People Express Regret Over Their "Am I The Jerk?" Stories

Looking back on past mistakes can be a difficult process. Whether you think you were justified in your actions or not, it's hard to tell whether you made the right choices in some situations. These users took to the internet to express their regret and question their character in their AITJ stories. Read on and let us know who you think the jerk is. AITJ = Am I the jerk? NTJ = Not the jerk YTJ = You're the jerk WIBTJ = Would I be the jerk? EHS = Everyone here sucks

24. AITJ For Not Giving My Partner A Spare Key?


“My (27F) friend of fifteen years Aaron (30M) passed away a few weeks ago. He wasn’t married nor had a family. I’m the one responsible for his belongings and his apartment.

I keep the key with me to visit the apartment every weekend to check on it.

My partner noticed and asked to have a copy of the key to the apartment. I was utterly confused by his request.

I asked what for since he and Aaron weren’t even that close given that he and I had been together for 6 months. He got offended and accused me of gatekeeping Aaron’s memory.

I said I was sorry, but Aaron’s apartment has valuable stuff that I cannot risk missing, and besides, what business could he possibly have there? He got offended and accused me of implying that he was untrustworthy and a “thief”.

I tried to end the argument, but he kept going on about how I hurt his feelings and showed an incredible amount of distrust toward him.

He went home but the texting kept going.

He’s insisting saying if I trust him then I have to let him have a copy of the key. AITJ or not giving it to him or am I being unreasonably paranoid?”

Another User Comments:


If he refuses to answer why he wants a key he is showing that he can’t be trusted. Plus, it’s not just about trust. You are responsible for his belongings, not your partner.

Your partner has no legal, moral, or financial reason to be in that apartment.

Tell him he should be trusting you to make a good decision about the apartment, if he keeps asking then he doesn’t trust you.” dwotw

Another User Comments:


He has no need for a key whatsoever, and it sounds like his asking is unjustified. The only explanation that I can come up with (other than him being an out-and-out thief) is that he is a jealous partner who is trying to snoop on you.

If that’s correct, he may well think things like you should betray the confidences of others to him, just to “not have secrets”, or that he should have access to anything you should have access to (either to snoop on you, or maybe, again, to “not have secrets”), despite the fact that Aaron trusted only you with it.

Maybe there’s another explanation, I don’t like to assume, but I’d be wary. At the very least, he needs to explain himself and give you a plausible reason why he was asking for the key.

He went over the line.” matty843

Another User Comments:

“NTJ – You are absolutely right not handing ANYBODY the key, since you are the one Aaron trusted his belongings with. And especially not to your man who causes way too big of a scene about this, which makes the whole situation even more suspicious.

He clearly wants to get in there a little bit too badly and now makes it all about you not trusting him to try and guilt you into bowing down and handing over the key. Major red flags here.” DancehallWashington

6 points (6 votes)

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rbleah 3 months ago
He has NO REASON OR RIGHT to go into that apartment. You have EVERY RIGHT to tell him NO. AND you might want to rethink this relationship. He wants in there without you for a reason of his own. Sounds to me like he wants something out of that apt.
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23. AITJ For Wanting My Roomie To Buy Me A New Phone?


“I (f21) live in a three-bedroom house with my roommate Chloe (f27) and her son Jay (m4). We have separate contracts with the landlord, and Chloe pays more rent than me because she and her son are occupying two bedrooms.

I’ve been living with Chloe and Jay for around 5 months, and so far had no major issues until recently. Last weekend, I was in the kitchen answering emails on my phone.

Jay asked if he could watch videos on my phone (I have Netflix on my phone and have let him use it a few times) but this time I told him no.

Jay protested and said his mum is watching the TV, but I still said no and said I need to use my phone.

Later that day, I was in my room getting assignments done on my laptop with the door open, and I noticed Jay was in my room.

I don’t know how long he had been in there, he was very quiet and I was so absorbed in what I was doing that I hadn’t noticed him. I asked Jay what he was doing, and he took a few seconds to respond and said he was looking for a toy he lost.

I thought it was a bit strange but didn’t think much of it.

It was maybe like a few minutes later that I noticed my phone was missing, and I heard it do its notification sound and Jay giggling in the bathroom.

I ran over to the bathroom right as Jay was flushing my phone down the toilet.

I was beyond upset. I told Chloe what happened and made it very clear that I expect her to pay for a new phone.

The phone that Jay flushed was an iPhone 8 that I bought secondhand and paid £150 for.

Somehow the toilet isn’t clogged, and we haven’t had any plumbing issues with it yet.

I don’t know much about plumbing though.

Chloe was apologetic but said she can’t afford to pay me, as she’s a single mum and that making ends meet is difficult enough. I said I couldn’t afford it either since I’m a student who works part-time in fast food.

I told Chloe I’m willing to take her to small claims court. Chloe started crying and said I’m a monster.

I know I’m within my legal rights to do this, but AITJ if I took my roommate to small claims court?”

Another User Comments:


It’s part of having kids knowing if they break it you as the parent have to replace it. My son broke a nightlight that resembled the leg lamp from A Christmas Story.

I spent the morning hunting down a replacement. The thing cost $100. But I knew I had to replace it. That’s what parents do.” jadepumpkin1984

Another User Comments:

“You imply the phone actually went down.

You absolutely need to report this to your landlord. There are dozens of places an object of that size and shape could get lodged in a plumbing system and cause absolute nightmare sewage chaos.

NTJ, sue her for the phone, but also tell your landlord stat.” Astyryx

Another User Comments:

“A 4-year-old has the focus and ability to plan a heist looking for an iPhone in a room not his, stealing it while the owner is in the room, and flushing it thru the toilet while not showing any sign of remorse (not even the remorse of being caught?)

You WNBTJ, her child her responsibility, but as a mom, I am worried about this child, this level of scheming, planning, and not showing fear of being caught is not in line with his age.” Myilana

6 points (6 votes)

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CmHart2008 2 months ago
NTJ. Your roommate owes you a new phone. Additionally, she is an enabler & her son's behavior is a serious red flag. Be prepared to go to court and also be prepared to make other living arrangements. Meanwhile, keep your bedroom locked & do not allow that child in your room. A civil atmosphere in that household is not likely after this. Be sure to alert the landlord as this may affect his plumbing in the future.
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22. AITJ For Getting Mad At My Sister For Announcing Her Engagement At My Birthday Party?


“This was a couple of weeks ago but I still think about it. I (16F) had my sweet 16th a couple of weeks ago. It was nothing too crazy but my parents and my extended family all came over and we went out to a nice restaurant that my parents had booked.

A lot of my family, cousins and nieces and nephews were there so it was a lot of people. After we ate dinner and it was time to blow out my candles my mom insisted I open some of my presents so I don’t have to carry them home.

My aunties, uncles, and grandparents gave me my presents, after opening their presents and saying thank you, my older sister and her SO gave me their present. Inside the box was a card that said “Will you be my Maid of Honor?” I was obviously confused and looked at them with a weird expression on my face.

My mom came over to look in the box as well and she loudly said, “You’re getting engaged!” My sister then squealed with excitement and told us all about her proposal and how they were already wedding planning.

She said it was the perfect time to announce their engagement since all our family was here. When my sister asked if I was going to say yes I just nodded and excused myself to the bathroom.

I didn’t go to the bathroom I ended up walking out and went to a nearby park, a couple of hours pass by and my dad pulled over on the curb and told me to get in with him.

I expected him to yell at me but he ended up taking me out for ice cream and we sat at the lake and just talked, when I got home I saw my cake on the counter and my mum got up and started yelling at me about how I ruined my birthday and ruined my sister’s engagement announcement.

My sister ended up saying that my birthday wasn’t as important as her wedding and my mother agreed. My dad told my sister and her fiancé to get out and ended up talking to my mom about how they could have checked with me beforehand instead of announcing it.


Another User Comments:

“NTJ. It’s extremely entitled and selfish to think that as someone else has gathered the family already it’s the perfect time to announce your news. No. It isn’t.

