People Ask Us To Get Real With Them After Reading Their "Am I The Jerk" Stories
20. AITJ For Not Wanting To Pay A Lot For The Heating Bill?
“I have a 3-year-old with thalassemia minor. He doesn’t have any major health symptoms from it, but it’s a genetic form of anemia.
He’s always complaining about being cold and wears a wearable blanket most of the time around the house but I don’t believe he’s really that cold.
It’s been very cold this winter in California, and gas has gotten ridiculously expensive.
I had set the heat to 65 degrees but my wife is trying to force me to turn it up to 68-69 for my kid.
The kid moves around so much in his sleep that he can’t keep a blanket on.
Tried to make him wear more clothes. He already wears a fleece sleep sack blanket with layers underneath, yet he still often wakes up in the middle of the night crying because he’s cold so my wife has to get up and soothe him back to sleep.
My wife says because I have a job & paying for heat isn’t unaffordable for us, that I’m just being cheap. I just can’t justify flushing $200-300 per month for heat.
AITJ for not just sucking it up and paying the bill?”
Another User Comments:
“YTJ. Anaemia does make it much easier to feel the cold – if your child is waking up in the night crying because of it, he’s obviously really cold. You’ve even acknowledged yourself that it’s been very cold where you live.
Obviously, things get a bit more complex when you consider things like budget, and if it is something you really can’t afford, then you need to look into things like hot water bottles/maybe your son sleeping in with you guys during the winter – a room with other people will always be a little warmer.
3-year-olds don’t wake up sobbing in the night for fun though – listen to your child.” Stretch-Capital
Another User Comments:
“YTJ
To perfectly healthy people, 65F/18C is fine – I personally keep my place at 60F/15.5C. The problem is that your son is not perfectly healthy.
You say yourself that he has a genetic form of anemia. You need to do whatever is needed to keep your son warm.
You are a complete and utter arsehole for dismissing your child’s complaints because you don’t believe him.
Your job as a parent is to protect your child, and frankly, you are showing yourself to be a pretty trashy parent here. You need to do something to make sure that your child’s room is warm overnight, as I can’t imagine that having interrupted sleep isn’t also impacting upon his health.
Step up and do your job.” mavwok
Another User Comments:
“Speaking as someone who works in pediatrics: the beauty of young children with any health issues is that they are extremely honest. If they have pain, they show it. If they are a little under the weather but still healthy enough to jump around, they show it.
If something bothers them, they show it.
If a toddler tells you they are too cold, they are too cold. If funds are so tight that you can’t spare anything for heating, I feel for you. But keeping your children housed, fed, and warm isn’t ‘flushing’ funds.
The facts that you 1. don’t believe your child, 2. invalidate how they feel, and 3. believe caring for your sick child isn’t worth $200-300 make. YTJ.” Runbeforeyouwalk_
19. AITJ For Going On A Trip Instead Of Babysitting My Niece?
“I (27F) have been planning a long trip abroad for some time now.
I worked remotely so it’s easy to pick up and go and this is my first time doing it. I was laid off recently but since I have a lot of funds saved and the trip has already been paid for, I’ve decided to go for a sabbatical. For months, I have had to convince my parents, grandparents, and siblings that I am going to safe places, that I have enough funds, and that they don’t need to worry.
I finally had them in a good spot. I leave in about 2 weeks.
Recently though, things have changed. I normally end up taking care of my niece (2F) for my sister (32F) at least once a week. My sister goes to work 3 days a week and works 2 days from home, and her husband (39M) works from home but has to stay near his computer at all times since he works in customer service.
On the weekends, they enjoy going out to things like hockey games, dinner, etc. I normally take care of my niece during those times. It tends to work out because they will go out on Sunday so I will have my Friday and Saturday nights.
But with this trip, of course, I will not be able to babysit. My sister was joking about this one day and recently my parents have been asking a lot about my trip and what about my niece. I was confused and asked them to elaborate.
Apparently, 2 years old is an important time in a child’s life and they said that she wouldn’t remember me when I got home. They want me to shorten my (non-refundable) trip and come home earlier so I don’t miss out on any milestones.
I told them that I couldn’t and that was final. Now they have been amping up the guilt. They have also gotten my grandparents involved. The only support I have is my brother (30M) who also never sees my niece except for special occasions.
They are also bringing up my recent layoff and my financial state. I don’t want to brag but for a 27-year-old, I have a high enough savings account that I could live for a year and never work (I’ve been laid off a lot so savings was a priority).
I could still travel and do everything I want. I have no loans, no current apartment now, and have all the big things paid for.
But despite my knowing I am fine, they are starting to scare me and guilt trip me into staying.
Tonight it all blew over, my sister called me a jerk in front of my family since I won’t be able to babysit. What is she supposed to do on the weekends?
I yelled at her and told her to ‘finally, hire a babysitter.’ My parents are on her side and told me that ‘you should help out more.’ I yelled at all of them that it was not my responsibility to parent the child.
They could live for a few weeks without their free babysitter. I then left. My brother texted me later that they are still angry and disagreed with my choice to continue my trip.
AITJ for choosing my trip over my niece?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. You didn’t birth the child… you simply extended your helping hand toward your sister who has absolutely taken advantage of the goodwill of your babysitting. Go low contact and get on the plane! I’m sure there are.
Few milestones you’ll miss but if your family wants you to see those milestones, maybe they should take pictures..face time you… ya know? Don’t feel guilty and don’t stay, otherwise, you’ll regret not taking your trip.
And your sister should be looking after her own kid on the weekend or maybe your parents should be if everyone is so concerned with babysitting. Enjoy your trip.” 8ken93
Another User Comments:
“NTJ
She’s salty because she’s going to lose her free childcare, and your parents are salty because they’re likely gonna have to pick up the slack.
It’s entitlement and possibly some jealousy. Your niece, after all, is NOT your responsibility. Also, That crap about her forgetting you after being gone is manipulation.
You’ve planned what most people would consider the trip of a lifetime. Take it, enjoy every minute of it, have fun, make memories, and don’t you dare let them guilt you into anything less.
Safe travels!” Kokopelle1gh
Another User Comments:
“NTJ
Your family is largely using the excuse of your babysitting Niece to control you. They don’t want you to travel because of their own anxieties.
Stop discussing your travel plans with them.
None of them get a say in your life.
And immediately stop babysitting for your sister (yes, before you leave). Your sister isn’t entitled to your free labor. They can take Niece with them for plans, pay a sitter, or arrange for your parents to babysit.
Since your sister is acting so badly, don’t reward her with your time and energy any less anger.
Your family is probably going to try to do something to ruin your trip. Definitely don’t let them have any of your details like confirmation numbers.
If they know any details already, call and ask to put a password on your reservations. When you’re on travel, please use the Do Not Disturb function on your phone to keep their calls and messages from taking your attention away from your vacation.
Maybe drop one of them a message once a day to let them know you’re fine. But don’t let them guilt you into anything more.” teresajs
18. AITJ For Not Going To My Niece's Wedding?
“My sister and I never had the best relationship. She’s 15 years older than me so maybe we didn’t have much of a connection and she’s always been resentful toward me.
She’s treated me like an outcast and would often turn her kids against me and encourage them to insult me, disrespect me, and treat me like dirt. My mom would always tell me to ‘be the bigger person’. So I would always forgive when they would apologize or act all nice again.
In 2020, my sister and her husband (not my niece’s father) kicked her out because my sister was having many mood swings, she has 4 other children and got them to participate in kicking out my niece. She called me and I quickly went to pick her up and I met her on the curb with trash bags and with my sister refusing to open the door.
So I took her to my home where she stayed for 6 months and she even secured an apartment. Once my niece (20 at the time) got her apartment, my sister and her husband convinced her to move back in and my niece did and then the same niece turned on me and I felt very sad because she was in my home and I did everything for her when her own mom discarded her like trash.
Fast forward to 2021, she does the same thing with her (16M) son and he called me and again, I picked him up and let him stay. At the time, my now husband and we’re planning a wedding and of course regardless of our differences, there was no way I couldn’t invite my sister and her kids.
Also, it was at the height of the global crisis so we were very limited and the church only accepted close families.
When I invited my sister, she and her kids ridiculed me. My sister even said that my attitude is too disgusting to get married, and they were not coming because I don’t deserve to get married, they even blocked me except for my niece who promised she’ll be there and promised to act as a witness.
The day of, she didn’t show up, no call no nothing. Thankfully, the photographer was nice enough to be a second witness for us. My mom called my niece asking why she did this. My niece said ‘I don’t even know what kind of wedding it is, I don’t see the point in all this’ and then hung up.
I was broken and in tears. I know my sister put them up to it but I thought my niece would have risen above it given all I’ve done for her when my sister (her mom) did what she did to her.
I moved on but I vowed to never speak to them again. My husband and I are happily married and we have a new baby and we’re thriving.
Now my niece has met someone and she’s getting married. My mom told me and told me to mark my calendar because we’re going.
I refused and reminded her of what they did at my wedding. My mom told me to stop living in the past and be the bigger person. I even cried to her and she gave me a blank stare and then told me that no one thinks about her and that I’ll regret my actions when she dies.
She says I’m being incredibly selfish and bitter and she’s shocked that I’m not over it. I’m still refusing to go.
AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. At every turn, you have acted with love, compassion, kindness, and honor.
And in every instance, it was thrown back in your face (usually after costing you considerable time, energy, and funds.)
Standing up for yourself and your right to basic respect and dignity is not bad.
I’m sorry that you’ve been treated so shabbily, and even more sorry that your mom has essentially betrayed your trust by downplaying your hurt.
You are building a new family now with your husband and sweet new baby, and your friends. This new family will cherish you and be grateful for all of your kindnesses. Stick with your new family, and let the family of origin go.
There is no place for you there. Go where you’re loved, and stay there.” HiveJiveLive
Another User Comments:
“NTJ
The adult response is the one you have been giving – that you are tired of their mistreatment and will no longer associate with such toxic people.
The juvenile response would be to put on a Cheshire-cat sort of grin and tell them that of course, you’ll be so happy to come and then walk away laughing an evil laugh. I think it would be very educational for them to spend a few months panicking that you’ve become as sadistic as all of them.
Another fun option would be to offer to buy and bring the wedding cake or the photographer or whatever essential you choose, and then simply don’t do it and ghost them.
They should be grateful that after such bad behavior from them, all you are doing is responding with a polite no thank you.” latents
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Your mom is one of the terrible people for insisting you put up with that kind of treatment. You are allowed boundaries. You are allowed peace in your life. The bullying and mistreatment you received are not acceptable.
Going no contact is necessary for your health. If you haven’t already, I highly recommend therapy in dealing with anyone you do still talk to.
If your mother won’t drop it, go no contact with her too. Tell her you aren’t going and that is the end of the discussion.
Use the Grey rock technique. No reaction. Do not debate. If she tries to argue, tell her she knows your stance and if she won’t leave it alone you will end the conversation. Hang up the phone. Leave where you are so you aren’t with her.
Being around you is a privilege that people have to earn and maintain. To do so it takes kindness and respect. Disrespect will lose them that privilege.
As for regretting it after they are dead… I doubt it. I can’t speak for you, but I cut off my own sister almost a decade ago.
She was verbally abusive and an addict. She was constantly coming in and out of my life and caused me nothing but stress and trauma. Just seeing her name on my phone would cause me extreme anxiety. Since I have gone no contact, my life is so much more peaceful.
I don’t know how she is doing, and I don’t want to know. I hope she is doing well, but I have come to realize she cannot be in my life for my own mental health. If I were to find out she died, I still wouldn’t regret cutting contact.
It wouldn’t change the fact having her in my life was nothing but a source of pain. Now I choose my family, and I am much better for it.
Good luck. And NTJ.” Iggys1984
17. AITJ For Telling My Stepkids' Mom Not To Talk Trash About My Kids' Names?
“I married my husband Mike 11 years ago.
He had two kids from his relationship with Emma. My stepson is 15 and my stepdaughter is 14. Mike and I have 3 kids together, Theodore, Isabelle, and Matilda. My stepkids’ names are names more out there and more rare, so I won’t mention them exactly but they are word-nature-style names.
Very modern too. There is a bit of a contrast between my stepkids and bio kids’ names. But my husband and I chose names we loved for our kids, that we figured would age well with them and my husband was so glad to have input because Emma chose my stepkids’ names.
I remember when we first brought our oldest home my stepson made an eww comment about his name, but I was so distracted with the baby. My husband spoke to him and told me later that he found the name so different from his and reacted badly.
Up and down I remember some comments being made by my stepkids about their siblings’ names but I always tried my best to not let it get to my kids. Recently Mike and I learned that Emma and my stepkids have been calling the kids names boring, dull, and ugly, saying they were suckered with bad names and Emma telling her kids how unfortunate my kids are and how lucky they are that she named them.
Two of our three kids have taken to heart that their siblings don’t like their names and one of my kids said Emma tried to give them a nickname that was better than their real name. My husband was furious when he learned this.
He went to speak to Emma but she brushed him off. He told my stepkids they were not to insult the names of their siblings, not to their faces, but not even behind their backs because it was mean. My stepkids said they were glad I hadn’t named them because ‘they’d rather die than be stuck with ugly old names’.
A few days ago I saw Emma while I was grocery shopping. The night before my stepkids had told my husband they and their mom were still talking badly about the kids’ names and I was still mad. So I went up to Emma and told her to stop talking badly about my kids’ names to my stepkids, that it was something only a bully would do and she should be better than that.
And that I was not okay with her hurting my kids. She was furious and told me I had no right to speak to her and Mike is the only one who could talk to her about my stepkids. She sent Mike a text relaying the same.
AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Emma is looking for any excuse to be mean to you and your kids, it appears. Your complaint was well expressed. But do ask your husband to follow up, as Emily won’t have any excuses not to talk with him.
Given the age of your stepkids, your husband will have better luck dealing directly with them rather than with their mother. The issue is one of treating everyone with kindness, and Dad made it clear he won’t tolerate any mistreatment by any of his children toward anyone.
He needs to have consistent and clear consequences each and every time, while also talking with his children about both the harm the older ones are doing while exploring why they are being purposefully cruel. There’s a lot of parenting to keep dad quite occupied.” Zorkanian
Another User Comments:
“Dandelion and Cataract should learn to behave decently. It seems their mother has failed to teach them manners. I think your mistake here was to address Emma yourself—not because it is wrong to speak to the mother of your stepchildren, but because you already know she is unreasonable and nasty.
Your husband needs to do this (again) and keep doing it until Pebbledash and Moccasin—his children—learn to behave decently. Though as mid-teens, it’s probably too late.
Also, if you aren’t playing things down for your children, you should.
When they are at school, they’ll find that kids like Applesauce and Pimento don’t necessarily come across well.
NTJ” YourLittleRuth
Another User Comments:
“Emma sounds like a spiteful woman. Sure, communication about the step-kids should go through your husband. But this is affecting your children.
You had every right to defend them from a bully – whether it be to a stranger or Emma. If the tables were turned and Emma found out you were openly bashing her kids’ names to their faces, would she have been so diplomatic about it?
I doubt it. Your children are being bullied in their own home, by their siblings – and their mother is the one promoting it. I’m not sure how/the correct way to resolve this, but it cannot continue. It’s obviously damaging to your children.
NTJ” CatmoCatmo
Dad needs to sit them down and tell them he's had enough. That he's done. That their mom is using them to cause issues here and it stops now.
If they don't act right then they can't be alone with the kiddos.
16. WIBTJ If I Ask My Brother To Let My Mom Have A Plus-One?
“My older brother is getting married in 2 months. His fiance’s family is paying for the whole wedding and they’re having it in the Bahamas. They planned a smallish wedding of 60 guests. The only person from our family he invited is our mom.
This was obviously a little upsetting for myself and my siblings but we understood. We have a large family, my mom has 7 kids and has 8 siblings. You can’t really have a small wedding if you invite your large family and it becomes more complicated when you start picking and choosing who in the family can come.
There are no hard feelings with him deciding just to have our mom there.
The problem is my mom doesn’t want to go alone for a few reasons. She has never flown before or left the country, she is very nervous about this aspect alone.
She will also not know anybody at the wedding other than my brother. She’s met his fiance’s parents and siblings but it was awkward and there’s definitely not a great relationship there. Her family is very rich and our family is the opposite, as a result, there is a large cultural difference and my brother’s future MIL said a few things that upset my mom (although I don’t think she meant harm).
Because of all this, my mom asked my brother if she could bring her partner of 5 years. My brother denied this. My mom assumed he had an issue with her bringing her partner specifically and then later asked if she could bring her sister to stay in her room.
Not even to the wedding or reception itself but to the hotel, so she didn’t have to travel alone and had someone to stay at the hotel with her as she will be in the country for 5 days. She said she’d find a way to cover the extra costs.
He again denied her.
At this point, I’m kind of upset because my mom is really upset about the whole thing. She was upset originally about none of our family being invited to the wedding and is now even more upset as she’s actually scared about traveling and staying in another country basically alone.
I want to confront my brother about this but my mom has told me not to. Nobody is asking him to invite anyone else to the wedding. I just want him to allow my mom to have a plus 1 so she’s not all alone for a week.
My uncle has already said if he doesn’t allow her a guest he’s just going to fly down there with her and find a cheap hotel for the week.
I respect that it’s my brother’s wedding and I shouldn’t interfere but I think he’s being a jerk to our mom and refusing to listen to her fears about going alone.
WIBTJ if I bring it up again and try to pressure him into allowing her to bring my aunt?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ – I’d suggest your mom takes up your uncle’s offer and pays for the flight/accommodation for another person to go with her.
If they aren’t going to the wedding and they aren’t paying for it, then your brother has no grounds to stop them from having a holiday.
This doesn’t sound like a positive start to married life. I would ask your brother how he really feels about only being allowed to have his mum present and if he is really happy about this.
Not telling him off, but I think you should be concerned about this.” User
Another User Comments:
“NTJ
Your brother doesn’t get to ban every blood relative from entering the Bahamas while he has his wedding there. Your mom is free to travel with whomever she likes and presuming she has her own room, who is and isn’t there with her isn’t anyone’s business.
I wouldn’t confront the brother though. I’d just encourage mom to bring whoever she wants to let brother know (not ask) she’s not traveling alone but will come alone to the wedding and reception.” newbeginingshey
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. It’s totally reasonable for someone to not want to travel alone especially the first time leaving the country.
