People Want To Know What's On Our Mind After Reading Their "Am I The Jerk?" Stories

Behind every dilemma is an opinion. There are helpful opinions and then there are ones that are unwanted. Unsolicited opinions and advice can be, well, annoying to say the least. On the other hand, the advice you actually ask for can come in handy. When, say, trying to figure out if you were in the wrong for refusing to mend a broken relationship with your father or for denying financial assistance to your parents when they reach out for help, you're going to want all the advice you can get. Whether the advice someone receives validates them or helps open their eyes to a different perspective, hearing people out can be worth it. So, think you can help some people out with their sticky situations? Continue reading on. Comment on each story with your advice and who you think the jerk is! AITJ = Am I the jerk? NTJ = Not the jerk WIBTJ = Would I be the jerk? YTJ = You're the jerk

15. AITJ For Refusing To Let My Fiance's Mom Pick My Look For Our Wedding?

“My fiancé and I are getting married. He comes from a conservative family and his mom has been up in the wedding planning posing as “supervisor” to oversee and to “catch & eliminate” anything that could be seen as “offensive.” After the wedding dress fiasco (I was told to get a dress that wasn’t showing too much ‘skin’…came the makeup issue.

I showed my fiancé some looks I wanted to choose from, and he gasped and said his mom would have a stroke if she saw “these.” I in frustration asked what should I do, and the next thing I knew but did not expect was for her to send me “looks” of models with almost no makeup or light makeup.

No eyeshadow, no glossy lipstick just…a plain look.

I refused to choose from any of her suggestions, and we had an argument. My fiancé came home and argued about how I’m planning on humiliating him and his family at the wedding by wanting to look like a…”clown” and make a joke out of BOTH of us.

I snapped and called him delusional to think I’d let his mom get a say in what makeup I should wear since it’s my face. He said there’s no such thing as “mine” and “yours” in marriage and that I’m clearly too “immature” for it.

He has been avoiding me while saying, “You know why I’m avoiding you…” and his mom sent a text about how she has my best interest at heart.

AITJ?”

Another User Comments:

“NTJ. So when he says there is no mine or yours in a marriage, does he mean you lose all rights to your own body?

If you don’t want more kids or even to have interactions with him at any point, do you lose rights to your own body because of marriage? And when you say no, you’ll just be called immature or worse? You are an adult perfectly capable of making your own decisions.

And instead of talking it out, your fiancé takes the immature route of punishing you by ignoring you.

His behavior and taking away your choices is just a precursor for your marriage. If his parents are dictating that you get married or even the details of your own wedding, how much are they going to meddle after?

Will it be a mandatory private religious school? Will you be forced to stay at home with no access to money? Will the control get worse and lead to physical attacks when you say no?

These are the questions I would be asking myself. You don’t have to be on your in-laws’ timetable.

Be on your timetable.

Marriage is a compromise between two people. Not two people and a MIL.” PotatoLover-3000

Another User Comments:

“NTJ.

Your fiance is choosing his mother over you every time. If she’s the most important woman in his life, he should marry her and not you.

I’m assuming he knows that you wear less modest clothing than his family and more makeup. That you aren’t, deep down inside, the woman mommy dearest wants as a DIL. So why is he marrying you if a modest wife (or mom’s definition of a modest wife) is a priority for him?

What does he value about you?

What do you value about yourself? If this is any indication of what your married life is going to be like, how much of yourself are you going to have to mutilate to be acceptable to your husband and ILs?

Why would you be ok with that?

It’s your wedding. Your dress. Your face. Your life. Yes, you’re agreeing to share this wedding and life with him, but not his mother. And not in such a way where there’s no room for compromise or for your thoughts and wishes.

Your fiance and FMIL have told you who they are: controlling at best, abusive at worst. Dodge this bullet and return the ring. I promise there’s a much better person waiting for you to find them, there’s no reason to compromise with this jerk.” Cryptographer_Alone

Another User Comments:

“What are you doing?! RUN. NTJ!

My husband’s family believes booze is sinful, the women don’t cut their hair or wear pants, no makeup, no jewelry. We served booze at our wedding, I wore makeup, wore pants to the rehearsal, I cut and dyed my hair… Wear makeup, jewelry, etc. And guess what?

They kept telling me how much they loved me because it wasn’t about adopting their beliefs, it was about making their son happy. His mom (who has since passed) and I had different beliefs on many things but talked on the phone often and loved and respected each other.

I know at first she had hoped her son would marry within their faith… But then she saw how often we were smiling, laughing… How we hiked and camped together and drank teas together, etc and she opened her heart to me.

This family is shutting you out for being who you are.

RUN. You cannot raise kids in a family like this.” JulieOAdventureLady

2 points - Liked by anmi and LizzieTX
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Realitycheck 1 month ago
NTJ. I logged in just to vomment on this~ he told you that you will embarrass them. It will NOT get better! Seriously. He is just trying to control you. You don't need that!
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14. AITJ For Not Dyeing My White Hair For A Wedding?

Being asked to dye your hair to be in a wedding is a HUGE ask and pretty inappropriate if you ask me.

“So for context, I (20f) was born with a rare condition, and it made me born with a large patch of white hair.

It’s always been white all my life, and the rest of my hair is dark brown. When I was a kid I tried dyeing it several times but it burned and left rashes until it faded.

My older brother (27m) is getting married in about a month.

He’s marrying ‘May’ (25f). They have made me one of the bridesmaids. Yesterday May and my family were having a large supper ‘party’ to talk about the wedding more and just see each other. During dinner, May said I should schedule an appointment with the hairdressers soon.

I asked her why, and she said I needed to get ‘that thing’ covered up for her wedding pictures, I was a bridesmaid after all so I had to look nice. I said I would never dye my hair again, but she got a bit huffy and left the room for a bit, and my brother said to just dye it this once, with maybe temporary dye?

He said it was May’s choice, she was the bride, and if I didn’t comply they would simply pull me out of the wedding ceremony. I still tried to defend myself, but I think I did too much, I said it was my choice and I didn’t care what anyone said, and my brother just got angry and told me I was a jerk.

Am I? It is their wedding after all but part of me feels justified so I’m torn.”

Another User Comments:

“NTJ, it’s her choice who’s her bridesmaid, but it certainly isn’t her choice what you do with your own body. She knew what your hair looked like when she picked you and only mentions this now?

Yeah, they even know they’re jerks.

Tell her to screw all the way off with her control issues if she thinks a patch of white hair is more important than the person it’s attached to. Also, congratulate your brother on picking a vain, self-centered bridezilla to waste the rest of his life on.

Just kidding, obviously don’t do that because they are not even worth stirring up crap.

That being said, I only know two people with a similar condition but everyone – well, every adult – thinks it’s actually an awesome feature. I mean there are actually people dyeing their hair or strands of it white!” RiverSong_777

Another User Comments:

“NTJ.

Drop out of the wedding party and maybe find someplace else to be for the wedding. Your reasons are valid for not wanting to dye your hair and it would be very costly for you to do such, and probably require more money than you can afford to do such.

Besides, if she thinks of you like that, maybe a good time to go LC with her and your brother, and just avoid them as much as possible.

Nothing wrong with the patch of white hair on your head, it is unique and I would bet that it looks very nice and the style gives it a personality and makes you stand out and shine.

There are lots of stories here with this exact same topic, hair. But there was one that your story reminded me of, where the person had 2 different colors of eyes, and the bride wanted the person to wear contacts. The bride was wrong in that case and the jerk, just like the bride in this story is wrong and also the jerk.” JCWa50

Another User Comments:

“NTJ.

Your future SIL cares more about her precious photos than your health and well-being. You told her about what happened when you dyed it before and she’s out of line to ask you to put yourself at risk of infection just for her superficial need for the “perfect photo.” She’s a mean girl and a bridezilla.

A wedding shouldn’t be about the perfect photo. No wedding or family is perfect. Weddings are about committing yourself to someone in front of friends and family and God, if you believe in that. She’s missing the point. She’s causing an unnecessary rift in your family over something that you can’t help or change.

She needs to ask herself if it’s worth it to join a family that she’s divided. If anyone takes her side, that’s what you tell them.

If it were me, I’d politely excuse myself as a bridesmaid and a guest. Even though it’s not a disability, it’s a chronic condition that can’t really be treated or changed. It’s part of who you are and it’s kinda ableist to give you an ultimatum.” kikivee612

2 points - Liked by anmi and LizzieTX
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LizzieTX 2 months ago
Oh, he!! to the no on that noise! Your future SIL is a massive jerk and your brother should pay attention to her behaviour now, before he puts his neck in the noose and ends up spending at least a few years with that,................person. Hopefully, she'll show herself to him to be as heinous as she's shown herself to you, and maybe he'll reconsider. Until then, I'd be telling FSIL not to worry, that not only will you be bowing out of her wedding party, but also out of the wedding, so she won't be distressed at the sight of your white spot on her special day. Then block them both, no matter what anyone else says. And if "anyone else" includes family, block them too. The idea!
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13. AITJ For Refusing To Pay For My Sister To Join Our Trip To Italy?

Why should she get to go on the trip for free?

“For my mother’s birthday this upcoming August, I (25f) planned to pay for her and me to take a trip to Italy in September. When I first made these plans in the summer of 2022, I spoke with my sister (23f) and asked if she wanted to come and she said she couldn’t because she could not afford it, which is totally understandable as she still lives at home with mom and works in a food retailer of sorts.

I moved out in 2020 and started saving for this Italy trip after speaking with my sister. All seemed well, and my mom was excited to go since it was a trip for her to a destination she always wanted to visit.

