People Ask Us To Delicately Examine Their "Am I The Jerk" Stories

It is not always easy to be kind all the time. Everybody has had such times when they lose all patience and forget that everyone is experiencing something they are not aware of. Because of this, we might treat someone cruelly without even recognizing it. These people below are unaware of whether or not what they did in the past was jerkish. They want our judgment on them. Please share your opinions with us after reading their stories. AITJ = Am I the jerk? NTJ = Not the jerk WIBTJ = Would I be the jerk? YTJ = You're the jerk

36. AITJ For Starting Our Wedding Ceremony On Time?

“My parents are late for everything.

They were late for everything while I grew up and they refuse to care about being late. They do not care how disrespectful it is to everyone else.

My older siblings have adjusted to this by planning all kinds of slack into their schedules. Our parents showed up late to both of their weddings but that had been accounted for so they were able to participate in the weddings as planned. The same goes for family get-togethers that are hosted by anyone other than my parents.

My siblings plan for them to be late.

I went the other way. When my parents were late for my high school graduation I told them that I would NEVER wait for them for any event that I had power over. And I have held to that.

When my wife and I hosted our first Thanksgiving after we bought our home we started eating on time. My parents showed up late after visiting with other family and were surprised to see us all lying around in tryptophan comas.

My wife and I got married last weekend and the ceremony went perfectly.

Other than my mother not being involved in the candle-lighting. My older sister was my backup.

My parents showed up 3/4 of the way through the ceremony and ended up sitting at the back of the church. They kept everything in during the receiving line and the formals.

But they let me have it afterward and before the reception. They were very disappointed that they did not get to participate in the ceremony and that they missed so much of it. I was ready for this. I had one of my friends waiting and he took their pictures when they were entering the church and sitting down at the back.

He sent me the pictures as a text and as an email.

I asked my parents to show me their invitations. They did not have it with them so I pulled out the one I had ready for this. I showed them the time on the invitation.

I asked them what time they showed up. They said that they were only five minutes late and that I was a jerk for not waiting.

I pulled up my text messages and my email. both provided a time stamp of when they showed up 35 minutes late.

They said that if I knew they were going to be late I should have planned for it like my siblings. I told them that I had not put up with their nonsense since I graduated from high school and why they thought I would start now almost 15 years later?

I told them that my siblings could coddle them all they wanted but to enjoy their time with me they had better learn to be punctual.

They said I was disrespectful and if I did not like their behavior that was entirely my problem. I agreed and said I would be handling all my time with them the exact same way.”

1 points - Liked by LizzieTX

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DeniseSB 3 months ago
There are many legitimate reasons a person can be late because of unforeseen circumstances (e.g., a horrendous traffic jam, sudden illness, a loved one's emergency) as a singular event. Regularly showing up late to important events is proof of either a neurological difference that prevents someone from tracking time accurately OR an immaturity that demands other people given them special consideration just to prove their specialness. The former figure out coping mechanisms (e.g., setting alarms as reminders for each step of preparation or asking a friend/family member to keep them on track) and are apologetic when their coping mechanisms are enough. Then there are narcissists like your parents who endlessly demand to be indulged. I've no doubt that they think you've behaved badly because you've decided you care more about insisting on reasonable boundaries and a minimal amount of respect from your parents instead of continuing to enable their bad behavior. Good for you! NTJ
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35. AITJ For Blaming My Sister For How Her Family Turned Out?

“My sister ‘Lucy’ (38) has always wanted a big family. She and her husband ‘Tom’ (40), had their son ‘Logan’ (now 9), but due to complications Lucy couldn’t have more kids. Lucy was devastated. About three years ago, she and Tom decided to adopt. Tom never outright said he didn’t want to go through with it, but it was clear to see he didn’t care one way or the other and just wanted Lucy happy.

Logan said he didn’t want a sibling. Lucy brushed over all these concerns with the ‘they’ll get on board eventually’ attitude.

Long story short, they were eventually matched with a boy, ‘Jack’, who is now 11. Lucy said they all bonded, but Jack had behavioral issues and whenever I saw them, I picked up on the fact that over time Tom seemed to be getting less and less keen, and many times when it was just adults he commented on his worry that Jack had latent issues because of his traumatic past. Lucy adored Jack and rubbished these concerns.

I brought up Tom’s hesitation but Lucy said it was just taking longer for him to bond.

They officially adopted Jack about a year ago, and since then things have fallen apart. Jack’s behavior has either got a lot worse or Lucy wasn’t speaking about it as much before, but it’s clear Tom is at his wit’s end.

According to Lucy, he works late constantly and whenever Jack has a tantrum he helps Lucy calm him down, and then takes Logan and leaves the house. Logan now hates Jack and won’t play with him which causes more issues, and he’s started to act out.

He spent his last school holiday with my family and is set to spend Christmas with us again because even the family therapist says it’s good for him to have some space.

Having seen this all unfold has been heartbreaking. Tom and Logan look more miserable every time I see them and though Lucy would never admit it, she does too.

Whenever I speak to her she talks about how hard it is but always has Tom and Logan at fault. She has never taken any accountability for the fact that she didn’t listen to anyone’s concerns.

She called me a couple of days ago to discuss plans for Christmas and when Tom would be dropping Logan off at my home.

She again started ranting about how Tom has basically shut down at home with her and Jack and how she thinks he’s going to leave. She called him every name in the book and then started saying she was disappointed that Logan didn’t love Jack and she couldn’t believe she raised a bully.

I lost it. I told her the real bully was her, she bullied her family into adoption as a form of wish fulfillment and Tom shouldn’t have indulged her but most of the blame falls on her for destroying her family. She screamed and cried and eventually called me evil and hung up.

My parents are now saying I was a jerk for telling her that even though we all think it, but I think she needed to hear it and stop blaming her own child for being unhappy living in the chaos she created.”

1 points - Liked by Eatonpenelope

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LizzieTX 2 months ago
NTJ, but good luck convincing your sister that she's the one at fault. As unfortunate as this situation is, it's not yours to fix. Tom should have been honest with Lucy at the get and not allowed Jack's adoption to go through, so he bears some responsibility as well. But you weren't out of line for saying what everyone in the family is thinking. What an absolute $h!t storm of a situation. Heart is breaking for all concerned, even Lucy. Best of luck to them.
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34. AITJ For Refusing To See My Mom Again?

“My (25 F) dad died when I was 7. My mom remarried when I was 9 and had Jill (15 F) and Janet (13 F) with her new husband afterward. I have never liked her husband as he seemed dead set on replacing my dad and ‘winning me over’ in the most obvious and obnoxious ways possible.

I tolerated him as much as I could stand, but I have always refused to allow him to be called my dad or to act as if he is in any way and when I moved out I told him not to contact me unless something was wrong with mom.

I don’t feel anything towards Jill and Janet and avoid them. I don’t see them as siblings even if they are by blood. This upset my mom and her husband and I guess the kids, but there’s nothing they can do about it.

I can’t feel what I don’t feel and I won’t fake it.

Since I left home, I usually spend the holidays with my dad’s parents, visit my mom without the others, and go to the reunion on her side where there are enough people that I don’t have to deal with the others.

This arrangement was fine until last year when my mom asked me to stay with them. I declined. She asked me if it was because of her husband and the girls. I said yes, I feel like keeping my distance there is best. She told me if I was not going to be part of her family to not come at all anymore.

I said ok and still went to my grandparents and visited with members of the other side separately but didn’t see her or go to the big get-together. She lit my phone up like crazy trying to get me to change my mind. It was embarrassing.

This year she asked when I wanted to get together with her while I was there as if nothing happened. I told her I would respect her boundaries by not seeing her since I’m not willing to play happy family with her husband and kids and she set that as a condition.

She said that wasn’t what she meant and she wanted to see me. I told her she doesn’t get to retract the ultimatum once laid out. If she wants to see me, she can travel to me without the others any time of year, but I’m going to see my family for Christmas and if she doesn’t want to be included in that she doesn’t have to be.

Anyway, got a LONG screed from her husband essentially calling me a jerk. Jill apparently stalked my social media and tried trolling me but I deleted her comments and blocked her without responding. I explained the situation to my grandparents on that side and they say that my mom’s husband gave her an ultimatum about me so she’s in a difficult place and doesn’t know how to fix it.

They suggested that they, my mom, and I have lunch to talk it out, but finding out that her husband was behind last year’s issue makes me not want to deal with it even more.”

1 points - Liked by Eatonpenelope

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MadameZ 3 months ago
I wonder if your mother is actually seeing her husband's true colours and that is why she is reaching out to you. He sounds like a controlling, manipulative bully so, if you think you would like to check on her wellbeing, agree to meet her in a public place but make it clear that you will walk out if he arrives - and that the meeting will be cancelled if he makes any attempt to contact you himself.
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33. AITJ For Donating My Hair To A Foundation?

“I (29 f) have been growing my hair out since before 2020 and managed to grow it out to halfway down my butt. I’ve never dyed my hair and I rarely style or blow-dry it so it’s very healthy. My natural color is a very uncommon red, I’ve been told my whole life that it’s almost impossible to recreate.

It’s not an uncommon thing for people to tell me they want my hair.

2 weeks ago I finally decided I wanted to cut it short and donate it to Angel Hair For Kids, a company that makes wigs for children fighting cancer and other illnesses.

I told my dad I was doing this and when I was doing it he thought it was a great idea. I ended up cutting off 16 inches and have honestly never felt more like myself with my new haircut. I feel like I finally recognize myself again and for the first time in years feel good about myself.

Cut to that same night. I had sent my dad a picture of my chopped-off hair at the salon followed by the haircut pics. About an hour later I received a text from my stepmother (71 f) who we’ll call Jane. She asked if I would consider giving her the hair so she could have it sent out to make a wig for herself.

Jane and I have had a very rocky relationship in the past. For 2 years in high school, I didn’t speak to her or my dad because of an issue that she had caused and never apologized for. We’ve since moved on and have a better relationship now.

She has dealt with major health issues as long as I’ve known her and within the past 2 years has lost nearly all of her hair. She recently bought 2-3 wigs that look amazing on her. Every time we discussed the wigs she would joke that I should give her my hair since I had so much of it.