The family is gathered precisely to celebrate someone else’s life event. You don’t hijack that for yourself.” jwjnthrowawaykfeiofj

Another User Comments:

“YTJ. It’s a sweet 16 birthday meal, get over yourself. What a lovely present that your sister asked you to be maid of honor.

I would have loved that!! And now your spoilt teenage attitude has ruined what should have been a lovely, happy, sibling moment.” applesandpears100

Another User Comments:

“Your sister, her now fiancé, and your mom are the jerks here.

Prepare for this to get worse. Your sister has the makings of a bridezilla and you’re going to be in the line of fire.

In what universe is being asked to be the maid of honor considered a gift? That was so tacky of her. Happy belated 16th birthday. I’m sorry your sister ruined your celebration.” solo_throwaway254247

5 points (5 votes)

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Gamergirl 2 months ago (Edited)
Ntj and applesandpears100 above is full of themselves. Nobody should be hijacking another person's celebration no matter what it is to create their own. They can organize their own celebration because they have the time. I don't care if someone got pregnant and wanted to announce it at my birthday or wedding or whatever. You are not going to do that because if you do, you're going to be going home with a black eye.
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21. AITJ For Not Inviting My Daughter's Classmate To Her Party?


“My (28 female) husband (29 male) and I have a daughter Payton (7 female).

Payton goes to a small school with 20 kids in her grade. Her birthday party is next month and we sent out invitations to her friends at school.

We invited the whole class except one student.

The student we did not invite has bullied Payton several times (we’ve had meetings with the school and parents). Obviously, Payton doesn’t want this kid at her party.

The other girl’s mother called me to talk about it saying how now her daughter is crying she was the only kid not invited and everyone at school is talking about the party.

(Payton’s parties are known by her classmates to be very over the top). I explained her daughter isn’t nice to my daughter and that’s the reason she wasn’t invited (the mother knows this).

The mother said I’m teaching my child to be a “bully” and use her wealth to make friends. I disagreed.

The mother then asked if she had her daughter apologize and write Payton a letter we could reconsider.

I told her we would not, and it has become a big deal every time I see the mom.


Another User Comments:


Here’s why: your daughter has every right to feel safe at her party.

This is a thing this girl is going to miss out on and she’s upset about that. Which I guess is understandable but here is the thing mom didn’t offer an apology before the party.

Didn’t pull her kid in line before the party and when it was brought up repeatedly with the school. She is only doing it now because her kid is the “victim”

My main reason is that your kid deserves not to be walking on eggshells at her party.

And I absolutely loathe when parents continue to put their kids in contact with their bullies. Children or not. Your child deserves to feel safe.” Inevitable-Okra-3229

Another User Comments:


You aren’t teaching your child to be a bully, only to not socialize with bullies.

Forced apologies aren’t useful in any situation. The other mother needs to move on somewhere. Perhaps take the time to teach her daughter that actions have consequences and no one wants the company of a bully.” kdhj88

Another User Comments:

“Something about the way you’re talking is rubbing me the wrong way.

Obviously, you’re free to invite or not invite anyone she wants but to not invite this single child, the only one left out of the whole class, seems actually quite cruel.

I mean, if you want to make a child feel bad, congratulations. You’ve succeeded.” Mabelisms

Another User Comments:

“NTJ. Her child is a bully towards yours of course they aren’t wanted there! You handed invites to parents of kids who she wanted there.

No one should be forced to have anyone they don’t want for the sake of “fairness.” I have great issues with people forcing others to hang out or invite them out of kindness.

Of course, teach your children to be forgiving, kind, generous, tolerant, and inclusive but don’t straight out be forcing another person on them. They make their own decisions and forcing someone on them will make them resentful.

I remember in school being told I wasn’t nice for excluding a girl and not wanting to partner up with them. For 3 years I was forced into being this girl’s friend just because I was nice and tolerant of her (we didn’t gel well her opinion was the only one that mattered the whole time we would hang out).

I was bullied by the school into being “friends” with this entitled girl to the point if I didn’t partner with her on field trips I would be barred from going.” Grouchy_Top_2962

4 points (4 votes)

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Mistweave 2 months ago
NTJ. The bully doesn't deserve to be invited and should feel bad because their actions caused them to not be invited. I wouldn't have let it get past the first instance before I curb stomped the parents in front of their kid and told them I would continue to do so until they left my kid alone.
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20. AITJ For Telling My Friend Her Degree Is Worthless?


“I (26F) have a high school friend, Diana (26F), who recently got her master’s degree. She lived in another city, and she was always “too busy” for long phone calls so we only talked briefly every now and then.

During the time she spent on her degrees, I managed to get married and start my own family.

Recently, Diana was visiting her family and we met up for lunch. I asked her about her degree, work prospects, etc.

(She did her masters in translation or interpreting or something like that) and she said she got the job but will have to move to Brussels. I told her that’s crazy.

If she can’t find a job locally and has to move to another country, then her degree was a waste of time.

She said it’s an amazing job opportunity that she couldn’t get anywhere around here (apparently the job is related to the EU parliament or whatever, I admit it, I lost her with all the abbreviations she was using).

She again said that it’s an amazing opportunity and she’s excited. I asked her about the pay, and she told me. I told her that my husband earns that without a degree, so I was right about the masters being a waste of time.

She said it’s starting salary and it’ll grow. I again said that she could’ve gotten a similar job here and wouldn’t have wasted 6 years and instead could’ve already found work and started a family.

And here’s where she was rude, she said that if she was to be as unhappy as I was, she didn’t want a family. She threw in my face that I’m always complaining about my husband, but I don’t and he’s the best husband in the world.

I told her she was ridiculous and mean and she called me a jerk and left the restaurant. I told my friends about this, and they’re split on who’s the jerk here so tell me, AITJ for telling her the truth?”

Another User Comments:

“YTJ! You’re so clearly bitter and jealous of your friend’s success and it’s gross.

She’s proud of her accomplishments and excited about this great opportunity (as she should be!) and you took every opportunity to tear her down.

Getting married and starting a family isn’t everyone’s end game and if it is hers, she has plenty of time to do that AND flourish in her career – she’s 26.

You’re a mean person and a bad friend. Do better.” sparklingsour

Another User Comments:

“YTJ. Calling her degree “useless” is the most ridiculous thing I’ve ever heard. To work in Brussels as a translator is quite an adventure, and if you choose to get a master’s degree in translation, you should travel the world.

Also, you can’t even compare anything you’ve done to her, you’re using your husband as a point as to why her job sucks????” Daskesmoelf_8

Another User Comments:

“Just because you wouldn’t want to do it doesn’t mean it’s not something she is going to love.

Worth is subjective – you’re telling me you’ve never learned that people have different priorities and interests?

Obviously YTJ.” the-willow-witch

4 points (6 votes)

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CmHart2008 2 months ago
YTJ and a jealous, uninformed, narrow, judgmental one at that. She is right to walk out on you. Your form of friendship is toxic. Hopefully she is smart enough to walk away from you forever.
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19. AITJ For Not Paying For My Niece's Tuition?


“I (45M) am a father of 3 (25M), (21M), and (18F) but I also take care of my niece (17F) after her father passed away.

My wife (45F) and I have always treated her like family, and we give her things equal to the others so that she doesn’t feel left out.

I honestly really care about her but financially I can’t support her all my life. When my eldest moved away I had more savings to spare so I was able to get her more things.

My daughter is now going away to college, so my niece was excited and came to my wife and me about colleges she liked. I told her it was great she was thinking of college, and I said it would be good to apply for scholarships now so it would be easier later.

She laughed and asked why when her tuition would be paid for.

I told her that no it wouldn’t, I only had savings to pay for my kids but I would help her out with basic necessities.

She was silent after that and then went to her room. Apparently, she spoke to my father because he called me in a rage and said I was being cruel to her especially since my brother was always close to me when he was alive.

I told him I just didn’t have that type of money and he said if I had cared for her I would’ve started saving as soon as I took her in.

My brother passed very young, so he didn’t have much saved and my niece’s mother’s side isn’t offering anything. I admit I could’ve told her earlier that I wouldn’t pay for her tuition, but I didn’t.


Another User Comments:

“I am going to say YTJ. Not because you are not paying for your niece’s tuition. She has been with you for six years, and college saving really has to start as soon as the kid is born or shortly thereafter.

