People Get Angry Over These 'Am I The Jerk?' Stories

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Dive into a whirlpool of moral dilemmas, personal conflicts, and life-altering decisions in our latest collection of stories. From navigating family politics and stepping on societal norms, to questioning personal ethics and battling internal guilt - these tales of everyday people questioning their actions will leave you questioning. AITJ = Am I the jerk? NTJ = Not the jerk WIBTJ = Would I be the jerk? YTJ = You're the jerk

20. AITJ For Taking My Sister's Kids To Church While Babysitting?

QI

“I babysit my sister’s kids on Sunday for free. She has left the church while I have not.

Now since I babysit I take the kids with me to church since I will not stop going and going late at night doesn’t work for me.

I informed her the first time she dropped off the kids that I would still attend church.

I got a call today with her upset because the oldest was asking questions about god. I informed her again that I have been taking them to church when I babysit like I said I would since I wasn’t missing it.

She’s upset and we got into an argument about it.

AITJ for this?”

Another User Comments:

“NTJ, you didn’t hide this from her in any way. She’s only upset about it now one of them is asking questions. If she’s so bothered by it, she should find other arrangements for the kids instead of wanting you to change something very important to you.” Markeerstiften

Another User Comments:

“NTJ I’m a middle-aged Jewish man by birth, atheist by choice. If you told your sister that you’d be going to church on Sunday no matter what, it’s on her that you took them. She had/has the choice to make other childcare arrangements.

You’re in the clear in my opinion.” sdswiki

Another User Comments:

“NTJ. I’m not religious at all, and I don’t care for religion. That being said, you told her that you were still going to church, and although you didn’t exactly specify that you’d be bringing them, there’s no logical explanation for why you might say this unless to imply that you’re bringing the kids with you.

If she doesn’t like those conditions, then she should get a different sitter.” chaingun_samurai

5 points - Liked by BJ, Disneyprincess78, sctravelgma and 2 more
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Doglady 1 month ago
NTJ You told her you would continue to attend church. If she works Sundays, then the day choice may not be hers. But if she just expects you to take her kids so she can have a day off, boy oh boy is she out of bounds for any complaints. If she doesn't want them to attend, she can make other arrangements for Sundays. And if she is not paying you (I bet she isn't) then she is a total entitled brat to expect you to provide child care, miss church and live by her rules. No way are you at fault.
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19. AITJ For Threatening Divorce If My Wife Doesn't Remove Our Kids From Her Influencer Content?

QI

“My wife wants to be an influencer on TikTok and YouTube. She has been creating mommy content and content about her day-to-day life.

When she told me this was something she wanted to do I didn’t have a problem with it, I only said that I don’t want our children (4m, 2f) in ANY of her content. I didn’t monitor her channel because it didn’t seem necessary.

I recently watched her channel because I thought it was cute to see what she does in her day-to-day life. I found our children’s faces in almost all of her content.

I told her straight up she needed to remove all of her content, she said that she knew I wouldn’t agree but she didn’t think this was a big deal. I don’t like children’s content, I feel like a lot of the time when you see that children make a profit they become less of your kids and more of a product and your interactions become more performative and I can see the same thing has happened in her because she posted a video of her getting our 2 yr old out of a tantrum and how she deals with it but how is your first instinct to record and hold a camera whilst our baby is crying.

She started crying saying that she built this up and this was her dream and that deleting her content would ruin it I said I simply don’t care, if you don’t delete it I will consider a divorce. I know a lot of people have children on their social media and I don’t mind an Instagram or social media post but to make videos seem too intimate to share.

She told her friends and even hinted on her social media accounts that she has an over-controlling and narcissistic husband who doesn’t want her on social media and is currently being ridiculed by her friends. Am I being over-controlling or narcissistic……”

Another User Comments:

“NTJ. She can be a content creator without kids in the videos. There are plenty of things to do. She can still do mommy content without the kids–packing their lunches, how she gets ready, meal prep, just talking about how she handles discipline, etc. You are the other parent and have a right to say no to them being in influencer content.

As for the question of whether are you generally narcissistic and controlling–I don’t have enough info. How often do you threaten divorce? Are you controlling in other ways? It kinda sounds like this is bigger than AITJ. Your wife might be struggling in her role as a mom if she’s this latched onto being a “mommy influencer.” I would look into that.” Puzzleheaded-Value38

Another User Comments:

“NTJ. That kind of exploitative content is pretty gross to watch, NGL. Every single aspect of her parenthood is only a facade for the sake of putting it on the Internet. She’s also including her kids in a life they may not even want — what is she going to do *IF* she succeeds at becoming an influencer and her kids are recognized and hounded at school?

“Haha, hey Timmy, those were some pretty rad *Star Wars* sheets you wet when you were 4 — my mom loved your mom’s tips on getting stains out, though!” People who put their kids all over everything are never careful enough. You made ONE request, and she dismissed it entirely.

What she’s doing is disrespectful and, quite frankly, could be dangerous. There are sick people out there and she’s just turning your kids into easily identifiable targets.” ThisIsTheCaptain

Another User Comments:

“NTJ. You are protecting your children, not controlling your wife. Like you said – her priority is making a video of what she does as opposed to actually taking care of her children.

Also, she said she knew you wouldn’t agree to have the kids in the videos but did it anyway – in other words – she lied to your face. She can cry all she wants about you “crushing her dreams,” but before that, she intentionally deceived you, knowing that she had no intention of doing what she promised you she would do.

No, who is being narcissistic…” bamf1701

4 points - Liked by BJ, Disneyprincess78, sctravelgma and 1 more
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paganchick 2 months ago
NTJ do you know where most pedophiles get their "enjoyment" photos/videos? The internet. I tell all my friends and family to never post photos or videos of children on their social media unless they want some pervert downloading them and having a good time while drooling over their kids.
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18. AITJ For Choosing To Move Out On My Own Instead Of With My Parents?

QI

“So for context, I (21M) live with my parents (my mom 44F and Dad 42M) in an apartment that they rent.

I have two younger brothers and we all three share a bedroom. Recently we’ve been asked by the landlord to move out because he no longer wants to rent out the apartment and wants to use the space for something else. He gave us three months to move out.

The original plan was to move all of us together either into a bigger apartment or buy a triplex. Everything was going okay until my parents found out I went to Rome on a secret vacation at the same time they went on vacation as well and got extremely disappointed that I would hide such a thing.

We had a whole argument. And amid that conversation, my dad said that he would not invest money with me at all. So after that, I assumed I would be looking for a place to live by myself and I began looking. Eventually, then my parents wanted to have a conversation about what happened and we both apologized to each other for what we did.

And they asked me to decide if I was going to move out by myself or with them. Because they were planning on buying a house and giving me a separate unit to rent and I would be paying them or getting a bigger apartment and rent with them.

I told them to let me think out and my dad said whatever you choose I will be okay with. But not even a day had passed and he was nagging an answer out of me and eventually out of frustration I went with moving out.

He said okay and hung up and I was relieved that everything was okay. Now I was feeling a little regret about my decision since I felt like it was rash. But I didn’t want to say anything because I was afraid that my dad would get angry.

My mom eventually told me that they were planning on buying a house about an hour away from where we currently live and she wanted me to change my decision I told her that I regretted what I had said and later we all had a conversation where I told them I wanted to move out with them.

They told me greatly and that they were looking at buying a house because they’re getting too old to be renting an apartment but I told them that the houses they were planning on buying were very far away and it was going to be very difficult for me since I work a graveyard shift and that would be an hour commute by car compared to my 15-minute commute home that’s right now.

And I thought it wasn’t a good idea and I had other reasons. My dad didn’t like my answer and said we have to sacrifice a lot not just me and that forget it because they can’t change who I am. A narcissist he called me.

He said that I rejected him multiple times to move out together and that all I think about is myself. After that, we went separate ways and now my mom texts me a picture of the house they were going to buy saying we can no longer buy since we have a son who won’t help us and the cousin they had planned to rent a room to can’t rent with us so we can’t buy it.

AITJ”

Another User Comments:

“NTJ. You are 21. Your plan should be moving out, not necessarily right away (although it seems you don’t get the choice) but certainly within the next few years. Your parents, however, seem to want to make a long-term financial commitment that is partially carried by your shoulders.

That is not realistic. At all. It would make it impossible for you to start your own adult life without ruining theirs.” Jocelyn-1973

Another User Comments:

“NTJ They can’t afford it if they need you to rent from them. And also what stops them from renting that separate part out to someone else?

Mainly – you are an adult. It is time for you to spread your wings. They cannot bank on you to enable them to raise your younger brothers. It would make sense for them to figure out what they can afford on their own in the long run anyhow as your brothers will also move out soon enough.” OLAZ3000

Another User Comments:

“NTJ. It’s not your place to make up for their financial failures (in my book relying on your child to support you and your other kids is that). Also who cares if they’re “too old to be renting”?! They’re the ones who decided to have more dependents and having a home or buying anything is something that should be based on the ability to do so and not just desire.