Even though you have a large family it is still very suspicious that he’s only inviting one person from the family to attend.
If the bride’s family is paying did they tell him he couldn’t invite anyone else? Maybe they said he couldn’t invite his family at all but demanded his mother?
There’s one of two things going on here – either your brother is a straight jerk OR he’s getting some serious pressure from his wife’s to be family.
You may not have a relationship with your brother after he’s married if something is going on. Best to chat with him now to see what is happening.” DoraTheUrbanExplorer
15. AITJ For Telling My Wife What To Do With Her Inheritance?
“My (30s M) father-in-law was recently diagnosed with terminal cancer. It came out of the blue.
Huge shock for the family. My wife is (obviously) not handling it well.
He’s let us know that he will be leaving a few 100k to my wife and her brother. We’re pretty solid financially and don’t really need the funds so I thought we’d stick almost all of it into our children’s college fund, wedding fund, down payment fund, and our retirement fund.
Now my wife’s brother is a quite wealthy real estate agent. He’s been telling my wife all about his plan to pool the funds to buy land and build a family ‘cabin’ to honor their dad. Cool idea on the surface but he’s just not the type of person I would want to own something with.
He’s ruthless and lives by ethics and morals I don’t agree with. So, a real estate agent.
The big issue is my brother-in-law is native while my wife was adopted into the family. Because of this, she can’t actually own the land or cabin.
It would be technical all his. I don’t think throwing all that funds into something that we will have no control over is a wise idea.
We could really set up our kids with that funds. Now obviously my wife is quite upset with me and has essentially said I have no say in how the funds is spent.
Which is odd for us because we have joint accounts for everything. All of our funds always becomes OUR funds. I think she’s stricken with grief and isn’t thinking rationally. (Think this, not say this).
AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“No jerks here except your BIL who sounds shady.
She’s right that it is her inheritance, technically, and she should get to choose how to spend it. However, I think you’re completely right to not want her to spend it on this, which sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
Perhaps you should take a different tactic. Don’t try to tell her ‘Don’t do that’ or ‘You’re not thinking rationally’ which is likely to make her feel defensive and reflexively refuse what you’re saying. Honestly, I personally bristled at ‘she’s not thinking rationally’ and it’s not even me.
LOL.
Instead, ask her to wait 6 months or a year after his passing before making the decision as to what to do with the funds. Put it in a high-yield savings account for the time being, and then when her grief has subsided a bit, then choose what to do with the inheritance.
Hopefully, by then she’ll be thinking a little more clearly.” hellolittlebears
Another User Comments:
“NTJ
Your wife is in a vulnerable position, as such, be gentle and talk gently to her. Make a meal, get her relaxed, and say you just want to talk.
Listen to her and ask her questions. Let her know you’ll support her as long as her reasoning is sound, she’s considering her children’s future, and she has sought legal advice (go together). She is vulnerable and doesn’t want to be attacked. I know you’re not attacking her but she’s emotional and on the defensive.” 76584329
Another User Comments:
“No jerks here.
The man isn’t even dead yet, so let’s start there. Your wife has barely had time to process any of this so let her take her time. I think right now grief and spending time with her dad are more important than a discussion about where the funds should go.
She is right about it being her funds though, so while you can make suggestions, at the end of the day it should be her choice. She’s the one losing a parent to get this funds, and I’m sure she would rather have her dad longer than any amount of funds.
I don’t know what to really say about your BIL, other than the suggestion he’s making wouldn’t be a smart choice for your wife to make.
Just be there for your wife right now, you can talk to her about her inheritance later.” Striking_Ad_6573
14. AITJ For Declining The First Offer?
“I put my house up for sale. In two days there was an offer that was below what we were asking for. Our realtor has already come off as flaky. At our first meeting, she was going to be over thirty minutes late and I said we’d reschedule.
The second time she was late again. She told us we would list the house at one price and then changed it but it was by $100 so we let it go. Then the woman doing the photos showed up late, didn’t help the other photographer that showed up on time and left early.
That same woman ended up doing our open house while wearing pajamas. When it came time to do the open house, they told us one time then later changed it and notified us by sending emails and texts instead of calling to ask and verify.
Anyways we get this lowball offer and where we’re moving to is expensive and fast-moving. We need all the funds we can get and we aren’t in a real hurry to move so things can always change in either market.
The realtor starts fighting us about how we might not get another offer and how we have three hours to decide and going off on us. Like WHAT!? I thought realtors were supposed to work with their clients and get us the best offer.
Not just accept what we get? If the house had been on the market for a few weeks, I get it. It hasn’t been a whole week yet. AITJ for not accepting the first offer I get?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ
Some Realtors are only in it for their commission and don’t care about what is best for the client. You should have done your due diligence and picked a better realtor.
DO NOT CAVE. You do not have to accept any offer.
You do not even have to sell your house. You can even take it off the market.
You can report the Realtor to her broker and the State Real Estate Commission.
You need to look at the contract you signed with her and see how long you have before you can use another realtor.” Maybeidontknow99
Another User Comments:
“I bet you the lowball offer came from one of her friends. Report to her broker, and the licensing board in your state. The realtor you hired is to work for you and your best interests. The only way this post makes sense, from the realtor’s point, is if your house is not in the best condition and needs selling ‘as is’.
Consult with a real estate attorney to see if you can get out of the contract you signed. NTJ if your house is in good condition, but pajamas to an open house? Totally unprofessional.” MySaltySatisfaction
Another User Comments:
“NTJ at all.
Your realtor sounds very unprofessional and controlling. You are the owner of the house, you decide what’s the best offer for you and your family. She is providing you with a service, which from the looks of it, is lacking.
You can always let her go and hire another one that best fits with your current needs.” bmla1025
13. AITJ For Wearing A Costume At A Costume Party?
“So my friend (20f) and I (19m) have been friends for a few years and she recently got engaged.
A week ago I got a dm from her for a small costume party she was hosting as a celebration of her getting engaged. I asked if there was a theme and she said there wasn’t.
I’m a cosplayer so I had a lot of choices.
I didn’t want to rock up in anime cosplay, so I thought it would be funny to go to an engagement party as the Corpse Bride. I arrived at her house yesterday and everything seemed normal. A few people complimented my costume and I was having a lot of fun.
After ten minutes my friend’s fiancé walked out in a black tuxedo and announced this was actually their wedding. Apparently, my friend saw a video of someone doing this and wanted to do the same.
He asked us all to go to the backyard for the ceremony to begin.
I went straight to him. I asked him if I should quickly go home and change my outfit and that I would get back before it started. He told me it was fine since I didn’t know this was the wedding.
I trusted him and followed everyone outside. They got married and everything seemed good. The reception was just in their house again so everyone just walked back inside and picked up where they left off. I tried talking to my friend and celebrating with her but she kept making excuses to not talk to me.
I assumed it was just because she was tired from the big day and wanted some alone time. I didn’t bother her after that and the party soon ended.
I got home and half an hour passed when my phone started getting notifications.
I checked and it was my friend texting me. She was cussing me out and telling me how I ruined her wedding. I was really confused and asked what I did.
That only made her more angry. She told me it was basic knowledge not to wear a wedding dress to a wedding.
I reminded her I had no idea it was a wedding and that I asked her now husband if I should change and he said it was fine.
She didn’t respond, but I got a text from her husband.
He asked why I would tell her he said it was fine. I told him he said it was fine. Then he said how I should have changed anyways and it’s my fault that the two are now fighting over this.
I’ve tried texting her that I was sorry and if I had known I wouldn’t have done it. I woke up today and saw she and her husband have blocked me on everything.
So, AITJ for not changing out of the wedding dress when I found out it was actually a wedding?”
Another User Comments:
“You wore a costume that included a nod to the (apparent) point of the party – their engagement to get married. I wouldn’t expect most people to get upset by that costume at a costume party.
As to the running a bait-and-switch, then complaining that your costume wasn’t appropriate for the wedding you didn’t know you were attending, then complaining that you said that the husband told you not to go home and change just because that’s actually what he said and holy dooley.
All I can say is this couple has 99 problems and you aren’t actually one of them, you’re just a convenient distraction from yelling at each other.
Bonus points if they unblock you in two weeks to complain that they haven’t received a wedding present from you yet.
NTJ” Rowanever
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, a male corpse bride for a costume party for an engagement is perfect and right on theme. You had enough foresight to think about changing the costume before the wedding even though you didn’t know there was a wedding.
The groom is trying to backpedal that he screwed up the opportunity for you to change this couple kind of sounds like a nightmare. I think he dodged a bullet with them blocking you. It sounded like a cool costume and it’s not like a male corpse bride is going to upstage the actual bride.” Alienne8r
Another User Comments:
“NTJ
It was a COSTUME party. You were wearing a COSTUME. You even asked if there was a theme and at that time, the bride could have mentioned that she didn’t want anyone to wear white or whatever.
Then when you found out it was the actual wedding, you even asked the groom and he said it was fine.
Granted, could you have run home and changed even when the groom said it was fine, sure and you probably should have.
