People Want To Know If We Agree With Them In Their "Am I The Jerk?" Stories
22. AITJ For Being Angry At My Sister For Giving My Daughter's Name To Her Baby?
“Three years ago I gave birth to a little girl who only lived for 19 hours. It was a traumatic experience for me and one I struggle with to this day and the pain of her loss led to my ex and I splitting up as we couldn’t stand to be together anymore.
Her name is not a family name, she was called Coraline with Iris as her middle name. My ex and I just each picked a name we liked.
My younger sister recently had a daughter and she kept the name a secret from everyone until it was legal. I didn’t think twice about this until the name went online in an announcement, Iris Coraline.
She took both my daughter’s names and just swapped the order. If she’d only taken one of the names to try and honor my daughter and made a middle name I wouldn’t be upset but this felt deliberate and the fact she hid it from everyone makes it even worse.
I went to her home to demand to know what she was playing at with this and she got offended telling me she’d always thought the names were beautiful and she’d swapped the order so I shouldn’t be upset. This led to an argument with shouting on both ends, finally, I called her an insensitive jerk before I left and ended up crying a lot when I got home.
Everyone in the family is uncomfortable with this name choice but many think I took it too far to go round to her house and start a fight when she’s recovering from giving birth. Our Mother has told me that there is no changing it now and to just consider it a nice way to keep my daughter’s names alive but that just feels even worse to me.
I might be too close to all of this and it is a traumatic matter for me. Did I go too far?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ
She expected you to react negatively, which is why she kept it secret, yet instead of asking you or tactfully telling you, she sets you up to find out on social media… after it is permanent.
This is so insensitive, absurd, a cry for attention, and downright messed up that it is ridiculous.
I’m sorry this is happening to you. This isn’t a way to remember your child… because she would’ve asked and told you that.
She is stealing the name and being shameless about it. Again, I’m sorry. I hope she realizes her huge mistake but it sounds like the classic case of the youngest sibling who just gets whatever she wants in general and everyone around just conforms to her nonsense.” User
Another User Comments:
“NTJ – Excuse me?! She should’ve asked permission first of all. But hiding it until it was legal and not easily changed was 10000% deliberate. I agree, calling them (first name) and then having a middle name be either Iris or Coraline in HONOR of your baby would be acceptable (still with permission).
How did she think you would feel when her child came to family events and you had to re-live that trauma over and over again? Absolutely did not take that far at all. Her recovery from birth is not an excuse to not explain her heartless actions to you.
Wait a little bit if you want to, but you deserve an explanation. Her thinking the ‘swap’ would not make you at least uncomfortable is nonsense. I’m so sorry she put you through this!” Born_Tomorrow_1482
Another User Comments:
“NTJ.
What your sister did was entirely disrespectful. The fact that she waited till after the deed was done to reveal she copied your daughter’s name is evidence that she knew she was planning on doing something that would hurt you.
It’s shameful that of all the names in the world, she chose the only two that would make you relive the grief of losing your daughter. If I were you, I’d tell her she needs to change the names or else you’ll cut all contact with her.
I’m sorry for the loss of your baby.” Whats_taters_ehhhhhh
21. AITJ For Establishing Rules?
“My partner and I will be moving into a nice Riverfront townhome with a Riverfront park we are so happy about.
We’ve been scouting this neighborhood for years and finally found a sale that was worth the price!
For about 4 years now, my sister has been living with my partner and me. She doesn’t have a job that makes enough to fund everything she wants in life.
So my partner and I helped her out by having her stay with us at various places we’ve rented those past years and saved her tens of thousands. Now that we actually own a place, I told her she can stay.
But I gave her some rules below as since we finally OWN a place, we want her to treat the place with basic respect.
1.) Her cat must have her claws capped at all times. Her cat isn’t declawed understandably, and has already put small holes in some of my and my partner’s clothes, our nice mattress, and some furniture.
2.) She will have to pay rent of $400/mo. She was upset because I told her she could live rent-free years ago if we ever bought a place. But I want her to be helping out too now. I can understand her being upset, but this is a tiny amount to pay for a nice house in a nice neighborhood in a walkable community by the river.
3.) No more pets. She has a dog and a cat already. She’s upset because she wants more cats and dogs and even more upset that I’m not letting her adopt more when my SO and I will be adopting our first and only dog.
Or plan to in the future when we’re settled.
4.) Any dishes she dirties must be cleaned immediately after eating or put in the dishwasher immediately. She would pile dishes in the sink all the time. But we want a spotless sink now.
My SO and I always cleaned our dishes right after eating and want her to do the same. This goes for her stopping leaving boxes and stuff on countertops.
5.) Her room would have to be at least mildly clean. She’d always throw clothes and stuff on the ground and even her closet floor had 100% coverage of clothes.
That wouldn’t fly anymore and she’d have to be at least somewhat clean. I’m not asking for perfect but at least show respect to the place.
6.) More rules can come up because we’ve never owned a place and some other thing could be thought of.
She was upset with every single point and thinks I’m being way too controlling. I genuinely don’t feel that way. Especially because her staying here for super cheap is a courtesy, and I feel she’s acting like it’s an entitlement.
AITJ for setting these rules? Are they unreasonable?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Frankly, I think you’re being extremely generous as it is. You didn’t say she couldn’t afford to live on her own but that she couldn’t have the things she wants.
Big difference. If she’s not willing to show respect then she’ll have to give up some of her ‘wants’ and live on her own. The hard part for you is going to be are you willing to evict her if she doesn’t follow the rules?
If not, there’s not much point in having the rules because otherwise the only thing that would happen would be arguments and nothing will change.” SaturdayRegrets
Another User Comments:
“NTJ
Your rules overall are very fair; the rent is remarkably cheap, two pets are plenty, and she should be able to clean up after herself.
I didn’t know what having a cat’s claws capped was. Googled it, seems okay? But even if that wasn’t an okay thing, it is your home and you can set the rules, and you are setting them in advance so she can always decline to live with you.
Your rules don’t even have to be reasonable, because you are buying a home with your partner, not your sister. You could tell your sister ‘If you want to live here, you have to go under the limbo stick once a day’ and it would be fine, as she could just not live with you.
I think you should really consider having her move with you. I know that will be hard as she has lived with you for years and it seems you have a good relationship, BUT the rules you made and her response bring up some red flags.
First, if you have to tell her to do her dishes and clean her room, she is failing at adulting and is not an ideal roommate. Second, she wants more pets but cannot afford basic rent, demonstrating a lack of financial awareness, and also wanting more pets when living with others is incredibly selfish.
Finally, and the thing that should give you the biggest pause, is that she thinks it is controlling for you to have any rules for living together, and doesn’t want to pay even the smallest amount of rent. She is officially in the ‘taking advantage’ category, and I think it would be better for your mental health, your relationship with your partner, and your finances to not have her move in with you.” mfruitfly
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Your house, your rules.
Weird tho, that you let her live with you like that while renting. No respect for someone else’s property?
I think the rule about her room may be a bit much? I mean, asking them to keep it clean from any dirty clothes, food, etc., is fair.
But clean clothes are honestly their own choice? You can just shut the door when you have guests.
But if you want another rule? Bathroom and toilet. If you have an en suite you share with your partner and your sister is using the main bathroom, a bathroom that guests will also use, that is usually a must for keeping clean in general. But I don’t know how you split the house chores.
Based on the fact she would pile up dishes, I think it’s a must that you sort that crap out pretty much immediately.
Quite honestly, if she doesn’t like it she can live elsewhere. I can guarantee that not many roommates would want to live with someone like that anyways.
Basic respect for other people’s property and respect for the shared living spaces is a complete must.” somnocore
Tell her you've thought about her reaction and believe it's time for her to move on, she has until closing to be out.
20. AITJ For Not Being Comfortable With My Significant Other's Family?
“I (21F) went to my significant other’s (23M) house for Thanksgiving.
I was really nervous because I’m super shy and people tend to think I’m being rude or standoffish because of it. As soon I walked in I didn’t feel very welcomed at all. They all pretty much just stared in confusion as I waved and greeted them until someone asked who I was, then my SO finally introduced me.
I was offered if I wanted a plate so I said sure because I felt like it would be weird if I just sat down at someone’s dinner without eating something.
As soon as I sat down his aunt (not related to him) started to ask me about myself and I was engaging in conversation with her.
I also talked to his brother. The rest of his family was very loudly talking about their family drama and gossip, which is fine but I didn’t know how to really engage because I don’t know any one of them and this is my first time meeting them.
My SO also isn’t good at bridging and basically did not talk to me at all the entire time and did not sit next to me. I also have social anxiety so I was really trying my best. I tried nodding my head to what the rest of the group was saying and listening but I just don’t know how I’m supposed to engage when they were all just talking about their family personal business, and about people I did not know of.
And I also thought it would be weird to interrupt and try to turn the conversation another way to get to know them.
I also tried complimenting the food to spark convo but that didn’t work… I’m not saying that they should have made the initiative to talk to me or make me the star of the show, but none of them seem bothered to talk to me or even look my way.
Which is fine but my SO says his mom and sisters think I’m rude because I did not try to engage with them much. Towards the end, we played Uno so I was definitely more talkative then, but overall my SO says they don’t really like me.
