People Urge Us To Be Impartial When Judging Their "Am I The Jerk?" Stories
19. AITJ For Demanding Respect From My Mother-In-Law?
“My MIL never spoke to me when I was pregnant. The day after I came home from the hospital, she insisted that we take the baby to her, despite my recovering from a C-section and it being the dead of winter. I was very much hesitant and if I’m being completely honest, rather begrudged of letting her see the baby.
It was difficult to grant her the privilege since she still didn’t treat me with any respect or decency. She never respected my wishes as a parent, she would find literally anything to challenge me or correct me on.
When the baby was around 2 months old, we fought because she was smoking with the door open and later purposely woke the baby because she wanted to play with her.
She called me vile names and I said she wasn’t seeing her grandchild anymore. After some time, I realized that’s not fair to do that to her and that I needed to be the bigger person and forgive. Things improved slightly, she still challenged me on everything, but she wasn’t as hostile. Then she left the country for a couple of months and came back a new person.
I truly thought she turned a new leaf.
Let me interject to say that her children have all said that they believe she suffers from mental illness. She’s never been to a psychiatrist though.
Last month, his mother came to our home unannounced. The next day I decided to text her and wrote out a long but respectful text asking her to please call or text next time and I also addressed other grievances with her.
In the weeks leading up to this, her desire to control everything and instill her ways into our lives, home, and my child was really starting to get to me. I think she is obsessed with my baby, she wanted us to visit her every weekend and face-timed me every day multiple times, and if I didn’t answer she would immediately send texts.
I have to add that I suffer from anxiety and depression and the stress that she added to my life was not helping my mental health. I didn’t know how to make my voice heard because she is so overbearing and has no regard for anyone else (she doesn’t even respect her own children and has subjected them to verbal and emotional mistreatment for years).
Not only did she attack me, but my family and friends as well. She called me a witch and blamed me for everything from her divorce, her children’s behavior and feelings toward her, to her identity being stolen, mind you, I wasn’t even in the picture when these events went down. Not even in the same state! She said hateful things about my race and religion and threatened me.
My husband was very upset at the entire situation, but I told him all I did was put my foot down and demand respect. He says that I should’ve understood that she is mentally ill and that she would respond as such and therefore let it go. After the exchange I was afraid of being in my home alone with the baby, I would constantly check the driveway to see if she showed up to hurt me or take my baby.
I don’t know how to make my husband see my point. Am I wrong here?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ
Poor mental health does NOT give anyone an excuse to be an awful and mean person. She can come to your home and see your child when she gets help.” AngrySucculent
Another User Comments:
“NTJ – keep your doors locked all the time.
If she has a key, call a locksmith and have the doors rekeyed, and don’t give her one. If she shows up, don’t answer the door. Since she won’t have a key, she can’t get in. Eventually, she will give up and leave. If she calls your husband, tell him you are busy and not doing a visit without him present.
If he wants you to let her in, then get yourself and your baby ready and go to your car, tell her you are leaving with the baby to run errands and she needs to call before she tries to visit.
You can’t reason with someone who isn’t open to reasoning. So don’t bother explaining, just set your boundaries and stick to them.
Don’t bother sending long texts, or whatever, just no visits, or don’t agree to visits without your husband.
A person described as mentally ill and also lashing out should not be around your baby, as you cannot predict what she will do.
Grandparenting is a privilege that is awarded or revoked by the parents based on behavior. If she behaves poorly, she loses privileges.
Your baby does not know anyone but you and your husband. Your baby doesn’t need grandparents, your baby needs a safe peaceful home and to be well taken care of. Seeing grandparents is the grandparents’ desire not the baby’s needs.
You are responsible for your baby because your baby can’t speak or defend themselves.” Buttercup303
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, mentally ill or not she is out of order and I wouldn’t tolerate that for one second. Your husband needs to have you and your child’s back.” IHaveQuestions4433
18. AITJ For Agreeing With My Full-Time Employees?
“Two members of staff are full-time, the others are all part-time – a mixture of two and three days. Both full-timers like to have two days off in a row because otherwise, they don’t get a proper break from work; because we’re closed Sundays, their days off have defaulted to Sunday and Monday. The part-timers change their working patterns (it’s arranged months in advance so they can all make plans, and are open to negotiation if someone wants a particular day off they almost always get it) and none of them work every Saturday.
The full-timers have said they’re ok with working every Saturday as long as their Sunday/Monday is guaranteed. When it comes to bank holidays – for people not familiar with them, they’re public holidays where a lot of people don’t work but we remain open on them, and almost all of them fall on a Monday – then all of the part-timers work some of them and have some of them off.
The newest part-timer is annoyed that neither of the full-timers is expected to work on bank holidays. I took this on board and spoke with the full-timers and they both essentially said, they don’t mind working on a bank holiday but they still want two days off in a row so expect the Saturday off instead.
So I went back to the part-timers and said that if someone who didn’t work the bank holiday was happy to work the Saturday so the full-timer who worked on Monday could have it off, then that’s fine. They didn’t want to do that, so I said in that case the full-timers won’t be expected or asked to work on bank holidays.
The newest part-timer pointed out that they (the full-timers) can be made to work bank holidays, so I gently reminded him that he can also be made to work every Saturday but we don’t do that because we want as many staff to be happy as possible.
AITJ for siding with the full-timer’s point of view here?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ but (softly) don’t make enduring precedents/rules on shift work as you’ll put yourself in a corner.
Tell the full-time workers it will be done when possible. That’s fair and saves you the hassle. Staffing is hard enough without additional considerations.
I’ve had occasions where staff had uni courses/night classes and that was a given to work around. Staff dealt with it while it was an issue, with the limitations lifted in the summer, for example.
General decrees are tougher to manage.” User
Another User Comments:
“NTJ
I don’t see it as siding with the full-time employees. You’re being responsible as an employer and taking everyone’s views into consideration. You were approached by your part-time employee with a concern they had about working the bank holiday and you gave them a solution, which they decided was not good enough for them.
Your responsibility is to ensure your business is still running whilst ensuring your employees are feeling valued, which you have done. Not every decision is going to please everyone and there will always be one person that will not be happy with a decision that has been made.
I know this question was more about being ethical or moral compared to legality, but from what I have read, you are not breaking any employment laws (assuming you are in the UK based on you mentioning Bank Holidays).
Not all employees are entitled to have Bank Holidays off, and unfortunately, part-time employees or employees who do shift work will usually work them. I worked in a job for 8 years without having a bank holiday off being full-time. I didn’t particularly like that but I understood I was not entitled to them due to the nature of my job.
This new part-time employee seems to be causing conflicts around this, which can cause a lot of negativity among the other employees. Have you thought about having a probationary review with them, if they are in their probationary period, or a formal review if they are not? Discuss the concerns and have them documented about the issues and negativity.
This may make them realize how they are acting and change, if not it gives you documented evidence to back you up if you want to dismiss them (although you don’t need much to dismiss an employee under 2 years of service if you can prove they were not dismissed due to discrimination).” Fun-Two-1414
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Your new employee sounds entitled. As a new employee, their level of entitlement isn’t going to bode well for their future in the company. If things like this are a problem with them now, more things will come up. They need to suck it up or find a new job.” KraezyMathTeacher
You also came up with a solution but the new employee didn't like it. What exactly is it that they want. To only work one or two days a week but only when it suits them?
17. AITJ For Being Mad At My Mom For Posting A Photo Of Me?
“I (20M) hate having my picture taken. I hate seeing myself in pictures. I don’t like seeing myself. I don’t look in the mirror or at my reflection. In my bathroom in my dorm room, have fully covered my mirror so I can avoid seeing myself.
My mom is the opposite. She loves taking pictures and will spend 20 minutes at any family event trying to take photos.
I hate it and for that reason, I don’t go home to see them a lot because I don’t want to do so.
I recently went home to start moving things out of my dorm before summer and I went to dinner with my family. I and my mom had an understanding. She could take pictures all she wants but I will not see them and she cannot post them or put them up anywhere.
They have to be just for her.
So at the dinner, she took a picture of me and my younger sisters. So days go by and I log into social media for the first time in a while and I see myself. I’m immediately angry and call her.
I yelled at her over the phone. So much that she started crying, which wasn’t my intention but she shouldn’t have done this and she’s never taking my photo again.
After my dad called me and we argued. He told me I was disrespectful and ungrateful. I feel I was disrespected first.
AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ – She should have respected your boundaries. Everyone here telling you that you shouldn’t have an issue with getting your picture taken has no right to say that. It’s your life/likeness, it’s your business.
The people who are saying you are the jerk for yelling are also wrong I feel. I think you yelled because you were violated. You don’t like having your picture taken. You compromise and allow her to take/keep pictures of you with the condition that she doesn’t post/share them. A reasonable expectation. Doable and quite nice of you.