The fact that they said one thing and then put you on blast makes them the jerks and they’re trying to blame you for their shortcomings.” dunks615

4 points - Liked by BJ, Disneyprincess78, sctravelgma and 1 more
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Doglady 1 month ago
NTJ You have been sharing a bedroom with 2 other boys? That alone would make me move. If they were planning on buying did they expect you to live with them for the rest of your life? What about your brothers? It is not realistic for them to expect you to support their home choice, especially since it does not work with your job. Find someplace to live and let your parents figure this out. They cannot expect you to support them at 21.
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17. AITJ For Choosing Not To Stay With My Dad Anymore Due To Lack Of Privacy And Comfort?

QI

“My parents divorced when I was young and my mom got full custody of me.

She agreed to let me visit my dad during holidays and a weekend every two weeks.

For as long as I remember, my dad used to have different partners but he always had his apartment in which I had my room, until five years ago.

He started seeing a woman and they were together for five years before they broke up, but for most of this time, we lived in her house.

She has two kids but the house only had three bedrooms, so I slept in the same room as my stepsister during the five years.

For the first year, they could not afford a real bed, so my “bed” was just a mattress on the floor. Then I got a real bed, I was in a bunk bed and the whole time, my stepbrother had his room.

Since I didn’t have my room, it was difficult for me to focus entirely on my school work, I didn’t have any privacy and couldn’t isolate myself.

During all those five years, my dad promised me that I would have my room soon when they would have the money. I did not believe this since he often bought expensive things (new computer, vacation all-inclusive with a partner). I never told anything because I did not want him to be mad at me, I was really shy and anxious at the time, even with my own family.

They broke up recently and my dad went back to living with his parents since the house belongs to my ex-stepmom. And since she threw away most of his stuff he must buy new furniture.

I still don’t have my room at my grandparents, I sleep in my dad’s room when I go there and he takes the couch (it can change into a bed, I don’t know if there is a word for it).

There is stuff in this room that belongs to both of my grandparents and my dad so I really can’t tell them to not come in, even if I am working for school. Plus my grandparents wake up at 6 every morning and don’t care if they wake us up or not, so we also wake up very early.

My dad is still promising me that he will find a flat where I have my room, but I never see him searching.

I think the final straw was when I learned that he was not saving money as he told me he was, since he went on a trip to Egypt, without telling me.

The school year is starting soon (tomorrow for me) and I need to focus on my work, since it is the last year before graduation if I can’t sleep on the weekends because of my grandparents, I am going to be overwhelmed with stress.

I talked to my mom about not going to my dad’s house the whole weekend and not sleeping there anymore and she is entirely on my side. She helped me figure out a way to tell my dad and I told him yesterday.

He tried to convince me not to do that but I told him that I already made my decision.

He was sad that we would not see each other as much but agreed to do that.

My mom told me that she is proud of me for expressing what I want and need and I am proud of myself too, but I still feel bad for my dad, he looked really sad about this.

Am I the jerk?”

Another User Comments:

“NTJ. You deserve stability, comfort, and privacy as much as your parents can provide. Your father could not do that and it was affecting your schoolwork. You’re not the jerk for expressing your feelings. It might help if you emphasize that it does not mean you don’t love your father anymore and still want to spend time with him, but until you finish school, you won’t be staying with him.” subsroo

Another User Comments:

“NTJ, and if you were my kid and in this situation, I’d be proud of you too. Maybe I’m a little bit harsh to say this, but your dad sounds like a bit of a deadbeat, to be honest, and he isn’t prioritizing you.

You also have to do what is best for you, and if what’s best for you is to stay with your mom, then so be it” Squirrelly_Khan

Another User Comments:

“NTJ. Your mom is right. You set a reasonable boundary and expressed it clearly.

Your focus right now should be your school work and you’re doing what you need to do to do so. It doesn’t sound like you’re doing this to be petty or manipulative. You know what you need to study and do well at school, and you’re taking reasonable steps to ensure that you have that.

It sucks that your dad is upset, but the year before graduation is a lot of stress for students and you need to be able to get the sleep you need and have the space to focus on your studies. Good luck with school and kudos to you for setting your boundaries.” BoundPrincess84

2 points - Liked by sctravelgma and lebe
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Doglady 1 month ago
You need your privacy and quiet to study. Your dad is a jerk to talk about finding a place and then going off on expensive vacations, obviously not saving for a place to live and give you your space. You are behaving like an adult and he should be proud of you for worrying about grades.
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16. AITJ For Considering Cutting Off My Brother And Not Letting Him Stay At My Place After A Concert?

QI

“Me (m27) and my brother (m22) got tickets earlier this year for a concert in the city I am living in. I said he could stay in my flat for the night after the concert, so he doesn’t have to drive home for 4 hours in the middle of the night.

My brother is still living in my family home in the countryside and is obsessed with his car and so are his friends. I moved to the capital of the country I lived in 7 years ago.

Where I grew up (we are not from the US, we are living in Europe) many people are close-minded, sexist, and homophobic with no respect for how the world changes and prefer to live in the “good” old times (more young people in their 20s then I wish).

I personally always had a problem with that, and I also don’t engage in conversations if these topics come up because I am more of a neutral type of guy who doesn’t want a conflict if it is not directly targeting my wife (f30) or friends.

In games and real life, he will call someone gay as an insult (really common for this kind of person to use this), a woman a derogatory term (real women and also in games when the person is playing a female character), or “Ow this must be a girl how bad she is playing”.

So, he and I are polar opposite people. Yesterday he asked if we have a place free to play some video games with me/us and he would be there in 20 – 25 Minutes. I answered we may have a spot free. Unfortunately, or more likely lucky we didn’t have one free in the end because a friend turned up and we started as a full stack.

When he arrived, I just got a message that I was a stupid jerk. I told him to watch how he talked and that I said that we might not have a space. His answer was a wall of text with more insults, telling me the next time I came home he would agree to pick me up from the train but turn up with a full car to say, “Oops sorry my car is full”.

I did not answer this text, but my wife saw it and got mad. She does not like my brother that much because of his spoiled brat attitude and because he always insults me, makes jokes about me, and is a jerk.

His tantrums are well known by my family, and we let him cool off and then it’s fine for a time again but now I am just thinking someone messed up in his childhood to educate him.

My wife told me this morning that she is sure that he will end up in prison or gone and honestly, I agree.

He has anger management issues, yelling slurs, insults all kinds of stuff, and is driving recklessly and fast. Sometimes when I get a call from my parents, they will tell me he had a car accident.

I am fed up with his attitude, his anger, his sexist and homophobic comments, and his reckless driving.

So, the concert is in three weeks, and I am thinking about going with someone else, tell him he can have his ticket but has to find a place to sleep because no way I will let him sleep in my home and tell him to get therapy and to cut anything related to him until his mental and temper is going better.”

Another User Comments:

“NTJ – I have a feeling you’re Romanian or at least a Romania neighbor anyway, it has to be more and more common in our culture to cut off toxic people. Your brother sounds like a literal nightmare (just like my homophobic, misogynistic arrogant brother) and for sure in the future, he will hurt your family.

What if he is verbally abusive to one of your children? I’m sure he is capable of behaving like this with anyone. If I were you, I would give him the ticket and tell him he is never welcome in my home again.” No-Substance-3365

2 points - Liked by sctravelgma and lebe
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15. AITJ For Refusing To Help My Estranged Stepson With His Kids?

QI

“This is a bit complicated, I am a stepmom to five wonderful kids. I became their stepmom when the oldest was 9.

I adopted all of them but one and that is Nick. He never wanted me to be his mom which is fine. The moment he turned 18 he made it very clear he doesn’t care about me at all.

I wasn’t invited to his wedding, any holidays, and so on if he was hosting.

My last straw was when he told me that he would come to Christmas that I was hosting if I left. So we are very low contact.

Along with that, he has blown up every sibling relationship. He has two girls now and he called me up.

This was a surprise and we started talking.

After I while he started complaining about not getting help at all to raise his kids. He asked me to watch them on Sunday and step up as a grandparent.

I told him the reason the village doesn’t exist to raise his kids is due to him burning that village down.

He called me a jerk and hung up. My husband is iffy on the situation but told me it’s my call since I would be the one to watch the kids most of the time since he travels often for work.”

Another User Comments:

“NTJ. He called to complain he isn’t getting help, he didn’t call saying he regrets that he messed up his relationships. He wants something from you, he doesn’t want you. This sucks, please prioritize yourself and the people in your life who care about you.” Self_Reintegration

Another User Comments:

“NTJ. Actions have outcomes. He chose a course of action that eroded any family connections he had over the years. He can’t come back now and complain that those connections aren’t around to help him now that he needs them. This was his choice.

He now has to accept the outcomes of his actions.” User

Another User Comments:

“NTJ. It is a bit hard babysitting if you are not allowed in the room. Also, those kids don’t know you, if Nick wants you to babysit, then he needs to start coming over for Christmas and dinner and try to be a part of the family.

