People Present Their Case By Telling Us Their "Am I The Jerk?" Stories
37. AITJ For Not Wanting To Walk Down The Aisle With My Ex?
“I (25M) have an ex who we’ll call Sarah. Sarah was emotionally manipulative and verbally abusive to me. My friend Ryan and I lived together for 3 years, and he met his fiance Sharen through Sarah. There was a point where we all lived together, during which Sarah broke up with me and did some really trashy stuff.
So I know at least THAT is something that Ryan and Sharen both saw, and experienced.
I have since moved away and made a life for myself elsewhere (in a different state).
Fast forward, Ryan and Sharen are getting married, I was to be the Best Man. I made a boundary a few months before the wedding to Sharen that I would not walk Sarah down the aisle, that wouldn’t be cool with me.
Sarah wasn’t meant to be the maid of honor, so all was good, right?
The night before I fly down for the wedding (with my current partner, mind you), Ryan calls me up to tell me that the original maid of honor fell through and that I may have to walk Sarah down the aisle.
I made it VERY clear that I was not okay with doing that. I offered other ideas (the number of bridesmaids and groomsmen was odd now, so it’d be weird no matter what), but I was NOT going to walk Sarah down the aisle.
The next time it came up was during rehearsal. I thought I had made it clear, but Sharen made it clear to the person running the rehearsal that she wanted Sarah and me to walk together.
I didn’t want to make an ordeal out of it at that time, as everyone besides my partner would’ve backed up Sharen and not myself.
At rehearsal dinner, I was FUMING, so I wasn’t talking and happy like my normal self. Sharen and Ryan caught on to this, and they were getting visibly upset that I wasn’t happy.
I decided to remove myself from the situation by going outside to take a breather. My partner and I both went outside, and we were there for about 5 minutes before Sarah came outside to ‘talk’ to me. But before she could say much, Ryan’s dad and Sharen’s dad both came out, and Sharen’s dad started yelling at me telling me that I ‘wasn’t going to mess up his little girl’s day.
Whatever is going on between you and Sarah, you need to MAN UP, and get it done. ‘ After he left, Sarah took this opportunity to ALSO start yelling at me about how ’embarrassing it is that I can’t do this without making a scene’ etc.
I ended up walking down the aisle, but at least Ryan convinced Sharen to not have us link arms.
I don’t think it was the action of walking down the aisle that did it for me, it was the violation of a very clear boundary. I’ve explained to Ryan that he broke my trust and that Sarah, Sharen, and Sharen’s dad will never be part of my life again. Ryan will need to somehow gain my trust again, but that’s his problem, not mine.
So, am I the jerk?”
36. AITJ For Kicking Out My Sister From My House Because Her Son Broke My Son's Stuff?
“Finding out about my son James was a huge surprise for me 8 months ago. He’s 6 and I’m (28M) still adjusting to it.
My sister lives with me, by the way. She’s been here for over a year because the global crisis pretty much ruined her business. My sister couldn’t afford the rent anymore for her store, so she and my nephew, AJ (9) moved to my place.
Right now she’s working but not enough hours to earn her own place. Now it doesn’t really bother me that they’re living with me. Sometimes AJ can be a lot though. She has a bad habit of spoiling him too much due to his dad not being around.
After finding out about James and having him over more often AJ has hated he’s not the only child in the house anymore.
3 months ago my son’s grandma who’s his legal guardian had to undergo surgery. She’s still recuperating so it’s going to take some time for her to do more physically.
In the meantime, James came to live with me. He’s already gone through enough in his life and I just want to make the process easier on him so he feels comfortable with me as his dad.
My place is a 3 bedroom so before everyone had their own individual rooms but I told my sister to move AJ’s things with her.
Of course, my nephew had a fit. And she was mad because he’d lived there longer than James. I normally don’t play ‘my house my rules’ but for my son I did.
She’s still pretty bitter about it, AJ doesn’t tolerate James around at all. He’s mean to him for no reason.
One time at breakfast he pushed James because he wanted to sit where he was sitting. I have had talks with AJ to get him to understand, and also with my sister to get her kid under control.
For one James’ grandma and I are working out a custody arrangement so his living here was always going to happen regardless of her condition which meant he’d always get his own room.
My sister doesn’t do much because she says it’s my fault for bringing James in knowing that this would devastate AJ. On Tuesday AJ came to James’ room and took everything out.
His clothes from the drawers, broke some of his toys and the one that upset him the most was that he broke the lava lamp my son loves. His mom bought it for him a few years ago and he uses it as a nightlight.
I was just so mad for my son because he was crying.
It made me react badly to my sister, for not stopping it in the first place but she says she was in the garage. Straight up just told her AJ can’t be here anymore and they need to get out since she obviously can’t parent him to control himself. My sister pleaded with me because they didn’t have anywhere to go.
We’re cut off from family. But I still told them they had to go.
They left the next morning. Right now she says they have to stay on a friend’s couch. She won’t stop telling me how awful it is, that I threw them out, and now they’re struggling even more. I wanted to help them but nothing was being done about AJ and it just made me snap. AITJ?”
35. AITJ For Not Tolerating My Stepbrother's Bad Behaviors?
“Due to many personal issues including depression, I (19) decided to move back to my mom’s house for a little bit until I could figure my life out since my mental health didn’t allow me to continue studying.
I came home to the surprise that my stepbrother who I have known since he was 4 (now he is 9 years old) has not changed a bit except grown physically. I am incredibly surprised that he is still extremely entitled and makes my stepdad shower him or wipe him in the toilet when he clearly knows how to do those things on his own.
He can’t even pour a glass of water on his own which is extremely surprising to me. He won’t eat anything that is not nuggets or noodles with butter.
Every outsider in my household says that he is extremely entitled and the main problem is: he is a misery, he doesn’t say thank you or please to anything, and even when he gets what he wants he complains about it, he insults my mom’s cooking, he responds condescendingly to everything, etc.
Nobody seems to do anything about it, my stepdad yells at him but NEVER punishes him. Even when he knows he’s extremely addicted to Fortnite since he was 4 and that game makes him curse and say things my mom would’ve punished me for months for saying.
I have decided to start treating him like the age he should be and I am the only person he seems to respect in the house and even my stepdad acknowledges it.
The child even if he is family is a nightmare to live with and he treats my mom like she is his slave and it really boils my blood. But of course, my stepdad doesn’t want me to put my foot down against any of this which annoys me. I want to have a good relationship with the kid but I can’t stand the fact that he is in a terrible mood unless he is allowed to play Fortnite and will criticize everything if otherwise.
For the record. I mean that I try to treat him like he should be treated (a 9-year-old) but since he is a nightmare it has made me become more cold and distant.”
34. AITJ For Kicking My Sister-In-Law And Her Kids Out For Taking My Son's Snacks?
“My husband (35m) and I (34m) have 3 kids (CJ 14m, J 6f, and A 2f) who we adopted.
About 2 weeks ago, my SIL (38f) found out her husband was having an affair and asked to come stay with us for a little while with her 4 kids so she could figure things out since her husband was the breadwinner.
My husband and I didn’t hesitate and let them come over since we had the space.
On to the current issue and the events leading up. CJ is a type one diabetic and due to the past, he has food aversions so we buy him low-sugar snacks that he will eat to take with him to school and to have for after-school activities.
I pack these for him every night and put the bag on the counter and he grabs it before my brother takes him to school. I have gotten an email from a teacher and his dance coach this week about making sure he has enough snacks or if I wanted to keep some at the school when he forgets.
He never forgets but my husband and I decided to sit down with him because people forget but we don’t want his sugar to bottom out either.
The whole time, CJ tried to avoid the subject but we finally told him that we just needed to know what was going on. He tells us that his cousins have a habit of getting into his snack bag before he grabs it in the morning and when he asked his aunt, she told him that it wasn’t fair that he got snacks his cousins enjoyed and everyone needed to be treated fairly.
I was livid and went to confront her and she told me that it wasn’t fair he was given special treatment when her kids needed comfort in this difficult time.
I tried to explain about his diabetes and she said it was an excuse to favor CJ. The argument got more heated and my husband got involved to try and diffuse the situation.
When the situation was dying down, she in passing said ‘I hate you’re choosing those kids over real family’ and it rubbed me the wrong way and I told her to get out. She begged us not to but this isn’t the first comment she had made about our kids not being our kids.
She went to stay with her friend in her 2-bedroom house and it’s pretty cramped there.
Her friend blasted me on social media saying I kicked her and her kids out over nothing. My husband and I just want to give our kids a safe space but I wonder if I was in the wrong because she has 4 kids and they didn’t really do anything to deserve any of this. So AITJ?”
33. AITJ For Asking My Husband To Spend Time With Us On Mother's Day?
“My husband (34m) and I (35f) have been married for 4 years and together for 6. We have 2 children (twins) together and one on the way (I’m 7½ months pregnant).