Well, it turns out that I misunderstood and she wasn’t actually joking.

When Jane asked me for my hair I had already sent it away for donation, which I told her. She didn’t say anything about it after that, just asked me for more pictures of my haircut which I sent.

In all honesty, the idea of giving her my hair feels quite weird to me. I imagine showing up to Christmas to see her wearing my hair and it brings up weird emotions about my previous relationship with her when I was younger and she was more controlling.

When I saw my dad the following Monday he almost immediately brought up the fact that I had ‘donated it elsewhere’ instead of giving it to Jane. I asked if she was upset about it and my dad told me that she was and that he was also disappointed that I didn’t think of her first. It’s caused some tension between us and has made me uncomfortable, but it’s also really put a damper on the whole experience of doing something good and finally feeling good about myself.

I feel like I’ve done something wrong and selfish now.

AITJ here?”

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MadameZ 3 months ago
NTJ. It's *your* hair, to do with as you see fit. And someone who has been rude and unkind to you in the past is not entitled to your hair, particularly as she sounds like she would be wierd about it if she had been given it.
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32. AITJ For Not Being Enthusiastic About My Coworker's Visit To My Home Country?

“My family (23 F) is originally from Jamaica, and I’m very proud of where we come from. My parents emigrated in the 80s, but they made a point of traveling home several times per year and maintaining a Jamaican household to keep my siblings and me connected to our culture.

I returned from this year’s vacation this past weekend, and I was telling Coworker A about it during our break because they asked what I was eating (a very popular dish there). Coworker B overheard that I was talking about Jamaica, and started gushing about going there over Christmas and how ‘immersed’ in the culture she felt.

I asked her where she stayed and what she did, and she said that she stayed in a Sandals resort and never really left except when she went to swim with dolphins and sail on a catamaran. I asked her whether she went to Kingston (where I was) and she said that she didn’t because it was just ‘too unsafe.’ I then asked her if she enjoyed the food and she said that she didn’t have any of the Jamaican dishes ‘because she didn’t know what they were.’ I didn’t say anything, and just kept a smile plastered on my face, told her that I was ‘glad she enjoyed the resort’, and went back to eating my lunch and talking to Coworker A.

Coworker B then questioned why I wasn’t engaging with her because ‘she’s been to the country’ and I pointed out that she didn’t interact with locals, eat the food, or leave the Sandals except for tourist experiences so I didn’t feel like we could engage about much.

She then got upset with me and accused me of ‘gatekeeping’ my culture and ruining the memory of her vacation. I felt bad because Coworker A said that I didn’t have to ask her all those questions, but when I told my mom about it, she and my family were on my side.


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LizzieTX 2 months ago
NTJ, but your co worker is. You don't have to share personal experiences with anyone, especially with some fool who claims to know about your culture but has no experience of that culture, save landing at the airport. IF she were truly that interested in finding out about Jamaica, she could have gone on one of the tours, but chose not to. Just ignore her. If your co worker keeps up her cr@p, report her to HR for harassment. You did nothing wrong.
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31. AITJ For Not Letting My Wife's Aunt And Uncle Into Our House?

“My wife and I have been together for more than a decade. In that time her family has been awesome. The only exceptions to this are my wife’s paternal aunt and uncle.

The two have a tendency to do really odd things and then act like it is normal. For instance, a few years ago they stood up during the middle of a family dinner, raised their hands like a ref holding up a champion boxer’s hand, and announced that they were moving to ‘The Lake’ before sitting down.

No mention of which lake this was, no additional context, nothing. After what felt like an eternity as we all stared at each other awkwardly, my wife’s father asked ‘Which lake?’ which prompted his sister to begin bawling her eyes out and screeching about how we weren’t being supportive.

More recently my wife and I bought a house in the same city as her parents. And so for the first time, we decided to host Christmas. The grandparents and parents are getting old, and we thought it would be a nice gesture. We made sure to send the invites a month in advance and followed up by text message with everyone who said they were coming.

The only thing we asked was that people not bring their pets. My wife has absolutely terrible dog allergies (to her own dismay as she desperately wants to foster a dog) and her aunt and uncle have a history of doing things like showing up with a literal pack of dogs they happen to be petsitting ‘last minute’ for.

The email was very clear on this.

Cue Christmas Day and my wife’s aunt and uncle showing up two hours late with their brand new Mastiff. When I opened the door, the dog started going nuts and howling, while her uncle scolded it to stop.

I tried to politely explain that this wasn’t acceptable and that they needed to leave, but my wife’s aunt started crying and screaming about how mean I was being.

Eventually, they left, but on the day of and for the last few weeks since I’ve gotten mixed reactions from family and friends.

I’m not on social media, but apparently, my wife’s aunt made a long post about how we ruined Christmas by forcing (?) them to drive two hours for Christmas dinner, only to turn them away heartlessly because they didn’t feel comfortable leaving their new dog at home alone.

Our immediate family is supportive. Both of my wife’s grandmas thought the scene was hilarious, apparently, and my in-laws thought it was nice to finally see someone stand up to ‘the Loony Tunes duo’ (their term, not mine), but think we should have found a way to allow them to stay even with the dog.

The other aunts, uncles, and cousins think we went too far and should have compromised somehow.

I feel like I’m taking crazy pills, so I have to ask. Am I the jerk?

Edit: My wife’s aunt and uncle have always wanted to own a lake house.

They literally had framed photos and posters all around their house of different lakefront properties. We all knew this for years.

What we didn’t know was that they were actively looking. Nor did we know they had put an offer on the one that, in their mind, was their dream lake house.

However, they believed that they had been keeping everyone in the loop. This meant when they stood up and triumphantly announced their success, they thought we were going to cheer and congratulate them. So when my wife’s dad asked which lake, it was like him (and everyone else by extension) forgetting about/not giving a damn about them achieving their dream.

After my wife’s aunt calmed down, we finally got them both to explain why they were so upset. Except they couldn’t provide any documentation of having told anyone.

They hadn’t spoken to anyone in the family by phone since before they put the offer in.

They also didn’t have any text messages, emails, or even social media posts showing they had told us. What we gathered by the end was that they HAD told a mutual family friend and somehow expected us to know by extension.

So yeah, there’s the story of ‘The Lake’.”

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LizzieTX 2 months ago
NTJ and those two sound like they richly deserve the "Looney Tunes duo" nickname. Unless their first language isn't English or they have other undisclosed comprehension problems, they knew perfectly well that they weren't to bring their new mastiff (!!!!) to your home because of your wife's allergies. No excuses, no exceptions. It sounds like your wife wouldn't be able to tolerate a poodle, but a mastiff? They really are looney tunes. Just ignore them and don't ever invite them to your home again. Not your fault they're too stup!d to follow directions.
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30. AITJ For How I Reacted When My Brother's Friend Asked Me If I Was Gay?

“Growing up, I (15 M) was constantly bullied through all of elementary and high school about ‘being gay’ even though I’m not.

The constant bullying I faced made me insecure, leading me to actively avoid anything that might be perceived as too feminine to make sure I wasn’t faced with mockery.

Now, the recent incident unfolded when my brother (17 M) had his friend (17? M) over. I entered my brother’s room to get my charger that my brother had been using.

However, when I entered my brother’s room his friend looked at me and without even a greeting or introduction asked ‘Are you gay?’ That kinda annoyed me because what happened to Hi, hello???

Anyway, I told him I wasn’t gay and asked him why he thought I was.

His response? A ‘vibe’ he picked up on. This honestly left me genuinely upset. Adding to the fuel, both my brother and his friend burst into laughter which only fueled my frustration more.

After my brother’s friend left the house, my brother came into my room and asked me If I was still upset.

I told him a little bit and then he told me that It was just a question and If I didn’t want to be perceived as gay then I needed to stop acting like a little jerk.

What my brother said to me struck a nerve so I decided to ask my online friend for advice.

I reached out to her because she happens to be a lesbian (15 F) and I thought she could add input. However, her take on the situation left me conflicted. According to her, my reaction was very homophobic, and she suggested that my sensitivity might imply that I have some ‘internalized homophobia.’ I told her that I wasn’t closeted but she urged me to work on myself and stop letting such things bother me?


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FootballFan 3 months ago
Very rude "friend" to ask and your brother was also being an a**. In future, I would simply ignore (as if you didn't even hear) ...or respond, "Why? Are you asking me out?".
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29. AITJ For Not Wanting To Add My Husband's Ex To Our Group Chat?

“My husband and I met in college. Before that, he was with ‘Millie’ from ages 14-17. When I first met his family, they all seemed to be in awe of me and it was quite awkward so he explained that his family (and most people in his life prior to college) believed he and Millie would be together forever.

I was uncomfortable but he assured me that he ‘loves me and only me’. We had a few fights over things his friends said but ultimately it was clear that we were being dumb.

I didn’t have any problems related to Millie for several years.

Everyone seemed to have moved on.

My husband and I now have 3 kids. My middle son (6) is in the same grade as Millie’s son. They are in different classes and I only found out about this after my MIL passively mentioned it.

The moms in my son’s class created a group chat.

A couple of days ago Millie contacted me and asked if I could add her to this group chat and said that she and her son are having trouble connecting with the other moms/kids and it would be a huge help. I was a bit confused as to why she was asking me for permission, and how she got my number but I quickly realized that the other moms probably told her and out of consideration for me wanted her to ask me?

I’m not sure. Most of these women grew up with Millie so they know ‘everything.’

I told her that I couldn’t really stop anyone if they wanted to add her but I’d rather she not join. Besides, it’s a class group chat and her son isn’t in it.

She got upset and asked if I was only saying no because of her history with my husband. I said well yeah. She then said I’m being sensitive and petty. I told her that I was uncomfortable. She said not everything is about me and I’m being selfish.

I made a sarcastic comment about protecting my peace before firmly telling her she wouldn’t change my mind and that neither she nor her son was my responsibility. Millie got even angrier and said that I was the only person still hung up over their relationship and that I needed to grow up and stop being so insecure.

She also accused me of being elitist?

