People Worry They’ve Made Mistakes In These “Am I The Jerk?” Stories
22. AITJ For Using The Shower While Dog Sitting Overnight?
“I 20f am a college student and have started to pet sit for money. My college is in a nice area, so the pay is good and the work is not demanding.
I get my work through an app, and got a last-minute request to dog-sit overnight for a new client while she was out of town.
I don’t take new clients as I don’t know what their boundaries are but as it was last minute, the pay was really good so I took it.
I took the dog on a walk when I got there. Afterward, I used the shower and fell asleep in the downstairs bedroom.
I was requested to not go upstairs, so I took the bedroom I saw and in the morning cleaned it to leave it as it was before, putting my sheets and towels in the washing machine and told the owner when she got back as I couldn’t find the washing powder laid out and didn’t want her to feel like I snooped through her stuff.
She thanked me for my help and when I got home, I saw she left me a one-star review for being entitled and using her stuff when I was there and was withholding half the payment. We get to dispute reviews, so I did and she said she expected me not to shower as it was an overnight stay, not multiple nights.
I contacted the support team, but my friend who also dog sits and got me into the job, said I should have figured out if it was allowed first as my using the shower affects their water bill and that at the very least I should have brought my toiletries.
I am new to dog sitting and as I knew the client was away due to a family emergency I didn’t want to ask to upset her and when I saw her she never mentioned being upset that I used her shower.”
Another User Comments:
“ESH. You should have brought your own toiletries. But as long as the shower was in the bathroom you were given permission to use? It was not unreasonable to use it, as long as you left it clean afterward, just like everything else in that bathroom.
If you used their toothbrush, that would be YTJ. If they expected you to not use the sink, NTJ.” No_Truth_2216
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Admittedly I don’t know the norms for paid overnight dog sitting, but using the downstairs shower (and cleaning up after yourself) feels pretty reasonable.
I guess bringing your own toiletries moving forward would probably be a good idea.” CassieW309
Another User Comments:
“NTJ – being last minute if this was booked in advance then the client could be upset about you not bringing your own shower stuff but they need a last-minute overnight stay and get huffy about some shampoo?
If someone stays overnight – a shower and bathroom use is to be expected, you also stripped the sheets and put them in the washing machine out of courtesy.” PandaLand447
21. AITJ For Refusing To Let My Husband's Rumor-Spreading Friend Move In?
“I 20f and my husband 21m have been married for about six months and live in a two-bedroom apartment together with our cat.
My husband is military so he’s been deployed for four months now, leaving me home alone. One of my husband’s friends 20f, lost her apartment before she was deployed due to an impulsive decision to move in with a guy who in turn dumped her, making her potentially homeless when she gets back from deployment.
For backstory his friend and I have had a rocky past, our personalities don’t mix well and she’s spread a lot of rumors about me that are not true. My husband has been trying to convince me to let her move in with us when they get back, but I keep telling him no due to the fact I just want it to be the two of us and I feel like she can’t be trusted, which would make me uncomfortable in my own house.
He keeps persisting and calling me a jerk because he claims if we don’t take her in she’s gonna be homeless and forced to live on their ship. But I just know that things are going to hit the fan if she lives with us, AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Red flag. He is still friends with a woman who had spread rumors about you? He wants her to move in with you in your house lol. If he is not with her I don’t know what it is but run.
And tell him, that if he tries one more time to ask for this, when he comes home the only thing he will find home is the divorce paper. You already live most of the time alone don’t let him disrespect you, for the little time you have to see him.
What’s the next step? A three-way relationship? Him giving her his salary? Girl she is not even homeless. Keep your boundaries.” Catwomaninred
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. No is a full sentence. If he wishes to help her out monetary-wise for a month so she doesn’t fall on her behind that’s fine.
You will not put this woman in your home. Your home is your safe space and she will take that away from you so that you have no safe space. Don’t allow your husband to bully you into it. Call the cops if he shows up with her.
This would be the hill I’d die on. Why your husband is okay letting a friend that badmouths his wife into his home is beyond me.” various-randoms
Another User Comments:
“NTJ – why is hubby so insistent on this “best friend “ living with a newly married couple?
Very “I want a 3some vibe”. She WILL NOT BE HOMELESS. She is single and she can live in the barracks (and all the wonderful rules they have). She (and hubby) need to suck it up and she needs to deal with her “homelessness “ on her own – she’s an adult in the military she should have her stuff together.” mom7890
20. AITJ For Asking My Slow-Eating Friend To Eat Before We Meet Up?
“I (32f) have a good friend (31f). We spend a lot of our hanging out time window shopping, walking around shops, and trying stuff on.
We get along really well but she’s a very slow eater and drinker, to the point that last week she bought a sandwich and a coffee and it took her an hour to eat it.
She also won’t walk and eat/drink but has to be sat down (which is fair enough). This however does mean that if we meet up and I’ve already eaten, I just have to sit there and watch her eat and drink for an hour.
We do spend that time chatting, but it’s still a little dull for me. After last week, I asked her if she’d mind either eating before we meet up or telling me earlier in the day if she’s going to get something to eat so I can make sure I haven’t eaten either.
She got a little upset and thinks it’s not a big deal to sit and wait while she eats as she’s not always going to know if she’ll be eating before or after we meet up. AITJ?
For info, this is not an eating disorder, this is just the way she eats.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Of course your friend doesn’t think it’s a big deal because she’s the one eating. Heck, you’re not asking for much. Just a simple heads up as to whether she plans to get a bite to eat so that you can plan accordingly.
You don’t have to be Nostradamus to know whether you plan to eat a meal before going shopping.” GopherDog22
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. There is a difference between “Hey, let’s go shopping and maybe grab a quick bite” and “Let’s spend an hour plus having a small meal.” There is nothing wrong with saying you only have so much time to spend with her and you can either do so at a restaurant or shopping, but you don’t have time for both.” Discount_Mithral
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Sounds like she has no consideration for you at all and I agree that she can be adult enough to plan her day to know if she’ll have eaten before! Would recommend next time you suggest meeting say either: “do you fancy going shopping on (eg Tuesday) and grabbing lunch?” Or “do you fancy going shopping on (eg Tuesday) in the afternoon sometime, after lunch?” That way you’re both on the same page and you’ve done it without making the focus on whether she’s eaten or not, more that you’re just establishing a time to meet.” ExpressIndication909
19. AITJ For Threatening To Leave My Family After Being Overburdened With Responsibilities?
“My parents have four kids. I’m (16m) the oldest and next is my brother Harry (13m) then my sister Jaz (11f) and then my youngest sister is Aimee (8f).
Harry and Jaz have autism. Neither can talk clearly but mumbling is the best they have learned, and they were delayed developmentally so walking came later for them as well. Harry and Jaz are in a special needs school, a private one, because my parents wanted the best chance for them and this place was highly recommended. Both my parents work longer hours for this.
And because of the longer hours they work and the aftercare they’re paying for Harry and Jaz, it has meant I needed to take on some more responsibility and especially with Aimee. I take care of her every day after school until our parents come home.
That includes cooking and deep cleaning the kitchen after I finish making food for us so my parents can cook for Jaz and Harry and not risk any issues with the food because both have highly sensitive taste buds and limited diets.
When Harry and Jaz go for respite or all-day therapies, my parents make time for Aimee and just Aimee.
They don’t want her to feel left behind or like she doesn’t matter. I do not get the same attention. I never did, even when I was younger and things were bad. Aimee was always the kid they prioritized time with when they had it.
And I had expectations put on me that I would do my best to give her a great childhood. They put a lot of that responsibility on my shoulders by the time I was just 11.
I’m also more responsible for keeping the house clean, because of my parents’ working hours.
Sometimes I’m the only one who cleans in a week and I used to try and get Aimee to help out with some light stuff and my parents told me to let her enjoy her childhood.
Recently my uncle and aunt died and my cousin, who also has autism, ended up in foster care.
My parents wanted to take him but they told me they would need me to step up and do more for us to make it work. They even told me how bad my cousin has it in foster care right now. Dad told me he has not found stability since his parents died several weeks ago.
So what do they want? Me to take over all the cooking, for me to do the grocery shopping, but not with Aimee of course, and they want me to start adjusting to having three kids, two with special needs, at times. So they can take one kid at a time to their therapies and appointments.
It angered me because they also asked me to babysit all three special needs kids so they can make a bit more time for Aimee because it will be hardest on her.
