People Want To Give Us The Inside Scoop On Their "Am I The Jerk?" Stories
23. AITJ For Telling My Husband That His Mother Can Never Move In With Us?
“My mother-in-law has a ‘strong’ overbearing personality. My husband’s brother and wife have no contact with her due to how she has treated my sister-in-law in the past, and they don’t allow her to see their children.
2 years ago my MIL who worked as a janitor in a school, tore her rotator cuff. She subsequently had surgery on it and then proceeded to sue her school district. She lost the lawsuit and was fired. Since then, she hasn’t worked and has complained of a myriad of health issues with her neck, back, and shoulder.
She’s had many MRIs, none of which support evidence of an injury that would impact her ability to work even if there are some limitations. She’s lost 3 disability appeals. She has also turned down jobs including work things like a receptionist for a variety of reasons such as too much time on her feet, too much sitting, etc…
Nothing is ‘going to work’ as far as her health issues.
My husband and I purchased a single-family home at the start of 2022. We make decent money, but both of us work 2 jobs to be able to do more than just make ends meet. We have 2 kids, and we bought this home so we could have enough space for our family.
Even so, we had to convert a loft into a bedroom for our younger child.
MIL has hinted in the past 2 years she wants us to let her move in. She and I do not get along, and even the kids are not fond of her.
My stepdaughter says she speaks poorly around my and my husband’s young (special needs) son. Recently my mother passed and MIL was annoyed because it meant we couldn’t clean her apartment for her.
I’m afraid she’s going to be out of money soon and she’s going to force her way into our house.
My husband doesn’t want her here either, but might buckle if she ends up on the street. Once in, I don’t think we could get her to leave, especially since she refuses to work. Aside from not wanting a toxic person in our house, it would put a strain on our finances.
We simply cannot afford (or have the room) for her. AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Have the conversation with your husband now. Explain to him that you’re afraid that his mother will eventually run out of money and that there will be pressure placed on you to either allow her to move in or for you and your husband to provide for her financially.
Tell him now that you love his Mom but absolutely can’t live with her. And you are working two jobs to support your life together with him and the kids, not his mother who has refused to work for years. Tell him that if/when the time comes, you’ll try to help find other options for MIL, but there’s no place in your home for you and her both.
Having this conversation politely now should help get ahead of any potential issues when the situation is ‘an emergency’. And when your husband comes to you in six months or a year and says, ‘Mom’s in dire straights,’ you can say, ‘We had this discussion months ago.
Being evicted is a natural outcome of MIL not working. But we have our own kids and household to take care of. I will help MIL look for work, but she can’t move in.'” teresajs
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Make it clear that this is a ‘2 yes, 1 no’ type situation, and as far as MIL, it will always be a NO. Then let your husband know that because of her actions, you don’t ever want her to even spend the night in your house, and that if she keeps up bad-talking you around the kids, you and the kids will go full no contact like his brother has.
But make it very clear, that if she takes actions that make her homeless and on the street, that is where she stays, and your home is not an option.” PenBoom
22. AITJ For Not Wanting To Invite My Stepsister To My Wedding?
“My father remarried when I (25F) was 14. His wife Mary (49F) and his stepdaughter Kyla (26F) were miseries in my life.
My father is wealthy so we used to go to a fancy school. Kyla was very mean to me and I had a hard time to the point that I had to move to another school because I couldn’t take it anymore.
Once she convinced my father and Mary that I was pregnant, it was so embarrassing because I was still a virgin, and yet, she and Mary convinced my father that I should do a pregnancy test. After it came back negative, she told some of her friends at school that I terminated my pregnancy.
The bullying was non-stop, she would do anything to make my life miserable. Once she paid one guy at school to start a rumor that I did something dirty to him during class. When I was already going to another school she told everybody at my old school that I left because I was caught stealing at the mall and I was in a youth detention center.
My parents had split custody so I used to spend one week with my father and one with my mom. After two years of misery, I told my father that I wouldn’t stay at his place anymore and our relationship was reduced to two weekends a month.
My relationship with my father was nonexistent during my college days. He would send me money and call me once every month and that was it. I went to his house one or two times during my 5 years in college.
I started going out with my fiancé Louis (26M) 4 years ago and I only introduced him to my father after more than two years of being together.
I am getting married this spring and we are going to marry at the beach in another country in Europe. Both families are wealthy and we decided to offer a stay at the hotel to our guests and they’ll pay only for their tickets.
Because of that, we decided to settle on a small number of guests, around 80, and of course, Kyla is not one of them.
The wedding plan started 3 months ago and my father knew that I wasn’t going to invite Kyla, however, he flipped out now and said that I needed to invite her.
I said that I was not going to invite a person that I don’t have one single good memory of to such a big day. We have been fighting about that since then. This last week he told me that I shouldn’t count on his money if Kyla isn’t invited and my mom said ‘Fine, I’ll pay for everything then’.
After that, he said that he was not coming to the wedding without Kyla and I replied ‘Fine’.
My grandma and aunt are trying to convince me to invite Kyla for the good sake of our family, but to be honest, I am not even sure if we are a family.
Am I the jerk for not inviting a person who bullied me for years to one of the biggest days of my life?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. This is your wedding and your guest list – your childhood bully shouldn’t be on it.
Your father took a side by opting out of your wedding, you don’t need him there either since he didn’t seem to put much effort into your relationship the past few years anyway.
You can explain to your grandma and aunt the hurt that you feel (or don’t, you don’t really owe them that) because they should be lecturing your dad not you about keeping the family together. It seems your mom is the hero in this.
Focus on her, your fiancé, and the new family you’ll be gaining in this marriage. Anyone bringing their toxic attitude doesn’t need to come to the wedding or into this new phase of your life for that matter.” Croissantal
Another User Comments:
“NTJ!
Don’t invite that horrible lady and don’t let anyone guilt you. Your dad allowed her to severely bully you for years, he gets no say. I know it’s hard at wedding time to stand up to family, but you absolutely have a right to choose who is and isn’t invited.
This is YOUR (and your fiancé’s) day and she was horrible to you. Don’t feel guilty even for a second for cutting her out. You also wouldn’t be the jerk if you were bluntly honest with any of the ones pushing you to invite her about exactly why.
You don’t owe anyone sugar coating of what happened with her.” Aerial_Musician_8
21. AITJ For Refusing To Take My Mother-In-Law Dress Shopping For My Wedding?
“I (22f) am marrying my high school sweetheart of 7 years (23m), and I am trying to get all my wedding stuff in order.
My MIL has just recently gone through a divorce and then a messy relationship right after, and we are just finishing up a will contest from her mom passing away as well.
These last few years have been rough on her so we are always trying to be supportive, and we see her at least once a week. She has become somewhat overbearing and even told my fiancé not to take a new job offer because it would mean we would have to move a little farther from her.
We are trying to understand her being emotional and upset at this time though.
She came along with me to find and pick out my wedding dress and she even offered to pay for it which was unexpected and I am grateful. However, when I told her what color I would like for her to wear for my wedding and pointed her in the direction of online wedding shops, the ones that my mom has been using, she said that if she shopped online it wouldn’t be the experience she was expecting for her.
She mentioned that she saw that my wedding dress shop sells mother-of-the-bride dresses and she wants me to take her up there, without my mom, and spend the day shopping for her a dress so she can get her experience. Also, the bridal shop in question is a 3-hour drive from us, and it has short hours so I would have to take off work to go during their appointment hours.
I mentioned that we could go to a closer town and that we could invite my mom and make a day of it. She started to visibly get upset and said that that was not what she wanted or expected and that she was set on my bridal shop.
I told her I would not take off work to go do that and that if we went dress shopping I would want my mom to come. She started to cry and explained that everyone who loved her had stopped loving her or had died and that she was all alone now.
She also made some backhanded comments about none of her kids loving her and she might as well not be a mother. I didn’t mean to upset her and I feel guilty that she paid for my dress. AITJ for telling her no?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, and while she’s going through stuff, she can’t cut your own mother out of this experience. Not if you want your mother involved. Nor can she dictate where and when you go shopping.
Don’t let her guilt you into things. She’s manipulating you with her ‘everyone has abandoned me’ crap.
It won’t stop with the dress. It’ll continue with the wedding – the venue, the guest list, the menu, the cake, everything will be her way or ‘but it would make me so happy and I’ve been so sad because everyone had abandoned me’. Your fiancé needs to rein his mom in.
Do NOT let her ruin your day by making it her day. Be kind, but firm. ” FuzzyMom2005
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, but I don’t think your MIL is really a jerk either. Her entire life is changing with her mother dying, her own marriage ending, and her son (I’m guessing he’s the youngest) embarking on his own life.
She’s being a bit pushy and a little dramatic, but it’s easy to see why.