She’s still at it and will tell anyone who’ll listen about how I’m being selfish and how I’m so hung up over the past. My husband thinks we’re all being ridiculous. He was joking when he said that but idk.

One of the moms in the group chat privately asked me about the whole thing and she just said ‘Hmm’ so I really don’t know, but they said they weren’t going to add her unless I ‘gave my permission.’ AITJ?”

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MadameZ 3 months ago
Sounds like she's the one who is still hung up over the past. Is your husband from one of those six-finger outposts where everyone remembers everything from potty-training onwards and will quite often remind your *grandarents* of the time they wet themselves in class? Do these people ever travel more than three miles from the village borders?
There is no reason for this mother to join a group chat for a class group her child is not in, is there? Why did she want to do that in the first place other than to cause drama?
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28. AITJ For Not Giving My Mom A Sincere Apology?

“I (31 f) was at my family Christmas day brunch.

I have 2 small children (5 m and 1.5 f). We were all at my grandma’s house, opened presents, having a great time.

Let me give a back story for a second. My mom complains to me all the time that she hates when her mom tells her how to do anything in life.

(Her dad, my maternal grandpa, was a pastor, her mom expected her to live up to every expectation they had and even into her 50s they tell her what she’s doing wrong in her life.) This drives my mom nuts and she tells me all the time that she’s an adult and she wishes her parents would stop telling her how to parent, how to spend money, etc. However, my mom likes to treat me the same way.

She will give unwarranted parenting tips all the time, tell me I’m not enough of a helicopter parent, etc and it drives me absolutely bananas. Like, do you not see that you’re being your mom? I digress…

So. It’s our first Christmas without my paternal grandpa, at paternal grandma and grandpa’s house.

I’m sad, as my grandpa isn’t there. He was my favorite human. We got done giving gifts, everyone was laughing and having a good time. My mom prepared my grandpa’s signature cheesy potato soup for our brunch and we set in to eat. My daughter is a year and a half and sitting between my husband and me.

We were taking turns pulling out chunks of our soup to cool off for said daughter to eat. I touched one of the potato pieces to my lips and it was cool enough to eat so I offered it to my daughter.

She ate it and made a face.

She makes faces when she’s not sure about textures or flavors, she’s really only been eating for 9 months, of course, she reacts to new foods.

My mom says: ‘It’s too hot!’

I say, ‘I felt it, it’s fine’.

She says ‘You burned her, you have to pay attention!’

To which I said, quite calmly for myself, ‘I have 2 children, I know how to feed them, she’s fine, thank you.’

My mom’s demeanor changed and she pouted for the rest of brunch and everyone changed the subject. I knew she was mad but I was happy for setting my boundary and I knew my daughter was fine, I literally tasted it first.

My mom called me over after brunch was done and told me to apologize. I asked for what and she said for snapping. I told her I didn’t snap, I told her my boundary that was already in place – I know how to parent – don’t tell me what to do.

She pouted and told me to apologize again.

So I gave her the old ‘I’m sorry you feel that way.’

She told me that wasn’t an apology.

I told her I wasn’t sorry, so I’m sorry she felt that way.

She told me I was a jerk.

I don’t feel that I am. I’m simply telling her I don’t appreciate her stepping in where it’s not necessary and I’m not sorry I firmly said what I said. So I told her, I’m not sorry for what I said, but I’m sorry you feel that way.


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rbleah 3 months ago
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27. AITJ For Getting Caught Up In My Sister's Marriage Problem?

“I already had a rocky relationship with my family, particularly my mother (f 63) and this sister.

So my sister (let’s call her Rose) married this guy (Jeff) several years ago.

A couple of years ago, Rose started receiving messages from a burner Instagram account saying her husband was having an affair. She brushed it off for a long time thinking it was just some troll, and carried on with her life, happily married.

Then, several months ago I got a phone call from my mother where she began the conversation with ‘How long have you known about Jeff’s affair?!’

After I denied any knowledge she explained that Jeff had told Rose about his affair and that the woman was threatening to ruin his marriage. The woman claimed that she and I were really close friends, and I knew everything about their affair and could ruin my sister’s life with the intel I had fed her.

She alleged that she knew me because I was blackmailing one of her friends (?) and she was one of the people warning me off, but somehow this has turned into a friendship where I tell her all my sister’s secrets.

As my mother was clearly going to ring my sister straight after her call with me (it’s her usual form), I explained I knew nothing about it, and if I had I would have told Rose in an instant.

Then, I carried on with my day but remained stressed about it.

I was updated in drips and drabs by my mother for the next few days, and finally received a text from Rose saying that there was some stuff being said about me and that I needed to sort it out.

Then she blocked my number and deleted me from everything.

So, at the end of my work day, I rang her to straighten things out, and she began the conversation by saying that she was my big sister and no matter what I’ve done she’d never judge me and would always be there for me, which was sweet, but entirely misguided. So, I explained the same to her as I did to my mother.

She seemed to accept my explanation, and I told her that if she needed anything she could come to me but I would give her time to sort her marriage out if she’d prefer. I haven’t heard from her since.

Since then, aside from a brief period of contact when my stepdad was in the hospital, and a couple of texts updating me on big family things (ie deaths, etc), I haven’t had any contact with my mother either.

Last night, I got a phone call from Jeff while at a friend’s birthday party. He asked if I was going to my mother’s for Christmas, I said no, and he actually dared to ask me why. I explained that I was at a friend’s, so I didn’t want to get into it right then, but there were a myriad of reasons that he was aware of.

He then said he’d call me today and hasn’t.

While I don’t feel guilty for not going home for Christmas, I know my family will try to make me feel bad, so basically yeah, AITJ?”

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MadameZ 3 months ago
NTJ. But it might be worth seeing if you can throw a scare into this woman who has, after all, slandered you and one of your friends. Maybe a solicitor's letter warning her of the potential penalties if she carries on?
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26. AITJ For Wanting To Go To Mexico Instead Of Spending Christmas With My Mother-In-Law?

“I (24 F) met my fiancé (25 M) (FH for Future Hubby) in 2021. MIL and FIL are drinking and substance addicts.

This year I just found out that my twin sister (24 F) was diagnosed with breast cancer.

We had made plans to visit my family over in Mexico to see her on the 25th-30th of December for 5 days. His mother had just called me and is now trying to get me to cancel my plans because ‘It’s not fair that we see my family more over the holidays and she feels insulted.’ I have not seen my family since 2020 and this will be the first time FH meets them in person.

We are also planning on getting engaged while in Mexico. We are leaving tomorrow to visit his family on the 23rd and 24th of December 2023. His mother decided to wait until the day before we left to tell me that her plans changed.

She is now hosting Chrismas on the 24-25 and expected us to be there since we already RSVPed yes.

I tried telling her the situation, that we would be leaving at 6 am Christmas Day to take our flight over to Mexico. She started screaming at me over the phone telling me that I’m an ungrateful jerk and that we RSVPed yes so we can’t change our plans now when she’s been waiting so long to see us.

(we live 2 hours away from her and until recently we used to go there every weekend) I’m not sure what to do, FH is at work and I’m home with our pets.

I’m usually a non-confrontational person but this has hurt my feelings.

She has just insulted me once again and expecting to get her way. I don’t know if I’m the jerk for making the plans with my family but that’s what she’s making me feel like. While writing this story, she and her sisters began sending me nasty texts all about how I’m a horrible person for ‘refusing FH to see his family’.

He’s been in low contact with her for a while because she’s like this.”

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MadameZ 3 months ago
He's already low-contact with her so he's already prepared to stand with you rather than pander to his awful crackhead relatives. Ignore them until you can speak to him, then ask him if he wants to tell them himself to jump down a well or if he'd prefer you to do it on both your behalves.
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25. AITJ For Bringing My Sister's Favorite Food To Our Christmas Gathering?

“My sister (24 f) and I (27 f) have always felt like my grandmother played favorites and liked our cousins better than she likes us. We fully admit that some of this may be in our heads, but the evidence is definitely there.

For reasons I won’t get into, she and my mom have always butted heads and we’ve always felt like she’s favored my aunt and her kids as a result. Currently (though this was not the case when we were kids), my aunt and her family live just down the street from her, and my parents, sister, and my husband and I live about 3 hours away.

My grandmother is having us all over this weekend for a Christmas gathering. One of her favorite things to do is make desserts for everyone. She’s usually very good at taking everyone’s requests and making what everyone likes. This year, she texted us all and asked us what we wanted. I requested a cake that I liked, my mom requested some cookies, and my sister requested these chocolate cinnamon pretzels that she had made several times.

My grandmother said that she would make the rest of it, but she told my sister that she didn’t want to make the pretzels again because she had already made them many times in the last couple of months for my uncle. She said that the other items would be eaten by multiple people, but she was worried that my uncle wouldn’t eat them again so my sister would be the only one eating them.

My sister was heartbroken. This is her favorite thing that my grandmother makes at Christmas, and she couldn’t be bothered to make it once for my sister, despite making it repeatedly for my uncle. My sister also rightly pointed out that this is the cheapest and easiest dish that anyone has requested, and she offered to take home all the leftovers if they don’t get eaten.

To my sister, this seemed very much like the favoritism that we all talk about. She specifically asked what everyone wanted, made the things that everyone else asked for, and then left out one small thing that my sister asked for.

Even though my grandmother likes to be the one to make everything, I made the pretzels for my sister and brought them to Christmas.

She was so happy to have her favorite dessert, but my grandmother was angry and said that it was her job to make the desserts for everyone. In fairness, she always makes tons of food and loves to do it. We’ve never brought anything because she has told us she doesn’t want us to.

But I couldn’t bear the thought of my little sister not having what she wanted when everyone else did. AITJ?”

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FootballFan 3 months ago
NTJ at all! All sisters should be like you. Great job!
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24. AITJ For Refusing To Switch Plane Seats?

“I’m taking a long, red-eye flight (~6 hours) to go home for the holidays. I fly economy, but on long flights, I usually splurge and pay the extra ~$20 to reserve my seat. I booked an aisle seat.

It’s a 737 with six seats per row — three seats on either side of the aisle.

My row was full except for the middle seats. Only the two middle seats were empty.

