People Pique Our Interest With Their "Am I The Jerk" Stories

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We must occasionally express our emotions in order to prevent them from building up inside of us and making us irrationally angry at times, because when that happens, people who do not have a clear understanding of who we truly are can assume that we are terrible people based just on that one incident. These individuals discuss their encounters with being branded as jerks. They ask for our help in pointing out the true jerks. Continue reading and let us know who you believe should be held accountable. AITJ = Am I the jerk? NTJ = Not the jerk WIBTJ = Would I be the jerk? YTJ = You're the jerk

22. AITJ For Walking Out Of My Baby Shower Because Of My Mother-In-Law's Comments?

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“My (32 F) husband of 7 years (32 M) and I are pregnant. We have one previous child, Anne (6 F, fake name) who has epilepsy. She has had 1 seizure before (relevant later in the story).

To be honest, my MIL is horrible. She gives backhanded compliments, insults me and my looks, and always tries to set my husband up with other people. The last time we went to her place she said she could set my husband up with some girl who is the daughter of MIL’s best friend.

My husband has told her to stop but doesn’t do anything else. News flash, she doesn’t stop.

When sending invites to my baby shower, I told my husband I didn’t want my MIL there.

He told me, ‘Since you’re not letting my own mother be in the room with you when you’re giving birth, you have to invite her to this. You should be grateful that you get a baby shower at all’.

Also, he wouldn’t even be at the baby shower, as he has something at work.

At the baby shower, I was telling everyone how our baby was once again a girl. My MIL then decided to say, ‘Wow another girl!

Let’s hope she’s not like her sister’. I asked what she meant by that and she said, ‘We don’t need any other diseases in the family. Imagine seeing a newborn baby drop to the floor and shake everywhere.

It’s embarrassing’. At first, I was honestly confused as she clearly had 0 idea what she was talking about. But then the pregnancy hormones really kicked in and I started crying hysterically. I left my friend’s house and my mother drove me home.

Once I got home I saw my husband there. I didn’t know why he was home and not at work but I just didn’t stop crying. He said, ‘Where are all the gifts?

You do realize how expensive some baby things can be’. I honestly couldn’t believe he said that of all things so I decided to lock myself in our bedroom.

About 10 mins later he tells me he got a text from his mother explaining what happened. He told me that I ’caused a scene’ and ‘should be happy I got to meet up with some friends today’.

I tried explaining how wrong what she said was and how she insulted our daughter and UNBORN baby. He said ‘Well Anne’s epilepsy medication isn’t cheap so I see why she said what she said.

You just interpreted it wrong. Apologize to my mother.’ I packed a bag and called my mother to pick me up. I’m currently at her place and she’s picking Anne up from school.

My husband and his family keep blowing up my phone and calling me a ‘drama queen’ along with other hateful names so I need to ask, AITJ?”

Another User Comments:

“Sweet baby Jesus in a minivan give me strength.

You should be happy you even got a shower? Your husband is the jerk. Your MIL is the jerk. How are you going to mention possible birth defects and deaths TO A PREGNANT WOMAN AT HER BABY SHOWER.

Jesus, Mary, and Joseph. Lady, you need to explain to your husband that this treatment is unacceptable and he either gets on board or he moves back in with mummy. Lady, he’s shown you who he is.

Give the relatives the facts if you think they’re worth trying to keep, but otherwise, write them off. Run far, run fast, or you’ll be subjugated by this woman.” lizziegal79

Another User Comments:

“NTJ

I don’t know what universe you could even be the the jerk. Your MIL and husband both are. I also highly encourage you to leave this obviously abusive relationship.

If you cannot do it for yourself, do it for the kids.

Also. I don’t like ultimatums but I would give your husband one here. He either gets his head out of his butt and tell his mother to go ahead and do one (full no contact) or serve him divorce papers and child support.

He cannot be married to you both (screw mama’s boys).

If he doesn’t see an issue with how his mother behaves, it’s on him. Contact a lawyer about a restriction order for your kids from your MIL, she is clearly not safe for your daughter to be around if she would find an epileptic episode to be ’embarrassing’.

Save all the messages you get from her as evidence too. She doesn’t deserve to see a child she finds to be ‘diseased’. The girl needs a safe environment to grow up and this awful environment is a recipe for trauma.

And I would be extra petty and would just tell MIL to shut up. You don’t need to tolerate any of this, if your husband has no balls to tell her where the place is you can do it for him.” BossyBish

Another User Comments:

“NTJ but your MIL and hubby are MAJOR ONES! Worked as a pediatric nurse for years and what your MIL stated is way out of line as well as your crappy husband wanting you to apologize to her.

He’s just as bad as her for telling you to be ‘grateful’ & calling you a drama queen. The apple didn’t fall far from the tree when it comes to your toxic mother & husband.

He’s also pretty greedy about caring more about expensive gifts than you. They are both mean & you as well as your daughters deserve better!” ButterflyWings71

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DAZY7477 10 months ago
Please leave him. Take him to court. Keep all the evidence to use against him and his mother. Keep your kids away from them. They are awful people.
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21. AITJ For Leaving My Brother's Wedding After I Learned About The Truth?

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“I (27 M) am a result of a one-night stand. My mom already had 4 kids from her deceased husband before I came along. She has never liked me and always treated me like garbage.

I used to live with my birth father in (the country where he’s from) until I moved with my mom when I was 16. It was her life mission to make me miserable.

But I moved out when I was 18 to go to college.

Now, here’s the situation. I have three half-brothers (30 M. 35 M. 47 M.) My brother (35 M) was the one getting married. When I lived with my mom, he was nice to me when he visited, the other two absolutely despised me.

I haven’t spoken to him much in the last few years, but to my surprise, he asked me to be the best man at his wedding, I agreed because he was the only good thing about my miserable childhood.

The day of the wedding was the first time I saw my mom and other half-siblings in the last 9 years. They still don’t like me.

After I’ve given my best man speech, I stayed with my fiancée for most of the wedding, since I barely knew MY family let alone the bride’s.

When I was standing alone my mom approached me and started talking down to me, I was used to it so I just let her talk her talk. Until she said that my brother only asked me to be the best man because he got in a huge fight with the other two over who gets to be the best man, so he asked me just to spite them, and that I wasn’t even getting invited in the first place.

I was more hurt than I expected, then asked him if it was true. He said yes guiltily and kept apologizing, saying he was glad I was there. I was still furious so I excused myself and left with my fiancée, but then he texted me a day later saying I’m a jerk for leaving, and that everyone kept questioning why I left, also saying I ruined the wedding for him.

I kind of feel bad now, maybe I overreacted. So, AITJ?”

Another User Comments:

“NTJ. It was very kind of you to show up and prepare to be there for someone you cared about, even after drifting apart.

I can’t imagine the punch to the gut it must have been to learn that your kindness and goodwill were taken advantage of in an attempt to get at other people—you showed up with your best foot forward, only to learn that your brother just wanted you there to send a message to other people.

How awful. I hope your fiancée’s family can show you the consideration your family can’t, and I wish you the best!” Silverwisp7

Another User Comments:

“NTJ. That’s a totally acceptable response to the way your family has and was treating you on the day.

And how did you leaving quietly ‘ruin’ the wedding exactly? You could have shouted at your half-brother and mum. Or made a big scene before leaving – that could have ruined the wedding.

But from what you say it sounds like you left without anyone noticing or making a fuss. Good on you. I think other people wouldn’t have been as good at leaving quietly.

There is a chance that your half-brother was genuinely happy that you were there (even if you were an afterthought originally). So if you want to keep in contact with the one person from your childhood who was relatively good to you, then maybe you could reach out and explain how hurt you were by his actions.

But really, you don’t need to apologize for anything here. And I don’t think anyone would judge you for cutting him out with the rest of your horrible family.” HeavenlyGForce

Another User Comments:

“NTJ

All he had to do was tell people you weren’t feeling well. These people barely know you, they do.not.care. It did not in any way ruin his wedding.

What ‘ruined’ his wedding is that he had to experience a little guilt for his own actions.

Meanwhile, you get to live with the burn of yet another family member betraying your trust. Those burns last a lifetime.

How DARE he try to pass his guilt onto you? Seriously, how DARE he?!” ImaginaryAnts

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DAZY7477 10 months ago
Your mother hated you? Like why? One night stand cant be why. I couldn't hate my kids for any reason. And you should cut them all off.
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20. AITJ For Running From Home After My Parents Gave My Cat Away Without My Permission?

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“I loved my cat to death. His name was Milo, and he was more than just a pet to me, he was like another family member. My parents never liked my cat, and constantly said that one day they will send him away while I’m away at work.

I told them if they ever did something like that I would pack my bags and move in with my friend from college. So I come back one day to see that my cat is nowhere to be found.

I instantly assume the worst and confront my parents.

To my shock, they told me they sold him away to some rando off social media, and they refuse to give me the buyer’s information.

Feeling betrayed by my own parents, I quickly get all my basic necessities and leave the following day for my friend’s place. Now I’m getting constant text messages from my siblings calling me a terrible brother for leaving the house over a pet.

Was I wrong to value my cat the same way I value my other family members?”

Another User Comments:

“NTJ

What they did was terrible. You are not valuing your cat the same as family members.

THEY didn’t value YOU enough to care about your feelings. They are horrible people, and you deserve better than that from people who say they love you.

Personally, I would have stayed an extra day at home though, pulled up their social media accounts on their computers, and found out where they gave my cat.

Usually, people don’t buy older cats. Shelters are full of them for free. They likely gave your cat away, and the person who took him may be willing to hear you out.

Or take a little payment for Milo themselves.

I would also suggest contacting shelters. They may have literally just dropped him at one.” ImaginaryAnts

Another User Comments:

“NTJ. If I were in your position, my parents would be dead to me.

First, animals are considered property. So you owned the cat, and your parents took it without consent and sold it. It wasn’t Theirs to sell. There’s a word for that. Theft.

Second, they waited specifically until you couldn’t do anything about it, and sold the cat knowing how it would hurt you.

