People Want Us To Express Our Feelings About Their "Am I The Jerk?" Stories
26. AITJ For Not Telling People How Much I Really Earn?
“I (26F) have dyspraxia; due to my dyspraxia, I’m one of those people who will plan everything carefully; if I have to go on a journey on public transport, I will research the whole route and make sure I know where I am going. I also track everything to keep updated: finances, my emotions, literally everything.
I have a folder where I keep my yearly budget tracker, my monthly budget tracker, and an emergency calendar that I print off in case I forget my calendar. It’s also got some critical documents from work and stuff. I’m also a very private person.
I let anyone assume what they want to think about me, and I don’t tell them if it’s true or not, as it doesn’t bother me.
Sorry, I am getting back to the point. I find money a taboo subject, and I wouldn’t say I like talking about it to anyone.
Many friends and family ask me financial questions; some ask out of genuine concern to see if I’m struggling, but I also feel some ask out of nosiness. I have a sister; she is also a university graduate but works part-time for a charity and doesn’t earn a lot, she’s also married and has a son.
Nearly two weeks ago, we were talking on video call seeing how each other was, and speaking to my nephew when we were talking about dates we had off work; we both had last Saturday off work. Because we had last Saturday off work, my sister arranged to come around with my nephew so we could all see each other.
My sister needed to print off an important email so I allowed her to use my office to print stuff off. Whilst she was doing that I was watching my nephew. She came down and she was upset and angry; she told me she found my folder and she knows how much I earn monthly and yearly.
My sister thought that I only earned about £3,000.00 more than her; I didn’t correct her as I don’t like talking about my finances. My sister was shocked to find out that I earn 4x more than she does each year and she was mad at me big time.
She said the only thing I’ve been doing to her is lie about how much I earn and that I could have helped her out during her time of need. I don’t like lending money to anyone. She called me a bunch of names and now I feel like I am a total jerk for not talking about my finances.
AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Wow, where to start? a: She snooped around your office, into your private papers. b: She should be happy for your success, not resentful. c: You didn’t lie. d: You don’t owe her anything. e: She resorted to name-calling. Stay private.
As sister has proven, some people will use your private information against you.” martintoconnell
Another User Comments:
“NTJ
No, she is not entitled to know your financial situation, whatever that situation is. Also, the fact that she had the gall to mention that you ‘could have helped her out during her time of need’ is a very good reason to make sure she never gets knowledge of or access to your finances.
Her going through your documents was a major invasion of your privacy and a breach of trust. She should not be trusted with anything until she realizes that and atones.” Pesec1
25. AITJ For Blowing Up At My Brother-In-Law For Commenting On My Education?
“My (19F) brother ‘Shawn’ (30M) has been in a relationship with ‘Steve’ (36M) for just about 10 years, married for two.
For a bit of background, none of my family is a huge fan of Steve, he’s incredibly pretentious, misogynistic, and altogether rude. He comes from a wealthy enough family, while we have always been more working class. At the beginning of the relationship we didn’t see any red flags, he was nice, bought all of us nice gifts for birthdays and holidays, and from what we could tell, he treated Shawn like a king.
When I graduated from high school, he started getting kind of weird, trying to set me up with a guy in his company, who I had never met, and neither had my brother. I asked him to please stop, I wasn’t interested, and that I wanted to go to college before getting into a relationship of any kind.
He kind of laughed at me and asked what the point would be, and that I would make a better housewife, like my sister ‘Amelia’ (27F). That all happened about a year ago, and he brought it up again last weekend at an end-of-summer party that my mom threw for my sister and another brother’s kids, as well as myself.
I brought up what classes I was most excited for and he interrupted me and asked if I was seriously still on ‘this school thing’ (his exact words). I told him yes and asked if he had a problem with that and he said that I was wasting my time and that if I waited much longer, I would be too old for most guys to want me.
I told him that was gross and asked why he was so interested in my love life. He just laughed and said he was trying to make sure I didn’t end up an ‘old cat lady like my mom’.
I admit that I blew up, calling him gross, immature, and rude, wishing that my brother had never met him.
He got offended and told my brother they were leaving and did. My sister and another brother (24M) agreed with me, saying they were happy that someone finally said something. My mom though said that while she didn’t like what he said, I should be more grown up, because I’m almost 20 and should have better manners.
I really don’t think I’m in the wrong, but now I’m getting texts and calls from Shawn telling me I may have ruined his marriage, so AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Your BIL’s statements about your education go back to the 1950s. They’re wrong and misogynistic.
If your brother’s marriage is being threatened by your comments, it was on a very weak foundation to begin with. I’m more surprised that your own brother didn’t stop his husband before things spiraled out of control.
Enjoy uni!” Individual_Ad_9213
Another User Comments:
“So in the space of one cookout, Steve managed to openly insult you, your sister, AND your mom… and he’s surprised and offended that you went spitfire on him?
Someone should tell your BIL ‘Play stupid games, win stupid prizes’.
As for your mom, tell her ‘Sorry I lost my temper when I heard him call you an ‘old cat lady’. Guess I shouldn’t defend you next time, is that what you’re saying?’
NTJ, OP!” User
24. AITJ For Calling My Sister And Her Friends Fat?
“I’m 17 and my sister is 21. We hate each other (and I mean legit hate, I don’t recall ever thinking a positive thing about her).
She is home for the summer and is a general pain in my butt.
My parents were out of town this week and she had a party for all her friends. I’m not being mean but it’s a fact that my sister and her friends are very large.
I guess my sister is more ‘thic’ but the others are big. They got into the hot tub and while it was too many people no matter what, because they were so big a huge amount of water overflowed over the side.
The hot tub is right outside my window so I could see and hear that the pump wasn’t getting enough water after they got out.
I yelled out my window that she needed to put the hose in it since it couldn’t run dry. She told me to mind my own business. I went out to do it myself but by the time I got there the pump was making a weird noise and then the breaker popped.
The next day she did fill it up but she didn’t know why it wouldn’t start and I didn’t care enough to tell her about the circuit breaker. When my dad got in he wanted to sit in the tub because he has a really painful back condition and basically running the pump without water ruined it and my dad was furious.
My sister lied to him and said that it was just like that and even she and her friends didn’t get to use it. I told him that actually no she and her fat friends overflowed it and then she ran the pump dry and she told me to mind my business when I told her how to fix it.
My mom is so freaked out about my sister’s self-esteem that she is mad at me for calling my sister fat, my dad is furious with my sister because he needs the hot tub to relax his back or he doesn’t sleep. My dad is mad at my mom for coddling my sister and the house is even more tense than usual.
My sister says I caused all the problems because I’m a snitch and a fat shamer. AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“OP NTJ
If a device is broken, the best way to find out how to fix it is by telling what happened to it.
This is exactly what you did.
Your father has a medical reason to use the hot tub, which is in every way more important than your sister’s self-esteem or feelings.
You even told her it would break down if she did not fill it up.
Sister is the jerk and your mother is pretty close to it as well.
Your sister should’ve just been honest with your father which she wasn’t. Hopefully, your father can fix it soon enough.” Osseh1
Another User Comments:
“NTJ – your sister sounds like an entitled brat.
Your mom needs to release her from her bosom. Your sister is a grown adult, you tried to give her a stern warning that she didn’t heed and she damaged someone else’s property (your parents’). I agree that you had the right to speak the truth just as your dad has the right to be mad about it being broken and your mom coddling your sister.
Your mom and sister are the jerks here. If you use someone’s stuff, you should always treat it better than you treat your own items. Your sister’s or her friends’ weight/size really doesn’t change the fact that she should have been responsible enough to heed your warnings, say thanks for the advice, and refill the hot tub before she destroyed your parents’ property.
Your mom needs to stop enabling her as she is a grown adult and needs to stand on her own. The least your sister should do is get a part-time job and fix the hot tub for your dad as soon as possible, or pay him back for the damage as he will have to get it fixed for his own health.” User
23. AITJ For Not Trusting My Friend Around My Partner?
“I (19f) have friends who are a married couple, Jay (19f) and Emily (19f). They are a polyamory couple and they have an open relationship, so they can be with who they please. Now, Jay likes to be with committed men. She’s been with many, saying she loves knowing she can get any man she wants and they’ll always choose her.
She even went as far as to get one of them to leave his wife for her, then dumped him saying she never wanted anything serious! Her wife tells her it’s disgusting to be with a married man especially since none of them have open relationships.
I have a long-term partner (19m) and we’ve been together for 3 years, he has high-functioning autism (he wanted me to clarify) and is a great partner overall. I trust him with all my heart and soul. We are in a monogamous relationship. My partner, our friends, and I have been friends since high school.
Onto the issue, last year, Jay went drinking and admitted to me that she wanted to sleep with my partner. I told her if she ever tried anything, I’d never forgive her and I’d opt out of our friendship. Today she asked me if I could send my partner over to her house to hang out since I was at the gym and my partner stays home as he has crippling anxiety.
I told her since her wife wasn’t home (she was with me at the gym) I’d rather my partner stay home until I get there and then we can all hang out. I thought it would be an easy answer.