I’m a stay-at-home mom, and because of my health issues, daycare for 2 kids, let alone 3, is expensive. He works 7 to 6 M-F and then goes to play DND for about 4 to 6 hours once sometimes twice a week.
This week I guess is a twice-a-week one. I asked him if he could skip DND for Mother’s Day to spend time with us as a family… maybe go to dinner and maybe let me take a bubble bath.
He said no because his friends needed him to be the dungeon master. I got upset and pointed out I’m at home with the kids every day and I don’t really get to leave the house on my own except for doctors appointments because we only have one car. I barely get to have time to myself because he plays with the kids when he gets home but I still do all the work.
He said it was a stupid made-up day and he doesn’t get what the big deal is. I said fine but don’t expect anything for Father’s Day then he got really mad and said that I was being unreasonable because without him we wouldn’t have kids and he’s the breadwinner of the house and I just sit at home doing nothing.
I said that’s not fair.
The past few days my HG (hyperemesis gravidarum) has been really bad and I’ve been too fatigued to clean as much. He could help a little if it was that big of a problem. He told me he was still planning to go to the game and then went and stayed at his friend’s for the night.
And I just was left standing there crying.
He came home to an empty house and an empty bed at 11:30 p.m. and was not happy. He called me saying I needed to come home with the kids now and I told him no. It’s 11:30 the kids are asleep and I was too. We will talk when I come home on Tuesday.
He started screaming at me that I absolutely had to come home tomorrow morning who was going to make dinner… I said no we needed this time. Plus my dad and sister were taking the twins to Disneyland tomorrow and I have two appointments tomorrow that my mom was taking me to.
I think I might be the jerk because the game is that time he gets with his friends and Mother’s Day is just another day. AITJ?”
32. AITJ For Not Letting People Use The Tunnels Behind My House Anymore?
“3 years ago, I bought a house a few towns over from where I grew up. A few months after I moved in, I discovered that in part of my backyard that’s woods, there’s a series of connected tunnels with three entrances: one that lets out to my house, one that lets out to the very back of the property owned by a local private school, and one that lets out about a quarter-mile from a major train station in my area.
There’s no mention of it in county records, but from what I can tell, about 80% of it is technically within my property lines. It was obviously abandoned and in disgusting condition. I grew up hearing crazy stories about tunnels deep in the woods where crazy and super illegal things happened, but there was never any proof and it just sounded unbelievable.
Maybe some of that was true after all.
I spent a few months cleaning it and trying to figure out what I should do about it. If the stories were even half-true, it was a massive safety risk to leave open. I landed on the idea of gating as much of it as I could just to lower the risk of unsafe activities there while still allowing me and my family and friends to use it.
I engaged a lawyer about it, and he agreed that not only did I have the legal right to gate the parts of the tunnels that are on my property, but that it would be the responsible thing to do as it could be a liability for me if illegal things happened there. I got to work and had custom gates built and installed.
I gated right at the entrance to the ‘house’ entrance and had measured out where to do it for the other two entrances, but I ended up meeting with the principal of the school, and he asked me to just go ahead and gate the entrance because they wanted it inaccessible, so that’s at the entrance as well.
The gate at the train entrance is a little over 7 feet in. I made sure that the gates covered the entire entryway, and that each one had a safety latch so someone that was inside could easily get out.
I feel a lot better knowing that it’s now not accessible to just anyone or anything, but now some of the neighbors who had, I guess, been using it have noticed that the party is over, and they are not happy.
They say it was their route to take their kids to school and to get to the train. I don’t buy it, because it’s not super obvious that it’s there, and from the way I found it, it had clearly been abandoned by anyone even slightly reasonable for decades. I’m not willing to reopen it, and now I’m getting accused of blocking a public easement and just being a bad neighbor. AITJ?”
31. AITJ For Walking Out Of A Family Reunion When My Ex Showed Up?
“I (23F) was in a relationship with Andrew (24M) for 3 years. It was incredibly toxic and he was a serial liar.
He was controlling and I eventually left him after many, many chances and after strong support from Claire (23F), my cousin and best friend. He was a creep, and I got a restraining order after I saw him skulking around my house. We broke up almost two years ago.
It’s important to note that the restraining order expired.
His parents are friends with my parents. They go way back, and they didn’t stop seeing each other when we broke up. I understand they’ve been friends since high school.
It’s important to note that my parents are stereotypical Asian parents. Overbearing, hovering, and old-school with high expectations. They were devastated when we broke up, and have been pressuring me to get back together with Andrew because we were ‘meant for each other’.
They don’t know why we broke up. I’ve considered telling them before but they would never understand. I did tell them that I never wanted to see him again.
Anyway, I attended a family gathering the other day. I hate them, but my parents made me go.
I stood with Claire in the corner, and it was almost like a movie.
She gasped and subtly nudged me. I turned around and there he was. He’d been invited by my parents.
I pulled them into a corner and told them that I was going or he was. They told me to give him another chance, and I refused, obviously. They wanted to know what he’d done and I gave them a brief summary.
They reacted exactly like I thought they would. They told me I was a liar, that I was overreacting and to move on.
Claire pulled me out of my parents’ house, and I haven’t responded to anyone’s texts or emails.
But I’m wondering if I’m the jerk for leaving and making a scene. Should I have just stuck it out?
Edit: Even if my parents did know about the restraining order they’d probably just say it’s nonsense or that it was in the past or something. That’s their normal response to things they don’t care about/interfere with their plans.”
30. AITJ For Not Letting My Ex Borrow My Car Anymore?
“I let my now-ex use my car when hers was getting fixed (took her 2 months to even get it checked out.) She would repeatedly not have enough funds for gas to put in it (yet would get her hair/nails done the week before) and always chose to act ignorant when I brought this issue up.
Things came to a head one night when she waited until the last minute to ask to use my car, and I told her no… that the only way she could was if she put gas in it as I only had enough to get to work.
She gets quiet and says she’s broke at the moment and she can’t be late because she’s already on probation.
I told her fine, that the restrictions were to go straight to work (overnights) and when I got paid in the morning I’d send her gas money to get my car back to me.
The second rule was to also not call me incessantly when she got to work and she said ok and drove off.
The minute she got to work she called a few times asking for AAA to come and put gas in my vehicle for free. I was mad because we already had come up with a plan that she agreed to. She finally let it out that her account was overdrafted, and she’d need double the amount I was willing to give in order to get my car home.
‘I don’t know how you’d get your car back if you don’t pay it.’
I was livid and told her that this is why I can’t help her anymore. That she’s ridiculously irresponsible and it’s not attractive to be so willfully ignorant. Since she took my vehicle under false pretenses, I told her to have it back by 9 am or I would report my vehicle stolen.
She cried and somehow scrambled the money to get my car home, and I refused to let her use it again and broke it off with her. She’s selfish and only cares about herself, but AITJ for threatening to call the police after my ex stole my car under false pretenses?”
29. AITJ For Interrupting My Dad's Time With His Partner Because They Were Being Too Noisy?
“I (18M) live with my dad (37M) who has been a single parent for the last 16 years.
He is great, a little bit irresponsible sometimes but still loving and caring.
My dad has gone out with a couple of people over the years but nothing really serious, he has never brought them home and has always asked me if I felt comfortable with the person he was going out with. Nothing was really serious until his now partner Noah (29M) came into the picture.
Noah is great and we get along well, he is the first person my dad brought home, which means Noah is so important to him. Noah has even started to spend some nights here such as yesterday.
They were in my dad’s room and I was in mine. It was around midnight when I woke up cause I heard some noises, and it was clearly them being intimate.
They were so loud that I couldn’t ignore it, so it was kinda uncomfortable, thus I got up from my bed and decided to knock on their door to make sure they were aware of the noise (plus as I was getting closer to his door, I could hear how dirty they were talking, just to make it more uncomfortable).
I knocked on the door and it went like this:
Me: Dad, I hear that Noah is hurting, you want me to call someone? Emergency perhaps?
My dad: No, don’t worry, everything is ok (in a freaked-out tone)
Noah: Yes, no problem, don’t worry about me (so nervous)
Me: OK, good night, I had a hard time falling asleep.
Today in the morning, Noah wasn’t here for breakfast (he usually stays for breakfast whenever he sleeps here). I asked my dad: Where is Noah? He replied seemingly angry: Really? You expected him to be here after you basically ashamed him and made us feel bad. I apologized and he told me that I wasn’t a kid anymore and that I knew exactly what they were doing so I should have respected their privacy, he then called me a jerk for shaming him and his partner.
I texted Noah to let him know I understand that this is what couples do, so he has nothing to be ashamed of, I just interrupted them because I was just trying to sleep. He read the text but hasn’t responded yet, I guess he is really ashamed.
So AITJ? I knew what they were doing.
I didn’t mind if they did it. I knew they did it every time he stayed but this time the noise was too loud to ignore.