I was angered so I said sure, I’ll do it, but only until I’m 18 and then I’ll be done and they will never see me again.
My parents told me my anger was unwarranted and that everyone has to make sacrifices when a family is dealing with this many special needs kids. AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. If you haven’t read up on being parentified, do: you’re a classic victim.
Is there someone at school, or a friend’s parent, who can advocate for you and explain the injustice to your parents? If not, you might have to take the nuclear option: when the social worker comes round to check on your home situation (which I assume will happen before any adoption) explain exactly what they’re asking of you.
Don’t lose your temper, frame it in terms of your concern that you can’t manage all that AND your schoolwork. Say how relieved you are that they aren’t placing any of the burden on Aimee, because it means that at least she‘s had a childhood.
If the adoption goes ahead after that, I’ll be very surprised, and it might change a few other things. Best of luck.” Remember1959
Another User Comments:
“If you’re in the United States, if you tell the foster care social worker what you just told us Internet strangers, your parents likely won’t be allowed to take in your cousin.
Your parents would be adopting the child, not you, and they have to be able to care, not only for that child, but for all of you. They shouldn’t pass the home study phase. That sucks for the cousin, because foster care is a really tough place to be, and is worse for kids with special needs.
However, that is not your fault; it’s not on you. You shouldn’t be doing all the work you are doing. I’m sorry you never really got to be a kid. In case it wasn’t obvious, you’re NTJ.” Rredhead926
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Tell them you’re sacrificing a huge amount of your young life to help them out, so they don’t get to lecture you about sacrifices.
Tell them they should have stopped with you so you could have had a normal upbringing. Tell them they are the parents, not you, and if they give you any more problems, you’ll just stop helping around the house altogether. Tell them they’re putting more on you than you ever asked for or deserved, and that this is entirely their own doing for having more children than they could afford.
Tell them you don’t have a relationship with them because they turned you into a babysitter from age 8. I wouldn’t even agree to the cousin thing. Tell them you’re done, that you’re not going to help around the house anymore, and they’re going to have to find someone else to pick up their slack.
What are they gonna do? Kick you out at 18?” saltedfish
18. AITJ For Refusing To Take My Kids Early So My Ex Could Be With His Pregnant Wife In The Hospital?
“My ex-husband and I divorced 4 years ago, we have two daughters together.
My ex-husband remarried 1 year ago, and I knew that he and his wife were expecting because my daughters told me that they would get a sibling.
Now this Friday it was his week with the girls, he called me and asked if I could please take them earlier. When I asked him why, he told me that he needed to be with his wife at the hospital. I said no, that is not a reason to disobey the court order and that he either could stay with the girls, leave the girls with a babysitter, or take them with him to the hospital. I hung up before he could continue.
He texted me about two hours after telling me that I was extremely sick in the head and that for once, he was in a situation where he needed my help and I refused. His best friend who was a mutual friend of ours until the divorce also texted me and said that he hoped I was happy with myself.
I don’t get how I could be a jerk but it obviously seems like he and his best friend have come to that conclusion, if I am the jerk yes I will apologize but firstly I need to know.”
Another User Comments:
“You are not just a jerk but outright cruel.
Any reasonable person with an ounce of empathy or compassion would agree to watch someone’s children so their parent could be with their spouse at the hospital. Let alone agree to watch THEIR OWN CHILDREN. “Not a reason to disobey the court order” my behind.
Think like a human being for five seconds. You clearly have some sort of vendetta against either your ex-husband or his wife or both. You are definitely bitter about them having a baby together. And also don’t seem to like your children very much, as any normal loving parent with split custody would jump at the chance to spend extra time with their kids.
YTJ.” Capresesandwitch
Another User Comments:
“YTJ I had a messy divorce and it was only messy when it came to the kids. My ex and I both wanted our kids every minute so the court order was very strictly followed. However, my ex eventually realized that I was a lot more accommodating and flexible when it involved my time.
It was never about following the court order to the letter, it was about what was best for the kids. When you do what’s best for your children you will always make the right decision. Now we’re a decade beyond our divorce and we have a great co-parenting relationship.
For example, it’s my weekend with our youngest (older kids are adults now) and my ex and his family wanted them for a multi-family gathering and since my child wanted to go I let them! My family also wants to get together with people who live in multiple states this summer over a holiday weekend.
My ex’s weekend. We’ve already discussed it and we’re trading a holiday, everyone can be winners. Put your children first. They’ll remember how much you showed your love for them, and how much you showed respect for their entire family. Especially to the parts that are no longer your family.” seanymphcalypso
Another User Comments:
“YTJ why would you pass on extra time with your own children??? His wife is in the hospital. If he wanted you to take them so they could go on a glamorous vacation, that would be different. She is in the hospital. This is so petty and vindictive.
Imagine how your kids feel….stepmother is in the hospital and our mother doesn’t want us. Even if he is a troll, you are using your kids as a pawn in your war with him.” forte6320
17. AITJ For Not Wanting To Sponsor My Stepmom's Citizenship?
“So my dad (50m) is asking me (27f) to sponsor my stepmom so she can become a citizen and I feel like I am being used. So my stepmom (37) has always treated me weirdly, she has always told my dad that if he gives money, the 3 kids she has with my dad deserve money too.
It is important to note that I stopped living with them when I was 16 and lived full-time with my mom. My dad has never been helpful when it came to helping me with much by saying he didn’t have a lot of money but would give my stepmom brand-name items and so on.
Now my dad is asking me to sponsor her and I don’t feel right, especially since being a sponsor means you have financial responsibility over them and even if I had a cosponsor it could go wrong. Am I the jerk if I tell him I do not want to do it?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ – if your dad wants your SM to have a sponsor, then HE needs to step up. “Now my dad is asking me to sponsor her and I don’t feel right, especially since being a sponsor means you have financial responsibility over them and even if I had a cosponsor it could go wrong.” This could be a trap – would make this my hill to die on!!” Comfortable-Sea-2454
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Look at the criteria for sponsoring. How much have you got to earn? Then tell them that in order for you to sponsor her you will need them to transfer 5x your annual income as insurance and evidence of private health insurance to ensure that you are not responsible for paying for her needs until she gets citizenship.
If they cannot do that, then you will not be able to sponsor her as you do not have the funds to keep her if she or Dad can’t support her. They don’t have the money or Dad doesn’t fit the criteria or they wouldn’t be asking you.
So this shuts down the request.” rebootsaresuchapain
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Being a sponsor is a massive ask even if you were on fantastic terms. Listen to your instincts here, say no. Who knows what kind of shenanigans she might pull? Being a sponsor can be basically like putting her on your credit report or co-signing a loan with her – for the next decade or two.
So very many things could go wrong here. If she leaves your father, you’re still her sponsor. If she has sixteen kids, you’re still her sponsor. If she takes out 4 credit cards and maxes them, you’re still her sponsor. Screw that noise.” savinathewhite
16. AITJ For Not Wanting My Husband's Relatives To Tour Our House?
“My husband and I moved into our very first home 2 years ago. In the beginning, when we just moved in, we did a few sessions of housewarming with mine and his family, friends, and relatives but for my husband’s side of the family, he had some relatives (4 families to be exact) who were living in different countries so they never had the chance to physically see the house (except through facetime).
So now when those relatives fly here for vacation, my in-laws would always tell my husband that they are planning to bring them over to our home to have a look.
The first 2 times when they did that, I was honestly very reluctant because we had already lived in the house for like a good year at that time and I didn’t want to have to tidy up the whole house every time a new relative would come over (just because they’ve never seen the house physically) but my husband has always been fine with it so I just put up with it.
When they were over, it was a really annoying situation for me because:
i) I had locked the storerooms for a reason (not wanting them to see how messy it is) but they tried turning the knob themselves and asked why is it locked. When I told them it was a storeroom, they still asked if I could just open it so that they could see how big the storeroom is but I told them it was messy so I didn’t want to open it but they still insisted one more time before I told them no.
ii) They would just open the kitchen cabinets without even asking for permission which honestly ticked me off. I could understand that they probably grew up with being open about everything so they felt it was fine to just open and take a peek because even at my in-laws’ place, they are always very fine with their relatives opening their fridge/cabinets but I don’t come from that kind of culture so I felt it was a bit rude to just open without our permission.