She blatantly disregarded that and you were rightfully mad. I think she needed to feel how serious the issue is for you. Hopefully, she’ll remember now.” d5509
Another User Comments:
“YTJ – You could have easily called her and asked her to take down the post with you in it, there was no need to yell and scream at her for a miscommunication.
That said, you should really look into why you have body dysmorphia issues that have gotten so extreme that you can’t stand the sight of your own reflection instead of taking out your frustrations on your mother/family. What if a friend were to take a picture of you while you were in a group and posted it? Would you yell at them in the same manner? You really need to get help for the lashing out and projecting your own internal issues onto others.” Ambitious_Moose_7078
Another User Comments:
“NTJ.
You set a boundary that she understood and seemed to agree to and then she violated that.
Could you have conducted yourself better? Absolutely, but, you’re 20 and the child in this situation, so it’s understandable. Just learn from it and handle things better in the future. When you yell, your message gets lost. Instead, you should have reminded her that you two had an understanding and she violated your trust, so now that boundary has to be walked back.
Like, if her camera is out, then you’re not there.
Also, your dad should have stayed out of it. I hate that. You and your mom are both adults. Let her process her own big emotions and handle the situation on her own.
Also, also, please consider therapy. It makes me sad that you have such a negative impression of yourself and I feel like it’s affecting the way you live.
I’m very insecure as well so I know how hard that can be.” panickypossum
Another User Comments:
“Everyone sucks here.
You and your mother had an agreement, and she violated that agreement. I’m not sure she understands quite how severe your apparent bodily dysmorphia is (just hazarding a guess there) or she wouldn’t do something that actively triggers it in such a way, but whether she knew or not she still violated your expressly stated wishes after she had agreed to honor them.
And then you acted like a complete jerk about it.
There are many ways to openly and honestly communicate how hurt and upset you are by something without going completely ballistic on them. You didn’t need to scream at her until she cried. You went too far when you could have just… shared your genuine emotions without screaming at all. And one would hope that once she truly grasped how hurtful this was for you, she’d have apologized, but you didn’t give her the chance.” ColloidalSylver
I would be ropeable. She is only thinking about herself here. At the least, if the photo was so great she could've photoshopped you out or cropped you (if you were on the end) but what she did was not okay.
Your dad had no right to go off on you like that. He may be an enabler and doing what's easiest on him... because your mom will be going on about this to him.
I would be avoiding her. And to be honest I would consider wearing a mask or a bandana or something covering your face so she can't take a clear photo of you.
16. AITJ For Asking My Partner To Do More House Chores?
“My (27F) partner (34M) and I have been in circles around the same argument for a while now.
We started going out a year ago and I moved in with him 5 months later (now that I type this out I do realize how quick that was). I work part-time and I am in school full-time. He works from home doing data security (not exactly sure what it is) for a hospital.
He works about 25-30 hours a week (from what he told me), but according to him, he can pretty much work whenever/however many hours he wants. I have a schedule for work and work 20 hours a week.
Recently, we have been getting into a standstill argument because I have mentioned a few times how I feel like he is not doing enough housework around the house.
I do the laundry, dishes (usually sometimes he will do half of them if I ask), tidying up around the house like cleaning the kitchen and tidying the living room and I cook, but he rarely eats though since he has acid reflux and gets nausea easily, he usually just orders DoorDash for himself while I’m gone during the day.
He does keep up with cleaning out the cat’s litter boxes. He gets upset every time I bring up the fact I feel like I’m overwhelmed and wished he’d clean more around the house. He said he already does enough around the house. He claims he cleans, but I never really see any evidence of it except sometimes he’ll do some dishes.
Personally, a messy house stresses me out and I’ve explained this to him, but he won’t budge. We are currently trying to find an apartment to move into together (we’re renting the house we’re at right now), so our house is also half packed up with boxes everywhere, but not in an organized way, in a chaotic way.
Also, he had been living with a friend of his for the last 10 years and I think he got used to his friend cleaning up after him or maybe they had the same standard of living I’m not sure. He also hadn’t had a job during those 10 years and just now has a temp job.
He says he does enough around the house and says he barely has any free time, which I have no idea how he doesn’t have free time since he claimed he only works 25-30 hours a week. I work 20 hours a week, but I also have classes and schoolwork outside of class to deal with, so on top of housework, I feel like I’m stretched too thin.
I just feel bad every time I bring it up though because he mentions how he never asks me to chip in for rent or utilities or anything (even though I do most of the grocery shopping). I pay for all my own stuff (car payments, insurance, phone bill, medical bills) meanwhile all of those things are covered for him by his mom, so money is tight for me on my part-time paycheck.
I just don’t know if I’m being inconsiderate for asking him to do a bit more housework and tidying up, but the mess honestly overwhelms me so much and I’m already stressed out with school and work. We never come to an agreement, we just end up calming down and then moving on until it’s brought up again.
Am I the jerk for asking him to do more?”
Another User Comments:
“None of you are jerks but you both need to communicate with each other.
Just because you don’t see it does not mean it isn’t being done and you have to realize that your cleaning standards will not be the same as his.
You both need to sit down and distribute the chores.
Start with the ones you like or don’t mind doing, then evenly split the ones you both don’t like.
Do not give him chores that you have a super high standard for.
We have a time in the week where we both tackle everything together, we put music on and hit it up, it’s about as much fun as you can make chores.” IHaveQuestions4433
Another User Comments:
“NTJ.
But this is a huge and very basic difference in values between the two of you. It’s something that a couple should be able to discuss and arrive at a mutually satisfying solution, but he is not allowing that. He is gaslighting you and manipulating you each time you bring it up. He’s happy for you to continue being very upset with him for doing nothing to help.
I think that you need to consider whether you want your life to be like this because it will continue.” AffectionateMine2220
Another User Comments:
“Girl NTJ!
Let’s get this straight he –checks notes– works half the amount you do between your work and uni, has only just held down a temp job recently and didn’t work for TEN years, and does a few dishes around the house. At 34, he should really be doing more with his life than temping and expecting his partner to clean everything.
You need to reevaluate your relationship, you deserve to be treated better!” AsharraR12
15. AITJ For Demanding My Father To Apologize To Me?
“My parents have been split up since I was around 1 or 2, I was raised by my mother and stepfather for 16 years. I will admit my mother was not the greatest but she definitely did her best with what she was given, and my stepfather is the person I respect the most out of everyone, I consider him to be my true father.
Anyways, after around 16 years, I decided I wanted to get to know my biological father and my family on his side more (they lived in Florida while I was living in Massachusetts). Most to all of our interactions were either week-long trips to see him since I was 7 or phone calls. My mother agreed and in 2018 I moved to Florida with my bio dad, my stepmother, and my siblings (1 brother and 2 sisters).
As I got to know my father and his wife until 2020 they ended up being very toxic and were agreed by everyone I spoke with unhealthy to be around. At least I got to know them. Around October of 2020, my entire family got sick and I had to stay with my aunt for health reasons, after about a month my father demanded that I come back to the house immediately, I didn’t feel safe to come back and he told my aunt that I’m not allowed to stay with her anymore.
After I found out that I couldn’t stay with my aunt anymore, he gave me an ultimatum and said ‘You either come back today or your belongings will be in bags at the front door’ on a phone call. At the time I was 18, going to school, and paying electricity and rent to stay there.
Since I didn’t feel comfortable coming back and had nowhere else to go I had to move in with my mother back in Massachusetts, I wanted to avoid this as I took the risk to lose my scholarship if my residency changed, but this did not make him happy and he told me that I was being selfish and running away from my problems.
He still demanded that I come back, this was on a phone call on January 1st, 2021. I have not spoken to him since then. In February of 2021, I was able to move in with my partner and their family until I was able to get back on my feet, and now I am purchasing a home with my partner.
He tries to text me almost every month since January 1st saying that he loves me and that he misses me but I have left him with one message, that if we are to have a relationship again he needs to apologize for giving me the ultimatum and making me feel trapped with nowhere to go.
He has shown no signs that his views have changed and still believes it is my responsibility to take care of him and his family as he has taken care of me.
So am I the jerk?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. It sounds like he has done very little actual caring for you – having you pay rent and part of the utilities to live with your parent isn’t really being taken care of.
Wanting an apology because he intentionally created a trashy situation for you to enforce his will is completely reasonable. Not wanting to live with him and put yourself in his power again does, too. It sounds like you’re going good places in your life, don‘t let him derail you.” KaliTheBlaze
Another User Comments:
“NTJ – you determined he was toxic after living with him.
By my calculations, you were 18 when you left to live with your aunt. You were legally an adult. He was not in a position to give you an ultimatum, and even if you were a minor — ultimatums are not healthy. You did the right thing to leave the toxic environment and limit your contact with him.