She explained that ever since she confessed to me, I’ve been distancing him away from her, and she asked me why.
I said we could talk about that later when I got home since I was literally running on a treadmill.
I get a call from my partner asking me to come home because Jay came over to our house but he gets uncomfortable with anyone unless myself or another party is involved. I go home with Emily to my house.
Jay asks me if I have an issue with her being alone with my partner. I was already mad as I had to leave the gym early so I admit I did kinda lose it. I said, ‘Well, you can’t expect me to fully trust you given your history with committed men, and the fact that you brought up your confession makes it seem like you had ill intentions.’
She starts crying saying I don’t trust her, I remind her that she’s ruined a lot of our close friends’ relationships by sleeping with their partners. She ran home crying. She says she’d never do that to me and I need to apologize or she’s ending the friendship.
Emily is torn because she loves her wife but agrees that I have a point. I’m wondering if I’m the jerk because I feel like I should just trust her since she’s one of my closest friends, but I just can’t.
AITJ for telling her exactly why I don’t want her alone with my partner?
And because I can see this coming, I trust my partner with everything I have. Plus, he cries if someone touches him without letting him know first so he’d call if something happened.”
Another User Comments:
“So let me get this straight: this woman has a track record of sleeping with guys in committed relationships, has ruined multiple friendships and relationships, has expressed an attraction to your partner and she is surprised that you aren’t comfortable with her being alone with your partner?
She is not the victim here. NTJ. You have valid reasons not to trust her, and it sounds like your partner doesn’t want to be alone with her anyway. You absolutely do not owe her an apology. Given her behavior, any reasonable person would consider her to be a person who is not at all respectful of others or trustworthy.” joanclaytonesq
Another User Comments:
“Everyone sucks here. You’re not wrong for wanting to protect your relationship, but what does it say about you that you’re willing to be friends with someone who thinks it’s fun to break up marriages?
The fact that she wants to get with your partner isn’t even the real issue here.
The issue is that she is a selfish person who will happily hurt other people for her own pleasure. You need to take out the trash and get some better friends.” soap—poisoning
22. AITJ For Wanting My Ex And His Wife To Provide Bedrooms In Their House For My Kids?
“My (f 37) ex (m 40, Mark) and I never married. We built a house about 6 years ago. It has 4 bedrooms, 2 living spaces, and 2 bathrooms. The intention was for each of my kids (females 15, 14, and 12) to have their own rooms. I have never liked his wife (Dana, f 35, been together for 10 years), she is strict about everything, breakfast is at 7.30 am and dinner is at 7 pm.
She says this is because she has to drop the kids off at her parents’ before she goes to work. I was told Dana couldn’t get pregnant and I was okay with that, happy even. That meant my kids would be the sole focus for their dad, but she wanted kids so I heard they tried IVF.
Dana had twins, a girl and a boy. They are now 7 years old. Dana and Mark decided that because they only have my kids two nights a month and for 1 week every school holiday, 2 weeks over Christmas (I moved 4 hours away after Mark and I separated) the girls could all share a single room.
Before this, the twins would sleep in Dana and Mark’s living space on a fold-out lounge.
When I heard about this after my kids came back from holidays I was so angry. Dana explained that the room is a double bedroom and fits 3 single beds and a set of drawers for each girl, they have also placed room dividers between the beds for ‘privacy’.
She claimed that since the other two rooms are a bit smaller and the twins live there full time and have more items it made more sense.
When I spoke to Mark he said that they are about to start building an ‘add’ on room attached to the second living space that will have another two bedrooms, but they will be a little smaller in size than the twins’ room.
Mark got really angry when I told him the twins should be the ones staying in the added rooms. My kids are getting treated like less than compared to Dana’s kids.
I told my kids that until Mark and Dana agree to my suggestion I don’t want to send them to their Dad’s.
My kids are really angry, my eldest called me a jerk, and they want to see their half-siblings and ‘family’. I am doing this for them but AITJ in this situation?”
Another User Comments:
“YTJ. Your children are there literally two nights a month. They do not need their own room to sit empty while other younger children who are there FULL-time are subjected to what you incorrectly believe your children are being put through.
You’re being petty and vindictive and it’s coming across as a problem with his new wife and kids and that’s not a good look.
Your children are not being treated badly. Except by you. They told you that you’re being unreasonable and unfair.
Stop acting like a jealous ex who is superior and above literal children (LOL, you sound unhinged with that, in my opinion) and you’ll make some progress.” Fallingfromthursday
Another User Comments:
“YTJ. Your bitterness towards your ex and his wife affected your view on this matter drastically.
They are perfectly logical. Your kids don’t need more space than the twins in that house because they are not gonna use that extra space. They already have their own space in your house (I assume?!). The twins who actually live there full-time obviously need larger rooms.
At this point, I’m just repeating what they’ve already told you. What they said completely makes sense.
In fact, it is so generous of them to decide to add another two bedrooms just to make sure they’ve done everything right. You need to move on with your life and get over your resentment towards your ex and his family.” Obvious_Ad_8068
21. AITJ For Defending My Wife Against My Sister?
“My sister and her husband are going through very public marital issues. To give you the condensed version, basically, my BIL was caught having an affair by my wife during an event where she happened to be working (she is a bartender).
My wife immediately told my sister, (in PRIVATE, without telling my BIL that she knew) and my sister proceeded to get very angry with my wife, accusing her of ‘ruining her marriage.’ This culminated in my sister breaking down and screaming at my wife during a family dinner; calling her a ‘flirt who likes to break up marriages,’ and a ‘person with no hobbies.’ My sister’s very public rant about my wife led to my BIL admitting, in front of my family members, that he had an affair.
This, of course, led to more drama.
This all happened a few months ago and as far as I can tell, my sister and her husband are not going to split up.
After this whole situation, I decided to distance myself from my family for a little bit.
I thought that my sister needed time to process everything – and I didn’t think it was fair to my wife to subject her to my sister’s rage. I sent a long text message essentially telling her that I wanted her to sincerely apologize to my wife.
My sister apologized and I thought that it would be the end of that.
My dad invited my wife and me to celebrate his birthday at his place. I knew that everyone would be there, including my sister and her husband, so I was a bit hesitant to go, but my wife assured me that everything would be alright.
To start, everything was going well. My sister practically avoided us (which I didn’t mind) and my BIL was glued to her side the entire time so we didn’t really face any drama. Everyone was cordial towards one another and no one mentioned my BIL’s infidelity.
At one point, I think my wife asked my BIL to move over so that she could sit down (she is currently on crutches), and my BIL got her a chair and helped her sit down. My sister got extremely mad at my wife for ‘being too friendly with her man.’ (Her exact words)
My wife was confused and explained that she just wanted a seat, but my sister wasn’t having any of it. She started full-on yelling at my wife for ‘doing what she always does’ and ‘ruining other people’s relationships.’ My sister has a loud voice, so literally everyone stopped and looked at her and my wife.
My wife looked pretty embarrassed and just muttered a ‘sorry,’ and even wanted to go stand up, but I butted in and told my sister to stop yelling at my wife and to stop acting ‘extremely insecure in front of other women and go for counseling or something.’
For whatever reason, my sister ran out of the room crying after that and my wife and I left soon after.
My BIL texted an apology on behalf of my sister but told me that I was a little rude and that I should apologize.
My wife thinks that I may have been too harsh. My entire family is split, some saying that I was too mean to her. AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ
Your sister is ‘killing the messenger’ and taking out the anger she should be feeling towards her husband on your wife.
She’s completely in the wrong. Your sister needs some counseling to help her redirect and refocus the resentment and embarrassment she’s feeling and to learn how to move past it.” CaptNeefieNoo
Another User Comments:
“NTJ NTJ NTJ NTJ
You don’t owe anyone an apology for standing up for your wife who did nothing wrong initially or at your father’s party.
That’s literally your job as a husband, to have her back (and her job to you as your wife). If you feel like you owe your wife an apology for escalating a situation where she was already embarrassed that’s fine but that’s a private matter between the two of you and you owe the rest of them nothing.” OpinionatedTradWife
20. AITJ For Calling My Cousins Ungrateful Little Jerks On Their Birthday?
“Recently, one of my uncles had gotten remarried and we’d gained a few new step-cousins, including a pair of twin girls.
I wouldn’t say my uncle is filthy rich but he has a well-paying job and makes six figures. He has been divorced 2 times previously. With his new wife and her children, they have already bought themselves 3 luxury vehicles, countless designer bags, and too many pieces of jewelry to count, not to mention the $500,000 wedding and honeymoon.
One of our aunts is in her late 70s and is very loved and respected in our family. She knows everyone from the start of our bloodline to the most recent baby from a cousin I’ve never even heard of, needless to say, she’s quite important to us.
For every birthday for as long as I can remember, she has made us handmade gifts. She asks the person what kind of gift they would want and spends hours trying to learn techniques to make a handcrafted gift made of love. She’s made everything from candles to dresses that she’d spend hours beading by hand.