Personally, I’m an introvert and I value my personal space a lot so I don’t really like having people come into my space or peek through my stuff that much. If it’s a home that we just newly moved in then I’m totally fine with that but I’m just not okay with the fact that people are still coming into the bedroom when I’ve already lived in it for more than a year.
Disclaimer: I’m fine if they just want to bring them over to hang out/have a look downstairs but I’m not ok to do a full-fledged home tour which includes the bedroom.
It’s now our 2nd year living in our home and another bunch of relatives of his is flying down for vacation in the next couple of days and to no surprise, my in-laws have again told my husband that they would want to bring them over to our home.
So the question is, AITJ for not wanting every single relative of his to tour the house?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. As a fellow introvert who is very private, I get it and completely understand why this is an uncomfortable situation for you. I’m guessing you don’t necessarily have anything to hide, but to me, opening cabinets and closets can feel so exposed, or even people seeing the bed that I’ve slept in with my partner would feel so personal. These are private spaces that I’ve put effort into designing for myself to feel like an oasis – letting people peek into that can feel very vulnerable.
Not to mention the extra effort it would take for you to clean them to a higher degree for judgmental eyes. Honestly, why is it even that interesting for them to see? To count how many shelves you’ve got in the closet? To see if you have blue or white sheets?
Even though your husband is fine with it himself, he needs to make a better effort to understand and respect your boundaries so he can help stand up for you with his family. It’s called supporting your partner on things that are important to each other.” Croissantal
Another User Comments:
“You are allowed to set boundaries regarding your own home. What other people allow in their homes in no way determines what’s permitted in yours. What’s next, rummaging through your bedroom closet and drawers, just to be able to see what you have and how much storage there is.
It is understandable to conduct these tours when you’ve just moved in, but again not compulsory. Every time you visit someone’s home for the first time, do you insist that you look in every room, every cupboard, every drawer? I’m guessing not, because that’s just nosy.
I have doors kept closed when I have visitors. Fortunately for me, they have never tried to look without permission. Nobody is entitled to wander around your home, looking through any and all storage places, just to satisfy their sense of curiosity.” Ratchet_gurl24
Another User Comments:
“Lol can I ask if your husband’s family is Asian? Growing up Asian in a Western country, it was pretty “normal” for my parents to want to “show off” our house to visiting relatives because compared to the size of homes in Asia, our house was considered huge.
My parents had no interior design skills at all and our house was not well decorated but there was so much pride in showing off how big of a house/how many rooms you had/how many closets, etc. Have you tried talking to the in-laws about this?
I don’t think they see this so much as an intrusion of your home but rather as pride in their son for his achievements. On the other hand, maybe I just projected too hard and you can ignore this comment. Lol.” MRandomRedditAccount
15. AITJ For Not Making My Son Play Video Games With His Younger Cousin?
“I have a rocky relationship with my family mainly because of my sister.
This has bled over into my family.
My 16-year-old son Jake plays video games with his friends online. Mainly his childhood best friend who has moved away. He connects and talks while playing several nights a week. Jake is a good student and does band and his debate team so I don’t pay this free time much attention.
My sister and her son Kyle (10) who live with my mom have started trouble because Jake blocked Kyle from playing with him. Jake isn’t close to Kyle and maybe sees my side of the family twice a year. Jake said Kyle was annoying and his friends didn’t want to play with him so he blocked him because he kept trying to join the game.
I only heard this after both my sister and mom complained about Jake and his friends leaving Kyle out. My sister tried the single mom card with me saying it keeps Kyle busy while she does things. I told her if she wanted to use Jake and his friends as free babysitters she should pay them and he doesn’t owe Kyle his free time.
My mom who also has boundary issues said Jake doesn’t deserve any Christmas gifts since I spoiled him. I told my mom that she didn’t deserve to see us at Christmas because she was using her cheap gifts as leverage.
She tried to backtrack from this but I’m already low contact with them and told my family that we aren’t doing Christmas with grandma this year after she texted Jake about how he doesn’t deserve gifts for not playing with his cousin.
Mom started crying when I told her my family would be making other plans and didn’t expect us there for the visit this year. She blames it on a stupid video game and Jake being selfish and doesn’t see how my sister started this.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ family isn’t owed anything just cause they’re family. You can’t force your kid to play with someone they don’t like especially at 16, they’d just get mad and resentful at the time. And with the way your mother tried to emotionally manipulate you and basically hold Christmas hostage for your child, it’s probably better to just go no contact entirely.” King_of_you
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, a sixteen-year-old should not be obliged to babysit a 10-year-old online or have him hang out with his friends. It’s massively inappropriate to expect this and you can bet the mother would freak out if she found out he overheard swearing or anything else that 16-year-olds like to talk about.
This isn’t a cousin refusing to play call with a younger kid at one family party. It’s a 16-year-old being expected to entertain a 10-year-old online daily? What a joke. Your mother should have known better than to try and get involved, and try a shoddy attempt at blackmail.” ViolaVetch75
Another User Comments:
“NTJ – The difference between the ages here (16 vs. 10) is such a divide. His grandmother was just mean to him to say what she did and your sister is just using your son and his friends as babysitters. They both need to be NC.
They both just don’t get it and probably never will. But be prepared for the blowback when they both come crawling back wanting forgiveness and the rest of the family pressures you. The only way they should be allowed back into your lives is if they apologize to you and your son for their hurtful behavior towards him and admit they were wrong.” Mustng1966
14. AITJ For Not Paying My House Sitters After They Neglected Their Duties?
“I went back to my parents’ house to handle some family affairs for a month and had a nice couple, we’ll call them B and A, watch my house and plants.
I live in a cold climate so I explained to B and A that the house needs to be lived in and the heat turned on regularly (tiny home with a pellet stove as only heat source) in order for it not to freeze. I’m on well water so I can’t leave the faucet running as others do to prevent freezing.
The agreement was that they would stay in the house and be given full access to everything, including my new car to drive. About a quarter of the way through my trip I get a message that they had just gotten back to the house and that the water won’t turn on – pipes were frozen.
Come to find out that they hadn’t actually been staying at the house so the heat hadn’t been on for who knows how many days. Of course multiple pipes had burst – I am still waiting to find out the extent of the damage but have already purchased one expensive replacement part.
A week later, the car ‘dies’. I am told that the battery died from the cold and it needs a new one. A new car with a new battery… I have never had a problem with the car battery in cold weather, including colder temps than what they saw while I was gone.
Not being able to troubleshoot anything from afar, I bought a new battery.
My plants are ruined. I had about 40 houseplants that I have had for years, all frozen and dead. Not a huge monetary loss there, but a sentimental one for sure.
I am really upset to have trusted these people with my home only to return to this devastation, not to mention the added stress while I was away.
AITJ for not paying the full amount that we had agreed on beforehand?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. I work in the restoration business and can’t tell you the sheer amount of homes that get busted pipes from being away while the weather is harsh. Had this couple lived in your home as agreed upon, you most likely wouldn’t have ended up with the amount of damage that you did.
Heck, you might have been better off with dripping all your faucets and leaving your heater set accordingly to run continuously. Even the couple that was supposed to be living in your home could have done that and avoided the busted pipes, even if they chose to not live in your home.
But they definitely failed to even do that, which is the bare minimum during really cold freezing temps. I wouldn’t pay them a single dollar!” thisgreenwitch
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. When you hire someone for a service, especially one involving your personal sanctuary, there’s an expectation of trust and responsibility.
B and A had a clear-cut duty to maintain your house’s warmth and safety, and they grossly neglected it. The damage to your property isn’t just financial but emotional too, considering the plants. Not paying them is justified; they didn’t fulfill their end of the bargain.
And as others have said, consider taking legal action to recover the costs for the damages incurred. It’s not about revenge—it’s about accountability and the principle of the matter.” KeenKatiex
Another User Comments:
“NTJ and I am so sorry you’re dealing with this.
I would be devastated if I lost all of my plants and SUPER upset if I had to fix busted pipes because of people who accepted a job and did not do it. Also wondering what the heck they did to cause your car battery to just die.
Do not pay them a cent.” Turbulent-Seaweed986
13. AITJ For Telling My Younger Brother He's Adopted Because Our Mom Favored Him?
“I have two brothers. There is my older brother (18) and my younger brother (11). We are all blood related so yes, he is my actual brother which would mean we are all adopted. My mom that I have now adopted me and my older brother when we were three and my younger brother when he was one, so a seven-year age gap (the system I went through tries to keep siblings together so that’s how we got lucky to all be adopted by one parent).