I was minding my own business, already closing my eyes as people finished boarding when I felt a tap on my leg. A kind-looking lady said, ‘Excuse me, I’m so sorry, but my husband is in the seat next to you, and I’m over there,’ gesturing to the middle seat on the other side of the aisle.

‘Would you mind trading seats with me so I can sit next to my husband?’

Making the situation more complex, her husband, standing behind her, was holding a baby. Probably 6-12 months old. Very young baby. So now I feel like the gentlemanly thing to do is give up my seat.

My knee-jerk response was thinking out loud. I said, ‘Ah that’s a bummer. I did pay for this seat.’ I was still considering giving up my seat, but telling her why I was hesitant.

Then, immediately, the husband piped up loudly: ‘Is anyone on this row willing to give up their seat?’

He sounded like he was already mad. He’s looking around at the three other people in my row.

Without giving us much time to think or respond, he then looked at me and said, ‘Okay, I’m sitting next to you.’

He aggressively shoved and elbowed his way over me, and sat down in the seat next to me.

The wife situated herself in the other seat with the baby.

I then said, ‘I’ll be happy to pass your baby over,’ to which he responded, ‘Yeah, that’s not happening.’

Now I was just getting a bad vibe from the guy, but I kept going.

I said, ‘Were you not able to get two seats next to each other?’

He said, ‘No, they wouldn’t do it.’

I knew there were adjacent seats available when I booked my ticket, so I said, ‘Did you just plan too late?’

Now he’s really mad. He turned his head toward me, gave me a death glare, and said, ‘No.’

Of course, my natural next question was, ‘If you didn’t plan too late, why weren’t you able to book two seats next to each other?’ But I didn’t ask that.

He was already looking murderous by that point, and I was enjoying my podcast.

Fortunately, a kind young man in the opposite window seat offered to trade seats with the dad, so I wasn’t stuck sitting next to this stressed and angry father for the rest of the flight.

I’m sure he was just having a stressful travel day, but I ask you honestly, AITJ?”

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Eatonpenelope 3 months ago
Ntj people who think that they don't have to plan everyone will just give them their way need to grow up and realize life doesn't work that way!!!!
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23. AITJ For Asking My Brother-In-Law To Forget About The £5,000 My Brother Owes Him?

“My in-laws coaxed my brother into playing poker with them a few nights ago but they forgot to tell him that they’re all a bunch of notorious liars.

So obviously my brother lost the first game and then they goaded him so he would continue playing. By the end of the night, he owed my brother-in-law around £5,000 which isn’t the type of amount my brother can just easily hand over.

When I saw my brother he looked like he was on the verge of a panic attack.

After I forced him to tell me what happened I confronted my brother-in-law who thought the entire thing was just some harmless fun. I explained to him that my brother didn’t just have 5 grand lying around and since it was just some harmless fun he should forget about it but he wasn’t willing to do that and insisted my brother owed him.

He told me not to get involved and suggested my parents should pay if my brother couldn’t afford to even though he knows they can’t afford it either.

I could see he wasn’t going to drop it so I told him to ask my husband for the money but he didn’t like that idea as he wanted my brother to pay him since ‘a man should pay his debts’.

I told him he was being ridiculous since my brother is a broke 19-year-old and he was tricking a kid. I know my brother did technically gamble away 5 grand like a massive idiot but I think expecting him to give the amount is ridiculous when my brother-in-law knows he and the rest of his family were lying.

As of today, he still hasn’t dropped it and is trying to get the moolah out of my brother. I’m half-tempted to ask my husband to either speak to him or give him the £5,000 if speaking doesn’t help because my brother is bumming himself out over this.


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MadameZ 3 months ago
NTJ and tell him he can either shut up about it or you'll be consulting a solicitor. Your brother didn't *take* anything from this nasty little scammer - if it had been a matter of him borrowing money or getting goods or services he had initially promised to pay for then I would be on BIL's side, but a game between family members? Good luck trying to collect that debt via the courts when your brother can say that they were cheating with intent to steal from him and the judge will chuck them all out...
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22. AITJ For Giving My Brother's Kids Gift Cards For Christmas?

“I (F 22) have an older brother (M 29). He has three kids (ages 9, 7, and 7).

I don’t have a lot of disposable income for multiple reasons and I have been strict with my Christmas budget. For my niblings, I’ve had a budget of ~€30 per child, which I know isn’t a lot.

My SIL (my brother’s spouse) is very particular about things and is trying to be one of those mommy blogger influencers.

It feels like with the kids’ Christmas and birthday presents, I can never get it right and I wouldn’t be surprised if my gifts end up in the garbage.

She’s usually polite and grateful to my face but then my mom or brother will contact me and complain about my SIL’s complaining about my gifts!

She usually makes a gift list for Christmas and birthdays for the kids but all of the items on these lists are over €80. This year, all of them are over €100. There is no way I could afford that.

In Christmas 2021, I got all the kids cute outfits each with cartoon characters they like.

They loved them but I never saw the kids wear them, and I got an earful from everyone saying my SIL was complaining.

For the 2022 Christmas, I got them all Lego sets each. SIL complained to me endlessly and said that she didn’t want to be picking up Lego pieces every night.

This year, I’m just giving the kids Amazon gift cards so they can pick out toys that are approved by their mom. Recently my brother and SIL asked me what I’m getting the kids for Christmas and I told them that I’m giving them Amazon gift cards.

My SIL said ‘Well, that’s not very Christmassy’ and left it at that. To be honest, at the time I thought she was just making a dry joke.

Anyway, now my brother is complaining to me and saying that his wife is really not happy with me because I haven’t bought anything off the wish list. I told him straight it was because all the items were too expensive.

He said I should’ve said that from the beginning instead of just ignoring it and buying gift cards. He said the kids are too young for gift cards when they can’t go and buy the stuff themselves without help from the parents and I should’ve asked first. I argued that he and his wife know I don’t have a lot of money, of course I’d love to spoil my niblings but I do not have €300+ to spend on people’s kids.

Am I wrong for this?”

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MadameZ 3 months ago
NTJ. If they whine any more say that you will be either putting that amount in savings for the kids or donating it to charity in their name.
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21. AITJ For Not Wanting My Daughter's Husband To Move Into My House?

“My daughter’s husband has lived in their apartment for a number of years. The owners recently sold it and the new ones are moving in, so my daughter and her husband have to move. The problem is rents have gone up dramatically. The rent they are paying is $1100 (for a 1 bedroom), which I thought was a lot, but now that I’m trying to help them find a place, most are now going for around $2000 a month or more!

They can’t afford this.

My daughter knows she is always welcome at home, granted a baby complicates things. I wasn’t happy about her having a baby (she’s young, just turned 22), but I would never deny her housing. However, I can’t stand her husband (let’s just call him Aaron for simplicity’s sake).

I wouldn’t invite Aaron over for dinner, let alone let him live with me. Aaron’s in his mid-30s. Criminal history. Hair-trigger temper. Chronically immature and has a jealous/possessive streak that has caused a strain in their relationship (which I obviously do not approve of).

Honestly, when she told me she was pregnant, I finally thought we’d be rid of Aaron. I genuinely thought he was exactly the kind of man to ditch (they’ve been on and off over and over since she was about 18/19). Alas, if anything it made him cling to her tighter.

They had a very rushed wedding and this is their longest stint together without any breakups. Just over a year. There’s still been a fair share of dramatics, of course, but I am surprised they’ve made it this far.

Even so, I simply don’t want to live with Aaron.

I don’t like him. I don’t want him around me. I’d go above and beyond for my daughter and the baby, they can stay as long as they need, but not him.

Obviously, this has created a rift between my daughter and me. She doesn’t want to live separately from Aaron.

I told her that she needed to figure out alternative arrangements. Well, their move-out date is rapidly approaching (the 15th of December) and they’ve still not been able to find a place, and she’s panicking. She’s been begging me to let them stay.

I reiterated my terms. Aaron simply cannot stay here.

This led to a lot of tears and some angry words. Namely, me being a jerk. I can genuinely see why she might think that, but I also have to think about myself and my own sanity.”

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MadameZ 3 months ago
NTJ though usually I would expect people to suck up their kids' choice of partner to the extent of being civil to undesirable ones - just because you need to be able to keep communications open when abusive partners escalate and your kid needs an escape route. But you don't want to let this abuser get his feet under the table or you will have trouble getting rid of him. He is maniulating the situation because he wants access to your house and your money.
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20. AITJ For Telling My Wife That My Mother Is Not Her Mom?

“My mom (64) is polite and in general keeps a distance away from my wife (26). I know my wife has trouble with social interaction and they got off to a horrible start. My wife, I am going to call her Lily, was in foster care and never had a parental figure and she went hard into trying to become my mom’s kid.

I think it would have happened if my wife let the relationship grow naturally but she didn’t take any of my warnings and bulldozed what my mom wanted.

A few examples, she kept calling her ‘mum’ even after she told her multiple times to call her by her name.

Lily would make her uncomfortable, especially when she would ask my mom very personal questions or go way too deep. I have talked to her so many times but she doesn’t stop. The family has taken their concerns with me also and has straight up told her to stop.

The big turning point was when my mom and her daughters (my sisters) went to visit a deceased family member. It’s a tradition between the three of them. Well, Lily heard about it and went. It went very poorly and my sisters dislike Lily now also.

We are invited to events and are still in the family but the women of the family keep their distance. There is a girls’ trip around Christmas and she wasn’t invited. This made my wife very upset and was ranting.

I had enough when Lily said she was her kid.

I snapped and told her my mother would never be her mom and you need to stop. She ended up crying and now I feel guilty. I just don’t know how to get it through her head that she needs to stop.

I’ve talked with her so many times and she is already in therapy.”

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rbleah 3 months ago
Tell her therapist that she WILL NOT STOP trying to FORCE your Mom to BE HER MOM. If she cannot gain control of herself you may need to consider either moving AWAY from your fam OR divorce. That girl has ISSUES and is NOT trying to fix herself. Bet she is lying to the therapist about what is REALLY going on.
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19. AITJ For Refusing To Support My Ex's Son's Education?