I am saying YTJ because you said that after your eldest finished school, you started giving your niece more nice things. You probably should have put that money in a college fund instead.

On top of that, I also fault you for not talking to your niece sooner about college funding.

If you can’t afford tuition for her, then you can’t afford tuition. But I really think you should have told her this when she was 14 or 15 so that she could have planned better.” VerySurlyPerson

Another User Comments:


If you took over her care you should have planned to give her the same level of financial assistance you gave your kids. If you hadn’t funded an education for your bio-kids that would be one thing but…ouch, what a slap in the face this must feel like.” LadyCass79

Another User Comments:

“I’d say NTJ because you hadn’t planned for her from a baby like the others.

And what others might not understand is that coming up with funds for college takes a lot longer than six years and you already had 3 kids to care for. I’d recommend maybe co-signing on her loans or maybe you can swing taking out a second mortgage to help her. Your dad can stop being a jerk and help by doing the same.” Euphoric_Care_2516

4 points (4 votes)

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Squidmom 2 months ago
NTJ. Tell your Dad he can help pay since he wants her to have it so bad.
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18. AITJ For Not Wanting to Share A Room With My Nieces?


“I (23F) have been planning a family vacation with my older brother (30M) and his wife, my two nieces (4F and 2F), and my parents. Everyone is paying for their own tickets.

The vacation is booked for February. We hadn’t discussed room arrangements before, but I knew the room we’d be staying in would have three bedrooms.

So we discussed room arrangements yesterday, and my brother and parents just kind of assumed that I wouldn’t mind sharing a room with my nieces, whilst my brother and his wife and my parents get their own rooms.

I said I didn’t want to share a room with them and said that they should be sleeping in my brother’s and sister-in-law’s room since they’re their parents. My parents called me dramatic and said that it was not a big deal and said that my nieces won’t give me any trouble.

I told them I don’t care. They said I’m being a bad aunt and told me to grow up.

I told them if I don’t get my own room I’ll cancel my ticket, which would result in everyone else having to pay more or find someone else to go in my place because we got a group discount with the resort.

My brother said I’m whiny and accused me of being a narcissist.”

Another User Comments:


Your nieces are 4 and 2. They should sleep in the room with their parents because of their age.

If they were teens, I can understand giving them their own room. I think your brother and sister-in-law just want a free babysitter. I hate when people with kids want to go on vacation, bring their kids, and dump them on someone else.

This is your vacation and you don’t have kids.” luvduvbunny

Another User Comments:

“If it’s not a big deal to your parents, then they can share their room with their granddaughters.

You’re paying your own way and should have complete control over your own room on vacation.

No one wants to pay for a vacation where they end up being the free babysitter the whole time.

But don’t be surprised if they tell you it’s okay just to keep you from canceling and then blindside you once you’re on vacation.

NTJ.” Key-Bit1208

Another User Comments:

“I would tell brother and parents I WOULD happily share a room with the kids if they pay for the whole resort fee. Easy peasy. They get what they want, I get a free vacay. (Actually, I like kids a lot so it would be no big deal to me personally whatever.)” lrw1951

3 points (3 votes)

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Squidmom 2 months ago
Nope NTJ. What is it with parents dropping their kids with others. I guarantee they are going to use you as a baby sitter. I'd make sure I had plans so I don't get left with them. My sons have never been Madd someone else's problem. If my kids not at school he's with me.
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17. AITJ For Keeping My Sister's Secret?


“I (22F) am currently staying with my eldest sister, Natalie (32F), and her partner, Micah (36M), as I finish up college.

Natalie has a safe of all her valuable jewelry and other antiques.

Since some of the stuff she has is from our grandmother, she let me have the password to be able to access the safe anytime I wanted but under the condition that I tell her first and not give the password to anybody else.

She went away on a trip with her friends 2 days ago and won’t be back till Wednesday. This morning as I was cleaning up, Micah started asking me questions about the safe.

I tried to give him short answers and he sensed that I was being “secretive” but really I was just being straightforward. He then asked me to give him the password to the safe.

I was taken aback I said why and he said that he has always been curious about what’s in there and wanted to get a “quick peek”. I said I didn’t have it but he told me to quit lying because he heard Natalie say that I could open the safe anytime I wanted.

I told him that still, it’s not my property and I can’t share the password with him. He said it was really not that big deal but I politely told him no.

He got upset and reminded me who he is to Natalie and how I was just a guest in their house. I said that being a guest is completely irrelevant in this case but he chuckled and said that I was being ridiculous.

I suggested he wait for Natalie to come home but he got more upset and said that she’s already refused to let him take a look. I shrugged and said that it was not my problem.

We got into an argument and I tried calling Natalie but her phone’s been off for hours. He yelled at me saying I was disrespecting him at his own home and rushed out.

I’m home alone now and feel completely shaken because of how he yelled at me. I’m an awkward person with little to non-confrontational abilities and now I think I might’ve escalated the situation and made him feel upset and as if I don’t trust his word when he said it’d just be a minute.

AITJ for standing my ground on this? Should I just let him have it if he gets back and asks for it?”

Another User Comments:

“NTJ. And tell your sister everything immediately.

Including him trying to do it behind her back, the pressure he put on her, and that he scared you.

It’s all incredibly inappropriate for a 36-year-old man to try and bully his partner’s younger sister while alone in the house – never mind accessing a safe full of valuables his partner does NOT trust him with.” Sel-Reddit

Another User Comments:

“NTJ – no one just “wants a peek” inside a safe, report this to your sister as he may try social engineering to get access.

You did the right thing, if anything, tell her to change the password immediately.” sswishbone

Another User Comments:

“NTJ because this isn’t your decision. You were given that in confidence and unless there’s some serious emergency and somehow the solution to it is in that safe then it doesn’t get opened.

If he wants to see what’s in it then he can ask her any time. You did the right thing by not betraying her trust. The fact he yelled at you makes him a major jerk and I’d be telling your sister asap about what went on.

Kind of have to say though, it sounds really weird to me that they live together, and she has a secret safe that he’s not allowed to even see inside. It does sound kind of suspicious to not even let him see, but it’s absolutely none of your business and he shouldn’t be dragging you into it. If he has a problem with it then he needs to talk to her.” FjortoftsAirplane

3 points (3 votes)

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Gamergirl 2 months ago
Ntj at all and tell your sister right away. It really is none of his business because it is not his property. It doesn't matter if he was her husband for 20 years, if she does not want him having the combination, he will not have it. You are absolutely right in keeping it secret because it's not meant for him unless she tells him herself. Good for you.
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16. AITJ For Undermining My Sister-In-Law's Wedding?


“I’m getting married in 3 months and I’ve sent out the invitations. In the invites and emails I’ve sent to my guests, I’ve only requested people to avoid wearing white (for obvious reasons) and emerald green (bridesmaids’ dress color).

I’ve also asked people to rsvp until a certain date, or else I won’t include them in the reception dinner since the price per person is very expensive so I don’t want to pay for people who won’t show up at all.

Basically those two rules. Nothing else. Kids are invited, families are invited and I couldn’t care less about what my guests choose to wear except those two colors I mentioned above.

For context about my SIL. She’s my fiancé’s sister. We have an ok relationship. Not extremely friendly but we don’t hate each other either and we get along.

During my fiancé’s birthday celebration, some friends and I were chatting about the wedding and they were telling me how they’re surprised how chill I am about the wedding rules and how it’s refreshing to go to a wedding where they won’t feel like they’re walking on eggshells.

I said that this is not me at all and I just want my guests to have fun as well so I don’t want to put many limitations. The SO of one of my fiancé’s friends also showed me the dress she’s thinking of wearing to our wedding and wanted my approval on whether it’s acceptable or I believe she’d overshadow me.

It’s a yellow dress that was kind of revealing but I honestly loved it and I told her to indeed go ahead and wear it. I told her I’m the bride, it’s not easy to overshadow the bride and if someone does, well, sucks for me but it’s really not that deep.

