People Are Open To Hearing Our Views On Their Intriguing "Am I The Jerk" Stories
22. AITJ For Being Worried After Finding Out My Baby's Gender?
“My wife (31 F) and I (30 M) were having a gender reveal for our first child. My wife doesn’t mind what gender the baby is she just wanted to get a few friends and family together for a small party and she was under the impression that I thought that too.
Neither of us was interested in doing anything big, we just had a friend to read out the letter and reveal the gender.
I didn’t tell my wife this but I was really hoping for a daughter instead of a son so when it was revealed that we’d be having a boy it really upset me.
I didn’t want to ruin the day though so I just tried to act normal and celebrate with my wife and the family.
Later on, after everyone had left, I was alone in our room whilst my wife was downstairs. I was sitting on the bed and just started crying.
I don’t often cry I think it’s a waste of my time and unnecessary but I was just really panicking.
I really wanted a daughter because my dad was really trashy to me and he messed me up a lot I’m scared that I will be the same to my son.
I don’t want to mess my son up like my dad did to me. I’ve been scared about turning into my dad since before I met my wife, the big reason I didn’t want kids originally was in case I treated them like my dad treated me.
My wife walked in on me crying and I tried to explain why without talking about my dad much (she doesn’t know anything about what my dad was like.) She told me that I was selfish and called me a few other things. Then told me to sleep on the couch.
She hasn’t really been the same with me since, she’s still really annoyed.
AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“Yes, YTJ. For not talking to your wife about your childhood trauma. Yes, it’s trauma because it’s impacting who you are as a man and who you think you’ll be as a father.
For not communicating to her when you talked about having kids, that you have such a strong preference for a daughter. For somehow thinking that if you inherited something from your dad, it would have been ‘safe’ if you had a daughter. (?) For presumably not getting counseling or help to deal with this issue.
Hopefully, for your son’s sake, you’ll open up to your wife, get some help, and realize you can absolutely be an amazing father to anyone. Please open up to her, get some help, you three will be a family for many many years… you want the best I’m sure.” Canadian_01
Another User Comments:
“YTJ, but not for crying. Your wife thinks you are selfish because you wanted one thing and got another and now you don’t feel happy about your child. Because you are unwilling to open up about the real reason you were feeling emotional, she reacted in a way that felt acceptable – she feels like this is your child to love regardless, and here you are moping.
Not communicating about things like this is what causes conflicts. You need to go to her, apologize that you upset her on what was meant to be a happy day for you all – and then EXPLAIN EXACTLY HOW YOU ARE FEELING. Meaning you need to talk about whatever happened between you and your father.
Now that you are going to be a parent, these things are going to come out in you – you are going to feel emotionally triggered sometimes, and she’s going to be totally in the dark.
Yeah, you should write it out if talking about it is hard.
OP, you won’t be like your dad. You are literally crying worried that you will hurt this kid and the kid isn’t even here yet. You are 100% in control of how you parent your kid, and if you do it with love, patience, and understanding with a goal of mutual respect, you will be FINE.
You need to consider therapy before your child is born. I had many disappointments in my relationship with my mother when I was younger. As a mom to girls, I’ve found it very, very healing to be able to be the parent to them that I wish I had had.” thebohomama
21. AITJ For Not Wanting My Dad's Partner To Get Involved In My Baby's Life?
“I recently had a baby and before my baby was born I made it clear to my dad that I didn’t want his partner to have anything to do with my baby. I told him this because a few years ago when I was still living with my dad she caused a big argument and forced me to move out.
I find her very controlling of my dad and manipulative. She’s also completely unable to be polite or even civil with me and as a result, I didn’t see my dad for almost a year. Ever since we started talking again things haven’t been the same.
For context, my dad and I were very close prior to all of this and he had made me feel safe after having lived for 10 years with my mum and her abusive partner who controlled all of our lives and hurt my mum in front of me.
After my baby was born despite my asking my dad to not involve his partner, he did anyway. Constantly brought presents that she picked for the baby and tried to give me advice she had for me when I didn’t ask for advice. I let it slide because I didn’t want to start an argument but then he asked to introduce her to my baby.
I politely told him I wasn’t comfortable with that. He then asked why not, he would be there. It was at that point that I realized that he wasn’t planning on me being there. This was a step too far for me. I messaged him later that day to say I was sorry if it upset him but I was not comfortable with him taking my newborn baby to meet someone who not only has no relationship with me but actively has a problem with me and hasn’t even met my partner.
He has taken this very personally. Up until this point he had come to visit without her and kept everything separate. He now hasn’t seen us in months and said that if he comes to visit us he will be bringing her and if we turn them away then we are done.
I tried meeting with her on my own to try and put a line under things and move forward but she claimed she was just there to mediate for my dad (who wasn’t present) and we didn’t get anywhere and as expected she went back to him and twisted things I said.
As a side note, he hid this relationship from me and my sibling for 12 years before they moved in together so she is practically a stranger to me and all I’ve seen of her is a manipulative woman who doesn’t seem to want my dad to have any kind of relationship with me what so ever.
Since everything kicked off again he has asked how the baby is maybe 3 or 4 times in about 3 months. He’s not seen us or spoken to me on the phone at that time. I’ve now told him that if there isn’t a relationship with me or my partner then there is no access to our baby.
Am I being a jerk?”
Another User Comments:
“You have every right to create boundaries for you and your family. Especially with someone you’re not comfortable with, and who has a history of being disrespectful to you and pushing your boundaries. You get to decide who is or isn’t a part of your life.
And while it is understandable that your father would be upset that you wouldn’t want to include his partner in your or the baby’s life, he needs to be respectful of that. Otherwise, he doesn’t get to be a part of your life either.
It seems to me like the whole situation is a bit messy, and it also seems to me like you’re withholding some information about the details of what happened, but that’s your prerogative.
You don’t owe us intimate personal details. From what you’ve currently shared, I’m going to say NTJ.” Alastair367
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. I don’t think you should have met with her alone, nor should you do that again. She is a liar and a manipulator so the truth will never get back to your dad.
I would have one more conversation with your dad in which you lay out a strong boundary. Reiterate to your dad that you love him but that she is not a safe person for you to be around. And anyone who is unsafe for the mom is also unsafe for the baby.
If he wants to maintain a relationship with you and build a relationship with your child, he can only visit you on his own and leave all gifts, opinions, and talk of his ~~wife~~ partner out of it. If he chooses not to do that, then he will be choosing to not have a relationship with either of you.
Do not let them in if he comes with her.” friendlily
20. AITJ For Refusing To Introduce My Significant Other As A Friend When Around Kids?
“I (28 M) have been with my partner (29 M) since 2021. My sister and brother-in-law (BIL) are my only family. I’m very close with them because they took me in after my mom passed away during high school.
I’m living with them while I’m getting settled after law school and have helped raise their two children, one of them my nephew who is 8 years old. I still help every day with the kids. My nephew has a learning disability and is prone to tantrums but is otherwise extremely social and has no cognitive issues (why this is even relevant I’ll explain).
So I revealed to my family that I had a significant other 1 year ago. They were excited for me and to meet him! But when I suggested he come for the holidays, they said they’d need to meet him first separate from the kids because my nephew could ‘get confused’.
I disagreed but still tried to schedule a lunch with them under the assumption after they met him first, they’d loosen up.
But their schedules never worked where someone else could watch the kids while they met my SO. Months passed and meetings separately required that if the kids were around he was ‘just a friend’.
My SO’s family had no such problems. I’ve seen them five times in the past year, including Easter. I’ve been around their family, young and old, without needing to hide who we are.
So now a year has passed and I’ve again proposed meeting my SO, but this time for Christmas instead of a separate meeting.
We had an argument because, in BIL’s words, ‘We’re fine with meeting him but you’re stuck in your way and don’t want to compromise. You insist on doing it your way. You want to enforce your view on your nephew when we are the parents and we decide how he learns about that stuff.’
This made me very, VERY angry. But I stayed calm (was shaking a lot) and said this isn’t something I feel should be compromised. There’s nothing confusing about having a male significant other. I’ve met his family five times including his nieces and he hasn’t met my family once.
My sister chimes in that she understands I want to be myself but that my nephew will get confused because he’s too young and because ‘of how he is’. She’s referencing the learning disability and the tantrums. I say that there are plenty of kids with disabilities who learn about being gay and have no problem.
And plenty of kids regardless of their age know gay people exist.
The argument kept going and in the end, BIL had a ‘great idea’ to get a third opinion from my nephew’s principal, who is gay and has a ‘partner’. I said they can do that if it makes them feel better but it doesn’t change that there’s nothing wrong with having a significant other.
And that if he gets ‘confused’ any way they need to make the effort of parenting their kid and explaining it just like anything else. This offended them.
So to sum up: AITJ for refusing to portray my SO as just a friend around my nephew?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. You aren’t the jerk, but your sister and BIL sure are. What is confusing about two adults in a relationship? It will only confuse the child if ‘the child has been taught that it’s wrong’. If that’s not the case here, then your sister and BIL are making up silly concerns.
If this is the case, then you have a more serious problem.
