People Ask Us If Their Conducts Were Questionable In Their "Am I The Jerk" Stories
21. AITJ For Not Inviting My Daughter's "Best Friend" To Her Disneyland Trip?
“I (35F) have a daughter (Kyra) who’s turning 14 next month. My daughter is super outgoing and friendly, she’s very universally liked wherever she goes and I love that about her.
We moved to this town when she was entering 7th grade and the school guidance office kinda ‘set her up’ with this other girl who was also new so that they could navigate the school together.
I’ll call this girl Emma. I really liked the idea of Emma and Kyra being friends but I quickly realized that Emma was holding her back in a lot of ways. When Kyra began branching out and making new friends Emma got very clingy and tried to stop her.
She’s constantly putting pressure on Kyra to help her with her mental health and is essentially her free therapist but never helps Ky in return. Even when Ky was admitted to the hospital she showed up to tell her how she ‘couldn’t survive at school without her’ and she had to come back as soon as possible.
Not one question or care about how she was doing. Our new foster daughter is in the same grade as them and she says that no one in their grade tolerates Emma except for Ky and she is way too patient with her.
I feel bad for Emma as I was a socially awkward kid too but I think she’s taking it way too far.
Kyra has started trying to slowly drift away from Emma but it’s hard because she follows her everywhere. She even tried out for the volleyball club that Emma goes to so they could be on the team together.
Well for Ky’s birthday, we decided that we could take 3 of her friends to Disney with her for a special weekend.
She decided to take her foster sister, her very close friend from volleyball, and one of her other close school friends. I told her to just not mention it to Emma or anyone who wasn’t invited because she has a lot of friends and didn’t want to make anyone feel left out.
Well, Emma found out from practically interrogating her, and I had told her that if she did to just blame me. Well, she did and I got a very angry call from Emma’s mother. I said that I only allowed her to bring 3 people and I wanted her to bring those three because she’s known them for much longer(which isn’t necessarily true but she didn’t know that) she said that Emma invited Kyra to her birthday which was also very small and the two of them are ‘best friends’ despite not knowing each other very long and I shouldn’t control who my kids are friends with.
I tried to put as gently as possible that I and my other kids have noticed whenever Emma is over at our house she is not nice to Kyra and makes us uncomfortable and she freaked out and said I’m bullying a child and said she could file an HIB (Harassment, Intimidation, and Bullying) at our school for this.
She said she works for a school district and she knows exactly how to get a kid thrown out. She then said she’d pay for Emma to go or pay for a bigger room for everyone but I flat-out said no and hung up on her.
I feel like a jerk now because I might’ve ruined their friendship and Kyra is furious with me plus I was a little harsh. So what do you think?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. OP owes nothing to Emma or her mom. Emma’s mom is overstepping big time in trying to force OP to include Emma.
People come and go in our lives; some friendships stick, and some don’t. That’s just life. Emma’s mom is not doing Emma any favors by making others responsible for her daughter’s happiness. It might be sad that Emma is having trouble making friends but that’s an issue she has to work on.
Her mom needs to realize that trying to control her friendships isn’t helping.” ToughCareer4293
Another User Comments:
“This woman is threatening to use her position and knowledge to harm your daughter. That’s beyond not okay. She needs to be reported immediately, If you have any documentation at all, or any witnesses, use that.
Get some if you can.
If Emma has real mental health issues then those should be reported as well if you feel her parents are not providing the proper care for her she needs. This isn’t a ‘you disagree with care decisions’ type thing, this is a ‘they’re actively harming or impeding their daughter’s improvement’ thing, meaning only do something here if it’s crystal clear Emma is suffering.
Neither you nor Kyra owes Emma or her mom anything. Friendships come and go through life.
NTJ” User
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Your daughter gets to choose who she brings with her to Disney. Yes, she should be cordial to Emma (which it sounds like she is), but not every kid has to be best friends with everyone.
It does not sound like Kyra is mean at ALL to her and my guess is, Emma’s mom is a huge part of why she is the way she is. Her trying to get a 14-year-old kicked out of school for not being attached at the hip with her daughter makes her a giant jerk, not you.
And like others said, absolutely call the school and get ahead of this before Emma’s mom starts telling lies to the school about your daughter.” Midlife_Crisis_46
20. AITJ For Breaking Our Agreement Over Raisins In Cookies?
“I, ‘Pete,’ and my wife, ‘Eve.’ have an agreement.
The agreement says that if one of us has a complaint or ‘suggestion’ that we want to voice to the other person, we have to preface it with at least 2 compliments.
So for instance, if I wanted to approach my wife about leaving her dirty clothes on the floor, I might first tell her that I liked the new shirt she bought and that I appreciated how she did the laundry the previous week, and then I would ask her if she could pick her clothes up.
Yesterday, Eve was making some oatmeal chocolate chip raisin cookies, a recipe that she makes often by stirring together an oatmeal cookie box mix with chocolate chips and raisins.
I really dislike raisins. So naturally, I have never cared for this recipe, and I have even strongly implied my dislike for them on a number of occasions, but my wife never seems to get the hint.
So yesterday while Eve was getting out the ingredients to make the cookies, I started with two compliments (I said that it was a nice gesture for her to make cookies for the family and that I liked how she cooked them for the perfect amount of time so that they weren’t too hard or too doughy).
I then told her that I didn’t care for the raisins and that I would appreciate it if she made a few cookies without them (since the raisins aren’t already mixed in—Eve adds them and the chocolate chips to the box mix.)
My wife nodded, so I thought that meant she was saying yes. Later, she announced the cookies were ready to eat, so I came over and asked which ones didn’t have raisins.
With a confused expression on her face, she asked me what I meant.
I reminded her of our conversation earlier. Eve replied that since I had given her two compliments on the cookies but only one complaint, she thought I enjoyed her raisin cookies more than I disliked them, so she continued with the original recipe. She said they couldn’t be that bad if 2/3 of my comments about them were positive.
I was at a loss. So I just sat down. I wanted to say something, but I didn’t know how to articulate my thoughts. Finally, I decided to just go for it. ‘Eve,-‘ I began.
But before I could continue, Eve interrupted in a warning tone: ‘Careful Pete, remember our agreement.’ At that point, I lost it.
I stood up abruptly and told her I couldn’t pretend anymore and that eating the raisin cookies like this was unbearable and that my feelings about the cookies were pretty much all negative. (I didn’t preface that comment with 2 positives, so I broke our agreement here.)
At first, I thought I was justified but I talked to my friends who told me that my wife doesn’t owe me cookies and I should just be grateful she made me cookies at all and I shouldn’t have broken the agreement. Eve is still mad at me.
So, AITJ for breaking the agreement?”
Another User Comments:
“Holy cow the communication in this relationship is abysmal. In what messed up world are you not allowed to share that you dislike raisins without offering two essentially unrelated ‘complimentary’ preambles? This is so freaking odd.
Maybe well-intentioned, to form more positive exchanges, but this feels really extreme and counterproductive to me.
NTJ. Your wife failed to uphold her part of the agreement you’d made – whereas it’s intended to allow someone to voice a complaint or request, she has repurposed it into a new thing in which the complaint/issue is not heard at all IF accompanied by positive sentiments… which a complaint must always be.
Facepalm.
Depending on your dynamic here, you’re both kind of dumb or she’s manipulative. Think about it this way – you’re not allowed to voice a complaint unless it is prefaced by two compliments, BUT if you preface a complaint with two compliments she then assumes the complaint doesn’t apply?
Magic! No complaints are ever made!
I suggest you get to therapy to get some intense guidance for how to actually communicate in a partnership.” owls_and_cardinals
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. No offense, but your agreement isn’t practical because it obviously impedes clear communication.
I get what you two are attempting with this, and it’s great in theory but how do you have a constructive conversation that way? The situation you just described is a perfect example. Anything negative you have to say must be prefaced with 2 compliments; that just sounds like an impediment to a clear, constructive conversation.
And for what it’s worth – I bake all the time. It’s insanely easy to NOT add raisins to a portion of the dough because the raisins are put in at the end; take part of the dough out, then add the raisins to the rest. You deserve raisin-free oatmeal cookies, OP!” maidenmothercrone333
Another User Comments:
“First off, NTJ.
If I understand this correctly, your wife and you have an agreement that anything negative you say has to be prefaced by two compliments. You give your wife negative feedback, prefaced by two positive comments per the agreement. Then she ignores the negative feedback because 2/3rds of the feedback was positive?
You literally can’t give less than 2/3rds positive feedback without breaking the agreement. It seems like the agreement only exists so your wife can ignore all negative feedback from you.
Second, the way she warns you about the agreement before speaking makes her seem controlling.
Obviously, she can tell that you’re upset about something and she’s pre-empting you so you don’t accidentally speak directly and tell her how you actually feel. In a marriage, both partners need to be able to express themselves freely and know that their partners will listen and try to understand where they’re coming from.
OP’s wife has created a system of communicating where either partner is free to ignore all critical or negative feedback. That’s not healthy.
Last, the wife wasn’t making cookies only for herself. OP told the wife, as clearly as he could, that he didn’t like raisins in his cookies.
