People Are Concerned Over Their "Am I The Jerk?" Stories
23. AITJ For Letting A Previous Debt Go Instead Of Giving My Sister A Gift?
“My sister’s made a lot of crappy choices with her life and so each year I give her $300 so she can buy for her two kids.
Otherwise, they’d basically just be getting some Dollar Store gifts from her. Back in January, she borrowed $1400 from me with the promise she’d pay me back when she got her taxes. Naturally, she never paid me back. I’ll be honest that I don’t like to stress about those sorts of things, and I basically expected she’d screw me over, so I haven’t bothered her about it.
On Thursday she called me up to look for the usual $300. I told her instead I’d forgive that she hadn’t paid me back the $1400. She got really upset with me, screaming about how her kids would have nothing to unwrap and that I should have told her this earlier if it was my plan.
Later she tried to get our parents to give her the money, but they could not afford to do that, so she wound up really upsetting our mom. I want to stress that our parents don’t think I’m wrong and so that’s not an issue, but they are upset over the idea of the grandkids being shorted.
One thing I do want to make clear is that these kids will not go without. I buy for them, my parents buy for them, their father and his family buy for them (he’s not with my sister). So it’s basically just that my sister can’t give them anything.
What’s weighing on me is that the $300 wouldn’t mean much to me, and maybe I was wrong not to mention this to her earlier in the month rather than springing it on her at the last minute. But in all sincerity, I didn’t think of it myself until she called to ask for cash.
So AITJ on this one?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. The kids are provided for. She just can’t take credit for giving them some of their gifts. She wasn’t the one getting them the gifts anyway, you were. A $1,400 gift of forgiving a loan is very generous.
If she ever considered paying you back then she’d recognize this. But since she was going to just keep the money and stiff you, it doesn’t feel like a gift to her. It would have been nice to tell her earlier, but you told her when you thought of it.
Had you told her earlier, maybe she could have found some extra work to pay for the gifts. But the money from that should have gone to you anyway. I hope she gets her act together. She’s disappointed and stressed and looking to place blame.
But it’s not your fault.” ThatguyIncognito
Another User Comments:
“You’re NTJ here. What sucks is that your sister isn’t seeing the debt forgiven as a gift. This means she never viewed the money in the first place as a loan but as a gift. You seem very at peace with this financial dynamic with your sister but you COULD consider offering her a choice here.
She can have the $300 now for holiday gifts but she also must sign a loan repayment plan and have it notarized (or made binding somehow) to structure how she will repay the $1400 loan. Once proposing this, your sister might actually appreciate that the money you LOANED her being forgiven is a much more significant gift.” LostBody3801
22. AITJ For Refusing To Take The Car Seats Out Of My Car?
“I’m (20f) a nanny to 4 kids (9 months, 2, 4, 7). One of the requirements of the job was having a car that could fit 4 car/booster seats.
Mine didn’t but I applied anyway and they liked me so they got me in contact with a friend who was selling a 5-ish-year-old Ford Explorer for cheap. They bought the car but it’s in my name and they’re just taking some money out of my check each month for me to pay it back.
It is my car and I can do pretty much whatever I want in it but I need 3 car seats and a booster from Monday-Friday.
I refuse to take the car seats out because I do not know how to install them and I can’t have the parents do it every time I want to drive a couple of friends.
I still have the Civic that I used before I got this job so when I’m not working I usually drive the Civic.
My family was about to go to Christmas and my mom told me to get the car seats out of the Explorer so we could all take 1 car.
I said no because the only one I know how to install/remove is the booster seat. My mom said I could watch a YouTube video but I honestly don’t feel comfortable installing the car seats and I couldn’t live with myself if the seats weren’t properly installed and something happened. My mom thought I was being dramatic and that I was just trying to get out of having the family see how messy my car was.
I ended up driving my Civic and my mom followed in her car but she’s still mad that I made us take 2 cars instead of taking the car seats out. AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, yeah I agree you should learn how to install the car seats yourself but you are under no obligation to take them out if you’re not comfortable with it.
Having to take two cars instead of one is no big deal, she shouldn’t try to gaslight you and mock you with why she thinks you’re saying no when you even explained why to her. It’s a boundary you are free to make, don’t feel bad about her trashy behavior in response, some people really never want you to be able to set boundaries with yourself or your own stuff, but it’s not your problem or fault she can’t handle not getting what she wants.” FlowerOk3892
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. First off, by all accounts that’s a work vehicle. Imagine if you were a plumber and your mom wanted you to remove all the tools out of your work van for that reason. Second, your concerns about the car seats are completely valid.
I know in some cases you have to take the car to a dealer in order to get them properly installed. Car seats and car safety are constantly evolving and updating so by all accounts you can’t cut corners with installation and such. Plus, not only is it your job but the safety of actual children would be messed with.
Your mom needs to respect your job and suck it up. Good on you for standing your ground.” ParaGoofTrooper
21. AITJ For Not Paying For My Friend's Dinner?
“I invited my friend to dinner with a couple of other people. I told him I’d buy his food because he seemed reluctant to go at first and I didn’t know if money was a factor.
He agreed to come after I offered. He shows up with his wife which was not discussed before, so then I was kind of questioning if I was expected to buy her food too but I didn’t say anything. The two of them racked up a $200 bill and when the check came they slid their check over to me.
I told them I was absolutely not paying for that I only offered to pay for his meal and they ordered way more than that. I told him I might’ve even paid for hers too but I wasn’t paying for appetizers and desserts and the endless liquor they got.
When they ordered all this I assumed they were gonna pay their tab because we are all in our 40s and that is insane people our age would try to pull a stunt like this. He argued with me because I went back on my word and accused me of trying to embarrass him in front of his wife and our friends and said he didn’t have that kind of money.
I told him I didn’t either and I offered to buy a single $20 entree nothing more.
He ended up paying their tab. In the parking lot, one of the guys there told me I should’ve just paid it since I said I would and it made the end of dinner awkward for everyone.
AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. There is a huge difference between paying for the meal and paying for the whole evening including desserts and drinks. Your friend tried to take advantage of your kindness by bringing in his wife and ordering expensive food and drinks.
The friends that were complaining were free to help out paying their bills yet they were quiet so they should remain so.” DivineJerziboss
Another User Comments:
“Everyone sucks here. Neither of you should’ve assumed anything. The moment he showed up with his wife, you should’ve told them you were only paying for his meal. The moment he ordered more than you were willing to pay for, you should’ve told him.
In fact, you should’ve told him how much you were willing to spend the moment you offered to buy his food. Obviously, he sucks for taking advantage of you. Next time, be clear about your intentions and don’t assume all these things and then blindside him by not paying in the end.” LiosIsHere
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. I’d rethink your friendship. Friends don’t take advantage of your generosity by showing up with an extra person (they didn’t clear with you) and proceed to rack up a bill they couldn’t pay themselves. I suppose you could pay the bill and never speak to them again and call it the price of seeing someone’s true character.
But you said it wasn’t in your budget either so what else could you do? Making you feel bad afterward like you were the cause of the awkwardness was just an embarrassing final nail in their coffin.” No_Ad_770
20. AITJ For Not Being Appreciative Of My In-Laws' Help?
“My husband and I closed on a property 8 days ago in his home state and before we moved in, he wanted to do a deep clean.
I’m highly allergic to bleach and we have a 1-month-old baby so our son and I couldn’t be in the home while he did this. He asked his mother if we could stay there and she was fine with it. But he keeps prolonging the process.
He said it would only be a day of deep cleaning (it was a fairly new house so it wasn’t filthy or in need of repair). He has literally only done two rooms because he keeps finding new tasks that he wants to complete before we move in.
Like replacing the carpet or installing a new shower because the one in the home was ‘outdated’ (the home was built in 2019).
The issue is that I’ve grown to absolutely hate his mother during this time period. His sister also lives here and I’m 2 seconds from snapping at her as well (she’s 32 and kid-free) because she keeps pulling the ‘I’m really concerned that you have PPD, let me take the baby when you go get help’ talk when in all actuality, I’m getting annoyed and irritable because they won’t leave me or my baby alone.
Like his mom has come into the guest room 4 times at 5:30-6 am and woke me up saying ‘I’m going to take the baby so you can sleep’ even though the baby was sleeping. Telling me to let my kid ‘cry it out’ because if not, I’m going to spoil him.
Putting food in front of me that I hate (spaghetti, Salisbury steak, etc) and giving me a clipped ‘eat’ and if I say I don’t like that food, I get a ‘tough luck, you need to eat’. His sister even stood over me yesterday saying she would ‘force feed me if she had to’.
And then they make comments like ‘What would you even do without our village helping you?’ (The ‘village’ being them and their ‘help’).
I’m nonconfrontational usually but this morning I snapped and told them they needed to back off because they are starting to really get on my last nerve and now it’s awkward here.