I can’t imagine living with people who hate what I am. Please do your best to escape. Many gay people end up with ‘logical families’ that they choose because their ‘biological families’ won’t accept them.
I’m sorry.
To be clear, I’m not necessarily saying to cut all ties if they can be polite and respectful. But as long as they reject who you are, by asking you to pretend that your SO isn’t your SO, then I can’t imagine continuing to live with them.” SushiGuacDNA
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Your family is making it clear what they think of you, your identity, and your SO. Do what you want and don’t feel bad for them being jerks.
I’m glad your SO’s family is welcoming.
Anyway, this conversation would never have happened if you were with a woman, which is why it’s messed up.
Learning disabilities do not mean a child is incapable of understanding, ‘This is Ryan! He’s my partner and makes me smile so big! He’s so excited to meet you.’
Your family is homophobic and they’re using their child’s learning disability to justify their own discomfort.
Watch what happens if you hold hands or kiss on the cheek in front of the adults. I guarantee you’ll see their faces fall.” browzinbrowzin
19. AITJ For Not Being More Accommodating Toward My Visiting Mother-In-Law?
“My husband and I (both in our 30s) have been together for 5 years, married for 2. Overall, our relationship is good but we’ve had consistent issues with his family complaining that I’m cold, I don’t want to spend time with them, I don’t want to be a part of their family, etc. On my end, I feel like a lot of it has to do with them consistently not respecting my boundaries, especially when there have been health/pregnancy issues involved.
For example:
1. The first time I flew to visit them I caught a bad cold and they were upset that I stayed at the house one day instead of making a three-hour drive with them to meet their cousin, eat at a Polish buffet, and go for a hike in the rain.
2. Last year MIL came to visit while I was pregnant, and even though I wasn’t feeling well she wanted to do a lot of activities in the heat (farmer’s market, go rowing on the lake, etc.) and she pressured me into accompanying her on a lot of these outings.
Well, it turned out that I was suffering from severe preeclampsia which was undiagnosed – two weeks later I had to have an emergency c-section and we lost the baby in the third trimester. She flew out (without being asked) and then told anyone who would listen that she knew something was wrong because of how tired I was.
(I want to note that I don’t blame her for the stillbirth – I’m just giving an example of her not respecting my boundaries when I wasn’t feeling well and then pretending that didn’t happen).
3. This year we got pregnant again and FIL was in town when I delivered the baby last week.
Despite us telling FIL that we would let him know when it was ok for him to visit, he came to the hospital without asking – three hours after I had a c-section he walked into the room with no warning while I was puking and had no top on (had been trying to nurse).
He apologized and ended up coming back the next day but for me, the damage was already done and I was really upset.
Now MIL is staying with us for a week to help take care of the baby. I thought things were going fine, then last night (less than 48 hours after she arrived) I was trying to nap and overheard her complaining to my husband that she was going to go home early, she feels like we don’t need her, she’s not spending enough time with the baby, I’m mad at her (I wasn’t), etc., etc. Basically, it was all about her and my husband has been asking me to be more accommodating towards her (spend more time talking with her instead of in the bedroom, etc.)
And I said no. I’ve been polite, I’ve made small talk with her, I’ve thanked her for her help, and the baby now sleeps in her room at night per her request. She and FIL were the first ones to spend time with the baby, even ahead of my own family.
But I am not going to spend my time and energy worrying about her feelings when I am one week postpartum and my focus should be on healing and on my baby. AITJ for saying I am done trying to accommodate my MIL?”
Another User Comments:
“Please, Please, Please have a long talk with your milk toast of a husband. He needs to stop being a mama’s boy and be there for his wife. MIL has interfered in your pregnancies and postpartum life far too long already, with complete disregard for your health and that of the babies.
It’s plain to see that she is there, not for your well-being, but to play at being ‘mommy’ again. She’s not even gone yet and already making plans to return.
You are a new mom and have barely had time to hold your own child.
This has to be stopped. Sit down with your hubby and let him know how distressed you are at MIL taking over and being left out of your own life. He needs to realize his wife comes first – what mommy wants is inconsequential cause it’s not her baby!
She had hers a long time ago, now it’s your turn. Make those boundaries and don’t let anyone move them or cross them: anyone! Never the jerk.” CloudyNY
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. You just gave birth. YOUR needs and the baby’s are really the only ones that matter right now.
You and your husband should be bonding with the baby – the focus should not be on MIL, and the baby should not be sleeping in her room at her request. Visiting in-laws, especially staying in your home, should be cooking, cleaning, fetching things for you, etc. You went through a major medical event, and yes, your focus should be on you and your baby, not tiptoeing around your MIL’s feelings.” Antique-Cry-5024
18. AITJ For Being Uncomfortable Around My Uncle?
“I (22 F) have been avoiding my uncle with Down Syndrome (46 M) at recent family gatherings.
I have known my uncle my entire life. He lives with my grandparents and has always been at family gatherings. I’ve never had any issues with him until the last two or three years.
Growing up, my family used to live very close to a lot of my extended family. Around the time I turned 13, my family moved a couple of hours away. We saw family a lot less often after the move, not on purpose, of course, just life getting busier as people get older I guess.
I’m in college now which makes it even more difficult. I really only see my extended family during the end-of-the-year holidays (Thanksgiving, Christmas, New Year’s). So I only really see my uncle then.
I’m not sure when it exactly started, but my uncle has started to make comments about wanting to marry me.
Specifically saying, ‘Marry you, marry you’. It makes me a little uncomfortable. I think what makes me more uncomfortable is that my dad always laughs about it and encourages him. This now happens every time I’m near my uncle, it feels like it’s the only thing he’ll say to me.
This has now extended to me not wanting him to touch me. He has come up to me and put an arm around me or a hand on my shoulder while saying he wants to marry me. So I’ve just kind of been avoiding him during visits.
My mom took notice at Thanksgiving. My uncle is her younger brother, and she is fiercely protective of him. She confronted me in the car driving home (in front of all of my other siblings) asking why I avoided him. I told her essentially what I typed above.
She and my dad don’t understand why that would make me uncomfortable. They have both said that it shouldn’t bother me because he doesn’t understand what he’s saying, ‘His mind is like a 5-year-old’s’ and ‘He says stuff like that to everyone’. This could be true, I haven’t seen him interact with any of my female cousins in a while, but it doesn’t change the fact that I still feel uncomfortable about the situation.
I worry that my mom thinks I hate my uncle, and that kind of offends me. I’ve known him my entire life! I absolutely do not hate him, and I understand that he doesn’t understand what he says most of the time. I told my mom that it’s just something I’ll deal with and get over, but I fear she thinks the worst of me.
I know it’s not a very nice thing to do, but I didn’t know what else I could do to stop the ‘marry you’ talk.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Your dad encouraged this? What?! Your parents should have been gently and kindly discouraging this. They made the problem worse and are now pretending nothing can be done about it.
If, from the start, they had behaved with concern for your comfort and wellbeing, I expect it would have been quite obvious that you did NOT like this or want this, and they could have encouraged him in other directions. They played a significant part in making this ‘joke’ fun for your uncle, and thus are largely responsible for it becoming such a big part in his interactions with you.” KaliTheBlaze
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Your uncle seems to focus all of his attention on you. Anyone who genuinely cares for your uncle should worry about this.
In spite of having Down’s that doesn’t mean his feelings and thoughts and affections aren’t engaged. Your mom has no idea what he has built up in his mind.
He may at some point decide you two are engaged. Your family should discourage this for one reason – how will he react when you bring a partner around? They have no idea how he will react to that, but I bet it isn’t great if he thinks you are his.
Your family needs to nip this now.” introspectiveliar
17. AITJ For Refusing To Be My Brother's Wedding Photographer?
“I (27 M) have a brother Rob (30 M). We aren’t close. We fought a lot as kids, he wound me up and annoyed me. He hated me being around his friends, ignored me at school, and ignored me in the pub when we were teenagers.
Nowadays we’re civil and can have a laugh but if we’re together more than a day the insults and annoyance will start.
I got married last year. My best friend was Best Man and I had six other friends, Rob and my BIL as Ushers all in matching wedding suits.
When I first told my parents about the wedding my dad said ‘So Rob will be the Best Man?’ Typical dad, thinks his sons are best mates. I said no but it made me think I should give Rob a proper role. When I told Rob my news I asked him to be an Usher and also to make a speech.
I invited him to my Stag Do and he attended. At the wedding, Rob and his fiancee were seated near the Top Table with people they knew and got on with. He loved giving a speech and took delight in telling embarrassing stories. I expected this and took it in good humor.
Rob’s getting married soon. My best friend is Best Man. Six friends and his future BIL have been asked to be Ushers. They are going for suit fittings soon. I have not been asked to be an Usher nor to wear the proper suit. I have not been invited to his Stag Do, but his future BIL and FIL were.
On the seating plan my wife and are on the table furthest from the Top Table with much older guests who we don’t know.
Hurt? Yes. Surprised? No, this is typical of how he’s treated me all my life.
I made one remark to my parents that it was clear I wouldn’t be involved much in the wedding but didn’t make an issue of it.
