People Feel At Crossroads In These "Am I The Jerk?" Stories
22. AITJ For Not Leaving My Inheritance To My Ungrateful Stepchildren?
“I, 55M, married my wife 53F 10 years ago but have been together for 13 years. She is a widow who had lost her husband 5 years before we had even met.
We met through a common friend. She and her ex-husband had 2 kids (10F and 9M at the time we met). They are now 23F and 22M.
They were not happy when their mom started seeing me and more or less told me they would never accept it.
I said that is fine, I am not trying to be their dad but can be their friend if they ever wanted. I left all parenting decisions to my wife but I made sure they never had any issues with education (private school) and other activities as well as funding their college completely as I did not believe in having them graduate with debt.
I guess they mellowed a bit later in years but they never treated me with respect and after a few years of trying to be part of their lives and going to their sports and after-school activities, I just stopped. My wife was sad but she understood where I came from but also respected her kids going their own path.
Now to the issue. I run an HVAC company and worked long hours to get it to a place where it’s very profitable and have 15 men working for me. Recently a big company offered to buy me out for a big amount and after talking it over with my wife, I decided to sell and retire.
Will be taking trips and cruises to enjoy life. My stepkids came to know about the sale and at a family dinner a few weeks back they were asking me about it and my stepdaughter said I hope you leave a good amount for both of us as well as fund her upcoming international destination wedding.
I laughed and said they got some nerve. I ain’t leaving a dime to them. Will spend half of it and give the rest to my wife and the rest to charity. They got all upset and cursed me and said I was the evil stepdad and hated me and wished I had died instead of their dad.
I told them to get out of my house and take a hike.
My wife is beside herself and feels I went too far and should leave something for the kids. I said no and said I would put it in my will that she can’t share her inheritance from me with her kids either.
She isn’t talking to me currently and things are tense. I don’t feel I have done anything wrong but AITJ here and should I just put some money away for the kids to make peace?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. The stepkids are entitled jerks. I’d argue your wife should have put them in their place.
They accepted a free ride to college from a man they don’t respect and then have the audacity to put their hand out for more. Who even asks about money like this? I’d be looking at how you can protect the money now, in case of a divorce.” Maximum-Ear1745
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. It’s your money and you can do with that what you want. Your step-kids never accepted you as their step-dad, straight up told you that, never tried to have some kind of father/kids relationship and now that you have a lot of money pretend so you give part of it to them too?
You provided for their life until they were 18, paid for college even if they see you as just a normal man married to their mom. Still, if you end up leaving some to them for the peace of your family is understandable, you seem a good dad (you are even if your step-kids never acknowledge that).
I hope that one day maybe they realize it.” Pappalaya
Another User Comments:
“Not at all. They should never come back after saying they wished you had died instead of their dad. Saying that is sick and anyone who says they wish you were dead should be out of your life forever.
They are old enough to earn their own living and should do so and get off your back. And that wife of yours, did she hear them say they wish you were dead? Maybe she doesn’t deserve a cent either. If she isn’t speaking to you, she has taken their side, and once you are gone, you won’t be able to stop her from giving all the money she wants to them.
Sorry man, you deserve to be treated more respectfully than this, by all of them, but more especially by your wife!!!” CantBelieveThisIsTru
21. AITJ For Taking My Son's Medical Aid Card From His Mother After She Used It For Her Other Son?
“I have a 14-year-old son with my ex, ‘Sarah’. He stays with his mother as his primary residence but I see him as much as possible. I have my kids on my medical aid and so his mother has his card to use whenever he needs to see the doctor or get meds.
While looking through my statement I saw I was charged for multiple GP visits and prescriptions which I knew nothing about. I assumed it was fraud since my son never gets sick and his mother would’ve told me if he was but figured I’d still call to check/share this discrepancy.
Sarah quickly shut me down saying she didn’t know what it was about then hung up. About 10 minutes later, literally while I was about to lodge a dispute, she sends a message saying that it was for my son’s half-brother who had a resurgence in his asthma attacks and needed meds.
To be honest this really frustrated me because 1) she never asked and 2) it means she said her other son was actually my son thus affecting my son’s medical history. I said this to her and she got extremely defensive and we ended up fighting with her main argument being that it shouldn’t matter because it cost me nothing.
This ended with me driving to her house to fetch the medical aid card and telling her to contact me when our son needs meds or needs to see the doctor and I’d get them/take him. We fought more but she gave me the card.
So here I am, AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. That said you seriously need to consider filing a claim anyway. Not as retribution but because this could affect your son’s future care, and if the insurance company notices something’s off (which they likely will since they have access to all the paperwork and know your son doesn’t have asthma) you could lose your benefits for both you and your son entirely.
Best case scenario you’re on the hook for the cost of that visit, worst case she just screwed you both out of medical care. More than likely what’ll happen is that they’ll decline the payment made for that visit, and your ex will be on the hook for the cost. If you tell them it was an honest mistake (although it wasn’t) they’ll be more likely to work out the details in a non-legal way.
Don’t risk your finances or future medical care for your son because your ex decided she was entitled to commit fraud to save a couple of bucks.” Blondebabe2002
Another User Comments:
“It’s fraud, yes, but also dangerous. Is the other child allergic to anything?
That’s now listed for your son. Is his asthma serious enough that it could affect future treatment for your son? Could the doctor’s office start to really think the OTHER kid is your son, and your son is the one committing fraud? I can think of more stuff to type.
Your child is now listed as having a chronic condition. This is serious business, really. Get it straightened out.” Intelligent-Bread777
Another User Comments:
“Contact the insurance company with these details. Also, make sure that they know that all “lost” replacement cards are sent to you as I could see her trying to get another card.
Also contact the doctor(s), pharmacies, and any other medical professional services she may be getting that she has been using your card fraudulently. You do NOT want this coming back to bite you in the behind and I can promise it will if you do not report it ASAP.
Also, identity theft. Put a hold on his credit, SS#, etc. Report it to the police. This is all kinds of fraudulence and theft of services, meds, etc. NTJ.” MadameFlora
20. AITJ For Telling My Sister She Doesn't Know About Wedding Dress Customization?
“I was at a family dinner last night and my sister started asking me if I had gone wedding dress shopping yet.
I told her that I hadn’t in person, but that I had narrowed it down to 2 similar dresses that I really liked online and had an appointment to go see them in person. She asked for photos of the dresses so I passed my phone across the table to her to share.
I then shared that I was going to a specific store that had told me they could order the dress custom from the designer for me with a modification to accommodate a disability.
She then announces to the entire table with extended family present that “I am getting scammed and that isn’t a real thing.” I then told her that she must not know what she is talking about, because I had spoken with several reputable bridal shops that confirmed this is doable.
She then adamantly goes on to say that she is correct and she knows because she has two wedding dress designer clients (she’s a hairdresser in a geographic area certainly not known for having wedding dress designers). I then kind of just brushed it off saying that I was sure the well-known reputable shop would not be taking me for a scam, but the vibe at the table was quite tense after that.
AITJ for saying she didn’t know what she was talking about?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Too funny! So because she does someone’s hair, that magically grants her the complete sum of their knowledge – and it’s about information that she has only JUST heard – so it’s not like she consulted them in the previous two seconds….
It’s called an ALTERATION, and basically every wedding dress shop does this and has been doing it for decades. The real question here is: how much did your sister drink last night or is she just always this antagonistic?” TrainingDearest
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. All you have to do to know that bridal stores can order dresses with modifications is watch one episode of Say Yes to the Dress.
Plus, you haven’t spent any money, you just made an appointment… if she did have a legitimate reason to think this was a potential scam and wasn’t just being a jerk, she could’ve been far nicer about telling you.” abfa00
Another User Comments:
“NTJ – it’s incredibly common for dress shops to order fit tweaks in gowns directly from the designer/manufacturer.
When I ordered my sheath gown, I paid a little extra for the gown to blend 2 sizes together: a 6 on the top to a 12 on the bottom. Many designers offer a “hem to hollow” service to prevent expensive hemming alterations that can sometimes disturb the visual aesthetic of certain types of gowns.
Accommodating a disability or uniqueness of body is so common and readily available these days. Your sister seems like a dolt who just has to be right. She sounds exhausting.” Fenig
19. AITJ For Sending The Homophobic Kid I Babysit To His Room?
“I (17M) babysit to make some extra cash on the side, as my parents have always encouraged me to get a job so I don’t become spoiled. They will be paying my tuition and board for college (I’m a high school senior now), but said that I need to pay for decor, which I am saving up for.