When I told my mom she just laughed and said that we three we’ll laugh about this in the future.”
28. AITJ For Taking My Car Back From My Sister?
” “In January my sister, ‘Jan’ (28), had her car break down and had to be scrapped. My sister works an hour’s drive away from her apartment, and there are no public transit options to get her to and from work.
She was denied a car loan for bad credit along with not being able to afford to put any money down, and things were looking pretty dire. I’m the only person in the family with good enough credit to get a decent car loan, so my parents talked me into taking the loan out and registering the car under my name.
The deal was that Jan would give me the money to pay everything (insurance, monthly payments, etc.) and when the car was paid off I would transfer the title to my sister.
This has been the biggest headache. Jan has gone months without paying me at all, and when she does she is always short and making excuses.
The truth is I am essentially paying for the car + insurance for my sister with the promise of reimbursement. My parents have also promised to make up the difference at some point, but I doubt that will happen.
It has been 2 months since Jan has paid me and it is again looking like I will have to pay this month’s payment out of my own pocket.
I am so sick of this and told Jan last week that I want to be paid in full by that Friday or I would be taking the car and selling it. She just disingenuously apologized and promised super seriously to have the money to me that week.
Friday rolled around and she had ignored all my texts and calls.
I had my partner drive me out to her apartment and I told her to hand the keys to the car over or I would call the police and report it stolen. The car is legally my property, and I’m done paying out of pocket so she can have a car. She told me she had shifts all weekend and that she would be fired if she could not go.
I told her I didn’t care and then she threatened to sue me. In the end, I got the car and listed it over the weekend.
Jan lost her job last night for not showing 3 days in a row. The fact my parents or some other person could not drive her to work seems to escape her as she and my parents have branded me the biggest jerk on the planet.”
27. AITJ For Telling A Parent That My Kids Don't Want To Hang Out With His Kids?
“We live across the street from a strange family, the ‘Cashins’. I don’t like the wife but the dad is likable. Our sons are the same age as their sons – 13, 9 and 6.
Really nice kids.
The thing is that the parents homeschool their kids. I’m more than happy to have as many kids at our house. I don’t care if they eat all my food or are loud. My 13 and 9-year-old have grown cold of the 13 and 9-year-old Cashin boys. They’re socially awkward because they do not interact with kids their own age enough so they come off as weird.
A lot of the stuff my 13-year-old and his friends talk about goes over the 13-year-old Cashin boy’s head so he just sits there in silence. The other boys feel uncomfortable. For example, they were watching some scary movie and he said he needed to take a ‘brain break’ and went home and never came back.
The 9-year-old Cashin boy is very talkative and affectionate. The other day he kissed my 9yo on the lips while they were building Legos in front of other kids. My son nearly gagged. That alone got him blacklisted from the other kids in the neighborhood.
So now my 13-year-old and 9-year-old don’t want to hang out with them.
That really hurt the Cashin kids and their dad asked me if I knew what was going on. I said Bro, I’m going to be honest. Your kids are socially inept. My kids really tried with your kids. They don’t want to hang out with your kids because they don’t want them to get bullied by other kids in their social group.
I told him I really really like his kids. But they just don’t fit in. My kids can’t fix that.
He was very offended and said not to worry because they won’t hang out with my kids including their 6-year-old. I said my 6-year-old and your 6-year-old get along. You can give them a ball and they will play for hours.
He said no.
I feel really bad but he needed to hear it.”
26. AITJ For Being Annoyed By My Mother's Lectures About Table Etiquette?
“I (18F) just went out to brunch with my twin brother and my mom (54F). Things were going smoothly until I did something that apparently she found very offensive: I took a bite from my fork, chewed and swallowed, then took the remaining bite, chewed and swallowed that.
I have a small mouth and like to take little bites so I don’t look like a chipmunk while eating.
However, my mom got very upset with me because I didn’t set my fork down between bites.
This has been an issue before. She criticized me once for holding my fork in my right hand instead of my left, and after that, it became a huge thing.
She’s never said anything in public until now.
Today she told me I was doing this to spite her and be disrespectful on purpose, but honestly, I’m just trying to eat my food in peace. I said that if she cared so intensely, she should’ve started teaching me ‘which hand to hold my fork in’ at a younger age instead of waiting until I turned 18 to suddenly make it a problem.
Her response was ‘Oh, you’re right. I’m just a bad mother then.’
It’s embarrassing for me to sit through her lectures because I genuinely feel as though her reaction is uncalled for. I’ve struggled with an eating disorder for years—which she is very aware of—and the thought of her monitoring the way I eat so closely makes me really ashamed.
I’m not rude; I don’t burp at the table, I put my phone away unless it’s for pictures, and I keep my napkin in my lap.
Meanwhile, my twin brother sat next to me scrolling through social media, picking his nose (I’m not kidding), and using his fingers to scoop food into his mouth. She didn’t say a single word.
And now, after brunch, she doesn’t want me to come with the family when we go out to eat anymore.
Am I the jerk? What do I do?
EDIT: The ‘bite’ that bothered her so much was scrambled egg. I figured it was just unnecessary to cut it so I ate it in two bites instead.”
25. AITJ For Not Trusting My SO's Dad After He Secretly Put Onions In My Food?
“I (19F) used to be very close with my SO’s (19M) family.
Many nights I would go over and have dinner with them, and I even work with his dad, who’s a cook at the restaurant where I work.
I am sensitive to onions. I won’t die if I eat one, but they give me really bad stomach cramps and nausea if I do eat them, and there have been a few times that I’ve vomited because I was so hungry I didn’t realize the food I was eating had high onion content.
I told my significant other and his family this when we first met, and everywhere we went, I asked for no onions in my food. There were times I would suck it up, like if I was eating at a Mexican restaurant and knew it was unavoidable, but I could prepare ahead of time.
My SO’s dad always said he never included onions in the food he made when I went over, or even ate food from the restaurant we worked at.
Oftentimes I would feel gassy, have cramps, or feel a little sick, but I always brushed it off as something else. Maybe I was tired, maybe I overeat, etc.
Today, I found out through a coworker that my SO’s dad has been putting onions in my food in secret because he didn’t believe me and thought I was lying about having an onion intolerance.
This really hurt, cuz I trusted him, and in return, he was telling everyone I was lying about not being able to eat onions and that it was okay to put them in my food because I ‘just didn’t like them. ‘ Now I’m terrified to eat food made by anyone else that I work with or in his family.
I’m highly considering not talking to my SO’s dad anymore because of this. However, I’m worried I might just be overreacting and this isn’t something to be so upset about, and if I do avoid my SO’s dad, I’ll just be a jerk.
24. AITJ For Not Wanting My Daughter's Grandma In Her Life?
“I (25f) got pregnant by a casual hookup (26m). Shortly after I told him I was pregnant he disappeared and wanted nothing to do with my child. She’s now 8 months.
A few months after my child was born I filed for child support. I needed a last known address for him so I went online to find one.
While looking I came across his mom’s name and a phone number. After thinking about it, I reached out to her. I thought she deserved to know her grandchild even though her son didn’t want to be involved.
She was very nice and said how her son never mentioned he had a child but was happy that I reached out.
She said she was not currently in contact with her son. She said she was sick and wanted to wait until she felt better to meet my daughter.
She was nice but she had red flags. She never really asked about my daughter and only wanted to talk about her son. She claimed she was very sick but talked about how she would mow the lawn and work on her car but was too sick to meet my daughter.
She seemed to hate every person in her son’s life such as friends and exes and blamed them for her son’s issues. But she did give me the information I needed, where he worked. I needed it to get him served to take a paternity test.
Then one day she stopped replying. A few weeks later I received a text saying she talked to her son and some things didn’t add up and she wanted to call me.
I tried calling her and she never answered so I figured she no longer wanted to be involved.
At a previous court hearing my daughter’s father under oath told the magistrate his address was his mom’s address so I used that to serve him the court documents.
A few weeks later she texted me saying that he lives with his friend, not with her, and that she will not forward the documents to him.
Then said her son told her he was not the dad and couldn’t be because the birthday did not match up. She said I ruined her son’s life and if he harms himself (he has mental health issues) it’s my and my daughter’s fault. I should be the one who dies and not him. If her son was the father I should have terminated the pregnancy.
I never replied.
Since my daughter’s father gave his mom’s address to the magistrate, that is where my daughter’s new birth certificate got sent. His mom texted me saying how she opened the birth certificate and saw his name and knew her son must have been lying and that he was the father. She said she would like to meet her granddaughter and have a relationship.
I responded that she was no longer wanted in our lives and that she would not be allowed to meet her until my daughter is old enough to make that decision for herself. She seems too unstable and not someone I want around my daughter. She then replied that I was making a mistake by keeping my daughter’s family away from her but I feel I am doing the right thing.”
