own life yourself.
Why does he need to know your finances? And why was he looking at your work laptop and reading your emails? Everyone is making this into a trust issue, okay by that logic, shouldn’t you be able to trust him to not read your emails?
You earned your promotion, and while I agree that you shouldn’t dim your own light to make others shine brighter, you should also be able to decide what personal info you want to share. It would be different if you were living together, or engaged, or married, but you don’t, because of the above reasons, seem to be at the point where full disclosure of everything is necessary yet, so, again, NTJ.” takatine
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, it’s your money and raise, your job, your own bank account and he’s your partner (not husband) and you don’t live together, so you’re not sharing expenses. So basically all that adds up is it’s your own business and if you don’t want to share that with him then it’s totally your call.
The fact that he’s checking out (snooping) your computer when it’s open is more concerning.” Traditional_Check705
If he's pleasant company for now, you don't have to dump him, but he's probably not someone to move in with or share finances with.
4. AITJ For Buying "Cheap" Flowers For My Wife?
What’s wrong with carnations?!
“My wife (married for 7 years) has been going through a rough time, but lately (due to some impressive effort on her side), things seem to be going better for her. I wanted to show how proud I am of her and decided to come home with a bouquet and a bottle of red.
I think roses and tulips are a bit too cliché, so I picked the ones I thought were the nicest: a bouquet of carnations.
When I surprised her at home, she first got very excited. But when she saw the flowers, she said under her breath, “Of course you picked those flowers.” I asked her what she meant by that, and she said it was just a reference that I wouldn’t understand.
I left it at that, but it kept bugging me, so later that evening, I asked her what she had meant by it. She said it was a reference to a TV show where apparently carnations are described as “filler flowers,” and the main character ends up dumping her man after receiving such boring flowers.
She then went on saying that even though she understood that I was trying to be nice, she couldn’t hide the fact that she was also disappointed about how little I seemed to know her and her flower preference (which of course happened to be roses and tulips, d’oh) after having been married for so long.
I feel she is being unappreciative when I was trying to do something nice, and that she could have saved her “tips” for another time. But if I simply should have known better or have crossed some social etiquette that I am not aware of, I guess I am the jerk.
So, AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“ESH. The polite thing to do when getting a gift is just to say thank you. And muttering under her breath was passive-aggressive and unnecessary. You had to notice that the carnations were easily the cheapest flowers in the shop.
When you’re buying the cheapest possible thing in the shop, it’s reasonable to assume you know you’re not getting the nicest stuff. And I honestly don’t know anyone who thinks carnations are beautiful. It’s like the equivalent of bringing someone a couple of Kit Kats.
Yeah, you bought “chocolates,” but come on.” [deleted]
Another User Comments:
“ESH. She shouldn’t have been passive-aggressive, and she should’ve just appreciated the thought. It’s not like you were obligated to get her any flowers since it wasn’t her birthday or anything. But duuuude. You’ve been married for SEVEN YEARS, and you don’t know which flowers are your wife’s favorite?!
That’s not cool. What else you don’t know? Her favorite color? Her favorite treat? Which allergies she has? Step up your game.” deleted]
Another User Comments:
“YTJ because this isn’t about the TV show at all. You don’t know her favorite flowers and decided to just get whatever.
The best part of a gift is the thoughtfulness of it. And although you did want to show her you were proud and make her happy, you didn’t care enough to figure out what would make her happy. You seemed to want a pat on the back for doing something, but you did something you didn’t know for sure that she liked. Of course, the thought counts, but the thought didn’t go to her preferences.
You went: I am proud of her so I am going to get her flowers but didn’t go to the crucial part of thinking what would she like and appreciate. Just like if she buys you ice cream, and it’s a flavor you don’t like, you would like the gesture, but it would feel empty because you couldn’t eat it.
She should show appreciation for the gesture, but you should know her favorite flowers.” WRose287
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. You went out of your way to surprise her and she basically threw that back in your face. She shouldn’t be surprised when you stop doing these little gestures in the future, because who wants to go out of their way for someone when they aren’t appreciative?