2 days later I got a message from Rob. ‘Mum tells me you’re whingeing about the wedding. Don’t worry, we’ll find you a job.’ (I know my mum would not have said I was whingeing).
The next time I saw them his fiancee said they wanted me to film their wedding for them.
They’d buy a decent camera and some editing software so I could make them a beautiful memento of their day. All this was said with a beaming smile like I was being given the best job in the world.
I was clearly being asked as an afterthought and to give me a ‘role’.
It would be like I was staff, working all day. Videography isn’t my thing. I don’t accept the argument that all you have to do is point a camera the right way. It’s a task that requires skills I don’t have. I would struggle with editing it afterwards and that would be hours of work.
It would look amateurish and I know that Rob would use that to annoy me for the rest of our lives like he already does with other stuff.
I said I could accept not being asked to be an Usher, not being included in the suits and not being asked on the Stag Do.
I could even accept being sat as far away from the rest of the family as possible with people I don’t know. But I can’t accept being demoted to unpaid staff doing a job that has only been offered to me as an afterthought. I then left.
Rob has messaged me calling me a jerk. AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Your brother loves to bully you. There’s really nothing else to say. You’re 30 and 27 and he hasn’t slowed down so it’s clear he’s going to do this for the rest of your lives.
Why bother having a relationship with him at all beyond what is absolutely necessary? You’re completely correct on videography by the way. Not only would you do an amateurish job (because you’re an amateur!) that would be more fuel for bullying, but you’d basically be working the entire wedding.
They aren’t going to want the video to stop during the dancing for instance. You’d basically do a full day’s work for no pay.
I’d attend, do my own thing and then after the wedding, I’d go as low-contact as possible. The best thing you can say about him is ‘Keep it civil and have a laugh’.
Can last for a day but you can do that with anyone in a pub after 5 minutes so what are you even getting out of this?” DragoBrokeMe
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Signing up to be a photographer/videographer will bring you NO END OF TROUBLE.
It’s not only the hours of work, but since it ‘requires skills I don’t have,’ the result probably won’t be up to Rob’s standards, and then you’ll have to deal with YEARS OF HIM COMPLAINING about how you ruined his wedding because he has no good photos.
God no! But even if you were a great wedding photographer, it wouldn’t be a jerk move to refuse to do it for free at your brother’s wedding. You are family. You should be able to experience it, not be there as a worker. It sounds like he is trying to punish you for not being the best man.” SushiGuacDNA
16. AITJ For Refusing To Come Home To Watch My Teen Sister?
“My family (mom, dad, 13-year-old sister) live 3 hours from my uni. 3 months ago my mom found out her cousin was getting married at a destination a 14-hour international flight away (where our family is from ethnically). She expressed interest but ruled out it would happen because of work and school constraints (my sister is in school until the 20th).
My final was originally on the 20th but got moved to a final you could take up until the 12th. I told her this 2 weeks ago; she brought up the wedding casually as an option but then ruled it out again.
I am currently SWAMPED with exams, projects, tests, and meetings, and time to decompress away from home is really important to me.
I have stopped enjoying my time at home. There is always some sort of parent-parent or parent-child conflict, and my town is somewhat rural and empty. I have a few friends in the area, but not many will be home for the holidays.
Yesterday, she called me and said that my dad and I are really excited about going to my cousin’s wedding and want me to come home on the 12th as soon as possible to watch my sister and take her to school while my dad and her fly out.
I was shocked; I had received every indication that this trip wouldn’t be happening, such that it wasn’t even on my mind. I had planned to stay on campus until the 16th or 18th to engage with the career office, do my interviews for various internships, figure out summer plans with resources here, and spend time with friends on campus (to celebrate birthdays and people I’d promised to catch up with).
I am upset. I really don’t want to go home just to babysit my sister and miss out on my independent life here, which is much better. I politely hung up on her and told her I needed to go, wherein reality I felt deeply upset.
She repeatedly claims to understand my workload and guilt-trips me by saying that I just want to stay away from my family, which I deny, even though deep down, I know it is true. I’m not sure what to do next, but I love living independently and don’t want to leave this place for the mess at home.
I will already be home until late January for the holidays, and tickets have not been booked yet. I am the eldest son and have been there for my mom at every turn, but I feel like she no longer understands me.
AITJ if I refuse to go home?”
Another User Comments:
“They need to make other arrangements for your sister… at least until you are able/willing to come home. Maybe she could stay with a friend or other relative for a few days.
As a parent, I can tell you not to be surprised if they are unwilling to do you any extra favors if you totally deny helping them out for this trip.
Not sure how much they support you financially for your school or when you are home. They could become petty with you. I think it would go a long way if you could explain about the interviews for internships and how you cannot come on the 12th because you have appointments.
PLEASE do not tell them it is because you want your social life and hate being at home. If you are able to come and stay with her for a few days, it would go a long way to helping them and keeping the family happy and maybe they can make another arrangement for a few days before you get there.
I can understand how people who have foreign cultures can value being able to visit their home countries and it might be more important to them than you think. Try to find a compromise if you can.” oneislandgirl
Another User Comments:
“NTJ but if they pay/contribute to your education/housing then you really should consider it.
Any time you accept financial assistance it comes with strings attached. If that is not the case, absolutely not.
Your sister is 13 which, in most states/countries, is old enough to stay home unsupervised. Why doesn’t your sister stay with a friend for a few nights and they can keep their trip brief?
They’ve had time to make other accommodations, other family members, and friends. It doesn’t fall on you to do this. Better yet, why don’t they bring her with them? They would rather majorly inconvenience you and waste your gas money/time than pay out a little more for a plane ticket for your sister?
If for some reason your sister isn’t invited to the wedding, she is certainly old enough to stay in the hotel room alone for a few hours.” Hereforaita1234
15. AITJ For Kicking My Sister's Fiancé Out Of Our House?
“My roommates and I let my sister (22) her fiance (22) and their 3-week-old baby move in with us because they were homeless after the baby was born.
The fiance vapes and our one rule was that he does not vape in the house, he needs to go outside. My sister agreed and said he would do it outside.
A few days into them being here I had suspicions that he was vaping in the house, I would hear him suddenly coughing like he does right after he vapes, and I smelled it coming from their window when I went out to take the trash.
I didn’t confront him because I didn’t want to assume, but we have indoor cameras so that we can watch our dogs and sure enough I saw him doing it inside. I approached him and reminded him that our one ask was that he not vape in the house and to take it outside.
Fast forward a day or so, and he did it again. I sat down with them and explained that our one rule wasn’t that difficult and at this point, they’re both disrespecting our home. I told him next time he does it inside, I won’t ask him to stop I will ask him to leave my house.
Yesterday, they were home alone and I got a notification on my camera and saw him with the vape in his mouth but then looked up at the camera, turned away, and walked to the garage. It was clear he forgot there was a camera and thought he could get away with it.
I wasn’t comfortable confronting them while no one was home so first thing this morning I asked him to leave based on him failing to follow our one rule yet again. I asked my sister and the baby to stay because it was not the baby’s fault he messed this up for them, I ended up having to contact the local PD to come out and make him leave my house.
My sister went with him and left the baby here with me and they are claiming I am the jerk for separating their family by forcing him to leave.
A little background on them, they have gotten kicked out from 3 places prior to them coming to stay with us.
His grandparents, his parents, and her parents, but we decided to give them the benefit of the doubt and try for the baby’s sake. My sister is currently on maternity leave, she is getting Cashaid, food stamps, and disability. The fiance is not working. The goal for them staying with us was that they would have a safe place while they saved up money to get their own place and get on their feet.
We provided them with their own room, essential items for the baby because they didn’t have anything, full access to the house, and we watched the baby when they needed a break. We provided him with a bike so that he could go out and look for jobs but he had very little desire to do so.
He would sleep until 2-3 pm in the afternoon then sit around playing video games for the rest of the day. We genuinely wanted to help them learn to be better but he couldn’t follow our one simple rule. AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, report your sister and her partner for child abandonment right now.
You never should’ve let them move in because you knew exactly what they were like. Your sister is just as bad as him, if not worse because she literally abandoned her child, and was using you to support her child. Some people need to grow up a backbone and stop letting others use them They are grown adults who should’ve been taking care of themselves.” finallyawak3
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. You were generous enough to let these people stay. You had one simple rule. You didn’t forbid him from vaping. All you asked him was to vape outside, which was perfectly reasonable. But he kept breaking that rule. He has only himself to blame.
‘They have gotten kicked out from 3 places prior to them coming to stay with us. His grandparents, his parents, and her parents.’ Yeah, that says it all. These people are terrible, ungrateful guests who you don’t want to be around.” McMerseybird
14. AITJ For Wanting To Give My Daughter A Laptop?
“My daughter, Kayla (17), has been asking for a laptop for a while.
Money’s been tight, so my wife and I saved up to get it for her for Christmas. I couldn’t wait to give it to her.
The other day, I came home from work and found Kayla upset, my wife in a mood, and our son, Martin (15), looking pleased. I asked my wife in private what was going on.
She started venting to me that Kayla is an ungrateful brat, we should return her gift, etc. She then explained that she and our son decided to pull a small prank on our daughter.