They’re also saying I just came for the food, which I definitely did not, I only got a piece of chicken and some mac and cheese. AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ
Your SO is seriously lacking in social skills.
He should have been watching for you, met you at the door, immediately introduced you around, sat with you, generally hung out with you and acted like you were a couple, worked to include you in family conversation, and made sure you were comfortable and having fun and absolutely not have given you his family’s negative impression of you.
He gets it from his family who, with a couple of exceptions, made no effort to get to know you, a first-time guest, while running on about topics that were meaningless to you. They should have taken the initiative to talk to you.
It is your SO who should be embarrassed, not you. NTJ.” Curious-One4595
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. So let me get this straight: 1- The family treated you as if you crashed their wedding and acted like they are doing you a favor for offering you a meal when you were invited for dinner (at a holiday that is all about unity and hospitality, no less), 2- even though you never met any of them before, your SO abandoned you and didn’t really introduce you even though it’s not like he just met you and he knows you’re shy and anxious, 3- the family didn’t try to engage with you and were gossiping and talking about things and people you don’t know without including you, and now 4 – he has the audacity to tell you that they think YOU are the rude one and that they don’t like you?!
Talk about gaslighting.
I heard the ‘she just came for the food’ nonsense many times in my life. It’s when toxic and controlling people try to act as if you’re exploiting them to make themselves look superior to you, and make an excuse to exclude you and treat you badly when they don’t really have one.
They never gave you anything other than mac and cheese, but apparently, you should be falling to your knees at their generosity, so that’s what they’ll hold against you. They’d do the same if it was potato chips. Your SO’s family is toxic, and the apple clearly didn’t fall far from the tree.
Get yourself someone who actually respects you and wants you to feel at home.” larilar
Another User Comments:
“NTJ but your SO is big time. Meeting the family is a big deal and it sounds like he didn’t tell anyone he was bringing you.
He didn’t even sit by you! How are you supposed to engage with people when you don’t know their names and no one is feeding you background info on the side? You can’t, your SO set you up to fail here.
You were a guest, it’s not on you to cater to them in conversation. They should have been asking you questions and trying to get to know you like his aunt did. It’s much easier for a family to get to know one person than for one person to get to know a whole family over a meal.
It might be that his family is under the impression you invited yourself but that’s still on him to correct them if that’s not true. Stand firm and don’t apologize, you didn’t do anything wrong here.” GeorgeBird0457
19. AITJ For Not Wanting To Share My Bedroom With My Brother's Newborn?
“I (f 19) have an older brother Calvin (m 26). Calvin is getting married in two weeks to his fiancée Rita (f 23).
Calvin and Rita have only been together for around 7 months and are getting married. Calvin has a daughter, Sofie, who was only born 2 weeks ago. Her mother is Calvin’s ex and the relationship broke up when she got pregnant. Sofie’s mother is going through some very bad mental health issues so Calvin and Rita have Sofie most of the time to take off pressure.
The wedding is going to be on the other side of the country and everyone is going to stay in a hotel room for the night after the reception. I’m a student and I don’t have a lot of money, so my grandparents generously said they will pay for my hotel room.
I was talking to Calvin about the wedding and he said (not asked) that I’m going to share my room with Sofie while he and Rita get their own room. I told Calvin that I don’t want to share a room with a newborn baby and that he shouldn’t assume I would be okay with that.
He begged and said that it will be his wedding night and I should compromise. I suggested he hire a night nanny or babysitter or something, and told him I’m not sharing my room with a newborn. He said I’m being a bad aunt and a bad sister, and said that he used to babysit me when I was a child so I owe him and that it’s only one night.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ
A baby that young should not be dropped on anyone without their consent. They’re very high need during their brief but frequent waking periods. They need a feed, actual human attention, and a diaper change every couple of hours around the clock.
Your brother has been foolish, scheduling his wedding so close to his baby’s birth. That’s not on you. If they really can’t bear to have a newborn around on their wedding night, he and Rita need to postpone the wedding.
Baby comes first for them, but not necessarily for you.” Amiedeslivres
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. He’s the one who is getting married just weeks after having a baby with someone else. This is not your problem or responsibility. Does he expect you to be up every hour feeding and changing his baby?
Surely if you’ve chosen to marry someone with his situation going on you can expect to have his baby with you on your wedding night if he is caring for her and your wedding is this close to the birth.” JAS233116
Another User Comments:
“NTJ
I’d go as far as not to attend if they insist. There are other family members there who are more capable and have experience with a literally fresh-out-the-wrapper baby.
You are not doing it. If you go to the wedding, be one of the last to go back to the rooms, you can’t take the baby if you’re still partying.
You’re not being a bad aunt, you’re just not being a doormat. His wedding, his kid, his responsibility and problem to solve, not yours.” HunterDangerous1366
18. AITJ For Not Giving My Wife Access To My Credit Cards Anymore?
“I’m a father of 2 daughters, ‘Chloe’ (12F bio) and ‘Hope’ (14F adopted). Their mother and I are separated. I remarried my current wife ‘Jenna’.
After getting overwhelmed with busy work schedules, I started asking Jenna to handle daily and weekly expenses including taking the girls to the mall and buying what they want.
I always make sure my credit cards are full and ready especially when she tells me what the girls need.
I have realized recently that Chloe has bought quite a lot of stuff, but Hope hasn’t. I tried having conversations with her about it and asked if the mall her stepmom takes her to is not good, or if the stuff she finds there isn’t nice and all that.
She refused to give a direct answer. I didn’t push it, but let her know that I was always there to hear her out.
After 5 days, I was at work and Hope sent me a 37 minutes long recording of her trip to the mall with her sister and stepmom.
I listened to it after getting off work and what I heard was unexpected. I heard Hope telling her stepmom that she liked a backpack and wanted it but Jenna’s response was to tell her that there wasn’t enough money.
Hope insisted saying that she (Jenna) had enough money but Jenna told her she still had to buy stuff for her sister. Hope insisted which made Jenna snap and tell her ‘Why don’t you go look for bio dad and ask him to buy it for you if you want it so badly’.
I was shocked. I had to stop the recording. I couldn’t keep listening because of how upset I was.
I immediately rushed downstairs where Jenna and the girls were, and had the girl go upstairs then went off on her about what I found out.
She kept denying saying it so I had her listen to the recording. She said she didn’t mean it this way and that her words were obviously ‘taken out of context’. I berated her for treating Hope like that and told her that she gets whatever she asks for regardless of who her father is… I then went and revoked all access Jenna had to my credit cards… every single one of them.
She found out and blew up saying that I was being unfair after all she’s done to help me out in this area. I said I didn’t want to hear it and she kept yelling and then went to stay with her sister.
We haven’t spoken to each other since that day. She keeps talking to Chloe though. SIL thinks that revoking her sister’s access to credit cars is actually ‘abuse.'”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. I don’t see how a marriage can come back from this, though.
Could you ever trust her around your daughter again, knowing how terribly she’s treated her? I wouldn’t. At a bare minimum, there would need to be a LOT of couples therapy exploring what her false and damaging beliefs are about adoption, where they came from, and how to dismantle them.
And even then, I’m not sure if I would ever feel safe leaving her with Hope alone.
The one thing you’re kind of a jerk for is what you said about Hope: that she gets whatever she asks for, no matter who her father is.
Her father is you, and you had a golden opportunity to drive that message home. Instead, you fell in with Jenna’s terminology, and if Hope had overheard it, you would’ve hurt her terribly.” VoyagerVII
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, but you would be if you allow Jenna the opportunity to keep mistreating your child.
The fact that Hope knew to start recording proves that she was waiting for something like this to happen. She knew it was coming, which means that this wasn’t the first or even second time.
You need to sit down with Hope and get the truth out of her.
How many times has she been treated differently? What has Jenna said to her? I guarantee that Hope has a mental tally of every instance, even if she says she can’t remember to try to keep the peace. Teenage girls remember things like this for literally ever.” Hubble_Bubble
Another User Comments:
“NTJ
What Jenna did was unconscionable and unforgivable. She was making Hope feel less than Chloe. She needs to stay gone! I am so sorry for Hope.
You need to sit down and talk with Hope. Obviously, this has been hard on her.
I’m sure she has been feeling things that she might need to see a therapist for.
Things like this can have a lasting impact.
Jenna is your wife not just a newish significant other. This woman has been in Hope’s life for a while now.
I can only wonder how long Jenna has been mistreating Hope. Getting little digs into just being flat-out awful like on that video.
Do you honestly think that video (or even these new shopping trips) is the first time Jenna had been terrible?
I’m pretty sure she didn’t go from loving stepmom to evil stepmother 0-60. You don’t just be a loving stepmom and then all of a sudden start saying ‘Go find your bio dad to buy things for you.’
No.” zipper1919
17. AITJ For Inviting My Best Friend To See My Newborn Without Telling My Wife?
“My (37M) wife (36F) and I have been trying for a baby for a while, so you could imagine our excitement when we found out that she was pregnant.
Recently she gave birth to our son, I jumped away from work when I heard that she was on her way to the hospital. Unfortunately, I didn’t get there on time and missed the birth itself.