Cut to now. I’ve been making steady plans of what we will do in Italy each day and – of course – the overall cost. I was going to pay for my mom’s ticket and mine as well as our hotel for the entirety of the trip.

I’d also likely pay for some dinners and fun stuff while in the country. My mom wanted to bring money for herself to get whatever she wanted as well. However, now my mom has been talking about how my sister is upset that we are going without her and that she wants to go.

I get that – I do – and if I were in her shoes I’d feel the same way. But her financial situation hasn’t changed, so Mom was saying she and I could split the cost for my sister to come with us. This is an absolute no to me because according to my savings plan, I should have enough for just mom and me for the plane, hotel, food, train, and an emergency.

I do not have spare change to pay for my sister as well. My mom is also not doing well financially (a big reason I wanted to pay for something so extravagant for her since she likely could never afford to go), so her paying half for my sister to come was unfair in my opinion.

None of us are rolling in money. We’re all struggling, but I planned for just 2 people to go to Italy and saved as such. I don’t think it’s fair for my sister to start complaining about wanting to go now without paying her way 100%. She isn’t giving any money towards the trip for Mom (since it’s Mom’s gift), so the least she can do is pay her own way at this point.

This was supposed to be a gift for my mom and I already asked my sister if she wanted to/could contribute when I first started planning this and she couldn’t and I respected that. I haven’t bought our flights yet (waiting until March), so I wanted to know if I was really being unreasonable wanting to spend an extra $1,000 or so for my sister to come with us when it would be dipping into my already low savings and wasn’t part of my budget plan from the get-go.

Please let me know because my mom is really upset with me and I feel like my sister is ruining something that was supposed to be a dream for her.”

Another User Comments:

“NTJ.

Your sister can’t just decide that she wants in when she initially refused. She could’ve started putting some money aside in case she did change her mind, but she didn’t and that’s on her.

I get that your mum is upset, but you need to explain to her that you simply cannot afford to pay for your sister to go on the trip, and after all the saving and planning you’ve done, it would be massively unfair if your sister got to go on a free holiday on your dime.

Your mum can be as upset as she likes, but it isn’t going to change the fact that you simply do not have any money to include your sister. And stress to your mother that this is a birthday gift for her, not her and your sister.

You also need to stress to your sister that it’s unfair that she wants to partake in all the fun but doesn’t want to pay her way, and her making you look like the bad guy is going to risk causing irreversible damage to your sisterly relationship.

I think your mother is being unfair and unreasonable and is playing favorites. She’s not realizing how this could strain or damage things between you and her as well as you and your sister, because if your sister gets to go, you will probably spend the whole trip, and maybe years afterward, resenting both your mum and sister for foisting this on you.” Fearless-Golf-8496

Another User Comments:

“NTJ.

At this point, it sounds like your mom isn’t going to enjoy the trip without your sister. It may be time to tell her that.

“Mom, I planned and saved so you and I could visit Italy. Because (sister) isn’t able to join the trip and it means so much to you that she does I’m going to postpone giving you this gift until she can afford to make it.”

That’s it. Done. Your mom took what was supposed to be a lovely gift and turned it into you paying for a family vacation. There’s no way you can go without hearing “I wish your sister was here to see this” every other sentence.

By saying you’ll postpone it until she can pay for herself you’ve set the expectation that it will still happen, once she has enough to pay her way.

That’s probably never but that’s also not on you.” ShyMagpie

Another User Comments:

“NTJ.

You’re giving your mother a wonderful gift. I’m sorry this issue is preventing everyone from enjoying it. I know your sister is disappointed that she can’t go, and I know your mom would love for all three of you to be able to go to Italy.

It’s just not possible on your budget. There’s no getting around that.

I’m generally against involving family in personal financial matters, but it might be worth sitting your mother down and explaining to her exactly how tight your finances are right now and will continue to be for the foreseeable future.

If your mother feels this strongly about your sister being present, perhaps she’d be open to a trip to a cheaper destination? I don’t know what country you reside in, but maybe there’s an alternative closer to home.” sethra007

1 points - Liked by LizzieTX
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deka1 2 months ago
Nope. NTJ. You have no obligation to pay for your sister. She knew far enough in advance that she could've made some attempt to save at least part of what she'd need. That might have made you feel a bit better about helping her out. If your mom is going to be a pain in the butt about it, might be time to just cancel the trip or go alone.
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12. AITJ For Renting Out An Apartment For My Son Until He Gets A Job?

“My son “Aiden” (23) moved back in with us upon graduating college as my husband wanted. My husband’s original plan was to have Aiden live with us for free but stay home and help with his disabled younger brother (16).

Aiden started complaining about needing money and wanted to find a job. My husband was against this and even offered to double his allowance but Aiden was growing tired of staying at home.

So he began looking for jobs here and there for over a year, but none of his job applications came through.

He’d just apply and they never get back to him. We were confused by this til recently, I found out that my husband was behind all the job applications being canceled. He’d wait til Aiden applied, then he proceeded to cancel the application by impersonating him and using his email.

I blew up at him for this, but his justification is that he’s just trying to make sure that our younger son is cared for by Aiden and said that Aiden has been a big help and his getting a job will affect his care for his brother.

I went ahead and rented an apartment for Aiden and told him to stay there til he finds a job and starts paying for it himself. Aiden was hurt upon knowing what his dad did. My husband was livid when he found out. He called me unhinged and said that I was separating the boys and teaching Aiden to become selfish and care more about a job than family.

He also said it was a huge decision for me to rent an apartment without even running it by him.

He’s been giving me heck about it and is calling me a terrible mother for encouraging Aiden to be selfish and self-centered. He said I needed to see and understand why he did what he did.”

Another User Comments:

“NTJ.

Aiden isn’t responsible for caring for his brother. That’s yours & your husband’s responsibility. Your husband is being abusive & manipulative by trapping Aiden so he’s forced into caring for your younger son instead of being allowed to live his own life which isn’t fair to either boy.

Add that he’s now lashing out because you’re preventing him from continuing his plan & the red flags can be seen from space.

Please let Aiden be free to make his own choices & have his own life. Having a disabled sibling doesn’t mean that he’s required to be a caregiver if he doesn’t want to.

Your husband forced that upon him the moment he sabotaged the first application.

This is a case where my marriage would be over due to everything your husband’s done, but ultimately that’s your choice to make. Just please don’t let him push or guilt you or Aiden into backing down.

He has no right to force him into a role & life he doesn’t want. & no, wanting to make sure one son is cared for to the detriment of the other isn’t good parenting nor the right choice.” DearOP_

Another User Comments:

“NTJ. Big RED FLAG!

Your husband needs to be held criminally accountable for what he did to Aiden!! Identity theft is NO small matter. Husband’s level of imagined ‘ownership’ over Aiden’s LIFE is beyond crazy!! Everything he is doing and saying is all so freaking TOXIC that you should head straight for the DIVORCE lawyer.

I would have done it over his destruction of Aiden’s applications alone, but his entitlement over Aiden’s life, and his ridiculous gaslighting of you are just so far beyond reasonable. You rented an apartment without his input – so what? He illegally broke into Aiden’s accounts, erased Aiden’s communications, and is trying to manipulate and enslave Aiden – and he didn’t get any input from either one of you before doing that.

Now he’s making you out to be the ‘bad’ parent??? It would be laughable if it wasn’t so frightening. Do not second guess yourself, this behavior is unacceptable and unforgivable. He is NOT a good father, he is NOT a good husband; he is NOT a good PERSON.

RUN.” TrainingDearest

Another User Comments:

“You are not the jerk here, but you are not blameless. You went along with this plan to use your oldest child as an unpaid home healthcare worker. Your husband, however, is a massively manipulative jerk for so many reasons.

He impersonated another person. Your son could feasibly bring charges against him in civil court at the least. He irrevocably broke your son’s trust. He blatantly does not care about your son’s future, but rather sees him as a servant that he made with his loins.

He treats your child as an indentured servant responsible for the other child the two of you chose to have, and takes the credit for “handling it” himself by forcing and manipulating your other son to do the parenting and caregiving for the two of you FOR FREE.

I’m glad you came to your senses and found your empathy and did right by your son. Your other son sounds like he needs professional care. Your husband is not doing right by EITHER of your children, or by you. Be honest with yourself – if he was so comfortable doing this, what other crap is he pulling on YOU?

This is not a safe person for you or your children to be around, OP. He is a liar, a manipulator, and a crappy father.” Internal-Student-997

1 points - Liked by LizzieTX
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LizzieTX 2 months ago
I can't believe how toxic your husband is. I would be headed straight to the divorce attorney AND encouraging Aiden to press charges against his father. How cruel and entitled can your husband be? There's not much that shocks me in this world but your husband's behaviour did the trick. Tell him his little trick backfired and now the two of you will be paying Aiden's rent for as long as it takes him to find a job, and that will probably be a long while since your @$$hole husband sabotaged him so relentlessly, AND you'll be hiring a caregiver for your husband to pay for, to take care of your younger son. And if he has a problem with that, tough. Wow.
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11. AITJ For Not Moving Back Home After Finding Out I'm Pregnant

“My husband (28M) and I (27F) have been married for 1.5 years. We both work in tech. Both our parents live in the same city as us.

Recently, for a project, I had to move to a different city for about 6 months, and since he had to go to the office 2-3 times a week, he didn’t move with me.

So we came up with an agreement that we would visit each other every other week and alternatively so that I could meet my parents at least once a month.

This went well for 2 months and then I found out now that I am pregnant.

It was my turn to visit him and when I told him he was really happy. He told me that he would try to get work from home option for him so that he could stay with me for the remainder of the time.

When we went to tell his parents, they asked when I was coming back, and I told them that I couldn’t leave the project mid-way and that my husband is coming to stay.