23. AITJ For Wanting To Eat Potato Chips?
“My partner, I, and my wider family were going on holiday to a campsite about two hundred miles away. We planned en route to stop at a pub to get some lunch. We met the wider family at the pub and were going to sit at one big table and share a meal. We rarely spend time together in this way.
There were four car-loads of different parts of the family all going to the same holiday destination. The problem is, my favorite meal at the pub (a chain pub that has roughly the same meals across the country) and one that I had been looking forward to, had crisps (potato chips in most other places) as part of the meal I really wanted: wraps.
I am a fussy eater and little else on the menu appealed to me.
I love the wraps at this place and I love the crisps that come with the wraps. The wrap isn’t that big and to get my money’s worth, and to ensure I was full, I wanted to eat both the wrap and the crisps.
I didn’t want to waste part of the meal by not having the crisps.
Now for the problem: My sister and her husband had also arranged to meet us at the pub. They too were travelling to the campsite. But her husband has a serious aversion to crisps. We don’t know why, but we suspect something happened when he was at school, possibly involving a bullying incident and crisps.
But we don’t know. He has never told us why he can’t be around them. He refuses to explain.
He seriously struggles to be around crisps. The noise, smell, or sight of them has him freaking out. In the shops, he can’t even walk down the crisp aisle. Because of my aforementioned hunger and not wanting to waste food, I decided that, with her agreement, myself and my wife would go and eat at a table away from the rest of the family, so as to avoid my brother-in-law freaking out about the crisps.
I had then planned to rejoin the family at their table afterward. We did this.
Afterward, I was castigated by almost everyone for being antisocial and selfish and some told me they’d never go on holiday with me again because of my actions. They said I should have chosen another meal option or just ordered the wrap without crisps.
AITJ for wanting to not waste part of my meal and forego the crisps option when I knew my brother-in-law has some very big issues with them?”
22. AITJ For Canceling Our Wedding And Eloping With My Wife?
“I recently eloped with my wife Emily and we are both 22. Things have been contentious between her and her mother (Jeanette) for quite some time.
Emily’s little sister Reagan died when she was 10 of a terminal illness. Emily was 16. Emily and I started going out shortly before Reagan died so I was with her family during the funeral, etc.
Of course, it was an unimaginable time. I know everyone grieves differently, but Jeanette has taken it to the extreme for far too long. Some examples include:
Emily was very involved in our high school music program. She sang in choir and recitals and performed in two musical productions. Jeanette didn’t come to a single one after Reagan died.
She said thinking about how she would never get to see Reagan grow up to participate in any extracurriculars would make it too painful for her. Jeanette stopped celebrating holidays like Thanksgiving and Christmas so Emily has spent them with my family for as long as we’ve been together.
After our graduation, she made a social media post announcing that Emily had graduated, but mostly the post was about how Reagan was smiling down on her.
My mom (who knows about the issue) hosted a combined high school graduation party for me and Emily because we were afraid Jeanette would find some way to make it not about Emily, but Jeanette was still allowed to come. My mom had a table with our senior photos, our diplomas, and our college acceptance letters displayed on it.
Towards the end of the party, we saw a third diploma on the table. Jeanette had a fake postmortem diploma made with Reagan’s name on it and placed it on the table with ours.
She wanted us to take an engagement photo in front of Reagan’s grave and went into a spiral when we didn’t, blaming Emily for her hangover the next day.
There are more examples but you probably get the idea.
Jeanette wanted a memorial table or chair for Reagan set up at our wedding. We said we would think about a table because I have a good friend and a couple of relatives who died. But no, she wanted a table or seat for Reagan separate from my deceased relatives.
Jeanette and her husband were going to pay for our wedding. Jeanette threatened to withhold funding until we agreed to do a memorial. So, instead, we canceled the venue and everything that had been booked and eloped. We’re planning a reception for later this month, and after talking things over with Emily, I (outside of Emily’s presence) told Jeanette and her husband that they are not invited because we cannot trust her to not make it about Reagan.
Jeanette groveled and promised not to. I put my foot down and said no.
Jeanette is livid and has been making me out to be a villain to anyone who will listen. Emily is second-guessing our choice and wonders if we are being jerks for being too harsh on Jeanette (I think her ranting and raging via text, phone calls, etc.
is getting to her).”
21. AITJ For Not Taking My Wife's Side When She Called The Cops On An Elderly Woman?
“My wife and I went shopping, I went to a different aisle to get some jerky. I heard my wife scream HELP! So I ran over, and she was freaking out because an elderly woman hugged our son, you can tell the woman was harmless. The woman’s son came along and profusely stated that she had dementia, that she meant no harm, and that she tends to view every child as her child.
I said it was okay, and I myself apologized for my wife’s overreaction. During this time I was not paying attention and my wife called 911 and called over security, it became a huge mess for all parties because my wife was not letting the issue go. You could also tell the woman’s son was extremely embarrassed as was I. I was trying to relax my wife, but she was going on a complete meltdown rage saying that his mother should be in a home if she cannot keep her hands to herself.
What if she got our kid sick, tried to kidnap him, got combative, and hurt him?
All of which I agree are possible outcomes, but I told her none of that happened so let’s just leave it. Security states since my wife called the police we had to wait for them to show up, so they could file a report as per their store policy.
About 25 minutes later police showed up and asked what happened and my wife explained everything, you could tell the police were like ‘What on earth is wrong with this woman? ‘ I felt nothing but disappointment. The police took the statement and started laughing as they left. Gave the son of the elderly mom a fist bump and said sorry.
My wife was upset I did not have her side. She was upset about how I took the side of the son instead of her. I explained his mom was clearly sick, it was a harmless gesture, and explained she was the one who acted unreasonably. I did acknowledge her concerns, but nothing bad happened, we could have just let it slide and gone on with our day.
She told me I failed as a husband. So AITJ?”
20. AITJ For Embarrassing My Parents By Exposing Their Debts?
“I am comfortable and financially accommodated. I don’t earn a high salary, but my job brings me enormous stability and is calm, and stress-free. I turned down several offers with high salaries because of this.
Honestly, I already have a paid-off house (inheritance from my late father), I don’t use a car enough to buy one and all my expenses are covered by my salary and I even manage to save money.
My parents (stepfather – who raised me – and mother) don’t accept this. According to them, I’m wasting my talent on a horrible-paying job. With my ability and enormous experience, I could find jobs that would pay 3x more.
I’ve tried talking to them both together and separately that it bothers me, but it’s always been fruitless, so every time I’m with them, I try my best to avoid this subject.
An important fact: my stepfather had a serious gambling problem 5 years ago and because of that, both he and my mother had to postpone retirement and constantly have to work overtime to fix the hole that was left even after 5 years. And they don’t cut back on spending.
Saturday, there was a barbecue in celebration of my parents’ 20-year marriage.
My cousin was hired at a job similar to mine and earning more.
Because of that, the whole barbecue my parents kept saying ‘See, __, it’s the same job and she’s earning more’ bla bla.
Maybe it was the beers for the day, but at one point I just said after another comparison ‘Look, if you guys have to get bogged down with work to pay off your irresponsible debts, that’s fine, but I’m okay and I have nothing to worry about.
So just stop.’
My mother was embarrassed and my stepfather said a lot of stuff to me.
I had to leave afterward because of the tension, but several relatives sent messages saying that I shouldn’t expose this kind of situation to others and that I embarrassed my parents for simply worrying about me.
My parents haven’t talked to me yet.
My brother agrees that maybe it was too much, but that my parents deserved it.
19. AITJ For Not Changing The Way I Dress For My Friend?
“My (19 female) friend (also 19 female) and I have always been super open and honest with each other when it comes to personal details whether be mental health or struggles we go through and it’s something I value and appreciate within a friendship.
We have both been open and honest about having issues surrounding the way we view our bodies and have always been big supporters of encouraging each other to embrace and love the way we look. However recently that has seemed to change on her part.
This shift all started when I went through my very first real heartbreak when I came out of a long-term relationship.
In dealing with the heartbreak I have not only tried to work on my mental health but physical as well. In doing so over the last 3 months of hard work and discipline I have started to see solid results in the way I look including having a more toned defined stomach (something I’ve always wanted to achieve).
As I’ve seen these results I became more confident in dressing in more revealing clothes you could say surrounding my midriff.
As I’ve been dressing more like this my friend has increasingly made little comments about reasons why I should change and most of them didn’t seem to make sense (whether it be the weather or location etc.).
She has also started to criticize herself regarding her midriff more to which I always make sure to reassure her that all bodies are beautiful and encourage her to embrace and love what she’s got working for her. This kept happening for about a month until last week when she made a statement that caught me off guard.
My friend informed me that the way I was dressing served as a trigger to other people and herself and she does not want me to wear clothes that show my midriff around her because it makes her feel uncomfortable as well as others.
This hurt me to hear as I never do anything will ill intent but also because it made me feel insecure about my body as well (as if I should be ashamed in some sense).
