People Ask For Unbiased Viewpoints On Their "Am I The Jerk?" Stories

We all try to be kind, courteous, and empathic when we engage with others. But occasionally, we could unintentionally say or do something that sounds unpleasant, or hurtful. Nobody wants to be known as a "jerk," but it's not always easy to keep ourselves from doing actions that can give that impression. These people below think back on their deeds and seek our opinion on them. Let us know who you believe are the actual jerks after reading on. AITJ = Am I the jerk? NTJ = Not the jerk WIBTJ = Would I be the jerk? YTJ = You're the jerk

36. AITJ For Being Angry At My Housemate For Using My Robot Vacuum Cleaner?

“We live in a house and we rent rooms. I (24 f) share the house with Alexa (23 f), Brit (21 f), Mark (21 M), and Paul (22 M).

Last year, we had already troubles with Brit (P, M & A are new this year). She’s a mess and also her partner, who stays over like 6 times a week.

Now Mark and Paul are two big pigs too and won’t clean either.

Alexa and I have teamed and we share our own kitchen stuff. We have a key to each other’s rooms.

This has been an issue and after A LOT of long talks, we have given up.

I’m not asking for a spotless house, I’m just asking for BASIC stuff to be done, like brooming onion rests on the floor, not leaving the counter full of pepper seeds and tomato, not leaving the things in the sink for over a week… Having a plate available when I go to make dinner…

They say ‘they are studying’ but I, and Alexa, study, work part-time jobs and do a lot of stuff, and STILL clean after ourselves.

Recently I purchased a Roomba (R) for my room and I let Alexa use it.

We use it in the common areas only when we are at home so we can take it back to my room when it finishes.

The R stays in my room. I’ve not given permission to anyone besides Alexa to touch it.

Last Sunday I was cleaning after breakfast and since the kitchen floor looked like a DIRTY PUB’S floor. I put the R on. My phone notifies me when the R is done.

I was starting to get suspicious because it was taking way too long.

I went downstairs and the R noise was coming from Mark’s room.

I open the door and find MY R there. I was super mad because Mark and I can’t see each other.

He’s the piggest of them all and we don’t even say Hi to each other.

He knows it’s mine and he doesn’t have permission also it’s expensive and his room is a mess and it can damage my R by letting it get caught in his dirty socks and stuff.

So I stormed inside and I got my R. He started yelling at me to get out that I was violating his space. I told him if he ever again touches my stuff I’m going to do the same.

He called me crazy and said it was just a robot.

I told him it was MY ROBOT and that for someone who doesn’t care about cleaning it was funny he decided to grab it and bring it into his PIGPEN. Brit came and told me I was overreacting.

I told them I’m sick of them and I’m talking to the landlord about how they treat the house and the common areas.”

3 points - Liked by MimiCat, IDontKnow and lebe

User Image
anma7 9 months ago
Ntj.. start taking pics of their crap... document everything.. including mark taking YOUR Roomba... tell landlord that as a great tenant you are seriously considering not renewing your lease due to THEIR filth.. talk to Alexa if she is wiling to put a complaint in too, talk about maybe getting a place together the 2 of you.. and leave the pigs in theor own s**t... Good luck
3 Reply

35. AITJ For Reminding My Husband And In-Laws That His Brother Has Another Family?

“My MIL and FIL had a son when they were younger. They were forced to give him up for adoption by both sets of parents. They remained together, got married, and had more children together. My husband is one of them. We have been together since we were 16 and we share 3 children together.

My ILs never forgot their oldest son and decided to find him after waiting until what would have been his 30th birthday with him not making contact. It took him 3 years to become open to the idea of meeting them and the recent global crisis meant it took another bit of time for it to happen.

They have met. He’s a great guy. But he very clearly isn’t looking for the same thing my husband and his family are. As someone who married and didn’t grow up or spend decades with all these hopes and dreams for reconciliation, I feel like I can see it better.

I’m sure he (oldest brother) senses it too.

What happened for me to ask is my husband’s oldest brother has children. My husband and family are aware of this. They met them a couple of times. He had a birthday party for his oldest child with family and friends.

None of us were invited. It tore my in-laws’ apart and my husband and his siblings were upset. They didn’t understand the lack of invite, they also expressed confusion about the ‘family party’ wording when they weren’t present.

This man grew up with two parents and seven siblings.

They were all present at this party. My guess is they are who he was referring to. When it became clear my in-laws and husband were all going down this drain of hurt, confusion, and frustration, and maybe even anger I gently reminded them that he had another family and that was likely who he meant.

My MIL said they all know that but it doesn’t change the fact they’re his family. She said she and FIL were his first family. I suggested she step back and see it from his view, then it came around again to what I had said about him having another family.

Two of my husband’s sisters said they are his family, they are valid, etc.

My husband told them to stop ganging up on me. I suspect my words are the beginning of him maybe processing his hopes and dreams vs reality. We ended up leaving.

But I am clearly not my in-laws’ favorite person right now. They all believe I said the wrong thing.


3 points - Liked by MimiCat, IDontKnow and lebe

User Image
rbleah 10 months ago
They do not want to give up their fairy dream never mind reality. Just don't say anything else to them. As for your husband? IF he brings it up to you just tell him that this man was brought up with a family that adopted him and he may not consider hubs family to be HIS FAMILY. He does not know hubs family and if they all keep pushing this man he may just BLOCK THEM ALL and go live his life WITH HIS FAMILY. He does NOT have to go along with someone else's fairy tale mind game.
6 Reply
View 4 more comments

34. AITJ For Saying I'd Rather Have No One Walk Me Down The Aisle?

“My (26 F) parents divorced when I was 2, my mom married my stepdad when I was 5 while my bio-dad married my step-mom when I was 9. Bio-dad is still in the picture, I used to spend the weekends there until I turned 13 and then I only saw him at summer/winter breaks until my 18 bday, he’s not abusive but he has 2 step-children and 2 bio kids who we also took care of, so 1-1 time with him was pretty much a no. My step-mom used to force me to share everything with her kids and she used to call me selfish and bratty whenever I begged my dad for time alone.

His side was just… draining. That’s why I stopped going there as soon as I could, too much noise, too many people, I was either shoved with all of them to a van and do things his step-children wanted or straight out ignored. I think my breaking point was when I turned 14 and he came late (3 hours late) to my bday because his children ‘just didn’t want to come’ and he ‘didn’t have the heart to come alone’.

My mom and step-dad (who I consider my real dad) were totally different, I have just 1 step-brother from his side and things are just… simpler and happier, my step-dad was always there for me, he’s the one who taught me how to drive, self-defense, he was there hanging the balloons with me 2 hours before at the same party my bio-dad arrived so late.

I’m getting married in 4 months and yesterday I went to my bio-dad’s house to inform him he was not going to walk me down the aisle (I’m his only daughter) and that my stepdad would be the one doing it. He asked why and I just came clean, I said he wasn’t my dad, he hasn’t been it in a long time, and that I was beyond tired of pretending he was, I’d felt guilty for so long, but this moment was supposed to be about me and the people who truly loved me, and I would rather have no one walk me down the aisle than him because he wasn’t a real dad for me.

He cried, like fully cried, and asked what he did wrong and I actually gave him a few examples of the many times he failed me. I said he was welcome to come, but that my decision was final. He asked for a compromise; like the two of them walking me down or sum, but I said no.

On my way out, my stepmom caught me and called me the biggest jerk because ‘I was robbing my bio-dad of a moment he has dreamt of for years’, I just shrugged and said that if that’s what she believes then she was welcome to skip the wedding.

I’m sure of what I did, but it left a bad taste in my mouth.”

3 points - Liked by MimiCat, IDontKnow and lebe

User Image
rbleah 10 months ago
I would have told SM that SHE was a HUGE part of why your dad didn't act like a REAL DAD to you and SHE IS NOT INVITED to your wedding anyways so she does not have to worry about it.
7 Reply
View 3 more comments

33. AITJ For How I Apologized To My Partner's Son?

“My (30 m) partner (26 f) of over two years has a 5-year-old son who I’ll call ‘Luke’.

He’s a really good kid who I like a lot, but – like any five-year-old boy – sometimes he can be a bit much.

Anyway, the other day I was at her place. For some reason, we ended up semi-binging old episodes of ‘Everyone Loves Raymond.’ It wasn’t an inappropriate show for Luke, but probably not something he would be interested in.

Usually, when his mom and I hang out and watch TV or movies he just plays with his toys in his bedroom, with his mom checking in on him every so often. But for whatever reason the show somewhat interested him and he wanted to watch it with us.

This was no problem, but Luke kept going in and out of bouts of quietly watching with us and then wanting to yell and play. I was actually really enjoying watching the show so his distractions were getting irritating. I told him a couple of times gently and politely to stop.

Finally, after a while, I sort of snapped at him and said ‘Luke! We’re watching the show! Either shut up and sit down and watch it with us or go play in your room!’

His mom immediately turned to me and gave me the stink eye, but I knew that I’d screwed up I felt terrible.

Luke started crying loudly and went off to his room. My partner told me ‘You’d better go and apologize to him RIGHT NOW.’ I told her ‘I know’ and slunk off to his bedroom.

I carried him off into the living room and said ‘Hey, buddy, I’m really sorry for yelling at you.

I shouldn’t have done that. But try to listen from now on, all right?’

He nodded and hugged me and went back to his room. I thought it was a nice apology, but my partner just glared at me and said ‘There should have been no ‘but.’ He really looks up to you, and you told him to shut up.

It should have been nothing but an apology from you.’

But I told her that he needs to understand that while I was wrong, Luke was also wrong for not listening and that it was good for him to know that my reaction didn’t just come out of the clear blue sky so that he can start to get a sense of boundaries.”

3 points - Liked by MimiCat, lebe and LilVicky

User Image
Kilzer53 9 months ago
Ntj. What the mother needs to inderstand is that yes, children do get to be a bit much and no. It does not hurt to yell at them from time to time. Letting him know that he is not the only one in the room is not a bad thing. He needs to learn to be considerate of others. U apologized and the child was ok. He knew at that moment that u cared enough to correct him and apologized for the manner in which u did it. Every parent - at some point - has or will tell their child to shut up. Kids push past the point of niceness and sometimes they do it on purpose - especially teens. If the mother can't handle this happening now, she might as well justblet her son run wild as a buck and not worry about disciplining him.
3 Reply
View 6 more comments

32. AITJ For Banning My Brother's Significant Other From My Apartment?

“My brother (17 M) used to stop by my place a lot, it was cool, we hung out, and sometimes he’d stay over, it was a lot of fun, well, then he started going out with Cassidy about 7 months ago and bringing her over and she’s just a handful.

Her usual visit involves whining there’s nothing ‘good’ to drink, whining about my couch not being spacious enough, and pouting to my brother she can’t figure out the TV. If my brother keeps his head down and just bows to her every whim, she’s happy and content, but, most of the time she just yells at him, asks him why he’s ‘not helping’ her, asks him why he’s not being loving towards her, and, 10 times out of 10, he gives in, apologizes.