Martin told Kayla that my wife had told him that instead of the laptop, Kayla was getting the amount it’d cost in gift cards to various stores (clothing, food, etc, not places you could buy a laptop) because she felt she wasn’t ready for one.
Kayla got very upset and asked my wife if this was true. My wife said yes and added, ‘Maybe next year’. Kayla got upset and said this wasn’t fair, she had only asked for one thing. Clearly, money wasn’t an issue. My wife admits she started laughing, which made Kayla even more upset and she told my wife she was a jerk.
My wife feels how Kayla reacted to the prank ‘showed her true colours’ and ‘what if we couldn’t afford it’. I pointed out that we had told Kayla in the past that we couldn’t afford it and she took it well. It seems that the issue was knowing we had the money and could’ve bought it, but allegedly didn’t.
I asked her what she expected to come from this little prank and called her childish for roping Martin into it. I said I’m not returning the laptop. My wife is mad at me and says Kayla needs to be punished.
I also made my wife tell Kayla it was all a prank.
Kayla apologized for calling my wife a jerk but said the prank was super hurtful. My wife refused to apologize and doubled down that she didn’t feel Kayla deserved it. Martin did apologize for his role.
AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“Of course you’re NTJ.
But your wife is. She’s a grown woman who knowingly upset your daughter, but why? I think for this exact reason. Obviously, she knew Kayla would be hurt, the ‘prank’ was mean-spirited and probably engineered to get a reaction from Kayla that she deemed unacceptable so that she could have Kayla’s gift returned. Seems like there are some issues there that your wife needs to sort out, maybe she’s got some jealousy for your daughter, I don’t know.
But I don’t know why she would plan a cruel prank and then want to take her only Christmas gift from her as punishment. Even if she should be punished, which to be clear, I do not think she should be, taking the laptop would be far too extreme.” New-Salad-4207
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Your wife fully set Kayla up. She didn’t play a ‘prank’ on her, she WANTED to upset her. I’d be upset too if anyone in my life was like ‘I had all the resources to get you the thing you asked for, but decided not to because you don’t deserve it.’ You need to fully understand that your wife did exactly that.
She didn’t say they couldn’t afford the laptop, or that it wouldn’t come in time, or anything else, she was very explicit in making sure Kayla knew that you all had the money and decided not to get it for her. Then, she got mad that Kayla reacted…
exactly as anyone would react in that situation. So your wife wants the utmost respect and deference, while in that exact moment being disrespectful and cruel for no reason.
Of course, you need to give Kayla the laptop, but more importantly, you need to speak with your wife.
Ask her WHY she pulled that prank. Ask her what she thought was funny about the prank. Ask her how she would feel if you did that to her. And make her answer, don’t let her deflect or freak out. You need to understand why she thought this was something okay to do to her daughter- why did she want to see her upset or react in this way?
What was she hoping to get out of it?” mfruitfly
13. AITJ For Not Calling My Uncle "Uncle James"?
“So my ‘uncle’ is actually 3 weeks older than me (16 m). My dad’s mom had a baby with her husband around the same time my parents had me. My dad is not that close to his mom.
He’s not close to his half-brother, my ‘uncle’, James (16 m).
We saw my dad’s family a few times when I was younger. But that stopped when James would pester me about being my uncle and my elder and telling me I needed to call him ‘Uncle James’ instead of just James… and talking to me like he was an adult and I was a kid so much younger than him.
My dad and his mom fought about it but she was like he is my uncle so it shouldn’t be such a big deal.
I always went to the same school as James so saw him anyway but we never spent time as a family after that and I don’t consider him or his parents my family.
I have no sentimental or family attachment to them. That doesn’t mean James hasn’t harassed me about it endlessly. He has called me out in front of kids at school for not calling him ‘Uncle James’. And he does talk down to me still.
Three weeks ago during lunch, he approached me and my friends with his friends and started the nonsense again.
I rolled my eyes at him and told him I didn’t need to call him anything. He then told me my dad, his brother, would insist on me respecting him and would not let me away with that. I laughed and started mocking him asking when the last time he saw my dad was and whether he really thought my dad really gave a crap about him.
I told him if he cared that much about him he’d surely have him in his life.
James got really angry and stormed off and he told me I was such a jerk. He told the school principal who talked to us both and said the school was tired of this being an issue.
My grandma picked me up while James was picked up by his mom (dad’s mom too). She tried to berate me for speaking to James like that and going for such a sore spot for him. My grandma told me I should have just ignored him like I normally do but she understood me losing my temper.
AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“Your dad’s mom is the jerk to enable bully James’s behaviour. Don’t ignore him, stand your ground, ignoring will not reduce his harassment, it needs to come to a final stop, because the more you grow older the more he is going to harass you.
He is not just a bully; he is sad that his nephew is the same as his age and his ego hurts thinking about it all the time. He wants his position above you which is not possible because of the same age. Or you can say power play.
I wonder how you both are academically, but if ever James falls behind you or he fails, or anything he is going to make things much worse compared to the current situation. NTJ” Ninja_Buffalo
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. You were clearly uncomfortable to call someone who you weren’t close to uncle.
Not to mention he is barely older than you. He had been bullying you for some time regarding this and you stood your ground. He is not 6 but 16 and should know better. The fact that your grandmother is expecting you to ‘Ignore him as you usually do’ makes her the jerk.
Not only did she fail to correct her son’s bad behaviour but also she is expecting you to bend over backwards to accommodate it.
How does your dad feel about it? Why has the school not called your parents as well? Why did the school principal even involve you?
It’s not like this is both your fault. He should either have a talk with your ‘uncle’.” DarkLord_Taken
12. AITJ For Not Wanting To Share A Hotel Room With Our Children?
“Months ago, I agreed to go on a week-long trip to a luxury Mexican resort over Christmas with my father-in-law, who offered to treat myself and my husband as well as our two young children.
He is very wealthy and dangles trips like this to corral the family together. I did not want to go on this Mexico trip. Instead, I wanted to go on a much less expensive trip just the four of us, at our own expense. But my husband really wanted to do this Mexico trip with his dad, so I relented.
I had one condition: That we have a separate sleeping area from our children. I absolutely hate sleeping in a room together. I never ever do it. I plan entire trips around not having to share a room. It’s not just that the kids are loud sleepers and won’t stay out of our bed if we’re in the same room (which is also true).
They’re very young, so it’s not like we can put them to bed and then leave. Someone will need to be in a dark, silent room with them after night after bedtime, which is 7:30 PM.
I very clearly stipulated this condition to my husband and father-in-law.
Not only that, I asked my husband more than once to confirm that the accommodations were adequate weeks ago, which he did not do.
This week, I learned that the four of us had been booked into a single room. I am furious. The general reaction from everyone, including my husband, is that I’m overreacting and it’s not a big deal. That I should be grateful for this trip.
I have been giving my husband the silent treatment for 3 days. He admits that he messed up, but thinks I’m being unreasonable. He’s not feeling well, so has not tried to fix the situation. That’s fallen on me. Folks, I never wanted to go on this trip in the first place.
I would have never accepted it had I known the accommodations. I don’t need a luxury trip that badly. I would have said, ‘Thank you, but no.’
For what it’s worth, this incident is on the heels of a nine-day trip my husband recently took.
Not a work trip, a trip he voluntarily chose to go on. I was in solo childcare with two children during that time. To say I feel disrespected and taken advantage of is a vast understatement.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. And now your husband is not feeling well, is he?
Awwwh. Well if he couldn’t fix it even before he wasn’t feeling well, of course, you can’t expect it of him now—poor guy! You know, now that you think about it, it turns out you are SO VERY GRATEFUL for this trip that you can’t even stand to take advantage of it.
It’s just too much. You’ll let your husband and the kids go knowing that they will have just the very best time in their luxury room together, with grandpa so close by.” Auntie-Mam69
Another User Comments:
“I was ready to think this was an honest mistake on your husband’s part until you got to the part about his 9-day vacation.
So, he has the time and energy to faff off and do what he wants for 9 days, but suddenly he’s too fatigued to sort out a suite for this trip? It sounds like your FIL never intended to give you the room arrangement you requested. He might not like letting someone else control his control-freak family vacations, even to the extent of giving you the room you wanted.
And it sounds like your husband either knew about the room type ahead of time and didn’t care, or didn’t know, but wouldn’t have cared because he doesn’t see it as his problem. I guarantee, if you go on this trip, he and FIL will be out living it up every night while you’re imprisoned in your single room with the kids.
You are absolutely justified in being angry. You have a husband problem, not just a FIL problem.” liveswithcats1
11. AITJ For Wanting To Name My Baby "Eric"?
“My husband and I met in college and got married soon after. He was with this girl, Lucy, since he was 14 but she sadly passed away 2 years before we met.
He did tell me about her after we got together but I never felt bothered or anything.
When he introduced me to his family, most people were nice but his older sister Mia was a little mean. I brushed it off. But she soon started to compare me and Lucy to my face.
She can say what she wants in private, but does she really have to tell me about how Lucy made him smile more, how Lucy was prettier, how Lucy was perfect, how their ‘love story’ was more genuine and romantic compared to ours. It’s making me a little crazy because even now, years later, she hasn’t stopped. It’s less aggressive now though after my husband yelled at her to stop talking about Lucy all the time.