A few days ago was the twins’ birthday, and of course about a week prior to their scheduled birthday party, my aunt went to ask what kind of presents they would like. This was their first birthday in the family so she wanted to make it special. The girls asked for the newest clutches from some overpriced designer brand.
Of course, my aunt could not possibly afford that but she just agreed and left.
The day of the party comes and everyone is having a good time. My aunt walks in with two gift bags and hands them to the girls. They open them, discarding the bags and tissue paper on the floor, and pull out two beautiful silk clutches.
They look at my aunt confused and angry and she explains that she couldn’t afford the ones they wanted but she looked them up and made them from scratch. They looked amazing for something she just made at home, you could tell she put a lot of work into them.
The girls start screaming at her saying that it looks like trash and they would never be caught dead holding those things in public. My aunt looked startled and on the verge of tears.
I butted in and called them ungrateful little jerks who have got a lot of nerve to say stuff like that to a person who is more important to our family than they will ever be.
I picked up the clutches that they threw on the ground and followed my parents and brother to leave after telling my aunt we would give her a ride home. She later thanked me for defending her but my mom thought I took it too far and said that I should apologize to them since it was their birthday.
They took to social media saying that I ruined their birthday party and that the mood was ruined after I made a scene. My uncle is demanding an apology from me but I haven’t said much to them since then. My dad and brother are on my side along with almost the entirety of our family.
I don’t regret what I did. Should I? AlTJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ
The response from the twins was beyond disgusting and your uncle is a jerk for condoning the abuse they dished at his own sister. Being birthday girls doesn’t give you any right to behave the way they did even if they dislike the present given.
This shows how uncouth they are and says a lot about their upbringing, entitled pampered brats. Don’t apologize and have your mother rethink the entire thing before deciding again if you were truly harsh or not. To be honest, you were too nice to them and should blast them out on social media.” denasher
Another User Comments:
“NTJ
Your aunt reminds me of one of my late great-aunts. A beautiful person. She deserves to have her family stand up for her against two ungrateful little girls who are barely family in the first place. Clearly, their mother did not teach them manners and your uncle is delusional for thinking they deserve an apology.
Personally, I am petty and I would go on their social and explain how they made an elderly woman cry by being disrespectful and ungrateful towards their handmade gifts. When people go low, I go lower. But that’s just me. LOL.” Mysterious-Catch2480
19. AITJ For Wanting People To Ask For Our Permission Before Using Our Pool?
“I (23F) and my wife (26F) purchased ourselves a pool to keep us cool in the UK heatwave. We live in an Annex next to my grandparents’ house and my uncle who is staying with them at the moment.
My uncle has two children who visit a couple of times a week. We said when we got the pool that we were more than happy for the children to enjoy it while they visited but as long as they were supervised the whole time and that permission was asked.
Fast forward to having the pool for less than 24 hours, we went outside during the amber warning to see that the children were playing in the pool, alone and nobody had asked us if it was okay. If anyone had asked us beforehand our answer would have been yes but we feel it’s respectful and courteous to ask anyway.
My wife and I explained to my uncle and grandparents that we hadn’t asked for much other than for the children to be supervised and for someone to ask permission. After stating this my uncle whipped the children out of the pool, told them they couldn’t use it anymore because we wouldn’t let them, and proceeded to tell us that his children (ages 3 & 6) do not need supervision in an 8ft swimming pool.
My grandmother then got pretty angry at me and my wife for saying the above telling me that nothing is good enough for me. She then went on to try to make excuses for not asking by saying she didn’t do so because our bedroom windows were closed (we did this to keep the heat out) even though she and I had already exchanged a trivial text conversation less than an hour beforehand.
We have now been given the cold shoulder all day and want to know am I the jerk for asking respect and permission to use our own belongings?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Children have drowned in centimeters of water. All children need to be supervised when swimming.
Pretty sure it will be written on the side of the pool too. (It is on our pools in my country) and pool aside there is no way a 3 or a 6-year-old should be out of the sight of an adult anyway while they are outside if there is no fenced yard etc. That is just lazy parenting and your uncle wanting someone else to be responsible for his kids.” User
Another User Comments:
“NTJ – First of all, your uncle needs to be more responsible with his children. It doesn’t take a lot of water or time for a 3-year-old to drown. Children that young should not be around any water without supervision. Even if your uncle wasn’t being negligent, you still would not be the jerk.
It is your property and your pool, and they should have asked you before using it.” Lune-scape
18. AITJ For Telling My Mom's Coworker To Stop Talking About My Brother To Her?
“I (17F) have 3 older brothers: Greg (30), Devin (27), and Sully (25).
We’re also super close despite our obvious age gap and one thing we have in common is our dysfunctional relationship with our mom, Melissa (48).
Mom has always been bad-tempered; a minor inconvenience and suddenly we have ashtrays smashed around the place and things flying around the house, all from when she and my dad divorced 15 years ago, forcing a chronic drinking addiction onto us ever since – dad’s criminal record stopped him from gaining full custody.
Because of this, Greg and Devin moved out, Devin distancing himself while Greg cut off contact permanently, resulting in him getting a partner and having a little girl, Brynn-Leigh (aged 6). Now only me and Sully live at home and are more independent as Sully’s moving out soon to live with his partner while I wait another year before I leave.
Since then, Greg has become single again and has recently started seeing a girl, Madison (28) who works with my mom as a dental nurse. When I first met her, I thought she was kind and super sweet but since her getting it on with my brother, I’ve noticed another side.
Madison and Mom are super close as she doesn’t see her the way we do, and when I go there to meet Mom from work, I tend to find them gossiping about Greg and stuff he does, and from the top of my head:
- They hooked up on the couch
- One morning she got up and he was eating dry bread on his own – he was clearly still wasted from the night before.
- He put colors in his wash with whites and they came out pink – he’s quite severely color-blind.
- He struggles to read – he’s also dyslexic.
- Talking about how he slid into her DMs.
She was telling her about every little thing he does, tattling on him when he’s doing nothing bad or harming anyone, purely just a dude adjusting to single life, and one day, I’d had enough and asked her: ‘Has Greg told you that you’re allowed to talk about him to the mother he cut off contact with?’
‘What?’
‘Didn’t think so. Please stop tattling on a 30-year-old adult with a child who’s just living his life, I’m pretty sure you wouldn’t like him to be telling every little detail of your love and personal life to your mom now?’
She glared at me and when I got home, Mom blew up, saying that Maddie had every right to tell her what her sons were up to since he couldn’t be bothered to pick up the phone, to which I responded that Maddie was being a child by telling her every little detail of his life when it’s none of her concern.
Everyone, including my dad, is on my side but Maddie, Mom, and her co-workers are saying I’m in the wrong so I want some strangers’ opinions?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ
OP, I think it’s time you did some tattling yourself.
If Greg doesn’t know that Maddie is reporting his business to his mom, then he should.
Maybe he’s aware and doesn’t care. Maybe he thinks they don’t know each other.
It would be best to check to be sure. Try not to jump into accusations though.
‘Hey, bro! You know, I didn’t know that Mom and Maddie were such close friends.
They talk so much whenever I drop in to visit Mom at the dentist’s office.’
If he responds positively (‘Oh, yeah, it’s weird, but she can talk to whomever she wants’), then leave it at that.
If he has no idea and is upset about it, then it’s a good thing you told him.” NotSoAverage_sister
Another User Comments:
“NTJ
Have you told your brother about this? She has placed her priorities as her fun gossip sessions FIRST, your mom SECOND and your bro LAST.
He needs to find someone not enmeshed with his mom, or he will be incredibly miserable in a super short time.
Someone who will put him and his child FIRST and consider everyone else he is related to, EXTENDED family. He needs a real partner, someone who will HAVE his back, not STAB him in it. They clearly don’t have the same values and anyone who would be so adoring of someone who was horribly abusive needs to go live with Mommy, and find a new man.
This is a horrible way to live. You’re a good sister.” AbbyFB6969
I get that dad couldn't get custody of you when you were younger but surely at 17 your old enough to move in with him if possible and cut mom off too now. Leave her to the misery she enjoys. But please tell brother exactly what's been going on and straight away
17. WIBTJ If I Wear My Period Dress When I Drive My Brother To The Mall?
“I (19f) have a thirteen-year-old brother named Milo. Milo is a nice kid with a close group of friends. Since Milo is too young to drive, and our parents work, I am usually the one to drive him to his meetups.
Milo and his friends want to go to the mall next Friday. I said ok since I’m planning on catching the Downton Abbey movie with some friends that day.
Well, earlier my mom pulled me aside and asked what I was going to wear Friday.
I am a history student and I go historybounding as a hobby. Plus my friends and I like to dress up in period clothes when we see a movie set in the past (ex 20s dress for Death on the Nile and Fantastic Beasts 3, Viking-inspired costumes for The Northman.).
We are huge Downton Abbey fans, so of course we’re going in the appropriate dress. Why shouldn’t we?
My mom asked that I wear ‘normal’ clothes to see Downton Abbey. Apparently, some of Milo’s friends and classmates got wind of my hobby and started making fun of him for having a weird sister who is always wearing bustles and corsets and flapper dresses everywhere.
