People Are Concerned Over Their "Am I The Jerk?" Stories

"My sister's made a lot of crappy choices with her life and so each year I give her $300 so she can buy for her two kids.

Otherwise, they'd basically just be getting some Dollar Store gifts from her. Back in January, she borrowed $1400 from me with the promise she'd pay me back when she got her taxes. Naturally, she never paid me back. I'll be honest that I don't like to stress about those sorts of things, and I basically expected she'd screw me over, so I haven't bothered her about it.

On Thursday she called me up to look for the usual $300. I told her instead I'd forgive that she hadn't paid me back the $1400. She got really upset with me, screaming about how her kids would have nothing to unwrap and that I should have told her this earlier if it was my plan.

Later she tried to get our parents to give her the money, but they could not afford to do that, so she wound up really upsetting our mom. I want to stress that our parents don't think I'm wrong and so that's not an issue, but they are upset over the idea of the grandkids being shorted.

One thing I do want to make clear is that these kids will not go without. I buy for them, my parents buy for them, their father and his family buy for them (he's not with my sister). So it's basically just that my sister can't give them anything.

What's weighing on me is that the $300 wouldn't mean much to me, and maybe I was wrong not to mention this to her earlier in the month rather than springing it on her at the last minute. But in all sincerity, I didn't think of it myself until she called to ask for cash.

So AITJ on this one?"

Another User Comments:

"NTJ. The kids are provided for. She just can't take credit for giving them some of their gifts. She wasn't the one getting them the gifts anyway, you were. A $1,400 gift of forgiving a loan is very generous.

If she ever considered paying you back then she'd recognize this. But since she was going to just keep the money and stiff you, it doesn't feel like a gift to her. It would have been nice to tell her earlier, but you told her when you thought of it. Had you told her earlier, maybe she could have found some extra work to pay for the gifts. But the money from that should have gone to you anyway. I hope she gets her act together. She's disappointed and stressed and looking to place blame. But it's not your fault." ThatguyIncognito

Another User Comments:

"You're NTJ here. What sucks is that your sister isn't seeing the debt forgiven as a gift. This means she never viewed the money in the first place as a loan but as a gift. You seem very at peace with this financial dynamic with your sister but you COULD consider offering her a choice here.

She can have the $300 now for holiday gifts but she also must sign a loan repayment plan and have it notarized (or made binding somehow) to structure how she will repay the $1400 loan. Once proposing this, your sister might actually appreciate that the money you LOANED her being forgiven is a much more significant gift." LostBody3801