My MIL freaked out saying that he can’t leave the city and what if they have any emergency, and she sort of called me a jerk for taking their son away.”

Another User Comments:

“Wow, the problem in that scenario is NOT what I thought it was going to be.

I was expecting you to have troubles because your husband was not going to be with you, or that parents were mystified that you were not moving in with THEM after learning you are pregnant. Nope.

Are his parents extremely elderly or infirm? I wouldn’t think so because you guys are pretty young.

Is he normally a caregiver of some fashion for them? If not, they should have NO expectations of their adult son living near them. Do they have constant and real legitimate needs? Or is it that there is the call once a month to change the lightbulb in the attic, or twice a year to change the batteries in the smoke detectors?

What will happen if one or both of you take a job far away someday?

NTJ. And have a beautiful, healthy baby.” justputonashirt

Another User Comments:

“NTJ. I am always amazed at how so-called adults claim they can’t function without their grown child, independent, and on their own.

How in the heck did they survive before they had a baby?! They can’t do anything on their own. Let them be farking unhappy. Boo hoo on them.

Your husband is married to you, seems like he is going to move to be with you.

MIL is the jerk here. I hope he doesn’t reconsider. This is a grown woman here, not a petulant child. (I would hope.)

She’ll get over it or she won’t. Either way, they can stay sad and mope if they want. Their loss. And if they keep it up it is possible they could end up driving their own son away.” nosaneoneleft

Another User Comments:

“NTJ. Sounds like you and your husband have a system that works out well for the 2 of you, despite the distance. And y’all adapted it to the new situation. A lot of couples would have foundered here, and healthy parents would be glad that y’all have found a way to make it all work.

Disappointed that there may be fewer visits FOR A FEW MONTHS, and perhaps concerned about finding an OBGYN in a new city, but proud and supportive. If he was primarily responsible for caring for disabled parents, that would be another story, but “What if there’s an emergency?” Sorry it’s inconvenient, but is there nobody else they can rely on?

You and your husband are partners responding to the realities of balancing jobs with a kiddo on the way. Congratulations to y’all both, and sorry that your MiL tried to make y’all’s lives revolve around her. Best of luck, OP!” Notte_di_nerezza

1 points - Liked by LizzieTX
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10. AITJ For Telling My Half-Sisters That My Mom Isn't Their Mom?

“I’m 19m and this is about my older half-sisters. My dad had them with a high school partner but was never in their lives (he’d sleep with her a few times and just never be involved with the girls). She was a train wreck and he made a promise to her parents that he would take them if she got so bad they were suffering for it.

But he never planned to keep the promise and he never told anyone about them, never supported them or anything. So he married my mom and she had no idea. Then when she was pregnant with me the grandparents showed up and said the girls were not being taken care of and he needed to step up and be their dad.

My mom was home on her own and was in so much shock. The girls were 6 and 8 at the time, and were 7 and 9 by the time I was born, I think. Dad got home after several hours and once he realized Mom wasn’t handling it like some saint he was trying to talk her into raising them together.

She didn’t want to stay with a liar or raise someone else’s kids so she left him and they divorced when I was 4 months old.

Dear old dad didn’t want them either and would allow them to fixate on my mom. He tried to pawn them off on her many times.

He’d ask in front of me for her to take them. He’d try to get her co-parenting the three of us instead of just me. Mom always kept firm and tried to keep that stuff away from me, but Dad never did. The girls spent years wanting Mom to be their mom.

They were in their teens and trying to use me to get mom to adopt them and stuff of that nature. It was sad. It was awkward as heck for me. The pressure was a lot. I hated Dad, and when I was 14, I stopped seeing him, and by extension the girls, who still lived with him.

Then a couple of years ago they made contact with me and tried to have a relationship again. But they were still so fixated on Mom, and it made me uncomfortable, so I always tried to avoid heavy topics with them.

A couple of weeks ago while I was at Mom’s, they showed up and started yelling at Mom and telling her that she was a piece of crap, and she became their mom the moment she married Dad and should have been there for them.

They told her she owed them as much as she owed me and how could she not love them. I stepped in and told them they needed to leave and that Mom was not their mom, and they needed to accept that. It took some time, but they left after I told them they needed to seek help to get over their fixation on Mom and learn to accept that she’s not their mom.

I told them they needed to stay away from Mom, leave her alone, and work on themselves. They texted me after that I was a jerk just like her, and they deserved so much better.”

Another User Comments:

“It wouldn’t hurt to text the girls the full story.

I think they have been given lie upon lie.

If I had to guess based on my knowledge of how toxic people act, dear old dad told them your mom promised to parent them, promised she’d adopt them. And the only reason he married her and had another child with her is because she made that deal with him.

You guys waited until the other mom was ready to hand over the girls and bam! Out of nowhere, your mom broke her promise and left.

She strung him along for years saying she was almost ready to take on the girls. Maybe he occasionally sent them over – saying go talk to her, let her know it’s time she lived up to her agreements.

Put yourself in the position of a liar who refuses all responsibility, who has no qualms about blaming others. How many lies would be told? Years and years of lies and brainwashing. Those girls are super messed up, but they have no idea what is real and what’s not.

Every word out of Dad’s mouth has been a lie that blames your mom, NTJ.” ThatGirl_Tasha

Another User Comments:

“Your half-sisters did deserve so much better – from your dad and their actual mum, and their grandparents. It’s absolutely heartbreaking that they lost their mum because she fell in a heap and at the very least were emotionally neglected by their dad.

The desperation that they showed to be away from your dad speaks either of serious neglect or emotional maltreatment or worse.

That doesn’t make it your mum’s responsibility to parent them. I’m sure they’ve been fed the notion all their lives from their dad that your mum should be looking after them & he’s built up that picture of entitlement.

They are adults now and should be starting to deal with and process all of that and reconcile it – they are certainly old enough to understand it wasn’t your mum’s responsibility, and she did not owe them anything.

You are NTJ for telling them that.” Puskarella

Another User Comments:

“NTJ.

They are projecting their hurt feelings on your mom without grounds for doing so.

The jerk here is your dad, he not only had babies he didn’t care about, but he also never told your mom about the potential kids that might pop up anytime.

And when they did, he blamed the one person who didn’t know they existed but also finally saw who he really was for not stepping up and doing her “responsibilities” even though he had never done his for their whole life.

And he blamed her so much, he inflicted his sad, beliefs on the girls, who for some reason can think for themselves (even as adults) that this is not normal to demand love and care from a person who is not your family, nor has agreed to take on that responsibility.

To be honest, I would get a ‘non-contact order’ or something.

And tell them straight up, “We share a dad, not a mom – and we only share him because he lied to my mom, and if she had known, she would never have married him.

Stay in your lane, which doesn’t include my mom, and get some therapy to get through your abandonment issues your real mom and dad left you with.” The_Devil_is_a_woman

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9. AITJ For Not Helping My Parents Out During Their Financial Crisis?

“I (29f) was pretty much disowned by my entire family when I came out at 18. My parents gave me five minutes to grab my things before shutting me outside.

I remember telling them that there was no way I could live on my own, that I was their kid and they should want to love and support me. My father told me that I made this bed myself by “choosing” my lifestyle, so I should grow up and learn to lie in it.

I turned out pretty okay all things considered. I was able to go to college on a few scholarships and not too many loans. I met my wife during our freshman year and I’ve been with her ever since. We have a 2yo daughter who is the most precious little person in the world, we bought a house, and we both have decent paying jobs.

I consider myself to be incredibly lucky and I can’t imagine my life without my wife and our daughter.

I don’t keep in touch with my bio family, so I don’t know how my parents got my contact info but they did.

My mom sent me a message detailing the financial issues they were going through. They had to sell the house I grew up in and they moved to some apartments. At the end of the message, my mom asked me if I’d be willing to help them out for a little while by letting them stay with me.

I didn’t respond to the message, I just planned on pretending like I never saw it, but then I got a call the other day and as soon as I answered it, I realized my dad was on the other line. He told me the same thing my mom did and that they needed help.

I said, “That really sucks, I hope you figure it out.”

He then flat-out asked if I was seriously not going to provide them with any assistance. I asked why he wanted my help and he told me that I should want to support my parents the way they supported me growing up.

I replied saying that maybe if their “support” of me hadn’t ended the moment I told them I was a lesbian, I’d be willing to help them, but unfortunately, they made their bed themselves, so they can lie in it too. I hung up on him and later he left a voicemail calling me selfish and cruel for using their financial struggles to prove a point.

Maybe it is cruel. I don’t know.”

Another User Comments:

“Your parents were LEGALLY obligated to provide for your food, shelter, education, healthcare, etc. to the age of 18. They get 0 Brownie Points for executing their legal duty.

Beyond that, they chose not to support you emotionally, materially, or scholastically (as I understand it).

A Judeo-Christian requirement is to “honor” your parents. This does not mean being a doormat to your parents or taking maltreatment from them but doing your best to show respect simply because they are your parents. And I mention that to say my next point.

I believe your parents breaking with you, and the manner in which they broke with you, makes it inappropriate for them to be housed with you even if you felt so moved. Psychologically, I think you will do better YOURSELF though, if you help them get help.

This will allow you to “honor” your parents without becoming enmeshed with their problems. Research to help them get on welfare, find a social worker, and get them a phone to conduct basic business. They created this boundary of their own choice. I feel you should maintain it for your own mental hygiene, having had to go through the grief of losing them and to make your own way.

Within my own family, I have a nearly identical scenario. I advocate for self-preservation with a clear conscience. – NTJ.” JardinSurLeToit

Another User Comments:

“NTJ.

