People Need Our Honest Thoughts On Their "Am I The Jerk" Stories
40. AITJ For Telling My Grandparents That What I Do With My Hair Is My Choice?
“So I (18f) tend to dye my hair a lot of fun colors. I work with kids who struggle and they always seem to enjoy when I come in with new fun colors.
I also enjoy having fun colored hair, especially purples, blues and the occasional pink! Having brightly colored hair just makes my day more fun when I get to come up with new ways to style my hair!
Here’s where the problem starts and where I might be the jerk, my grandparents have never liked it when I have dyed my hair.
Even when the only colors I used were natural colors such as red, brown, and occasionally a lighter shade of honey blonde. This dislike often comes in the form of comments such as, “You’ll never get a husband looking like that,” or “We loved you so much more with your natural hair.” I usually try to redirect the conversation away from my hair when those comments are made but when those comments were made the last time I interacted with them I snapped and said, “Getting a husband isn’t even on my list of priorities and my love life most definitely should not be one of yours.
I love my hair and I take care of it and what I do with my hair is none of your business especially when you (grandma) dye your hair black every other week with a cheap box dye off of Amazon.”
I was quickly met with the response of “I hope you took one last good look at us because we’re gonna die before Christmas!” I can definitely see where my comment would be off-colored and uncalled for but after 5 years of hearing those comments and many others directed towards my weight and some other things like my inability to get a husband (I was 15 when they said that to me) I tired of them continuously making comments and saying that they’d love me more if I were something else.
So AITJ for snapping at my grandparents…?”
39. AITJ For Not Wanting My Husband To Attend Family Gatherings?
“My (37F) family went to a winter wonderland event tonight. It consisted of myself, husband (35M) and 2 small children. A few weeks prior, my husband and I talked about it and both said we wanted to go. It’s at a local amusement park, and consists of seasonal activities (ice skating, Santa, parade, shows, lights, etc).
My husband complains a lot. It’s normal. I try to block it out, but sometimes I get annoyed. He starts before we even go to events and wants to know how long things will last and gets upset if we go over the time.
We had never been to this event so I had no idea how long this will last.
While there, he complains about crowds, lines, how long we are there, his feet, his back, and probably more things that I shut out. He complains directly to me, not the kids.
When we get home around 9:30pm, he snaps at me when I ask him what the plans are for taking the kids to bed.
After putting our 2nd child to bed, he tells me he just wants some kudos and appreciation for going to this event.
This confuses me. I didn’t ask him to go to this. It was a decision we made together. I got defensive and said I don’t understand why I need to thank him for going to something he wanted to go to. He said he clearly did not want to go, never wanted to & I should have known that.
Obviously I didn’t. I said if he doesn’t want to go to these things then don’t. I’ll take the kids on my own. No big deal.
Here’s where I might be the jerk. I told him I don’t really want him to go to these things when the kids start to get a little older and can totally pick up on the vibe that he doesn’t want to be there.
The constant complaining, even though it’s to me and not the kids, might show them Dad doesn’t really want to be there. My husband lost it on me. Told me I was using the kids to guilt trip him.
We got into a huge fight where he also reveals that he’s never wanted to do any of these kinds of activities even before we had kids.
Maybe I’m just really naïve, but I had no idea. Why do those things if he didn’t want to, especially before kids? He said he doesn’t really want to be doing these family activities but he does them for the kids now.
Honestly, looking back, I guess I should have seen it with the amount of complaining. I don’t know.
Anyway, he’s not speaking to me and left the conversation telling me I really need to reflect on myself. Which I am honestly trying to do but I just feel confused. I genuinely want to do these activities with the kids.
Would I be building a gingerbread house or seeing Santa or carving a pumpkin if I didn’t have kids? Probably not. But that doesn’t mean I don’t genuinely want to do them with my family now. And, without any hard feelings, I would do these things with my kids alone if my husband didn’t want to go.
That’s fine. But he has agreed to go in the past and will act hurt if I don’t include him even on little activities.”
38. AITJ For Not Helping My Sister?
“My dad is trying to convince me (26m) that my sister (30f) should live with me so she could get her life back on track. I just laughed and said “Absolutely not.” I felt like a jerk cuz he was on speaker and I didn’t know until she said “Jeez…thanks.”
Me and my sister have a weird relationship. We’re close but not that close. We care about what’s going on. But she was really MEAN growing up. Just would say hurtful stuff, won’t go into the details but at 26, I still have insecurities from what she said during childhood and my teens.
Since my sister was about 18 she’s been overusing substances but just recently she’s been about a month clean! Proud of her. Truly.
She lost her job after her man stole her car and while she got her car back, she’s been asking all of us siblings (3 of us) if we can help her, I give her funds (a few hundred here and there to help out) 2 sisters are willing to help her where they live.
But for whatever reason my dad wants me to “take her” and I just laughed and said “Absolutely not, I’m not her parent”
I can tell it hurt her feelings and I feel like a jerk but I honestly don’t like being backed into a corner like that.
I also said, “There’s a reason why I live 900+ miles away.”
AITJ?? Or am I just too sensitive?”
37. AITJ For Refusing To Dye My Hair?
“I (30f) live in Scotland with my husband (28m) and our 3 children (9m,8f,1m) my sister (27f) and her husband (27m) live in England.
She’s pregnant. They are legally married however they never got their proper wedding so they planned one in 2022.
I’ve got 34 tattoos, 6 piercings and I have had every color of the rainbow hair. My sister asked me to be a bridesmaid, although we have never got on so I suspect she did it to keep my dad happy.
She has asked me to take my piercings, including my microdermals, out. Have a “normal” hair color and to hide my tattoos. I agreed to cover my tattoos with professional-grade stage makeup. Take my piercings out and my microdermals.
When I had my one-year-old, my hair started coming out in clumps so I cut it very very short.
I’ve been keeping it in good condition ever since and even though I died it red, I haven’t bleached it at all since cutting it. I explained to my sister that I had died it red (not a bright red more or a mahogany red) and that I didn’t want to go blonde as it makes me look washed out, nor did I want to go darker than it is due to not wanting to bleach it.
This means that I will not be doing bright colors in my hair either.
My sister kicked off in our family group chat due to me saying I wasn’t willing to die my hair black and has now decided that I am no longer invited to her wedding, but that I still have to drop my children in England so they can be part of the wedding.
(I will ask my older 2 if they want to go and if they do my dad will take them, I will not tell them anything about the situation as I don’t want to affect their relationship with my sister but I will say I can’t go for medical reasons)
Am I the jerk for refusing to dye my hair even though I have agreed to do everything else she wants? It’s costing me £150 to cover my tattoos and £25 to remove my microdermals that I don’t even want to remove. I honestly don’t want to change how I look but I agreed because it’s her wedding, I feel like the reasons I’ve given for not wanting to change my hair are valid.
I don’t feel like she wants me to be her bridesmaid but rather her idea of me. I now have fallen out with both of my sisters in the last two weeks for different reasons and I’m feeling a bit lost.”
36. AITJ For Not Letting My Father-in-Law See My Daughter?
“My partner and I (both 28) have been together since we were 22, we broke up 18 months ago because I had to get back home (around 1-2hr drive) to help my dad take care of my mom, I told him that I wasn’t in the right place to keep any kind of relationship and he respected my decision, a month after that my bf started to do quick trips to visit me, we didn’t get back right away but we slept together continuously until I got pregnant.
My FIL has never liked me, he thinks that I’m gross for the way I dress and express myself, he’s the kind of man who thinks that every woman who uses a single drop of makeup is easy, yet, he has had multiple affairs. When he found out about my pregnancy he told my bf right in front of me that this wasn’t his baby, he kept insisting on that until eventually, he started to tell other people, neighbors, friends, co-workers, even strangers, that ”I fooled his son” and that he was gonna raise another man’s ”little jerk”.
He also congratulated me on making his son an idiot and didn’t like when I said ”you’re welcome”.