Demanding an apology is holding him accountable for his actions. I hope you maintain a good relationship with your mom.” ZTwilight
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, it sounds like he wants to financially leech off you. Children do not ‘owe’ their parents anything. They are legally required to take care of their children until they are 18, that is on them. You do not owe anyone who chooses to bring you into the world, there is no ‘debt’. People don’t change their motives and you would be unwise to get caught up in his toxicity once more.” User
14. AITJ For Feeling Uncomfortable Around My Partner's Mom?
“I’m a transgender woman, my partner loves me very much and I love him too, however, his parents don’t know we are together, all they know is that we are long-time best friends and that I’m trans and we live together purely as roommates. But his mom does know I like him and I confided in her one day before he and I got together about how I really felt about him.
Her response was mostly ‘well we would like our son to be with a Christian woman.’ (by the way, I am Christian, it’s her son that doesn’t even believe in god.)
Anyways a little later my now partner and I talked about how I felt and he felt the same way and we’ve been great, but he knows about how his parents feel about me.
Since day one of meeting them they’ve known I was trans, his father passionately hates me and has hated me since, and his mom over time spent time with us both, lunches, frequent coming over every so often, we got along. But ever since I’ve confided in her I have been feeling so embarrassed, and my partner knows this, I was explaining it to him earlier today that I just don’t feel comfortable right now being around her.
She was coming over and I was planning on leaving for like 20 minutes to the store to pick up something, just so I can avoid her. 20 minutes was all I needed since he told me he was just gonna meet her in the parking lot and they were gonna go out and get dinner and go shopping and she wouldn’t be there when I got back.
So I left and when I got home I noticed both their cars were still there, so I left for a good 40 minutes to get our roommate lunch and they were still there after being gone an hour. I gave up and just walked inside, said hi, and went to our bedroom. And they left 5 minutes later and I’m just home waiting to talk to him about it.
I even explained to him that if she’s in the house she’s gonna catch the fact that my friend has completely taken over my old room and that my clothes are in her son’s room. He doesn’t seem to care if his parents know but I still feel embarrassed by confiding in her and I all the more hate how they don’t call me by my name and I feel so angry that he kept her here knowing I was only going to the store for one thing and coming right back especially after telling me he was gonna walk out the house, meet her in the lot and leave.
I keep feeling like he completely disregarded how I felt, he didn’t do any of what he said and they weren’t gone by the time I got back.
I’m not trying to keep him from his mom, he deserves to have a relationship with her, she’s a good mom, she calls me by my name but when I’m not there she goes back to misgendering me and calling me by my old name.
At this time I’m not comfortable with being near her or talking to her, and I feel like if she knew we were going out she’d go crazy.
Am I the jerk? All I want is to have time to get over feeling uncomfortable around his parents again and continue to have a loving relationship with him.
Our roommate seems to think I am the jerk, that I’m trying to keep him from his mom, I don’t care if he sees her, I don’t want to be near her till I feel comfortable again and have gotten over my embarrassment. Our roommate thinks that I should apologize to his mom for calling her and thinks I’m being selfish.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ
Your roomie clearly has no idea what it’s like experiencing transphobia or being a queer person going out with someone with judgemental parents.
You’re allowed to set boundaries for your own personal attendance and relationships. Your partner should have also followed up on his word or texted you to let you know there was a change in plans. He should be able to spend time with his mom in the apartment, but definitely should inform you thusly so you can follow your own boundaries.
Your partner should also have a talk with his parents/stand up for your pronouns if he is serious about you.” Shangie1996
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, but yall got some cleaning up to do. If the relationship is not going to last, then none of this matters. Ignore it all. If the relationship is going to last, you guys need to be honest with the parents and go from there. Secrets rarely make things better.” User
13. AITJ For Telling My Partner We're Not Getting A Cat Anymore?
“My partner (23F) and I (21M) have lived together for about a year and decided a few months ago to get a pet. My partner grew up with a cat and has always said she wanted one.
So fast forward a few months into the adoption process for a kitten. I’ve done literally ALL of the work for getting a cat.
She says she has work and school. I told her I’m just asking if she prioritizes this cat she allegedly wants so much. I’m not even asking for a 50/50 commitment. I just have work so I know I’ve got more time. I drove us to the animal shelter, filled out the online forms for the adoption approval, did research on how to make our apartment cat friendly, and got all the care products that we’d need for a cat.
I had ONE thing she needed to do all these months. Get approval from our apartment. She put it off for months despite me reminding her every single day. She finally asked our leasing staff, who said they’d ask the property manager. We never received any updates, so I asked my partner to go ask again, which she protested for weeks because she was worried about coming off as rude.
I told her she was making it clear she doesn’t want a cat. She says that isn’t true. I say words don’t mean anything to me, but actions do. Even so, I say fine, email them. This way it’s a compromise and she won’t get anxious about an awkward confrontation with our leasing staff. She doesn’t even do that for a few days, but when she does, we get ghosted again.
One day, I see the property manager. I tell my partner she’s downstairs in our lobby and now would be a good time to go ask. She says she’s busy studying. So we end up sending more emails, costing us more time.
FINALLY, we get approval and we just have to pick a kitten and take it home.
I check adoption sites every single day, sometimes multiple times a day. Yesterday, I found one. He checked all our boxes. Male black kitten with a friendly temperament. I ask my partner if we can drive to the shelter right then. She says no because a month from now we go on a 6-day cruise. And that’s ‘too much time during its formative kitten months’ which would cause it too much stress.
Fine. I tell her one of my good friends who is a major cat guy and very responsible would be more than happy either taking him home for a week or living at ours to keep him company. She says no. At this point I get mad, saying it only took this long because of her bottlenecking the whole process.
And when the stars finally align, she decides to delay us again for a minor inconvenience that I offered a perfectly fine solution to.
After seeing our argument going nowhere, I put my foot down and say we’re no longer getting a cat because all the time and effort I put into this is being disrespected. I tell her I’m selling all the things we got for a cat online.
She cries/gets hostile and says I’m being controlling.
Obviously, I feel bad because I’ve made my partner upset. But I think I’ve been patient enough.”
Another User Comments:
“She lived with a cat growing up but with none of the real behind-the-scenes care of a cat growing up. It was probably a family cat or a cat that her parents got for her.
So she has only had the fun experience of having a cat and none of the work involved in actually getting the cat. That being said this is still a bad look on her for remaining passive throughout this entire experience. Like she wants you to just show up with a cute cat one day she can gush over, and prepping for it takes away some of the magic.
That may be true, but it doesn’t suggest responsible pet ownership. NTJ.” CptNavarre
Another User Comments:
“Everyone sucks here. I get your frustration here, I really do, but you can’t make unilateral decisions for the two of you as a couple. There are a lot of reasons she might’ve been dragging her feet: commitment issues, or worries about your relationship? Anxiety over dealing with property management? ADHD/executive dysfunction that makes it difficult to follow through on tasks? Unwillingness to take on the responsibility? You can’t be sure without asking her.
So ask.
I mean, if you love her and want to stay with her: after you’ve both cooled down, sit down and have a serious talk. Ask her how she’s been feeling through this process, and listen without interrupting. Make sure she feels heard. Then tell her your concerns, and how this has affected you. Ask her to hear you out completely before responding, the same as you did for her.
Talk things out.
This probably isn’t really about the cat. You both need to communicate better as a couple.” turtletownship
Another User Comments:
“She’s your partner, not your child. You don’t get to decide when and how things are done and then take away privileges when they aren’t done your way on your time. And then let’s face it because it wasn’t done YOUR way you got dramatic by selling the cat stuff to try and manipulate her into caring.
That IS controlling. She said she wanted a cat. You make it sound like it’s for her, but when she wasn’t putting the effort in, why did you continue to keep trying and forcing things? Why not leave it alone for a while? What was the rush? Why were you trying to push it so much? Then it sounds like she was having anxiety about talking to the building manager and instead of seeing that and stepping up for her, you got controlling about that too, decided that was the job YOU decided she should have and she needed to do it your way and kept forcing it.
Why not leave it alone at that point and realize now is not the time for a cat? Or wait, and surprise her by gifting a cat. I really hope you guys do not get a cat yet. You’re not ready. Your communication skills within your relationship need work, and as long as the dynamic is you acting like her father and not her man this is bound to blow up.
Sounds like the cat was more about you than it ever was for her. Figure out how to communicate and work together on things, be strong where the other is not, and don’t get controlling and weird when it’s not going the way you want it to… sometimes things can just wait until a better time when you’re both more invested.
Could this not have even just been a gift for her? Why is it so important that she does her fair share on this particular thing? Maybe she picks up the slack in other areas of the household. Regardless, wouldn’t say you’re a jerk, just a kid who’s learning what it means to live with someone… stop trying to control and chill out.” TallProof9665
12. AITJ For Wanting To Go To College?
“I (18f) got into a very selective college, which of course means it is very expensive (roughly 80k a year). Because it’s selective and expensive, it also gives amazing financial aid, and because we are low-income I would be able to attend with a full ride.