They disowned you and they come crawling back the second they need something from you and try to guilt you. Stand your ground, I have a parent like this and you need to stand your ground.

They can’t just waltz back into your life and ask for help like they weren’t the biggest jerks in the world to you.

So, they disown you, do NOTHING to mend the relationship or even try to and then they expect you to be there for them because you’re family?

That’s not how that works. And even if you were on better terms, you’re still not obligated to bail them out of their financial hardships when you’ve got your own finances to worry about and a kid!

I’m so sorry you are going through this OP, my mum is just like this and it is annoying and it’ll only get worse if you agree.

The only time you’ll hear from them is when they want something and it’ll be often. It’s best they either learn to sink or swim but I agree, they made their bed, now sleep in it and don’t come crying when the bedbugs bite.” Haligonia_Daydreamer

Another User Comments:

“YTJ, but it’s not whatcha think.

I suggest taking the high road nearly always. Sometimes, however, being the jerk is justified enough that no one should have a problem with it.

Here, you got on with your life. You could’ve opened the door to see if they were repentant, but it doesn’t sound like they addressed the past. Of course, opening the door exposes you to heartache that no one would want so… well, you get to choose and you did.

Sometimes it is an eye for an eye.” p1plump

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LizzieTX 2 months ago
Definitely NTJ and in light of the way your parents treated you, your agreeing to even speak with them is more than they deserve. They have some nerve. I think you have behaved very well and should continue to enjoy your life with your wife and daughter and let them rot. Karma is taking care of them.
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8. AITJ For Going Above And Beyond To Make Baked Goods My New Co-Worker Could Eat?

“I (27F) have been at my current company for about two years.

I like to cook and bake and my roommate is obsessively a healthy eater so I usually have a lot of leftovers and I always bring them to the office.

About a year ago ‘Denzel’ (29M) was hired. He and I hit it off right away, and within a few months, people were joking that he and I were ‘work husband and wife,’ which I thought was super funny and cute.

Denzel is already married, and we have great chemistry, but nothing has ever happened between us (I wish lol).

At first, Denzel seemed to really like my baked goods, but then I noticed he had stopped eating the snacks I brought. I asked him why, and he said he and his wife were trying a keto diet.

I decided to make some keto snacks so that Denzel could still partake, so I made a batch of Keto muffins the next week.

Denzel didn’t try those either, and when I asked, he said he was trying to lose some weight. I said he didn’t look like he needed to, but that I’d try to make some healthy snacks next time so that he could partake in my food without compromising his diet.

He told me I didn’t need to make anything special on his account, but I found a recipe for low-calorie keto scones, and I made and brought those in a few days later.

I also forwarded him information regarding fitness and calorie-counting apps that he could use as a resource.

Another coworker ‘Megan’ who is friends with Denzel and his wife outside of work took me aside, and said that I needed to stop pushing food on Denzel, that I was making him uncomfortable, and that it made it look like I was interested in him.

She threatened to report me to HR if I didn’t stop.

I was shocked and I tried to tell Megan that I was just being nice, and trying to accommodate everyone when bringing treats to the office, and Denzel never said anything about being uncomfortable, and reporting me to HR seemed like a huge overreaction on her part.

I’m so confused now, AITJ for offering food to coworkers and trying to accommodate Denzel’s diet?”

Another User Comments:

“YTJ and a mate poacher. You say nothing has happened, but you wish it would, then try to act innocent. That’s the oldest strategy in the book, lady, and ALL women see right through your nonsense.

First of all, the fact that you wish something would happen between you and a man who is happily married is just disgusting. You’re willing to break up a family for your own instant gratification. That “chemistry” is called pheromones and oxytocin. You want to hurt people for your “substance” fix.

You are so clueless so let me help you. Megan is friends with his wife, which means she talks to his wife and she is simply relaying what his wife has told her. If the wife knows, that means he has had many talks with his wife about your behavior.

If he’s told his wife, that means he knows full well what you are trying to do and he doesn’t like it. Him being polite because he doesn’t want a false allegation against him for turning you down, doesn’t mean he’s ok with you trying to poach him from his wife.

He loves his wife, not you. He wants his wife cooking for him, not you. He wants to have interactions with his wife, not you. He married her, not you. Please get this in your head.

My husband had a coworker similar to you, and we had many talks about how it made him not only feel uncomfortable but also how he felt violated and scared to put himself out there at work because he was worried about garnering unwanted female attention.

He even stopped dressing nice because he didn’t want any more harassment from this woman. This is what your harassment is doing to your “friend” by the way. Finally after a few months, with my full support, he went to her boss. Guess what, her boss had also taken notice, as I’m sure yours has, and he wasn’t too happy with her after hearing the full details from my husband.

Consider yourself lucky that this MARRIED couple only asked their friend to have a talk with you. If I were the wife in this situation, I would be shoving those muffins down your throat until you choked on them. These people are clearly nicer people than I am.

Heed the friend’s warning before it gets much worse. Maybe go to a therapist as well since the scientific data shows mate poachers have some pretty messed up issues. I’m sure your head is full of all kinds of crazy that a licensed professional can help you with.” Friendly-Regret-652

Another User Comments:

“OP – I don’t wanna say YTJ ’cause you were attempting to do a nice thing. Unpopular opinion is not a jerk, and I’m sticking with my opinion.

You gotta read the situation though, the man’s married and your efforts were making him feel awkward.

You don’t know what’s going on with him and his wife.

Be respectful of your coworkers. It would have been very different if you made that effort for ALL your coworkers who had dietary things, but you really went hard at focussing on this one person.

Next time, bake, but bake for the common good, and don’t take things personally if someone doesn’t partake. I always bake to accommodate a peanut-free coworker if I can, if I can’t I let them know. I also print out the recipe of whatever I made and put it next to the item.

People can then choose for themselves.

We have some vegans in the office, sometimes I will do ONLY vegan baked goods, the others can decide if they want to partake but it is 100% vegan-friendly.

My last take: Maybe evaluate your feelings for an unavailable man.

Why did you try so hard? Do you want more with him but were disguising it under a veil of “work wife” relationship? How are your relationships outside of work? If you get angry at these questions, or they’re making you feel defensive… I think you need to sit longer on them.

These aren’t meant to be answered here. Please don’t share with us, these are for your own introspection.

Sounds like you’re a kind person, but maybe something has happened where you are overkind?

Take care of yourself.” AshOfWonderland

Another User Comments:

“YTJ.

You need to respect that Denzel has boundaries in his relationship.

Also, he didn’t ask you to send him resources for his wife. Don’t meddle without his asking for help. Especially not in something he and his wife are tackling together.

Denzel doesn’t need to partake in work snacks.

It’s nice you’re thinking of him, but he’s asked you not to go out of your way for it. Respect that he may not wish to join in.

Also, you commented on his body. That is literally inappropriate. If a man said that to you in the workplace, it would be unacceptable.

It is unacceptable for you as a woman to do the same to a man. From an HR perspective, absolutely not out of order to escalate on that point alone.

You’ve demonstrated to Denzel and, clearly, to other coworkers that you will not respect his boundaries.

You’re not accommodating his diet; you’re taking the “work wife” joke way too hard.

“I wish lol.”

This is a problem. I’ve been in your shoes, wishing to be with someone who is committed.

You know what the healthy thing to do is? Give up the crush.

Recognize you don’t have that, bury it, and don’t even wish it.

Be happy you can work with him, and let this unhealthy attachment go.” bunyanthem

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HROB1 1 month ago
ESH... I wanted to say NTJ because you enjoy baking and bringing them into the office for everyone to enjoy. But when you said "I Wish" that made you the jerk. Secretly you want something to happen, and he is a married man.
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7. AITJ For Refusing To Return An Expensive Gift My Brother Re-Gifted To Me?

“I had a boomer great aunt who was a wonderful and loving woman. She just grew up in Eastern Europe right after WWII.

One of the weird things about her was that she would give her old belongings as gifts for weddings and important birthdays.

I still have the music box she gave me for my First Communion. When we saw family I would always ask to see their pieces. A few of my aunts had them displayed in a china cabinet or out somewhere safe. A few had them collecting dust in a box.

I made sure they knew that if the day ever came that they wanted to downsize or something I would appreciate a chance to grab it for my collection. Some of my cousins took me up on the offer and I ended up with six extra pieces for my room.

When I moved out I made sure that every single part of my collection was safely wrapped and packed. They are my little treasures. I know it’s weird.

Sorry for being so long-winded. I just love talking about that stuff.

I’m about 15 years younger than my eldest brother and he knows about my collection.

When he got married I was 14. At his gift opening, I saw he got one of her usual gifts. I also saw his wife’s face. She was not super grateful.

I made sure he knew that I thought it was beautiful but I didn’t ask him to think of me if he wanted to get rid of it.

I thought he might like to pass it on to his kid one day.

When my aunt passed away she left me the last of her collection. Three pieces that were a set.

I got married last September. My niece, his daughter, was my flower girl.

At my gift opening, I could almost hear him giggle when I opened my gift from them. It was the piece from our great aunt. He thought it was super funny. Then he gave us our “real” gift from our registry.

I thanked him profusely for both.

He came over the other day and saw my collection in my china cabinet I inherited. He asked me why I was so fascinated with this stuff. I told him that I thought it was amazing and that lots of people collect it. He called bullcrap and started looking it up.

The figurine he gave me is worth about $6,700.

He said that I was a jerk for not telling him what it was worth. He wants it back. I said that my husband and I were going to give back every piece I got from family as a gift for a special occasion.

I already planned to give that piece to my niece for her first communion. Along with a little booklet of information about my aunt and the value of the piece so they appreciated it. I know exactly who I got each piece from. And they are all going back to that family.