As I was on my way to the hospital, I decided to call my best friend and invite him to the hospital to meet the baby.
My best friend got there first and met the baby before me, however, I do not mind. My wife is not happy about this mostly because I didn’t ask her and she said that this is a very personal moment for the both of us, but I just don’t see the problem.
I mostly wanted my best friend there as he is going to be in the baby’s life quite a lot. When the wife goes back to work, he’s going to be around a lot more to help with the baby as the wife has a habit of doing a lot of late hours and extra shifts.”
Another User Comments:
“YTJ. This was your wife’s medical event, not just the birth of a child. The comfort and needs of the person who gave birth far and away exceed the wishes and wants of their partner. You were selfish and ruined the peace of your wife’s recovery time and worse, you weren’t there!
You shouldn’t have called him before you got there and it makes it seem like him being there was more important than you hauling butt to get there as soon as possible. He is a jerk too for going in without you.
He should have waited and you should have asked permission once the dust settled.” wildferalfun
Another User Comments:
“YTJ
GIVING. BIRTH. IS. NOT. A. SPECTATOR. SPORT.
Of course you’re excited about your bestie meeting the baby, but you’ve literally picked the worst possible time imaginable to do it.
Your poor wife has just birthed your child, she’s feeling tired, vulnerable, sore… that’s just a few on the spectrum of emotions she’s going through. Then YOU decide, without talking to your wife, to invite a friend in.
You messed up on an epic scale.
The fact that by your own admission, you don’t see the big deal, is such an issue. It is literally one of the most intimate, and PERSONAL things a woman can do, and you are treating it like it’s no big deal.
You owe your wife a massive apology.
DO BETTER!” countingpickles
Another User Comments:
“Woah, definitely YTJ. You’re thinking about this person meeting your baby – did it not occur to you that this is about your wife, not the baby?
It’s probably the most traumatic thing her body will ever go through, and you invited him instead to see her at her most vulnerable, in pain, emotional, and without her husband being there to support her through this (even if through no fault of your own).
That you don’t see how this is wrong, sounds like a big problem for your relationship and priorities. A visit from a friend, family, anyone, can wait a couple of hours at least!” Original-Winter9334
16. AITJ For Walking Out Of Thanksgiving Dinner After I Found Out That My Mother-In-Law Threw My Food Away?
“I (27 F) am 5 months pregnant. I have pre-existing health issues that I manage by having a diet with no meat of any sort.
This has caused MIL and I to have conflicts especially when I refuse to eat the food she makes. I used to either come and not eat anything or just stay at home.
Since I’m pregnant I could not attend Thanksgiving and not bring food with me out of respect for MIL.
I cooked a small meal and brought it with me. MIL made a fuss about it but justified it as ‘I was making a mistake robbing her grandbaby of getting all meat benefits’. I explained that I take supplements as a replacement but she shrugged and was upset.
We waited til the dinner table was set. MIL didn’t let me help or go into the kitchen at all. She took my dish and said she’d reheat it for me and put it on the table. Yet when I sat down I was stunned to have discovered that she had not put my dish there.
When asked publicly, she denied receiving any dish from me and started asking if I accidentally left it at home or in the car. There was a huge blow-up. MIL tried to convince me to sit back down and just eat what she put on the table.
I refused but my husband insisted and told me to let it go this time. I decided to leave. I grabbed my stuff and walked out.
I found out that she threw out the dish I brought and tried to get me to just eat what she put on her table.
She said that she was looking out for the grandbaby’s health and my husband said it wasn’t worth leaving the celebration and causing a scene. We had a big argument and his mom thinks I’m being dramatic and hard to deal with.
Was I the jerk for walking out?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, you have dietary restrictions that she doesn’t care about, you should have a talk with your husband I assume he knows your diet restrictions and the fact he won’t stand up for you to his mother is a major red flag.
Diet restrictions are not to be messed with because you could get severely sick and it could hurt the baby if you force yourself to eat certain things and your body reacts negatively. If your husband doesn’t actually start standing with you tell him it’s either he talks to his mother and starts standing with you or he can start packing a bag.
It’s his wife and child or his mother who is a being a downright monster. Also, don’t leave your kid alone with her in the future if she can potentially put his life in danger now who knows what she can do to him when he’s born.” User
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, that’s some straight-up looney tunes behavior. Obviously, she doesn’t understand your health issues, but that doesn’t matter. You can totally have a healthy pregnancy without meat, it’s not like you’re starving yourself or not getting protein and vitamins – apparently, she’s happier with her grandbaby not getting nutrition at all?
Your husband also sucks for not standing up for you. How is he going to be moving forward when he actually has a baby? His mom sounds like a nightmare.” princessbeatrix1923
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Your MIL and husband clearly have no respect for you or your diet.
Your MIL tried to gaslight you by denying in front of everyone that you took a meal. She claimed you made it up and had the nerve to ask you if you left it at home or forgot about it.
Your husband sat back and took her side instead of defending you. If they’ve done that now what will they be like in the future and once the baby is born? Walk away now.” Delicious-Travel8796
15. AITJ For Not Trying To "Properly" Greet My Stepdaughter?
“My husband (40s) has a daughter (Kaila, 7). She lives with her mom in a different part of the country (12-hour drive) and a good deal of our energy goes into making sure he sees her at every possible opportunity.
I (30s) am the one working out logistics and coaxing him to talk with her mom to make plans as far in advance as possible. If he doesn’t have a plan in place to see her, he’s sullen and withdrawn, but also will not make a plan without me being the instigator.
Visits are difficult for all of us, for different reasons. My husband: guilt, me: pain/emotional exhaustion, Kaila: desperately misses her dad, mom has some issues that affect Kaila’s self-esteem, and several others.
Kaila just got here for the weekend.
She tends to live 90-100% in a fantasy world and won’t engage outside of that. I’m cool with that – I’ll feed her when she’s our pet unicorn, ask the puppy to take her dishes to the sink in her lil paws, etc. When visits are longer, I can typically get ‘Kaila’ to come out and connect with us and she will talk about her feelings and be herself and it’s wonderful.
On weekend visits, I just let her have fun and do what she needs to do to feel happy and comfortable here with her daddy.
The issue: On short visits, she won’t speak to or really look at me.
Her dad says she has less trust in women due to her mom’s issues. I feel like it’s not my place to pull that thread. It makes me feel strange and a little sad to say hello and ask how she is and have her just look at her dad and talk to him through her stuffed pony about what she wants to do with him this weekend, so I’ve started just giving her a great big smile, which she will return.
My husband is NOT okay with this. He says it’s my job as the adult to be the bigger person and greet her ‘properly’ even if she ignores me. Conversely, I feel like Kaila and I have found a comfortable understanding.
AITJ for just smiling and not ‘being the bigger person’?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ
This child seems to have some profound repression issues that will cause her severe emotional distress over time. She desperately needs some therapy and you need to make your husband understand this.
As for you, I don’t think you are doing anything wrong. You are respecting that she has erected barriers and is working within the constraints those barriers raise. It is not your responsibility to break through the barriers. I’m only seeing things from your point of view, of course, but I’m not sure how you could better handle things.” AryaIsWaif
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, in my opinion. You acknowledge her and let her reach a comfort level that works for her. If you ignored her that is a different story. I have to say it is so concerning that she lives in that fantasy world as you described. Perhaps some counseling for dad and daughter would help.
Dad for his inability to plan to see his child and daughter in the fantasy world. Sounds like there’s something traumatic that prevents her from living outside of that world. Some fantasy play seems normal but 90-100 percent of the time, not so much.
Best of luck.” Silent-Objective2349
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. It feels like your husband is mixing up two separate issues. One is trying to fit you into some mold of a ‘maternal figure’. She currently has one, even if it’s trashy.
Second is taking your compromise with his daughter and turning it into a personal thing. This works for you both. You’re respecting her boundaries. What he’s suggesting is that you break those barriers and force her to do things she clearly isn’t ready for and doesn’t want to do.
You need to sit him down with a child therapist as well to help him understand that it’s incredibly important for this little girl to be in a place where she feels safe. Where she can say ‘no’ and have it be respected. And where her father isn’t forcing her to do things with his wife she isn’t ready for.
That can have some seriously harmful effects, especially as she is already dissociative and not socializing normally.
Husband is the big problem here and he needs to be more involved and aware of not only his child’s boundaries and how they’re important but his female child’s boundaries and how they’re important.
And what is and isn’t good for her mental health. He can’t just force normal on her. That’s going to hurt everyone.” DNRmyDNA
I would also plan Thanksgiving long weekend at your home, a week of Christmas break, spring break, then most of summer. This way you'll have more days for her to get settled and enjoy her more.
14. WIBTJ If I End My Relationship With The Guy I'm Supposed To Marry?
“In my (20 f) culture, arranged marriages are very normal. 3 months ago, I met a guy through my mother, and after the second meeting, my parents agreed to the marriage without even asking me first.
Whenever I told anybody at that time that I wanted to end it they would tell me to give him a chance, so I did just that because either way I couldn’t end it straight away.
Now 3 months later I absolutely hate him.
I came to realize that he is a master manipulator, and whenever I talk to my mother we get into a huge fight that usually ends terribly.
