People Try To Redeem Themselves With Their "Am I The Jerk?" Stories

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Emotions are part of being human. Because of this, we cannot guarantee that we'll always act with kindness when dealing with obnoxious individuals. With that in mind, it's essential to take the time to hear other people's explanations before labeling them as jerks because there will be times when we all have to make difficult decisions or take actions that are likely to be misunderstood by others. Continue reading and tell us who you believe to be the true jerk. AITJ = Am I the jerk? NTJ = Not the jerk WIBTJ = Would I be the jerk? YTJ = You're the jerk

14. AITJ For Refusing To Babysit My Sister's Baby For More Than An Hour?

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“I (18f) have a sister (24f) who just gave birth to my nephew who’s about 3 months old. To preface the situation, I do not know how to properly care for a baby, the formula ratios, how to change and clean them, nothing.

I have no experience with children at all. To the story:

My sister comes to my mom’s house (where I live) to ask my mom to watch the baby for a while so she can go get some groceries. I tell her that my mom isn’t home and won’t be until late since she was part of a friend’s wedding party.

My sister then asks me to watch the baby, and I tell her that while I can keep a physical eye on the baby, I’m ill-equipped to actually take care of him. I ask my sister if he’s been fed and changed and she says yes, so I agree to watch the baby for an hour while she goes to the store.

I reiterated before she left that I would not be feeding, changing, wiping, or otherwise tending to the baby, only watching him while he lay in his car seat. This way, my sister would be back before he needed anything.

My sister was gone for 2 hours, and the baby started to get fussy so I called her.

She asked me to watch him for another 3 hours while she got her nails done, and I reminded her that I have no idea what I’m doing and I can’t get him to stop crying. At this point, the baby is screaming and I’ve tried everything I know how, even a sloppy attempt at a diaper change.

So I tell my sister that I’d be calling the police for neglect, as she expected me to take care of a baby and I’ve barely even held kids in my life.

My sister rushes to my mom’s house and calls me a jerk for not taking care of the baby, says I’m lazy and if I was a decent aunt, I’d be trying to learn how to help.

I kind of feel bad, because I know new moms don’t get enough time to themselves and my sister’s husband works a lot to support them both… but I genuinely don’t know what I’m doing with a baby. AITJ here?

UPDATE: My mom came home from the wedding and I told her what happened.

She put me in the car and took me to my sister’s house. My mom yelled at my sister, called her a terrible mother, told her if anything like this ever happened again she’d be calling the police, and made her apologize.

I also found out that my sister KNEW my mom wasn’t available and her whole plan was to trick me into watching the baby. My sister’s husband was FURIOUS at her, and also apologized to me. I spoke with my sister and mom and BIL and we’re getting my sister evaluated for post-partum depression (because leaving your baby with an incapable teen is so irresponsible she must be crazy – husband’s words not mine) and I’ll be actually learning how to help with the baby.”

Another User Comments:

“NTJ

You agreed to 1 hour.

And you had stipulations of you are literally only watching the child, not doing anything extra.

She knew her deadline, missed it, then expected you to care for the child (which you never agreed to) for 3 more hours just so she can have fun and get her nails done (what nail salon takes 3 hours?!).

Self-care is important, but she knowingly went against your agreement and your stated boundaries to try to do it. Not the time. She can do that when she has found someone to care for the child while she’s away.

She’s the jerk, and while threatening the police is extreme, you got the point across and she came back to take the kid.

Hopefully, she makes better childcare decisions in the future.” spazzingtentacles

Another User Comments:

“NTJ

You agreed to watch your sister’s baby for one hour, with the caveat that you don’t know how to provide care beyond watching the child in their car seat.

She reneged on her arrangement with you and left you alone much longer than expected.

And her solution to learn how to care for a baby is a screeching joke. Yes, you could learn how to care for a baby, but you don’t do this by having an infant thrust into your arms and being told to take care of the baby.

If she wanted you to care for the baby longer (and if you agreed) she should have shown you how to do the other things associated with caring for her baby.

I wouldn’t agree to care for her baby again. I think what she did was absolutely despicable.

She agreed to one hour, disappears for two, then when you call to find out where she is, she demands you sit for the baby for three more hours to get her nails done.” RighteousVengeance

Another User Comments:

“NTJ. I don’t know why she doesn’t see it this way but leaving a baby, a three-month-old, alone with someone who has clearly stated they don’t know how to care for a child that small for an extended period of time, is 100% neglectful and could endanger her child.

Also, when you ask someone for a favor, you tell them exactly what that favor entails, down to the last detail. It’s just common courtesy and to not do so is honestly kind of manipulative. The least she could have done is said it was more than just shopping.

And even then, she honestly shouldn’t have even asked you in the first place. No hate of course, but I wouldn’t leave my kid alone with you for that long because you can’t meet all their needs. Nor would I ask you under false pretenses.

It’s just common sense. Like who in their right mind would even leave a baby that small alone with someone who has no idea how to care for them? Let alone for that long. An hour or so maybe, but anything over that could be dangerous. Your sister is a giant jerk.” lethargiclili

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LizzieTX 1 year ago
You're not even close to being a jerk but your sister?
My fingers would be sore if I write out a list of her transgressions, so I won't.
And I would strongly suggest to you that you NOT care for this child ever, or until your sister has DEMONSTRATED that she's changed her ways and won't pull this kind of garbage again.
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13. AITJ For Walking Out After Being Told To Be Quiet At Dinner?

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“My (f21) partner (m24) of almost a year, invited me to dinner with his family. (Mom, dad, and his 16-year-old old brother.) Never met them prior to that. The only thing I knew about them is that they’re conservative and Christian but lovely people.

And they were. I got along really well with them, before dinner. They were lovely and talkative. When it was time for dinner, my partner’s dad wanted to pray. After praying, he said something along the lines of ‘let us dig and let the food keep us quiet.’ This is a pretty popular saying in our country, mostly told to young children in school.

My understanding of this has always been that you shouldn’t speak with food in your mouth or be extremely loud at the table. I wouldn’t say it’s a cultural thing, though.

I dug in and took a bite. It was fish soup.

Absolutely delicious. And y’know, like a good guest, I wanted to compliment the cook. ‘This is delicious – is it saffron? A perfect autumn soup!’ My partner’s brother looked surprised. My partner’s father hushed me. Big time. A really aggressive SHHH with a finger over his lips.

And then he said, again, ‘Let the food keep us quiet.’ I apologized because I thought I had accidentally spoken with food in my mouth or something. But a few minutes passed and nobody said a word. Super awkward and weird, especially since they had been so talkative before.

My partner was also unusually quiet.

After a few minutes, I was too weirded out and asked about their day, and how nice it was that they invited me there. And his mother did the hush thing? So awkward. I think this is when it clicked, no speaking at all at the table.

Let the food keep us quiet. Really quiet. But this was a super awkward situation, and I couldn’t deal with that. Imagine sitting at a table with 5 people, everybody eating soup and looking dead serious. So I laughed, it just slipped out.

Ended up being told off by my partner’s parents that I was being disrespectful etc. and if I didn’t respect how their household worked I could eat alone in the kitchen. (We were eating in like a separate dining room.) Sooo I thanked them for the food and left for the hotel my partner and I stayed at.

My partner later told me that was a jerk move, and that I should’ve just kept quiet or eaten alone in the kitchen. I understand their family traditions and rules, but it was so weird. I just couldn’t take it anymore.

Was I being a jerk though?”

Another User Comments:

“NTJ. Your partner should have warned you. But besides that, his parents were terribly rude to you. Their behavior was strange because they acted like the ‘no talking at dinner’ thing was some sort of sacred social rule, and you violated it.

All you did was make a polite remark, you didn’t recite a dirty limerick or spit in someone’s food. But instead of simply saying ‘sorry, but we prefer not to talk while we eat’, they treated you like a child, raised their voices to you, and tried to banish you to the kitchen as if to shame you.

It’s almost like they’ve never hosted anyone from outside the family in their home and had to explain their rules for the table before. Being kind to a guest should be more important than strictly not talking during dinner. Especially since it would have taken only a moment and a few words to clarify things for you, and then everyone would have gone back to staying silent, and you could have apologized and laughed about your awkwardness with them later.” Bookish4269

Another User Comments:

“NTJ.

Contrary to what your partner told you, it is, in fact, he who is the jerk. He has been around in this world and must know that the rules in his house are not the normal rules of society in general (and I assume not what even you and he practice when together).

So the fact that he didn’t give you a heads-up is crazy to me. Especially when he knew his parents wouldn’t tolerate it and probably would judge you for it. He basically set you up for failure. It’s a bit baffling, honestly.

And worrying that he thinks these rules should apply to you (as in, he actually expected you to be controlled and move to the kitchen upon his father’s command).

Please consider having a very long talk with him about this, because it’s almost as if he is under some spell for him to think all of this is normal and that you too should be following these rules (and even worse that he is not objectively seeing how problematic they are – it would have been different if he said, I know these are odd rules, but please consider putting up with them for me).” leolionbag

Another User Comments:

“NTJ.