Obviously, my partner never believed that and neither did his mom or his brother, but his sister started to doubt, my FIL demanded a DNA test bus my partner and I said no. He kept pestering us until my son was born, he didn’t liked him at first of course, until one day he came all happy about ”his boy” about ”his pride and baby” and he, very confident, told my bf that he had him tested and that he was, indeed, his grandson.
I kicked him out as soon as that came out of his mouth and when my SIL tried to defend him, I kicked her out too.
We informed him that he wasn’t allowed to see our son until we decided otherwise and my bf told my sil that until she apologized for believing their dad, she wasn’t allowed either.
My FIL is not happy of course and is demanding us to let him see my baby, so AITJ?”
35. AITJ For Telling My Friends I Don't Want Their Gift?
“Whenever it’s one of my friend’s birthday, the friend group would buy something together for him, so he could have a really cool gift.
One of them received a full set of a manga series he liked, another one received some original equipment from his favorite soccer team.
And it was my birthday now, and the gift was coming months late, but, finally, yesterday they gave it to me.
They gave me an empty notebook (like those children use for school) with a Spiderman drawing made by one of them (not really good).
At first, I thought it was a joke, but it wasn’t. I told them that this was so unfair, that all the others got cool things and I just got a crappy notebook with nothing inside that cost less than half the funds all the other gifts cost.
Of course I got really mad, like, I waited months for this gift while they told me it would be worth the wait.
They said that they weren’t in the mood for thinking of a cool gift and buying it, so I told them I didn’t want it and gave it back to them.
AITJ?”
34. AITJ For Refusing To Pay My Ex's Child Support?
“This actually happened last night but it has been bugging. I feel like the jerk but I also don’t. Long story short, I am separated from my husband. We were together for 10 years, married for 6. We have been separated for about 2 months after it came to light that he was stepping out on me with a 19-year-old and broke his 4-year sobriety.
We have two small children – 5yrs and 11mos. I also have an 11-year-old stepdaughter.
For the entire time, I was with my husband, he paid $900 a month in child support for his other child. Sometimes more, even. When my oldest was 2 weeks old, he gave his ex 3 grand because she was several months behind on rent and was facing eviction.
With my stepdaughter, it was always on us to get her new school clothes, supplies, shoes, etc. Her mother would just “forget”. With my husband just up and abandoning us, it has put me in a financial bind. I am on a fixed income/student stipend and only receive $1300 a month.
I have filed for child support through my state but who knows when I begin receiving it.
Last night out of the blue, his ex messaged me. Apparently, when my husband abandoned us, he stopped paying his child support too. He has not paid for November, nor will probably pay for December either.
His ex asked me to pay. She and her new partner have one child already and she is expecting again. She told me how they were counting on those funds to catch up on bills/take care of Christmas. I told her no, there is no way I can do that.
I have my own two children to care for. I am barely surviving as it is. While my ex is still paying the mortgage, I am responsible for utilities and such – I can’t help he has decided to not pay CS.
She called me selfish, a jerk, and accused me of not caring about my stepdaughter.
Threatened legal action to make me pay. At that point, I rolled my eyes and stopped responding. Part of me feels bad that I can’t help her because I know my stepdaughter is the one who will suffer, but part of me is like “Well tough luck” because both she and her partner work full time.
I’m a full-time student/SAHM who was thrust into single motherhood by my ex having his mid-life crisis and leaving me. So, AITJ?”
33. AITJ For Not Wanting My Sister's BF To Come For Christmas
“Our dad lives out of the country, and thus going to visit him is a big trek, one I (30f) haven’t done in years cause my work hasn’t made it easy.
My sister (32f) does gig work, so her schedule is fluid, meaning she’s visited him several times since he moved down there. This year, my bf (31m) and I planned a trip down so he could meet my dad and have “the talk” about asking me to marry him.
My sister has been dating Karl (50m) for about a year, and the whole relationship has been drama. She claims he had an affair on her early on despite no proof of this, and he denies it. She also claims she found texts between them where they were having NSFW conversations, and it’s been downhill ever since.
It’s a new fight every week followed by them making up, then her calling me to say she’s still mad at him but pretending not to be to get more info about whatever she is mad at him about.
It’s like she’s 14 years old. Her emotions have been in chaos because of this relationship, but she refuses to end it.
I believe it’s because he pays most of her expenses at this point. I know for a fact he pays her rent.
She visited me a few months ago and spent every night out with my friends, crying about Karl and the girl he supposedly had an affair with.
When everyone tells her to break up with him, she says she will, doesn’t, and then two days later, the cycle repeats. She has become so volatile that everyone is on edge when she’s around. Most of our family is concerned she’s having a mental health crisis because her behavior has gotten that bad.
She refuses to get help and claims it’s all because of her bf, and once they fix their relationship, it will be fine.
This has been going on for over a year, and I’m over it. I avoid talking to her now because all she wants to talk about is how bad her partner is.
You can’t even talk to her about any good thing in your life without her roping it back to their relationship – it’s exhausting and, at this point, embarrassing.
Considering how important this trip is, I asked that she not bring him so at least some of the drama would be avoided, and she lost it, saying that I’m being selfish and she has every right to see dad.
I’m asking for one week that her drama wouldn’t eat, that’s it. Considering it takes over every other minute, I don’t think I’m out of line. She also agreed months ago Karl wouldn’t come cause he had the chance to meet our dad in the Spring, and he ditched her last minute.
Only now has she decided I’m being a jerk by enforcing it.
Most of my family is on my side except for my mom (my parents are divorced). She thinks that my partner seeing me exclude my sister will make him think twice about wanting to be with me and that it is my responsibility to take care of family “no matter what.” My dad doesn’t want him to come either.
Am I really in the wrong for wanting one week that’s about me and my relationship instead of hers?”
32. AITJ For Telling My Partner's Mom To Stop Talking About Me?
“My 19 M partner and I 19 F have been together for only two years. His mom who I love and is great, but she always brings up kids in any conversation.
it feels like every time I talk to her kids are brought up. My partner and I have both agreed that we are way too young, and before kids we want to create a good and strong foundation. You know buy a house get careers all that stuff.
I’m also still in college and a baby would ruin my chances or graduation.
His mom constantly talks about kids and if I were to become pregnant she said “you can’t kill my grandchild or give them away” I’m not even sure I wanna have kids and when I say that it is always brushed off.
Recently my partner asked her if she would stop all the baby talk. She wasn’t very happy with this. She said things like “I’m a burden” “ I don’t ever want to be a grandmother” “maybe I’ll die without ever being a grandmother” and such.
When we brought up funds because my partner pays bills up to 2000 $ a month and me being in college we can’t afford a kid anytime soon she said not to get a Christmas present for her and to just worry about ourselves. I feel horrible.
I just need to know what to do. AITJ?”
31. AITJ For Not Picking Up My Younger Brother?
“So a little context, I’m 17 almost 18 and a high school student and I also swim. This has been happening for weeks now and I finally refused to go pick up my younger brother from swim practice tonight.
I drive a 1996 Ford Explorer with a V8 so it eats gas. Gas prices where I live keep going up for obvious reasons. My car had to go in recently for a new axle which was about $500(it had a few other things done). My parents are upset that they have to drop so much funds to fix an old car but they chose it for me to drive.
Well they have been complaining recently that I spend too much on gas and how I should pay for it myself. Mind you I do have a job, I teach swim lessons and lifeguard but during the school year swimming takes up all of my life.
Well I got home tonight exhausted and just wanted to do my own thing and chill out. Well I asked if my mother who is a SAHM of she was going to get him and she went no you have to. They state that this is punishment for having a license, both of my parents say this is.
Well I refused and now I’m in a bunch of trouble. Am I the jerk for refusing to get him?”
30. AITJ For Not Letting My Husband Have His Friend Over?
“Ok, so this is happening right now.
My husband told me this week that he was going out with his friend today. I was glad because I could finally get to do proper and fast cleaning (Saturday is cleaning day) and that we could also spend a few hours apart because we are both working from home and we are always together.
He left and then messaged me if I could tidy up fast and if they can come home because it’s cold outside (they went at a bar but they are staying outside). I am in the middle of cleaning, I have a lot left to do and our apartment is not that big.