And then refusing to give you the buyer’s information so you can’t even try and make some kind of alternate plans? There’s a word for that as well. Evil.

Not only would I never speak to my parents again.

I would consider them enemies.

As a side note, you might want to try and look into things. There’s a good possibility they didn’t sell it at all. They may have just killed it or gone drop it off somewhere.” Outer_Void

Another User Comments:

“NTJ. Your parents are horrible people. Report the cat as stolen. I don’t know if the local police would do anything for you but what they did was theft. The cat belonged to you.

Call the police and talk to them. They might be willing to go and talk to your parents and get the information about where your cat is. If they won’t you can tell your parents that you will press charges if they don’t tell you.

Sometimes the threat is all it takes. How social are your parents?

If their reputation is important to them, start trashing it. Tell any and all who know them what they did.

Selfish people like that will want to save their own butts and may tell you what you need to know to get your cat back. Good luck. I hope it works out for you.” 80Katz

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Catherine 10 months ago
If I were you. I'd have them arrested for theft and make them tell me where they sent my baby or I will formally press charges. With return of my baby I would drop the charges and go no contact--FOREVER.
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19. AITJ For Not Wanting To Throw The Dragon Statue Away?

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“I (24 F) live with my fiancé (27 M) and his mother (52 F).

Last month, my fiancé and I went to my hometown with my sister to go shopping. We stopped at Goodwill and I found this really awesome dragon statue that I wanted to buy for my mother, who collects dragon-themed stuff, but my sister is in no contact with our mother, so we decided to hang onto it until the next time we came into town and would give it to her.

It’s just been sitting on a headboard in the back bedroom until we get around to going back, but we can’t afford to make regular trips.

Apparently, my MIL has been experiencing some problems that she says are from a demon, but neither myself nor my fiance noticed anything different until she told him last night.

I still don’t notice anything besides the tension this has caused. We’re all Christians, but his mother is extremely superstitious, and my fiance believes everything she tells him.

So tonight after my fiance got home from work, she told him that last night, she saw a tiny dragonfly by her window and that therefore, the dragon statue brought the demon in and it needed to be thrown away.

My fiance told me this and I told him that we can be rid of it when we give it to my mother. He told me no, it had to be thrown out, and if it was given to my mother then I would be responsible for anything that happened to her, and the sin would be on my hands.

I told him that I don’t believe that it is the dragon and that it was a good thing repentance was a thing because if it started on my mother, she could throw it away and I can repent.

But I’m not throwing it away, and if he did, there would be issues. He said that there would be issues, then.

I told him if he was not going to stand up for me about a stupid dragon, then how can I trust that he will stand up for me later?

He said that was ridiculous, and when I pointed out to him that he was not exactly showing me that I can trust him, he got really quiet and went to bed.

I already have had to pass up the opportunity to safekeep my grandfather’s collection of vinyl records because she believes that they somehow host demons, too, and a lot of them were irreplaceable, rare copies.

I haven’t been able to admit this to my grandpa, who asked me to keep them safe and make digital copies for him because he now lives with my uncle and is being cared for by my family, and he had to get rid of most of his belongings because there wasn’t room for all his things.

Should I just throw the dragon away just to keep the peace? Or should I insist that my fiance get off his mom’s tit and start standing up for me? Am I in the wrong here?”

Another User Comments:

“A bat. Your bonkers MIL saw a bat out the window, not a ‘tiny dragon’.

This is only a little thing now, but absolutely (in my opinion) a hill to die on.

Honestly, it should have been your granddad’s vinyl collection as that was irreplaceable, but it will only get worse from here if you can’t rein her in with your fiancé’s help.

You need to have a serious talk with your fiancé about her mental health, this is not normal and he shouldn’t be indulging her flights of fantasy. NTJ.” NomadicSwordsman

Another User Comments:

“If your MIL saw a tiny dragonfly outside her window she is having visual hallucinations and needs psychiatric care and medication. If your fiance believes this claptrap he needs help as well.

Personally, I would distance myself from the whole lot of them but if your fiance supports his mother with this nonsense I can’t see your life with him/them getting any better in the future.

You are NTJ but you seem to be living with some people who need a medical intervention.” enchylatta

Another User Comments:

“NTJ

But you know that if you have kids with this guy whose priority is his mother and not you.

That she will claim that your child is possessed by a demon every time they act up or cry too long or whatever. She’ll say anything you bring into the house is possessed.

If you want to prove to your fiancé that your MIL is making up accusations. Just start bringing things home and seeing how many she says are possessed because YOU brought them home.

I really hope you saved those records and stored them somewhere safe. I would be devastated if I was told to get rid of them, and that would have been a deal breaker for me.

This sounds like one relationship that isn’t worth keeping, and you’ve outgrown him. He’s still attached to momma and you’re ready to fly, he needs to stay behind and you need to leave, and grow and be who you want and bring home what you want.” Intrepid-Database-15

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bejo 10 months ago
You and your fiance have radically different beliefs that will eventually tear you apart. He doesn't respect you and is not likely to change. Get out now before you become entangled with finances and children.
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18. AITJ For Insisting My Sister Lets My Daughter Stay In Her Cat's Room?

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“I (31 M) and my daughters, Sally and Mia (4 F & 7 F) went to go visit my sister, Alice (27 F), for Thanksgiving on Saturday (we used to have it at my parents’ house, but they didn’t want to do it this year).

For context, Alice has a very large, 4-bedroom house that she shares with her cat, Orpheus. She turned one of the larger extra rooms (not a bedroom) into a cat room for Orpheus.

It’s huge, there’s adorable decorations everywhere, large windows, and a very comfy couch. She named Orpheus after some Greek hero, I’m not really sure what the tale was, but I’m pretty sure it has something to do with music, based on the decorations.

She also has some more fragile decorations around, a few statues, and a glass figurine.

Anyways, me and my parents came over, and she gave one room to our parents, one for me and my wife, and one for the girls.

At first, the girls were okay with this arrangement, since they’re both pretty small, but after seeing the cat room, Sally wanted to sleep in there.

I brought it up to Alice and she said that would absolutely not be happening.

I asked her why, and she told me that she didn’t want Sally to be alone and unsupervised with all of her fragile decorations.

I think that’s ridiculous. The room is for a cat.

How is my daughter more destructive than a cat? Alice just said that Orpheus never went near the shelves that the figurines were placed on (the shelves are pretty low and Sally could probably reach them if she tried).

Now Sally won’t stop making a fit about it, and when I asked Alice to just be accommodating, she told me that I was Sally’s parent, and I should be responsible for making sure she understands ‘no’.

AITJ for asking her? I just don’t think Alice has a particularly good reason for denying it. It’s a CAT’s room.”

Another User Comments:

“‘Now Sally won’t stop making a fit about it, and when I asked Alice to just be accommodating, she told me that I was Sally’s parent, and I should be responsible for making sure she understands ‘no’.’

Alice NAILED it. There was nothing wrong with asking, but your refusal to accept no as an answer and sitting here whining about it and trying to manipulate Alice into changing her mind makes you the jerk.

YTJ and Alice is going to end up being a jerk like you when she’s older if you don’t teach her that no means no. If she’s having a fit over this and your way of dealing with it is trying to force your sister to cave, chances are you’re not doing a great job parenting her properly.” Tricky-Flamingo-7491

Another User Comments:

“It’s a cat’s room in your SISTER’S house. Not yours. You don’t get to decide. Your sister probably knows her cat won’t wreck her stuff because he hasn’t in the past, which is why the decorations are even in that room and not elsewhere.

Your kid is inevitably going to want to play with the pretty figurines and at 4 years old won’t understand how to keep fragile things from breaking. Which is an excellent reason not to let the kid anywhere near them.

Your sister is 100% right. It is your job to parent your kid and stop her from throwing fits when she doesn’t get what she wants. How is it not a red flag to you that your kid is throwing tantrums at hearing ‘no’?

How is your only solution trying to force your sister into saying yes?

Grow up. Be a parent. YTJ” User

Another User Comments:

“YTJ

You are not wrong for asking, but you should accept her response.

It is her home and she has graciously provided two rooms for you and your kids to sleep in.

Some people don’t want visitors in their library, or office. She doesn’t want your child in her cat’s room.

The respectful and polite thing to do is respect this boundary. Her reason for not wanting your daughter in there makes sense, but even if it didn’t, it’s her house, her choice.

It is doubly a good idea for your daughter not to be in the cat room, because as stubborn and unreasonable as you are, if she allowed your daughter in there and she broke something, you would not want to pay for it and say ‘kids will be kids’, or ‘you shouldn’t have breakable things in a cats room’ or some other nonsense and say its no big deal.

The figurines matter to the owner of the house, she wants to be cautious. You should accept that. She is not being rude (you are), she established sensible boundaries, which you argue to disregard.

It won’t harm your daughter in any way to not sleep in the cat room. Will probably do her good to learn she cant always have her way, a lesson that you, her father apparently never learned.” Gladtobealive2020

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Hoomanlife 10 months ago
Hold on, I'm busy hysterically laughing at how he came here expecting that his little angel should be allowed in his sisters fancy room with expensive things she cherishes!!!!!
You're a BIG jerk, don't be surprised when you're NOT invited back and you beat be watching those kids bc if something ends up broken after she told you NO, you're going to cause a rift that's going to brew with resentment because you can't respect other people's things/house! Would you ask the same if your sister was replaced in this story by..your boss?! No! Bc you'd respect HIA house! yTJ.
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17. AITJ For Letting My Daughter Try Eating Fun Snacks?

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“My husband is very strict with just about everything and controls what our daughter eats.

His diet consists of mac and cheese, pogos, chicken fingers, etc. while I’m a vegetarian. Our daughter takes after both of us but we find she gravitates more toward the fruits and veggies which is great, but I feel like she should be able to try fun things now and then and that’s where my husband disagrees.

It’s not that she can’t have fun treats, but it’s only okay if HE brings it into the house. Whenever I do, he gets angry.

I do the groceries every weekend and sometimes I like to get her something new to try.

I remember loving toaster strudel as a kid because it was something special I didn’t get very often and even though it’s been 30 years since I’ve had it, I saw it on sale and thought it would be fun for her to try too.