However, the bride and groom also had roles to play in this mix-up. If you’re going to throw a surprise wedding, you run a chance of things not being exactly how you want.” KuriousKel
12. AITJ For Not Telling Our Families About The Birthday Of Our Baby?
“My husband (26 M) and I (25 F) welcomed our daughter, Genie, in mid-December.
We both come from overbearing families and both of us have complicated relationships with our in-laws. This is why we preferred to elope privately instead of having a big wedding like we wanted. My mother is very controlling and throughout my pregnancy did stuff that annoyed me such as throwing a baby shower I was never aware of and inviting people and relatives I didn’t even know exist instead of people I knew and then blaming me for not being ‘out there’.
My MIL is the same way except she hates my guts. She has done many things in the past that have gotten on my nerve such as showing a ‘cream’-colored dress and telling me she’d wear it to my wedding, comparing me to my husband’s ex, and making fun of my weight during my pregnancy.
Sometimes I feel as if god was gonna make my mother and MIL sisters but realized things would probably go down. During my third Trimester, around 8 months, my husband and I decided to keep the delivery private and just have a gathering for everyone to meet the baby a few days later.
During my labor when people called or texted we made up excuses such as being in a work meeting or driving on I-95 and there is no signal. On December 14th, I had my little girl and she is just adorable.
Three days after, we decided to throw a party for everyone to meet. Once everyone was there, we brought out our daughter and got mixed reactions, though most were happy women on my side were not.
They claimed that if something traumatic happened what would’ve we done and basically shamed me for keeping it to myself?
This is the same reaction we got from both sides when we eloped. ‘Moments like these should be celebrated together and it is only robbing our family of precious moments like this,’ my aunt said. Then it went off the board to how we would be as parents.
They made snarky comments about us partying too much and how both our salaries would not be able to provide.
My husband is a lawyer and I am a 3rd-grade teacher, so our income in total would be able to support Genie.
Then went on about how horrible the parenting techniques that I’ve read and talked about implementing in the past are. My husband had enough to kick them out. Currently, My mother and MIL are blasting me on social media about denying them access to see our child.
We’ve tried to make amends with them so many times but failed. Am I the jerk for not telling my family?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. This is a downside to our modern, interconnected world. It makes people think they are entitled to instant communication.
30 years ago you found out the baby had arrived when someone had time to find a pay phone or convinced a nurse to use the desk phone. Their presence and/or awareness changes nothing if you have a complication. All informing people of your labor does is divert attention away from where it’s needed: the mother and child.
The fact that the family is so selfish that they would ruin their own enjoyment of a new baby just proves you handled everything perfectly. Consider maintaining the information diet.
Congratulations to your family and lots of love to your little baby Genie.” Natural_Garbage7674
Another User Comments:
“NTJ – But what you really need to think about is not telling them anything ever again. These people are toxic and abusive and there is no reason in the world why you, your husband, or your daughter should have that in your lives.
You should be enjoying your baby’s first precious weeks and bonding with her as a family, not dealing with these jerks. Please – be good to yourselves and just shut it all down. The reduction of stress will be so good for both of you and you’ll be able to enjoy the time with your baby.” Dipping_My_Toes
Another User Comments:
“NTJ
You might want to go no contact or very very low contact, getting off the family’s social media so you don’t have to deal with their reactions.
You might want to find a lovely family of choice, being part of moms’ or parents’ groups and getting close with other families with babies the same age, with lots of mutual support.
Because you’re only being undermined by both mother and MIL.
From where I sit, the family was incredibly lucky that you invited them even to meet this baby given the way they treat you.” Nester1953
11. AITJ For Not Letting Certain People Pet My Service Dog?
“I (29F) used to work at a greenhouse that gives jobs to people with developmental disabilities. Some of them are really touchy-feely. I have PTSD and don’t like to be touched very much. One day, one of the individuals reached over to poke me.
I just stepped out of arms reach, a reaction my therapist would have been proud of. However, my coworker, Francis, got really mad at me. ‘He just wanted to hold your hand! You probably hurt his feelings!’ I tried calmly explaining to her.
‘With respect, I don’t like being touched. It has to do with PTSD.’ She said. ‘That’s not good for this job;’ She continued to be cold towards me, and even screamed at me until I was reduced to tears.
My boss had to intervene. I was in and out of the hospital on and off throughout the year with behavioral health issues and missed a lot of work. When I returned, after I got my first car, I got permission from HR to start bringing my service dog, Baby to work.
Before that, I set a rule that the individuals could pet her, as long as they ask permission first. One day I was helping a wheelchair-bound individual in the bathroom and left Baby outside. When I came out, another individual was petting Baby.
I reminded her of the rule. ‘Susan, remember, you need to ask before petting Baby.’ And Francis told her ‘You’re okay Susan, you can pet her.’ Francis started telling everyone that I was a terrible worker. I hardly ever show up to work, I am rude to individuals and never let them pet my dog.
She even went to HR. I couldn’t stand it anymore. I quit that job. Did I do the wrong thing, not letting the individual touch me? Or let them pet my service dog?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ
It sounds like Frances is a real problem.
I think you need to put in a formal complaint about her because she seriously overstepped a boundary. You asked that your service animal not be disturbed unless you gave prior permission, and Frances decided to ignore you. You don’t have to allow anyone to pet the dog, whether they’re disabled or not.
If Frances could say ‘It’s okay to pet the dog’, she could easily have said, ‘It’s not okay to let the dog’.
Frances sounds like she’s on this job because she has trouble relating to other adults who aren’t disabled. Perhaps she’s made this job her own personal fiefdom and so thinks she has the right to ride roughshod over the other support workers.
This isn’t the case. Her behavior is highly unprofessional. She should’ve been reprimanded by the boss the first time, and then let go the second time.
I would recommend writing a letter to HR stating what happened and how Frances did not respect your right as a vulnerable person to be safe at work.
That her attitude toward you was hostile and uncalled for, and she did not display professionalism, courtesy, or respect for you.
That she has been hostile towards you in the past, so much so that your boss’s intervention was required, and the previous episode affected your mental health to the extent that you were hospitalized. That she was so hostile towards you this time that you felt you had no choice but to resign.
A formal complaint like that would be more likely to go on Frances’s employment record, and maybe she would have to undergo mandatory retraining and/or be put on probation.” Fearless-Golf-8496
Another User Comments:
“NTJ
‘One day, one of the individuals reached over to poke me.
I just stepped out of arms reach, a reaction my therapist would have been proud of. However, my coworker, Francis, got really mad at me. ‘He just wanted to hold your hand! You probably hurt his feelings!”
That’s cute.
My right to bodily autonomy (which includes the right to not be touched without permission) is more important than anyone’s ‘hurt feelings’, developmental disability, or not. I guess according to Francis, if the person wanted to sleep with me, I have to let them because saying no would ‘hurt their feelings’?
Francis is wildly unprofessional and actively harming her fellow employees by insisting they tolerate behaviors they find intolerable. She also lied about you to HR and maligned your reputation. She absolutely needs to be fired. I understand that you’ve left your job, but I wonder if you could report her after the fact.
The woman is dangerous.” sjsyed
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Dogs are NOT public property and all the other people should have been taught to NOT bother the service dog. That is your personal medical device and was not her place to give anyone permission to pet your dog.
Susan should have never touched your pup at all and should have been instructed to ignore her. The other employee should have been written up for her unprofessional and disrespectful behavior toward you.
You had the right to let no one pet your dog.
She’s yours and is working. Everyone is taught not to touch service dogs. They were completely in the wrong. You literally have excellent grounds for a harassment suit against her.” depressivedarling
10. AITJ For Buying Booze?
“I turned 21 in November. My SO is 19. Neither of us is in a financial situation where we can go out to eat very often.
Recently we were invited to dinner with his dad, stepmom, and sister. They said it was a family dinner and they were treating us.
His dad ordered appetizers for the table and got a cocktail, as did his wife. I ordered a glass of a type of wine I’d never had before.
I figured this was a good time to try it, as ordering wine with dinner is a normal thing to do. The glass was $9. Both cocktails were $13. My SO’s sister got a smoothie that was $7. He drank water.
The dinner was nice, but my SO acted a little weird during it.
After dinner, he said it was really rude and tacky that I ordered booze on his ‘dad’s dime.’ I was really embarrassed by this accusation. I said he offered to treat us and it was only one glass of reasonably priced wine.
I didn’t order champagne or anything crazy. I also didn’t get a dessert, which his dad and sister did. I don’t feel like I ‘spent’ more than anyone else did. I feel like my order was very normal for the situation.
He insists that it wasn’t and I was greedy. My feelings were hurt and I accused him of being embarrassed he isn’t old enough to drink and I am. He said I was deflecting. I offered him $10, but he wouldn’t take it.
Is it jerk behavior to order booze on someone else’s dime?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, but proceed with caution.
If his parents said they were treating, you didn’t order anything outlandish, you weren’t the only person ordering liquor, and there’s no norm in the family regarding children not ordering something other than water, I don’t think you were the jerk.
Look at how his parents reacted—they were your hosts. If they didn’t blink, think nothing of it.
Two things come to mind with your SO: First, he may be resentful—weird as it sounds—of you being able to drink, and him not.
It can be a weird posturing thing, and he might be inventing something to cover that. Alternately, it could just be untrodden ground for him, as he probably hasn’t dated someone who can order liquor at restaurants before, and he may feel strange about it.