I couldn’t move around them cleaning as they are drinking and filling up a room with smoke & stuff. Also, it’s not like he says that I can just ignore them and clean up, I would have to engage in some conversation and I am a mess, dirty & stuff because of the cleaning.
I said no and suggested that they could go inside the bar but they don’t want to because they want to smoke. I suggested that they can go inside and come out when they want to smoke like they did numerous times before but he insists that “they need to smoke as much as they want because they haven’t seen each other in 2 months”.
And now he’s upset.
I told him that they have the option of moving inside but I have nowhere to move my cleaning to.
I think that the fact that they want to smoke a full pack each is not a good reason to not go inside and be mad at me because I am cleaning the house alone (as I usually do, anyway).
AITJ?”
29. AITJ For Refusing To Send My Sister's Brother Back To His Mom And Her Family?
“I (45f) have a daughter, “Lori” (21f) with my ex “Tom.” We broke up when I found out he was having an affair and the other woman “Jessica” (40f) was pregnant with their son “TJ” (17m).
I was understandably bitter but after a year I finally put on my big girl pants and agreed to a more healthy co-parenting relationship for Lori’s sake, but I made it clear in no uncertain terms that I will ever be friends with Jessica and that Tom is to never contact me about anything that doesn’t directly involve our daughter.
I’ve always hated Jessica and not because she was the other woman but she constantly tried to undermine my parenting and kept trying to get Lori to call her “Mom.” She was a classic mean girl who always liked to start crap when no one else was around and then play victim when I voiced my frustrations.
I made no attempts to hide my pleasure when Tom returned to his old ways and left her for another woman. I guess seeing how awful she was during the divorce made Tom appreciate me even more because he finally gave me a proper apology and while we would never restart a romantic relationship we did have semi-formal one rather than strictly business-type.
When Lori and TJ got a little older Tom approached Jessica and me about taking the kids overseas and I was fine with it. Jessica initially agreed but the day of she changed her mind and ruined the trip. Lori was heartbroken but Tom and I made it up to her with a family trip to Hawaii, TJ wasn’t allowed to come.
TJ was really bummed out but Tom promised him once he turned 18 they could have a one-on-one trip to another country. Unfortunately, Tom got sick and died. I was really heartbroken for the kids and tried to be there for Lori and didn’t hesitate when she asked if TJ could join us for Thanksgiving.
While she made it clear that it would just be TJ, I still prepared myself for Jessica and was relieved when she didn’t show. TJ asked if he could spend the night and I thought it was weird, but since he was 17 I figured he’d already checked with his mom.
I was wrong, and heard TJ yelling on Lori’s phone outside. Apparently TJ ran away from home and Jessica doesn’t know where he’s at. I confronted him and TJ apologized for not being honest but said that he hates his mom and stepfamily, and that while he understands if I don’t want him to stay I can’t make him go back.
I ask him where he would go and he said that since he’ll be 18 in January so he’ll just stay wherever he can until then. While I am encouraging him to stay with other relatives I will not force him out so long as he abides by my rules.
My sister thought that it was crazy and reached out to Jessica who is now harassing me into forcing TJ to come home. AITJ?”
28. AITJ For Cutting My Hair?
So I (20f) have always had long hair. Ever since I was a kid my hair has always been at least long enough to reach my waist and I’ve never had a “big” haircut before.
For some context I have wanted to cut my hair short for years but every time I suggest it my mother talks me out of it. She tells me it won’t work for my face shape, she says it’ll look bad on me and that I’ll hate it and makes me feel so insecure that I don’t cut it and usually end up in tears.
I have dyed hair and typically get my hair redone by my stylist. we have an agreement, she bleaches my hair to keep my hair from being further damaged by box bleach and I can redye it myself as long as I’m not lifting the color myself to avoid further damage as I’ve been bleaching it since I was 14.
My mom recently offered to pay for me to get my hair done. My hair is pretty dried and fried but I had the whole thing recolored and it was still decently long. obviously, the price was not exactly cheap. it was a little over $300 to do the full bleaching and having as many dead ends as we could without making my hair too short.
I loved the color and it was vibrant and beautiful but I really want to emphasize that my hair was still damaged.
I recently broke up with my partner and it was pretty hard on me and I was depressed and wasn’t taking good enough care of myself so I wanted a change.
In a totally spur-of-the-moment thing I cut off about a foot and a half of my hair and now it’s in a bob. I love it and I’ve actually never felt better and happier with my hair now. It’s healthy now there are no dead ends and cutting my hair to a more manageable length has helped me a lot with my confidence and made it a lot easier for me to get up and put effort into how I look.
When I showed my mother my new hair cut she was livid. She told me she was horrified and she felt betrayed and that she hated it and that I shouldn’t have cut my hair. She said that she couldn’t believe that I would do something like this to her because of how much funds she has put into my hair over the years and for me to chop it all off the way that I did just felt like a giant screw you to her.
I understand her being upset at me for cutting off my hair after she paid for my salon visit but it hurts that she had to put me down so much and make me feel so terrible and insecure after seeing how happy cutting my hair had made me.
I’ve tried numerous times to explain to her how much happier it has made me and how as an adult I should be able to do what I want with my hair anyway but she won’t listen. Because she paid for my hair it was wrong of me to cut it off.
She won’t try to listen to me when I explain how much it has improved my life because all she is focused on is the fact that I cut my hair after she paid for my salon visits and the fact that it is not what she wanted.
So, am I the jerk for cutting off my hair when my mom didn’t want me to?
27. AITJ For Not Babying My Husband?
“My (40F) husband (40M) is deaf and has a lot of other health issues. As such, he sees a number of doctors and specialists, including a chiropractor.
Unfortunately, partly due to his conditions and partly due to never fully growing up, he is a disorganized mess. We have a shared calendar on our phones (which he never uses) and he expects others to remind him of everything. He refuses to make his own medical appointments, even though it can be done online (without needing to hear) for almost every provider.
He says that he doesn’t know how, so I have to do it for him. This irritates me to no end, as I feel he is not trying and would rather just use excuses than try to figure it out. It’s not like he’s computer illiterate, he just won’t try.
The exception is the chiropractor. They don’t have an online scheduler, you have to either call or book appointments with the receptionist when there. He’s supposed to come in every other week, which is something that could easily be set up as a recurring appt.
Last time he was there, he didn’t schedule his next appointment as the receptionist was swamped. He contacted me at 10 AM asking me to call and try to get him in… today. I got irritated and reminded him that he could just set this up recurring so we don’t have this issue.
I finally agreed to call for him.
The receptionist said they have no appointments today (shocking) and I asked if we could set it for every other Tuesday starting next week then. She booked it for 12 appointments out. I thanked her, and texted my husband.
He then informed me that that doesn’t work for him, as it would be the wrong week, and could I call back and start the recurring schedule for the following week?
I became irritated and told him that if he wanted something specific, then he needs to make his own appointments, and I am not embarrassing myself by calling back 5 minutes later to change everything I just asked the receptionist to set up.
For context, I have some phone anxiety, and hate making calls in the first place. I asked him how I was supposed to know that it had to be every other starting this week, not next, when he didn’t tell me and he doesn’t have anything in the calendar?
I told him he can go next week at the appointed time and change them from there. If he wants me to make appointments for him without his input, then he’s stuck with what I could get him. I’m not playing phone tag with the office and him to get exactly what he wants.
AITJ for refusing to reschedule my husband’s appointment for him, even though he can’t call back and reschedule it himself due to his deafness. I might be the jerk since this is legitimately something he can’t schedule himself, and I might be taking out my frustrations on him unfairly.”
26. AITJ For Not Helping My Partner When He Needed Me?
“So, yesterday we had dinner with my (f, 25) partner’s (m, 25) parents, and at some point he and his mother went to do something in another room and they came back later and wouldn’t say what. Then when we got home my bf told me “don’t get mad, but my mother told me that my father invited a couple of their friends to come have dinner here tomorrow”.