They visited a couple of days ago. He walked in, happy, cheerful, actually greeted me, she just walked past me, sat down, and demanded water. I said yeah, there’s a water jug in here, help yourself. She gets all mad, storms past me, and mumbles that she can’t believe she has to do everything.

She gets her water and about 10 minutes later, sprawls out on the couch, taking up all of it, grabs a blanket, and says she’s going to sleep because she’s tired and bored, she asked us to keep our voices down.

That was the final straw for me.

I pulled my brother into my room and told him she was banned from here on out. I’m not taking orders from a teenage wannabe princess Queen Bee. He just said that essentially, she’s not aware that she’s being rude and she doesn’t hear/think about how she speaks.

He assured me that she was really nice and sweet. I told him I’d never seen it and stuck to my ban. My brother thinks I’m not giving her a fair chance. My argument to him was, he’s been with her for 7 months. I’m around her regularly, I’ve only seen a poor attitude, lots of demands, lots of emotional manipulation.

He disagreed, grabbed her (she didn’t actually sleep, she was on her phone she just wanted the couch to herself), and left.


3 points - Liked by MimiCat, IDontKnow and lebe

User Image
rbleah 10 months ago
NOT THE JERK. In fact you were spot on. Tell her she can't come to YOUR PLACE AND DEMAND ANYTHING. And if she can't treat you or your place with respect then she can STAY AWAY.
6 Reply
View 3 more comments

31. AITJ For Telling My Wife We're Not An "Ideal Family"?

“I (37 M) have an adopted daughter from a previous marriage who we’ll call ‘Amy’ (16 F). Her mother (my previous wife) died of heart disease 7 years ago.

I got married to my current wife ‘Laura’ (35 F) 3 years ago, she also has a son from a previous marriage ‘Ben’ (14 M) who stays with his father on the weekends.

Me and Ben get along, we’ve never had any issues with each other other than him not liking me that much when we first met, since then I’d like to think we’ve made a pretty solid bond.

I can admit that I don’t exactly look at him as my child at all, but I do my best not to show any favoritism when he’s staying with us. I don’t think he really considers me much like his dad either (obviously) so we don’t really have any issues there.

On to the actual predicament, you know how I said Amy is adopted? This has never been hidden from her, I and my late wife always did our best to let her know that while we weren’t biologically her parents, we loved her just as much as anyone else loves their children.

We always stood by the fact that if she wanted to look into her family more when she grew up, then we’d be there for her. Amy’s biological mother chose not to keep contact with us after we adopted Amy, I think the wound was a little too fresh, but the option was always open for her to be a part of Amy’s life (assuming she wouldn’t just drop in and out as she pleased).

Amy has recently shown an interest in getting to know her birth mother, which I agreed to ask to see if she wanted to contact her. Much to Amy’s pleasure, her mother agreed to meet her. This has obviously caused quite a lot of nervousness and excitement on her side of the house, along with some sadness since I think the whole thing kind of reminded her of my late wife too.

We’ve got a date scheduled for 2 weeks from now since that’s when all schedules are free.

The issue comes from Laura, who seemed very off after we got the news, it confused me at first, but I tried to leave her be when she said she was okay.

The off-feeling didn’t go away though, so just a few hours ago I asked her what the issue was.

Basically, she thinks that Amy meeting her birth mother is going to cause a rift in the family, that we were all already the ‘ideal’ household and this situation could change that.

I told her she was ridiculous, and that in no way were we the ‘ideal’ family, that while we obviously all loved each other, we were very unconventional, and there was nothing particularly picket fence about the divorcee, the widow, the adopted daughter and the son who goes between households.

I realized how cruel it sounded after, and apologized for the way I said it, but still stood by my point that the ‘ideal’ family in her head had never existed. She’s been giving me the silent treatment since, so I’m wondering if I’m the jerk.”

3 points - Liked by MimiCat, IDontKnow and lebe

User Image
sctravelgma 9 months ago
NTJ. What folks create in their heads and the reality that exists is so very different. You are correct (maybe delivery was not as polished as it should have been) that how can you say that is an ideal family. Sorry, but an ideal family is 2 loving parents and child (children) who are together from marriage through birth then forever. Divorce is not in that photo op. Ideal isn't yours, mine and ours in all cases. There are too many divorced parents trying to create this picture perfect family when there are step families and half family's and bio families all being tossed into the mix and some times they don't mix well and by trying to force those bonds and relationships nothing is formed but resentment. What is "ideal"? Your wife really doesn't have a dog in this fight. Your daughter was adopted by you and your late wife. You msdecttecjoibt decision to make your daughter aware she is adopted (good for you) and when she wa older that if she wanted to find info on her birth mother you would help. Great support dad. Sorry but you are honoring that promise and your current wife has no says in that decision. Your daughter is almost an adult so she is entitled to seek out that info if for no other reason than to seek medical history but it is up to her if sfe wants to establish any relationship with her bio mom, and once again your present wife has no say in your daughter's decision.
3 Reply
View 1 more comment

30. AITJ For Not Wanting To Quit My Job?

“I (22 f) have been with my significant other (22 m) for 6 years. I recently got a job at a restaurant that gets pretty rowdy on the weekends and it’s open pretty late so I can work as late as 2 or 3. It turns into almost a club after 9 and it’s so loud and chaotic.

But there are bouncers and I’ve never felt unsafe while working. My SO works in landscaping and has to leave the house at 6-9 every day depending on the job site. I don’t love the job but I get pretty good tips and I want to keep it for at least 6 months so I can put it on my resume.

He picks me up after my shifts (about a 12-minute walk from our apartment) but I feel bad and because I make pretty good tips I’ve offered to start Ubering. He says picking me up late is not the part that bothers him. He’s worried I’m getting hit on by wasted guys and will have an affair or something.

I am getting hit on, of course, because it’s a loud bar. I’ve never denied that but I have said time and time again I would never have an affair or anything like that because he’s always been afraid about it (even though I haven’t given him a reason to be).

He seems to think I will sleep with anyone who gives me attention.

Last night he picked me up and immediately said I want you to quit and I’ll cover your rent for the month until you can find another job. I had been on my feet for 8.5 hours with no break in an insanely hot old building and it was the last thing I wanted to hear.

He even said I will ‘become addicted to the attention I’m getting’, but he’s the only partner I’ve ever had! When we got home I started to yell that I won’t quit my job and I don’t want him to cover my expenses because he just kept repeating himself.

I then said I’m contemplating even signing another lease with him if he’s going to act like this every time I work (because our lease is up soon). And told him that it’s not my problem that he’s so insecure he can’t function when I work (he literally said he can’t relax until I’m home) and that I’ve appeased him enough over the years because of this insecurity.

We’ve barely talked since then and I’m wondering if I am in the wrong here. I probably shouldn’t have yelled but I was so tired of hearing him doubt me and beg me to quit I didn’t know how else to voice it.”

3 points - Liked by MimiCat, IDontKnow and lebe

User Image
rbleah 10 months ago
Tell him to control his own life and QUIT TRYING TO CONTROL YOURS. Now you need to think about if you are willing to put up with this if he does not get therapy.
6 Reply
View 7 more comments

29. AITJ For Reporting A Customer To The Owners And Getting The Manager Fired?

“I’m (27 F) a cashier/sales associate at a local store in a tiny town in the middle of nowhere, Tennessee.

I recently moved here from Hawaii to go to school and help my cousin. I got a job at the local family-owned grocery store, and since then my life has been miserable. Not because of the boss or my coworkers, but because of one particular customer (I’ll call him Dave).

He’s a slightly older guy in his 40s but he acts like a 20-year-old frat kid. He flirts with all the women at the store – even the married ones. We tried talking to the manager (let’s call him Jack), but he’s a bit of a pushover and a people-pleaser so he told us to just ignore him.

Well, a few days ago I snapped.

Dave had come in to buy groceries, and while I was ringing him up, he told me he heard I was from Hawaii (the perils of living in a small town where everyone knows everyone and rumors spread like wildfire).

After asking if I was a ‘native hula girl’, he asked me how to say a certain inappropriate idea in Hawaiian. At this point, I was creeped out and very irritated. I ignored him and tried to ring him up faster to make him leave.

He proceeded to make several inappropriate jokes and invited me over to his place to ‘do the hula all night long’. I finally finished and got him to leave, but I was done. I went to the owners and told them what had been happening.

Spoiler alert: they were not happy. They fired Jack for not helping us and banned Dave from the store. But like I said – we live in a small town where everyone knows everyone.

Although the owners didn’t tell anyone who reported Dave, it wasn’t that hard to figure out it was me since Dave has been doing this to the other workers for over a year but he got banned within a month of me starting there.

Dave is mad that he now has to go to the grocery store over an hour away, and almost everyone else is mad that Jack got fired. Since he’s a people-pleaser he’s very well-liked around town and his family runs the local equivalent to a soup kitchen that helps lower-income families get food.

I’m now the outsider who got a beloved local fired ‘for no reason’. While I don’t care too much about Dave, I am feeling a little guilty about Jack getting fired. He was a pretty good manager, and other than this he didn’t really do anything wrong.

With how mad everyone has been – including my cousin – I want to know, AITJ?”

3 points - Liked by IDontKnow, lebe and pamlovesbooks918

User Image
Kali 10 months ago
NTJ, you didn’t get him fired, you just informed the owners of what was happening. They fired him. If they were ok with his, and Dave’s, behavior nothing would have changed. YOU did nothing wrong! Older guys don’t get the privilege of verbally harassing women, Dave’s a total creep and for some reason no one’s called him on it. It sounds like the owners were glad this was brought to their attention as they took actions to protect their employees. From now on maybe tell people just that, YOU didn’t make the decision to fire him, the OWNERS did.
7 Reply
View 8 more comments

28. AITJ For Not Acknowledging My "Father" As My Father?

“The thing I’m calling a sperm donor isn’t that in the medical sense, because it was with my mom for 15 years.

11 of those years I was in its life and custody, I was raised to call it ‘Abba’, and consider it to be the rebirth of ‘Jesus’ even at one point it went all out calling itself ‘God’ (by Christian definition but it said it was Hebrew), just a bunch of religious trauma I gained from that.

Long story short my mom, me, siblings, ‘God mother’, and God siblings experienced a horrible (understatement) life because of it. When I turned 11, my mother gained the strength to leave, and we never went back, I am almost 16 now and still believe the day we left was the best day of my life.

I now no longer call it Abba, Father, etc. I call it by its name Melvin, yes that’s its actually name. It has an aunt that my mother still associates with, I don’t like her for more than the reasons I’ll be stating. Basically, I say Melvin no matter who I’m talking to because I don’t care to respect that thing.

Once she brought up the topic of it and I said its name, she got really angry and began giving a lecture saying ‘How rude it is to call a parent by their name’ (Yes, she is fully aware of what the thing did to us) I let her finish, after that the topic changed, I said it’s named again and again, this time she didn’t say anything to me about it but she brought the rest of its side of the family into it.

Long story short I got bombarded with hundreds (not an overstatement) of messages telling me I’m wrong and not going to heaven. I still call it Melvin and have made it clear that will not change but my mother’s telling me that in front of ‘family’ I should call it ‘Dad’, so AITJ?”