I get not wanting to take a day off to go hours away to a dress shop.
I also think your impulse to invite your mom was understandable (and your MIL clearly needs some friends her own age) but this poor lady clearly wants to be someone’s sole focus and number one priority at least for a day.
How about a compromise: a more accessible store, but just the two of you, maybe throw in a fancy lunch out or something. Also, maybe drop a hint to your fiancé and his siblings to work out a schedule so they each make a little time for their mom once a month (not once a week falling on you and your fiancé, you need lives, too).
Just a little from everyone could go a long way until she’s gained her emotional equilibrium again. (Also, has she gotten any therapy? A bereavement, a messy will, a divorce, and a bad relationship all so close together makes me think she could use some expert support too.)” Icy_Blueness1206
20. AITJ For Not Including My Sister In Everything I Do?
“My sister (14f) and I (16f) are not close. She has really bad social skills. She does not have any diagnosis like ADHD or autism. But she has never been good with social stuff.
She’s very intelligent and is a very good problem solver and she lacks the understanding that easy for her is not easy for everyone. She also lacks the social skills to know/realize that complaining about other people’s interests, their lack of skills, etc, is not how you make friends or get people to like you.
This has been an issue with her since we were in elementary school and maybe even preschool. She’d win at almost every board game and would ask really bluntly why someone was bad, normally me. She’d tell me how easy it was and I should be winning because I’m older.
Our parents always bought board games like that which suited her way more. I really hated playing against her because her attitude after winning wasn’t fun or easy to be around and she was like that with others too. One time our aunt played with us, and she’s a teacher, and my sister basically asked how she could be a teacher when she couldn’t win a game against a 6-year-old.
I never liked having to spend time with my sister and I hated playing anything with her even more. She always wanted to spend more time with me but I avoided that nonsense as much as I possibly could. Eventually, she started to sit in on me playing video games and she would try to backseat the game or criticize me for taking so long to finish a puzzle or she would literally take the controller out of my hand and do the puzzle for me.
She was like that when I had friends over too. Then she’d get upset when it was clear we didn’t want her around. I tried telling her it was rude to insult people or to interrupt others and to ‘help’ without being asked and to continue when asked to stop.
She would tell me it was boring watching someone struggle and everyone should thank her.
There are some things she isn’t so good at and boy her reactions are strong. Like tantrum strong. Our parents banned charades because my sister could not play it to save her life and would get so mad.
She’s had friends but all of them eventually drop her once they grow tired of her complaining about stuff they like (makeup, music, movies, sports) and indirectly calling them dumb.
She’s really lonely now because I never hang out with her, she has no friends and even our cousins don’t want to know her.
My parents have been on my case about hanging out with my friends and not including my sister and how I don’t ever make time for her anymore. They said I could and should be helping her way more. The other day I told them it was their job to help her, not mine.
They said we’re sisters and yet I act like I don’t like her. The truth is I don’t. I don’t know if I ever liked her really. But I really don’t like her now and I hate every second I spend with her. I didn’t tell my parents this but saying it was their job to help my sister and not mine really made them mad.
AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, it sounds like your sister has some form of autism (do you know if she was really ever tested?). Sounds like she has Asperger’s Syndrome. That is not an excuse. It’s just something that makes sense to me based on your description of her.
Your parents are under the fog that she is smart therefore nothing is wrong with her. I would talk with your parents again and tell them that you love her but you don’t like her and it is up to them to figure out what the next step is.
I would recommend therapy and classes that teach your sister how to read people’s facial expressions and learn what people are feeling.
It is not your job to fix her, but you are able to look at her and say I don’t like how you said that, or that was a rude thing to say.” youareinmybubble
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Your sister sounds like a handful. It doesn’t seem reasonable for your parents to assume that your friends should automatically be her friends, especially given how she seems to alienate people. There’s a tricky line here. I mean, I do think it’s fair for parents to say, ‘You are part of the family and you have certain responsibilities with respect to other family members.’
Helping each other is part of what families do. But on the other hand, you should also be allowed to have your own life and your own friends. Your parents can force your friends to spend time with your sister. If they try, then pretty soon neither of you will have friends.
I’m sorry. Good luck.” SushiGuacDNA
19. AITJ For Refusing To Split The Bill?
“I was invited to a group dinner and decided to go. I usually decline because two couples in this group are freeloaders and they split the check type.
They order expensive items on the menu, appetizers, and cocktails while I get a moderately priced dish and a Coca-Cola. I was told they wouldn’t be there this time, and that’s why I decided to go. Well, they were there. I didn’t bother asking what the story was, because it didn’t matter.
I knew what was gonna happen come check time. So I excused myself, went to flag down my server, and asked if he would please separate my bill from the others. He agreed.
When the time came to pay the bill, I handed the server my credit card and paid my bill.
(I tipped 25%) The freeloaders went ‘Oh, I thought we were splitting like we always do.’ To which I said, ‘Oh, well your bad.’ But this prompted two other people in the group to ask for separate checks too, which the server happily did.
After I paid, I told everyone good night and went on my way.
The next day I got a text from another person in the group (nine total. The two freeloading couples and five solos) that I was a jerk for doing that. They do normally split the bill, as it gives everyone a chance to have a nice meal they couldn’t otherwise afford.
And it also makes splitting the 20% group gratuity easier. I told her I would not be guilted to stay within my means and not pay for moochers. Then I said the only reason why I came was because I thought the mooch couples wouldn’t be there because they’ve been doing this for years.
Still, I’m being accused of disrupting the group vibe. Did I? I would think not because of the two that also asked for separate bills.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Splitting the bill cannot possibly ‘give everyone a chance to have a nice meal they couldn’t otherwise afford’.
That doesn’t make mathematical sense. It can certainly mean that some people can have their expensive meals subsidized by people who choose cheaper meals, but you’ve got to do that by agreement.
It’s common enough, in my experience, for something like a group of work colleagues eating together to subsidize the junior member – but that’s by agreement.
It’s not something you try and force someone into doing.” _mmiggs_
Another User Comments:
“NTJ – The moochers always complain when their plan goes awry. It went down exactly as how you thought it would. They over-ordered counting on others to compensate for them. And then when the money didn’t work out like they expected, they set up a gripe and complained. Exactly like you knew would happen.
Oh, how rude of you not to let them live their dreams! You are a monster!” Starscream4prez2024
18. AITJ For Refusing To Get Rid Of My German Shepherd?
“I (25 female) have a 1-year-old kid with my partner Hank (24m). Hank doesn’t like dogs at all and I happen to own one. A German Shepherd, but lucky for him we don’t live together so he doesn’t have to interact with my dog.
Anyway, something bad happened to my dog yesterday and she ended up with a broken leg.
Fast forward to today and my dog is lying on the floor and my daughter is in the same room. I also have my sister over. My daughter just recently started learning to walk so she is a bit wobbly and falls quite a lot.
I wasn’t paying attention and didn’t notice her wobbling over to the dog. She got to the dog and fell over directly on the dog’s broken leg. The dog yelped and barked at my daughter. No teeth were shown and didn’t snarl. The dog got up and just left the room.
My daughter was startled but didn’t even cry. I fully blame myself for that since I wasn’t paying attention. My sister was spooked and she just so happens to also not be a dog person. I told her not to tell Hank because he would make it a bigger problem.
She said she wouldn’t but did anyway. Hank found out and went off on me. Saying my dog was dangerous and he would call animal control. My mom found out and she said to just get rid of the dog to calm everything down. I said absolutely not and that it was just an accident.
I wouldn’t allow my daughter near the dog for the time being so as to avoid that happening again. Hank has not dropped it and he actually did call animal control which went nowhere. Also, my daughter and dog have a good relationship. The dog came back into the living not long after and sat in the same spot.
I feel extremely bad for both my dog and my daughter. Am I wrong?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, I would NOT still be with someone who called animal control in an effort to get my dog taken. He went behind your back and tried to get your dog put down even though the dog did nothing wrong.
That’s super controlling and really nasty stuff. He doesn’t like dogs? Well, I don’t like jerks. Amazing how that evens out. And your sister is pretty awful, too.
Please keep your baby away from your injured dog. Any animal that is in pain is more unpredictable, though yours responded perfectly yesterday when she got up and left the room.” CheckIntelligent7828
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Replace this scenario with a human with a broken leg, and you have literally a normal response. Unsurprisingly, when someone has a broken bone, that’s gonna hurt when a toddler falls on it, and it’s normal for both animals and humans to yell ‘ow’ (in whatever language they speak).
It was completely an accident, and your dog has shown that she’s friendly and was just barking out of pain.
I’m not a dog person, but I will absolutely defend one when it’s in the right. It sounds to me like your partner is using the first excuse to get rid of the dog.