As for everyone crapping on him for not knowing her favorite flowers or buying the cheapest flowers in the shop, I’m curious to know when the last time was that she surprised him with anything like that. Did people tell her she cheaped out? Did she even do it at all?” [deleted]
Another User Comments:
“‘Jerk’ is too strong a word for all of this, but I think the answer is pretty clear from what you wrote. “I think roses and tulips are a bit too cliché, so I picked the ones I thought were the nicest: a bouquet of carnations.” You got carnations not because you thought your wife liked them, but because they’re the flower that you liked.
“I feel she is being unappreciative when I was trying to do something nice, and that she could have saved her “tips” for another time.” Except she did try to keep it to herself – she had a minor slip in her disappointment, but she only explained because you asked her about it later.
Why ask if you didn’t want her to explain?
Look, you say you bought the flowers because you wanted to make your wife feel better. But it feels like it was more a matter of you wanting to make yourself feel like a good husband, and you’re upset that you didn’t get that feeling.
You got the flowers you liked best, and your wife didn’t end up liking them. You didn’t like your wife’s reaction, so you prodded her for an explanation. You didn’t like her explanation, and now you’re here to get an answer from strangers. You’re prioritizing your preferences & feelings in every step of this, and that’s not going to work out great in a partnership.
The ‘social etiquette’ you stepped in is that gifts are for the receivers, not the givers. The TV show stuff was likely just her trying to explain how she feels about carnations, which happens to line up with how that character feels about them. YTJ, but it’s an easy fix with some communication.” darlingdovey
I still see the gesture as wonderful and appreciate his thoughtfulness for GETTING ME SOMETHING BEAUTIFUL.
NTJ. She is.
3. AITJ For Eating Too Much At A Party?
“I (27F) was invited to my roommate Nina’s 25F family’s NYE party. Her family is Russian, and they had a huge spread, and everyone was super welcoming and friendly.
Our other roommates ‘Tina’ and ‘Alex’ were also invited.
Nina’s grandmother kept offering me food, and I didn’t want to be rude, and the food was delicious.
Tina and Alex were side-eyeing me every time I accepted another portion, but Nina’s family kept offering me more food.
When it was time for dessert, Nina’s grandmother brought out this big layered crepe cake, some kind of traditional Russian dish, and served it up to everyone.
She seemed so happy I liked the food and told me to have as much cake as I wanted. It was so good I ate 3 slices and put 3 more slices in a Tupperware to take home.
There was one slice of cake left. Nina’s grandmother offered it around, and no one wanted it, so I took it.
I thought everything was fine, and I had a great time, but right as we were leaving, I heard Nina complaining to someone that she always looked forward to leftover cake.
In the car on the way back home, Tina and Alex made comments about how much I ate, and I got mad at them for food shaming me because it was none of their business and everyone was offering me food.
Then Tina saw the cake in my bag and started yelling at me and saying how rude and embarrassing I was and that I ate too much, and we got into a huge argument because I felt like she was criticizing my body and food-shaming me.
Now Tina and Alex aren’t talking to me, and Nina says I should have at least shared the cake with her. I don’t see what the issue is, I mean they offered me the food and all the portions. I was just being polite and enjoying myself!
I didn’t deserve to get food shamed by them, but I do feel bad since Nina said she was looking forward to cake leftovers.”
Another User Comments:
“YTJ big time for taking SEVEN pieces when there were others eating too. But you are especially for not leaving your Tupperware three pieces behind after you heard Nina wishing she had “leftover” cake.
Even if you didn’t react fast enough to think of that, why on Earth didn’t you share with your roommate who invited you to her grandmother’s house in the first place?! Offering guests food is a politeness, just as taking only a reasonable portion is a politeness.” ParsimoniousSalad
Another User Comments:
“HUGE YTJ. Major Sub Sandwich Guy vibes over here. You heard your friend be obviously sad that she didn’t get any of the cake that her family made, at her family’s event, that she was nice enough to invite you to. And you don’t even offer up the like 4 slices you have stashed in a bag?!