I would give him one chance to rebuild the village, just one, it means coming over for Christmas, letting you know the girls but it will take years before the trust is back.” CakePhool

2 points - Liked by lebe and rbleah
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Doglady 1 month ago
NTJ This stepson of yours is a total jerk. You said you married his father when the oldest child was 9 (and there were 5 kids). So even if Nick got married very young--like 19--you would have been in his life for 10 years and he still did not let you attend his wedding!! And he wanted you to leave your own home when you were hosting Christmas? He is a spoiled, insensitive brat. He has treated you badly for years and now he wants you to babysit his kids? jerk no. And your spouse is a jerk for not telling him off long ago for treating you badly. You have no reason to help this brat out. I hope you tell him no and that he made his bed.
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14. AITJ For Being Angry With My Family For Buying The House I Was Planning On Buying?

QI

“Been living abroad for over 12 years, I go back home to visit multiple times a year. The last year or so when visiting, me and my partner have been talking about moving back there, as while it is not as good for our careers it is a much better quality of life.

Last month we went back for a family thing and started looking for houses. One in particular near my folk’s house stood out and we were very excited about it. There are not a lot of houses of that standard available in that village. On the last night of our stay, we had a big family dinner and talked about it and how nice it was.

It’s worth saying that we don’t have jobs there yet but after we flew back out, we were talking to the estate agent about doing a long takeover for that reason. And that fit the owners well. But there were still a few things for us to iron out when moving countries before we could make an offer.

That’s when I heard that my sister’s partner who lives a bit away from my family (they all live in that village) went to look at it too. I’m a bit annoyed because he only planned a viewing after hearing how nice we thought it was.

So I call up my dad and ask what is going on. I know that while my sister could never afford it, my parents bought the house she is currently living in and might be able to, and my sister’s partner does well but also has wealthy parents.

So I asked my dad directly if they were going to move their investment into this house for my sister, and they said no, never. I also make it clear that I am working on making an offer and would not be happy if my sister and her partner made one.

2 days later while I was talking to banks etc, I got a text from my mum saying she was sorry to tell me but my sister’s partner have made an offer. I text back that I am disappointed, but I hold back because I don’t want to involve them as it’s between me and my sister and partner.

Angers me though as now I either have to let it go or enter a bidding war … which is ridiculous, so I end up dropping it.

Two days later my 2nd sister texted me and said she is sorry as well, and I didn’t hold back I said how angry I was that my 1st sister’s partner who knew I was actively working on purchasing it and just swooped in and did that.

I know that I have some hurdles to jump and that I can’t prevent him from offering, but the fact that he knew the situation and hurried to get a bid in without even calling me and asking me or letting me know is just pretty bad form.

My 1st sister then texted me to say “Oh we didn’t know you were interested”. I haven’t replied yet.

To top it off… Today my dad called me and said “Oh we didn’t think the house was that great actually… and by the way, we bought part of the house with your sister’s partner so that, your sister can be on the deed.”

I explode on the phone. Saying I think my sis’s partner is a jerk for swooping in and not letting me know, and that they suck for buying in as well after saying they wouldn’t. After much debate, I hang up. AITJ?”

Another User Comments:

“NTJ and your family have used your labor of finding a house for their benefit and against you. Conclusions: * Don’t trust your family to do the right thing. Keep your plans secret. * Think carefully about moving anywhere near your family. * You may want to be in less of a hurry to move back.

You can spend more time abroad and improve your career.” extinct_diplodocus

Another User Comments:

“NTJ To be honest I wonder if your parents want your sister closer and they all had discussions about your sister and her partner moving in? That’s why no one was honest with you.

Even if they thought you wouldn’t be able to make an offer…they would have been open and honest with their involvement before taking action. If you like it put your offer in, even if it’s a bidding war. Everyone expects you to roll over and let them have it.

Then your sister will know you want it…and see what she does. Backoff or digs her heals in. And I don’t understand why your parents helped your sister and not you. That’s confusing.” Lovelyday2023

Another User Comments:

“NTJ. I would be hurt if it was my family that bought a house I was interested in.

That’s the emotional part of me. Realistically, there is no guarantee you would have gotten this home. You weren’t ready to make an offer. Had no financing secured. No jobs in this area. How long would all of this take? You could have presented an offer contingent on financing before the partner swooped in.

If it had been accepted that would have locked in the deal for an agreed-upon length of time. Usually about 30 days.” zoegi104

1 points - Liked by lebe
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13. AITJ For Snapping At My In-Law Who Said My Cancer Isn't My Fault?

QI

“I have stage IV cancer with young kids and wife. Probably going to perish within 1-2 years so my patience is shortened with certain people. In-law says to me “It must be so hard for your family and what your family is going through. I want you to know this is not your fault”.

They have said something similar to me before and I just said “I know” and moved on. This time I couldn’t take it and said, “No kidding, it’s pretty obvious I didn’t deserve cancer and I know it’s not my fault for getting it”.

She became upset and told a few people I was rude to her. Should I apologize? Am I misunderstanding what point she was trying to make? The only way I can think of taking it is that there could be a thought in people’s minds that it is my fault for getting cancer and making things so hard for my young family.

I’m young, and lived a healthy life (not that I would deserve cancer even if I didn’t) so I don’t get it. Am I being overly sensitive? Was she just looking for a Good Will Hunting moment? I honestly don’t get her point.”

Another User Comments:

“NTJ When someone is talking to you directly about your situation, they should be extra compassionate and have sympathy for YOU. If they were talking to your family members, then it is okay to sympathize with their perspective. Your in-laws were telling you how hard it is on the people around you, but not even recognizing what this is doing to you.

Telling you it’s not your fault is ridiculous when you’ve never voiced that you felt it was. I’m very sorry and hope a stranger on the internet helps you know that you aren’t wrong for anything you feel. I hope you are working through your bucket list.” tatersprout

Another User Comments:

“NTJH, but I can see why she’d initially assume that you’d find that reassuring. I have a severe (but not terminal) chronic illness and people frequently imply that it’s my fault and that I could have prevented it by “having a more positive attitude” etc. Lots of healthy people like to imagine that their health is 100% a deserved reward for good behavior, so there are a lot of victim-blaming narratives out there, especially in religious/spiritual/self-help spaces.

But she should’ve taken the hint the first few times she said it. And the fact that she thinks you need to prioritize being unrelentingly polite/taking care of her feelings even though you’re the one who is dying, makes her the jerk in this situation in my opinion.” Gem_Snack

Another User Comments:

“NTJ. I don’t get why people say stuff like that. Let alone a second time after a blunt response to the first. It’s just a given that it’s not deserved. Saying that some people genuinely are trying to be polite but still say the wrong things because they don’t know what else to say.

I wouldn’t apologize, I don’t think you did anything wrong. If they do it yet again, then they are just trying to annoy you or naive to the intricate feelings in the situation. That being said, I hope you’re surrounded by people who care and try to make things as easy as possible for you.” InfamousDemigod88

1 points - Liked by lebe
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12. AITJ For Cutting Off My Dad After He Neglected Me Due To His New Wife?

QI

“I (30f) was 12 years old when my mother and my father divorced. My mom won my and my older sister’s custody and we lived with her. Dad had every 2nd weekend with me. They fought for me so hard my mom tried to turn me against him: she told me he wasn’t my bio father but honestly I didn’t care.

He raised me. He loved me. He took care of me. Pampered me. Always gave us cool gifts at events. They took us on nice vacations in Italy, and Greece. When I was in school he came to the fence just to say hello and gave me a hug and a bag of candies that I always shared with my schoolmates.

Today I still don’t understand what went sideways in our family life that made my mom divorce him.

When I was 16 he found himself a woman. He worked in the parliament and after a government change, he was fired. After that, he went to uni to teach protocol and event organization and that’s where he found his 4th wife.

At first, I thought she was cool. She speaks Japanese and is a Japanese tour guide and taught Japanese. I liked anime at the time so I happily learned from her too. Things started to go sideways when my mom died under two months because of asthma when I was 18.

I became depressed I closed in. I didn’t go to college or uni. I just went to work while my dad wrote a contract that he would pay me child support. So he paid for my rent. I worked so I could eat. Time passed and he started to neglect me.

He didn’t let me visit him. He met with me secretly because his wife was angry when we met. She became kinda psychotic and threatened my dad. She did everything to separate me from him. Eventually, I just met with them on Christmas. I stopped completely when one time lied to me because his “wife said so”.

I was so broken I cried the whole evening and cut him out

I tried to reconcile with him when I got together with my now husband. My dad was open to me and we met a few times but never alone. He always brought his wife.

Every time I called him she was there too and I was on speaker. He never called me tbh. Not even a text for my bd. The second time he broke me was when I invited him to my wedding and he said yes… but then his wife said no so he changed his mind.

In the end, he came to only my ceremony and he led me to the altar but my smile wasn’t true in any of these pictures. They tainted the whole thing for me because if my husband didn’t force him to come he would never see me in white.