3 points - Liked by IDontKnow, lebe and pamlovesbooks918

User Image
rbleah 10 months ago
You can call it COUSIN IT if you want to. Tell them all that you WILL NOT RESPECT A USER/ABUSER and they need to get over it.
6 Reply
View 5 more comments

27. AITJ For Not Wanting To Live With My Sister And Her Family?

“My sister and her husband (and their son) have been living with our mom for a while and it’s caused multiple fights and my mom wants them out. Her husband lost his job a few months ago and is on employment insurance. It’s bad because my sister is pregnant with number 2 and set to give birth in a few months and so she can’t work and no one will hire her with her clearly being pregnant.

So they have no place to live, a baby on the way which is expensive and our mom has had enough of them after 4 months under her roof.

I own my house I currently live with my family and a rental property that was an apartment I use to live in that I kept.

I have a friend who has lived there for 3 years and is a great tenant. If things are broken he fixes them and I just pay for materials, he is very clean and doesn’t sneak pets in, unlike the tenants I’ve had before.

So I have no reason to get rid of him and our lease just expired so he is on a month-to-month lease and we were talking about re-signing him.

I want to re-sign with him for another year but my mom and sister know about the apartment and want my sister her husband and her kid to move in.

I’m pretty sure they aren’t going to pay for the place as it costs $2200 a month and my BIL’s employment insurance is probably only $1800-2000. I don’t want to get into fights with them asking for rent and my current tenant always pays on time.

So I told them he’s on lease and can’t move out.

Then I re-signed with him, but he’s a friend of the family’s and my mom called him without telling me. He doesn’t know the situation and told my mom that he resigned last month.

This was after when they asked for my sister to move in so my sister and mom are mad. I admitted I don’t want my sister as a tenant and my sister is accusing me of being a crappy brother by not letting her and her husband stay saying of course they would pay me.

I highly doubt they are able but my mom has been harassing me saying she’s my sister and I should be willing to let them stay for free, which I’m not I still have to pay the mortgage, property taxes, and insurance on that place.

AITJ for not helping family?”

3 points - Liked by IDontKnow, lebe and pamlovesbooks918

User Image
sctravelgma 9 months ago
NTJ. Tell your mom to butt out of your tenant/landlord business unless she wants to pay the $2200 monthly rent with a signed lease. You do not owe anyone a free ride nor a reduced rent because "they are faaamily". Doing business with family is like becoming an ATM machine because as I was once told. "Unless you can afford to give the money away, do not loan nor co-sign nor front the money to family because you will never see it again and there will always be an excuse why they lcan't pay yiur back or pay their rent." Their financial situation is not your responsibility and they certainly do not need another child when they cannot afford to care for the one they already had. Do not let them guilt you into taking them in just because they're are family
3 Reply
View 5 more comments

26. AITJ For Having The Same Bag As My Sister's?

“I (F 19) and my older sister (F 21) don’t talk. Mainly because I think she’s a nasty person so I simply don’t want to be involved, but also because she’s been attending uni for 3 years and has only just permanently moved back home.

I bought a bag in January. A very popular one, NOT the designer one everyone is raving about online, but like a cargo utility-type bag? When she got back from uni, I saw the same bag on her person. I was like oh I have that and she didn’t pay much attention.

We didn’t speak much more for a couple of weeks until she calls me up at work and asks if I’d seen her bag, she’s lost it and can’t find it. I hadn’t and I told her that, but she asked me the same thing every day because her debit card and ID were apparently in it.

Fair enough to be stressed but freeze the card and go everywhere you’ve been and check lost property. I’d be mad too but I’m barely home because I stay at my significant other’s and always work. I even let go of the fact she had our mother GO THROUGH MY BEDROOM to try and find it because I get the frustration of losing something valuable.

I go into my favorite restaurant today and it turns out she works here. No problem, I start up a general chat about how she is, is she looking forward to her festival in a couple of weeks. She then asks to go through my bag to see if it’s hers.

I allow it, I just can’t be bothered to beef her when she’s working. She then exclaims it’s hers and now I know, due to our parents’ favoritism, I can’t go home for a couple of weeks. Brilliant. But I know this is mine; I have pictures with it and the order reference from MONTHS ago.

She’s glaring and stropping and storming around and I’m just trying to eat my food and get out of here because maybe she’s having a bad day, I don’t know but I know working in service is awful sometimes as I do as well, I don’t like her but I’m not gonna make things harder for her.

So AITJ for having the same bag?”

3 points - Liked by IDontKnow, lebe and pamlovesbooks918

User Image
sctravelgma 9 months ago
Screw her. You have proof you have he'd the bag since January and she wasn't even around then. Keep your proof handy. If uourcosrents contact you and accuse you based on your sister's rant, quietly explain you bought your bag in January and you have the receipt to prove it plus photos taken of you using your bag before she ever moved back to town. Tell them you are sorry she lost her bag but you did not take her bag as you have your own. Tell them you are expecting a full apology from your sister for accusing you of something you did not and would not do. And furthermore, you are very unhappy they took your sister's word without abt investigation as to its truthfulness and you do not appreciate her slandering your reputation by calling you a thief. Tell them you are forwarding them a copy of your receipt and of tge photos you mentioned and after their review, you are also expecting a full apology from them and until such time as it is received you are out of contact.
3 Reply
View 4 more comments

25. AITJ For Stating All Of My Problems With My Spanish Teacher?

“I (18 f) had a lot of problems last semester with my Spanish teacher, for context, I have CPTSD and relaxation exercises give me panic attacks because I cannot relax, this teacher, who we’ll call Ms. N, required her entire class to do relaxation exercises despite it being on my 504, that I do not have to do anything related to counseling in my classes as teachers aren’t properly trained to deal with the fall out of my extensive trauma.

Now every single day I would have to re-explain the problem to Ms. N so that she could look at my 504, and that I would under no circumstances do the exercises. And multiple times she tried to write me up for insubordination, we also had multiple issues of her setting me up to be bullied by making me talk about my family in front of the class which led to a lot of mocking and bullying by other students for stupid things like having 16 siblings or having to ask how to say ‘foster parent’ in Spanish.

Basically, for the entirety of last semester, there was something that I had to explain to her that I couldn’t do because it made me uncomfortable, I feel it important to note that no other teacher has ever had problems with the accommodations I receive, especially considering I have the proper paperwork.

It got so bad that last semester for the last two days I just skipped Spanish, despite having severe anxiety over being absent.

This previous week I met with my counselor and multiple of my teachers and we discussed that I have to take Spanish II.

My counselor insisted I have Ms. N, but I argued back in front of her that that last semester it was a different issue every day and that I could not properly learn in an environment like that, even arguing that my ‘straight A’s’ didn’t prober her to be a competent teacher as I make an A in every class regardless of the teacher, and that my problem is not my learning, but my comfort.

Eventually, my counselor agreed to place me in the other Spanish teacher’s class.

When I got home and explained what happened with the counselor to my foster mom she said that she felt it was a jerk move to lay out all of the problems in front of Ms. N and all of my other teachers, but I think that it was important for me to advocate for myself and I doubt asking for privacy would have helped. In addition to that, she is a teacher and should be accustomed to understanding that sometimes people just don’t work well together.

So am I the jerk?”

3 points - Liked by IDontKnow, lebe and pamlovesbooks918

User Image
Crazyone 10 months ago
It is illegal to not follow you IEP if no one else is going to advocate for you you have to do it yourself. It should not have been that hard to get your councilor to move you to another teacher.
9 Reply
View 3 more comments

24. AITJ For Not Letting My Sister Borrow My Car?

“My sister recently moved back to my mom’s house (where I live) with her four kids. All are under the age of 10.

She doesn’t have a car due to her car being totaled.

I’ve been helpful, driving her to and from where she needs to go. Donating blood, taking her kids to doctor’s appointments, and whatnot.  But I draw the line at allowing her to drive my car, which she is asking of me.

At the age of 16 (I’m 22 now, she’s 27)  I allowed her to use my car because I pitied her. She didn’t have one at the time I didn’t actually have a license, so I couldn’t drive, and she had kids. I felt bad. But she took the car, dirtied it, and returned it when her life got better without so much as a thank you.

(Only for my older brother to do the exact same thing to me). And this happened two times over, with two different cars.

Now at age 22. I finally see her for who she really is. She has absolutely no problem taking advantage of people’s kindness and screwing them over.

The current car that I have is in my name (Unlike my other cars), and I absolutely refuse to EVER let her behind the wheel of my car.

I feel bad because she’s going to use it to take her kids to school. But I know in my heart it’s going to morph into her using it for this, that, and everything else.

I purposefully excluded all of my family when I got my insurance to prevent this from happening.

The kicker is, there is a school nearby that has a bus system. But she enrolled her kids into a school that doesn’t. Which is her fault, but now the burden is on my shoulders.

Supposedly there was some sort of miscommunication about the busses, but after knowing she still decided to keep them enrolled in the buss-less school. It’s not fair. You could ask, why don’t I just take them to school? I don’t mind taking them every now and again.

But every single day, pick up and drop off. Plus sports and after-school program is just a big fat no.

I’m 22. My sister got pregnant at 17 and just kept going from there. I’m childless, and busy trying to find a career and trying to move out.

I refuse to be burdened by this for the foreseeable future. Because no one truly knows when she’ll get another car. So, am I the jerk? I’m currently sitting on two unanswered texts from my sister and mom asking to use the car. And had to endure my youngest niece slamming on my door for 10 straight minutes, surly to ask the same thing.

I think I’m avoiding having to say no.”

3 points - Liked by IDontKnow, lebe and pamlovesbooks918

User Image
rbleah 10 months ago
Tell her AND mom that she has ABUSED YOUR KINDNESS BEFORE AND YOU WILL NOT ALLOW HER TO DO IT AGAIN. This is SISTER's circus and NOT YOURS. Her kids she can figure it out. Tell them you do NOT HAVE AN OBLIGATION to her. DO NOT LET THEM GUILT YOU INTO IT. Tell sis to figure out her own life and leave you alone to live yours.
10 Reply
View 7 more comments

23. AITJ For Refusing To Be A Subject To My Niece's College Project?

“I (41 m) made a lot of mistakes in the first half of my life. Many involve illegal stuff. It took the death of a friend to get my head out of my butt and nearly a decade of hard work – including rehab, relapses, and a lot of therapy – to get to a place where I finally feel okay.

And that’s where I am today, I’m okay. I’ve been clean for seven years, have a stable job, and just want to move forward with my life.

I’m here today because of my niece Sara (19 f) and sister Cathy (44 f). Sara’s in college. One of her major projects this semester is to form a group and create a short PSA about something meaningful.

Sara convinced her group to do a PSA about substance misuse and base it around my life. I found out when Sara called asking to interview me.

I was speechless. I didn’t know how to react and just hung up. Sara texted me a minute later asking if I was there.

After a deep breath, I texted back, ‘Don’t talk to me right now.’ At the time, I didn’t quite know why I reacted that way.

Cathy called the next day, asking if I was mad a Sara. I said yes and told her about the PSA.

She already knew and said it was just a school project that wasn’t worth getting upset over.

In the past day, I’d already thought of a few reasons why Sara’s request bothered me.