She ignored him and put raisins in all the cookies. In doing so she was telling OP that his preference doesn’t matter to her. That’s not healthy in a marriage.
I feel like some marriage counseling would help the two of you to come up with an effective means of communicating and giving feedback without hurting each other’s feelings.
It will also help identify if there are other issues at play that make communicating normally difficult.” ucsdFalcon
19. AITJ For Not Removing My Socks Just Because A Girl At A Party Told Me So?
“Last week I attended a party hosted by my best friends. For this party, I wore my favorite jacket, a dress, thigh-high socks, and boots.
I thought I looked pretty cute.
A couple I didn’t know also came to this party and the girl took an instant dislike to me, glaring at me and refusing to speak to me. Her SO was okay with me but I mostly just engaged with the people I knew.
Around halfway through the night, the girl cornered me and told me I should remove my socks as her SO has a kink for them. I told her no. She then began yelling and screaming at me, threatening me, calling me an attention seeker, and accusing me of trying to steal her man.
Eventually, she and her SO were kicked out.
My friends are on my side for the most part, but a few people there said that I should’ve just removed or rolled down my socks. AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ
Jeez, it doesn’t matter if her SO has a kink or not… that doesn’t mean anyone but his SO can wear whatever he’s into.
I mean if someone has a high-heel kink, would she shout at every girl in the room who wears them? (I mean she might, but she’d look just as insane).
Next time tell a person like this they’re delusional and to just leave you alone because you’re not responsible for their insecurities and that you have zero interest in her SO.
(Not that it would change much, because people like this cannot be reasoned with).
I am glad they got kicked out, this woman is INSANE (and I don’t care if she has a mental illness, then she needs to get therapy, not harass random people).
Everyone who might say you should have removed any part of your outfit is insane too…” Crazyandiloveit
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. This is a prime example where a woman is blamed for the lack of self-control of a man. The other woman is willing to accept this flaw in her partner and go as far as demanding other women modify their behavior to appease her decision to stay with a man who is too immature and uncontrolled to be in a relationship with another person.
She feels so threatened by OP’s outfit that she acts out instead of just trying to find another man who is a better partner for her. That says a lot about both of them and sadly it’s not good.
And I am no longer in support of minimizing oneself to keep the peace.
If I am not actually committing harm to someone else and I’m wearing something that I enjoy and feel good in, why should I have to give it up or hide it so someone else can feel better? They need to grow a spine and maintain their own decorum.
It’s not my responsibility to be less than so they can feel more than.” Special-Parsnip9057
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. And it makes me sad to read these stories. People in relationships should trust each other. I wonder if the guy was unfaithful or something to cause such an intense reaction.
I find it frustrating that some women act like other women are actively trying to ‘steal their man’ and the man in question is an innocent bystander who can’t possibly be expected to control his manly urges when confronted with an attractive woman in public.
Maybe she should blindfold him when they go out in public so he’s not tempted.” the_unkola_nut
18. AITJ For Letting My Sister Threat To Call The Cops On A Kid Who's Throwing Tantrums At My Wedding?
“After a long wedding day, we hit the reception.
Things are fine until my hubby’s cousin Anna’s kid started making a fuss about cake. Like screaming and just a huge meltdown (autistic) over not having ice cream with his cake. Like screaming. Throwing himself on the middle of the dance floor kicking his feet and he’s offered several slices of the cake only to throw them.
The floor is a sticky mess. I was planning on doing the father-daughter dance right after this. I’m almost in tears at this point and thank god my sister and maid of honor and my mother had enough of this and told Anna and her son they needed to go.
Anna and her son refused to leave and the boy started acting worse to where my sister got annoyed and told her to leave or the police will be called. That’s not an empty threat from my sis because her FIL is a cop.
Anna leaves but we are now about an hour behind schedule because of a meltdown over ice cream. I’m not feeling any and leaving without the rest of the dances. The DJ plays for his scheduled time but no one is feeling it after the kid’s meltdown.
My new hubby gets a call on our honeymoon and his family (grandma, aunt, cousins) now want all of the wedding gifts back because my family decided to bully an autistic child who was allowed to throw a fit in the middle of the dance floor for an hour.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, as an autistic person I feel STRONGLY about this. The kid didn’t have a meltdown because of ice cream it was the thing that broke the camel’s back because a wedding is almost guaranteed to cause overstimulation which leads more often than not to a meltdown.
How the parent didn’t recognize this or even seem to think about how it could be a possibility – and then refusing to leave basically keeping your child in a very vulnerable state in front of a whole wedding party genuinely makes me angry.
Either way, you handled it the best you could, definitely NTJ” Sieepsaand
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Parent of an autistic teen here; if the child is having such a reaction they need to be removed from the environment, to somewhere private, calm, and allowed to calm down.
You don’t just leave them to do such like this. You may not be able to stop the meltdown, but you get them to a safer, quieter, calmer environment where it’s not a disruption and most importantly they’re not subject to whatever stimulus provoked such.
Also, in my experience, not having cake with ice cream is not a cause for a meltdown. A meltdown is usually sensory stimuli, stress, fear, or such. This sounds like a temper tantrum any child has, but because they’re autistic the parents choose to think it’s related and don’t do anything.” Stargazer-2893
Another User Comments:
“Block all further calls and socials while you are on your honeymoon. Use your phone only for fun photographs.
The melting-down child’s handler should have scooped his little butt up and scooted it out the door the moment he threw the first piece of cake.
We get it. He is autistic. He was almost certainly overstimulated and he held the firm opinion that cake should be accompanied by ice cream! Which is why he should have promptly been exited from the party.
That it took the threat of law enforcement to get him and his enablers to leave-well, that is why there are so many people asking if it’s ok that they not invite the autistic family member.
This is why we can’t have nice things. NTJ” YouthNAsia63
17. AITJ For Wanting To Celebrate By Myself?
“I’m achieving a huge life goal next week, I’m finally submitting my doctorate. It has taken me 5 years. I was gifted a very expensive bottle of champagne for my 21st ~4 years ago, which I decided to save for an occasion such as this.
We are not a rich family, and so a gift such as this is incredibly precious to me.
My mother is not a very kind person. She puts me down about something every single day of my life. Nothing I do, or have done, has ever been good enough, and she constantly compares me to my sister (the golden child).
If I did well in school, she’d ask why I didn’t get 100%. I came home to visit from uni one summer and the first thing she said was ‘Wow, you’ve gained a lot of weight!’. Some more examples include criticizing what I eat, and my lifestyle choices, and consistently trying to undermine my decision to not give her grandchildren, even right down to petty things like the way I wash dishes.
I do my best to just ignore and let things roll off as best I can, but her attitude has destroyed my mental health over the years. It’s just a never-ending stream of negativity followed by gaslighting. It is constant. And she reserves this attitude for me, and never my sister.
She’s said some truly awful things to me and when I’ve tried to raise it with her, I get ‘That never happened’. I don’t want to give her the satisfaction of causing a rift in the family by causing an uproar over her attitude, so I bite my tongue.
Back to the topic at hand. I’m the only person who drinks in my family. My mother couldn’t care less about liquor, and couldn’t tell any two wines apart. Absolutely fine. However, she’s made a point of saying, multiple times, that she ‘can’t wait’ for ‘us all’ (four of us in the family), to drink the expensive bottle of champagne I’ve been saving.
I know for a fact this has nothing to do with celebrating with me, and it’s just an opportunity for her to take away something from me that she knows I’ve been looking forward to. This is one of the biggest moments of my life, something I’ve achieved by myself, and with no shortage of criticism from her.
All I want is to be able to celebrate by myself and enjoy something I’ve been saving for years. AITJ if I tell her I won’t split this bottle four ways?
note; neither two other members of the family drink either but she’s insisted we’ll *all* be having it, regardless.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Maybe save it until you move out of the house and use it to celebrate that? In the meantime, hide it or keep it at your office so nothing ‘happens’ to it. And you don’t need to tell her that you won’t ALL be having it.
Just avoid the topic and if she asks, don’t commit to anything. Just say you’re still saving it. And then drink it without telling her – with yourself, with your friends, it doesn’t matter. People who will want to celebrate with you!” Sensitive_Exit_3154
Another User Comments:
“NO is a complete sentence and a complete answer as well. Tell her no, and if you share your celebrator champagne with anyone share it with your classmates who genuinely wish you well (I do recommend sharing high-quality champagne if only to avoid the next-day champagne headache.
Ask me how I know this – no, don’t ask). NTJ, unless you cave and share it with her, in which case you’d be a jerk to yourself.
Major congratulations on what is going to be a major accomplishment – enjoy your day, but do so with the people who support you.
She is not one of them, so send her a bottle of cheap sparkling awful and tell her you’re sharing with her a beverage that reflects the support she’s given you.” SodaButteWolf
Another User Comments:
“NTJ and great job on finishing! That must have been a lot of late nights and hard work.
YOU DESERVE THAT BOTTLE and you deserve to share it with whoever you like. Yes, I’m yelling that because I want you to hear me! YOU deserve that bottle! Say it with me, I (OP) worked very hard for what I have accomplished and I will not let anyone criticize me.
Then take a good large drink out of that bottle.