I didn’t say it in order to shade my SIL but she took offense to everything I said and called me a pretentious jerk. The reason she took offense is that she had multiple rules on her wedding, child-free, strict dress code, and all that.

We abided by those rules back then because her wedding was her rules of course. I never intended to offend her I was just stating my own “rules” and mindset behind all my organization.

She called me out and said I enjoyed subtly shading her, she called me a snake and told me that if I have to say something I should say it to her face.

She and her husband left the party.

My MIL told me that SIL overreacted indeed but I’m also at fault because I flaunted how chill and different I am and rubbed it in her face to make her feel bad about her own wedding.

My fiancé said I did nothing wrong and SIL will grow up and get over it. AITJ?”

Another User Comments:

“NTJ. No one even mentioned her wedding when you were talking about it.

It seems to me SIL didn’t enjoy her own wedding because of all of her rules and is projecting these feelings onto you because you actually seem to be looking forward to your wedding.” GirlWhoLikesStories

Another User Comments:


You’re allowed your own approach. You’re allowed to be honest about your plans. If she takes offense, that’s 100% on the self-involved, narcissistic, crazy person. She’s welcome to take offense. It’s not what you intended.

She’s managing to make your choices and your wedding about her. Your fiancé needs to talk to his mother about the nuance in these emotional boundaries – it’s not fair of her to put even one ounce of this on you.

My only caveat is that this is based on you doing no flaunting… ie no “people who have strict rules are so XYZ”. If you just stated what you wanted and were sensitively aware of the contrast with your SIL’s wedding, then NTJ.”

Another User Comments:


SIL sounds like a jerk.

That said, getting told separate “rules” for a wedding is a little weird. I can read in the invite whether it is for me +1, or me +whole family.

I already know not to wear white…nobody does that anyway. Fair game to put an RSVP by date, it’s understood that people need to do that. As for green, honestly, I wouldn’t mention it – odds are infinitesimal that a non-bridesmaid is going to wear the exact dress your bridesmaids are.

But these are minor and don’t make you a jerk.” pinniped1

3 points (3 votes)

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Gamergirl 2 months ago
Ntj. If she is that insecure she really needs to work on it. Someone discussing their own wedding rules is not shade.
2 Reply

15. AITJ For Mocking My Sister-in-Law's Grammar?


“So background: I (32f) have a brother, Dave (35M), who’s married to Sarah (29F). They don’t have children yet. I have a son who just turned four and a three-month-old daughter with my husband (39M).

My husband and I live in Belgium most of the time, but we travel back to visit my family about once a month (in England). At home, we speak both English and French to our children (my husband is Belgian), and right now, my son is in this very sweet phase where he’ll sometimes mix up the two languages and say a couple of words in English in a French sentence or vice-versa.

This has never posed a problem to us, and even the staff at his nursery have reassured us that it’s very common and they tend to grow out of it once they start at school.

My sister-in-law has decided that this is a problem, so when we’re visiting my parents and she notices my son doing this, she’ll correct him, but she does so really rudely, whereas my husband and I will just gently correct him.

Anyway, we’re visiting at the moment and she’s now decided that instead of correcting him, she’s just going to start ignoring him when he does this. I sort of noticed her doing it when we arrived, and I thought it was odd, but assumed maybe she was just stressed (her job is quite intense), but it only really became an issue yesterday.

My husband was talking to my dad outside and I was feeding my daughter in the other room, and I’d left Louis with Sarah and Dave. When I came back downstairs, Louis was crying, and I managed to understand that he’d tried to ask Sarah for a drink (he has a special cup he uses that he was holding, so it was obvious what he meant) but that she’d just ignored him.

I asked her why and she explained that she wasn’t going to reply to him unless he said the sentence correctly and that I shouldn’t be “ignoring my son’s obvious speech issues.” For context, it’s not that she didn’t know what he wanted.

She told me that she understood exactly what he was asking for, but that she was deliberately refusing because he hadn’t asked correctly.

This really upset me, but luckily my husband came inside at that moment and pulled me away so we could calm down and settle Louis.

That night at the dinner table, Sarah asked me to pass her something, but she said it in “bad” English (she IS English, I just mean that she asked for it in slang.

Think, “Pass us the peas, will you”. I had a bit of an epiphany and I just decided to totally ignore her. She asked again, and I did the same thing.

My brother asked why I was ignoring his wife and I said that I’m not able to reply if she can’t speak English correctly and that it was wrong of him to ignore her obvious issues with grammar.

Everyone’s pretty upset with me and I admit it was incredibly childish, but she was needlessly rude to my baby.
Should I just apologize?”

Another User Comments:

“NTJ. I think it was a good way of making your point, actually.

Your son is only four. Of course, he’s going to make a few grammatical and pronunciation errors. Gentle correction is the way to go, not ignoring the kid unless and until he gets the sentence right.

How does he even know what’s right unless the adults in his life tell him?” SamSpayedPI

Another User Comments:

“NTJ… this is genius and I love it. I speak 3 languages and grew up learning them.

At age 3 I interspersed words of all the languages and got my lowest grade ever (in nursery school) because my nursery teacher was like Sarah. Years later this behavior is considered normal for a child to become fluent in multiple languages and they do sort it out by the time they go to school.

What’s Sarah’s excuse? Your reaction was perfection.” RLuna911

Another User Comments:

“YTJ in a good way. I love the pettiness, and it was well-deserved too. You are not in the wrong at all.” Khalodah

Another User Comments:

“I mean, technically ESH because you are being incredibly petty.

That being said I would probably be doing the exact same thing. Sarah isn’t teaching your son proper English, she’s teaching him he can’t rely on adults to have his needs met. NTJ.” pensive_moon

2 points (2 votes)

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Jigsaw1988 2 months ago
That response wasn't incredibly childish. It was incredibly awesome! Lol....a perfect way to make your point. Let everyone be upset. They'll get over it.
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14. AITJ For Putting My Husband's Knives In The Dishwasher?


“So I (28F) have, on occasion, put my husband’s (28M) dirty knives through the dishwasher despite him asking me not to. These knives are extra sharp for cooking, and apparently, the dishwasher will blunt them.

I am terrified of knives to the point where if I see them on the work surfaces, I will begin to panic. My husband is aware of this, and I never use these particular knives as I know I’m not allowed to put them in the dishwasher.

I can’t face cleaning a knife by hand. If I have to use one, I will use one of the old knives that I put in the dishwasher.

Now. My husband will use his fancy knives and leave them dirty either in the sink or on the worktop.

They can be there for days, and just the thought of them out terrifies me. I can’t face cleaning them by hand, so I put them in the dishwasher to get them out of my sight.

He is free at any point prior to the wash cycle, to remove and clean them by hand.

He thinks I’m the jerk for putting them in despite him asking me not to.

I think he’s the jerk for leaving out dirty knives despite him being aware of my fear.

We’re actually a really good team and barely disagree on anything but this seems to be an obstacle we cannot agree on! I need Internet strangers to tell me who is in the wrong.

Please and thank you!”

Another User Comments:

“He must not be THAT attached to his knives if he leaves them dirty for days. I have a few good knives and after use, I immediately wash them by hand, dry them, and put them away in their protective covers.” bertmsu

Another User Comments:


Dishwashers ruin knives.

You can ask him to wash them as he uses them. That is what I do with my good knives.

But really, if you can’t wash a knife, and it is to the point that it is affecting your marriage, address your fears! Go to therapy or something.

It’s your own problem and you’re making it a marital issue.” fromhelley

Another User Comments:

“My husband has some special knives that he likes to use. And you know what? BECAUSE he values his knives so much, he washes and dries them RIGHT AWAY EVERY SINGLE TIME he uses them.

If your husband REALLY cares about his knives so much, he would do the same thing, because leaving food on the knives until it dries damages them JUST AS MUCH as putting them through the dishwasher.

All of this tells me that your husband either 1) doesn’t REALLY care about the knives, but is using them to be controlling and demeaning, OR 2) is doing this DELIBERATELY, KNOWING how his wife feels, in order to upset her.

Either way, he is the jerk.

