People Express Their Worries About Their "Am I The Jerk?" Stories
24. AITJ For Asking My Partner Not To Leave Anything With Nuts In The Sink?
“I have a nut allergy and live with my partner. I prefer that she doesn’t eat nuts at all, but I feel bad dictating what she eats so all I ask from her is that when she eats something with nuts in it she washes it and puts it in the dishwasher right away.
Peanuts can potentially kill, other tree nuts are not as bad but still make me react in a way where I need some sort of medical attention/medicine.
This morning I woke up about 2 hours earlier than her and there was a bowl with almond granola in it in the corner of the sink.
When my partner woke up and came to make breakfast in the kitchen, I asked her if she could not leave anything with nuts in it in the sink for an extended period of time. She asked me why I couldn’t just work around it, and I told her it made me uncomfortable given my allergies.
When I cited my allergies she kept on saying it’s not a big deal and getting mad at me for making it into a big deal. I proceeded to then get mad at her for not acknowledging what I was saying and being defensive.
She got really mad at me for ruining her morning, claiming that she shouldn’t have to bend her back for me and that I should’ve just gotten over it, while I was upset that she was not respecting my allergies and space. To be clear I wasn’t upset to start with, as I understand mistakes happen.
I only got upset with her reaction when I felt that my feelings/allergies were minimized.
AITJ?
Just to be clear, I am not deathly allergic to what she left in the sink. Almonds will usually at best lead to mild discomfort breathing, worst case scenario has only been a minor hospitalization.”
Another User Comments:
“YTJ to yourself for having standards so low that you’ll voluntarily go out with someone who literally doesn’t care if her breakfast kills or hospitalizes you. Come on, man. Have some self-respect. Say to yourself, ‘The price of entry into a relationship with me is being willing to live without having nuts in the house that might hospitalize or kill me.’ You will exclude maybe 5% of women by setting that rule for yourself and following it.
You might even find a woman with nut allergies to be with, they do exist.” writinwater
Another User Comments:
“You’ve been hospitalized for your allergies before. That’s ‘we don’t keep or allow these things in our home’ territory, not ‘you can just work around it while it sits in the sink’ territory.
Your partner either doesn’t understand the severity of your allergies, or she doesn’t respect you. Maybe both. You need to fix this problem, and that means she stops bringing your allergens into your home, or y’all split. NTJ.” CJ_Boiss
23. AITJ For Calling My Brother Pathetic?
“My (32F) brother Carl (27M) was spoiled for 8 years because he almost died. The short version: he was very sick and spent months at a time in the hospital as a kid, and both my parents and extended family gave him everything he wanted because he wasn’t expected to live past 9 years old.
Medical science did save his life, but it took a couple of years for everyone to stop spoiling him. My father admitted it was just habit, but once he realized the negative impact it had on me and the entitlement of Carl, things changed immediately.
My mother is to this day the only holdout.
Obviously, Carl hated that he was being told no to anything. Everyone expected him to adjust over time, but he never did. He even told a therapist that he’d never cooperate because he was right and everyone else was wrong.
Carl is extremely intelligent, but he’s lazy and arrogant. He had to repeat his senior year of high school because he refused to do any work. He refused to go to community college because he believed that he knew more than the professors. He refused to get a job until he was 24 because he felt that all jobs short of CEO were beneath him.
Whenever my dad tried to do something about this attitude (like taking away MY DAD’S credit card so Carl could no longer just buy takeout every day), my mother immediately undermined my dad.
Carl doesn’t cook or clean, he doesn’t pay rent, and over the last 5 years, he’s started viewing women as subservient to men.
It’s caused massive damage to his relationship with my dad.
Carl still lives with my dad, and when I visit we occasionally talk. The last time I visited, Carl complained that every girl he’d taken out had ghosted him. I asked for information on the dates (where they went, what they talked about, etc) and he mentioned they get weird as soon as he says his life plan is to inherit my dad’s house and have his wife be a stay-at-home wife while he works.
I told him that might be because he’s 27 and making minimum wage, his plan is to never actually be an adult. My dad also told him that if he passed, I’d inherit the house because I know how to pay bills. I said I’d have to charge Carl rent if he stayed or I’d have to move in.
Carl said that ruined his ‘life plan’ because he was supposed to get everything since I’m getting married and my husband should control me. I snapped. I told him the reason he’s getting ghosted is because he’s pathetic, a walking red flag, and no woman disrespects themselves enough to be with a loser like him.
He started screaming that I was a jerk.
My dad understands that what I said is true, but that I should have been less blunt. My mother keeps calling to demand I apologize for insulting Carl. I do want him to change and grow, so I feel I was wrong in calling him a loser and pathetic (I stand by the red flag part FIRMLY).
AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“People should have been blunter with old Carl – like years ago. But Carl is set in his ways. Telling him anything is likely futile. Your mama is probably gonna push your dad to let Carl inherit the house cause her baby boy needs it more than you – because you sound like a capable adult who can stand on her own two feet.
So you might wanna be prepared for that. Or – your parents might want you to take some kind of caretaker role or trust fund manager or something. So THAT will be fun to get out of. And you definitely should make every effort to get out of it.
NTJ.” YouthNAsia63
Another User Comments:
“NTJ – What you stated was the truth and no amount of coddling or apologizing will change it. Your mother needs to cut the umbilical cord and let him grow up. As for him living in the house, contact a realtor and ask them what happens when you inherit a house with someone still living in it.
You’d be surprised what rights your brother will have and if they consider him a squatter it’ll be really bad. Your father should be making him pay rent now so that you can follow suit once you inherit. Your brother’s attitude would be reason enough for you to look into what may happen as laws do not protect the homeowner very well.” Otherwise-Wallaby815
22. AITJ For Telling My Mother-In-Law To Stop Asking Her Son For Money?
“MIL has asked for money since the 1st day I met her. She was a stay-at-home mom for most of her life and had 4 sons with 2 different men. Both ex-husbands have passed away, so now she reaches out to her sons for money.
My partner (31M) and I (29F) live together and have been together for two years. During that time, he paid her cell phone bill regularly, gave her 500€, sent her random amounts between 50-100€, bought her things for her home (toaster, new comforter, etc.), and even brought her food.
Many times she doesn’t even say thank you, maybe twice?
My partner and I are comfortable, but not rich. I am a freelance tutor and he is a security guard. We are tight, but make do. For a year, MIL has been pushing him to agree to give her 50€ monthly.
She thinks if each son gives her 50€, then she can have 200€ a month. I don’t understand the need for this extra money. The gov helps pay for her apartment, and she gets SS and pension. Between her 4 sons, they pay for her home goods, another son pays for her hair and nail appointments (way more frequently than I even allow myself to go to the salon, and I don’t even get my nails done), and another takes her out to eat.
No matter what she receives, she insists on more each time.
Yesterday was my partner’s bday, and today is MIL’s bday. Because they are so close in days, and we both work today, we brought her a birthday cake last night to celebrate both birthdays together.
She had nothing prepared for my partner, not even a card, but was happy to accept the cake. Things were actually okay until we finished eating and she brought up money again. She said she complained to her friend about how she has four sons and only one of them helps her (so untrue, as I have a record at this point of everything everyone, myself included, has bought her).
She said her friend would be calling the sons because ’50€ to you guys is nothing, but to me, it is a lot.’
I calmly asked, ‘MIL, when you decided to have 4 children, what was your plan for when you got to this age?’
She said, ‘Oh, I didn’t have one.’
I said, ‘Oh, okay. And why do you think 50€ is nothing to your son? How can anyone say 50€ is nothing to anyone with the cost of living these days.’
She said, ‘Yes, but would you let your mother go hungry?’
I said, ‘No, I wouldn’t, but your sons haven’t let you go hungry.’ I added, ‘I am actually really surprised that on your son’s birthday, when he brought YOU a cake on HIS birthday and came to YOUR house, you didn’t get him ANYTHING, not even a card, you are comfortable sitting here making him feel bad for not giving you money.’
He didn’t stop me so I kept going, ‘At 31 years old, do you think your son and I don’t want to start our own family? But we know we can’t do that economically, and we don’t want to burden our kids with that in the future.’
She lost it. I am banned from the family now. My partner is 100% on my side. AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Asking on his bday in front of everyone is not the right time to have that conversation. Maybe things escalated a bit too quickly, but I can definitely understand your anger.
I have a few other thoughts. If you and your partner haven’t had the money talk and how y’all are gonna handle it, now might be a good time. Cause if y’all are pooling your finances then you have every right and loaning money is a decision both of you must agree on.
If you and your partner have separate money then your partner has the final say if he wants to lend her money. But that doesn’t really matter since you said your partner was on your side.” wheres_fleat
Another User Comments:
“Two thoughts. First, someone looking for money/support will review their options from most convenient to least convenient.
When you’re asked by someone in a hard position, it may feel like you’re the difference between their chance to succeed and their chance to fail. But you’re really just the next stop on the list… there was an easier one before you and there will be a harder one after you.
Second, ‘What appears to be a crisis is often the end of the illusion that things were working.’ It’s rare that someone is actually in a situation where they were OK before and they’ll be OK after, if they can just resolve one immediate issue.