Well, my daughter ended up not liking them but my husband was very angry that I bought them in the first place. He said some hurtful things and that left me wondering… AITJ?”

Another User Comments:

“Your husband is a controlling bully. Worse, his fixation on your daughter’s eating habits could cause her to develop an unhealthy relationship with food. It’s time you stopped tolerating his bizarre behavior.

He has no right to unilaterally dictate what your daughter eats. He is not her only parent. Moreover, he has no right to verbally mistreat or demean you, especially over behavior that should be perfectly normal. I don’t know what the rest of your family dynamic looks like, but you need to put a stop to this immediately.

Frankly, I would take my daughter and leave until he adjusted his behavior – both his obsession with her eating and his mistreatment of you. He needs some serious therapy. NTJ.” TheRebelArsenal

Another User Comments:

“Everyone sucks here.

Your kid doesn’t need junk like a toaster strudel. Kids who grow up only eating unhealthy food turn into obese adults. Now is a good time to raise them with good eating habits, by feeding them nutritious food and not getting them into the habit of eating junk or processed food.

Your husband sounds like a controlling jerk though… Glad you’re setting some boundaries there.” witchyfreunde

Another User Comments:

“NTJ. There’s no such thing as ‘good’ and ‘bad’ foods: everything in moderation. Labelling foods as good and bad is what leads to disordered eating but I think you already know that, OP.

Your husband sounds insufferable but I saw that you said he has a good side to him, which I understand. However, his behavior around what your daughter eats is a major red flag.

As is the way he reacted when you went against his wishes and let your daughter try something new. I hope that this behavior doesn’t escalate and that you continue to be the rational and sane one, for your daughter’s sake.” eatmybiryani

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stro 10 months ago
Who doesn't like toaster strudel??? Lol j/k. Your husband is the jerk and a control freak
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16. AITJ For Not Buying My Sister A House?

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“I’m Southeast Asian and we immigrated to the US decades ago. My siblings and I were born in the old country while our youngest sister was born in the States. Growing up, our parents were the typical Asian parents in that they pushed us to be educated and into high-earning careers whether we wanted to or not.

People can argue all day long about this but the reality is that today, almost all of my siblings and I are high earners. We’re doctors, attorneys, or dentists, and we married partners with equivalent careers.

That is except for our youngest sister. She was always a rebel and didn’t listen to our parents. She wanted to be a teacher but our parents strongly disagreed. They even tried to bribe her into something else but in the end, she became a teacher.

When my grandparents were still alive and retired, they lived with my uncle and his family. All of their children chipped in money to buy a larger house than what my uncle had at the time and renovated the house to accommodate my grandparent’s less mobile lifestyle.

Their children also chipped in to hire a full-time caretaker for my grandparents and cover some of the cost of food. This is where our problem starts.

My parents are retiring early while they’re still active and able to enjoy life.

Most of us agree that our parents should sell their house and use that fund to enjoy their retirement. Our eldest brother already owns a large house and is welcoming our parents to live with him and his family.

He’s a surgeon and his wife is a doctor so they don’t need our money to help support our parents. Instead, the rest of us will pitch in to give our parents a monthly ‘income’.

Our youngest sister disagrees with the entire plan. She and her husband are both teachers living in an expensive city so they can’t afford to buy a house and have been renting for the last decade.

She’s pushing for our parents to live with her and for us to purchase a house for our parents just like the aunts and uncles did for our grandparents.

Over Thanksgiving, she and her husband brought it up again.

I was tired of it so I told them that we’re not buying them a house and even if we did, they couldn’t afford to pay the utilities and property tax.

She called me an elitist jerk and stormed out. All of my siblings agree with me but my parents have a soft spot for her. They’re beginning to try to talk us into her plan and even floated the idea of giving her the money from their house sale so that she can buy a house.

Our eldest brother’s words carry a lot of weight so he told them no. She’s taken to social media to shame us and we’re getting pushback from some family members.

I steadfastly refuse to budge but my mom is crying about it and that’s making me feel bad.

AITJ?”

Another User Comments:

“100% NTJ

Your sister is social media blackmailing you and your family to give her a free ride.

She chose her career and lifestyle and she gets its rewards and downsides. Teaching is a skilled in-demand profession, but the workload is not comparable to the average successful doctor or attorney, and not like teachers have to carry malpractice in case of lawsuits…

Plenty of places to live and buy a house on a teacher’s salary. It is her choice to rent and live the big city life.” nosockelf

Another User Comments:

“YTJ, if you have the income to do so.

If you have the money to help your sister, you should. Family helps family, particularly ones who they are close to and could genuinely use the support. Teachers don’t get paid enough for what they do, and doctors don’t make it to University unless they had effective grade school teachers.

She chose not to be a doctor, it’s not for everyone, but I think you need to realize your sister’s path’s place in your own success and give her some respect for it.

A house should not be considered a luxury item. It is a basic living necessity. If you have the means to do so, what’s the harm? It’s not a Porsche.” possums-

Another User Comments:

“NTJ – your sister is not advocating for the house to take care of your parents out of the kindness of her heart but with the thought that she and her husband will get a free house.

She made her life decisions and should live with them, not expect her family to cover her career financial difference. Your brother obviously doesn’t need anything from your parents other than for them to enjoy retirement with a money cushion from the sale of their house.

I highly doubt your parents will get that even if they let her use the money from the sale of the house to buy a bigger house.” TypicalAd3575

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Catherine 10 months ago
You an elitist jerk? No, honey. Your sister is an Entitled one.
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15. AITJ For Backing Out Of Being The Maid Of Honor?

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“I was asked to be the maid of honor at my cousin’s wedding. She has 4 friends I do not know in the party. We got acquainted via text because this was at the start of 2020.

I have an immune-compromised child at home and social gatherings were limited. An errant text message was sent in our group by one bridesmaid about me not being present for the dress selection/fitting and that there was no excuse for it.

I called out the bridesmaid who said it privately and she was pretty cold to me even after I explained the situation. I didn’t feel very comfortable in this group after this but did what I had to do.

We booked a destination bachelorette party at the request of the bride and looked at dozens of places. We agreed on a hotel that I fronted the money for. I sent a screenshot of the cost in our group chat and when someone exclaimed it was less than the advertised price, I didn’t check it or think anything of it.

This was totally my mistake I did not realize it until later. I collected the funds for the deposit and then for the balance after it was posted to my account for the advertised price, broken out into equal payments for all of us.

I backed out of this trip because of a medical issue but still paid my share for the hotel.

Two months later, bridal shower planning: one of the bridesmaids asked if I could rent a large throne for $400 while the other bridesmaids got cheaper supplies.

I agreed with the mother of the bride that we were not getting the throne and I stated that. The next day, I got a text from a bridesmaid saying I overcharged them for the bachelorette.

I thought it was an error with our hotel and that our price changed but upon more research, I realized the screenshot I sent was from one of the other bookings we were considering (my mistake from earlier).

I told them this and admitted my mistake in sending that screenshot but the cost was actually the advertised price. The messages that followed were accusatory comments and questions.

One bridesmaid told me the extra funds could go back to them or towards the bridal shower.

Another wanted to know where all the money went. I wasn’t sure what to say anymore as it was 4 on 1 against me. I said I didn’t like being accused of stealing money but they said they were not accusing me.

I talked to my cousin. She knew the money was a concern of her bridesmaids and asked them to wait until after the wedding to say anything. I felt strongly enough for my mental health that stepping back as the maid of honor would be the best option.

She explained to me that her bridesmaids understand and are going to apologize for accusing me. I still explained that I was stepping down and the bride was upset. The stress and anxiety I felt during this planning were more than I could handle.

To my extended family, I am the villain. Everyone thinks you need to set your feelings aside during a wedding but my kids and my husband come first. My mental health isn’t worth one day for someone else as selfish as that is.”

Another User Comments:

“NTJ, it sounds like the bride was just trying to pacify you when she should have immediately been going out and handling her bridesmaids who were accusing you of theft. They were accusing you of a crime not only morally but legally.

The bride should immediately have stepped in to handle them getting all riled up about this.

Her just trying to tell you to let everything all calm down and have them just apologize to you isn’t enough.

You are right to step down, and if you aren’t actually going to be seeing this extended family you should probably divest from their opinions. Because they clearly don’t know you enough or care about you enough to care that a group of strangers was accusing you of theft baselessly, and the one person who had the authority to do something about it was choosing not to.

You absolutely should not set your feelings aside during a wedding, I don’t know why people would be saying that because you should be going into any situation with some basic self-preservation, and if you’re also going to an emotional event like a wedding like your emotions should be part of why you are there.

Yeah sorry I’m long-winded, but you are right it was the right move to step away because the bride wasn’t properly handling this situation and you didn’t need to spend energy on this situation.” JCBashBash

Another User Comments:

“NTJ. NTJ. NTJ. What a nasty bunch of ingrates, bride included. If they have a problem they can organize it. That said, I am assuming you just gave them proof of the payment to the hotel?

Not that it matters, even if someone organized something for me and added a percentage for their trouble I would not begrudge them.

And your bride telling you they’re going to apologize?

Why not already? You are the chief bridesmaid. She should fire the rest of them before letting you go. What a disgrace, I would also distance myself from the lot without delay.” retreddited

Another User Comments:

“NTJ. The whole problem is they all thought they had a sure way to get out of contributing more of their own money and you snatched that away from them from having the proofs.

Most people would have pulled their part of the bachelorette party when they can’t go. You didn’t. You were definitely doing more and they were for some reason mad at that too.

It is very wise that you backed out of being the maid of honor for your mental health. Most likely that was having an effect on your husband and kids so you were protecting them as well.” Commercial_Yellow344

4 points - Liked by IDontKnow, LizzieTX, lebe and 1 more
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stro 10 months ago
Sheesh! Bridesmaidzillas. Ntj.
4 Reply

14. WIBTJ If I Don't Allow My Father To Bring A Plus One To My Wedding?

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“My dad was a serial liar. My mom found out and chose to stay. 13 years later she found out that he had been having an affair again and decided to confront him and his affair partner.