1. It was bringing up and asking me to live in, however briefly, a past that I just want to leave behind.

2. It was essentially turning the most painful parts of my life into a cautionary tale. ‘Look at this guy. He messed up. See how messed up his life became. Don’t be like this guy.’

3. It forced me to realize more clearly the disconnect between how I see my past and how my closest family does.

When the rest of my family abandoned me, Cathy was always supportive from a distance. She was always available to talk and even helped me pay for rehab, therapy, and job training. It’s only been the past few years that I’ve really been back in her life.

So for her (and Sara), I had troubles, went away, and eventually got better. But they never saw me at my worst and never understood what it took to get to be okay.

Even though I’ve always known there’s a distance there, they’re my closest family.

It hurts they thought I would be okay with the whole PSA thing.

I explained my first two reasons to Cathy. I don’t know how to talk to her about the third.

She said Sara’s group had already started work and by not being a part of it, I would cause them trouble and then ask, ‘Don’t you want to use your past for something good and help people?’

Again, I was speechless. After a few moments, I asked if she was serious. I asked what people I would be helping; this is a college group project, not a real PSA. The only good it would do was for my niece’s grades. Cathy tried to argue, but I just couldn’t.

I hung up again.

Since then, I’ve ignored them both.

I know it’s just a stupid college project, and after all, Cathy has done for me, this feels like the least I could do. At the same time, this is my life.


2 points - Liked by IDontKnow and lebe

User Image
rbleah 10 months ago
Just tell them YOU CANNOT RELIVE THIS RIGHT NOW. It is TOO SOON and you are not ready to go PUBLIC. Tell them you are NOT COMFORTABLE having this type of conversation with anyone OTHER THAN A THERAPIST. Say you are grateful for the help but what they are asking of you would put too much of a strain on your control. NOT A GOOD TIME
6 Reply
View 2 more comments

22. AITJ For Telling My Mom I Won't Be Choosing My Brother Over My Future Husband?

“I (19 F) have a younger sibling (15 M), let’s call him C, who has autism, but for the most part, he’s gotten lots of professional help and assistance throughout the years so he is able to do a lot by himself now, but still needs help from time to time.

Although C is able to function alone, my entire life my parents would always tell me, ‘When we get old/die you have to take C in because he could never be without his sister!’ I always felt so pressured about it, almost felt like they were trying to guilt me.

He does have a few problems though.

A few days ago my mom was talking to my godmother over the phone, saying ‘I hope hunnipeach never chooses someone over her brother!’ I was really confused so I asked her what she was talking about.

She told me about a study in which 50% of people chose their spouses over dropping their relationship and taking care of their disabled siblings, and she told me that I should always choose my brother over my future husband no matter what.

This is where I felt like that was an issue, because why would I throw away my entire marriage like that?

I also want to live a life of my own. I love my brother and if I had to step in to care for him I would, but there are other alternatives like caregivers, or C can live near me and I’ll go over to help him, but she insists he must live in my future home.

We went back and forth on why it felt unfair to me and why she thought it was fine for me to end a relationship for my brother.

Here are a few issues, he dislikes me, is often very demanding, doesn’t want to move (I’m moving far away in a year so she expects me to move back for him), he doesn’t clean up after his bodily messes, extremely picky, and hates going out.

If C lived with me and my future spouse I can’t see it going well. I think I just don’t feel ready yet to throw my life out the window for C.

Eventually, I just dropped it, but I kind of feel like the jerk because any sibling would just suck it up and take charge right?



I am currently his ‘caretaker’, as my dad isn’t really in the picture often, mainly taking him to get haircuts, and my mom has long working hours at a hospital. I take him to and from school, feed him, clothe him, take him out occasionally, and remind him to bathe, that’s the main bulk of it.

I am a college student in my last year, and I have pets I’m currently taking care of as well as him, so I’m stacked often. I also try to keep a social life with friends but it’s getting rough, I’ve stopped going out so I can watch him.

I also stopped going to work (I am a substitute teacher, and I loved it) so I could bring him to and from school. I wanna work at a law firm but that means my mom would lose work hours and I don’t want her to.

My mom used to pay me to take care of him, but now she doesn’t, which sucks because I have pets to care for and I can’t go to my job as often now.”

2 points - Liked by IDontKnow and lebe

User Image
rbleah 10 months ago
So time to get yourself together and move out. Maybe as far as you can for now. She is DEMANDING that you GIVE UP YOUR LIFE for HER SON. Get out and let her know she MUST FIND AN ALTERNATIVE for his care as you need to get your life together before you can even THINK about caring for him. And tell her YOU WILL NOT GIVE UP YOUR ENTIRE LIFE for her being lazy and not finding ways for him to live after she is gone. And that HE IS NOT GOING TO LIVE WITH YOU. YOU ARE DONE BEING HIS CARETAKER EVEN AT HOME. Again, AFTER YOU MOVE OUT should you tell her the reality of her dream.
6 Reply
View 5 more comments

21. AITJ For Getting Married On The Day Of A Llama Show?

“I (23 F) am getting married to my fiancé (29 M) this summer and have no idea if my parents will be going or not.

I would like to add that the llamas are NOT my parents’ main source of income and they both have careers separate from the farm

Back in December I was trying to book a venue for my wedding and asked my parents, grandparents, and MIL if there were any dates that would absolutely not work for them. Everyone said whenever work we will be there, my mother flat out stated that she was not going to any llama shows under a certain show association.

So a week later I let everyone know we had three dates (by preference) for the wedding to which everyone again said no problem, my mom did mention the third option was the same day as a llama show my parents go to every year but it is run by the show association she didn’t want to support, hence they wouldn’t be going.

A week after that I hear back from the venue and they have my third option date available but not the first two. So I reserved it and reached out to MIL, Grandparents, and Parents to let them know the date is set. I didn’t get a response right away from my mom so I called my dad and he tells me he was excited and he’ll be there, then in the background, I hear my mom saying ‘That’s the weekend of the llama show and I don’t know if I want to go to the show or not’ to which I tell her the venue is already reserved.

After a few days, I called her to talk about wedding planning things and she told me flat-out, ‘I’m not going. I’ll be at said llama show.’ I told her fine I guess if this one show you attend to every year is more important than her only daughter’s wedding so be it.

After a week or so I’m talking to my grandmother who tells me my mom told her over the phone that she is incapable of driving the llama trailer to the show by herself so it’s likely she could crash and die and it will be all my fault.

A couple of days later I call my dad to check in with him and he says he was not sure if he can go as she was telling him he has to go to the llama show now too and if he goes to my wedding he will not have a home to return to.

When trying to send out save the dates she would refuse to give me certain people’s contact info because ‘if I’m not going they won’t want to go’ – her exact words. So currently my dad is ‘trying to find the right time to tell her he’s going’ but he has always been a bit of a pushover so I’m genuinely worried he may not be able to go.

My mother has also started telling people (my grandmother included which is how I found out) that I planned for my wedding to fall on this llama show weekend because I knew she wouldn’t be able to make it and I’m doing this so she can’t go because I am ‘a bully’ and she has to go to this show or else it will ‘hurt the business’.

So AITJ for not trying to find another date for my wedding?

I don’t think I’m being the jerk in this and neither does anyone else who I’ve talked to about it.”

2 points - Liked by IDontKnow and lebe

User Image
rbleah 10 months ago
Ask mommy dearest is she SURE she wants to LOSE A DAUGHTER over a show she said she didn't even want to go to? Okay fine, have a nice life mom and if dad does not have the balls he can have a good life without you too.
4 Reply
Load More Replies...
View 1 more comment

20. AITJ For Not Letting My Dog Outside Without Food Or Water?

“A neighbor of mine sent their kid over and let my dog off his runner because ‘he had no food or water’.

I’m furious because I just had to go to the ER yesterday and I need to be on bed rest, instead, I had to chase my dog for blocks while trying to gasp for air.

When I finally got him back my neighbor smugly said that I should take better care of him if I don’t want him running off like that.

I told her that he has scheduled feeding times (I used to have one of those gravity feeders and he would just eat until he was sick and was getting to an unhealthy weight, the vet told me to feed him on a schedule) and always has water and snacks available inside.

I only ever put him out for 20 minutes and have a timer for it because I’m forgetful and wanted to avoid him being miserable or lonely.

I never put him out if the weather is bad, and he usually does have water but he always tips the bowl over.

She told me that the next time she sees him outside she’ll do the same thing and call animal control. I admit I lost my temper a bit and told her if she does I’ll call the cops and if anything happens to my boy I’ll sue her for vet bills or whatever.

She said I don’t deserve a dog if I won’t take care of him. I grabbed my boy and brought him inside.

He’s now snuggled up under the blankets with me napping. He and his brother are like my babies, I didn’t think leaving him out in mild weather without food or water for 20 minutes would be so awful for him, but I love my dogs.

I don’t want them to be miserable. Am I in the wrong here?

Edit: He is mostly an inside dog I only put him out to go to the bathroom.”

2 points - Liked by IDontKnow and lebe

User Image
rbleah 10 months ago
They are wrong and what they did was ILLEGAL. You might want to consider calling the police and get a record started about her harrassment of you. Ask the officer when he comes to do the report if you putting your dog out for twenty minutes to do the potty run is ILLEGAL or not. Then if neighbor continues you might want to consider a restraining order against her AND HER KID for trespassing on your property.
11 Reply
View 1 more comment

19. AITJ For Telling My Ex To Return My Cars And Belongings?

“I was with someone for about 6 years I was planning to build a future with.

I graduated from college with a computer science degree 2 years ago and had a hard time landing a full-time gig. I was working full-time before graduating in 2020 and got laid off the same year. So after college, I would do gig-type jobs just to pay for bills and food.

I had a personal business that I started with a long-time friend but decided to leave the company and move in with my SO after 4 years of being together. After I left the company, I was gifted with a very expensive car. This car was sentimental to my friend and thought it was a good going-away present since we are both into cars.

While I was working my gig job, I would rent an extremely expensive rental that cost me 300 a week so I can drive Uber/Lyft because I wanted to have a car for her to drive to and from work. She couldn’t drive the expensive car because she did not know how to drive it.

I would work 20-30 hours a week just to pay off the rental and whatever on top of that I would pocket home. So most weeks I would work 50-60 hours a week just to get by. One of her complaints was that I wouldn’t spend enough time with her and another one is that I smother her too much.

I try to explain to her that sometimes working these gigs I would net $10/hour and would have to work a little longer for money.

So now I am in this new city, with no job and no ways of livable income. I applied for tons of software engineering jobs for two years and I finally found one.

A real job that requires me to fly across the United States to start training. Little did I know, as soon I step foot on the airplane, she was already planning to pack my things in the garage so when I came back home, I would have to leave her place since the apartment was under her name.

Her excuse for packing up my things is that she couldn’t have done it while I was there and that I had a few quirks that she did not like that she had addressed to me in a letter before. There were tons of things I would try to improve myself to help improve the relationship but some things gets passed unintentionally.

One day, my friend was on a website where people would stream like how Twitch streams are. And noticed my SO getting ready to go out to the clubs. He asked her to go on a date and she said yes. So I confronted her about it and she instantly broke up with me after the conversation.