I have been babysitting a family with 2 boys for 3 years now, Slater (11M) and Gus (10M). I’ve been with my partner, Jack (17M) for 5 years now, Slater and Gus’s parents know about him, and he’s been to their house a few times. The parents have been supportive of me having him over and will defend me against Gus.
Gus, especially over the past year, has gotten in trouble multiple times at school for making racist and homophobic remarks towards his classmates. Gus is a pretty quiet kid, mostly just plays Pokemon and with science experiments, etc. He can be very mean though, his parents have taken his phone away, grounded him, etc but nothing seems to work.
They suspect this is due to his friends at school, and obviously, Gus can’t just stop going to school.
Gus has made multiple homophobic remarks directed at me, his parents have told me I have the right to punish him, but it doesn’t bother me, so I just let him say his stuff and tell his parents, and they will deal with it.
Jack is doing a research paper for his English class. Jack does dance and is doing research on the perception and views of boys who dance. One of Slater’s friends, Finn (11M) is a dancer. Slater has mentioned Finn a few times and I asked him if Jack would be willing to do an interview with him.
After going through all of the steps for approval, etc, Jack was able to interview Finn on Sunday.
Jack was in the living room and Slater, Gus, and Finn were all there when Jack started to ask questions. Jack had asked him about bullying, and before Finn could talk, Gus said that Finn “deserved to get bullied” and we should “bring back bullying for jerks like him.” I apologized to Jack and for the first time, told Gus to go to his room.
He refused, this is when he started to yell at me. Slater started to record all of this. Gus told him to stop, and he said no. Gus then ran to his room.
I ran to Gus and he explained to me that Slater and his friends from basketball had the 4th graders “gang up” on him and his friends after they messed with Finn before.
Gus was crying about how he was the victim.
I told Gus to stop but that he wouldn’t be let out until Jack was done with the interview. After a few minutes of yelling, he stopped and Jack was able to conduct his interview.
I was telling my sister (15F) about this and she said I was being a “jerk” for “isolating” Gus, and that since he’s only 10, it’s my job to “teach him why he was wrong” and that I risked traumatizing him.
AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. I don’t think his parents are handling this well enough though. You should definitely let them know that this has escalated into full bullying, so whatever they’re doing isn’t working and they need to take this more seriously. To be clear, you didn’t isolate him; you gave him a fairly mild consequence for doing something wrong.
And yes, it is important to teach children rather than just punishing them, but that’s Gus’s parents’ job, not yours.” Papyrus72846
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, this whole post I was expecting the parents to be the ones who got mad at you, but it was just your 15-year-old sister?
Her opinion doesn’t matter at all. Also, the idea that “go to your room” is somehow violating the Geneva Convention is hilarious. You did everything right. This kid sounds like a terror and is very troubling. Unfortunately, though, this is his parents’ responsibility.” zenocrate
Another User Comments:
“NTJ and your sister is being foolish. You were given the green light to discipline Gus when he gets out of hand, and for the first time, you utilized that right to protect a child. Being sent to his room is the mildest, milquetoast punishment he can get.
Even younger children will learn from such a punishment that when you say mean things, no one wants to play with you, and you will be pushed away. He’s not a victim, he’s the bully. Does your sister think it’s okay for a ten-year-old to use violent slurs and wish harm upon others?
Does she think such harmful actions deserve no discipline? What about the trauma Gus is inflicting on others? That’s okay then, just because he is younger? You are the babysitter, not the parent, your job is to remove harm and de-escalate the situation when bad behavior arises, which you did by removing Gus after he started being harmful, and the parents deal with actual discipline and teaching.
And tell your sister to get off TikTok and that (mis)using mental health language doesn’t make her points any more valid.” corvidfamiliar
18. AITJ For Not Reimbursing My Daughter's Overdrawn Account After I Promised To?
“Around two weeks ago, I convinced my daughter to make a 150$ payment for her credit card and to schedule it a week from then.
She told me she wasn’t in a position to make a payment due at the time. Due to the fact that she doesn’t get scheduled enough at her current place of employment, she only had 5$ in her account, and she’s saving her next biweekly paycheck for something else.
I told her not to worry about it and offered to put the money in her account before the scheduled payment date.
I did not end up doing that because I simply forgot to and there was too much going on my end. The scheduled payment date comes and the account ended up being -145.00 negative according to her.
At that point, she got upset with me for not doing what I promised. I told her that I would put the money in the account to bring it back to what it was in the beginning.
Well, a week after that, (which was Friday) her paycheck of 118 dollars comes in and her account still ended up being at a negative balance.
She was very angry and essentially said that she doesn’t have her own paycheck that she worked hard for and that she “wants it back.” I told her that I can’t give her the money. This is because I was unexpectedly laid off from my job three days ago, and I only have the job for the next 6 weeks.
I told her I have to focus my priorities on saving the house. I also said that she can always make more money. That’s when she completely blew up at me and called me a leech, she said I was “bleeding her dry.” She also said that “I’ve taken away all of her autonomy and she can’t have anything to herself.” And she can no longer live with me.
Everything she said left me heartbroken.”
Another User Comments:
“YTJ. When you promise something, especially about money, you need to keep that promise. Forgetting to put money in your daughter’s account caused her a big problem. Even though losing your job is tough, the main issue is you didn’t do what you said you would.
This made things hard for your daughter and hurt her trust in you. Saying she can just make more money doesn’t fix the problem. You need to really understand how this affected her and try to make things right.” Umiel
Another User Comments:
“YTJ: You made her a promise that you would put money in her account.
Induced by your promise, she made a payment that she could not otherwise afford. You failed to keep your promise. Therefore, her bank account was substantially overdrawn. I can’t even get as far as an E S H. Whether she made her minimum payment on her credit card or not, that’s just a contract between her and the credit card company, not an “interpersonal conflict.” While I myself wouldn’t have made a payment unless I was sure the funds were in my account and cleared, her doing so only shows that she trusts you to keep your promises (trusted you, anyway).
I’m not going to call her a jerk for failing to be a cynical jerk like me.” SamSpayedPI
Another User Comments:
“YTJ, you told her to pay it. In your words “convinced” her and you would put the money into her account. A promise is a promise, it’s your word.
How can she trust your word now? She told you she wasn’t in the position to make the payment. Your forgetfulness caused her account to go into the negative, which she probably received a fee for (my bank it’s $15). Put yourself in her shoes.
How would you feel? Would you trust your mother’s word now? You can make more money just like her so that excuse is poor.” SwimmingZombie7
17. AITJ For Considering Letting My Toxic Sister And Nephew Become Homeless?
“My sister (56f) Marie and I (53m) don’t have much of a relationship. We had an abusive father who favored her because she was a girl.
He assumed she’d be a mother and wife, and hubby would be a provider, and I was told I was too fat, stupid & lazy to be a good provider. But that’s on Dad.
Marie got married, had 3 kids. She sat around and did nothing.
No work, no housework, and as much as I hate knowing this, nothing between her and her now ex. You can understand why he’s the ex, who pays alimony.
Marie currently lives with her oldest James (27m). He gets minimum wage jobs, often part-time, and often loses them because he fails to show up.
He’s also alienated a lot of people because he’s said a ton of homophobic stuff thinking he’s being funny. (He’s not.)
There are 2 other kids. Beth (25f) who is a teacher in another state and does not speak to her brother, and is low contact with Marie & doesn’t want them to know where she lives, and Sam (20M) who lives with her.
Both of them have had severe depression but Beth is functioning, works and cares for her younger brother who at this point is just living off the sister. As an aside, Beth is gay, Sam is Trans, so you can understand why neither speaks to James.
They’re about to get evicted. They have tried local charities, but they’ve used them too many times.
My wife & I gave her & her ex about 5k when they were still married to help them avoid losing the home. It helped for a few months.
We loaned her 3k more a few years later, telling her it was a loan this time. We never got it back. (Not surprised). We have helped James on occasion. We did loan him 2k which he pays back small amounts here or there, but very low & often not at all.
My wife dislikes my sister who is herself very toxic. I could go into reason, but trust me I’d be here forever. We live in another state.
Our kids (2 25Fs) have moved out. 1 is doing very well for herself. The other is employed but might move back in because she’s living with a roommate and it’s not worked out and she can’t afford her own place, but she works full-time and is responsible.