To calculate your financial aid award they use w-2 forms, tax returns, etc.
and if you don’t provide a document you won’t be considered for financial aid. When sending my parents’ documents, they revealed to me that I can’t because they have been committing tax fraud for years and they would get in trouble, owe thousands, and go to jail.
The worst part is, they called me selfish because I’m ‘putting their lives in danger’ and playing with everyone’s lives just so I can go to college.
When my step-siblings went to college, they filed stuff alongside them so it added up and lowkey did the fraud for them. But I was supposed to just know I had to lie. They’re saying I’m not even mature enough for college because my first instinct wasn’t to lie.
When I got in, they looked me in the eyes and told me how proud they were.
This hurts.”
Another User Comments:
“You only have to provide your parents’ documents if you’re still a dependent – if they’re this worried about being caught for their crime, then you can emancipate if you’re under 18. If you’re an emancipated minor you’re independent and you do not need to provide parental documents for FAFSA, which determines your financial aid.
If you’re 18, and your parents still refuse to help you apply, reach out to the financial advisor at your college. They might be able to change your status from dependent to independent if you can discuss your predicament and determine if there are extenuating circumstances regarding your filing.
NTJ. If all else fails, you might have to wait for college until you’re 24… and just work your tail off for work experience until then.
24 is the legal ‘independent student’ cutoff for the FAFSA. It sucks, but the college has offered you admission already and should offer it again. Another option is enlisting in the military and going through your basic, then applying for school… active duty armed forces are considered independent students as long as they aren’t in training.” Razzberries91
Another User Comments:
“You are definitely NTJ, however, you are screwed.
You will not get financial assistance w/o that paperwork and you cannot get financial assistance even if you denounce your parents (which you shouldn’t do unless you want them to lose all and go to Federal prison). You are 18 and smart so think carefully before you do anything. I know Harvard, Columbia, and Yale, etc seem like a dream, but that ship seems to have sailed.
Time for a different idea.
I (M36) wanted an adventure at 18 but at the time, my parents were against the military (pity). I went to Europe and the top schools there are free for nationals and super cheap for foreigners. I went to the best and most famous art school in the world, learned the language & culture, fell in love, married, got a great job, and stayed for 16 years.
It changed the entire course of my life. Be bold. The Ivy on the ivy league is looking a bit wilted considering the 100k it costs a year.” Beaumuscler
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. They committed tax fraud. The only people ‘playing with everyone’s lives’ are the idiots doing illegal stuff. In all likelihood, they will get caught. When they can’t bust people for other crimes because they’re too good at covering them up, they send the IRS to bust them.
The IRS is an entire agency dedicated to one specific crime. They will probably get caught. And when they do, it will be their fault and only their fault. I’d disentangle any finances from them and make sure you don’t get caught up in their nonsense.
Don’t listen to any of their crap, they don’t get to guilt trip you because they messed up and might get caught.
You are not responsible for covering up your parents’ crimes. I think you need more advice than we can give you, I think you need to talk to a financial advisor and tell them your parents won’t give you the information for your FASFA and how you can proceed without their help and that they don’t plan to contribute, and see if they can help you since they know the ins and outs of this specific system. I wish you luck!” Worth_Raspberry_11
11. AITJ For Not Being As Assertive As My Wife Would Like When It Comes To Asking For A Raise?
“I (28m) have been working for a company for almost 6 months. When I originally agreed to work for the company, I was offered a lower salary with the promise to renegotiate after six months (I was happy to agree as the office is a five-minute walk from my apartment). After four months, the two most senior employees of the company suddenly quit (they were secretly poaching the company’s clients but that’s a story for another time) and their clients were transferred over to me as I have the most experience in the field.
After two weeks of managing their clients as well as taking on a ton of responsibilities not initially agreed upon, I approached my boss requesting a raise. He agreed to consider it and gave me a few different structures of how that could happen. The deadline for receiving those options was two weeks ago and since then my wife (34f) has been pushing me to bring it up with him so that we can know how to plan our finances for the next few months.
I work twice as many hours as she does and provide 2/3 of our shared income, which I generally do not complain about. Today, while I was in meetings all day, she began messaging me for four hours pushing me to ask for the promotion NOW. I said how I understand her frustration and that I know I should be more assertive but that I had meetings all day and that my boss would be in the office on Sunday (in my country we do not work Fridays) and that I would speak to him then.
She did not like this response and the conversation quickly turned to accusations and insults from both of us.
We have not spoken for six hours since then. I definitely understand how it’s frustrating that I’m not assertive and demanding a raise when I’ve accepted so much extra responsibility but I also feel like we are doing alright (we have some savings although not a ton) and I really do intend on bringing it up on Sunday.
So… AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. You’re in the right about the raise. Companies sometimes take a while and people often let this type of thing slip. You might have to buck up and remind your company about it, but it’s only been two weeks. You have plenty of time. Your wife seems over the top here demanding that you jump in at this very instant.
These types of meetings go better when they take place at the best possible time! That doesn’t mean wait months, but maybe wait a couple of days for a good opening on both of your schedules.” Superman530
Another User Comments:
“YTJ to your wife who is looking out for your future and success. YTJ to yourself for not getting what you deserve.
The fact she has to push and remind you to be assertive sucks for her, just ask for the raise.” PepaJosefinaMadrigal
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Sounds like your wife misses the point of being effectively supportive. I’d be inclined to ask her why she isn’t trying harder on her own pay.
Seriously though, push for the raise. The boss won’t be surprised even if it benefits him/her to delay. HOWEVER, make it retroactive. That boss cannot afford to lose you. Now’s the time.
Best wishes on both the wife and the raise.” 4cougs
10. WIBTJ If I Don't Attend My Friend's Bachelor's Party?
“I have been good friends with Jerry since college. We are now in our early 30s and Jerry is getting married this summer.
Ever since I’ve known Jerry he has been a party animal. After college, we moved in together for a few years and he enjoyed binge drinking on the weekends.
I’m not gonna lie I also was a bit of a party animal myself and got into many shenanigans with Jerry.
However, I am now in my early 30s and way past that.
Jerry got engaged last year and moved with his fiancé to Colorado from the Midwest. I am happy for both of them but there are a few things that have annoyed me and now I feel uncomfortable.
First thing, they decided to have their wedding right on my birthday.
I found that odd. I really wanted to do something big this year since I haven’t done much in the last couple of years. However, I am willing to compromise for Jerry and celebrate the weekend after or before my birthday.
Secondly, comes the big issue. Jerry wants to have his bachelor party in Deadwood, SD. This place is a 10-hour drive from where I live.
It also isn’t easy to fly in since the town doesn’t have an airport. I could fly to the nearest city but it’s still a 40-minute drive and I would have to rent a car or find some other transportation.
However, we have a group chat with all the guys attending the party. I don’t know anyone other than one mutual friend that we have.
One of the guys who reached out to me individually happened to be Jerry’s cousin. He asked if I wanted to ride with him and his brother. I took up the option even though I don’t know them. I feel uncomfortable taking a 10-hour drive with complete strangers but I am willing to for Jerry.
Last night I got a text from the group saying that the Airbnb that was booked for the weekend is not big enough for everyone.
Apparently, some of us will have to sleep on the floor.
Now I’m starting to feel really uncomfortable with the situation. When I first spoke with Jerry he said we would all have our own rooms but apparently, the group of guys has gotten a lot bigger. It feels like this is going to be just a huge mess of a drinking fest.
I feel too old to sleep on the floor and having to deal with wasted people all weekend, especially with people I don’t know.
On top of everything, I have sleep apnea. For those who don’t know what that is, it’s a medical condition that keeps me from having a good night’s rest. I stop breathing during my sleep.
So, I use a machine to help me breathe during the night. It’s not loud but I feel self-conscious as I have to wear a mask and I look pretty silly.
I haven’t told Jerry anything yet and he doesn’t know how I feel. I want to know though, would I be the jerk if bail on my friend’s bachelor party?”
Another User Comments:
“No jerks here yet, but you’re starting to turn into one.
Keep in mind that it’s not about you. It’s a red flag that you’re upset he’s getting married on your birthday. Venues and Vendors are booked far in advance for weddings. They probably had very limited options for when they could have it. You are saying that you are too old for a party weekend, then you’re definitely too old to complain about celebrating someone else on your birthday.
If you won’t have fun and will bring others down, don’t go. Explain to your friend that you’re worried about your sleep apnea and celebrate with him another time.” KoalaCommercial
Another User Comments:
“YWNBTJ if you decide not to go to the party. It sounds like the crowd is big enough that your friend probably won’t even notice your absence.