Like, okay, they have a specific custom at the dinner table in their house. It’s weird to me but it’s theirs, whatever. Ideally, your partner would’ve warned you ahead of time. But if he forgot, the polite thing for them to do would be to calmly explain ‘In this household, we don’t speak during dinner in order to (insert values here).’ Just shushing you is rude and ridiculous.

I find it very hard to believe that they’re not aware that plenty of other households don’t practice the same silence during meals.

Also, your partner saying that it was rude for you to leave instead of going and eating in the kitchen is just bizarre.

Like, if you weren’t okay with being quiet during dinner, how would you eating dinner in the kitchen change that at all? It really sounds like this isn’t like a religious practice or a specific form of respect and really is about control. And they think that if you won’t accept their control, you need to be punished by eating alone in the kitchen, so you were rude to not accept your punishment!” purplekitty77

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rbleah 1 year ago
Sounds REALLY CULTISH to me. Anybody else?
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12. AITJ For Touching My Roommate To Move Him Out Of The Doorway?

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“I live with three other people, we all split the rent evenly on the four-bedroom house. We live in a low-cost-of-living area but pretty much all of us are minimum-wage earners so we can’t live by ourselves. My roommate ‘Trent’ told us he was autistic when he moved in.

We asked him if there was anything we should know about his condition to make sure he was okay, and he said pretty much not to engage with him unless he initiates it. He likes wearing his air pods a lot, and when he is at home he is glued to his phone or his tablet with his buds in.

If we have to talk with him about anything we normally have to wait until he gets off his tech, so we normally just leave a note on the kitchen bench. Once we interrupted him when we were ordering Uber Eats and he seemed okay once he realized it was about takeout.

He pays the rent on time and cleans up after himself so it’s no big deal. We all do our own thing. Anyways, he was walking slowly towards the door one day and was glued to his phone and had his air pods in, and just stopped in the middle of the doorway.

I was wanting to get by him because I needed to head to work and waited about 30 seconds with no sign he was moving. I put my hand on his forearm and said Hey, sorry I need to get by.

He turned around and looked at me and just blew up and went on for like a minute about how dare I touch him, a lot of comments about me being overweight and that’s why I couldn’t get past him and how I made him dirty by touching him.

I just blinked and said ‘look, just get out of the doorway I have to go to work.’ Anyway, I was really surprised about how angry he was, but a lot of his comments seemed to be about my being a big woman and someone like me shouldn’t be touching someone like him.

He moved and I got by and just got on with my day.

So it seems he complained to my other roomies about it. One is saying I’m the jerk, I should have just waved my hand in front of the phone so he knew I was there.

It didn’t occur to me to do this, to be honest, but I don’t think I am a jerk for not thinking of this. The other is saying Trent is being a bit precious about it all and probably wouldn’t have been so snotty about it if I had been a VS model.

LOL. It’s no big deal for me emotionally, it’s going to blow over, but AITJ for touching him to get him to move?”

Another User Comments:

“NTJ. I can see Trent’s reaction, unfortunately, autism is a big thing and a lot of people with autism have an issue with cleanliness and unfortunately aren’t good at regulating emotions.

However, he was blocking a doorway and was being inconsiderate of others. You already apologized. I’d leave it at that.

Next time probably wave at his face but he’ll probably be upset with that because it’s still an invasion of personal space.

I guess it’d be a case of compromising that he needs to be more aware of his surroundings and ask what would be the best way to get his attention in the future in this situation.

If it’s a common doorway, maybe have that discussion that if he doesn’t want you touching him, then he needs to not stand in a doorway blocking other people from using it.

Ask him what he would find the appropriate action to get his attention. If he’s okay with you moving your hand in front of him, then is upset if you do that, you can be like well you said you were ok with that if I needed to get your attention.

It’s definitely not okay how he spoke to you and I would set the boundary that he cannot talk to you in that way, personally for me that would be grounds for eviction and I would tell him the consequence if it happens again.

Autism is not a ‘get out of jail free’ card and he cannot talk to people that way consequence-free.

I would discuss that with the other 2 roommates, as far as I am concerned how he spoke to you is worse than you touching him and he needs to learn if it happens again it’ll be grounds for eviction but you need to have that conversation with the other 2 roommates to agree with a consequence if he talks to people like that.” Typical_Rob

Another User Comments:

“NTJ

Trent sounds like a miserable, sexist, emotionally-immature piece of work.

He needs to be in therapy to try to kick the addiction to his phone that is sucking his life away. You can barely even speak to the guy without him getting ready to throw a tantrum until he realizes that it involves take-out.

Compare him to my 9-year-old brother and you could easily say that he’s a complete brat.

He shouldn’t really even be living with other people, to be honest. He needs to be in a studio if you can’t even have a conversation without him initiating first.

That’s not sustainable at all. Ridiculous.

However, that is not your business. What IS your business? How he treated you like you are a disgusting animal for trying to get past him in a hallway while he stood there, continuing to let his brain rot with his AirPods plugged into his head, staring at a screen.

You waited and gently asked him to move by touching his forearm because there was no other way to communicate anything to him at that moment, and that is only because he isolates himself from the real world so aggressively. And then he had the NERVE to complain to other people about it? After he made comments about your weight to you?

Autism is an explanation, but not an excuse.

I know people on the autism spectrum who would never treat another person so poorly.

Trent, as pathetic as he sounds, sees you as beneath him. Expect him to feel validated in his treatment of you and entitled to speak to you in that way again if he wants to, in your own home that you also pay for, as long as you (and your other roommate) continue to excuse and normalize it.” AdmirableDecision957

Another User Comments:

“This is a tough one, but to start off, you are NTJ.

I have an understanding of autism being autistic myself, though I can’t precisely speak for Trent as every single autistic person is different. It’s common for autistic people to lack self-awareness. He was probably too sucked into whatever he was doing on his phone to realize where exactly he stopped, and that he would be in the way of people trying to exit.

I do agree that you could have and should have tried to wave at him or try communicating that you needed him to move, without touching him.

Most people don’t like being touched. And this is a huge thing for autistic people.

They loathe it. This leads to my next thing about autism, which is that autistic people tend to get visibly upset at things that seem quite minor to neurotypical people. A lot of minor things will send me into an uncontrollable meltdown, for example.

I can’t say that’s what happened to Trent, but I understand his getting upset at being touched without warning. Again, such a minor thing, right? Not for an autistic. Autistic people also tend to speak their minds and be straightforward and honest.

THIS is tough though, because, I have a history of being told that I’m very impolite or rude when I genuinely don’t know what I said wrong. But this situation with Trent? He was flat-out insulting you, and that’s not okay.

Autistic people may come across as rude without meaning to, but autism should never be used as an excuse to insult others and I’m sorry he said that to you. I hope this was a little bit insightful for you. I know that understanding autistic people can be hard, just as much as understanding neurotypical people can be hard for autistic people. In conclusion, though, you’re NTJ. Cheers!” ArielSnailiel

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rbleah 1 year ago
You can't even touch his arm to get his attention? NAH, how about you get a canned air horn and use THAT to get his attention? When he whines about it tell him that at least you didn't touch him. Tell him that his affliction is NOT your problem and he needs to deal with it himself. You all have gone out of your way to accomodate him but will no longer if HE can't give an inch in turn.
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11. AITJ For Saying That I Don't Have A Sister?

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“I’m 15f and live with my dad and stepmom. My dad had a daughter that passed away when she was 6 and that happened 9 years before I was born. The only family I’ve ever had die is my papa on my mom’s side and we weren’t close so I don’t know how long it takes to really get over a loss.

He’s made some mistakes with our names before like he’ll call me ‘Molly’ and before I can say anything he corrects himself and says ‘sorry, Charlie’, and I never really got upset. The only thing is in public or around people when he mentions her and people tell me and him ‘sorry for your loss’.

I feel guilty accepting it cause it feels like I’m taking advantage of their feelings.

In the past few years though things have gotten worse. When I was 13 my dad gave me a locket that belonged to Molly and got a bigger chain so it’d fit me.

I thought it was really nice and was gonna put a picture of me and my best friend Siobhan in it but when I opened it, a picture of Molly was already in there and my dad said I wasn’t allowed to take it out.

I thought it was weird but it WAS her locket so I said okay and I still wear it.

I went to his work Christmas party last year and he introduced me to his coworkers and a few of them got really confused and said ‘I thought your daughter passed away.’ Apparently he never even mentioned me to them and thought Molly was his only kid.

It really hurt my feelings because it made me think he was ashamed of me so I tried to bring it up and he said it wasn’t like that and the convo ended. For my birthday last year, we were supposed to go to six flags but he spent a lot of money getting a custom gravestone for her in our backyard so we ended up going out to dinner.

My birthday was at the end of September and before my dad asked if I still liked squishmallows. I started collecting some last year so I said yes and mentioned they have a Hello Kitty collection and my dad knows I love Hello Kitty, esp Kuromi.