We have had nonbio kids living with us, and currently, we have foster kids. Anyone living here has to be vetted by the agency, be fingerprinted, and pass a background check. Probably both would, but who knows. However, my foster son is autistic and doesn’t do well with strangers.
He’s never met them. My foster daughter is bi, and won’t take to James. Plus, if they move in we’re stuck with them.
We’re racking our brains trying to figure out a way to help, but we can’t afford to send more $ and refuse to do so for my sister.
WIBTJ if we allow them to become homeless?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. You are not “allowing” them to be homeless – they are both adults who may be homeless due to their own life choices. You are NOT responsible for them. You and your wife have helped financially more than once.
If you continue helping them with money, or worse, let them into your home, this will be your life. You will have two toxic people mooching off you and your spouse, draining you financially and mentally. They are not unable to work. They choose not to be self-sufficient and count on guilting others to take care of them.
Don’t do it!” glimmerseeker
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. They aren’t your responsibility and frankly, you’ve done far more than they deserve already. Don’t subject your wife and children to their nonsense. If you take them in you’ll regret it, I guarantee it.
The consequences of their choices are their problems, not yours.” Joe-Arizona
Another User Comments:
“YWNBTJ. Your sister and her son are suffering the consequences of their own actions. It’s not your responsibility to bail them out and their behavior certainly doesn’t indicate that they’re taking any steps to try and salvage their situation.
YWBTJ if you let them move in with you knowing the harm it’ll inevitably cause your foster children given James’ bigotry and your foster son’s social anxiety.” SailorCentauri
16. AITJ For Not Saving My First-Time Vacation Experiences For My Dad And Stepmom?
“My parents divorced when I (16M) was 4 and then I lost my mom 4 years later. My dad was already in a relationship with Emily when my mom passed away. Before my mom died I split time equally with both parents. And before she died we went on vacation with the extended family.
This was something that, after mom passed away and my grandparents went for grandparents’ rights visitation, the courts ordered to happen every second week of June just like it had before my mom died. My dad dislikes this because he feels like all this should be his decision.
When he and Emily got married and they bought a house for the five of us (her two kids) it became a bigger deal because things needed to be planned around both sets of schedules. I now have half-siblings as well. My dad and Emily try to take a vacation with all of us every year.
They always have to plan it when Emily has her kids and when I don’t have a day or two with my extended family. I don’t really like vacations with them. My dad is way too uptight about vacations and he tries to have a plan for every single second and is so annoying when things get delayed. It happens sometimes but my dad acts like it’s such a big deal for a five-minute delay in something.
My stepsiblings and I aren’t that tight. We don’t interact with each other really and I don’t really care if I get to be on vacation with my half-siblings. I’m not sure I’ll ever care if we’re close. So seeing their faces light up and stuff isn’t fun for me.
But my dad thinks it should be.
So the vacation issue comes from two things. My dad and Emily don’t like doing big stuff when my stepsiblings are with their dad. They prefer us all to miss out on an experience than go without them, even if they get to go with their dad.
This bothers me. Christmas markets and stuff are things I love but sometimes we have them for limited periods and my stepsiblings are with their dad. I have gone with my grandparents when they get their visitation and it bothers my dad. He tells me I should save it for our family.
The other element is the actual vacation thing. My dad always said he wanted me to save my first time going to Disney World or Universal Studios for when he and Emily can afford for our stepfamily to go. I went to Disney last June and I went to Universal a few years ago.
My dad decided Hawaii was for this year’s vacation and they booked the tickets and then decided to surprise us. But he remembered after the announcement that I have been to Hawaii more than once with my grandparents because my grandma’s best friend is Hawaiian and she always lets us stay with her.
He lost his temper with me after realizing and told me I should be saving spots like that for us to go. He said I am missing out on truly amazing first-time vacation experiences by going with my grandparents instead of my nuclear family.
AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ – I got cussed when I commented on another post that life goes on for the kids at home when some go to the other parent. To expect the kids at home to always wait for the other siblings to be around to do big things as you say is unfair to those at home.
The kids going to the other parent are living life and experiencing everything including big things at the other home. So I personally fully understand your view – they made your life rotate around her children. I find that unfair – you had one home to live in, her kids had a schedule at two homes.
That had nothing to do with you and the fact that her kids bounce between homes should not result in you being negatively impacted. It’s like let’s give the kids with the parents who are not together and who have two homes everything but the kid with only one parent/home gets their needs ignored. Then they want to get mad when you don’t feel invested in them or when other family members value you and give you the experiences.
NTJ OP NTJ!” RLS2023
Another User Comments:
“NTJ and honestly just tell him you don’t want to go. You’re 16 which as long as you have transportation is plenty old enough to stay home by yourself for a week. He’s jealous that he couldn’t erase your mom’s family.
Judging by the fact that your grandparents had to go to court to be able to see you. No one likes a vacation planned down to the minute, otherwise it’s not a vacation but a chore.” seanthebean24
15. AITJ For Making My Sandwich Before My Brother Could Use The Kitchen?
“My brother (21) and I (20) both have autism, but naturally it affects us both differently.
A few days ago, I was making myself a sandwich. I happen to like honey mustard while he does not. Well, I was preparing my sandwich first when he comes in the kitchen deciding he wants to make something. Out of respect, I move to the other side of the counter space so he has room to prepare whatever he wants (my back would be turned towards him as the counters are opposite each other) but he begins pitching a fit.
“That’s gross! I don’t want to look at that!” When it comes to my food. I politely say “I’m on this side of the counter. It’s across the kitchen from you, and you can’t see it when I’m standing in front of it”.
But he insists that he doesn’t even want to see any of the things I’m putting on my food.
My mom gets angry with me and insists I could have waited until he was done in the kitchen to make my “gross stuff” and that she doesn’t understand why I want that stuff anyway.
I say I like it, I never make an issue of it and I keep it in the fridge away from his, but I was made to put my stuff away, and come back when he was done because he found my sandwich ingredients gross.
I understand sensory issues and whatnot as I have my own, and maybe the sandwich itself bothered him. But I don’t like the smell of some of his food so I either suck it up or wait until he’s done in the kitchen.
I might be the jerk because I’m being insensitive to him but frankly, I don’t think it’s my fault if I was there first and I moved. So, AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“I have autism too. You’re in the right. You were there first, you were minding your own business with what you were making (and even got out of the way for him) and he went out of his way to look at what you were making.
There’s a difference between sensory issues and entitlement. He was being entitled. Your mom’s logic is wack. Why should you wait till he was done in the kitchen when you were there first? NTJ.” littlehappyfeets
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. I am autistic, my fiancee is autistic, and our roommates are autistic.
We all have very different sensory issues. I can’t stand the smell or even the view of spinach, most fish, and soy sauce. In terms of sensory issues regarding food for the 6 of us at home, I’m the one with the worst sensory issues regarding food (which is fine, I love cooking and end up cooking a lot for everyone.
I’m kinda the cook of the house), but we all get sensory issues with specific foods. We don’t get mad at each other over food. If someone is cooking something the others don’t like, we either wait until they’re done or we ignore the smell.
but you know who doesn’t do that? My fiancee’s brother.
He’s also autistic but got diagnosed in childhood while my fiancee had to wait until adulthood and failing studies because she didn’t get the help she needed. Her brother is constantly infantilized and his autism is used as an excuse for why he’s such a creepy dude by the rest of their family.
He’s the kind of dude who, like your brother, expects you to do everything for them and will be mad if you don’t. Do you know what’s the difference? BIL was and is still infantilized AND his autism is used as an excuse to enable his creepy behaviors.
That won’t help him in life. Instead of letting him have help and tools regarding his autism, they just let him be a creepy guy. I hope your brother will not end up on a similar road.” Saturneinyourhead
14. AITJ For Not Wanting To Invite My Wife's Annoying Friend On Our Camping Trip?
“My (M31) wife (F30) has a friend, we’ll call her Dana (F34).
They have been friends for a little more than 10 years and it’s important to note that the only friend Dana has is my wife (for the sake of the post I’ll call her Laura).
Dana has always had difficulties making and keeping friends, this is because she’s a classic “one-upper.” If you tell her about a vacation you had and enjoyed, she’ll tell you it’s nothing compared to her last vacation.
You’re going through a bad time? Well it’s nothing compared to what she’s going through and stuff like that.
Since her only friend is Laura, I got to hang out with her a lot. I don’t like her and don’t consider her a friend but I am civil to her.
Laura has tried to integrate Dana into another group of friends of ours for a few years now but it’s not going well. The breaking point was one night when we were drinking and a friend opened up about losing a beloved pet and Dana responded by saying it was nothing compared to when she lost a blouse her mother had given her last year.