Unless you made a financial commitment, it doesn’t sound like there’s any reason not to withdraw as long as you give them as much advance notice as possible.
It sounds like you could still go to the wedding if you wanted, which is actually more important, but if you bail then (and, again, you should tell them in advance if you are not going), you still would not be the jerk.
You are not preventing anything and even if this post is full of your issues, none of these need to be communicated to your friend.” silverbird385
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. With a huge group, I’m sure Jerry will still have a great weekend and one person shouldn’t make a difference unless he was adamant you’re there. Make it up to him by taking him out to celebrate on your own terms. If he is a good friend he will realize that it is not going to be a very comfortable situation for you and he should accept that. The wedding is more important to be present for than the bachelor party.” ajkert
9. AITJ For Asking Someone Not To Attend My Friend's Going Away Party?
“Two weeks ago, one of my best friends passed away. I’ve been devastated and grieving so hard. Next month, another best friend is moving away. A few of her other friends are throwing her a surprise going away party (she hates surprise parties). Someone who has treated me like absolute garbage and isn’t even friends with my friend who is going away was invited because her partner is having an affair and she ‘needs to get out of the house.’ I talked to the people throwing the party and asked if they could let me know if she decided to go.
I was then told it would be really messed up if I didn’t go to the going away party because this person was going to be there.
I then asked if they could please talk to the other person and ask her if she would step back for this particular occasion and let me go in peace as I’m dealing with the death of a friend and my other closest friend is moving away.
Then they told me it sounded like a personal problem and that I’d have to deal with it. So I called this woman and told her the situation and asked her to please not come, explaining what I’m currently going through (I was not nice). She copped an attitude and I told her that her relationship problems weren’t more special than anything I am going through.
In the end, they uninvited me, called off the surprise, and went to my friend about how ‘mean’ I was.
I feel like I’m in an alternate reality or getting punked.”
Another User Comments:
“YTJ. Partly because, of course, you don’t get to dictate who goes to someone else’s party. And partly because you called this person up and hassled them, for some insane reason.
But most importantly, YTJ because you sound old enough that you should be able to deal with someone you don’t like being at the same social function as you without ‘feeling like you’re in an alternate reality’.
How do you think it’s going to work when you get a proper job? Are you going to just not go into the office if the person you’re having a feud with is there? How’s that going to work out? Exactly.” MelonSegment
Another User Comments:
“YTJ
She was invited.
You were invited. You’re both as entitled to be there as each other.
You phoned her asking her not to go and bringing up her unfaithful partner. I completely understand why she’d ‘cop an attitude’, especially when you ‘were not nice’. This party isn’t about what you want. It’s completely understandable why you were uninvited; you were unnecessarily causing drama and were acting selfishly at someone else’s expense.
Whether or not she ‘harassed and mistreated’ you in the past doesn’t give you the right to behave the way you did.
You were 100% in the wrong here and deserve the consequences of your actions.
Your claims of bullying from this woman are not convincing.” lesbian_goose
Another User Comments:
“YTJ. I am very sorry for your loss, but your friend has the right to invite whoever she wants to her party.
The more reasonable thing to have done would have been to go, be gracious, and ignore the person you don’t like. Otherwise, just not go at all, and have a separate goodbye with your friend—take her to dinner or something. Instead, you chose to make it all about you. The fact that you called her and weren’t nice is even worse.
Have you considered grief counseling?” redskyatnight2162
8. AITJ For Maintaining A Relationship With My Dad?
“I (26f) used to have a good relationship with my younger brother, ‘Pat’ (24m).
Growing up, my dad was a heavy drinker. It caused our parents’ divorce and we did endure scary experiences. We moved in with my mom full time and dad eventually got sober. He’s been going to AA meetings regularly for years now and gets breakfast with his sponsor every weekend.
He’s done really well and I’m proud of him. I know he’s slipped up a few times, but he’s never denied it when I’ve confronted him, tells his sponsor, and he gets back into his routine of going to meetings. I’ve been going to therapy for years to process the trauma from our childhood. I’ve made so much progress and have been able to move past it to build a healthy, positive relationship with my dad.
Pat has not been to therapy despite several family members suggesting he do so.
Pat was living with dad in 2020. One night, Pat texted me that he picked dad up from the airport and he was wasted. I asked Pat if he was going to confront him about it, but he insisted I be the one to do so.
I did, and my dad denied it. My dad is not an emotional guy, and this was the first time he seemed genuinely hurt about an accusation. He asked why Pat had gone days without talking to him instead of asking about it or calling him out at the moment. My dad explained that due to the health crisis, none of the airport restaurants were open except for fast food and they were not serving booze on the plane, so he couldn’t have been drinking even if he wanted to.
It made sense to me.
Pat asked about how it went and I told him I think it could have been a misunderstanding. He flipped out and said I was taking the side of our ‘childhood tormentor’ over my own brother. I explained that I wasn’t trying to take sides or accuse him of lying, but rather hear both of them out and remain neutral in the situation.
Either way, our father is back to/still working toward a sober lifestyle, which is all I would have wanted from him regardless. I confronted him like I was asked, so I thought I did my part.
I asked Pat what he wanted me to do. He said he wanted dad to apologize to him. I told him that’s something he needs to get by talking to HIM, not me.
He went off about how I’m enabling his drinking and acting like it’s not my problem anymore.
I feel like Pat is asking me to regress for his own comfort. He talked to my mom and she wants me to apologize for making him feel unheard and isolated. I didn’t think I had any reason to since he was taking his anger out on me.
It’s been 1.5 yrs. Pat has moved out of state with my mom. When I visit, he still gives me the cold shoulder. He won’t talk to me and holidays have been SO awkward because of it. Pat told mom he doesn’t intend to speak to me until I apologize and admit I was wrong. I still don’t think it was fair to ask me to shut dad out again after the effort I’ve put in due to my brother’s unresolved trauma, but this silent treatment has me thinking I could’ve really messed up.
AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. At all. Pat is hurt and we can have empathy for that, it’s not easy growing up with that kind of parent. However, it is his choice to decline therapy and not work through those issues. After a certain point in our lives, it becomes our own responsibility to work through trauma and tough situations and do our best with the cards we’ve been dealt.
It is also not easy being the one who is a heavy drinker. No one asks for the gene to not be able to drink normally or control their behavior once they start drinking. It’s an incredibly isolating mental illness to have, and it causes a lot of destruction. It sounds like your father is doing the best he can to get better, and he has the willingness to show up and try to fight for his life and his relationships back.
That is not an easy thing to do, at all.
Regardless, heavy drinking causes harm to loved ones. Your choice to give him another chance is honorable, and I hope you feel good about it. Your brother’s choice not to give him a second chance is a valid choice as well, but he should not judge you for your ability to forgive and try to move forward.
I wish you all the best. Family stuff can be so very difficult. Keep following your heart and what’s meant to happen will happen.” jackwhitesfedora
Another User Comments:
“NTJ – You are a separate human from your brother and you are allowed to have a separate relationship with your father from him. You don’t have to agree on everything and that should not impact your relationship.
You weren’t there there’s no way for you to truly know. This is a situation where people you love have differing accounts of what occurred. How it was handled sounds unhealthy and toxic. The situation should have been handled and resolved by the two of them. Look up triangulation and boundaries. Also, adult children of heavy drinkers is a great program to attend meetings.
You aren’t alone in these types of situations.
But please don’t personalize this. Your brother made a choice to make you the bad person in this when really he was. Let it go – focus on your healing and if you want to: continue to reach out with love. It’s just hard to know you’re in a sibling relationship that’s extremely conditional and you’re going to have to walk on eggshells for the rest of your life or you know he’ll cut you out so you can decide if that is a relationship you want to be in.
I think that the coolest thing about being an adult is you get to choose what relationships you want to be in and how you allow people to treat you. Focus on building your boundaries and knowing your worth.” ActuatorTrue3742
Another User Comments:
“NTJ
You’ve put in a lot of work, both for yourself and for your dad. That’s admirable.
It’s also not fair of anyone to ask you to undo what you’ve done in that regard.
It sounds like your dad has a long way to go. If he was terrible (your ‘tormentor’) then yeah, he needs to address that and grow. The onus for making it right is 100% on him. It’s to his credit that he’s addressing his addiction – but drinking doesn’t cause terrible behavior.
Sure maltreatment might have been worse when he was wasted, but his behavior toward you was always a choice.
Your brother… that’s hard. It sounds like he’s acting badly but also suffered significant trauma at the hands of your father. He needs to take responsibility for how he treats you now though. And he does need to understand that your having a relationship with your dad isn’t a betrayal of him.