If he doesn’t drop it and refuses to let it go or work things out, he’s not the one.” Gamerthon98
17. AITJ For Choosing To Host My Best Friend Instead Of My Mom?
“My mom and I used to be very close. However, things changed when I moved out of state for college. Any time off she expected me to come visit her and got upset if I used that time for my now husband and/or friends.
She would make me feel very guilty and I slowly realized if I hadn’t moved away and spent this time with my peers, I may have never really grown up.
I understand though. I’m her only child and I figured it was just an ’empty nest.’ I’d come back for holidays and she would come to my sport meets A LOT.
It was nice to have a supportive parent there.
Things escalated when I started medical school. My free time was greatly reduced. I would still visit for holidays, but even then I still had to study. My mom didn’t understand how important this was to me and how busy I had gotten, and actively guilt-tripped me about the reduced time spent with her.
I still did sports, but I stopped competing. It was too much. She continued to push for me to compete because that was how she got to spend time with me. I tried the first year but after trying to study on planes and in Airbnbs with bad internet, I realized it was unsustainable.
We had a big fight and I set my boundaries. She did not take me seriously. My mom tried to manipulate me to continue competing, saying that I was ‘so smart’ that I could afford to take time out of my studies to do fun things with her.
I had enough and had no contact with her for a few months before she finally came around. Maybe it was my dad (stepdad who adopted me after they were married) who convinced her.
They got divorced in my second year of medical school, two months after I married my now husband.
When my mom overstepped my very clear boundary about prioritizing my education over competing in her sport, we got into yet another fight. She said some awful things, including blaming me for marrying my stepdad because she wanted me to be ‘taken care of.’ Basically blaming me for her unhappy marriage.
I think seeing how happy I was with my husband who is my best friend and biggest supporter put her over the edge.
I am now four months from graduation, and we have one spare bedroom in our condo. My dad was very supportive throughout my education and was always the voice of reason.
He assumed I would pick my mom over him to stay with me and booked a hotel for the graduation weekend. My best friend from college was also super supportive and wanted to be there to see me graduate. I want her to stay with me because she’s one of my best friends and I haven’t seen her in over a year.
My mom got extremely upset when I told her she was coming and I would host her. It came to light my mom expected me to host her and her new partner at my condo. Her staying with me would make my graduation less pleasant, but she is my mom.
So, AITJ for saying no?”
Another User Comments:
“You sound like a very smart and sensible young woman, despite your mother’s nonsense and poor advice. You really don’t need to be asking here if you are doing the right thing or not. You know what the right thing is.
You have worked very hard to earn your graduation.
Have your friend stay with you and enjoy the celebration of all your hard work. You don’t need your mother and her partner making you miserable. Your mother is a grown woman, she should know how to book a hotel.
If she and the guy can’t afford a hotel, then maybe they shouldn’t come.
Keep listening to your own gut and stay true to yourself. You have a good husband who is a good friend as well, the two of you don’t need to compromise your good sense for anyone.
Wishing you all the best and continued success in your life. NTJ.” HappyGardener52
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Parent of adult kids here. It’s tough having your kids grow up and move on, and even we parents who are really happy to see our kids be successful shed some tears in the shower some days because we miss them a LOT.
But. Your mom crossed some very clear boundaries – and even now, she expects to be put first ahead of anything and everyone else in your life.
Have your best friend stay with you. If you really want to, plan something to do with just your mom while she is there (only if you really want to, and only if you know she isn’t going to be a pain about it).
Sounds like you have some wonderful supportive people in your life, and that you’re doing very, very, well. Congrats to you!” Owned_By_3_Kittehs
16. AITJ For Going Off At My Friend In Front Of Our Other Friends?
“I (17f) was having lunch with a couple of my college friends. FOR CONTEXT: We’ve all only known each other for less than a year still I’m close to pretty much the majority of my friend group of 7 people except there’s one girl in particular who I’ll call Kim who I’m not particularly close to.
We’re civil with each other but don’t really have much in common. She’s always been vocal about how she doesn’t believe in god and ghosts and other supernatural stuff like that and I actually share her views.
Now this is where the problem arose. While we were having lunch the topic of deceased relatives was brought up.
I told them about an uncle of mine who died during the global crisis in 2021. I was really close to my uncle so much so that I considered him my second dad. He was always supportive of me and always bought me everything I ever asked for.
I’d call and talk to him almost every day. So when I lost him, I honestly felt like I lost a piece of myself. I told them that once we were done with the funeral rites for him, my family and I were sitting around when the light in the room went off all of a sudden and I felt something on my head almost like a light touch from someone’s hand.
It was probably just the wind but I truly did think that was a sort of final farewell from my uncle.
When I finished, my friends thought it was rather sweet… except for Kim. I didn’t even ask her but she said that it was most definitely not my uncle cause no ghost was that sentimental and to grow up.
She said it was ‘cringe’ and to not make up ‘sentimental nonsense’. I was honestly just speechless. I just said ‘You’re such a jerk. Get away from me you piece of crap’ and this just seemed to make her tick. All I remember was her saying something along the lines of how I should be grateful that my uncle wasn’t here to see what a piece of crap I was.
I think there must be some underlying hatred because of that outburst but I genuinely have never said or done anything to hurt her.
Most of my friends are on my side except one who said that what I said hurt her really bad and now she’s crying and upset all the time because I insulted her in front of everyone.
I genuinely can’t see how I could be wrong here but this is causing a lot of turbulence in my friend group, so AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“There are always people who say that both participants in a fight are in the wrong, highlighting the hurtful things each said and equating them.
But the reality is, one side always starts. The way you describe it, she went in hard, so of course you stood up for yourself. Then she reverses victim and attacker and cries to others about what you said. So, NTJ.
You could have handled it better.
Her saying crap about you and your uncle is really just her wallowing in her own issues, nothing to do with you, your reality, or anything. But you didn’t choose to be attacked, or should be expected to respond as a Psychotherapist to her projecting her nonsense on you.” chrestomancy
Another User Comments:
“What she said warranted throwing hands. She’s crying because she didn’t think you’d stand up for yourself and make everyone choose between you and her. She knows she was a jerk and that she’s losing the group because she couldn’t not be one for literally 5 minutes.
Honestly, the only way I could see you losing this interaction besides her pulling some huge brain crap is by being too petty towards her. Go for the humble in-victory approach and you’ll be golden. Think ‘I don’t know what I did to deserve that’ and not ‘God the jerk, who does she think she is.'” lornezubko
15. AITJ For Not Driving My Husband To The Airport?
“We live on the East Coast and his family lives in TX. My family lives about 4 hours away. They drive to us for every holiday, birthday, dance recital, etc. We have lived here for roughly 7 years (before that, we lived in TX).
His family takes several trips/vacations a year and only once, this past year, came to visit us. Over the 7 years, we have gone to visit them at minimum 1-3 times per year. My husband works out of town about 3 weeks a month so it’s a lot of solo parenting for me.
The weekend before Xmas he went with his parents and siblings to OK to visit his grandparents. Myself and my children were unable to go as my daughter had holiday things going on at home she didn’t want to miss. He came home the Monday before Xmas and asked if we could swing a trip to TX after Christmas to see his family so he and his dad could go to the Alamo Bowl.
I told him that we unfortunately couldn’t. We really couldn’t swing an unplanned trip financially right now and with wanting to travel so close to the holidays booking prices were extremely high. I also explained to him that our daughter had off of school and all sports this week and that NEVER happens, especially when he is home too, and I really wanted this to be a week for us to all spend together.
Especially since he will start traveling for work again on the 2nd of January and will not be home until the last week of January.
The day before Christmas Eve I was out shopping and he texted me saying he knew I was going to be mad but his dad had booked him a flight and bought tickets for himself, my husband, my BIL, and MIL to all go to the game.
He would return on the 30th. I got upset because we had already talked about going and I said that we just couldn’t swing it this year. His response was that he ‘knew nothing about this and his dad surprised him with it for a last minute Xmas gift’ (which is a lie because they mailed our gifts to us and our children and he had received a Xmas gift).
I asked him if everything had already been purchased as I would like him to not go. He said yes, and that he was going because it’s something he really wanted to do.
We haven’t spoken much since then honestly because I feel very hurt that he doesn’t want to spend time with myself and our children before a long work trip, after he’s just seen his family last week, and would rather spend most of the week with his parents.
He says that we could just book flights for myself and our kids to go but we honestly don’t have the money and I’m not maxing out a credit card for an unplanned trip.
Tonight he asked me if I would be driving him to the airport tomorrow morning for a 6 am flight.
I told him that he would need to book an Uber because I was not waking our kids up at 3:30 am to drive an hour each way to the airport so that he could go on a trip that I didn’t even want him going on.
He says that I’m being unreasonable. AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. But I would begin questioning if my husband wants to be with me at all if he works away 75% of the time, and when he does have time off he chooses to leave.