After that, some people wouldn’t hang out if she was coming.
Now to the issue, we’re planning a week-long camping trip along with 2 more friends and their spouses, of these friends, only one of them has met Dana.
Laura thinks this might be a good chance for Dana to meet new people, so she suggested we invite her.
I was obviously against it, I get tired just imagining a week with her and told her so. She knows I’m not a fan of hers but is hoping I will help her improve her social skills but I don’t think our vacation should be her opportunity.
We fought a little and didn’t solve anything.
Here is why I think I could be a jerk. I continued planning the trip and every time Laura told me to invite Dana I would just tell her I’ll do it once all is set up (I had no intention of doing so), anyway the trip is a few weeks away and last Saturday the cat was out of the bag about me not wanting Dana to come.
Laura argues that “being annoying” is no reason to exclude her and if she needs to improve her social skills we should be helping her. I obviously disagree but I have never seen Laura this angry so I’m doubting myself. So Am I the jerk?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. “The breaking point was one night when we were drinking and a friend opened up about losing a beloved pet and Dana responded by saying it was nothing compared to when she lost a blouse her mother had given her last year.” There’s one-upmanship & then there’s being completely tone deaf.
You’re going on vacation not running a finishing school. Dana has had plenty of opportunities to “improve her social skills.” Laura sounds like a nice person but the evidence weighs heavily against her; Dana is going to upset all those people. “Laura argues that “being annoying” is no reason to exclude her.” Sorry but yes it is.” Apart-Ad-6518
Another User Comments:
“NTJ for not wanting to invite her, but you are for lying to your wife about planning to do so, and for not communicating with her. Not wanting to invite someone whose behavior has caused multiple people to say they don’t want to be at events if she’s there, is reasonable.
Not wanting to inflict her on others is reasonable. Wanting to invite her on a trip sounds like a great way to damage the friendships you have with the others you are due to go with. If your wife wants to introduce her to new people that’s fine, but she needs to meet up for coffee, or start a book club, not commit to multiple days and nights.” ProfessorYaffle1
Another User Comments:
“NTJ being annoying is 100% a reason not to invite her. Time for your wife to give up trying to force this woman on people. Why ruin 4 people’s week for one person who will just see it as a weeklong competition? Ask your wife why she is pushing so hard.
It makes no sense. Is this one person really so much more important than the rest of the people, including you, having a good time? Does your wife find her funny or a project to work on?” [deleted]
13. AITJ For Choosing To Stay With My Father Instead Of Moving With My Mother?
“I, Jenny (15f) never really knew my real father, my mother and my stepfather (who I will call father) met when I was a baby.
My father has a daughter Kristine (16f) and we get along very nicely, but she used to live mostly with her mother because father lost custody.
We all lived in my father’s house as he took us in when I was a baby, so for me, this has always been my home, they got married a few years later and my father adopted me.
This fall, my sister did something dumb and got pregnant, long story short – her mother threw her out and our father took her in and decided he would stay home with the baby that would be born this summer, and she has to stay in school.
This caused conflict between my mother and father and she asked my father to choose – her or his kid with the baby, and well my father told her that he would not abandon his daughter.
My mother assumed I would go with her to my grandmother’s place but I told her that I wanted to stay in my home because my grandmother has a tiny apartment and I didn’t want to sleep on a couch with my mom, also I don’t want to take a 20-minute train ride to school every day while the house is a 5-minute walk from school!
My mother demanded that I go with her and told my father that he had to tell me to go, but he said that he would not force anyone to go anywhere, so she left.
After that I got messages from my mother and her sister, my grandmother called and they were mad at me because “I would rather choose to stay with a man that is basically a stranger” and that kinda made me mad because for me he is not a stranger!
I tried to explain that all my friends live in this town, also my father is the only person who could teach me math, as our math teacher sucks! Basically I understand nothing in math class, I come home and my father explains to me and I totally get it.
This is very important, as I have exams coming up this spring, and without my father teaching me I would fail.
I don’t want to leave my home, I love my mother very much but when I visit them in my grandmother’s place all she wants to talk about is that I should move there and I could go to school in that little town, but they have only an elementary school and the nearest high school would be the same school I am in elementary already.
Relatives from my mother’s side have been bombarding my phone with messages, meanwhile, my (step)sister, father, and his mother all support me, and my friends support my decision.
AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Tell your mother you stay with the parent, who showed that he cares about all his children.
Who supports them, even if they screw up, and not the parent who tries to force you, to live with her choices and totally goes nuts on you. You don’t want to lose your (social) life and maybe even a school year, because she has a fight with her husband.” Trevena_Ice
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, first of all your mother lacks empathy and asking your father to choose between his two daughters is particularly evil. He just wanted to help his daughter who was in need, and I am sure he loves you a lot as he raised you too.
Note that he always said that you should have the choice, he didn’t try to make you go against your mom or whatever. If you think it would be better, trust your gut! Another solution is that you can spend a few days with one and a few days with the other…?” Adurrow
12. AITJ For Refusing To Pay For My Stepson's Extracurriculars After My Ex Moved Him Out?
“I (f31) am in the middle of a divorce with my soon-to-be ex-husband (m35). He has 1 son from a previous relationship (m12), my stepson, and we have two younger kids together (m2,f3). I’ve been in my stepson’s life since he was 3. His dad and I were together for 9 years and married for 6.
In that time he was with us about half the time up until a couple years ago he’s been with us full-time. I love my stepson like I love my bio kids. We have a good relationship. I’ve supported him financially for the past few years along with his dad.
We’ve been fortunate to be able to put him in a lot of extracurriculars, sports, and camps.
When his dad and I separated, he continued to live with me and see his dad on the same schedule as his younger brothers. Outside of food, clothing, and the basics, I continued to pay for his extracurriculars mostly on my own.
A few weeks ago, his dad (my ex), moved him out of my home with little warning. He cited the fact that it was going to happen eventually and he’s not my legal child, which is true, and there’s little I can do about it even after consulting my lawyer.
I still get to see him about once per week because he walks to my house after school. So he’s not keeping him from me.
Here’s where my dilemma comes in….my ex expects me to continue to pay for my stepson’s extracurriculars and summer camps.
I don’t think it’s reasonable for my ex to move stepson out without consulting me, remind me he’s not my legal child, and then ask me to pay for extracurriculars. I have denied his requests to pay for stepson’s extracurriculars.
I love my stepson, I don’t want him to pay the price for adult problems. I also don’t want to continue paying for all these things by myself.
For added info, his dad and I make a similar modest income. Nothing crazy.
So, AITJ for not paying up?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. He can’t expect you to pay when he’s made it very clear that you are not his legal parent and removed him from your care.
I would consider having a talk with the stepson to let him know that you love him, and think of him as one of your own. But, things are changing between you and his dad and there will be other changes coming unfortunately as well.
He just needs to know that you love him and you are there for him still.” Special-Parsnip9057
Another User Comments:
“First – I feel for this kid. He finally got some stability and a loving parent with you, and his dad decided to play stupid games with him in your divorce.
But the thing is – playing stupid games wins you stupid prizes. NTJ. Don’t pay for things as he’s made it clear you have no legal rights to this child. If he had been a little less rigid and petty about it, I might have voted differently seeing as the child is the only one suffering here.
Since you didn’t say your divorce was finalized, I’d speak with your attorney about adding language to try to make sure this kid is provided for.” Discount_Mithral
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Are you kidding? You can love him unconditionally and welcome him and even offer to help him directly on occasion down the road if you can afford it.
But right now your household income was cut in half and you apparently have physical custody of 2 children that are your legal and moral responsibility. You can tell him directly that your bond with him hasn’t changed – and show up/send gifts for events and bdays and offer love and a listening ear/hug/emotional support anytime, but the financial responsibility is his dad’s alone.” Antelope_31
11. AITJ For Refusing To Drive My Daughter Anywhere Except School And Work?
“To put this simply I have a daughter (19) in college. She works a part-time job and helps out a small amount with the bills (about $100) every two weeks. The issue is she doesn’t have a license. This means I have to drive her around since our town doesn’t really have much public transportation.
She has her permit and I have tried to get her to learn to drive but she won’t drive. I’ve only gotten her behind the wheel of a car once. We only made it 10 minutes, after which she was honked at by another car after going into the other lane slightly.
She then pulled over and just cried. I had to drive us home that day.