I am 2000 miles away and my belongings are still on the other side of the country: 2 cars, clothes, a computer, and cats.

She doesn’t have a car and uses one of my cars to get to and from work. Now that we have broken up, she is still using my car and blames me for making her car ‘undrivable’.

She left her car at my parents’ house because her car has not been registered for 4 years (since 2018) and her tires were rotten. Her phone was trash and did not have the credit to start her own plan so I had her phone on mines.

She use to be a dancer but lost her job in 2020 as well.

She makes me feel like I am the bad guy for wanting to take my cars and my belongings back and blames me for being ‘dependent on me’ and that she needs the car to make money.

She doesn’t have much money and can’t afford a new car or to fix the one she has. I pay for the bill for both of the phones, car insurance, food, cable, and half the rent. Honestly, we were together for 6 years and we planned on being together forever and so I did things because I would do anything for someone I care about a lot.”

2 points - Liked by IDontKnow and lebe

User Image
rbleah 10 months ago
So as soon as you are done go back and TAKE ALL OF YOUR THINGS INCLUDING BOTH CARS, stop her phone and tell her she can come get her car away from your parents house and then she can LEAVE YOU ALONE. And that you are done with her game done her way. It is time to play it YOUR WAY. GET OUT OF THERE ASAP.
6 Reply
View 3 more comments

18. AITJ For Not Helping My Sister-In-Law With Anything Anymore?

“My wife’s younger sister is what I would call a borderline militant feminist. Not the ‘we want to be treated equally and fairly’ kind, but the ‘all men are bad and evil and not to be trusted’ kind.

For as long as I’ve known her she has taken nearly every opportunity to badmouth any and every man that becomes involved in her life in even the smallest, most insignificant ways. Due to what I am sure is solely proximity and familiarity, she has told me that I am ‘one of the good ones.’

SIL recently purchased her first home and it’s a bit of a fixer-upper. She was tired of paying more in rent every month instead of a mortgage, but due to the crazy housing market and her price range, a house that needs some work is all she would be able to get.

And considering how crazy the market has been in our area for the past 2 years, I would consider her lucky to get this one, despite the work it needs.

I have worked in construction since I was a teenager and now work as a foreman for a large construction company.

So after SIL bought her house, she invited my wife and me over to show it to us. While we were there she started asking my opinion on some of the work it would need and what I would recommend working on first.

After looking everything over, it actually wasn’t in terrible shape but definitely needed some renovating and updating.

SIL asked if I would be willing to help with some of the smaller projects, but I told her that I am incredibly busy and I wouldn’t have the time to do it. She got a little pushy and tried to coax me with money, pizza, and beer, but I stood firm.

I told her I could possibly look into some contractors for her.

On our way home, my wife told me I could at least help her out with some of the smaller things, since my wife intended on helping her with a few things. I told her that given how much I’ve heard SIL badmouth men over the years, there is no way I am helping her with anything that could possibly go wrong and end up with her blaming me.

I told her that honestly, I wouldn’t even recommend any contractors I work with because I wouldn’t want them to have a bad experience with SIL that could jeopardize a working relationship I have.

The next week my wife was going over to help SIL with some painting and I refused to go with her.

My wife asked if I at least had a list of some contractors for SIL and I said no. When my wife got home she told me she was disappointed in me that I wouldn’t help and that SIL was upset as well. She told me I was being petty and expecting the worst out of her sister even though she has never shown any animosity towards me.

Well, that changed a couple of days later when SIL started texting me questions about a few things. I told her she’d have to talk to a contractor. She told me she just wanted some advice and that I was being a jerk. She told me she thought I was ‘better than this’ but that I was ‘just another typical jerk’.”

2 points - Liked by IDontKnow and lebe

User Image
Crazyone 10 months ago
There are women contractors, find the information on one and give that to her. It doesn’t sound like she asked your opinion before she bought the house or whether you would have time to schedule her as a regular customer. This is a no win situation for you. It will be ugly no matter what you do.
5 Reply
Load More Replies...
View 3 more comments

17. AITJ For Not Wanting To Go To Justin Bieber's Concert With My Sister?

“So my family is taking ‘one last vacation together’ before I graduate college in 3 weeks and, we are going to Disney World. So my sister texts me today asking ‘Do you want to go to a Justin Bieber concert while we are in Disney’ and I reply saying ‘No, I’d rather spend time in the parks than go to a concert, sorry’.

So more details about this situation, it is a well-known fact in my family that I HATE Justin Bieber’s music. I spent probably 12-15 hours planning out our time in Disney since everything needs to be pre-planned. My sister has a habit of binge drinking whenever she isn’t under my parent’s supervision, so she isn’t allowed to go alone, but in the same vein if I take her she’ll ignore me and go talk to guys and get them to buy her booze.

It feels like babysitting a heavy-drinking toddler, except the toddler could handle liquor better than her. Also, I’d have to drive across Orlando, which doesn’t exactly have the safest beltways, and I haven’t driven in months since I don’t have a car at college, so that worries me.

And she decided to go get a rhinoplasty and intentionally scheduled it for 2 weeks before the trip which will prevent her from participating in rides at the parks. She made that decision knowing exactly when we are going to Disney, and what the consequences will be.

So right after I told her I did not want to go, I receive a text from my father asking if I told her that I wouldn’t go to the concert. So I told him I said I didn’t want to go and explained the reasons listed above.

And now he is lecturing me via text about how I am not being selfless and not doing something out of the kindness and goodness of my heart since she will be miserable at the parks.

In my opinion, if she chose to be miserable at the parks instead of scheduling the procedure for right after we get back, then why should she then also make my vacation worse by missing time at Disney and having to suffer through that concert?

So, am I the jerk?”

2 points - Liked by IDontKnow and lebe

User Image
rbleah 10 months ago
Tell dad that if this vacation was meant to be for sis then HE can go to the concert and YOU will not go and NOT HAVE A GOOD TIME YOURSELF. See what he thinks of that. Tell him also that YOU WILL NOT BABYSIT HER and that she brought this on herself and IS THIS SUPPOSED TO BE A VACATION FOR YOU TOO OR NOT?
6 Reply
View 4 more comments

16. AITJ For Not Going To My Little Sister's Birthday Party?

“I (23 F) and my sister had very different upbringings. My parents were never around for me or had time for me. I would be sent to my grandma’s or my aunts/uncles would look after me. When I turned of age, I stayed home.

They would leave me dinner unless I added things onto the shopping list for them to buy so I could make my own dinner. I was the classic case of ‘She’s mature for her age’. I didn’t really know any different and my upbringing didn’t bother me up until I started going out with my now-partner of 3 years.

I basically realized that my childhood has left some deep wounds that I’ve just been ignoring and I’ve been attending therapy. I’ve been sheltered and very protected from the world (I was never allowed to go anywhere by myself and had a curfew that forbade me from leaving the house after sunset which I stupidly stuck to).

I didn’t have any control over my own money – no bank account until I reached 17 even though I got birthday and Christmas money from relatives. My therapist prescribed me anti-depressants and I meet her every week and I think I’m getting better. I’m less anxious, I care less about disappointing people and overall I’m healing.

My sister was the complete opposite. Both of my parents quit their jobs and burned through their savings to be at home for her. They see her all the time. Lots of hugs and being told she is loved (not once have they ever said to me).

I know she’s only 5 but at the rate my parents are acting, I may as well be a random child to them. They never phone me or try to contact me and I’ve made my peace with that now. For my last birthday, they sent me a card.

I feel like if I didn’t call first, I would basically be non-existent to them. I don’t even have a room at home anymore because it’s now my sister’s. All of my things are crammed into the tiny flat I have in my uni city.

Why my parents bought a new house but with only 2 bedrooms will always amaze me.

My sister’s 5th birthday is soon and my parents asked me to come down for it but I refused. I don’t want to undo the progress I’ve made in therapy and I don’t want to cause a scene on her birthday so I figured it would be better to stay out of it and come back when I’m in a better headspace.

They won’t take no for an answer and keep messaging me and calling me rude. I told them that I am busy with university and will come down to celebrate at another time but they believe there was nothing more important than her birthday. I don’t want to tell them I’m in therapy because of them as they don’t believe in therapy since ‘It’s a waste of money when you can discuss things like adults’.


2 points - Liked by IDontKnow and lebe

User Image
sctravelgma 9 months ago
Stay right where you are and continue to take care of your mental well being. You are NTJ but your (well I have a hard time calling them parents as they did no parenting in your case) get no say in what you do as they lost that right years ago when they palmed you off on any and every one else then basically threw you on your own way too young. I am glad you sought therapy and am glad you are healing. Take care of you and leave them to their "do over". You have absolutely nothing in common with any of them.
4 Reply
View 1 more comment

15. AITJ For Telling A Teenager It's Not My Problem If He Won't Be Able To Go To College?

“So on Friday I was driving back from my office (I was still working, was just going home to work remotely since my office closes early on Fridays) and had to stop and park at a Target due to me having a raging migraine and also traffic was so backed up I knew I wouldn’t be able to make it home in time for my other Zoom meeting that was in ten minutes.

So I go to Target, get some Excedrin and run back to my car and log into my Zoom meeting from my work cell phone.

I then hear loud knocking on my car window as I’m logging into Zoom. I (stupidly) roll down the window and it’s a teenager who starts this spiel of asking for donations so he can get into college and how if I won’t give him money, he won’t be able to go.

I just go ‘I’m sorry, I’m not carrying cash and I’m about to start a Zoom meeting for work.’ He then pulls out a card reader lmao and I just go, ‘I’m sorry but I’m busy and I can’t help’. I roll the window back up and start my Zoom meeting.

I look up about 2 minutes later and he still hasn’t gone away and goes ‘Please, ma’am. You can donate by credit card. Every little bit counts’.

I turn my camera and mic off (not rolling the window down obv) and loudly go ‘Dude, I already told you no. Please get away from my car.

I’m in a meeting for work.’ He then goes ‘I’m not going to be able to go to college if you don’t donate.’ I go, ‘Dude, please just go. That’s not my problem. I already said no.’ He walked away and gave me the finger.

I felt bad but I didn’t know what else to do.

Was I the jerk?”

2 points - Liked by IDontKnow and lebe

User Image
rbleah 10 months ago
NOT THE JERK and in todays world he may very well be a scammer. You just don't know. For me just because he brought out the card reader? SCAM ALERT they then have your card info and can cause damage untold. Also why not just set up a go fund me or something? Safer that what that kid was doing.
7 Reply
View 5 more comments

14. AITJ For Making My Ex Sign Over His Paternity Rights?

“I (f 42) and my partner (m57) of 4 years split recently. We met while we were both going through divorces and we got together about 6 months after mine was final (his was final before mine).

We live in different towns so we sometimes would go a couple of weeks between visits due to distance but it worked for us. He has 4 kids (m 37, f 35, m 14, m 12) and has shared custody of the two youngest with his second ex-wife. I share two kids (m 18, f 16) with my ex-husband.

It just hasn’t made sense for us to move closer due to having to fight with exes to change custody agreements.

I found out 8 months ago I was pregnant. This was completely unexpected as he had a vasectomy after his last son was born. Neither of us had any intention to have more children and I was not prepared to be pregnant at 41.