I get that Milo is upset about the bullying. Middle school sucks. But I am not changing how I dress to appease some grade school bullies.
Not to mention, it’s Downton Abbey. I and my friends have been dying to see this movie and I have a dress I really want to wear to see it.
My mom is asking me to please consider Milo’s feelings and to please wear something ‘normal’ when I take him to the mall.
I told her I’d think about it, but she is still haranguing me about the issue. I have until Thursday to decide.
WIBTJ if I go with my original plan to wear my 1930s dress when I take Milo out this weekend?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ
Milo needs a favor from you to drive him to the mall.
He doesn’t get to decide what you wear while doing him a favor.
If Milo doesn’t want to get a ride with you while you’re in the clothes that make you happy, he can get a ride with his friends. If your mum cares so much about him not being seen with your dress she can take him herself.” User
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Your hobby sounds fantastic! You are being a good sister by helping drive your brother to the things he wants to do while your parents are working. You are doing him and them a favor and it’s not right for them to use that to try and impose further and try to limit what you want to do because your brother’s friends are acting poorly.” NeeliSilverleaf
16. AITJ For Clapping Back At My Brother For Commenting On My Partner's Pregnancy?
“My partner, ‘Tiana,’ and I are expecting our first child in two months.
Despite being 7 months along, Tiana barely looks pregnant. She doesn’t have much of a visible baby bump and many don’t assume that she’s pregnant – let alone that she’s expecting very soon.
My family is not very fond of Tiana. When we first announced that we were having a child, their first reaction was to accuse Tiana of baby-trapping me or manipulating me.
Since then, I’ve only spoken to them when necessary.
My mum invited Tiana and me for my grandmother’s 80th birthday. It was going to be a huge event, with most, if not all of my family in attendance. I was very hesitant to go, but Tiana said that we could go for a few hours – just to see how everyone was doing – and then leave once we got tired.
When we got there, Tiana’s pregnancy was the topic of the day – which I expected, but my mum and brother kept constantly bringing up her lack of a bump. According to them, Tiana is lying to everyone about her pregnancy for money/attention.
While everyone else seemed happy for us, my brother was snickering in the corner about how ‘she definitely isn’t pregnant.’
It got very annoying very quickly.
Every opportunity he got, my brother would mention how Tiana was ‘playing’ me or accusing her of not eating enough intentionally in order to not ‘grow a bump.’ Some family members were laughing, but some of them seemed to be over my brother’s constant comments.
After each comment, I had to tell him to shut up and focus on his own life, but my mum would always defend him and be willing to start a big scene, which Tiana advised me against.
Tiana was a little unbothered, so we decided to stay for food and then leave.
As we were sitting down to eat, my brother made a joke about inducing labor to check if she was ‘really pregnant.’ Tiana looked shocked, and I think most people were stunned by his joke. Instead of getting mad, I said, ‘I understand that you have a weird thing for pregnant women, but I’m eating and I don’t want to hear about your fantasies.’
He seemed to get very annoyed by that and stormed off and locked himself in a bedroom somewhere. I left before he came back, but everyone (my mum and a few of my family members) told me that my comment was extremely inappropriate at a family gathering and I should apologize to him.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. He was extremely inappropriate all night and wouldn’t stop despite you constantly telling him to. Your mother was enabling him and no one else was telling him to stop, so they clearly thought all of his inappropriate comments were acceptable in some fashion even the one about inducing a premature labor.
That isn’t funny. That’s rude, cruel, inappropriate, and insensitive. And, while they looked shocked, no one else tried to stop him.
He got ‘upset’ and threw a temper tantrum when you finally had enough because he knew there would be pressure on you to apologize even though you weren’t the party at fault.
You need to have a serious sit-down conversation that if your brother can’t behave and your mother keeps enabling him you’re going no contact, because these comments aren’t going to stop.
In fact, they’re probably going to get worse. It’s going to escalate from what it is now to more grandiose things like the baby isn’t even yours, so why did you keep it.
They aren’t going to let it go. Especially since they’ve never liked your partner. They’re going to keep trying to drive a wedge between you and being extremely inappropriate about it.” MelodicHunter
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. You didn’t push it, your brother and mom did.
Do they really think she’s been playing you for 7 months and you didn’t suspect a thing?
Focusing on anyone’s body is disgusting and inappropriate, and it’s worse if it’s a pregnant woman. There are enough physical and hormonal changes in pregnancy going on without added stress.
If the woman wants to focus attention on her condition fine.
I worked as a nurse and some women who came in about to crown just carried toward the back and had a slender body habitus so they looked about 5 months in a larger woman.
There’s nothing unhealthy or unusual about it. The ‘joke’ about inducing labor was horrific and should have been shut down right away with an apology to the mom. I’m even more horrified that your mother, who has been pregnant, allowed that to go unchallenged.
Sounds like locked in a bedroom is where your brother should stay for the next few family gatherings until he learns to be appropriate.
Congratulations to both of you on starting a family!” Glum-Ad-4736
15. AITJ For Quitting My Job Because My Boss Tried To Make Me Come To Work On My Day Off?
“I (21F) just quit my job of two years because of a situation with my boss, I want to add that my day off has always been Wednesday.
Well, I got a call at 9:00 a.m. to see if I could cover his sister-in-law’s shift because she wasn’t feeling good. Normally I would go to work on my day off to cover anyone who couldn’t make it but this was 30 minutes before the store would open and we had to be there at 9 am to get the store ready.
Also, I didn’t have time to take my son (3) to daycare, I said no because I had to go see my mom in the hospital (she’s been having heart problems, already has diabetes and passed out and has been in the hospital a few days).
Well, when I said no he was silent and then said ‘Well to be honest with you, that’s not my problem. I don’t want the next time you can’t work to be this excuse again’. I tried reminding him it was my day off but he had hung up.
I just went about my day visiting my mom, and around 10 am I saw his sister-in-law post a picture of her with her sister, my boss, and their kids with the caption ‘breakfast with the family’. I sent him a message saying that I know my mom being sick isn’t his problem but trying to get me to cover his sister-in-law’s shift just so they could go out for breakfast wasn’t the way to go about getting me to come into work on my day off.
He tried lying and saying they didn’t go out and I just sent him the picture and told him I wouldn’t be coming back to work anymore. Now I’m getting messages from my old coworkers, his wife, and sister-in-law telling me that I could’ve just gone to see my mom another day and I made it into a big deal for no reason so AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“So let me get this straight… you have an agreement that Wednesday is your day off. You get a call on that specific day if you could come to work anyway (which is fair and can happen sometimes) and it is somehow your problem now?
Oh, you are NTJ.
Next is the entire reason for quitting, for me it’s dishonest behavior. To them saying you could have visited your mom some other day… first of all no, any other you would be working. And it never occurred to the person who was absent to schedule her breakfast party for another day?
That and when you take a day off outside of your schedule, you typically have to give notice a couple of days beforehand. There is no way your ex-boss wouldn’t know this on at least Tuesday.
In the end, you had plans that Wednesday, so too bad.” QuakeNLD
Another User Comments:
“NTJ – this is blatant nepotism which there are laws against in many places – they’re also awfully hypocritical since they could have done breakfast a different day! Your mom is in the hospital and it was your day off!
Bosses like this guy who act like they own all of your time are the reason why businesses are now struggling to have a full staff.
Employees are fed up with employers like this and the only way a change will come is through people quitting and showing them that their behavior won’t be tolerated.
He went to breakfast and you served him his just deserts.” ScrevyRevington
14. AITJ For Keeping The Bigger Room?
“My 5 friends and I have decided for the second year of uni that we would live together.
Quite early on, we decided what rooms would belong to each of us.
I would have room 6 which is a relatively spacious room with a double bed! The only one in the property.
For this, I would be paying more than the others. This was not set out contractually but I decided it would be more fair.
This room was good for me because a double bed would be nice (never had one before) and there was enough room for my desktop computer (I’m the only one without a laptop as I cannot afford one).
And there would also be space for my sewing machine.
Last week, one of my friends (18 nb) decided it was really unfair for me to have that much room and suggested we swap. They said it would make more sense for them to have the room because they are autistic and spend a lot of time in their room as a result, especially when overwhelmed.
I said no and that we had agreed on this months ago. I would be paying quite a bit more for my room than they would. They cannot afford the rate I would be paying for the room and thought that I would be willing to pay the same amount while ending up in the smallest room in the house.
They said I was selfish and discriminatory as it wasn’t their fault they couldn’t afford the higher rate and because they have autism they need more space.
We haven’t moved in yet and I wanted to see if I’m a jerk and if I should give up the room but still pay more.
Both of us will be receiving the same amount of money (we both qualify for the full maintenance loan but they have to send some of that money home and pay for their subscription services.) So they know exactly how much money I have and they think because I’ll have more, I should pay more than them.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ – You pay more, you get the bigger space.
I would take it to a vote of the roommates. Whoever wants the room pays more for it period.
Not sure why your future roommate thinks you should subsidize their living arrangements because they are autistic.