After the wedding, I cut him out again. Wasn’t hard since he never called for me in the past 10-15 years. He doesn’t know that I learned a profession had a child recently and got my life straight. My family sometimes tells me I should call him (we don’t know if he is still alive since he was born in ’46) so he will know but I’m still very hurt.

If he doesn’t care why should I? My husband’s parents are enough for me but I know my child will ask the question sooner or later ‘Where are my parents’ and I can’t say anything to her. So AITJ?”

Another User Comments:

“NTJ. A thing people forget sometimes is that in this scenario – no matter how old you are – you are the child in this relationship.

It’s your dad’s responsibility to work on his end of the relationship, and it’s not like you didn’t try. He made his choices, and it sounds like you did well for yourself. You’ll know how to explain it to your kids when the time comes.

Do what is best for you.” januarygirl3456

Another User Comments:

“It would have been nice to have an actual father, but unfortunately, you don’t have one. In reality, he’s a stranger to you. Don’t be afraid to tell your child the truth when the time comes.

I wouldn’t reach out to him. The ball has fallen in his court time and time again, but he keeps walking away from the court. Invest 100% of your energy in moving on with your life. He has moved on with his. – NTJ” Me_Thinks_Not

Another User Comments:

“I think you should try one last time, contact him. People change ya know? I find this whole situation depressing I’m in the same situation and I can’t find the courage, no one would blame you if you don’t contact him, it takes courage tbh.

The last time I saw my dad I broke and just cried to my brother I don’t think I can’t handle it, I hope you find the courage. imo NTJ.” Extra-Ad2371

1 points - Liked by lebe
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11. AITJ For Leaving A Party Because A Drama-Causing Individual Was Invited?

QI

“A few weeks ago one of my friends decided that she wanted to have a final get-together for summer.

She created a social media page for the party and made me an admin on the page.

She told me that if there was anyone I wanted to invite she had forgotten to go ahead and add them to the guest list.

So I’m going through the guest list to see who she’s already invited and everything was looking good until I came across one name.

For the sake of this story, we’re going to call this girl Ashley B.

This girl is a notorious drama queen and half the people invited to this party have had legitimate issues with her because of her telling lies that she knew full well weren’t true when she told them.

I privately messaged my friend and asked her why she would invite her to the party knowing the amount of problems she had caused in the past.

She said that she thought I was overstating it and that she didn’t want to be rude by not inviting her as she knew it would get back to her that we were having a get-together.

I told her that if she was there it was most certainly going to cause problems and that it would probably be best if we just removed her from the invite.

She didn’t want to be rude so she wouldn’t do it but I had no problem being the villain of the story and went ahead and removed her from the page.

Well, she had gotten the invite already because on the day of the party not only did she show up but she was the first person there, even before me.

Upon getting to the party and realizing that she was there I literally turned around and walked out out of frustration and headed back to my truck.

As I was getting ready to leave another pair of our mutual friends rolled up and jokingly asked if I was calling it quits already.

I took a moment and then I turned to them and said that yes, yes I was and to have a good evening.

When they asked me why I was leaving I told them it was because Ashley was here.

It took them a moment and then they asked

“You don’t mean Ashley B do you?”

To which I responded yes, that’s exactly who I mean.

And with that, they got back in their car and left

I left and that was the last I had heard of it from that night but apparently, the word spread rather quickly because when it was all said and done only about five out of two dozen people invited showed up, and from what I understand it was directly related to her being there.

My friend that threw the party is angry with me and telling me that it’s my fault and that

I ruined the party.

I told her that I would love to know how my choosing to leave and only speaking to two people who were going to attend made it my fault.

I told her that from what I had heard the reason it fell apart was because she insisted on inviting Ashley B., so if anybody was to blame it was her for inviting her in the first place.

She is still on this and wants me to apologize, but I flat-out told her I was not going to apologize for something that was not my fault.

Am I the jerk?”

Another User Comments:

“NTJ. You tried to prevent your friend from ruining her party. Even if you never showed up at the party and never said a word about Ashley B to anyone else, wouldn’t the results be the same? One thing is unclear: Did your friend ask you to be the bad guy on her behalf and remove Ashley B from the invite list?” [deleted]

Another User Comments:

“NTJ. People didn’t bail because you left, they bailed because Ashley B was attending. The alternative would’ve been them showing up, seeing her, and then either leaving or feeling locked into an uncomfortable situation. You should stand your ground, and tell your friend that when you try to please everybody, you often end up pleasing nobody.” TotalPerspectVortex

Another User Comments:

“NTJ, you expressed to your friend what you thought would happen if Ashley came. She chose not to listen, Ashley came (seems like this was going to happen no matter what you did once she got the initial invite), so you chose not to be there.

You didn’t badmouth her party or make any effort to get other people not to go. You chose to remove yourself from a toxic situation (where the host was unlikely to support you if necessary) and were honest about why when asked. I don’t get all these people saying you are dramatic or like drama when it seems like all you did was remove yourself from the presence of a person who makes you and others uncomfortable (or worse) whenever they’re around.” Dredpiratechewy

1 points - Liked by lebe
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10. AITJ For Not Immediately Revealing My Prosthetic Leg To Keep My Train Seat?

QI

“A few years ago I (16F) lost my left leg in an accident.

I’ve been using a prosthetic leg since then, and because my family is well off, it is a pretty advanced one to the point where it just looks like I just have two normal legs whenever I wear long trousers. Which I usually do because I’m self-conscious about showing my prosthetic.

These days I can pretty much do anything I like without issues, walking, running, going upstairs, etc. The main issue is keeping my balance when there are sudden changes in movement, in places like trains and buses. This is where the topic of this post comes in.

I was riding the train and sat down in the seat reserved for disabled, elderly, and pregnant women. It was pretty busy so there were no other seats available, and a few stops later a woman came up to me telling me I needed to move because she needed that seat and I shouldn’t be sitting there.

I told her I was sorry, but I needed the seat myself. She got all argumentative that I just needed to get up because the seat was meant for the elderly and I was just a lazy child who was more than capable of standing.

I again apologized and said I needed the seat myself. She left and got the train conductor, who also told me to get up from the seat. I was done with being treated this way now, so I rolled up my trouser leg, showed my prosthetic, and told her I wasn’t going to move.

She suddenly got very red-faced and mumbled something before she got off at the next station.

AITJ? I could have said I have a prosthetic right away, but it’s a touchy subject for me and it makes me feel very self-conscious. That’s why I always wear long trousers so nobody can see or has to know.”

Another User Comments:

“NTJ We’re all built differently. I’d have just pulled up my pant leg and been like “You serious?” But you did it differently and more politely than would have done. You cannot possibly be a jerk for handling it more graciously than most would.” He_Who_Is_Person

Another User Comments:

“NTJ, you shouldn’t have to talk about your health/medical status to strangers. People need to check their privilege. Just because it’s uncommon for a young person to have a disability doesn’t mean you should assume any teenager sitting there is doing it selfishly.

I’ve seen groups of teenagers make sure others move for elderly, pregnant, or disabled people. They may have hoodies on, but 99% still have a moral compass.” greenapple_redapple

Another User Comments:

“NTJ. And please complain about the conductor. Invisible disabilities are challenging. Others will argue that complaining is overkill, but it’s not.

It’s education that we, the invisible disabled, desperately need. He may have learned his lesson from your interaction, but my amateur analysis says there are still way too many jerks out there. Complaining reinforces the message. Sorry, this happened to you. What is challenging that no one else gets is that we already feel bad enough having to use these accommodations.

After 20 years, there’s still a bit of imposter syndrome whenever I use my Placard because I’m not in a wheelchair. I admire your restraint. If I had a prosthesis, I’d have taken it off and shown her with it.” AdOne8433

1 points - Liked by lebe
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9. AITJ For Accidentally Ruining My SIL's Skin With My Skincare Products?

QI

“So my (17M) SILs (29F), family are hosting a family gathering, They are big on family and they have room to invite everyone, which includes, my parents, my older sister, and me since we are technically family.

Now I’m big on skincare, I had horrible skin when I was 13, and it started as a way to fix it, but even after my skin got better I just like it, it keeps my skin looking good and I find it relaxing. I packed my essentials for the two weeks we would be there.

I’ll admit it was still quite a lot but it wasn’t insane.

Now the room I was staying in I was sharing with one of SILs nieces near my age, the bedroom has an en-suite bathroom. I put my things on a shelf, I made sure with the niece that I wasn’t taking up too much room.

SIL came in to check on us and saw all my things, she asked about some things I had since they were expensive brands (she’s made it a big point that she and her family have a lot more money than my family over the years).

I told her I saved and got them myself (I have a job). She asked to use them and I said no because they were expensive and I wanted them to last as long as possible. She seemed annoyed but just left.

Over the next few days my SIL was complaining that her skin was dry and itchy, I didn’t think anything of it.