Again OP, amazing job!” Quiet-Replacement307
16. AITJ For Leaning My Head On My Partner's Shoulder During A Flight?
“Recently I (29M) and my partner (29M) were on a rather long flight – nearly 10 hours. We were sitting in business class (this is important), with me at the window and my partner next to me. There was a small separation about a foot wide between each pair of seats.
In the pair of seats next to us, there was a lady sitting with her child, perhaps about 8 or 9 years old.
After the first meal was served, I was sleepy, since the flight was late in the night. My partner was reading a book, but the lights in the plane were dimmed so I leaned my head against his shoulder, snuggled, and dozed off.
Less than an hour later I was awoken by a lady speaking rather aggressively with my partner. I asked my partner what happened and he explained that her child had peeped over the separation and seen us. His mother then also peeped over and deemed me sleeping over my partner’s shoulder inappropriate, and argued that PDA should not be public, and said that her child would be corrupted by our sight.
I was pretty upset because my sleep had been disturbed and argued for a bit that our PDA wasn’t excessive, it was literally just my head on his shoulder and perhaps some sleepy murmuring at the beginning. And called her a creep for peeping over the separation to look at us.
She was livid to hear herself be called a creep.
A flight attendant de-escalated the situation pretty quickly. But now looking back I’m wondering if I should have just shut up and ignored the lady. Calling her a creep might have been a bit much.
I still think our PDA was pretty appropriate.
So, AITJ for showing PDA on a flight and calling someone a creep when told not to?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Even if she’s not a creep for looking over, she’s certainly pretty icky for making a big deal about someone’s head on someone else’s shoulder.
I assumed you were going to say you had your tongue down his throat or something if there was a fuss over it. This sounds wholesome and sweet, though I’d personally guess that it was less about the PDA itself and more about the fact that you’re both men.
People suck.” Specific-Succotash-8
Another User Comments:
“No. She is the creep and she needed to hear it and if that was my kid I wouldn’t have cared. I’d be more upset with my child not respecting other people’s privacy. It’s not like you two were graphic with heavy petting and making out.
You were snuggling up against him, pretty innocent if you ask me. And even if you were that’s not her business. That child will be exposed to lots of things as they age and get older.
That mother thinks she was doing a service to her child but she really didn’t.
All she is teaching is showing affection out in the open is wrong. There’s a level of what children should be exposed to, sure, when it’s relative to sleeping together. Cuddling is not.
NTJ” EtherealMoonGoddess
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Any conflict of this nature on a flight should always be handled by the crew, but I wouldn’t fault you for using a few choice words for this person.
What the person complaining about you should have done is approach the flight attendant, and the flight attendant would have told her that you weren’t doing anything inappropriate. Instead, she thinks that she gets to decide what is and isn’t appropriate onboard the plane, which puts her in the wrong (as homophobic people usually are).
If something happens on a plane again, just get the crew involved asap, they are the authority on the plane and it sounds like they handled it well in your situation.” savory_thing
15. AITJ For Shutting Down My Significant Other's Inappropriate Jokes About My Mom And Grandma?
“My significant other is always trying to joke around about how every woman in my family is so hot and that he’d love to meet them. Even my grandma. I guess it would’ve been whatever if he had made the joke once but I’d say he brings it up every other day.
Even with his friends joining in. Today he made the joke again when I sent him a picture of my grandma and me saying she was looking extra good tonight. I played along for a minute saying ‘Haha ew’ and things like that but he kept going.
Then I told him that it makes me nauseous when he makes those comments. He told me ‘You’re being so over dramatic. You knew it was a joke so I don’t know why you’re acting so different now’. I told him that I knew he was trying to joke around but now he hasn’t texted me back since yesterday.
AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, a guy who makes crude remarks and disrespects your family, isn’t worth keeping around. When you tell a guy he is making you uncomfortable and then doubles down on it and starts saying things like, ‘You are too sensitive, you are being too dramatic, I’m only joking, you are too uptight, etc.’ isn’t worth keeping around.
When a guy then goes radio silent it is usually either he is done with you, or he is trying to punish you and make you apologize and stop you from questioning his behavior, he is ‘training you’. In which case, he isn’t worth keeping around.” User
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, if it’s not funny it’s not a joke and that ain’t funny. You’ve made it clear he’s making you uncomfortable and he won’t stop and he’s making you out to be overdramatic. He’s belittling your feelings. Trynna make it seem like you’re in the wrong.
I’m not gonna lie, this seems like the start of trying to make you doubt yourself and question your own judgment.
If my SO was repeatedly making me uncomfortable and not caring about it making me uncomfortable I’d be dropping him.” Nevilicious
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. But you will be if you don’t shut this sick and infantile behavior down immediately. You asked him to stop (which you should never even have to do), and he ignores your request. HUGE violation right there. Red flags, they are a’waving!
Here’s a thought… start telling him how hot his male relatives are. But be smooth and authentic.
Wait, here’s a much better suggestion: dump this creepy creature altogether. He will never change (trust me, he doesn’t want to) because he has a seriously repugnant fetish.
Men like this spend their lives causing chaos and conflict between the women (and close female relatives involved) they latch on to. I’ve seen it happen. It’s a sickness that compels these guys to fantasize about their SO’s female relatives, and then the fantasies become stronger over time.
Then they’ll start fights with their SO, causing the predator to ‘seek emotional shelter’ from the sister or mom or gasp grandmother. Quite systematic and predictable. Get away from this freak!” IMAGINARIAN_photos
14. AITJ For Not Letting My Stepmom Tell Me Where I Should Do My Studies?
“I (24F) am finishing my master’s in applied math and just landed a full-time job on campus. Over the next year, I’m going to also inquire at different universities all over the state I live in, about their doctoral programs in math education.
I’m definitely going to apply to the school I’m currently at, too.
I was visiting my dad recently (he lives a few states away) and my stepmom asks me what my plans are with my new program search. I told her what I mentioned above, and she then asked if I wanted to tour the department of the university she works at (they only have a master’s program, and it’s definitely not what I’m looking for).
I told her politely no thanks, I’d rather stay in my state bc of residency & because I really love it there, but I appreciate the offer. She then aggressively starts insisting I just ‘have an open mind and give it a look’ and my dad kept urging me to do the same.
I reiterated that I’m not looking at master’s programs, because I already have one, and I’m only interested in doctoral programs with funding.
She then angrily replied that it was not fair to my dad bc I went to college in the state my mom lives in (my parents live in separate states) and moved to a different state for my first grad program.
She said it would be nice if I’d just do my education degree in their state so that way my dad can finally have me close by. I explained to her the reason I went to the school I’m at now is that they offered me generous funding, and her school would’ve made me pay completely out of pocket (she tried this whole shenanigan previously when I was an undergrad applying to math programs).
I told her it was out of line for her to be stepping in and dictating where I choose to do my studies, as she’s not the one paying or going to classes. She angrily claims I’m being too close-minded, to which I reply she’s unfairly crossing the boundary I’m trying to set with her by hijacking my graduate school plans.
AITJ here?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. She expects you to get a 2nd Master’s (and go massively into debt) just to make her and your father happy? She does know a 2nd MA and a Ph.D. are two different things, right?
You are right to set those boundaries.
Their opinion would have more weight if they were paying for your education, but that is not the case. She was being the jerk by butting in where she doesn’t belong. You aren’t being closed-minded, you are fiscally responsible. Perhaps the economics department at her college could explain it to her.
Congratulations on the Master’s and future Ph.D., Dr. Penguin!” Qwillpen1912
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. People go to school to get degrees in an area they are interested in for a career.
So she wants you to most likely pay out of pocket for a degree you don’t want/already have because it will be nice for your dad to have you close?
This means you don’t get the Ph.D. you want and probably need for your chosen field.
She isn’t the brightest, is she? Or the nicest. You’re not closed-minded. You’re rightfully focused on your future.
I am glad you spoke up for yourself.
Hopefully, people around her also call her out when she whines about this.” JinxyMagee
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Where you go is entirely up to you. Your choice of school needs to be what works for you academically and financially, stepmom is being pretty unrealistic in her thinking.
Stepmom needs to listen to what you say and accept that her school will not work for you. Tell her that she needs to be the one to have an open mind. Choice of school is totally independent of her wanting your dad to be in your life.
It is not your fault that you grew up in a different state from your dad. Not sure who moved away, but dad is at least partially at fault for that, whether he moved or allowed mother to move with kid(s), so she can back off.” TimelySecretary1191
13. AITJ For Telling My Sister-In-Law That I Am Sick Of Her Comments About My Weight?
“5-6 years ago (in my late 20’s) I realized, as many people do, that I could no longer eat and drink whatever I wanted 24/7 – I started packing on weight really fast and it made me feel uncomfortable.
I swear it had very little to do with looks and a lot to do with how I felt – I like to hike and be outdoorsy and I was struggling to do those things. I made adjustments to my diet – I began to eat very clean at home so that going out I could just eat whatever I wanted and not obsess.
At the time, I explained to my now husband (we had just moved in together) what I wanted to do and he actually agreed that it would be beneficial for our long-term health. We’ve both done this ever since. I also started going to the gym.