What is wrong with you?
I always open my cupboards to my guests and love to see them enjoy what I cook. But if I had a guest that took almost an entire dish and then even more to bring home, I would be astounded at their lack of manners and most likely not invite them back.
You weren’t even an invited guest of the host; you were a +1. Grandma didn’t force-feed you, so you don’t get to blame her for your lack of control. But “ShE kEpT oFfErInG.” get the heck out of here with that. They aren’t shaming you for stuffing your face; they are shaming you for your selfishness.” agarrabrant
Another User Comments:
“YTJ, not in a big way, but there are cultural differences and you should be paying attention to them. I would say most, if not all, cultures have a variety of situations where you are expected to say no to things even though they are being offered to you.
Grandmas are expected to offer too much, and you are not expected to take all of it. There are a variety of sociological reasons for this, but it doesn’t matter why; it’s a fact of life. What you should be doing is observing what others do and trying to act accordingly, especially if someone is your friend.
It’s the obligation of the guest to not take too much from the host, but it’s the obligation of the host to keep offering. You should have noticed no one else was taking any, and in fact, in most social situations, eating 3x as much as anyone else is extremely gauche.
You decided to treat it as an opportunity to maximize how much stuff you get for free. Pay attention next time you get invited somewhere, so you behave in a non-embarrassing way – if you get invited out again.” Hairy_Dirt3361
2. AITJ For Giving My Son A Toy I Snatched From My Nephew?
“My nephew and my son are 16 days apart.
Both are 3.5 years old. My husband and I with our kid had gone out of the station with my BIL, SIL, SIL’s father, and SIL’s cousin. Everything was going well until my nephew saw a car that my son had in his hand and wanted it.
A little backstory about the car. My son can name all the cars that he sees on the road, though he still can’t read or write. I encourage this ability in him by buying him different models of cars every month and hope it keeps him engaged in this hobby till he finds something new.
My nephew is also a smart and good kid but he doesn’t name them, which is ok, since he is good at other things. So the last time we met, the kids were playing with two of my son’s toys and my nephew took one of them home since he started crying when asked to give it back.
We have met twice since then and both times he has refused to give it back. If my son was not bothered about the toy I would have left it. But he keeps asking for that specific toy. I had texted my SIL numerous times to get it and she finally got it to the trip and gave it to me when her son was not looking.
My son got very happy after he got his car and then he suggested giving another car that he had brought with him on the trip to the nephew on the condition by me that he should not ask for it back after giving it to him, and my son agreed.
My son was playing with it and my nephew wanted it and not the other car. Their whole family kind of started ganging up on my son asking him to give it back but he refused. I told my nephew to play with the one he has but he kept insisting.
My whole issue with it is, I think we should teach kids at a very young age to not take other’s stuff. When someone says no, you have to accept it. They can easily buy a new one but they kept expecting my child to give up his car because their child cried.
My husband was of no help either. He started emotionally blackmailing my kid to give the car to the nephew or he (husband) wouldn’t talk to my son. The kid’s grandfather took the car from his grandson and tried to exchange it with my son’s car without his knowledge while he was sitting on my husband’s lap and my husband did nothing.
My kid looked defeated and betrayed and he cried. So I took his car back from the nephew and gave it to my son. After this, I ordered a new one to be given to my nephew, but he kept crying anyway. No one spoke to me after that, and the whole atmosphere changed. When they left, no one said bye to either me or my son.
It’s not about the toy for me, it’s about the principle of it. AITJ for how I handled the situation? Could it have been handled better?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Your son clearly enjoys HIS toy and you both came up with an acceptable alternative for allowing your nephew to keep a toy you’d bought that he took.
Your family just expected you and your son to give up your possession because the nephew wanted it? No. That’s silly – the world doesn’t work that way. It sounds like your family is falling into the very common practice of teaching kids that they are not allowed to say no to each other and are required to share everything anytime someone asks for it.
They’re even resorting to being sneaky, which breaks trust and teaches lying/dishonesty. Sharing can be negotiated after a certain amount of time, or timers used to teach fairness/equity. By no means do you have to teach your child that he must give up his belongings to anyone – even family.