This led to the official end of their marriage.

Just to be clear I don’t dislike his affair partner because of her involvement in the situation. I believe the blame for ruining a marriage is on the person in the marriage, not the affair partner.

Now for this reason, I don’t want to invite this woman. When my mom found out about the most recent affair she was obviously heartbroken and distraught, and this woman chose to verbally mistreat and berate her.

Seeing how his affair partner chose to handle the situation showed me the kind of person she is. The kind of person to kick someone while they’re down. I don’t want someone like that in my life.

I don’t want to not give my dad a plus one at my wedding but the thought of her being there makes me very uncomfortable. Maybe I’m just being overly sensitive.

AITJ?”

Another User Comments:

“NTJ

Unfortunately, you might have to damage some relationships depending on how uncompromising your father is. Just to offer this perspective, your father has shown a lack of care for how he treats or makes other people feel, ergo your mother.

So I wouldn’t be entirely surprised if he was dismissive and inconsiderate of your feelings. Sorry you’ve had to hit a potentially rough impasse.” Fantastic-Process-69

Another User Comments:

“Normally you would be the jerk for not letting your dad choose to bring any +1 of his choosing.

But in this case, if this woman has a history of inappropriately acting up or causing undue harm then it is understandable that you would not want her there. It’s possible she could act up and cause a scene at your wedding since your mom will undoubtedly be there.

Your dad will not be happy but he must understand this, really.

If they can be adults and admit she was out of line before and ensure you that she will act appropriately at the wedding/reception then I would consider it.

But if there’s a chance she will act up after having a couple of glasses of wine that would be a hard NO. Good luck and congrats on your upcoming nuptials.” TallPineForest85

Another User Comments:

“NTJ, it’s your wedding and you get to choose who should/shouldn’t be there, and if you don’t want the affair partner there you don’t have to have her there, and if your dad tries to throw a tantrum about it, tell him ‘tough crap, this is my wedding there for my choice and if you can’t handle it you don’t have to come to the wedding since you care about her more then your own daughter’.

Seriously you don’t have to put up with anybody’s crap to enable on your big day, and also I would get security if I was you just in case.” Apprehensive-Fox3187

3 points - Liked by IDontKnow, lebe and Spaldingmonn
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rusty 10 months ago
I would get security for the wedding and if "dad" tried to force his "girlfriend" into the wedding, I would be at the door and say, ""Dad" is welcome, +1 is not, and if "dad" causes a stink about it, he is not welcome either." End of story.
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13. AITJ For Not Wanting To Go To Therapy Anymore And Not Wanting To Call My Stepmother "Mom"?

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“My sister (14 f) and I (17 m) have been in therapy together for 6 months now. We were close when she was little and then our mom died and our dad remarried. My sister adores dad’s wife and called her mom from almost the beginning and then she later adopted her.

Dad’s wife wanted to adopt me too but I didn’t want to be adopted and I was never in the mindset that she was now my mom. I was 9 when she and Dad married and my sister was 6.

My sister has always been bothered by my not calling dad’s wife mom and by turning down the adoption. She corrects me when I say stepmother or dad’s wife and I correct her if she says our mom (I don’t correct her when she says my mom when talking about their relationship).

It has caused many problems. My dad put me into therapy and tried to find some reason for me to say no to the adoption, saying it was a good thing to have happened. He also wanted me to drop the step occasionally where I never considered her my mom and I was go as far as saying I don’t count her in terms of my parents.

My dad’s wife has made it clear she would love to adopt me still and wants me to consider it.

My relationship with my sister has gone south. We argue a lot.

She’s hurt I reject our stepmother as my mom. I hate the way she expects me to call stepmom mom and allow her to adopt me. I started to avoid her because of the arguing.

She started telling everyone who would listen that I was wrong. Dad got us therapy together when I declared in the middle of her correcting me and saying how wrong I am that I could not wait to move out because I won’t have to deal with this nonsense.

We’re on our second therapist but therapy doesn’t help. My sister has talked about how much more secure she would feel if I called our stepmother mom and how much it hurts her that I don’t love the woman to embrace us and how she feels like we’re less siblings because of it.

The therapists both tried to help explain it to her to no avail and she’s on me worse than before because she has heard my feelings from me.

I said I was done with therapy.

I told my dad our relationship might just be a lost cause until she can let it go. He told me I can’t stop therapy and I would be a jerk to stop when it was important for our family.

AITJ?”

Another User Comments:

“NTJ, the fact of the matter is, if your dad remarried when she was 6, she probably doesn’t remember your real mom at all, but you definitely do.

You both aren’t that far off in years in the grand scheme of things, but in regard to those years of cognitive memory development, you two are eons apart.

I would just say, ‘You don’t remember our real mom, but I do, and I can’t replace her as easily as you can because I remember her, but I can understand that you can’t and just want to be able to have a mom.

For me though, I had my mom, and she’s still important to me and still my mom even if she’s not here’.” TheLovelyMadamToh

Another User Comments:

“Absolutely NTJ and you might mention to the therapist that at home your dad is siding with your sister and pushing you to also call stepmom mom.

Let your therapist know you’re not making any progress because your father continues to see you as the problem not your sister and that he is actively enabling her and keeping her from moving forward.

Tell the therapist everything not just how you feel about being bullied by your sister but also how this makes you feel about your dad. Is your father in therapy with you because he should be because he is a major part of the problem?

Your father is just as much the problem as your sister she’s 14 and she’s old enough to understand everything here but instead, she’s being the brat your father is enabling.” Calm-Association2774

Another User Comments:

“NTJ. Relationships go both ways, you have to respect each other’s feelings & opinions. Your sister just wants things her way, or no way at all. So, it’s no way at all… period.

You can’t be forced to therapy IF she’s not willing to listen. She does not validate your feelings, sounds to me like she needs the therapy more than you do, BUT it’s just not helping her.

Yeah, she’s a lost cause & I do not blame you one bit for wanting to move out of there as soon as you possibly can.

A sister who is not willing to meet you somewhere in the middle, a dad who is forcing you to go to therapy, & a stepmom whom you obviously don’t see as your mom cannot make for a happy home life.

So sorry you’re going through all this! Wish you the best in your life & your future away from that house.” LuvToDanceInTheRain

3 points - Liked by IDontKnow, LizzieTX and lebe
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rusty 10 months ago
Count the days until you turn 18, then move out and go NC. Not the jerk.
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12. AITJ For Rejecting My Stepfather's Affection?

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“I (15 m) and my stepdad (40 m) have had a rocky relationship for the past few years. He and I got into a really big argument a little over a year ago that led to me being kicked out for a week before I eventually was convinced to go home by my mom (35 f).

Since then, I hate it when he touches me at all; and I mean AT ALL. No hugs, shoulder pats, back pats, nothing. Now, I understand his perspective on it, as he was wasted and was just angry, but I still haven’t fully recovered from the trauma of that night.

Even if it wasn’t him, I hate when 90% of people touch me. I tense up and go silent for a while, avoiding talking, eye contact, whatever. I just hate when anyone touches me if I haven’t told them that it’s okay.

I don’t limit my physical touch issues just to my stepdad, it’s with many people.

Roughly 30 minutes ago, he got mad at me for not wanting him to touch me, before he said, ‘Am I not your father?

I’m allowed to touch you.’

I tried to say I don’t like when people touch me but he said that I allow my mom to touch me, and I wasn’t in the mood to argue, so I just caved in and hugged him.

I really don’t think I’m the jerk but my parents both make me feel like I am for rejecting his affection.

I’ll answer whatever questions anyone has about him or anything, I just really want to know if I’m in the wrong or not right now.

AITJ?”

Another User Comments:

“NTJ, OP has a right to say NO. Don’t let them manipulate you into feeling guilty, especially not since they are the ones guilty of violating your physical boundaries.

Not good for mental health.

I think what your stepfather calls being ‘affectionate’ is actually a domination tactic. He’s using your touch aversion against you as a blatant power play and your mom is enabling him, instead of protecting you.

I wouldn’t be surprised if OP hated his stepfather a little more with every extorted touch. Calm, clear, concise communication about how the situation makes you feel is crucial, makes it harder for them to gas-light you, talk first to your mother, then to both of them together, then keep your distance as much as possible until you can move out will help to reduce the chance of a volcanic eruption later down the road with stepfather.

Best of Luck!” Toriju9

Another User Comments:

“NTJ. Even parents need to respect boundaries. I believe the current term is bodily autonomy. If you mentioned at school how uncomfortable it makes you feel when he touches you, I suspect he would soon be talking to the police or CPS.

Try to make both your parents understand how uncomfortable it makes you and that they don’t have the right to touch you against your wishes. Standing up for yourself is uncomfortable in family situations, but necessary.” Professional_Bread66

Another User Comments:

“NTJ

You have bodily autonomy. If you do not want someone touching you, they shouldn’t touch you against your wills

You have the right to not be touched!

The fact that he thinks he is allowed to touch you against your will is a red flag. You do not need to give an explanation or reason or allow unwanted touch.

Throw it back on him. Ask him why he insists on touching you against your will. Why are you, a teenage girl, forced to accept a grown man’s touches against their will?

Why is he so insistent on violating your boundaries and bodily autonomy?

There is nothing wrong with you. Many people do not like to be touched.” User

3 points - Liked by lebe, Eatonpenelope and BJ
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Justme71 10 months ago
NTJ… tell someone you trust, this is not right you have the rights to not be touched by anyone if that’s what you chose.. even mum. I can’t even imagine what he put you through that night but it sounds bad. Is there another relative you could get to mediate for you with mum seeing how she’s on his side and not yours
2 Reply

11. AITJ For Being Mad At My Daughter's Friend's Parents For Not Getting Her Anything To Eat?

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“So my daughter is 14 and I had agreed to let her go to a sleepover at one of her friend’s houses her friend is also 14, her friend has been over at my house a few times and I’ve met her parents a few times too.