I run for 30-45 minutes every day (except rest days) and do about 5-7 hours of strength training per week. We also hike a lot. Because of these changes, both my husband and I have athletic-looking figures.
The problem is my SIL. I don’t care what she eats, never commented on it, generally love being around her.
But she is constantly commenting that my husband and I ‘eat like cows’ and says that we’re ‘privileged with skinny genes’. I try to explain that just because we eat unhealthy/in excess once a week (ex: we’ll get an app, cocktails, then each gets an entrée with a side, and split dessert) when we see her doesn’t mean we always do, but she doesn’t believe me?
I kind of learned to ignore these comments but over the weekend she looked at me at my birthday dinner when the rest of the table was quiet and said ‘How’s it feel to be God’s favorite’, and said I was lucky to be born ‘skinny’.
I sort of ‘lost it’ and explained in detail (again) that my husband and I are thin/athletic because of our healthy lifestyle, and told her that it’s none of her business because it works for us. She then said ‘Not everybody was born loving exercise’ and whined that she wasn’t born that way and I’m privileged to love it.
I snapped at her that ‘I actually hate running 50% of the time but I do it anyway because exercise is good for everyone and most people don’t have any good excuse not to.’
She called me a jerk and left, then sent me a long text about how it’s fatphobic to say that everybody should be exercising and that I didn’t have a right to comment on her lifestyle, especially in public.
I texted back that I’m sick of her jealous comments and to either not speak to me at all or learn to stop commenting on my lifestyle and focus on herself. I’d like to reiterate that I do not care what other people eat or look like – I made these changes for me and my husband made the choice to do it for himself.
My family is 50/50, seem to think I should be more sensitive – even though none spoke up all the years she commented on my body. AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ
Her statements are rude and out of place anywhere, at any time, let alone at your birthday dinner.
She’s projecting her insecurities and channeling her resentment into repeated, unnecessary digs at you.
You’re not fat-phobic. You’re rudeness phobic. You’re jerk-phobic.
Tell her you’re tired of being the focal point of her insecurities and lack of manners and she needs to stop it.
And shame on those relatives who thought what she said was okay. If they didn’t like how you responded they should have addressed it themselves long ago.” Curious-One4595
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. She is extremely self-conscious about her body and is projecting that onto you as jealousy and shame overwhelm her.
If you want to make amends you can offer support if she’d like to join you at the gym or meal planning, but in all likelihood, she’s going to see that as an attack on her inability to commit to healthy living. Tell her that it’s hurtful to everyone when she takes out her pain by commenting on other people’s bodies.” Jicama_Down
Another User Comments:
“NTJ
Body shaming is body shaming and food shaming is food shaming and she is doing both. You explaining your health routine is not fat shaming. At all. She on the other hand is going out of her way to make you feel like crap not only for what you choose to eat when you are out, but goes on to shame you for your health choices.
She’s not worth the effort.” Idc123wfe
12. AITJ For Calling My Partner "Baberino"?
“I got myself a dog 2 years ago and have been with my wife since we were teenagers (12 years). We are currently 16 weeks pregnant with our first (and probably last) baby. Our miracle baby. Her hormones have been off the charts, as to be expected, as this pregnancy has been difficult for her.
To cut to the issue: since my wife has become pregnant my dog has become whiny, to put it bluntly. The vet states it’s just the dog’s way of expressing concern for my wife and that she now has anxiety; more than likely caused by my wife’s difficulty and emotions.
Recently I started referring to my dog as ‘pupperino’ whenever she starts whining. Ex: ‘What’s wrong pupperino’. The first few times I said this, my wife just went quiet and removed herself from the room.
But recently, when I called my wife the nickname I had given her 12 years ago, she told me to never call her that again (Baberino).
When I asked why, she said I tainted the nickname for her and she never wants to be called something that is that closely similar to what I’ve been calling my dog. I admittedly don’t see what the issue is but with that said, my buddy is on my wife’s side and said that since I knew my wife’s hormones and depression was in full spike, calling my dog a nickname that was so closely similar to that of which I’ve been calling my wife for years is basically disrespectful.
AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“YTJ – not because you innocently chose that as the dog’s nickname, but because your wife is hormonal, stressed, and you’re pooh-poohing her request that you stop. The message she’s sending to you (that you don’t seem to be receiving) is that you’re hurting her – why would you want to keep doing that?
Please just honor her request, and hopefully, when things settle down, you’ll be able to resume using the name. Don’t push her to a place where she starts hating you and the dog.” stegosaurid
Another User Comments:
“NTJ
She liked the nickname before and now suddenly doesn’t because of an unnecessary correlation and what has to be some skewed logic.
There’s no reason those nicknames being close to one another should be considered offensive especially if you’ve made it clear you don’t mean it that way. Would she get offended if you called your kid ‘kidorino’? Or your neighbor ‘neighborino’? At some point, she needs to realize she’s making a mountain out of a molehill.
On top of that, getting so upset over something like this that you get up and leave the room is a straight-up childish response to your partner having offended you, pregnant or not.” bushpotatoe
Another User Comments:
“YTJ, gently. I believe the reason why you’re wife is bothered by this is that you only started calling the dog by that nickname after it became a nuisance to you.
The message she might be receiving is that you associate ‘erino’ with something annoying and hard to deal with – which in this case started with her. I’m not saying it’s logical, but I can see that being her line of thought. ‘Why is he referring to something that is bothering us with a nickname so close to mine?
Is it because he believes I’m also bothersome?”.
She’s also pregnant and requested something simple out of you. Doesn’t cost much to abide.” mylanious
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, the names have a similar sounding ending, I don’t think that’s enough to not want to be called this beloved nickname of 12 years however, now that she has indicated she does not want to be called it you would be a jerk to continue.
Making a similar nickname does not make you a jerk. You don’t have a crystal ball and are not a mind reader.
Going forward, drop the Baberino nickname unless she requests you start again. Her feelings are her and her feelings are valid. But that doesn’t mean you’re the jerk.” User
11. AITJ For Telling My Widowed Brother To Move On From His Late Wife?
“My brother is 36, and was widowed at 22. He married at 19. His late wife is the only woman he was ever with. They had two children together a girl and a boy. Both kids were tiny when their mother died. 14 years later my brother has never dated, has spoken about wanting nobody else, how nobody could ever compare to his wife, and generally rejects any chance to see if a spark could happen with another woman.
At first, I figured he was focused on his kids and would find a way forward to find love again in time. But four years after his wife died it became clear he was not interested and was outright adamant he would not move on.
I heard that he had turned down several women. And has continued to do so over the years. Even offers to spend time as friends and see if more happens.
It feels like he’s dedicated to remaining a widower for the rest of his life.
I worry so much about him and so do his friends and the rest of our family.
I have asked him before why he doesn’t try to find some companionship and he says he doesn’t want it. That he’s a married man and that has not changed for him.
He told me he swore as long as he lived and that’s a promise he wants to keep.
His kids are now older and have grown used to it being just them. They see it as so romantic and nice that their dad loves only their mom and never wanted someone else.
It worries me and recently I brought up the subject that he deserved to find someone to love again. He told me no, that I need to stay out of his business, that we all do. I told him we worry about his loneliness when the kids move out and start their own lives.
He said he doesn’t worry about that because he has more to his life than just work and raising his kids. He also said he was committed to his wife and that’s his choice. I told him he can’t stay committed like that to his late wife forever and that he needs to move on with his life.
He told me it was not my decision and kicked me out.
AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“YTJ
Asking him about it once and assuring him that it’s okay to move on is acceptable. But to keep pushing him when he already said no is not.
It’s none of your business whether he wants to date again, and if he doesn’t want to, that’s fine. Not finding another woman doesn’t mean that he’s not moving on with his life. It just means he’s not interested.” WolfGoddess77
Another User Comments:
“YTJ. The best person to decide what’s best for your brother’s happiness and future is your brother.
Not you.
Someday the day may come when he feels lonely and wants to seek companionship. And guess what – then he can do it! Or maybe he’ll meet someone and fall in love and decide he’s ready for a new relationship. Or maybe the day won’t come at all because he’s perfectly happy living the life he’s living.
All of these are absolutely fine and exactly zero of them are any of your business.” User
Another User Comments:
“YTJ. It’s his choice and that seems like a very personal one. You brought it up and said that you wished he’d move on and he told you how he felt about that.
Pushing the subject after he expressed that he was happy with how things were and that it was none of your business is what makes you the jerk here though. It’s normal to worry about someone in a situation like this, but trying to force him into something he expresses no interest in is rude and inconsiderate.” Embarrassed-Shop5894
10. AITJ For Not Forcing My Daughter To Invite My Stepsister's Daughter To Her Party?
“My stepsister, Micah, and I have daughters a year apart. Micah’s daughter Gemma is 9 and my daughter Serena is 8.
Gemma has had behavior issues since I can remember. When she was younger she had constant tantrums, couldn’t sit still, and would vandalize anything she could get hold of.
As she got older, her lack of manners and destructive behavior made her nearly impossible to be around, and besides that, she was really mean. She told my daughter that her modeling campaign photos were ugly, she calls people stupid constantly, teased my mother’s dogs to the point she isn’t allowed near them anymore, and she’s just not nice.