He says I’m being mean by accepting a gift from him that is worth so much.

I asked him if he ever bothered looking up the value of what he was giving me. He said he thought it was like Precious Moments or Hummel.

Whatever.

I have family treasures to keep safe for the next generation. I know I would have gotten something awesome from my great aunt if she hadn’t passed away before my wedding.”

Another User Comments:

“NTJ – it sounds like you really value great aunt’s heirlooms for what they are and not for what they’re worth, and that’s so sweet to see.

I don’t know how old your niece is right now, but maybe you could show her your collection and tell stories about them. You know, something like who they’re from, where they’ll be going, why they’re important to you and your family. You could ask her what her favorite thing about each one is or ask her what she thinks the history of each piece is.

Just get her engaged with the collection as a trove of stories and family history rather than a collection with potentially high resale value.

When she gets her gift, make sure she understands that it’s for her. You could even ask her if she’d like for you to keep it with the rest of your collection until she’s a bit older or maybe you could make a big day out of cleaning/caring for (not sure if that’s something you do or have a professional who does so) the heirloom.

Once she understands that it has sentimental value and gets attached to it, hopefully, it’ll dissuade her father from swiping and selling it.

I’m sure your great aunt is very proud of you and so pleased that you cherish her belongings.” SomeonesElizabeth

Another User Comments:

“I’m sure people are going to hate on me but I kinda think YTJ. If your brother had realized you liked it and given it to you as his main wedding gift then I think you would be N T J, but he gave it as a gag gift. He didn’t mean to give you something worth $7,000.

I get that you appreciate it more than him, but this is your brother. He did something stupid, but you are supposed to support him. When people I care about do stupid things, I tell them what they did, and do my best to help correct their mistake.

What you are doing will build resentment. It’s clear you aren’t going to give it back because you care way too much about it, but I genuinely think you are being a jerk for not giving it back.

I’m sure I’m gonna get a bunch of responses saying what an idiot I am, and how I’m the brother.

I am just responding to how I would feel in each situation. I’ve been in your shoes many times, and I almost always give the person I care about their thing back, and I know if I was in your brother’s shoes I would want the thing back.” politicalopinion

Another User Comments:

“YTJ. You say you are sooooo into these things, but never bothered to mention to your brother (Or presumably others in the family) how precious and valuable they were? Instead, you just acted like they were only special to you and ended up with most of them.

Seems like the kind of thing that you could have proactively shared way before so you could both really appreciate them. Instead, you just dropped hints and hoarded the goods.

It’s nice that you have plans to keep them in the family, and technically no, it’s not your job to tell someone else that what they have is valuable when you want it.

But this wasn’t a pawn shop; this was your brother and the rest of your family. Look hard in the mirror and ask yourself why you never told anyone they were so valuable. That’ll answer your AITJ question.” sciencebum

Another User Comments:

“MORE INFO NEEDED: Did you know the value before you received it as a gift?

If you knew, what was the reason for not giving such good news to your brother?

I think it is wonderful that you valued the gifts from your great aunt since you were so little. You saw sentimental value in them first before money ever came into the picture.

You clearly expressed your interest in this piece when you were a child and your brother was twice your age. He’s had every opportunity to look up the value including the fact that other family members have their gifts on display/safely stored. Why hasn’t he?

Maybe he dismissed the piece or simply didn’t care enough to do it? Your idea to give the gifts back to family with all their information is such a touching thought. I’m glad you care so much to keep everything safe in the family.

You aren’t responsible for informing others that something they have is valuable once you become aware of it.

That said, it’s kind to inform those close to you that they may be in possession of something of significant value once you’re privy to that information. I wouldn’t give a valuable gift back out of demand, but I would likely have already offered to return it if I’m under the impression that this person I love didn’t intentionally give me a such high-value gift. You might want the same consideration if something flew under your radar and didn’t spark your interest for some reason.

Initial thought of NTJ, more info needed.” ILikeRedditNPrivacy

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Ishouldntbehere2 2 months ago
NTJ, he clearly was never happy with receiving this gift, never cared about his aunt or the sentimental value of her items, his wife turned up her nose at it. Why should you make it about money when this was always about family heirlooms? He gave it to you as a joke because he doesn't value you or your aunt or the family heirlooms. He only cares now coz he wants to sell it instead of keep it in the family like you are doing.
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6. AITJ For Not Allowing Kids At My Wedding And Reception?

“I got married just a couple of weeks ago and I am still dealing with this crap.

My husband and I wanted a completely child-free wedding. No one under 18. But we have a lot of friends and relatives with children so we came up with what we thought was a great compromise.

We arranged for the nursing rooms and the coffee area to be available at the church for anyone under 18.

And we included that on the invitations. So moms and infants could still watch the ceremony and older kids could stay glued to their phones without interrupting our wedding. We even got some church ladies to be available in the coffee area to help with any minor problems.

At the reception, we arranged for a room in the hall to be made available for anyone under 18 and paid for some girls from the local high school to be there as babysitters since it wouldn’t be fair to expect older kids to take care of the younger ones.

There was a TV in the room and we had Pixar movies running. We also ordered pizza and pop for the whole group. Once again this was made very clear on the invitations.

But we are still dealing with people who are mad at us for doing this.

My cousin is mad that her baby couldn’t be at the ceremony. Her baby is six and cannot go to McDonald’s without having a fit.

Some of the older kids were livid that they had to get dressed up to sit in a room. Then get their pictures taken.

Then sit in another room. I have heard from a couple of my nieces that they are upset with me for making them get dressed up but not letting them come to the wedding or reception.

Every time that is pointed out that I asked everyone not to bring their kids because they weren’t going to be allowed at the ceremony or reception I get crapped on.

I feel like I was doomed either way. I tried to compromise and now I’m still being called a jerk.”

Another User Comments:

“NTJ. I have attended quite a lot of weddings over the years and have been a bridesmaid and maid of honor many times.

As the bride, it’s your decision to have or not have children under 18 at your wedding ceremony and reception. You even made the accommodations for your guests so that they would not have to hire babysitters in order to attend your wedding. This was generous.

I have been at weddings where no children under 18 were allowed, no exceptions. Other weddings had children allowed at the reception but not the ceremony. Others had children allowed at the ceremony but not the reception.

Unfortunately, children are not predictable in their behavior and as such can ruin weddings.

Yes, ruin them. I have seen at one reception where a little boy around 9 years old dressed in his suit, pulled the white linen tablecloth holding the wedding cake and other desserts entirely off the table in a fit of rage. Everyone was surprised, and the bride cried and the groom was horrified that their cake was on the floor and no photos would be taken of this special moment.

What did the boy’s parents do? They said, “Boys will be boys” and laughed. Yeah. This was at the Four Seasons Hotel where his parents told the couple they were bringing their son and he was well behaved and would be good. They showed up with him even though children were not allowed. Yeah.

So going back to what I wrote is that children’s behavior is unpredictable and you cannot guarantee they will be well behaved and things can get out of hand quickly without supervision by their parents.” hotcocoa4ever

Another User Comments:

“NTJ. Frankly, I think you went above and beyond.

I wouldn’t have provided any of that. I would have just said “Nobody under 18” and left it at that!

I didn’t want children at my wedding, either. 39 years ago, for the record. It wasn’t really even a thing then. I did it by being specific on the invitations: “Mr. & Mrs. John Doe,” not “Mr. & Mrs. John Doe & Family.” Everyone got the clue except one person, who had two children and wrote “3” on the response card.

I didn’t make an issue of it. She and her husband brought their 12-year-old daughter but not their son, who was younger. The daughter was polite and well-behaved.

I actually did have quite an argument with one of my bridesmaids, though. She had a one-year-old daughter and wanted to bring her.

I refused. Even her dad got into it with me. (He was always a jerk, though, so no surprise there.) So then she asked if she could just attend the ceremony but skip the reception. I said no again, that she was part of the wedding party and was required to attend both.

I mean, seriously, she couldn’t get a sitter for ONE DAY? Nope. So she and her dad attended and left the kid with her husband and her mom. Really? The kid needed TWO sitters? I’m still kind of frosted about it all these years later, but they’re all dead now except the kid, so…

Anyway, I repeat, you are NTJ.” diggs58

Another User Comments:

“NTJ. Honestly, we need to normalize turning away people with kids at child-free weddings. If consequences were normalized, fewer people would pull this kind of crap. You went above and beyond to include the people who may not have had a babysitter, by providing free childcare plus entertainment and food for the kids…yet they still had the nerve to act entitled and throw a fit.

PSA, folks: If your child was considered an exception to the rule (e.g. if they were personally very close with/important to the bride and groom), you would’ve been told that in advance. Don’t just assume that your kid will be an exception and bring them anyway.

If someone you’re super close with is having a child-free wedding, but you aren’t sure if your kids are actually included in the rule, you have 2 options. Either don’t bring your kids at all, or ask the couple (respectfully, and before the RSVP cutoff date) if there are any exceptions to the child-free rule.

Don’t ask if your kids can go, which might put the couple in an awkward position. Just ask if there are any exceptions. If they don’t respond with, “Yes, your kids are an exception and were included in your invite,” then don’t bring your kids, and don’t push the issue.” SomeRavenAtMyWindow

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LizzieTX 2 months ago
NTJ and tell anyone still salty over THEIR decision to bring their spawn to your wedding that if they didn't like the accommodation you made for the kids, they should have left them at home. What else did they expect you to do - cave, just so their children could attend? That would have been even worse. Just tell them to get over themselves and to stop contacting you if all they're going to do is b!tch about something in the past. And then block them, just to be sure. Wow.
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5. AITJ For Blowing Up At My Sister For Having An Obsession With Psychology?