He nodded, and then my birthday came. I opened my gift from him and it was a squishmallow, but it was Eeyore from Winnie the pooh. I was really confused cause I’ve never mentioned that movie to my dad ever but I didn’t wanna seem ungrateful so I said thank you and joked ‘guess we missed out on the Hello Kitty ones.’ He told me that Molly loved Winnie the pooh and he thought I’d rather have that one to be close to my sister.

This was finally my breaking point and I yelled ‘I DON’T HAVE A SISTER’ and he got upset with me and went to his room and didn’t talk to me for the rest of the night.

I felt bad for yelling and my stepmom told me I was being a witch and it was just a stupid toy.

If this had been the only time it happened I legit would not have cared about the Eeyore squishmallow but everything in my life has to revolve around Molly and I couldn’t take it anymore. I cried and apologized to my dad the next day but we haven’t had a normal conversation since and I’m really scared my dad hates me now.”

Another User Comments:

“NTJ and your father really needs therapy because he is experiencing what is called ‘complicated grief’ when the grief is adversely impacting his relationship with other family members and goes on for an extended period of time.

I understand grief over a child passing away as my brother passed away and my parents never truly got over it but I never felt guilty for being a survivor. If anything my parents were the reverse of your father because many people who met them later in life didn’t know they had a child who died because when asked they would say they had one child (me) because they didn’t want to deal with explaining the death of a child.” Jujulabee

Another User Comments:

“NTJ

Also – I feel it’s important to validate your feelings – you are NOT crazy and you are NOT overreacting.

Any ONE of the things he did, on their own, would be fine, easily explainable. But put together into a pattern it gets creepy like he’s trying to turn you into his Molly or somehow merge the two of your memories together or have you pick up where she left off or something.

I don’t think it’s malicious at all. I doubt he even realizes he’s doing it. It’s how he’s reacting to his loss. But it’s a reaction. It means he hasn’t processed the loss and hasn’t accepted it fully.

That you were alive for 10+ years and he never told his coworkers about you is a serious problem.

It shows he’s hung up on Molly, not you. Especially since (if my math is right) she passed away almost 25 years ago.

So here’s what I’d do in your shoes.

I’d go to him and ask to talk for a few minutes.

Say you need to say some things and ask him to please listen and not interrupt. Wait for him to agree.

Tell him you love him. Tell him he’s a great dad and you’re glad he’s your dad. Tell him you always want him to be happy.

Tell him you know he loves you, and you know he loves Molly. And you never, ever, want to sour that memory for him because you know he misses Molly.

But you want him to understand – you aren’t Molly. And while that may seem obvious when you say it, many of the little things he does are innocent on their own but put together they form a pattern.

That pattern suggests he wishes you were Molly like he’s trying to turn you into Molly. Tell him that’s not an accusation or an attack, but it IS how his actions have made you feel. You aren’t saying this to make him feel bad, just as you know he doesn’t always talk about Molly to make you feel inadequate.

But it’s important to be honest with each other because that’s what people who trust each other do.

What specifically bothers you – how he always tells everyone his daughter died. Yes, Molly died, but you’re very much alive and you’re his daughter too.

Why does he always say ‘my daughter passed away when she was six’ and not ‘my daughter is 15, here she is.’ And for 14 years he’s been working with people, telling them all his daughter is dead and said nothing about you.

Why not? That makes you feel awful like you’re unworthy of mention outside the immediate family. Have you not once done anything that brings joy to his heart? Not once ever done something that made him proud enough to want to share your existence with his coworkers? You feel like he’s ashamed of you, or doesn’t want to acknowledge to the world that you exist and ARE his daughter now.

You feel he’s wrapped up his whole identity in Molly like he isn’t ‘his name’, he’s ‘his name, father of deceased Molly’. You want him to be ‘his name, father of Charlie’ too, and a lot of the time you feel he doesn’t see himself that way.

You feel maybe he got so hurt when Molly passed away, he never fully accepted that he now has a new daughter.

Say again that you never, ever want to tarnish his memory of Molly. But you also want to make some new memories with him, HAPPY memories.

And you want those memories to be ‘Dad and Charlie having fun together’, not ‘Dad missing Molly, and Charlie is here too’.

So to that end, you want to go to therapy with him. You want to have as good a relationship with him as you can, and you feel like for that to happen he needs to finish grieving for Molly and start living in the moment with the daughter that’s in front of him, begging to be part of his identity like Molly is.

And you want to help that process if you can and support him in his loss, so you and he can do it together. You hope very much that he’s willing to try, because you love him.” SirEDCaLot

Another User Comments:

“NTJ

I know this will be very difficult, but you need to sit down with your dad and really talk about what’s going on and how these events make you feel.

He is obviously having difficulties and has a blind spot due to the pain of missing his first daughter.

He needs to be made aware that he has a daughter (YOU) who is living and he is missing out on your LIFE and a strong father-daughter relationship, because of his grief.

I don’t know him, but I want to believe he wouldn’t purposely treat you like this.

I suggest you have someone with you when you have this discussion, someone who understands the dynamics if that is possible. Maybe an aunt or uncle who you are close with who knows what your dad is going through, but also has seen firsthand how things have affected you.

If you don’t have anyone like that, or don’t feel comfortable, at the very least write a letter to him to get your thoughts and feelings out.” BenReillyDB

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Kilzer53 1 year ago
Ntj. U need to let ur dad know that he is about to lose a second daughter if he doesn't open his eyes and see u instead of molly.
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10. AITJ For Saying My Brother Is A Deadbeat Dad?

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“I’m 38M, single. I have a foster son (who I hope to adopt in the next few months) who is 14 years old. He has been with me for almost 2 years. He has many behavioral and mental health issues, PTSD, abandonment issues, anger management problems, and some other issues that we are working on with therapists.

He has had a truly trashy life.

One of his issues is that when he is agitated by something, he gets explosive and lashes out. He is working on it and it’s much better, but it still happens. So when that happens, I tell him to leave the room for a few minutes and calm himself down, and when he comes back calmer, we talk it out (and I tell him what he did wrong or scold him or whatever needs to be done).

It’s what works best.

My brother has 3 kids, but doesn’t raise any of them or see them much, and doesn’t pay his child support until his license is suspended, so until it becomes absolutely unavoidable.

During dinner at my parents’ on Friday, my dad lectured my son on something (it was about school) and it made him a little angry, so he talked back at him (he was rude, no doubt).

My son then got up and said that he needs to go out of the room for a while. I said that was alright, and that he can take his time. When he left, my brother told me I should be more strict with the boy and discipline him so that he doesn’t talk back and raise his voice at our dad.

I told him how I raise my kid is none of his business. He insisted I am doing a bad job and said I am raising ‘a little monster’. I got upset and told him he is a deadbeat who didn’t even want to try raising his own kids, so he should stay out of how I raise mine.

My mother wants me to apologize, and my dad thinks my brother was way out of line.

AITJ?”

Another User Comments:

“NTJ

You are doing an incredible thing, not just by raising a child, but fostering a kid with challenges and appreciating that you can’t ‘make’ them act a certain way overnight.

Your son needs a ton of patience and understanding, along with structure and coping mechanisms. The other people in your family also have to have a little patience and understanding. It sounds like your dad does – he doesn’t hold it against your son that he had a moment and needed space – and that’s awesome.

Your brother doesn’t get to comment on your parenting and then be mad that you commented on his.” mfruitfly

Another User Comments:

“NTJ

I’m with you and your dad on this one. First, it sounds like you are doing a fantastic job. I was a delinquent teen and I still have serious mental health problems.

I have some idea of how difficult that is from that perspective. That you are understanding about the episodes and that he knows that you are and trusts that well enough to explain, on his own, that he needs some time to himself is fantastic, even if he spits the words out angrily.

Your brother has no right to criticize you. Even if he was a fantastic dad, and that doesn’t sound like it’s even remotely the case, that doesn’t mean he knows all about the specific issues your son has or that he’s even remotely aware of the situations many fostered kids go through or have gone through.

He’s definitely the jerk. He owes you the apology.” JayStrat

Another User Comments:

“Are you kidding? NTJ alllllll the way.

This is exactly how you should be parenting. I’m not saying you’re perfect by any means, but you sound like an excellent dad. Kids have emotions and need to be able to process them, especially considering what sounds like some exceptionally bad trauma in his life.

There’s this terrible, yet traditional idea that when kids have ‘negative’ emotions, like anger, it needs to be shut down immediately. Nipped in the bud as it were. As though we, as adults, do not also lose our cool and react, sometimes overreact, to situations.

We are all human, and it’s important to teach kids how to process and handle their emotions, or else they will grow up into the little monster your brother accused him to be, having never learned how to properly handle it.

As someone with anger issues, this approach is something my mom and I unspokenly adopted when I was young and it worked wonders. We both have explosive bouts of anger, and it’s best to be able to exit the situation, calm down, and return to work it out when you have been able to process it.

Good on you for defending your son, and not being chided into these trashy, traditional ways of child-rearing.