I didn’t even find out until I was almost 5 months along because my periods have been odd for years due to a combination of weight loss, anemia, genetics, and age.

I went to see him and his reaction was… well he broke things off with me and had some very choice words to call me.

He refused to believe anything other than that I was seeing someone else and trying to pin this pregnancy on him. His ex-wife had an affair often which is why they split so part of me understands his emotional reaction but he spent the last 8 months ghosting me and has refused to even speak to me.

The babies (twins m and f) were born 3 months ago. I do not need his financial help but I decided to file for child support so he would do a paternity test. Once his friend said he took the test but before we had the results (which I never needed he was the only person I had been with), I had him served with papers to sign over his parental rights and all financial responsibility as well.

Unsurprisingly he signed the papers without hesitation.

We got the paternity test results back and now he is blowing up my phone and showing up at my house angry at me and saying I am a jerk because I refuse to entertain the idea of getting back together or moving closer to him.

He also says I tricked him into signing over his rights. (I am aware he may be able to fight me as it is recent).

Some of my friends and family are telling me I am a jerk for doing this to him and others say they understand why I did.

So, AITJ?”

2 points - Liked by IDontKnow and lebe

User Image
Kali 10 months ago
NTJ so he broke up with you while calling you names then basically ghosted you for 8 MONTHS then signed away his rights without hesitation, but now you’re the bad guy? NO. It sounds like he didn’t apologize once for his horrid behavior, which would have been a step in the right direction to establish any relationship he wanted. Now suddenly he finds out the kids ARE his and he’s basically acting like they’re his property. I’m not sure what the legal ramifications are and what he can fight for, but morally you are 100% in the right.
5 Reply
View 4 more comments

13. AITJ For Expecting My Partner To Be On Time For Our Dates?

“I (27 F) am an attorney, in a relationship with a programmer (33 M). He’s constantly late for things and has always had problems with keeping track of time. There have been times when we have made plans for a date and he would just go missing in action for hours, only to respond after he was already late.

Given how hectic my work schedule is, I try really hard to set time for him on the weekends and he has often 1. full-on not responded when asked about plans 2. has left been waiting alone in restaurants for at least an hour each time. I know he has mental health issues and has struggled with going out to meet people so I try to be more patient/forgiving but sometimes I do still end up blowing up at him when he is late.

This time it was our anniversary, I found the place, booked it way in advance, and got there on time. I texted him asking ‘Hey are you on your way’ and he left me on read. After waiting 1 hour, I basically texted him that I was incredibly mad that he was doing this again.

I left and he eventually told me that he got there 1.45 hours after when we planned to meet. He then called me to say that he was really sorry, please come back, and that he was really trying. I lost my temper and yelled at him that he didn’t care about my time, he always leaves me waiting like a dog for when it suited him, and that the least he could do was at least WARN ME that he was going to be late.

He said that I didn’t respect him for trying/his mental health and how difficult it was for him to even meet me. He admitted that sometimes, once he’s late he even procrastinates more because he doesn’t want to deal with the consequences of it.

I admit that I am a stickler for time, time is very important to me and now with work, it literally means I can’t do other things because I just spend so much time waiting for him. I am so mad because it just feels like irresponsibility.

AITJ for expecting him to be on time or at least tell me if he’s going to be late?”

2 points - Liked by IDontKnow and lebe

User Image
mappster 10 months ago
NTJ! "I admit that I am a stickler for time." I am married to someone who has a time issue. If had hadn't have been young and blinded by love I would have walked away the first time he was late. Guess what? He still has those issues. But not nearly as bad as your SO. You've told him how you feel, but he has been unable to change. How much of your TIME to you want to waste on him?
6 Reply
View 5 more comments

12. AITJ For Telling My Partner To Limit Her Talking About Her Vacation?

“I have chronic bronchitis and cat allergies, but we got a cat because my partner wanted one. After getting sick in 2020, it’s gotten worse, making me cough all the time.

Back to the story. My partner wanted to take a 2-week long vacation after a streak of crappy months. We both have been burnt out because of work, our cat died, her aunt got cancer, my granny died, my health went down, etc. So I said perfect.

Except she didn’t want to go anywhere close by. She wanted to go 1500 km away to a different state.

A couple of problems with that plan:

A) I am not good with high altitudes, bad respiratory health means shortness of breath if the air is thin (the destination is close to the Himalayas, at a higher altitude)

B) I cannot take a flight to the destination, since I’m not asymptomatic (constant cough) which means I’d either have to spend three days on a train which would cut down on the actual trip a lot (14-3-3=8 days.) That’s just a week-long trip now.

C) I’d be short on funds if we plan an expensive two-week trip. I need to buy essentials like a bike and a laptop and pay for my education. I can’t afford to spend a lot on a trip, but she earns a lot more than me and she doesn’t have the same problem.

So she asked me if she can go with her work buddy. I say sure, have fun. You’ve needed a vacation, and it’d be nice that you get to go on one.

With that done, she started planning with her friend, and they both plan the trip, and she booked the flights, but not the hotel rooms.

She now started asking me about the accommodation, the costs, the locations, the rating, the platform to book on, the cancellation policy, the road trip they have planned, etc. And I entertained her. I said go nuts.

Then today, she said her friend she’s going with wants to talk to me about the road and asked me how she should accommodate that.

I said ‘You talk while working so just call me over when you’re on call and I’ll speak to him’.

But I also told her, ‘I know you deserve a trip and I’m happy that you get to go. We’ve had some tough times and we deserve some time off.

You should have fun. But I have gone through the same, and I would have liked a break too. I can’t take one, so, could you involve me in your planning a bit less?’ I didn’t ask her to stop talking altogether. Just limit it a bit.

She asked if I’m jealous and I say not exactly, but It does make me feel bad when I realize that I can’t do those things for quite a while now.

She said she hates me and that she won’t share any of the details with me.

Now she’s sitting teary-eyed making me feel like I’ve done something awful.

The plan was for us to go on a vacation, which got me excited. So the disappointment of not being able to go makes me feel bad. Am I the jerk for asking her to consult with me a bit less about the trip?”

2 points - Liked by IDontKnow and lebe

User Image
Kali 10 months ago
Yeah NTJ. Your partner is childish, selfish and manipulative. She doesn’t care about your health, at all. Why did you give in and get a cat when you know how sick it would make you? Better question is, Why would she WANT to get a cat, KNOWING that you’re allergic with breathing problems? That right there is a huge red flag. Then when talking about a vacation, instead of choosing something you BOTH want and can afford, she plans to just go with a “work friend?” Dude, stop gaslighting yourself into believing this is a good relationship. Let her go on her trip, stop helping her plan it since she has another guy helping with the planning, a guy she’s actually going on the vacation with, aTWO WEEK vacation no less. Sounds like you’re just helping her jerk, and when you set a boundary, now she “hates” you. Do yourself a favor and move out and move on.
5 Reply
View 4 more comments

11. AITJ For Pulling Away From A Stranger Who Invaded My Personal Space?

“A while back, I was at a Sephora browsing with headphones on. Not earbuds, but big, over the ears earphones. I do this partially because I don’t do well in crowds/busy spaces (I get very anxious) and it helps distract me from everyone around me.

Due to this, I also sort of space out from who is around me.

I’m stopped at a display, looking down at some items, and all of a sudden, a guy (maybe 18-20 years old) is pulling up one of my headphones, getting very close to my face, and shouting ‘HELLO!’ It startled me and I jerked back, pushed his hand away, (apparently) made a face and quickly turned and walked away.

A few minutes later, I’m on the other side of the store and someone taps me on the shoulder. I turn around and it’s a woman (maybe early 20s), motioning for me to take my headphones off. I do and she says (not really rudely, but with a little condescension) ‘That guy you pulled away from is my brother, he is mentally challenged and he was just trying to be friendly and say hello.

You didn’t need to react that way. You need to learn about disabled people and…’

That’s as far as I let her get. I said ‘Look, I would have reacted that way no matter who did it. I don’t like to be touched by strangers.’ Then I walked out of the store and back to my car because I was DONE.

I posted about it on social media and some people thought I could have been nicer to her when she was trying to explain how he is and that there was no malice in it and I could have gone up to him after and said hello, but others said that I was fine, no one has the right to touch me and then someone else to lecture me.

So, AITJ?”

2 points - Liked by IDontKnow and lebe

User Image
Kali 10 months ago
Absolutely NTJ. If the young man is able to be in public spaces then he should be able to understand and respect that you don’t touch strangers without their permission. It doesn’t matter if he’s friendly, strangers don’t know that and aren’t just going to assume anyone who touches them - especially to pull off headphones! - is friendly. And if he’s so disabled that he can’t keep his hands to himself, why wasn’t his mom glued to his side, making sure he was being respectful and appropriate? She’s doing him a major disservice by expecting strangers to just acquiesce to him just because he’s disabled. No, YOU don’t need to be more understanding, SHE does.
8 Reply
View 7 more comments

10. AITJ For Scaring My Neighbors' Kids?

“I (m 31) have been staying at my late grandmother’s house the last 6-7 weeks with my aunt. The two of us have taken the lead on getting stuff cleaned up, packed up, and sorted while the rest come and go to help out.

They’re in a very quiet suburban neighborhood of mixed ages, but there are a lot of new families clustered around her home. The next-door neighbors (mid-20s-early-30s, I would speculate) have two kids, an older daughter, and a younger son. Probably both 5-8 range, if I had to guess.

I like the neighbors just fine. A couple of weeks back I had my cat out with me in the front yard taking a break and doing a bit of reading in the late afternoon/early evening and the parents politely asked if their kids could meet my cat.

They had been apparently begging to do so for weeks (he’s frequently out with me in the yard under my supervision only). I accepted as Carl does great with kids. They were respectful and gentle, with no issues. During this interaction, I chat with the parents about how I never let him out without me with him in close proximity.

Today I got back from work early and decided to take a nap (I work nights) before we set in on our checklist for the day. I woke up to the front screen door slamming. Slowly roused myself and went to peek my head upstairs.

The two neighbor kids were in our front yard. Still confused about the door, but whatever, the kids can play in the yard.

About ten minutes later it dawned on me that I hadn’t seen Carl. He has either woken me or found me minutes after I woke for over a decade.

So I decided to poke my head out and ask the kids if they’d seen him. The daughter shakes her head no, but the younger son gleefully proclaimed they’d let him out to play. I lost it. Didn’t yell at the kids, but immediately marched over to the neighbors and slammed on their door.

When they answered I demanded they get moving and get looking for my cat, as it was their children who messed up. They seemed confused, even after I explained the situation. The husband said, ‘Well he’ll be back, don’t worry about it, he’s a cat.’ I lost it, and ended up yelling ‘I don’t care!

Get out here and help me find my cat! Now!’

I’ve been with Carl through thick and thin for over a decade and the thought that these kids had just waltzed up and let him out while I was sleeping sent me over the edge.

I definitely lost my temper and scared the kids. I rarely raise my voice, but when I do it’s fairly booming. There were also enough expletives laced in my sparse statement to make Carlin shy. Carl came trotting up to me from the backyard somewhere when he heard my voice and they said ‘See?’ with an air of dismissal.