Today I tried talking to my father and it did not end well.
He says that my reasons to end things are very trivial and not the things that would break or make a relationship. I am now considering ending it personally, but the problem is I could shame both my parents if I do it.
So WIBTJ if I end the relationship personally?”
Another User Comments:
“YWNBTJ. If your parents really wanted you to conform to the cultural expectations of respecting them for the rest of your life, they should have done a better job arranging your marriage.
They picked someone you absolutely cannot stand, & since you are the one who will have to live with the man, you have every right to insist on a husband who will be at least tolerable to you. They should be ashamed that they didn’t prioritize your future happiness a little more highly when they selected a spouse for you.” Far_Anteater_256
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Any face lost is a temporary issue that will pass, compared to the notion of either divorce when you can no longer put up with him or a more serious issue if this failed relationship would continue.
Arrangements do not work out. It is not impossible for these relationship types to work but they clearly have not in this situation and you have to make it clear to your parents that this man is completely incompatible with you and that your consent is required for it to go through, and thus it is not going to happen.
You should then discuss the best ways in which to frame the breaking off, not whether or not it will happen.” SwgnificntBrocialist
13. AITJ For Not Wanting To Go To My Cousin's Wedding If My Partner Can't Come With Me?
“So I (38M) have been with my partner Bella (30F) for about 4 years.
My cousin Julie (F29) is getting married. No bad blood or anything, but we’re not particularly close either.
She and her fiancé James are doing a ‘no ring, no bring’ rule for the wedding unless they personally know and have an independent relationship with someone’s +1. The wedding is about 120 guests from what I understand and money isn’t an issue.
Rather, they just want to stick to people they personally know as much as possible, which I can understand. Julie and Bella met, but only briefly. So, Bella wasn’t invited.
I understand where Julie is coming from, am not angry, and don’t hold it against her.
So when the invitation came, I filled out the RSVP card ‘Respectfully Decline.’
A few days later, my aunt (Julie’s mom) calls me and says it’s too bad I can’t make it. I agree and tell her that I hope Julie has a great wedding and more importantly, a wonderful marriage.
She asks why I can’t make it. I tell her it is because I’m going to feel out of place there since all the other family will have their significant others there, while I’ll just be wishing Bella were there.
She tells me that there are a few people on James’s side and a few of Julie’s friends who will be attending by themselves, including a few others who are in the same boat as me (in a relationship, but no ring) and that she’s sure we will all have a fun time.
I tell her that I probably will get by. Bella and I have our own lives, own separate friends, separate interests, do separate things all the time, and aren’t joined at the hip. But, be that as it may, under the circumstances I’d rather decline.
Then my aunt starts getting mad and tells me how Julie was there to support me at my wedding to my ex. I tell her, yes, that’s true. But I also note that I gave Julie a totally unrestricted +1 which she used for her partner at the time.
Then she starts getting pouty and telling me that if I don’t come then I can forget about Julie coming to mine and Bella’s wedding (we’re not engaged – we might someday, but we’re taking the long road). So I ask her ‘If Julie doesn’t invite my bride to her wedding, why would you assume she’d be invited to ours?’
Let’s just say it went downhill from there. So, am I the jerk?”
Another User Comments:
“So, NTJ. I feel the same way you do about this. I totally respect that it’s anyone’s right to invite or not invite anyone they want/don’t want to their wedding.
But I wouldn’t want to have to attend all by myself! Just because I’m not married? That’s no fun. I mean, it would absolutely depend on whose wedding it is, but for someone I wasn’t close with?
Pass. Plus ‘no ring, no bring,’ when I realized what that meant, sounded rude to me. I get the sentiment but still. What a gross way to exclude significant others, fiancés, life partners, etc. Anyway, obviously I’m on your side on this, however, you let your aunt drag you downhill.
You were doing so well up until the end…” fallingfaster345
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. I don’t get it people put these restrictions on weddings (no ring, no kids, etc.) and then get angry when people politely say no to coming.
Putting in the rules and people just turning up with extras that’s understandable but saying no to coming due to a rule should be met with acceptance as they are accepting your rule and choosing to follow it by not coming.
You cannot put in rules and then have a hissy fit because people don’t want to come to your event because of your rules. People’s entitlement is outstanding.” HexStarlight
12. AITJ For Not Being Happy About My Sister's Pregnancy?
“My (26F) sister (35F) just had a baby 5 months ago.
She got pregnant by accident after knowing the guy she was with for about 2 months. They got married a few months later. She has been relying on our mother (60) so much but my disabled mother cannot look after her granddaughter but feels obliged to help her.
I have never said anything about this as it is my mother’s choice to go over and beyond for her.
She has been very impossible these days. She competes with other people who have babies including people in our family with comments like ‘Your baby isn’t rolling yet?!
Mine is!’ I just feel like she is putting too much pressure on others to help her, to accommodate her, and makes other people feel bad about themselves with their own kids. This baby has also made her emotionally unavailable to family members who have been through health issues and very difficult struggles and makes everything about herself.
So now she accidentally got pregnant again. She is 2 months pregnant. She announced it at dinner with the family and there was a good 10 seconds of silence where nobody said anything. I started making jokes about birth control and that she needs to try a different option because she has been so irresponsible.
The family started laughing and joking and making suggestions of their own. I showed her that I was very unsure about the news she shared and she definitely expected a much happier reaction and was upset with me that I made it about her birth control.
Even my mother was unhappy. She knew that she would throw her baby on her and that she’d have no time to herself.
I love her baby and I’m sure I’ll love the next one, too. I just don’t feel happy about how she is ruining her own life and health and dragging other members of the family downhill with her because of her irresponsible negligence.
It doesn’t affect me so much, but affects our mother who is disabled and a total pushover. We are normally a very close, tight-knit family who see each other frequently.
AITJ for slightly humiliating my sister and showing her I’m not too happy about her pregnancy?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. If she needs help she can ask, however from your story it seems she relies almost too heavily on your mother. She’s a jerk for the comments regarding the other children of the family for sure.
It’s never nice to compare kids and make another parent feel incompetent. Just because her baby is rolling over sooner than others doesn’t mean it’s because of anything she did per se. Every child has different times when they achieve milestones and there’s nothing wrong with that.” Mindless_Rabbit1628
Another User Comments:
“YTJ
You’re not required to congratulate your sister. You’re not required to be happy. It would not be a jerk move at all to say everything else you told us here, about how she’s making everyone else’s lives harder and foisting responsibilities off and making everything into a contest. It would not be a jerk move to leave the dinner or tell her you’re not helping.
Making it about her birth control is where you went wrong. If you want to privately counsel her about birth control options – or better yet, encourage her to ask her doctor about that – that’s fine, but it’s really rude to go shouting about her birth control at a family dinner.
Be angry at her for what she’s done to her family, but intentionally humiliating her and turning her pregnancy into a joke is not ok.” peony_chalk
Another User Comments:
“Your mom may be unable to stand up for herself, but she really really needs to now.
Her choices are to have your sister mad at her or look after two babies.
Is there anything you can do to help your mom set these boundaries for herself so she doesn’t kill herself looking after the babies?
Don’t make it about your sister or her choices or her birth control or her marriage or anything like that.
That is 100% not your business. What is your business is that your disabled mom is overworked and a martyr and is about to have two babies to look after.
It’s unlikely to help as it sounds like your mom is planning to martyr herself, but maybe you can help support her.
Brainstorm some ways to help her say no and set limits. Get her involved in activities outside the house so she actually can’t help with the babies as much. Just don’t make it about your sister, make it about your mom.” coffeecoffi
11. AITJ For Expecting My Sister To Move Out So I Can Move My Partner In?
“I am a 30F, my sister (32F) moved in with her husband about 18 months ago to save up to buy a house. She was pregnant, so I gave 2 out of my 3 rooms for my sister’s family to have.
And we split the bills 3 ways. The agreement was always that they could stay for 2 years.
I met my partner in March, and for whatever reason she doesn’t like him. All she says is that he isn’t a mature Christian and God has someone better for me.
She is obviously a hypocrite as she went out with prisoners and dealers in the past. I never judged her. Everything in the house is mine, and honestly, they don’t take care of or respect the facilities, furniture, appliances, etc. She also lives above her means & buys things like concert tickets (1k), backstage passes (1k), Balenciaga Bag (4k), etc., while taking advantage of my low rent (~$500 total a month).
I decided I wanted my partner to move in at some point, but would wait until they moved out. Since they had already been there 18 months, I figured we’d wait until 6 more months passed.
She said something in passing about them not having any money saved and needing to stay longer than the 2 years agreed upon.
But she didn’t sound sure. I noticed she started putting all these restrictions on the things I could do in my apartment when it came to my partner. He wasn’t allowed over, he wasn’t allowed to spend the night, he wasn’t allowed to wash his clothes there when his washer broke, etc. She even blocked me on her phone for 3 months so I had to contact her husband about bills due or other household information.
So we got into an argument one day with basically my mother saying to shake hands and move on.
Even though we called a truce on the argument, I decided to call her husband and ask for a definitive move-out date because things were becoming volatile between us.