“I (50 M) got married to my ex 25 years ago. It was an arranged marriage, and during our talks, I asked her many times if she loved anyone else or if she was getting forced at all. But every time she claimed otherwise.

We went out (I don’t know the English term, but here it means the time from engagement to marriage) for 11 months and she was very enthusiastically into me, so we got married. When we had our kid, another guy claimed that it was his.

A lot of drama happened and I found that he was her ex and affair partner. She agreed to marry me because of her family and the financial security I had (the ex was getting in/out of a job).

The divorce was extremely nasty and I lost a good fortune.

Plus ordered to pay child support. (In India DNA test is not ordered if the husband has access to the wife, and any son born in marriage is automatically considered as the husband’s). I never considered her son as mine, never met him. I had to pay till he graduated.

Current situation: I never married again. My older brother and SIL sadly passed away 16 years ago and I took my niece and nephew as my own. I also recovered from the financial loss and am now in a very good comfortable position.

5 days ago I got a call from my ex’s son who asked to have a meeting.

I was hesitant but agreed. He wants me to fund his MBA. I denied it, as the young man has no relationship with me, and the child support also stopped a long ago. I asked why doesn’t he ask his real dad. Apparently, the dad is not in his life anymore (didn’t tell me much).

I informed him that I had my own kids to look after. This led to an argument, which can be summarized as: I am spending money on someone else’s kid and not on my legal son. I walked out of the meeting and for the last few days, my phone and social media messages have been getting spammed by my ex’s family calling me horrid names.


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rbleah 3 months ago
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18. AITJ For Refusing To Come To A Family Vacation Because Dogs Are Not Allowed In The Hotel?

“My (25 F) sister (37 F) was excited about going to a nature hotel for Christmas with all our family members included. She sent me pictures of the place, it was a very nice place to stay for Christmas.

My partner and I live together and we both have 2 dogs. We’re leaving our youngest (a border collie) in daycare for those days were going to be gone. But we also have a Golden Retriever who is 3 years old and he has grown to dislike male dogs.

He’s also not used to daycare and gets separation anxiety when he’s not with us. Our BC on the other hand is more social and outgoing with others, doesn’t mind sleeping somewhere else, etc.

The first thing I asked my sister was if I was allowed to take Noah (our golden) since there’s no one in the family who can take care of him on Christmas, such a special date.

She said yes, that dogs were allowed. I told her that we were going and that it wasn’t an issue. She made the reservation and had to pay some for us to get the place for that day. She sent me the link which said dogs are not allowed. I then ask her again, hey are you sure they are allowed?

I sent her a screenshot of the part of the link where it said they weren’t. She again said ‘I’m sure the owner of the place won’t say no to us paying him a lot of money just because of a dog’.

I talked this out with my partner and he said we should confirm with the owner.

I texted him via WhatsApp and he told me that dogs were 100% not allowed. I sent that out to my sister and she said ‘We see what we’ll do’.

I told her that if Noah can’t go then we can’t either. She got angry at me yelling that we had to pay our part because she could not pay for what we were meant to pay. I told her that I was not going to pay a lot of money if we weren’t going.

She said that our dog was our problem and we needed to see how we solved it. That it was up to me to see if dogs were allowed or not. I told her she lied to me and that I was not going to pay, because we were not going.


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rbleah 3 months ago
NOPE, NOT THE JERK. SHE LIED TO YOU just to get you to pay part of the costs. This is ON HER.
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17. AITJ For Expecting My Son To Bring His Baby To Me Without His Fiancée?

“My (51 f) son is 29 and he and his fiancé ‘Jen’ have a 6-week-old daughter ‘Lily’ (she also has a 7-year-old son who is not my son’s child but I still consider him my grandbaby). I used to get along really well with Jen and told everyone she was like a daughter to me.

But when she got pregnant, she started acting weird toward me. Like I asked to be in the room for delivery and she said a clipped ‘No’ (despite letting her 7-year-old son’s dad’s mom in the room for his delivery). No big deal, it’s her choice.

But when I went to visit in the hospital afterwards she acted really put off that I was there. I figured she was just tired and left after 20 minutes to give her space. But then it continued.

I have stopped in to see everyone about 5 times since she had the baby and every single time that I walk in, she gets really quiet.

Whenever I’m holding the baby she is hovering. She keeps snapping at me over small things. Like how I’m holding the baby (had her on her belly on my arm or sideways across my knees on her belly) because ‘she’s crying, obviously she doesn’t like that so stop’.

Or snapping at me for things I say to the baby (like when she starts fussing, I say ‘You won’t get your own way with me, you can’t play me like that’ in a baby voice, trying to calm her) and she goes ‘She’s 4 weeks old, how exactly is she playing you?’ Then she got livid and actually kicked me out of the house one time because she picked up the baby for making the smallest of noises.

I told her the baby was going to get used to being held all the time if she kept doing that and she said ‘Well it’s a good thing she’s my child and I don’t have to listen to your crying it out nonsense’.

Well, I went there on Thanksgiving and apparently it was her mother’s first time meeting the baby and of course, the baby was all smiles and loved her grandma.

But when I got the chance to hold the baby, she immediately started screaming and was promptly taken from me. I feel very slighted. I asked my son if he would bring the baby to visit me without his fiancé because I feel like his fiancée’s attitude toward me is the reason why the baby screams every time I hold her.

I definitely think she’s picking up on the hostility.

I don’t know why she even dislikes me now but asking her currently would be pointless. He told me he absolutely would not bring his daughter to my place without her mother because he wouldn’t do that to his fiancé (who has never been away from the baby thus far).

I told him they were purposely ruining my chance at a relationship with my granddaughter and he said that wasn’t true and that I needed to stop ‘pushing’ my old-fashioned beliefs, which is the first time I’ve heard of this. AITJ for expecting him to bring my granddaughter to me without her mom so I can have a relationship with her?”

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DeniseSB 3 months ago
You and your daughter-in-law obviously have VERY different philosophies on the parenting of babies. Given your insistence on the superiority of your parenting practices to hers, there's no mystery behind her negativity toward you. If I were in her position, the LAST thing I'd agree to is letting my newborn daughter visit you unless I were around to protect her from your negativity. If you don't start following her lead instead of insisting that she follow yours, you're going to be lucky to be spending any time at all with your granddaughter. SHE'S the mother. Not you.
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16. AITJ For Refusing To Drive For 40 Minutes To Drop Off Soup At My Wife's Sister's?

“My wife worked very hard to make a Thanksgiving dinner for my in-laws who flew in to stay with us.

We stayed up late and woke up early. The food was phenomenal, and easily the BEST Thanksgiving spread I have ever had. It’s the first year she had full control of the menu, at our house.

Her sister was supposed to come over to help during the day but ended up going with her fiance to his family’s house.

No hard feelings, I have pulled my wife away from her family in the past and I understand.

As we sat down to eat around 6 pm, make our plates, and say grace, her sister showed up. She sits down at the table with a massive 1.5-gallon Tupperware container.

She keeps asking if everyone has gotten their food. Once everyone gets their first plate, she fills it up with our food and says that her fiance is waiting in the car and wants to go home. So she leaves.

This upsets my wife, who now two days later has still not had any of the food that worked so hard on.

It’s all in the fridge.

So the next day, we go out to eat. Mother-in-law gets some soup (menudo) to go. We go to a Christmas tree farm with my kids about an hour from the city. On the way back, with a tree strapped to the top, my mother-in-law asked me to drive an additional 40 minutes out of my way to drop the soup, which at this point is 5 hours old, for my wife’s sister.

I said absolutely not and dropped them off at the hotel.

For context, our neighbor slipped us a Thanksgiving card right before we ate, so my wife was overjoyed to make him a plate with a little bit of everything, including dessert. It made her so happy to share what she made, but at least he sent a card… so she wasn’t selfish.

What her sister did made her feel used.”

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Ishouldntbehere2 3 months ago
NTJ. Wow, sister decided to turn up for Thanksgiving dinner after agreeing to be there to cook it, only to pick up leftovers and leave again?? That's literally the rudest thing I've ever heard. Does her mum know this? Such weird behaviour
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15. AITJ For Excluding My 14-Year-Old Cousin From Our "Cousin Walk"?

“When the bulk of my generation of cousins were 16-19 we started a yearly tradition of a ‘cousin walk’ at Thanksgiving.

For people familiar, a ‘cousin walk’ happens with a group of teenage/adult cousins where there are certain conversations and activities that maybe aren’t appropriate for older or younger relatives. At the time, there were only 3 that were under 16: a 14-year-old, a 4-year-old, and a baby.

14 is kind of pushing it, but with the age differences, it seemed mean and stupid to leave the 14-year-old out and it would draw more attention, so we brought her with us. This became a yearly tradition. The two youngest would ask to go, but we always said it was an older cousin/older kid thing and everyone accepted it.

This Thanksgiving, that 4-year-old is now 14. We went to go on our walk as usual, and this time my aunts really didn’t accept that he couldn’t come because we let Sheila come when she was 14 so he’s clearly old enough now and should ‘be included’.

NO. He’s too young, and it’s not appropriate.

Sheila was too young, but it was ‘vaguely pushing it’ young with the rest of us being very close in age. Now we’re all in our 20s being asked to include a kid. Also, not for nothing, but all of us (including her) were in high school when this started. This was all teenagers, not 20-somethings, and a middle schooler.

She kept pushing and wouldn’t understand why we were being so ‘mean’ and not including him, and of course, we couldn’t admit exactly why. We were eventually let go, but she’s been all over the family group chat about how awful we are and how we are all lacking in family values if we are so exclusive.

I don’t think we’re in the wrong. Having an adult cousin-only activity isn’t inappropriate. There’s just too much of an age gap that unfortunately there are two cousin groups.”

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FootballFan 3 months ago
NTJ....obviously a 2+ year gap between 14, 16,18.... is a far cry from a 6+ year experiences alone!
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14. AITJ For Pointing Out That Our Mom Doesn't Have Custody Of Us?

“I (17 m) and my little brother James (9 m) live with our older sister Eva (26 f).

James and I were removed from our mom when I was 10, and Eva did everything she could to keep my brother and me out of the system. I think it was because she was worried we’d be separated and I know she was in foster care for a little bit when she was younger too so I guess that was another reason she didn’t want us to go in.