NTJ.” ladynox25

2 points (2 votes)

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Gamergirl 2 months ago
Ntj if you loved his knives so much, he would take better care of them and wash them himself right away. It doesn't matter why you have a fear of something, the fact is you do. He needs to look after his knives.
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13. AITJ For Not Showing Up To A Birthday Party My Husband Planned?


“So, my husband is a jokester and a prankster. He has a habit of pulling pranks, especially on my birthdays! He judges my reactions as “overreactions” and says I should loosen up and be extra happy because he thinks he’s making my birthdays extra funny.

But it actually upset me and put me in a position where I get laughed at and recorded by his family.

He planned for my 26th birthday this past week, which was held at a restaurant.

I told him I wouldn’t go if he was going to pull one of those pranks he’s famous for because it’s a public place and I did not want to be publicly humiliated.

He swore on his mom, on the bible, promised me, and brought two witnesses. Wrote an agreement stating he’d pay me if he pulled a prank. I believed him and said that I’d go.

I had to cancel with my parents who wanted to celebrate at their house.

The day of my birthday, I got a text from one of his friend’s wives telling me she heard him tell her husband about the prank he was going to pull on me at the restaurant.

I was stunned as she detailed what the plan was going to be. I felt so upset and anxious. He already went ahead and got to the restaurant to make sure all was set.

I ended up deciding to not go. He started calling and then texting asking where I was and saying the party was going to start without me. I turned my phone off and went to my parent’s house and had a small party there.

I went home at 7 pm and found my husband there fuming at me. He lashed out asking why didn’t show up to the party after he put so much time and effort into it.

I told him why and he called his friend’s wife a liar and reminded me of all the promises he made and accused me of not trusting his word. I said I couldn’t take the chance and risk having him basically ruin another birthday of mine.

We had a huge argument then he started giving me the cold shoulder while pointing out how I embarrassed him and wasted his time by not showing up.”

Another User Comments:


Are you even sure he actually likes you? He calls your reactions to being pranked and publicly humiliated (in front of HIS family, no less) “overreactions”.

He doesn’t take your feelings seriously or into account at all. Instead, he continues to do it. If his friend’s wife was a liar, she wouldn’t have been able to go into detail about the prank he’d set up.

Your feelings don’t matter to him. You are not a person to him. If you were, he would not repeatedly put you in a position he knows you hate for the amusement of him and others who are not you.

This is not a safe person to be with. He’s not violent, sure, but he doesn’t even view you or your feelings as valid and worth listening to and understanding.” LetThemEatHay

Another User Comments

“Your husband has failed to understand the cardinal rule of humor – it’s only a joke or a prank if the target is laughing at the end.

Otherwise, you’re being a bully. He’s been bullying you for years, and now he’s mad because you gave up on getting him to stop.” KaliTheBlaze

Another User Comments

“This might be the unpopular opinion but ESH.

The husband is the major jerk for not picking up on the fact that his pranking is not welcome. He should’ve stopped after the first if it wasn’t received well.

But you are also wrong for not communicating after you got this tip from your friend.

Definitely should’ve gone to him with the information you heard and talked it out with him – maybe he did have that planned but decided against it once you asked him not to. If you’re not comfortable communicating with your husband, then I really don’t think you should be married.” MedicalAnomaly19

2 points (8 votes)

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Squidmom 2 months ago
He probably would have called you more of a jerk if you showed up, he pranked you and you walked out (which you should have been doing this whole time.
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12. AITJ For Yelling At My Partner Over His Cooking?


“So recently I (30F) have been staying over at my partner’s (31M) place more. We’ve divided up some chores, but one he likes to do is cook. He really is a wonderful chef and all our friends enjoy the dishes he brings to parties.

Whereas I will admit I don’t know my way around the kitchen and have never taken the time to really dive into it.
This is fine since he cooks, but his meals usually include too much heat.

He cooks with a lot of spices, sauces, and peppers. I’ve asked him time and time again to tone it down since I can’t handle the heat. Or at least add those last so he can still have them but my dish will be fine.

He says this will ruin the dishes and they won’t come out as flavorful and be really lackluster. And that added spices at the end ruins the whole balance of it.

I finally snapped the other night and yelled at him to stop making hot dishes I can’t eat and he told me that I was always welcome to cook my own meals if I wanted.

I don’t see why I have to cook if he already is making the meal, he can just add less spice to it. That will add so much more time to my night when he is already handling that chore.

So AITJ for yelling at him over him adding too much spice to my dishes?”

Another User Comments

“YTJ. You semi-moved in with your partner and he does the cooking. If you don’t like what he cooks, then yes, you can cook your own meal.

That’s all. Yelling at him for cooking things he wants to cook, the way he wants to cook them, just shows how entitled you are.” ER_Jujube

Another User Comments


You share chores and your spouse does his in a way that doesn’t benefit you or makes you do it on your own, negating whatever benefit you get from splitting responsibilities.

Worse, your partner doesn’t care that you can’t eat what he makes. He could certainly make some adjustments or make some meals you can eat.

Commenters are incredibly inconsistent. There was a woman who only made soup for her family who hated soup.

No one told her family should do their own cooking. They also come down hard on people not respecting food allergies. If you can’t stomach spicy foods and you live together and he is responsible for cooking, he should be more considerate and accommodating.

If I were you, I’d think long and hard about this relationship.” Rhuthbarb

Another User Comments

“ESH. You need to learn to cook some and become self-sufficient and he needs to make some blander meals to be considerate.

IMO, it’s crappy for him to force you to make your own meals when he’s always cooking BUT you should also take some turns in the kitchen. Grow up, both of you.” SunshineSeriesB

1 points (1 votes)

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Portholus 2 months ago
If you are going to have this much of a debate over cooking, may be time to move on. If the chore he is doing is cooking and you are not able to really eat what he is cooking, then his chore is just for him and not for both of you. If he is not willing to accommodate, you will be stuck with this when you get married. Time to just move on.
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11. AITJ For Planning A Surprise Party For My Husband?


“When my husband was a child, his dad remarried and moved to Chicago with his new wife and stepson. His new wife didn’t like my husband and made the time when my husband would visit very difficult.

He only got to see his dad 3 weeks a year and was never invited to birthdays or family vacations. He stopped visiting and stopped contact after turning 14. I remember him telling me stories about his childhood and how his dad would often favor his step and half-brothers over him.

We got married in 2020 and his family was not invited. His dad called to ask why and was told it was a small wedding which was a lie.

I have watched my father-in-law try over and over again to win his son back.

He sent gifts over the years like toys or gift cards. My husband just sends them back. He wanted to pay for our honeymoon but was told no. He invited us to family vacations or dinners at his home and was willing to pay for us to fly there from L.A.

to Chicago to spend time with him but was told no multiple times. It’s pretty sad to watch. I try to talk to my husband every time to move on from the past but was told to stay out of it.

My father-in-law calls every few days, but my husband will not answer or if he does will say he was busy.

My father-in-law ended up calling me and I ended up talking to him about the past and he accepted he was wrong and want to make it right with his son and have a relationship again.

My husband’s stepsiblings also want to make things right.

I started to talk to my husband about his relationship with his father. He said that he is trying hard for forgiveness, but he didn’t feel like he was ready.

My husband made a good point but he’s also the one that used to cry about his dad not calling or spending time with him.

My father-in-law visited in July for my husband’s birthday.

He called and wanted me to help plan a birthday party. We planned a big party with family and friends. It was supposed to be a nice surprise party for my husband.

When he arrived, it did not go as planned.

He was surprised to see his dad and half/stepbrothers and was confused looking around. He began asking what was happening. His dad explained we are having a birthday party and showed him the Pokémon cake we had ordered.

My husband picked up the cake and smashed it saying, “12 years too late.” He then walked out, and I watched my father-in-law cry.

At home, we argued about his behavior, and he told me that it was none of my business.

He asked why am I picking his dad over him. He said his dad made his bed and it’s too late to fix things. I tried to respond by saying you are the one who used to talk about having him in your life and now he’s here trying his best and you continue to reject him.

He walked away. He is no longer talking with me.”

Another User Comments:

“YTJ. It is not up to you to decide that he needs to forgive and move on. He may have talked in the past about missing out on the relationship, but that is not permission to interfere.