Anyway, I would think twice after this about rooming with them. Not because they have autism but because they sound like an entitled jerk.” User
Another User Comments:
“NTJ
As a fellow autistic person, I am firmly on your side here.
This person is weaponizing their disability against you.
It would be one thing if they could afford the price that you’re paying for the room but they can’t. The fact that they are autistic has no correlation to their desire for a different room regardless of how much or how little time they spend in their room, if this upsets them so greatly then they should consider therapy or consider learning some coping skills.” VulpineGF
13. AITJ For Making A Family With A Baby Move Seats At The Cinema?
“So my husband and I went to the movies for this big action release, he’d really been looking forward to this movie so I bought us tickets online in advance exactly where he likes to sit.
When we got to the theater it was crowded and the first trailer had started but as we scanned the sea of people we realized the seats we reserved were full.
Right in the middle, halfway up, our seats were occupied by a young woman and man with an under-one-year-old baby in their arms.
We tried looking for other seats but the only ones available were right up on the screen and my least favorite spot to sit.
My husband moved to speak with the couple but when asked to move so we could sit in the seats we paid for, the woman got loud and told us to sit somewhere else, they’d paid for their tickets just like us and got there early to get good seats.
To say I was irate is an understatement. I showed her my phone screen which clearly showed she was sitting in our seats and she shrugged her shoulders and told us to make her move. At this point, we were making a scene and upsetting the other moviegoers.
Telling my husband I’d be right back, I went and got an attendant, claiming I needed his help finding our seats. When he came to our section he asked the man and woman to move as the seats they were in had been reserved by us and their seats, according to the tickets they showed him to prove they did buy tickets, were at the front of the theater.
The woman huffed but packed up her kid’s stuff and they moved to their seats.
We got some side-eye and ugly mumbles about making a baby move (it was a freaking rated R movie), but ultimately enjoyed the movie. My husband asked me later if I felt I had gone overboard and if we should have just bought new tickets for another time.
I told him no, the whole point of buying the tickets online was to get decent seats without having to be there super early.
Am I the jerk?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. As a mom of twins who are under 1 year old, my opinion is that they had no business being there with the baby in the first place!
And if all that was available were seats at the front of the theatre, it was on them to buy tickets for another time if they did not want to sit there. You are right. The whole point of buying tickets online and reserving your seats is so you do not have to get there early to claim seats.
That’s why most movie theaters do reserve seating these days!” MarketingArtistic925
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Listen: don’t confuse a confrontation with being a jerk. Sometimes confrontation is necessary to get things you want. Notice, that doesn’t mean being rude (which you weren’t in this case), it simply means being polite but firm.
You did the exact right thing. You asked them first and then you got an attendant.
More people need to be like you. If everyone just accepts when jerks break the rules, the aggressive jerks get what they want, and the timid miss out.” hornsupguys
12. WIBTJ If I Tell Mom To Stop Calling My Baby Her Own?
“My mother (60F) and I (33F) have a difficult relationship. My father died just before I was born, so she raised me, her only child, alone – for a while.
I was 16 years old when she moved an hour away to live with a guy she’d been seeing for 2 months. Our mortgage had been paid off by my grandparents, so she kept paying utilities and otherwise left me to live there alone, reasoning that I was mature enough to handle it.
I bounced between my grandmother’s and aunts’ homes to have some semblance of family, but I always knew I was an afterthought or worse, an act of charity.
My mom married that guy, who had already alienated his own children enough that they didn’t speak to him.
He convinced her I was a leech for needing her support, AKA the utilities she was paying. I was 17 and working two jobs to buy groceries, pay for school activities (I was in many to try to secure scholarships), and save for college, since she had no plans to help.
Because of the way he characterized me, she stopped speaking to me and stopped paying for anything, so my grandparents took over until I went to school.
He died suddenly 3 years ago and, surprise surprise, my mom is now shocked to find herself alone and wants to be in my life.
This is especially true with regard to my newborn son. My mom seems to understand that there’s little chance of me ever trusting her again, even if I forgive her, so she’s channeling everything into my boy.
But she’s going too far.
She talks nonstop about how stressful my long, dangerous labor was on her (she was 400 miles away at the time), so much so that she couldn’t work or hang out with friends. She takes credit for his milestones and says it’s because she dotes on him (duh, we all do).
She talks constantly about their bond and how much she held him in his first 2 weeks when I was recovering from labor. Worst, at least for me, is that she refers to my son as ‘my kid’ and ‘my boy.’ This makes me see red. He’s my and my wife’s first child, and my mom is centering herself completely.
I know I have a lot of unresolved hurt here, so maybe I’m being unreasonable. So, WIBTJ for telling her to stop referring to him as hers, except to say he’s her grandson?”
Another User Comments:
“OP, you are definitely NTJ in any of this!
Your ‘mother’ made her decision when you were still young (16), and now expects you to forget that and let her back. If I had been in the same situation, I would politely but firmly tell her, ‘You left me when I was most in need. You were several hundred miles away when I struggled with the birth of MY child here (apologies for the insensitivity in giving birth).
You had one chance, and failed miserably.'” Poes_Raven_Nevermore
Another User Comments:
“NTJ – please go grey rock or put mum on an information diet. Every piece of information is food for her ego.
Also, considering what she did to you, why on earth would you trust her with your son?
How is she doting on him, holding him? Your job is to protect your child – if you don’t trust her, how do you explain the relationship?
She doesn’t want a relationship, she wants fuel.” ContributionIcy5832
11. AITJ For Encouraging A Child's Curiosity About Historical Events?
“So I used to work in childcare, and I looked after children aged 3-5 years old.
One boy, we’ll call him Nathan, (age 5) had parents who worked full-time, and so all he wanted to do was sit on my lap and be read stories.
He loved animals, specifically the ‘scary’ dangerous ones, and so one day I brought in a book about sharks. One of the pages talked about what to do if you were in the water with a shark, and he was so fascinated. He was telling other kids about the survival tactics that very same day.
Gradually, Nathan wanted to know about more things that were ‘scary’ like sharks. We talked about bears, snakes, spiders, and then events.
He saw a picture of a pyramid in one of my books, and so I told him about ancient Egypt, how they made mummies (in child-friendly terms), and why.
He loved this topic, and so I started to introduce other historical events. We talked about the Titanic (minus the tragic deaths of hundreds) and how and why it sank. We even talked about Mount Everest and the trials of climbing it, I made sure that none of our conversations broached topics of anything graphic.
Nathan LOVED all of this, and constantly asked questions, always disappointed when break time was over.
One day another teacher walked by while I was talking to Nathan (and a small group of other interested 5-year-olds that I had amassed by this point) about the convicts and the first people who came to Australia (where we are located).
She immediately asked to speak to me inside and told me that these topics weren’t appropriate for the 5-year-olds. I explained that I was explaining everything in a very child-friendly way, and was only answering their questions about what they were interested in, and had brought up themselves.
She told me that it is not appropriate for children to have these interests, and that is what ‘big school’ is for.
AITJ for telling children about our history when they asked?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ – you are encouraging their curiosity, and they clearly love it.
Some people feel that kids need to be shielded from everything. As long as you are giving answers that are appropriate for their age (not telling them all the people that died for example) you are doing exactly what you should be doing. Nathan sounds like an awesome kid – keep his curiosity going.
So often their curiosity is stifled by adults like this teacher. Also, life is a ‘big school’ – sheesh!” ImportantCarrot4746
Another User Comments:
“NTJ – especially since the topic stays in the Men vs. Nature realm. I do think some historical events aren’t yet to be told to children (specifically Men vs.
Men), but so far, many topics you’ve mentioned even have children’s books made about them! A curious kid should be satisfied and an interest in those kinds of topics just seems like healthy kid stuff. I remember being extremely into shipwrecks at that age. LOL.” ILikeSealsALot
10. AITJ For Not Sharing My Lottery Winnings?
“The sum I won in the lottery was nearly £70,000. When I won I was living in London. For those not from London I’ll add that property is extremely expensive there. My lottery win would not even cover a down payment. I’d need close to double it for a good down payment.
Before I won I had made peace with not owning until I was retired and maybe not even then and definitely not in London. I’m not yet 30 so it’s a long way off. I lived in a small flat with 3 others far away from my workplace because it was all I could afford.
Once I won I searched for properties around the UK that I could afford. I looked for remote employment or employment in those places and once I got a new job I bought a house in North Yorkshire using my winnings. It’s modest but the area is nice and I don’t have to worry about mortgage payments.
My parents and my brother say I should have shared my winnings with them. My parents are both employed and they are nearing retirement. They could afford to buy property if they moved out of London but they don’t want to leave. My brother lives with them and he isn’t employed, he relies on their support and has been on benefits in the past. He has no impairment that stops him from being physically/mentally able to work.
He also has no desire to leave London.
If I had won a large sum such as millions I definitely would have shared. But as the amount was modest I don’t have any left after purchasing my house. I’m saving for a car and my furniture and appliances were mostly preowned and not new.