“I (30F) have a stepsister called Bella, also 30. Her dad and my mum got together when we were 16.

Bella was very upset about her parents’ divorce and was very hostile to my mother so obviously, she and I weren’t going to be on the best of terms, and as we got older we just didn’t bond. I always got along well with her two brothers, Jake and Max, and we’re still close.

Over the last year, Bella has been reading a lot about psychology and is always bringing up what she thinks everyone else’s issues are. She will send articles about narcissistic parents, golden children, scapegoats, triangulation, etc. to our family group chat with messages like “@(sibling) this is you” or “isn’t this like Mum” (their bio mum).

Jake, Max, and my stepdad all say it annoys them that all she wants to talk about is the past. She is like this in person, too. No matter how many times we smile and nod and sometimes even say we are not interested in armchair therapy from her, she just says she has a right to express her feelings and she’s trying to start a dialogue.

Part of her whole thing is deciding that her dad basically replaced her with me because she reminds him of her mother, and that because he loves my mum and never loved hers, I am his favorite/golden child.

This all came to a head over Christmas, when Bella noticed the family photos my parents had on a shelf in their dining room.

She asked where the picture of her and her dad at her graduation was, and he said they’d moved it to make room for a picture of me and him and my mum at my wedding, and her graduation photo was now in the lounge.

Bella scoffed and sneered ‘of course.’ Over lunch, I was talking about a photoshoot I was working on, and Bella chimed in about how our parents will probably replace more photos of her with ones from my photoshoot. I told her this made no sense because the photos aren’t even going to be of me, and she just said it didn’t matter, she was invisible when I was around and that I took her place in everyone’s life – her dad’s, her brothers’, even my husband.

At this point, I just snapped and said that that was an absurd accusation when she makes every family conversation about herself, and while we all appreciate she is deeply hurt by a lot of things, we’re all sick of being psychoanalyzed. I said that her obsession with me was ridiculous because the only person I’ve ever heard compare us is her, and that she needs to find someone qualified and appropriate to discuss these hurt feelings with and stop suffocating us all with her feelings because we’re all bored. Jake just started laughing and Max shouted, ‘Thank God someone said it,’ but Bella burst into tears and left the table.

She went home early and has since removed herself from the group chat and isn’t talking to her dad or brothers. While I stand by the points I made, I didn’t mean to isolate her from her family, so I’m starting to wonder if I’m the jerk.”

Another User Comments:

“Indeed… Allow me to shed some light as an armchair psychologist on this conundrum.

psychoanalytic stance while tapping fingers ominously

But seriously, OP. NTJ.

Day 1 of Psychology 101, you are told, “Everyone will fit into a psychological disorder SOMEHOW, but that’s being human.

You and everyone around you will have these ‘symptoms’ but it is when it starts impacting daily life that it becomes clinically significant. Do not self-diagnose.”

Bella has fallen into the trap of psychology. And it’s really frustrating to be on the receiving portion of that verbal vomit.

Especially since she isn’t trying to “start a dialogue.” There’s no dialogue if it isn’t productive or provides insight into a new thought process. I imagine it’s probably feeling pretty insulting.

But I also don’t doubt that she feels isolated from the family unit.

Being a child of divorce is hard and it’s really common for someone to feel as though they don’t fit into the new “family” unit. Her picture being moved probably stung and hit on those insecurities of not fitting in. So she couldn’t see the fact that the picture wasn’t removed, just in a new home.

And it probably hurt even more when her brothers agreed with you – it’s likely she feels betrayed by them.

She likely would benefit by talking with a professional. But that suggestion can’t come from you – it’ll be seen as an attack.

Maybe a dialogue with her dad or brothers expressing concern for her as an individual rather than as a comparison (in her mind) to you may bridge that gap better.” Khaotic_Rainbow

Another User Comments:

“I kinda think that YTJ. I have a feeling that she is a perceptive person and you, her brothers, and her dad are less aware of feelings.

I have a feeling that you have not experienced the kind of difficulty that makes you empathetic to people different than you.

I have a feeling that you are “privileged” in some pretty standard ways, am I right?

This feels like Regina George making a notebook about her tOtAlLy pHyChO step-sister and getting everyone to say “mm hm, yeah, she’s so psycho, you’re right”.

What if she’s right? Do you feel proud that you put a struggling person “in her place”? Do you think that was a constructive way to handle it?

Is this a situation where her dad “upgraded” to your hot mom? I just… I think you are not the most reliable narrator.” Reddit user

Another User Comments:

“I’m leaning towards ESH.

Bella sounds difficult and she shouldn’t do armchair psychology, throwing around terms like “narcissist,” etc. That’s annoying as heck, and she’s a grown-up who should know better.

That said, you could have been nicer to her – it’s obvious she is struggling.

I know you were defending yourself, but you could have handled this more maturely.

She should seek therapy, but if she can’t afford it, as you said in another comment, I can’t blame her…

On top of that, looking at your username, I doubt your retelling of the story is impartial.

Are you sure she’s getting treated fairly by the family? Her dad is a jerk for not taking her to therapy when she needed it the most, as a minor, and for dismissing her feelings. He shouldn’t have replaced her photo with your photo, knowing how she feels.

That’s so insensitive, what the heck? I’m surprised so many people don’t realize the significance of this gesture. Even if it wasn’t intentional, it’s still hurtful.

Even if she’s difficult, your stepsister deserves better. She’s still traumatized and you shouldn’t ridicule her.

I am sorry, but I’m not surprised she cut you off. I hope you guys can sort this out, and she needs to grow up, but I feel for her.” suitorarmorfan

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deka1 2 months ago
Pretty much guessing that everyone is thanking you for getting rid of her.
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4. AITJ For Stealing My Step-Sister's Thunder During Her Engagement?

“I (28F) got engaged at the beginning of December.

For Christmas, I was staying with my mom and stepdad, and they were hosting my stepdad’s whole family (stepsiblings, mother, brothers, cousins + families) for a New Year’s party.

Prior to this, my stepsister (29F) Rachel’s (now) fiancé Matt informed my parents that he was going to propose and asked if it would be okay to do it at the party, and my parents agreed. For the party, everyone was dressing up, and obviously (to me) I was wearing my engagement ring.

Everybody already knew I was engaged but it was the first time they’d seen the ring in person, so at the start of the party, everyone was interested in seeing it. I did notice Matt was being a bit cold with me but I thought it was nerves.

The proposal happened and it was beautiful. Everyone congratulated Rachel but it was kind of a 50/50 on people wanting to look at and compliment her ring and mine. A lot of comparisons were made, nothing unkind, and everyone was really happy for Rachel, as was I.

The day after, Rachel and Matt blew up about me wearing my ring to the party. Rachel said I was deliberately trying to draw attention to myself on her special night, and that since I knew beforehand she was getting engaged I shouldn’t have worn my ring, since I don’t always wear it anyway.

I don’t really agree with this, since I’ve been engaged for weeks, and everyone already knew about it, it’s not like I stole her thunder, nor did I intend to by wearing my ring. I wore it because I’m engaged so it’s what you do.

Matt then accused me of embarrassing him by wearing my “colossally large” ring when I knew Rachel’s wouldn’t be anywhere near as big, and intentionally showing him up in front of the family. He even went on about the other jewelry I wore.

My stepdad called them both stupid for their outburst. My stepbrother says there’s no way I could have known that’s how they’d feel, it’s not like they asked me not to wear it.

My mum says while she knows I didn’t do it deliberately she can see where Rachel is coming from since everyone preferred my ring to hers. She also said that given that my ring is quite unique, I should have considered it would draw attention.”

Another User Comments:

“NTJ because it is not your fault. I can see why Rachel was a bit upset, but she should not have blamed you.

You are engaged and wore your ring, as is normal. It would actually have been more weird if as a recently engaged woman, you had not worn your ring to a party!

I bet people would’ve asked you about it, and it would’ve drawn attention. It could not be helped.

I definitely see why the situation was unfortunate for Matt and Rachel though. If you propose to your SO, you hope she’ll get to spend the evening gushing over her ring and feeling extra special. Not having her ring compared to her sister’s bigger ring which everyone seems to prefer.

It’s not the most ideal way for it to go.

Not your fault though, they had no right to tell you you shouldn’t have worn your ring. If Matt was foreseeing this could happen, maybe he should’ve left the proposal for another time.” radn1

Another User Comments:

“NTJ. You’re engaged and when engaged (and furthermore married) the majority of people wear their ring(s) all the time…especially when getting dressed up.

It certainly doesn’t sound like you tried intentionally stealing anyone’s thunder or such. As you said, people who may not have seen you recently, naturally are going to offer you words of congratulations and admiration for your (fairly new) ring.

It sadly sounds like Rachel and Matt are somehow intimidated by you and your financial position as opposed to theirs considering they brought up the size of your ring compared to what he bought for her, etc. which is very unfortunate because nobody else said or made such comments.” Sparkle062510

Another User Comments:

“You’re getting a lot of validation on this thread, but I wonder how you’d feel if the roles were reversed? Or if your future BIL asked you not to wear your ring in anticipation of this situation, would you have agreed? I admit, it’s a tall ask if you’ve been wanting to show relatives, but that also implies that you knew you’d receive attention by wearing it (which, under normal circumstances is totally legit, you just got engaged – congrats by the way!).

Since you knew the proposal would happen, the spotlight should have been on them, and it would have been really easy (not to mention generous and graceful) to explain to relatives that you wanted to give focus to your stepsister and left your ring at home for the party (or simply redirected attention away from your ring and engagement, or whoops, forgot to wear it, it’s still so new!).