NTJ all the way, and thank you for being a light in your child’s life, and treating him like a human with feelings.” TorisaurusParker

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BarbOne 1 year ago
NTJ. You have allowed your son the freedom to walk away to prevent a meltdown. If you took your brother's approach and forced him to stay there while you berated him, it could cause severe trauma and even ptsd. He is already dealing with issues from his past and is finally learning that he can have control over his life. Good for you for putting your deadbeat dad brother in his place. It's probably a good thing that he isn't very involved in his own children's lives considering his attitude toward children.
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9. AITJ For Wanting To Have My Own Life Away From My Sister?

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“My sister is two years younger than me. We share the same birth month. This is relevant because as soon as we were born so close together my parents took it as a sign that we were bonded in some extra way and were meant to be more than sisters.

They dressed us alike and had us do everything together. They pulled me out of mainstream school to homeschool both of us after the school refused to allow lunch and recess for our classrooms to happen at the same time, so we’d be eating and playing together.

I was homeschooled for 5 years before they had to put me back due to an undiagnosed, at the time, learning disability. Then they enrolled my sister in school when they realized homeschooling would not work for me.

We both had friends but my sister was a bad friend because she would always put me before them, would dump them without notice if our parents had us spending time together, and more than once she forced them to let me hang out with them.

My sister loved how our parents raised us. I hated it.

We shared a bedroom despite being the only kids and having a four-bedroom house.

We were in the same extracurricular activities per our parents’ insistence.

We had joint birthday parties every year.

We had to prioritize each other before friends meaning if our sibling wasn’t welcome at a party we were invited to, the person invited didn’t get to go.

I got my freedom when I moved out and started college. It was weird at first. I was not used to freedom and college was a struggle for me because of my learning disability. But I loved it. I thrived in it.

I never once missed my sister or my parents.

She assumed once she started college she would be moving in with me, but I said no. I had already cut our parents off at that point and had been in low contact with her but she still pushed.

I didn’t give in and now 2 years on she has decided she’s done with college and we should live together and resume things like before. I told her no, I told her countless times that it would never happen. She kept pushing and pushing.

So I told her I did not want to go back to the way we were before, I never wanted to live with her again and I did not enjoy all the things she talked about missing from before. I told her I would not change my mind and that she needed to move on.

She was crushed. I knew she would be upset. I felt like it was my only choice to get her to back off. She cried that we’re sisters and our relationship had been so good before. I told her it was only good in her eyes.

She called me a bad sister and ended the call. A few days later she decided I needed to apologize to her and then work on getting back to how we were.

AITJ?”

Another User Comments:

“The way your parents raised you is truly bizarre.

Even twins are two separate people, with separate personalities, habits, likes, dislikes, etc. You both should have been free to have alone time, privacy, separate birthdays, friend groups, etc. As soon as I read ‘more than sisters’ I thought ‘uh oh.’ Not to mention, what is more than sisters? Conjoined twins? Matching outfits are cute on little kids but after a certain point, everyone moves past that.

All very bizarre parenting behavior and I’m sorry for your experience. No one should ‘hate’ their childhood.

Anyway, you’re definitely NTJ. You were honest with her about your feelings and boundaries, certainly not an easy conversation, and you were not mean about it.

Good for you! You can still move past this disagreement and repair the relationship without sacrificing your newfound freedom to just be YOU without a shadow in the form of your sister. A little independence might do her some good in the long run too.” fallingfaster345

Another User Comments:

“That’s not a relationship, sibling or otherwise.

That’s toxic co-dependency. Like, Sam-and-Dean level codependency. You don’t need to ‘get back to how you were.’ You need to cut your whole family out, sister and parents both.

They created and fostered this unhealthy dynamic, permanently warping you two. The psychological scars from your sad excuse for a childhood will endure for years, and likely never fully fade away.

She seems to actively need said dynamic, which is not her fault, but can’t be fixed without several years (at minimum) in therapy. That’s why she’s so adamant about making you blink first here. Little sis never had a chance to form her own sense of individual self: she literally does not know who she is without you, and thus is spiraling psychologically.

She wants your old wavelength back because she’s unstable without it.

But that’s not on you. Your parents are responsible, and they need to take the blame. Right now, the best thing you can do for her is to stay away.

Don’t apologize.

Don’t get back in contact. Don’t acknowledge them at all.

Yes, it means she’ll suffer. Maybe a little; likely a lot. But this, I’m afraid, is one of those situations where the pain is unavoidable. She has to hurt before she can grow, and she has lots of growing to do – growing that can’t happen if you’re still a part of her life.

NTJ.” T1s1phon3Aaronz

Another User Comments:

“NTJ. What you said was only upsetting to someone who refuses to accept that you’re two different people with different lives, and you need space to live yours. Your parents may have created this dynamic, but your sister is old enough at this point to question it for herself, or at least to recognize that you’re no longer under any obligation to keep doing things the way they want and she has no reason to expect you will, much less demand your compliance.

You’re going to have to hold firm that she doesn’t have to like you not wanting to be joined at the hip, but she needs to come to terms with the reality it’s not happening – even if that means you’re going to have to limit your contact with her if she still refuses to accept you’re not changing your mind.” mm172

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psycho_b 1 year ago
Ntj but i feel bad for your sister.
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8. AITJ For Refusing To Babysit My Brother's Kid?

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“I am 27(m) and work as a paramedic. I recently moved back in with my parents to assist my mother with my father’s care. I have a brother Jack (28) and Tim (22m) who lives at home with SIL.

Jack has an extremely toxic relationship with a girl I’ll call Abbey (25).

He wanted to break up with her and she stopped taking the pill and fell pregnant, they have constantly been together and breaking up since their son Tyler (3 years old) was born.

My brother works. They are currently split up (seems to be permanent).

They split custody 60/40.

Abbey refuses to talk to me since I told her I didn’t want anything to do with her. My parents dislike her but tolerate her for Tyler’s sake but I do not need to have a family relationship with her.

Abbey has started now asking my father a lot more to babysit Tyler because my other SIL has told her she cannot babysit because her plate is full with their 3-month-old.

My father cannot say no, so always says yes, and every time he does it ends up being me babysitting him because my dad physically cannot care for him, pretty much can’t do anything for himself.

She only ever asks him to babysit when she knows I am off work.

On my off days I often do self-care stuff like going to the gym, shopping, or meeting my partner for lunch (insert other activities like meeting friends, etc.) however since Tyler has been there more frequently I do not feel comfortable leaving him alone with my father so all of these things have dropped.

Being a paramedic and part-time caring for my dad is extremely important and it’s a bit much caring for both my dad and a 3-year-old child that is not mine.

Anyways, I had enough and messaged Abbey that she needs to stop asking my father to babysit because it falls on me to look after him because dad is in no condition to do so.

I told her she needs to look at finding a babysitter or ask my brother or mother to take time off because I won’t be caring for him anymore and I will contact child services because she was unfit and the child is placed in inadequate supervision.

I told her if she needs someone to babysit she needs to hire a babysitter.

Anyways she told both my mother and my brother about this and they both blew up on me, my mother pretty much said it takes a village to raise a child and I am equally responsible to help out.

My brother is calling me a jerk and saying his son will suffer.

I told my mother that she can take time off work to babysit him if it was an issue and that I did not agree to babysit my nephew and he is not my responsibility and that I won’t be babysitting him in the future.

If it was once in a while I wouldn’t mind, but lately, it’s been every other day for 6 hrs+ and dad won’t stop saying yes, she seems to ask him pretty much every time she knows I’m home not working.

She won’t ask him if he’s alone.

I told all 3 that if she continues to do this I will contact family services and she needs to get a babysitter or ask my mother or brother to take time off work.

AITJ?

Edit: I had a lengthy conversation with my mother, she is still insistent that Tyler is my family and I should look after him because I’m ‘home all day so they should work’ whilst ignoring the fact I dropped my work schedule from 48-60 hrs a week to 24 hrs a week so I can assist with dad and I’m placing my life on hold to help her with dad’s care which is unconditional and Tyler is not a responsibility I wish to have on top of this.

Due to this, I have spoken to my parents-in-law (our rental was put on the market and we decided to move back in with our parents to save faster for a deposit and so I can assist with dad’s care).

They are happy for me to move into their house and my partner is excited about this as she has missed living with me.

I’ve decided this is the best thing to do given my mother refusing to listen and family comes first crap and also gives me a positive place to wind down that isn’t work or a caring environment which I don’t switch off from.

I’ve set boundaries that I will still support my father, but will not be living there and that if Tyler is there I will leave him with my dad and leave. Due to this my mum did message Abbey and told her that she cannot ask dad to babysit anymore because of me.

As opposed to the fact, dad physically cannot babysit a child let alone care for himself.

She is upset at me and Abbey has said I have made things extremely difficult on them when I could babysit because I’m home so she can work because she’s struggling (she constantly goes out for drinks and dines out with friends for brunch and always spends money and pays close to no rent).

I told her my only responsibility is my dad being comfortable and I won’t be responsible for Tyler and she can get a babysitter or make my brother look after him.

My brother is refusing to talk to me and is upset.