He seems to be living a single life while having a family waiting on him at ‘home.’ I put that in quotes because is it even really his home if he’s never there?
I think you and hubby need to have a serious conversation about your relationship and communication because I doubt he didn’t know about his dad buying his ticket.
He brought going on this trip as a family to your attention because he wanted to go. Now he has conveniently found a way to go on his own and made it your choice not to come with. Making it seem like you are choosing not to spend time with him.
This feels manipulative; as though he wants to say ‘I tried to spend time with you but you wouldn’t come on the trip.’
Does your husband want to be in this relationship? Do you want to continue to be a single parent without being single?
Did his dad really pay for him to go on this trip? Why is he so ok with going on a trip to see his mom and dad (whom he just visited) and not spending time with the family he has created?
You mentioned before you lived in TX; is he regretful/resentful about moving away from TX?
How invested is he in the family you and he created when he is never around and takes the first opportunity he has to spend time with you to be away? Why is he unaware of the status of your finances?
He should know whether or not you can afford a trip; and behave accordingly.
He’s an adult and as a partner to you, he should be just as aware as you are of the household finances. That should not be your burden alone. I’m sorry if this seems negative or as though I’m reading more into this than I should but I just don’t understand someone not wanting to be home when 75% of the time they’re already not home.” Foreverforgettable
Another User Comments:
“Well, maybe the old codger will kick off this year so hubby will feel justified leaving you all on your own. If the codger wanted, he could have paid for all your tickets. If he is buying bowl tickets, he has significant positive cash flow.
I know I am being petty, but apparently, your husband doesn’t understand the appeal his presence has for you and your kids and vice versa.
I’d ask him how, if he was (insert age of your kids) he would feel if Dad wasn’t much around, and if Dad would rather go watch a ball game thousands of miles away than spend time with him.
He seems self-absorbed and under the influence of his self-absorbed family. If it were me I’d cancel his Uber and unset his alarm so he misses his flight. But I am petty that way. I’d make sure his shorts were well starched, his shirts laced with itching powder, his socks full of holes and his shoelaces suddenly frayed. His luggage wouldn’t zip, the spinach would be rotten, and the bananas eaten.
His life would become very uncomfortable. I’d call the credit card company and say his cards were missing. But only if I had the energy. Because I am wondering if he is worth it. NTJ.” Live-Ad2998
14. AITJ For Being Mad At My Aunt And Her Partner For Going Into My Bedroom?
“I was hosting Christmas day dinner at my house for the 3rd time. We had several guests over and I was in full hostess mode cooking/filling glasses/cleaning/chatting.
I was filling the tea kettle and noticed my bedroom door was open.
I live in an open-concept house and the primary bedroom suite is off of the living room, but I had kept the door shut. The guest bathroom is by the entrance and I left the door open so I could tell guests where it was when they came in.
I also have two bedrooms near the entrance (a guest room and office) and left the doors open and had people put their coats on the guest bed. The only door that was kept shut was to my bedroom, which I thought was the universal sign for ‘keep out’.
Compared to the rest of the house, my bedroom is a lot messier – I temporarily relocated a bunch of stuff to the room and had some fresh laundry on the bed I didn’t have time to fold. My bathroom and closet were a disaster from a very full weekend of parties – I kept the door shut to hide my shame.
So, when I saw the door open I panicked. I ran over and saw that my aunt and her new partner were standing in the bathroom with the lights on. I told her the bathroom was messy and the guest bathroom was a lot tidier, and she said she only wanted to show her partner my walk-in closet.
I said, ‘Can you please not? It’s messy and I don’t want people in here’. And they left.
Later, after most guests had left, my aunt privately told me I let the ‘stress of hosting’ get to me and embarrassed myself and her. She said her partner has to sit on her cat hair-covered couch all the time and that a full laundry hamper and some pantyhose are nothing to freak out over.
I don’t think I freaked out, but I was stressed and that might have come out in my tone.
What she said also made me think: I did invite people to my house, so maybe I was being unreasonable in trying to keep guests out of certain rooms?
I don’t know if my parents told me this or I just picked it up, but if a door is closed I don’t go in without knocking/getting permission – but is that the norm?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. You invited guests to AREAS OF your house while leaving clear indicators of which ones were a go (door open), or no go (door closed).
There is zero fault on your part here. If the stress of the moment came through in your voice, and that bothered her, maybe she shouldn’t have caused that stress to begin with.
Also, YOUR house is not your aunt’s to give a tour in, what even makes her think that’s okay?
She has boundary issues, and likely hasn’t been called on it enough.” MrJelle
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. If I am invited to your home as a guest, then I’m invited to enter the house and enjoy the open spaces you’ve allotted for your guests to use.
I don’t get to go wherever I want and enter whichever rooms I want to tour without permission – especially if the door to the room is closed. The door of a closed room in a house is a universal sign the room is off-limits unless the host or whoever resides in the room has given permission to go in there.
Out of courtesy, I will always knock on closed doors before entering.
Your aunt is rude. Whatever your reasons for keeping certain rooms off-limits to your party guests are yours.
As a guest, I don’t get to decide if your reasons are warranted or not.
Your house, your rules, your boundaries.” HI_l0la
13. AITJ For Giving My Mom Her Present On Christmas Day?
“In my family, my mother (F 60) is notoriously the hardest person to shop for when it comes to Christmas presents. She rarely wants anything, and when she does want something, it’s either impossible for me (an unemployed 17-year-old) to get it, or she already plans to buy it for herself a few days after she mentioned it.
This year, I managed to get out of her that she wanted three specific pairs of earrings for the 3 piercings she has on each ear (small hoops, slightly larger hoops, and some nice pretty dangly ones, all silver).
She doesn’t order jewelry online, and the specific sizes she was looking for are pretty hard to find in the usual places she shops, so she couldn’t just get them herself (for a while at least).
So I looked around, found, and bought all three pairs in November.
Fast forward to 5 days before Christmas, she has an event that she wants to go to and mentions that it would be nice if she had those earrings she wanted to go to the function.
She talked about how they would be ‘just perfect’ with her outfit for the event. I briefly considered giving them to her then for an early Christmas, but we always save the presents for the Big Day, so I didn’t.
On Christmas day, she opened the gift and loved it, she made a big deal of taking off the earrings she was wearing and putting them on for everyone to see.
She was really happy about them. An hour after that, she came up to me and asked when I had bought them, and I told her it was on Black Friday. She asked, ‘So you had them the whole time? And you let me go to that function without them?’ She started sounding upset, so I asked her if she was.
‘Of course I’m upset, why didn’t you give them to me when I WANTED them? You could have given them to me when I needed them, you didn’t have to wait till Christmas.’ She’s been murmuring things to that effect well into the next day, and I’m starting to think she was right, but other family members think she’s overreacting.
So AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. And this is a great example for you of how some people feel so comfortable being the victim, that they go out of their way to make themselves one. Your mom didn’t need to do anything except accept the earrings graciously.
She purposely found a way to make you out to be the bad person even when she got what she wanted. Look how self-important she makes herself. She says she NEEDED those earrings. Really? Needed. Is she MacGyver about to perform an emergency tracheostomy? Stop an exploding bomb?
She didn’t need them. No one noticed that she didn’t have them, she buys whatever she wants so she has earrings a-plenty. But suddenly she needed them. This is child behavior on her part.
How many times before Christmas did she make you wait to open your presents even though you really needed them?
And now she has you doubting yourself because she isn’t willing to see any other point of view. She can’t. She isn’t using the part of the brain that allows for critical and rational thought. You did nothing wrong. Unfortunately, your mom loves being the victim.
And you can expect she will continue to play the victim because that is what she knows. Don’t feed into her drama.” Parasamgate
Another User Comments:
“OP, you are NTJ. You were in a no-win situation, thanks to your mother. Had you given them to her as an early Christmas present, she would have been happy at that moment.
Then Christmas morning (or Eve) when you all open Christmas presents, she would have been mad that you didn’t also get her something to open at Christmas. How well did you hide her gift? From her ‘hinting’ around, I wouldn’t be surprised if she searched through your room and found them.
I don’t know her and don’t know if she’d go that far. You’re fine; she’s awful.” Wackadoodle-do
12. WIBTJ If I Ban My Daughter's Significant Other From Our House?
“My (47m) daughter A (18f) has been seeing B (18f) for several years.
Last night she went to pick B up from her job. While waiting she noticed her tire was flat. She called me for advice and I walked her through calling roadside assistance and was going to let them take care of it themselves (yay adulting!).
When I called to check on her a little while later B decided to leave her in the parking lot in the dark and got a ride home from someone else.
A year ago A and B were making out in an abandoned parking lot and the car died and B left her there alone.