The other day, I and Micah were at our parents’ house, and my stepdad mentioned Serena’s birthday, and that she was having a small party (4 girls from her class for a shopping/spa experience and sleepover). Micah asked me if I was planning to invite Gemma (in previous years Serena had large, so we invited Gemma as a courtesy).
I said no, because Serena is having a small part for her friends this year and since the girls are not close I was not going to force her to invite Gemma. Micah said I was teaching Serena to exclude people, to which I said that not being friends with someone isn’t excluding them.
This conversation went back and forth for nearly ten minutes, and I was getting fed up with trying to be diplomatic, because I know for a fact that Micah is aware of what Gemma is like (she complains often) so I didn’t see why we were skirting around the obvious.
Then Micah said that I should show some compassion since Serena’s party might be the only party/play date Gemma is invited to this year. I just said I wasn’t surprised. Micah asked what I meant by that, and I said that Gemma is not kind to the people around her and lacks social skills and she’s at an age where kids will notice that and not be forgiving.
Micah seemed taken aback and said that she can’t believe I would be so cruel to a child. She got her things and left and is apparently not speaking to her dad because he didn’t stand up for her over what I said. She has also said she won’t be coming to any upcoming family events.
My stepdad said I was right and that while he finds it hard to be honest about Gemma, it’s good that I was. My mother said while I was right, as a mother it’s not an easy thing to hear about your child. My husband says that I should have stuck to saying no to Gemma coming to the party and left it there because she isn’t our concern beyond that and I should stay in my lane.
I’m kind of questioning it now because I am someone who generally does try to stay in my lane and not get involved in other people’s parenting or family business, but the comment was topical to what Micah was trying to force me to do, so I’m not sure if I was out of bounds to say it.
AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“I’m going with NTJ
I’m sure she knows that Gemma is a difficult child and has social skills issues. But there seems to come a point in which parents will start ignoring it and treating their kid like they’re exactly like everyone else, purely for their own convenience.
It’s not cruel at all to point out that a child struggles socially with their parents. It would be cruel if you crouched down to Gemma and told her she was a horrible nasty child that is going to get bullied for being so rude.
Even then, not inviting someone to a birthday party is not an exclusion. If Gemma truly will ruin the experience at the party for your daughter and the other girls, it makes perfect sense not to invite her.” Icefirewolflord
Another User Comments:
“NTJ
‘I know for a fact that Micah is aware of what Gemma is like (she complains often) so I didn’t see why we were skirting around the obvious.’
Micah was skirting around the obvious and making it a whole thing for 10 minutes because she wanted you to be the one to bring up Gemma’s behavior as a reason for not inviting her, and then weaponize it against you – which is exactly what she did.
She knew what she was doing.
‘she can’t believe I would be so cruel about a child’
You weren’t being cruel. The fact is, Gemma is mean to other children and you’re doing your duty as Serena’s mother by not exposing her to that at her birthday party.
The poor kid has to put up with it at family gatherings, but her birthday is an occasion when she should be able to choose who is in her sphere, where she is safe from being bullied and can have a nice time without worrying about Gemma kicking off.
EDIT: Another aspect of this I forgot to mention is Serena’s friends. Their parents will be sending them to your house with the expectation that they won’t be bullied or have to witness scary, destructive outbursts. Gemma’s volatile behavior could not only harm them but also destroy Serena’s friendship with them.
They won’t want to attend another event if Gemma has to be there, too (even if they did want to go, their parents probably won’t give permission) and Serena could end up being ostracised.
You are also respecting Serena’s right to say ‘no’ and that teaches her to draw healthy boundaries with people who make her uncomfortable.
So many kids (girls especially) grow up with the expectation that they should sacrifice their happiness for people who treat them badly in the name of ‘compassion’ and ‘being a good person’. It can result in kids becoming doormats in adulthood, which those who can sense poor boundary-setting a mile off will exploit.
Finally, not inviting Gemma protects her from being the ‘pity invite kid’, where she will be treated like an unwelcome guest and will only serve to make her feel terrible. There’s not much worse than the feeling of being invited somewhere out of obligation.
She has also said she won’t be coming to any upcoming family events.
Good. Until Micah can step up as a parent and get help for Gemma instead of expecting others to put up with her behavior, they can stay away and leave everyone in peace.” ImStealingTheTowels
Another User Comments:
“NTJ
Even if Gemma were an absolute angel, Serena still wouldn’t be obliged to invite her.
Not everyone is invited to everything, it’s usually nothing personal, and it’s best to figure that out well before reaching adulthood. Micah was wrong for being pushy.
Also, whether Gemma’s behavior is the result of a neurological difference, a psychological issue, bad parenting, or any combination of the above, it affects other people to the point of them not wanting to be around her.
The people in her life aren’t wrong to be put off by it, and even kind, empathetic people are allowed to have boundaries. Micah is not doing Gemma any favors by not addressing her behavior or by trying to guilt others into including her.
You were direct, may even blunt, but you weren’t insulting.
You just said what a lot of people connected to the situation were thinking.” Neverwhere_82
9. AITJ For Stopping My Son From Playing Sports?
“I (42M) have 1 son with my ex-wife. We have been divorced for 9 years. She has full custody. I get him every other weekend.
My issue is that he has played soccer and bowling for years.
It has interfered with my time. He seems to have something every Saturday.
I asked his mom if he can take a break. She told me if I wanted him not to play I have to tell him.
So I called my son. He is 13.
I told him that his playing sports is taking too much of my time. Plus I don’t like that he has broken 2 bones. And countless bruises and scrapes. I am afraid people will think he is being mistreated. Just 2 weeks ago he showed up with 3 cuts on his legs.
When I asked his mom she was like who knows he is always out and about.
So after I told him. He basically said he wants to keep playing that soccer is his favorite and bowling is fun too. He basically told me I never go anyway so it’s no big deal. Now he is right.
I never played sports so I don’t get the fun.
I called his mom and said he wants to play but I won’t contribute anymore.
I did say again that I don’t like the idea of him playing. He has broken 2 bones. I did tell her I may consider talking to a lawyer.
She laughed.
AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“YTJ. The solution is to take him to his sporting events when they’re on your time but you can’t even support him in that! You don’t have to understand or like sports but you do have to spend time showing him you value him.
But apparently, he’s no value with broken bones or having different interests than you.
Stopping him from playing sports or refusing to pay your share is putting yourself on the road to losing whatever relationship you have with him.” Emotional_Bonus_934
Another User Comments:
“YTJ, you sound super petty.
Maybe stop being an every-other-weekend dad and step up and you’d get more time with your son. Also just because you don’t get it doesn’t mean you should stop helping him do what HE loves. It’s about your son, not YOU.
Also, what is your lawyer gonna do? Him playing sports isn’t a thing you can prevent in court and it isn’t a reason to change the custody agreement.
Try for a minute going to watch him and see how much he enjoys it.
And realize you’re just playing a power game with your ex and your son is in your crosshairs just to hurt your ex. Also, lots of kids break bones and get scrapes, if anyone asks you say he plays soccer. It’s verifiable that injuries happen in contact sports.
Bones and scrapes will heal let him be a kid.” Tyl3rt
Another User Comments:
“YTJ. Don’t worry, the time will come when you quit being of interest to your son. When he cuts you out of his life in 3-5 years for being a crappy, unsupportive, uninterested parent; you’ll have no one else to blame but yourself.
You can muster the energy up to whine about your situation, but you can’t seem to find it to learn a little about the activities he loves. You’re too self-centered and worried about what other people may or may not think too, that you’re willing to jeopardize your relationship with your son to save face.
You are indeed the jerk.” BadBandit1970
8. AITJ For Resigning As A Maid Of Honor?
“My sister (32f) and I (35f) have had a tumultuous relationship. It all began almost 8 years ago when I started going out with my now-husband (Raymond). My sister has hated Raymond since day one. Her disdain for him has been expressed in many ways over the years—namely spreading wild lies about him in an effort to turn my parents and others against him, and blatantly ignoring his existence at family gatherings.
(Here are two examples: 1) Paints me as a battered woman, 2) Told her internet following and friends that Raymond and I made our parents sick.)
I have my own speculations of where her hatred for Raymond stems from (jealousy of what Raymond has provided for me— encouragement, stability, mentorship, etc.).
But when I’ve asked my sister why she feels the way she does, the only reason she’s ever given is, ‘He gives me bad vibes.’
Her behavior over the years has severely damaged my relationship with her. Her behavior has caused problems between Raymond and me as well as within my family.
It has been A LOT to deal with. She refuses to speak with me one-on-one, and she refuses to take responsibility for anything she’s done. It’s so hard to mend a relationship when the other person doesn’t seem to want the same.
Meanwhile, we’ve managed to get along in a cordial manner, but I still have a lot of sadness and unanswered questions over our relationship’s ruin.
Now, my sister is getting married in 4 months to a great guy. I was asked to be her Maid of Honor, and I said yes—I have a lot of bottled-up pain from my sister’s past actions, but I have accepted that she will never apologize.
My only option for peace is to forgive anyway and move forward.
As I was starting to get excited about the wedding planning, she let it slip that Raymond is not allowed at the wedding because she thinks he will bring drama. (???) I question it, and she decides he can come, but only because there will be ‘more drama’ from me if he’s not invited.