Anyways, I’m pregnant. It was planned. We’re having a boy. When we announced it to the rest of the family his sister walked out immediately but I paid her no mind and thankfully she didn’t say anything to my face. But my MIL invited me out to brunch with her and my sisters-in-law and we were talking about my baby and what I’d name him.
I showed them a list of names I liked and Mia immediately went ‘Oh God no you’re not naming him ‘Eric’.’ I asked why. I should’ve seen it coming but she basically said that Lucy wanted to name her future son Eric.
Even my MIL was annoyed with her. I told Lucy that it’s #8 on my top 10 list so she has nothing to worry about but I doubt Lucy would care even if I did name him Eric.
I didn’t mean it like ‘Haha well she’s dead so what’s she gonna do about it’ but like I can definitely hear how bad that sounded. Mia immediately went ‘How dare you, I knew you’d show your true colors soon enough does my brother know about this?’ I told her she could go and tell him, we’ll still be married. My MIL discreetly told me to stop but I was so mad.
Mia eventually left.
I was glad but my MIL and other SILs looked upset. They said they understand why I’m so bothered but I can’t blame Mia and she’s been trying with me. They said what I said about Lucy was very rude too (even though I clearly didn’t mean it like that) and that she would never say such a thing about me.
My MIL is over it (probably because of grandkids) but all her daughters hate me now. AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. SIL has been bullying you for years and nobody has said a thing to her about it. But you make one remark that she takes wrong, and you’re the bad guy?
Sounds like you both need to go low contact and no contact with his family depending on each individual. This is a conversation with your husband. You are the family he chose and he needs to choose you and your baby now and stand up for you.
Do you have boundaries set up for your baby? It doesn’t sound like you have enough for you. I don’t understand why you allow her access to you. I would go completely no contact with her were I you. Stop trying to placate his family.
You will never get this woman on your side, and will therefore be at odds with all of them because of FaMiLy. Sounds like a classic narcissist leader with her enablers to me, but I’m not there.” Throwawayfatwife333
Another User Comments:
“You’re not talking about Lucy, your husband is not talking about her, only Mia.
She is stuck on her for a reason and certainly hasn’t found a way to deal with it. Or she despises you and when she sees that being compared to Lucy affects you, she keeps on pushing in order to manipulate you to show aggression.
Either way, NTJ.
You need to be smart here, try to see these traps of hers, and avoid them. You might as well put some distance with Mia, she is clearly toxic. She needs to learn that there are consequences for her actions.” CoolLaw8794
10. AITJ For Standing Up For My Wife Against My Dad?
“My dad recently got remarried (the day before me, but that’s a whole other story).
A friend of his new wife decided to throw her a bridal shower about a month after their wedding and invited my wife, sister, and sister-in-law. All three informed the new wife that they could not attend for various reasons (sister had to work, my wife had multiple birthday parties including her nephew, and my sister-in-law didn’t feel comfortable going without either my sister or wife) and wished her well and promised to celebrate another time.
The three of them had decided that since they could not make it they would do something special for the both of them as soon as they could and after the holidays.
On the day of the bridal shower, as we’re driving between birthday parties, my dad texts the three girls to tell them how angry and disappointed he was in them for not going to his new wife’s bridal shower and how they should be ashamed of themselves.
I was livid that he would speak to my wife that way and my wife was mortified. Per her request, I waited until I had calmed down to speak to my dad about it.
I called him that night and he answered acting as if nothing had happened. I told him that I did not like him speaking to my wife like he did and he replied that he did nothing wrong.
He said he could speak however he wanted and she’d either get over it or she wouldn’t. My sister had also contacted him and expressed how she did not like being spoken to that way either.
The next day, I got a call from him telling me that he didn’t know why everyone was attacking him and that he couldn’t care less if we were in his life anymore.
I told him we want him in our lives, we just want him to stop speaking to people that way. He said he did nothing wrong and that he’ll never change how he speaks to people.
I feel like my request to not speak to my wife in a disrespectful manner is reasonable but AITJ for telling him that?”
Another User Comments:
“Dad: I’ll attack whomever I want and I’ll never change. Also Dad: Why is everyone attacking me?
NTJ. Also, can we talk about how this bridal shower was not a bridal shower, it was an afterthought? The purpose of bridal showers is to help a young couple outfit their homes – a woman marrying a man with adult children does not need to do this.
In addition, they’re held before the wedding, not after. Sounds like your dad or new wife guilted her friends into throwing her a party so she could get gifts, feel special, or both. That’s fine, but it’s also fine for your wife and sisters to opt out due to their many conflicts, especially when they promised a rain-check activity.
I’m guessing not many people showed up and that’s what triggered the angry texts.” JeepersCreepers74
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. You did what you were supposed to do. You stuck up for your wife. Now it’s up to you to figure out how you’re going to deal with your dad when he does this again.
It’s not just about telling him not to do it. That’s just step one.
Your dad has refused to apologize and has doubled down. Now it’s time for step two. My suggestion for step two is that you tell your dad that since he has admitted that he’s not going to change, all communication should go through you and not through your wife.
Your wife shouldn’t be exposed to his mistreatment. He should be blocked on her phone. And, if he should treat your wife like this in person, then, if it’s your place, he is immediately told to leave. If it’s not your place, you and your wife leave.” Dana07620
9. WIBTJ If I Tell My Mom How I Really Feel About Her Christmas Gift To Me?
“Today my mom (40 f) gave me (18 f) my highly anticipated Lego gift that was a ripoff Aliexpress Lego set. I don’t mean to sound ungrateful of course but I specifically told her I wanted the official Lego set and that I’d be 100% willing to chip in or even pay the 250 euros in full.
She told me ‘No, I’ll take care of it.’ I once again specified ‘Sure, but I do really want the official Lego set’ (she orders a lot of stuff from Temu and Aliexpress) and again told her I’d be willing to pay for the set.
She did not communicate with me again about the set so I figured she found a good deal for a secondhand one or something (which I’m fine with, as long as it’s the real deal).
Imagine my disappointment when I got home from shopping and she gave me a bag that was identical to those standard Aliexpress bags.
I regained some hope when she said there was no box ‘anymore’, but when I pulled out the booklet I noticed the knockoff brand name which Made my heart drop. I didn’t tell her aside from a ‘Hey, this isn’t official’ to which she answered, ‘Does that matter?’
On the inside, I was and still am super disappointed, not only in the set because it didn’t even 100% match the one I wanted but also in my mom for not communicating this with me.
She said she spent 33 euros on it and thus that’s why she bought it.
Because it was cheap. I feel as if I was deprived of an item I have wanted (and still want!) basically since it was released (Feb 2021).
I’m really struggling because I know she meant well but it feels like she betrayed my trust a bit.
I don’t wanna hurt her feelings (which I know I will if I tell her this).
WIBTJ?”
Another User Comments:
“To be honest, this isn’t really a matter of YTJ or NTJ to me. Strictly speaking, no, I don’t think you’d be a jerk—if you hadn’t told her so explicitly, TWICE, not to do that, you would be.
But you did, so my official ruling is NTJ.
That said: it would not be productive. You already told her twice. She will not listen. Generously, she has a different idea than you of what makes a gift good; in her mind, the fact that it’s what you want AND cheaper made it a good gift. That’s the generous read—the other read is that she simply doesn’t care enough to listen closely, and cares more about her savings.
And the truth is probably in between those things, and no matter what, it really, really sounds like at best she would just ignore what you said and at worst be really hurt and feel that you were causing problems over nothing. It seems overwhelmingly unlikely that you’re gonna reach an understanding with her over this.” thisuseristhrownaway
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, but I’d consider if this is even a conversation worth having.
As a collector, you’ll learn some people do be like this, and it’s best just to ask for something else or a gift card for the store where you can get the thing.
To some people, they really don’t see the difference between official and knockoff, even if you have them side by side. Even if the flaws are obvious, when it comes to price, they’d take the cheaper one even if it is iffy. Because cheap. It’s frustrating, but sometimes it’s not worth upsetting people over something they can’t particularly understand was wrong.” quenishi
8. AITJ For Refusing To Pay For My Partner's Irresponsible Decisions?
“I (27 f) visited my family for the holidays with my partner, ‘Sam’. Before Christmas Day, my brother invited Sam to a poker game he was going to with some friends, one of whom is my ex ‘Max’ (we’re on good terms and Sam knows Max is my ex).
I told Sam not to go. My brother and his friends gamble what most people would consider a lot of money at these games, and Sam doesn’t have that kind of money. Sam said he didn’t want to say no because it was an opportunity to get to know my brother better and he was touched to have been invited. He said he would just play for a bit and then say he had had too much to drink and just hang out.
I told him at least five times that this was a bad idea and why, but he was adamant he needed to accept the invitation.
He went and ended up losing a lot of money, enough that he won’t be able to make his half of the rent this month (we live together).
Most of that money, he lost to Max (Max plays A LOT of poker and took pretty much everyone’s money). Sam is obviously upset and explained himself by saying he just got caught up in not looking like a loser, and wanting to fit in.