Well, 2 hours ago my husband called and said ‘I think I’m going to replace this light fixture, I can’t get it cleaned the way I would like’. At this point, I told him to hurry up because I was done staying with his mother. I would gladly take my savings and go to a hotel at this point if it meant that I didn’t have to be near these people.
Now he’s upset with me because his mom ‘means well’ and they are ‘just trying to help’ and he’s asking me to just ignore them to save the family dynamic because he hasn’t seen them in 8 years and he doesn’t want to soil the family dynamic because he wants to be involved with his family.
But at this point, I hate this family. They aren’t helping and I’ve told them this much and now they are just trying to to diagnose me with PPD and tell me I need psychiatric help. AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“This sounds really sketchy to me.
You don’t need more to worry about, but it doesn’t pass the smell test that your husband is gone from 5 A.M. to 11 P.M. ‘cleaning’ the house with bleach, something he knows you’re sensitive to. He’s up to something else, and the fact that you’re out of the way suits him just fine.
I don’t think it’s that you ‘hate’ your in-laws; it’s more likely that you’re sleep-deprived and not able to do things your own way and in your own space, and it’s been going on past your personal limits. And your husband is using bleach (LOL!) as an excuse to keep you where you don’t want to be and keeping him away all day and night.
He’s being completely unreasonable, even if he IS cleaning the house.
Enough already! Stop being at your husband’s or your in-laws’ mercy in all of this. And don’t argue with anyone about anything. Just pack up as much of your stuff as you can and make arrangements for you and your baby to leave TODAY, to your old house, to your new house, or to a hotel.
No one is listening to you, least of all your husband, so JUST DO IT, and they can deal. NTJ.” IrregularArugula
Another User Comments:
“It’s well past time for an ultimatum. He has 24 hours to come get you or you will call your family to take you and your son back to your home state – and you may not be back.
His mother and sister sound absolutely unhinged. They don’t mean well. They simply want to control and abuse you apparently for their own amusement. I’m sure neither is medically qualified to diagnose you with anything and anyone who tried to force-feed me would come back with one less finger.
This is absurd!
The biggest problem is your husband though. How dare he isolate you and your child while he’s off doing god knows what. Unless the house was condemned, there cannot be days worth of cleaning and repairs to do in a 5-year-old house.
Even so, there are other cleaning products that don’t contain bleach. Something is very wrong here, I’m just not sure what. Why exactly is he keeping you away from YOUR home? Take a deep breath and then do what needs to be done before irreparable harm is done to all relationships involved. And make sure your husband knows in no uncertain terms that this little stunt was unacceptable and there will be consequences if it doesn’t end now.
Seriously. NTJ.” forgetregret1day
19. AITJ For Not Wanting To Wear An Ugly Dress To My Sister's Wedding?
“My (Jane, 25/F) sister Lisa (27/F) is planning her wedding. She’s detail-oriented, has a preference for everything, and wants it all to look perfect. Part of her plan is for all six of her bridesmaids to wear the same dress in the same color, and we knew that going in to shop with her at a boutique.
Unfortunately, the other five are much smaller than I am, so picking out a dress that fit us all became an issue.
We all tried on her favorite dress at the end, and it took me a long time to get it on. Outside I could hear her squealing with happiness as everyone else walked out of their rooms, and saying things like ‘This is the one!’ with her friends hyping it up.
But not only is it a horrible pale color that makes me look sick, but it’s also unflattering to the point where I have massive rolls in the back and look pregnant in the front, especially with shapewear, which just bulges everything out across my hips and pinches the fabric up the sides.
I also can’t move well in it, and can’t raise my arms more than halfway.
I tried to talk to Lisa about finding a similar dress that could work better for my body type, but she and the other bridesmaids insisted that this was the perfect color and dress.
Lisa was dead set on everyone matching exactly and seemed locked in on it, so we ended up (quietly) arguing in the store in front of our mom and the sales associate who came to check on us. They tried to calm things down by saying the dress looked fine and everyone matched nicely, but it was pretty clear they were just trying to keep the peace.
When I asked the sales associate, ‘Does this dress look fine on me?’ her face turned red and she started talking about how it was important to honor Lisa’s wishes on her special day, and at that point, I hurried up to change and left.
Since then, Lisa and I haven’t talked, while both my parents insist that I need to suck it up and do what Lisa wants for her wedding, while also relaying that she’s been really upset about this issue, but I have been as well. AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“If you’re in the bridal party, you wear what the bride wants you to wear. If it won’t work for you, then you should withdraw from the bridal party as soon as possible, so that she can find a replacement. The bottom line, it’s her wedding, and her bridesmaids’ job is to get it as close to her perfect vision as possible.
This is one of those occasions where she’s allowed to insist on having it her way. No jerks here, but let her know sooner rather than later if you’re pulling out of it.” JanetheGhost
Another User Comments:
“NTJ – Because it sounds like the dress isn’t just unflattering on you, it also doesn’t fit, and you can’t just get a larger size (comment about not being able to move well and lift your arms more than halfway).
I think if maybe the dress just wasn’t your color or something, sure just suck it up. But as uncomfortable and unflattering as you described… perhaps not.
If your sister has a certain aesthetic she’s looking for, 1/6 bridesmaid in an obviously ill-fitting dress is going to ruin that anyway.
If you’re the maid of honor, it wouldn’t look weird to have you in a different dress. Or if she’s so insistent on everyone being in the same dress, you can just not be a bridesmaid at all.
I’ve been in 3 weddings and thankfully 2 out of the 3, the brides just said ‘Pick a dress in this color and this length’, because they realized not everyone will look good or be comfortable in the same dress.” leahs84
18. AITJ For Not Agreeing With My Partner And His Dad's Idea To Flip A House?
“My partner’s (m 27) dad (m 60s) has proposed a joint venture: we buy a run-down property, renovate it, and either rent it out or sell it for profit.
The catch? We’d have to move into the property and pay rent to his dad, and though I (f 25) do make a lot more than my partner, we can’t afford to stay where we are and pay the rent to his dad. I’m feeling disappointed because I’m quite content with our current living situation.
We’re in a beautiful rental in a fantastic neighborhood, and I’ve only recently settled in after moving here about a year ago.
I’ve expressed my concerns to my partner, but it seems like my opinions are being brushed aside. He insists that this is the best way to secure our financial future quickly.
However, I believe we could afford to wait and explore other options. Despite my efforts to engage in discussions and ask questions, I feel like my voice isn’t being heard.
My partner and his dad are actively looking at properties and discussing plans without properly involving me in the decision-making process.
I fear that if I resist financially, it might strain my relationship with my partner. While I understand the significance of homeownership as a milestone, I’m not convinced that we need to rush into it right now, especially if it means sacrificing our current stability.
I communicated this again to my partner this last weekend after we went on an hour-long tour of the most disgusting house that literally had cracks in the walls. he got angry with me saying I didn’t understand and that I didn’t know anything about this so I could not have a say.
He also expects me to be his ‘partner’ which apparently means I should not question moving into this place with him because that is what a supportive partner should do. I defended myself and stated I didn’t like the idea of paying rent to his dad to live in a garbage dump and he essentially is saying that I am the jerk for resisting this change.
Am I wrong to feel disappointed in this situation? Would it be unreasonable for me to refuse to contribute to the mortgage on the new property and insist on staying where we are? AITJ for saying I am uncomfortable with this and defending my POV?
WIBTJ if I didn’t move into the god-awful house?”
Another User Comments:
“If your money is involved, you get a say. You’re getting the equivalent of a pat on the head and a ‘don’t worry your pretty little head about it.’ Right now with mortgage rates the way they are, flipping is a lot less viable than it used to be.
You didn’t sign up to pay rent on a crap place you hate, and your partner is a jerk. You don’t want to strain your relationship by speaking your mind and holding a firm boundary, but he’s straining it by dismissing you. You are not unreasonable for asking questions, for not contributing, and for not moving.
Since this is something they want to do and you aren’t included in the process or the decision, then it’s not your problem. It’s theirs. They can figure it out themselves without anything from you. No money, no opinions, no support. NTJ.” corgihuntress
Another User Comments:
“You will clearly be the sanest person in town if you get away from these people – that’s plural – and their idiotic ideas and the horrible house. There are people who spend their lives looking for, and trying to play, wild cards – and apparently your partner and his father are two of them.
But have you noticed we don’t read articles about people making big bucks this way? It’s because so many folks who take these wild chances don’t know the first thing about the businesses they want to join. There may always be a first time but that doesn’t mean your misguided loyalty should force you into participating.
Your partner is expecting you to put your life and health on the line, in moving into a dump in a bad neighborhood. That you will be paying far the privilege violates your standards about being sensible in building your own future. You don’t owe these people a nickel and just to make your own point clear, you should end your relationship with this feckless guy.