Learn to say ‘I don’t have any more money to lend’ (you might have more money, but not to lend) or ‘I can’t lend you any more money until you pay me back what you already borrowed.’ If she asks for anything, just ask ‘Do you have my money yet?’ and she will stop calling/supporting you.
But really, this is up to your partner to tell his mom to back off.” bopperbopper
21. AITJ For Wanting To Use Our Wedding Money To Buy A House?
“I (31f) and my dear fiancé ‘Greg’ (32m) have finally gotten our lives together. He received a big promotion at his job a few months ago, and I’ve finally gotten my career off the ground.
We’ve almost cleared up our student loans, and our general debt and are finally ready to work towards buying a house. The only issue is, that at best, we’d be five years away from being able to afford a down payment and all the other related fees.
On the other hand, now that we’ve cleared up our debt, we’re finally ready to get married and start our lives together. But given that we just got out of debt, we can’t justify throwing a huge party that’ll put us right back into some form of debt.
I mean don’t get me wrong, ever since I was a girl I’ve dreamed about having a big, fancy wedding. I still want one, but we can’t have one anytime soon. So we decided to have a small, lowkey, ceremony with immediate family and friends and a nice reception either at a restaurant or maybe in a friend’s backyard.
We then had a brilliant idea.
I knew my parents and grandparents had saved up a decent amount of money to put towards paying for our wedding. His parents also put some money away towards their individual kids’ weddings. The amount would be somewhere around $30,000.
Greg has a friend in the real estate business who’d be willing to sell us a great home, in a great neighborhood, at a very reasonable price, if we can get a letter of intent to him. Greg and I are convinced that this is our opportunity and we don’t want to let it pass.
Our parents obviously would like to see us have a big wedding, and we don’t want to disappoint them. So we thought that as a compromise, if we get married this year and have a small ceremony, we would have a vow renewal in five years that would be the ‘official’ wedding, and we’d pay for that completely out of pocket by ourselves.
We presented it to the families at an event both sides were at, and well, it wasn’t well received. Both sides said that the money was just for a wedding and that if we wanted a house, then save up for it like they did.
They weren’t that mean about it, but that’s basically what they said. Greg and I had a big argument with them, but their minds were set.
We’re both upset and feel like they’re not seeing our side in this, but on the other hand, it is their money and maybe we’re acting like babies a bit.
So, are my fiance and I the jerks for wanting to buy a house with our wedding money?”
Another User Comments:
“YTJ X5. First of all, it is NOT your money. They saved it for a wedding and that is what they want to use it for.
Be gracious and accept their answer. You don’t get to decide what anyone else does with their money. It is not the responsibility of parents to save up for a down payment on a house for each kid. Seems like both of you are entitled brats when you say they won’t see your side.
Why should they? It is their money saved for a specific instance and if not used for a wedding then maybe they want to use it for something else for them.” ERVetSurgeon
Another User Comments:
“NTJ for wanting to use the money for a house, but it’s not your money.
It’s your parents’ money. You went to them and asked them to use it towards the house instead, and they said no. You cross into jerk territory by starting a fight with them over it. And not for nothing, but if you only need $30,000, when you’ve both become debt free, then it won’t take you 5 years to save $30,000 on your own.” inFinEgan
Another User Comments:
“YTJ. It’s not ‘your’ money but money the parents set aside to help pay for a wedding, even though big weddings are a stupid waste. It’s their money. A vow renewal is just that, not a ‘real wedding’ five years after the fact.
You want to play a shell game so you can get your hands on their money as well as get a big gaudy party. And NEWSFLASH. A real estate guy can’t get you a house based upon a $30k ‘letter of intent’ as a down payment.
If he promises that, he’s a con man. There’s no house. He can’t speak for a bank or mortgage holder who you’ll owe for the purchase price. You have to qualify for loans and you don’t sound like you are in any financial position to do that.
You two don’t seem to have a grasp of the real world. Grow up. Save your money and apologize to both sets of parents for being angry and rude to them about this childish scheme to get their money.” Sufficient-Dinner-27
20. AITJ For Telling My Sister To Be More Laid Back With Her Au Pair?
“So my (23M) sister (29F) has an au pair from Britain, Stella (19F). She’s a very nice and admittedly very beautiful girl. We live in Germany. She’s been here for about 10 months and I would consider us to be friends.
My sister very obviously does not like Stella.
My brother-in-law (32M) is the one who insisted on an au pair because my sister wanted help with child care, and he thought an au pair was the best choice. This is because Stella can teach their kids English, an au pair is cheaper, and the culture exchange benefits both the family and the au pair.
Additionally, his own sister was an au pair and she loved it.
My sister will often complain about Stella, calling her a show off for teaching the kids French in addition to English, she calls her lazy for only working the hours allowed by the government and she thinks that Stella is vain for caring about her appearance.
Everyone else in the family loves her and my mother can’t bear the thought of her leaving in two months.
Stella has never complained about my sister, but it’s obvious that she is a terrible host.
A few days ago, my sister brought over her children to our home for a family meal and she did not bring Stella.
My mother asked Stella to come so she was confused, and my sister said that she was enforcing a ‘dress code’ and Stella had no clothes that fit the dress code. My mother pressed her for more information and turns out, my sister didn’t want Stella to be wearing skirts during her working hours and all of her trousers were in the wash.
She claims it’s because she can’t run after the children in a skirt but I’ve seen her do it before.
I said it was absurd to restrict Stella’s clothing. Stella is always very modest so perhaps it would make sense if she wasn’t but she is.
My mother was annoyed because Stella was leaving soon and she wanted to see her more, and I was annoyed because she was just being mean for no reason. I told my sister she was being unnecessarily strict and she needed to leave Stella alone because this wasn’t the only unusual rule she had for her.
She doesn’t allow Stella to go clubbing at all, doesn’t allow Stella to wear makeup in the house, doesn’t let her call my BIL for a ride if she’s out, etc. In my opinion, she’s horrible to her.
My sister called me a jerk and told me to mind my own business.
I don’t think I was a jerk but my sister said she has the right to make the rules as Stella’s ‘employer’. AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Your sister is afraid that her husband will be attracted to the au pair, so she forces her to be as plain as possible.
That said, it does happen, so you can’t really blame your sister for worrying a little. She has been unduly harsh with the au pair and should be grateful to her for sticking it out. I hope she and her husband make an effort and offer a nice envelope before she goes.
Au pair work is not easy. Perhaps you and the rest of the family can plan a moment with the au pair before she leaves, without your sister present, to just let her know that you have enjoyed having her around.” hadMcDofordinner
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Your sister sounds extremely jealous and insecure. She is clearly threatened by Stella and does everything she can to make her life difficult. Stella isn’t ‘lazy’ for only working the hours the government sets, they set that for a reason!
Also, she has no right as Stella’s employer to dictate whether Stella wears makeup, goes out clubbing when not working, etc. Your sister sounds awful and Stella has the patience of a saint!
The poor girl should run and never look back. Your sister sounds like the kind of woman who is so insecure in herself she feels the need to tear other women down or downplay their own attributes to make herself feel better.” Cookie1107
19. AITJ For Wanting My Husband To Take Care Of Me?
“I (66f) have been married for nearly thirty years to my husband (M 78).
I came home from an international flight two days ago with bronchitis or something similar.
He said, ‘I will take care of you.’
I was too sick to do anything other than drink water and urinate.
I was glad I made all of my flight arrangements ahead to have a pickup and drop off.
He came in for the first time in the evening and said he spent all that day trying to find a doctor who does home visits and could not.
He asked if I wanted anything and I asked for juice. He brought me a small glass a few hours later and left it on the other side of the room.
Today I was worse with fever, coughing, and sweating. I didn’t have any extra energy.
I laid in bed sleeping on and off for most of the day (it was getting dark) and he came in and asked if he could do anything. I felt so angry. I didn’t say anything. I was worried that if I said how I felt, it would take longer to recover.
He came back tonight and said, ‘He had been checking on me all day.’ Like he was proud of that.
Unfortunately, I said some hateful things, all of which I meant, and started crying and coughing. I told him that was not enough!
Am I the jerk for telling him taking care of someone who is ill involves more than looking at them?
I still haven’t opened my suitcase, or spent time on my phone for entertainment.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. I don’t give a crap if he’s 78, you can bet if you were 99 he’d still expect you to care for him when he’s ill.
You can also bet he’s never done much to look after you when you’re sick, even when he was much younger. He’s doing a crappy job, not even the bare minimum. And I think we all know any time he’s been sick over the years you probably did everything to meet his needs, comforting him, getting meds he might need, cooking for him, making sure he’s comfortable etc, etc.
At this point, there’s not much you can do about him, but make sure you do everything you can to care for yourself. Be kind to yourself, you sound like you need a doctor and I’m certain you’d find one in minutes if you did it yourself, as opposed to him ‘trying’ all day.
I’m sorry you don’t have the care and comfort you deserve.” Invisible-Jane
Another User Comments:
“Soft YTJ, you admitted you were asleep most of the day, so the truth is you have no idea if he checked on you all day. You were only awake two times so you assumed those were the only times.