Halfway through the stay she came storming down the stairs and threw a small spray bottle at me, asking me why the heck I did this to her. I was confused and asked what she meant. Turns out she’s been going into the bathroom I share with her niece and using my skincare, but she’s been using what she thought was a spray bottle of water at the end, but she’s been using a bottle of salt water which I have because I have 4 pretty fresh ear piercings.

At first, I asked why the heck she was using my stuff, and she said it was her family’s house so she could use it, I told her no, it’s my stuff and I said no. She just reiterated her first point and then asked me if I would trick her like this, I explained that it’s salt water for my ears but she just called me a liar, asking why I would have it on the bathroom shelf next to the rest of my skincare stuff.

She then went on about how I purposely ruined her skin.

I again tried explaining myself, SIL then turned to my mother and her mother and said she had asked about my skincare and I had explained everything and said the bottle was water, which was total bs, she only asked about my expensive ones.

Her niece backed me up but SIL called niece a liar, MIL was upset and said I’m horrible and just jealous of SIL and my mother said she was disappointed and embarrassed at me.

This then caused her and my dad to argue and now I feel like garbage.

SIL family and my mother are ignoring me or being passive-aggressive. They even threw out my saltwater won’t let me make a new batch, and have stopped me when I try. I don’t know what to do, AITJ?”

Another User Comments:

“NTJ What is wrong with this family???

Don’t use other people’s stuff Don’t eat other people’s food “I tried a mystery skin care product and now my skin is bad” Lucky for her it wasn’t a glycolic acid mix NTJ and take care of your piercings, even if you have to make a fresh batch every night That’s some serious business, you don’t want infection It’s infuriating that her selfish tantrum is interfering directly with your healthcare.” SnooRadishes5305

Another User Comments:

“NTJ she shouldn’t have used someone else’s stuff without permission. there was no tricking involved, she made assumptions and only asked about the expensive bottles with fancy-looking labels. I know you’re 17 so this family dynamic will seem normal to you, but this is not healthy or seem to be good for your mental health.

it is especially bad that you’re being degraded by your mother who instinctively (and falsely) believes SIL over you. niece probably has been in that same position before.” beesinabottle

Another User Comments:

“NTJ. You didn’t do anything wrong and your in-laws sound particularly toxic. Not sure why your mom didn’t back you up especially after the niece corroborated your story so she is the jerk too.

I’m hoping since she fought with your dad he’s on your side. Buy a small case for your stuff that you can take in and out of the bathroom with you and store it under your bed or in a drawer when you’re not using it.” Ok-Profession-9372

1 points - Liked by lebe
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8. AITJ For Refusing To Wipe My Roommate's Dog?

QI

“I’ve lived with Mark for a year now, and ~6 weeks ago, he decided he wanted a dog. He asked us in the house if we were okay with it, and everybody said yes. I said I didn’t want responsibility for it, but I wouldn’t go against it despite him not letting me get a cat claiming allergies.

The next day, Mark gets the dog. He was ~4 pounds, skinny, with long hair that was patchy because the dog had fleas. I knew that instant this dog would be a pain in my backside.

Fast forward to last week. The dog is healthy and usually responds to his name.

I work from home, and our rooms are next to each other. Mark works about 9 hours a day at work, and the dog needs to go the the bathroom pretty often. So another roommate and I both agree we’ll take the dog out once or twice while Mark is at work.

After some time, the dog gets used to us taking him out – I take him out during my lunch break. For a while, he’d do his business and then run around, when it was time to take him in he’d come when I called him and said come.

Lately, he’s hesitant to go. He just looks at me when I call him and bites when I try to get him to stop eating trash.

It was cute at first but he’s gotten more difficult. Dog has fits now, like panic attacks, where he’ll start shaking for no reason, and yips if he doesn’t get attention, and I think Mark is making it worse by catering to it.

Mark took him to the Vet ER this weekend because he was shaking so badly and had diarrhea, but the vet found wrong with him, and now Mark insists on keeping an eye on him outside so he doesn’t eat trash, which I’ve been doing, and have bite marks to prove it.

Now we get to today. The dog has had diarrhea and has been constipated on and off for a few days. I took him out twice today because Mark texted saying he woke up late and couldn’t take him out this morning. I took the dog out at 11 and again at 1 because he didn’t go the first time.

Whatever, no big deal. He does his business and I take him in when he starts eating grass.

And now for the tipping point. Tonight, I’m in the living room trying to fix a few computers after dinner. Mark takes the dog out and comes to talk to me when he brings him in.

He says that because of diarrhea, when I take the dog in, I need to lift his tail and to paraphrase, then I need to inspect his backside to see if there’s a mess around his backside and legs. I remembered what I said before he got the dog – the responsibility will fall on me, and I’m not okay with that.

I say I’m not gonna do that, and Mark is visibly upset. So I humor him – if I was to look at his backside and see a mess, then what? He tells me I should just take a wet wipe and clean him. I looked Mark square in the eye and told him, “Dude, I am not wiping your dog’s backside.” He walks off upset, and once he’s up the stairs yells something like “I hope you can never have kids.”

I think I’ve been accommodating, and I’ve done more than I ever wanted to in the first place, so for him to ask me to do that, and respond the way he did, I’ve got to ask, AITJ?”

Another User Comments:

“NTJ. As a dog trainer and breeder, I completely understand your position.

You made it clear what you are willing to do. He must look after his dog or find the appropriate care. It could simply be the dog’s diet. If the dog is having wet food higher chances of runny poo. He needs to be more responsible for the animal he decides to buy.

And tell him to hire somebody to take the dog on walks and cater to the dog. He’s lucky you guys even walked the dog. And it’s not the dog’s fault he’s got a lousy owner.” GuiltyPick

Another User Comments:

“Ntj Mark is.

Stick to your original terms. Refuse to do anything for the dog. Mark has decided since you caved once and started taking the dog out that now he can walk all over you and demand you help take care of his dog. Just tell him no more.

His dog. His responsibility. Yes, I am a dog lover. I have 4 dogs and I am responsible for them. Mark should be held responsible for his dog. Enough of this nonsense.” Dontbither

Another User Comments:

“NTJ, it’s not your dog and not your responsibility. If your roommate didn’t have the time to take care of his dog and couldn’t be bothered to hire someone else to watch it while he was at work, he should’ve never gotten a dog.

It sounds like this dog has behavioral and health issues that your friend isn’t dealing with either because a dog really shouldn’t be biting people and having diarrhea that often. If it gets really bad, I’d call animal control while your roommate is at work, honestly, and have them assess the situation.” Ravenz3333

1 points - Liked by lebe
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Doglady 1 month ago
NTJ Having a dog is a big responsibility. Dogs sometimes have problems with hair in the butt area and poo getting on the hair. A trip to a groomer for a trim of the area can help with this. I have 4 dogs and it is nasty if a long haired dog gets the trots. It should be the owner's job to deal with it. But a dog who is having lots of digestive issues is either being fed the wrong diet or has health issues. It sounds like it is a very, very small dog. Lots of folks put pads down for little dogs to use. Mark could close the dog up in his room with pads down and then deal with cleaning up. I hate to let a dog go in the house. I would say that something is off if the dog is having lots of diarrhea.
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7. AITJ For Being Upset My Parents Invited My Partner To A Family Event?

QI

“So I (F21) have been studying in Europe for about 2 1/2 years. Last year around April I met a guy (we’ll name him Jacob) and started seeing him and it was very exciting. However, it was far from being a healthy relationship but I couldn’t see it in the beginning.

In August we flew to my home country with my brother (who also lives here) and I was really happy because I hadn’t seen my whole family since I moved. Before I left my family and I were having a rough time emotionally and it made it harder to leave.

Before my 10-hour flight, I received a text from my beau’s ex. I was so weirded out and asked my brother what I should do. He said to open it and it was a text saying that as women we should help each other out + a picture of my beau making out with a girl.

I was so shocked I didn’t know what to do, it was after all the first time I got betrayed. My brother, as he is, didn’t know what to say so he just told me that I should wait and talk to my parents.

When we landed I had a text from him telling me all about it and how he was just so intoxicated and she had been throwing herself all night long at him. I just answered him that I already knew and that maybe we could talk about it when I got home (I still had another flight to catch).

As I got home full of different emotions, I decided to tell my parents about what had happened. My mom started to tell me that I should hear Jacob out and that he probably didn’t do it with bad intentions and whatnot. I was a bit taken aback because it was not the reaction I had expected but also remembered that they had always taught me forgiveness.

I made the decision that I would hear Jacob out until I got back to Europe and decide then if I wanted to continue in the relationship. Until then I was going to talk to him like I always did because I did not want to ruin my trip + I hate to break up through text or phone calls.

A week goes by and we’re celebrating my brother’s birthday by the end of the night my dad asks me to help him with something and as I walked outside I saw Jacob.

To be honest, at that moment I forgot about everything and just went for a big hug.

As time went by I started to realise what situation I was actually in. When Jacob went upstairs my parents looked at me with wide eyes expecting me to start talking about how awesome it was. All I could ask was if they knew. They said they did since he had been planning it for a month or so.

I went to my room and barely left it for days. I felt betrayed and hurt.