I had a minor chat with him and pretty much said I’m making career sacrifices to care for our dad’s needs, so he can make sacrifices to raise his child. He hung up and haven’t spoken to him since.

My younger brother and SIL are supportive and are on my side.

I’ve told my SIL that I would still be comfortable looking after their baby so she can clean, shower, etc if I’m at the house. This SIL does a lot to help my dad and I have a very good relationship with her, Abbey does nothing and it’s a very shakey relationship due to things she had done prior to this incident.

I’ll be moving into my PIL’s in the next couple of days which is the best solution and is 20 mins away from my parents.”

Another User Comments:

“NTJ. It certainly won’t make you popular with your family, but I think this is an important boundary to set.

If she is someone who knowingly leaves her child with someone she knows can’t be responsible for his wellbeing with the assumption that someone else (specifically someone who has specifically said no already) will pick up the slack as a result, then maybe she is the sort of person who should be on the radar of family services.

It’s also absolutely absurd for your mother to assign any responsibility for your brother’s child to you without your consent. Might be also worth pointing out that this woman shouldn’t have access to your father since she’s taking advantage of him.” hannahkelli

Another User Comments:

“A very emphatic NTJ!

You do an incredibly important job in very tough circumstances.

In my opinion, paramedics are real-life superheroes. And that has never been more crystal clear than during the global crisis and the knock-on consequences for people’s health we are experiencing now. The resulting strain on our health services has made your job even more stressful and you absolutely need to get your downtime.

How else are you supposed to keep serving your community if you burn out?

The fact that you have also moved back home to help care for your Dad when you aren’t at work takes you from superhero to saint! You are clearly an incredibly compassionate and kind man and, sadly, people will always try and take advantage of good people.

How dare Abbey try and load more onto you?! And then force it on you by using your elderly and poor Dad. She is an abominable human being and a terrible parent. You are not responsible for her AT ALL let alone equally!

I am really glad that you have laid down entirely reasonable boundaries.

Your mother and brother are making outrageous demands of you and I hope you stand firm. You should ask your mother if she really thinks that you doing the incredibly stressful job you do, and then caring for your Dad in your spare time, isn’t enough to expect of one person.

You may be a superhero but you are only human! She should be extremely proud of you and protect you from the entitled demands of your brother instead of trying to load you down even more. You can tell her from me that she’s behaving like a massive Turd Blossom (Guardians of the Galaxy reference that feels appropriate).

Finally, thank you for what you do wherever you do it. People rightly thank the military for their service. I passionately believe we need to thank the superheroes in our health services for their tireless service too!” Present_Pension_6053

Another User Comments:

“Advise her that leaving minor children in the care of a known dementia patient is both elder abuse and child endangerment.

Especially so when she leaves them at the front door!! Tell her you are dividing what is going on and the next time she drops off the children when there is nobody except your dad, who is incapable, and you, who is unwilling, you’re calling CPS.

Anybody who has a problem with this is welcome to contribute time or money to provide the childcare they think is so important that other people need to sacrifice for it. As for your part of the village, those villages also tend to believe strongly in elder care by their children as well.

And that is the service you are providing to your village. A skilled, live-in service would cost them way more than childcare, and that allows him to continue to live at home safely with your mom instead of having to be placed in a home which would also cost way more than childcare.

NTJ.” ISTFMM

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7. AITJ For Making My Coworker Uncomfortable?

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“I (20F) have worked my current job on a building site for 9 months. One of the men working on site makes me quite uncomfortable, he has made one or two inappropriate comments. This isn’t my issue as this is a construction site, it’s really meant as just a joke.

However, he is a very touchy-feely person. I am not in the slightest. I won’t even hug my family members unless it is little children, because I don’t want them to feel hurt or rejected. After all, it can upset them very easily.

Over the past 9 months, this man has touched me in some way every time he sees me. I thought I made it clear I was uncomfortable because I tense up and he notices. Or I freeze in place and just look at him because I’m not sure what to say.

Don’t get me wrong it’s not inappropriate touching, it’s usually a pat on the back, a nudge with his elbow, or one of those half hugs shake things. However, it still makes me pretty uncomfortable.

I decided today to speak to him about it when we were alone.

He patted me on the back again, and I flinched because I didn’t expect it. He asked me if something was wrong or if I had a sore back. I didn’t want to be mean but I had just had enough.

I was already having a bad day and my patience for these things was wearing thin. So I said to him ‘no, sorry I just don’t like people touching me unexpectedly or uninvited it’s pretty uncomfortable to me’.

He wasn’t happy, he went around telling people that I had hurt his feelings, made him uncomfortable, and made him feel like he was a bad guy, and that he was doing something wrong.

I didn’t mean to hurt his feelings or make him uncomfortable at all, and I’m really sorry he feels that way I really do feel awful. But at the same time, all I was doing was setting a boundary for myself.

If anyone else behaved the same I would politely tell them the same thing. I don’t see anything wrong with this myself, although I’m sorry for his upset. But the other guys on site are now saying I’m a witch, uptight, etc.

So AITJ?”

Another User Comments:

“NTJ

‘Don’t get me wrong it’s not inappropriate touching.’

Yes, it is. Uninvited physical contact is inappropriate. Certain relationships have a baseline level of implied consent for a casual touch. Workplace relationships are not one of them. When you’re in a romantic relationship, it is generally acceptable to not ask consent every time you put your hand on their shoulder/back or nudge their arm because that’s standard in a relationship.

Some people don’t like that and it’s on them to set different boundaries, and you are responsible for obtaining consent (and clarifying parameters on continued consent) for anything beyond casual touch.

In the state where I live, if I tell someone not to touch me and they even just put their hand on my shoulder, they have committed battery and I can press charges.

You don’t put your hands on someone without their permission. It’s not a difficult concept.

You’re not a jerk for setting boundaries. He is a jerk for throwing a fit over either feeling embarrassed that he’s been called out on his inappropriate behavior, feeling entitled to touch another person, or both.

Next time he says something about it, ask him in front of everyone why he feels he has more of a right to touch you than you have to decide who touches you.” Arctic_Puppet

Another User Comments:

“NTJ

You didn’t embarrass him by saying anything in front of other people, nor have you complained about him to management/HR.

You simply told him that his touching behavior made you feel uncomfortable – and you made sure to do this when you were alone. That’s the best way you could have done this.

Instead of taking this on board, apologizing, and getting on with work, he went off and told a bunch of other people.

The irony is that he has told them that you made him feel uncomfortable on this one occasion, by telling him that – he doesn’t seem to have understood that he has made you feel uncomfortable numerous times, to the extent that his mere presence makes you uncomfortable.

This bloke is a complete jerk and a hypocrite.” FatBloke4

Another User Comments:

“NTJ-

Nobody gets to touch you without your consent. That’s the beginning and end of it. This guy is hurt, and that’s understandable, some people are more ‘touchy-feely’ than others and express familiarity in different ways.

However, this guy DECIDED to make it an attack on you. You had a private conversation where you took his feelings into consideration, and tried to be sensitive to them. HE made it into a public issue about you being ‘uptight’ or whatever because he was embarrassed and is trying to turn it around on you. This isn’t about him touching you anymore. NOW it’s about this guy going around spreading gossip about you. And throwing a little tantrum about it. HE is the one being weird here.” agathalives

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OpenFlower 1 year ago
NTJ. Please don't feel bad. He's a grown a$$ man who knows it's not okay to touch others without permission. And he's dramatic and annoying for going around telling everyone you "hurt his feelings". He can grow up and get over it. You have NOTHING to feel guilty about.
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6. AITJ For Calling The Cops When My Brother Dropped Off His Kids At My Workplace?

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“My (m31) brother (m36) is a single (widowed) dad of 2 kids (my nephews) both under the age of 10. He used to have babysitters but ever since he met his new SO he stopped hiring any help because his SO claimed that she wanted the kids to warm up to and get used to her as the only woman in their life.

So he started asking me to watch the boys whenever he had something to do. I’d help if I’m able but I work a demanding job and need to cover full-time. He for whatever reason refuses to acknowledge that.

Days ago, he was going for lunch with his SO to meet her friends and wanted me to have the boys.

I told him I had to work but he begged me to take the day off. I refused and went to work. At 11 AM, a coworker of mine entered the office and behind him were my nephews. I was flabbergasted he told me my brother dropped them off so they could stay with me.

I was in a state of disbelief but also furious. I felt stuck and terrified my boss would see this and I get in trouble. I couldn’t even take time off because of how busy I was. Out of frustration I called the police and explained what happened.

They got ahold of my brother and he was forced to come to take them off me. He also got into trouble with the authorities who spent hours talking to him. My boss eventually found out and I had to leave work early and go home.

In the evening, my brother called and started screaming at me calling me names of all sorts and saying that I not only ruined his meeting with his SO and her friends but caused him to get in trouble with the police.

He called me a vile piece of trash and said that I could’ve had the kids with me for a couple of hours or even taken them home and taken the rest of the day off.

We haven’t been speaking but his SO is constantly shaming me for what I’d done saying she treats the kids better than I do and that I should be ashamed for this.”