After considering what she said I informed her that I would not be changing the way I dress and told her that telling someone their body is a trigger is wrong and damaging to my mental health.
She called me selfish and said she would have thought I would be more understanding but I’m ‘not the friend she thought I was’.
I’m starting to wonder if I am in the wrong and should just be covering up around her. So AITJ for standing my ground and not changing the way I dress?”
18. AITJ For Not Locking Up My Dog When I Had A Visitor?
“One of my friends called me and asked if they could come over and I didn’t have any problem with that so I said yes.
Along with that I also warned them of my dog (a massive Great Dane). I told them ‘I have a really big dog that’s VERY energetic and jumpy, just warning you’. They said it was no problem and came over.
Now when she came over my dog was sleeping in my room so she didn’t see him, when she did she started screaming and jumping on anything she could to get away, she kept shouting at me telling me to put him in the room, and I would, but my dog has really bad separation anxiety and will start howling, frantically running around the room and slamming into things to get out, injuring himself badly and destroying the room in the process.
He can’t be in a room alone for, I kid you not, more than a second. I’m working with a trainer to solve this because I know it’s a really bad issue. And it’s hard to find someone to dogsit every time I go out.
I didn’t say all of this over the phone to her because she said it was no problem, so I assumed it would be okay.
I told her I couldn’t, because of the separation anxiety and also because he weighs close to 180 pounds, so when he’s in that ‘OMG IT’S SOMEONE NEW’ state I don’t think I could, physically, drag him into the room.
She got really mad at me. Now the fact that my dog is playful and energetic, plus his size would make him overwhelming for anyone.
While trying to jump on her to play he scratched her (as I hadn’t cut his nails yet). When she finally got out she didn’t say anything and just stormed off.
Later I got a call from someone who’s shouting me down saying that I was a lunatic, that I let my dog attack her, also that I refused to put him in the room. AITJ?”
17. AITJ For Telling My Friend To Stop Making Jokes About My Fiancé Destroying Our Friendship?
“My (26f) best friend (26f) and I have been inseparable since we were in kindergarten. We grew up a few houses apart and went to the same school throughout our childhood. We made these silly plans together about how when we grew up we would move to Hollywood and become pop stars. We were 14-15 at the time.
When we turned 18 and went to college, since our colleges were in the same town we rented our own place and lived together. In college, I met my current fiancé (26m).
My fiancé and I have been together since we were 19. 7 years in total. He proposed two years ago. I moved in with him after we both graduated college at 23.
My best friend did not like that at all and she made it clear how sad she was every step of the way. She made me feel guilty the whole time and I was always trying to comfort her. She started making jokes about hating my fiancé (then-partner) and she promised me they were just jokes and at first, it was truly an inside joke between the 3 of us.
After my fiancé proposed to me 2 years ago, my best friend started crying as soon as she saw the ring and I thought they were tears of happiness until she started sobbing. I tried to comfort her once again and I told her that her behavior is not normal and she’s going to get sick if she keeps being like that so I helped her find a therapist to deal with it.
She went to therapy and actually had some progress.
That progress lasted until now. My fiancé and I got a mortgage and bought our first house. We made sure to have a big house with rooms included for possible future babies or even guest rooms to host friends or family when needed. When my friend found out she started sobbing on the phone again about how dare I do this to her.
She was yelling and screaming during the entire call about how she felt replaced and tried to make me feel bad for valuing my fiancé more than her. I had enough of this and at first, I tried to comfort her once again until she started telling me she wished my fiancé had an affair and we broke up.
She claimed she was joking. I told her to never make jokes like that again since I felt uncomfortable.
The following days she was posting about it on social media and was joking about how my fiancé ruined our friendship and how much she hates him. I told her that she’s taking it too far and I want the jokes to stop right now.
She tried to make me feel guilty about it again. She told some of our friends about how I told her to stop these jokes and our friends were conflicted and told me that they understood these jokes make me uncomfortable but how my best friend is allowed to make them and cope with her feelings and I don’t have to be a jerk about some jokes.
And that what she posts on social media is none of my business. AITJ here?”
16. AITJ For Not Wanting To Force Our Religious Beliefs On Our Daughter?
“My husband and I are both Christians. We go to church every Sunday with our three children. We have 1 girl and 2 boys.
My husband and I have different ways of teaching our children about our religion. My husband thinks that the best way is to force it.
While I want to give them the option to choose and like it because they want to. I’ve talked to him multiple times about it and he said that he wouldn’t force it.
Now our two boys love going to church and reading the bible that we got for them. But my daughter has said that she doesn’t know if she believes or not. And doesn’t want to go to church. I told her that she is free to believe whatever she wants and that she doesn’t have to go to church if she doesn’t want to.
My husband, on the other hand, is not thrilled with this and he thinks that we should make her go to church and an extra bible study class. I disagree, I reminded him that he said he wouldn’t force anything. I also told him that it’s not okay to force her if she doesn’t want to go.
He said that she hasn’t decided if she doesn’t believe or not. I said that’s the reason we shouldn’t force anything on her. He just walked away after our conversation and has been in a mood ever since. He also won’t talk to me or my daughter.
My daughter came up to me the other day crying saying she was sorry me and her dad were fighting.
She then told me that she would go if it made her dad talk to me and her again. I felt terrible, gave her a hug, and told her that she didn’t have to do that and that she was not the reason for any of this. She thanked me and said she would think about it.
I went up to him the next day and yelled at him telling him about our daughter. He got angry telling me that he was just trying to get her over this ‘phase’. I told him that it wasn’t a phase and to either stop ignoring our daughter or I was going to leave him.
He was happy about that, so much so that he left and went to stay at his mother’s. I think that he is being ridiculous for trying to force this on our daughter. But I do feel bad for our children. I’ve tried to get him to come back but he won’t answer my calls or anything.
His mother called me a horrible mother and wife. I feel like a jerk because my daughter feels like it’s her fault and my boys miss their dad. Am I in the wrong?”
15. AITJ For Ruining My Dad's Birthday Plans?
“On Tuesday night my fiancé and I were over at my parent’s house for dinner. We knew earlier, but my fiancé’s brother made the local news for all the wrong reasons. My dad said to my fiancé, ‘You people are just a bunch of inbred lunatics. ‘ That upset my fiancé for obvious reasons, but also because he doesn’t associate with his family or even acknowledge their relationship.
He’s been estranged from them for 10 years, and he’s not inbred.
We both and my mom put my dad in his place. He just kept laughing it off as a joke. We had plans for my dad’s 50th birthday party, which is this Saturday. My fiancé owns a 40′ boat which is pretty much his pride and joy, especially because he just completed the remodel.
We had planned for a party on the water. But Wednesday morning, I told my fiancé I wanted to cancel the plans due to my dad’s behavior. My fiancé agreed by saying he’s tried to get my dad to like him, but it’s a hopeless cause.
I let my siblings and mom know Wednesday afternoon.
My mom understood, but my siblings did not. Both my brothers were livid, and said I didn’t even give them enough time to plan something else. My sister told me I needed to seriously reconsider because it’s all my dad’s been looking forward to for weeks.
All day Thursday they were hounding me, my brother even suggested we go without my fiancé since he was so offended over a joke.
That made me mad. It’s my fiancé’s boat and we’re just going to make him stay home? Like what?
My siblings are all mad at me for ruining my dad’s birthday plans. They said I’m overreacting all because of a joke… it wasn’t funny, it was hurtful. They’re taking him out to dinner tomorrow night and told me I’m not to come… but especially my fiancé because they don’t want him getting butthurt over another joke and causing a scene out in public.
It honestly made me sick the way they’re treating him. But it’s somehow my fault his birthday plans were canceled.”
14. AITJ For Wearing My First-Generation Lawyer Sash At My Graduation?
“I (27 NB) am graduating from law school next weekend. My parents are divorced and remarried.
Things with my father’s wife, ‘Kelly,’ have always been tense. They got married when I was 16 and the long and the short of it is that I ended up moving back in with my mom due to her. Bluntly, Kelly is also someone who is very hard to like.
She’s abrasive and quite rude at times. We have never gotten along but I have for the last 8 years tried harder to be nicer to her for the sake of my father.
I went to law school three years ago and, at the time, Kelly was not very supportive of my decision and has commented on the fact that she ‘didn’t think I would actually see it through.
‘ Well, now I’m graduating. I have a great job. I’m really proud of myself because I really feel like I got here on my own hard work. Kelly has never introduced me to anyone or assisted with my work. In fairness, I also in no way expected her to. Kelly used to be a lawyer (she is not currently) but it’s not really anything we have discussed due to not being close in the first place.
Now that I am graduating, my law school gave the first gen law students sashes to wear. My father called me today and asked that I not wear this sash because Kelly is offended by it. She thinks that I do not consider her ‘family’ and I am also therefore not a first-generation lawyer. I got frustrated and told my dad that they were both welcome to not come if it offended her so much because I am wearing my gen one sash.