Of course, I did get mad, because how dare his parents invite some of THEIR friends that I don’t even know to OUR home without even asking us, how rude is that ?? I don’t like socializing, I don’t like having people over at my house (except close relatives), and even less some friends of my bf’s parents that I don’t care.
Plus, we had just come back from a trip, we were tired, the house was a big mess and there was nothing in the fridge. My bf wanted me to do all the cleaning and go buy groceries since he is at work and I am at home at the moment.
But I was mad and I told him I was not ok with this, and that since he didn’t say anything to his parents about their behaviour (and that is something that they tend to do, invite themselves or people to our house without asking to show it to them like it’s some sort of achievement for them), that meant he was ok with the situation and had to deal with it himself.
Plus I already got plans for that evening and wasn’t going to be home for dinner.
When I got home he was mad because he had to do everything when he came home and that he was tired after working all day. I said that I warned him I wouldn’t take care of it (I actually did a little, cleaned up the house a bit), that he got himself in that situation.
He said I was being selfish, that what was done was done and that he needed me to help him. He is right, I was being selfish and I could have helped him, but I was mad and standing by the fact that I was not ok with the situation he put me in by not calling his parents out.
What do you guys think I should have done?”
25. AITJ For Not Helping My Niece?
“I (35f) am estranged from my sister (43f). I helped her raise her daughter from the age of 3 to the age of 13 when my sister decided to move in with her partner. Due to information I found out about her partner (Megan’s list registrant) it created a situation where she cannot have her daughter around her partner.
She’s angry that I reported the situation and local authorities have stepped in.
Recently my niece telephoned me to ask for funds to continue dance lessons. I told my niece that I cannot pay for her dance lessons. My niece started crying because her mom told her that I’m the reason they cannot afford food or to turn the heater on and she had to stop dance lessons.
I told my niece that I’m happy to make her food and drop it off for her but I will not be providing funds to her or her mother (outside of the usual gifts). I told my niece that they were always welcome to return to my home but her mom has declined because she doesn’t want to follow my rules (No partner around niece, mom has to pay a reasonable amount of rent, and no leaving niece overnight so she can stay with her partner).
I did not explain these rules to my niece just said Mommy doesn’t like my rules for living here. My sister called me and screamed at me for involving her daughter in adult situations. I don’t believe I did do that, but I may have overstepped by saying that Mommy didn’t want to follow “rules” to return to my home.
Also, I feel bad that my niece is suffering and has had to stop something she loves. So am I the jerk? Have I gone too far in my attempt to no longer enable my sister?”
24. AITJ For Setting Boundaries?
“I (21f) set a boundary with my bf (31m) last night. I have been very anxious about it and have put thought into it. I have been around my bfs child (2) since before he could walk. However my bf’s mom, baby mama, and baby mama’s mama, have no knowledge of me even existing.
He says it’s less “drama”. Last night I set a boundary with him that if he doesn’t at least tell his baby’s mother about me, I will not be interacting with the child because I am not comfortable with it. The child can not speak yet but sooner or later the child will tell on his father that I’m in his life.
And it’s not a scenario I’m comfortable with and it seems messy. I’d rather just keep a respectful distance and quit the stepmom role. He seems very bothered by this. But I feel disrespected that I’ve been talking about this for months and he keeps blowing it off.
AITJ?”
23. AITJ For Wanting To Only Have My Name On The House I’m Buying?
“I (22F) and my bf (25M) have been together for about 4 years. We started living together 2 years ago in an apartment and it’s been great! I recently got a new job and make around $80k a year and have been wanting to get out of our apartment and into a house.
My bf on the other hand doesn’t have a very good work ethic and has had about 8 different jobs in the 4 years we have been together, all making minimum wage. I brought up getting a house and he was totally on board with it so we started house hunting.
I have enough in my savings for a down payment and to cover all the closing costs but my partner doesn’t have any savings and lives paycheck to paycheck. We currently split our rent 50/50 and he pays his bills (car payment, insurance, etc.) on his own and I pick up all the groceries, wifi, dog stuff.
I’m totally fine with the fact I pick up more expenses since I make more than him and he’s never complained. When we were looking for a house we kept the price range small enough to where I could pay for it alone so we could use his earrings as extra cash.
But we agreed to split the mortgage 50/50 (which would be cheaper than our current rent) and I would pay the water, electric, home insurance, etc.
We finally found our dream house and are going to be signing the papers in a couple of weeks. I mentioned to him that I would like to be the only name on the home since we are buying it with my savings and we aren’t married and don’t plan to be married anytime soon.
He is now upset with me about it bc it’s supposed to be “our house”. I’ve told him that it is OUR house but legally it will just be mine bc I don’t want to put $400k on the line. He said that if it’s just going to be my house that he shouldn’t have to pay to live there.
I disagree, it would be like paying rent anywhere else and when/if we get married we will change the agreement. He hasn’t talked to me for 3 days now and I really don’t think I’m in the wrong here. So AITJ?”
22. AITJ For Not Making Plans With My Partner's Friends?
“I’m doing a postgraduate course part-time alongside my job.
I have the deadline for the most important assignment of the course next week. My plan was to work hard this weekend.
About a week ago, my partner’s brother asked if we would like to have a dinner party this weekend.
I told him about the assignment and that I must dedicate the whole weekend to studying.
I heard today that my partner’s brother and his family had invited themselves over to ours tomorrow. My partner knows that I’m extremely busy and stressed, but he didn’t refuse.
He even expected me to cook them dinner.
I told him that I can’t make any plans because I have to study. He said that we can also go to a restaurant and then come to ours for dessert. But that makes no difference.
I said that I can’t make any plans with anyone because I don’t want to be in a position where I have to say no to an already existing plan, or to make the awful realization of having too little time.
My partner said that he can entertain the guests while I study, but it would be very awkward to sit in another room while we have guests in the house.
Also, my partner is a music lover and likes to play records when we have guests over and our flat is small which means that I would have no quiet anyway.
He told me that I was being rude and that my behavior was unacceptable.
I’m so stressed that I’m literally sobbing. I’m afraid of failing my assignment, but at the same time, I’m afraid I’m going to hurt other people’s feelings. I’m already looking at hiring an office space for a day, but it’s going to be expensive.
AITJ?”
21. AITJ For Calling My Boss A Coward In Front Of Other Staff?
“For a bit of background, I (22F) am a bartender at a popular bar in my area. Most of the bartenders faced a severe pay cut and we were working nearly 50-60 hours a week. We were constantly at odds with ownership about better pay.
Fast forward a few months later and restrictions were finally being lifted. We were making really good funds but we were still understaffed so all of us were putting in about 60+ hours a week. People were excited to be back in bars so it was crazy every weekend.
We would work 12 hours with no break every shift. Sometimes we’d get off at 4am and have to be back at 8am to open brunch. The late-night crowd was exhausting and treated us horribly. I should also mention, we were understaffed when it came to our security.
Here is where I might be the jerk; it was late night and we were slammed and running on empty. One of the guests started stepping behind the bar and I told him nicely to move and that he’s not allowed back there. He moved but 5 minutes later he was pushing onto me while I was at the register, at that point I told him to get out of my bar as I was stepping backward.
I am not a fan of physical contact in any aspect. As I was stepping back he began to come at me calling me explicit names so I had to remove him myself. I lost it and screamed at the security guard to get this jerk out of my bar.
The security guard slowly reacted and the other bartenders came to back me up and he was finally removed.
It was the end of the night and we were all cleaning up and I was still extremely angry and shaken up. My boss came up to me in front of the rest of the staff and said “Hey I’d appreciate it if you kept your hands off of my customers.” Apparently, the guy told him I freaked out on him and shoved him for no reason.
(btw approx. 120lbs and 5’2 this guy was twice my size). He continued on that the guy seemed like “a good dude” so he let him back in but told him to just not go near the main bar. I lost it, I told him exactly what happened and called him a coward for not being able to stand up to unruly customers.
I continued on that I felt terrible for his two daughters back home because they will never have a father who wouldn’t stand up for them. I told him that I was disgusted with his assumptions and he’s a useless manager for not backing up his staff.