Another User Comments:

“NTJ

Your brother was completely out of line, to put it very mildly.

You flat out said no and he sneakily dropped the kids off at your office, trying to literally force you to take care of them while you were at work.

I would never, ever babysit for his two kids, under any circumstances.

Again. He could have gotten you into serious trouble at work because he wanted to meet with his SO.

If he wanted to do that, and his SO didn’t want a babysitter, they should have brought the kids with them. Especially since she insists the reason is she wants them to get used to her as the ‘only woman in their life.'” bmyst70

Another User Comments:

“NTJ.

Technically that is child endangerment. He had no way of knowing if the kids would actually be brought to you. He had no way of knowing if you were actually at work or just said you were to have time for yourself.

So he risked his kids’ safety for a hangout. These are his kids, not yours. You have absolutely no responsibility for them. If he wanted you to watch them that badly then he could have offered to pay you the exact same amount that you would have made working.

He also risked your job. What would his response have been if you had gotten fired? I think you need to re-evaluate your relationship and get some separation. Even family needs its limitations.” StormyDye

Another User Comments:

“NTJ, you did the right thing.

Tell him and his SO that next time you say no to babysitting, he better listen or it will happen again and again and again until the kids are taken from him. What does the boys’ mother’s family think of this? Or is your brother trying to erase his deceased wife from his and the boys’ lives? I’d tell him that you won’t babysit at all anymore, regardless of your schedule, until you get a sincere apology FROM BOTH OF THEM and your brother agrees to find other childcare.

Also, tell him that unless he wants his sons to hate him in a decade or so, he better set his SO straight, and if you have to, remind her yourself that she doesn’t have a ring on her finger yet, so she isn’t a step ANYTHING yet.

It sounds like she’s trying to erase the kids’ mom from their lives and force her way into a ‘mommy role.’ Keep an eye out for that and advocate for your nephews when you see her acting up. She sounds more absorbed with making the happy little family SHE wants and doesn’t care about what’s best for the kids.

How long did your brother wait to start seeing other people after his late wife passed away? And how long did he wait before introducing the kids to his new chick? Because it smells like we’ll soon be hearing from the kids about how their dad moved too fast to escape his grief and they suffered but dear old dad can’t accept anything but their total compliance and happiness for him and his new relationship.” feistyfox101

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rusty 1 year ago
NTJ....And never, never, EVER babysit those kids again...it's about time there was a hard boundary established. This idiot could have dropped the kids off at bro's job, never to see them again, and for what? A meetup? A piece of tail? Who knows, but OP should tell bro that he will NEVER babysit again, and if bro pulls that crap again, he will call the cops again. Bro is lucky all he got was a "talking to" from the police and "miss girlfriend" needs to mind her lane and stay in it.
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5. WIBTJ For Not Letting My Son Stay With My Mother-In-Law During Winter Break?

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“I have a son (6m) who has a great relationship with his grandparents, my in-laws. Up until 2020, they lived a few minutes away from us and he would spend at least one weekend a month at their house. In 2020, they decided to just retire and bought an RV, and traveled the country (we live in the US) for a year and a half.

They didn’t see my son very often during that time but did get him for a few weekends when they were close by.

I’ve had no problem driving him a few hours to visit with them. The last time this happened was over the summer and I drove on a Friday for 3 hours to drop him off and then on Sunday another 3 hours to pick him up.

My MIL is the type of personality that things need to be done her way or she will cancel the whole thing. I know this about her and do my best to accommodate what she wants so my son doesn’t have to forgo time with his grandparents.

My problem is they recently bought a house 5 hours away from us and want him to spend a long weekend with them over the break. They asked for him to come up (we’d meet halfway) the weekend before we are planning to vacation as a family up there.

So basically they want me to drive him up on a Friday, pick him back up on Tuesday, and then my family will get back in the car that following Saturday for a vacation to visit family about 30 minutes from where they live.

I explained this to her and that’s when she asked if we can just meet halfway so I’m not doing the entire drive 3 times in one week. But that’s still a lot of driving for both me and my son.

I don’t know if I’m being selfish and should just do it so he can have a fun one on one trip or if I need to put my foot down and say you can have him for a night when we’re up there.

My husband thinks I need to tell her no but he also doesn’t have the best relationship with his mom.

EDIT: The reason they can’t keep him for the whole week is that it’s my stepkid’s (14n/b) birthday that Wednesday and I want him home for that.

I thought they’d be coming down for the family dinner anyway but that’s when she suggested picking him up Tuesday. So originally I was going to meet halfway on Friday and thought they’d drive him home Wednesday for the birthday. This is their grandchild so I’m not sure why they aren’t coming for their birthday but that’s a whole other issue my husband is dealing with.”

Another User Comments:

“NTJ – Practice saying ‘No’ until you stop feeling the need to explain, reason, or compromise.

I know you think it’s somehow in your child’s best interest but the truth is (as someone that has been that kid) you have to chase granny and bow to her whim to make sure she sees your child. That’s not healthy.

They are welcome to travel down and stay at a hotel nearby you and spend time with him for a day or two (or BOTH kids, as it should be, yet isn’t because the same grandparents are acting up). Also, consider how this is for your stepchild.

All this trouble is gone through for the younger sibling to see granny but granny doesn’t give a boo about seeing them.

Everyone is catering to granny and she/grampy is NOT the focus of any of this. Your husband says to say NO and don’t deal with them.

Maybe it is time to let him lead in this. His parents, his kids (too), his circus, and his monkeys. They can reach out to him or accept his ‘No’ if they don’t want yours. But… if I was you I would start learning to use that word, for everyone’s sake.” C_Alex_author

Another User Comments:

“NTJ.

Tell grandma her demand is unreasonable, and you will be up there for the vacation to see family. He will be available for one night. I wouldn’t make that much driving. Have you seen gas prices recently? Unless she wants to chip in 200 for gas she can come to get him or wait until your scheduled vacation to see him.

Stop bending over backward for these grandparents. They moved further away. That automatically means they aren’t going to have as much interaction with your kid as they are used to.

Tell them to get family with face timing and video calling. I wouldn’t be driving that long for them.

When is this kid supposed to enjoy his winter break? Sounds like he’s going to spend a lot of it cooped up in a car.” depressivedarling

Another User Comments:

“NTJ

So there’s a grandmother who is selfish and won’t accommodate other people’s schedules.

I know you think you’re putting up with bad behavior for the sake of your son who gets something positive out of the situation, however, I think you’re hurting your son by not setting an example for him on how to deal with people who are being unreasonable – it’s about setting boundaries and not rewarding people who refuse to compromise.

Also, if it’s your husband’s mother, he should be the one dealing with her. It sounds like maybe you deal with her because he doesn’t have a good relationship with her, for good reason. You should follow his lead on this.

And she may not be a great person to let in your kid’s life that often anyway.

On top of that, she won’t attend the birthday party of her non-binary grandkid. Is she also an oppressive bigot? Does she have a problem with the kid being non-binary? I guess that part doesn’t even really matter, whatever the reason is it’s messed up no matter what for her to treat her other grandkid this way, and I would view that as a red flag and a very good reason not to allow your other kid to spend ANY time with her because she could hurt him someday too.

I could be completely wrong here, but I’m wondering if it’s possible that part of her need to spend time with your son is to ‘punish’ the other grandkid in some way. Or to have a ‘do-over.’ There’s no reason for me to speculate but I believe a person behaving badly towards one grandkid should be restricted from time from ALL grandkids until she cleans up her act. You may think that’s ‘hurting’ your son who likes to spend time with her, but you’re hurting your son by allowing him around toxic people AND by letting toxic people’s behavior go unchecked.” Inevitable-Stress550

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Botz 10 months ago
If they want him for weekends let them do the driving and stop being a doornat for them!
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4. AITJ For Being Inconsiderate Of My Sister's Diet?

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“I (24F) am currently 23 weeks pregnant. Before people ask, no it wasn’t a planned pregnancy but I and my partner have a house, a stable income, etc and we are fully prepared for our baby. We have been planning to do a small gender reveal for a while with close family and friends but we were waiting for my sister (22F) to get back from her month-long holiday in the US.

We have had everything planned to make it a fun celebration for us – especially because I have struggled with my mental health since I was a teenager and we want to turn the pregnancy into a positive thing for me.

My parents are pretty well off and as a graduating present for my sister they gave her a couple of thousand pounds to spend on a holiday (they did the same for me – I went backpacking around Europe with my friends).

She is very spiritual and vegan, which I have always been more than happy to cater to. She spent the money on a yoga retreat in California. We scheduled the party for a week afterward so she could make it and for the food, my mum and my partner’s dad did a BBQ in the garden.

A few of my friends are vegetarian so we had a separate cooker going with vegan hotdogs and burgers. We had a big gender reveal cake so I bought my sister a pack of vegan cupcakes I found, all of which my sister OK’d before she left.