When we first got him I was so happy to have someone else in the house but my older brother didn’t feel the same and over the years my brothers’ relationship got worse. You know how people say that the younger sibling was the favorite?
Yeah, well it’s 100% true and this isn’t me being jealous or anything. He really was the favorite. He got his own new game system when he was six and we were not allowed to play it or even be in the room when he was, my mom would always take him out to eat, buy him gifts but the craziest thing my mom would do was tell people that my older brother and I were adopted and my younger brother wasn’t.
Needless to say, he turned into a real brat constantly yelling at my mom for the most crazy things.
There was this one time when he got mad at her for getting him an iPhone 12 when he wanted the 13 (mind you we don’t have a lot of money as of now).
He threw the biggest fit ever, even going so far as to call my mom a jerk. She would never do anything but go silent.
I had overheard a conversation with my mom and her friends saying how much she loved all three of us but my younger brother was the better kid because he came from her.
I stopped what I was doing, went to my younger brother, and told him “congratulations! You’re adopted!” He kind of stood frozen for a second then held his head down. My mom saw that he was upset and asked him what happened. He told her what I said and she yelled at me.
Now I feel like a jerk. Am I The Jerk?”
Another User Comments:
“I’m going with a mild ESH because you lashed out at your brother when it was your mom who hurt you, but she is by far the bigger jerk. Lying about your brother being adopted and treating him so differently is really bad parenting and the fact that she seems half-convinced of the lie points to there being a lot more messed up things happening in your home that you don’t mention here.
I don’t blame you for lashing out, if anything I’m surprised you didn’t tell the truth earlier.” effoff333
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Holy moly, some people shouldn’t get to adopt kids. What you should have done was find documents on the fact that he was adopted and exposed her lying behind to her friends though.
But he also needed to know that. They’re literally raising him to become a narcissist, and the kid needs a reality check. Not to say he’s the jerk, he’s just a kid, but he needed that. And a whole lot more, but in a gentler way.
They are failing as parents with all three of you.” Reddit User
Another User Comments:
“So you told him he’s adopted because you wanted to wound him, rather than empower him with the truth? You used the information to club him. I get you hate his behavior.
But, don’t get it twisted. You don’t have any moral high ground for lashing out at your mom by thrashing your brother’s reality. Your mom is the one you need to deal with. ESH.” AndSoItGoes24
12. AITJ For Using A Night Light And Doing Homework Late While Sharing A Room With My Partner's Sister?
“My partner (M18) and I (F19) visited his family for a week during the holidays. I knew I was bothering his family so I bought gifts for his parents and I crocheted a handbag for his sister to show my gratitude.
Everything seemed fine when I met his family, but the problem started when, during this vacation, I shared a room with his sister (F16). I have a habit of sleeping with a night light because I’m afraid of darkness, and I also stay up quite late.
The first night, I asked his little sister what time she usually sleeps and she said it depends, so I just let her sleep whenever she wanted to sleep.
The first night I left the night light dimmed, and she didn’t say anything or tell me to turn off the light, but then around 2 a.m., I saw her covering her head with a blanket.
I guess she had trouble sleeping so I turned off the light just to be sure because I didn’t know what she wanted. After that night, her attitude gradually changed negatively towards me, and then my partner told me she was complaining to him that she couldn’t sleep because I left the night light on until 2 AM.
I was like, why doesn’t she tell me instead of talking through my partner? He said she usually doesn’t tell the person she has a problem directly, but instead complains to someone else. So on the second night, I proactively said sorry to her, and I turned off the night light completely to sleep in the dark (which resulted in me having a nightmare, but I didn’t complain about it).
Yet the next day she didn’t say a word to me during the whole trip and I always had the feeling that she didn’t like my presence.
On the third night, I had an assignment due at midnight, so I had to do it. However, I still turned off all the lights, and I tried to finish my work quickly so she could sleep (my laptop’s brightness was 0%).
I had trouble sleeping after finishing my homework, so I watched a movie on my phone but turned off the sound completely and read the subtitles. Then around 2 am-3 am, I went to the washroom and that’s it.
I thought everything was normal, but then tonight, my partner and I were watching a movie in my room when his mother called him out to talk, and he told me later that his sister was complaining I left the light on until 2 AM last night and she couldn’t sleep so she was upset, then because of that my partner’s parents were upset at him.
That’s not true and I tried to explain the situation, but he told me his mother said if I want to do homework, why don’t I go to the kitchen?
Tbh, if you don’t say it, how can people read your mind? And the thing is that from beginning to end I didn’t hear a single word being said directly to me, it was all through my partner, and his little sister was always cold towards me.
I admit that I was wrong, but I also deserve straightforward feedback or just a simple “Can you turn off the light?” instead of just an underlying unsatisfactory attitude like that. AITJ here?”
Another User Comments:
“YTJ. If you know you need a light on, tell her upfront and ask if that’s going to be an issue.
If you have homework or a movie, of course do that elsewhere if she’s a light sleeper and you’ve observed her having issues. She’s likely sleep-deprived, grumpy, and nonconfrontational. So step up your game a bit on communication.” November-8485
Another User Comments:
“YTJ I’m afraid, you should have asked his sister directly if you could use a nightlight.
She probably felt extremely awkward and unable to talk directly to you since you just went ahead and put it on. And his mother is right, why didn’t you go to the kitchen to complete your homework in peace rather than disturbing her sleep again?
I’m sorry you suffer nightmares but it’s very inconsiderate to have a light on when other people are trying to sleep. In the future, you need to discuss this issue with your SO, couldn’t you have slept in his room? I need darkness to sleep, a light coming on wakes me up.
It’s not good for your eyes to be doing homework in semi-darkness either. Next time, brainstorm solutions instead of going ahead and having a light on while sharing with someone used to darkness.” MissSparkles89
Another User Comments:
“YTJ. A 16-year-old is required, probably against her will, to share her bedroom with the 19-year-old SO of her brother.
That’s awkward right off the bat. Then, because a 19-year-old is afraid of the dark, you left a nightlight on for hours without even asking her if it was ok. Later, you mess around on your laptop because you didn’t plan ahead on an assignment — and, trust me, as someone who likes complete darkness to sleep, any light from your laptop was going to be disruptive, 0% or not (how were you even working at 0%??).
Then you decide to use some more disruptive light by watching a movie. You were an incredibly thoughtless houseguest and it takes some real nerve to act as though the 16-year-old, in her own home and her own bedroom, is somehow being a jerk. You are 100% in the wrong here.” WestCovina1234
11. AITJ For Turning Down My Neighbor's Loud Car Music At 6AM?
“It’s 6 am and there was a car sitting out in the parking lot of the apartment complex I live in, and it was blasting heavy bass music so loud my windows were rattling. I have sensory issues, especially when it comes to sound, and I tried to just tolerate it, but it went on for five minutes, I timed it.
I finally had enough and went outside to ask whoever was in their car to turn the music down. Except nobody was in the car. So I opened it and turned the music down myself and left. On the way back, inside, I saw the neighbor heading to her car.
I told her to please keep her music down when it was this early. She got super scared and couldn’t stop clutching her chest and I felt really bad because I didn’t mean to scare her. I’m a really short woman, not exactly the intimidating type.
But she was so scared she didn’t really react to my request, just kept saying how scared she was.
Anyway, it was a negative interaction, and I don’t want to have negative interactions with my neighbors. I’ve lived here for years and this same tenant and her housemates are so inconsiderate.
They let their dog poop everywhere, and they blast their music really loud at odd hours, plus they park in a way that takes up multiple spots. They’re awful. I’ve been tolerating them for years now… But… I think I still probably crossed a line by turning the music down myself.
So, AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ first it’s 6 am. Second I should never be able to hear your bad music inside my house especially when you’re not even in the darn car. And lastly, she’s lucky someone didn’t steal her car.
She’s so afraid of another woman in a common area but not of someone hiding in the back seat of her unlocked car? Sounds like she played being scared because you had the nerve to say something. Or she’s just not that bright.” Only-here-for-sound
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. People are selfish, and they suck. They have no regard for anything or anyone that doesn’t directly affect them. I have a neighbor who does something similar and stands on his gas pedal with the car in neutral before 5 in the morning.