I thought he would be more reasonable to talk to, but it turned into them saying I was kicking them out, even though I told him I would honor our 2-year agreement. So they moved out immediately with my mom, and wouldn’t return my house keys, garage & gate openers, etc. (I had to pay $100 to replace all).
I sent an apology to her husband’s father’s phone, saying I was sorry that things turned out this way. She responded by cussing me out.
She also damaged the property as she left (bye to my deposit) and stole things on her way out.
Now my whole family doesn’t invite me to events, she has bashed my partner online so badly (other people tell me she is, I’m blocked), and keeps saying I am in the wrong and hurt her. I am absolutely hurt that I am being treated like the bad guy here.
Maybe I need to see this from another angle.
AITJ for suggesting my sister moved out at the 2-year mark and moving my partner in the moment she left?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. You’ll recover your financial losses eventually and hopefully, you’re much happier now living with your partner, which is priceless.
You also dodged the bullet of living with a toddler – kids get expensive you’d most likely get stuck with babysitting. It would only get worse. I doubt living with mom will be a picnic and if you get any grief from her it most likely only be because your mom doesn’t want your sister there either.
Enjoy your life.” kimrockr
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. OP, your sister has stolen from you, manipulated you, used you, damaged/destroyed your property, disrespected you, and tried to steal your own house right out from under you by telling you how things go down in it while they were living there.
You’re a clear victim of emotional gaslighting because no one else would be treated so horrendously and think for a second that they were at fault one little bit unless they were subjected to a constant barrage of guilt-tripping manipulation schemes.
Your sister and her husband are nothing but selfish, entitled thieves to live with you in your house for TWO YEARS at below what I assume to be average market rental amounts and do what they did to you. Any member of your family who backs your sister and her husband leads me to believe they are just like them or the most gullible and dense fools on the face of the planet.
It hurts to have to tell you this OP, but it is time to go no contact with her and her husband as well as whatever family members have chosen to support her side in all of this drama of hers.” desolation29
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. It sounds like she was trying to change your two-year agreement into something indefinite, so they’d never have to worry about paying for themselves. On top of that, your sister has some real gall to try to tell you how and when you can spend time with your partner.
Hopefully, the longer she stays with your mom the more her bad habits will come to the fore and people will realize that you were in the right the whole time.” NoPhone4571
It's YOUR HOME. You're the one paying rent, you're the one who can say who lives there and who doesn't. I wouldn't have been nearly as nice as you, watching sister buy a $4K handbag, and not saving that money for a down payment on a home, or at least a security deposit on an apartment. Oh, and newsflash, girl - your sister and BIL had no intention EVER of moving out of your home. Why should they, when they can have a nice place for $500/month, which wouldn't get them a bed sitter for an apartment? No, they took advantage of you while they were there, and then badmouthed you when you insisted they live up to the agreement y'all had when they moved in.
Be glad they're gone and are someone else's problem. And be glad you didn't have to go through an eviction process to boot their hindparts to the curb.
And if someone in your family (or out of it, for that matter) wants to criticize you for your treatment of them, tell that person to open THEIR home to these disrespectful mooches and live with them for 18 months before they start talking bad about you. You owe them nothing, and you owe sister and BIL nothing.
And don't worry about your mom. Two months in, and she'll be sobbing on your shoulder about what disrespectful wretches sister and BIL are, and wondering how you put up with them as long as you did. It will all work out.
Move your SO into your home and enjoy your life. That's the best revenge.
10. AITJ For Having An Argument With My Stepdaughter's Biological Dad?
“I (m 30) am married to my beautiful wife (29). She also came with my now stepdaughter (13). I have known my stepdaughter since she was 6 years old so I have watched her grow up.
My wife and I also had twins together, a boy and a girl, they’re almost a year old. We are a happy family except for one aspect.
My wife’s ex and my stepdaughter’s bio dad. He just isn’t reliable at all when it comes to being my stepdaughter’s dad.
He has broken many promises to her over the years. It is always heartbreaking to watch her get excited just to realize she has been let down again. I like to think I’m a good father figure for her.
She doesn’t call me dad but she has gotten me Father’s Day gifts and said she’s loved me before.
Today he was supposed to take her out to get breakfast since she has the day off of school.
Well, she waited and waited just to be let down again. Of course, my stepdaughter starts crying and my wife and I comfort her. She eventually went up to her room. About 20 minutes later bio dad shows up. My wife first answers the door and he said sorry I got caught up in some things.
I am just annoyed by his saying yeah… we definitely haven’t heard that one before.
He asked if I had something to say so I just said ‘you always do this, you always make promises to my stepdaughter and never keep them.’ He said she’ll get over it.
I told him ‘you’ve done this to stepdaughter too many times for her to just get over it’. He told me to stop playing daddy with his daughter and worry about my own kids. I said ‘you’re not her real dad… you may be biologically but you never earned the title to be considered a real dad.’ I could see some hurt in his eyes but he just said whatever and left. I don’t know if I took things too far by saying that.
My wife doesn’t think so and thinks it’s something he probably needed to hear. I just feel like a jerk. So AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ
Bust just a word of advice: Don’t try to replace the bio dad.
Don’t cut him down in front of your stepdaughter and don’t try to force her to spend time with you.
It’s ok to defend her like you did… but be careful not to come across like you are trying to push him away from her.
All you need to do is make sure you are always there for her. If she asks you to do something, you do it. If you make plans, you keep them. If you promise her something, you follow through.
She just needs to know that you are always going to be there for her in whatever capacity she wants from you.” The__Riker__Maneuver
Another User Comments:
“YTJ. You overstepped. Your wife and/or her daughter should be the ones to address this. That doesn’t mean he’s a good or competent parent, he’s a terrible one, but you shouldn’t be the one to address this.
His daughter needs to be in therapy and he should be the one to pay for it. Your wife should be taking him back to court to have them assess damages to his daughter for not showing up and to pay for therapy from this.” unionmom4
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Dad is eroding his relationship with his daughter. That sucks for everyone, especially her, and especially because she will continue to perceive her father with little stars in her eyes, no matter what he does mostly until maybe she reaches adulthood and sees him in a truer light.
So in the meantime, accept that Dad is not likely going to change. It sucks. It’s not right. He’s a crappy father and your anger is justified. But you are not likely to change that.
Put your energy into supporting your daughter, managing her expectations, working through her feelings, and modeling for her to set clear boundaries (no custody changes in sight, I assume?).
Get her into therapy and if only for your daughter’s benefit, be kind to dad. I don’t mean let him walk all over you. I mean there’s having a productive conversation about his commitments to his daughter and there are backhanded comments that your daughter may hear and will 100000% see dad as the victim (I can already hear it, but he did show up.
He just had really important things to do…)
Not being able to change a situation sucks, especially one like this — seeing her little broken heart so frequently. But you know how dad is. Yelling at him won’t change it.
His seeing his kid heartbroken hasn’t changed it. Time to come up with a new strategy that accepts this situation for how it is: he’s gonna keep disappointing your daughter.” ohmyydaisies
9. AITJ For Not Wanting My Mom To Come To Our Next Family Dinner?
“My (27F) family has a monthly tradition of ‘dinner night’. This has existed since my two siblings and I all graduated and moved out, as a way to keep the bond and contact.
Back then it was only the 5 of us, but now I have a lot more in-laws, nieces, and nephews; I personally have no children, but I am married to Jack (27M). Family dinner night is hosted on whatever day everyone is free on any given month, and the host fluctuates between me, my parents, and either of my siblings.
This month it’s supposed to be hosted by me, and we’ve agreed on Sunday. The issue comes with the fact that I asked in the family group chat for my mom not to come. I clarified that my dad was invited, but I understood if he didn’t make it due to my decision.
The reason? She absolutely hates Jack, every month she has something to say about him, whether it’s his appearance; the things he says; or just any small fumble he makes. She always has to have a comment at the ready – I don’t know why she dislikes him so much, other than their opposing personalities, but he’s never been rude, abusive, cynical, etc. She has no reason to dislike him.
They admittedly aren’t similar people, but I don’t see that as any excuse not to be civil. This has never been an issue with any of my siblings’ partners. I’ve called her out on it privately before, but nothing changed. I tried to insist to Jack that we didn’t need to go, but he didn’t want to take my family night away from me.
Last month my parents hosted, and specifically asked for Jack not to come. So was my decision not to invite her a little petty? Yes.
It wasn’t an easy or haste choice, I spent all month debating on it. Jack did say he was okay with her coming, but it wasn’t just about him anymore, I was personally having my own negative feelings about her.
It’s caused an outrage in the chat though, especially with my mom (as expected). I haven’t answered the phone to her yet, as I know it’ll be chaotic, but I have talked to my brother, who thinks I’m making a bad decision.
He and my sister both agree that I have the right to be annoyed at Jack’s treatment, but at the same time, she’s our mom and not inviting her causes more rifts and issues than not inviting Jack does. That our mom is just opinionated and wants the best for me, and it’s cruel to suddenly shun her like this.
I couldn’t tell you half the crap that’s been said in this one story, but the conclusion seems to be that my dad probably isn’t coming, my siblings think that I’m going to cause some major family warfare by doing this, and I should just ‘tolerate’ it to keep the peace.