Boundaries are encouraged and it is good to learn the lesson early that no is a complete sentence and deserves respect (barring health and safety concerns). You are definitely NTJ.” CyrianaBights
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. My daughter is 22 months old and even she understands the concept of whether something is hers and when she needs to give it back.
We do get tantrums once in a while if she really likes it (involving the infamous “MINE” chanting) but in the end, she doesn’t get away with it and although there are tears, we wait for her to calm down and after explaining it to her she sucks it up and moves on.
She is even starting to get to the point of taking toys for other kids when cousins are visiting. Stand your ground OP, I don’t know what your husband is thinking but your child always comes first. You have our support, You got this!” GingerbeardZA
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. You need to stop this right now. This is Mama Bear territory. Your son is almost 4. At that age, to him, his parents are as good as God. He’s a sponge for everything he sees and does. The whole toy thing?
He’s being shown he doesn’t matter, his feelings don’t matter, and his stuff can be taken from him without his say. Your husband has royally messed up. He’s shown his son a reason not to trust him. This will be a core memory. You don’t get that trust back.
Again, he’s almost 4. Your son can’t regulate his emotions. He might respond to this by hiding things or being secretive. Why is he doing that? Because he’s treating his parents the way they’ve taught him to treat them. You’re the parent. What you say goes.
Your child is suffering and your husband is clearly overlooking it and, instead of standing with you, he’s letting people tell you how to raise your child. If they can’t treat you or your son like a human being, then they don’t get to interact with you.” mimi7600
1. AITJ For Stealing A Lady's Machine At The Gym?
“I go to the gym every weekday over lunch. I have a set routine I do on any given day of the week. For a couple of the exercises, the gym only has one machine.
When I got there, a woman I had never seen before had set up a circuit using four different machines.
She had her sweatshirt on one, her keys on another, her phone on one, and a Gatorade bottle on the last. I needed the last machine for tricep extensions.
I worked around her for about 45 minutes. When I had finished every other exercise, I moved her now empty Gatorade bottle from the tricep machine and started doing a set.
Before I’d finished, she stopped what she was doing, came over, and said her stuff was there.
I replied that her stuff was everywhere, but she can’t just reserve half the gym. She stuttered a little, then stormed off to the front desk and threw a fit.
The guy working the desk just shrugged and probably told her more or less the same thing.
So next thing I know, she retrieved her phone, started filming me, and said, “Y’all aren’t going to believe what just happened. I’m working out at the gym.
I step away from my machine for a second, and this jerk takes it. I tell him nicely that I was using it, and he tells me to go screw myself.”
By that point, I was done with my three sets. So I wiped the machine down, then proceeded to use the arm curl machine she’d had her phone on.
I didn’t need to use it, of course, but I couldn’t resist. She blurts out, “Oh, now you take my other machine.”
I replied, “That’s the point, lady. It’s not a private gym.””
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, she needs to buy her own gym equipment if she wants her own machines.
People who think they are entitled to things which aren’t theirs when they’re not using them are beyond frustrating.” ReviewOk929
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. I work at a gym, and we can’t disallow phones because some people use them for their own music, etc., but if you’re caught recording (even yourself), we can ask you to stop, and we have asked people to leave for it, and also, machine usage when busy is limited to 15 minutes.
You waited 45? That’s more than enough. I mean you could have probably tried asking her if you could do your set before touching her stuff and then involved staff to help, but I get why.” alysethefae
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. I usually do supersets with two machines in the gym, but I also follow the rule that if someone else also wants to use one machine, be flexible and let them use it when I’m using the other machine.
Or I can simply wait for them to finish since some people use it for one or two sets. It’s not anyone’s machine, it’s the gym’s meant to be used by everyone who is a member. She could have simply allowed people to use the other three when she was using one.
But like some gym goers I have interacted with, she’s the grownup version of the kid in preschool who threw a fit when asked to share toys from the play area. Filming you without your permission is a big no-no. Report her.” anm313
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