Everybody tried to get me out of it mostly by saying that I was being unreasonable or a bad host, etc.

I’m wondering if I was the jerk because I put my drama before being with my family.

I hadn’t seen them in a long time + my parents did pay for my flight so maybe I should’ve been more grateful and not punished them for trying to make me a surprise. I just wish they had prepared me for what was coming.”

Another User Comments:

“Holy cow NTJ. Your parents are insane. Your partner betrays you and they invite him into their home while you’re on vacation? Not only do you need space to figure out your emotions, but they also didn’t even think about how you’d feel if you had to be with your betraying beau right after it happened. Assuming no malice, your parents are at best sacrificing your feelings to make sure that a surprise doesn’t end up ruined. At worst, they’re terrible parents because they knew you were gonna struggle with it but they did it anyway because they don’t care.

Either way, I would be livid with them and the betrayer for thinking that it was acceptable to show up under those circumstances. The betrayer and the parents are the jerks here.” compiledexploit

Another User Comments:

“NTJ – First, I’m so sorry that happened to you.

Betrayal is painful. Jacob broke your heart and then showed up at a family event without telling you. This may have been prevented by having a phone call and hashing it out, instead of talking to him as usual until you could see him next.

But ultimately, you took space in the face of heartache. Since your parents knew he was coming, I assume they OK’d it, so they are his hosts in this scenario anyway not you.” dryandcrusty

Another User Comments:

“NTJ. Even if he was preparing this with your family as a surprise, in the moment he betrayed you your parents should have been honest with you.

Also, big red flags with how your family is handling this situation: the guy has betrayed you with the excuse “I was intoxicated and she was throwing herself over me”, which is a very typical example of someone who doesn’t acknowledge his responsibility (puts the blame on external things and doesn’t acknowledge HE has betrayed your trust), and they’re not standing by your side, but rather belittling how hurt you can be after your partner’s betrayal.” LilydBol

1 points - Liked by lebe
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MadameZ 2 months ago
Your parents think you need to know your place; that your role in life is to be owned by a man and put up with any mistreatment by said man. Your current boyfriend may be a bit of a jerk for having messed about with someone else, but he's a bigger one for coming in to your family's home like this: he and your family conspired to force you to roll over and forgive him.
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6. AITJ For Refusing To Give My Stepmom A 'Mom' Birthday Card?

QI

“My dad was late getting my stepmom gifts and cards for her birthday this year. He normally takes me (15m) and my half-siblings (4f and 2f) to the store for us to pick these things out but it was a crazy few months for us.

When we did go the card selection was not super great in the store and they had no stepmom birthday cards. My dad wanted me to either share the mom card with the girls or get my mom one for her. I said no way and told him we had to find something else because I was not giving her a card with Mom on it.

He argued that there were no stepmom cards in the store. I suggested we get one online and see if we can get it the next day or try other stores. Dad tried to get the card despite my protests and I warned him I would not sign it or take part in giving the gifts if the card from me said mom.

The background is my mom died after giving birth to me and my dad raised me alone for 9 years. He met my stepmom and she’s nice. She has tried to be a mom and even offered to adopt me but I said no thanks. My dad wanted the adoption to happen and had a bunch of talks with me over why.

I said I liked my stepmom (true at the time, didn’t love her yet) but I didn’t think of her as my mom and didn’t think she would ever be, even though yeah I don’t remember mom at all. He asked me if I could give it a trial period and I said there are no trial period adoptions.

You can’t always reverse those. And I know from looking up my state’s adoption laws that we don’t reverse them here unless you were adopted illegally. I love my stepmom now but I still wouldn’t say she’s my mom because even though she still does mom stuff when I think of mom, I think of the woman in the photos and videos I have seen.

I might not know her because she died when I was just born. But for 15 years she was the only mom I thought about. I still have a good relationship with my stepmom even though it does upset her that I rejected the adoption.

Anyway, the card fight lasted for about an hour of us walking through the store before my dad was like fine, we’ll get her a generic card and you can be proud of yourself when her feelings are hurt.

Fast forward to the next day and my stepmom’s feelings were hurt. I wrote stepmom on the card but it wasn’t on the outside. She and my dad talked in private after and she was upset and crying about the card.

After that whole moment, my dad came and told me I should be ashamed of myself.

He said I had hurt her feelings for no good reason and buying the mom card would not have hurt me in any way. But not buying it and handing her a more generic Happy Birthday card broke her heart. I said we could have tried other places and he said I could have let the mom card go this once.

I argued that it wouldn’t be just this once if I did it one time, because it would still hurt her to go back to stepmom cards every other time I’m sure. He said I was still in the wrong and that he hoped I was darn proud of myself.

AITJ?”

Another User Comments:

“You are… NTJ !!! Yep. Not the jerk. You are right. She’s not your mom. She can be sad she’s not your mom. I bet you are a pretty amazing human!!! But it doesn’t change the fact that….she’s not your mom.

I’m sorry they are pushing so hard. I can’t imagine how frustrating that’s been. You have a mom. You’re happy with how things go. It’s not ok they are trying to manipulate you into giving in and giving her what she wants.

You deserve to get what you want. It’s not ok to try to force someone to be adopted if they don’t want to.” Wandering_aimlessly9

Another User Comments:

“NTJ. She is your stepmother. Sit down to discuss this issue first alone with your dad, then bring in your stepmother.

Explain that you do love and appreciate her, but that she came into your life at the age of ten, and the term mom was already fixed on your mother. Explain what you like, love, and appreciate about your stepmother. The term stepmother is appropriate because that is the situation.

The label stepmother can have bad connotations to some people, but not to you. Tell them that they need to drop the discussion. You do not intend to hurt your stepmom, but trying to force the term mom will not be helpful to anyone. For you: There may come a time in the future when you do want to call her mom.

Then feel free to do so. What do you call her now? And for the future, make a card.” Icy_Department_1423

Another User Comments:

“NTJ people get to have feelings. Your dad is the problem. He doesn’t get to leave things to the last minute and then make it about you.

Try to take on these tasks yourself when you can and don’t rely on your father in case this situation happens again. I understand your POV about wanting to keep the mom title for the woman who birthed you. It isn’t about your stepmom or dad, it’s about your relationship with your mom and wanting to honor her.

It’s important for you to give her the title and unfortunately if you allow your stepmom to use it, it might feel like you’re erasing your mom?” l3ex_G

1 points - Liked by lebe
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5. AITJ For Choosing To Walk Down The Aisle Alone Instead Of With My Stepdad?

QI

“I (27f) have chosen to walk down the aisle alone on my wedding day. The decision was made for two reasons. My dad died when I was 7 and he would be my number one choice if he were alive but he’s not two, my mom has made it clear that she would find it disrespectful to my stepdad if she walked me down the aisle and so would not do it.

Given that both my parents are out and I don’t want to ask my paternal grandparents to do too much, my grandma and I are already sharing a special dance, walking alone is what I feel the most comfortable doing.

I could ask my stepdad and even when I contemplated my decision, I knew he would want to do it.

But it would make me sad to have him walk me instead of my dad if I’m honest. I think my stepdad is a good man and he has tried his very best to be a dad for me. But I didn’t want a dad when I lost mine.

I wanted my dad. Nobody else was ever going to be able to fill that role in my heart.

I asked my mom and stepdad if they would like to do a joint toast or two separate ones and whether they would like to walk down the aisle/dance to specific songs.

While discussing this my stepdad asked who I would be walking with and I told him I was walking alone. He offered to do it and I said it was a lovely offer but I would walk alone. He pressed me on why and I said it felt like the best option.

He said it would mean the world to him if he could do it if just once he could feel like he’s a real dad and not just second place to my dad. I told him I understood but it was not an option on the table.

He said he was already being shamed by having to watch me dance with my grandma when it should be a father/daughter dance. But to have everyone watch me walk alone when they know I have a stepdad is going to send a very big message.

I know people will ask about details of our relationship, etc. I met my stepdad when I was 9 and he married my mom when I was 10. He offered to adopt me and give me his last name and I turned him down five times in the 8 years I lived with them.

He was married before my mom and he lost his wife and unborn baby in an accident. He was also made sterile by the same accident. He always longed to be a dad. We got along well but our relationship was always more to him than it was to me.

Where he sees a daughter and wants a daughter, I see a good man and someone who is a great spouse to my mom and is good to me but does not fill the father role he wants emotionally for me. Physically, he did. But emotionally I never felt like he was my dad and everyone in our lives is aware that I feel as though I have one dad and my stepdad is my stepdad.

My mom and stepdad are not paying or contributing to the wedding in any way. My fiancé and I both have savings and we’re putting those into the wedding. Though our wedding will be smallish since we want to prioritize other things.

My mom and stepdad say I am rude and heartless for turning down the offer.

AITJ?”

Another User Comments:

“No jerks here – Awww, I feel so sad for your stepdad. This is all around so sad. There is someone there willing to give you unconditional love but your heart is not open to it. You probably never will be open to it but I hope one day you are because to have someone truly love you and you love them is a lovely thing and something some people can only wish for.