I walked away to go cry in the bathroom. I am a very professional person and I have never acted like that but I was at my breaking point. Management/ownership has never backed us up but now it’s to the point where I can’t even feel safe in my workplace.
I feel like I’m the jerk for bringing his daughters into it, especially in front of everyone. So AITJ?”
20. AITJ For Confronting My Friend?
“I (25F) have a friend/coworker (30F) who I’ve known for about 5 years now. We’re super close, talk every day, her daughter calls me Auntie. I do know, however, that she struggles with funds.
We make the same amount at work, but I am single and she has a husband who does not work (even though he has a degree and she does not – she’s making his student loan payments) and cares for a small child. I do have student loans, no roommates, and pay all my bills without assistance.
I’m on a fairly tight budget, only around ~$40 in spending funds per week.
One week at work, I noticed she wasn’t eating lunch. I asked and she said she just forgot. I mentioned I’d be going out to get food, and if she wanted me to pick her up something.
She said yes, and that she’d pay me via PayPal when I got back. I got the food, but never received the payment. I thought no big deal, she can get the next one.
She did pick me up at Starbucks one day and paid for it.
But then the next few times I went before work, she asked me to pick her up something and never paid. She also asked me to grab her lunch while I was out a few times and never paid me back for those either. Most recently, she agreed to pay for lunch, told me she couldn’t find her card but would PayPal me if I did and never did.
A few days ago, she went to Dunkin, and I sent her a $10 gift card to pay for mine, then told her she could keep the change (Should have only been like $1 because I got extras). When she got back, she gave me my stuff and told me someone had paid it forward, so she’d send the gift card back.
She never sent it back. That was kind of the final straw for me.
Today, I got up to get lunch and she asked where I was going. I told her and she asked if I could pick her up something. I said can you mobile order it and I can pick it up?
She said they didn’t have a mobile order. I asked if she would come with me and split the order. She said she couldn’t because she had a meeting. So I asked if I could take her card. She offered to just PayPal me later and I said if she did right now that would work.
She said she couldn’t because she didn’t know how much it’d be. I said that I only had enough on my card for one meal, and she asked what was really going on as we’d just been paid.
Finally I gave in and just said, “Every time I’ve paid for something for you or given you funds for something, I don’t get it back.
I just don’t have the funds anymore.” She then left work because she was so upset.
I feel really bad because as I said funds are tight for her. But it’s starting to really affect my finances, especially with as little spending funds as I have.
My other coworker said I could have just kept lying, but frankly, I couldn’t think of any more excuses and didn’t feel like I should keep trying if she kept pushing. So, AITJ?”
19. AITJ For Uninviting My Parents From My Wedding?
“My (28M) fiancee (27F) and I are getting married next June, after dating for 10 years. I’m white British, from a village and she’s South Asian.
My parents love her, and are welcoming of her, calling her a beautiful Indian princess, although it hasn’t been much of a culture shock for them. She’s very ‘Anglicised’, Brit accent, because she lived in several countries before coming to the UK at 17.
She went through a lot of racism before, which was horrible and direct, so she doesn’t complain about ‘small things’. By that I mean comments my parents make out of ignorance, like teasing her for her name, making jokes about terrorists (her family are not practicing Muslims), how our children will all be called Mohammed, saying they would give our kids ‘English nicknames’ because we’re planning to give them cultural names.
Or calling her an ‘Indian kitchen maid’ if she’s doing chores, telling her when she gets pregnant she’ll have a ‘Delhi Belly’. She doesn’t react to those comments, but I know they upset her and she doesn’t say it because she knows it could be worse.
Last week, her parents came over to meet mine, and they flew over in a 15 hour flight. Her parents aren’t as ‘Anglicised’ as she is, and have heavy accents. I was so embarrassed when we went for dinner, and my dad started talking to them in a put on Indian accent.
My mum kept asking her mum about dowries and forced marriages, which confused them because they were obviously not that traditional if they were happy with their daughter marrying me. She also asked her mum if I died, would my fiancee jump into the cremation fire.
Kept calling our Indian wedding (which they wanted!) a big costume party. Then my dad after some drinks started making bomb jokes when the waiter came, like “oh, be careful, Mr X might blow this place up if you don’t do his steak right!”.
I could see my fiancee was embarrassed, but she didn’t say anything. After the dinner, she went to her parents’ hotel and I confronted my parents about the things they said. I have always told them those “jokes” add up, but they brushed it off because she never said anything.
I asked her why she never did, and she said ‘What would I look like if I started this fight? why do i have to be the one that stirs the pot?’
My parents started arguing that it was because they never had exposure to South Asians.
That’s not true, we live in a village but its near a huge multicultural city. Also, we dated for 10 years. It’s unfair: her family is wealthy and moves in “socialite” circles while mine are working class, but her parents never were classists even though they were “used to” rich people.
I got angry and said maybe our wedding is one costume party they may not be invited to. (They would be, I just said it out of anger). My mum started crying, and my dad called my fiancee and told her the fuss I made “because of her”, and now she’s awkward too.
AITJ?”
18. AITJ For Wanting To Quit The Team?
“I (18F) am a collegiate student at a community college. This past Tuesday none of my coaches showed up to practice and they didn’t tell anyone why. I would’ve understood if they told us in advice but my coach (late 20s m) almost had us cancel practice.
On Wednesday he had a team meeting asking if people had problems about Tuesday. Since no one was going to say anything I stepped in saying that it was frustrating that no coach was at practice and we almost lost our spot at the field house due to no coaches being there.
(By the way, this is extra normal to the point where almost every practice is a captain practice)
My coach got up in my face, screaming at me I wasn’t a dedicated athlete who only showed up to a few practices. It hurt me a lot because I tried my best to go to the practices but there was a time conflict due to my classes
I raised my voice. Telling him that “You have no right to talk to me like this.” And stormed off, I didn’t want him to see me cry.
As I was leaving the field house, this man screams “She sees a different guy every week how does she think she is dedicated?” (Which is not even true) My heart sank so not only my track team heard but all of the men’s baseball team heard as well.
I ended up telling Andy who’s the captain since he wasn’t at practice, he was in shock this happened. I told him if I don’t get an apology I won’t be coming back to run next semester.
Some of my teams are saying I’m overreacting but I’m not sure.
I did raise my voice at him but was because he was screaming in my face.
So, AITJ?”
17. AITJ For Buying Nieces Presents That Were Not On Their Christmas Wish Lists?
“My husband and his brother go back and forth every Christmas about this gift list for their kids.
The kids make the lists and we are expected to buy their presents off this list, and never anything else. We enjoy picking unique gifts we think would be fun and different so… sometimes we do.
Last year they became very belligerent when they thought we hadn’t bought items off the list in a timely (for them) manner and insinuated we would ruin their Christmas.
This year we decided to buy a gift NOT on the list (one niece had only gift cards left) and brother stated that they previewed the gift, an age-appropriate game from an educational site and stated “this does not play to her strengths, we will return in and give her a replacement”.
He said it gives her anxiety to get something that isn’t on her list.
My husband and I were upset by this. 50% by the fact that they didn’t give it to her, and 50% by the fact that he told us he wasn’t going to give it to her.
I mean as parents they can do whatever they want with gifts but I believe you shouldn’t make the gift giver feel bad.
My husband replied to his brother that the message was unkind and we were sorry to hear it and disappointed she didn’t like it (we thought they had given her the gift) but in the future just say something polite if you hate our gifts.
Brother became incensed and told us via a long scathing, condescending reply, saying that because we didn’t consider the nieces’ feelings on the matter we were contributing to “subjugating them (the nieces) as female children and they (brother and SIL) will be deeply offended if our children don’t enjoy the archaeological texts they bought our 16-month-old or the My Little Pony outfits they bought our 17-year-old.
(I assume this is sarcasm, not their real gifts).
However, the nieces are caught in the middle. My husband cut off contact with his brother at this point and blocked his texts and calls. Said only cards for all kids from now on. But we want to have a relationship with the nieces, maybe not so much with brother.