If you are resting your body is doing the work of healing itself. He would have been doing more damage waking you up every hour to bug you about what you wanted. He cannot read your mind. You are a grown person, if you need something use your words.
I understand being ill, but you need to say if you want him to take you to the hospital or otherwise do something.” InevitableRemote9540
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. I suggest you stop being nice to him. You can be nice and communicate politely when you are feeling better.
Right now, I think you should treat him more like a maid from Downton Abbey. Ring for him to come. When he comes, tell him exactly what you want. ‘I want a glass of juice and a glass of water, two pills of Paracetamol, and a sandwich with PB&J.
On a tray on my bedside table, please. Thank you.’ You need assistance right now. He is not giving it. So you need to tell him exactly what to do. It’s sad because you shouldn’t have to. But this is an emergency. Do it anyway.
I hope you get well soon.” JaguarZealousideal55
18. AITJ For Not Wanting To Give My Niece A More Expensive Christmas Gift?
“I (47F) have three nieces (14, 18, 20) who I give Christmas presents to every year.
They will usually send their Christmas Wishlists to me as I would otherwise not know what to give them. I usually set a cost limit of $75-100 per niece.
Last year, the oldest had a wishlist where there were no gifts under $200 and I chose to gift her a $100 Uber gift card instead of an item that was on her list. By contrast, her sisters had wishlists with some gifts that were under the $100 limit and I chose to gift those presents to them in keeping with my limits.
This summer I heard that my oldest niece was very upset after Christmas that I didn’t get her anything off her list when I gifted her sisters from their respective lists and that she thought I was ‘playing favorites’, and that I ‘was rude’ and that it ‘better not happen again’.
This year the same thing has happened. My oldest niece has chosen gifts that are over $200 each with the exception of a matching clothing set where each clothing piece is less than $100 but the whole set (which really is meant to be bought together) is over $200.
Her sisters gave a range of prices for their gifts, some of which are under $100. I am leaning toward keeping to my cost limits this year again and gifting from the younger nieces’ lists and giving a $100 gift card to my oldest.
Money is not the issue.
I can well afford any of the gifts on my oldest niece’s Christmas list. I mostly feel obligated to stick to my principles around limiting cost knowing that my oldest niece could get upset again.
Does sticking to my principles knowing that my oldest niece could (and likely will) be hurt make me the jerk?
It feels like it.”
Another User Comments:
“You’ve been keeping it fair by sticking to your limit. But this year, to keep it fair give all 3 $100 gift cards. And next year the oldest will be 21 and you aren’t obligated to buy her anything. Really you aren’t obligated to buy her anything this year or even last year.
She’s too old to demand anything from anyone besides her parents by way of a wish list. Doesn’t matter that you can afford a $200 item for her. It’s the principle as you said. To keep it fair, if you bought her a $200 item off her wish list, you’d have to spend the same amount on the other 2 resulting in them receiving TWO gifts each from you and now that’s not fair they got 2 gifts and she only got one.
NTJ.” GardenSafe8519
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Honestly, at 20 she should not be expecting gifts anymore. She is now part of the adults and if she wants to receive gifts she should also be gifting. Also, $100 is very generous, especially for each niece. My max for gifts is usually $50 but I try to stay under that.
They have parents to spoil them with the more expensive things. I think you need to let your niece know that while you’d love to give her something off her list her items are just out of the budget. Also, let her know that she is getting to an age where she shouldn’t expect gifts, especially ones so expensive.
It doesn’t matter that you could afford it it’s that she’s being entitled to even ask for such expensive items.” Rad_kerr
20 is to old to throw a fit, because she thinks you didn't spend enough on her. You should get her one piece of the outfit she wants. So you stick to your budget. If she wants the rest she can buy it.
17. AITJ For Not Allowing A Male Workmate Use The Ladies' Toilet?
“I’m not sure if it’s a health problem but my own male coworker destroys the toilet when he uses it.
He literally plugs up the toilet in the men’s bathroom every day.
Recently he has decided that it is too much for him to plunge the toilet when he does this so he has been leaving it like that for the cleaning crew.
We allowed him to use the ladies’ room one day and he did the same to our toilet.
We forced him to go in and fix it. He was not happy.
Both of our bathrooms require a key card to access. He has been asking us to borrow a card so he can use it. The other two women agreed but I said no. He said I was being a jerk and he would clean up.
I said if he was willing to clean up then he could just go clean the men’s room. He wouldn’t. The other women feel bad for him but I don’t care.
He has been having to go across the way to a fast food place to use their bathroom and they won’t let him use it without a purchase.
The women came to me and said we were cutting into his work time forcing him to go elsewhere to take a dump. I said that I would agree to let him use the bathroom so long as I got a signed agreement from them that if he did not clean up them they would take care of it.
They said that wasn’t fair. I, once again, don’t really care. If they want to be nice and let him stop up the toilet then they can clean up after the slob.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. He already has a pretty sweet setup, essentially having his own personal bathroom while everyone else in the building has to share.
If he is causing problems with that toilet, it seems reasonable that he be barred from using the other toilet. The remainder of the staff should not be subjected to him blocking and abandoning their toilet and being forced to clean it themselves if they wish to use it first. It seems a pretty simple rule – you block it, you clean it.
Yes, most workplaces normally have a cleaner who deals with this sort of thing, but an exception is normally granted when it is one particular person who has caused the trouble and should clean it themselves, not pass it off to an innocent cleaner. Their job description is cleaning, not unblocking toilets… Is this guy by any chance the sort of person who just dumps his coffee cup in the sink and expects someone else to have done the washing up and cleaned it for him?
The fact that he is continually blocking toilets does make me consider a couple of things: That the plumbing is not up to standard and there are unknown problems with it causing it to get easily blocked – perhaps something worth getting a plumber up check out.
Alternatively, he had something up with his diet and body that is causing him to need multiple toilet-destroying large dumps every day, and he needs to reconsider his diet (is he perhaps a weight lifter/protein shake bro?) or speak to a doctor before he does his guts some real damage.” Nrysis
Another User Comments:
“Not to be disgusting, but it sounds like your colleague is using too much toilet paper. Not sure why he has to take a crap at work every day, but he should probably look at his diet, seems questionable. There may be an option that he uses a waste basket to throw his toilet paper in instead of the toilet.
That way he can avoid the clog and simply close the bag and throw it in the larger trash can in the bathroom. Since he’s the only guy, it should be fine… I’ve traveled to many underdeveloped countries and they ask that you not throw toilet paper in the toilet but in the trash next to the toilet.
NTJ.” SuperWomanUSA
16. AITJ For Not Wanting To Go To My Sister's Wedding?
“I (28F) find myself in a really tough spot and need some honest opinions on what I should do. My sister (25F) is getting married soon, and the entire family is ecstatic, but I am not. Her fiancé (30M) stole a business idea from me a few years back, and I’m seriously considering skipping the wedding because of it.
Backstory: I’d been working on a unique business concept for a few years, and I told my sister about it. I thought we were close. Fast forward a bit, and lo and behold, her fiancé launches the same business, basically stealing my idea and profiting off it.
This scheme is what is funding most of their wedding, for your information.
I confronted them about it, and they played dumb, acting like it was ‘just a coincidence’, and they ‘had no idea’. I was furious, hurt, and betrayed, but for the sake of the family, I decided not to press the issue any further.
Now the wedding is approaching, and my parents are pressuring me to attend after I mentioned to them that I want to skip it. They argue that family comes first, and I should set aside my grievances for the sake of my sister’s big day.
On the other hand, I feel like attending would be a slap in the face, as I feel it would signal that what they did is forgivable and that I’m okay with being walked all over.
So AITJ for wanting to skip my sister’s wedding over this?
Should I put aside my feelings and be there for her, or is it fair for me to take a stand against what feels like a major betrayal? I’m torn.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. This is based on taking you at your word that they ripped off a unique idea, making it hard for you to now use the idea for yourself without being in direct competition and looking like the one copying their business, putting you behind the eight ball from the outset.
They did betray you and going would look like you were signaling that you were willing to let it be water under the bridge. The thing is, jerks count on time healing (and hiding) all wounds and they may be counting on it – that you would come around and they would get away with it with no real consequences.
You don’t have to be pressured into just taking it because the rest of the family wants to celebrate the wedding and pretend that your sister and her soon-to-be husband haven’t stabbed you in the back.
If you don’t want to go, don’t go. Tell family pressuring you that they are all welcome to go but to leave you out of it; their betrayal is a real and serious thing and you are not willing to go along with pretending it isn’t just because acknowledging it is inconvenient when the rest of the family just wants to forget about it and celebrate.
Your sister and her SO have done nothing to make things right and you are not going to give them a free pass on this level of betrayal.” kurokomainu
Another User Comments:
“Your sister gave that idea to her partner. Your BIL is an outsider (not your family member) so he doesn’t care if he steals your idea and it hurts you.
Your sister is your blood and she betrayed you. For her, family doesn’t come first. Her partner comes first. Family comes first is nonsense unless it is applied and believed and respected by all family members equally, not just applying to 1 person and the rest behaving like loose oxen.