Until now I’ve driven her wherever she wants to go. I’m tired of it. I’d rather spend my weekends after a hard week of work at home relaxing, not driving her to 5 different places.
So a few days ago I told her I’m no longer driving her around. I’ll still drive her to school and work of course but other than that I’m done and if she wants to go other places to let me know and we can start teaching her to drive again.
I expected her to get upset but she didn’t. She just went quiet and went to her room. She hasn’t said a word to me since either.
This has me thinking I may have been too harsh on her and shouldn’t have done this. At the same time though, I feel like this is the only way that will get her to learn to drive.
Am I the jerk for this?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. You’ve been extremely accommodating so far. The fact that you are still willing to take her to work and school is still very accommodating. At some point, she needs to get back on the horse, and the sooner the better.
She may not recognize it now but this will ultimately help her more than you. Proceed!” ___coolcoolcool
Another User Comments:
“NTJ for not wanting to be her personal chauffeur for eternity. However, if she is crying just because someone honked at her, maybe she should not be driving yet.
I know we all would hate for her to panic and come to harm or harm someone else. If she can’t drive safely, it’s good she recognizes that. As an adult though, that’s the beginning, not the end. If she is too anxious what will she do to help herself?
Therapy? Practicing with a driving instruction company who is trained to assume control of the vehicle if necessary? Carpooling with friends to reduce the number of rides she requests from you? Finding a different job near enough to walk/bike? Not everyone should drive. However, if there’s a problem she needs to evaluate it, attempt to resolve it, and come up with alternatives.
Good luck.” latents
Another User Comments:
“It sounds like she’s afraid, so I wouldn’t leave this up to her. Flip the tables and ask her to drive you around to different places. Give her praise when she completes the drives safely. Use the POP approach: Positive -> Opportunity -> Positive.
Example: “Thanks for driving me to the store – you did really well out there. Your braking was gentle and your turns were smooth. One thing to keep in mind is to use your blinker when you’re changing lanes, but that takes practice and I know you’ll get better at it.
After we’re done here, can you drive me back, too? I trust you.” You’ll know the particular wording to use when the situation comes up but usually, once a driver starts feeling secure and begins getting into good habits, it’s easier for them to focus on the stuff that needs improvement.
NTJ.” HolyGonzo
10. AITJ For Refusing To Follow My Family's Unhealthy Weight Loss Methods?
“I (F20) and my mom (F50) are both overweight.
Both of us are obese and on a journey to lose weight. My mom has a long history of losing weight and then gaining it all back. She was at one point 110lbs and still actively trying to lose weight, so I think it’s fair to say she doesn’t have the best relationship with food and dieting.
My brother (M23) has lost 35lbs in 2 years by eating a pizza a day and doing workouts at home for 4 to 5 hours. I wish I was joking but I’m being serious. He won’t eat breakfast or lunch, not even any snacks throughout the day.
He’s living off of Coca-Cola and a single pizza. Every day. (Though recently he’s been having 1000 calories worth of Kinder chocolate for “dinner” and a whole carton of chocolate milk. Nothing else.) I’m no expert, but his way of eating and losing weight is not how I want to do it, but my mom thinks his way of losing weight is the right way because “it works”.
I have to eat 2200 calories in order to stay the weight I am. I want to make sure I stay under 2000 calories. I usually eat 1600 to 1800 calories and it’s been helping me lose weight slowly. Most of my calories come from breakfast and dinner.
I have 3 snacks a day and a small lunch. My snacks are almost always fruits, unless I’m eating baby carrots. I work out 1 hour a day and I make sure I eat enough protein. It’s working for me, I feel good and I feel like I’m doing alright.
My mom and brother don’t agree.
Since my mom is trying to lose weight as well, she asked me if I wanted to do it together. I said sure because I want both my mom and I to succeed. She’s always open to hearing advice when it comes to losing weight.
I help her count her calories and with portion sizes. When she bought chips, I told her it should be fine if it’s not the whole bag and if she eats in moderation. She’s not good with temptation but still wanted to have some chips on the weekend, so, I offered to hide the bag of chips in my room during the week so she won’t see it.
I know I can resist them. She refused and ended up eating the whole bag anyway.
Today, she ordered a bunch of fast food and when I saw what she ordered she said “I know it’s bad but it’s fine, I’ll just starve myself tomorrow”.
I told her that I didn’t like her saying she would starve herself and she got mad at me because she was “just joking”. She then went on a rant about how she needs to eat 1000 calories to lose weight and how me eating 1800 calories is way too much.
I told her that I was willing to work out with her but when it comes to diet, she’s on her own. I refuse to starve myself. She genuinely believes I’m overeating even though I’ve been losing weight steadily for the past month.
She gets upset with me any time I try to talk her out of making bad decisions, which I only do because I know how much she hates being overweight. But now I’m a jerk according to my mom and brother.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Congratulations! It sounds like you actually did some research into healthy and effective ways to improve your health. You have a solid plan to change your lifestyle and you’re executing on it. Take some pictures now so you can brag on one of those “glow up” posts later.” nednobbins
Another User Comments:
“NTJ I wouldn’t discuss weight loss with her anymore. Your mom and brother both have an unhealthy relationship with food. You need to keep this separate from both of them. This could turn toxic. Do what’s working for you and stay away from their opinions.
Slow and steady.” Prudent_Border5060
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Your way of reducing the calories plus working out works long-term. It takes longer, but you eat enough to feel satisfied and not starving. Your way, two bigger meals, one small meal, and several snacks, will keep the blood sugar level more evenly, so less hunger attacks.
All of you might reach your personal weight goal, but your method has the most chance to keep your weight after stopping actively dieting.” Wild_Set4223
9. AITJ For Trying To Evict My Stepdad From My Holiday Cottage?
“I come from a very well-off family with my parents’ families being very wealthy. My parents split up when I was eight, Dad died from an illness related to his drinking habits when I was 10 and my mum remarried when I was 12, then died four years later in a road accident.
I then lived between my grandparents’ houses and didn’t see my step-family very much at all. My stepdad didn’t really connect with me when mum was around and I had no relationship with his family. I have a step-brother who is 2 years younger than me.
When dad died I inherited all his money then on my mum’s death her trust fund came to me.
I did everything I could to make sure my stepbrother got his fair share but at 16 with belligerent grandparents who never approved of my mum’s second marriage, it took a lot to get them even to pay for his schooling and university.
Since we became adults, and my grandparents have departed, I have done as much as I can to help him.
He asked a few months ago if his dad could use my holiday cottage over the winter because he’s got money issues. I reluctantly agreed and said they could have it till the beginning of March as I had bookings for Easter and some work needed to be done.
We met last Sunday for lunch and he said that his dad still didn’t have anywhere to live and he had been asked to ask me if there was any way my stepdad could stay a little longer. I agreed on the basis he would be out in two weeks and that the builders could come in and fit the new kitchen.
Last week was a nightmare, my stepdad refused access to the builders, then when I went down to try to talk to him called the police on me for harassing him. Now he’s threatening to take me to court because I said I would start the process of evicting him.
AITJ for not supporting him more? Do I owe a duty to look after my mum’s husband?
PS My stepbrother is mortified with it all but refuses to speak to his dad about it.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ but you may have screwed yourself here.
You don’t owe anything to your stepdad, but it was generous of you to help him. Do you have anything in writing with him about the tenancy? Did you get a written agreement about letting the builders in? He may have tenancy rights here due to the amount of time you have already let him stay, and if you didn’t talk to him directly it’s possible your stepbrother didn’t even communicate your conditions to him.
If you don’t want to involve the law then you’ll need to talk to your stepbrother about getting his dad out of there, because it sounds like he is happy to have his dad living there for free.” neuro_curious
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. This is a classic case of no good deed going unpunished. That man is a squatter.
He’s established residency and now that he’s in possession, he’s not going to leave. You need to move to evict ASAP. Follow through on your threat of eviction by getting a lawyer and having him served. Do it NOW before things go too far and start saving your money because someone like that is likely to be spiteful and do a LOT of damage to the place.
Good luck to you, you are going to need it.” Swimming-Fix-2637
Another User Comments:
“Hey, I’ve been in a very similar situation with extended family feeling entitled to my money. The sad truth is, the more you help them, the more they feel entitled to your money, and the more they hate you.
No amount of kindness will ever make someone respect you when they don’t respect you to start with. Your only way out of this is to go no contact with anyone who tells you you’re doing the wrong thing by evicting this leech. Get lawyers and the police involved to kick his butt out.