That said, some people do have different ideas about how you should order as a matter of etiquette when being treated by someone. Most of the time, those values are passed through families to children—if he wasn’t set off by one of the above reasons, it could be that he thought his parents would dislike your ordering that, and was made uncomfortable.
It might be worthwhile to check in with him to see if either of them said something after the fact.” worhal
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. You generally don’t get something more expensive than what the host is having when they offer to buy you dinner.
If they’re having a drink, you can, too. Same for dessert. You just generally shouldn’t order something more expensive than what they’re getting for themselves.
Your SO’s reaction is odd. Was he raised to be frugal? If he was often told ‘no’ growing up when he asked for something to drink other than water, he might have some emotional baggage about it.
You should ask him why he thinks ordering drinks is a bad idea when someone else has offered to pay for dinner.
When I’m buying dinner for someone, I want them to enjoy themselves. I don’t want them to save me a few dollars by drinking water if they would really prefer something else.” throw05282021
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. I do think you should have asked permission to make clear your intentions and find out if it was something they were okay with, but if they didn’t say anything to you, then I think it must have been okay with them.
I also think it’s a little unfair of you to accuse your SO of simply being embarrassed he’s not old enough to drink. But overall, these things do not make you a jerk.
If I were paying for relatives or friends by saying ‘It’s my treat’, I would probably personally lay out expectations like ‘It’s my treat, but I don’t have a budget for booze.’ or ‘It’s my treat, but I only have the budget for us all to share a dessert’ or ‘It’s my treat, please get anything you’d like, regardless of price.’
Communication is a two-way street. If they didn’t give you stipulations or complain themselves, then your SO is offended on their behalf with no basis for that offense.” nyxi-styx
9. AITJ For Telling My Friend I'm Not Attracted To Her?
“I (14f) have a friend who we’ll call Amy (15f). I and Amy hang out a lot and a few months ago she came out as lesbian. I was happy for her, but I didn’t think it was a big deal and we continued our lives like normal.
I’ve noticed recently that Amy seemed to point out attractive girls in public and send me pics of girls and ask ‘My opinion’. I was a bit weirded out but I don’t know, maybe this is just a teenage girl thing.
I came out as aroace (aromantic asexual) about a year ago, after realizing I haven’t had any crushes and couldn’t really feel any kind of attraction towards any gender. Amy always seemed cool with this, but a few days ago out of the blue Amy asked me to be her significant other.
I was completely taken aback as I had very early on in our friendship told her I wasn’t interested in going out with people, and that I was planning on staying single. When I reminded her of this, she said I had very severe internalized homophobia because of my religious upbringing.
I was completely shocked.
I told her I was sorry, but I’m very sure I’m not gay and even if I theoretically was, I am not attracted to her in any way. I may have been a bit harsh, but she was making me really uncomfortable and I just wanted to get the conversation over with.
Amy broke down crying and called me homophobic before leaving, and she hasn’t spoken to me since. I’m afraid I may have handled this the wrong way and I’m thinking maybe I should have tried to tell her in a different way.
AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. To be really honest you are both very young. You are still learning who and what if anything arouses you or attracts you romantically. You are also learning how to initiate, reject, and maneuver through both romantic and platonic relationships.
The rejection Amy experienced from you not reciprocating her feelings is real. And she gets to experience that. But you’re not homophobic for not being interested in her that way.
Lashing out at you was a defense mechanism to soften the blow of rejection.
My experiences with the younger community that feels the need to label their sexuality are that they often see the things they read about in themselves and others as they’re trying to navigate through learning these things about themselves – hence Amy saying things like you have severely internalized homophobia due to your religious upbringing.” No_Location_5565
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, she asked and you said no. It doesn’t matter why you said no – Amy has no right to argue with your reasons and convince you to say ‘yes.’
Amy owes you an apology. This is probably her first rejection, and there’s a possibility that she’ll calm down, think about it, and be really embarrassed by her actions.
If she apologizes, maybe you can save the friendship.
Whether or not you continue this friendship, I think you should tell Amy that it’s not acceptable to demand a date with anyone, ever. She’s not ready to ask anyone out if she’s not prepared to be told ‘no.’
Also, if any of your friends at school wonder why you and Amy aren’t getting along, please tell the truth without badmouthing or gossiping. ‘Amy had a really weird reaction when I turned down a date. That’s not what I’m looking for in a friend.’ There will eventually be another girl that Amy asks out – will she be allowed to say no?
Your friends, at least, deserve a warning about what kind of person Amy is.” lelied
Another User Comments:
“Nope, NTJ.
You handled that very well, you weren’t mean and you certainly weren’t homophobic.
She knew you weren’t interested in going out, so your response shouldn’t have come as a surprise.
But it sounds like she’d made up a whole narrative about your ‘internalized homophobia’ in her head, and expected you to behave according to it instead of your own reality. I’m guessing this was all because you were her first gay crush, and people who are newly out tend to be extremely unpracticed in handling crushes, but that doesn’t change the fact that she massively overstepped. You did nothing wrong, and I’m sorry your friend blamed you for her own misinterpretations.
Personally, I’d keep my distance from her for a while. Hopefully, once she thinks it through, she’ll come to you and apologize for her poor behavior. But if not, there’s no sense in letting her continue to invent faults with you to avoid acknowledging her mistakes.” sci_fi_bi
8. AITJ For Wanting My Brother To Move Out?
“I (38M) have a younger brother (29M) who lives with me, my wife, and both my parents in a house that my wife and I own. 8 months before moving into the house my wife and I bought I told him that if he’s gonna live under my roof there are some requirements he needs to meet if he doesn’t want to pay rent and utilities.
The requirements are: keep your room clean, take better care of your dog, get a job, get your license, get a car, and pursue a career in something that makes you happy.
6 months into living here I took away his internet (he’s a big gamer and it’s his main method of socializing with his friends from high school) because he wasn’t trying to get a job.
He eventually got a job so I immediately gave him back his internet privileges but this behavior would continue intermittently every 5-6 months before he got his license, and a car, and eventually pursued a career.
After a little over 2 years my sister (40F) advised me to give him space because he’s been talking to her about being depressed, high anxiety, and passive SI so I left him alone for 3 months after he showed great effort in a study requirement I gave him.
We even left on a good note! Sadly, he quickly regressed so I took his internet away but this time he begged me not to because he was reconnecting with someone but I stood my ground. I felt bad so I waited till the next day to see if he would clean up but it was the same.
Eventually, my guilt led me to try to find a middle ground but my brother and I rarely have a good heart-to-heart. The conversation turned bad when he said I was messed up because he didn’t know I was giving him a chance and that I don’t know what it was like to be depressed. That crushed me… he knows I go to therapy and I take meds.
A couple of days later I talked to him in the living room and I told him how I felt like a doormat, that he’s been taking advantage of me. I felt like my requirements weren’t difficult and were meant for him to build good habits.
He said he understands my feelings and that they’re valid but his standards of living are different from mine and that our relationship is done. From that moment I knew that I didn’t deserve to have to live with someone who makes me feel like this so I told him that he needs to move out in 6 months and go live with our sister (a total of 3 years living here.)
Our talk ended there and he called my sister crying which led to her yelling at me over the phone. She was having a really bad day and told me now she has to worry about her brother every day because she doesn’t have space to house him.
I was shocked because she recently told me that she would take any of us in if we had nowhere to go. To make it worse I could hear my brother having a great time playing games with his friends when I went into the hallway.
That was like 10 minutes after he called my sister crying… Am I the jerk for standing by my decision?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, if anything I think you’ve been overly tolerant in a way that while you mean well is probably enabling him.
If it had been me I would have clamped down with harder criteria each step of the way.
Your sister seems to say the right things but now maybe won’t follow through with action as far as taking anyone in.
It’s obvious you care for your brother and you’re a good guy trying to figure out how to get through a very challenging situation, he needs a kick in the butt, either by getting kicked out or if he stays there making him truly work hard.
I think in a way people have caved into him too much so he has no real desire to find lasting progress.” boomosaur
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. He is expecting to be babied and have everything handed to him and whenever you start to get tired of it he conveniently brings up depression.
depression is not an excuse to take advantage of family, eat all their food, do nothing around the house, and not pay anything towards rent. by not kicking him out you will just be continuing to enable it. this will eventually have consequences on your own relationship, your wife will reach a point where she’s sick of housing a man who does nothing but cause issues and it could go down a path you don’t want.
I know this because at one point my dad was sending funds to his deadbeat brother while he and my mom were struggling and he had to choose between enabling the brother or staying in a relationship with my mom.
you need to evict your brother. I know you love him but he sees you as a doormat and a wallet. don’t just tell him to leave and then move past it, evict him.” ghostlyfawn
Another User Comments:
“NTJ
You seem to be trying your best and have more patience than I do. Your brother appears to be acting younger than his actual age. Maybe try implementing schedules and other procedures that were designed to work with patients with ADHD (procrastination).
Work with your parents to implement rules so that you can develop a more sibling bond than parental/enforcer.
Consult with a mental health profession and or attorney about the qualifications for a psychiatric hold in your state or area.