It’s in addition to your dad not to replace him at all. But if you don’t feel that kind of love for him and don’t want him to walk you down the aisle, then don’t. Yes, it will send a message to the guests but there’s nothing you can do about that.

It is what it is. You can’t force love.” Jaide87

Another User Comments:

“YTJ – you can do whatever you want. But this man was in your life more than your dad. I feel like you love the memory of your father and you threw your stepdad to the side because your dad wasn’t there.

So the fact you denied it on both because of something you couldn’t control. I honestly cannot imagine doing this to yourself and step dad. I mean this is honestly showing how it goes priority-wise in your life.” Intelligent_Gain2802

Another User Comments:

“NTJ – one thing my wife and I learned from our wedding is that no one should feel pressured to do anything or invite anyone they don’t want to your wedding (especially since you are footing the bill).

It sounds like stepdad is a little disappointed, and I know your mother is upset, but newsflash it isn’t their wedding it’s your wedding and your day. Maybe explain to stepdad that you think he is a good man, a good husband, etc. but you are walking alone as a way to honor your father?

Or say forget it and just tell them that’s how it’s going to be. To reiterate don’t let anyone pressure or bully you, it’s your day and weddings and planning don’t need extra stress and b.s. added on to it.” kraven94

1 points - Liked by lebe
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paganchick 2 months ago
NTJ first let me say I am absolutely not a feminist, but the whole idea of people getting angry about a bride not allowing some "father figure" walk them down the aisle disgusts me. That is a tradition born from when all females were property of men and the father would hand over his property ie his daughter, to the man they were marrying or being forced to marry. You are no one's property, not even your mother's and especially not your step fathers so tell all the haters to calm their jets and get over it. As others have said I feel for your step father if he does truly love you, but its not your responsibility to bear his feelings or cater to his ego or image. You are still young, but old enough to know your wants/needs and preferences and if you don't see the man as a father figure then that's that. Good luck on your marriage, I hope you find a lifetime of joy in each other and don't ever let anyone make you feel bad or wrong for your feelings.
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4. AITJ For Calling My Jealous Stepmom Pathetic?

QI

“My stepmom and dad met when I (15F) was 7. At first, she seemed fine, but a little pushy.

She and my dad were still newly seeing each other and I had met her like 5 times and she told me I needed to tell her more than I had because I was “telling her stuff like she’s some kind of stranger”. My dad laughed and was like “We’ll be one little family soon enough”.

The whole thing was in response to her asking how school was and I told her it was good because we did a lot of art that day.

Other times she would try to make me hold her hand or pose for photos with her and would make it seem like she wanted them and would be so sad if I said no. She also asked a lot of questions about my mom and was strangely obsessed with finding out stuff about my relationship with mom.

When she and my dad moved in together and got more serious she was so jealous of my mom openly. One time I had called my mom and she came by and asked me why I had to call mom, saying I never called her when I was with mom like that.

Every time I did something fun with my mom and she found out about it she’d bring it up like we did something wrong. She even said I should save stuff for “us” because I had more than one mom now.

By the time they got married, I didn’t like her and she laid on a heavy guilt trip because I refused to walk her down the aisle.

She pushed and even asked if I’d do it for Mom if she remarried. The way she said it too, was like there was something wrong with me doing stuff for my mom that I wouldn’t do for her, the person who was always trying to compete with mom.

After the wedding, my dad and stepmom sat me down and explained that stepmom could not have kids. They said she wanted to be a mom and loved me like her own daughter. They said I would be the only child she would ever have.

So could I please try letting her be my second mom? I was told it was her lifelong dream and she was a good person and would be good to me.

The last few years have been a lot of comments about how I only ask mom to do Mother’s Day events or how I shouldn’t favor my mom over her.

I’m in an art class and we did a thing for International Women’s Day. We were asked to invite our moms and I invited mine. My stepmom was upset. She found out because of a social media platform and the class posting photos of us all.

She told me I should have invited her and not my mom and why couldn’t I let her do that one thing? She said I never even mentioned it to her.

It was a few days ago when I snapped and called her pathetic. She was just making more of the same comments and I was tired of her nonsense.

She was shocked I would say that to her face. I also told her I didn’t even like her, let alone love her, so why would I pick her over my mom? And I told her that her jealousy and competition with my mom were the very reason why.

The house was tense until I went back to Mom’s the next day and she has texted me since that I was needlessly cruel.

AITJ?”

Another User Comments:

“NTJ. Being a stepmom seems like a really hard thing, and she’s doing it very badly. You acted harshly, but anyone would if they were pushed to their limit like this.

She needs to understand that she will not replace your bio mom and the more she tries to do so, the more trouble she will have doing what she wants to do: connecting with you. Her behavior is extremely narcissistic.” ezeequalsmchammer2

Another User Comments:

“NTJ.

Your stepmom’s behavior is wildly out of line. You’re a whole human not just an opportunity for her to be a mom. She could have had a warm loving and respectful stepmom relationship with you but out of jealousy and selfishness needed to compete with your mom and put you in the middle.

This is a horrible thing to do to a kid. Both her and your dad are jerks” Pickled-soup

Another User Comments:

“NTJ Where is your father when she is saying these things? He should say something to his wife about voicing her animosity towards your mother in front of you.

It seems like your stepmother has been trying to replace your mother instead of being an extra maternal figure. She came on strong early on and that would turn most people away. Maybe you need to sit down with her and your father and tell them how you feel.

Let your mother know so she’s on standby if things go sideways. I hope things get better.” ThunderKat99

1 points - Liked by lebe
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3. AITJ For Threatening To Stop Visiting My Dad If He Doesn't Stop Harassing My Mom?

QI

“My parents broke up when I (16m) was 6. There was no disloyalty involved. They were also never married. But my dad was always unkind to my mom.

He would call her things like “dumb jerk” and would tell her she was worthless. One time, right before my mom finally left him, he told her it was all her fault they were stuck together and she should have known her IUD was failing.

He also taunted her that her body couldn’t even respond correctly to an IUD pregnancy and that most women’s bodies know to get rid of them.

He never said things like that directly in front of me. But he also didn’t know that kids will often hear stuff they don’t want to hear.

I didn’t fully get what it all meant back then. I just hated hearing my mom cry so much.

They ended up with shared custody of me after the breakup and my dad got married and started a family with his wife. My half-siblings are 7, 5, 4, 2, and 4 months old.

My 7 and 5-year-old half-siblings have asked why I go to mom’s without them and if they can go. My dad heard that one time and decided that my mom should be inviting my half-siblings over and offering to babysit. This was maybe 6ish months ago and ever since he has been on her case and pressing her to meet my half-siblings and invite them over when I’m home with her.

I told my half siblings they don’t get to come because they live with their mom and dad already. But I live with my mom too. Just at a different time. They were all excited and said we could all have two homes and they could come.

I said no, that it didn’t work that way.

My dad and his wife didn’t explain stuff to them and dad just kept pressing the issue with mom. I heard him on the phone with her and he even tried telling me that I needed to pick the 7 and 5-year-old up from school and bring them to mom’s when I was going.

Mom tries to keep me out of it but I see the strain it puts on her. I know she has intentionally kept away from my dad and has never met the kids he has for a reason. I decided to approach my mom about it all and she was so upset that I knew.

I promised her that I did not blame her and I asked if she would go back to court and get a judge to permit me to decide if I go to Dad’s. She said she would talk to her lawyer first and then go.

Her lawyer said the wording was vague but I could just stop going and she wouldn’t get into trouble with the lawyer since technically the wording isn’t very strong on how long the order lasts. Mom and I agreed though that Dad would probably fight it, for appearance’s sake more than out of love for me.

The only reason I don’t just stop going now is if we can avoid court I want to, for mom’s sake.

When Dad started his hit with Mom two days ago I told him he needed to leave Mom alone or I won’t come to his house anymore.

I said she doesn’t need to take care of his other kids and he doesn’t need to harass her over it. He said I had no right to interfere in an adult issue and told me I should speak to him with more respect.

AITJ?”

Another User Comments:

“NTJ—your dad sounds awful. You can tell him you’ll speak to him with more respect when he earns it. Keep standing up for your mom and cut your dad out of your life as much as possible. Help stand up and say no to your dad about babysitting your half-siblings.

She doesn’t have to and definitely shouldn’t be coerced into it. Oh and (I hope it doesn’t come to it) be prepared to call CPS when your dad just drops your half-siblings off without permission. He sounds like the kind who would.” Classic_Secretary460

Another User Comments:

“NTJ You are a great son for standing up for your mom. Your dad is the biggest jerk, verbally abusing your mom and then continuing after he is married with kids to another lady. I would fight this and start staying with your mother, threat from your father or not.

I would explain very kindly to your step-siblings why they won’t see you as often, but it’s better for you and your mom mentally to not have contact with your father for a while.” Sadkawaiitrashcan

Another User Comments:

“NTJ. Your dad’s a jerk and I’m sorry about that.