I personally think I’m just returning the favor, but maybe I’m being petty and should just follow my siblings’ advice.
AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“‘My siblings think that I’m going to cause some major family warfare by doing this, and I should just ‘tolerate’ it to keep the peace.’
So your siblings think that because their spouses aren’t denigrated by your mom, you should sacrifice your marriage to keep the peace? They have sat by and watched your mom get progressively crueler in the name of ‘family unity’. Your mom does not want what is best for you, she wants what she wants and that’s to exercise her power over all of you.
Why she has targeted Jack is not your problem, your role as his wife is to stand with him.
Personally, I think you need to go further than not inviting your mom, I think you need to just drop out of this dysfunctional ‘family’ tradition.
They have decided that your family is not part of theirs so just opt out. I have to ask whether this is part of a bigger pattern in your family where you or another child have been singled out by your mom in a show of dominance.
NTJ.” 5115E
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. She’s your mom but Jack is the one you’ve chosen to spend your life with and she has to accept and respect that. You’re not being cruel, you’re standing up for your man. She’s the one who’s been cruel all this time.
Also, I’m sure your sister and brother’s partners are thrilled to know that if their MIL didn’t like or would one day change her mind about them their significant others would gladly not take them to the family dinners. Or are they just saying this because they’re not (and don’t feel) concerned by this special treatment you and Jack get?” Current-Suggestion20
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. You have every right to determine who you invite to your home, and why would you invite someone who actively dislikes your husband? It would be nonsensical to invite her knowing in advance that she would start trouble.
‘Keeping the peace’ in this case means allowing your mother to continue this unacceptable behavior so that the rest of the family does not have to confront its existence. When you stand up for yourself (and this is an attack on you as much as your husband) you make it impossible for them to ignore your mother’s behavior.
They know she will play the victim and try to get everyone ‘on her side’ and do not want to deal with the drama, even though that means continued abuse of you and your husband.
As in any population, this is easier than the alternative when it’s not them being discriminated against. This is the same thing as one group of people decrying the treatment of another group while doing nothing to stop it, albeit on a smaller scale.
If the rest of the family agrees she is wrong but will do nothing to stop her, either they are cowards or they do not care enough about you to defend you against her. Sorry, that sounds harsh, but it is true.” Guru1971
Public humiliation might be the only way she stops.
8. AITJ For Wanting My Son's Mom To Be The One Who Pays The Babysitter A Bonus?
“My 8-year-old son Evan broke his left leg and right arm while skiing with his mom/my ex last month. Evan needs help with a lot of things like getting up from the floor, bathing, dressing, etc.
My son is almost 9 and refused to let his mom help him get dressed or bathed. He’s fine with me or our sitter (probably because we’re both guys and it’s less awkward).
Our sitter has been with us for a few years now.
I thought about how much our sitter came through with everything. He deserves some kind of one-time bonus.
The thing is that my ex has mostly benefitted from our sitter and she should be the one to pay out the bonus.
I totally would give a bonus if I had a female sitter helping my daughter bathing and getting dressed because it would feel weird to my daughter to have her dad do it (I only have two boys).
I spoke to my ex and said she ought to payout our sitter with a generous bonus.
She agreed but said I should pay half. I disagreed because he’s helped her far more than me.
Currently, we pay our sitter separately. I pay him for the days that I have my son and my ex pays for the days that she has him.
If she gave the sitter like a couple of hundred dollars then I’d throw in another $100. I think that’s incredibly fair. She thinks ‘fair’ is 50/50 or more if I pay more.”
Another User Comments:
“YTJ, it’s her decision what she does with her money.
Your sitter is awesome and if you think he deserves a bonus then give it to him but don’t tell someone else how to spend their money. She’s your ex, not your partner it’s her finances, not yours.
She came back with a perfectly reasonable demand to do it 50/50 because you’re the person who asked to do it in general. Your ex pays the babysitter his rates and salary, he’s not promised a bonus. She’s not wrong for not giving him one if she so chooses.” meg_peaches
Another User Comments:
“YTJ. I get if the kid is embarrassed to have mom bathe him again like when he was a baby but it is NOT weird or wrong for a mother to bath and dress her own child and she doesn’t need a man to do it for her to make it less weird so she isn’t benefiting at all differently than you are.
It’s your child that is benefiting by having an added layer of comfort to his injury. Remember YOUR child not just hers she may be the mom but that doesn’t mean you are less responsible. This is just a very weird excuse to be cheap and make someone pay more.
I can’t begin to express how weird reading what you wrote was. I hope your ex is happy and finds an amazing man.” OverworkednOvertired
7. AITJ For Telling My Partner She's No Fun Anymore Because Of Her New Lifestyle?
“My partner and I have been together about 2 years and when we originally started going out she had a typical lifestyle.
Drinks on the weekends, smoked a little every now and then, and ate out a few times a week. About a year ago and she was diagnosed with PCOS and was devastated by the diagnosis. She began looking for ways to treat it but there doesn’t seem to be any cures only treatments.
So she went off the deep end by cutting out all booze, no more smoking, no sugar, low-carb diet. Very strict and she started working out mostly HIIT (High-Intensity Interval Training) and yoga 4 times a week. Her ovaries were looking better from the latest scan so she is convinced she can heal herself by fixing up her diet.
The problem is she is taking it way too far, she won’t allow herself a free day and she brings her own food even to a friend’s house. She won’t drink even a little even at a friend’s wedding and it’s annoying because she has started preaching health every time she’s asked about her changes.
She is always telling me about the latest diet and exercise things she found out about that she thinks will help her PCOS. We can’t go out for dinner anymore because we either go to the same healthy food spot we have been going to all year or she wants to cook at home.
She doesn’t want to go to the bar anymore or really go out and party anymore and that was a big thing for us before her diagnosis. I got annoyed one day when she wouldn’t eat what my parents were cooking when we were visiting and was bringing her own lunch and told her she wasn’t fun anymore.
She was so chill before and she has gotten so serious about everything now. She got upset and yelled at me for not caring if she can have children or not and stormed out. AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“YTJ: but I think the question that needs to be asked is ‘Are we still compatible?’
You definitely shouldn’t have said that she isn’t fun anymore – that’s mean. Her priorities have shifted and no longer align with yours. It’s time to have a serious talk about common goals. If going out and drinking with buddies is a priority for you that you’d like your partner to be involved in, there is absolutely nothing wrong with that.
To expect somebody to maintain a lifestyle simply because they at one point were a part of it, on the other hand, isn’t right.
‘We can’t go out for dinner anymore because we either go to the same healthy food spot we have been going to all year or she wants to cook at home.’
You CAN go out to dinner together – you just don’t like where she wants to go and she doesn’t want to eat where you want to go.
It may be time for some reevaluation.” J4zz_h4nds
Another User Comments:
“YTJ and it’s your attitude that makes it so. You’re allowed to have your feelings and be bummed, and you’re allowed to have a frank conversation about these feelings. You are NOT allowed to insult her because of those feelings.
Y’all’s priorities are no longer in sync, I think you both need to have that discussion and seriously consider if you’d like to continue seeing each other. I get your frustration at watching her do a full 180° but you’ve gotta think about her side of this.
Her entire life changed the moment she got a diagnosis, she probably felt like someone knocked the wind out of her, and she’s controlling what she can in an uncontrollable situation. Chronic illnesses and autoimmune disorders are hard on your mind as well as your body, perhaps the both of you could do couples counseling if you want to try to salvage the relationship.” Eternal_Sailor_Moon
Another User Comments:
“YTJ
Your partner is allowed to prioritize her health over your desire for a more fun lifestyle.
That being said: you’re allowed to break up over this. It doesn’t make you a jerk to want a relationship with someone who can/does enjoy the same things you enjoy, even if other people think those things are ‘petty’ or ‘unimportant’.
Apparently, they’re important to you. You can break up for any reason at all, it doesn’t have to be ‘good enough’ for anyone but you. But if you stay with your partner and expect her to change how she’s living and prioritizing her health just to better suit what you want, that’s a jerk move.
So break up. Find someone you’re more compatible with. You should both be free to live your lives as you see fit, and you both deserve partners who you are more compatible with.” car55tar5
6. WIBTJ If I Don't Let My Mom Borrow My Homecoming Dress?
“My mom (45f) has liked to dress in more popular Gen Z-type fashion since she divorced my dad a few years back.
She steals my clothes (we are the same size) to go out with men and I feel so weird putting them on after she returns them knowing what’s been done in them. Sometimes she wears my clothes even without my permission because I won’t be home to stop her.
I am now in college. In my school, there is a formal coming up, and I’m wearing my homecoming dress from my senior year of high school. It is absolutely stunning. My mom is volunteering at our city’s pride parade and wants to wear my dress to the gala event they will hold.
I want to say no because of the history of what she does in my clothes, the way she tells me she looks better, etc. but at the same time, she did pay 20% for it when I got it last year (my dad paid the other 80% per their agreement).
I feel guilty telling her no. Would I be the jerk for declining her request to wear it?”
Another User Comments:
“At first I was about to jump on and say how people shouldn’t judge others based on their fashion choices—that if your mom wanted to wear younger clothing, then it’s her choice just like it’s your choice to wear clothing of your style.