He isn’t treating you with respect, at all.” FerretLover12741
Second off, if you're all buying it together, why on Earth would you also pay rent? This sounds like the house would only be in the father's name & legally (unless there's a contract involved stating otherwise), when it's sold, all profits would go to him. That could mean the boyfriend, & you, are out money you paid for fixing up the house.
17. AITJ For Going Wedding Dress Shopping With My Mom And Not My Stepmom?
“This is about a dispute between me and my dad/stepmom.
It’s a dispute that started because my dad and stepmom were upset that I chose to go wedding dressing shopping with my mom and not with my stepmom instead. For those who will wonder why both women couldn’t be there, there’s a lot of bad blood there and my stepmom hates my mom and refuses to be civil with her anymore now that I’m over 18.
She also refuses to be in the same room unless it’s some major event in my life. Otherwise, they are never in the same place. The same goes for my dad and my mom.
So this dates back many years. I’m not sure if the tension between them always existed but I was aware of the fact my mom and stepmom didn’t like each other when I was younger.
I was also aware that my mom and dad didn’t like each other. However, I feel like they put up a better act around me than my mom and stepmom could. Both sides have their own reasons as to why the tension started. My mom has never told me directly but my aunt has told me what my mom told her.
While my dad and stepmom have shared their side with me.
But the big conflict came when I was 10 and my stepmom had a later miscarriage (15 weeks) and my mom mocked her. I was not present when this happened. I do not know exactly what was said.
What I do know is once that happened it went from conflict to outright disdain and hatred and my dad and stepmom not wanting to see my mom ever. And when I turned 16 they told me about what my mom did and explained that they would hope I would agree that what my mom did was unforgivable and that I would choose to live with them instead.
I did not choose to live with them and while I acknowledge my mom doing that as wrong, I still love her and she’s still my mom.
I’m closest to Mom of the three, then my dad, and then my stepmom. This is something my dad and stepmom feel.
My stepmom has admitted to me in the past that she struggles to understand how I can continue my relationship with mom unchanged knowing she was downright evil to her after the worst thing a parent can experience (child loss) and the fact she celebrated the death of one of my siblings.
For the last few years whenever my parents and stepmom are in the same room together my dad and stepmom end up trying to pick a fight with my mom. Sometimes it works, other times my mom walks away. But they will seek her out or be the ones to start throwing insults or causing trouble.
I have asked them not to and my stepmom told me I cannot expect her to be in the same room as my mom and let the woman who did that to her go without a word.
So when it came to dress shopping I knew having both was not an option and I refused to give my stepmom a chance with a warning.
Because I know it will go down the same way it always does. So I chose to bring my mom. My stepmom saw the bridal store’s photo of me, my mom, future MIL, and future SIL on their social media, and she was very upset to see mom there instead of her.
And so they were angry with me.
AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. As you say, whatever has happened between your mom and stepmom, she is your mom, and your relationship with her is not about your stepmom.
In your position, I would be having a serious conversation with your dad and stepmom, and making it crystal clear that no matter what your mom did or did not do, she is your mom, and you are not going to listen to or tolerate any further nastiness or insults.
Tell them that your mom will be at your wedding, so they need to decide whether they can put you first for once, behave like adults, and come to your wedding to support you, and make sure that they are civil to and about your mom, or they can stay away.
Make it clear that this is not up for debate, that you are done with them making everything about them, and that if it’s too hard for them to be in the same room as your mom without starting a scene then you will accept their regrets for the wedding and any future events.
And then if necessary, have the same conversation with your mom.
It sounds as though they all behaved badly but at the end of the day, they don’t have to like each other or even be friendly, but they are adults and any adult should be capable of controlling themselves in public even around people they don’t like.
And if the pain of seeing your mom is so great they feel they can’t cope, that’s OK, but they need to own that and accept that that means there are some things they will miss out on.” ProfessorYaffle1
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Time to be harsh with your dad and stepmom.
Tell them that you don’t care about what happened in the past and who said what to whom. They can be upset all they want, but it shouldn’t be impacting you. Tell them you have and forever will have a relationship with both parents and if that’s an issue for them, that’s a THEM problem, not a you problem.
Tell them no one else gets to have a say in who you spend your time with or how and when you spend that time. Tell them they need to behave themselves at your major life events or don’t bother coming. Tell them if they can’t put their resentful feelings aside for one of the happiest occasions in your life, they’ll only end up pushing you away.
Tell them if they want to be in your life, they need to accept all of the above.” Fun-Wallaby6872
16. AITJ For Refusing To Give Up My Gondola Seat For A Kid?
“Last weekend was my company’s private event at a famous mountain. The winter sports are currently closed as we don’t have enough snow yet so it’s easier to do those private events.
I’m an immigrant and that’s the first time that I had the opportunity to go up in a gondola. I was really excited to record everything and send it to my family.
When they opened the gates to get inside the gondola, I made sure to get a spot close to the window so I could record everything.
Behind me there was a family of 4, the parents and 2 kids – I would say 8 and 5 years old.
The younger kid started crying because she wanted to see through the window. The mom then asked me if I could move so her daughter could be close.
Initially, I was shocked and I thought she was talking to the older kid but then the father touched my shoulder asking if I could move, and that they didn’t want to kick me out of the gondola.
I said ‘I’m sorry but I also want to be close to the window’ and didn’t move.
The parents then tried to put both kids next to me to push me away but I stood still and didn’t move.
The next 4 minutes while the gondola was going up, the parents mumbled to each other that I was a jerk being inconsiderate.
Now I’m not sure if I was the jerk here. I live in this city that’s super family oriented but I didn’t grow up here and in my culture, we don’t just give up things for children but I can see it happening a lot here.
Am I the jerk?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. They need to teach their children that they don’t always get their way. If they wanted to be by the window, they could’ve waited for the next one or gotten in line sooner. It’s OK for them to ask.
That’s not the issue. Their response and handling being told ‘No’ is what makes them jerks.” StellarPhenom420
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. I have never been in a gondola either. I wouldn’t give up my spot that I fairly claimed to anyone else especially not when people make my life miserable after I tell them no. Considering you are older than these kids, you could argue you deserve it more if you’ve never been on a gondola before because the kids still have a lot more life left than you and plenty more time than you do to go on a gondola again.
If they want to have an argument like that… It’s one thing to ask if a shorter child can stand in front of you at the zoo or whatever because you’d be able to look over their head so their presence wouldn’t interfere with you at all.
But it’s something else to have to give up your seat which would mean you can’t enjoy the view in the same way as when you sit right next to the window. A middle ground could be that in a next instance like this, you can offer to swap with one of the kids halfway through the ride.” almalauha
15. AITJ For Crying Because My Wife Forgot My Birthday?
“When I (36M) was a kid my parents never celebrated my birthday, the only reason I even knew what day my birthday was was because of family members wishing me happy birthday. I try really hard to make everyone I’m close to have a really good birthday.
I guess my logic is so they feel wanted and appreciated and not how I felt as a kid.
It was my birthday yesterday and my wife (35F) didn’t mention it at all, she didn’t say happy birthday to me or anything (neither did my daughter but she is 4 so I don’t expect her to lol).
I don’t really care too much about presents or doing anything special it just would’ve been nice for her to at least acknowledge that it was my birthday.
I did wait until midnight in case she was doing that thing that they do in movies where the person pretends they have forgotten someone’s birthday when they actually haven’t (I know that’s stupid but still.) After it turned 12 it’s really embarrassing but I just kinda broke down crying.
I know it’s stupid crying over something that isn’t a big deal but it just made me feel how I felt as a kid and it just brought back a lot of feelings and memories from my childhood. My wife walked in on me crying (pretty much in the middle of a panic attack to be honest lol).
She asked me what was wrong and once I told her she got really angry and accused me of trying to make her feel bad for something that’s not important. She was shouting at me a lot and she was quite loud which woke my daughter up so I left the room to put her back to sleep.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ at all and buddy, it IS a big deal. If you’re observing your wife’s birthday and she blows yours off, that is very much unacceptable behavior from a partner. Then she doubled down. Instead of comforting you (guys have feelings too, yo) she calls you a jerk, probably because she was mad, she feels kinda bad for blowing it off.
Also, her getting into your face about it and saying your birthday is ‘not important’… not okay. Bottom line, you’re definitely NTJ, she definitely WAS a jerk, and couples counseling is needed is my two cents.” letdogsvote
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Your feelings are valid.
It’s okay to cry when you are hurt. Your wife should never have shouted at you! That’s not a normal reaction. She should have felt terrible and should have apologized profusely and comforted you. I hope she makes it up to you. In the future, do not wait.