I’m going with nobody’s the jerk because I think your stepsister and FBIL have a point and are allowed to feel hurt and disappointed that their expectations for the evening were let down, but without being asked or being exceptionally considerate, I’m not sure you could have known this would cause a problem.

HOWEVER – if you and your stepsister already have a competitive relationship and you knew something like this was possible if not probable, then YTJ.

FWIW, I think it’s a good thing that they brought it up to you – communication in all relationships is important.

Even if you didn’t intend to cause hurt feelings, you did, and that should be attended to if you value them as siblings/friends.” hoopharder

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heidio7 1 month ago
I feel like they wanted to jump on the party and make it theirs, but it wasn't! It was a holiday party, and you had been engaged for only a couple of weeks. If they had an engagement party for themselves and asked you not to wear your ring, that would have been something else, but they decided to get engaged just after yours at a holiday party. You should not have been expected to hide your own ring.
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3. AITJ For Not Contributing To My Child's Class Pizza Party?

This teacher sounds demanding.

“My kid’s class is having a pizza party today, and for the last week, her teacher has been asking for parents to send in $5 for it.

My kid has disordered eating due to mental health issues I won’t be getting into. (She is currently in therapy for this and other issues.) So she doesn’t like pizza. She will eat bread sticks sometimes but only if it is a specific (special order) kind from a specific restaurant.

They are not ordering from this specific restaurant, and I would not request for the teacher to have them make it to my kid’s liking. That’d be rude and selfish. On top of that, my kid is lactose intolerant, so eating pizza would give her a tummy ache anyway.

I explained all this to her teacher in an email, stating I wouldn’t be sending in five bucks because my kid can’t/won’t eat pizza. (I made sure to pack my kid a lunch which is what I do every day considering her disordered eating.) Her teacher replied saying that sending in $5 wasn’t an option, but that if my kid didn’t want to eat pizza, she didn’t have to.

I’m not sending $5 in for a pizza party my kid can’t participate in. Sure $5 isn’t a lot, but when you’re poor as heck, it’s not nothing. Does this make me the jerk?”

Another User Comments:

“ESH combined with nobody’s the jerk.

I can understand the teacher’s frustration regarding not contributing to the pizza fund.

While OP has a valid reason because she is absolutely certain her daughter won’t eat the pizza, how would the teacher police kids whose parents don’t contribute and who want a slice of pizza?

I guess the solution is not to have a pizza party at all.

I have no idea when these types of parent-funded events became normal as we didn’t have them in elementary school so no one was asked to contribute anything to fund group parties. We had the occasional class trip to visit some kind of museum or whatever but we traveled by bus – brought bagged lunches from home, and I don’t remember parents having to fund them in any way – permission slips to go were all that were needed.

The teacher’s response was very belligerent. However, as posted by others, I would have just sent in $5 when asked even if my kid didn’t eat pizza because the amount is minimal, and why make a teacher’s life more difficult? I don’t waste emotional energy on stuff like this especially in terms of dealing with service providers, teachers, etc. since theoretically they can make life neutral, harder, or easier.” Jujulabee

Another User Comments:

“I’ll go ESH on this one. The teacher because she is trying to force you to participate in the party even if you say you don’t have the money. She can ask and remind but shouldn’t try to force parents to pay because they may not have it, and in America education is free.

However, you fall in jerk territory for not asking what all the money went towards. There may be decorations, small prizes/toys, and all sorts of things the teacher is getting for the kids, but you don’t know because it seems you didn’t ask.

Most teachers spend their own paycheck on their classrooms routinely for supplies and to make things like this special for the students. The short-sighted nature of assuming it was just pizza now puts your child at risk of not being able to enjoy the party at all.

Even if you don’t send in $5 the teacher will likely include your child at their own cost for the things they can participate in, and I assure you they don’t make a dime on it by the end of the year, but any leftover funds would go to supplies for that classroom.” RussNP

Another User Comments:

“NTJ.

You would send her to school with a bagged lunch and a note explaining what you’re doing, I would think.

It’s rude to extract $5 from a parent who has a child with “disordered eating due to mental health issues.” This is actually a sensitive subject.

If the teacher INSISTS that everyone participates, then YOU provide $5 and the TEACHER provides an alternate food choice for the student(s) that have special dietary needs. Or like I said earlier, you opt out of the $5 and provide the snack yourself.

When we sent food to the school for special occasions we always sent a couple of “special” treats for the couple of kids with dietary restrictions.

Who wants to do something that makes a kid feel singled out and alienated?

This is not about $5 it’s about respecting people’s differences and including people.” Reddit user

Another User Comments:

“Former teacher’s aide, popping in. I can see both sides here. Your daughter can’t have pizza and won’t eat the breadsticks from the pizza place that they have chosen, but that doesn’t necessarily mean she can’t participate in the party itself.

Teachers make far less than they should and parties, crafts, projects, room decorations, and anything else not Board of Education mandated is on the teachers.

The $5 isn’t entirely for the pizza and breadsticks. It also covers decorations, activities, games, party favors, beverages, sweets, and supplies, like tablecloths, plates, cups, utensils, party hats, etc. I have to admit that I lean towards the teacher being the jerk because given what you told her, she really ought to let you out of it or give you a discount at the very least. I know I would.

$5 can make or break you, right now. I’ve been there. What can the school do other than not letting your daughter attend? I doubt anyone is going to hunt you down over $5. I actually used to bring extra money to cover kids who couldn’t pay for parties and field trips.

Don’t rely on it or expect it, but someone may pay her way even if you don’t.

NTJ. Sometimes you just don’t have $5 to spare, especially if your kid isn’t able to eat the pizza.” NightChilde25

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LizzieTX 2 months ago
NTJ.
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2. AITJ For Punishing My Picky Niece By Making Her Eat In The Living Room?

“My sister is a single mom who works long hours, so I watch her daughter (Eva, 14f) after school and feed her dinner alongside my family.

I am happy to do this and normally get along great with Eva (we’re both bookworms). She has ARFID, and eats a very limited number of things–it’s not that she has things she won’t eat, more that there is a specific list of things she -will- eat.

For the past two years I’ve been watching her, I’ve balanced Eva’s needs with everyone else’s by modifying meals, because I want her to be fed but at the same time I’m not restricting my family to the few dozen things Eva will eat. For instance, if I’m making broccoli beef and carrot stir fry, I’ll cook the beef and carrots first, take out a serving for Eva, then add the sauce and broccoli for the rest of us.

If I’m making mango chicken, I’ll bake an extra chicken breast plain for Eva. If a meal can’t be adapted at all, I make one of her safe foods.

This was going fine until a month ago. I baked a lasagna and made extra meat sauce, so Eva got meat sauce on spaghetti and the rest of us had lasagna.

But when I cut into the lasagna, Eva made a face and said it looked like a suppurating wound. I told her ‘Nice vocabulary word, but you’re not allowed to be rude about my cooking. You don’t have to eat it, but you can’t be nasty about it and spoil everyone’s appetite.” She looked unhappy but subsided. A week later, I made dal curry (she had frozen pizza) and she said it looked like diarrhea and smelled like crap, and I reiterated that being rude about my food at the table was unacceptable.

This time I told my sister, who said she’d talk to her. Days later, I made chicken/broccoli/rice casserole (she had chicken and rice) and she compared it to cat vomit. I told her that if she couldn’t be polite, she’d have to take her meal to the living room and eat it there.

She went. I again told her mother.

Two days ago, I made Thai green curry for the rest of us and a sandwich and a side salad for Eva. She took a look at the curry and opened her mouth. I cut her off and asked if she was capable of being civil at the table, and she sort of shook her head, so I handed her her sandwich and pointed her to the living room.

She made a face but went.

Last night I got a call from my sister saying that I’m being cruel by banishing her daughter because she has a disability (ARFID). I said I wasn’t banishing her because she had ARFID, I was banishing her because she was being insulting.

My sister said that her daughter shouldn’t have to fake it and that family shouldn’t have to eat alone. I said all I was asking was for her to not say anything about our meal. My sister says I’m being insensitive to how hard it is for her to be surrounded by things she thinks are gross all the time, that I should be more accommodating, and that she’s just a kid and I should be the mature one and not bully her.”

Another User Comments:

“NTJ. If your niece is distressed by the scents and visuals of your family’s food, then you are making accommodations for her needs by giving her a place to eat where she isn’t subjected to distressing sensory input. If she hadn’t been rude, then it wasn’t an unreasonable option for addressing her special needs in this situation.

However, it wasn’t just an accommodation, because you had already made significant accommodations for her restricted diet. She was unnecessarily rude and insulting about the foods you’d prepared – which sounded delicious, by the way.

The niece experienced the consequences of her actions. She should be taught how to speak in a way that isn’t rude.

Whatever her mother said to her obviously didn’t convey the essential points. Your niece has a medical problem, but it’s not the world’s responsibility to adjust to her. She needs to learn how to handle situations like this, where she has sensory distress, such as asking for help to get through that moment of difficulty.

The jerk here is not the niece, since she’s a child who is still learning social skills. The jerk is her mother, who accused you of being a bully rather than helping her daughter learn how to express herself in a civil way, as well as to figure out a solution that makes reasonable accommodations without ostracizing the person who needs it.

In addition, assuming that your sister isn’t paying for your time and for all the food you provide to her daughter, you are doing your sister a favor by caring for your niece and making efforts to meet her nutritional needs.

Instead of making disgusting comments about the food, the niece should learn to say something like, “Aunt, I am having an adverse physical response to the smell and looks of the food you made for the family.

Help me.” In this situation, eating in a separate room makes sense. In order to be included in the family gathering, perhaps a video call connection like FaceTime or an internal camera system could be used to allow her to participate without the odors of cooking.