I dropped her off last night, maybe 3 hours later I get a text from my daughter who was in a McDonald’s drive-through and telling me that her parents won’t get her anything to eat and won’t let her have any snacks, I called her and before she said anything I could hear her friend parents laughing about it.

Luckily that McDonald’s was on the way to where I was driving to so I went there and spotted them, my daughter ran to me, and their faces looked shocked, I said to not call or message about interacting with my daughter ever again and left.

I’m not being told that I was inconsiderate of their possible situations because they might be on a budget but my thing is if they were, why wouldn’t they tell me this?

I would’ve gladly given my daughter money, instead of you sitting there laughing about not feeding my kid?”

Another User Comments:

“NTJ

You saved your daughter from humiliation and likely not having a meal that night.

How could they go out for fast food and not spot your daughter one meal and then let you know in the morning when you picked her up? They even laughed at your daughter not being able to get anything.

The adults sound like bullies.

I’m glad your daughter texted you and you didn’t hesitate – she won’t forget how you showed up for her. I’m amused by their surprise when you rolled up to that McD’s to essentially rescue your daughter from that situation.

What did they think was going to happen?” SilentCounter6750

Another User Comments:

“NTJ

If the other girl’s parents couldn’t afford to feed all the kids they shouldn’t be planning sleepovers. They clearly cannot afford to be hosts.

It looks like your daughter’s friend is a bully and invited your daughter just to be the victim of a ‘mean girls’ clique of bullies, and this daughter’s friend is in on it.

You should sit down with your daughter and see if they’ve done anything else or if this is a sudden and new thing.” a_man_in_black

Another User Comments:

“NTJ, I was expecting this to be a story of how you pulled a daughter out of a sleepover against her will, as some sort of punishment or something.

If your daughter wants to leave a sleepover early for literally any reason, you’re not the jerk for coming to get her. The McDonald’s thing is bizarre to me; were these her parents who took them to McDonald’s, or were these older kids?

If it’s the parents, what kind of parents takes a kid out for food and doesn’t offer them any? If they’re on that tight of a budget, eat before your guest gets there, or get OP to reimburse you or something.” Ratso27

3 points - Liked by IDontKnow, LizzieTX and lebe
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bejo 10 months ago
People are strange. You fed their daughter when she was with you, but they invite a guest and treat her like this?
My daughter had a friend who rode to church with us. I had ro drive 6 miles out of my way to pick her up. When we went to lunch after church, she was always included. As the kids got older, her brother got his license and started driving her to church. One day when my car broke down I called the parents and asked if he could stop by (they drove right past our house) and get my kids. I was told ok, but I would have to pay for gas! I was gobsmacked. The girls (now 55 years old) are still close and consider themselves sisters. As far as I'm concerned, she is my daughter. I can't imagine treating a child as your daughter was treated!
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10. AITJ For Not Wanting My Partner To Move Out?

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“My partner and I lived together for 5 months and it’s been going well.

But her grandma recently had a fall and requires care and someone to live with her because she was on the ground for hours before my partner’s mom found her. Our apartment is one of the cheapest and yet I can’t afford it alone, my partner wants me to remove her from the lease while she lives with her grandma.

But I don’t want to live with a roommate anymore and told her she should keep paying for the apartment that we sign a year for since living with her grandma is free.

But she’s angry that I won’t remove her from the lease and find a roommate calling me childish for not just finding someone else to live with in the meantime and letting her live with her grandma who is an hour away.

But how is it fair she goes to live with her grandma rent-free while I’m stuck with a stranger I don’t know when she can continue to pay her half and just live with her grandma?

I’ve told the landlord I’m not taking her off the lease and she’s threatened to break up with me because of it.”

Another User Comments:

“Wow – so your partner’s grandmother just went through a medical emergency that now requires a live-in aid either temporarily or permanently – and you don’t want to let her out of the lease because ‘it’s not fair’?

She’s not living there rent-free- she is going to be helping her grandmother – which- having done this for someone – is exhausting work. It is physically and emotionally draining to do what your partner is about to do.

If she is still going to hold down a job while doing this she is going to be exhausted with no bandwidth for your nonsense.

And instead of being supportive, or coming up with a compromise – you are just refusing because a roommate is inconvenient.

So – your soon-to-be ex is basically going to break your lease, and you will both be out your deposit. So good luck with that. YTJ.” ChakraMama318

Another User Comments:

“Personally I feel like there are no jerks here.

She’s not wrong for wanting to go live with and help out her grandma, but if you can’t afford the cheapest of places on your own, you can’t. Signing a lease generally means you’re legally agreeing to be on the hook to pay rent until the lease is up and that’s a commitment she made.

It can be complicated when you are both partners and roommates. ‘Just finding someone else to live with’ 1) can be easier said than done sometimes and 2) carries a whole list of separate risks.

It sucks that this may end the relationship, maybe you can come to an agreement like she pays her half of the rent for the next 3 months so you can try to save up/find another roommate you think will be a good fit/make other arrangements.

It’s not like like you wish bad upon your partner’s grandma for not wanting to suddenly lose the roommate you were counting on having for the duration of the lease, but she’s probably honestly almost completely irrelevant to the reasons you don’t want your partner to go stay with her.” breathofari

Another User Comments:

“YTJ, you’re ignoring the burden of taking care of family, specifically the elderly. It is going to SUCK for your partner. If she’s able to pay I know I would hope that my own SO would continue to pay rent but it’s hard to tell whether she can.

Having a roommate is not bad compared to that and if she’s unable to afford to keep paying a share.

Take a second and consider your partner and her new situation, seems like she’d only spend a small amount of time at your apartment, no sleeping over most likely, so she’s paying rent for the privilege to see you.

Does it suck… sure… but you’re staring down the barrel of ‘Am I the kind of guy who can’t adapt to new situations and force my partner to break up with me during her family crisis’?” materialisticDUCK

2 points - Liked by lebe and shgo
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LizzieTX 10 months ago
YTJ. You need to find a way to help her and yourself instead of whining about the rent.
I don't think you're mature enough to be in a relationship. What would happen if y'all were married, had a child and suddenly her mother needed help? Bet you'd whine about that, too, instead of finding ways to cope.
I think you should do her a favor and get out of her life.
-1 Reply

9. AITJ For Finally Snapping At My Mom Who's Always Favored My Sister?

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“My younger sister (11 F) has a rare medical condition.

I won’t say the name of the condition because not a lot of people have it. Anyway, she got diagnosed when she was 9, and when I was 16. It didn’t really affect me at first. That is until her first surgery.

It was understandable that my mom and dad were worried, and were always at the hospital. I was always left at home alone with the responsibility to cook, clean, and do responsibilities, with no one else there to help.

One week of this was enough. My sister was discharged and everything went back to normal for 6 months.

6 months later, at 3 am, my parents and sister left to go to the hospital and left me this note: ‘Hi.

Your sister had a relapse, we are at the hospital. You can either walk or get a ride to your volleyball game today. Love, Mom and Dad.’

I was hurt, because this was the biggest game of the season, and no one was there to watch me, but I understood that health came first. We won the game, and my neighbors felt so bad for me that they had me over for dinner.

They hate having people over. A few days later my sister got discharged.

2 months later, she had to be rushed to the ER because of an emergency, and my parents told me they wanted the house cleaned by the time they got home.

I obeyed and they were pleased.

Fast forward to now, (2 years later), I got drafted to one of the biggest volleyball teams in my area, and I wanted my family to see me play at the Championship game.

My mom said no, and that my sister had an appointment that day. She made the appointment yesterday when she’s known about my game for months. She’s also been putting off meeting my significant other, saying that she needs to be available if my sister needs anything.

Today I finally snapped. I said however since I was 16 I’ve been pushed to the side, bullied, and ignored. The least you could do is have dinner with me and my SO or come see me play volleyball for once.

She said I was an entitled brat, and she told me not to call her until I fix my attitude.

I just wanted to feel good about myself for once. But was I being a jerk here?”

Another User Comments:

“NTJ

It sucks what your sister is going through, but the fact that your mum made an appointment on the day of your tournament, because and I’ll be honest. she doesn’t care about you the same way as your sister.

She’s basically treated you as a skivvy because she could. Because to her, nothing is important as your sister, and that does include you.

They neglected you, in favor of your sister, who can do nothing about this, so she’s also the victim too.

Your mum reminds me of the mum in ‘My Sister’s Keeper’, to her nothing is more important than her sick child, even pushing out the healthy one, because all eyes are on the sick one.

It is what she lives for. I bet when your sister is healthy, pre-relapse, she still gets all the attention.

Do anything you can to get out of there, and go low contact.” AngelIslington

Another User Comments:

“NTJ – Some things are beyond your control and your sister’s illness and your parents’ devotion to her are things you cannot change. Is it unfair you’re constantly overlooked and given responsibilities that are overwhelming?

Absolutely yes. You have to look at what you do have control over and that is your reaction to things. Your mom and dad are always going to put you second fiddle to your sister’s illness.

That is unfortunate because it is like they forgot you are their child too. You’re not the housekeeper or the leftover kid, but you have been slapped with that title. I hope your championship game is triumphant for you and I hope it continues to open doors to opportunities for you.

At this point, as hard as it is, do not worry about your parents showing up or not. You worry about doing your best and excelling in a sport you obviously love.

When you are able, get out of that house and live your best life. Make yourself your priority and let them be second fiddle to your success. You can ask someone to video your game and give it to them to watch later but celebrate your victories with your SO.

Best of luck to you.” Sea-Tea-4130

Another User Comments:

“NTJ, you feel pushed aside and from your story, it seems you have every reason for your feelings. But you are wasting your energy trying to change what is happening if you can sound off at your Mom and the response is you are an entitled brat.

Resign yourself to a relationship that has no depth of connection. Start building your life around people who will make time for you; grandparents, uncles, aunts, older cousins, and maybe coaches. Bring those that do care about you closer.

You don’t need to necessarily be in no contact or low contact with your parents but you can stop informing them of the important events or about the important people in your life.

If all they are interested in is you being invisible so they can focus on your sister then actively support that. Hmm, they might actually be embarrassed if you made the Olympic team without telling them, LOL.