It is 100% up to him when and if that relationship is ever mended. The lack of a relationship may be the price that his father pays for making such poor choices.

You are not the one who experienced the hurt, and you can’t force reconciliation. Whether or not that happens has to be on your husband’s timetable, NOT yours or his father’s.” cryptic_rebel

Another User Comments:


really curious how you thought your husband was going to react to this surprise of yours? Did you seriously envision him dismissing all the fraught emotions of years just to fall in with happy party time? Did it never occur to you that a warning might be in order? You didn’t think giving a grown man the Pokemon cake he wanted when he was twelve was just a tad bit creepy?

I mean, yes, you’re pretty blatantly choosing his father over your husband.

You are effectively telling your husband that he has no right to his feelings, that you know what’s best for him regarding his own family, and… I mean, seriously, a Pokemon cake? Somehow, I feel like that detail just sums up the entire problem.” Shoereader

Another User Comments:

“You are coming from a good place, but how many times does your husband have to tell you “no”? YTJ for ignoring your husband’s wishes.

Look, it is clearly important to you, but your husband is not open to a relationship and what you are doing right now is making sure that IF one day he does (eg if you have kids and his perspective changes to a more forgiving one), he will have burnt his bridges with his family. There will be no chance of reconciliation as his father will have had enough.” Daveii_captain

1 points (1 votes)

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Portholus 2 months ago
In the end, it will be up to your husband and his father to eventually resolve this. Until the son is willing to forgive, it will not move forward. He took it and put up with it for so long that he has decided that he will not deal with it anymore. Your husband made a clean break from his father and that part of the family. Father should have tried sooner but he wants to try now.....why? I agree with your husband. They treated him like crap as a kid but NOW he wants to try to mend the fence. Why Now? Father is now getting the treatment that him and his family gave the son and they do not like it. It may be too late for them and they will have to just accept that fact I am afraid.
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10. AITJ For Yelling At My Neighbour After She Stole My Nephew's Toy?


“I’m (30F) not going to go into detail but my nephew Luke (10) has very angry and aggressive behavior. I know what’s going on with him and am working on it.

I have custody of my nephew and I know I said we’re working on it, but it’s really hard. I love him to bits but I think I’ve cried more this past year than I ever have before.

My neighbor is convinced that I have to be stricter and discipline him better. That’s really not the case but I simply tell her that I’ll keep her advice in mind and try to avoid her.

But yesterday was one of the harder days and I confiscated one of my nephew’s toys until he calmed down. It was a superhero action figure. I went out on my porch for a breather while he napped and I didn’t realize that I had brought the toy out with me.

I was sitting on the steps and the toy was next to me.

My neighbor pops out of nowhere and after telling me that “the kid needs more discipline” for the hundredth time, she grabbed the toy.

I was confused and asked if I could have it back. She told me that he and I will be better off without it.

After all, “actions have consequences.” I told her that I don’t care and I’d like for her to give the toy back.

She patted me on the shoulder and said she knows it was hard but it would all work out in the end. She was gonna walk away with it but I ended up yelling at her.

I said, “Give it back or else I’ll call the police and tell them that you, a 60-something-year-old lady, stole from a little kid.”

She gasped and was all like “I’m not 60-something I’m still in my 40s.” Keep in mind, she still has the toy.

I just went “you look 60 to me.” This woman starts crying and after giving (throwing) the toy back she called me incredibly rude and ran into her house.

Her partner called me later to apologize but asked if I could apologize as well since what I said was pretty rude.

I told them I’d think about it. Now I’m wondering if I’m the jerk for how I reacted. I did exaggerate her age to insult her which was pretty mean of me but she literally stole the toy and refused to give it back until I did.


Another User Comments:


I can’t tell you how to properly discipline your nephew.

But a grown woman who has no business in how you raise your nephew tried to steal from him and you.

I wouldn’t call you incredibly rude for your reaction because you asked politely multiple times to get the toy back.” luvduvbunny

Another User Comments:


I raised a child with Reactive Attachment Disorder (I know nothing about your situation but this is kids who have felt severely neglected or abandoned in infancy and cannot form human attachments).

It’s the precursor to antisocial personality disorder in adults.

My son was violent, regressive and immature in social skills, destructive, and downright terrifying at times. I heard all of the same things your neighbor gave you from a ton of people and they are all WRONG.

You cannot discipline this away. We had a really great attachment specialist who gave us a ton of parenting advice that worked on not just our son, but all of the children.

The old Love and Logic book is a good basis, but attachment parenting really was the way to go. Our son was 8 when he tried to take my life. He was never supposed to be able to leave home or an institution.

He’s 16 now and a completely different kid, has held a job for a couple of years, is kind and actually thoughtful, and all because we put in the attachment work.

Good luck to you. Your neighbor is an idiot. I would apologize for insulting them but not for getting angry in the first place. Your anger was valid.” KarateandPopTarts

Another User Comments:


I’m sorry you’re going through this but the nerve of the woman to impose herself like that and literally steal from you is unbelievable. I think she’s in need of some discipline herself and if she steps foot on your property again don’t wait to call the cops.

Tell her partner that if they’re truly sorry then leave you alone.” Somewhere_in_Canada1

Another User Comments:


Actions have consequences.

Your neighbor thinks she knows the ONLY way to rear children. In her mind, she knows better than you.

There are many ways to deal with out-of-control kids. Taking things away works for some kids and not for others.

Each situation is different, each child is different, and each caregiver is different.

One size does not fit all. If you tried to work with your nephew in a different way that was against your instincts, he would definitely know it. Stick with your system unless and until you decide to ask for help – from her or anyone else. (there are many therapists who deal with similar situations. You may want to check out that avenue.)” Ghitit

1 points (1 votes)

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Morning 2 months ago
NTJ. I am perplexed how the neighbor thinking stealing the kid's toy would help the situation. I suppose the OP could say "you'd better behave or the mean neighbor lady will steal more of your toys". The old battle-axe!
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9. AITJ For Ditching My Fiancé At A Family Party?


“I (23F) have been with my fiancé (35) for 2 years, we recently got engaged and we both agreed to be child-free. I haven’t met much of his family, he claimed he didn’t want to introduce me until we were serious.

This weekend he invited me to his sister’s baby welcome party. She had the baby a few weeks ago and this is a party for everyone to meet the baby.

Everything was going fine and I was getting along well with his family.

All the women in the family were taking turns dealing with the baby when he cried. I didn’t because I have never so much as held a baby and would have no idea how to calm one down.

The men went outside to smoke and one of his cousins asked me why I wasn’t helping with the baby, and I was honest that I had no baby experience. His mom laughed and said that I should learn now because she expected a lot of grandbabies, and she knows how badly my fiancé wants a big family.

I was surprised I told her we plan on being child-free. His mom kind of rolled her eyes and changed the subject.

I pulled my fiancé aside and asked him what that was about.

He said we would talk about it later, but I pressed, and he admitted I was young, and he figured I would grow out of not wanting children. I was very upset but didn’t want to make a scene at his sister’s party so I told him I was going to the bathroom to cool down but instead I walked a few blocks away, got an uber, and went home.

He blew up my phone for being rude and leaving, how I need to come back and apologize, he took a serious step introducing me to his family and I blew it.

I felt terrible so I sent his sister a message saying I was sorry for leaving abruptly but I felt sick and went home. She answered a few hours later saying it was no problem and that she was happy to have met me and can’t wait to get to know me better.

This was yesterday. I texted my fiancé this morning that I wanted to talk about the children issue, but he sent me one text calling me immature and I haven’t heard from him since.

Now I feel like I should have just stayed and held my tongue until we left especially since his sister was so nice.”

Another User Comments:


Let me get this straight. When you were 21, you started seeing a 33-year-old man.

You told him you were child-free and he lied to you, planning to get you to change your mind. When you discovered this lie you left his family event rather than cause a scene.

His response to your mature decision was to berate and belittle you, and then give you the silent treatment.

Leave this man, now. He is highly manipulative and cannot be trusted. I wouldn’t be surprised if he sabotaged your birth control to try to trap you with an unwanted pregnancy.” Sweet_Baby_Grogu

Another User Comments:


Be glad you found out before you got married.