It doesn’t matter if you launched your business or not, you were working on it. It should have been between you and her so not going to the wedding is understandable. She made a mistake and now she has to face the consequences. NTJ.” Ninja_Buffalo
15. AITJ For Not Wanting To Stay Home With My Sick Niece?
“Due to surgery, I’m (f) staying home as I have a 3-month sick leave from work.
So I have a lot of free time. My brother and his wife are next door with their daughter Emma.
Emma got sick, the flu or something like that, and she’s not going to nursery for a moment. The other day my SIL messaged me and asked if I could stay with Emma for a few hours because she’s going to a dentist and she doesn’t want to take Emma with her.
My brother had to take her because she doesn’t have a driver’s license, and we live in a remote location with really bad public transportation, and the dentist was a 40-minute car ride from the house.
I said that I couldn’t stay with Emma because I also had a doctor’s appointment, and I had to go because I was running out of my thyroid medication.
My SIL got angry because she said that I still have some tablets and I can always go to our GP to get an emergency prescription and don’t need a specialist for that.
I actually had to go because I haven’t seen my doctor for over 6 months and I needed to see if I may have a change in my dosage.
My SIL broke her tooth, and I know it was not the ideal situation, but she could’ve gone and rescheduled for another day, while my doctor wasn’t in town for the next 2 weeks.
My SIL said that I’m being difficult and I am forcing a sick child out of the house, and possibly making her more sick.
Now my niece has a fever and I wonder if maybe my SIL was right.
So AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. You need to take care of yourself; you’re not on sick leave from work so you can be the family daycare service, you have sick leave from work because you’re actually sick.
If it were something very minor (you wanted to go to the post office to buy stamps) then I could understand her wanting you to push it back. If it’s your own doctor then it’s a VERY disrespectful ask for you to get an emergency supply (!) after you run out of medication, and not even get to see the doctor to verify that you’re still on the right dosage.” DueIsland2983
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Why does she get to prioritize her medical appointment, but you can’t? Her medical concerns do NOT trump yours. She needed to go see the dentist, you needed to see your endocrinologist. The only difference is that this is HER kid and therefore her responsibility.
It was fine of her to ask, but crappy of her to push it and call you difficult. Also, given how hard it is to reschedule appointments or even get through to doctors’ offices these days, there is a distinct possibility that you wouldn’t have been able to get your meds on time.” feyinbetween
14. AITJ For Not Wanting To Take My Brother In?
“I (29f) got married to my husband (29m) last month.
I have two older sisters (33 and 35) and a younger brother (24) who has autism. I didn’t have a good relationship with my mom and brother because my whole life I saw how she was spoiling him at the cost of me and my sisters (like blowing candles and unpacking our presents on our birthdays, buying whatever he wanted but we had to ‘earn the money’ if we wanted something, even canceling plans like my college graduation trip because he wanted to stay).
He also was never taught any chores and threw a tantrum when he was asked simple things like cleaning dishes. The argument was always, ‘You must understand, he has autism’. So I was so happy to move out and live with my partner.
At my wedding, my mom took me to the side and said how happy she was that my brother would live with me and my husband!
I don’t have to say that I was shocked. No one ever told me or my husband about this ‘plan’. I asked what she was talking about and her answer was ‘Isn’t that obvious? He likes you the most and you have the money’.
I was FURIOUS.
It was my wedding and she was trying to force me and my husband to take care of the brat that she created. I said that I wouldn’t let my brother ruin our lives and she could forget about this nonsense. Now she and part of my family are calling me a selfish jerk but on the other side, my husband and friends are on my side.
AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. I’ve heard of some thoughtless wedding gifts, but your mom takes the cake by trying to ‘gift’ you the problem she created. She didn’t even wait until after the honeymoon. Any chance she’s tried pawning him off on your sister previously to no avail, and now you’re her last chance to wash her hands of him?
Your mom didn’t do right by your brother, with you and your sisters being collateral damage. I don’t know where he falls on the spectrum, but it doesn’t sound like she helped him learn how to thrive. Instead of working towards a solution, she’s trying to drop him at your door and bailing.
It sounds like she has no long-term plan, which means this is going to keep escalating. Prepare to put up whatever barriers you need to for you and your husband to survive the oncoming mess.” DragonCelica
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Autistic or not, if you never teach someone discipline, they’ll grow up to be a brat.
Autism is not a get-out-of-jail-free card. ‘You must understand, he has autism’ is the most nonsense excuse to condone bratty behavior. Your brother grew up with an enabler of a mother and now he doesn’t know how to be a proper adult, and that’s her fault.
Your mom has probably realized the kind of person she let your brother grow up to be, and now she doesn’t want to deal with the consequences of her actions. You don’t owe your mom or your brother anything. Your mom made her bed, now she has to lie in it.” Frankensteins_Kid
13. AITJ For Being Mad At My Parents For Putting My Brother's Name On The House?
“I (23) have been helping my parents (67 and 69) out for the past many years with health issues, taking care of their other child, etc. I have been doing this for at least the past 4-ish years willingly as they are my family.
I am a student doctor, going for my degree in cardiology. I was living on my own with a fiancée however she decided to see another person in our relationship, and a few more things. I then moved in with my family as I no longer had a place to live, as well as their health had been declining rapidly.
I just found out that today, they are putting my brother’s (30) name on a brand new house that they’ve decided to buy. Not mine at all. I got fairly upset at that. He has not lived with us for probably 3 years now. And before that, he lived with us ever since he was a child.
In the entire time, around 10 years, he never supported us with income as he never got a job, he was exceedingly rude, had fantastical tendencies, and had fairly terrible anger management issues. He had done nothing but live in the basement every day, and do nothing at all, besides play video games.
Around 2 years ago, he moved out, unsure why but good for him. Glad to see he finally started getting some sense of responsibility. He has since then got a job working at a warehouse.
Today when I went with my family to the bank, as I also had business there, I learned my name is not in the paperwork, but my brother’s is.
Not both of ours, just his.
I got confused and decided to ask why. Their reasoning? He’s more mature, and I have responsibilities to learn, or that ‘I’ll just see it as a cash grab’, in my father’s words.
I got upset about it, and they blew it off, saying, there see?
You’re not mature enough, you’re getting upset. I’m the one who literally put my life on hold, to help you out, and you don’t think I’d be upset?!
He’s the one who didn’t move out til 28, didn’t have a job, til almost 30, didn’t help you take care of your health or our younger brother’s health, never helped support us financially, and always was extremely rude to us.
And yet they say he’s the more responsible and mature individual? I fail to see the similarities.
AITJ for getting upset with my parents?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Your parents are only looking for a way to continue spoiling their golden child, They see their new job as a sign of improvement, while they consider your help towards them obligatory.
They are so used to seeing you as someone who always needs them, that you become the one who must ‘earn’ everything. Since you are not ‘mature’ to receive compensation but are mature enough to be their caregiver, you should resume your life to seek that maturity away from them and allow their ‘experienced’ son to take charge of his care.” EnriquePinzon
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Obviously, you are not entitled to your parents’ new house. You seem to understand that; and in my opinion, that’s not the real crux of the issue: ‘They are putting my brother’s (30) name on a brand new house that they’ve decided to buy.’ I understand you moved partially for yourself, and partially for them.
But if they had the money to buy a second home, why didn’t they purchase in-home care, instead of making their care your (unpaid) part-time job?
You note that your brother’s a bit of a loser. This might lead us to think they’re putting his name on the house to ensure he doesn’t end up on the street.
One day you’ll have a doctor’s income, and he’ll probably still be a warehouse worker—if he retains a job at all.
‘He’s more mature, and I have responsibilities to learn, or that ‘I’ll just see it as a cash grab,” but THIS.
You were mature enough and responsible enough and smart enough to manage THEIR household for four full years—but not enough to one day manage your own? Give me a break. I’d bet anything that your parents have always favored your brother (leading to his ne’er-do-well attitude); resent your success (either because you climbed well past their tax bracket or because you’re not the favorite child); and are embarrassed they had to accept help from you.
The ‘cash grab’ language is particularly telling—’Big Brother would thank and appreciate us, whereas Little Brother thinks he’s so much better than us with his fancy degree and only cares about money.’ They’re making up reasons to avoid telling you the truth: YOU did better than the golden child, and now that you’re adults, HE’S the one who needs a handout.” aemondstareye
12. AITJ For Being Relieved My Friend Was Just Adopting A Dog?
“Randy (41M) and I (35M) have been friends since we took college courses together, same major, and later found out we lived in the same city but never met before. We’ve been through a lot as friends and have always had each other’s backs.
After moving back to our hometown, we started a social group of about 15, and then it grew and grew until we could fill an entire section of a bar and/or restaurant.
Slowly but surely, people ended up not attending the outings as often when started having kids. Understandable. I loved our outings as I started drinking socially, never getting wasted. As far as I knew, Randy was also child-free and when parenthood came ringing for them he’d say ‘Another one bites the dust.’ I’d reply ‘Maybe we’ll see them in five years’.
Two months ago, I saw a post on Randy’s social media account saying he was adopting a 1-and-a-half-year-old. It threw me for a loop because he’d never talked about wanting to be a father or a burning desire. I was in a tailspin thinking ‘Oh God, another one’ as my social circle has narrowed as they’ve had kids.