She has guardianship of us now and the adoption process is already going through.

So today we were having a family dinner at a relative’s house, and some people from our mom’s side of the family (aunt, uncles, cousins, etc.) were there with us.

My aunt ended up making kind of a big deal out of the fact that Eva had me and James help with some of the prep for dinner.

She ended up saying something like ‘You shouldn’t be bossing them around. They’re not your kids and you’re not their mother.’

Before anyone could respond I said, ‘Well we haven’t been your sister’s kids for like seven years now so who do you think was doing her job instead?’

My aunt got mad and then eventually everyone was arguing.

So dinner was ruined, a few of my cousins even texted me afterward and said so, and pretty much everyone ended up going home.

Eva told me that it was not my responsibility to defend her, and then she said she was sorry for the situation with our aunt.

I feel bad because I made Eva feel bad, and because according to most of our family, I ruined the occasion with what I said. They think that it wasn’t the place or time for me to bring up my mother’s situation, even if it was just in response to what my aunt was saying.

I didn’t mean to ruin dinner or anything. But if I was out of line then I’ll apologize. I’m just asking because I want to get some unbiased perspectives from other people.”

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DeniseSB 3 months ago
You aunt is a real jerk for criticizing your sister for having raised you and your brother to be helpful. I think what you said is ENTIRELY appropriate. OTOH, if you want to protect your sis from your aunt's jerkishness in the future, you can avoid her implied defense of your mother and just say something that puts the focus on your own correct behavior. For example: "I'm not a little kid. I want to help get things ready for our family dinner." or "Would you rather take care of this chore? I'm sorry for getting in your way. I'll go do that chore instead."
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13. AITJ For Always Letting Our Middle Child Choose Her Room First When We're On A Vacation?

“My husband and I have 4 kids, Evan (20), Adriana (16), Elizabeth (15), and Michael (15). We try to travel 3-4 times a year.

3 years ago, the night before we were supposed to leave, my friend told us we couldn’t use her cabin anymore. We were all looking for new places and Adriana sent a listing for this small town in the middle of nowhere.

We ignored it the first few times she sent it but she eventually talked us into looking at it and it was perfect. We paid a little over $200 a night for a beautiful cabin on the lake with a game room and enough beds to allow everyone to get their own bed. The people were great, the drive wasn’t bad, and there were actually a lot of things to do there.

It’s become one of our favorite vacation spots.

When Adriana was 14, we pretty much started letting her book family vacations. She had to run everything by us first but she was the one that chose where we went and where we stayed. Her only condition is that she gets the first pick for rooms/beds.

She’s even booked an international vacation for us, including flights and a rental car.

We’ve given the other kids opportunities to help with vacations. They all know if they can find a place that we’d want to go to and stay within a budget, they can get first dibs if we book it.

The problems are that they have a hard time sticking to a budget or they’re set on a specific place even if it’s not suitable for everyone. They’ll pick a hotel or rental that’s nearly the entire (or over the) vacation budget or doesn’t have enough rooms because it has a specific feature.

Because of this, we almost always go with Adriana’s choice. We recently spent 3 nights in a cabin with 3 bedrooms. 2 rooms had a king bed and an en suite. 3rd had 4 twin beds. Adriana chose one of the rooms with the king beds. There was a pull-out couch available but none of them wanted it.

After we left, they were upset that Adriana got her own room and bathroom while the rest of them had to share. I told them they knew the deal and that if they could find a place for everyone, stay within budget, and pick a place that we’d all want to go to, they could also choose their room and bed. They say they try but we always pick Adriana’s listings.

I told them her listings are usually more practical. We paid a little under $600 for the cabin that we stayed at after taxes and fees. It had so many free activities nearby that the entire 3-day vacation for 6 people came out to just under $1000. They can’t beat it with a $1800 listing with 2 beds and a single bathroom.

They think we’re being unfair and should rotate who books the vacations and chooses the rooms but I just don’t have that kind of money to throw away and I’m not going to deal with the fighting that’ll inevitably come when they pick a place with not enough beds or bathrooms.”

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FootballFan 3 months ago
NTJ.... As a travel agent, I am fully aware of the hours and research required to find best deals that accommodate all. She deserves first choice in recognition of her efforts. If the other toddlers could do better, then let them try harder.
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12. AITJ For Throwing Up After My Sister Forced Me To Eat Her Soup?

“My (18 f) sister (25) has just moved into a house with her husband so we all went over for dinner. Now I’m ashamed of being a picky eater as it just looks like I’m searching for attention when in reality I try my best not to come across that way.

She made a chicken soup meaning she cooked chicken then she shredded it and put a tomato soup-like thing over it.

My whole life I’ve actively hated chicken I’ve tried it so many times and I just hate it same with tomatoes so I asked my sister if I could maybe just have a salad however she refused and told me I was an attention seeker and I was a bad person for not wanting to try it.

I didn’t want to cause more drama in front of my family so I sucked it up and tried to eat it, I immediately hated the taste and the texture and I felt like I wanted to throw up I know it seems dramatic but I have a huge problem with texture and every time I’ve had chicken I’ve threw up.

Everyone pressured me into having a second bite and I hated it but I pushed through then everyone started pressuring me even more to have another big bite and I gagged I tried not to but it just happened I ran upstairs and threw up i started crying as I felt bad for causing a scene.

My mom berated me in front of everyone and my sister didn’t speak to me the rest of the time.

Now I’ve always been a picky eater and before anyone says ‘You should try more foods’ I do but I just don’t like the taste or texture of most foods and I don’t think I deserve hate for that.”

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MadameZ 3 months ago
NTJ, maybe your family will learn to back off in future. People who try to force others to eat something they are refusing are ALWAYS the jerks. Even if you are looking after a small child who is indeed refusing food for mischevious reasons, forcing them to eat it is not the answer. And if you are hosting an adult who has a lot of dietary restrictions including attention-seeking, the way to deal with them is ask them what they can eat and, if it is too restricted to satisfy other guests, advise them to bring their own food.
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11. AITJ For Not Wanting To Spend Christmas With My In-Laws?

“My (33 F) husband (34 M) and I have struggled with trying to conceive for more than 3 years. It shouldn’t have been this long but we were only able to get a referral to a fertility clinic a year after we started trying the fertility clinic itself had a waiting list, and when we finally were able to see a fertility doctor he did an HSG, then sent us home to try some more on our own.

All in all lots of waiting. I don’t really want to get into how I feel about all of this – I think anyone who has gone through infertility gets it. It’s a depressing place to be in.

Last year out of nowhere, our SIL (my husband’s sister) and BIL announced they were expecting.

They hadn’t been together that long and don’t really have stable jobs and are quite younger than us (SIL is 27), so we weren’t expecting this. My parents-in-law were absolutely ecstatic since it was the first grandchild in the family.

My husband is not very close to his sister.

For as long as we’ve been together (at this point we’re together for about 9 years), they’ve never visited each other, or done anything together. Growing up they argued a lot and never really cared for each other. They have very different personalities and very different career paths.

I’m pretty sure if they were not related they probably wouldn’t even say hi to each other if they ran into each other in town.

I don’t really know how my parents-in-law feel about this relationship. The one day in the year they want to celebrate together is Christmas Eve.

It’s a tradition that every year my MIL cooks and invites me and my husband, SIL, and BIL over. It’s the only day in the year that we see these people. We have no relationship with them. Usually, we go but this year, with the baby, I’m not really in the mood to go and put a straight face.

I know how it sounds but being around babies is difficult for me at the moment. We’re also not that close to them, and I just don’t very much see the need to spend Christmas Eve together this year.

Well, I mentioned this to my MIL and she called me a jerk.

Told me that I was ruining the baby’s first Christmas and she practically told me she wouldn’t talk to me ever again and that our relationship was ruined. I tried explaining to her that over the past year, we’ve also had multiple miscarriages, one of which made me lose a lot of blood and we had to go to the hospital for and I just would like some peace and quiet for the holidays but she insists that I’m not mentally OK and that I need to ‘suck it up’ so that we can do Christmas Eve like we always do.

For the sake of the baby because ‘how would your baby feel if your SIL does this’.

I don’t know. AITJ for not wanting to be with BIL/SIL and the in-laws on Christmas Eve because we’ve been struggling with infertility?”

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DeniseSB 3 months ago
You're not the jerk. Your MIL? Let me just say that she could sure use some empathy lessons.
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10. AITJ For Wanting To Work Out Twice A Week?

“I (36 F) work full-time as the sole breadwinner. My partner (38 M) is a full-time stay-at-home dad to our 2-year-old.

Recently I encouraged him to take up jiu-jitsu. (Actually, I laid down an ultimatum that if he didn’t do SOMETHING to get him out of the house and working towards a goal/meeting people/talking to adults, I might kill him due to his terrible moodiness… and he chose Brazilian jiu-jitsu because it was the only thing he was interested in.)

It’s been a huge challenge for him and is an accomplishment every time he goes. He comes home bruised, injured, and alternately invigorated or deflated based on the night’s ‘rolls.’ He’s determined to improve/excel and has started to go 3 nights a week.

For me, this means that despite a demanding job that often requires overtime… at 5 pm on Mon/Weds/Fri, I have a ‘hard out’ so I can take over the kiddo and he can head out to BJJ. He gets home in time to shower, tell me how he got injured today, and say goodnight before I put the kid to bed. Sometimes after I put her to bed, I’ll have to hop back on the comp to finish more work or knock out freelance projects I took on to bring in extra income.

Tonight he asked if he could ‘practice a jiu-jitsu move on me’ and I said, ‘God no, my back’s been at me just sitting/standing. If it goes out with the wrong movement, you’ll be full-time with kiddo for days,’ and he said, ‘What else is new,’ as though he’s getting no help.

I lost it.

I work my 9-5 (which sometimes has an hour or two extra a night), I put the kid to bed 6 nights a week, am taking her solo 3 nights a week while he’s at BJJ, and split primary childcare time (who gets up with her and takes her to the park/does diaper changes so the other person can sleep in/do chores and errands) 50/50 on the weekend.