I was quite upset about it and let them know in no uncertain terms that no decent person abandons their partner, especially a woman, in the cold and dark.
Last night when I heard B left again I drove there and waited with her for the tow truck.
I was very calm but let her know how upset with B I was. We did have a good visit for an hour after that.
Some background that may or may not matter. B is trans and still presents as male. They are both adults but it is still our house so they are only allowed sleepovers once a week.
B is very difficult for anyone in the family to get along with. We’ve tried many times, but she won’t engage with anyone, they just disappear to A’s room and hide out there. We’ve invited her to dozens of family activities, dinners, etc, and are almost always rebuffed.
A few weeks ago we caught them sneaking in extra sleepovers and my ex banned B for a week. This morning I banned B from the house through Christmas and am considering making it permanent. Am I overreacting?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ but banning B from the house is not the right move.
A will learn that B sucks in time, but banning her from the house only gives them a reason to want to be together, they’ll just do it behind your back. If you embrace their relationship, you’ll be better able to support your daughter, and the shortcomings of B will be more clear to your daughter without you being involved.
When I was a teenager, my first significant other’s mom disallowed us from seeing each other early on in the relationship. We ended up having a five-year relationship. Trust me, you don’t want to make them forbidden lovers.” harpybumbler
Another User Comments:
“NTJ – Actually pretty well justified. But you have to go into the WHY of this stuff with your daughter.
This is a teaching moment, don’t let it slip you by. Things like ‘Your partner should be somebody who will protect you and watch out for you, and you do the same for them,’ are very important lessons to learn and be aware of or you could end up in a bad relationship.
One thing that does stick out to me is basically this: They’re young and kinda stupid, as most young people are because stupidity goes away with experience. You can like somebody, you can even love them and still recognize that they treat you like crap.
This seems to be what’s going on with your daughter, and it’s a shame. B can get lost, talk about a sunk cost.” Thatsaclevername
11. AITJ For Telling My Partner To Buy His Own Coffee?
“My partner and I go halves on groceries but money is always quite tight. Sometimes I have more than him and vice versa and that’s fine. However, when it comes to coffee, he is a much bigger coffee drinker than me.
I like the occasional coffee but I might only have one a week rather than one every day.
I decided to buy some expensive coffee pods and knew that if I said that we went halves like we usually do, I would probably never get to drink them.
So on this occasion, I told him that I was going to buy the expensive coffee pods myself (so we were not going halves) but I didn’t want him to drink them so that, when I did want a coffee, I could enjoy the coffee myself.
I said that if he did want some, he needed to tell me and give me whatever I bought that pod for so it was fair. I explained that I couldn’t afford to keep buying this particular coffee that I wanted at the rate I knew he could drink it.
A few weeks later, I went to have my coffee and I found that he had consumed most of it without telling me. I confront him and an argument ensues where he tells me that the coffee was fair game because I wasn’t drinking it quickly enough and he thought that I was being stupid by getting upset over it.
He said that no normal person would take this long to drink coffee and that it’s unreasonable for him to ask me every time he wants to use a coffee pod. I explained that if he wanted some he could buy it himself or we could go halves on some normal coffee but that the coffee pods we currently had, I had bought for me.
He told me that he wasn’t going to do that and that I should just get over it.
So AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, this is not really about coffee, it’s about respect. You asked him not to use something that you purchased for yourself and although he agreed at the time he did not have enough respect to keep his word.
Going forward, if he is unable to respect you in regard to the little things, then I would be very wary that he would steamroller over you for the bigger things. I would be having a serious discussion with him, but in the meantime, if you buy yourself expensive coffee pods again, I would transfer them to a Tampax box and hide them in the bathroom cabinet.” PaleOnion6177
Another User Comments:
“There seems to be an understanding that sometimes you have a little extra money and sometimes he does. That said – you were clear that you bought the coffee for yourself and he was welcome to share it if he replaced what he drank – which is sharing with the understandable contingency.
He agreed to this – so it makes him look selfish and disrespectful by arguing that he doesn’t think you drank it quickly enough?! He needs to replace it and drink what he can afford if replacing it is out of his budget. NTJ.” Listen_2learn
10. AITJ For Telling My Stepmom I'm Not Her Daughter?
“My dad (M 47) and my now-former stepmom (F 34) have been together for about 12 years. She always seemed to like me, but I always thought things were a little weird with them considering the age gap because at one point before they began going out, she was my babysitter and my mom’s (F 47) best friend.
When I was little, my stepmom (whom we will call ‘K’) was diagnosed with bipolar. She would frequently lash out from not taking her medicine and would tell me that ‘her life would be better without me’, would call my mom and tell her to ‘get me out of ‘her’ house’, and when I was very young she kicked me out of the house and told me to go back to my mom’s, though it was states away at the time.
A few weeks ago in another episode, it was revealed she had been having an affair and she announced to our family that she wanted a divorce. I won’t lie, I may have been a bit of a jerk by laughing about it to myself when I first got the news.
She then said since she was leaving she did not have any kind of authority over me and told my dad to ‘figure it out’. So, we did.
My dad and I started to talk about how we would handle finances, and my two sisters (2 and 7 years old) with their schedules, among other things, all while K locked herself in her closet and called her new partner.
She has been extremely distant from the family despite still living in the house and won’t pay attention to her kids. Most of the time, the kids come to me because my dad is at work. When discussing the kids in the divorce, K doesn’t even want to keep them overnight!
She wants to have them a few hours a day, then bring them back here for us to feed, put to bed, and get to school. She isn’t moving far either, her new place is 3 streets down.
While on the phone with her new partner, she said ‘No one in the house respects her as a mother, especially some’ and shot me a dirty look.
I ignored it, but then as time passed she started to boss me around more and more telling me to ‘stop being lazy and do more around the house’ because I was lying down and eventually I snapped. I told her that if she feels like no one respects her as a mother, it’s because she doesn’t act like one.
I also told her that she does not get to pick and choose when she gets to play ‘mom’ and that if she was going to choose not to, she should just leave.
K got very offended and started crying saying that I’m ‘the worst daughter ever’ and she hoped that my two sisters wouldn’t grow up to be like me.
I then came back with ‘Thank god you’re not my mom, ’cause I’m not your daughter!’ She called her partner again and started yelling for him to come pick her up because she needed to leave. She kept telling me that she was leaving and I yelled ‘Fine, leave, it’s good riddance,’ to her.
I got very angry messages from her, her partner, and various other family members saying that I was a jerk. I stand by what I said, but… AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, next time she leaves change the locks and lock her out. Have your dad start divorce proceedings immediately and go for full custody.
Save all the text and be extra sneaky and things like text her so what kind of schedule do you want with your children? And that way your father can get child support from her. There’s no reason she should still be living at the house.
Get her out and get her gone. And you did nothing wrong because you’re not her daughter so she can’t tell you anything. But yeah your father needs to kick her out, change the locks and start divorce proceedings immediately.” Antique_Ad_4413
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. She sounds attention-seeking. Repeating yourself over and over while loudly packing to leave? She expected you to apologize, and grovel, and then she would be magnanimous and stay. She sees her position in your life as way more important than it is, and she’s probably most angry that you aren’t ‘fighting’ for her (like some demented teen romance drama) to then realize that her departure makes things better for those she’s ‘leaving behind’?
That must BURN HER.” Natural_Garbage7674
One of the things he can use against her in court is her behavior, document it with recordings and videos. He can ask for proof she is taking her meds and that she have supervised visitation by a neutral party.
This means not him. Not you. A neutral party.
9. AITJ For Refusing To Show My Daughter's School Play Video To My Father?
“My (35F) father (68M) moved to a different country 8 years ago. He tries to visit whenever he can, and I try to help him have as much of a relationship with my children (9M, 5F, and baby girl) as possible.
Whenever he visits, however, he tends to act a bit entitled. He either sleeps or hangs out with his old friends in the mornings and afternoons, doesn’t help me with anything I ask him to, and then gets annoyed when he wants to do something at 9 PM and the kids are too tired. His excuses are always that he’s exhausted from traveling, and deserves to get some rest and spend time with friends he never gets to see anymore.
My kids are always excited when my dad visits, but at this point, they see him more when he’s FaceTiming us from a different hemisphere than when he’s staying in our guest room.
Anyway, he’s visiting us now to meet my youngest daughter, who was born in September.
He got here two weeks ago and will fly back home in a few days. I’ve been trying to get him to spend more time with my kids this time around, but he still goes out a lot.
My older daughter had her first-ever school play on Saturday.
She was really excited about it and invited my father. He promised her he’d come.
The day before the play, my father went out with his friends and didn’t come back until 3 AM. The play started at 11 AM, and we had to get there 30 minutes earlier.
In total, he must have gotten about 6 hours of sleep.
When we (my dad, my husband, my son, and me) got there, we sat in one of the first rows (my daughter had asked us to).