I’ve been accused by them of turning my back on my family and being selfish by not sharing. We never had any problems before my win.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. 70k isn’t even a year’s salary for a lot of people, certainly not in London anyway.
Your parents and brother are being incredibly greedy. This is why I would never even tell people if I won the lottery, be it £5k or £5m. I might buy people gifts and claim I got a nice bonus this year, but I wouldn’t tell them I had won it.
Once it’s something you’ve won, everyone seems to think they have a claim.” nibbler981
Another User Comments:
“NTJ – Your family is not entitled to anything, it doesn’t matter if you worked for it or won it. You did what was best for you and that’s all that matters.
As for your brother, he doesn’t get a say in what anyone does with their finances since he mooches off your parents. If your relationship is based on finances then you are better off without them. Live your life and be happy with the choices that you made.” TypicalAd3575
9. AITJ For Not Giving Free Formula To A Demanding Parent?
“With the formula shortage, I’ve been receiving formula from family and friends. Sometimes kinds that my baby doesn’t use so I go ahead and post the formula we don’t need on social media/OfferUp for free to a parent in need. I’ve given away quite a few cans of formula most of them sample cans.
Recently I had 3 different types of formula for free on OfferUp. One was sensitive, hypoallergenic, and a normal type. So I got a message from a parent asking if they were still available which they were at the time. And I asked which one they needed and they said all 3.
That they just needed any kind of formula because their baby goes through it like crazy. So to me, that’s kinda a red flag because babies are very sensitive and I was told you can’t just give a baby any type of formula especially ones that were special kinds.
But I could be wrong (I’m a first-time parent and my baby is very young still).
So I went ahead and messaged back that I was specifically looking to give these away to parents who knew what kind of formula they needed. Mainly because if that baby didn’t take to any of the formula then the formula that they didn’t use was gonna be wasted. They responded that they just needed any formula.
To which I told them that I was sorry and explained why I wanted to give to a parent who knew their baby’s formula already and said that since their baby could use any type they have a better chance of finding formula, unlike these other parents who have a harder time since they need specific kinds.
I got no response for a few days. Then today I got a message saying ‘This is her mom and you’re a jerk!’
I’m wondering if I am the jerk because I could’ve at least given this parent one instead of giving her none.
But on the other hand, I think it’s unfair to give to this parent when they don’t even know the type they need. So AITJ for not giving this person free formula?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. You’re giving away something for free to strangers.
You are under no obligation to be ‘fair’ or ‘equitable’. She could’ve said ‘Oh, any will work, my baby isn’t particular’ which is more along the lines of what an honest person would say. Her response of wanting all of them shows she clearly doesn’t care about others in need like you do.
For her mother to come at you like that shows their true character. Saying nothing takes no effort. You’re living rent-free in their heads, don’t let them live in yours. Congrats on the baby!” safarimotormotelinn
Another User Comments:
“So – ideally, you wouldn’t swap baby formula and you’d stick with the one kind.
However, given the recent formula shortages, parents are getting desperate and are feeding their babies whatever they can get their hands on, so it is possible for someone to use 3 different types of milk-fed… saying that though, a desperate mother would have gladly taken one can if that was all that was on offer, as one would have fed baby for a few days – the fact that the attitude was kind of all or nothing would scream that she’s not really in need and potentially wanted to resell the formulas.
NTJ.” beez8383
8. AITJ For Refusing To Change My Clothing At Work?
“So I (23f) work at a small mall kiosk that showcases products from one of our larger stores. Our boss is super duper lax and my only dress code is I have to wear a black top but that can be literally anything from a turtle neck to a sports bra and workout leggings.
As long as it’s black. They also have no rules against tattoos or piercings so I have a lot of those.
The other night I was working the kiosk and it was an especially hot day so I was wearing shorts and a black crop top tank top but it wasn’t anything crazy.
What young people wear on a normal 94-degree day.
A lady in her mid to late 30s came over and told me I was dressed inappropriately and that I shouldn’t be trying to market products while looking ‘easy’.
I told her I was dressed well within my company’s dress code and even more modestly than I usually am.
She told me I needed to go change and I was dressed inappropriately and kids shouldn’t see me ‘with all those vulgar tattoos’ (none of my tattoos are vulgar they’re all fictional characters and animals).
I told her I wasn’t going to change because I wasn’t breaking my company’s dress code and if she didn’t like how I presented myself she was more than welcome to shop somewhere else.
She huffed at me and kept going for a moment before another customer told her to move as they wanted to pay.
This morning I saw a text in the work group chat about all these bad reviews that were left about ‘The Loose Redhead’ (that would be me) and how bad I was for business.
My boss asked me for a picture of my outfit that day and told me I was in the clear but pretty much all my coworkers told me I should have just put another shirt on and that I caused our business review to go down because I’m stubborn.
AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. You did not cause the review to go down. That inappropriate stranger did. You cannot and do not control the thoughts or actions of other people and are not responsible for their behavior – they are responsible for their own behavior.
This woman was rude and inappropriately pushing her personal viewpoints on you – she was not even a customer – she came over to you specifically to verbally attack you. Your boss needs to reply to that review and point out that this non-customer was out of line to attack and belittle an employee, and that it is not a review of the product or services but a personal attack.” TrainingDearest
Another User Comments:
“NTJ and I am sorry that you experienced harassment and bullying. I can’t believe that in today’s age, a woman would try to police another woman’s outfit and then leave a nasty review online. Her life has to be pretty miserable to do this.
I think the sooner you forget about her and move on, the less harm caused. Your coworkers sound young? Early in their careers? It is never a good policy to give in to bullies.” trialtestofreddit
7. AITJ For Not Kicking My Daughter Out Of Our House?
“My husband (45M) and I (46F) have a daughter (18F) who has struggled with mental health issues pretty much her entire life.
She had OCD as a child and has been seeing a psychiatrist and therapist regularly since she was about 10 years old.
By the time she was fourteen, she was diagnosed with bipolar disorder. I wasn’t surprised because my father and sister both have it and she was showing similar symptoms, but I was surprised by how young she was.
Both my father and sister were able to manage their symptoms fairly well and both hold steady, stable jobs. My daughter, at least for the foreseeable future, won’t be able to.
Her depressive and manic episodes are frequent and severe. She spent nearly all of December at home in bed which was immediately followed by her maxing out my credit card on survival gear.
When she’s not manic or severely depressed, she’s irritated and quite frankly a jerk.
School has probably been her biggest challenge because she’s either too depressed to go or too manic to care. She went to an alternative school that was accommodating but during the global crisis (when my daughter’s apocalypse fear was heightened ten-fold) we made the decision to put her in online school where we could watch her attend and do her schoolwork and where she wouldn’t be forced to get out of bed when she was depressed.
This worked until about a week ago. When I told her to start school, she told me that wasn’t necessary. I was confused and asked her what she was talking about.
Well, during her most recent manic episode, she decided that school wasn’t useful or necessary and dropped out.
My husband was much angrier than I was and demanded my daughter either get a job or move out.
His reaction upset me. Like I said, I don’t think our daughter would be able to get a job anytime soon, and if we kicked her out she would almost definitely be homeless.
I said the best option would be to send her to inpatient again where she could resume school or get her GED.
My husband said that she’s as bad as she is now because I’m enabling her behavior and that we need to put our foot down.
We argued for days before my husband just said ‘Fine, whatever.’ but we’ve barely spoken since my daughter went to inpatient. I can tell he’s still upset. AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“Everyone sucks here – just based on the information provided
Husband – the jerk for thinking mental illnesses are just something ‘to get through’.
He IS allowed to feel frustrated with the whole situation, but his response is what sets him into jerk territory.
You – a soft jerk, for not making sure that your daughter, who seems to have it more severe than your family, is in more intensive treatment adequate for her needs.
Does she need medications? More in-depth therapy counseling and life-skills development? Sounds like she’s needed more dedicated care than you both have been able to provide.” Kindly_Delicious
Another User Comments:
“No jerks here, you and your husband.
I don’t think the problem is her bipolar condition.
‘When she’s not manic or severely depressed, she’s irritated and quite frankly a jerk.’
That’s the issue. You see her as mentally ill first and foremost. Your husband sees her as a jerk first and foremost. In his eyes, even if she gets stabilized medically, she’s still a jerk and that will never change.
You two need to get together with her therapist(s) and figure out contingency plans. Your husband probably doesn’t see the situation as ever improving. To him, even if your daughter stabilizes, she’ll keep milking the situation unless she’s forced to step up. If there are plans in place, he’ll feel more in control and see this as something that can be worked through instead of an eternity of supporting someone who won’t even try.” MythologicalRiddle
Get together with her drs and professionals at the in patient facility and get a LONG TERM PLAN put in place well before she comes home.. get her re evaluated, get her on meds and when they have her stable tell her what her options are...
Take the meds EVERY DAY regardless of whether she wants to or not
Get back in school OR get a job
No more access to credit cards etc unless with you and then it's limited
OR THE OTHER OPTION
She goes into assisted living facility for young people, with mental health issues
Or she's on her own
6. AITJ For Not Telling My Friends That The Guy I'm Going Out With Is Trans?
“Two months ago I met this guy (we’ll call him Adam) and we’ve been hanging out and talking a lot.