He lied about wanting kids and is now trying to paint you as the bad guy.

You guys were incompatible from the start because you don’t want kids and he does. He is a mega jerk for wasting your time and letting you think he was also child-free.

I’m not even going to touch on the age gap. But if he wants a big family, I imagine he’d want you pregnant several times over the next 10 years.” CinderDroplet

Another User Comments:

“OK, how to unpack this?

First, your fiancé is dishonest about his desire to have children.

That’s a huge problem. Don’t marry people thinking they will change. They won’t.

Secondly, why are you marrying someone who doesn’t take your opinions seriously? He thinks you’ll “grow out of” not wanting to have children.

What if you don’t? Will that be a dealbreaker for the marriage? Do you know what your dealbreakers would be? Does he? The fact that he’s not addressing your direct question is a second problem.

You were rude to leave a gathering hosted by his sister because you were upset with him. He’s right that this doesn’t leave a good impression.

ESH, but your fiancé is the real jerk.” sbh56

1 points (3 votes)

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kr 3 months ago
Of course, the first family event he brings her to is welcoming a new baby. He is controlling, but it seems like some of his family will be too--it could be a cultural thing since she mentioned the other women asking why she wasn't helping take care of the baby (how many people are really needed to take care of a baby when the parents are there?).
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8. AITJ For Yelling At A Volunteer For Getting My Child's Name Wrong?


“My son’s name is Robin. It’s just those five letters. It’s not a nickname. The mom of one of the kids in his class is convinced his name is Robert. She volunteers at pickup.

I’ll drive up and she’ll go to get my son yelling “Robert, Robert!”

Now, the first few weeks I brushed it off because learning the names of a bunch of different kids is hard.

I would just tell her when she came back over with my son “actually his name is Robin.” I’ve said this almost every single day for over a month now. Last week I saw her at a school function and went up and introduced myself and basically said “I’m Robin’s father.

You might recognize me from pickup. By the way, his name isn’t Robert.”

Her response confounded me. She said Robin is a girl’s name (it’s unisex, but it’s way more common for boys) and not a good nickname for Robert, so she’ll call him his real name instead.

I tried to correct her since Robin isn’t a nickname but she wandered away. The next time she walked up to my car I got annoyed and said “I’m here for Robin.

R O B I N.” She did it again.

On Friday, when she called my son Robert, I asked her what her problem was in a very loud voice. I shouted loud enough that a teacher ran over.

The volunteer mom ran away, and I tried to explain. The teacher looked at me like I had three heads and said she would go get my son. I got an email later asking me to come in Monday for a meeting.

I don’t know how to approach this. Should I apologize for yelling? Should I demand an apology for the constant disrespect? Should I ask the mom not to be allowed to volunteer anymore (or at least not get my son)? I feel like I tried to be reasonable, but maybe I was too sensitive.”

Another User Comments:


You tried on too many occasions to correct her. The tipping point was when she gave her opinion about not liking the name Robin and blatantly told you she’d continue to call him something else.

I’d have probably called the principal after that conversation. That is the piece I’d be sure everyone present at the meeting understands. No one has the right to call a child something other than their name.

I’d most certainly ask that she not be allowed to have contact with your son. I’d also keep the composure during the meeting that YOUR SON is the victim, not the volunteer mom.

Don’t let them turn the tables.” Dilly_Dally4

Another User Comments:

“NTJ. You have explained yourself perfectly politely on multiple occasions and she is now just being plain obnoxious. Can you start calling her a completely different name? I know it’s petty but I think that is the way to deal with people like this sometimes.

Also, Robin is a girl’s name?! Has she never seen Batman?!?” Speedy_Dragon46

Another User Comments:


The volunteer is ridiculous and should not be a volunteer at that school. Beyond the disrespect she’s showing you and your son by refusing to use his name, she’s also indicating a deeper attitude that’s very troubling and should not be around children.

That said you should not have yelled. You should have spoken to the teacher much earlier on to address this issue.

Like why did you not say something in the last month?

I think you need to go in on Monday with a plan to apologize, and then also clearly express your concerns.

Maybe you do want an apology, but if I were you, I would want a commitment to end this egregious behavior and assurances that the volunteer has to go through some sort of training to understand how to impose her beliefs on other children and families.” mxcrnt2

0 points (0 votes)

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Morning 2 months ago
I was once out for dinner with an Indian dance group and two female co-workers (I am female, too). One of the dancers ask why we, Jamie, Robyn, and Lou (short for Louise) all had boy names. Sure the OP should not have yelled.... but the volunteer was a complete a-hole and should not be working with kids if she cannot respect what they want to be called.
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7. AITJ For Kicking My Mother Out Of My Wedding After She Invited My Former In-Laws?


“My late wife passed away 6 years ago, we went out for 4 years and were married for 1 before her passing. My mom loved her as a daughter since I’m her only child and I guess she never truly recovered.

I loved my late wife too, but after meeting and spending time with my current wife, I’m sure she was not the love of my life.

My mom has never liked my relationship with my wife (Helena), she thinks I moved on ”too fast” and refuses to believe/admit that my love for Helena is bigger and truer that the one I had for my late wife.

There were a few instances before the actual wedding when I thought my mom crossed the invisible line, but my wife, wanting to be accepted, let it pass and asked me to not do anything.

My mom was constantly talking and comparing the wedding with my first one (We married young and I couldn’t afford lots of big things, with Helena, I’m financially stable and I was capable of having a big, beautiful wedding).

She asked, several times if I could invite my late wife’s parents to my wedding as an act of love and to tell them I was still there for them, but I refused.

I haven’t talked to them in years and I have no reason for keeping them in my life.

She was very adamant. Helena said that if I wanted to have them there, then it was okay, but I didn’t want to.

I felt like my mom had held onto my previous marriage too hard, refusing to let go and inviting me to do the same. As bad as it sounds, I was done, I want to be with Helena without the burden of always having my ex-in-laws there, watching the life her daughter and I did not have.

During the wedding day, my mom actually showed up with them, I asked what they were doing there and they, very ashamed, said that my mother had invited them and they thought it was okay.

My mom said they were ”my family” and I had a duty toward them, I said they could stay for the reception to avoid comments, but that I hadn’t invited them and that I was sorry.

I looked at my mom and said ”You’re not allowed to stay for anything. Leave, we will talk later”. She cried and begged, but I asked her again to leave, in the end, the three of them left together and my dad (who has been divorced from her for almost 15 years) called me a jerk.”

Another User Comments:

“Judging just on the wedding situation: NTJ.

But you do sound kind of callous speaking about your late wife like that, almost like it was convenient that she passed so you could move on to find your “true love.”

Both you and your mom need therapy.

And you did need to treat your ex-in-laws better, they were unwittingly brought into this situation by your mom and had no idea.” lizzylou365

Another User Comments:

“I’m back and forth on this one whether everyone sucks, but I am landing with NTJ.

To be clear, your mother’s behavior is about prioritizing her own needs (arising from whatever unresolved grief she has about the loss of your first wife), not about loyalty or anything noble.

And she put your former in-laws in the middle, at an event that likely was an emotionally charged one for them.

I feel worst for them in all of this, but I can’t hold OP accountable for that, as he was in a terrible position himself.” 600nm

Another User Comments:

“ESH, except your poor ex-in-laws.

Look, man, you want to act like your first marriage was an unfortunate side adventure on the road to the “real love of your life,” neither your mom nor anyone else can stop you.

She certainly can’t invite people to your wedding without your permission, regardless of who they are. But boy, do I hope you and your late wife didn’t have kids you’ve conveniently neglected to mention because you don’t have to make it this blatantly obvious to the people who do still miss her how little you don’t.” mm172

0 points (2 votes)

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kr 3 months ago
Weddings are stressful enough, but then to be blindsided with guests that have reminded you of the past when you want to keep moving forward?? He told his mother not to invite them but she did. It is possible his style of writing doesn't show his exact tone he used with the ex in-laws. I hope he politely asked what they were doing there. It was evident that his mother invited them so there was no need to ask. I am a little stumped as to why they would want to be there. I am sure it would be hard for them. I am guessing the mom loaded their head with plenty of "he still thinks of you as family and wants you to be there" so they could have shown up purely out of obligation. I am also guessing that if he had just let everything slide and simply thanked the ex in-laws for coming, then ignored the situation and awkwardness that the mom probably would have repeatedly came up to him during the reception to say "isn't it great your ex in-laws are here?" Hopefully the ex in-laws eventually cut the mom out of their lives because it may not be a healthy relationship for them.
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6. AITJ For Not Wanting to Go To My Partner's House To Watch Her Dogs?