‘Not the point. From here on, keep your kids off the yard or I’m calling the cops.’

‘Your grandmother would be ashamed.’

I cackled and walked away before they took the last shred of decent temperament I had left in my body.

I know I wasn’t in the wrong for confronting the parents, but I feel like I could have toned it down for the kids’ sake, despite their parents being jerkheads.


2 points - Liked by IDontKnow and lebe

User Image
Crazyone 10 months ago
Hopefully you scared them enough to never touch your door again. I can’t believe that they were unconcerned about the fact that they OPENED SOMEONE ELSE’S DOOR! I am sure their lack of concern sent you over the edge. You properly went to the parents, but got gaslight. A few less expletives around kids would be better but they didn’t even know where their kids were.
6 Reply
Load More Replies...
View 4 more comments

9. AITJ For Not Answering My Mom's Call?

“I (f 14) do not pick up my phone calls often. It could be for various reasons, but it mostly just comes from the fact that I am preoccupied at the moment and can’t/would prefer not to pick up my phone.

My mother (f 52) calls me every night, to ask me what I want for dinner. I don’t usually pick up, so I usually text her after. 9 times out of 10, she chooses what she is going to buy regardless of what I say, since it is either ‘too troublesome to get’ or that I am not sure what to get either.

This has been going on for months now, and I honestly think she doesn’t need to call me at all since she’s the one who chooses anyways. My mother usually texts me back, and it is a brief conversation, with maybe a total of 5 short messages sent.

Today, the same thing happened again. My mother was driving home, and she called me. I could not pick up again, and I just texted her after, telling her that I did not know what I wanted to get. She texted back, and I went back to doing what I had to.

A few minutes later, she texts me again, telling me that she had gotten into a car accident. I was worried, so I asked if she was fine. Afterward, she just responded with a yes. And that was it.

However, when she came home, she immediately started scolding me and feeling that it was my fault that she had gotten into the accident.

She started berating me and telling me that I was the jerk for not picking up. I wanted to tell her that I didn’t see why she had to call me even though she was the one who would ultimately decide what she was going to buy in the end, but I did not have the energy to, as it was late.

Now, she isn’t willing to speak with me unless it is with a passive-aggressive tone, and I think it was my fault. So, am I the jerk?”

2 points - Liked by IDontKnow and lebe

User Image
Ishouldntbehere2 10 months ago
NTJ. She's the one driving. She's the one who decided to use her phone first to call and then to text. Do you really think she was in an accident? The whole "she's fine and that was that" is kinda sketchy, perhaps she's just trying to guilt you into answering the phone. She sounds nuts for blaming it on you if it did happen. Either way, you two need to talk about a form of communication that works for both of you because you're still underage and your mum needs to contact you sometimes. Tell her you DON'T CARE what you have for dinner so not to worry if you don't answer for that reason. Have her call twice if it is important or 3 times if it is an emergency and promise her you will pick up in those instances. Still, NTJ, she needs to learn not to use her phone while driving.
5 Reply
View 5 more comments

8. AITJ For Not Wanting To Complain About My Wrong Order?

“Birthday dinner – me, my brother, mom, and stepdad. I ordered a steak, garlic mash, and mushrooms. I got steak, garlic mash, and assorted vegetables. I am 100% fine with this as the vegetable side was an extra and I just wanted something to go with the meat and potato.

Apparently, that’s not good enough. My mom starts making a big deal and telling me she was going to tell them my order was wrong.

IMPORTANT: I don’t give care about birthdays and I am 32 years old now.

I tell my mom it’s a secondary side and that I don’t actually care.

I start eating my meal, the mixed vegetables first so to prove I actually don’t mind and then my mom goes off on me. Telling me I’m weak for not correcting my side. I literally got mixed vegetables instead of mushrooms. Still had my steak and potatoes.

I pleaded with her to drop it and not embarrass us and after protesting rather strongly she dropped it. Once we got homes she told me I was a jerk and weak for not letting her tell the waitress my order was wrong.

My defense: I didn’t actually care and enjoyed the mixed vegetables, the restaurant was really busy and the waitress ended up getting me a few free drinks and a slice of ice cream cake since it was my birthday.

Also, the mixed vegetables were cheaper than the mushrooms.

Mom’s dumb defense: Told me I was a coward and should have complained just because. Said she was paying and wanted her money’s worth (again, the mixed vegetables were CHEAPER. They took me out for dinner)

Am I the jerk here? I felt it was a non-issue. It was literally peppers compared to mushrooms. She’s acting like I ruined the whole dinner because I didn’t care enough to complain. If my steak wasn’t medium rare I would have said something but secondary sides that ended up being cheaper.

I went to dinner because I knew she would complain no matter what and thought just saying yes would calm my mom down. My brother’s on my side but my stepdad says I should have complained to make my mom happy even though he acknowledges that it was my food to eat and I didn’t care and it was cheaper.

Edit: I live by myself. They’re an hour north of me and I traveled to them for the weekend (last weekend) because they invited me.”

2 points - Liked by IDontKnow and lebe

User Image
Ishouldntbehere2 10 months ago
NTJ! When a restaurant is busy little mistakes will happen. Chefs and waitstaff are only humam! I never complain about something I'm still happy to eat, ESPECIALLY if I ended up getting charged less for it. You saved yourself embarressment as well as your server for something that did not matter, good on you! Your mum sounds like an @sshole.
2 Reply
View 4 more comments

7. AITJ For Not Allowing My Husband's Mother To See Our Baby Because She Didn't Like Her Name?

“I (f 26) and my husband (m 29) have been together for 6 years and married for 2. We have been trying for a baby since I was 24 but it just never happened. As I’m sure you could guess we were ecstatic when we found out we were pregnant.

For some context, I have gone no contact with my mum for personal reasons and have cut her out of my life, so I have tried desperately to have a good relationship with my MIL. She, however, doesn’t seem to like me. She always makes horrible remarks about me and especially since I have been pregnant.

When we found out we were pregnant we decided to have a gender reveal. I and my husband were fine with any gender as long as the baby was healthy but my MIL insisted on it being a boy so he could carry on the family name.

We had the gender reveal and low and behold it was a girl. The name that has been decided upon has been Yasmin. My husband and I both love that name and it has a lot of meaning to me as it was my grandmother’s name.

My grandmother was my everything and she helped me when my mum and I were having problems before I cut contact. She unfortunately passed away when I was 23 and my husband was so supportive through her death and more than happy for her name to be our daughter’s.

My MIL says it is unfair that my daughter is named after my grandmother and not her mother. I explained to her the importance of the name and told her I will not be changing it. She exclaimed that she didn’t like the name and as it was her granddaughter that we should choose a name ‘we all liked’.

My husband stands up for me against her all the time so there is no issue there. He told her that if she didn’t like the name then she can get lost. My MIL hadn’t said anything since then until the days leading up to my due date.

She would harass me about the name constantly and even insult my grandmother. The original plan was for her to be in the delivery room with me but I told my husband she was not going anywhere near our child. He agreed and we told her a day before my due date she was not allowed in the delivery room anymore due to her disgusting behavior.

She started screaming and crying saying we were cruel. She told me I was nothing but a motherless flirt having a child that was probably not even my husband’s.

That was the last straw for me and my husband and I decided she would no longer be allowed to see Yasmin until she had apologized and sorted out her behavior towards me in general. She, of course, told his whole family a different story and she is a master manipulator so they all believed her sob story.

We are now getting calls and texts from her family calling us jerks for not letting her see her first grandchild after all she did for us.

Let me clarify she has done nothing for us and is a nasty piece of work. My husband and I are standing our ground against them all but now that I have had time to process it I am wondering if I overreacted. So AITJ?”

2 points - Liked by IDontKnow and lebe

User Image
rbleah 10 months ago
You did NOT overreact. Have hubs put out to ALL OF THE IDIOTS EXACTLY what she has done and been doing ALL ALONG. If they STILL side with her then time to put them ALL IN TIME OUT, and ESPECIALLY MIL. You did/do NOT deserve all of her crap. Block her for now and at some point in the future your hubs can talk to her and if she has not changed... time to go low/no contact. You DO NOT NEED to engage with her at all. THIS CHILD IS YOURS AND YOUR HUBS NOT HERS. Tell her to BUTT OUT.
5 Reply
View 2 more comments

6. AITJ For Not Letting My Adopted Son Meet His Birth Mom?

“After I reached a certain middle age and was still not married and did not have kids, I opted to make myself available as a single parent for adoptable kids. The process was very stressful, time-consuming, expensive, and a lot of false hope.

I got turned down a lot because I was going at it as a single parent.

Eventually one of the agencies that I was working with had asked if I’d be interested in an open adoption. The vast majority of prospective parents are not because it brings extra unwanted baggage. They had a pregnant couple with other kids who were open to having a single man adopt their baby if their family could have a relationship with him and other strange stuff.

The parents were these traveling weird hippies from the Midwest who had abandoned one of their kids in Singapore (the kid became ‘famous’ over it). Obviously, these were not people I wanted in my life but this was my last chance to be a dad so I agreed.

After ‘Raphael’ was born, the parents pretty much disappeared and resumed their travels.

Flash forward 12 years, his birth mom reached out to me. She said she was ready to have that relationship with Raphael. She turned her life around, reconnected with her other kids, became a nurse, and married a doctor.

I wasn’t sure what to make of it so I asked my son how he would feel about meeting her. I thought he’d say no but the idea excited him.

After much thought, I opted not to connect the two. I told his birth mother that things were fine the way they were and I won’t be able to manage Raphael’s expectations.

She reminded me of the promise I made 12 years ago. I counter that it was more of a gentleman’s agreement. If Raphael wants to pursue a relationship with her when he turns 18 then so be it. Too many things have changed and too much time has passed to honor what I agreed to.

She accused me of breaking my word, being judgmental and insecure.”

1 points - Liked by lebe

User Image
Ishouldntbehere2 10 months ago
This is a tough one. Legally you may be in the wrong, I don't know if there is specific paperwork for open adoption thougb. But it is incredibly unfair of her to miss the first 12 years of his life and then decide to jump back in. I think you shoild let you child choose before they turn 18 though, because it's not as though the kid won't be mature enough to make that decision in a couple of years. NTJ yet but depending how you handle it going forward you may be.
3 Reply
View 2 more comments

5. AITJ For Quizzing My Sister's Partner During Family Dinner?

“I (34 M) have a younger sister (25 F) who has been with her partner (26 M) for about a year now, who I don’t really like, but since I don’t see them very often it’s mostly fine.

This weekend it was my grandfather’s 85th birthday and we both happened to be in our hometown. Since we hadn’t seen each other in a while we decided it’d be nice to have dinner the day after to catch up. We went out along with my youngest brother (M 20) and his significant other (F 20), our parents (F 54 and M 54), and my wife (F 36.)

Dinner started fine, but he quickly started getting on my nerves quick, he’s a physician assistant but acts like he is the medical director of the hospital he works at based on the way he talks about his duties. The thing that annoys me most is that he often presents stories of him saving patients from doctors who don’t know what they’re doing.