It feels like a relationship-destroying act(s).
But are we just the jerk because we should have just sucked it up and bought the gift cards off the nieces’ gift list?
16. AITJ For Refusing To Pay For Dinner?
“I (F32) have been seeing my partner (36M) for about 1.5 years. He makes more than me, but he’s been digging himself out of a financial hole, and I get it and support it. If I want to do something on the expensive side (like fancy drinks or dinner etc) I don’t mind paying.
One night he showed up late – like 2 hours late – for a dinner date. I was mad and hurt because I’d come home early from work and passed up overtime in order to make it at the agreed-upon time. He didn’t even call or text.
When he showed up, I said I was upset and (here is where I might be the jerk) I said I didn’t feel like doing anything nice for him and didn’t want to pay for whatever we did. I said we should do something free or cheap.
Typing it out I feel like I was indeed a jerk, but I view buying him dinner as a little special thing that I do for us, and I didn’t feel generous at that moment. I felt like if I paid I would feel resentful.
Then, I actually did end up paying for the drinks we got. The next day, he said the whole situation was an example of me financially abusing him because I was withholding something out of spite.
What do you think? AITJ? Is it financial mistreatment?”
He's a grown up in a grown up relationship with a partner.
Reading your description of this situation he doesn't seem like a partner or team mate. He's smart. He's using convoluted words but is really saying you are financially abusing him. You, who pay for just about everything because, although he makes so much more then you, he's paying off his debt.
For most guys, if they don't have the money they start by looking for cheap or free.
This guy is not worrying about that because he knows enough enhanced words and phrases that he's manipulating you out of your money.
Also, where do you think he was for those 2 hours?
15. AITJ For Wanting Apology From SIL?
“I (41f) met my husband (43) through his sister (41) because we were friends in college. There was a lot of drama with her at the beginning of our relationship, but eventually, she was supportive. She does have a history of burning a lot of bridges with other people over relatively small things though.
She has cut off contact with many friends and family because they disagreed with her or stood up to her.
Well, my stepdad died two years ago around Christmas, after a 3-year illness. It was a very stressful 2-week hospital stay before he finally passed. My sister and I planned his entire funeral with no help from our siblings and my mom was not in the right mental space to help.
We also have two kids who were grieving their grandpa and normal life that needed tending to.
The funeral fell on the day before my SIL’s 40th birthday party. I told my husband he was more than welcome to go, but I was too exhausted at that point to celebrate with her.
He opted to stay home and that was actually helpful because we still had family over at our house the following day.
We ended up getting a text from my FIL telling us that my SIL was very upset we weren’t coming and the tone was very guilting and evident that she was very upset.
I sent her a text explaining what had been going on and asking her to please understand. I got no response.
It has since been two years of no contact from her. I have been fine with this, as I’m still really hurt that she threw a temper tantrum around a very vulnerable time for us, with no apology.
I’m also really angry that, along with the memories of all the support and love we had around us, the memory of her creating drama is also there. My husband has been very supportive of my feelings and every time his parents tell us we need to smooth things over with her, he tells them that we need her to apologize.
With the holidays being here, his parents have increased their pressure to get us to settle things with her. I have texted her and did apologize for my part in a few things I misunderstood, but she has not only not apologized but double downed on her being upset about her birthday party.
We decided that she’s not allowed at our house at Christmas. His parents consistently tell us that I “need to get over it” and shouldn’t hold grudges. They want to get us all together since they are getting older and “they don’t see her apologizing”.
In fact, they said, “She has gotten over it and wants to come over and forget it ever happened.”
So, AITJ for holding this boundary with her, even with my in-laws begging us to give in? At this point, it might be too late for an apology from her, but I also feel guilty that they are getting older and wonder if I’m being stubborn and should just forget it happened.”
14. AITJ For Thinking My Sister Shouldn't Expose Others To Her Kids Germs?
“I work with kids so I know they are wonderful but spread germs. They can’t help it: most younger children don’t have the dexterity to cover their mouths when they cough or sneeze but I don’t want to be exposed. First, I sing in my spare time and can’t do that if I get a cold.
Second, I just don’t like being sick (no one does). My sister has no problem letting people come over to visit while her kids are clearly sick and then we get a dirty look if we don’t want to hug or have close contact with her children while they are coughing or sneezing.
I almost went to visit her at Thanksgiving for dessert but she mentioned the day before, “Yeah we haven’t been able to make anything special for dessert because all of us had the stomach flu and just felt a little better today.” She was going to have her mother-in-law and brother-in-law come over that day for dinner but both politely canceled because they felt sick.
They had no idea my sister’s household had a bug going around and she didn’t plan on telling them so she was going to expose them.
I have tried to politely tell my sister that if the kids are sick or just going over being sick and we have plans to tell me in advance so I can decide if I still want to come or not.
I understand kids get sick and can’t help it and sometimes they are not contagious (ie if they are taking antibiotics after a day or so they are not contagious). She makes me feel like I am a jerk for not wanting to get exposed and get sick.
Am I the jerk for feeling like my sister should not intentionally expose other people to her kids’ germs?”
13. WIBTJ I I Didn’t Pay For My Little Sister’s Tuition?
“My family isn’t rich. I’m currently attending college at no cost except meal plan which I pay out of my pocket. From a young age my little sister has put a firm goal on going to med school.
Of course, my parents couldn’t say no, but the cost could be upwards to 500k and we don’t have that kind of funds. I got into a lot of good schools, even one Ivy League, but had to choose a mediocre option so I could go to college without it costing much.
I do have a job, and I’m currently saving funds for a car, but now my dad says he needs my help to help her pay the tuition. She’s in 11th grade, very smart and I don’t doubt she won’t get into the school she wants, but she hasn’t even confirmed anything yet and I feel like I’ve done my part.
When I tell my dad this, he said he wouldn’t force me, but I feel like a jerk now.
If my dad is looking for help I have to be there for him, but this has really put my position into perspective. My sister has no idea that I’m doing this for her.
It’s been between me, my parents, and my older sister. She’s actually very kind and would probably get really mad that I’m doing all this for her. Just wanted to say that because it hurts to see her getting crapped on when she’s innocent.”
12. AITJ For Calling My Mom Out?
“For context, I (31m) have a brother, Paul (33m), who is messed up. He’s a felon (breaking into people’s homes to steal valuables) and in general, Paul has no work ethic, no drive to improve, and no moral compass, he’s rude, cruel, uneducated and hateful.
I on the other hand have a PhD from my country’s top university and I started my own company which is now employing 5 people full-time plus myself and my husband.
Our entire lives, our mother (Mary, 63yo) favored Paul STRONGLY. The greasy wheel gets the grease principle – I could bring home perfect grades and Paul all failing grades besides one barely-passing grade, and mom would fall over herself congratulating Paul and buying him a new iPod while my grades barely get me a nod of acknowledgment.
I worked jobs after school and in the summer, only for my salary to be stolen by Paul, and Mom always gave him a pass.
Our mother is a very warm woman and I can tell that she wanted to celebrate even the tiniest achievement of Paul’s to encourage him and she didn’t have the heart to punish/discipline either me or my brother, but in the end it messed up both Paul and me.
Paul was taught that Mom would always bail him out and that stealing is consequence-free (until the actual police were involved and not just our mom). I have been slowly unraveling with my therapist all the ways in which being essentially wallpaper my whole childhood led to me having attachment issues, intense anxiety, abysmally low self-worth, and an unhealthy habit of both burying myself in work AND always feeling like a failure no matter how much I accomplish.
Mom called me today to invite me to a big party to celebrate Paul getting a job. It’s unskilled, in retail. By now, I fully expect Paul to be fired or just decide to stop showing up less than 1 week in. I told mom no, because we live in different cities and it’s not worth celebrating that mediocrity.
This led to a heated conversation and eventually her telling me that I need to “give back” because I’m prosperous. I shot back that I worked to earn all I have, and with a mother like her it was an uphill battle. She told me she always supported me, and I told her what I typed above and hung up angry.