You mentioned passive SI and a lot of mental health concerns. With changes, his mental health struggles could get worse or they could be level requiring intervention now. You should not have to have the weight of his mental health on your shoulders.” User
7. AITJ For Not Apologizing To Someone I Used To Bully?
“I (22M) am not a bully. I had friends growing up who were bullied. I saw how bad it could be on someone and never wanted to be the cause of that. I’ll try to portray the incident as best I can.
I was visiting my parents and went into town to run a few errands. In town, I was approached by a man I didn’t recognize. He was initially friendly and greeted me with, ‘Hey, are you (my name)?’
Me: ‘Yeah, I am.
Do we know each other?’
Drew: ‘I’m Drew Smith. We used to go to school together.’
Despite him saying otherwise, I couldn’t recall anyone by that name. I responded, ‘Hey, I’m really sorry, man, but I don’t think I recognize you at all.’
I then started chuckling a bit out of embarrassment since I didn’t know how else to react. I guess Drew didn’t like that very much since his whole demeanor changed pretty quickly.
He then asked me much more coldly, ‘Ohh, then I guess you also don’t remember how you used to treat me like garbage when we were kids, huh?’
That completely caught me off guard, and I couldn’t respond with anything besides a confused, ‘What?’ Drew then started going off on me, claiming that I would purposefully exclude him when we were kids. I had convinced others to do the same and that teachers had to forcefully assign him during group projects because no one would willingly accept him.
That no one would play with him during recess or after school, so he had no friends growing up, and it was all my fault. I was utterly shocked and denied it, stating I had never done that because I hadn’t.
This just made him madder, and he started accusing more loudly, saying things like ‘Yes, you did!’ and ‘Why don’t you just admit it already and just apologize?’ By this point, we were getting people’s attention, and I was afraid someone would call the cops.
I decided to leave, but felt like I needed to get a jab in and said, ‘Look, man, I’m sorry school was so trashy for you, but if you were anything like you are now, you probably deserved it.’
In hindsight, I really should have just walked away, but I was getting angry myself, and it felt good at the moment. Drew started yelling after me even louder, but luckily he didn’t try to follow me. When I got to my parents’ home, I told them what had happened. They were surprised about the whole exchange too, and couldn’t recall any friend of mine named Drew either.
My mom then started teasing me a bit, saying I’ve always been pretty reserved, and if I was ever a jerk to someone, they probably had it coming.
Despite the reassurance, I can’t help but feel kinda guilty about the whole exchange.
Drew was absolutely convinced that I was his childhood bully for some reason, despite me not remembering him at all. Seeing how worked up about it he got, should I have just pretended to apologize or something? It seemed to me like it would have at least avoided that whole fiasco, even if I’m sure I had nothing to do with it.
Was I the jerk in how I handled the situation?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ
You would have been a jerk for the jab at the end if you’d thought it out ahead of time and delivered it with malice, but it sounds more like you were just caught off guard so your response was more heated than it might have been otherwise.
It’s weird to blame you for reacting to being waylaid by a yeller with less-than-perfect grace WHILE excusing the yeller. If it’s forgivable for the yeller to have gotten worked up and yelled, then it’s forgivable for you to have lacked saintly patience in your response.
It’s not like you went out of your way to make the guy unhappy.
It’s true that sometimes we don’t accurately remember the harm we’ve done to others, but it’s also true that when we’re alone and hurting, we may assign blame unfairly.
It seems unlikely that you went so far out of your way to exclude this person through his WHOLE CHILDHOOD and don’t remember him. It seems more likely that this person simply struggled socially in school, and either fixated on you as the cause or inflated some smaller cruelty you showed him in passing out of proportion.
If you GENUINELY don’t recall this person at all, and you didn’t go through a phase where this behavior might have been normal for you, then it seems very unlikely that this person’s version of events is objectively correct, however real it may have seemed to them.” coitus_introitus
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, though you maybe shouldn’t have twisted the knife.
It sounds like Drew has serious residual issues from childhood, is angry, and may need help. A lot of times, apathy or just anonymity feels oppressive to really lonely children.
Interactions and moments you wouldn’t register, they read as you judging and shaming them. That’s not your fault; it’s probably the fault of the people who raised Drew.
You could have apologized, but it might not have helped. That kind of hurt doesn’t go away just because someone who was on the fringe of your trauma says sorry.” worhal
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Not playing with someone doesn’t make you a bully. As someone who was often excluded and also kept a small exclusive circle, forcing kids to hang out with kids they don’t like is cruel for both sides.
The kids forced to include the kid always resent them, while the other kid could have gone and found other kids who actually liked them and had some real friends instead of kids who just tolerated them because they had to.
Whether the reason is Mike finds John annoying, or Susan is a girly girl who likes fashion and Molly is a Tom-boy who likes sports and they don’t have common interests, kids shouldn’t have to hang out with kids they don’t like just because they are the same age.” Invisible_Swan
6. AITJ For Telling My Sister-In-Law To Stop Being Broke?
“Me (32F), my daughter (5), my stepbrother Teddy’s (34) wife Lisa (32F), and their son Sam (7) were traveling to South Africa to visit family.
I was also traveling with someone who works for us, Jake. Teddy was already in South Africa, with Lisa and I going later because of school term dates.
We booked the flights separately. I spoke to Teddy about which flight would work, but that’s all the coordination we had.
For long-haul flights, I always fly first class. My daughter is a better flyer that way, as there are fewer people, she has more space, and it abates my travel anxiety. My family knows I fly first class for long hauls so I didn’t feel the need to bring this up prior to the flight.
We carpooled to the airport, but the first class has a separate check-in. Lisa was surprised I was flying first class and said surely my daughter is old enough to behave herself in the economy. I said it wasn’t about behaving, no one likes being boxed into a seat for 11 hours, 5 or 85.
Lisa said she didn’t like it either, and that it was unbelievable I paid for a seat for staff and a child just because I couldn’t handle sitting in economy. I told her whether she finds it believable or not, that is the case.
Again, I tried to start going to my check-in, but Lisa started saying how now she had to deal with Sam alone for the whole flight which she wasn’t prepared for, and that she was stressed enough without having no help the whole time.
She was getting close to tears by this point and I was at a total loss for what to do. I apologized for the confusion but she wasn’t satisfied, saying this is no way to treat family. Eventually, she just snapped ‘Why can’t you just stop being so spoilt?’ in a shrill tone, which I’ll admit, I didn’t take well.
I just said ‘Why can’t you just stop being so broke? See how dumb that sounds? Worry about your issues, I’ll worry about mine’. I took the opportunity to make my exit and check in.
When we met up with Teddy, Lisa was in a horrible mood and wouldn’t speak to me.
Later, Teddy and I were talking and he said I shouldn’t have said what I did, to which I said his wife shouldn’t have melted down in the airport over my travel arrangements. I wasn’t going to be babysitting Sam even if I had sat in the economy, it would have made no difference to her, and she’s well aware of how I travel.
She’s still not speaking to me over a week later. My stepdad said I was in the right and she’s melodramatic. My mother says I probably should have just walked away without saying anything. I don’t think I’m the jerk for making a statement as ridiculous as hers to point out that my lifestyle wasn’t any more her business than hers is mine.
Teddy wasn’t offended, he knows I’m not actually commenting on their financial situation, just her whining. But Lisa is now making things so complicated I’m not sure if she’s overreacting or if I took it too far.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. You are separate families, separate households, separate incomes, and separate daily lives. You didn’t purchase seats together. She never had any reason to assume you would even be seated near her, even if you were in economy. This is her expectations disappointing her and putting responsibilities on you that she shouldn’t have.
She can be upset all she wants for having to sit alone in the economy with her own child, but that doesn’t make it your problem in first class with your own child.” Zoobie_Doobie_Doo
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. It would have been better if you had maintained your demeanor, thank her for sharing, and walked away. Many would think that combat (what you did) was appropriate because there are consequences for our behavior. I think that repeating offensive behavior in public brings oneself down to the level of the offender.
The high road always yields a better outcome for yourself. The differentiating factor was that you were in public. Combat is always available, but best used in private. Be happy. Best wishes.” harleybidness
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. And it is clear you need to start setting some boundaries with your SIL.
I bet she pawns off that kid to you and others on every family outing. What does she mean she can’t handle her own child? Then get some professional help!
I mean, she started the remarks about financial stability. So if she wants to dish those out, she needs to receive them without getting mad as well.
Don’t throw a ball you can’t catch if it bounces back.
Your stepbrother needs to sit down with his wife and probably help out more if she’s this stressed. This on these two to fix and of course to apologize to you.” Boeiendnl
5. AITJ For Snapping At My Mom's Friends?
“I (33m) have a wonderful relationship with my mother. She has had the same group of friends for most of her adult life. One of her friends we’ll call ‘Dee’ has a husband who has ALWAYS made me very very uncomfortable and has shown predatorial behavior toward me.
He would always try and kiss me on the mouth when they left, he would always try and rub my feet, and he would always try and be alone around me.
I NEVER vocalized this (do NOT judge my mother, she had absolutely no idea what was happening) and was always able to outmaneuver this douchebag.
Fast forward several years and as an adult we were all at a gathering that had Dee and her husband there. At this gathering, Dee’s husband (who I hadn’t seen in years) decided to try and join me while I was smoking and ask me why I ‘never want to hang out with him’.