My dad got upset as well and essentially said that it’s not a big deal to not wear the sash and my sash is ‘invalid’ due to Kelly being his wife, and thus my stepmother. We ended the phone call on a bad note.
AITJ for refusing to not wear my sash for Kelly? I have tried to be diplomatic with Kelly, and I worry this may be the wrong hill to die on.
I understand that it’s just one graduation, and I wonder if I’m making a big deal out of nothing. On the other hand, I’m really proud of myself. No one else in my family is a lawyer and I will be the first. So, AITJ?”
13. AITJ For Not Having A Spare Bed For My Mom?
“My (32f) mom (59f) lives 8 hours away. We visit them during holidays, she randomly comes up when she has time between teaching tennis classes. She told me she was coming up about three weeks ago. Didn’t give me much more info other than the dates and roundabout time she’d be arriving (she drives the 8 hours).
Sunday, I messaged her and asked her where she would like to sleep: blow-up mattress, couch, or tent camper. We have an older 3 bedroom 1 bath house and recently removed the second double bed from the third bedroom to turn it into a catch-all room/office for my school. I thought I had told her this.
She called me today and our conversation went like this:
Mom: Hi what are you doing?
Me: Sitting in the parking lot eating breakfast.
Mom: Oh, why?
Me: I didn’t have time for breakfast this morning.
Mom: Are you on your way to work?
Me: I don’t go in until 10 a.m.
Mom: Sounds like you could have had time for breakfast at home.
Me: Something happened and it messed up my flow, plus the kitchen was a mess.
Mom: Oh well I’ll see you tomorrow night!
Me: Yeah we are excited to see you!
Mom: Oh yeah? ‘Where is she going to sleep!? ‘ (Said sarcastically)
Me: I offered you a couple of options, do you want the air mattress?
Mom: Well what happened to the extra bed?
Me: It didn’t fit in the room with the big desk I got.
Mom: Well when did you get a huge desk?!
Me: My friend gave it to me when she moved. It’s a big roll-top antique.
Mom: Well where am I supposed to sleep? I’m an old lady you know!
Me: Well you moved Dad into the spare bedroom at your house, where are Hubby and I supposed to sleep while we are there?
Mom: He would move back into my room for the time being. I can’t believe you don’t have somewhere for me to sleep, but I guess it’s better than the futon.
Me: I gave you options. If you don’t like them, then you don’t have to come!
Mom: (scoffs) Well fine, I’ll talk to you later.
Me: Ok (ends call)
I admit I was feeling heated by her commentary and kind of cornered. I had forewarned her about the sleeping arrangements. I feel as though she expects the kind of space she has – a four-bedroom 2.5-bedroom house and plenty of space.
Also, the last time she visited we had a spare bed and she opted to sleep on the futon (which we no longer have).
Am I the jerk for reacting the way I did?”
12. AITJ For Uncovering The Truth About Who My Dad Is?
“I (21f) am an affair baby. My dad had an affair with my mom behind his ex-wife’s back. They were married for 10+ years and two years into the marriage my dad quit his job to start a business while his wife became the sole/majority breadwinner. Eventually, my dad’s business became very successful and he was raking in hundreds of thousands of dollars as personal profit.
Around that time he became involved with my mom. My dad wanted to leave his wife for my mom but knew that his ex-wife could clean him out in a divorce since the money she earned was used to help fund his business ventures, she co-signed business loans and even did occasional labor on her off-time for the business.
My mom didn’t like my dad’s reluctance to leave his ex and eventually broke off the relationship not knowing that she was already pregnant with me.
When she found out the plan was always to give me up for adoption. She felt the need to tell my dad but on the day that I was actually born, she changed her mind and decided to keep me.
I was around two years old when my parents re-established contact and by that time my dad had convinced his ex-wife to sign a postnuptial agreement with an infidelity clause that would be heavily in the hurt party’s favor if ever proven.
Up until that time, my mom kept saying that I was the result of a one-night stand but when she and my dad decided to get back together (after my dad divorced his ex) she finally told him about my paternity and he wasn’t happy and told my mom about the infidelity clause.
They decided that it would be best to keep everything between themselves in the hopes that his ex wouldn’t find out. I didn’t even know for the majority of my life and just thought that my dad was my stepdad.
Because I grew up not knowing who my bio dad was, I wanted to do the ancestry testing and my mom and dad were vehemently against it.
Knowing that I was still going to do it they decided to tell me the truth and I got mad and did it anyway thinking that they were lying. I ended up matching with several members of my dad’s family and everything blew up. The ex-wife has now reached out to them through lawyers about petitioning the courts to renegotiate the terms of the divorce settlement as I am living proof of infidelity.
If the courts are granted the right to re-negotiate then my dad’s ex may be able to take it all if not the lion’s share of it all and a lot of people on my mom’s side of the family lean on my dad and his finances for support. AITJ?
- My dad didn’t know about my existence at the time he and his ex signed the agreement.
- At the time my mom was in a relationship with someone else, the son of a family friend, so they were both discreet and it looks like I’m the only actual proof that there was any infidelity.
- So far only some cousins on my mom’s side and her siblings are upset because up until now my dad was in a financial position to pay for everyone’s college expenses all out of pocket.
That has now been put on hold and they may end up having to take out loans.
- While my dad is upset about possibly going back to court over this divorce, he’s yet to direct any of his anger toward me.
- My dad has children with his ex. I matched with one of them and they told their mom so that’s how she knows.
And before you ask, I don’t really have a relationship with them. They never really took to my mom but they treated both her and me with polite indifference. I don’t see us becoming closer after this revelation though.”
11. AITJ For Letting My Son Decide If He Wants To Go To His Dad's House?
“I (f 39) have been sharing custody for over a decade and my ex-husband (m 40) has just changed our co-parenting dramatically.
My ex-husband is very much a narcissist. Very much unable to connect emotionally with anyone. He spent my son’s (17) entire childhood either at work or playing video games. He only ‘parented’ when my son was in big trouble for something. Therefore, their relationship has always been difficult. We were week on/week off, but my boy has always struggled with that.
Every week that he was with his dad, something always happened and I would pick him up for at least a few hours so everyone calmed down. It was a normal thing.
Well, in February, my ex’s wife (lovely woman, awesome bonus mom, and f 34) informed me that they were moving from our state in the west to the east coast.
They made the move in July and I allowed my boy to spend three weeks there. He was miserable. He pretty much spent the entire time in his room to miss the picking at from his father. (Why don’t you do this, you’re doing that wrong, why do you have to do it this way, etc.) His bonus mom would call me and beg me to help get him out and interact with the family.
He hated every second of it.
Well, my ex-husband somehow thinks we’ll be able to work it out. That we can do like month on/month off, but my son desperately doesn’t want to and honestly, I really don’t think it’s a good idea. He hates his father because of how he’s always been treated.
He told me, ‘Mom, he’s my father, but he’s never been my dad. ‘ This tri he’s staying with me because of school. They want him to spend the second tri with them. My son doesn’t want to go.
AITJ for deciding that my son gets to choose where he goes? I may have to do it legally, but in our state, children over the age of 12 can have a say on where they go.
His bonus mom has already been clued in that this is what he wants, but his dad won’t accept it. She’s not happy because she loves and misses him, but understands that he’s miserable there. My ex is going to have to be told with finality. AITJ?
EDIT: They want to put him in online school after the first tri.
The only reason he’s doing in-person school now is because he finally got a leadership position in marching band and refuses to give that up.”
10. AITJ For Not Celebrating My Fiancé's Mom's Birthday Because She's Not Contributing To Rent?
“I (28F) and my fiancé (27M) have been together for a while. I moved in with him and his mom (45F) once my lease was up as it made the most sense and we would save some funds by not having 2 houses. I moved in August 2020 and he proposed September 2020. I have lost my patience with his mom living here.
The house is small 2 bed/1 bath and maybe 950 sq. ft.? There is a spare bedroom that was originally her room, but she decided to live in a hallway as she stated ‘the energy is off’.
I might sound like a jerk but it’s gotten to the point where I am the only one who does any cooking or cleaning and keeps up on what the house runs low on (think toilet paper/dishwasher tabs/etc.) As in when I get home/wake up I immediately am trailing after the pair cleaning up.
Today sent me over the edge and when I woke up after cleaning our kitchen to be spotless, her dirty container (that was supposed to be my lunch for work) was in the sink even though the dishwasher is dirty and a 90-degree turn from the sink. I walk further and see endless coffee cups (her job perk) and coffee/sugar spilled over the counters.
I feel petty at being upset about this, but she also told us that she doesn’t have her portion of rent due to her car being broken, even though this car has been broken for a minimum 2 weeks, and she has been using his car to get to and from work (big truck huge gas guzzler).