She texted me “I’m sorry you feel that way” and that I’m still welcome to Paul’s party.
I’ve been pacing and restless, was I a jerk?”
11. AITJ For Kicking My Maid Of Honor Out Of My Wedding?
“So I recently got engaged earlier this year and very quickly got my bridesmaids picked out and made a group chat for us to all be in touch and be on the same page about everything.
I booked my wedding dress appointment approximately two months in advance. All of my bridesmaids said they wanted to go, including my m.o.h who even texted me privately confirming she was going.
The day comes, I text the group chat to make sure everyone has the right address and once I arrive at the bridal shop I text the chat again to let everyone know I was there and to meet me up front.
Everyone is there, except my m.o.h and I’m concerned. She didn’t say anything about not being able to come or running late but I figured she was running late and didn’t want to text while driving. But the longer my appointment went on I got more and more worried so I texted her to see if everything was okay.
No answer. I check the group chat and I saw that she read my texts there. Including the one I sent at the beginning of the appointment so she definitely could’ve texted me then. So finally after the appointment ended she texted me and told me that she didn’t come because she was putting up Christmas decorations.
I was very angry because personally, I believe that’s not a good reason to not show up with no text/call. I thought about it for a couple of days and decided that I needed to discuss everything with her. Essentially I explained how I felt and I wanted something to prove I could trust her going forward.
She then decided to make it about how I always “blow her off” (me saying I can’t spend the weekend with her due to work) and how that’s made her so sad. I told her that if she felt that strongly then she should’ve talked to me about it instead of using my dress appointment to get payback.
So she is no longer a part of my wedding party.
Did I overreact? I mean it just felt like she wasn’t trying to see my side at all and I just couldn’t find her reasoning justifiable. But I can’t help but second guess myself and maybe just have made her a bridesmaid instead of a m.o.h”
10. WIBTJ For Telling My Friend Why No One Wants To Hang Out With Them?
“I have two friend couples, couple A and couple B. I’m close with both of them, the couples have known each other for years, and we used to hang out a lot as a group.
Couple B is in an open relationship, and they used to lack boundaries.
They have through time made it clear to everyone basically, including couple A, that they wouldn’t mind swinging.
Their success has been limited, but they still kept on gently making it known that it was an option to couple A. In the end, the woman in couple A (woman A) had enough, she just can’t stand the thought of spending time with couple B.
She doesn’t mind hanging with the woman, but she can’t stand the guy, he gives her creep vibes.
It’s been a few years since could B finally formed some boundaries (they’ve been doing a lot of self work) and stopped inviting people into bed, but I still understand and empathize with woman in couple A, man B just doesn’t make her comfortable and that’s that.
As I said I’m close with both couples, and it happens repeatedly that woman B comes to me with ideas on how we can all hang together. Every single time I’m between a rock and a hard place. I don’t want to tell her why couple A doesn’t hang anymore, it’s not my place and it would be hurtful as well.
But it’s been a few years now and I’ll always in this position, and I don’t think it will stop.
WIBTJ if I gently told woman B about woman A’s feelings towards her husband, so that I don’t have to be in the middle all the time?
Or do I just continue to make up some ridiculous excuses for why I can’t be involved in decision making and she needs to talk to couple A and not me, every time she suggests a hangout?”
9. AITJ For Getting My Friend's Kid A Gift?
“I (33f) have four niblings. I am also very close with my friend’s kid.
I’ve known them their whole life and their mom even longer. They even call me auntie. I got all the kids gifts that are age-appropriate and according to their interests, but my SIL was mad that I got my friend’s kid something at all.
She went on a rant about how I should be getting her kids (4,4,2,) more gifts seeing as how I’m childfree and have more disposable income.
This is the first time she’s said something of the like so I was surprised. I told her that how I spend my funds wasn’t any of her business and to check her entitlement.
The gifts I got the kids all cost around the same so I kept it equal.
I feel like I may be the jerk because the three younger kids are blood-related.”
8. AITJ for Resenting The Scale My BF Brought Home?
“My long-term partner and I live together and we had a small digital bathroom scale for weighing ourselves and it crapped out recently.
No big deal, I just planned on getting a replacement. But before I could buy a new one, my bf brought home an old, full-sized beam scale with a height rod, like the kind you might see at a doctor’s office.
His dad is a bit of a hoarder and on the rare occasions he does try to clear out old junk, he’ll ask friends/fam if they are interested in taking them (if there are no takers he just donates the stuff).
He’d apparently offered the scale to my bf and my bf said yes to it, without asking for my input.
Now it’s collecting dust in our guest room because it’s the only place in our house where it’ll fit. My bf claims it’s better than the old digital scale because it doesn’t need batteries.
I hate it because it’s bulky and I’m not familiar with how to operate a manual scale and it feels like an unnecessary addition to a task that can already feel like a chore. My partner thinks I’m being stubborn and refusing to learn how to use it and I think he’s being impractical and adding clutter to our house.”
7. AITJ For Refusing To Let My Son Have Two Last Names?
“So, a bit of context I (M32) have been with my wife (F30) for 3 years.
she comes from a country where women get to keep their maiden name after marriage which was fine with me though as someone who comes from the south my family pushed for my wife to take my last name but she ended up keeping hers which made my family somewhat unhappy saying it was disrespectful of her to keep her maiden name but thankfully they got over it and things got better and we reconciled later.
now this “last name” issue has been brought up again when my wife and I found out we were expecting a baby boy.
I sat with my wife down and told her that my son is going to get my last name and explained so that there’s no confusion but she disagreed and said no and came up with a compromise which was that our son gets both our last names but I declined explaining how awkward and confusing and just complicated that would be.
not too mention the middle name so that would be a long name but she said I should consider since my last name will still be there but I said no and told her we’ll just have to go with what most families here do and is going by the father’s last name.
she threw a fit calling me selfish and accused me of treating her as if she as a mother gets less or no say but I reminded her that she got to keep her maiden name and so we’re even. she then argued that I was mixing two things that are unrelated and was holding the fact she got to keep her maiden over her head though it was her right to do that same with deciding what surname our son will have.
I said I was sorry but I can not accept this compromise, especially with how my family will react and told her she should just go with the flow and agree on my son having my last name. She got upset and refused to talk to me after that calling me selfish and a dictator and a “minion” for my family even though I’m just looking out for our son’s best interest and keeping them in mind.
I just think she’s being deliberately stubborn here. but I’m not sure. AITJ?”
6. AITJ For Not Wanting To Keep Kittens?
“So, about a year ago my partner and I rescued this stray cat that we had been feeding. We already had one old boy cat of our own. We finally caught her, got her inside, washed and treated/vet checked. Turns out she was pregnant and almost due.
So fast forward to when she has the kittens and they’re all fine, she has 5 healthy kittens. At the moment I do all the work with them, feeding, cleaning, litter trays, and I spend the time loving and playing with them.
My partner doesn’t do much with them but does like to play with them sometimes and give cuddles.
So now the kittens are weaned and eating solids and are very social and healthy. It’s coming to that time when they can be advertised for new homes. I am involved in local rescues as a foster carer and volunteer groomer so I have resources for really good homes for them.
Now I brought this up with my partner and he’s flown off the handle saying I’m cruel to separate them and take them from their mom too, and that we do have enough space and food, etc to keep them. I’ve told him seven cats is too much and it won’t be nice for them because they won’t get enough one-on-one love and attention and not to mention we aren’t exactly well-off, so feeding 7 will be way too much expense-wise and also a lot of work for me.
I have stated I understand that he’s upset and if we could compromise to even just keep two kittens together and rehome three, he’s still not happy and saying he wants to keep them all. Am I the jerk because I don’t want them?
He’s made me feel like what I’m doing is mean. I have no problem keeping mom forever but seven cats is not a number I can deal with. Help.
Ps if I’m *not* the jerk, how do I bring it up in a way he’ll be more understanding?”
5. AITJ For Not Buying My Daughter Pads?
“This happened a few months ago and was brought up again recently so I am posting it here to see what do people in third person view see this.