I’m a pathologist and hearing him completely misrepresent medical cases (it’s obvious just from the way he talks about them) to make himself out to be the hero is grating.

He did this again at this dinner and normally I would just bite my tongue, but this time he kept talking about how a patient was misdiagnosed by an oncologist with the wrong type of cancer and how he came up with the correct diagnosis.

I simply knew that the way he was telling the story couldn’t be true. In order to make the diagnosis he made he would’ve needed to take a biopsy and that biopsy would not have been looked at by him or an oncologist, but rather by a pathologist like myself.

There is no clinical way to differentiate between the two types of cancers. I pointed this out and he decided to double down, telling me that the clinical presentation makes it obvious.

From there things escalated. I told him to stop playing doctor and he decided to say that ‘at least he was doing actual medicine’ and that I ‘probably couldn’t remember the last time I saw a breathing patient.’ That part is pretty much true I’ll admit, I don’t see patients in my line of work, but I wasn’t going to let him try to discredit me.

This is the part that I think makes me a jerk. For the rest of the dinner all I did was ask him medical questions, quizzing him and (childishly, I’ll admit) making a buzzing noise when he got something wrong as well as calling him an idiot a couple of times for getting obvious things wrong.

I did this until he and my sister eventually got up and left.

The rest of my family chastised me and called me a jerk, not just for what I did to him, but also for ruining their dinner. I do get where they’re coming from and I think I may have taken it too far, but at the same time, I feel like I was right to put him in his place.

Edit: This actually happened at a dinner with my immediate family and our respective significant others the day after.”

1 points - Liked by lebe

User Image
CmHart2008 9 months ago
You were dealing with a self import jerk so you lowered yourself to his level. Ignore people who need to grandstand. They are insecure & looking for respect that they have not earned. They need to belittle others in order to look superior. Disassociate yourself from such people. Your sister is setting her sights too low. That is her choice & she will have to live with it.
2 Reply
View 1 more comment

4. WIBTJ If I Stop Paying For My Ungrateful Sister's Private Schooling?

“I (26 F) am considering whether I should stop paying my sister’s (17 F) private high school tuition. My sister is entering her last year of high school in the fall and received very little financial aid.

She transferred to this school last year so late in the application cycle that I needed to pay the full price for her tuition (15K). I was fine with this because I knew she was unhappy at her previous school.

Instead of renewing my lease, I moved home so I could afford tuition and save for a house.

I also gave her my car and bought another car so that I could get around. I pay for both vehicles and insurance so she can get to school every day (20-minute commute).

It’s been a year, and I’m regretting it. She applied for financial aid this year, and they only gave her 1K.

Payments for next year start next week.

Here’s why I’m frustrated:

Anytime I ask her about school, planning for the future, grades, college, etc., she gets upset.

She primarily uses the car (for school, activities, and meeting friends), so I’ll often ask her to call the mechanic or take it to get things done.

She gets upset when I ask and says I have a ‘tone’ every time I ask.

I had to pull teeth when asking her to fill out the financial aid forms for this year. She claimed she didn’t know how to do it (I asked her what she didn’t have/didn’t know how to do and how I could help) she would get frustrated and angry with me instead.

Things came to a head today when I asked about a broken windshield wiper. She said it has been broken for months and I asked why she didn’t say anything. She said my brother told me, but I honestly don’t remember. So I asked her to find a windshield wiper, let me know how much it is and I would give her my card so she could order it and get it installed. The call was brief, and I could tell she was irritated by the request, but I didn’t get emotional or upset, just direct.

We hung up the phone and when I got home she blew up saying it wasn’t what I said, but how I said it. Anyways, things got heated and my brother took her side saying they had previously told me about it, and it wasn’t a big deal.

I’m frustrated because I’ve delayed my personal and financial goals to pay for her school and she just seems so ungrateful. She could just go to public school, and it would be fine.

EDIT: My mom is a single mom who constantly tells me how grateful she is to me for doing this.

I tell her all the time that it’s fine and I’m happy to do it. Our father is not in our lives at all and does not contribute financially. My sister (17 F) is the youngest.”

0 points (0 votes)

User Image
rbleah 10 months ago
Tell her to get her act together and DO WHAT SHE NEEDS TO DO or you will NO LONGER HELP HER and she can figure it out for herself. Tell mom you love her but you are DONE with the ungrateful brat. Then get your butt BACK OUT OF THAT HOUSE and let brat sink or swim.
5 Reply
View 4 more comments

3. AITJ For Not Allowing My Daughter To Date Someone Who's Way Older Than Her?

“My (54 F) daughter Angela (19 F) attends a local college right now and apparently last summer made friends with a few people in one of her classes. They would go out to lunch in between classes and study together. One of the friends is a young man named Carson.

She would talk about her friends and I didn’t think anything of it because they were all young people in college and she doesn’t hide anything from me.

I eventually ended up noticing that she and Carson started hanging out more often without the other friends in their group and a couple weeks after discovered that Carson asked her out.

Angelica seemed very excited about it and apparently had been secretly ‘crushing on him’ for a while. This was all fine to me.

At the end of February, my daughter was making preparations for Carson’s birthday (gift, lunch reservation, etc), and in a passing conversation about potentially needing any number of birthday candles I asked her how old he was turning and she said 26!

I was floored and started telling her that that was not okay. If you count the months it’s just shy 3 months shy of an 8 year age gap.

My daughter started getting defensive and said they met in a non-creepy way and she didn’t even know how old he was for a while because friends’ ages ‘never came up naturally in conversation’.

They started liking each other before the age conversation but I think that’s beside the point. She also said I didn’t have a problem up until now so I couldn’t comment but looking at her friends it’s not like any of them looked particularly older than one another so I just assumed that they were of similar age even though I understand that not everyone is college is necessarily 18 – 20.

I told her that while that might be my fault for not asking sooner, she can’t be going out with a man who’s that much older than her and as long as she lives with me and her dad she has to stop seeing him.

I pick her up from college so even though I can’t technically make her stop seeing him at school she has to leave when I arrive after her class and I can make sure she doesn’t see him on weekends. She said I’m being unnecessarily cruel but I’m just being a parent watching for her.”

0 points - Liked by lebe

User Image
Sugarbee23 10 months ago
You can express concerns but then need to let it go........she is an adult. Also, you are just ensuring that your kid doesn't share anything about their life with you and she is going to make jerk sure you have no ability to have any say about her life going forward. Controlling your child at any age (but especially as an adult) is covered in How to Alienate Your Child 101.
4 Reply
View 5 more comments

2. AITJ For Not Wanting My Significant Other To Wear High Heels To My Sister's Wedding?


“I’m your typical 5’6 short guy. I hate myself for it, I’m openly insecure about it and have exhausted all solutions to fix this issue.

I met my significant other 6 months ago, she met my family and they embraced her right away. My sister invited her to her wedding and mentioned including her in the wedding photos. I asked my SO what shoes she was going to wear and she showed me a pair of high heels that would’ve basically made her look 2x taller than me.

I asked if she could consider wearing sandals instead since there were going to be photos and I didn’t want to look like a Gnome standing next to her. She called me silly and brushed off my concerns which were not appreciated.

The day of the wedding I hid her pair of high heels (she has only one set in the apt because she moved out all the old ones after I asked her to).

She tried looking for them and really seemed to think something strange happened. I started telling her to her up so we could get to the venue on time and she ended up wearing flat sandals as a replacement.

Everything went well, and I gave her high heels back once we got home.

She was shocked when she saw me holding them. I admitted hiding them for the reasons I stated above and she got mad at me and said that I shouldn’t have done that and forced her to wear sandals that completely didn’t match with the dress.

She kept saying I got what I wanted but she will forever look awkward in those photos wearing those sandals.

I do think she had every reason to be upset with me but what was I supposed to do after I made my wishes clear and she brushed them off knowing full well how I felt about those high heels?

So AITJ? I really thought of it as a harmless move and I think she might have overreacted.”

-2 points (2 vote(s))

User Image
rbleah 10 months ago
If you are THAT insecure then you need therapy and A SHORT GIRLFRIEND to appease your limp ego.
8 Reply
View 5 more comments

1. AITJ For Telling My Husband He's Acting Childishly Regarding His Fight With My Mom?

“So my husband and my mom don’t get on… like at all. They fight constantly. Admittedly, mom is the one who usually starts but my husband also escalates and refuses to let it go every time.

It’s exhausting for the entire family, and they don’t even fight over something worthy, they just nitpick each other’s words.

My husband told me many times that the solution would be that he stops going with me over to Mom’s house. I refused this solution because it’s not practical nor is fit for the long term. Besides I don’t feel comfortable attending family functions by myself like I’m single.

My suggestion is for him to try to ignore her at least and he said he would try.

On Mother’s Day dinner, Mom noticeably started commenting on my husband’s mother implying that she hated her children and isn’t proud to be a mom just because she refused to celebrate with them.

My husband wanted to respond but whispered to him to let it go and stay calm. And he did. He still looked visibly upset but didn’t say a word which made me think that my solution worked. But I was wrong.

Once we got home he followed me to the bedroom and said ‘Listen, I AM NEVEEEER EVEEER GOING BACK TO THAT HOUSE EVER AGAIN AFTER ALL THE CRAP YOUR MOM HAS DONE.’ I sighed and didn’t say anything til he started throwing a fit about me watching my mom insult his and not wanting him to react.

I snapped and told him he was acting childishly. He asked how and I told him by giving out threats and saying he won’t go with me to my mom’s house again. He tried to make excuses saying my mom created this situation and tried to put all blame on her.

I told him he’s no saint either, he has his moments and has a habit of letting things get this far. He said that I was the one who let things get this far by not setting my mom straight. I told him his problem is with her and that it was time that hash things out with her once and for all, just him and her.

He sorta looked like I just offended him and told me I was wrong because this is my mom and it’s my JOB to put a stop to her shenanigans and get her to understand that he was sick and tired of her nonsense. I told him he was an adult why should I defend him while he hides behind me?

He was like ‘OKAY OKAY OKAY. DON’T GET INVOLVED IN THE PROBLEM BUT DON’T TELL ME HOW TO DEAL WITH IT’. then walked out and stopped talking to me. He even took the couch which made me think that he was punishing me for something I didn’t do.


-2 points (2 vote(s))

User Image
mappster 10 months ago
Why do you think it's okay to put your husband in this position? Why? You expect him to deal with her insults by saying nothing? You think it's okay to put him in this uncomfortable situation? How would you feel if it was reversed? You should be defending him. You should have told your mother to stop disrespecting your husband or your visits would stop. You've hung your husband out. You can do better. Sit them down and tell them you are done with this behavior. Tell your mother what you expect from her. Tell your husband what you expect from him. And tell yourself what you expect from yourself. What will you do when your mother starts crap? Stop demanding he attend family functions if you aren't going to have his back when the poo starts flowing. Be the ADULT you are demanding of your husband.
8 Reply
View 6 more comments

These stories are quite dramatic, don't you think? Well, now is the time for you to make the judgment. You decide who you believe to be the jerk! Upvote, downvote, and comment on your favorite stories by signing up for a Metaspoon account. Click Log In at the top right corner of this page to get started. (Note: Some stories have been shortened and modified for our audiences)