His (foreign) mom also comes and lives with us for 6-week stints 3-4x a year and splits the childcare with him (and gives us more couple time).

I told him I thought the setup was unfair and suggested he go to BJJ twice a week.

I pointed out he gets upset when I go out at all in the evenings and said I would like to start working out on Tuesdays and Thursdays if he’s able to get out productively 3 nights a week and he reacted BADLY. He accused me of wanting to go eat McDonald’s in a parking lot (?), asked if my mother was behind this, and suggested he’d never known me to work out twice a week in all the time we’ve known one another.

(Rude, I’m your average New Year’s resolution fade-out workouter. I do lack long-term commitment but that doesn’t mean I should stop trying.)

So. AITJ here? He says I’m not supporting what is an INCREDIBLY challenging goal that causes him unending anxiety, and that I only want to work out to inconvenience him (I actually want to exercise out my anger issues and lose more weight… my recent 30 lbs-to-date weight loss has plateaued without working out).

He says that I’m too obsessed with tit-for-tat equality.”

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MadameZ 3 months ago
Sorry how much childcare does this 'stay at home dad' ACTUALLY do? and 'tit-for-tat equality'? It sounds like his idea of equality is that you do more domestic work than him because women should only have some equality, not so much that a man ever has to inconvenience himself for a woman...
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9. AITJ For Kicking My Fiancé's Sister Out After She And Her Friends Ate Our Wedding Cake Samples?

“I (27 f) and my fiance ‘Leo’ (27 m) decided to let my FSIL ‘Maya’ (32 f) stay at our house because she needed space from her husband due to some relationship struggles they’re having.

Leo and I had gotten wedding cake samples from an expensive bakery specializing in wedding cakes.

We planned to test them along with Maya after we finished up some other wedding plans yesterday.

However, when I came home from work to see Leo yelling at Maya, the box the samples came in wide open on the living room table, and Maya arguing with him.

I asked what was happening, and Leo angrily told me that while we were both at work, Maya had some friends over and they ended up eating almost all of our cake samples. I was shocked and asked Maya why she would do something like that.

Maya said that she needed a pick-me-up from what she was going through with her husband and invited her friends over to comfort her, which turned into them eating the cake samples after one of her friends noticed the box on our kitchen counter.

My shock turned into anger, and Maya tried to defend herself by saying it was just cake.

I told her that if it was just cake, then she should have no problem replacing it.

Maya refused because the price was way too expensive for something that tasted crappy anyways. Leo backed me up on having Maya pay to replace it, and we argued until I said that if Maya can’t cough up the money, then she’ll just stay at my FMIL’s house because there was no way I was having someone so disrespectful in my house.

Maya thought I was bluffing until Leo repeated my sentiment and went to go pack her things in a huff. When she came back out, I handed her some cash for gas and told her to get out.

Presumably, after Maya got to her mom’s house, my FMIL called me to scold me about kicking Maya out, and that I was cruel to do that to her in her time of need.

Also, my FMIL was also irritated that I sent Maya her way since she had let Maya into the liquor cabinet and ended up drinking some expensive whiskey that belonged to my FFIL so now they’re arguing about that.”

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paganchick 3 months ago
NTJ I would send FMIL the bill for the cake samples with a copy to SIL and tell FMIL that SIL is more than welcome to come back after she pays you the money she wasted and gives you and fiancee a heart felt apology. Someone's issues are in no way an excuse to crap on other people, its no wonder her husband doesn't want her around.
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8. AITJ For Wanting To Buy A Dress?

“My (24 F) fiancé Todd (23 M) and I are planning our wedding right now.

Both of our sets of parents kindly offered to split the wedding costs down the middle. We took them up on this offer, but things haven’t really been fair.

My parents have paid/offered to pay for a lot of things, one set of wedding jewelry, several of the more cultural wedding events, et cetera, while my fiancé’s side hasn’t really done anything of the sort.

I’ve talked to Todd about it before and according to him he’s gotten in fights with his father about it before and that a) his dad seems to not really care about Todd getting married and b) Todd is extremely ashamed of the fact that his side is not providing as much as my parents are.

For context, Todd works full-time, and both of my parents do too.

Last night I told him I wanted to get a dress for one of the events and showed him. He asked me where I was gonna get $400 to pay for it and I told him I could give him $200, the rest could be like a wedding gift to me.

He said he thought the wedding jewelry and the ring was the wedding gift but c’mon, that’s standard. I told him as much and we basically started arguing, he said he thought he’d given me enough gifts. I told him that he wasn’t being fair because he knew how much my parents were putting into this wedding, and it wasn’t even 50/50 because his side wasn’t paying for much other than the ring, the jewelry, and one dress.

To make a long story short, he basically said he knows he can’t put as much money towards this as my parents can, and that he spoils me as much as he can on his salary but it’s not fair to compare his one salary to my parents’ two salaries.

He said I know how ashamed it makes him that his parents basically don’t care about his wedding. He didn’t say anything for a long while and then really quietly he just went ‘My dad doesn’t care that I’m getting married’ and then got up and left.

He texted me around 15 minutes later that he was sorry but I haven’t seen him since. He spent the night outside the house and is at work right now. I honestly feel so bad but part of me feels like this was such an overreaction to a $200 gift. I’m wondering if I’m the jerk here.”

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paganchick 3 months ago
YTJ here's a concept that is probably completely new to you by the sound of your post. How about YOU get a job and buy your dress and put up a 1/4 of the wedding cost. I truly hope your fiancee opens his eyes over this and realizes that your obviously either a gold digger or a completely spoiled brat
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7. AITJ For Refusing To Reschedule My Baby Shower?

“I (mid-30s F) am pregnant, and a few months ago, my SIL (late-20s F) decided she wanted to throw a surprise baby shower. She asked my husband (mid-30s M) for our availability. He asked me what our schedule looked like for several weekends in the future because he wanted to have a get-together with friends.

At the time, I was overwhelmed with work and exhaustion at the time and said I’d check and get back to him. We both forgot about it.

My SIL reached out to my sister (30 F), asking for help with the party. My sister called me, asked when I was free and made up a story about coming to visit us for a weekend.

I told her if she wanted to visit, it would be best to come on (convenient date). My sister put invites together with (convenient date) and sent them out.

My SIL saw the invite, reached out to my husband, and asked if we could choose a different date than (convenient date).

My husband said that (convenient date) couldn’t be right because I had told him that my sister was visiting that weekend. One Abbott and Costello skit later, my husband spilled the beans to me about the surprise party and asked me to pick a new date.

I called my sister and told her I really didn’t want a party (remember: exhaustion). If anything, it could just be an informal get-together with both sides of our immediate family. She said that was all she and SIL had planned and invites had already gone out.

I said fine.

My husband then explained to me the problem that SIL couldn’t make (convenient date). (Convenient date) was the only one that worked in the timeframe they gave, but I didn’t want it to cause drama, so I told him to tell them (our sisters) to cancel the party if it was going to be a problem.

I’d take the day to sleep and that would be a lovely gift.

Long story short: they didn’t cancel the party; I made it through the party up until late afternoon/early evening, thanked everyone for their gifts, and went up to bed; my SIL didn’t come, didn’t send a gift, and now she’s being distant with me.

Technically, I’m not supposed to know that SIL’s the one responsible for the idea of the party or that she feels snubbed that it happened on a date when she had to work. However, even if I actually didn’t know, I’d notice the difference in how she behaves now: only interacts with me in the family chat and basically doesn’t respond/react to anything I send her privately.

And, of course, I did know that she couldn’t come.

Still, the whole thing seems ridiculous to me. I was asked for my availability. I gave it. I was thrown a party I didn’t want. I did my best to be gracious. I feel like my SIL should either talk to me directly about her feelings or just move on.

I don’t think I deserve this cold shoulder treatment.


I don’t care about her not getting a gift. I just think it’s weird that she was so gung-ho about throwing the party and THEN didn’t send a gift.”

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Ishouldntbehere2 3 months ago
NTJ. Sounds like SIL just wanted an excuse to be the centre of attention and is now mad that her plan worked but on a date she could no longer attend. She'll either get over it or she won't, not really your problem since you had nothing to do with the planning.
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6. AITJ For Refusing To Pay For My Friend's Broken Door?

“I (25 M) have always had a debilitating fear of bees, wasps, and any kind of bug that can bite or sting. I don’t know where it comes from, and I recognize it is unhealthy and has made me lose a lot of time outdoors in the hotter months.

My friends all know about this fear and just how bad it is, and it is often a point of joke for them. I don’t mind as we often roast each other and it’s all in good fun.

Recently, however, three of them decided to take it upon themselves to ‘deal with this fear once and for all.’ We live in the country so there are always fields of bugs and such flying and crawling around all over the place.

One afternoon they collected nearly a dozen bees and wasps from outside and trapped them all in my friend’s screened-in porch connected to his house. After luring me inside this porch with promises that we’d be having a chill afternoon of drinks and board games, they ran back inside and locked me in the porch with all these stinging creepy crappies flying all over the place.

Immediately realizing my peril, I yelled to let me in the house. They all first laughed as they thought it was funny, but as I felt my heart start to race and realized a panic attack was coming on, I screamed to let me out or I’d break the sliding glass door.

Not believing me, they said the bees were not a big deal and I would see once I got stung that it was not a reasonable fear to have.

I am a medicated individual due to work-related anxiety and have had anxiety attacks in the past where I’ve had to go to the ER, so I took this very seriously.

I gave them one more chance to let me in before I broke the door, and when I saw a paper wasp buzzing right in my face, I grabbed one of the porch chairs and smashed the glass door.

I ran inside and locked myself in the bathroom, hyperventilating and not sure if I was gonna be able to calm myself down.

After about 20 minutes of sitting in there and my friends complaining about the door, I got in my car and drove home.

The next day I got a Venmo request for $400 to replace the glass on the door. I explained that I got trapped in a situation against my will where they knew I had an irrational fear of bugs and that I did not feel responsible for the door as I gave them multiple attempts to let me in.

Two days later and now the main friend is saying he won’t be inviting me to anything until the $400 is paid, and is threatening to take me to small claims court. I didn’t ask for any of this and feel like my mental health issue was weaponized against me.