The play was 40 minutes long. My father fell asleep less than 15 minutes in.
I woke him up; he slept again. He snores loudly when he sleeps, so I kept waking him up whenever he slept. Near the end of the play, I was too late to wake him, and he let out a snore that was so loud that some of the kids on the stage looked over at us.
At that, I hit his arm a little harder, and he didn’t fall back asleep.
My husband and I haven’t mentioned anything to my daughter, but it’s obvious she noticed. She was heartbroken after the play and dismissed any of our attempts to talk about it.
My husband filmed the play for my mom and stepdad (who were with our baby during it). Instantly after the play, my dad asked if he could have the video too, since he didn’t watch most of it.
We’re not sharing it with him. I told him that he had the opportunity to watch it live, and instead ruined the experience for all of us, especially my daughter.
He doesn’t deserve to watch what he missed just because he decided to stay out late the night before.
My dad’s mad. He’s telling me and my husband that we’re robbing him of his role in my daughter’s life. He also maintains the excuse that he was exhausted during the play and needed to get some rest.
I really don’t think we’re the jerks, but with how tense things have been getting, it might be easier to just let him watch the video.
AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, tell him that his words and actions do not match. Tell him that it appears from his actions that he is more invested in partying with his friends than building a relationship with his grandchildren and his daughter.
If his actions do not change perhaps he should stop coming and using your home as a hotel. Your daughter will be scarred by this and needs to know that you have her back. Your dad needs a reality check and limits.
My husband and I cut off total contact with his parents when our kids were young because of their behavior.
It was to protect them from the toxicity, our children got to know them when they were older and had a firm foundation in place.” FornowWearefine
Another User Comments:
“I’m thinking ‘everyone sucks here’, both you and your dad. What are you actually doing to address your father’s behavior and protect your kids?
Your refusing to let him see the video is just a petty punishment. It sounds like there’s a crap show going down at your house and you’re playing tit for tat. Your dad isn’t the man you want him to be. You need to deal with the man that he is.
And you need to deal with it in a way that does right by your kids.” TheOpinionIShare
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, but I might consider showing him the video if that would make your daughter happy. I would totally want to teach him a lesson, but I’d also just want what’s best for my daughter right now.
I feel terrible for her. If it wouldn’t make a difference to her, then cool, carry on, but if it would help her feel better about him ‘missing’ it (ugh), I might let him watch it for her sake (but have a serious talk with him and/or think of some other consequence).” Okie_dokie_36
Next time, tell him he needs to book a hotel.
8. AITJ For Being Mad At My Husband For Taking The Day Off?
“My (f 26) husband (m 26) has been working from home as an interpreter for a year now, it’s a work-from-home situation which makes it very comfortable for him since currently we’re living between his and my parents’ house and we’ve just became parents not so long ago (our baby boy, 1-month-old).
It’s very difficult to find a job like his in my home country, especially one with employee benefits like this one. Still, he doesn’t earn much, especially not for us to fend totally for ourselves yet, this is one of the reasons we are still living and moving around from his to my parent’s house.
I’m a freelance artist and I did my best to work until the end of my pregnancy and currently working on whatever project I can get my hands on since I recovered from my c-section.
Today he decided to take the day off to spend time with us as a family.
I do appreciate the feeling a lot and it fills my heart when he spends time with our son, but lately, it feels like he’s looked for every opportunity he gets to not go back to work (most have been non-emergency medical appointments, but he takes the full day off), he usually brags on how good he is at his job and how lucky he is but at the same time complains about it and usually makes the ‘I don’t really wanna work today’ comments and covers it as a joke when I call him out.
I told him how it made me feel that suddenly today he wants to have a family day, being so close to the weekend and the end of the month and him already losing work hours with the power blackouts we’ve been dealing with in our city.
He got very mad, saying I don’t appreciate what he does, and made me feel very guilty, I tried taking it back but he just logged onto work and stayed resentful.
I feel so sad and very conflicted, the situation makes me feel like an ungrateful partner but at the same time I don’t get to ask for free time since I must watch and take care of my little one, but he still has plenty (he even gets to watch videos and play around with his MTG decks while working) and that feels so unfair to me, makes me feel like he’s not interested in putting on extra effort with me, for us…
AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“Correction you should have written ‘our baby’ and not ‘my baby’. Imagine you had very little time off of work and a newborn at home you love deeply and want to bond with. Now imagine every time you tried to take advantage of free space in your work schedule that your stay-at-home spouse tells you they don’t want you at home but working.
Ouch! Yes, you are in bad financial straights but you both got in there together – it is not his sole responsibility to salvage your finances.
If your freelancing artwork isn’t enough then find steady work you can do after your maternity leave/recovery time.
Start working on your resume, search for jobs that pay better and more consistently, and make a plan for childcare. Everyone sucks here.” christmas_bigdogs
7. AITJ For Blaming My Parents For How My Brother Turned Out?
“These days I (18m) spend the weekends reading for my grandma in the evenings. She used to read newspapers herself but doesn’t trust our country’s papers anymore so she has me read and translate foreign newspapers like The New York Times and Washington Post for her.
I suspect another reason is that she also wants me there to help her deal with loneliness after my grandpa passed away.
Yesterday my brother (17) wanted to go to a party at one of his classmates’ house. Our parents asked me if I would ‘chaperone’ him.
They said grandma would probably not mind but I said no because while he’s had a few incidents in the past (vomit on someone’s carpet and stealing really expensive liquor), those were several months ago. He seemed to have gotten more responsible. And plus I’m only one year and two months older than he is.
I know from experience that even if I caution him he still wouldn’t take me seriously.
Well, he ended up stumbling around and breaking someone’s Chinese vase at the party. No police were called or charges were filed, but Dad was called and is paying a lot of money for compensation.
When I got home from grandma’s, he quickly told me off and said that I should have been there to supervise my brother. Mom also joined in, saying that I failed as an older brother. Hearing this sort of talk right after getting home upset me, and before I could think better of it I said (translated) ‘I’m only his older brother, only older than him by one year.
You’re the parents. How is it my fault?’
Dad quickly asked if I was implying that it was their fault. He was really angry at me, saying I have responsibilities as an older sibling and should have just accompanied him there like they asked. Mom also chided me for retorting like that when Dad was already feeling upset about it.
I didn’t actually mean to pin the blame on them but should I have chosen better words?'”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, you don’t have to imply anything, cause it IS their fault. They allowed him to go… I’m sorry to say, this kind of amuses me.
It’s like YOU are the adult here. You stayed in hanging with your grandma. Your parents made the poor decision to let your brother go to a party, where he predictably behaved as he does. And your parents are behaving as teenagers, trying to place fault anywhere except where it actually lies, with those who were actually the decision makers.
Did you raise yourself?” [deleted]
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Holy cow, man. You are an 18-year-old who spent an evening reading to a lonely, elderly grandparent instead of getting wasted at a party… and your parents make YOU the bad guy? You are remarkable. Your parents are so very lucky to have you.
I hope you are planning to go away to college and have a terrific future.
Also, I feel your pain. Being slightly older but blamed for not ‘supervising’ a younger sibling (who cannot even be controlled by the parents themselves) – is deeply unfair. Your parents are the parents.
They should have said ‘no’ to the party. Cheers, and better days, mate.” Avlonnic2
6. AITJ For Helping My Son Write A Note To His Bully?
“My (29F) stepson (13M) has been bullied for most of his primary school life. From preschool when older children tried to urinate on him in the stalls, to now when children repeatedly get him in trouble and call him really nasty names, including that he’s dumb and gay.
His best friend turned against him, slammed him against a wall once, and started choking him. This friend has since been removed from his life, but they still see each other in class. This friend is deeply troubled and has had a troubled childhood so far.
I will refer to my stepson as my son from here on out, as he is my son at this point.
My son has ADD and is Dyslexic, diagnosed 2 years ago. Since hitting puberty he’s been questioning his sexuality (his bio mom and I are lesbian) and he’s hinted at being bisexual. Not that any of this really matters, to be honest. He knows we love him as whatever he decides to be.
Since being diagnosed, the psychologist has been seeing him every month or so for therapy sessions as well. She’s taught him how to deal with bullies in general. He made the mistake of telling said best friend (up top) about possibly being bisexual and it spread like wildfire throughout the school.
Anyway. The story today… So my son’s class organized a Secret Santa. The name my son pulled was one of his bullies (not the one that slammed him against a wall) who kept calling him ‘a gay thing’ and generally being a jerk to him.
This boy asked for a poker set and the budget was 100 (more or less $5) set by the school. My son wanted to buy him a glue stick. His idea was to give the bully 2 presents. A glue stick and the poker set. He asked me to write the letters that go along with both gifts due to his dyslexia.