She doesn’t pay for the food we purchase/cook (will eat a small gas station bag of chips or get Burger King instead) but will eat when I cook and it’s something she likes, doesn’t contribute to the bills, and is upset that I asked for $90 towards our phone bill (I pay out of pocket for her phone so $75 + ~$100 for service), doesn’t offer to grab anything we get low on, doesn’t pay for gas when asked.
We advised her to start considering moving out as we are starting our lives together and she states she’s looking but hasn’t found anywhere in her budget.
Today is her birthday and she’s asking where we are taking her to eat. I told her we weren’t as we couldn’t afford it because she couldn’t pay her portion of the rent.
She started crying and saying that she’s used to being forgotten and all the other guilt trip-type things. I finally told my fiancé that I couldn’t take her lack of accountability and overall 0 care given towards getting her own life and he needs to choose between us. We have this conversation at least once a month and I need to know AITJ?”
9. AITJ For Not Wanting To Eat At My Coworkers' Favorite Chinese Restaurant?
“A while ago, I was awarded for my work. It’s not valuable, just a framed certificate, but it was voted on by my peers and I’m a bit chuffed. That weekend I turned 40.
On Monday, my manager, Janine, and her boss, Cara, said they wanted us to celebrate these events as a team, and asked where I would like to go for lunch.
I was conflicted because there’s been a history of disputes around my food allergy. In short, they ‘always’ go to a nearby Chinese restaurant, but I am allergic to soy, which is in Chinese food.
Cara has involved HR to find a solution, but so far they’ve been useful as a chocolate teapot. In meetings, though, they have insisted they want to include me, and this was the first time they’d asked for my suggestions.
So in the end, I suggested a new Indian restaurant my partner and I had been to.
I told Janine, I knew Indian wasn’t everyone’s fave, so if there were any problems I’d suggest something else. Janine said, ‘There’s nothing wrong with Indian, ooh, yum yum yum’.
Two days later, Cara emailed that we were having lunch to celebrate my award and my big 4-0 at the Indian restaurant.
Unfortunately, I was talking to Janine at the time Cara’s email arrived. Janine did have some issues with Indian food, which she alerted me to by screaming them in my face, and having a meltdown.
I calmed Janine down, then went back to my desk and broke down myself. Carolyn, the manager of the next team, came over and consoled me.
I was shaking so badly. Carolyn filled in the incident report for me, then emailed Janine and Cara to say I was leaving work, and drove me to my GP. GP gave me a week off work.
Now I am back at work, and it’s bad. Cara postponed lunch until I was better, and expected it to still go ahead as planned.
Janine wants it moved to the Chinese restaurant they ‘always go to’, and HR is backing Janine because she ‘is not coping with change’ and I should accommodate her. I shot back with accommodating Janine could kill me in the process.
I just want the whole thing to drop, because I am fed up (haha).
Cara wants to be the peacemaker and has suggested I ‘meet them halfway’. I don’t know where halfway is, and I can’t be bothered finding it. Cara, Janine, and HR all say I am a jerk for not being prepared to compromise on where we go out for lunch.
I need fresh perspectives on this. AITJ?
(By the way, the two restaurants are literally across the road from each other.)”
8. AITJ For Being Upset When I Found Out About My Wife's Pregnancy And Miscarriage?
“My wife and I have been together for years, and we’ve been struggling with fertility since we got married.
A few weeks ago I found out that she was pregnant, though she knew she was pregnant three months before she told me.
Knowing she knew for so long upset me but I tried to let it go.
A week after finding that out I came home to see her crying on the couch with a pregnancy stick in her hand.
I assumed it was just hormones and tried to comfort her until she stopped me from doing so and said ‘I lost the baby’.
I was overwhelmed with emotions. I was angry and sad I don’t even know how to explain it.
I sat there in shock for a moment trying to process how this could’ve happened and why so quickly, just everything.
After I was able to gain a slight amount of composure I started asking questions and came to find out she hadn’t gone to the hospital in two months so after she found out she was pregnant she didn’t go to the hospital since.
I asked her why she didn’t tell me that she had been pregnant for so long and she simply responded with ‘I knew my body and I just wanted to make sure everything was okay beforehand’.
I asked her how she just didn’t tell me all that time and was perfectly fine with it and all she said was ‘I just told you’ and carried on looking at the pregnancy test.
I responded under the heat of the moment ‘Well if you would’ve just told me then maybe I could’ve helped and this wouldn’t have happened’. To say I regretted what I said was an understatement. I know how that sounded but that is genuinely not what I meant to come out like. It was simply under the heat of the moment while I was still trying to understand everything that was going on.
Right after she asked how I was blaming this on her and I tried to explain that’s not what I meant and that came out so wrong but she ignored me, grabbed some of her random belongings, and left.
She was gone for two weeks and I tried to call around and see where she was but no answers.
I found out that she has been staying at my in-laws’ house for the past two weeks. I tried talking to her multiple times explaining that’s not what I meant, I was under the heat of the moment, and that this was an entire misunderstanding.
She said she just couldn’t get what I said out of her head and asked me to leave.
A week after that I came home to divorce papers on the table and a ton of her belongings packed out.
I know that what I said was wrong but I did not mean it. I tried taking it back, I tried explaining to her that that’s not what I meant, I don’t think that is her fault but I was just confused so many times.
I know that this is wrong but I feel like this was completely blown out of proportion for a genuine misunderstanding. I have gone above and beyond to try to explain this but she just won’t listen again. I understand that it was a jerk thing to say but under the circumstances, I wasn’t in the right state of mind.”
7. AITJ For Asking My Mom About Her Last Marriage And Why They Got A Divorce?
“I (23F) have been really into genealogy since we did a project in high school. So I’m making Mother’s and Father’s Day family trees and for their anniversary in July, I’ll have an added piece that’s for my siblings and me.
I recently got an account where I can find licenses and school records on a website you get the gist.
I found out something about my mom that made me feel like she lied to me. Before my dad, she was married to someone else. I noticed by the dates this was DURING her divorce that they found each other and boom after the divorce they were married 6 months later and had me. (Apparently, the divorce according to the paperwork took about a year.)
I told my siblings and naturally, we were all curious so we asked her during a family dinner (family dinner is where we discuss heavier topics) about her last marriage and why they got a divorce. My dad immediately grabbed my mom’s hand and said ‘We aren’t discussing that, you know it happened let’s let sleeping dogs lie’ but my brother (being 15 and has Aspergers) asked mom how she could just leave a guy for dad, especially when part of this paperwork shows that the guy has a HUGE estate in his name (think 100+ million) and if he has any rich halfsiblings she abandoned.
My mom got up from the table with a massive sigh and said ‘I’ll say this only once, you will not bring his name here again do you understand? Money does not make a man. ‘ And she excused herself to her room. Dad immediately ended dinner and asked for us older kids to leave and for 15 minutes to go to his room and play video games or something.
I’m starting to think maybe I am the jerk for showing my siblings because it brought my mom pain but we were all super curious because we never knew. So am I the jerk?”
6. AITJ For Laughing At My Partner's Mom's Choice Of Name For Her Baby?
“My partner’s mom is just not a nice person. Classist, snobby, cold, self-absorbed, I could go on and on. From the beginning of our relationship, she has treated me like an inconvenience. She is a professional author and I read some of her work (honestly as a character study). If her work is any reflection of her worldview, wow is all I’m going to say.
She very much likes entertaining people and she thinks she is hilarious. People either love her or hate her. I do not like her.
Anyway, she is pregnant (had my partner young) and we had a family dinner the other night. That is pretty rare these days because he does put my needs first. Someone asked her if she knew what she was going to name the baby and she said Scarlett.
I didn’t think anything of it, fairly popular name. She then said after Scarlett O’Hara because that is her favorite book and the first character she ever liked as a kid, and what made her want to be a writer.
I just think that says so much about her as a person, and to be clear, this is not someone who read the book once, didn’t really get it, or whatever.
She has a PhD in literature. She is extremely educated and well-read. I honestly couldn’t help it and I began laughing. Her husband got annoyed and asked what was wrong with Scarlett. Someone else commented that it was butt ugly, which didn’t seem to phase her. I said it is actually a nice name, but I am laughing at how she just admitted what type of person she is.
She told me I was boring and to have fun naming my kid Paisley or whatever, and then had an attitude the rest of the night. My partner is on my side, but a couple of other family members said I was rude, and that I better not be a hypocrite and expect good boundaries from her when I make life decisions.”
5. AITJ For Being Upset That My Half-Brother Didn't Mention Me In His Graduation Speech?
“I have 2 older & 1 younger half-siblings. My older siblings are 27F and 26M (Jake), and my younger brother is 17 (Denny).
When Jake was 2 my dad and my stepmom got divorced. Then my dad and my mom started going out and I was born. My dad and mom broke up, and then my dad got back together with my stepmother. My dad was never having an affair, he was divorced before he and my mom started going out, and my mom and dad were broken up before my dad got back with my stepmother.