Me and my daughter(15) use different pads, mine the cheaper and thicker ones and hers the expensive, thin and comfortable ones. I would buy for her when she asks, around 2-3 packets a month which is quite heavy.
I was told by her form teacher that she had been wrapping pads in colored papers and gaving them to her classmates in school.
When I confronted her about it she admitted that she had started to use menstrual cup and gave pads to her classmates who needed them more.
While I am fine with her giving away things out of kindness, note that those pads were quite expensive and I only bought them for her, not her classmates, and certainly not 2-3 packets a month that cost us a few meals.
I stopped buying pads for her and told her that if she needs she can take my cheap pads – and no more than 3 pieces a day over a week every month.
My daughter had been blaming me for being controlling to her private matters.
So recently, with the holidays I told her to get a job if she really wanted to buy the expensive pads she used to like, I won’t be bothered whether she uses them herself or give them to her classmates. She threw a temper at me again and my husband said I have been punishing her for months already, it is time to stop.
My reasoning is that the pads I use are usable enough, there is no need for expensive ones especially after knowing she had been giving them away. If she wants them she can buy them herself, or she can give away my pads and continue to use her menstrual cup.
So AITJ?”
4. AITJ For Putting A Lock On My Son's Bedroom?
“For clarity, this happened almost 30 years ago, but my son recently brought it up and I wanted to get outside opinions.
I (F 60) have a son, David (30) who was recently diagnosed with autism.
I knew he was most likely autistic from a young age, but back in the 90s, in rural Southern US, having him diagnosed would have done more harm than good. David is also trans, so at the time, we thought he was a girl, and girls with autism were pretty much unheard of.
I have another son 2 years older than David, but he is neurotypical and, as of a couple of years ago, has gone completely no contact with all of us.
David’s father and I both worked full time, with me doing all the childcare, sometimes for the whole neighborhood, and housework (just my house).
David was overall a well-behaved child, but he would sometimes throw tantrums like any kid does. The difference is that his tantrums would often get really out of control, he would scream, cry, and sometimes even bite. He was probably around 4-6 when it was at its worst.
Because it was just me (my husband was always working) I would quickly get overwhelmed trying to handle David’s outbursts. So my husband and I’s solution was to switch the lock on David’s bedroom from the inside of the door to the outside, so we could control when the door could open.
During a tantrum, we’d put David in his room, lock the door, and let him calm down and apologize before unlocking it and having him come join the rest of the family. He never did any damage to his room, though he would pound the door and scream/cry.
After a few times of doing this, I honestly don’t remember how many, his tantrums got less severe and he was generally just better behaved. To me, this was a very small part of his childhood and I really hadn’t thought about it in years.
The problem here is that he recently brought it up in a discussion about his mental health (he’s had severe anxiety since he was very little and now says he’s “burnt-out”), and it came off as very guilt-tripping because it’s seeing the past with rose-colored glasses, in my opinion.
I was doing the best I could as a parent handling a special needs child without the resources or education to really do so. I was not raised in the US and so had no support outside my husband and eventually the friends I made, and, again, this was 30 years ago!
There was no google or online blogs filled with how to deal with a biting child. I understand that there are probably some better tools now, but we really did what we could and I was out of other options.
But I do think that I might be the jerk because it’s obviously something that he’s thought about, and we never want to hurt our children.
So, AITJ?”
3. AITJ For Opening My Roommates Package That He Ordered For Me?
“My roommate has Amazon Prime and I don’t so I asked him if he could buy me something with the free two-day shipping.
He had no issue with it so I paid him for the order and it was sent.
The package came two days later and I knew it was for me since the package had the company name on it that I was ordering from. Had his name on it since it was ordered from his account.
Without a second thought I opened it up since I was expecting it and excited to use it. Later he texted me pretty upset saying “You shouldn’t have opened a package with my name on it, I know it ended up being yours, but it was really rude to open up someone’s mail especially since your name wasn’t on it.
It could’ve been something I was waiting for”. He was also waiting for a package (not from the same company), I had no idea.
Edit: considering the context and the fact it had the company name I ordered from on it, I don’t think I did anything wrong.
I KNEW it was for me but, again, yes it did have his name on the package.
Edit 2: I did apologize to be clear afterward. He wasn’t too annoyed afterward and we are chill. I don’t think I did anything morally wrong since I was 100% sure it was my package, just under his name.
Edit 3: I ordered from a sports company and my roommate doesn’t ever watch sports so I knew he didn’t order that for himself from that company.
So am I the jerk?”
2. AITJ For Falling Asleep At My GF Family Dinner?
“This happened hours ago. My partner (F24) and I (M24) were at dinner with her parents(M52 and F51), Her Sister (20), her sister’s partner (21), and her parents. 4 couples total. The significance of this dinner was that the two families’ parents were meeting for the first time though they’d been going out for a year.
I’m a pretty fun guy normally. My personality is somewhat bubbly and energetic. It feels like a performance sometimes because it gets tiring but it’s who I am. I work 11-hour days. I didn’t get a single day off this week and I’m just exhausted. I tried to engage with the family but it just wasn’t happening for me.
Everyone was having their own conversation at the table without me. I was asked what I did for a living and that was it. A few points during the night I almost dozed off (this is in a busy restaurant). Again, normally I would hold a conversation but no one seemed to mind I was there tonight.
Throughout the night as well my partner would do little things that bothered me like hitting my legs or tapping on me. Repeatedly told her to stop but I don’t let it get to me as much as it actually did because of where we are.
We stayed at the table 30 minutes after we paid the bill talking which admittedly bothered us. After hanging out in the parking lot for another 10 minutes just talking about nothing, her sister says “you guys can go if you want” and I said “okay, bye” in what I thought was a light enough tone and we shook hands/ gave hugs and left.
I come home and my partner is upset with me and calls me a jerk and says I embarrassed her. I admit I wasn’t on my best behavior but I made it clear ahead of time I didn’t even want to go to this dinner.
So AITJ?”
1. AITJ For Wanting To Control What I Eat?
“For starters, I have been put on a diet since birth that has only allowed me to eat organic food since birth as well as forbidding me for consuming gluten, dairy, or soy products. Understandable, considering how unhealthy people around me are eating.
But it can be a pain in the butt sometimes because whenever I would go to parties, I was always not allowed to eat the food at those parties because my parents would usually prepare food from home. When I asked my parents why I can’t eat the food there, they would always respond with, “the food there is too expensive” or “the food is not organic”.
It has gotten to the point where last month on Thanksgiving, my mom forbade me from eating my aunt’s turkey because “it had a lot of butter” and drinking lemon-lime soda despite me drinking it a few moments later. The only upside to this was when my mom got me a turkey breast and prepared me food from home as usual but I felt bad, because to me; I was still clinging onto my parents and other people to give me unnecessary accommodations which kinda made me feel like a burden to my entire family, preventing them from having a good time simply because I was the only kid who couldn’t enjoy the same experience as others could.
Now onto the control part. Recently, when my dad and I were shopping at Hole of Food, I felt hungry and I asked my dad if I could eat a sandwich with gluten free bread, my dad looked at me and said no because he did not like the ingredients on the bread.
He told me I could get a salad instead so I bounced on over to the salad bar, knowing that none of the ingredients were organic or at least said they were, I made a tasty green salad with chicken, croutons with gluten bread, and corn with some spicy sauce and put it into the cart.
After a few weeks of the tasty green salad, my dad told me that I would not get to eat the salad anymore because it was $10 dollars per lb. and whenever I made a salad, it would total to about 2 lbs. I then told my dad that I would make sure to put fewer ingredients into the salad so that it would decrease the price but there was no budging at that point.
Afterwards, my dad got me a sandwich so that I wouldn’t starve the rest of the day.
Honestly, I do not blame my parents for putting me on this diet as they want me to get an advantage against my peers who eat the regular food that contains pesticides and other chemicals inside them.
But I still feel really upset knowing I can’t pig out at parties and other events because of this diet. Even so, I want to know if I am a jerk for rebelling against my parents and controlling my eating choices?”
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