He’s doing it for the sole purpose of annoying me, so I feel your pain. I would say she should consider herself lucky that the only thing that happened to the vehicle was a knob got twisted.” Aurora_42
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. If she didn’t want people reaching into her car, then she shouldn’t leave it blasting music early in the morning.
As far as leases in California go: The Quiet Enjoyment Covenant in California, as stated in the California Civil Code section is a crucial legal protection that ensures both tenants and homeowners have the right to peacefully enjoy their living space without experiencing significant disruptions caused by other tenants or external factors.
If you’re not in the Golden State, check your lease for what it says about noise disturbances. And then quote those terms to your landlord in writing when you complain. Demand that a permanent solution be found because the “warnings” that have been given have not worked. If these residents can’t live in harmony with their neighbors, they have to go, and it will be their own fault when it happens for not abiding by the terms of the lease that everyone signed. You should also call the police next time there is a noise complaint.
Tell 5-0 that you’ve complained to the management, but the problem persists. They had plenty of “mess around” wiggle room. Time for them to “Find out.”” OaktownPirate
10. AITJ For Refusing To Buy A Round Of Shots As The Designated Driver?
“So I, a 24-year-old female, go out with my friends every Friday to bar hop and such.
I don’t really drink but I still like to go and have fun so whenever we go out I am the designated driver. Last week I went out with 5 friends I usually do and 1 new one. Whenever someone gets a round of shots they always ask for a shot of water for me because I just think it’s fine to do so I don’t feel as left out.
This has been going on for months and no one has a problem with it.
So last week the new girl didn’t grab me a shot of water when she got a round and it was no big deal but after that, she told me to get the next round.
I told her I’m not buying a round of shots if I’m not taking one. She thinks since I get a free shot of water I should have to buy a round. 3 girls agreed with me saying that’s stupid but the two guys we were with said I should because they didn’t wanna spend as much.
After that, I told her if I was gonna buy a round and take a shot she would have to order an Uber. Which is very expensive in my area on a Friday night. She called me cheap and a drag. I told her she was an idiotic jerk when she’s intoxicated, she told me she wasn’t intoxicated so I said she’s just a jerk in general. She got mad and called her partner to pick her up.
The guys think I was a jerk and should apologize because she probably won’t want to go out with us anymore. So am I the jerk?”
Another User Comments:
“Lol NTJ. It’s ridiculous to think the designated driver should be paying for drinks for anyone.
Shots of water are free, yes? I wouldn’t have taken the guys home either, personally. They want to disrespect the designated driver and think they can get them to subsidize their drinking? Pay for an Uber then. Obviously don’t apologize to her. Her not wanting to go out with you all again is a blessing.
NTJ at all.” BulbasaurRanch
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. They are getting a free ride from you and the least you’re expecting in return is a free shot of water to be included? When I go out as the designated driver (since I also do not drink), everyone insists on buying me a fancy soda, mocktail, mock-shots, etc because hey-ho Uber/late taxis are easily as expensive as a few rounds of drinks.
That they would even consider it FAIR to ask you to buy drinks for them on top of the free service you are providing is bad. She got called out, she deserved it.” Doktor_Seagull
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Bartender here. People with drinking problems are the ones trying to get non-drinkers to buy a round.
They need their happy juice to keep the tremors/dark thoughts away, and they are always on the hunt for someone else to buy their drinks. Anyone pressuring the designated driver to buy a round of shots is someone whose social interaction is worth avoiding.” OaktownPirate
9. AITJ For Being Angry At My Mom For Euthanizing My Sick Cat?
“My (F15) cat, I’ll call her Cheese, was my best friend, my mom euthanized her this month, she was 11 with kidney disease (not near the end stages), hyperthyroidism that was being treated and fully under control, and diabetes.
On the day she was diagnosed with diabetes, my mom went ahead and euthanized her without even taking her home for the night or anything.
The vet said that to treat her they would have needed to hold her for about a week and a half and that the total cost for everything would have been 800 dollars, that’s all I know though.
In her last few days, her symptoms were stumbling a little bit, being a little antisocial (not hissing or anything), and not grooming herself as well (some matting in her fur, she was a ragdoll with very long hair).
She was still eating, drinking, and purring though, and even during her euthanasia appointment she even got out of the blanket and came over and sat on my lap.
My mom always disliked Cheese, she was SLIGHTLY allergic to her (runny nose, itchy eyes) so whenever she’d go show any affection towards my mom, she’d get pushed off and my mom would start yelling and stuff.
Now of course my mom claims she always loved Cheese.
My mom euthanized her because “she was in too much pain” and “we didn’t have enough money” even though she is paying 8,000-10,000 dollars for our dog’s cancer treatment and a week after Cheese’s death she bought a 3,000-dollar couch.
Now my mom keeps approaching me and asking why I’ve seemed angry at her for the last couple of weeks (something that was unconscious I guess) and yesterday my therapist told her I have been resenting her for euthanizing my cat, something I told her in confidence.
So tonight she confronted me and talked about why I think she’s so evil and why do I hate her so much. I told her I didn’t want to talk about that and that she needed to calm down but she wouldn’t stop pressing me to talk about my feelings.
My feelings are that I hate her for killing my best friend and I think she is selfish, both for doing it in the first place and for making everything about herself when in reality it’s about my cat. Anyway, I just wanted to know if I am being a stupid, hormonal teenage girl and my mom did the right thing or if I have a right to be mad about this and I should tell her how I feel like she keeps telling me to do.”
Another User Comments:
“Your cat was 11 years old and had 3 major illnesses. Have you ever dealt with diabetes? We had a dog with diabetes, and it was tough on everyone, including the dog. Shots twice a day that he hated. Making sure he was on a strict diet or else he’d have seizures.
Diabetes-induced cataracts. He started to get mean towards the end. It was hard as heck on everyone, and it cost a lot of money as well for insulin and special food, not to mention all the times we ran to the vet after a seizure.
Your cat was going to be dealing with that PLUS kidney disease PLUS hyperthyroidism. The amount of effort to keep her healthy (if even remotely possible) and comfortable would be huge. Your mom no doubt made the best choice. It is time you understand keeping a sick and suffering animal alive is cruel.
YTJ.” DaxxyDreams
Another User Comments:
“No jerks here, there are many reasons why people put their sick pets down when they do. You admittedly don’t know the details so why the harsh judgment? It’s because you’re hurting and it’s not uncommon to blame others for the hurt.
Your anger at your mom is misdirected. I can tell you from experience, I put down a sick cat this past October, my 3rd pet I’ve lost in my lifetime, emotionally, it never feels like the right time. I know you don’t want to hear it, but your cat wasn’t going to get better.
It’s ok to be sad, I’m sorry you lost your best friend. ” adventuresofViolet
Another User Comments:
“NTJ for the way you feel. I’m so sorry you’ve lost your beloved cat & best friend. Also that you didn’t get the chance to say goodbye by spending a last night with her.
“My therapist told her I have been resenting her for euthanizing my cat, something I told her in confidence.” At 15, you have the right for your discussions to be kept confidential. Your therapist should really hold to that unless there’s a very good reason not to.
As to whether you’re the jerk for telling your mom you hate her…I can’t judge on that. I can so empathize with how you feel but I don’t know if that would help. Maybe discuss it with your therapist & tell her you expect the convo to be kept in confidence til you choose otherwise.
I’ve always had cats except when I was away at college. Losing them hurts real bad, but in time it gradually gets easier to manage. All the very best to you.” Apart-Ad-6518
8. AITJ For Attending My Cousin's Wedding Instead Of My Friend's And Posing With Her Ex In Photos?
“My (27f) friend Anna (27f) just had her wedding two weeks ago.
She didn’t formally invite me until two months ago. By the time I received her invitation, my weekend was already booked because my cousin’s wedding was also that weekend.
I told Anna I couldn’t make it because I had another wedding to attend and their venues were too far apart for me to try to make both.
Anna understood since she sent out invitations so late.
Anyway, I had a great time at my cousin’s wedding. It was a lot of fun and we took a bunch of photos at the reception. When these photos were posted on social media, she saw that I was posing in some group photos with her ex (Chad 29m) and she started blowing up my phone saying I was a terrible friend and that I chose him over her.
I let her know that Chad is my cousin’s close friend so he was also invited to the wedding. Also, they broke up well over 5 years ago. I didn’t choose Chad over her, I chose to go to my cousin’s wedding.
She hasn’t spoken to me since.
AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“Oh, no! You took selfies with other wedding guests and had the audacity to post the photos on social media! Without thinking how other people might feel! The bride should be concentrating on her new husband, not what her long-ago ex is up to.
How dare you both party it up at somebody else’s wedding! NTJ.” YouthNAsia63
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Why is she, as a newly married woman, so upset that you were someplace where her ex was? You were at your cousin’s wedding. She knew that.
Maybe ask her how her husband feels about her being upset that you were at the same wedding her ex was at.” Romance-BookWorm-55
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Your ex-friend sounds like she must be exhausting. I hope for her husband’s sake that she is not this way all the time.
One question that I had was if she sent out all the invitations at the last minute, or just a few like yours. If your invitation was an afterthought, she may be looking for some reason that she can use to justify treating you differently from the people that she really cares about.
Now, on the other hand, if she really sent out the invitations late, she might be feeling angry about all the people who already had plans. In that case, you ended up being the target of her anger because she could blame your absence on your behavior and not her own.
Anyway, it doesn’t sound like much of a loss.” theoldman-1313
7. AITJ For Wanting To Sue My Best Friend's Sister For Damaging My Prosthetic Leg?
“A couple of days ago, my best friend’s youngest sisters (5 and 7 years old) broke my hip prosthetic leg, while I was resting, and her middle sister (20 years old) apparently watched.
As it is unfortunately custom it can’t easily be replaced and (I have a secondary normal/emergency one, so I can still go by my day as usual, but I’m constantly uncomfortable as it isn’t specialized) the cost for repair is looking to be around 5000 – 10,000 dollars, because of very specific damage to certain internal parts at the hip part.
I don’t really want to sue, but my stepsister is adamant that I should, especially as my best friend’s middle sister dislikes me and had apparently (what they have told us; me, my stepsister, my friend, and their mother) egged on her little sisters with rewards and favors to play and mishandle my leg, showing clear malicious behavior.
My friend and her mother obviously don’t want me to sue, and they have said that they will pay me back for the damage. But this isn’t really about the damage, more the act? Considering the middle sister doesn’t have a lot of funds, this would hurt her financially and then probably the rest of the family.
I feel horrible, but the vindictive parts of me wants to make my friend’s sister hurt for this. I know I could lose my friendship with my friend and I really don’t want that, but I want her sister to get punished.
Would I be the jerk if I sued my best friend’s sister for provoking her younger sisters to play and damage, eventually breaking, my prosthetic leg?”
Another User Comments:
“Let’s think this through. You want to sue, which means you want lawyers to question 5 and 7-year-old kids and their older sister to what? Rat each other out? Do you really think that ends well? And, if they don’t have a lot of funds, how much are you willing to pay a lawyer to pursue the lawsuit?
Lawyers don’t work for free and if there aren’t funds for a big contingency fee, you’re going to be paying out of pocket. I absolutely get why you want to do this. You deserve to be compensated for the damages, for your literal pain and suffering for having to use a backup prosthetic, and the kids and the sister deserve to be punished. You’re NTJ for wanting to sue because that’s how our system works.
But, really, it’s not as good an idea as it may sound. Find a different path to your legitimate goal.” stannenb
Another User Comments:
“NTJ because the middle sister is clearly the jerk, however, this is very poorly thought through. You have an offer on the table to make you whole from your friend/their mother.
You’re instead wanting to upset your friend and mother by suing the sister to get revenge, which will realistically end up with you probably having fewer funds after costs and alienating said friend. That is assuming the sister even has the funds (probably doesn’t have 10k spare at 20), meaning the mother would have to pay anyway, and you might not win (you’ve likely no proof she instigated) and would need to blame the 5 & 7yos which would also require the mother to pay (plus legal fees).
It’s understandable you’re frustrated and want to punish her but it’s very obvious looking at this with any objectivity that you will only harm yourself (less funds) and your relationship with your friend (hurt feelings and likely costing their mother more funds). Don’t do it.” Elivercury
Another User Comments:
“NTJ—get your funds. Which family member gets it to you isn’t your problem. The parents can deal with punishing the kids. But you need to get paid right away and every last penny. This is a hate crime. They attacked you where you’re different because it’s different so that it will hurt you because you’re different.
This leg lets you walk comfortably—it’s your leg! Should this horrible human being be punished? Absolutely. But you being reimbursed is the most important thing. I say if the family deals with it properly, go for it. But make it clear that you are getting reimbursed 100% right away or you are going to court.
And they can deal with their horrible children.” TeddingtonMerson
6. AITJ For Not Wanting To Celebrate My Birthday Because My Mom Always Changes My Plans?
“I (22M) was just told by my mom that I am wasting a special occasion by not celebrating my birthday no matter how small the celebration is. In the past 3 years, I’ve been noticing that I tend to be the one least enjoying the celebrations itself.
Three years ago, I already planned with my parents that I wanted to have a small celebratory lunch in our home with some of my friends but it turned out that my mom invited my extended family whom I have barely even talked to. The menu that I asked for was even changed due to the number of guests.
It was still fun but not what I really had in mind and that disappointed me a bit.
The following year, Mom booked an expensive buffet for my birthday without my knowledge, so I adjusted plans to include lunch at a luxury resort. According to her, she wanted us to “experience luxury.” However, we just ended up exploring because we realized that the buffet was going to cost us around $250.
Long story short, none of the premade plans I laid out were made into reality. I planned to go to visit an art gallery, go to the big mall to ice skate for the first time but we ended up going to an IKEA for three to four hours because my mom insisted. I hadn’t gone there before so I agreed to it since why not?
In the end, the day was wasted with dinner in a bad buffet restaurant, everyone fighting, and me crying in a bathroom stall.
This year my mom booked another buffet in a different 5-star hotel on my birthday itself which was a school day. I blew up on her asking why she didn’t let me know beforehand and didn’t she even consider that I had classes that day.
She told me that she can rebook it for a different date but it has to be in the same month so it has to be earlier. I wasn’t able to plan anything so I reluctantly agreed to it. The reviews of the hotel were pretty good and it was beside the sea.
As an aspiring marine biologist, it would be nice to eat beside the ocean. Before the day came, I was sore from training the whole week which made me cranky.
Anyways, we were off to the hotel then Mom started to talk about inviting more people with us.
I called her out on changing plans last minute like how she did last year. The car ride went a bit quiet then she proceeded to chat with my dad while on the road. We finally arrived at the hotel and it looked underwhelming. What’s worse was that the sea was covered with sand to build a mall over it.
They even joked about it being a “sandside buffet.” The trip went sour when I said that I was not enjoying it. My mom started to raise her voice asking me if what she did was not enough for me. People around us were looking.
We ended up leaving and going to the same mall to buy equipment for my varsity training.
Today, they greeted me and asked if I had plans for today. I said no. They asked if I let my team or my friends know. I said no. I just told them I was just going to study for the rest of the day.
I also added that I did not want to celebrate today.
So, AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Your mum needs to listen to you more, but also, you can perhaps try to be a bit less direct. Directly saying to someone you are not having a good time is a bit rude when they’ve organized things for you.
That said, it depends on how bad it is. I am curious, however, as to what country you are in, and how well off you are, because I’m sensing at least upper class, and perhaps a non-western culture? Culture and economic status of the family might help give a further indication as to what’s going on here.” DaimonNinja
Another User Comments:
“No jerks here. At 19, I had enough of sharing my birthday and decided to be selfish. For my birthday I went out with friends. I still do family birthday dinners or lunches, but I always do something with my friends. I enjoy my day because I got some distance and had some control over the day.” Mundane_Bike_912
Another User Comments:
“No jerks here. It’s your birthday; your parents should just allow you to get on with it, instead of making plans for the day that you don’t enjoy. It sounds like your mother tends to get carried away when she makes her plans.
Some people just do this sort of thing, maybe because they think they owe these people or those people a return of earlier hospitality, so they sort of keep adding people into an event, even if they don’t really have anything to do with your life at all.
When things don’t turn out the way they were meant to, either because there are too many people there or because the venue turns out not to be as advertised, they are disappointed but somehow expect you to be happy.
Happy Birthday! (What do you mean, you didn’t want the entire extended family, some members of which you are barely acquainted with?
What do you mean, you don’t like this 5-star resort that isn’t worth even 2 stars?) I think your parents mean well, their plans just don’t really coincide with yours or your wishes. If you want to celebrate your birthday, tell your parents that you don’t want/expect them to do anything special; then make your plans yourself, and invite them at the last minute (if you want them there) so your mother can’t spontaneously decide to invite last year’s hockey team to go with.