The glue stick letter reads:
Dear (bully)
This glue stick is so you can glue your mouth shut every time you want to be nasty to someone. It hurt me that you called me a ‘gay thing’ repeatedly. I am not gay, and even if I was, which I’m not, I’m still a human being with emotions.
I hope you do better in the future. May you have a good holiday with a family that loves you.
The Poker set letter reads:
Hi. It’s me again. Here is your actual gift. I hope you win every poker game you play with this set.
I wish you the best for high school and the future. May you only receive kindness, happiness, and love. Good luck with high school! Merry Christmas and Happy New Year!
He’s going to give the glue stick first and then the poker set. The boy isn’t going to my son’s high school next year.
My mother said he can’t do that and he’s gonna get beaten up deservedly. She says that kids bully others for a reason usually. We had a big fight over this. She thinks the letter is too direct and a jerk move.
Are I and my son jerks?”
Another User Comments:
“Your defense is that your son isn’t at risk from retaliation AT SCHOOL from this PARTICULAR bully. That doesn’t mean the bully won’t find another time to retaliate or enlist other bullies to carry on terrorizing your kid. You’re also not teaching him constructive strategies to deal with this in the future.
Adding something polite to the end doesn’t alleviate the super-aggressive tone of the letter. It’s also… dumb.
The bully doesn’t need to learn to keep his mouth shut. He needs to learn compassion and empathy. Just like your kid needs to learn that telling someone to get lost doesn’t feel nearly as good as learning not to care because you’re content within yourself.
And handing the first one and then the other is just adding confrontation on top of confrontation.
Just add something in the note with the actual gift about how he hopes the kid gains some empathy if you can’t leave well enough alone. The best case scenario would have been to immediately ask the teacher for a reassignment.” 1568314
Another User Comments:
“Yeah, YTJ. You are opening a can of worms. You are making concrete evidence that YOU are bullying the bully. ‘Two wrongs don’t make a right’ wasn’t it? Yes, the little creep deserves a clue by four. That is NOT the way to go about it.
If he goes straight to the teachers, guess who is getting punishment? The ADULT thing to do is go to the administration and explain that the two boys no longer speak. They had an incident a few years ago, and interaction has been stopped. Please switch the partners in this activity.
Grow up.” DahDebil
5. AITJ For Saying My Brother-In-Law Stinks?
“My BIL does not like showering. My sister has casually mentioned in the past how he showers once every 4-5 days because ‘he doesn’t really get dirty.’
He has an extremely strong body odor and I don’t think I’ve ever been in a place with him where he did not stink. Even fresh out of a shower, you can still smell very strong hints of sweat and… other types of smells when you’re standing near him.
People have brought this up with her in the past, and every single time she just shuts them down and says that they’re looking for excuses to hide that they do not like him.
One of our mutual friends is getting married in 3 weeks and it’s about 9 hours away from where my sister’s family and I currently live (we do not live together, but we’re about 15 minutes away from one another).
My sister informed me a few days ago that she would be riding with me to the wedding because their car is having some engine issues. None of this was discussed, she just informed me like she was relaying a message.
I cannot explain to any of you how much I shiver at the slight thought of being in the same car with her husband for 9 whole hours.
He does not like sitting in the back and will most likely ride shotgun. To avoid this, I offered to lend my partner’s car to my sister, as he is out of state for the next few months and will not be using his car.
She repeatedly said no, no matter how many times I insisted.
So, I decided that the best choice for me is to just book a flight to the location and rent a car from the airport when I land. I have some points I can use to get a discount so it all works out.
I told my sister that I’d be taking a flight instead of driving, and I told her that she could feel free to use either my car or my partner’s car if she’d like to drive there. At this point, I haven’t booked my flight yet, because I wanted to inform her before I went ahead.
She fully blew up on me and demanded that I cancel my flight (because she thought I already booked it) and said that we would be going forward with her plan instead. Continuous arguments led to the truth, where she lets it slip that their car is fine, they just didn’t feel like driving or wasting money on gas and tolls and were just looking forward to a relaxing drive across the country.
I was tired of beating around the bush, so I just told her the truth, in a very polite way because at the end of the day, she is my sister and the person I’m talking about is her husband, so there’s no point in being harsh.
She gets beyond upset and just blasts me with at least 50 texts about how I’m a jerk. I feel bad about this but I’m truly conflicted.
I forgot to mention, she is also texting the bride and informing her that she won’t be attending the wedding because of me.
The bride is now stressed out and keeps contacting my sister for more information but my sister is just icing both the bride and myself out.”
Another User Comments:
“Stop engaging with your sister about this, just drive yourself and leave her to arrange her own transport.
Let them drive themselves or stay home, it’s nothing to do with you. I don’t understand why the bride is chasing after your sister to attend her wedding. If they are that close, why would she be blaming you at all?
The most important issue here though is that you feel the need to respond to any of this.
You don’t owe your sister chauffeur service so why are you twisting yourself in knots about it?
To be honest, there seem to be some unrealistic expectations about her ability to commandeer your time and resources. That’s what you need to address. NTJ.” kol_al
Another User Comments:
“I think you’re underreacting to how your sister treats you. Tells you she and BIL will be riding with you, not asks. Demands you change your plans because they don’t suit her. Then admits she was lying to try and manipulate you into doing her bidding.
Also, are you even allowed to loan out your partner’s car, because I would be livid in his shoes. Stop bending over backward for someone who treats you so badly. Call your friend and tell her what went down.
I’m not sure why anyone caters to people like your sister but she acts this way because people do.
But to your actual question, NTJ for telling her why. If BIL is such a nice guy, maybe you should express concerns to him about his health and gently tell him that he has a strong smell that people react to and talk about. Perhaps that would spur him into action.” friendlily
4. AITJ For Not Wanting To Go On An Expensive Trip With My Family?
“My wife (36F) and I (38M) have two kids (F6, M8).
This whole thing started back around Thanksgiving when my wife told me that the kids had wanted to go to Great Wolf Lodge and that it could be a nice gift trip for Christmas.
Immediately, I made it very clear that I was against that, primarily for two reasons:
1. That place is really dirty. Pretty much every story I have heard from friends and family about that place involves the kids coming home sick.
2. It’s also super expensive. Rooms go for at least $400. And that’s not including meals, snacks, souvenirs, and whatever else, all also at a premium.
As the month continues to roll by, she & I continue to plan presents for the kids. She had never said anything more to me about it, so I figured she had decided against it (the presents were ordered by her because the Amazon Prime is on her account, but I knew what she was getting.) Anyways, on the 16th, she let me know that she had booked the trip.
I immediately asked her why she had gone against me & she said that the kids wanted it and that it would be fun. I told her that we really couldn’t afford it, especially being last minute and over New Year’s (I already had taken the week between Christmas and New Year’s off), with inflation (we’re both making pretty much the same as pre-2020 when you adjust for inflation), plus helping to pay my mother’s hospital bills from this fall, and she said we would figure it out.
I had also been planning to surprise her by taking her out to a nice dinner and drinks on NYE and had even let our babysitter know and put in a reservation at her favorite nice restaurant, both of which I had to cancel.
I have decided that I will not be going and have told my wife as such.
I have also told the kids and when they asked me why I told them that it was a work conflict so as to not worry them.”
Another User Comments:
“YTJ. Your wife and kids are going, and the room is paid for; staying home accomplishes nothing except emphasizing your ‘point’.
So you are just forgoing happy memories with your family in favor of staying home to sulk. If you can’t afford this you need to have a serious sit down with your wife to go over the bills and budget.
You were correct to cancel New Year.
(Side note: it’s ok for you to treat her to a ‘surprise’ expensive dinner without consulting her, but not ok for her to treat her kids to an expensive hotel while letting you know in advance?) But I suspect the wife considers a couple’s evening worth trading for a whole family event; fancy restaurants aren’t going anywhere but the kids are only young once.
Financial stress destroys marriages. So does controlling behavior. Splurging on things you cannot afford is a road to ruin. And if this is an ongoing pattern, you’re in trouble. But deciding that it is ok for you to splurge but not her is deeply worrisome.” ditchdiggergirl
Another User Comments:
“Going with ‘everyone sucks here’. Your wife for booking the trip without discussing it again with you first. You for not trying to compromise on spending for something your wife wants, as a portion of the family income is going towards your mom’s medical bills.
You could also have discussed/maybe got your wife to compromise on a different location if you’re really concerned about cleanliness etc. I’m softening the ‘everyone sucks here’ for you somewhat though because you thought about your kids & came up with an explanation they should find a lot less worrying than the real reason you aren’t going.” Apart-Ad-6518
Another User Comments:
“YTJ. First, your wife bought all the Christmas presents because Amazon is in her name? Gag. Ask her for the password. Or to make you a linked account.