However… reading on… YIKES. Not only does your mother take your clothing without your permission, I’m assuming that she does the devil’s tango which ruins your clothing, but she also body shames you by telling you how she looks better.
I get it, she’s probably trying to relive her youth vicariously through you and your clothing. Sometimes I have difficulty distinguishing between a mid-life crisis and a narcissist, but in her case, it’s overlapping.
You deserve to have one nice dress without worrying that your mom is going to ruin it prior to being able to wear it.
Your mom isn’t entitled to wear something she bought for you. If your dad paid for most of it, are you able to hold it in his home? If not, do you have a closet door with a door knob—maybe you can buy and install a lock on the door?
Do you have a close friend you can trust to hold it in their closet and get ready with them?
YWNBTJ.” jasperjamboree
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. The only way this will stop is if you stop living with your mother.
Your mother is violating boundaries and will continue to do so as long as she has access to your wardrobe.
The prom dress is yours, no matter who bought it—it was a gift, so no one else has a right to use it without your permission.
Your mother’s behavior is a bit worrisome and indicates she’s still feeling the effects of the divorce and her age. There’s a need to feel attractive, but dressing your age is inappropriate. I don’t know if you can get her to go to therapy, but it sounds like she needs it.” RetiredBSN
Another User Comments:
“NTJ
I can understand why sharing your clothes with your mom feels weird. I would bring the clothes I don’t want her to wear to a close friend’s for safekeeping.
You can also try to get her friends and family to pitch in for a clothes stylist who can help her with her shopping.
While this is ideal, it’s not necessarily practical but if it could be pulled off, the stylist might be able to help your mom choose her own look that best fits her, than using yours. At the same token, try hitting second-hand stores, find clothes that you think would look better (and stylish) for her, and put those in your closet.
You might find a dress she can wear for her event. Second-hand shopping is the less expensive option.
You can take your homecoming dress to a dry cleaners near your college right before your mom’s event, and tell them you exclusively will be picking it up, not releasing it to anyone else.
If you’d prefer not to be sneaky about this, have a sit-down conversation where both of you try not to raise your voice. If you can, pay the 20% back to your mom if you think she’ll play that card against you.
If a friend or relative you trust agrees with the ‘weird to share my clothes’ thing, that ally might also help advocate for you or help you understand why your mom is going for a younger style.
Good luck! My own mom did this with my clothes and jewelry.
It took a while to work through it. She had no ideas on how to pick out clothes flattering to her.” Straight-Advice3211
5. AITJ For Not Wanting To Live With My Partner's Brother And His Pregnant Partner?
“My (29F) partner (27M) and I have been together about 2.5 years.
We have a three-month-old daughter and I have a ten-year-old daughter from a previous relationship. Recently, his brother (20M) and his partner (19F) moved in with us. Our lease is up next month and our plan was to all move to another house together.
I’ve had a suspicion she is pregnant for a while now, and it was confirmed this morning. I said they would need to move back to the state they are from and live with her parents because I’m not comfortable with both of them and another baby sharing a house with us.
I am certain they will need a good amount of help with the baby and I don’t have the mental or emotional capacity to help them with a baby in addition to my own two children, working full time, and going to online school full time.
I already feel like I’m drowning. My partner and I also intend to have another baby once our three-month-old is a little older. Plus we have 3 dogs and 2 cats and it all just seems like too much under one roof.
They are upset because they feel like we are being unsupportive and kicking them out. My partner won’t say it but I can tell he is sad and maybe feeling a little resentment towards me because he is worried for his little brother (they have already stayed with her parents previously and they would not allow him to continue living there.
So he really has nowhere to go but with us, if her parents will not allow him to live with them). Am I being unsupportive? Because I feel like I’m just trying to make the best decision for my own children.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, they are demanding support from you that you didn’t offer in the first place and taking it for granted. You shouldn’t have to take care of anybody’s children but your own on a daily basis as anything else than a favor.
They should have thought about whether or not they can support a child on their own before getting pregnant and absolutely should have asked beforehand considering they were moving into your house.” StrikingAirport77
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, but dig a little deeper.
I suspect your partner is feeling a bit of torn loyalties here… you might want to sit him down and find out exactly what he’s feeling. As well as what you’re feeling. Would you want 20M and 19F to stick around if there were just a little less on your plate?
If that’s the case, there might be tactical plans the 4 of you can make. If it’s just that you’re getting tired of them, you and your partner may have to have some rough conversations. End of the day, he’ll probably back you and send his brother away, but it’s pretty understandable he won’t thank you for forcing the choice on him.” akaioi
4. AITJ For Wanting To Have Some Me Time?
“My wife and I spend almost no time apart at the moment as our son is struggling with bedtime routines and it takes her feeding then me singing a song to get him to sleep. We’ve both had tiresome weeks at work and this will be wake-up number 4 for our son as he has a nasty cold and wakes himself up, which involves me holding him for roughly 15-20 minutes and then getting him back down in his cot.
I’ve been out twice in 3 months because there’s just no point. If he wakes up he will not go back in the cot for his mum but will for me.
I have the most incredible relationship with my wife. We love most of the same stuff so in the evening we’ll watch something together and then go to bed but tonight I want to stay up and watch an episode of something I know that she will hate so when it’s ‘bedtime’ I say, ‘babe I really just want to watch an episode of xxxxx then I’ll come to bed’ which was met with anger and ‘well if he wakes up early you can look after him,’ followed by a bit of ‘How long are you going to be then?’ and ‘Well I probably won’t sleep until you’re in bed so that means we both have a late night’.
We ended up having a small argument about how we both need sleep but I want to forgo 45 minutes max to watch something for myself.
I get her side of it, if she doesn’t sleep when I’m not in bed with her right now then she won’t be sleeping but if we both go to bed now she’ll sleep and I’ll be forced to listen to something as the light from my phone is ‘too bright’ and keeps her awake.
So my only idea is to watch my program downstairs whilst she goes upstairs.
We’re both tired and mentally drained, but I just really want some time to myself right now which I feel like I just don’t get…”
Another User Comments:
“No jerks here
Fellow tired parent here: sometimes it doesn’t matter how tired you are, you just want some time and some space to be you, be alone, not be touched, and enjoy something that helps you recharge. These moments don’t frequently present themselves so you have to take them as they come.
It sounds like your wife is also tired and burnt out. You both deserve a break and since you’re doing the heavy midnight lifting you get your time first, then tomorrow you can go to bed early together and get some extra sleep.” emotionallydented445
Another User Comments:
“NTJ! No you both need what will help you. For her, it sounds like being by you but you sound touched out and want something separate. I don’t suppose she could suck it up and watch something she doesn’t like just so she’s with you?
Otherwise, honestly, she can wait for just 1 episode. The fact you both do things for your child is amazing! Many of us don’t get that help so by letting you have those few minutes to yourself, she could find something herself.
It’s not being selfish because u are looking after yourself so you can be at your best for them both!” Netty1420
Another User Comments:
“No jerks here. From your description you’re both stretched pretty thin and in need of some rest and recreation.
Maybe her overreaction has to do with something completely different, like a fear of losing you because life is so stressful at the moment. Even if it’s completely irrational. Maybe your request came off as rude or there was a real or imaginary tone.
Your request is valid, you are allowed some me-time. Has your wife had some me time recently? Maybe that triggered her.
Any way the grandparents can look after the little one for a day and you guys sleep in and do something nice together?
Also deep breath, this too shall pass in a couple of months.” Umbrella_ella_ella89
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. You’re allowed time to yourself just like she is. Ask her if she has any time she wants for herself, this could just be frustration at seeing someone else get free time while she feels trapped with none.
Also, it’s really unhealthy your wife can’t sleep without you beside her. I would have a GENTLE convo about how that is too much pressure and responsibility to put on any one person.” OverworkednOvertired
3. AITJ For Preventing My Cousin From Getting In Trouble With A Kangaroo?
“I (25 m) have my aunt, uncle, and cousin visiting from the States. They moved there before they had their son so he doesn’t know anything about the wildlife here. I live up in bushland near a national park and took them there to see some wildlife since my cousin (16 m) really wanted to see Kangaroos.
I agreed as long as they listen to me and do what I say. We don’t just have those tiny kangaroos around here we have red kangaroos that are so big and dangerous so I warned them not to go near any kangaroos till I say it’s ok.
Well, my cousin didn’t listen and at one point started walking up to a male red kangaroo that looked about 6ft tall puffing up his chest ready to turn my cousin into red mist. I was mixed with anger from my cousin not listening and panic that my cousin was about to get in trouble.
I ran up to him before he could get closer and pulled him back yelling ‘Don’t be a freaking idiot, what did I tell you? Do you want to end up in the hospital with your guts spilling out of you’, that’s about the gist of what I said.
My aunt and uncle are mad at me for it now and my cousin is just sad since I know he looks up to me. I probably shouldn’t have yelled or used that language on a child but I was just so panicked and frustrated that it all just came out.
AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. You can have a conversation with your cousin later about how you know you used severe language, but you wouldn’t have done that if your cousin’s life weren’t actually in jeopardy. And because your cousin is 16 not 6, they should be able to process this without much difficulty.
Remind your cousin that you love them very much.