When she came back from her yoga retreat I didn’t hear much from her (jet lag, LOL) but two days before the party she messaged me asking about the vegan options. I sent her a photo of the food she previously agreed to and its ingredients and she messaged back saying that she has a new diet she was introduced to at her retreat.

I’m not sure of all the details but she no longer eats processed food and only eats from organic companies or scratch. I was a bit annoyed at the short notice but I asked what kind of stuff I could get her instead since I didn’t want to leave her out.

She sent me a few pictures of food I could get her in our local food shop and I went to check them out that afternoon. They were really expensive (£35 for vegetable crisps, burgers, oat cookies!) and we’d already spent hundreds of pounds on the party, so I sent her a polite apologetic message saying that I wouldn’t be able to buy her the food she requested because it was out of our budget but I told her she was more than welcome to bring her own food to the party.

She messaged me back calling me rude names and saying that I’m a terrible sister for not including her ‘dietary needs’. This set off my angry pregnancy hormones lol and I messaged her back saying that her new diet isn’t my problem and she should accept the food she already advised me to buy for her (in hindsight I know it sounds rude and I feel terrible).

She didn’t come to the party which upset me a lot as we’ve always been close. We had a great time (we’re having a baby girl!) but I feel like I’m a jerk for not including her. AITJ?”

Another User Comments:

“NTJ but it’s sad that you’re so used to catering to your sister (pun intended) that you think you might be.

You literally held your event on a date based on your sister’s availability, then went to the trouble of designing a second menu and sharing it for approval. Her entitlement to assume that you’d rearrange that, last minute and at your own expense, and then NOT SHOW UP when you apologized and offered additional solutions is heinous.

That this is all to the point where you’re even considering that YOU might have done something wrong, speaks to how entrenched all this behavior probably is.” Brainjacker

Another User Comments:

“Her dietary needs are hers. If she wants that kind of food, she can buy it and bring it for herself.

You shouldn’t be expected to pay extra because she has a new special diet. That’s really selfish and entitled of her. It’s good enough that you went out of your way and spent extra to make sure she was included then she has the gall to say ‘I don’t follow that diet anymore I want you to spend extra on me and how dare you not do everything for me’.

She’s in the wrong, not you. Don’t feel bad and don’t change anything for her. If she has to have all this special stuff, she can pay for it herself, but it sounds too expensive for you to do when there are other vegan options.

NTJ.” Livetorun123

Another User Comments:

“NTJ, you had already budgeted and gotten an Ok from her regarding food she was fine to eat. It is not your fault that she changed her mind 2 days prior to a party and wanted very expensive food to boot.

As a general rule of thumb, I think people who have brand-specific dietary requirements should prepare and bring that themselves. Especially at such short notice.

The other thing is that based on the money from parents for a graduation vacation thing you’ve mentioned.

Perhaps consider the fact that your family comes from a higher income range and that some children raised in that environment are often raised with certain unrealistic expectations. I’m trying to say your sister is a spoiled brat in the nicest of ways.

I hope she cools down and then you can maybe take her out to brunch and smooth the ruffled feathers. Explain to her about the short notice and expenses and hormones and if she’s still mad then that’s on her.” Whattheactualwhat123

3 points - Liked by IDontKnow, StumpyOne and RedSoloCup
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psycho_b 1 year ago
Ntj. Your sister is just insufferable. You did what you could to include her but that wasn't good enough in her eyes. Don't sweat it. And congrats on your baby girl!
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3. AITJ For Being Unhappy About My Husband's New Emotional Support Dog?

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“I work from home and am a mom of 3. They are school-aged. I met my husband 6 years ago; two years after my and my children’s father split. We currently live in an apartment on the 4th floor. It’s small and getting cramped as the kids get older so we have been in search of a bigger place for over a year at this point but haven’t had any luck.

My husband got severely depressed last year after family stuff happened and during this time decided he needed an emotional support animal and opted for a dog. I begged him to wait it out until we got into a house and he just…

wouldn’t budge on the issue. Needed a dog right then and there and instead of getting an already-trained dog (they have a facility in our area that trains both medical and emotional pets), he went out and got a puppy. A herding dog no less.

I all but begged and pleaded that he return the dog for another breed because I know how high-maintenance herding dogs are but he refused because he ‘fell in love with her’. The dog did help him out in a sense but her behaviors are all over the place and every time we train her out of one thing, she regresses in another area.

It’s been harder for me to accept because I never wanted this. My husband just went back to work 7 months ago and now all of the responsibilities have fallen off on me because I’m the one working from home.

Just to outline a few things here…

I have been written up twice now for having to jump off of my work computer to go tend to the dog, who gets on the table, gets in the garbage, takes off down the street on potty breaks after wiggling out of her harness, and/or breaking them – just to come back upstairs and take a dump on my floor, etc.

The other day she latched on to my leg while I was vacuuming because of the noise, I’m assuming. She constantly goes after the cat. I’m just fed up, completely. Because, again, this is not what I wanted and now I’m struggling to maintain work and an animal with behavioral issues.

So my husband texts me every day while he is working and we hardly have good days in this house. So when he asks how I am or how the dog is being, I straight up tell him exactly what’s going on here.

Well, yesterday he texted and I said I couldn’t do this anymore. He needed to find someone to take the dog during the day because I’m done. Well beyond my limit here. He immediately starts berating me for ‘constantly complaining about the dog versus trying to bond with her because she is probably acting out due to your crap.’ Keep in mind she does these behaviors even with him at home so it’s definitely not me.

AITJ?’

Another User Comments:

“NTJ – He never should have gotten the dog. This is not a dog that can be left alone for a full workday in an apartment. You are not default dog care for his dog just because you work from home.

You are working. He needs to act as if you are not there. If he wants to keep this dog, he needs to bring her to doggy daycare every day. And if you don’t share finances, that better come out of his budget.

The current situation is not fair to you or the dog.

He decided that he could get this dog without your consent because it is not a ‘family pet’, it is his emotional support dog. Well, that means that HE is fully responsible for caring for it.

And he is doing a poor job of doing that.

Those types of breeds need a ton of exercise and mental stimulation. If he cannot or will not provide that, he is causing the dog serious mental distress. How does he feel about the fact that he is using the dog to improve his well-being at the cost of the dog’s well-being?” Forward_Squirrel8879

Another User Comments:

“NTJ

Dogs are ALOT to handle.

I don’t know why people assume a dog is a great pet and never get it trained or realize how much time goes into them DAILY even if they are trained.

You told your husband your stance and how it is affecting you negatively.

He doesn’t seem to care and is just saying it’s your fault.

You shouldn’t have to deal with the extra stress from the dog, and the dog obviously needs an environment where it can get its needs met. (Exercise etc)

He definitely picked the wrong dog for an apartment and for you having other responsibilities.

There are plenty of animals out there that don’t need as much or cause as much stress. Even other dog breeds that don’t need much exercise and etc.

Your husband needs to actually look at this logically and not emotionally.” AlwaysLurking91

Another User Comments:

“NTJ – He got a dog that you didn’t want, so it’s technically his responsibility.

Seeing as the dog is affecting your ability to work and has even gotten you written up twice, you really do have ground to demand that he finds somewhere for the dog to be during the day (alternatively, he should be home with the dog – if he can’t, he should have thought about that before getting a dog).

Being depressed is awful and I really feel for him, but there are a lot of other options to try before getting an emotional support animal. I understand that he needed something to help, but unlike medicine or therapy, you can’t just stop being a dog owner when you feel better.

It’s a lot of responsibility that everyone in the household (at least the adults) should be ok with. You clearly weren’t ok with that, but he got a dog anyway.

He wanted the dog and it’s obviously not working that it’s at home with you, so he has to find another solution. You don’t have to feel guilty over this.” Silent-Ang3l

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rusty 1 year ago
Tell hubby one thing and in one sentence: "Find appropriate care for the dog or it is going to be rehomed" It is not worth it to lose your job over a DOG. If he needs an "emotional support animal" so badly, tell him that he needs to look into taking the dog to work with him to support him emotionally there. Otherwise, it's just a pet and pets can be rehomed. Repeat until either he gets the message or the dog "disappears/runs away". Absolutely NTJ
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2. AITJ For Laughing At My Mom Calling Herself A Single Mom?

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“My parents divorced when I was seven as my dad had an affair. My mom has even admitted she didn’t really love him and the affair hurt her pride more than anything else. They were also heavily pressured to marry by their parents, so that makes sense.

I’m not condoning what my dad did but it was pretty clear the marriage was for show.

Anyway, my dad married his affair partner ‘Emma’ and she was the best stepmom a kid could ask for. She always tried to make me feel like her own.

My mom married ‘Owen’ a few years later and he really didn’t care about me. That being said Owen clearly loves my mom and lavishes her with attention, so she had emotional and financial support. Also if he needed to do something for me, like say she was sick and I needed a ride, he would.

He just never really engaged with me.

As a result, I preferred my dad’s house. My mom didn’t really put up a fuss when I began spending all of my time there. She would take me on some weekends to do fun stuff but she wasn’t that into the day-to-day stuff.