It’s been more than 27 years since I spoke with my own awful father. You (and yeah, your dad,) have my respect.” magnus_the_fish
7. AITJ For Not Allowing My Future Mother-In-Law To Babysit My Child?
“I (22f) am 5 months pregnant with my fiancé’s (23m) child. My future MIL has some issues with drinking. I have been debating with myself and my fiancé if we will allow MIL to watch our child. She‘s been having constant setbacks with her drinking and at the beginning of the year almost drank herself into a coma.
After that she shortly went into rehab but left soon, saying she was better.
Anyways, we spent easter with her and her family and she was quite anxious the entire time but never drank anything. Come this week and she’s had another setback, again drinking herself into unconsciousness. My fiancé and I have had enough and he told her that she wouldn’t be allowed to watch our baby once it’s here.
Now she is mad at me and also thinks I’m unfair. Also, a few of my family members have said that they think this is quite harsh.
Now I’m kinda rethinking it and wondering if I am a jerk?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. BUT this never needed to be uttered to her. You simply never allow unsupervised access to your child.
If, after numerous suggestions that she’s a fit childcare provider that you blatantly ignore and don’t get the message, some jerk asks why your future MIL hasn’t had the opportunity to babysit, you plainly, with no emotion say, ‘I believe the struggles fMIL has had maintaining her sobriety are clear to all of us. We love her and hope that her efforts to stay sober continue.
We don’t wish to add the burden of childcare to her plate as she continues to work on her sobriety. This is a decision fiance and I have made and it is not up for discussion.’
You can still emotionlessly and flatly express this to those who think it’s a harsh position to take… because this isn’t a discussion point.
Making boundaries known is not harsh. It’s necessary, especially with those who don’t understand or have the ability to process the consequences of their actions due to their mental health struggles, like an addiction.” wildferalfun
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. So, are you trying to tell us that some of your family members think it is okay to leave a defenseless human, who can’t take care of themself, with a person who has a track record of drinking themself unconscious? You aren’t preventing her from seeing your child, you are preventing her from being alone with your child and in the position of sole caregiver.
Maybe remind your family that she can’t be trusted with a baby that is relying on her for everything, due to drinking herself unconscious.” naranghim
Another User Comments:
“NTJ – but there was no reason to announce your babysitting plans now. You won’t have the baby for another 4 months, and your baby won’t need a babysitter for the first couple of months since you will be home taking care of the child.
You and your fiancé need to figure out child care which is different from babysitting… Babysitting is a couple of hours so you and your fiancé can have a night out. Child care is what you need for you to go back to work if you plan on doing that.
Having the grandparents be the childcare is usually not a good idea because then they don’t get to be grandparents.
Child care providers, because they spend so much of the day with your child, need to follow your rules to maintain consistency. Grandparents love to spoil their grandchildren because as parents they had to follow the rules of not much candy etc. now as grandparents their role is spoiling… which doesn’t work for a 5-day/wk childcare scenario.
It destroys consistency.
So… you and your fiancé need to monitor what is going on with his mother, and you need to discuss and decide on your childcare needs and the rules for the first few months as you get into a routine with the baby. Your fiancé’s mother should be many months sober etc before she gets unsupervised and visits AKA babysitting.
You should actually discuss all of the criteria she will need to meet to get unsupervised visits. supervised visits should have a different set of rules since you and your fiancé will be present to monitor.
I would suggest that your fiancé walk this back a little and say it was premature to threaten no babysitting at this point.
That way you aren’t causing his mother to spiral over something that is months away at best. If your fiancé was doing this to threaten her into sobering up, this strategy won’t work and will be likely to sabotage any of her efforts to get sober. Your baby is not a carrot to entice her into sobriety. She has to want to do it for herself and most people relapse several times. She needs professional help with her issues. Don’t pile on right now with conditions. And even after the baby is born there are ways to not allow her to babysit without making it a public spectacle.” Buttercup303
6. AITJ For Not Wanting To Share The Land I Inheritted?
“I (40f) and my father (63m) are the only two members of our family left, my grandfather passed away in December 2020 and because it was 2020 he wasn’t able to meet his lawyer to get his will done. When I last saw him a week before Christmas 2020 he told me he had a meeting to take care of it in January, it had just been impossible to get an appointment because of the current situation.
When he passed without the will everything aside from part of his life insurance automatically defaulted to my dad. A brief history of my dad: he’s basically Peter Pan, not disabled but had refused to work for 20 years before my grandparents passed and was taken care of 100% by them to the point of receiving an allowance every week from 42-62 years old.
Everything, absolutely everything was paid for by my grandparents for him. So naturally, when my grandpa passed without a clear will other than some verbal instructions he gave each of us, my dad took over everything and proceeded to make very bad choices with it all.
I live in another state and in the state I live in, my grandpa owned some land, he’d had it for 50ish years and in all that time my dad had never come to see it once.
(He’s not only spoiled he’s also extremely ungrateful for it.) When I was 14 my grandpa brought me here to see it, and let me know that when he passed on it was going to be mine. (I’m the only grandchild by the way.) For the past 26 years whenever a family member offered to buy it he would defer to me and ask me if I still wanted it and if I wanted him to sell it and give me the cash, the acreage has dwindled from about 12 acres to 4, the rest being sold to family members and 4 being left for me to have as my own property.
Enter my dad, he inherited 2 homes 3 cars, and about 750k, he’s since bought an additional 3 cars and a motorcycle and a house with cash and I haven’t asked about how much his growing guitar collection costs because I frankly don’t want to develop an ulcer. My total from the insurance annuity was a little over 100k and supposedly this land.
He obviously wants it. He’s never seen it, he doesn’t live in this state, and he has no use for it. I’ve refused since the first time he asked me to split it with him to do so but he can’t seem to understand why, technically he doesn’t have to give it to me at all, it is in his name since there was no will left, only 26 years of my grandpa telling everyone in our family to even distant cousins that this particular possession was being saved for me.
I’m honestly not entirely sure what I’m going to do with it, possibly sell it to have a down payment for a house since I’m still renting.
After over a year of arguing with him, I’m about to walk away completely and tell him to stick everything up his butt, to be clear I’ve not asked for anything else at all besides the land.
When we cleared out the house I took the important things and he tore it apart looking for fabled riches, which they spent taking care of him for 20 years. So AITJ for refusing to give him this?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, but unless I read it wrong you’re sadly outta luck. If your grandfather passed away without a will, then the land belongs to your father, and unless you want to go to court to challenge (which you’ll lose), it belongs to his heir, which is your father.
Your father doesn’t have to split it with you at all. He doesn’t have to give you a dime. It doesn’t belong to you.
So while I think your father is a jerk, I also think that your grandfather’s wishes were also pretty unclear as he parceled it off over the years. In that case, I’d take what your father is offering and then hope to get it back at some point after he’s gone (because it’s pretty clear you two don’t have a working relationship).
But in this case, the land is his and you just have to accept that, make the best of it and move on.” whiporee123
Another User Comments:
“NTJ
You should look up whether something that was said with a witness constitutes a will. I know someone whose partner, unfortunately, passed away suddenly not long before they were supposed to get married but she got his life insurance that he said was for her anyways because people had heard him say it; it was not in the US but look it up either way.” A-Bit-Sad
Another User Comments:
“NTJ but, it’s really by law, not yours. It’s your dad’s since there wasn’t anything in the will. So unless your dad puts it in your name or you take him to court and prove your GPA saved it for you, you have no say, unfortunately. I’d get the legal stuff done before your dad sells it out from under you.” Wonderfulsurprise90
5. AITJ For Not Allowing My Sister To Join My Birthday Vacation?
“So I (19F) and my sister (14F) don’t really get along well and a week ago I had my birthday. And since then she is mad at me so I came here for an unbiased opinion. First of all, I think the age difference is way too big like what do you expect a 19 and a 14-year-old to bond over and second of all when she was younger she used to be quite nice I guess and as she got older she started taking things from my room, always looking for something to fight over and generally being a pain in my butt.
I had been planning for my birthday for a really long time since I couldn’t celebrate it last year as she got sick, I was sad but understood. Then this year I was planning big like going on a 3-day trip. I asked my parents and they allowed it and all was going great. I and my two best friends were packing and had all the things ready for the places we wanted to visit, what to wear, and everything.
Then two days before we leave my mom calls me to have an urgent talk with her. Apparently, my sister saw the place we were going to and decided that she wanted to come with us too. I was completely against it from the start but my mom made me hear her reasoning anyway and got mad at me afterward for still saying no.
This has always been the case every time my sister wants something from me my mom always tries to make me give it to her and most of the time I do too. I told her how I only planned this for me and my friends and how some of the things we might do on the trip would not be appropriate for her.
But they were having none of it. Eventually I just straight-up refused and locked myself in my room. Since I was going on this trip with most of my money they couldn’t do much. Afterward, when my dad came home thankfully he understood what I wanted and said no to my mom and sister.