However, if you do want to, try to engage them the only way might be if your sister is engaged but given her illness, I don’t know if that would work.

Likely you would not be very satisfied but it is an option. Could you have invited your sister and would she have been excited to come to your game and made a fuss over not going?” crabbyoldersister

2 points - Liked by lebe and BJ
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DAZY7477 10 months ago
Get out when you graduate. They can hire a professional caregiver. You have to start taking care of you and focus on your well-being. Don't let them guilt trip you, they'll learn you're not their maid and you have a right to live your own life.
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8. AITJ For Telling My Friend's Son To Get Out Of My House?

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“This happened yesterday when my friend asked if she could stop by since she was in the area. I told her sure and she showed up not much later. I didn’t expect her to have her son with her when she came.

I didn’t really mind because I wasn’t trying to do anything crazy or say anything crazy. Her son is 12, by the way.

She kind of had a hurried tone like she had to do something.

She then said she had to run out really quickly but would be back. I didn’t walk her and her son out immediately because I was looking at something.

When I do finally go over to the door, I find her son still sitting in my house.

I asked him where his mom went and he told me she left. I said what, and looked out the window. Sure enough, her car was gone.

I call her and ask whether she knows her son was still there, and she says that she left him there to run some more errands.

I started cussing her out on the phone and she had the audacity to get mad at me after she left her child in my care without asking.

I hung up the phone and I told her son that he had to get out.

I open the door and tell him he can sit on the porch and wait for her. I also told him to knock if he got hungry. He went out without saying a word and sat down.

His mother didn’t show back up for 2 hours. When she saw him on the porch and asked what I did, she started hitting on the door. When I opened it, she started yelling about how irresponsible I was and how I put him in danger.

I told her to get off my property or I would call the police. She left soon after that.

Now I got some mutual friends saying that I was in the wrong.

I don’t know the story she gave them but it can’t be what really went down. AITJ?”

Another User Comments:

“Everyone sucks here.

You both essentially did something bad. He’s 12, I’m sure he can somewhat take care of himself and I also doubt a 12-year-old would be much of a pain if you plan him in front of the tv or let him watch YouTube videos on his phone.

It is ridiculous to make him wait outside as it can be indeed dangerous.

However, your friend is also a jerk basically using you as a daycare, dropping off, and expecting you to look after her son (even if he’s just in your house and nothing else) is ridiculous and she should’ve asked.

In my honest opinion both of you are in the wrong.” zZombi__

Another User Comments:

“Everyone sucks here, except for the child. It makes sense if you cut ties with the friend afterward, but punishing the child isn’t the best way to draw boundaries with their parent.

The best way is to deal with the parent. If the first response of you to noticing your friend abandoned her child to run errands was to then neglect the child yourself, YTJ for that.

You can call the police, child services, etc. if you want to be extreme, but if the son hasn’t done anything wrong, don’t punish him.

It’s obviously not your job to parent the child or deal with him if he misbehaves, but the jerk thing to do as a person is not care about a child’s welfare if you have the means to help.” Beetleborge

Another User Comments:

“Everyone sucks here. It was absolute crap for her to abandon her kid on you like that, but you made him sit outside by himself for TWO HOURS with no word on when he’d be collected. That’s heartless.

You punished the child for his mom’s misdeed. You could have threatened to call the cops on her for abandoning your kid, blasted her on social media, or any number of things to reflect on HER.

She sucks, you suck, everyone sucks except the poor kid.” iamnomansland

2 points - Liked by IDontKnow and shgo
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rbleah 10 months ago
Should have left the child alone and told his mom come get him or you are calling the police that you abandoned your child without ASKING you to watch him. Tell her she has 15 minutes to get there or you will follow through. Cops AND CPS will show up. Feel sorry for that boy. Is this the normal way his mom treats him? THAT WOMAN SUCKS
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7. AITJ For Telling My Ex-Wife To Just Accept Our Daughter's Partner?

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“My daughter Jane (21 f) and her partner Rick (31 m) both work for my company.

I divorced my daughter’s mother when she was 6 years old.

Yesterday around lunchtime I got a call from Jane saying I might need to drop by my ex-wife’s house to pick her up for work tomorrow morning as her car had broken down and she had no way of getting to work otherwise.

(public transport isn’t really an option where we work)

I asked why she didn’t just car share with Rick as she usually does since they live together. She told me she and Rick had an argument and she had gone to stay with her mom for 2 days while things cooled down and on her way there her car broke down.

I said that’s fine, I’d pick her up tomorrow morning, and briefly asked what their argument was about.

Jane told me he got mad at her because she put something liquid in the garbage bin which split a hole in the bag and leaked on the floor in their apartment.

He got in her face and started yelling and swearing at her, calling her names, and just generally being a jerk.

I didn’t say anything else and that’s when my ex-wife started butting in the conversation.

She asked why I didn’t have anything to say about how our daughter’s partner was treating her as she finds it totally unacceptable and said I should have a word with Rick when I see him next.

My ex-wife and Rick have never gotten along but that’s because of the age gap between him and Jane. I think she’s a little bit harsh on him as she’s only met him a few times but he works for me and he always seems nice and pleasant.

If she gave him a chance maybe she’d warm up to him.

I asked my ex-wife sarcastically, ‘What would you like me to do then?’ and she started yelling at me saying ‘You should have a word with him and tell him it’s unacceptable to speak to our daughter like that!’

I said, ‘Well it’s not our place to get involved, Jane is an adult and if she’s happy to be spoken to like that, then I can’t really say anything.’

My ex-wife started yelling down the phone at me how I’m a bad father so I simply hung up on Jane as I didn’t want to hear it.

My ex-wife sent me a text message saying I’m a jerk for not wanting to get involved as Jane is an adult and can deal with these things herself and I don’t want to make things difficult for my business.

So, AITJ?”

Another User Comments:

“YTJ

I see why your ex-wife is an ex, your outdated views on relationships and not having your daughter’s best interest at heart is concerning.

You’re really dismissing how your own daughter is being treated. You’re dismissing the age gap as if it’s not worthy of a side-eye.

You’re verbally abusive even now to someone that isn’t even your own spouse anymore, let alone how you behaved when you were actually married. Acting as if she can’t have a say or speak out concern about THE CHILD SHE WAS HOURS IN LABOR FOR.

Maybe your wife has an issue with Rick because she sees the similarities between him and YOU.” cultqueennn

Another User Comments:

“YTJ for not supporting your daughter by telling her that her partner’s behavior is NOT acceptable and she doesn’t have to take it!

I’m not saying you should get in a fight with Rick but ‘if she’s happy with it then it’s fine’ is not helpful in the least. Clearly, she’s NOT happy with it because she’s been staying with her mother since it happened!

Now would be a great time to talk to your daughter and find out if she’s okay, and tell her that she NEVER has to take it when a romantic partner treats her that way.

Now would be the time to remind her that she deserves so much better. Now would be the time to find out what you could do to help her – what she wants you to do, not what your ex wants.

Now would’ve been a great time for some fatherly involvement… but instead, you brushed it off like it was nothing.

Children learn how relationships work from watching their parents. If mom is treated like crap by dad or gets yelled at and berated for something little like the trash bag leaking, that’s what the child sees as normal and acceptable behavior.

OP, maybe that’s something to reflect on, too.” iopele

Another User Comments:

“YTJ, did you miss the fact that your precious employee was verbally abusive to your daughter? True, you shouldn’t get involved in petty arguments like who put what in the bin, but you certainly can intervene if you find out that your daughter’s partner/your employee thinks it’s acceptable to swear and scream in his partner’s face.

If he hits her next time they have a fight, will you shrug that off too? How abusive does he have to be before you are prepared to step in?

Young men sometimes assume that what he was doing is acceptable because they’ve seen it behind closed doors and no other man has ever told them it is not acceptable.

This is your chance to stop Rick from a lifetime of thinking he is justified in mistreating his partners. Tell him that what he did is abusive and that abusing his partner is not okay.

Also, tell your daughter that you are there for her if things get scary at home. If Rick is abusive to her again, she can come to you, and you are not going to put your work relationship with Rick ahead of her safety.” User

2 points - Liked by suna, pamlovesbooks918, bejo and 1 more
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Kclillie 10 months ago
Sooo dad gets in daughters ear about issues with her partner.. daughter gets back with Rick the relationship is stronger than ever then the end up getting married and starts resenting parents for not liking her parents. Op just needs to show/say he’s there for her no matter what and be ready to support her when ( and it will happen) hands are thrown. He is correct that the daughter is grown and honestly he will only chase her away if he interferes heavily into her life
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6. AITJ For Going Drinking While My Husband Was In Surgery?

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“The other day my (29 f) husband (31 m) was experiencing really bad abdominal pain. He said that it was keeping him awake and that he’d never experienced pain like that before so – worried – I finally drove him to the ER.

Long story short he was suffering from acute appendicitis and so he needed emergency surgery.

I was of course scared and concerned for my husband but when the surgeon came in he assured me that this was a very common procedure, that this was something that he did all the time, and that I had nothing to worry about.

I asked him about how long the surgery would take and he told me that it would be between 1-2 hours.

So, as they were about to wheel my husband off I kissed him on the forehead and sent him off with my love.

But since I had an hour or two to kill I decided to leave the hospital and go to a nearby bar to watch the Vikings game. I watched most of the game, had exactly two drinks, had some wings, and then headed back to the hospital. I honestly just wanted to distract myself.

My husband got out of surgery about 10 minutes before I made it back and when he asked where I had been I told him. He just said ‘What? Seriously?’

He’s stayed overnight in the hospital but will probably be coming back today.

I don’t think I really did anything wrong; I just found a way to kill time and get my mind off things while he was in surgery. It’s not as if I could have done anything to help.

But he seems to think I somehow betrayed him by not being at the hospital waiting the whole time. AITJ?”

Another User Comments:

“YTJ. You treated the situation less seriously than you should have.

Your husband had severe pain that warranted a trip to the ER and he needed immediate emergency surgery. That’s a terrifying experience, meanwhile, you were out having beers.

It’s fine to go away for a bit while waiting, but this is not an appropriate time for drinking.