One month goes by and I see another post from Randy. He’s a proud dad… of a dog. I was sooo relieved! I felt like I could howl at the moon because I wouldn’t lose one of my favorite people to the parenthood portal.
Onto the conflict: At another one of our hangouts, Randy had shown his dog’s picture to a bunch of oohs and ahhs and stories relating to their dog’s odd quirks.
I said ‘My heart leaped when I realized he adopted a dog and not a kid, I was afraid I wasn’t going to see him for at least five years’. We laughed, but Randy was a bit quiet. We finished our food and left.
As we walked to our cars, Randy later told me I was a jerk for being relieved he’s a dog dad than a human dad and why was I so concerned about it?
I told him that as I go on in life, it’s hard to find non-parents/child-free friends and I’m all for people doing what they want to do in life.
Randy asked why does that matter? I said I would’ve had to get used to a new reality with him as a dad if he decided to have a kid and he knows exactly what that means.
He’s seen what happens with our parent friends we don’t see unless it’s at an event for their kid.
Some of our mutuals are on my side saying I wasn’t exactly wrong but I didn’t have to say it like that. Others are on his side saying that I was wrong for saying I was relieved he was getting a dog rather than a child.
So AITJ for being relieved my friend didn’t adopt a child?”
Another User Comments:
“Officially NTJ, but I think you owe an apology. It sounds like the way you’ve been reading your relationship with him, this was a perfectly acceptable joke to crack. I’m not going to call you a jerk for it, because it’s the kind of offhand comment I might make to a friend who I thought didn’t want kids.
Based on his reaction though, maybe you don’t know him as well as you thought you did? If he got quiet like that, maybe this IS something he’s secretly been struggling with, and with you being childfree and your ‘another one bites the dust’ attitude, of course, that’s not something he’s going to come to you to talk about.
I think you can say that you’re really glad to have him as a friend, you really like all your other friends too and just miss hanging out with them, you were selfishly relieved that you’d still have a chance to hang out with him, and you’re sorry if you upset him or it came off as anything other than you expressing how grateful you are for his friendship.” peony_chalk
Another User Comments:
“No jerks here. Randy had told you before that he didn’t want kids. This is a way that child-free friends and I joke with each other as well, it’s something they or I would say to another child-free friend without a second thought.
I would NEVER say this to someone who wanted kids, was a fence-sitter, or had just never explicitly stated that they were child-free.
It does seem like Randy may be rethinking his child-free status though. I would offer a sincere apology and explanation, it was a joke and you enjoy spending time with him and would just miss that time – but you won’t make jokes like that again and if he does decide to adopt a kid you’ll be fully supportive of it.” DreamyOblivion
Another User Comments:
“NTJ – Randy has said over and over that he doesn’t want kids. The joke about parents fading out of the group was between them. OP isn’t self-centered in acknowledging how his friends becoming parents affects him, because it does.
It’s literally just part of becoming a parent? You won’t go out to bars as much. He’s also allowed to be relieved that Randy got a dog and make the same parenthood joke about it because Randy said he doesn’t want kids!
Randy’s reaction obviously begs the question if he secretly desires to be a parent. And because of his reaction, OP should follow up with some empathy and apologize if he struck a nerve, letting Randy know he’s there for him. But in the context of the situation, OP was NTJ.” ShakeItOff96
11. AITJ For Renewing My Vows With My Husband While My Sister Is Going Through A Divorce?
“My sister (39f) has been married for almost 2 years and is in the process of getting an international, contentious divorce. It was a shotgun wedding and both families advised them against it (to no avail).
We all saw this coming.
Anyway, last week was my daughter’s Spring Break and on a whim, we decided to take a last-minute trip to Las Vegas. I (42f) have been jokingly pushing a vow renewal on my husband (of 22 years) for a looooong time.
We laugh about it and move on… usually. But right before we left it popped into my mind that doing a vow renewal elopement style would be fun (in the spirit of the last-minute nature of our trip). I grabbed a white shirt, a light-up plastic ring, a janky bouquet of faux roses, and a dress-up tiara for our daughter (the flower girl).
I found the absolute cheapest, cheesiest vow renewal package ($69 lol) and we went ahead and said ‘I still do!’ after about a 3-minute ceremony.
It was just something fun for us and we didn’t tell anyone ahead of time or make an announcement of any kind afterward because it was JUST FUN.
It was our 8-year-old who went around announcing to everyone (including people on the sidewalk… the grocery store… at school) that her parents FINALLY got married. She doesn’t really realize (or care about) the difference between a wedding and a vow renewal so we got some side-eye from people we know thinking we’d been lying all this time about being married. Fun times.
My daughter told her cousins and my sister that we got married on our trip. My sister was the Maid of Honor in our real wedding so, obviously, she got that it was a vow renewal. She didn’t say anything in front of the kids but gave me a super fake smile and laugh when she heard.
When we had a moment with the kids out of earshot, she let me have it. She told me it was completely hurtful and inconsiderate for my husband and me to do a vow renewal while she was in the middle of a divorce. Mind you, her divorce has been in the works for 6 months with no end in sight.
She told me our vow renewal was ‘rubbing our marriage in her face’ and said we should either have not done the vow renewal or kept it a secret. She hasn’t spoken to me since and this was almost a week ago.
My mom is a people pleaser and refuses to take a side on this one.
My friends think my sister is nuts to be mad about it (but maybe they’re biased because they’re MY friends!?). And my husband stopped caring about what she thinks/says years ago. We are not close with my dad at all so my sister, my mom, and I are all the close (nuclear) family we have.
I don’t want this to become an issue because it was mostly just a silly joke decided on last minute. I’m thinking about apologizing to my sister for making her feel bad and just trying to move on. But part of me is refusing to do that because I think she’s being ridiculous.
So, kind friends, please tell me, AITJ!?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. You and your husband weren’t doing a vow renewal AT her, and she didn’t even know about it until your daughter said something and then word spread. You all didn’t make a big deal out of it, post photos or a long social post. She may be going through a divorce, but that doesn’t mean you have to put your life on hold or consider her feelings when you’re doing a fun and silly (but still heartfelt) renewal in Vegas attended only by you, your husband, and your daughter.
It had nothing to do with her.” fallingintopolkadots
Another User Comments:
“She is being ridiculous. What if one of her friends had a family member get married and she overheard a conversation about it, would she get mad about that? A cousin got married would it be the same?
You aren’t rubbing anything in anyone’s face and you did not tell anyone, it was your daughter who did. Your sister needs to get over herself and get it through her head that even though her life isn’t going as she wants right now life doesn’t stand still for everyone else in the meantime.
NTJ.” Oddly-Appeased
10. AITJ For Not Paying To End Our Lease Early?
“I’m 20, my two roommates are 19 and 21. We’ve lived in our apartment since April 2023 and our lease ends November 2024. It was supposed to be 18 months.
Well just two days ago, I sat down with one of my roommates who was explaining to me that she can no longer live here.
Gave a very vague explanation of why and then told me that she already discussed this with our third roommate, who decided she would be moving out as well. To me this is insane. Our rent is $2100 a month between the three of us. They want to move out by May.
We would have to give 60 days’ notice and pay a $3800 TERMINATION fee, plus rent on the first of each month during that 60-day period. The termination fee is obviously for ending the lease early. So if they gave notice next week, we’d pay $2100 on April 1st, $3800 at the end of April, then $2100 rent AGAIN on May 1st. I absolutely can not afford this.
They want to divide this fee by three and have us all pay to terminate the lease. I find that absolutely ridiculous. Both of them already have plans as to where they will be going when they move. I have no plans and no support system to rely on for housing.
I can barely afford my rent and bills between my paychecks and I haven’t been able to save my money since Christmas. The only family member with an available place for me to stay is my grandma. I’d have to quit my job and move two hours away.
My mom is a drinking addict, and I could move in with her, but why should I be forced to go back to that situation?
So I told them if they are intent on moving out, they must pay the fees. I’ll pay my rent, I’ll contribute to any damage fees, and that is all.
I’m worried that the next time I speak with them they’ll disagree with this or try to fight me, but I want to stand my ground. I don’t feel it’s fair that they are forcing my hand to move out and expecting me to pay for the termination when I would much rather stay where I am.
Subletting would be hard considering it would only be about 4-6 months of the lease left, and I’m a young girl afraid of strangers.
AITJ for not paying my roommates to end our lease early?”
Another User Comments:
“You are absolutely NOT a jerk.
Your roommates are. You have a legally binding contract and personal agreement to live together until November. Your roommates want to change that and have you pay the penalty. That is not how life works. If they want to break an agreement, then they must pay the penalty.
The equally alarming thing here is that they seem to not care at all how this further affects you besides financially as you have nowhere to go if you were to move out.
The only equitable solution is that they either pay up to break their part of the lease, or they work to find subletters for their space, knowing that there would only be 4-6 months left, and it is MANDATORY that you get the final ‘veto’ after meeting their subletters.
If there is any chance these roommates will bail and leave you with their rent portions, you need to consider what will happen.