So, I dropped out of the wedding. She is mad and so are my parents. I have been dealing with almost 8 years of disrespect towards my husband, my relationship with him, and our sisterhood. When is enough, enough? I know she wanted me as her Maid of Honor, and I wanted to be so as well.
But our unresolved issues are so great, I can’t keep bottling it up inside nor can I keep allowing the disrespect. My parents tell me to ‘get over it’ because she’s my sister. AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Blood relations just mean you share some of the same DNA.
You can’t change that. Blood doesn’t guarantee you’ll share a true friendship. You and your sister are not friends. Sounds like you never have been. Why would you have set yourself up to be her MOH when you know you’re not close? She has lied on your behalf, trashed your marriage to anyone who’ll listen, and you have just ‘accepted that she will never apologize’ and just forgave her for peace and moving forward.
Whose peace? It surely isn’t yours.” Aggravating-Film-221
Another User Comments:
“NTJ
Skip the wedding and anything else your sister is at.
Tell your parents you’re going to be reciprocating every single behavior your sister has inflicted on you and your husband and you expect them to support you in this exactly how they’ve supported your sister in her behavior towards your husband.
Give a comprehensive list of all the crap she’s directed his way. There’s zero reasons to maintain a relationship with your sister.” admweirdbeard
Another User Comments:
“NTJ – And if you have to put it in writing so they all understand, then do it. Discussions, unless taped/recorded in some way, get so messed up.
Just put it all in writing. I’d hate for your to miss your sister’s wedding, but something’s gotta give, and they’re the ones being disrespectful – not you OR your husband.
And if your sister STILL doesn’t get it, ask her if the shoe was on the other foot… because she’s not really thinking at this point & she really NEEDS to think about this.” Bhimtu
7. AITJ For Having A Fight With My Best Friend Over A Cake?
“I (20F) started baking in 2020 as a hobby, just to pass the time. Over time, my skills have significantly improved, and I’ve started taking orders from people (occasionally, as I’m still a student and don’t have too much time to invest in it full-time). However, whenever an important occasion is coming up for my loved ones, I bake them a cake for free.
I do this of my own free will because it makes me happy.
A week ago, it was my best friend, Zia’s 23rd birthday. This would be the last birthday we’d be celebrating together as I’m moving overseas shortly for further education. So, I went all out and made two themed cakes.
One of them was a huge butterscotch and caramel cake, decorated with all her favorite colors (pink and white) and very fancy decorations. The other one was a Lotus Biscoff Cheesecake, which is her absolute favorite dessert. On the day of her birthday, we cut the cake, and she gave us all one slice each of the Biscoff Cheesecake (only 3 of us apart from her).
Later on, she texted me that she loved the cake so much and is kind of sad that she got to only eat 3/4th of it and wants a whole cake to herself. I told her I’d make it for her again someday.
Yesterday was my father’s birthday.
I made two Lotus Biscoff cheesecakes for him. The only reason I made it was because I had too many ingredients left over from the last time I made it, and because he doesn’t like buttercream or whipped cream frosted cakes, and prefers cheesecakes or sponge cakes to them.
I posted the photos on my baking account on Instagram, and Zia saw them. I immediately got a phone call that she wanted one of the cakes. I told her they were for my dad, and that I’d make another one for her later on.
However, she kept insisting, and wouldn’t let it go. I caved in and told her to come today and pick up the cake.
Obviously, I couldn’t give her the entire cake, I’d made it for my dad, and for the rest of the family. So I cut up 3 medium-sized slices for her and boxed them up.
When Zia saw them, she immediately asked me why I hadn’t packed up the whole cake for her. I explained to her that I couldn’t do that because it was for my dad and the rest of my family. She started her little rant again about how she couldn’t get her birthday cake to herself because she had to share with us, and how she’s owed a whole cheesecake.
She then asked me if I’d make her another one next week, and I told her I couldn’t spend time making another cake because of my upcoming exams. This annoyed her and she said that I don’t even share a good relationship with my father so she finds it ridiculous that I’m doing so much for him.
This was a low blow and ticked me off. I told her to never expect another cake from me again. Now I’m petty, selfish, and a bad friend. AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. You did something nice for her, she ruined it with her entitlement.
It’s very normal when you have a birthday party with a birthday cake that, surprisingly, the guests also get some of the cake. I don’t think I’ve ever heard of someone getting their own cake for their birthday that no one else at the party eats.
If she wants another cake, she can buy herself another cake. You already went out of your way for her giving her three extra slices, and she chooses to attack your relationship with your father.
You’re right that she should never get another cake from you again- nor another text message, phone call, hangout, etc..
The best thing I think you can do for yourself here is let her entitlement ruin your friendship with her.” im_justbrowsing
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, your friend is not entitled to your baking especially since you do it for free. She seems she’s just using you in that sense and not really caring about you at that moment, basically taking it for granted. Also, you are very generous to even give her some cake slices from your dad’s cake, she should appreciate that and not ask for a whole cake, even though she knows, that you baked it for another person.
I think it’s better if she doesn’t get any more free cake in the future, maybe then she starts to appreciate what you doing.” trex_kralle
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. She didn’t pay for the cakes and now she’s complaining about not getting a whole cake to herself.
You don’t OWE her anything. People like this you need to block and if any of your other friends take her side block them too. Nobody deserves to be taken advantage of. The comment she made about your Dad was insightful. She let you know in those words that she was more important than your Father.
I would call her and ask her if she wants to join the ‘block party?’ When she asks you what that is or where you hang up the phone and block her.” User
6. AITJ For Not Letting My Friend Stay With My At My Grandparents' House?
“A friend and I are both preparing to graduate from college.
We happened to be accepted to the same graduate program which is in another state with a fiercely competitive and nauseatingly expensive housing market.
I’m lucky to have my grandparents living in a nearby city there so I decided to just live with them in their extra bedroom.
My friend suggested the idea of us going into a place together and I explained I’d be living with family.
During college, I saw this friend maybe once a month. We started hanging out a little more frequently when we found out we’d be in the same graduate program because we thought it would be nice to know someone going in.
But we’re by no means best of friends or anything.
I told him I was happy to ask my grandparents if they knew of affordable housing in the area and post his advertisement seeking roommates up in their building or whatever else I could do to help.
A couple of days ago we were getting together and he confided that housing is creating a barrier to his attending the program and he might be unable to attend. I asked if he’d spoken to the financial aid office at the university and whatnot, and he said he had, we discussed it a bit more and then moved on to other topics.
As we were parting ways he said he figured I would’ve offered by now but it didn’t seem like I was going to so he’d just say it—he’d like to stay with me at my grandparents’ house until he could find other living accommodations.
He said he could sleep on the couch.
I explained my grandmother has the beginnings of dementia and that really even if she didn’t, they were already leery about taking me in and definitely aren’t seeking any extra roommates.
He said, in so many words, since I am privileged to have family who can afford to live near campus it’s my responsibility to lend a hand to those who have no alternatives.
I feel awful for him, and if it weren’t for my grandparents I’d be in pretty much his same position, but it would honestly never cross my mind to ask a friend to let me indefinitely live with them, ever.
We left the talk on pretty sour terms and when I called to try and smooth things over he just kept laying it on pretty thick about how dire his situation is and that he’d do the same for me.
So… I’m feeling really conflicted. I want to help a friend but I’d be extremely hesitant to do this for even a close friend and do not want to further impose on my very kind grandparents. But I am also very lucky to be where I am and did stonewall him on this… AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ
He can find some room-mates to share a house with, he just doesn’t want to, because it does suck to share a house with people you don’t know and it will cost him more if he was willing to share a house with you if he must have some way of earning funds that he would have had to pay if you got a house to rent together.
Honestly, even if your Grandparents said ‘okay’ for a few weeks, I still wouldn’t do it, he is being way too pushy and manipulative about this, there is your big red flag sign. Do not entertain this idea AT ALL.” Free_Historian_8494
Another User Comments:
“Nope, NTJ.
‘He said, in so many words, since I am privileged to have family who can afford to live near campus it’s my responsibility to lend a hand to those who have no alternatives.’
No, not at all. And if he really feels this is true, he could and should have asked you straight up, instead of first complaining about his situation and then expecting YOU to invite him.
And he should respect your answer, which was a clear NO. End of story. But his reasoning is ridiculous and suggests that you are entitled to your family’s funds and or resources to the point where you can spend and share that with others. Lol of course not.
Nobody is responsible for another human being that isn’t your literal child that you created or adopted, or are being paid to look after/care for.” User
Another User Comments:
“NTA. He isn’t asking to move in with you and a couple of roommates and crash on a couch.
This is your grandparents’ home. You stated you don’t really know this person very well. Bringing a person you don’t know into your elderly grandparents’ house would not be a good option for them. Dementia is difficult. That person needs little confusion and things to stay routine.