Let your wife know that your birthday is coming, in advance. Make plans. Be involved in how you want to celebrate it. Don’t let other people, even those you are closest to, control a situation where their failure would hurt you. Take the lead, and make the day you want for your birthday.
“That thing that they do in movies where the person pretends they have forgotten someone’s birthday when they actually haven’t” – I detest that thing in movies. It’s manipulative, and only “fun” for the people putting on the surprise, not the one receiving it. Why would anyone ever put someone they care about through a day like that?” cleaningmama
14. AITJ For Not Telling My Brother And His Wife That I'm Pregnant Before Telling Everyone Else?
“My (31F) sister-in-law (33F) and my bro (33M) made their pregnancy announcement to me 6 weeks into the pregnancy, and I congratulated them and was very happy for them.
I was the first person they shared this information with. I found out 2 days after their announcement that I too am expecting.
My husband (35M) and I decided to wait till the end of the first trimester to announce anything to anybody for 2 reasons:
1. My SIL was expecting to be pampered and fawned over for her announcement and we did not want to steal her spotlight.
2. I lost my mother-in-law 8 months ago and we as a family are still grieving and navigating our own home situation. And we just did not want any bad vibes towards the baby so we wanted to wait as long as possible to announce.
We finally made the announcement at the 2.5-month mark.
And we announced to our first family at the same time with custom gifts. This really made my SIL and bro angry as they were expecting I would share this news with them first. They just really yelled at me for not sharing, asking for any guidance, and trying to navigate this on my own.
I guess the anger is just coming out of concern. But this has been going on for almost a month now. Having tried to reach out to them multiple times, I now feel that I could have handled this entire situation differently, and has me wondering if I really am in the wrong here.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Just because you were the first person that they told doesn’t obligate you to tell them first. You decided to announce the pregnancy in a different way. That wasn’t a slam toward them just a choice that you made. You can apologize that they were hurt but point out you did it so they could have more time to celebrate their good news.
That you didn’t do it to hurt them. Adults have to learn to accept that people may make different choices than they did and that there is nothing wrong with that.” Applesbabe
Another User Comments:
“Nope, the anger is not coming from concern, it’s coming from narcissism and being wounded that you didn’t treat them as being as speeeeeeecial as they think they are.
You handled the situation just fine. They didn’t. Treating them just fine – as any other mature, reasonable adult would be treated – is not good enough for them. They require a whole lot of fawning and confirmation of their specialness. I suggest you stop reaching out and back away.
If they start acting in a more mature, reasonable fashion, great. But from the sound of it, you’re better off at arm’s length. NTJ.” Nester1953
13. AITJ For Being Pregnant On Bed Rest During My Sister-In-Law's Wedding Planning?
“My husband’s sister is getting married in February. I am on the border of my 1st/2nd trimester right now.
Currently, my in-laws are visiting my husband and me in our country.
I got hospitalized twice with a threatened miscarriage and while the baby and I are thankfully okay, I’ve been put on bed rest.
MIL offered to stay with us until February when we would’ve travelled to their home for the wedding anyway.
She will still be there for most of the month before the wedding, she just won’t be available to run errands in January.
So to be clear, my MIL is absolutely not going to be missing the wedding OR the last-minute stuff OR the bridal shower, etc. IN ANY WAY.
I haven’t said yes either way but I guess she told SIL because she reached out and was like obviously I want Mum at home but if you’re not well then I’m happy for her to stay with you guys and I’ll just figure out the rest of the wedding planning myself.
I guess her fiancé doesn’t agree. He’s been texting me saying that I’m being overdramatic and I’m too young to need bed rest and I’m sabotaging their wedding because I can’t be bothered to look after the child I already have and that I don’t need accommodation for the one in me.
I feel bad because my MIL has been the driving force in organizing the wedding and like I guess I could just figure things out and deal with the consequences.
I don’t want to be the reason my SIL’s wedding ends up slapdash or indeed keep her parents away from her in her last month as a singleton.
AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. The fiancé is basically saying he’s upset your medical complications are speaking for your MIL’s time because he wants to take her time instead. Insert eye roll. I would encourage you to speak to your MIL. I think she has the right to know what’s being said.
A simple ‘it’s really sweet of you to offer to help but I’m a little concerned I will get you or myself in trouble. I’ve received some rather direct messages from X calling me dramatic and saying you should be helping him instead.’ If he’s willing to say it about her, he should say it to her.
If you do tell her, I hope she tells her daughter. I’d want to know as a woman if I was marrying a man who considers diagnosed medical issues with a pregnancy as being dramatic. If his wife is ever pregnant and given restrictions by a doctor is he going to tell her she’s too young to have an excuse not to take out the trash and make his dinner?” angel2hi
Another User Comments:
“You absolutely should show your SIL and MIL the message that your hopefully soon-NOT-to-be BIL has sent you. Your SIL needs to be warned about the type of boy-child massive jerk she is considering marrying. Praying this will open her eyes and change her mind.
‘I guess her fiancé doesn’t agree. He’s been texting me saying that I’m being overdramatic and I’m too young to need bed rest and I’m sabotaging their wedding because I can’t be bothered to look after the child I already have and that I don’t need accommodation for the one in me.’
At what age does a woman with a high-risk pregnancy require bed rest according to this idiot? He is not a gynecologist, obstetrician, or general practitioner, so what orifice is he pulling this knowledge out of? He will treat your SIL the same way, or worse, if or when she becomes pregnant.
He is using and abusing your MIL’s good nature and willingness to help. OP, you are most definitely NTJ. Your MIL and SIL sound like lovely, supportive women. The only jerk here is the arrogant, narcissistic, ignorant, misogynistic fiancé. I truly hope your SIL throws him to the curb, and none too gently!
Take care of yourself and your baby. Try not to stress about this, it will all get sorted out once your SIL and MIL know exactly what is going on. Please tell them.” shattered7done1
12. AITJ For Calling Out My Friend For Judging A Guy's Relationship With His Mom?
“I (27M) have a friend (26f), we will call her Abby. She and I have been friends since she started working at a place I worked at forever ago. About 7-8 years ago. For context, I have never been attracted to her nor has there been anything past friendship with her feelings-wise on my end.
Abby and I went out to eat the other night and we were joking about the people we’ve been meeting online lately and how bad some of these people are. She told me about a guy she had been seeing (30m stable job and lives on his own in a 2-bedroom house he owns) who out of the blue gave her the ick and she blocked him.
I asked her what the ick was and she laughed and said ‘Bro he hangs out with his mom on Sundays and brings her flowers like what kinda weird thing is that?’ Not wanting to jump to conclusions I asked about the mom. Turns out she’s in a nursing home due to a brain injury she sustained a year or so ago and I actually took her to the ER while I was working and met the son.
He’s a great guy. I asked her why she sees that as weird and she goes ‘Because he’s a mama’s boy. I bet she’s one of those ‘boy moms’ on TikTok who will get mad he has a partner type of crap’.
I asked her simply why it gave her the ick and she started listing boundaries:
1. a guy can’t spend time with his female family members on the weekends.
2. A guy can’t have more than one pair of shoes unless the second is for work.
3. A guy HAS to respect that she’s a daddy’s girl at heart and will call her daddy for everything she needs. (Ew).
4. A guy can’t yell at her or talk back during arguments. There’s more but the rest are legit reasonable like no exes, lying, etc.
I stared at her confused and said ‘You realize referring to yourself as daddy’s little princess at 26 years old is weirder than him taking flowers to his brain-injured mother right?’ She got angry and told me I was disgusting. I told her in the time I’ve known her she’s found a reason why every guy is bad or wrong and the only guy she stayed with for more than 3 months was a guy her father picked out for her.
I told her that her boundaries were toxic and stupid and she needed to grow up.
Several of our mutuals have reached out to tell me I’m a gaslighter and manipulative towards women insisting I only want to get in her pants. I feel like I’m the jerk for calling her out the way I did and all her friends keep saying I’m manipulating her into being with me somehow?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. ‘Boy moms’ and their infantilized sons are definitely a problem but her date was not that. He’s being a good son and a good man. It’s weird that she has a rule about female family members. Whose mind even goes there?
If she doesn’t want to go out with a sneakerhead, that’s fine. Her insinuating that owning more than one pair of shoes equates to that (not that it’s bad in the first place) is weird too. She can’t call herself a daddy’s girl and get judgmental about boy moms. They’re both infantilized and codependent.
The no-yelling rule is fine. ‘Talking back’ is just a euphemism to justify the other person not communicating during a disagreement, I’m guessing she wants him to accept that she’s right no matter what the situation is. She sounds controlling, spoiled, jealous, and entitled. And she won’t ever have a healthy relationship, I’m surprised her ‘boundaries’ haven’t crossed over into friendships too.