On the day we were about to leave my sister didn’t even come to say goodbye, my mom was still annoyed but I guess kind of understood because she didn’t try to convince me to take her again.
But my sister is still cold towards me honestly I don’t really care much about puberty hormones and whatnot but still kind of bugs me even after a week later so I came here. So am I the jerk?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Please pardon my being blunt, but your mom is the jerk here. It’s your money, your trip, and you’re an adult.
No 14-year-old belongs on that trip. If I was your mom, and you invited 14 to go, I would tell you no way is my underage daughter spending the weekend with young adults out of town. It’s ridiculous. Your sis isn’t the only jealous one. I think your mom is too. Proud of you for going without her.
She’s going to pout, of course, but what better way to celebrate your birthday than by growing up and refusing to bring an ill-behaved child, who will just spoil the trip? Bet your friends would have had their fun ruined too, and also lost respect for you as well. You are a very strong young woman.” LasVegasMooie
Another User Comments:
“NTJ – your mother shouldn’t even be okay with her 14-year-old going away for 3 days with 19-year-olds.
That is not at all appropriate. You can’t even enter a bar with her, or whatever other adult stuff you want to do. And also, it is your birthday, your weekend. What is the point of having a birthday where the wishes of the birthday girl are ignored? I’m happy your dad understands because your mom is out of line.” Abeyita
Another User Comments:
“NTJ.
It’s your birthday trip and your money. Your mom had no say on who gets to go. I hope you have fun on your vacation and don’t let your sister ruin anything for you anymore. You are setting boundaries with your sister and your mom is trying to undermine them… Keep telling your sister NO and she will eventually get the hint.
It sounds like your sister is your mom’s favorite and gets everything that she wants. She probably throws her tantrums to get her way all the time and is mad that it didn’t work this time.” Strange_Difficulty41
4. AITJ For Not Helping My Mom With Her Bills Anymore?
“My ex-wife (30f) and I (30M) are still stuck in this long drawn-out divorce going well over a year and a half already. My mom hasn’t shut up about convincing me to take her back because we’ve been together for 15 yrs. My ex had an emotional affair for 5 months but because it wasn’t a physical one my family feels we should’ve worked it out since that’s what my ex wanted.
8 months after leaving her I met my partner Alice (28f) then when we decided to become a couple I went ahead and officially filed for divorce. My partner is over 5 months pregnant with our little guy, but my mom hasn’t supported this at all even though she always complained about wanting grandkids.
We moved in together 2 months ago and right now my mom has regular appointments for physical therapy 3 times a week.
I’ve been the one taking her because it’s an hour’s drive and she can’t be behind the wheel that long. Usually, she makes the short drive to my place then we go to her appointment.
Sometimes I get there late so Alice lets her in to wait for me to get home. The first time my partner said my mom called my ex right there in front of her and was passive-aggressively talking about how our place looked.
Then she says she told my ex that she misses our old house. I told my mom that was extremely inappropriate. She acted like she didn’t do anything wrong since it’s not her fault my partner was ‘eavesdropping’ on their conversation… that she would obviously hear because they were in the same room.
Stupid little things like that.
Bring up my ex-wife or something from our past. On Monday she was over again waiting for me. We got into this big fight when Alice told me she was done trying with her.
My mom told her to stop trying to get some kind of approval, it’ll be a waste of time because I won’t be around her once I supposedly come to my senses about my ex and have a ‘real’ family.
I really don’t know what set off this kind of reaction in my mom but knowing her it was probably random. My partner was extremely upset. That made me see red. Safe to say my mom didn’t go to her appointment because I sent her home.
My brother agreed to take her instead but I’ve also refused to help my mom in any way since she claims she doesn’t believe the family I’m making with my partner is not real.
She’s on a fixed income that barely covers half her rent. Since she doesn’t work my brother, sister and I pitch in every month on everything so she’s covered.
They’re coming down on me because they can’t afford to take care of her themselves. And while they get she is way out of line she relies on me for financial help.
My mom has told me I can’t punish her for her opinion just because I don’t like it. Honestly, her talking to me makes me want to help even less. But still, I wanna know if that makes me a jerk since it does fall on my siblings too.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. You’re not punishing your mom for her opinion.
Your mom is simply facing the consequences of her refusal to accept reality, which is that you’re not going back to your ex under any circumstances, and you and the future mother of your child are sick of her bringing it up. If she wants to continue to insist you’re making a mistake, so be it, but you don’t need to keep helping her or subject a pregnant lady to her nonsense because she can’t keep it in check even long enough to get to her appointments.
And if your siblings are sick of her stubbornness making their lives more difficult for no good reason, they can insist she reconsider her priorities if she wants to continue receiving their support, too. It’s not all on you to be accommodating of whatever nonsense everyone wants to throw at you.” mm172
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. You have every right to keep your mom far away from your family if all she’s going to do is spread toxic negativity.
She’s been looking for a fight with your partner from the moment she called your ex in your home to speak badly of it, the fact that your partner had enough patience and respect not to kick her out right then and there speaks volumes about her character.
Your mother has the right to have whatever opinion she wants, but not to force you or anyone else to put up with it.
Especially not to support her through her actively attacking your new partner pregnant with your child. If your mother is such good friends with your ex, maybe she can try convincing her to pay for whatever you were paying for. Either way, it is not your responsibility, let your siblings know that if they want to continue supporting her without your help that is a choice, and based on her continued disrespect, not one you have to share.
Please enforce your boundaries for your partner’s sake, good luck.” 3tzamani
Another User Comments:
“Your mother wants to have her opinion but totally negates your opinion. If she is disrespectful to your partner to her face and refuses to accept that since she is pregnant with your child, this is your family, how will she treat your child? I don’t know how you were married for 15 years without having kids and immediately got one with someone new, but apparently, that is what you did.
It doesn’t sound like your mother cares about her grandchild, at least not your child. It won’t be a good thing to expose yourself, your partner, or your child to hostility. Your mother refuses to accept that you are finished with the former marriage/relationship and maintains contact with this woman who wants you back. My guess is that this woman is feeding into your mother’s inability to accept the new relationship and as long as your mother maintains contact with her, your mother will interfere in your relationship.
My former husband’s family maintained contact with his lying ex-wife and constantly tried to get him to take her back. We were married for over 20 years before he passed and they still never accepted me. His mother did eventually, but not his sister and niece. His ex moved out of state before too long, so it was less of a problem, but they still stayed in contact with her.
You might need to cut her off for the mental health of you, your significant other, and your child. NTJ. She’s willing to punish you by making you all miserable for your opinion/choice of not accepting infidelity from your partner, but she expects you to still support her financially and do things for her while she treats you and yours like trash. Let her ask your ex-wife for help instead.” FabFannon
3. AITJ For Not Inviting My Dad To The Party He Paid For?
“I’m (17F) the oldest of my dad’s 10 kids (going from 17 to 4 months). My parents never got married and my dad had different kids with at least 4 different women, my mom married my step-dad and had my half-brother (13M).
I and the other 3 first kids are women (and they’re pretty much the only ones I talk to), then the twins (13M) were born, and ever since then, my dad began to kinda ignore me.
I can’t remember much from that age, but he was never super involved, some calls, and a few visits, but he was quick to ignore the rest of us for the twins, it was clear that they were his favorites and would drop the rest of us without flinch to attend their practices, recitals, etc. He was always financially available though, having 10 kids is not an impasse for him.
So the thing is, I wasn’t able to have a sweet 16 party last year because my mom and I got sick, so I’ve been asking her to have something (even if it’s small) this year, she was reluctant but a few months ago she said yes, gave me the budget and my parents (mom and step-dad), my siblings (my 3 half-sisters and my brother) and I have been planning everything.
When my mom asked me who I wanted to invite I kept it simple, my family (them plus my grandparents), my best friends, and their parents. My mom asked me about my dad and his family (him, his wife, and the rest of his kids) and I said that I really didn’t want him there because he’ll make it about the twins.
She then told me that my dad was paying for the majority of the party and that not inviting him was a jerk move, I honestly didn’t know he was paying for it and it made me feel bad, however, I really don’t want him there and I told her that I didn’t care and that he was not invited.
My mom and my brother think that I’m a jerk while my step-dad and sisters said that it was okay and supported me. I honestly don’t know if I’m a jerk or not.”
Another User Comments:
“Yeah, YTJ…
Your mom should have told you from the beginning that she’s having him help pay for it, so she’s kind of a jerk, too.
Just talk to your dad and tell him this is about you and not the twins. If he tries to pull anything, tell him you’ll make him leave. However, if you don’t want him there, tell your mom to give him back the money.” ConArt68
Another User Comments:
“No jerks here, it seems like your mom only mentioned your dad paying for it after you said you didn’t want to invite him, she should’ve told you from the start where the funds were coming from.