This isn’t about you and your friend. It’s about what is best for your grandparents. You offered to ask and see if you can find him a place to stay. That is being a good friend. I know he is disappointed with costs, but don’t let him make you feel guilty.” HistoricalHat3054
5. AITJ For Telling My Mom I Don't Prefer The Food She Prepares?
“I (M15) am very skinny (5’5.5 110-115 pounds) this began to spiral when my mom (early 40s, overweight) decided to lose weight when I was around 13, this has been amazing for her and an awesome choice but the way she carries it out is unfitting for the rest of the family.
To lose weight she decided to go on a strictly gluten-free diet, now this is fine on its own but the problems arise whenever my dad or her cooks and we are forced to use gluten-free or cook without it.
Me being skinny, and gluten-free alternatives generally just being gross, limited/repetitive makes supporting this ‘method’ very hard.
When I entered high school I became very conscious about my weight. As you can imagine, my thoughts became that the low-calorie foods we have been almost made to eat for dinner are a factor in my low weight. Due to this on multiple occasions, arguments have started between me and her over this topic.
More recently we got into a fight, she was going to make the same bland, low-calorie gluten-free ‘pasta’ that we must have at least twice a week at this point in time. When I was told she was making this for dinner again I finally decided to talk to her about it.
The conversation went something like this:
(Me) ‘Hey I really want to talk to you about dinner tonight.’ (Mom) ‘Ok? What do we need to talk about’ (Me) ‘I am not trying to be disrespectful but your dinners are not working for me, I need high-calorie foods like bread, etc.’ (Mom) ‘Then make them yourself I am not going to make two separate dinners, especially for someone who is ungrateful for my cooking’ (Me) ‘Ok, can we please go to the store so I can grab some stuff to make it?’ (We barely have anything non-gluten-free or high-cal like potatoes) (Mom) ‘I’m not going to take someone to the store who is rude to me.’ (Me) ‘Why?
I wasn’t trying to be disrespectful to you, I’m sorry if I was.’ (Mom) ‘Doesn’t matter if you meant to, you were still rude to me; the answer is still no.’
After this I came back ~30 minutes later (Me) ‘Hey, I’m sorry about earlier can we please go to the store so I can make dinner for myself?’ (Her) ‘NO, you don’t get to come out here and pretend like you were not rude to me and then ask me to drive you somewhere’.
After this, I knew it was going nowhere so I went into the kitchen and made myself a simple bowl with like half a packet of tofu and some onions.
I feel like I’m not a jerk but I can’t shake the feeling that I might be, so, AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ
Your mom is underfeeding you and she is in denial and being really weird about how she polices your tone when you are literally asking for food.
Teenagers need lots of calories and a no-gluten low-carb diet is inappropriate for a kid like you.
This problem needs to be brought to the attention of other adults in your extended family or at your school. You need calories so that you can reach your full adult size and weight.” mindful-bed-slug
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Studies have repeatedly shown that a gluten-free diet is unhealthy if you don’t have a health condition that makes you sick if you eat gluten.
People who don’t eat gluten tend to eat fewer whole grains. Gluten-free food often has a high sugar content.
Your mother is abusing you. Even if you had been rude to her, which you weren’t, she has no right to underfeed you and/or deny you proper nutrition.
You should talk to your father. Tell him that he must stand up to your mother and provide you with a proper diet.
If he doesn’t, tell a trusted adult at your school.” maccrogenoff
Another User Comments:
“NTJ
You and your mom have different caloric needs and you need more food.
And carbs are a good source of energy. Your stating your needs (asking to go to the store) was not rude at all.
Gluten-free isn’t a weight-loss diet though, so it’s odd that she’s doing it. Gluten-free pasta, bread, etc. are often more calorie-dense than their wheat originals.
Is she doing paleo which is gluten-free but also excludes other grains?
At any rate, you need more food, and you should be getting it. It would be so easy to add a side of potatoes to a meal, and she doesn’t have to eat them.” Antique-Cry-5024
4. AITJ For Leaving A Bad Review On The On-Call Vet?
“My (42f) twelve-year-old dog has had liquid diarrhea leaking from his butt for three days now. It’s getting everywhere. I can’t sleep on my bed (he’ll want to hop up with me), so I’ve been on the floor to help him through the nights.
I could crate him, but he has severe anxiety, and I kind of figured he’s already having a rough enough time as it is without adding more stress. While he’s in good health, he’s still elderly.
So, I took my dog to the vet on Monday and they gave him some anti-diarrhea medicine and Fortiflora (probiotic supplement for dog diarrhea).
The stool sample they took indicated it was probably just his system out of whack, but he just keeps getting worse. The vet told me to give his system time to adjust and correct itself with the meds (which absolutely makes sense), so I waited.
Last night blood appeared in his stool. This, combined with the fact he’s only gotten worse while on treatment, made me worried enough that I decided to call the on-call vet at 12:00 am to ask for guidance. Basically, I wanted to know if I should be concerned enough to drive the two hours to our nearest 24-hour vet, who wasn’t picking up their phone.
That’s where the on-call vet thinks I’m the jerk. She basically laid into me for calling her about mere diarrhea. She really wanted me to know I was wasting her time because she couldn’t run tests at 12:00 am. Basically, she told me to chill out if my dog isn’t dying.
And I’m just like, ‘Lady, I don’t know if he’s dying. That’s why I called.’
My perspective is that I wasn’t calling about mere diarrhea. I was calling about rapidly worsening diarrhea that now contained blood. I didn’t want to be overly reactive and spend thousands on emergency medical treatment that could have waited until the morning (nor did I want to drive two hours on one hour of sleep), but I also wanted to do what was best for my dog.
I felt like I needed expert advice to make the best decision.
The conversation I wanted to have would have taken two minutes of her time. She kept me on the phone for around seven minutes yelling at me. I’ll confess I snapped and yelled back.
I mean, I’m not sure what her purpose is if it’s not to give emergency medical advice, and I told her as much.
Maybe I did call her for no reason and wasted her time. I mean, I’m not thinking super clearly right now, to be honest. But I wasn’t calling her out of spite.
I felt like I had solid justification for being worried. So, AITJ for calling her and WIBTJ if I wrote up a bad review because of our exchange?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ
If she’s an on-call vet… that means she’s on-call. I don’t get mad when I’m on-call and someone calls me during my on-call hours because… that’s my job.
It’s what I’m paid for.
I assume she was having a bad day, but you absolutely would not be a jerk for posting a bad review. Just like a doctor dismissing someone’s symptoms, a vet dismissing a pet’s symptoms is never the correct answer. Yes, it may be really annoying to have another person be like, ‘Oh so I have a sniffle.
Am I gonna die?’
But you’re a care provider. If you can’t do your job, don’t sign up for it.
It was literally as simple as, ‘How much blood? Does she have any other symptoms? She most likely has blood from straining. If you see it in the morning, please come see us, she should be fine overnight.’
Viola, you’re done and you did your job.” EndlessDreamers
Another User Comments:
“NTJ nor would you be a jerk for leaving a negative review.
The whole point of an on-call medical professional is to advise if you need an ER or if it can wait until the office is open.
I doubt you went into it expecting her to diagnose, prescribe, and treat it.
I would also reach out to the clinic’s manager and let them know how you were made to feel in this situation. Apologize for your own anger in it (even though it was justified) but express that you’ve been extremely worried and weren’t sure the best way to proceed.” Khaotic_Rainbow
Another User Comments:
“NTJ
In my opinion, you are not the jerk for calling. The on-call vet is there for exactly such cases where a pet is suddenly getting worse and the owner needs help direct and can not wait for the next work day.
The change from diarrhea to diarrhea with blood is an event that would cause any concerned owner to call the vet.
While you might not be the jerk for calling the vet, you might have been a jerk during the call. You mentioned losing it and shouting so depending on what exactly happened you might be a jerk for that reaction.
But that’s very hard so evaluate from your description.
In my opinion, you would also not be a jerk for posting a bad review about them as again it’s literally the one job of the on-call to be there for such events so treating you like they did is really bad.
So overall NTJ in my opinion.” HeadHunter1956
3. AITJ For Wanting To Say Something About My Step-Niece Being Excluded From A Family Trip?
“My SIL (40F) has been married to her husband, my BIL (40ishM) for about 4 years. They have a child (2M) together and he has a child (14F) from a previous marriage.
They recently asked to borrow a DVD player for their car for a trip to Disney they were planning for Spring Break.
I was confused because I know they have one. Turns out it belongs to his daughter and she won’t let them borrow it because she isn’t going on the trip. She will be with her mom for the week.
Now I admittedly do not know all the facts, but it really made me feel uncomfortable that she wasn’t going on this trip with them.
My husband seems to think it’s no big deal. I feel like they should have planned the trip for when they all could go, especially since it is a big trip. I worry that going without her is going to hurt her feelings. And it sounds like she isn’t happy since she won’t even let them use her DVD player.
She already deals with a bit of anxiety and depression and I think they are being cruel by not making sure she’s included. I really want to say something in a roundabout kind way but I know that it isn’t a good idea.
But I would like to know other people’s opinions on the situation. Are they jerks for not taking her? Or is this something that is normal for blended families?”
Another User Comments:
“I think you WBTJ if you jump to conclusions and address them in a confrontational manner.
There could be many reasons why BIL’s daughter isn’t going with them; she may even have chosen not to go herself because of her mental health; it’s a very stimulating and potentially overwhelming environment, especially with so many people there.