Are all three of your names on the lease? How will the apartment management act if they do this and you cannot cover their costs… would they move you to a smaller apartment you can afford, or would they evict you and charge all three of you with breaking your lease?
These are important questions to know the answers to because dependent on the answers any bad actions by them could possibly also affect your credit rating, with long-term consequences.” anitarielleliphe
Another User Comments:
“NTJ but what you need right now isn’t us but a lawyer.
First check to see if your city, town, or county has a non-profit dedicated to helping low-income people with housing issues. They probably have quite a lot on their plates, but if you don’t have a lot of money, these are undoubtedly the best people to help you.
They can tell you better than we can what your rights are in this situation.
In the interim, start seeing if there’s anybody advertising on local housing groups who needs a subletter in the next few months. It’s not ideal, but it’s going to take at least 2 months for your roommates to cancel this lease.
That gives you time to find people, interview them, and figure out if you’d be comfortable living with them. And find out from the non-profit, if you can speak to your landlord about finding temporary roommates instead of having the lease canceled.
Again, two months isn’t a lot of time, but it might be just enough to find a couple of tolerable people to share the next 4 to 6 months with.
Good luck!” Far-Bison-5239
9. AITJ For Prioritizing My Workout Over Our Family Vacation?
“I’m (18m) a senior in high school. My family are immigrants, and we go back to the country my parents are from every other summer to visit family.
They’re planning to this summer, and I don’t want to go with them. My reasoning is that I’ve been going to the gym for a year and a half and have made good progress, and I would lose a lot of those gains if I were to not work out for 2 months.
I initially asked if I could get a gym membership while we’re there, but they said no because we will be going across the country to visit family that lives in different places and won’t be in any place for more than a week or two, and so it won’t be practical. I asked them if I could bring a set of dumbbells with me, and they said no because it would be extra weight in the suitcases which would mean having to pay the airline extra.
I then asked if I could at least buy some dumbbells there with my own money, and they said no, those would be a pain to carry around.
They said that if I wanted to, I could do stuff like pushups and it would be just as good.
The issue is, this isn’t true. A lot of my lifts, all the big ones such as bench, deadlift, and squat, are significantly more than my body weight. For example, my bench is 225, and I’m 160. So if I were to replace bench press with pushups to hit my chest, I’d be giving a lot less stimulus to my chest and my muscle mass would decline.
They said it’s just muscles and doesn’t matter, but I’ve been busting my butt for a long time, working out 6 days a week, staying consistent with my diet, etc, so watching that progress go down the drain bothers me.
They say I’m a jerk for not wanting to spend time with my family, but I think they’re being unreasonable.
I suggested 3 different compromises that would allow me to keep my gains, and I would be okay going with them in any of those cases, but they said no to all of them.
AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ because it’s up to you whether you go or not.
Your reasons are weak though, I’d say YTJ territory but in reality, it’s verging on mental health territory. You can do exercises using your own body push-ups, and pull-ups, there’s also something called isometrics, if you don’t know about isometrics then you really have no idea about what you’re talking about.
Some of the strongest people I’ve ever seen are scrawny redneck types, they’ll carry 25kg/50lb bags of potatoes without breaking a sweat. If I had to be in a fight with a scrawny redneck or gym bro, I’d choose gym bro every time (unless they had ‘roid rage of course).” OldGuto
Another User Comments:
“Maybe get a cousin to sit on your back while you do push-ups? I’m half kidding, but you might be able to get creative. It feels weird to me to skip a trip to see family over muscles, but I also know it’s a lot of work and I’ve never put that kind of work in, so I don’t feel like I can really judge that.
If it’s important to you, it’s important to you. You’re 18, you are at an age where you need to start working out your own priorities for your life, and there will be some head-butting when they don’t align with your parents, that’s life and growing up.
I’m going NTJ because you are trying to find solutions.” rabbitfluff345
8. AITJ For Refusing To Be My Best Friend's Maid Of Honor If Her Brother's SO Is In The Wedding Party?
“My best friend Jane is marrying her fiancé Tom in July and she asked me to be her maid of honor. This was sort of expected as Jane is essentially a sister to me.
I was surprised, however, that she asked her brother Elliot’s partner, Kathy, to be a bridesmaid. Jane later confided that Kathy had kind of pressured her into it and she had done it to make Elliot happy.
The issue is that Kathy hates me. Like seriously hates me.
She blames me for all the issues she has with Elliot and Jane’s parents, and for her not having a better friendship with Jane. She also thinks I am trying to steal Elliot from her (I’m not) but also cannot handle whenever he and I disagree on anything and will go way overboard defending him and arguing with me.
I was determined to put this all aside for Jane, though.
This was actually not going too badly, but last weekend we went to a bridal shop to choose bridesmaid dresses. Jane mentioned that she wanted me and Elliot to walk down the aisle together, and Kathy lost it.
She called me desperate, crazy, a pick me, a fake, fat, and a bunch of other things. Looking back, I probably should have said more than I did, but at that moment I could see how everyone was looking at her, and I didn’t want them looking at me the same way, so I literally just said ‘Yeah I’m not dealing with this.
Either she’s out, or I am,’ and picked my stuff up and left.
(I apologized to Jane for the drama and offered her a long weekend of babysitting and some flowers to make up for it and she accepted so we’re ok now.)
Because of this, Jane has said that Kathy can’t be a bridesmaid anymore because she wants me as maid of honor. This has caused issues with Kathy, and Elliot by extension. Both Elliot and Kathy have apologized and said Kathy will behave better for all the wedding events, but I’m not willing to budge.
Jane’s mother and my mother both think I should drop the ultimatum, and I don’t want to make things hard on Jane, so I’m rethinking.
But I know there are other things she will try to cause issues with me over and I just don’t know how long I can keep being the bigger person with her.
So AITJ for causing this drama?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. I think you handled the bridal shop situation perfectly. I know weddings are about the bride and groom, but I wouldn’t sacrifice my mental health for this nonsense. And Jane made the decision to keep you on.
It’s on her shoulders now. You just need to be there to support her. Also, the worst part of all this: you still probably have to sit at the same table as her at the wedding if the wedding party sits at the same table.
So have fun with THAT awkwardness. But also, have fun at your best friend’s wedding, and don’t let Kathy get ya down!” sharkbiscut
Another User Comments:
“You didn’t cause any drama. You set a boundary that, after giving it the old college try, you’re not willing to subject yourself to Kathy’s abuse.
She sounds insecure in her relationship, jealous of your friendship with Jane, and unhinged. If Jane wanted you both in the party, she should have laid down the law with Kathy up front. Further, when Kathy went off on you for what JANE wanted, she should have shut that crap down immediately.
So, you’re NTJ, but Jane and Kathy sure are.” TheAnonymoose69
7. AITJ For Refusing To Bond With The Puppy My Wife Got Me For My Birthday?
“I work from home. As does my wife. She wanted a dog. I said we did not have enough time to take care of a dog. She pestered me until I agreed. We took our time and found a rescue that had several pups that met our criteria.
Small. Adult. Requiring just a couple of short walks a day. They did home visits and stuff.
It was taking a while. During that time my wife found a farm that had working Blue Heeler X Border Collie pups. She got me one for my birthday.
I had one just like her when I lived at home with my parents.
She is a beautiful puppy but not in any way what we agreed on. We live in an apartment with no yard. My parents have an acreage. I am very busy.
I do not have time for all the training and exercise that she needs. I told my wife thanks but no thanks. She refused to listen to me.
So I just refused to bond with the pup. I didn’t even name her. I told my wife I would make sure that the pup was fed and got two half-hour walks a day since that’s what we agreed on.
Everything else was on her.
It took two weeks of barking, chewing, and pooping until she rehomed the pup. Now she is mad that I manipulated her into doing what I said we should do, to begin with. She said she thought I would love a puppy that was like my old one.
IF WE HAD THE SPACE AND TIME FOR HER I WOULD HAVE. I am mad that I had to even do it. I feel bad for the dog. I’m thinking of not even doing the rescue now that I know more about how my wife thinks.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, and I think you should reconsider adopting a rescue dog as well until your wife understands that what she did was not only wrong but that keeping the dog in your home would have been cruel. As long as she believes she was somehow in the right to a) make a unilateral decision on a dog (pet adoptions should be agreed on by ALL adults in the home) and b) adopt a dog utterly unsuited to the kind of life you can provide it, she’s not someone I would ever trust to be responsible for an animal. Until she understands that the job of a pet owner is to act in the best interest of the animal (and if you don’t know what that is you do the research), she should not be responsible for any pets at all.” FeuerroteZora
Another User Comments:
“NTJ – I don’t think it’s a coincidence your wife found a pup just like the one you had as a child. She saw that you weren’t on board with getting a dog, that you were doing it just because she wanted it, so she found a pup just like your childhood dog to emotionally manipulate you into caring for it.
She thought if she got you a dog that brought memories of another dog you once loved, you’d be willing to do the work it takes to care for it.
You seem like a responsible person, you know your work situation and you know you wouldn’t have enough time to care for a dog.