I simply walked away from the guy and continued about my business without talking to him. Dee approached me (with my mother in tow) and tried to berate me for ignoring her husband as it apparently ‘hurt his feelings’.
I snapped and proceeded to unleash a verbal tirade about the reason and tell her that her husband is a creep who has always tried to take advantage of me and they could both stay away from me.
Dee screeched some defense of him and how I’m a liar. She turned to my mother demanding that I apologize and my mother who was very calm and precise told Dee to leave and take her husband and she isn’t sure they will be friends going forward and her husband is never welcome around my family again.
My mom very carefully told me she was sorry, she didn’t know what was happening, and if I ever want to talk to her about it she was willing to listen.
I could tell she was super sad to lose this friendship but she didn’t hesitate to take my side.
I feel super bad about it and a bit conflicted. I don’t like my mom being sad. She’s my best friend.
AITJ for losing my cool and ruining a friendship for my mom? She and Dee were friends for nearly 40 years.
I feel like I should have spoken up long ago or simply continued to ignore and avoid him.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, no matter how long you need to stand for yourself and identify his behavior you’ve done it and you’re awesome.
Your mother is a freakin’ star, IMO. She responded at the moment with exactly the right things. The things that say what a mother should: she believes and loves you.
Dee is as creepy as her husband. There’s no way she hasn’t seen this behavior in her husband with more than you, over the years.
Her need to not be alone doesn’t justify letting that behavior slide. (And he’s just UGH.)” tosser9212
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. You didn’t cause the loss, the creepy husband did and Dee did by defending her creepy husband. If you were a woman, everyone would stand up in defense of you as your mother did.
She did for you what any mother should do. The only thing you did wrong was not telling your mother years ago. And in turn, your mother did nothing wrong all these years because she didn’t know. Obviously, if she had, the friendship would have ended years ago.
Your mom is your best friend for a reason-she’s as a mother should be. And you’re a good son for trying to protect your mom for all of these years even if it was flawed logic. Don’t feel bad!” Ghostwalker1622
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Your mother is a grown woman and capable of assessing who is the jerk here, and she knew you were telling the truth about this man immediately. It is sad that she has lost a friend, but it would be so much worse for her to lose a daughter.
You may feel conflicted, but you are not to blame for that man being such a creeper, and I expect that a lot of your mother’s upset is rather that she feels bad that she didn’t see the signs, and feels that she failed to protect you.
It’s always wrong for a man to give a woman, and especially a child, unwanted and inappropriate attention, including petting, kissing, hair sniffing, and holding in unsolicited hugs, and whispering in the ear. This often takes place in a social context and in front of other people, who even if they notice, don’t tend to call it out because they think they may be wrong.
When a man keeps seeking you out, corners you and makes lazy insinuations such as ‘hanging out’, you know it’s no accident. You also may not be the only person he’s done this to.
You’re not the jerk for speaking out now, nor are you one for not speaking about it earlier.
Going back in your mind I’m sure that you can remember when you first realized what he was doing. Any conversation should start there.” Consistent_Charity49
4. AITJ For Telling My Daughter My Opinions About Her Tattoo Ideas?
“My daughter has recently decided to get some tattoos to symbolize moments/memories in her life that she shared with her siblings and just things that are significant to her. I’m all for the idea, I think it’s brilliant, she intends to get them on her lower legs for ‘The people who stayed with her every step of the way’, I think it’s a beautiful gesture.
However, while I’m usually for her body as her choice, I worry she’s going to regret the tattoos she has chosen.
She has 5 siblings and her choices are as follows – a container of fish food, a halo energy sword, a duckling with a knife, purple mouthwash, and a bomb with kitten ears on it.
These ideas just seem like they could be easily regrettable and… honestly kind of stupid. She’s got a couple of tattoos already but none are outrageous or tacky. I brought up my concerns to her and she explained the memory behind each of them but it still doesn’t sit well with me.
I told her she could at least pick better memories and those particular tattoos aren’t going to suit or look very good.
My wife says I’m a complete jerk at this point and if the memories are significant to her then that’s what she should get but my daughter is now second-guessing herself.
I just don’t want her to regret something that will be on her for life.
AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“No jerks here. She shared her intentions with you before she got those tattoos, so I think your sharing your opinion was called for.
If she had already got the tattoos, my judgment would be very different.
You could suggest she talks with the tattoo artist about the memories she wants to get tattooed on her so they could come up with some ideas on how to represent those memories in a different way so she can have more options.
If it was that easy to make her second guess her ideas, she wasn’t committed to those ideas very deeply and it seems likely that she wouldn’t be happy with the tattoos for the rest of her life especially if she gets any negative feedback on them after she already got them.
Tell her that the general idea is beautiful, but she might wanna explore different artistic decisions before committing to anything.” User
Another User Comments:
“I think those kinds of innocuous object tattoos are becoming fairly normal as people feel more comfortable getting things that are personally meaningful but will seem random to others.
So rather than sentimental sayings or angels or hands holding, some people like the quirky route and either don’t care to explain because it’s their personal secret or enjoys getting the questions. YTJ because you are diminishing her happiness in getting these tattoos when she’s already made the decision.
She’s experienced with tattoos, she isn’t a teen, so back off and be politely silent if you can’t be positive.” SnooPets8873
Another User Comments:
“I kinda think there are no jerks here.
From someone heavily tattooed, having a stupid tattoo that your parents hate is kinda par for the course if tattoos are your aesthetic.
I can’t count the number of times my parents said ‘Wow that’s… really stupid… why did you get that?’ Now they don’t even notice when I get a new tattoo. It’s your job to tell your kids they’re making a bad choice and they might listen they might not – just know what you say probably won’t change what they do.
The more tattoos you have the less the ones you have actually matter so if she has 0, and this is a first then I can understand being really particular. If she has 5, then who cares? She’s gonna keep getting them and it’ll become a piece among many and it’ll be less scrutinized. Most people stop noticing individual tattoos when you have many.
For both your sanities, my advice is to let it go. Tell her ‘This is your body, your choice’ and the only person who has to love the tattoo is her because she will be explaining it for the rest of her life to those who do ask about it.” Educational-While198
Another User Comments:
“Tattooist here – these ideas sound unique, hilarious, and brilliant. I absolutely love getting requests like that, they usually come with brilliant stories and a great day. You are being the jerk, 100%
I see this happen time and time again with clients, they’re so excited about something they’ve come up with, but the appointment rolls around, and ‘my mom said maybe it should be like this’ or ‘my friend said she thinks this should be changed to that’.
Or the worst one, ‘My partner said this is a stupid idea so I think I’m just going to leave it’.
You should apologize to your daughter for weighing in with an unwanted opinion on something that’s clearly very personal to her.
You don’t get to decide on what memories she feels she wants to give a nod to.
Also, just because YOU would regret these, doesn’t mean she would. I’ve got all manner of ridiculous tattoos and years down the line they’re still making me laugh.” justwanttojoinin
3. AITJ For Not Celebrating My Step-son's First Words?
“My (36 M) wife, Fran (35 F), and I have been married for four years. We have a beautiful home and a healthy daughter (3F) and we’re doing amazing. Also, my wife has a son, Nick (17 M). His father is out of the picture, and never really was, so Nick has been part of our family since the beginning, without distinction to our daughter.
Nick is on the spectrum; he’s non-verbal, (or non-speaking, as my wife says), but he has always been great at communicating effectively with Fran, and he’s doing better every day. To my understanding (i.e., what my wife tells me) Nick is able to communicate via his phone and his AAC communication device, but he is still considered non-verbal because he has considerable difficulties with verbalization.
Well, it turns out that, a week ago, Nick said his first fully formed ‘words.’ He mumbled something along the lines of ‘I-love-you’.
That’s great, and I’m incredibly happy about it. The issue is that my wife, who was overflowing with joy, wanted to celebrate that very same week and go out and have a fancy dinner with us, her sister, and her mother.
It was a Friday night, and honestly, I didn’t feel like going out and I wasn’t in the mood to celebrate, but I said ‘Okay, sure, let’s go’ to please my wife.
However, Fran thought I was in a bad mood, and she kept teasing me about being grumpy, so I teased her with ‘Well, we didn’t celebrate our daughter’s first words, did we?’ and that started a big argument.
After that, I decided not to go out to ‘celebrate’ Nick’s mumbled words, and I stayed home. My wife was visibly upset, and the fight escalated on both sides. I pointed out who paid half of Nick’s expenses, and she pointed out that she raised him by herself for more than a decade.
We both said stupid things. To be clear: I didn’t say the celebration was stupid or unnecessary, I just pointed out it was unusual and not a traditional thing people celebrate.
That’s it. I think she was drowning in a glass of water, and the situation was stupid and escalated out of nowhere.
It’s not THAT crazy to not want to go out and ‘celebrate’, isn’t it? Needless to say, her entire family thinks I’m the jerk. I don’t want to make this a big deal.”
Another User Comments:
“YTJ
Your son said his first words ever in his 17 years of life, and your response to that was, ‘Oh, well we didn’t celebrate when my 3-year-old daughter said her first words.’ Like dude, are you this tone-deaf? Instead of celebrating, you made it about yourself and your daughter.
This is showing clear favoritism toward your daughter and disdain toward your stepson. YOU started this fight, and YOU escalated by staying home from the celebration. It didn’t just escalate out of nowhere. You don’t want to make this a big deal, but your actions are making this a big deal.