We aren’t exclusively going out but it’s heading in that direction.
My friends haven’t met him yet, but are eager to. One of my friends (Wendy) looked him up on social media without telling me, and she saw a post from several years ago where he came out as trans.
She immediately called me asking why I didn’t mention that he was trans. I said I didn’t think it mattered. She was saying I should have told her because her sibling is trans and she would be able to support him in his transition.
I told her that her sibling’s transition has nothing to do with his transition and his being trans has absolutely nothing to do with why I like him or how I want others to view him. Wendy told me that she just didn’t like I was keeping a secret when it was clear he didn’t care.
Yes, if you know his name and look him up, he has a couple of posts about the start and major milestones in his transition, but he and I have barely even talked about it (we have but I don’t feel a need to talk about it more than he wants to because it doesn’t matter to me).
But I didn’t think it was important for other people to know, and I wanted him to have that say in when he told people. Yes, it’s online but I wasn’t expecting Wendy to look through years of his posts.
Wendy told me that because this is such a major part of who he is I should have told people, but I just don’t get why it’s such a big deal (like I do, but again it has no impact on how I see him or how I feel about him).
Is this something I should have shared? Should I be making a bigger deal about this? Wendy keeps telling me that hiding him means I don’t trust her. AITJ for not telling my friends about this part of Adam’s identity?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ
Most people can’t handle this kind of information like mature adults. The more usual reaction is, sadly, exclusion, abuse, or violence. This reaction of, ‘Ooh, he can compare notes with my other trans in my collection’ is only slightly less annoying.
It sounds like it’s far enough in his past that it’s just another footnote in his medical history rather than a dominant part of his life today.
You might want to give him a heads up that one of your friends searched him online and knows, just so he doesn’t think you outed him to them. If he wanted them to know, it should have been his news to tell.” Emotional-Ebb8321
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. It’s generally accepted that you don’t out people because it puts them at risk. Your friend who ‘wants to support’ seems icky, I’m not gonna lie, they don’t really know Adam and why would your friend want to interfere with Adam’s personal life when they have no experience themselves?
You aren’t the jerk but your friend is odd for wanting to participate so much in something that frankly doesn’t concern or involve them.” anonymous-cat-lover
5. AITJ For Leaving A Note At My Neighbor's Porch?
“Just before 2020, my childhood dog died and I went through a very rough patch of depression, and my father got me a puppy sometime later. Unfortunately, she had Parvo and was isolated for two weeks at the vet. Due to this, we never got to train her during this stage and she has become very protective of us.
She’s good around people, but not as good around other dogs and is quite reactive. I deal with this by only taking her out on her leash and I always pick her up when another dog appears so I don’t cause an issue with them fighting because she’s so rude.
About a year ago, we moved into a new complex that has quite a few families with dogs. None of them have ever been an issue and I rarely ever see them. However, quite recently, I began to encounter an elderly woman with her husky.
We have a dog park nearby and her husky is very well-trained, so she doesn’t keep him on leash. He very rarely approaches, but to keep my dog from starting trouble, I always pick her up. I’ve run into this woman over a dozen times and a few of the times I happened to be on the side of the building where her apartment is, so I saw her come out and did my usual pick-up method.
Anyway, just about twenty minutes ago, I was walking my dog and she emerged to take hers to the dog park. As usual, I picked up my dog. I think she assumed that I believed her dog was aggressive, so she explained that he doesn’t wear a collar but has a shock collar.
I explain that I understand, but my dog is quite reactive. However, the conversation didn’t go on for very long as her husky approached and my dog reacted a bit, so she took him away.
Now, something to note is that I have some social anxiety, and physical conversation with strangers isn’t always easy for me.
So, I took my dog inside once she peed and I wrote a quick note, explaining that I didn’t think her dog was aggressive, that my dog was just reactive towards other animals, and that I didn’t want her to start a fight.
My mother stopped me on my way out and asked where I was going, and when I explained, she looked confused and said ‘That’s ridiculous.’
In any case, I took the note and left it next to a flower pot on her porch, and came back.
When I got back, my mother said that I could be interpreted as a stalker, that she ‘would never do that’, and that I shouldn’t have done it either.
So now I don’t know if what I did was wrong. I know my dog isn’t the best in terms of her training and I just don’t want to make an elderly woman think her neighbor is a jerk because I try and avoid her dog.
I just want to know if I overstepped and was a jerk or if what I did was okay.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ! You handled it beautifully. I’d definitely still work on training her. Get with a trainer to get some ideas, and being friends with the neighbor husky perhaps they will be willing to help in small ways too.
Like taking walks at the same time and allowing the dogs to get closer after several days etc. Huskies can be crazy but anytime we are at the dog park they seem to try to correct non-pack behavior from other dogs pretty fast. My pup’s biggest fear is being left out of the play circle.” Banditsmisfits
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. You just left her a note, you didn’t wait for her on her porch to return (that would have been creepy). It makes sense to explain your dog’s behavior so others will know how to behave with their dogs around her.” Certain-Artichoke-72
4. AITJ For Not Wanting To Attend Family Gatherings If My Half-Siblings Are There?
“I’m currently expecting my (27f) first child with my husband and this is a discussion I had with my parents recently.
There is background to this first though; My mom has been married twice. The first time, she was married for 9 years and had my three half-siblings with husband #1.
He died and my mom met my dad. My half-siblings have not changed how they felt about my dad from the first day they met him to now. He was always unwanted, always made to be the outsider. He never pushed to be a dad or to be called anything.
Even they will say that to people. But they simply did not want someone else married to their mom and were not willing to be a family with ‘random people’ after their dad died. To them, their nuclear childhood family ended with the death of their dad.
My mom and dad had me and my brother (29m) and we both knew we were not important to our half-siblings. We knew they did not acknowledge us as siblings even. And we could see that they never cared about us or our dad. It hurt a lot as a kid.
I didn’t get why they were so against the idea of us being siblings or why they didn’t want to even be friends with my dad. We were never invited to their weddings or to their baby showers. And they would show up at family functions and ignore us if they knew enough people there, otherwise, they were no-shows.
This has led me to want to focus more on my husband’s family for my child. They are good, kind people. They are better people than I ever expected to have in my life. And I feel like they will be the people there for my child, who will build my child and any future children up.
So I am no longer going to attend functions where my half-siblings will be present. But more than that, they will not get any invite to anything hosted by my husband and me.
I know my parents want to pretend like things are okay, and nobody is bothered by the stuff with my half-siblings.
They want to believe therapy when my half-siblings were kids and loving them is enough. But it’s not. And I told them I would not put my child into the mix of rejection by people who are supposed to be family. That I did not want my child to be othered before they were even born, simply because they were born to me.
So I decided to no longer include them (half-siblings). My parents were very upset by this. So my grandma (mom’s mom) and Aunt Linda and Jane (mom’s sisters) told me I was being a jerk for no reason. That everyone else has accepted this is just the way things are and are willing to deal with them for the people they love.
AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ
Why are your parents upset about this? You’ve already stated that not inviting step-siblings to weddings, baby showers, etc. is the norm, set by your step-siblings. Were they upset when you and your brother were left uninvited?
Given the history, it’s pretty much established that the step-siblings don’t WANT to have anything to do with you.
Frame it as sadly acquiescing to their wishes, and not putting them in the uncomfortable position of having to constantly reject invitations and then justify it to their mom.
If anyone asks them, they’ll say you’re doing them a favor. NTJ, and I don’t know why people in your family seem to think you need to try and ram that square peg into the round hole.
They don’t want to be around you. Not inviting them is the easiest and most obvious decision you can make.
If you want things to be more peaceful, just don’t present it as payback.” LeviathanLorb44
Another User Comments:
“NTJ
They love your half-siblings. You don’t necessarily.
Of course you might I really don’t know, but if you didn’t no one rational could blame you. They’ve treated you as a pariah your entire life just for having been born to someone, not their dad and their mom. Your half-siblings have clearly never been told that this is a problem in any way that makes them care, so the behavior persists.
Their bad behavior and your drawing a boundary around it doesn’t make you a jerk. It makes you a good mom for protecting your children from that sort of unfounded hatred.
Now to be clear, if you tell your family that they can’t invite your half-siblings that would make you the jerk, but you’re not doing that.
You’re saying that you won’t go to any function where they will be present nor will you be inviting them yourself. That’s just controlling your own behavior and isn’t something that others get to dictate. If your family doesn’t like it then they’re also free to not attend.” HerpDerp_2009
3. AITJ For Getting Sick Of My Brother's Strict Rules And Preferences?
“I’m taking medication and doing cognitive behavioural therapy for social anxiety so I’m the last person who would shame someone for having a mental illness or needing help.
My brother has obsessive compulsive disorder and he not only has rules and preferences for himself but also for others.
Even things like what you do with your hands: folded in your lap, not at your sides, fingers interlocked. How you part your hair if it is long: middle only and never the side. What you wear: only solid colors and a single pattern or logo so something like a striped skirt, and a shirt with a logo isn’t allowed. There is a list a mile long these are just some.