Your aunt and uncle can kick rocks. They should be thanking you for saving their child who they didn’t warn properly of the dangers.” SalaciousSapphic
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, I can understand that you might feel bad for how you spoke to him, but that doesn’t make you the jerk.
You were concerned for his safety and he was nearing an emergency situation he clearly didn’t understand.
You set expectations around this outing and he did not follow them, there are consequences to that. He’s lucky he didn’t have significantly severe repercussions at the hands (or feet I guess) of that kangaroo.
If you want to apologize for the specific words you used, that’s one thing, but you should not apologize for saving him from an emergency situation. If anything, you should explain why you reacted so ‘harshly’, as he probably doesn’t really understand the danger he was about to be in.
As someone who has worked with wildlife in a rehab/release setting, people don’t often grasp how quickly and easily they can get absolutely screwed up by wild animals. It’s one thing to know something can hurt you, it’s another to know and understand that it can and will throw itself at you, to intentionally hurt you, just because you got a little too close.” Ouragan28
Another User Comments:
“NTJ
It’s not like your cousin is 8 years old or something, so he should have listened (but teenagers are stubborn you know). Still, you should talk to him and apologize, just explain yourself clearly as to why you shouted this way at him.
You have your reasons, but his parents were not there to witness so you’ll have to go with it and play a safe card using clever communication. So that they’ll understand why you said all that, you’re not perfect you did your best to protect your cousin as fast as possible.
If you haven’t done that yet… then everyone sucks here.” Extreme_Category2333
2. AITJ For Ruining My Significant Other's Mom's Christmas Tree?
“I (18 f) was invited to a late Thanksgiving on (11/26/22), with my significant other’s (19 m) family. It was a lovely late Thanksgiving gathering because my SO and I spent Thanksgiving apart, so his family made a second gathering so they can invite other relatives too.
This gathering was located at his mother’s house, which he is visiting. When we went in, there was this beautiful fully decorated around 14ft tree, that was put up on the first of November.
It was lit up and had many ornaments, it was beautiful decor.
We all ate and conversed, it was great! Until it wasn’t.
They have this huge poodle who is the cutest thing, but, is too hyper. I was sitting on the sofa talking to my SO’s sister.
I was playing with the dog, got given treats from his father, and was walking with them.
The dog took the whole pack of treats out of my hand, so I ran to get it. No one was in the main room at this point and his sister went to go freshen up. I was chasing the poodle when the poodle went behind the tree, I followed, I ran & the light wires wrapped around my feet.
I tripped, the light wires tightened on the tree and it fell backward. It didn’t fall all the way & it just landed on the wall. But, the ornaments fell off and it was a mess.
Three people came running because it made the most embarrassing sound that could be heard by anyone nearby.
I was beside the tree that was now crooked backward & the mother came and started gasping. My SO checked on me, but, his mother was distraught… for the tree (I still can’t believe this).
The men started to put it back in place even though it was heavy and the mother was still in a frenzy.
I apologized and asked her if she needed compensation for any damage, my SO told me that it was fine and I left with my SO.
I was really close with his mother but now she hasn’t even responded to my message.
AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“YTJ. I feel like I’ve seen this in a movie but if this is a real story, then you’re definitely the jerk. You’re the jerk for running in the house, which many children learn not to do, & you’re the jerk for chasing a dog behind a Christmas tree.
That was obviously a bad & careless move. It’s great that you apologized & offered compensation, but for many people, the value of a tree & its ornaments is sentimental, not just financial. Many people collect or inherit ornaments, & they are literally irreplaceable.
If you are surprised the mother was distraught over the tree & the ornaments, that insensitivity is another reason you’re the jerk.” YMMV-But
Another User Comments:
“With all due respect, this is the reason we teach kids not to run inside the house.
Sounds like the dog was hyper from being fed too many treats and then being chased. It was an accident but irreplaceable sentimental family ornaments may have been broken because you chose to run behind a massive Christmas tree instead of calmly waiting for the dog to emerge.
Accidents happen. But your SO’s mom isn’t a jerk for needing more than a day to stop being upset. Especially as this accident was avoidable. There was no reason for a grown woman to be running inside the house, or running anywhere near the Christmas tree.
Gently YTJ for not being more empathetic to your SO’s family.” excel_pager_420
Another User Comments:
“YTJ & I’d give her some space for a few days. If you really want to salvage this you could try to reach out to your SO & find some sort of restaurant she likes and offer to take her out and buy some replacement ornaments!
It won’t be the same obviously, but it’ll show that you want to make up for doing something that obviously hurt her. I get not being as empathetic at the moment because I would get overwhelmed in a situation like that, but some of those probably had some great significance to her, and even if not she probably put some good effort into making the tree look nice so I’d be kind of upset too.
I think y’all can move on from this though, just need a nice gesture.” R_JJB
1. AITJ For Not Wanting To Stay In The Kitchen With My Partner's Female Family Members?
“I went to Thanksgiving at my partner’s family’s house last night.
I had met his parents and sister a couple of times but this was my first time meeting his more extended family. He said they make a whole day of it, so we would be heading over around 10 am.
When we arrived there were several men sitting in the living room watching football.
My partner introduced me to his brother, BIL, uncles, and some cousins. His dad was also there.
There is a cooler in the middle of the room and my partner grabs a beer and sits down to watch the game.
His mom and sister come in to say ‘hi’ and his mom says ‘Perfect timing! We are just getting going in the kitchen! Come on let’s get you a drink!’
I go into the kitchen and there are several women in there.
They have Christmas movies on the TV and most of them are doing some kind of food prep.
I grab my drink and go back and sit with my partner.
I tried to strike up some conversation, but the guys were super into the game.
After a while, I take my partner to the side and tell him I feel awkward, since I’m not into football, and no one is really talking to me.
He told me ‘Then go hang out in the kitchen, the girls talk up a storm.
The family tradition is for the guys to watch football and the ladies hang out in the kitchen and make the meal.’
I told him I found that extremely misogynistic, and I was not interested in ‘going to the kitchen’ while the men sat around drinking and watching TV.
I ended up just sitting around awkwardly watching them all talk sports until basically dinner was served, at which point they got up, got a plate, and went back to watching tv.
I told my partner after that I was upset and he said I was overreacting.
I told him it was awkward, as I didn’t like sports but I didn’t want to be banished to the kitchen with ‘the women’. I told him I feel like I got to know next to nothing about his family, except that they have this messed up ‘tradition’.
AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“YTJ
It sounds like you went to your partner’s house for Thanksgiving and were mad that you weren’t getting special attention. His mom tried to include you, you said no. Your partner wanted to watch the game with his male family members, but you didn’t like that and constantly tried to interrupt him.
You’re trying to make it sexist because ‘the women’ weren’t in the room. Seems to me they don’t care for sports either, and decided to have their own tradition instead of demanding attention. You owe your partner and his family a serious apology, you entitled princess.” GeneralPhilosophy691
Another User Comments:
“NTJ
It’s a sexist tradition, one that you don’t plan on perpetuating in your own life. It’s also ridiculously unfair—the women do all the work and the men don’t even have to speak to them?
That’s gross. My grandfather, who loved a holiday ball game, would have given those boys a talk.
You didn’t blow up the day or have a major discussion with your partner at dinner. You waited politely and then explained that you aren’t comfortable with his family’s sexist ways.
That’s not overreacting, that’s trying to have an important conversation about how you will move forward and how you expect to be treated.
If he’s determined not to rock that boat, y’all may just not be compatible.
Get you a feminist man who will get down and dirty in the kitchen with you.” Amiedeslivres
Another User Comments:
“YTJ
You decided not to be in the kitchen only because you thought it was sexist, even though all the women there weren’t helping out with the cooking but were watching Christmas movies, drinking, and chatting instead of watching football, because like you, they don’t want to.
The men in fact didn’t tell you you couldn’t sit down and watch football, they just wanted to watch the game and not make small talk with you, I mean how misogynistic is that? (Laughs sarcastically)
The fact was you had a choice, no one forced you into the kitchen, and no one told you, you had to cook.
What are you suggesting, that men shouldn’t be allowed to watch football on Thanksgiving but should only be interested in the topics you want to talk about or that women shouldn’t step inside a kitchen during Thanksgiving because it’s sexist?” Pavlova_Nova
Another User Comments:
“Remember this experience very, very well, because it’s most definitely a glimpse of what your future will look like if you stay with your partner.
You told him how you felt, he invalidated your feelings, and told you to grin and bear it.
Is that what you want?
Not only does he accept this type of alienation, he expects you to just cluck with the other chickens in the kitchen.
NTJ.” HotChildinDaCity
YTJ because you expected his family to cater to you - the women welcomed you and invited you to join them, have a drink, chat, watch movies - nowhere does it say you were expected to cook. Then you decide the game is the best time to try to talk to the guys - seriously? Have you never seen people watch sports? Trying to engage in a conversation during a game is downright rude, yet you got offended that no one paid attention to you. You really expected that the guys would ignore the game and focus on you. Then at the end you complain that no one bothered to get to know you - uh, YOU put NO effort into getting to know THEM! You came off as very rude and so wouldn’t be surprised if you aren’t asked back.
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