I said that’s okay, but you need to go and ask for the money back. Sam said he couldn’t. I said he definitely could, Max would give it to him no questions asked. Sam said he wasn’t going to humiliate himself by asking my ex for money back.
I said that’s fine but how are you planning to pay the rent? He said he was hoping I would cover it for this month. I said there was absolutely no way I would be paying for his irresponsible decisions, especially after I gave him every opportunity to not be in this situation.
Sam said that was very cold and the money would make no difference to me but for him, it’s the difference between looking like trash to my family and friends (he is sure his asking for the money back would get around).
I can’t ask my family for opinions on whether I’m the jerk for saying no because I know they would go nuts if they knew he was essentially asking me for money.
So I just need some people who aren’t invested to share an opinion.”
Another User Comments:
“First off, the judgment: NTJ. You made sure that Sam was well aware of what he was getting into, and he did just as you feared. It’s entirely on him to make this right, and he’s going to have to swallow his pride on this.
Second, a question: Are you really prepared to be homeless to prove your point? Or is it a situation where you CANNOT afford to pay the whole rent?
Sam sounds like an idiot and definitely a jerk, but this whole argument has the potential to land you both out on the street.
If it comes down to it, you might want to bring your family into it and let them go nuts on him. Maybe that will disincentivize him to do this again. You might also take a good long look at Sam’s personality. Is it common for him to let his ego get in the way of making sound decisions?
This could be a harbinger of what life could look like with this guy.” Cataclysmus78
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. He wants to act like he is still a kid and Mommy will bail him out, tell him everything is okay and she will fix it for him.
This isn’t reality. His choices have consequences and he needs to own them so he doesn’t make the same choices again. He should have listened to you, but his ego wouldn’t let him. Maybe next time it will.
This wasn’t a friendly game, this was for money and the line from Rounders comes to mind: ‘If you can’t spot the sucker in your first half-hour at the table, then you are the sucker.’
This wasn’t about Christmas cheer, this was about making money. And to make it, they needed someone to give it up. He needs to see it for what it is. He got sentimental about being invited when they saw him as a potential ATM.
If they thought he was better than they were, they wouldn’t have invited him.
That is the reality. He is getting a few great lessons here that he needs desperately to learn. Hopefully, he learns them. Great job by you for modeling boundaries to him.” Parasamgate
Either way, it's time to rethink your relationship.
7. AITJ For Getting A Truck Towed Without Looking For The Driver?
“I live in a neighborhood in a city of 3 million people, a few blocks from a busy street.
There’s enough parking, but inconsiderate parking is common.
At 6:45 pm, I want to leave to buy groceries before a snowstorm that’s coming the next day, but my driveway is fully blocked by a truck.
I have a neurological disorder and am always extremely physically and mentally exhausted, especially at the end of the day.
I’m disabled and unable to work. This is a profound inconvenience.
My partner and I deliberately reported the truck. We’d typically wait or not call at all, but with snow coming and tow trucks busy and maybe unavailable the next day, we want the truck gone soon.
We expect a delay and we buffer for that since we learned the tow company does not tow after 11 pm tonight.
I have a good reason for needing access to this car. I’m responsible for managing a property for my mom and caring for my wife’s elderly parents.
Plus, my wife is pregnant, so I want to be able to take her to the hospital if necessary. Also, I want emergency vehicles to be able to access our driveway if something happens.
I assume that anyone in our neighborhood would be familiar enough and considerate enough to not block a driveway.
I assume it is someone out at a nearby bar.
I check with one next-door neighbor, who says it isn’t his. The other next-door neighbor’s lights are off, and they have young kids, so I don’t want to bother them.
My Reddit research of old posts tells me that people in my city would absolutely immediately tow someone blocking their driveway, so I feel comfortable calling in the car.
90 minutes later, it had been ticketed and towed.
My friends say I absolutely am not responsible for locating the driver seeing as we live in a city, and anyone who would block a driveway is the scum of the earth.
My neighbour who lives diagonally across the street, however, is livid that I did not notice his dinner party and lights.
He was upset that we called for the tow at all because our driveway wasn’t blocked for that long and accused us of not using the car the next day. He apologized for some of this but still doesn’t understand how I did not see his party and knock.
His friend was the driver. (the driver claims to have made a mistake and did not block my driveway intentionally. I think he’s appropriately ashamed and not a jerk.)
He says there were cars clustered around his house. I noticed cars parked everywhere. I didn’t notice his lights.
He lives in an elevated triplex house. I’ve never been inside and don’t know which floors are his.
He thinks it is crazy I didn’t go door-to-door to find his friend. He says he polled many other neighbours about my behaviour, finding that they would go door-to-door knocking to find the driver.
I’m not a very social person, and knocking on everyone’s door to track down the person is alien to me. Also, I don’t want to inconvenience them for one person’s mistake. It inconveniences me when people knock on my door. My dog gets anxious and it is a whole process of getting her to settle down.
And that wakes up my kid too.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. You used sound judgment and are not responsible for canvassing an entire block or neighbour to save an idiot who acted illegally, endangering you, from themselves. Your neighbour and his friend are the jerks here; I mean who BLOCKS a driveway?
It’s towable for a good reason. You are entitled to be able to use your driveway regardless of his dinner party lol. He’s probably embarrassed that his friend incurred cost and inconvenience, but that’s on the friend and neighbour. He’s just trying to spin it into your fault by bringing up all this ‘evidence’ that you ‘should’ have done more to find the owner, but his polls or opinion do not change the facts of the matter.
It’s very, very basic common sense and common courtesy not to allow your guests at a party to block others. I mean basic. Your neighbour is just being defensive, don’t let him guilt you.” owls_and_cardinals
Another User Comments:
“Someone who is stupid enough to park blocking a driveway gets his car towed without warning.
This is such a breach of etiquette that there is nothing that permits or excuses the blocking of a stranger’s driveway. Your neighbour is adopting a ridiculous position and being angry to try to save his face. He knows his dinner guest did wrong. But instead, by doubling down, he just sounds even more stupid.
‘He thinks it is crazy I didn’t go door-to-door to find his friend. He says he polled many other neighbours about my behaviour, finding that they would go door-to-door knocking to find the driver.’ Really? Are you supposed to go and survey the neighbourhood?
Why didn’t the guest go street to street searching for parking? Your neighbour is a low-watt bulb if you ask me. You did nothing wrong. Your neighbour and the guest are jerks. Tell your neighbour you’ll do it again the next time your driveway is blocked. NTJ” BeeYehWoo
6. AITJ For Going On A 3-Day Trip With My Mom?
“I (35 f) am planning a trip with my mom. It was her idea and other than airfare she will be paying for all expenses. It’s a short 3-day trip and no one else is going, just me and my mom. My husband (39 m) is not happy.
He has been guilt-tripping me and treating me extremely mean since he heard the news, as far as calling me selfish, wishing negative karma upon me, and making these small sly digs at me every chance he gets.
I work a minimum of 60 hours per week.
I have been the financial provider for our family for 10+ years and he has been a stay-at-home dad for our 3 kids at the same time. For us, this situation was financially in our best interests and agreed upon by both of us. He’s great at what he does and our children have been able to thrive because of it.
With that being said, it’s no issue for me to take off work and childcare is not an issue.
I have suggested that he takes a vacation without me and the kids, we have the money, and he could go visit family or plan something else if he wanted. He refuses.
Telling me the whole family should go or no one should go.
We have been married for two decades, there has never been infidelity, not even a thought on either side. Typically we get along extremely well and squash our problems fairly quickly and easily.
But this has been going on for 2 weeks now. It gets so heated that there is zero talking about it. He doesn’t want to hear a word from me and when I ask him why he’s so upset he just says I’m selfish for not being able to realize why he is upset.
I still really want to go but he won’t give me the time of day to explain my feelings and won’t share his either. I only see my mom maybe once per year because she lives far away. My husband’s family lives in our town so we see them frequently.
I want to see my mom and have a good mother/daughter trip but AITJ if I go?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. I do have quite a bit of sympathy for your husband, but not the childish way he’s acting. It’s tough being a stay-at-home parent, even when you have your own hobbies, interests, and time away from the kids.
You see your partner going off and having a life outside the house (with adult conversation!) and building their career, and it’s tough not to let some jealousy seep in.
One thing I would check is that your husband doesn’t feel like you don’t want to be home.
You’re working long hours and you’re now spending a few days kid and husband free. If your husband is stressed he may be thinking, ‘Does she not want to be at home with me and the kids?’ He may need some reassurance.
I hope you guys can talk this out” Specific-Size4601
Another User Comments:
“Everyone sucks here. This isn’t about the trip, I don’t think. You’re gone minimally 60 hours a week (you said that’s the least amount you work), that’s 50% more than the average job.
Your family gets very little of you. But suddenly here you have 3 days to peel off for a trip.
I don’t think YTJ for the fun trip but you’re ignoring the big picture and why he’s mad. Does he have friends or interests outside of childcare and home management?