You’re not a jerk for not wanting him there as you said he would obviously make it about the twins, I guess that’s why you asked your mother for the party and not your dad (who clearly has the money for it). Your mom is not a jerk for wanting you to be polite and invite him, however, she’s a jerk for basically cornering you after months of planning.” User
Another User Comments:
“NTJ – never let money influence how you interact with someone.
Stick to your boundaries it doesn’t matter who is paying. Know he might take the funds back and you may have to downsize your party. But never let someone control your emotions with money.
Opening a wallet doesn’t mean you owe anyone anything.
Maybe discuss it with your Mom again, she should support you in valuing yourself over money.
For life advice: you may want to consider sitting down and talking to your Dad about how you feel and how you want him to treat you moving forward. Give him the tools and the choice to be in your life the way you want your father to be. You only get one Dad. He sounds supportive of your decisions even if it hurts him.
So he may be receptive to showing you he loves you in the way you need to be loved. If not you know what to do for yourself.” ActuatorTrue3742
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. As you’ve said, you didn’t ask him to pay for it, and you didn’t know he was paying for it.
Surely your mum knows you have a strained relationship with your dad.
So, without knowing her or her motivations—they may have been well-intentioned—it’s kind of a jerk move to not tell you he was paying until the last minute, and then expect you to invite him; essentially cornering you, as another person said.
As far as I’m concerned, when you asked for the birthday if she didn’t have the money she should have been upfront and told you that you can have it if your dad pays for it, in which case you would need to invite him.
And then leave it up to you to decide, rather than springing it on you after months of planning.
Sorry you’re going through this! With so many siblings and a seemingly terrible father, it sounds like you probably haven’t always had the attention you needed and deserved. Everyone deserves to be the center of attention once in a while!
Some unsolicited advice from one (only slightly less) young woman to another: Don’t ever settle for second-best as a means to obtain that attention you deserve, and that goes for all sorts of relationships (but ESPECIALLY romantic) and opportunities you’ll encounter throughout your life. I know that chronic lack of attention can be tough emotionally, but you sound super strong-willed and aware of your own worth, so stick with it! Good luck!” belle818
2. AITJ For Wanting To Have A TV In My Room?
“So I (15 M) have to share the tv with the whole family. When I got my Xbox, I was only allowed to use it on the weekends until very recently after a lot of begging. I have to share the TV with the whole family (parents, and grandparents) and they watch the whole day and I only get to go on my Xbox for one hour a day.
Sometimes I don’t even get to go on at all and it’s been very boring just sitting in my room doing nothing for 4 hours straight.
So I asked my parents if I could buy a TV with my own funds that I was saving up, they laughed and said that ‘we’re not British’ (my family is Asian, by the way).
I pointed out that all my other friends have TVs in their rooms and it would be easier for all of us as my grandparents can watch the TV as much as they want and that it would just be more convenient. So I asked them again but they told me that it’s not going to happen until I finish my GCSEs (important tests that we have to do at 16).
I said ‘Well that’s a bit unfair innit?’ They then were annoyed and told me to stop complaining and to appreciate that at least I have an Xbox, so AITJ in this story?
NOTE: My parents are alright (for the most part) so I felt guilty about asking them.”
Another User Comments:
“No jerks here.
You’re not wrong for asking, they’re within their rights to say no.
If I can offer some additional advice, come up with a plan on your own for how you would balance Xbox with the rest of your family and academic obligations and go to them with that. Ask them to discuss it with you and listen to their feedback on your plan. If you all can communicate maturely and respectfully, you may be able to bring them around.” Cavane42
Another User Comments:
“No jerks here.
You have that right to ask, especially to use your own funds… but they also have a right to say no. They want you to focus on school more than video games right now.
Do you have a laptop or PC? A lot of PCs/laptops come with HDMI ports and you could plug your Xbox into your laptop/PC monitor and play.
Xbox one also has a connectivity feature through the Xbox app, which allows you to ‘stream’ onto your pc/laptop from the console and play.” Razzberries91
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, you could be doing illegal stuff, sleeping with people, and partying four years straight but it sounds like you got your head on straight on top of the fact you’re willing to pay for it yourself.
If I were you I’d buy a projector that’s cheap (they didn’t say no to a projector) and then hide it but to be honest, I’ve always had terrible issues with unfair authority. Talk to them again and explain in your best tone that boredom is affecting you and you’d like to spend your free time your way. Not what they want you to do.” philosopherberzerer
1. WIBTJ If I Report Students For Plagiarism?
“I’m studying Geodesy and Cartography. It’s not as prestigious as law studies or as hard as medicine, but it’s still a very challenging field & one that requires knowledge and skills in the area of technical sciences. Because of that, our professors are often very demanding – I’m currently in my third year, and a lot of people were kicked out/didn’t pass the exams.
I recently found out that there is a group of four people that are passing the exams and getting their course credits by plagiarizing or paying someone else to write essays/presentations. I found out because one of those people proposed to give me the contact info of the person that is writing for them, while wasted at a party.
I got angry because I knew a lot of people attending our course, who were really exemplary students, working their butts off to achieve at least a passing grade & a lot of them still were kicked out or fell a year lower by not passing all classes.
It’s especially infuriating because those jerks are all gold-spoon, better-than-you types of people.
I’m really thinking about ratting them out, another friend from my course is on my side, but I know that being a snitch is never a good look. On top of that, the person writing for them might get in trouble too, which I’m conflicted about because I don’t even know the motivation behind selling their work.
They might as well be in need of funds.
I’m really wondering if I would be a jerk if I report them?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, plagiarizing isn’t illegal in most cases but it’s against the honor code of universities and studies for a reason — the work is not their own, they did not put in the effort to get the grades they did.
And they get nothing in return, because when they graduate and go into the field, they’re going to be behind, or go to work and screw something up that could harm the environment, the ecosystem, or people.
The person writing for them is in the wrong as well. If they didn’t want to risk getting in trouble, they wouldn’t be doing something that would get them in trouble.
Maybe it’s the only way they can pay the bills, but they should then be smarter about this. It’s not hard to have burner emails, phones, VPNs, etc.
They could always tutor people and help them that way as well.” citrushibiscus
Another User Comments:
“YTJ-ish – to be honest, I had to look up the things you are studying.
And after reading about your course of studies, I’m not sure why anyone would go into those courses if it didn’t interest them enough to learn about them. So logically thinking, they would screw themselves in the end when they go into a field they know nothing about. However, this rarely happens and instead, their future underlings will be left to deal with an incompetent boss.
A boss is put on a pedestal because of their degree and credentials. It’s sad but it happens all the time and shows up on the internet often. So I guess you’re a little jerk if you reported them. But to me, it would be understandable.” BHumbleBHappy
Another User Comments:
“I don’t think YWBTJ by exposing them, on the contrary.
What I would be wanting to avoid at this stage in my life is all the possible drama that would ensue. If these people are at all moneyed or connected, you exposing them may not end up making a difference anyway, those privileges supersede usually.
I bring up an incredibly unrelated issue as an example, but it works in exactly the same way: police misconduct.
It is rampant, excessive, and completely unsolvable, even though none of those need to be the case. While the very infrastructure is already set up to favor the police, be they guilty of a crime or not, there are always people who will find a way to exploit that privilege to their advantage. Unfortunately, that’s a human trait, and in every social human endeavor, like your course, for example, those people will do what they will to exploit advantages.
Not only that, but the aforementioned infrastructure is in place no matter what (laws, TV shows and movies, selective media coverage, cultural manipulation, and the like), and human structures tend to be rigid and brittle. Any fight you put up could very well bring down a taut and straining wrath to combat your nothing less than noble efforts.
Their wrath could be much larger and better armed (figuratively, hopefully). That wrath could snap, and splatter.
We’ve seen it countless times. We’ve mused it for thousands of literary years.
If you do prevail, it may turn out Pyrrhic (achieved at excessive cost). In that case, the entire fight itself is defeat, not worth it at all.
So, again, YWNBTJ, but people do awful stuff to get their way past those who toil and earn all the time, and to great success material or otherwise.
Thousands and thousands of generations have seen this, and then we were born. It’s an ugly truth of the human experience. Until we change ourselves as a species, we will always face this.
Luckily there are (I hope!) more of us toiling to earn. At the same time, they are usually richer, more powerful.” alonein914
Another User Comments:
“YWBTJ. You don’t even have a reason to report them besides being annoyed. It sounds like they’re just outsourcing the process rather than outright stealing work from fellow classmates or source material. If the system catches them for that, so be it. If it doesn’t, that’s the system’s fault.” Impossible_Girl2
Metaspoon Slow or Crashing?
If Metaspoon is causing your browser to crash or run slowly, please try viewing the article in Lite Mode and it should run more smoothly!