It would limit the visuals of the foods, too. Note: I am not an expert in ARFID, so maybe isolating oneself from other people’s foods isn’t the right way to manage sensory distress. For some conditions, desensitization is a better strategy. Whatever is true for ARFID, the point is that the child learns by the consequences of her actions, and by the behaviors of the adults around her, how to communicate and navigate social situations with respect to her medical needs.

Her mother failed. OP used reasonable consequences for niece’s behavior.” DWYL_LoveWhatYouDo

Another User Comments:

“NTJ.

However; this sounds like the statement of an autistic child who doesn’t realize their words (which they may view as impartial observations) are actually hurting people’s hearts.

I could be wrong, but as you reference her talking about ‘masking’ and ARFID is heavily common in autistic people.

She’s probably trying to explain her distress and sensory issues in some of the few ways that allistics seem to understand us, metaphors and similes.

She feels forced to smell feces and see corpse pieces while she eats. If just that statement makes you feel yucky, imagine being in a room full of people slurping up sewage and chowing down on a bleeding, wiggling corpse. That is how she feels.

As she is learning to unmask, she has to navigate between advocating for her sensory needs and not being a jerk. She has been taught that her discomfort and suffering don’t matter and has finally discovered a way to show her discomfort – which hurts everyone around her.

She needs to learn what she wants, and how to say what she wants without upsetting others, and that is a challenging task for an unhappy child.

If you don’t understand why she suddenly has changed her behavior, I suggest you research masking in autism and Sensory Processing Disorder.

People don’t understand when I say, ‘I don’t want to go down the detergent aisle,’ but they understand when I say, ‘Going down the detergent aisle makes me feel like I’m being held face down in a vat full of detergent, feeling it coating my lungs and choke me to death until I want to scream.’ My request would be ignored but my descriptive language would stress people out enough to let me do what I want.

This is also what I had to resort to as a child (long ago now) to reduce my suffering.

A lot of times people ignore autistic sensory needs because it’s difficult to get across how much they impact us.” Dontdrinkthecoffee

Another User Comments:

“ESH.

I remember a similar incident as a child. My babysitter gave me a lollipop and it tasted like dirt. I don’t mean it just tasted bad, it tasted literally and exactly like dirt (much later, I found out that sometimes candy goes bad and acquires this taste).

My babysitter did not understand that I was making a simple observation, and I was put in time-out for the rest of the day as punishment.

Your niece may not understand this distinction. Her simple, obvious, direct observations, while correct, might also be put in such a way as to be insulting.

The more you push against her, the more she’ll push back and insist that her observations are correct. This will lead to either resentment or a power struggle.

Take a moment, be the adult, and talk to her about the distinction between what she truly and accurately observes and what others might experience when they hear her observations.

Her truth is valid, it’s real, and it belongs to her, but it may not be shared by the group. It may even taint the experience of the group. This is subtle and requires sensitivity, but if you just stay on your high horse, she will resent you.” Reddit user

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LizzieTX 2 months ago
Oh, SO NTJ. If your niece is capable of saying nasty things, she's capable of saying nice things too. Her mother is enabling her in her bad behaviour and I think you behaved perfectly. It doesn't sound like you are charging your sister for the two years' of child care and meals that you've donated to her family, so courtesy, even excessive courtesy, should be the first rule in this relationship. The second, which your sister clearly hasn't taught her daughter, is the old saw about if you can't say something nice, don't say anything at all. Because of Eva's reading habits, she clearly has developed sufficient vocabulary to use a word like "suppurating" to apply to OP's lasagne, but she's handicapped so she can't learn a word like "superlative"? Yeah, no. Child is being a bratty 14 year old and is being protected from bad ol' OP who basically wears herself out feeding her superlatively picky niece and the brat has the nerve to criticize her? Nope, nope and nope again. That child would no longer be welcome at my table, and sister would be sending food with her to my house that she can eat and not have to be "exposed" to my cooking for my family. Couple of ingrates, both of them. And sister is doing her daughter no favors. No one will accommodate her daughter's disability with a mouth like that on her. Jerks.
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1. AITJ For Not Wanting To Repair My Broken Relationship With My Dad?

This entire situation from start to finish is just sad.

“The gist is this. I lost my mom to a long-term health issue when I was 10. The cost of treatment drained my parents’ finances, and it was just Dad and me after my mom died. No extended family.

Dad started seeing other women when I was 12, and he met Jane. After a few months, he told me her son had a form of brain cancer and was very sick and that they were getting married, and he would be helping to take care of her son.

We went from two in a tiny two-bedroom house to four in a tiny two-bedroom house and me sharing with a terminally ill toddler I didn’t know. We had to make so many changes. No more takeout (which was a once-a-month treat before that). I had to stop my only extracurricular activity.

No friends over because the noise bothered him. No space that was just mine. No extra spending for celebrating birthdays and Christmas.

When I was 15, Dad and I got into a huge argument because I was never home and was always saying no to helping Jane take care of her son.

When I told him how much I hated the situation he looked me in the eye and told me to grow up. He also told me that I was old enough to understand that life wasn’t always easy or fun and that a rougher life could build character.

He told me we grew our family, which was a good thing, and one of the consequences of that sometimes is having less, but that it was worth it for the extra love. I told him that was bullcrap. He told me I was not his whole life and he was not going to stop doing what he wanted to do because of me.

Then he told me to never, ever say anything negative around his stepson because he was a kid and didn’t need to know I resented him for being sick.

After that talk, I was even more distant and left when I was 17, right after graduation, and couch-surfed until I went to college (I graduated high school at 17 and turned 18 that October).

I didn’t stay in touch. When I was 19, I heard that my dad’s stepson had died. In college, I met my wife, and we got married this past June. Then in November, my dad showed up and told me he wanted to talk. I shut the door in his face.

He kept showing up where I was to talk. After getting annoyed with him, I agreed to meet him for a coffee. He told me how he’d ended up divorced from Jane and how his stepson had died and he looked disappointed when he learned I knew.

He told me how he’d been struggling a lot and how he was hoping I could help him out. I laughed in his face and told him he had some nerve. He mentioned how he’d spent a lot of money on finding me, and he wanted us to repair things, but he also needed my help.

I told him no way.

He became angry and told me he was my dad and was always there for me, and I owed him. I told him I owed him nothing, and I threw most of his words back in his face, including that he needed to grow up and that he was not my whole life and would not stop me from doing what I wanted. It became a bit of a scene.

He told me at my age, I should have grown more compassionate.

AITJ?”

Another User Comments:

“NTJ. When he came to you for help I hope you also told him a rougher life builds character.

I cannot imagine saying that to a child, a child that you’re supposed to take care of and protect.

He put you in an absolutely ridiculous situation not long after losing your mother. A time when he should have prioritized you, and your shared grief, not taken on a terminally ill stranger which I’m sure was traumatic after what you had just gone through with your mom.

Not to mention, that it’s a financially boneheaded decision to take on the financial burden on top of the existing medical debt. She had a sick kid to figure out how to care for, but I honestly have to question your former stepmother’s morals for seeking out a family that had already gone through this to do it again.

If that’s something your father wanted to take on, so be it, but he shouldn’t have done it with a minor child in the home. He can choose to be miserable and destitute to have better character, but that was absolutely unfair to inflict upon you when you had no choice.

Not helping him was absolutely the right choice. He didn’t look out for you when you needed him and told you to basically suck it up. I’m so sorry he put you through that.” MidnightTL

Another User Comments:

“NTJ.

And holy crap I’m so sorry your dad put you through that.

Being in a relationship with someone with a terminally ill child is an active choice. I’d probably have a different opinion if your dad had no kids, but he knew what you went through with the illness and death of your mother and chose to put you through it again with a step-sibling.

Finances aside, that is a lot for a child to carry mentally, emotionally, and physically.

The character-building comment just makes me sick to my stomach. It feels to me like he’s using that as an excuse to make himself feel better for putting you through having another family member with a serious and terminal illness.

He made that commitment, not you, and you did what you needed to do to help yourself in that situation.

Your dad didn’t show you compassion growing up, so it’s really rich that he expects you to show him some. Continue to protect yourself and never feel guilty for doing so.” Ok-Aardvark-6742

Another User Comments:

“Esh. Your dad took care of your mom, fell in love with a woman with a terminally ill son, and tried to do the right thing and take care of everyone, including you. Was he being a martyr? Probably. Do you have the right to resent him for making life harder for you?

Of course.

But you should also understand that this is a man who tried to do right by you and just didn’t have enough, not someone who rejected you or tried to hurt you, even if his actions did hurt you.

Make peace with him.

Help him if you can, and let go of the anger as much as possible. You’ll be happy you did.” Serge_Suppressor

Another User Comments:

“Will probably get downvoted for this, but just from everything you’ve written (and not the general situation), I get the sense that YTJ.

First, you had no compassion for a dying toddler, then you had no compassion for your own dad. True there are some extenuating circumstances (your family was very poor), but it’s not like your dad didn’t take care of you, not pay for you, mistreat you, kick you out, refuse to help you, or anything of the sort.

That said, I do think your dad should have tried harder to potentially be more understanding/supportive/fun for you in your childhood (e.g., some free fun activities if he couldn’t afford restaurant outings). And should have tried more to genuinely teach you compassion at a younger age.” Select_Lingonberry90

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deka1 2 months ago
NTJ You lost your mom when you were 10. And then a few years later your dad meets someone else. That's not unreasonable. BUT it is unreasonable for him to put her child ahead of you when you probably weren't even close to being OK with your mom dying. Your dad sounds horrible. And now he wants something from you that he was 100% unable to give you. I wouldn't give him the time of day, let alone anything else. Just because you share blood doesn't mean you have to be family.
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