Does he have free time regularly for those things? He’s a jerk for blowing up about this in a mean way for what would be considered a normal small trip but I think a LOT is surrounding this. Maybe it’s time to re-evaluate your living and working situations.” TheVue221
Another User Comments:
“NTJ- everyone deserves a break. But just going to try to understand the father because OP says he’s a great guy other than this.
I am the primary care provider of my family’s children. And sometimes it does get to the point where I can’t mentally turn off the part.
I’m checked in with my kids at any given point. To even take a break. And sometimes do make me snarky at the person who can take a break.
I want you to think of disconnecting from the care of the children or other life needs as cake.
Sometimes it’s harder for primary care providers to even be able to eat a slice of cake. It gets to the point where they don’t even want to try to eat a piece of cake. It can make one resentful of those who can eat cake.
So I’m wondering if this might be a sign of a long-term burnout of the spouse. And sometimes people really need to be supported to actually take breaks.” PicklesMcpickle
5. WIBTJ If I Do Not Come To My Sibling-In-Law's Destination Wedding?
“My partner’s sibling is engaged and they have decided to do a destination wedding in the fiancé’s home country.
This is because the fiancés family is larger, and solely resides in their home country and cannot travel to our home country. The engaged couple intends to marry in the fiancé’s home country and then return to our home country.
This will require me, my partner, and my partner’s parents to fly in order to attend.
The issue that has arisen is they have proposed a wedding date in the immediate future that significantly conflicts with our respective lives. To explain:
Both my partner and I have jobs that wouldn’t allow us to book time off specifically around the date they’ve proposed. We would need to catch red-eye flights and arrive on the day of with little to no sleep involved. This is a non-negotiable conflict, neither of us can take a few days off beforehand given our professions.
My partner’s parents have a pre-existing scheduling conflict that would allow them to attend. However, they would essentially arrive a few days before, attend, and then leave.
The engaged couple do have an urgency to their wedding and I can understand that. However, I do not understand why they cannot get courtroom married and then plan a destination ceremony allowing everyone to attend comfortably without the stress.
To me, given the urgency, these events can be separate and do not have to be done simultaneously.
I feel like we are being forced into a rock and a hard place – we want to attend, but will not be able to present our best selves.
My partner is willing to endure because it’s their sibling, but, I am of the opinion we will likely be so stressed out and burnt out that we will fight and not have a good time whatsoever.
Naturally, I do not have any info from my partner’s fiancés side on why they’ve chosen the proposed date.
So perhaps there is a more significant driving force on their end.
So WITBJ if I put my foot down and say ‘I’m sorry, but your proposed wedding date does not work with my schedule’.”
Another User Comments:
“You’re not putting your foot down.
Why so aggressive? ‘I’m so sorry! I checked with work and I can not get those dates off! When y’all get back I’d like to take you to a fancy dinner/some other fun thing to celebrate! Is there anything I can do on this side to help you prepare?’ If they push back just say ‘There’s nothing I can do.
Those are blackout dates.’
You don’t need to put your foot down, you just explain that it’s 100% out of your control. I surely hope this is a career job that pays for the privilege of blacking out dates and not a restaurant job that won’t give you off Valentine’s Day.” biglipsmagoo
Another User Comments:
“No jerks here, no one has to attend a wedding. But it does bother me that you’re characterizing it as a destination wedding when that’s where the fiance is from, and where his family resides. And you’re aware that they would not be able to come to the other location.
This isn’t running away to Cancun for Instagram photos, it’s a couple trying to share an important moment with the people they love.
Also, I think it’s okay for a couple to want to get married under their terms and not just take the pragmatic route for everyone else’s convenience.
Some of us would make the choice (I probably will myself) but it’s not something they have to do. That’s their prerogative. Yours is to not attend.” GimerStick
4. AITJ For Not Wanting To Have Kids At My Wedding?
“I (29) and my fiancé (30) have been together for 5 years and have been to multiple weddings together throughout our relationship.
We got engaged in April of 2023. The excitement from us and my family was through the roof. We could not wait to start wedding planning and got to it almost immediately.
One of the biggest decisions you have to make when planning a wedding is who is going.
From the beginning, my fiancé decided on a black tie formal-themed wedding. I was all for it that’s just the type of girl she is and I wouldn’t expect anything less. Now what comes with a formal event like that is the audience.
My family and extended family are very close-knit. We have many large family gatherings throughout the year. We had two weddings before our engagement on my side. For both weddings, kids were not invited unless in the wedding. This is where my problem starts.
I and my fiancé decided not to have kids from the very beginning.
My mother insisted that we would not exclude my aunt’s children (the oldest is a freshman in high school and the youngest is in the sixth grade). I never agreed to it with my mother and we had posted no children and adults only on our wedding website.
My fiancé’s side of the family understood this decision without any question.
We addressed my aunt and husband with just them on the save the date. We are at the home stretch of our wedding planning. Invites go out in 9 weeks. We had another family sit down and my mother berated me about not including the kids.
Stating ‘That’s all I asked for’ when I had accommodated every one of her friends and husbands to our wedding. She threatened that my aunt would not go if the kids were not invited.
I decided to reach out to my aunt to clarify the confusion about her kids and stuck to the decision we made not to have kids.
She did not respond instead called my mother and the berated ensued again. The amount of guilt I have personally felt along with stress has made this part of the wedding planning miserable.
Three days go by and I receive a text from my aunt stating; ‘That excluding family due to age is an act of ageism and is as offensive as excluding someone of race, sexual orientation, or political orientation.’ And that they will not be attending.
Wow. I have yet to respond but in my gut, that response tells me everything I need to know to not invite them to the wedding. AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Oooh, your aunt learned a new word. Good for her. Too bad she doesn’t actually understand its meaning.
But what she and your mom ignored, and keep ignoring, is that this is YOUR wedding. You don’t want kids, you don’t have kids. Your mom’s ‘one thing’ doesn’t matter at all. Your aunt doesn’t have to attend. And watch out for the bullying. ‘Oh, do it for the family’.
‘Do it to keep the peace.’ This means only that your feelings mean nothing and the other party’s feelings are more important. Don’t give in. You will always regret it. ” FuzzyMom2005
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, this is your wedding and you and your fiancé get to make the final decisions.
Adults only means no kids. Just a word of caution, do not be surprised if your aunt and her children arrive at the ceremony and expect to be allowed to attend because ‘they are already there’. Be prepared with how this will be dealt with and communicate this to both your mother and your aunt.
Congratulations and I hope you will enjoy a kid-free day!” Which_Stress_6431
I would take her at her word and accept her refusal of your invitation to her and your uncle, but I would also follow Which_Stress-6431's advice and have security of some sort for when your aunt shows up at the wedding with all her spawn in tow and insists on being allowed to stay. Alert groomsmen, wedding planner, anyone helping with the scheduling that these people are not to be allowed entrance and whom to alert in case they show up.
Wishing you a drama free wedding and a long and happy marriage.
3. AITJ For Reporting My Sister To CPS?
“I (19 F) am the youngest of my siblings, we had abusive/drinking addict parents and nobody that would help growing up.
This is important because it turned us into who we are today and will help you better understand the issues in this post.
I watched several of my siblings face a really bad substance addiction. When I was 3 my second oldest nephew (David) was born and placed with me and my parents (his grandparents) for years.
My sister (33 at the time) was finally sober and capable of taking care of him so he moved back with her (he was 10 at the time).
After a few years, my sister had a few more kids and now has 5 that live with her (7 in total) no father figure and they all have different fathers who aren’t there very much aside from the two that don’t live with her.
After seeming to be sober since getting David back, my sister started disappearing for days on end again, I wasn’t old enough to recognize this behavior when she was previously using, but now I knew what she was doing. She would usually leave David to watch the rest of the kids while she went on benders, my parents were totally oblivious to what was happening, either that or they just didn’t want to believe it was happening again.
Well me? Oh, I was mad, for starters, you don’t sign your 13-year-old up to watch all his younger siblings by himself and take care of the house especially when there are 4 ranging from newborn to 8 years old. The next thing was the fact that she couldn’t even bother texting anyone back to let us know she was even alive.
I was livid at the fact that she just left them all alone, I would actually walk there (about 5 miles) to go help watch the kids and make them food, and then eventually got my license and was taking them to school and everything.
I drew the line when she asked me to lend her money to pay her electric bills (meaning she was behind).
I stopped going over there and helping with the kids and instead, I called CPS, which is Child Protective Services, and told them everything. The children were to live at my parents’ house while my sister went to meetings and treatment. She also was placed on a no-contact contact with multiple people in the county who were believed to be providing these illegal substances and was put on probation.
My sister didn’t get to see her kids for about five months including holidays such as Thanksgiving and Christmas. Eventually, she did get clean again and got them back but she is still mad at me for reporting her, I truly don’t believe I am wrong for this, especially after she lost custody of two other kids for her addiction previously.
(She is 39 now, sober, and has custody of 7/8 kids, she got custody of her firstborn child after this entire ordeal, he is now 18 and moved out, and the 12-year-old is now 16 and is in therapy and anger management.)”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. NEVER feel guilty for calling CPS – unless you are doing it in retaliation or to get a leg up in a divorce & custody battle.