I’m not saying end your friendship with her… but I would understand if you did.” FooFooCuddlyyPoops
Another User Comments:
“Man, people overuse the word ‘boundaries’ (and also ‘gaslighting’). These are not boundaries. They are dealbreakers or non-negotiables or what have you. People call all kinds of things ‘boundaries’ like they don’t have any choice but to have them for the sake of their own mental health, and if you say anything about them then you are endangering their well-being and how dare you.
None of this is the case here. These are just choices and opinions. And some of hers are pretty dumb. Now is it up to you to tell her that? It doesn’t affect you, and it doesn’t sound like you were nice about it, either.
So probably I should say YTJ, but eh, it sounds like she needed someone to tell her, so NTJ.” thumpmyponcho
11. AITJ For Telling My Friend My Husband Will Be A Better Dad Than Her Husband?
“So I am pregnant with my first child, it wasn’t planned but we are extremely happy. I discovered my pregnancy roughly three months after my friend had her first baby, and she was super excited for me saying how awesome it would be to bond over motherhood and how our babies could be best friends.
We’ve known each other for five years and I can honestly say she’s one of my closest friends, but that said we’ve still had our spats.
Recently I’ve been getting really annoyed with her because she’s been talking more about the negatives of parenting than the positives and insinuating that my husband (who is a godsend) will be the equivalent of a deadbeat who won’t even know when to feed the baby or change a diaper – she’s saying all of this because these are things her partner does.
She’s told me he didn’t feed her for 5 hours and that he wakes her all the time because he doesn’t know how to soothe the baby. He’s also left the baby unsupervised on the couch at least twice and she’s fallen off it both times.
She keeps telling me how hard it will be for me and how my husband will do the same things.
I’ve gotten fed up with it and it culminated in an argument today of me telling her my husband isn’t a deadbeat and actually cares enough to take baby classes and do his own research.
My husband has been making me all kinds of nutritious meals, reading up on how to support me in labor and postpartum, reading up about things that are good for the baby’s development, and has been asking to spend more time with my sister’s baby to have practice with diapers and feeding, etc. I told her about all he’s doing to prepare for the baby and said how my husband is already more involved in caring for me and the baby than hers has been in their daughter’s life so far.
I’m not saying our transition to parenthood will be perfect but at least I can trust that he won’t let the baby fall off the couch, never mind let something like that happen twice!
She started crying saying that I was cruel and I’d understand when we are both sleep-deprived but she is not the only mother that I know, and her husband’s carelessness with their baby is not in the norm from my experience.
AITJ for saying my husband will be a better dad?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. I do feel quite bad for her situation but that does not give her the right to assume things about others. It seems like a coping mechanism imagining everyone has it bad so she can make peace with her own situation.
I hope she can have the courage to walk away from this relationship and find someone better.
I don’t think you should end the friendship, just firmly state that you will not tolerate her talking trash about your husband. Maybe when your baby comes and she sees your husband is helpful, it may jolt her into realizing she is the one in a bad situation and she should not accept this behavior from her husband.” piemakerdeadwaker
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Your friend sounds resentful towards her husband and is trying to convince herself that her husband isn’t that bad since ‘all husbands are like that’. But they’re really not. That’s something that your friend is projecting onto you though.
I also wouldn’t be letting her vent to you about her crappy husband daily. Every now and again fine, but if he’s that bad that she needs to complain every day then what is she even doing with him? That’s too much stress for you to take on.” my-kind-of-crazy
10. AITJ For Not Wanting To Invite My Sister's Family To The Beach?
“My (34F) sister (37F) is my mom’s favorite, no way around it. She got married really young and her husband is fine but a bit clueless, he works hard and provides a nice life but lifting a finger for the kids would be beyond him lol.
So my mom always instilled the ‘we gotta help her out’ mentality, and I poured my heart and soul into helping her raise her kids for years. And I mean it. Sadly, she then thought it was my responsibility and even left me with her kids HOURS AFTER MY C-SECTION.
Even now she throws full tantrums that ruin family vacations if I don’t wanna look after her kids, but the general consensus in my family is: why couldn’t you just take them? They really don’t see the problem.
I mean, I would still make the effort to help out if she had ever been even a bit nice to my kids – she’s indifferent at most and downright rude at times.
Which brings me to the present situation. My husband’s family has a beach house and for years we would go there with my entire family to spend holidays – Easter, Xmas, New Year, and the like. However, there is always something with her – I bring the food for everyone but she brings some snacks for her kids ONLY.
My son asked for a yogurt one time and she said no – LOL! One time I asked for a bit of cheese for my daughter and she said no. That sort of thing. She’ll bring a bag of pool noodles and stuff from the dollar store for her kids only – my kids aren’t allowed to touch them or use them and she acts so annoyed if they even ask about them – for the record, my kids are 5 and 3 years old.
So this week we’re going to the beach house and I haven’t invited her. She asked if they could go and I said no. So she wrote to my husband thinking he’d override me and say yes of course. He didn’t even reply to her message.
Now she’s boohooing to anyone who’ll listen about how bad I am and practically it’s my fault her family won’t get a vacation. AITJ for not inviting her? I feel terrible for her kids but I just can’t stand her being so rude to my kids in my face in my house.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ – and don’t feel bad for her kids because in the long run, they are going to grow up to be just like her. This is what I would send her: You aren’t invited for many reasons:
1) You don’t seem to want to treat my children with respect
2) You seem to think that you get free daycare from me while I am also trying to enjoy time with my kids and family
3) You can’t seem to help out beyond what you think is the bare minimum. I am also no longer helping you with your kids outside of true emergencies.
You need to put your foot down and anyone who comes at you for it, tell them your exact reasons and if they can’t respect that, well then they get little contact with you as well.” Lunar-Eclipse0204
Another User Comments:
“Absolutely definitely NTJ for refusing to allow you and your immediate family to be mistreated in your own home. It is repulsive that your extended family has normalized this behavior so long that they expect it and consider it reasonable and acceptable.
I doubt they will admit it and may not even be aware of it.
I wish you would have one much shorter interaction with them but this time bring along observant loud friends. Every time the family does anything ridiculous, the friends would loudly speak up: ‘I can’t believe you refuse to share when OP has shared everything!’ ‘No, OP can’t take over parenting your children.
Take them with you or leave them with Grandma!’ Basically, publicly call them out on every inconsiderate behavior the whole time they are present. Force them to not be able to deny or whitewash their misbehavior.” latents
9. AITJ For Calling The Police To Get My In-Laws Out Of My Home?
“I (27f) have an 8-month-old daughter with my husband (38m). We have had issues with his father and stepmother since the beginning of our relationship but we have done our best to keep things civil for my husband’s sake.
Currently, my husband is overseas in the military and left when our daughter was 3 days old.
This past weekend my husband begged me to let his parents come meet our daughter and I was told they would stay at a hotel. The plans were to meet at my aunt’s home during the day so they could meet our daughter.
Well, Thursday night there was knocking at the door at 10 pm. It was his dad with his stepmom. They came early and no hotels were affordable. They ended up in the guest room.
My husband apologized, he had no idea why they were there but asked me to make it work because he was busy with work.
Well, early Friday morning I woke up to my baby screaming in her crib in my room. His stepmom had picked her up from her crib and apologized saying that the baby was awake so she thought it would be fine to pick her up.
I ended up grabbing my daughter and told her to get out of my room. She said nothing but left and I admit, I was harsh in my tone.
The whole day I was becoming increasingly annoyed because they had complained about dust, that I had a pile of laundry to wash, and they felt that it was unfair that my family was around the baby more than his.
Mind you, they live over 12 hours away, my family is within 1 hour of me.
After I got my daughter down for bed we were eating dinner when his stepmom asked me if I was going to apologize for snapping at her this morning in my room.
I told her no, she shouldn’t have been in my room, to begin with, and then she said ‘Well my therapist told me to tell you how I feel and I feel that you are an ungrateful jerk. We came here to see our granddaughter and help you out but we come here to get snapped at in the morning, my son’s house is a mess, and you won’t even let her cry for more than a few minutes before you scoop her away from us!’
That is when I told them to pack their stuff and leave. Things went down and we got into a huge argument. I ended up calling the police to remove them from the home. And now all of his family is telling me that I’m a jerk.
They called my husband while he was sleeping and he felt that I may have taken it too far by kicking them out. Others are telling me I was a jerk so am I the jerk?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. When you are called ‘an ungrateful jerk’ and told that ‘my son’s house is a mess’… there is no obligation to be conciliatory or polite.
Thankfully they are 12 hours away so you won’t have them popping in again.
Tell your husband if he thinks it’s appropriate for his folks to speak with you that way, he should think again if he’s hoping for a successful marriage and maybe he could ask around his friends at work and see who agrees.