Happy birthday; hope one of these years you’ll get to do your thing, not someone else’s.” TabbieAbbie
5. AITJ For Not Taking Back My Wedding Necklace That My MIL Wore And Altered?
“So I’m (35F) an Indian who got married to my husband 10 years ago. We were both working in different cities at the time but I used to visit him every other weekend or once a month.
My mother-in-law lived with him/us ever since we got married. MIL loves gold jewellery whereas I’m not really into any kind of jewellery.
In Indian weddings, the husband gives the wife a gold and black bead necklace as a symbol of the union which all wives are supposed to wear all the time (like a wedding ring).
But as I said I do not like wearing any jewellery so I didn’t wear it but always kept it in my purse as it held sentimental value for me. But I’d wear it on special occasions like weddings or festivities.
So here is the story my MIL sold her wedding necklace and replaced it with a different normal necklace.
One fine day when I was visiting them, we had a plan to go visit a relative for dinner. She asked me where my wedding necklace was and if I could lend it to her for the visit as it would not look good if she wasn’t wearing one.
I did not like the idea of her wearing something that’s sacred to me and my husband. But she immediately said it’s just for the visit and she will give it back as soon as we are back home.
The next day she started asking me weird questions.
Her: Do you wear the necklace? Me: No I keep it in my purse as a symbol.
Her: Oh, so then it means you haven’t told them that you are married in your workplace. Me: Of course they know. Your son is added to my insurance.
I did not know how to react to this.
Then came the day I was leaving and I still didn’t get it back.
I came back to visit after a month or maybe more as I had been busy and the city I worked in was far.
When I got there, I rang the bell and my MIL opened the door. Imagine what I noticed first, my wedding necklace on her neck. She didn’t even take it off. In that instance, I decided that I’ll never take it back as it’s not something you would share.
A few times she tried to act like she wanted to give it to me. For example, oh you are going to this event, take this if you want to wear it. And I simply declined every time.
Fast forward 4 years, she sold the necklace, added more gold to it, and bought a new one.
But she kept the pendants as they were supposed to be the important part of the necklace.
Now she keeps asking me to take it and add a chain to it so I can start wearing it. And I again declined. Then she went to my husband complaining about me that I don’t want to wear the wedding necklace and she has been offering me to take the pendants back and I have been saying no.
Well, my simple reply to my husband was, she wore it for years. She can have it.
AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“Wow I can’t believe she asked to borrow yours after selling hers. I’ve never even worn my mom’s. ESH I do think you should have asked for it back casually, not confrontational early on.
I suspect she took it as you not caring about your necklace because you didn’t ask even when she brought up whether you use it. But she shouldn’t play games like that and should speak directly. I put ESH because it seems like all of you are failing to properly communicate and cutting your noses off to spite your faces – and the lot of you have been doing it collectively, for years.” SnooPets8873
Another User Comments:
“NTJ – Your MIL just ruined your wedding necklace, so it is no longer the same as your husband gave you. It became hers the very day she altered it and now that she has ruined it, you don’t want it back.
You not wearing it now is perfectly understandable as any sentimental value is now lost And yes, she can keep it now. Tell your husband all this and tell him if he wants you to wear a wedding necklace, then you need a new one with a new wedding ceremony and MIL should have to pay for it all.
You break it, you pay for it.” Mustng1966
Another User Comments:
“ESH. Where was your husband during all of this? Why was he silent while his mom paraded around in your necklace? OP sucks too, not standing up for yourself or your own marriage while MIL helped herself to your wedding necklace over and over and eventually sold it.
OP waited four years before communicating any true grievance with MIL’s behavior. Read the “If You Give a Mouse a Cookie” book and set some boundaries with your MIL instead of throwing it all in your husband’s face a whole four years later!!!
Toxic people all around. Desi marriage woes & in-laws sound like so much avoidable drama, every time.” TasteofPaste
4. AITJ For Wanting To Rehome Our Misbehaving Dog?
“My (21f) partner (24m) and I have been together for a year. We live together and are happy. He had a dog when we got together, let’s call him Dingo.
I love this dog. Dingo is sweet and funny and very playful. However, a few months ago we got another dog to keep Dingo company and to have a friend when we are at work.
I liked this other dog in the beginning. The previous owner said he was potty trained and very well-behaved. He is not, he uses the bathroom in our house all the time and I am left cleaning it up.
He eats all my shoes and undergarments. He never touches my partner’s things. Dingo has started to use the bathroom in the house too now. My partner doesn’t clean up after him either. I have tried everything to get both dogs to stop using the bathroom in the house and to get the other dog to stop eating my things, but nothing has worked.
I have explained to my partner that I can’t do this anymore and that maybe we need to get rid of the other dog. He refuses and it makes me feel like I’m not even a priority to my partner because he isn’t taking into consideration how I feel about always cleaning up and caring for the dogs.
AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“This isn’t working out. So, I’d either rehome one dog or I’d rehome me. (Behavioral training is as much for a person as it is for your dog. If your training class didn’t work, you need to look into another training environment.) NTJ for wanting a partnership around pets in your shared home.” AndSoItGoes24
Another User Comments:
“Everyone’s a jerk. Getting a dog is a commitment, you can’t just pass him off like a wandering trophy when things get uncomfortable. I understand the frustration and you should direct it towards your partner for not being helpful. Please get a dog trainer and fix the issues or this dog will forever be handed off to the next person until someone finally puts in the work.” Schnitzelmaus
Another User Comments:
“YTJ for not taking your dog to training school. Sorry, but dogs are hard work and you have to put in the work to get them to behave. Also, not all dogs are suited for house living. What kind of dog is this?
It’s obvious they aren’t getting the enrichment activities they need.” SpaceCrazyArtist
3. AITJ For Telling My Dad He's Not A Good Husband After He Overreacted At My Mom?
“I 19f live with my parents and my two brothers. We had a get-together at my home for some of my dad’s friends. My dad was out the entire day and my mom was cooking and preparing for the party.
My dad came home when the guests had already arrived. My mom told my dad that she is not talking to him and continued complaining about why he was late (she said all this with a rudish tone). My dad lost all his patience with my mom’s few sentences and threw his cell phone, his slippers (not in my mom’s direction) but overall he began acting like a madman.
The guests were in the seating and I guess they heard it. My mom became very sad and my dad remained silent the entire dinner.
At night my mom came to me and said she will not say sorry and she is extremely hurt, she never expected such a harsh reaction.
My brother and I, both 19, went to talk to my dad about why he acted in such a way. He started acting out and saying my mom should’ve watched her tone and that’s no way a woman should talk to her husband. At this sentence, I lost my cool and said some hurtful things.
I told him that his reaction was too much, that throwing things is not a normal reaction to just a few sentences.
He said it’s not his fault they had no fights in their 20 years of marriage to which I said it’s because of my mom.
You are not a good husband, she is a good wife (which I still think is true). My mom never fights with my dad but whenever she says anything harsh my dad reacts very badly. To this statement, he seemed very hurt and now my brother thinks I messed up by saying this but someone needed to tell him.
P.S. He is an amazing man, an amazing father but I think when it comes to mom he is only nice as long as she does what he wants.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Sometimes our parents need a reality check and no one else in their life will give it to them.
It was a harsh truth but you would likely feel more guilty for not defending your mother against his unjust actions. You said he is an amazing father and man (you should mention this the next time you speak to him) but sometimes people start to take each other for granted after many years of marriage.
We all make mistakes. Ask to talk to him, apologize for your harshness but reinforce the fact that you were defending your mother and that he raised you to speak up when something isn’t right.” FancyStay3660
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. If he acts like such a child when your mom disagrees or is unhappy with him to the point that his 16-year-old son has to tell him as much, he certainly is not a good husband.
The reason he seems so hurt is because the truth hurts. Is your mom or you and your sibling frightened of him? Does he explode like this often or break things? Because this sounds like more than just a bad interaction; people that blow up like this over small hiccups (particularly ones that are their own fault) are usually not what would be called stable individuals.
Please think hard if you and your mom are safe, get an outside perspective if you need to, but seriously consider it.” Prestigious_Finger86
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. I’m going to be blunt, your mom’s done. She sucked it up and put up with your dad for at least 19 years because of you and your brother.