Blended families are all different, and there may well be an arrangement where 14f is with mum one year for Spring Break, then with your BIL and SIL the next year.
Maybe they split the holidays, and this happens to be her mum’s time with her.
It’s very heartwarming that you are concerned and care about 14f, and I mean that sincerely; however, I think you need to tread very carefully so as not to ruffle any feathers.
Has this sort of thing happened before? Do you have a general idea of their family dynamic? These are things it would be good to know before saying anything about this incident.” ladybaggage
Another User Comments:
“YWNBTJ if you talk to them about it in a calm manner.
Of course not. Perhaps the stepmother is deliberately trying to exclude the kid. In that case, it will be helpful if you raise awareness of that fact. Or the kid doesn’t want to go because of any of a million reasons. She’s a teenager, after all.
Or it’s not possible due to scheduling issues, or the co-parenting with the mother is not great. We don’t know, and you don’t know. The only way to find out is to talk to them.
Personally, I think it’s weird to exclude one kid on a family vacation.
I have a blended family, and I would not travel without any of my kids.” Own-Gas1589
Another User Comments:
“YWNBTJ if you just asked them why she wasn’t going on the trip with them but YWBTJ if you just assumed things and called them out for your assumptions.
No one has any idea of the context here. Maybe BIL and his ex have an agreement that neither can take their child more than X number of hours away without the other parent’s consent and his ex won’t agree to it. Maybe the child doesn’t want to go to Disney because she thinks Disney with a 2-year-old won’t be fun.
Maybe your SIL and BIL are jerks that don’t include his daughter in things. Nobody knows, including you.” buttstuffisfunstuff
2. AITJ For Telling My Son I Wasn't Surprised He Was Gay?
“I and my old friend settled back in our old hometown after leaving the army.
We had boys about the same age now Sébastien (19) and Luka (20). They’ve known each other since they were in pull-ups. Thick as thieves these two. Our other kids never got as close. I started picking up a few things just being observant especially after puberty started and they were still all up under each other even as they started going out with girls.
It seemed like they’d get jealous of the girls instead of each other or sometimes get into fights about one not spending time with the other. They also did almost everything together sports, clubs, movies, etc… They even moved in together for college.
Sooo I was super surprised when they came home for the weekend and Luka asked to talk to me alone out back while Sébastien waited to watch from inside when he told me that he and Sébastien were together now and in love.
I told him that I love that for him and that I loved him, but that I wasn’t super surprised they were gay and they didn’t hide their relationship well. Luka says he didn’t say he was gay just that he and Sébastien were together and they were still figuring it out.
I told him whatever is fine with me but he didn’t have to fake having to actually like girls or anything. He teared up a bit and told me to just drop it because I wasn’t listening. We haven’t spoken a whole lot in the last couple of days.
I’ve tried to reiterate I was just trying to be supportive but he still seems kinda upset about it. AITJ here?”
Another User Comments:
“No jerks here, but only because I can’t bring myself to call you a jerk.
First up, I love that you’re so accepting.
That is in no way the issue. That’s good. Keep that up.
The problem is that you didn’t need to lead it so much. The ‘you don’t have to pretend to like girls’ bit, could be perceived as low-key bi/pan-phobic by him. Or, he could have objected to gay because of how they perceive their own gender identities.
And Luka might have been open to explaining it a bit more but seemed to get upset that you ‘weren’t listening’ (which is normally code for, ‘You keep thinking you know what the answer is, please let me say it for myself’).
I’m saying this as a trans woman, but his generation has a lot more language for the subtleties and nuances of gender these days (even the cis-het ones), so it would be a really nice thing to sit down and listen to Luka and let him tell his story his way.
It’s not something I’d give a jerk judgment on… just a hiccup in communication. Just sit down, and try to listen to what Luka wants to tell you, his way, and then ask questions later. I know you’re being supportive, and I’m sure he will too, you just need to sit down and let him give the details.” Anovadea
Another User Comments:
“YTJ. I understand you were trying to be supportive, but your son does not need you to lecture him about his own identity. He could be bi. He could be pansexual. He may be unsure of his identity and all he knows is that he loves Sebastien.
By assuming he’s gay, and implying he’s strictly gay and faked interest in girls…you weren’t hearing him. You were assuming things and even worse, you came off like you were trying to explain your son’s own identity to him.
Try again.
Apologize to him. Acknowledge that you messed up and assumed things that you had no right to assume. Ask him to tell you again (and be accepting if he refuses). If he does give you another chance, don’t talk, just listen. Let him tell you who he is and what he’s figuring out about himself.
Love him enough to follow him on this.” Kuchi_Kopi_49
Another User Comments:
“Soft YTJ
It’s always good to be supportive, but know when to back off, too. Maybe he’s bi with a preference. Maybe he is gay but still struggling a little bit with it himself.
And you just jumped straight to, ‘Oh, I know you’re gay because you did a bad job hiding it,’ and when he tried to veer away from that you kept pushing and basically telling him you thought he was lying and faking relationships with girls because he’s really this person he’s said he’s not.
Even if the message was ‘You don’t have to do that, and I love you no matter what,’ what he heard was ‘My dad(?) 1. Isn’t listening and 2. Thinks I’ve been a lying fake.’ And that can be difficult to deal with (even if it’s true).
In short, your heart was in the right place, and maybe – perhaps even probably – you were right in your assumption. But those weren’t the words your son needed from you and were unintentionally hurtful.” stew_pit1
1. AITJ For Grounding My Son For Not Answering My Calls?
“I’m a single father (43M) to two children, Max (17M) and Liza (8F).
I usually have Liza in after-school clubs so that I’m able to pick her up after work, however, last evening I was given some work that had me working overtime, I did try my best to negotiate out of it but my manager told me that the assignment was to be completed by that night so I just did.
It was nearing 6 pm and I just knew I wouldn’t be able to make it to Liza so I called Max and asked him to pick her up, he responded by saying that he couldn’t because he was on a date with his SO for their 6th month anniversary.
I told him that I understood but that I really needed him to get Liza and that I’d make it up to him for interrupting.
He just angrily turned off the phone and I thought that while he was mad he had just decided to pick her up.
30 minutes later I receive a call from Liza’s school on where I was because the school was close to closing down and no one was there.
Luckily one of Liza’s friend’s mother said they’d drop her off and that was all good.
However I don’t really like it when Liza goes with that particular friend, not because of the friend but because of the mother, she has this habit of asking maths questions in the car that she knows Liza is unable to answer and then criticizes her over it.
It’s all just very mean.
I called Max and asked him where he was and that he was in big trouble when he got home, he just told me that he was busy and to leave him alone.
He came home at around 9 pm, I told him he was grounded and that he was not allowed to use the car for a good three weeks.
At that, he got all mad and said that it wasn’t his fault I was failing as a parent and unable to afford someone to collect Liza.
Just want some insight on this situation, was I being too harsh and AITJ for interrupting his date?”
Another User Comments:
“Dad was at work. He didn’t deliberately ruin his son’s date. It was an exceptional work-related situation and he needed his son to step up as a family member to pick up his sis.
It seems Dad does his best to let his son be free, by enrolling his daughter in all sorts of activities to keep her busy until he finishes work.
Son could have stepped up this one.
NTJ, dad, and good thing you grounded your son, for his entitled behavior.” DoIwantToKnow6417
Another User Comments:
“YTJ, I feel very sorry for your son.
You asked and your son said no, letting you know that he was on a date then turned his phone off so that you would leave him alone.
You deserved your son’s anger, both for ruining his date and expecting him to pick up your 8-year-old daughter. Hopefully, his date was an understanding person, not a gossiper or one of the beautiful but ‘mean girls’ who rule the school or college that he attends.
I don’t have siblings but I did have two overbearing parents who would never allow me any privacy or leave me in peace. One of whom was violent and stole every penny of the life savings I’d saved up for years for my escape fund.
If you continue to pester or threaten your son every time you have not made alternative arrangements for collecting his younger sister and he is too busy to do so or declines a ‘request’ that you ask of him, he is likely to go no contact as soon as he is able to do so.
Resulting in a situation where your innocent daughter has no regular contact with her mother and her brother throughout the remainder of her childhood.” londonmyst
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Teens are difficult creatures. Hormones are raging and they are self-centered. Max has absolutely no concept of what it takes to run a household as a single parent.
When things cool off, explain to him, as you did on this forum, that your back was against the wall when you requested his help and you wouldn’t ask unless you truly needed his help. Explain, also, you have to earn a living and this, unfortunately, sometimes leaves less than ideal circumstances and burdens on him.
He is 17 so offer to let him do some problem-solving and ask him if he has any ideas on how to manage Liza’s transportation issues should this arise again.” pleased2cu
Another User Comments:
“Everyone sucks here.
What would you have done if you didn’t have a son?
You haven’t socialized with other parents because you’re too busy with work. You don’t go to games? You seem to work too much. If you let bosses depend on you too much, they will take advantage of it. You need to turn off your phone and let them deal with it or do it themselves.
Spend more time with your kids. When you work more OT, you end up spending most of the funds. it’s not worth the time you lose with your kids.” SpruceGoose133
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