People Are Open To Hearing Our Views On Their Intriguing "Am I The Jerk" Stories

"My wife (31 F) and I (30 M) were having a gender reveal for our first child. My wife doesn't mind what gender the baby is she just wanted to get a few friends and family together for a small party and she was under the impression that I thought that too.

Neither of us was interested in doing anything big, we just had a friend to read out the letter and reveal the gender.

I didn't tell my wife this but I was really hoping for a daughter instead of a son so when it was revealed that we'd be having a boy it really upset me.

I didn't want to ruin the day though so I just tried to act normal and celebrate with my wife and the family.

Later on, after everyone had left, I was alone in our room whilst my wife was downstairs. I was sitting on the bed and just started crying.

I don't often cry I think it's a waste of my time and unnecessary but I was just really panicking.

I really wanted a daughter because my dad was really trashy to me and he messed me up a lot I'm scared that I will be the same to my son.

I don't want to mess my son up like my dad did to me. I've been scared about turning into my dad since before I met my wife, the big reason I didn't want kids originally was in case I treated them like my dad treated me.

My wife walked in on me crying and I tried to explain why without talking about my dad much (she doesn't know anything about what my dad was like.) She told me that I was selfish and called me a few other things. Then told me to sleep on the couch.

She hasn't really been the same with me since, she's still really annoyed.

AITJ?"

Another User Comments:

"Yes, YTJ. For not talking to your wife about your childhood trauma. Yes, it's trauma because it's impacting who you are as a man and who you think you'll be as a father.

For not communicating to her when you talked about having kids, that you have such a strong preference for a daughter. For somehow thinking that if you inherited something from your dad, it would have been 'safe' if you had a daughter. (?) For presumably not getting counseling or help to deal with this issue.

Hopefully, for your son's sake, you'll open up to your wife, get some help, and realize you can absolutely be an amazing father to anyone. Please open up to her, get some help, you three will be a family for many many years... you want the best I'm sure." Canadian_01

Another User Comments:

"YTJ, but not for crying. Your wife thinks you are selfish because you wanted one thing and got another and now you don't feel happy about your child. Because you are unwilling to open up about the real reason you were feeling emotional, she reacted in a way that felt acceptable - she feels like this is your child to love regardless, and here you are moping.

Not communicating about things like this is what causes conflicts. You need to go to her, apologize that you upset her on what was meant to be a happy day for you all - and then EXPLAIN EXACTLY HOW YOU ARE FEELING. Meaning you need to talk about whatever happened between you and your father.

Now that you are going to be a parent, these things are going to come out in you - you are going to feel emotionally triggered sometimes, and she's going to be totally in the dark.

Yeah, you should write it out if talking about it is hard.

OP, you won't be like your dad. You are literally crying worried that you will hurt this kid and the kid isn't even here yet. You are 100% in control of how you parent your kid, and if you do it with love, patience, and understanding with a goal of mutual respect, you will be FINE.

You need to consider therapy before your child is born. I had many disappointments in my relationship with my mother when I was younger. As a mom to girls, I've found it very, very healing to be able to be the parent to them that I wish I had had." thebohomama