If my teenagers can figure it out so they can buy Christmas gifts then so can you.
Second, your wife brought you a suggestion of giving the kids a trip, an experience, instead of more STUFF for Christmas and you immediately shut her down. You didn’t have a discussion about your concerns. You didn’t offer an alternative trip or experience – to quote Hamilton, you didn’t have a plan you just hated hers.
You told her no and assumed that because you are a man, your opinion matters more.
Finally, your kids are 6 and 8. You are smack in the middle of only a handful of years where they are old enough to be fun and young enough to still want to spend time with you.
And you’re thinking of staying home and pouting to make a point.
I have teenagers and I would give anything to have one more weekend away with them as littles. Before activities and friends booked up all our weekends and before they became glued to their devices.” veganrd
3. AITJ For Blaming My Sister-In-Law When No One Came To Her Daughter's Birthday Party?
“I (23F) am married to Jim (26M). Jim has an older sister named Danielle (28F). Danielle has a daughter (2F) with her ex John.
We live 2500 miles away from them so we mostly just see each other on video calls. Jim is close to John because they grew up together and therefore is close with John’s family despite Danielle and him separating.
2 weeks ago we got news that John’s mom, Mary was sick again and that she was being put in comfort care (she’s fought and beat cancer 3 times).
Despite that devastating news, Danielle refused to reschedule their daughter’s 2nd birthday party. Jim, John, and both of their families tried to convince her to but she didn’t budge even though Mary was in her last days.
Fast forward to 2 days ago, Mary passed away peacefully the night before the party.
This was a huge loss to both John’s family and Danielle and Jim’s since they all grew up together. Yesterday at the party, no one showed up who said they were coming except for John and a couple of Danielle’s friends. Both sides of the family were grieving and making arrangements.
Danielle called me after the party upset about how no family came to celebrate her daughter’s birthday. She said she felt forgotten, that no one even let her know they weren’t coming, and that she was shocked that few people came. I was straightforward with her and told her that a party was the last thing on people’s minds after a loss like that and that she was informed 2 weeks earlier that she should reschedule.
This upset her even more and she ended up yelling and calling me heartless before hanging up.
Jim told me that I didn’t say or do anything wrong but Danielle’s friend has been sending me rude texts since then calling me insensitive and cruel.
It’s making me question if I might’ve been a jerk.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Danielle has main character syndrome. She knew what was happening with her ex’s family (her daughter’s dad), and thought everyone would drop everything and abandon their dying family member for a 2-year-old’s birthday party.
A 2-year-old isn’t going to remember anything about birthday parties, or if they were held a couple of weeks later than their actual birthday. They are more likely to play with the wrapping paper than the gift inside at that age. A party for a kid this age is for the adults, not the kid.
It costs nothing to be kind, but apparently, even that was too expensive for Danielle. I don’t think you were harsh enough.” alien_overlord_1001
Another User Comments:
“It’s amazing! John even went to his daughter’s birthday party when it was his mother that died. Of course the mother was upset that no one came to her daughter’s party.
But she knew and decided to keep it anyway.
People think that their children are so amazing that even death won’t keep people from celebrating them. They learn the hard way. She knew. You didn’t really have to tell her, you could have let her vent and just let it go over your head.
But you had to remind her and that’s why she’s mad at you.
NTJ, sometimes people don’t want solutions or hear reasons. They just want to vent.” [deleted]
2. AITJ For Wanting To Get Some Sleep On My Birthday?
“Throughout the days before my 18th b-day, I was thinking of just chilling with the boys for the whole day, devoid of any kind of celebrations or parties, I didn’t want any of that because it would mean my parents would have to spend a ton of money again.
But my mom wanted to hold a small party with some food and karaoke so she could invite my friends over, even though I said I didn’t want anything like that, but due to her insistence, I was forced to oblige.
When the day came, I had just gotten home from a sleepover, I was tired due to playing games all night with my cousins, so when I got home, my family was already getting prepared for the party later in the afternoon, and of course I was told to help set up.
After a while, I went to my room for some much-needed rest. I was planning on just being by myself until the time arrived for the party to start, but until then everything was peace and quiet, like I had originally intended. But every time I was about to doze off, my mom would order me around, and if I didn’t, she would guilt trip me about how much she didn’t get much sleep or how much effort they were putting in.
Due to me not wanting to feel like an ungrateful jerk, I reluctantly get up from my bed and do what she asks. And due to that, I feel like my day is legitimately ruined, I would put in the bare minimum of assistance and I would always have a frown on my face.
I’m grateful for what they’re trying to do for me, but I never asked for any of this, I just wanted to do the things that I wanna do for once… Am I the jerk?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. You ARE ungrateful for what she’s trying to do.
What she’s trying to do is far from what you want her to do. If you could just tell her ‘Don’t do anything.’ and she listened and didn’t do anything, you’d be perfectly happy. She’s doing what she believes is the right thing because it’s what she’s always done.
She doesn’t accept that you’re older and may not want the same things. She got the party she wanted; you got the party you didn’t want. Plus you had to work for it on your birthday. Happy birthday!” extinct_diplodocus
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, it’s your right to not want a party, and you gave them enough warning so they should never have planned one or guilt-tripped you into one.
But coming from a parent, those celebrations are special for us as well. 18 years ago, you were brought into this world. It was a very special day for them, and on your birthday, we tend to remember those feelings more so than the rest of the year.
And Happy Birthday – belated birthday.” Shane-1985
1. AITJ For Being Angry At My Family For Letting My Brother Bring His Partner's Mom And Grandma To Our Vow Renewal?
“My wife (30f) and I (35m) are coming up on our 10-year wedding anniversary. In order to make it special we wanted to get a large Airbnb down in Florida and have a vow renewal ceremony. We invited immediate family and friends who have been close to us, helped along our journey, or that we wanted to be closer to.
We all stayed in the same Airbnb.
It should be noted that my family before our wedding was very Catholic. I am the oldest of 7 kids. When my wife and I got married they didn’t come, saying that it was immoral to come because we didn’t get married in the Catholic Church or that we weren’t ready maturitywise (they can’t make up their mind which it is).
Thus starts a 10-year-long roller coaster ride of trying to rebuild a relationship with them. For example, our wedding was in November and despite them not being there we tried to be the bigger people and decided to show up for family Christmas. We were thrown out, saying that we had hurt them.
There are many more instances between my family and my wife and me, but it would take too long. Suffice it to say that they never made my wife really feel welcome in the family.
Things with my family started off immediately at the Airbnb.
My brother (we’ll call him Bob) asked us as we were all arriving if his partner (we’ll call her Sara) could invite her mom and grandmother as they only live about an hour away from the Airbnb. We politely said no, stating that we wanted to keep the guest list to the people we invited.
We found out later that they wanted to because they were super busy and couldn’t make time to come down and that the grandmother was really sick. He then continued to ask if they could have a gender reveal party (Sara was pregnant at the time) while they were here as it is hard to get our large family together.
For this one since the ceremony was on Saturday and most people were going to be arriving over the next couple of days, we said if they wanted to do something small that would be ok. Then the drama happened.
Sara was not happy that we used the word ‘simple’, saying, ‘Our baby isn’t simple’.
She was also not happy that we weren’t allowing her mom and grandmother to come. My wife tries to talk to her to make her understand, but Sara immediately shuts her down. Several other pieces of drama happened, but after our ceremony, Bob drove off to get Sara’s mom and grandmother and brought them back.
My mom knew and told us that she was not telling him no and that ‘We had our day.’
My wife and I were livid. We left the Airbnb to drive back home and I didn’t say goodbye to my family. Since then we haven’t talked much with my family except to text them how angry we are.
AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“Your family is a bunch of entitled jerks. Why maintain any relationship with these people after the way they have treated you and especially your wife? They banned you from Christmas, for Pete’s sake! They still have not made your wife welcome in the family.
Why are you getting an Airbnb with these people? Are you a glutton for punishment? Do you think your parents and family will magically change and all will be unicorns and rainbows from now on?
Open your eyes OP. Cut these people out of your life.
They don’t care about you. They definitely don’t care about your wife. Your brother and his wife suck. Your parents really really suck. Tell them all you want nothing more to do with them. You don’t need them. Put your wife first and tell your family they are a bunch of trashy relations who do not deserve a relationship with your wife.
And if you ever have kids, don’t let your family within 100 miles of them.” lonelysilverrain
Another User Comments:
“YTJ. You said, ‘We politely said no, stating that we wanted to keep the guest list to the people we invited.’ I read this as you didn’t want Mom and Grandmother at the vow renewal (understandable).
Bob went to get them AFTER the ceremony. You got your vow renewal with your immediate family and friends just as you wanted. Sara likely wanted her mom and grandmother there for the gender reveal (the event which you said they could have).” Independent_Low_7219
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