And forget these people ever existed. If you keep communication open with them all they’re going to do is harass you until you eventually realize you need to cut them out. I spent 10 years and $300,000 trying to help and protect people who hated me. All I learned in that time is that I should have cut them off at the first sign of trouble.
My life would have been much better throughout my twenties and early thirties. I was paying 3 mortgages and when I said no to paying for private elementary school and vacations, they filed false police reports on me and sent me death threats. The more I helped, the more they hated me.
Help is for people who love and respect you. NTJ.” SpaceJesusIsHere
8. AITJ For Not Letting My Daughter Alter My Wedding Dress For Her Wedding?
“My (F45) daughter (F20) is getting married in a few months. She came to ask me about borrowing my wedding dress and I said absolutely no since it is my dress and I love it very much.
What makes me probably the jerk is that it is something many women have done and apparently, it is a beautiful tradition and mothers are often happy to do it. It is even an honor to the woman.
But for me, I just can’t.
I love this dress. I was the one who designed it and my mother, who was an excellent seamstress made it for me, looking at my wardrobe, this is the last piece I have that she made.
My daughter wouldn’t just borrow it either.
She is much bigger than me and she just wants to use the fabric and alter it, irreversibly because she’s a size 14 and the dress is a 4.
Now she is angry telling everyone that I am a cold-hearted hag who hates her. My sister thinks a dress isn’t worth making a bride sad.
I don’t know. I love my daughter to the moon and back but I don’t understand why she shouldn’t hear a no just because she’s getting married.
Even if she was the right size and wouldn’t alter the dress, isn’t it odd not to respect other people’s property no matter if that is your mother?
Since when did mothers stop being their own individuals and only became caterers for their children?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Your daughter sounds very young and unkind if she’s calling you names. She would remake your dress in a permanent way to fit her.
It holds precious memories for you the way it is. You should preserve it and she is in the wrong to complain. If she were able to wear it without altering it, maybe but it’s still your call, entirely. She sounds like she might benefit from waiting to marry until she is more mature.” Euphoric_Travel2541
Another User Comments:
“I tried on my mother’s wedding dress at 12 and it was already a little bit short and very firm in the waist (though loose as a goose on my then non-existent bust and hips!). So there was no way I could have worn her dress, even if it hadn’t gotten mildewed. She had also kept her veil and the headpiece attached to it.
If I had married, I had always liked the idea of using her veil somehow. Would something like that appease your daughter? Then you can keep your precious dress (tell her you’re going to be buried in it, which is ALSO a tradition) and also let her have something that allows for the tradition of sharing to work.
NTJ.” Thatstealthygal
Another User Comments:
“NTJ (but it would have been no jerks here if daughter didn’t go chugging off in the drama train). The dress obviously means a lot to OP and they have legitimate cause for concerns about lending it. Info: Going to be honest, I have absolutely no clue about clothing design and women’s sizing.
Is it even possible to make the alterations daughter envisioned? Wouldn’t it be easier to use OP’s rough design and start from scratch?” ABeerAndABook
7. AITJ For Confronting My Well-Off Friends About Lying To Use A Food Bank?
“I went to go visit a group of friends recently who all share an apartment. During my trip, I tagged along with them to pick up some food from a local food bank.
I found this odd only because I know for a fact that they aren’t struggling financially. They’ve all graduated from college, are currently in graduate school, and each individually makes over $45,000 per year with one of them making as much as $65,000 per year.
Combined, their total household income exceeds $200,000 for 4 people which is something they’ve explicitly told me. One of them recently just bought a brand-new car that was about $50,000. My point is, they’re not struggling to put food on their table.
During our drive to the food bank, one of them made a joke about how the volunteers at the food bank would see the brand-new car and refuse to give them any food donations.
I responded to this by saying that the food bank would be justified in doing that since there are many people who could benefit from the food they’re giving away. One of my friends responded to me by saying “the food bank has a ton of excess food that would go to waste anyway.” I told her she was rationalizing her choices.
She snapped at me and said “just shut up because you’re trying to imply that we’re taking food away from other people when you have no idea what you’re talking about.” I told her “I’m not implying it, I’m saying exactly that” and that was the end of the conversation.
I should also mention two other details. First, this specific food bank isn’t open to everyone. It has specific income requirements and my friends lied about their income on the registration forms. Second, once we got back to their place, they ended up throwing away about a third of the food they were given because they either didn’t want it or because it wasn’t the best quality (it was still edible, just not in great condition).”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. You are not at fault for calling out your friends on their behavior at the food bank. It is truly despicable that they abuse resources meant for those in genuine need, considering their six-figure incomes and dishonesty about their financial situation.
Their arrogant attitude and wasteful behavior make them look like entitled jerks who lack basic empathy and common decency. Don’t feel guilty about holding them accountable for their selfish actions – they indeed deserve to be called out for their disgraceful behavior. Plus, if they did provide a false income statement to get food, that is called stealing and could, rightfully, get them into legal trouble.
Feel free to report them, as they deserve it.” Marigold1245
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. If they lied on their forms to get food from the food bank, that’s known as fraud and is a felony offense. They are quite literally taking food from other people who need it more.
Why anyone would do this is completely beyond me, because as someone who WAS dirt floor poor and had to rely on food bank food, that food is nasty. But, when it’s all you get, you make do. So people taking that nasty food just to throw it away?
That’s evil. They should ABSOLUTELY be reported for what they’re doing. Every scrap of food they get means there’s a person, and quite probably a child, out there somewhere going hungry because of them. For me, that’s 100% unacceptable behavior.” robdingo36
Another User Comments:
“NTJ – I knew a group of people who did a similar thing.
I had statistics, and newspaper articles, on the topic. I had worked in food security. I tried education. They knew the days when the food bank would get fresh veggies and meat. It was a game to them. So I printed out a group photo and explained the situation to the staff.
They got banned.” ZaelDaemon
6. AITJ For Keeping A Caricature That My Partner Finds Unflattering?
“A couple weekends ago my partner and I decided to take a walk by the beach and grab some ice cream.
We spotted an artist doing cartoonistic drawings of people/couples and figured we’d get one of ourselves. The couple before us got a relatively cute-looking (a bit boring in my opinion) cartoon of the two of them but I knew that with these guys the only guarantee is that the outcome is unpredictable.
So yeah, my guy starts drawing us while we just kept talking and eating our ice creams. He eventually finishes and shows us the drawing and it looks amazing! I so wish I could upload it so you could see what I’m talking about but that would obviously be a bad move seeing how she feels about it.
I’ve got big ears so in the cartoon I’m like a hybrid human dumbo and my partner looks more realistic (like herself) but her nose has been egregiously exaggerated. She has a slightly bigger nose than normal but it’s only noticeable when it’s pointed out/actively compared with others.
Anyway, I figured she hated it when she was silent during the reveal and then walked off. I paid the man for his work, took the art then went after my partner. She explained in the car that he basically reignited her insecurity over her nose and didn’t want to see.
Alright cool, understood but I already paid for it so I just kept it in my cubicle at work. Long story short, she saw that the art was in my cubicle and we got in a tiff about that because I apparently shouldn’t have kept it after she told me how it made her feel.
I said she was being ridiculous since it’s in my cubicle and couldn’t just throw it away. AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“The issue isn’t keeping the caricature, the issue is putting it on display, especially in a place where she can see it. YTJ, but this is probably fixable.
Tell her why you love the picture (so she understands that it isn’t about making fun of her), but that you understand that she doesn’t feel the same way. Acknowledge that you were wrong to call her legitimate feelings ridiculous and reassure her that you will not show it to others and she will not have to see it again.
Instead, since it brings you joy, you will keep it in a private place.” DinaFelice
Another User Comments:
“Ehhh… You’re not a jerk for wanting to keep a drawing despite your partner not liking it. However… “I said she was being ridiculous since it’s in my cubicle and couldn’t just throw it away.” This makes you a jerk.
Whenever someone starts calling a person things like “silly” or “ridiculous” for the way they feel about something, they really go jogging into jerk territory. Especially if you’re well aware she’s self-conscious about her nose. You could have told her so many things about why you wanted to keep the drawing.
You liked it as a reminder of your nice day… It’s a nice little memento of her in your cubical… So on. But no… you went “I paid for it” and “You’re being ridiculous.” There were so many ways you could have handled this and there is no recount here of you making any effort whatsoever to actually make her feel better.