When your dad was a jerk, ignored her, left her to do the work, she bit her tongue. She told herself that fighting is bad for the kids, divorce is bad for the kids. Maybe she feared your dad was abusive (throwing things) and didn’t want to risk him having any custody of you guys without her there.
But she held it down until you guys were grown. And now you are. How much effort has your dad put into raising you guys and how much of that was because your mom pushed him to? She raised you guys, you’re HER children.
And now you’re grown and she doesn’t have to keep quiet. So your mom wasn’t “blabbering” she was expressing her feelings for once. And your dad reacted in a violent way. He wanted to SCARE and DOMINATE her so she would never express herself again.
Don’t apologize. Speak up for your mom more. Help her get her voice. When your dad does this, call him out. Open the doors to the dining room and let people see the monster he is. Don’t let this be a one-time incident that your mom retreats from, it should be the first step to her self-confidence.
Either your father is a good person who will change his ways with her or he’s not and she’ll break free. But the status quo won’t continue, and it’s better with you and your brother’s support.” Boredread
2. AITJ For Threatening To Leave My Mom Alone Because She Kept Comparing Me To My Narcissist Father?
“My (29F) father was a narcissist. He made my and my mother’s lives unbearable until he passed away a little over a year ago.
My mother is having major mental issues from the years she spent with him and is in therapy. We are also alone because my father made sure to isolate both of us.
An issue we have is my mother keeps comparing me to him if I do anything she says he used to.
I complain about something she did wrong? “Oh I guess I can’t do anything right. You think I’m stupid like your father. You think like he did don’t you?” I mention doing something to save money since she can’t work right now and I’m having to support us both?
“You must think I’m useless like he did, you’re just like him.” We even got into it because I saved up to buy myself a new phone (my old one was 6 years old and barely worked). I told her I can do whatever I want with my money and she told me I’m “his spitting image” and I’m “even holding money over her like he did now.”
I understand she’s not well right now and she needs help so I’ve always just told her to talk to her therapist about these situations and try not to take it personally.
The issue that makes me think I’m a jerk happened yesterday. It was raining heavily where we live and mom was supposed to pick me up from work.
She never showed up and I don’t have anyone else. So after I couldn’t get in contact with her for over an hour I just walked home in the rain. Needless to say, I was upset when I got home. She of course noticed me and took a minute before remembering she was supposed to get me and apologized (her phone died and she was making dinner and forgot).
I told her I was upset and didn’t want to talk right now. She again told me I was like my father and was giving her the silent treatment like he would. I snapped and told her she isn’t the victim right now and that if she compared me to that man again I’d leave her here alone.
That she’d have to fend for herself because I’d have nothing to do with her anymore. She cried and has been a “perfect” mother since. I feel horrible now and I’m considering apologizing even though I feel it’ll lead us back to how things were.
So, am I the jerk for threatening to leave my mom completely alone after she kept comparing me to my father?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ – Are you in therapy? Have you thought about going to therapy together? Because your situation doesn’t sound healthy in how she talks/treats you, and with you two being isolated there might also be some unhealthy codependency going on.
Also, there’s a difference between being abusive, and making necessary intelligent adult decisions like budgeting, being able to use your own money that you’ve saved and budgeted for a very specific purpose, and keeping track of time to make sure you aren’t failing on responsibilities (like picking someone up as agreed).
You need to be able to discuss these things, without it being constantly thrown in your face and being talked down to.” Ok-Acanthaceae5744
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. For whatever reasons, your mom is apparently carrying a lot of guilt and shame and is projecting this onto you.
Facing up to hard things in therapy may have her feeling very triggered and hypersensitive. That said, you have no obligation to stand still to provide a target for her. What she is doing is abusive, and you are well within your rights to draw reasonable boundaries about how she can talk to you.
What you said to her was probably triggering and frightening, but it was not done from cruelty. Can you talk to her therapist or get a message to them to be sure they are aware that she is behaving this way? That would likely be the most productive way to address this.
You can also start responding “Write that down in your therapy journal, Mom,” and see if she’ll comply. If she doesn’t have a therapy journal yet, maybe be proactive about getting her one. If you aren’t in therapy, can you start it for yourself? Your mother wasn’t the only one hurt by your father’s narcissism and her (apparent) enabling.
That you still don’t have anyone else in your life suggests you have some baggage you’re hauling around that would be better dealt with. You deserve to have a social life and all that comes with that.” notashroom
Another User Comments:
“Do not apologize. She needed that message, and you needed to say it.
She is not the only one your father abused, and it doesn’t sound like she did much to protect you. But now she is actively abusing you and your kindness. It’s been a year. He is gone but she keeps dragging him back out of the grave and into the household in a toxic way.
Don’t put up with it and do be prepared to leave. She may not snap out of this until she is forced to face what she has done and has to support herself. If she compares you to him again, make sure you stay somewhere else for a night or three.
Leave her alone, marinating in her corrosive memories and words.
”I understand she’s sick right now and she needs help.” She needs a job and the satisfaction that comes from earning her own money and interacting with other people. She has too much time on her hands alone.
It is unhealthy. He. Is. Gone. She is free. She can at least start volunteering somewhere healthy part-time while she looks for a job. Sadly, she’ll probably resist or will pick up another abusive partner quickly. I hope you can move or find ways to not be so isolated. It’s not good for either of you.
Until then, change things in the house to erase the previous life: different bedspread for her; paint the walls, pillows the father would have hated, etc. Cleanse the environment of reminders. Good luck, OP. NTJ.” Avlonnic2
1. AITJ For Wanting My Bridesmaid Sister To Wear A Dress At My Wedding?
“I’m getting married in the summer. I have three sisters and they were invited to be my bridesmaids. However, my youngest sister (25) is causing some issues. She doesn’t want to wear ANY type of dress. She wants to be able to wear something feminine but not a dress.
This doesn’t go with how I envision my wedding AT ALL. I’ve asked her why she doesn’t want to wear a dress. She says it’s cause she feels too large in dresses. I said she will surely be able to find one that she feels comfortable with if she tries, but no, she isn’t happy with it.
So I finally told her that she can’t be a bridesmaid if she won’t wear a dress. It’s sad but it’s the way it has to be. She’s upset and saying she might not even come to the wedding if that’s the case! Everyone seems to be on her side too.
But seriously it’s my big day and I think it’s unfair for her to ruin the aesthetic I have in mind. AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“Idk if you are American but from what I’ve read it seems that Americans have more of an individualist idea about weddings, wanting weddings to be exactly their way, etc. I would rather have my sister there and feel comfortable than her not coming or not being a bridesmaid.
All the people saying she is trying to be special don’t really have any evidence for that. So I’m going to say everyone sucks here. It’s immature of her to say she’s not going, but I don’t get why you might choose aesthetics over family.” redcandle12345
Another User Comments:
“NTJ – I don’t think you’re being a bridezilla on this at all. “A dress” isn’t very controlling for a wedding party request. If she’s the only one standing out, it’ll draw attention away from the bride.
She’s just making it difficult and threatening not to come unless she gets her way just points to her being the problem. It is your big day, and compromising by saying, “find any dress (assuming it’s the right color)” is far more leeway than most brides give a bridal party.
Maybe say she can do a reading and wear whatever she wants, but not bridal party.” vt2022cam
Another User Comments:
“YTJ. There are plenty of feminine options that don’t require a full dress. A flowy skirt with a tailored floral suit jacket? Chic wide-leg trousers with a flowy spaghetti strap/strapless top and a gauzy wrap that conceals problem areas but makes her feel more confident and comfortable?
A jumpsuit that’s tailored on top with a half-overskirt that parts in front so it creates a dressy silhouette while also respecting your sibling’s need for pants? There are literally so many options here if you exercise the SLIGHTEST bit of imagination. If the only issue is that she feels “too large” for a dress, then there’s room to compromise and compassionately help her find a silhouette that makes her feel beautiful.
If there’s an unspoken issue of her simply hating dresses period, then there are plenty of fashionable options that can fulfill your ideal of having feminine bridesmaids without alienating your sister.
Stop talking past each other, approach one another with compassion and understanding, and then try to find the root of the issue.
Insisting that your sister wear and be photographed in something she hates will only alienate her and make her hate you. Do you want to preserve a relationship with your family or do you want to permanently alienate a valued loved one in pursuit of a “perfect” set of pictures?
Get your priorities straight.” fireflygirl01
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