It’s cruel to adopt/buy a pet knowing you don’t have the time for it or the emotional, psychological, and sometimes even financial conditions to care for it. You were aware of this and didn’t want to get a dog. Your wife didn’t care about your situation, about your lack of time (for the both of you), and about how the dog might end up neglected. You are not the jerk for not letting her manipulate you.
If you guys can’t give attention to a dog, then don’t get one.” tjopj44
6. AITJ For Going To The Concert Without My Friend?
“I (25) and my friend (22F – A) had made plans to go see a concert.
I managed to get some good tickets for a great price.
For context: We’re both neurodiverse. I do get stressed about lateness or changes to plans (admittedly). I also paid for the concert tickets and travel tickets. The agreement was she’d cover food and drinks.
A is consistently late to things, this has led to conflict before. I purposely told her I’d booked an earlier train than the one I’d booked. We were working to a budget so paid for non-changeable tickets using a railcard that gives two people a discount if they’re traveling together.
I told her about the earlier train as I couldn’t afford any extra expenses.
A was late. Missed the earlier time. I confessed I’d told her the wrong time as ‘I know what she is like’ and told her the actual time. She laughed and said she was on her way.
It was 5 minutes to the departure time. I sent her a screenshot of the tickets and platform number so she could get through the barriers but said I was going to get on the train instead of waiting at the entrance for her. A told me to wait – and that she’d be there.
The train left without her, and with me on board.
A rang me and asked where I was, I told her I was on the train, but if she spoke to the ticket desk they could help her book a later train if she still wanted to come.
She started shouting at me, saying I was horrible for leaving her behind and that I knew she couldn’t afford another ticket. She blamed her ADHD for being late – which I said wasn’t an excuse, as I have ADHD too and managed to make it.
In the past, I’ve shared tips with her on what I do to be on time for things. I told her I would be happy to meet her at the venue if she could get there. Her response was that she was going home and didn’t want to go anymore.
I rang another friend (Z) who lives near the venue and said I had a spare ticket, they went with me. We had a great time, but I was angry at the other friend.
Fast forward 2 days. She’s still kicking off at me over messages, saying I’m a horrible person for giving her ticket to someone else and going without her, as we made plans to go together.
I’ve tried to acknowledge her feelings of missing out, but ultimately said I can’t not live my life just because she’s late. I also pointed out she hadn’t paid for anything so it’s not like she lost money. A said I could have waited and got a later train so we could use my railcard discount and both be able to go, as she could have afforded it if she had the discount.
I couldn’t afford any more expenses for the trip. Z paid for food in exchange for the ticket.
A couple of mutual friends are saying I’m in the wrong and should have waited and hung out with her instead of going as I made plans to spend the day with A, not with Z.
I’m confused now since other friends are saying I’m wrong. So to break the tie I’m asking you. AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Speaking as a chronically late person with severe time blindness and a sleep disorder: she has the right to be forgiven for lateness by her friends rather than having you take it personally.
You clearly do this. She has the right for you to hold her ticket IF she can get to the venue herself. You offered to do this. She does not have the right to be mad that you did everything you could to make this happen and then went ahead without her, especially as she wasn’t left out of pocket for it.
She does not have the right to expect you to miss out on account of her. And she does not have the right to be completely consequence-free from her inability to meet a schedule, regardless of whether it’s caused by her neurotype or not.
The only thing you have done here that isn’t exactly right is to assume that you and she would be affected the exact same way by ADHD – not everyone who has ADHD is time blind or has the same degree of time blindness/inability to do time management.
But since you were angry and she was shouting at you after you’d been more than reasonable, that’s not the worst thing in the world and you’re not a jerk for it – and she shouldn’t be demanding that you do all the work of compensating for her being worse affected by time blindness than you are.” redcore4
Another User Comments:
“NTJ – holy cow, your friend A is a complete jerk. Not only were they late, but you knew they had a habit of lateness so you provided for that by originally giving them an earlier time to meet in an attempt to prevent exactly what happened, and she still managed to be so late that you left without her.
This situation is completely her fault. She knew you had an issue with lateness, and you explained that you were going to set up a non-transferable ticket for the rail, so her being late would have directly impacted you. For her to play around and be late is selfish beyond belief, especially as you offered the ticket to the concert for free with no expectations beyond showing up on time.
Drop them as a friend, she is wrong, very, very wrong. She is the jerk, you tried to offer her something nice and she created all of the negativity by being late.” MessEither
5. AITJ For Not Buying A Christmas Gift For My Nephew?
“So, recently I and my husband (mid-30s) have decided we do not want to do holidays. No Valentine’s, Easter, Christmas. We both feel they’re a waste. We’re not religious, and feel all the holidays are companies (and now societal pressure) forcing people to feel obligated to buy things.
We informed my family that we won’t be doing Christmas this year. Explained it’s pointless to spend money trying to guess what X, Y, and Z want, and X, Y, and Z spending money trying to figure out what we want when we could all just buy our own things and be happy with what we have.
I mean, if it’s cheap enough to be got as a gift and I want it, I’ll have bought it for myself anyway. By the end, you’ve all spent money you can barely afford to, and all got a bunch of stuff that 90% of the time will be chocolate, bath sets, or random stuff sent to charity because it doesn’t really have a place or use for you, and the companies are laughing their butts off at us all.
For the most part, my family seemed OK with it. A few days later, my mother rang me. She said she’d been thinking about ‘this whole no Christmas thing’, and asked that surely we’d still be getting something for my nephew. I said no, we’re not doing Christmas.
We’re fine with meeting up for celebratory meals and spending time together etc, because that’s family time, and we feel we should do it more often, but that we can’t get behind the whole gifting thing.
She said she thought I was wrong to take that stance.
That I’m being ‘mean and unloving’ to my nephew. She says as he’ll be 4 by Christmas, he’ll be upset that I didn’t get him anything and think I don’t like him.
I explained that many children don’t get things for Christmas. Some don’t celebrate for religious reasons, some have parents who can’t afford it, etc, and I buy him things all the time, I just don’t feel I should get him something just because it’s expected. I also said if he is upset/angry and thinks I don’t like him, that’s a parenting issue, not a me-issue, because he should be taught that presents aren’t everything and to be thankful for what I do get him.
She’s been in a mood with me for a few days now and shows no signs of letting up. She’s intentionally being cold to me and my husband in the hopes it’ll get us to change our mind.”
Another User Comments:
“Everyone sucks here except the nephew.
You, for not differentiating between minor children under 12. Your mum for pushing the issue. Sure, many children don’t get Xmas gifts. Many people also go out of their way to buy Xmas gifts for those children through charities or Good Samaritan programs. So it’s a huge deal to exclude children intentionally from gift-giving practices when you have the financial means.
The child would understand if you had bad finances all around. But they won’t understand this distinction if you give them gifts all throughout the year EXCEPT on Christmas, which is a huge deal for children. You risk their sadness or confusion. And that won’t be a parenting issue either, since you’ll presumably be physically present for the holidays and it’s just weird to be like ‘OP isn’t giving anyone gifts this year’ in front of everyone if the child asks during gift opening time.” fibrefeather
Another User Comments:
“YTJ. A gift doesn’t have to be expensive it just has to be heartfelt. In my family, we only get gifts for the young ones and we do a gift exchange between adults. That way everyone gets something and no one feels singled out.
Sounds like you’re just being cheap. I mean why show up for the event, eat the food they paid for, drink the wine they bought, and waste space if ‘holidays are just companies trying to push sales’? If you’re so against holidays, then just stay home and don’t ruin the vibes with your miserable views.” Little_demon333
Another User Comments:
“Not going to give any judgment, but it’s kind of obvious that you’re being a bit disingenuous. Your logic for why you dislike buying gifts for holidays completely falls apart for anyone who isn’t of working age. Kids don’t have the means or financial independence to buy themselves what they want.
If you just said ‘Screw giving people presents,’ or ‘Screw the holidays,’ then people can accurately think you’re a selfish grinch, whatever, but you put all this logic into it and then you’re whining about people being judgy when you’re talking about a situation where that logic doesn’t apply.
Nobody has to celebrate any holiday, just don’t pretend it’s some logical, principled stance.” Zero132132
It wouldn't kill you to buy a small Christmas gift for a CHILD. Remember that other people have the right to their own feelings and sometimes, doing a small gesture to make someone else happy is the small price we pay for, well, not being complete jerks.
4. AITJ For Not Wanting To Invite My SIL To Hang Out With Me And My Friends?
“I (28F) have two very close friends (women of similar ages). We met in grad school studying related fields and ended up staying in the same area. We hang out regularly and I consider them the sisters I’ve never had.
My husband (30M) has a sister (26F) who I am not close with.
I don’t have a problem with her really. She seems pleasant enough but we don’t have a single thing in common. She has a two-year-old and is pregnant with her second and they are all she talks about. You can’t change the subject. Every single sentence you say she ropes back to her kids.
For example; I asked her if she had seen a movie. She said she didn’t have time to because she was a mother and had another on the way. She then went through several movies her son seems to like. Rinse and repeat.
Now, I’d be annoyed if people did this about any topic to be fair.
Kids or Crossfit or Keto. I don’t see her outside of family gatherings because talking to her is exhausting. I fully appreciate how consuming being a stay-at-home mom is, but there is only so much baby talk I’m willing to put up with.