Your mom has no responsibility for kids that aren’t hers (and neither do you, btw, in case there are other issues involved here). You’re old enough that a court would likely respect your wishes. If it comes to that, don’t worry about involving the legal system–it can resolve a lot of issues, including requiring that communication between parents be in writing (some apps are often required by courts) and that some topics not be discussed. If you have a guidance counselor at school, or another trusted adult, consider discussing this with them.

You may be surprised by what’s available to you and your mom. Neither of you have to put up with your father’s harassment.” Tangerine_Bouquet

1 points - Liked by lebe
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MadameZ 2 months ago
NTJ, your mother has no responsibility for your half-siblings. Where is THEIR mother in all this? How does she feel about her husband's ex being used as a free babysitter for HER kids? You should not be put in this position by your awful father and nor should his other children: if you want to maintain some sort of sibling relationship with them, that is up to you: if not, try to treat them with kindness as much as possible.
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2. AITJ For Cancelling Dinner Plans With My Sister Over Her Lack of Communication?

QI

“My older sister(25) and I wanted to go out and eat dinner together in a restaurant after having talked about it for years.

A day before we were supposed to eat together I told her that I could pick her up at the bus station so that she didn’t have to take a 2nd bus which she gladly accepted. I told her that if she wanted that she should tell me as soon as possible what time she was there so that I could plan my day because I had a lot to do before we could go eat(buy food for my family, clean the house, help my mom, etc…) She said that’s no problem she will do that.

The next morning I still didn’t get a text from her so I called her but she never responded. I got more worried over time but I tried not to be because it’s normal that she doesn’t respond to any of our family members since she moved out (it sometimes takes weeks for her to answer a simple yes or no question even though she is on her phone all day long).

So in the afternoon like 4 hours before we wanted to go to the restaurant(where I planned everything so she didn’t have to) I finally got her on the phone after I called and texted her over 20 times.

She was as relaxed as ever and didn’t understand why I was even a little upset because we still had enough time.

I told her that I had a lot to do and that she was supposed to call or text me as soon as possible and she didn’t do that. I then told her to just tell me the freaking time when I was supposed to pick her up so that I can at least plan around what time I should buy the food for my family.

My sister told me that I was overreacting and that I should calm down because it’s not that serious. I then got a little louder when asking for what time again (I know it’s not nice of me but I was getting annoyed a lot).

She then told me that this was not the way to speak to her because I was being a jerk at the moment and was acting crazy and that I needed to respect her.

She also told me that her partner is next to her and that he can hear our conversation so I shouldn’t talk this way to her when he can hear that.

I asked her one last time what the time was that I needed to pick her up in a very obviously extremely annoyed tone and she got so upset that she told me that if I talked like that to her one last time she wouldn’t want to go to dinner with me.

So then I responded that she could get lost and that I would cancel it myself(we use curse words a lot in our entire family)

I decided after my family recommended it that I could take my cousin instead and we had a great night at the restaurant.

My sister never apologized to me and still thinks she is in the right.

Now she wants to go to dinner again but I just don’t want to anymore it just doesn’t feel good knowing that it could happen again because she still believes I was in the wrong.

I never tried to contact her again after that day and I’m still very upset.

So am I the jerk? Was I wrong?”

Another User Comments:

“NTJ for your main question. If your sister can’t understand that things that don’t matter to her still matter to others, it’s pointless to subject yourself to her behavior.

I am not pleased with raising your voice in anger, but you did not ask about that – and you already admitted that you should have been talking calmly.” Backgrounding-Cat

Another User Comments:

“NTJ. She was toying with you by deliberately not answering a question over and over.

She schemed to control the conversation rather than have it. You handled it well. She didn’t deserve diplomacy. Keep her on NC as a lesson not to play stupid games with you.” RealbadtheBandit

Another User Comments:

“YTJ You don’t know why she didn’t text you.

Perhaps she was busy and couldn’t text you. (Unlikely sure but a possibility). Then your sister tried to defuse the situation but you escalated it. You started shouting over a mild annoyance.” SSXXIII

-1 points (1 vote(s))
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Doglady 1 month ago
NTJ You asked her to provide a pick-up time and she did not do so. You also said that she ignores texts from family sometimes for days for a simple yes or no. So her "normal" failure to respond timely was part of this. That is all her fault. You were trying to save her a second bus ride and pick her up. So you were doing her a favor. She should have responded with a time. You had already made the reservations for the restaurant and then were going to help with transportation. I think you were in the right to get frustrated since you were also feeding your family before leaving to pick up your sister and she was only getting herself ready.
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1. AITJ For Feeling Uncomfortable With My Dad's Rich Partner Buying Me Expensive Things?

QI

“I want to provide a bit of info because I feel it’s important. I (f15) was diagnosed with autism and grew up poor.

Hand-me-downs, utilities getting shut off. You get the drill. However, my dad was always obsessed with trying to make more money and well my dad’s partner is rich. She has no problem throwing away money to get me things I didn’t ask for nor have any need for.

Onto the actual story.

Anyway, about two weeks before school started, I was going back to school shopping with my dad. Dad backed out last minute and told me “{Dad’s partner’s name} will take you, it’ll be fun!” and so I tried. It started okay, we got Starbucks and I did my best to hold a convo with her.

Next, we went shoe shopping and I did what I usually do, go to the children’s aisle (cheap and I have very small feet). She asked me where I was going and called me over to these shoes she thought I’d like and so out of habit I checked the price which was about 180 pounds.

I didn’t feel comfortable spending that money and I told her so and she said “Do you like them?” I uneasily told her I did, so she picked them up. Then she told me we were going to look at the Converse section since mine were “so busted up” but I refused because I like my Converse and so we didn’t get them.

Then we went into a makeup shop and I had no idea what I was supposed to be looking for and she kept telling me “Pick your shade, pick your shade!” but I didn’t have a shade because I don’t wear foundation or stuff like that.

Just eyeliner (if I can get my hands on them lashes). So she proceeded to get the most expensive eyeliner she could find and I was like “No, I usually get this one. Can I just get this? It’s 5.99.” She told me to stop checking the price of things and that she didn’t mind spending money on me.

So we left there with an expensive eyeliner and 3d lashes which didn’t fit because she wouldn’t let me pick those either. Bag shopping went a similar way, she saw a bag – I checked the price and she hissed at me to stop looking at them.

I understand she’s trying to be nice but being so willy-nilly with money just doesn’t feel right to me and I didn’t have that great of a time.

About 3 days later she found out I had got myself hair dye after saving up for a bit and showed up with 6 different boxes of bright neon hair dyes.

I had bought Black and while I do appreciate the thought, it just made all the time I spent waiting to buy it feel like a waste. Since she was there my dad asked her to dye my hair for me. I had no say in it I guess.

When we were done she gave me THREE bottles of Olaplex to use even though I had my stuff. I did use it but it didn’t feel right, as they weren’t mine and I didn’t work for them. Now she’s making a bedroom for me in her house and I don’t know what to do.

I don’t want to move in with her ever. But I know it would break my dad’s heart if I refused.

And I just want to say that my mum is still in the picture but she can’t afford to buy me any of the stuff like this.

AITJ?”

Another User Comments:

“No jerks here. You’re not comfortable with having her buy you expensive things and as a result, she’s going overboard with some things. She doesn’t sound like she’s buying your love. She’s going overboard on things but sounds like she’s eager to get to know you and have you to bond with.

She probably sees you as a daughter and is trying to treat you as her daughter. Talk to your dad and his partner. Tell them what you’re comfortable with and what you’re not.” RaineMist

Another User Comments:

“No jerks here. She’s trying to bond with you in the only way she knows how to.

This is a new situation for both of you. If she has the money and wants to spend some of it on you, this is probably her way of showing you that she cares. She’s not trying to “buy your love” although you are allowed to feel like that and your feelings are valid.

Just because you grew up poor does not mean you’re not allowed to have nice things, you just need to budget accordingly and prioritize what you want. Her budget is higher than yours, but that doesn’t make you bad or wrong for allowing her to spend some money on you.

If you’re uncomfortable, maybe you can talk with her? Tell her that you appreciate the gifts and her time, but the extravagance is making you feel uncomfortable and you would prefer if she could gift you with the makeup, hair dyes, etc. that you’re comfortable with and regularly use.

But please don’t shy away from nicer clothes and shoes just because you grew up poor. If she’s offering to buy them for you and you like them, you are allowed to and you deserve to have nicer things.” Just-Ducky1234

Another User Comments:

“No jerks here.

As others have said, giving you nice things is not the same as trying to buy your love. It’s OK to accept nice things. Sit down with your Dad and explain how you feel. She needs to back off a bit and you need to relax a bit.

She’s not trying to buy your love, but she is trying to do nice things for her partner’s daughter and get to know you better. Once you’ve talked to your Dad, the three of you can talk and come to a happy medium where you don’t feel so overwhelmed.” KingBretwald

-1 points (1 vote(s))
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