Am I the jerk?”

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MadameZ 3 months ago
NTJ and he will lose any court case he tries to bring because you were acting in self-defense.
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5. AITJ For Walking Out Of A Class?

“My (16 F) school has two blood drives each year. Only those 16 and up can give blood. The day before the drive, students go class to class to ask who wants to participate. They came into my class and asked. All but three students raised their hands, me and two others.

The teacher, who is big on giving to those in need, started asking us why we didn’t raise our hands. When she asked me, I told her that I wasn’t allowed to and physically couldn’t as I am anemic. My doctor told me not to give blood outside of a hospital. She said that wasn’t a valid reason and I spent over ten minutes trying to explain why I couldn’t but it was like she just couldn’t understand.

Other students had also tried to explain but she wasn’t having it. I started to get frustrated and I asked if she would please just leave it alone and that I just wasn’t going to give blood because I didn’t want to end up getting more upset and accidentally raising my voice or saying something that would get me in trouble.

She said ‘Not until you give me a reason why’.

I gathered my things and told her that if this bothered her so much problems to contact my dad and talk to him. I also told her that I was going to the office to file a complaint because getting mad at me for something like this was extremely unprofessional on her part and I wasn’t going to deal with this.

I texted my friends about it and one of them said that I should have just shut up and dealt with it, that my response was rude and disrespectful. Another friend agreed with her and now my friend group is split. My mom also said I was out of line and that I should have waited until lunch to report it.

My dad says he agrees with me and will have a conversation with the school about it.

I feel a little bad though, was my reaction really that disrespectful? I didn’t mean for it to be. AITJ?”

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MadameZ 3 months ago
NTJ. Always push back and report people like this. The minute she started asking you questions she was over the line. And it's fine to be 'disrespectful' to anyone overstepping their authority.
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4. AITJ For Refusing To Move Seats At The Airport?

“So, I was sitting with my friend at the airport in front of our gate, waiting for a flight. I had admittedly had a bad day so was already not in a great mood at the time. My friend and I were sitting next to each other and had our bags on the seat on her other side.

After we’d been sitting there for around 30 mins, a family of 3 (mother (~35 F), father (~45 m), and son (~7 M)) sat down in the seats across from us. There were only 2 open seats there, so we moved our bags from the seat next to us to make some room.

The mother and father sat down in the seats while their son was running around, as young kids do.

About 5 minutes later, out of nowhere, the mother came up to me and my friend and started berating me for not moving seats so her son could sit ‘closer’ to her, as she was sitting directly across from me.

Mind you, the seat we cleared up was literally 2 seats down from mine, and there were free seats next to it.

I was confused and told her we cleared the seat so someone from their party could sit there, as there were open seats on that side, and the seats on my other side were occupied. Plus, her son was not even sitting down.

She keeps saying how selfish I am and I argue back at her that she’s being ridiculous until her husband steps in and pulls her away.

After this interaction, I was very annoyed and kept making eye contact with her and rolling my eyes/scoffing.

I thought she was completely unjustified to ask us to move when there were plenty of other free seats in the area, but my friend told me that we were ‘two stressed-out women’ and both of us were in the wrong.


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rbleah 3 months ago
You were NOT in the wrong. You have NO OBLIGATION to cater to some nitwit who just happened to procreate. NOT YOUR CIRCUS, NOT YOUR MONKEY.
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3. AITJ For Not Letting My Dad Walk Me Down The Aisle?

“My father left when I was around 10.

I was an accident and only my mom wanted to keep me. They weren’t even in a relationship it was just supposed to be a one-night stand. The only reason he was in my life at all was because his parents forced him. I only saw him twice after he left, once a couple of months later when he came to get something he left and another at the funeral of his parents.

He paid child support but that’s about it, no calls on special occasions no gifts for birthdays or Christmas nothing. I hated him at first but eventually, I let it go, as someone with no plans of having kids soon I empathized with him a bit.

I’m getting married and invitations went out. I didn’t send one to him because I assumed he wouldn’t want one anyway. Well, the other day I got a message from him asking why he wasn’t invited since he needs to walk me down the aisle.

I told him I didn’t invite him because I didn’t think he wanted to come, as for walking me down the aisle he wasn’t in my life enough for me to consider him a father figure so he would not get that privilege.

He replied that it didn’t matter he was still my father so that was his right.

That upset me, he’s been avoiding his fatherly duties for over 10 years and now he’s trying to step up. So I told him I was going to send him a list of things he needed to do before I consider him my father.

He agreed to this plan.

Here are some of the things on the list:

1: send 13 years of birthday present

2: send 13 years of Christmas present

3: attend my high school graduation

4: attend my college graduation

5: teach me to ride a bicycle

6: teach me to drive

Plus a bunch of other milestones in life he missed. He was not happy about this list and called me disrespectful.

My mom found out about this and she is disappointed in me. She said I should have just told him no and moved on, there was no need to be cruel. I told her I didn’t do it out of malice I did it to show him how much he missed and it was ridiculous of him to expect to be the one to walk me down the aisle.

She still thinks I was cruel.


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rbleah 3 months ago
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2. AITJ For Wanting To Kick My Roommate's Significant Other Out Of Our Apartment?

“I’m a 20-year-old living with two other girls, one has a significant other who stays here most nights.

We all share one bathroom and that was never an issue. But there have been multiple times when I’ve been on the toilet and the handle has just started to literally jiggle frantically. I quickly went to open it and it would always be my roomie’s SO who would say ‘I really have to go’ or ‘(roomie) has a question.’ this also happened two times when I was showering which annoyed me because you can hear the shower from outside the door so obviously leave me alone.

He never asks to touch our things and never knocks. When I hear him stomping up to my door I’ll always cover myself because I know he won’t knock. I can’t even wear a towel to go to the laundry room because I know he (and sometimes even his unannounced friends) will be there sitting on the couch giving me a weird look.

I haven’t complained to anyone but my other roommate (who feels the same way about him) because we still have another semester to live together after signing the lease. I was going to bite my tongue until recently. My roomie borrowed my fake ID to go out and I found it returned on my bed one day.

Not only that but when I opened my drawers, I noticed that my previously folded clothes were messed up, as if someone had tried to refold them. I was getting dressed for a sneaky link that same night and couldn’t find my tights in my sock drawer.

I am 80% sure that my roommate’s SO took them because I already talked to my roommate and she said that her drawers looked like that too and she had a bra missing.

When she told me this I immediately knocked on roomie’s door to talk to her about this issue.

I asked for just her to step out to the hall so we could talk and our other roomie came up and we told her about this. She completely denied it saying that neither of them did that. I asked who else it would’ve been and she had the audacity to look straight at me and go ‘Maintenance maybe?’ I was so livid.

I told her to check her stuff. I called her SO out into the hall and told him for the fourth time to start knocking on doors before entering. I told them if we keep having an issue then I’m gonna talk to the RA about how he’s staying here without paying anything.

She gave me an extremely annoying look before shutting her door without saying anything.

Ever since that, she won’t even look at me, and her SO tries very hard to avoid me and ignores me. We’re all part of a large friend group and one of my closer friends told me that she was complaining about me to her and other girls saying that I was looking for attention pretending like her SO wants me because nobody else does.

I feel like I’m insane, I keep doubting myself even though I’m not alone in this experience. Our friends are talking about me and making me seem like I’m some weird desperate girl trying to cause made-up drama.”

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Eatonpenelope 3 months ago
Get a cheap camera and catch him walking in without put him on blast with your friend group, heck with the whole college. He's a creep and you are NTJ
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1. AITJ For Inviting My Sons To Our Family Dinner?

“My daughter recently turned 30. To celebrate, she and her partner went away for the weekend, and when they returned she planned a dinner for the following week with family and friends.

It was a buffet-style dinner, where everyone brought something and guests could take what they wanted to. My wife – her stepmother – was immediately excited as she loves to cook, and planned to bring two courses, a main course and a dessert, both that she had cooked multiple times that our sons love.

A few days later, my daughter told me she had to cancel the party. She had planned to throw it at her partner’s house, but new neighbors had moved in next door who were having lots of work done to the house so it was too loud, and there was not enough room in her flat.

So, I offered to host at our house, there was plenty of space and we knew most of her friends and relatives already so there was no one we were uncomfortable with inviting into our home. She was unsure at first but eventually agreed.

Here’s where I might be a bit of a jerk.

My daughter had always said the party was 18+, it was expected to go on for a few hours and people were planning to drink. However, my wife and I have three sons (15, 12, and 8) and we could not kick them out of the house for the night.

My wife said that my daughter would know that by having the party here, her brothers would be invited, but apparently, she did not as even her own children and her partner’s daughter had been excluded from the guest list.

Everything was fine at first, but when all the guests arrived and dinner was served, my wife called for my sons to join us in the dining room.

My daughter was visibly unhappy with this, but she did not say anything. She seemed to be avoiding us for the rest of the night and left with her friends far earlier than she said she was going to, deciding to drink at a local bar instead.

Her partner stayed to help clean up, but he did not say much.

At first, I assumed she just didn’t want to get wasted around her parents, but the following day she texted me expressing her upset that I had ignored her wishes and invited her brothers, that the event was supposed to be adults only for a reason and it made a lot of her friends uncomfortable to have children around when they were supposed to be drinking/relaxing.

She said that when I offered to host the event she thought I knew what I was taking on. I will admit that my 15-year-old was rather annoying to her and some of her friends, but I do not think that their presence ruined the entire evening, and I do not see why, with so much homecooked food in the house, my sons were expected not to eat any.

And I do not see why her friends could not drink or relax just because my sons were there.

My wife insists we did nothing wrong, that my daughter should’ve known the boys would be there since they live here, but I can now see that this is not what my daughter wanted for her birthday celebration and worry I am the jerk.


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LizzieTX 2 months ago
NTJ. Your daughter is THIRTY YEARS OLD and isn't smart enough to figure out that if she throws a party at her parents' home, that her minor brothers would be in residence? Seriously? No, you did nothing wrong except raise an entitled fool who expected you to kick your minor children out of the house for the evening. A moron, and a cheap one at that. Wow.
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