I don’t hate her or anything and we have an ok relationship, but I do prefer my dad and Emma.

I am currently getting married to ‘Kate.’ Kate has a civil but shallow relationship with my mom and a great relationship with Emma.

Emma has been helping her with a lot of the wedding planning though my mom is literally a wedding planner so I think that might irritate her a bit.

Well, recently Kate contacted my mom to talk to her about her mother-of-the-groom dress.

We want our parents to match our aesthetic. Kate asked my mom to wear yellow and my mom didn’t seem to have a problem at first but did make a snide comment about how it isn’t fair that the bride’s mom gets to choose first.

Kate let it slip that her mom and Emma had already chosen and my mom lost it.

She called Kate disrespectful, and said she couldn’t wear yellow because she was blonde (what?) At this point, Owen started laughing at our wedding colors so I got annoyed.

My mom tried to guilt me by saying it wasn’t fair and that Emma and my dad could give me more attention and fun but my mom was a single mom.

I laughed and said she was not a single mom. She was married.

He helped out if he had to, was a great financial provider, and clearly makes her happy so I don’t want to hear her whining.

My mom snapped at me that she was a single mom and I’m devaluing that and choosing my unfaithful dad over her again.

She called Kate a witch and said she would not be wearing yellow. Owen blew up and told me to get out of his house and get away from his wife.”

Another User Comments:

“I don’t know, you seem to gloss right over the fact that your dad had an affair on your mom that ended up wrecking their marriage.

Sounds like she still harbors some resentment about that and wasn’t nearly as cool with it as you insist she was. And I’m guessing that her getting you on the weekends when you were a kid was because she was working during the week? Sounds like she still feels sad and guilty about that, too.

For several years, she was a single mother, so I’m not sure why you felt like you needed to challenge her on that. She probably struggled after her marriage ended far more than you realize. Your dad had another family waiting for him after their divorce, your mother did not.

At any rate, her lashing out at your fiancee and calling her names was totally unnecessary. What she did was definitely out of line, and she owes her a sincere apology.

Everyone sucks here, except for Kate.” prairiemountainzen

Another User Comments:

“Everyone sucks here.

You did choose your Dad and his affair partner over your Mom, and your story vibes with a lot of unspoken blame at your Mom over the state of her marriage and, I guess, not being ‘fun’ enough for you. Clearly, she wasn’t a single parent the whole time, she was wrong on that, but she was for a while.

It’s obvious that you don’t care about her, or have much empathy for her, so that may be why you’ve not noticed how you’ve hurt her a lot, especially with how it sounds like you’re planning the wedding. You’ve hurt her for a long time.

She may not be fun like your unfaithful stepmother and Dad, but pretty good chance she’s got feelings.” GeekyStitcher

Another User Comments:

“Everyone sucks here. I know this will be quite an unpopular opinion and for the record, I completely believe that your mother’s response was wrong.

However, you conveniently gloss over and justify the fact that you chose your father’s affair partner over your own mother. Throughout your story, your attitude toward your mom has been blatantly obvious, and for no good reason. Just because she didn’t love your father does not mean she was not betrayed.

Then she was betrayed by you as well.

As a child, you might not have understood the intricacies of that but you’re just as insensitive and callous about her pain as an adult. If your future wife has an affair after having your son and leaves you to marry another man who dotes over him and spoils him and your future son judges you for not being good enough compared to him then you should support him in his decision to rub it in your face how much he prefers him over you.” Amy14here

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TJHall44 1 year ago
NTA mom sounds like one of those "parents" who throw their kids away once the new partner comes along. She clearly didn't care that her husband didn't like her kid
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1. AITJ For Crashing My Ex's Mom's Funeral?

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“My ex’s mother and I were very close. I knew her long before I started seeing her son. I saw her as my own mother. We kept close contact up until the end. When I found out she’d passed I was devastated.

Her funeral was yesterday and I went without receiving an invite (didn’t know you needed an invite to a funeral but I guess this is important for later).

I’m pregnant with my ex’s child. An unfortunate situation since he’s back with his wife and things are tense but that’s the current situation.

I was going there just for the funeral and to pay respect to an amazing woman who treated me like her own child. I even sat at the back so as to avoid getting attention however attention came and my ex’s wife came to me saying that I was not invited and crashing the funeral so I must leave.

Luckily my ex’s older brother intervened and said that I was welcome. The only problem is that after this he basically forced me to sit further in the front (literally put his arm around me and led me to the front despite me saying I was fine) to sit in the row reserved for family, directly behind my ex, his wife and their kids.

While people were looking at the body (open casket) their kids saw me and they came to hug me and noticed my stomach was big so asked if I was pregnant. Their mother butted in and made a snarky comment like ‘yes darlings, she just can’t stop making them’.

Mind you I only have one other child so this comment was purely just to make me sound like some loose woman. But still, I bit my tongue.

The youngest then asked if the child will have my red hair and her mother scoffed and under her breath said something like God forbid.

So I was like maybe but your dad has brown hair so the baby could just look exactly like you guys since the baby would be their younger sister or brother. Their mother overheard this and immediately called the kids back to her.

I left as soon as the funeral was over. I got a call later that night from my ex saying that I was a jerk for telling their kids about the baby without talking to them first and told me to stay away from his family.

AITJ?

Edit: there was no affair. They separated. We started seeing each other. They decided to get back together. We broke up. They both already knew about the pregnancy before the funeral.”

Another User Comments:

“NTJ

You had a strong relationship with the mother before you were involved with your ex.

You had every right to go to the funeral unless the mother didn’t like you or specifically requested you didn’t go, which she didn’t as clearly indicated by her other son.

You went out with your ex, met his kids, and it was a very public relationship.

It was NOT an affair as his kids even knew you as his SO.

The baby IS going to be their sibling, there’s nothing their mum can do about it. If your ex and his wife didn’t want their kids to know they should’ve discussed that with you previously, regardless of if they knew you were coming to the funeral or not.” CharliesBadDay

Another User Comments:

“Everyone sucks here.

You had every right to go to the funeral as a friend of the woman who passed away.

You didn’t have the right to tell your ex’s children they are about to gain a sibling at their grandmother’s funeral.

Your ex’s wife is hating the situation and she is taking that out on you and that’s not ok, because you did nothing wrong getting pregnant when in a relationship with your ex (planned or not, he is 50% responsible) she has every right to hate it because he is now linked to you for the next 18+ years and she wishes he wasn’t.

But it does feel like you said what you said as a dig back at the wife. I am not saying you shouldn’t call her out on her behavior, but don’t bring the kids into it.” Ok-Macaron-6211

Another User Comments:

“I’m leaning towards NTJ.

You were at the funeral to mourn a woman you loved. You tried not to draw attention to yourself by sitting in the back. You even tried to act civil when the kids came up to you. I definitely don’t fault you for saying what you said because:

You didn’t start anything.

You bit your tongue when the wife was throwing insults your way. In fact, it seems like you danced around telling them you are carrying their sibling until the wife’s constant remarks got to you.

What you said IS true. First, the kids asked if you were pregnant, and you held back.

It’s not like you flat-out said, ‘oh yeah, my tummy is big because I’m pregnant with your sibling’. THEN they asked whether the baby’s hair would be red or not. You answered the kids’ questions by simply stating the hair color might be different because of their father.

Sure, you could have said something like, ‘I don’t know, we’ll see!’ rather than giving a hint that you’re carrying your ex’s child. However, I feel that you felt forced into saying something clever because you were being verbally attacked by the wife.

I can understand that because we all have our limits. On top of that, had you said something ‘more tactful’ like the above example, I doubt the wife would have stopped when she did. I can picture her continuing to make snide remarks, regardless of if the kids kept asking more and more questions.

What you said was able to effectively shut the wife down and have the rest of the funeral continue in relative peace.

All in all, you didn’t say anything that would attack the character of the wife, ex, or kids. Additionally, nothing else was exchanged after the kids were called back.

The kids seemed happy to see you and don’t care that you were pregnant with their sibling. If the wife and your ex are bothered by what you said, well, that’s the consequence of THE WIFE starting a spat. NTJ.” Background_Proof8861

Another User Comments:

“Everyone sucks here only because you brought the children in by announcing they have a sibling.

The wife was instigating this by making snide comments. You had every right to be at this funeral as everyone else due to your relationship with the deceased. The wife is understandably upset about the pregnancy. Are you sure you want to follow through with this pregnancy? It’s going to be a long 18 years with so much drama and a woman who clearly will resent and hate you forever.

You will have to deal with her until the baby is 18. She obviously isn’t going anywhere. This situation is going to look bad on you forever. You are pregnant with a married man’s child and it doesn’t matter that they were separated when it happened. It’s a bad look and people will judge you for this until the end of time.” Skittles838689

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rusty 1 year ago
Hey Skittles...the only judgment I see here is coming from YOU, and it's really none of your business. The wife started the argument and OP finished it before it escalated. Mind your manners and keep your judgments to yourself. NTJ, the "father" is 50% responsible for this mess. The wife can stay out of it if she so chooses, but I doubt she will.
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