I’ll bet nobody will. If my in-laws had spoken to me that way they would have added to the mess in their son’s house… as blood is hard to get out of surfaces.” au5000
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. They don’t understand who they are (pretty much nobodies) and how they must conduct themselves (as guests, respectful).
If any in-law would say anything about dust in my home I would tell them that they are free to clean my house or keep their mouth shut, but if they would get into my room while I was sleeping they would fly out of the window.
You did right to kick them out, most people would be afraid of standing up to themselves for the ‘family’s’ sake and just suffer in silence, but it is your life, and you build relationships how you want, so if you have in-laws who do not respect you then make sure that they know that you have no respect towards them either.
The biggest question here is your husband because he is your family now (and the child), so he must support you for your relationship to work.” forgeris
8. AITJ For Telling My Dad His Wife And Her Kids Are Not My Family?
“My dad Joel got married to his wife, Helen when I was twelve. Helen has two daughters, Ella (25) and Mary (23).
My parents share me and my older sister Jessa and we were raised between both parents.
I am now 28 and currently expecting my first baby and decided to have a nesting party, basically a pre-baby prep party – assemble the baby furniture, deep clean the house, prepare freezer meals, decorate the nursery, etc. It was supposed to be a small group with my mom, my 2 sisters, a BIL, two close friends, my husband, and me.
A couple of days before my party, my dad called asking when I was going to invite Helen and her daughters. I was caught off guard because I didn’t know he knew about the party so I told him it was a small party and I had already assigned tasks, I promised him I would do something bigger after my son was born.
He started to guilt trip me on how Helen was excited because this was her ‘first grandchild’. I finally gave in and figured I would find something for them to do.
The day of the party arrived and everyone showed up. Everyone started to do tasks.
Quick explanation, I’m a very picky eater so my mom and I cooked the food, my husband and BIL assembled and my friend decorated. Leaving my friend Susan and my sister Jessa with the 3 to clean and organize. Everything went smoothly in my eyes, everyone ate, we took some pictures and everyone went home.
The party was on Saturday and on Sunday night, my dad called me upset because he felt I should have given them a more honorable task than cleaning. When I pointed out that he forced me to have them, I didn’t really want them there he got more upset and accused me of being difficult.
He started telling me I needed to fix my attitude or my baby would miss out on family. I lost my temper and yelled at him that Helen and her daughters were not my family and meant nothing to me or my child and told him if he felt that way, he could have no grandchild in his life.
I explained the situation to my husband and he felt I may have been too harsh because in Helen’s culture family tend to be overly attached. I feel how I feel but at this point, I just don’t know if I’m being a jerk.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. It was known that cleaning needed to get done and was a possible task assignment. That’s the role they got. Too bad they think they are special and should’ve done something else. Their presence wasn’t even wanted in the first place, let alone giving them a ‘better’ task.
Oh, but her culture is about strong family connections? Too bad that is not the culture of you or your baby, so it doesn’t apply. You get to dictate the type of relationship you have with Helen and her kids. Your father doesn’t get to control that and make demands.
Your dad wants to threaten his relationship with your child? His problem, he will be the one losing out on meeting his grandchild.” BulbasaurRanch
Another User Comments:
“Your dad WAY overstepped. Both before and after the party. It sounds like Helen and your steps helped a lot.
That was nice of them. As for your dad, it is time for no/very low contact. You are an adult and soon-to-be mom. You can set boundaries outside of being angry. If you decide to, you can set that boundary with your dad that the going off on you was not acceptable and will NOT be allowed around you OR your child.
If he cannot behave like a loving parent/grandparent then HE is the one losing out, not you. You could have spoken better on the phone but he blindsided you with his nonsense, so NTJ. Now it’s time to stand up for your good life and new baby.
Set those boundaries or he is OUT.” Amazing-Wave4704
7. AITJ For Choosing My Car Over My Partner?
“I (24M) just secured a pretty much dream job right out of university, and my partner (25F) of two years recently suggested the idea of moving in together into a new house.
I agreed with her that it was a great idea, she rents at the moment, but I still live with my mother, so I want my own place anyway. I went over to her house a few days ago to discuss it over lunch, and right near the end of the chat, she casually mentioned that I’d need to sell my current car and get something different if we wanted this to work.
Now to be clear, and she knows all of the following, I love cars, and I adore my current car (2001 Citroën Xsara VTS 167). I love pretty much everything about it. I’ve owned the car for almost 5 years, and it was actually my first car.
Regardless of that, I have a kind of unbreakable bond with it. To me, it isn’t ‘just a car’, it is a friend. The only time I don’t drive it to wherever I’m going is if it’s in the middle of having something important repaired.
Anyway, when she said that, I got pretty confused. I knew why she said it, she doesn’t know how to drive a manual, so she expects me to sell the car and buy an automatic as my car, so she can drive it in emergencies.
I asked her why, and sure enough, I was right, so I explained my point of view to her, about how I love my little Xsara more than anything, and how she should know that by now. I said it’s like asking me to get rid of a dog because she’s scared of dogs, and how her logic doesn’t really make sense because I drive the car everywhere anyway.
I tried to be as neutral as I could, but even so, she was a bit sour to me about this. She said I should grow up, and not see an inanimate object as anything more than an object. She then said I needed to move on from the memories of my youth, and that I’m not a teenager anymore, so I shouldn’t be driving a ‘cheap-looking’, manual transmission car to such a well-paying job, ‘especially not a Citroën’ (her words).
I kind of didn’t realize what she said, so I said, ‘Well if it’s such a problem, why don’t I just teach you how to drive it?’ She then changed direction, saying ‘It’s not even about that anymore, I just don’t understand why you’re okay with the idea of driving THAT to such a prestigious job’.
I told her that I could drive what I wanted, and reiterated that I love my Xsara, and I wouldn’t give it up just to look better in the eyes of the people I work for.
She then said something like ‘I don’t understand how you care so much about a car.’ I just sighed, got up, thanked her for lunch, and said ‘I’m gonna go now, but we should end that argument there.
I’m not getting rid of it. There’s no point in me trying to explain it to you. I’ll see you later.’ I then turned around and left. In conclusion, she’s still pretty mad at me and hasn’t really responded much to my texts.
So, AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Keep the car. Get rid of the woman. You have different value systems, and this is basic incompatibility. Even if this wasn’t about keeping up appearances, she doesn’t care about your feelings, respect the fact that you have an attachment to the car, or honor the boundaries you set.
Then when she doesn’t get her way she pouts and gives you the silent treatment? Find a woman who loves cars and actually loves you. This one ain’t it.” purplepeopletreater
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. So she wants you to grow up – which you will show by doing exactly what she wants, like a parent’s ‘because I said so!?’ That is nonsense.
Her logic is odd in any case. You would likely be using your car (whatever it is) daily anyhow, so she is unlikely to get it in most cases. Unless she thinks her desire to use your car is (in her eyes) more important than your getting to use it?
You could have told her that if she needs emergency transport, call Uber. There are red flags all over this. Her refusal to acknowledge your feelings for your car, her being able to tell you what kind of car to own, her entitlement to expect to be able to take/use your possessions when she thinks she ‘needs’ to.
Do you really want to set up a household with her?” bkwormtricia
6. AITJ For Not Wanting My Kids To Be Associated With Their Half-Brother?
“Over a year ago my husband found out that he had a biological son, Theo (25M), that he didn’t know about. My husband and I have three children Maisie (20F), Millie (17F), and Max (15M).
After finding out, the kids initially had mixed emotions about it.
8 months ago my husband and Theo met for the first time. 2 months after that we had him stay for the weekend. Upon meeting him I immediately felt on edge and he did very little to change my opinion.
First of all, he continued to smoke in our guest room after I asked him not to multiple times. On Saturday night, he went out with my husband and they didn’t come back until early the next day completely wasted. Prior to that, my husband hadn’t been wasted for years.
My kids really enjoyed spending time with their half-brother, as did my husband. Because of this, I decided to mostly hold my tongue about my feelings towards him.
My husband has met up with his son almost every month since and the kids have seen him a couple more times too.
Around 3 weeks ago, my husband went with Theo to visit Theo’s hometown for a few days. It wasn’t made clear to me beforehand, but they actually stayed in Theo’s mom’s house. Theo posted on his Instagram story one night a short video containing his mom, my husband, and another man.
My husband was wasted and had his arm around Theo’s mom.
My daughter Millie follows him on Instagram and was upset about the video and showed me. This was obviously upsetting for me. On a basic level, I was worried about something happening between my husband and this woman.
But on another level, I’m just worried about my husband.
I know during the time Theo was conceived, my husband was drinking, doing illegal stuff, and living a very promiscuous life. He’s turned his life around since. Although he’s not sober, over the last couple of decades he only drinks socially and rarely gets wasted. He’s given up smoking and doesn’t touch illegal stuff.
