People Look For Clarification To Their "Am I The Jerk" Problems

"My best friend Emma and I have known each other since high school.

We’ve been through everything together, from breakups to job losses. So, when she told me she was planning a 'special event' and needed me there, I didn’t hesitate to say yes, despite not knowing the details.

Emma has always been unconventional and loves surprises.

She hinted that this event was going to be 'life-changing' and 'a testament to love.' Given her flair for the dramatic, I assumed it might be an elaborate proposal from her long-time partner, 'Jake.'

The event was scheduled at a remote, picturesque location about four hours from where I live.

The week of the event, my life turned upside down. My dog, who’s been my companion for over 10 years, fell critically ill. It was touch and go, and leaving him wasn’t an option for me. I was devastated, torn between my responsibility to my pet and my commitment to my best friend.

I called Emma two days before the event, explaining my situation and how I couldn’t make it. She was incredibly understanding at the time, or so it seemed. I thought everything was fine until the next day when mutual friends started posting pictures of the event—it was Emma’s wedding, a surprise wedding!

I was shocked and heartbroken. I would have loved to witness one of the most important days of her life. But the situation with my dog was something I couldn’t ignore. Emma, however, didn’t see it that way. After the wedding, she sent me a long message expressing her disappointment and hurt.

She felt that I had chosen my pet over our friendship and that missing her wedding was unforgivable.

Since then, Emma has been distant. Mutual friends are divided; some understand my predicament, while others believe I should have made every effort to attend, regardless of the circumstances.

I’m left wondering, AITJ for choosing to stay with my critically ill pet over attending my best friend’s surprise wedding?"

Another User Comments:

"NTJ. The fact that she didn't disclose the nature of the event means that you didn't have the necessary information to make an 'informed choice'.

A random 'surprise' event - four hours away when you have a critically ill dog is a choice between a frivolous 'want' event and a responsible need to take care of your pet. Emma had ALL the information, she knew what her event was, and she knew what your situation was - she had every opportunity to SHARE her information so that you would not miss her wedding - and SHE is the jerk for not telling you about this. If she 'really wanted you there', telling you would've been the correct choice over keeping her surprise secret.

SHE made the choice and the outcome is all on her. She valued the FUN of the surprise MORE than your attendance. She is the jerk, not you.

At this point anyone telling you this is somehow your fault is just gaslighting you." TrainingDearest

Another User Comments:

"NTJ. You didn't miss her wedding, you missed an unspecified event. You were managing your priorities based on incomplete information, which was your friend's fault. You might well have still chosen your dog as the priority, whatever, but not knowing what the other event was meant it had less importance to you.

Your friend pretending that everything was fine when you told her just confirmed your priorities were right in your mind. Your friend effectively lied to you and is trying to blame you for the results of that." Diligent-Comfort-191