Growing up my siblings were closer to each other than to me, which upset me. I switched houses every other week, so maybe this was expected. It was especially bad when my stepmom’s family would visit us. I didn’t tell anyone until just before I went to college. After I told my Dad how I felt I didn’t see my siblings for over a year, just my dad.
Eventually, I was convinced to give the ‘family’ thing another chance, mostly due to Jake coming to see me and saying things would change.
Denny graduated high school last week. My stepmom and dad had a family party for him at the house. I saved to go half on a present for him with Jake (we got him a PS5 and gift cards for games).
I was on edge because my stepmom’s family was going to be there too.
At the dinner, Denny gave a speech where he thanked everyone, except me. He thanked his parents, ‘sister and brother’ (not brothers), and named them just so it was clear, grandparents and even aunts and uncles. He left the speech on the table after he read it, so I checked to see if he had just accidentally skipped over my name.
which he didn’t, he wrote and edited this speech and didn’t include me.
I was upset, so I left. I didn’t say goodbye, and no one noticed me leaving. 2 hours after I left Jake texted asking where I was and said he wanted to give Denny our gift. I told him had I left but to go ahead and give it to Denny without me.
Jake called me to ask why I left and I told him, then I went to hang out with my roommates and left my phone in my room.
When I went back to my room I had a bunch of missed calls from Jake, my Dad, and Denny, and messages from them including an apology from Denny.
Apparently after Jake pointed out my absence it ruined the mood at the party and it ended shortly after because everyone was concerned about contacting me, I don’t know what that means though because I had been gone for over 2hrs.
We talked the next day, but it didn’t go well. My dad is mad I left.
I’m still upset with Denny who couldn’t give a reason for his speech, and now I’m only speaking to Jake.
My partner (who they also called trying to get me) and my friends have said I was wrong for leaving and ruining the party and that by doing so I made it about me. My partner said that I turned Denny’s graduation party into something about my feelings and that I should have made an excuse to leave, or just sucked it up for a couple more hours, and then dealt with it later.
4. AITJ For Telling My Husband To Take Some Time For Himself At Another Time?
“This past weekend my husband and I took our pop-up camper, our 3-year-old son, and our dog to our friends’ lake property for a long weekend. We both took Thursday and Friday off work and drove a little over an hour Friday morning to get there. There were 2 other families there with us for a total of 5 kids, 3 dogs, and 6 adults.
We are all longtime friends and haven’t been together like this for a long time so this was something all of us were looking forward to.
Things went great on Friday. The kids and dogs all played together and were very well-behaved. Our son even slept through the night which my husband and I were worried about as he’s never slept in the camper before.
But he was so exhausted from playing all day that he had no problem at all.
Saturday morning my husband told me that one of his friends brought some substances and he asked if it would be ok with me if he took some that day. Usually, I don’t have a problem with it, but considering how much activity was going on I didn’t feel comfortable with him doing it that day and told him so.
He tried to convince me by saying that I got to have time off for myself recently and he hasn’t.
Which is true. I had a 5-day trip about a month ago with a couple of coworkers and he took care of everything at home while I was gone. But I don’t think the situations are the same and told him that he can take some time for himself at another time.
He eventually agreed with me, but I could tell he wasn’t happy with it. The rest of the day Saturday went great too.
Early Sunday morning a storm came through and turned everything into a muddy mess. Rather than stick around and get everything even dirtier than it already was, I told my husband I wanted to pack up and head home instead of staying until Monday like we had planned.
He pushed to stay another day but he did end up agreeing with me to head home, albeit again reluctantly.
It ended up being the right choice. We had all day at home on Monday to get things cleaned up and get organized for the rest of the week. But after putting our son to sleep I asked him to hang out with me and he told me he wanted some time for himself since I didn’t give him that at all the whole weekend.
I told him that was fine, but that it was unfair of him to make me out to be the bad guy when the things he was asking for were unreasonable and I ended up being right about everything anyway. He told me that my thinking I’m always right is part of the problem and sometimes he just wants to be able to do things he wants to do without me giving him pushback about everything.
He told me that asking for one day to have fun with his friends didn’t feel like a big ask when I was just gone for 5 days. But I told him that doing substances with his friends is something he needs to do on HIS time, not on family time. He then asked when HIS time was because I always seem to be the one who dictates that, not him.
That made me think that I was a jerk about it.”
3. AITJ For Not Wanting To Accommodate A Toddler For 2-3 Weeks?
“My partner (45M) has been living with me (39F) for about 3 years now. I purchased my home prior to our meeting. Two years ago, we moved his son (22M) in to help him get on his feet.
His son met and has been in a long-term relationship with a single mom (24F). I’ll call her SM throughout the story.
Recently SM lost her apartment and asked if she could stay in my home while she looked for a new place to live. I reluctantly agreed only because she assured me her ex-husband would keep their child while she house-hunted.
I don’t mind kids, but I’m not crazy about them in my small house. I have some pretty expensive hobbies and equipment, five dogs, and a pretty active social life that includes friends regularly coming over for food and drinks. I also live downtown in a city with great nightlife and a pretty high crime rate.
Now SM’s ex-husband wants her to take the child for 2-3 weeks because of his work. He normally works locally to where we live, but for 2-3 weeks he has to commute to a location about 45 minutes away and he believes it’ll be too much of a hassle to have his child during this time.
This is supposed to happen at the end of the month. I have a lot going on during that time frame and do not want to accommodate a child on top of everything else. My partner says I’m a jerk and not being empathetic to her situation. SM is devastated because she wants to spend time with her child and is also upset because her ex is mad at her for not being able to help him out by taking their child.
I don’t believe my house is a good environment for a kid. I don’t mind her having him here for an hour or so in the evenings and told her as much. So tell me, AITJ?”
2. AITJ For Thinking My Daughter And Her Significant Other Broke Up?
“My daughter, Diana (19F), started going out with her first significant other, Matt, in October. My husband and I were very excited for her because during high school she was a little ‘behind’ her classmates.
She didn’t go to parties, never learned to do makeup, and never went out with anyone, etc. I was worried for her especially because her two sisters are ahead of her in these things and are also a little more stereotypically ‘pretty’ but when she told us she started going out with Matt, it eased my worries.
For the first two months, she was always at Matt’s house or out with him. She talked about him constantly and he was always stopping by to drop things off for her. They had plans to spend NYE together but my husband got sick so the plans never happened. Since then, I noticed that we have heard and seen almost nothing about Matt.
I started to suspect they broke up and Diana just didn’t want to be embarrassed by telling us.
We had a family dinner with our extended family (20-ish people) last week and my sister-in-law was asking Diana about Matt, specifically when she was going to introduce him to the family. Diana said she wasn’t sure because she’s been busy with school and they haven’t been hanging out much.
Right after Diana said that I said to my SIL, ‘I think they broke up and Diana just doesn’t want to tell us. ‘ Diana got upset at me for saying that and left the party until an hour later, but refused to talk to me for the rest of the night.
The next day she said that they were still together, but that my comment made her feel uncomfortable.
She said I would have mortified her if I had forced her to announce her breakup to her whole family.
I told her she was being over-sensitive and that it didn’t matter because they weren’t broken up. She is still mad at me and insists I’m in the wrong. She doesn’t want to talk to me until I apologize.
1. AITJ For Not Wanting To Contribute To The Payment Of Our Place?
“My partner of 3 years & I are having a disagreement about this & she suggested posting it here to see what others think. We’ve been talking about marriage, & the logical choice of accommodation after that would be to move into her place, which is significantly closer to my workplace & in a much better neighborhood.
That is the one point we can agree on, but from there is where our opinions diverge.
She mentioned that if I moved in with her after marriage, she was expecting me to contribute fairly to the household, which meant paying half the monthly repayment (she considers it ‘rent’) for the place.
To be fair, the monthly repayment is only 50% of the market rate, so I would only need to pay 25% in a way (correct me if I’m wrong), but I just don’t want to.
Our initial plan prior to this was to buy a place together prior to marriage, but (& I admit that this is my fault), I felt like she was pressuring me, so I didn’t want to bother with viewings/discussions until she made the (in my opinion, spiteful) decision to purchase this place. And now she was expecting me to contribute?
Her side is that she’s always wanted to have her own place (she lived with her parents to save) whether on her own or with me, & since I didn’t want to commit or give her a timeline for marriage, she was well within her rights to purchase whatever she wanted. My side is that I don’t like being pressured, & would have agreed to purchase this place with her had she waited a bit more.
In all honesty, I love the place she bought but am a little resentful that she made all the choices without consulting me.
I told her that we would split utilities & groceries, but that was the extent of my contribution because anything more would just tell me she was being calculative. She said that if the roles were reversed, I would be expecting the same thing.
Which, I suppose she’s right, but again, she made this unilateral decision on her own without my input, so I don’t think I should be held accountable for it.