You’re just making her feel worse by invalidating her feelings. While it’s unrealistic to expect a person to live their life around another’s insecurity, you really could have done better. Gotta go YTJ for how you handled this.” consolelog_a11y
Another User Comments:
“YTJ.
You can’t just dismiss someone’s feelings because you disagree. While it may be ‘your’ artwork because you paid for it, it’s causing harm to your partner. At the end of the day, it’s a piece of work that makes fun of something she’s insecure about, whether that was the intention or not.
You decided to keep it and hang it up?? Even though it actively puts her down? Be so for real. Regardless of intention, if she says something is hurtful, you should listen. Or just tell her you don’t care about her enough to listen to her (because that’s pretty much what you’re doing already).
If she purposely took an unflattering photo of you and hung it up where all of her coworkers can see it, you wouldn’t really appreciate that. Especially when I’m sure you all have other, better photos to showcase of one another.” OnceUponAShlug
5. AITJ For Not Wanting To Manage My Roommate's Period?
“I (29m) live in a house with two guys and a girl. The girl (22f) and one of the guys (30m) are in a relationship.
I moved in the same week as her. I have a Great Pyrenees who is well-trained, except for the fact that he goes through the trash when nobody is home. I paid to buy a door that we installed in the kitchen, and now the last person to leave the house just has to close the door.
Fortunately, my dog has no interest in the bathroom garbage, or so we thought. A few weeks into living together, I came home one day and there were torn-up used tampons spread all over the bathroom floor. The girl was at work, so I told her partner and we both agreed that the dog had probably gone through the trash.
He cleaned it up and said he’d ask her to do a better job of wrapping them in toilet paper before she threw them away or something. The next day, it happened again.
When everybody was home, the girl called everybody into the living room and asked if we could make it the default to just keep the bathroom door closed so that this didn’t happen.
The other guys agreed but I told her that it was unfair of us to have to manage her period for her. She told me that my dog was the one making the mess but I told her that if it wasn’t for her leaving her blood in the trash my dog wouldn’t be interested in it at all.
She said that us having to close the bathroom door wasn’t any more of a burden than closing the kitchen door, but I told her that that’s different because all of us throw food in the kitchen garbage but she was the only one throwing blood in the bathroom garbage.
One time I woke up to a mess and when I told her to clean it up, she said it wasn’t even hers because she wasn’t on her period. It turned out that my partner was on hers and it was her tampon so I cleaned it up myself.
I’m not sexist, I’ll clean things up when they’re my responsibility but I don’t think it’s fair for me to be inconvenienced by a girl I’m not even in a relationship with.
Since the meeting, this has become less frequent of an issue, because she and the guys close the bathroom door, but I still forget a lot of the time.
If she sees the door open, she closes it but gets really huffy about it. It still happens occasionally, and when it does, she cleans it up, but she works and doesn’t get home till late. Yesterday was another incident of me coming home to a dirty bathroom (I work pm and come home in the am).
She was still sleeping so I went and blew up on her. I probably shouldn’t have yelled but I stand by my right to not be exposed to her bio-matter. Last night the other roommate and I could hear her crying and telling her partner she wanted to move because she hates living with me.
I thought she was being dramatic, but our other roommate told me I’m being a jerk and that it’s not that hard to just keep a door closed. I just seriously don’t think it’s my fault to manage some random girl’s period for her. AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“YTJ why should anyone manage your dog? None of them are in a relationship with you. You are the only one with a dog. If you didn’t have a dog, then no one would have to close the kitchen or bathroom door.
You seem to think the kitchen door is everyone’s responsibility because they all use the kitchen. But the reality is that it is YOUR RESPONSIBILITY AS IT’S YOUR DOG MAKING THE MESS AND BEING THE ISSUE. You and you alone should be cleaning up after YOUR DOG every time it gets into things and makes a mess.
You’re so freaking entitled to make YOUR animal everyone’s burden. YOU should move out and live alone or with other people with animals. And yeah, you are a gross, sexist, jerk too.” similar_name4489
Another User Comments:
“YTJ. Dog trainer/behaviorist here. Put the dog in a kennel if they cannot be properly supervised. She is putting trash in a trash can.
Like she is supposed to. The dog is eating out of the trash can like it’s NOT supposed to. YOU’RE the one forgetting to close the door. YOU’RE the one that OWNS the dog. YOU are the ONLY ONE causing issues in the home. Guess WHO IS AT FAULT?” Exotic-Army4006
Another User Comments:
“YTJ and yes, sexist – or at least extremely childish and immature about periods. It’s not the fault of the woman who has periods, it’s the fault of the dog owner who sucks at training his dog. 100% of the time your dog gets into the trash it is your job to clean it up.
Closing the bathroom door is the best response for a household wherein the dog owner is so delusional he can’t see how his dog’s behavior is his own darned responsibility.” Kitastrophe8503
4. AITJ For Letting My Daughter Walk From The Bus Stop To Meet Me?
“I (F27) have two children (ages 7&2) with my fiance (M31) and we live together at the end of a long-ish dead-end street, roughly 500 meters.
My fiance works full-time, I work part-time, and am home with the kids most of the time.
Our oldest goes to a nearby school and occasionally takes the bus home, but most often has a ride. The only stop available is all the way at the end of the street at a house on the corner with absolutely no shelter from the elements.
I suffer from light sensitivity, and the Canadian snow/wind can be fierce in the winter, so I prefer not to walk all the way to the end of the street. Instead, we wait in a sheltered area where I can see the bus stop, and let my 7-year-old walk to us, in my direct line of sight the entire time.
The driver wouldn’t let her go if I wasn’t there.
Occasionally I am late leaving home, but I am still always in time to see the bus arrive.
Another child gets off the bus at the same stop but lives in the other direction, and this child’s mother has taken it upon herself to keep my daughter at the bus stop without looking to see me, thus, making me walk to the end.
I thought she was doing this in a misguided attempt to be nice, so I’ve always been polite and thanked her for standing with my daughter.
No one ever looks to see whether I’m there or not, but I’m always there. ALWAYS. Again, even if I’m late, the street is straight, and I can see the bus leave, the driver can’t let her go without seeing me.
Today I watched my daughter get off the bus and go out of my line of sight to stand with them, I was frustrated and out of breath by the time I got to the stop. I still said thank you, even though I wasn’t feeling very thankful, but I really thought she was trying to be nice.
Until she asked me if I needed a babysitter, and without waiting for an answer, told me that I’m late every single day and that I need to watch after my child. I asked her what she was talking about and said I was standing up the street waiting for my daughter, who was just fine to walk a short distance to meet me.
She didn’t listen to a word I said and continued shouting her senseless judgments at me, and I sort of snapped and shouted “who asked you to keep my daughter here, I was right there waiting for her. You had no right. Who. Asked. You”.
So I’m curious if I’m really wrong for allowing my child to walk a short distance to meet me on a pretty quiet, dead-end street, where I can see her the entire time? Or is it really just normal to stand out of a parent’s line of sight with their child and prevent them from doing what the parent has decided is okay for them?”
Another User Comments:
“No jerks here – I mean if the school is ok with it (driver can leave your kid without you there) and your kid is ok with it (they feel safe) then you are fine. However, you can’t blame the other mom because for all she knew, you WERE late every day and it did inconvenience her, because, from her viewpoint, all she could see was you coming down the road, late.
And you NEVER told her, ‘it’s fine, Daughter is ok to walk home on his own’. You just keep coming late and thanking her for staying with her. What is she supposed to think? Don’t be afraid to communicate with other parents who are probably just trying to help you out.” Canadian_01
Another User Comments:
“She had no idea you were there. On one of the previous occasions, you should have told her you were there. You should have told her what you told us; that the bus driver cannot let her off of the bus without seeing you.
All of this could have been avoided so easily. YTJ, this woman may have been irritating but she was trying to keep your daughter safe, and you didn’t provide her the information she needed to understand the situation.” Miserable_Dentist_70
Another User Comments:
“YTJ. Hi there, I’m a bus driver.
I’m not sure if it’s the same where you live, but in California where I live, we are legally responsible for your child until they are out of our sight. If the child is required to be met by a parent at the stop, the parent needs to meet them AT THE STOP.
Not down the street. This became a law because of an incident a few years ago, where a parent was waiting on the other side of the street and their small child bolted into oncoming traffic to meet them. The child was hit by a car and killed. So, the fact you are refusing to wait at the bus stop, and are trying to make the driver violate the law, makes you the jerk.