Given the nature of the situation (probably his first surgery, emergency) it’s understandable that he wanted you there when he got out and woke up. This was a short surgery as well, it’s not like you had to wait 10 hours.” AwkwardBugger

Another User Comments:

“YTJ, yes. If anything had gone wrong during that surgery, you, the spouse, would be the person who had to make any critical decisions. So it IS like there was something you could do to help, although fortunately for your husband, you didn’t have to.

This is all aside from the basic common courtesy & compassion a person should feel for their spouse while that spouse is in the hospital having emergency surgery. You could have found some other way to distract yourself – like maybe the phone in your hand!

– that didn’t involve skipping down the street to the bar so you could have a few drinks while catching the football game & then showing back up after he was already out of surgery.” Far_Anteater_256

Another User Comments:

“YTJ. Ma’am. No. Just no.

They have TVs in the waiting rooms and food in the cafeteria IN the hospital. Heck, my hospital even offers wings for dinner and a bunch of other comfort foods.

Your husband could have experienced complications and you weren’t there. What if you needed to make a medical decision and you weren’t around or were inebriated and couldn’t make the decision?

Even if everything went fine, you still prioritized your preferences over the medical needs of your husband. This sent a message to your husband that he isn’t a priority after coming out of surgery when he was looking for comfort and found absence.” allison2817

1 points - Liked by IDontKnow, lebe and pamlovesbooks918
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rusty 10 months ago
So let me get this straight...your husband is in ER with acute appendicitis, has surgery, and you decide it's okay to go out to the local and watch a football game and drink, then not return until he is already in recovery??? Are you serious right now?? What if, God forbid, something was to go wrong and decisions were needed, decisions that only YOU would have been able to make? Are you that absolutely self-centered that you didn't think of ANY of that, then you have the unmitigated gall to come to this forum for support/agreement??!! You are so much a jerk that if your husband were to leave you over this, I would stand up and applaud him!!! YTJx100,000!!!
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5. AITJ For Letting My Father-In-Law Babysit Our For A While?

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“My husband asked me if I would have lunch with him on Friday. When I arrived at his office he was still in a meeting so I was just waiting around until his sister and dad found out I was there with my son.

My father-in-law insisted on taking my son on a ‘tour’ of the office so my husband and I could have lunch together.

When my husband was done with his meeting he asked me where our son was and seemed upset he wasn’t there.

We went to lunch but he still seemed upset and he told me I shouldn’t have left our son with his dad because he was working. I told him he offered but he said I still shouldn’t have.

I got upset with him and snapped at him that it wasn’t a big deal which started a fight. When we got back to his office I brought it up to my father-in-law and mentioned how my husband thought it was bad that I left our son with him, which upset my husband because it made it seem like he didn’t want his dad watching our son.

AITJ?”

Another User Comments:

“NTJ

I think the problem is that your husband is likely used to a certain version of his father, and a certain working dynamic even in what appears to be a family business, where his father ‘doesn’t like to be interrupted when he’s working’ and your husband has probably heard that a lot and internalized it, and so assumed that you were imposing on his dad who ‘was busy working’, and that you shouldn’t have ‘bothered’ him.

The problem with that is that your husband didn’t account for the completely DIFFERENT dynamic of being a grandparent. There are very few granddads in the world – even the married-to-their-work type – who aren’t thrilled to take an hour to show their grandkid off around the office, brag to coworkers about how cute he is, show him where grandpa works, etc. Being a grandparent is a whole different ballgame.

Which is likely why your FIL OFFERED to watch your son.

I’d say there are no jerks here but your husband was a jerk because he didn’t listen to you. He made an assumption about you imposing when you clearly communicated that your FIL volunteered his time.

He’s also a jerk for trying to speak on his dad’s behalf… his father is perfectly capable of speaking for himself. You are definitely NTJ.” FoolMe1nceShameOnU

Another User Comments:

“No jerks here

Your husband might be upset about not being able to spend as much time with the baby due to work and looking forward to seeing him, and the reason he gave could just be an excuse.

But it wasn’t unreasonable of you to let your FIL look after him as he probably was very excited about the chance to see them, and keeping a baby still in a work environment for too long (due to the meeting) may not be ideal. FIL also did a nice thing letting you have some alone time together.

You’re not a jerk for letting safe family members look after him and having alone time with your husband, and if you spend a lot of time looking after the baby you’re not a jerk for taking a chance to have a small break.

Talk to him with understanding about why he was actually bothered, you’re on the same team here.” BeeHonest94

1 points - Liked by IDontKnow
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4. AITJ For Not Wanting To Get A Full-Time Work During My Vacation?

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“I (18 M) am a full-time college student, who attends a university that is pretty close to my parent’s home. Recently, I visited home on the weekend, and my mom told me that this winter I would need to work full-time in order to boost my savings.

I laughed and told her that my winter break, which is about 1 month long from mid-December to mid-January, should be a time to relax mentally and spend time with friends and family.

She was very serious about this and told me that I had better start looking for jobs soon.

A bit of background on my situation. My parents have been more than able to pay for my attending university, and in addition to that, I have found a part-time job to work during the school year that gives me enough money to pay for things like extra food, video games, etc. However, I am unable to work at this job over the break.

While they are generous in paying my tuition, and for other things like my phone bill, I don’t think that it is necessary for me to have to spend a large portion of my break working.

So, am I the jerk for telling my mom that I would not work full-time during my winter break?”

Another User Comments:

“That’s a tough one. You’re an adult and you should be able to do what you want with your free time, so forcing you to find a job isn’t ok.

But at the same time, you are completely financially dependent on your parents still, the way I understood it, they don’t just contribute to your living expenses, but cover them all.

It’s really weird that you didn’t discuss it with your parents before.

If they are just trying to make you earn more ‘pocket money’, that’s, of course, up to you and they cannot force you to do that. On the other hand, they have full right to ask you to contribute financially to your own existence such as paying your phone bill or taking over some other living costs.

The way you describe it, soft NTJ, because it sounds like they are just trying to butt in and tell you how to ‘productively’ spend your free time. But if you’re leaving things out like that the reason they want you to work is to start taking more responsibility for your own finances because they cannot/don’t want you fully support their adult son’s life at college, then my evaluation would change.” Kotoperek

Another User Comments:

“I think I am going to say everyone sucks here. This should be a discussion between you and your parents, however, I feel like communication broke down on both sides.

They do have a say in your finances since they are funding your going to college, but I do think it’s not a great move to just demand that you get a full-time job for a month.

Plus, that is kinda unrealistic as most places will be looking for employees that will be staying longer than a month.

However, you should have listened to their concerns, brought up your own, and actually participated in the conversation instead of laughing.

This is something you guys could have probably found a compromise to, like trying to find a part-time job or helping your parents with chores. I also understand you might feel a little bit burnt out and want a break, but I think you do owe it to your parents to hear them out and compromise on doing something productive during your break.” crazybirdlady93

1 points - Liked by IDontKnow
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Spaldingmonn 10 months ago
Truthfully, you seem like a slight jerk - for your attitude. You have a free ride, buddy. Your parents are paying for everything and they are NOT threatening to withdraw their financial support. You have a part time job for snacks and gaming but everything else is covered.
You feel entitled to a free month or chillaxing and doing very little because of the break between semesters.
Although I think she went at it the wrong way, I wonder if this is a concern of your mother's, that you are just going to do nothing for a month. In the work force, and depending on your job, employees get a months' vacation after putting in the time.
Have you really out in the time?
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3. AITJ For Resenting My Brother?

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“My (31 M) dad (69 M) recently died. My brother Chris (38 M) has started planning his service/funeral.

The thing is, I spent six years in prison. I got out when I was 29.

My family, my brother and dad included, didn’t visit me inside at all.

It hurt me more than I can imagine, and yeah I have held a bit of a grudge.

Since my dad died, my brother has reached out to me and has asked me to help plan certain aspects of the service.

While he and I have been working on our relationship, I won’t lie that I got upset and told him that I would go to the funeral but I wasn’t going to help plan it.

When he asked me why I told him that the fact that he didn’t visit me at all when I was inside means that I don’t think I should have to be involved with the service.

My brother told me that I was being selfish and that my being in prison was ‘shameful’ to our dad and this was the least I could do for them both.

There are a lot of emotions and resentments flying around right now on all sides so I need a fresh perspective.

AITJ?”

Another User Comments:

“No jerks here

You feel hurt and abandoned. At a time when you needed them the most, you feel like they weren’t there for you. It’s a valid feeling.

As for their side because of the mistakes you were making and the people you were involved with before going to prison, they probably felt like you abandoned them too.

You are out now and trying to build a better life.

The question is do you want your brother to be a part of it? Your father is gone. There is no turning back the clock and changing things. Your brother is asking you to be there for him.

If you want him in your life moving forward then maybe it’s time for everyone to try and put the hurt in the past and move on. It’s up to you.

What do you want your life to look like moving forward?

We all make mistakes and you paid for yours. I wish you well moving forward.” MaryAnne0601

Another User Comments:

“NTJ because you are not required to help.

It would be nice too but you have your reasons. You need to come to terms with them not visiting you while you were in prison. If you didn’t speak to your father about it before he died…

then you will not get any resolution. He can’t voice his reason why he didn’t visit. I wouldn’t put too much stick in what your brother says his reasoning was either. He can only speak as to why he never visited. You’ll need to seek counseling in order for you to move on from the hurt.” Trice316

Another User Comments:

“No jerks here.

Honestly, I really do feel for you, I can imagine that you feel like you got a double sentence both being in prison and shunned by your family.

I get the resentment that you feel, and it’s validated. And if your dad had continued to live for a few more years maybe you could’ve talked about it and cleared the air eventually.

But he died, and I’m sorry for your loss and I really recommend that you let go of past transgressions. He is gone, and being angry at a dead person doesn’t help.

That is a rabbit hole I recommend that you stay out of.

We all handle emotions differently, this anger can also be misplaced grief I think you should talk to a grief counselor that can help you get some closure.