My husband said lately that his sister has been lonely.
Her husband works long hours and she is at home with the kids. He asked if I could reach out and invite her to hang out with me and my friends. I tried to be polite about it and suggested she might be more comfortable trying to find a local mom group.
He insisted for a couple of weeks before I just flat-out told him no. I’m not interested in hours of endless kid talk outside of the family gatherings that I endure and I’m not going to subject my friends to it.
I told him his sister was lovely but she needed to go hang out with people she had things in common with.
My husband is very disappointed and told me I was being unkind and acting like a mean girl.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, you didn’t say anything rude about his sister, he pressured you for two weeks and pushed you into giving him a SLIGHTLY harsh answer.
It’s totally fair that you don’t want to hang out with someone you don’t have anything in common with, it’s not like you said she was boring and you HATED her for her interests, you just said that you (and your friends) don’t SHARE those interests.
Your husband is being childish, he’s trying to palm his sister off on you when he could just as easily hang out with her himself.” Fiigwort
Another User Comments:
“NTJ but those kids are her world, so she doesn’t have other stuff. That’s fine for some people but even other moms would want to talk about other stuff.
She’s in a rut & is probably doubling down because she feels picked on. Your husband should talk to her and let her know that she’s welcome to come over but has to curtail the kid talk.
Also, she doesn’t realize that she is creating this.
There are plenty of moms who still make sure they take care of their needs. This is very important or you burn out or isolate yourself and live a lonely existence. Those kids will absolutely outgrow their parents and what will she do then? It’s really unhealthy.
Hubby, & her hubby, should encourage her to make time for herself. Have her hubby spend time with the kids. Make it a Saturday tradition or something like that.
If he insists that he wants alone time with them because they are always alone with her & he wants them to be comfortable with him as well, then she will have at least a few hours a week to do stuff for her.
A manicure, working out, bookstore, heck even naps. Whatever works for her. So, you don’t have to be involved but you should let your husband know that he and her hubby can help facilitate so she has those hours every week, reliably so, and slowly embraces it.
Uncle Day out once a month? Then, as she comes out of the mommy shell more and more, you may find common interests.” kkrolla
3. AITJ For Wanting To Photoshop My Stepdaughter Out Of Our Wedding Photos To Make Them Look Elegant?
“I just married my wife. We’ve been together for almost 2 years. She has a daughter (almost 2 years old) from a previous relationship. Bio dad isn’t in the picture.
The wedding was back in September. Her daughter was around 18 months old at that point.
She was going to be our flower girl.
We had arranged for her regular babysitter to stay with her during the ceremony and take her home for the reception but right when the wedding started, she had a meltdown and only wanted her mom so my wife held her through the entire wedding ceremony.
She got hungry and cranky during the ceremony so my wife tried passing her off to the babysitter so she could have a snack but she wasn’t having it so my wife held her daughter while her daughter was eating a Ziploc bag of dry cereal during our wedding ceremony.
She was also with my wife throughout the reception.
We just got the pictures back and a lot of them have the baby eating cereal on my wife’s hip in them. I told my wife I wanted to photoshop her out of some of the pictures and put the photoshopped ones up, at least make it look like the wedding went the way we planned it.
My wife thinks the pictures with her daughter are cute and wants to hang those up. She doesn’t see why we would photoshop anybody out of our wedding pictures.
I told her I wanted the pictures to look a little more elegant and a baby eating cereal out of a Ziploc bag isn’t exactly elegant.
She’s upset now because she thinks I’m trying to erase her daughter and is currently sleeping in her daughter’s room.”
Another User Comments:
“YTJ – Photos of events are representative of said event; they don’t reflect our failed plans, but life as it was lived. Your stepdaughter was at your wedding.
Your stepdaughter is part of your life. I’m sure it wasn’t ideal, and I understand wanting a photo of just you and your wife. But I think the answer then would be to get a picture taken now if you both still have your wedding attire.
It may not be on the actual wedding day but you can still have the ‘elegant’ photo you want. I think photoshopping the baby out of the picture sends a bad message. It might make your wife feel like you’re trying to erase her daughter from your life, even if that’s not what you intend.” CrimsonKnight_004
Another User Comments:
“As a mom, NTJ. But hear me out… She’s sleeping in her daughter’s room because she’s mad at you? No wonder the kiddo can’t be without her mom for one minute. But, that aside… I don’t think it’s unreasonable to WANT photos of how you wish your wedding went.
But, fast forward to when your daughter (I say that because why say step if she only has you) is older and this is all a distant memory and not really that important. Imagine explaining to her that you photoshopped her out. It just sounds kinda funny.
Whether it’s how you planned it or not, she was a part of that day and yes, your wife played right into her little hand… but those are your girls now, bag of cereal and all.” Fernily
2. AITJ For Not Wanting To Ask My Half-Sibling Who Her Mom Is?
“Found out I had a half-sibling when I was 38. My dad was having an affair with her mom while my parents were still married (they separated when I was about 7). Also relevant, my dad died about a year before half-sib contacted me.
My dad knew about her.
No one else did. My mom had suspicions but of course my dad gaslit her. When she contacted me, I let my mom know. I felt like this needed to be out in the open, and it also proved she was right.
We (half-sib & I) chat over text pretty IRREGULARLY.
My brothers aren’t in contact with the half-sib. Just me. She was in my city recently and we met up for the first time, which I didn’t tell my mom about. My mom recently asked if I had heard from the half-sibling and I said ‘Yeah, I actually met up with her.’ I told her we don’t have much of a relationship, just some pleasantries every once in a while.
My mom asked if I had ‘found out’ who her mom was. I did not. I don’t even want to go there. If I put myself in her shoes I think I would be pretty protective of my mom. I’m letting her (half-sibling) steer that ship, and not prying.
Which I said to my mom. Now my mom has asked if I can find out ‘to give me some closure’. I don’t want to. I feel like this is my dad’s stupid mess and I’m sick of his poor choices putting me in uncomfortable situations!
My mom never asks my brothers if they talk with our half-sibling, and certainly doesn’t ask them to get information for her.
AITJ for gatekeeping information that could maybe bring my mom closure, after 40 years? She claims to be over it, but clearly isn’t.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. It is unfair that your dad’s mess continuously puts you in uncomfortable situations. In all honesty, though, what did you expect? Your two older brothers have nothing to do with the half-sister, and you do, to the point of meeting up. Of course your mother is going to ask you for additional questions and the guise is as needing closure.
You were the one telling her all of this information about connection, communication, meeting up, etc. Hang out with your sibling but don’t blabber your mouth. Keep everything completely separate.” SweetSerenityxx
Another User Comments:
“YTJ. I’m only going there because you said you were tired of being dragged into your dad’s mess, but here you are, dragging it out even more by having a relationship with your half-sibling, if even only limited, and telling your mom about it.
Now she is thinking, great, my husband had an affair, had a child, and now my own kid has a relationship with her, but I’m left twisting in the wind. If your half-sibling didn’t want you to know who her mom is, she should have never reached out to you in the first place.
I mean, did she just DM you and say I’m your sister, take my word for it? You owe the woman who raised you more consideration than the affair partner and her child.” Fun_Concentrate_7844
1. AITJ For Not Wanting My In-Laws To Take Family Photos Without Me?
“My in-laws have a tradition where they take photos of their family, but these photos only include blood relatives, so I, the father of the baby would sit the entire thing out.
The other married spouses put up with it, but I stand up for myself. In fact, it makes me wonder what the point of the marriage is if they don’t see me as equal to a blood relative.
When they asked to do pictures that would include my baby, but not me, the father, at all I told them it was never going to happen the way they wanted it.
Any professional pictures they took would be with me in it too.
My wife is crying because of the drama and my in-law side is accusing me of trying to ruin their family bond or some other nonsense. They said it all could have been avoided if I just let them take harmless pictures and chill out.
Also for more context, my wife doesn’t want me out of the pictures, but she even more doesn’t want me to cause a fight with her family. She isn’t actively trying to support either me or her family. She is just upset at the situation.
So AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“YTJ. What a ridiculous thing to be upset about. Every photo doesn’t have to include you. It is perfectly normal to have different photos of different people. Also no, marrying someone is not the same as being born or adopted into a family.
If your parents, siblings, or grandparents died would you expect your wife to receive an inheritance or family heirlooms? No, you wouldn’t. Imagine finding out that you’re not in photos that all your cousins and relatives are in because your dad was an insecure child.
Another User Comments:
“I think YTJ. I think it is a small deal and you could make your wife stop crying with a simple gesture of not being in a photo shoot and keep the peace with the family and their weird photo tradition.
You do sound like you need to chill out and you picking an awful small mountain to die on. You are so unyielding you will probably be an ex before long and I have way too many pictures with the ex in them that I can’t display.
There is a point to blood relatives being the only ones in some photos. Non-blood family leaves. You are not a blood relative and with your defensive very angry insecure tone, they have a good point.” stephied333
Metaspoon Slow or Crashing?
If Metaspoon is causing your browser to crash or run slowly, please try viewing the article in Lite Mode and it should run more smoothly!