I don’t know how my dad and step-mom stand it. My sister had a partial scholarship to a university here (tuition and books) but picked a different one thousands of km away because she couldn’t stand the thought of living in the same house as my brother anymore.
She got a partial scholarship for the university she’s at now too but she has to pay rent on a room and work to pay for it and other bills but to her that is better than staying here and not having to work. My brother is so bad I don’t even visit my dad and step-mom there anymore, they come to mine.
I spoke to my brother and told him his rules were out of control and he needed professional help. I said it’s not shameful and getting help was the best thing I ever did for myself. Like my brother now I couldn’t have a job, attend college or university, or have a social life.
I’m still working at it but I have a college diploma, a job, friends/significant other, and hobbies. My dad got mad at me and said to leave him alone. My brother wasn’t receptive but even my sister said it was about time someone said it.
My dad just continues to say to leave him alone still and my brother is just ignoring me.”
Another User Comments:
“Playing into an OCD person’s compulsions is just about the worst thing you can do. Reinforcing his little bubble where he has all the control has created an environment where he will both get worse and never ever want to leave.
Who would want to leave a bubble where everything is the way you want and need it? Nobody. So asking him to want help and thus a destruction of the very comfortable (for him) way of life is insane.
Your parents need to step up.
Break the bubble. Life can’t go on like this and they won’t be around forever and it’ll be pure misery by that point.
Moreover, he could get to the point in treatment where he’s independent and doesn’t require his parents to babysit him – if they ever want that for him they need to stop feeding the compulsions and let him know that’s just going to be life from now on.
It’ll be horrible and confusing for him, having lived in his own controllable existence for so long, but alleviation comes from treatment. Not ignoring it.” jupedya
Another User Comments:
“Wow, NTJ, but dad and stepmom are either out-to-lunch or downright neglectful. They’re not doing him any favors by catering to his every desire without insisting on professional help.
That said, it’s not your place to push the issue, but I can totally understand voicing these things out of frustration. Talk to your dad and stepmom about visualizing your brother’s future. Maybe you can get them to a place where they realize he really does need help.
Good luck.” Opinionated_123
2. AITJ For Letting My Family Ditch My Sister's Wedding?
“Last year I was contacted by a daughter of my dad’s we didn’t know about who wanted to get to know her father’s side. Unfortunately, our dad passed away back in 2020 but we did the tests and it turned out she was our sister. I introduced her to the family and she fit in.
We used to have weekly coffee dates and I’m, or at least used to be, the godmother to my niece.
Our ‘conflict’ came about in early Jan when I was accompanying her to one of her dress fittings and she mentioned that she and her now-husband chose Valentine’s Day as the wedding date because it was exactly a year after they met and that they got engaged after 6 months.
I thought and still think they were rushing so I asked her if she wasn’t worried about that aspect. She asked what there was to be worried about and I said that they could not fully know each other yet or have been through enough to test their commitment so what if she didn’t like how he handled those situations?
She got upset and this turned into a very unnecessary argument which ended with her saying I was uninvited to the wedding. Alright fine. I called her a couple of days later to ask if she really meant it and she said she did unless I stopped wishing evil to her marriage by disagreeing with the pace of things.
I said I could accept it and support her but I can’t lie and say I’m still not concerned so I remained uninvited.
Maybe like a week before the wedding or late Jan, my grandmother called me and the wedding came up in conversation. I told her that I wasn’t going anymore and why and my grandmother got quite upset over it.
At the end of her rant about my sister being ungrateful, she claimed that she was no longer going to the wedding out of solidarity. I told her I appreciated her support but that she didn’t have to do that just because we had a disagreement that we’d solve ourselves.
She said okay and the call ended shortly after. Now my grandmother is like the matriarch of our family where pretty much everyone follows her suit so long story short, out of the 23 family members who were supposed to be there, only 2 went and the rest excused themselves.
My brother (one of the 2) said she was obviously truly hurt by this and he blames me because I didn’t stop them since I knew what they were doing. I only ‘knew’ what grandma said on the phone and I advised her against it. I don’t condone what they did but they’re adults especially grandma yet now I’m being blamed for everything.
AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ
You told Grandma she should go, and she’s an adult who can make her own decisions, including ignoring you.
As for the rest, I had a teacher once point out that people are like sheep – the herd follows those that break off, and when the matriarch breaks off, you better believe the rest follow.
That’s not on you but on those people who followed.” Master-Manipulation
Another User Comments:
“YTJ. It’s okay to lightly bring up your concern over the length of the relationship once. It shouldn’t have been possible to turn it ‘into a very unnecessary argument’ because you didn’t have an argument, you had a single expression of concern.
Even saying that the dress fitting is horrendously bad timing and frankly, if you weren’t close enough to have been aware of the timing prior to that moment, you really weren’t close enough to have brought up the issue at all.
And then you told your grandmother that you ‘appreciated her support’ after she’d just called your sister ‘ungrateful’?
Are you kidding me?
You should have immediately argued with your grandmother about labeling your sister ungrateful. She felt that you didn’t support her marriage, why on Earth should she have been grateful to you?
You then should have told your grandmother in no uncertain terms that you did not need support because you weren’t experiencing anything difficult.
You had concerns about your sister, but she was the only one who needed support at that moment. By allowing your grandmother to frame it as a choice between you two, you guaranteed that she wouldn’t go and that she would spread her message to others
Your sister was abandoned by her father, and now, thanks to you, by her father’s family. Good job.” DinaFelice
And OP is allowed to express her concerns about the short length of the relationship prior to marriage, especially when asked by new sister. OP did nothing wrong.
1. AITJ For Not Eating The Whole Meal My Stepmom Had Prepared For Me?
“So I (22F) admit that I have the appetite of a child. I’m a very fussy eater and not particularly healthy. My stepmom (57F) is very healthy and has helped my dad (55M) with his health problems when it comes to a healthier lifestyle.
Through 2020, I stayed with my mom as my stepmom and dad live very far away, however, I brought up the idea of trying to eat healthier and my stepmom was really supportive.
Once a week my sister (19F) and I would have an online cooking session with our dad and stepmom, but out of ten recipes I only liked one. My sister and I funded the meals ourselves, and my dad and stepmom would have made these meals without us as well so it’s not like my stepmom was giving up her time and money.
It was just a fun activity to do whilst we were so far from each other.
The tension broke when my dad and stepmom came to see me as restrictions eased. She had cooked a healthy meal which I hoped that I would like. I didn’t like it.
I ate all the meat but the sauce was bland and I couldn’t stomach it. As soon as I put my plate down she started snapping at me saying things like ‘I made that especially for you, I’ve tried all year… this weight had to have come from somewhere, you’re going to have loads of health problems when you’re older, if your dad can do it then you should too’.
I can’t remember exactly what was said but she said it with a lot of venom and with a lot more fat-shaming. I felt like I was being picked on and was cornered.
I also have low self-esteem and she was the first person I went to about my mental health issues, so I felt betrayed and really shaken up.
I’m not very combative or anything and my sister wasn’t with me to stick up for me. My dad said nothing either, so I just sat there saying things like ‘I understand’ and trying to keep my head down so as not to anger her more.
I’m a very anxious person and I just wanted to throw the chair, flip the table, and leave for a good cry. I didn’t though, I managed to keep my emotions in check.
Afterwards, she sent an apology but it was a very short text, and said ‘I’m sorry you felt that way…’ My mom and my sister supported me and said I should have kicked off back, but I was just so shaken up and guilty about the whole issue that could have been avoided if I’d just eaten the whole meal.
I still feel guilty about it and I can see where she is coming from to a certain extent. I believe she had a right to voice her disappointment and be disappointed but went too far with her comments about my weight and health. It’s made me really wary whenever I see them both and made me extremely uncomfortable to be around her.
AITJ for not eating the whole meal?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. It’s not uncommon for someone who is asked to participate to forget that, at the end of the day, it’s not about them.
I reckon she has her own hangups that she hasn’t dealt with and either projected her insecurities onto you or misguidedly connected your acceptance of her with your acceptance of what she has to offer.
Her non-apology was not a sign of remorse and I’d suggest going low contact the time it takes for you to be comfortable enough to stand up for yourself and set very clear boundaries.” gatoradeviper
Another User Comments:
“No jerks here but next time, don’t accept a meal if you don’t mean to eat it.
(Declining a gift is okay, but accepting it and then allowing it to appear to be a source of disgust can upset the giver, even if you don’t intend to be rude or hurt their feelings. Easier said than done.)
Like you said, she went too far, and that ended up hurting your feelings.
That’s why she apologized saying she was sorry you felt that way (if we give her the benefit of the doubt, that is). When emotions are high (food and nutrition are triggering for BOTH you and your stepmom), it’s easy for things to go too far.
Add the global crisis in and nobody’s had much chance to practice good manners, so it’s easier to become triggered and slip. It’s also possible that everyone sucks here. But the benefit of the doubt says ‘no jerks here.'” No-Expert5800
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