Since Theo has come into his life this has changed. I see Theo pushing him back down a path he’s previously stated he doesn’t want to go back to. He’s been cagey about the whole subject.
When he came home I confronted him about his time away.
I asked him if something had happened between him and Theo’s mom. He didn’t deny it, just called me paranoid. We’ve talked about it some since but I won’t go into it as this post is already long.
Last week, Maisie told me she and Theo were planning a vacation together.
I told her I was uncomfortable with her having a relationship with him at this time. I explained to her my reasonings: mainly that I don’t consider him a safe person. I also told my youngest two that for the time being they won’t be seeing their brother.
This isn’t permanent. This is a decision I’ve made to protect my kids from someone making reckless choices that are already impacting our family.
My daughter thinks I’m being a jerk. Am I?”
Another User Comments:
“YTJ & hubby’s the jerk unless the Instagram story showed Theo holding your husband down while forcing liquor down his throat, how is the problem here Theo?
Your husband is an adult. He makes his own choices, which include what he drinks, smokes & otherwise takes. Are you sure you aren’t angry about your husband with Theo’s mom & you’re directing that anger at Theo?
Your husband shouldn’t have stayed at his ex’s house without telling you.
I’m so sorry, but I think you have to assume something happened between them. Maisie is an adult & doesn’t need your permission to communicate, travel with, or otherwise socialize with her half-brother. You shouldn’t have made a unilateral proclamation about Theo.” Jazmo0712
Another User Comments:
“NTJ for wanting to protect them. BUT at the ages they’re at, they will be angry at you trying to tell them, brother or no brother, who they can and can’t see. You have to trust that you’ve taught them the lessons you wanted to and let them test those lessons.
You can’t control them. You could try some ground rules but not an outright ban?
Your husband is the bigger issue. He’s trying to bond and be a cool friend as being a dad to him is too late. Tell him your worries and fears.
He SHOULD, however, take them on board and not call you paranoid. That’s a bit of a gaslight.” Gemethyst
5. AITJ For Refusing To Change My Last Name Back To My Maiden Name?
“My (39F) ex-husband (38M) has been with this woman for 3 years. For context, she is 24 years old. My ex and I were married for 12 years, and have been divorced for 5 years, we have three kids together who are now teenagers.
My ex and I got divorced because we were young when we met and got married and we grew apart as people. It was a mutual decision, and we agreed our kids came first and have always co-parented very well. This has been the case up until last year when his partner moved in with him.
Previously we would do holidays and kids’ birthdays together, now when she was present they wouldn’t even sit near me at our kids’ sporting events. I have always been nice to this woman, despite my kids expressing they do not like her and they feel their dad acts differently when she is around.
My ex told me early on she wasn’t a fan of me and felt I intimidated her. When I asked him for examples of how I intimidated her, he said it’s my face, that I have a resting poker face and it makes her uncomfortable.
She and my ex got engaged over Christmas and my kids were less than thrilled, my daughter especially. She feels her dad made a major life decision without even talking to them about it first. My ex called me yesterday saying he is giving me a heads up that I have a year to change my last name back to my maiden name as his fiancee is expressing her distaste and concern for her and me to have the same last name when they get married. I told him we agreed in our divorce that I could keep his last name until I felt the need to change it, and that is what is listed in our paperwork.
I also told him I don’t want to have a different last name than our kids. He said I was being unreasonable and refusing to see how this would make his fiancee uncomfortable. I told him I couldn’t see it from her side because I am a grown-up and not an immature child like she is.
He told me I could ask anyone about this situation, and everyone would agree with her.
So, AITJ for refusing to change my last name to make her happy?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, but if he wants you to change your name, tell him all the kids have to have their last name changed to your maiden name BEFORE you will even start on the paperwork for you.
If that is too much for him (which it surely will be) then ask him why it’s ok for you to have a different last name than your kids but not for him.
Stick to your guns, you sacrificed YOUR name when making a family with him, if it was going to be a problem then he should have taken your name.
For what it’s worth, it’s the reason I didn’t change my name when I got married, I refuse to stop being me, and also just way too much paperwork.” Acceptable_Garden473
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. His arguments are stupid: it doesn’t matter if everyone on earth thinks you should change your name if you don’t want to.
It’s not a committee decision, nor is it his or her decision! No is a complete sentence. Just tell him that you’re not changing your name but he and fiancée are welcome to change theirs if they wish. Don’t debate or give reasons, just say no and repeat as necessary.
If his fiancée is uncomfortable that’s a her-problem, not a you-problem. Don’t let them bully you.” Leading-Knowledge712
4. AITJ For Being Upset With What My Mom Planned For My Birthday?
“I turned 30 today and for weeks my mom (who I live with) kept asking what I wanted to do. I said I would like a nice meal at a fancy restaurant. She said, no, that’s too expensive. I kept giving options as to what I would like, an overnight stay at any hotel with a pool, an out-of-town overnight/day trip, a meal at a fancy all-you-can-eat restaurant, or a cheap Airbnb with pool access.
She declined all of those because it was too expensive, too far, etc.
She countered by treating the whole extended family (20 pax) to a cheap Chinese restaurant the day AFTER my birthday because that’s a weekend. Not even the fancy kind. A cheap, almost fast-food type of restaurant.
She was insistent so I gave in since she’ll be paying because it’s ‘my gift’. Mind you, our family is mid-upper middle class and I’m an only child so money isn’t a problem.
On the day of my birthday (today), there’s literally nothing.
Not even a breakfast or lunch cooked. No card or flowers. Nothing. Not even a social media post. She said that since we’re going out tomorrow, there’s no need to celebrate my birthday today. I lost my temper and started screaming at the top of my lungs that that was NOT what I wanted to do.
I wanted to eat good food in a nice quiet fancy restaurant. Not have a mini-reunion at a cheap Chinese restaurant. The price of feeding 20 people costs much more than the price of 2 people at a fancy restaurant too. Now she’s crying and calling me ungrateful.
AITJ?
We’re Asians, living in Asia (for cultural context).”
Another User Comments:
“I’d say NTJ: why ask someone what they’d like to do or want for their birthday only to dismiss all of their wishes without even trying to look into something similar that would be closer or within your budget?
Your mom is in the wrong for asking and then acting like it’s nothing, and you are not the jerk for wanting something and telling her that when asked. Why ask if she never needed an answer?
However, you are not entirely right here as well.
You knew she wouldn’t do anything you suggested, so why did you agree to something you wouldn’t enjoy? Only because it’s free? At 30, you should know better and either plan your own party on your own terms or decline something you’d hate altogether rather than go through with it and be unhappy.
You said it’s not what you wanted to do, well, didn’t you realize that in advance? You kinda did it to yourself by agreeing to follow her plan.” ProfessorCautious798
Another User Comments:
“YTJ because you did know this was the plan and you did agree to it.
She told you your options were too expensive but you kept suggesting expensive things. You should have put your foot down and paid yourself if you wanted one of your suggestions. You’re 30 so there’s nothing stopping you from paying for your birthday celebration and organizing it how you want it (unless this is culturally inappropriate for you?).
It’s also her money so she gets to choose how much she wants to spend and how to spend it. If she thinks a fancy dinner is too expensive for her to pay for with HER money, then that’s up to her.
I do agree paying for 20 people at a low-cost restaurant can be more expensive than paying for 2 people at a high-end restaurant.
Did you ask her what her reasoning for this was? Is it because she wanted to celebrate with the entire family rather than just you two? Is it common practice in your culture to celebrate with more family or larger gatherings? Does she feel it’s more worth the price because she’s feeding more mouths?
Did you want it to be a celebration between the two of you? Overall it is pretty entitled to expect people to pay for expensive things for your birthday.” Complex_Sundae2551
3. AITJ For Arguing With My Wife Over Deer Meat?
“As a lot of you know food is expensive right now, I was lucky enough to get a deer. I ground it up for ground meat. Basically, when you cook it you just think it is normal ground meat, especially when you do recipes with spices like tacos.
My issue is with my wife. We have two kids that are under 7. The oldest is fine eating it but my youngest hates it due to my wife. The first time I made some meatloaf with it my wife commented that it’s Bambi. She doesn’t hate the taste just when she knows it’s deer.
I know this because she liked the tacos and then refused to eat them after my wife made another comment about Bambi. She was two tacos in already.
My wife doesn’t like to eat it but I would think she would see that this is to save money and the food is fine.
That our kids need protein and meat is so expensive right now. I have talked to her before but she keeps doing it. I want my daughter to actually have some red meat in her diet since we can’t afford to keep buying it.
It came to a head today. I made some meat sauce and pasta. My youngest was already eating it and my wife came in and made a Bambi comment. She refused to eat the rest of her dinner.
I had enough and told her I expected her to start working overtime for food since she stopped people from eating the deer meat.