But if, like in your story, your sister is AWOL for days, that alone is a very good reason to call on her.
What if you didn’t live 5 miles away but 50, 500, 5000? You wouldn’t know that David was in charge for god knows how long. What if she had an accident?
How long would David be able to hold everything together, how long was the food gonna last, the utilities be paid for? Winter is arriving, it’s cold, and the heat goes out. Now what? Should the kids freeze until Madam decides to come back home, risking frostbite, risking death?
The food runs out, should they starve? Not to mention the negative side effects of one-sided nutrition. Is/was David able to whip up whole meals or did he just make PB & Js, heated canned soups, bought fast food?
Again, do not feel guilty for protecting a child.
The rule of thumb is that CPS wouldn’t remove kids on a whim AND impose a no-contact order on your sister regarding not only a known dealer but also her kids. There has to be something else that happened you are not privy to know.
She must have been onto someone’s radar for this draconian step CPS did here, she possibly was already under CPS investigation and your call was the last straw for them.” Tessa_Kamoda
Another User Comments:
“You did the right thing. Your sister’s actions towards her children are/were abusive.
She’s the adult, she can be angry all she wants. Those children needed a protector which you provided. You walked 5 miles to take care of your nieces and nephews – that’s what a mother does and you’re not the mother. You showed those children they are loved and they are worthy.
You gave them a role model. You got both the kids and your sister the help they needed. You helped to pull the family back together. What you did is amazing.
If your sister is embarrassed, that’s on her. She’s old enough to know better, especially because of her background.
They have birth control injections that are good for several months. Suggest your sister get it. She has more children than she can handle and she’s having a hard time dealing with the stress. She needs therapy herself to learn coping mechanisms. She should also look into what aid is available to her.
You can’t put your life on hold, but you can continue to be a part of the kids’ lives.
With cellphones, they can always be in touch. Depending on what college or trade school you go to, you can make time on the weekends to visit with them.
See how they are doing etc. Walmart has cheap cellphones that come with wifi. There are apps that use wifi for calling and texting. The kids can stay in touch with you and you with them. NTJ… not in any way are you the jerk.
You were the adult in this situation and the kids’ guardian angel.” Outrageous-forest
2. AITJ For Picking My Son Up From A Sleepover?
“The local school district, in their infinite wisdom, switched to giving students all 5 days of the week off from school this week despite most parents needing to work at least Monday-Tuesday if not Wednesday too.
Thankfully one of the rich families (we’re a working family) with a big house and free time to spare recognized the dumb dumb school district decision and graciously offered to host her daughter’s entire 5th grade homeroom for both Monday and Tuesday during school hours, with opting-in to sleeping over on Monday night.
I clarified with the mom if she meant for all students on the sleepover or just the girls, and she said that all the boys and the girls would be welcome to sleep over but to please RSVP so she knew how to accommodate.
So I checked in with my son (11) about what he wanted to do and he said that the class sleepover sounded fun, even though 8 am-4 pm the next day meant 32 hours straight of being over there.
So I RSVP’d that he’d be joining the sleepover portion, chipped in $40 to cover food expenses (she said only to contribute if we could afford it, but we can afford it) and I made sure that they had all my contact info and that my son knew if there was any issue that he could call and we’d come pick up.
My husband and I had work and then called to check in, our son was doing fine, so we had a nice evening together, grocery-shopped for Thanksgiving, and so on. When I went to pick up my son though I found out that he was the only boy there because he was the only boy that opted into the sleepover portion!
It was him and 7 of the girls in his class!
I raised my voice (but didn’t yell) at the mom for not letting me know that no other boys had been staying, and stressed that while I appreciated her hosting she should have told me when I called to check in that he was going to be the only boy sleeping over.
My son was embarrassed and we left when he asked if we could go, and I felt bad because I could tell he was embarrassed that I raised my voice.
I talked to him and he said that nothing weird happened, they just mostly talked about girl stuff.
I found out from him that he slept in the same room as the girls, the mom had them laid out in a ring with their heads next to each other in a circle so they could whisper chat after lights out and that’s what they did.
My son also said they all changed into jammies at the same time in the same room with backs turned to each other ‘So no one saw anything’, so I feel like I was pretty justified in being mad at the other mom since she didn’t even give him privacy to change!
Should I not be making such a big deal out of this? The other mom looked pretty affronted that I was upset and my son told his dad that I embarrassed him at pick-up. My husband has the opinion that ‘The more of a big deal you make of something the bigger deal it is’ and says I should have just dropped it.
So, am I the jerk here? I feel like I’m taking crazy pills and am alone in this at home.”
Another User Comments:
“Let’s count the ways YTJ:
1. Schools don’t suddenly switch days off without reason so you had noticed;
2. Condescending tone to a family that has more than you when they did nothing wrong;
3. This very greedy and rich family in their greedy fashion agreed to host an entire class for 2 days with a sleepover and you complain;
4. You are bragging you gave $40 to them when they are watching your son for two days and one night;
5. All the above that gave you a night out;
6. You got vocal because you did not get clarification on the babysitting. Like seriously you are complaining about something you should have clarified since your son was going to be at a boy-girl sleepover.” Penelope_2023
Another User Comments:
“Very soft YTJ. I know you were probably picturing a boys’ room and girls’ room with everyone there, and assumed enough boys would show up to make that happen, so you were shocked to find out your son basically joined a sleepover with all girls.
So an instant shocked reaction is understandable, but you shouldn’t be mad about it, as the host mom did nothing wrong.
All 3 of my kids (2 daughters, 1 son) have hosted and attended mixed-gender sleepovers and it’s never been an issue. They’re all teens now and still do.
Gender-segregating friendships are antiquated. Kids can have friends and be appropriate with any gender. I’d apologize to the mom, and your son, for overreacting in your surprise and let them both know you’d be happy to have your son join future sleepovers should they occur, regardless of how many of each gender are invited. Let your son know you overreacted because you were surprised, but that you were in the wrong, not him or the host.” PocketPillow
1. AITJ For Telling My Fiancée I'm Depressed Too?
“My fiancée is 8 weeks postpartum and she has postpartum depression. Originally she said no to any sort of medication intervention because her body doesn’t handle prescriptions well and she was afraid of not being alert enough for our daughter.
But a week ago she came to me in a complete panic and said she needed intervention ‘now’ or she wouldn’t be here in a week’s time. We immediately got her help.
Now, I’m facing my own hardships. Feeling useless, like a failure, etc. I have a daughter and a fiancé depending on me and I’m just falling short, it feels like.
It eats at me most days. So 3 days ago (3 days after we got her help) I told her I was feeling really depressed. This was following her asking me why I wasn’t helping her as much (around the house) and why I acted like I didn’t want to hold my daughter (I do want to, I’m just sad).
So I told her I was depressed myself. Instead of being understanding, like I expected, she just walked out of the room saying ‘Cool, don’t worry about it, I will put my mental health on the back burner and handle everything myself per usual.’ I called after her and asked her what she meant and she started screaming at me.
Saying that every single time she ever comes to me about her mental health being garbage, I end up piggybacking off of it when she needs me the most. She tells me every time that she says she needs me, I’m all of a sudden depressed too and expect her to pick up my slack.
She says I’ve done so numerous times in the past 6 years and that this time around, she’s not tolerating it. That she needed me and she doesn’t have anything to give me right now and she refuses to destroy herself further trying to pick me back up.
I tried telling her she didn’t have to do anything to help me but that set her off further. She said ‘Nonsense. I say I’m depressed and need help and you immediately say you’re depressed too and stop helping me altogether and therefore I now have to do it all by myself while being mentally messed up and if I’m going to be a married single parent, I will just leave and be a single parent for real’.
She did pack up her and the baby and went to her mother’s house but I was blindsided by the whole thing.
My friend says I’m not wrong and that my fiancée is being a jerk but what she said did hurt me and make me feel wrong.”
Another User Comments:
“YTJ. A large part of the reason new mothers end up with postpartum depression is not getting enough time to take care of themselves and not getting enough help around the house or with the new baby. Her saying she told you she needed help and that then you started helping even less after makes it clear that you weren’t really helping to begin with which is probably why she has postpartum depression and is suffering, to begin with.
She is depressed but still has things to take care of so she pushes through it while you leave her to do all of it and wallow in your self-pity. Not only that but if she is pointing out this pattern of you always claiming that you’re depressed and doing absolutely nothing anytime she is struggling and she is telling the truth then that is disturbing and it might be time for you to get professional help… and I don’t mean for depression.” Apprehensive_Arm1206
Another User Comments:
“YTJ. Mental illness isn’t a competition. May I ask your reasoning for conceiving a child when you know you aren’t yet stable mentally?
Depression is an illness that should be treated and her postpartum depression is caused by childbirth complications. It’s better that both of you seek a couple’s therapist since the child needs healthy parents to be raised properly.
I’m not going to undermine your depression however do think that your significant other is also going through difficulty. Being patient towards her also means being patient towards yourself. If you don’t feel good – feeling useless, etc., so does her.
Seriously you two need to work together and see from her perspective.
Distancing yourself from her and your child will make you regret it later. Be healthy and be a better parent/spouse.” MoonHyori09
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