Please OP, apologize to your wife and do something special for your son to make up for your terrible lapse in judgment.” TheBigBluePit
Another User Comments:
“YTJ
Your wife went 17 years thinking she may never hear her son say I love you and he said it, you are downplaying it ‘Nick mumbled’ and belittling it.
Then you are comparing it to your daughter, who will likely grow up to live a traditional life with millions of milestones… When your child might only reach 10 out of the millions you celebrate those ten like they are the million… then you throw funds in there for no other reason I can see but to be a jerk
Honestly not being dramatic I would leave you for this… How dare you ruin something so important.” awkward-name12345
Another User Comments:
“Yeah seems like YTJ. I don’t know the situation and I didn’t hear the kid speak, but given that you are actively minimizing his verbalization in this story, it’s safe to assume you did the same with your wife.
I also think it’s interesting you chose to compare Nick’s accomplishment to your daughter… from the tone, it appears she is at least of ordinary capabilities (I.e. she presumably became vocal at the expected point of development).
If that’s the case, and she is essentially tracking the milestones that we expect people to hit, why would she speaking necessarily be a cause for celebration?
On the other hand, you have a child whom you claim you have raised ‘without distinction’ from your daughter.
First, if that’s the case, why create a distinction here? Second, it appears Nick was not supposed to be able to achieve verbalization, AND NEVERTHELESS DID. Perhaps that is a distinction worth recognizing.
From your tone, and albeit I will accept we obviously have to read into each other’s tones online to some degree, it feels like you assessed that Nick’s ‘mumbling’ wasn’t worth your effort to celebrate.
Perhaps that isn’t what you intended, but if that’s how it reads here, my assumption is that is how your wife took it as well.” Best-Cartoonist8836
2. AITJ For Being Annoyed At My Friend Who's Pretending To Have Chronic Illnesses?
“I’ve been best friends with ‘Amy’ for about 7 years.
She’s always had minor stomach problems but lately after looking up her ‘symptoms’ and going to the doctor today, she constantly complains about stuff she’s never even mentioned before.
She’s overweight (very) and has always complained about stomach problems (acid reflux, puking, stomach aches, pooping a lot yadda yadda) and got in an accident a bit ago saying her stomach was ‘paralyzed’ (yet she can still eat?).
And she even went as far as a few months ago as wearing two fracture boots at the same time (obviously wanting attention) for a few months cuz of something with her ankle. I tell her constantly that she should eat better and lose weight and that it will help but she won’t.
And says ‘That’s not why I feel like this’.
Anyway the past month or so she’s been complaining a lot about things she’s never mentioned before (I’ll poke her or she’ll barely bump into something and complain that it ‘hurts’, constant allergies (just a runny nose) won’t stand for a long time, stomach problems, she’s sooo tired and can barely get out of bed yadda yadda) but won’t take pills I offer her for her stomach or allergies cuz they ‘won’t work’.
She went to the doctor yesterday and called me saying he thinks she could have an immuno-thing. And they’re doing testing to see if it’s something serious. She said she suspected something like that about a month ago after talking to one of her sick friends.
(When she started complaining more and being more dramatic). She told me how she was so happy that it was happening and I lost it on her.
I lost it in her and told her if she were actually sick she wouldn’t ‘want’ such a terrible thing.
And that it’s only cuz she looked it up that she complained about it and just wants an excuse to be lazy and not lose weight and if she really had a chronic condition I wouldn’t just now be hearing about it.
Being fat and experiencing the effects of it doesn’t make her special.
She fake cried and said something like ‘I didn’t know I could complain, I just learned after looking it up that it wasn’t normal.’ And went on about how she’s had these issues for years but didn’t realize how much it was affecting her, that it’s been getting worse recently that’s why she’s noticing it more, that I don’t know what it’s like to have a chronic condition.
I told her she hasn’t been diagnosed so she doesn’t either and she hung up and hasn’t talked to me since. AITJ for calling her out?”
Another User Comments:
“YTJ. I honestly cannot emphasize how much of a jerk you were.
Please, explain to me, your actual medical research you’ve done to be able to explain away anything. Wanna know why you can’t? You aren’t a DOCTOR. Not only are there medications that make people gain weight but there are legitimate hormonal and endocrine disorders that make it incredibly difficult, if not impossible to lose weight ON THEIR OWN.
Put down the pretend doctor’s license and apologize to your ‘friend’ that you’ve fat-shamed inside your head for years.” misspoofy
Another User Comments:
“YTJ. Many people (women especially) have a really hard time getting their medical concerns legitimized and diagnosed by doctors.
This leads to a long time when they don t have a diagnosis and their friends and family doubt their illness and symptoms because of the lack of a professional diagnosis. Sounds like your friend could very well have an immunity problem, that may very well be unrelated to their weight.
It is reasonable to tell your friend (in a nice way of course) that you can only hear about her medical problems for a certain number of hours per week if it’s exhausting you… but stop offering medical and mental treatment advice when you’re obviously not qualified to be giving it.” User
Another User Comments:
“YTJ and a bad friend to Amy. Just because she hasn’t been officially diagnosed doesn’t mean she doesn’t have a chronic condition! Many, many chronic conditions cause weight gain, prevent weight loss, or are so painful and exhausting that it makes managing diet and exercise impossible.
Many people with chronic conditions put so much energy into managing their symptoms, that change and happen so gradually through their lives, that they don’t realize there’s something really wrong.
And getting an official diagnosis can, in fact, be an occasion of, not joy, but excitement, for chronically ill people.
A diagnosis means treatment. A diagnosis can mean disability funding and school or workplace accommodations. A diagnosis means it’s real, and not in your head, you aren’t making it up, and you aren’t crazy or attention-seeking, which can be incredibly validating for a person with friends as nasty and dismissive as you, OP.
I mean, maybe she’s faking it or making it up for attention, sure. But what does it cost you, her ‘best friend’, to say ‘Hey, I see you’re struggling, and I hope you get a diagnosis that helps you manage it’?” Silk_tree
1. AITJ For Threatening To Call The Cops On My Neighbor's Son?
“My neighbor’s son and his friends have broken the rear window of my car with a football this evening.
After hearing the sound and going to investigate, then catching them running away, I told his mother and told her that I expect her to pay for the damage. She has said that she can’t afford to pay for it to be fixed and that I ‘can’t be sure it was her son’.
First of all, he and the other boys have all admitted it was he who kicked the ball. And if they weren’t guilty, why were they running away?
Secondly, I also can’t afford to fix the car.
Whilst I acknowledge it was probably an accident, I don’t exactly think that her son is completely innocent of wrongdoing.
Why were they kicking the ball/playing football on a road where cars were parked in the first place instead of the actual park five minutes away? And why were they/he kicking the ball hard enough for it to break a window in the first place?
He must have been kicking at with some force behind to break a window…
His mother has said that she already has to ‘choose between heating and rent’ but honestly, in these times so does everyone. Everybody is struggling including myself.
If I can avoid it, I want it to be paid for privately. I don’t want to claim on my insurance because I can’t afford the excess payment nor can I afford the increase that I will have to pay for making a claim.
It’s a huge inconvenience to me, not to mention the inconvenience of having to send my car away to be fixed.
But I need my car. I need to get to work.
I’ve told her that if she can’t find the funds to pay, then I will have to call the police.
After all, it’s criminal damage and they were caught running away.
She doesn’t want the police to get involved (probably because her kid isn’t exactly an angel and is well-known to them) and I don’t particularly want to involve them, but I can’t afford to pay for my car to be fixed and I don’t see why I should.
Nor should I have to suffer the consequences of claiming on my insurance.”
Another User Comments:
“It was an accident due to several people. All the kids involved in the kicking of the football (the game) should be involved in reimbursement.
So, therefore, all the boys who participated in this activity should be involved. If you want to go forward, it shouldn’t just be on the one child. The fact that you want to explode this into criminal charges makes YTJ.
Contact your insurance and they will deal with it. This was NOT an intentional act. This was an accident. That is what insurance is for.” legallymyself
Another User Comments:
“NTJ and unless you called the cops immediately, you have lost the case.
Hearsay isn’t good enough and by now, they could argue that it could be anyone. You barely have any evidence and if confronted, all of his friends could turn up against you stating you are trying to blame him. If you got a CCTV, go to the police and then claim the insurance.
If you don’t want to do that, doubt if the neighbor would care to give you the funds. Either way, it appears that you could be out of your pocket.” SPolowiski
Another User Comments:
“NTJ
If they don’t want to take responsibility for it, you have no choice but to call the cops.
It sounds like it may not do any good, though.
In many states full glass coverage is required on auto policies, meaning you don’t even pay a deductible, and it doesn’t mess with your rates. It’s considered a safety issue.
Would you happen to live in one of those states? If so, it seems like they’re unaware of that too, and you could give the kid a lecture on responsibility, and on forgiveness. You’d let it slide and let your insurance company pay for it, and the neighbors would see you as a kind, forgiving person.” SoMNMasseur
It also might be against the law to not have glass. Like, not in proper working condition.
File a report. Get the paperwork then file in court. You may not get a dime but kiddo might have to do community service and you might be able to apply for victim's assistance.
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