We got into an argument about it and she thinks I am a huge jerk and disgusting for the deer meat.”
Another User Comments:
“Everyone sucks here. There are tons of cheaper protein options. Red meat is not essential. Your wife is a grown woman and has the right to have diet preferences.
If she doesn’t like deer meat, let her prep something for herself and let her buy different protein, meat included, on the grocery trips. Money is tight, yes, but she can just buy less of her preferred protein. The fact that you have not bought any other type of meat protein for months while knowing she hates deer meat is a pretty jerk move.
Your wife pushing her preferences and influencing your child is also jerkish. But I bet she will ease down once you start letting her buy groceries that she actually enjoys.” soulmelody333
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Even if your wife refuses to eat the deer it is not fair that she makes those ‘Bambi’ comments and influences the youngest. Some people just do not know how to show appreciation and take everything for granted. Your wife as well is setting a bad example with those types of comments.
Food is food. Please allow others to enjoy the food. Referring to the deer as venison adds an exotic touch and might help people enjoy better what they eat.” BreakingMeows
Another User Comments:
“Everyone sucks here. I get that you want to save money, but it’s not fair to force an adult to eat something they feel strongly against. You clearly feel strongly about needing red meat in your diet, even though it’s not actually a dietary requirement.
Your wife feels strongly about not having deer in her diet. Can y’all find a way to respect each other’s preferences? I do agree that it’s not fair for her to keep making Bambi remarks around the kids. But maybe it’s time to take a break from venison and buy a whole chicken.
They’re usually quite cheap and can feed a family for a week if you use them frugally.” desserthummus
2. AITJ For Threatening To Take Away My Daughter's Presents?
“My mom is older and she lives in a home. She has most of her motor functions but she is having a hard time speaking clearly.
Now my mom loves the grandkids and now that she is in a home she sees them less. She went all out for when they visit for Christmas because it’s online shopping. She has been excited since July.
The issue is with my youngest daughter 16.
She has a bad attitude, if she doesn’t want to be somewhere she will make it clear. She will not socialize and hide in the corner on her phone. She won’t respond to people trying to talk to her. She is extremely bad with her grandma, when my mom is talking slowly she will get annoyed and make movements like hurrying up and rolling her eyes.
So many comments about my mom’s speech. I have talked to her multiple times and she was grounded when she did it at Thanksgiving.
We are picking my mom up for Christmas in two days. I sat down with my daughter and told her that she needs to be pleasant and socialize when mom is here for a few hours for Christmas.
I made it extremely clear that if she can not act correctly, like rolling her eyes, ignoring people and just being rude, I will be taking away all her Christmas presents.
She is mad and we are in disagreement about it. She thinks I am a huge jerk for telling her this.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, but I think you may just need to have a heart-to-heart with your daughter about her grandmother’s health. It sounds like you need to explain to her how frustrating it must be for her grandma to live like that – to have her means of communicating with her family change so dramatically.
Tell her you understand that it’s frustrating to try to communicate with someone who has this illness, but think how frustrating it must be for her grandma! She has to live like that every day and figure it out – your daughter only has to have patience for her once in a while.
Also, you can talk about how you’re dealing with this change in your mom, and that it’s a tough situation for you, too, especially so when your own kid refuses to have some patience with someone you love very much, and who loves her (your daughter).
Talk about how special the holiday is for her grandma, and how much she’s been looking forward to celebrating it with her grandchildren. It would suck to make her feel bad because of something she can’t control. Does your daughter understand that her grandma can’t control how quickly she speaks?
Maybe your daughter is having trouble coming to terms with her illness and this is her defense mechanism. I don’t have kids, so I don’t know, maybe punishment is the way to go, but personally, I’d hope that she could have a little empathy for what her grandma is going through, and try to make her feel good for the holidays, not like a bother or someone who can barely be tolerated. Good luck, OP!” hoopharder
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, but don’t take presents away. First and foremost: Trying to blackmail good behavior by taking away Christmas or birthday presents NEVER DOES WHAT YOU WANT IT TO. If you think taking those away will suddenly make her less sour, it’s gonna be a battle you will lose.
It should be very simple: She behaves well-mannered for a ‘set amount of time’. Don’t expect her to be jolly all day, she’s a teen, she simply won’t be. Just give clear expectations like ‘I expect you to be downstairs and actively participating with family socializing for 2 hours during the afternoon and for the entirety of dinner, dessert, and x amount after’.
Outside of those times, let her do her own thing in her room where she’s not bothering anyone. If she isn’t able to behave herself for that amount of time, she can go to her room without a phone, computer, TV, game console etc etc etc. She can just go sit in an empty room.
And subsequently, for every hour or half an hour that she misses, she gets to spend another day at home, grounded, with no phone, computer, TV, etc. That way, you give her some leeway into being miserable on her own in her room, while also showing up for some family bonding.
And you give her the opportunity, if she does mess up and gets sent to a mind-numbingly boring room, to change her mind about her attitude and minimize the damage for herself.
And if there’s the ‘It’s fine to ground me, because friends are not around at this time anyway’, then be sure to let her know that in addition to that time, she gets the exact amount of time grounded when the friends ARE around.
Taking away gifts will just create more bad blood, and once you’ve done that and she’s still sour, you have nothing left to do. So instead, keep in mind that she wants autonomy and to be an adult, so like an adult, her choices will have consequences that are more long-term, will be consistent, and make her actually THINK while suffering said consequences, so there is a good chance she will clean up her act on the spot instead of after the fact.
And then one warning should be enough. ‘Behave yourself, we made clear expectations. One more type of this behavior will not be tolerated.'” EmJennings
1. AITJ For Being Mad At My Daughter For Making Faces In Our Photos?
“I (45F) am a mom of 10-year-old twins. I am kind of bad about remembering to take photos in everyday life, and when I do try to take photos, my kids and my husband (47M) often act like it’s a big hassle and say they don’t like taking pictures.
As a result, we don’t really have a lot of family pictures with all of us. My husband doesn’t take any pictures on his phone for the most part, especially any family pictures with all of us. As a result, I’m not in many photos with the family as I’m the one taking the shot.
On our vacation, we were going to a city in close proximity to a national park. Before our trip, I told everyone that I wanted to get a nice picture of us at the park, where we went for a day trip. I mentioned it multiple times and asked that everyone please don’t give me a hassle about taking a photo.
Everyone agreed.
At the park, we were just finishing a picnic lunch and I asked a person walking by if he could take our picture and he took multiple shots. I didn’t look at the photos until we got back to the hotel and I saw that my daughter, age 10, was making a grimacing face in all the shots.
I got really upset and asked her why she ruined the pictures like that and she said she wasn’t finished with lunch and she didn’t want to take the photo at that time. I told her (not yelling) that I was really hurt and disappointed that she ruined this photo op.
It’s not every day we’re in a beautiful setting with mountains and that meant a lot to me. I said that I barely ask them for anything and this is such an easy, nice thing to do for me.
My husband got mad at me and said I was making a big deal about nothing and it’s only a picture and I’m ruining the trip by complaining.
We got in a terrible fight at the hotel and I felt like I had to apologize because we were in this hotel, on a vacation, and it was 2 against 1, but I’m still upset about it and mad about the picture and mad at my husband for taking her side when she’s old enough to know better.
AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. 10 is old enough to understand instructions and communicate properly. Your husband could have stayed neutral or backed you up but instead made you the bad guy in front of the kids which makes him the biggest jerk in this story.
You didn’t ruin anything, you asked for one picture, not an entire album or to document every second of the day.
When you’re both calm and away from the kids sit down with your husband and share how you feel about there being no good pictures of you all together.
If he doubles down then either suggest marriage counseling or re-evaluate things because his behavior was way out of line. Also, I’m guessing you’re the ‘mean’ parent while he’s the fun dad.” Blobfish_Blues
Another User Comments:
“YTJ. She’s 10. To her (and most people, for Pete’s sake) it wasn’t a ‘photo op’, it was lunch.
You interrupted her lunch to make her take a picture you knew she didn’t want to take. I’m honestly shocked you didn’t anticipate this, or at the very least if it was so important to you why didn’t you check the photos before you left?
And even if not liking photos wasn’t a known thing, 10-year-olds make faces in photos ALL THE TIME. It’s a normal thing so stop making it out to be the end of the world. You’re telling your 10-year-old child that you’re disappointed in her and fighting while on vacation over a child acting like a child.
You’re totally overreacting here.
Your larger issue is not this specific instance, it’s not having enough photos in general. Sit down with your husband and talk it through but at some point, you may need to accept the fact that some people just plain old don’t like taking photos.
And maybe your kids will regret it one day that they don’t have loads of photos to look back on, or maybe they’ll look back on these photos and only remember you constantly nagging and fighting about it.” NJtoOx
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