I suggest that you make a decision to just forgive your dad and help your brother with the funeral to try to make it another step toward mending your relationship. Holding on to anger towards a dead person can really eat you from the inside and I’m speaking from experience.” Upbeat-Tradition5823

Another User Comments:

“YTJ. Funerals are for the living, not the dead. Your father is gone. He doesn’t care if you come to his funeral, or help to plan it. Your brother cares, he may be the only one who does.

You are not punishing your father in any way, and you don’t owe him this either. The thing is your dad is beyond being hurt by what you do or don’t do.

So if you can’t punish your dad for ignoring you, what are you actually accomplishing by not participating? Your dad is beyond your reach, whatever you do will have no effect on him.” ContentedRecluse

0 points - Liked by IDontKnow and shgo
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bejo 10 months ago
Funerals are for the living. Your dad is gone and won't be hurt by your refusal, but this is a chance to support your brother and try to mend your relationshilp. It's up to you if you want that or not.
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2. AITJ For Only Paying For What I Ate?

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“I (28 M) have 2 friends, Dee (27 f), and Tommy (29 M). We’ve known each other since middle school and make a point to make time to keep in touch and eat out at least once a month but often twice.

We live a 40-minute drive apart but it’s worth it to keep the friendship alive. This died down during the global crisis but we’re back at it semi-regularly again.

I am single, aromantic.

they’ve never made me feel like a third wheel this isn’t a date I’m invading, it’s decompression time for friends to have a nice meal and maybe a few drinks.

After the global crisis, Dee never went back to work, they both seem to be okay with this and she enjoys the house-making life.

that’s their thing, not my problem. The problem is that when the bill comes Tommy asks for it to be split 2 ways, or it will just be split that way because only 2 of us walked up to the pay counter.

The first few times I shrugged it off half of her meal comes to less than 7 bucks and I usually have a (singular) beer while they have soda so my portion is probably 2-3 bucks higher anyways.

It all came to a head this weekend when we went to a nicer place that just opened in the area, at 50ish dollars a head I couldn’t help but speak up when he tried to tell the waitress to split the bill 2 ways.

I did the math at the table and just what I had came up to 67 dollars, a third of the total bill was 71. I told him I’d either pay a third even though it’s more than my portion or just go Dutch.

I didn’t care either way since it was close.

He was absolutely appalled, told me it was embarrassing that I had done all this in front of Dee knowing that she wasn’t working, and made a snide remark about how I make more than him anyways.

To his snide remark, I said something I maybe shouldn’t have, about the fact that I’m not the one who married her so why should I subsidize her unless she’s coming home with me half the time?

I paid my portion and left, now he’s texting me incessantly about how I embarrassed him in front of his wife and I should have been a man about the situation and split the bill between the men like is ‘proper to do’.

The more I think back the more I realize this has happened since college too he and I would split the cost for pizza and she would come to eat too.

You can call me a jerk for what I said I’ll accept that but AITJ for settling the bill in front of her?

She’s known me just as long as he has. Maybe I should have just paid it then and settled it later.”

Another User Comments:

“NTJ. Your friends have a sense of entitlement that cannot be explained. They have some twisted value system where they expect other people to cover part of their expenses.

The only reason to keep paying is if you value their friendship so much that don’t want to risk losing it. You had to know that you were risking losing your friendship by speaking up.

Perhaps you should have brought along another friend and seen how long this arrangement would continue.

Once Tommy realized he was paying the full amount of his and Dee’s meals, it may have broken the relationship as well.

They may have just been using you to augment the restaurant budget all along.” Icy_Curmudgeon

Another User Comments:

“YTJ. You guys had a set standard for how these dinners work and you shouldn’t spring a change to that set standard at the literal very last moment.

If you have a problem with how the dinners work you should have that conversation before y’all get to the dinner and definitely before y’all order.

It’s not like you didn’t know where you were going or how much the food there costs.

If splitting the bill in half was gonna be a problem. You should’ve said something when yall made the plans not when you got the checks.

And what you said was a jerk thing to say too.” 4yelhsa

Another User Comments:

“Everyone sucks here. You are absolutely right about not paying for Dee’s meals all the time, they have been sponging off you for years. They are both jerks.

Tommy also sounds like a sexist (Be a man?). You shouldn’t have implied that by paying for half the meal you should be ‘sharing her’ – not cool. That said I’d apologize for that remark, but I’d make it clear that going forward you will be asking for separate checks.

Don’t be surprised if they decline to go out with you, but if that’s the case they weren’t great friends to begin with.” PilotEnvironmental46

-1 points - Liked by lebe and BJ
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Squidmom 10 months ago
So she's so fragile thar you can't discuss money in front of her? Eww he sounds like a pig.
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1. AITJ For Being Mad At My Husband For Not Cleaning The Kitchen?

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“My fiancé (35 m) and I (26 f) have been together for 6 years and living together for 4.

We both work in healthcare and have hectic schedules. I’ve been minimally employed for about 2 months and started cooking in my spare time. I’ve been offering to make my fiancé food to make breakfast and dinner easier on him.

He always tells me ‘yes’ if I ask if he wants me to make extras for leftovers, but as soon as they get put in the fridge, he won’t eat them and instead comes home and grabs a TV dinner to put in the microwave.

This means I’m often stuck eating the same meal for a week at a time otherwise it sits in the fridge and goes bad. This gives me severe anxiety because I grew up food insecure and watching food go bad fills me with dread.

When I brought it up, he basically told me he would forget the leftovers were in there and kept grabbing TV dinners. I got a whiteboard to put on the fridge and started writing what leftovers were in there and he got insulted and said the idea was ‘infantilizing’ so I didn’t use it.

He kept grabbing TV dinners, and it was hurtful/insulting that he would overlook the leftovers for them.

Lately, I’ve been struggling with some mental health issues (anxiety) and cried about how hard it is to keep on top of the kitchen and that I felt like I was getting ‘stuck’ in there being the only one who cleans it while my partner gets the (in my opinion, MUCH easier) chore of washing clothes.

He offered to switch chores for a while so I could take a break, and I agreed.

That was about 6-8 weeks ago, and in that time he’s washed about half the dishes ONCE.

I’ve been washing dishes as I’ve needed them and putting a few through our mini-dishwasher when able.

Yesterday I broke down again because I just wanted to cook so I’d have something to eat, but there were dishes on every surface of the kitchen (covering counters, stove, table, chairs, and sinks) and it took 2 hours of washing to catch back up (not including wiping counters and floors, etc) and by the time I was done, I didn’t have the energy to dive into cooking.

When I talked to him about it, he told me he was ‘too busy’ with work to clean the kitchen and that he would’ve gotten it later in the week (at least 3+ days), and that I was overreacting to not having a space to cook, and it can wait or I can do it myself.

It feels like the kitchen got dumped on me AND now I’m doing the laundry, and I genuinely believe it’s because he’s perfectly content grabbing a TV dinner (doesn’t need anything to cook, just a fork to eat with) and getting out of the kitchen.

It’s a small thing to him, but his habit of grabbing a TV dinner is making me feel unappreciated, and it’s enabling him to ignore the chore he offered to take.

WIBTJ if I stopped buying TV dinners for a while so he’d address these issues?”

Another User Comments:

“No jerks here. It sounds like there’s a clash of lifestyles. Sounds like he wants to live a bachelor lifestyle and you want to live a homemaker lifestyle.

The solution is to figure out if that’s something you want to work out or not. If he wants to eat TV dinners and you can afford to buy those instead of cooking, why not do that?

There will be fewer dishes to pile up and you won’t be stuck with leftovers. Though he does need to learn to clean in a timely fashion. Dishes washed too late are as good as dishes never washed. Tell him that you keep up with the laundry so he has clean clothes to wear so you expect the same from the chores he takes on.

Agree on a day to have the chores done by each week.” bird_watch01

Another User Comments:

“YWBTJ if you continue trying to make him eat your food. You are trying to make him care about something he doesn’t care about.

Not buying microwave dinners will not fix your problem. You can’t force him to change, you only have control over your own reactions.

Quit catering to his needs when cooking. You are wasting your time and energy on it and don’t appreciate it.

It appears that he doesn’t want the food you make for whatever reason. Otherwise, he wouldn’t be so upset about the whiteboard.

I’m cooking for one and I will freeze a bunch for later.

Shop for yourself and cook for yourself. Grab a handful of whatever from the frozen dinner aisle and get some instant oatmeal for him. Quit knocking yourself out trying to please him.

He does not care. Again, the only thing you can change is how you react. It’s a him problem, not a you-problem.

Switch the chores back so you can have a clean kitchen.

Ask yourself if this is really how you want to live the rest of your life. Imagine how he will be when there’s a baby in the house. I imagine he will be too busy.” Disastrogirl

Another User Comments:

“The dishes and food are two different issues, to be honest. No jerks here, you two just need to have a proper talk about day-to-day expectations, comfort levels, and general concerns.

Your partner not helping with cleaning up is an issue that he really needs to step up and solve, but the food thing is not his fault. You know he doesn’t eat the leftovers you leave, so why are you still making them when you know it’s not gonna work out the way you hope?

If microwave dinners work for him, that’s fine, fewer dishes to wash up that way, and you can just focus on nourishing yourself.” hissy-

Another User Comments:

“Yes, YTJ here. I mean, your fiance has definitely done some irresponsible and rude things, like saying he would eat leftovers and then not, and agreeing to switch chores and then not doing his share.

However, your schedule changed, and his didn’t, and yet you’re blaming him for all the things you volunteered to do. Perhaps he never ate the leftovers because he didn’t want to feel obligated to help out more with the extra workload.

Also, you let these issues go on for weeks on end without communication until you reached your breaking point, and then blame your fiancé for all your stress and anxiety when you could have just stopped cooking at literally any point.

I get that you were trying to do something nice for him, but it doesn’t sound like it’s working for either of you, so I think YTJ for not problem-solving, and just expecting your fiancé to change his habits because of your schedule and choices.” BaroquenDesert

-2 points - Liked by shgo
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rusty 10 months ago
Buy your own food, wash your own dishes and do your own laundry, and let him do his....problem solved.
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