This is a law for your child’s safety. In addition, you saying “who asked you to keep my daughter here”. Uhh the law. And you, when you signed the form at the beginning of the school year authorizing them to transport your kid. Anyway, please be at the bus stop on time to get your child.
This post was quite painful to read.” pumpkinsnice
3. AITJ For Skipping Family Dinners At My Sister's House Because Of Her Dog?
“My wife and I don’t care for dogs at all. My sister has a Husky, it’s well-behaved I guess. Ever since my sister bought her house she has been a part of the Sunday dinner rotation in my family.
We’ve started skipping the Sunday dinners at her house. Initially, we didn’t give a reason and usually went to my wife’s family that day. But my sister has noticed that every time it is at her house, we skip.
To be frank, we just don’t want to be around the dog.
It sheds a lot, we’ve asked her to put it in another room. She said no citing it’s her dog’s house too and it’s family. I just dropped it after the initial ask. I would just tell her that we were going to my in-laws.
Recently after a recent no, she pressed as to why. I told her why…It’s her dog. She didn’t take it well and called me a jerk. Said I was a bad family member. I told her I’m not going to choose to be around dogs.
I’ve got better things to do. Now I’m hearing it from the rest of my family that I’m a jerk. She wants me to respect her dog, which is a bonkers perspective. AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. You’re allowed to not like dogs, and you’re allowed to condition your family visits around that.
Your family is also allowed to not like your decision and to be hurt/disappointed/upset that you won’t visit them because of your personal preferences. Calling you names over it was over the line, though. Is there a reason behind your dislike of dogs?
Trauma? Allergies?” 7hr0wn
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. I love dogs. I love cats. I love iguanas. However, I understand some people don’t. You asked her to put the dog in another room. She refused, which is her right as it is her house. You didn’t give her any ultimatums. You tried to be diplomatic about not going to her house, but she insisted on an answer and you were truthful.
I’m assuming you were nice in how you told her. If you were nasty about it, then you’d be the jerk. You don’t have to respect her dog, but you do need to respect her. I think you did that. In turn, she needs to respect you and your decision.” LavishnessThat232
Another User Comments:
“Avoiding all dinners seems a bit much to be frank. It sounds either petty, self-absorbed, or obsessive in a way. Do you both have a good relationship in general??? If not, okay sure… but if you do… Why? I mean, you are allowed to not like dogs, and you are allowed to prefer being away from them.
But this is your family, is a dog such an annoyance to you that you prefer to avoid every single dinner at her home than spend time with her? A few hours 2 or 3 times a year doesn’t sound like a big sacrifice, and clearly she cares about this and it would make her happy.
I mean… When people invite others over it’s usually because they feel happy sharing something with you and they care about you. They want to treat you to a good meal and a good time, and probably share what they like with you. Right now you are basically telling her your personal preferences, which are not based on measurable discomfort, is more important than her.
Of course she will be hurt by this. I don’t think there are any jerks here, like I said, you can dislike dogs. But unless you have a bad relationship with her, I don’t understand why this would be the hill you decide to die on.” VegetableNinie
2. AITJ For Insisting Our Date Night Stay Exclusive Despite Unexpected Friends Showing Up?
“My partner and I have been together for just under 3 years now. We had a table booked at a restaurant we both like and then a couple of cocktail bars booked. The night was going really well, we’d had the meal and were at the first cocktail bar.
A group of my partner’s friends enter the bar, they’re already quite intoxicated and they come over and offer us a drink. My partner looks at me but I politely decline.
They ask again and say it’s only a drink and I just repeat what I had already said.
I mention it’s supposed to be a date with just the two of us. My partner says it can’t hurt to have one drink with them but I remind her it’s supposed to be a date night for us.
She just says she doesn’t see the problem with 1 drink but I point out the likelihood is they wouldn’t leave after one and that the night was supposed to be just the two of us.
I suggest leaving after the current drink and going to the next bar but my partner says she just wants to go home.
We leave together and she accused me of ruining the date but I disagree and point out it was supposed to be our date, not a catch-up with friends.
She just repeated that I was wrong for not agreeing to just have one drink with them but I just said I didn’t really just want to sit there while my partner catches up with friends during our date.
AITJ for not wanting my partner’s friends to join us when we’re on a date?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. With the correct terminology, we call this a ‘lose-lose situation’ for you. Either you decline drinking with her friends and she is mad because you said no to drinking with her friends or you accept drinking with her friends which will 100% result in more than one drink, maybe spending the whole night with her friends which is totally not the idea of a date.
Hopefully, your partner is mature enough to understand that if her friends stayed, they would stay for longer than one drink and hopefully you can think clearly enough to understand that if your partner thinks it’s okay for her friends to crash your date and drinking with them is more important than spending time with you, then maybe she is not the right person, but this is just my opinion.
Good luck!” HEROBIXN
Another User Comments:
“Everyone’s a jerk here. Although like another person said, it was a lose-lose situation for you. I get what you’re saying. It’s supposed to be a date, just the two of you. But plans can change suddenly and unexpectedly.
Having one drink with her friends allows her to catch up with them, and gives you the option on what to do. You could socialize with them, use it as a chance to go take a break or just catch a breath of fresh air.
A chance to take 5 to 10 to yourself. Then you make the push that it’s a date night and you’re gonna head to the next bar and maybe you’ll see them again. Partner is happy since she got to catch up with her friends and enjoy the rest of date night.
Minor inconvenience for you as long as it stays at one drink to catch up.” tc110407
Another User Comments:
“YTJ. While I get that there was an agreement made beforehand, she didn’t invite them there, it was a coincidence, and now you made it kinda weird for her with her friends.
Especially since you were about to leave in the near future anyway and could have “allowed” your partner 5-10 minutes for that. I would have felt really weird for telling anyone I care about, whether a partner, a friend, or a family member that I require them to solely pay attention to me, no matter what’s happening around us.” FlatConclusion8847
1. AITJ For Letting My 14-Year-Old Daughter Get A Nose Piercing Despite My Husband's Disapproval?
“For context to get this done where I’m from the age of consent without parental permission is 14 for ears and most facial piercings (eyebrow, nose, ears, etc…) Oral piercings is 16 and the rest is 18.
Last Sat I (41f) had an appointment to get my helix done and my oldest (14f) had one to get both her nose and helix done.
The piercer, who we love to death because she’s amazing, suggested that my oldest get one or the other and my oldest decided on her nose. So we get that done and come back home. Husband/dad (50m) didn’t notice until Sunday that she had her nose pierced. Suffice it to say he’s not happy about it.
Background, he has voiced his opinion that facial piercings are stupid and look terrible on numerous occasions. The oldest did ask what he thought and he told her that he wished she wouldn’t get it done but nothing else. I’m of the mind your body your choice.
It’s not my thing, but if it’s what you want then ok, but I won’t pay for it.
My thoughts on the whole thing are she’s 14 and doesn’t need our permission to get it done just the money. She had the money and could have just as easily walked into any parlor and gotten it done by someone we’re unfamiliar with.
I would rather take her to someone trusted. He didn’t say no she wasn’t allowed, just that he wished she wouldn’t do it. But it’s ultimately her choice.
Since husband has noticed he’s iced us out. He refuses to speak to anyone in the house including our younger two.
He has gone so far as to sit in his vehicle when he gets home from work until he knows for sure that all of us are off the main level of our home. He won’t enter any room we’re in at all.
So AITJ for taking her to get it done?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. I have a handful of piercings and it’s way better to have your daughter go to a reputable place with you than have her sneaking around and having some random “friend of a friend” with a needle do it. Plus it’s not like it’s a tattoo — if she decides to take it out it’ll likely eventually close up and just leave a little scar.
Your husband’s reaction is way immature and over the top, especially in light of your comments about how you’re the one taking responsibility for raising your kids until he decides he’s unhappy with a decision you make. That’s not how parenting works, dad, get with the program.” Koala-Impossible
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Piercings aren’t a big deal, and if your kid ever wants to get rid of it, she can just take it out and it will close up, the end. Your husband sounds extremely controlling and is now punishing all of you for not obeying him.
Do you have kids who are boys? And if so, does he treat them the same way he treats your daughter?” Pemwin
Another User Comments:
“YTJ I might be influenced by the fact that over here, no serious studio would pierce anyone under 16 (with or without parental consent).
Don’t think I’d want my 14 yo getting a helix either. She’s a kid, and that piercing will probably give her a scar for life, should she ever want it removed. You didn’t discuss it with him beforehand either.” tric82
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