“My (25M) partner (23F) has two dogs which I love very much and treat as if they were my children. A month ago, my partner went on a trip with her sister, and I moved into her house for two weeks to care for the dogs.

I took my computer and clothes and cared for those dogs really well. One of them was having trouble eating and I sat by its side for 30 minutes, 3 times a day, every day to make sure the dog ate the whole thing.

Every day I would feed them, play with them and clean after them.

In those two weeks, I wasn’t comfortable, I was in a place that wasn’t my own and spent most of my time working from the home office or playing games on my computer.

My partner gave me full access to the fridge and everything in the house, but I didn’t use any of it. It felt weird using it without her as it was not my stuff.

When I moved back home, I thought, “I don’t want to do this again any time soon”.

Fast forward to today, she is going to another city and wants me to take care of the dogs over the weekend.

I asked if I could take the dogs to my house, then I would more be comfortable and would not have to move my stuff in and move it back in two days’ time.

She said no, cause then she would be worried sick for the dogs as they would be scared in an unknown environment. She also listed a bunch of other reasons:

  • My brother has a dog that might fight with her dogs
  • The dogs would be stressed out
  • She has a feeling that something would happen
  • She would be very worried

My brother barely leaves his room on the weekend and has no problem with the dogs at all.

I would be at my office watching Netflix or playing online most of the time. Any time that the dogs would be out of the office, I would be with them making sure that they don’t fight with my brother’s dog or eat some unknown stuff off the ground.

I also told her that and said that this is only a test, if I realized that the dogs are stressed, I would go back to her house and spend the rest of the weekend there.

She said that I’m not listening to her and not respecting her wishes as the dog’s owner and that if going to her house is a boundary for me, she has no problem finding another person to look after the dogs.

I said it is not a boundary, it’s just that I want to test if the dogs would be okay in my house because this is sure to happen more times over the next months.

And if I saw a concrete reason to not go to my house, I would go to hers. She asked if I needed more reasons than the one she already gave, and I said that her being worried isn’t concrete enough because I know I’m going to care well for the dogs.

It is decided that she is going to find another person, but I’m worried that I came off as not wanting to do it, but it is far from the truth.

I just want to test if I can do the job in the comfort of my own home. We stopped discussing but she is clearly annoyed. So, AITJ?”

Another User Comments:

“No jerks here.

It’s her dogs and if she only wants them at her house then that is her choice. It’s also equally your choice to not want to watch them at her house if you feel uncomfortable.

Sounds like you are trying to convince her to bring them to your house. Don’t, putting pressure on her to do that would be a jerk move.” dwotw

Another User Comments:

“No jerks here.

But you’re sort of a jerk for dismissing her legitimate concerns. And she isn’t trying to force you to watch them. She got someone else when you said you didn’t want to be at her house.

That’s totally reasonable.

If you actually want to see if the dogs will be ok at your house, which I actually am not sure is true, then you should talk to her about trying it out when she is in town and can help if there is a problem.” Aylauria

Another User Comments:

“Right now, leaning towards YTJ honestly, because it seems she’s annoyed at you pushing her boundaries rather than you asserting yours.

They’re her dogs and if she doesn’t want them at your house, which she had some valid reasons for, then that’s her decision. You can’t claim your boundary and stomp on hers.

Also (not pertaining to the judgment because it’s your prerogative), she’s your partner so I’m curious why you feel so uncomfortable at her house when she’s gladly opening it up to you for doing her a favor (and likely more often because I assume you two spend time there)?” colo28

Another User Comments:

“No jerks here, the people and animals that you share a house with aren’t cool with it and it’s an actual safety risk for her dogs.

So, stop trying to force her to allow her dogs at your house. You aren’t comfortable staying at her house alone, and that’s ok. This is why there’s an entire industry of people who house/pet sit.” TCTX73

0 points (2 votes)

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Squidmom 2 months ago
Do you have to live there? Are you close enough to just go there a few times a day? I don't like staying in strange places either.
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5. AITJ For Not Letting My Husband Eat From My Plate?


“My husband and I have totally different tastes when it comes to food. that’s perfectly fine. However, lately, whenever we go out to a restaurant, we both order different dishes then he suddenly asks to eat from my dish and would throw a fit if I refuse.

He’s done this several times and I snapped and told him to stop asking and order from the same dish if he wanted it so bad.

Last night, we went out for dinner and ordered different dishes.

Before we made the order I asked if he was sure about the dish he picked and he said “Yes!”

The food arrived and each of us had our plate and started eating.

Literally, minutes later he asked if he could eat from my dish. I looked at him like “are you serious right now?” and he went on about how he couldn’t resist the looks of the dish and really really really wanted to try it.

I refused and said no. I kept eating and he kept pushing till I blew up and he got quiet all of a sudden. He then got up and walked out.

He was furious with me and picked up an argument at home when I got back. He said that I acted petty and that all he asked for was a few bites from my meal and I chose to make a scene, and yell and embarrass him instead.

We’re not speaking to each other right now because of what happened. I feel bad about it and I think that I could’ve just let him have some of the food instead of choosing to be so stubborn about it.”

Another User Comments:


Some people, like my brother and his wife, are totally fine with sharing food. But THEY BOTH ARE.

Some people are not fine with sharing food.

Both are correct. It’s a personal choice and boundary.

Your husband is not respecting your choice and boundary. He needs to. Just because he wants to, doesn’t mean he gets to.

And throwing a tantrum because he’s told no? So immature.” CatAnne119

Another User Comments:

“Everyone who doesn’t understand let me explain it to you.

Partners who do this after being told no don’t really want the food. They just want to take it from you. It’s a test to see how far they can push your boundaries.

It seems so simple until you look at how it blew up into a fight. If it were so completely innocent then a fight would not have happened. This was a power play and he is furious that she isn’t giving in.

NTJ.” bluepvtstorm

Another User Comments:

“NTJ, but I have to question why it’s such a big issue. It’s still your choice, but when I’m out with my family it’s not all that uncommon for us to share a bite to try a different menu item.

Also, do you go to dinner with your husband and pay on separate checks? This sounds so nit-picky and scorekeeping that I had to go back and check that you did say, husband. I can understand why this much distance in a relationship might be a factor to him as well.” ScarletDarkstar

0 points (2 votes)

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Morning 2 months ago
I don't think she is a jerk because he obviously did not respect a boundary. But I really do not understand the not sharing food thing. My hubs and I specifically order different things with the intention of getting to try the other's dish. Hmmm.
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4. AITJ For Feeding My Dog Leftovers?


“I (24F) have been with Jay (28M) for four months. He is handsome, smart, funny, well-educated, has an awesome job, and is a sweetheart. On Sunday he had a whole day planned for us.

We were going to walk a nature trail and then go back to his place to eat a dinner he was making. I was so excited because it was going to be the first time I’d be at his house.

Since we were hiking, he said I could bring my dog Shelby with us.

He made us a roast and some vegetables for dinner. I finished my plate before Jay did and took it to the kitchen.

There was still about half the roast left and it was close to Shelby’s dinner time so I took half of the half of roast and some still raw vegetables from the fridge to put on a plate for Shelby.

I was carrying the plate to the back door with Shelby to feed her outside and Jay asked me what I was doing. I told him I was just feeding Shelby.

Jay said something like “Well that’s not dog food.” Jay knows I mainly feed Shelby a raw diet. I opened the door to put the plate down for Shelby and Jay got up, took the plate away from her, went to the kitchen, and came back with it wrapped up in tinfoil and told me to leave.

His excuse was that he made dinner for me and him, not me, him, and my dog and that I should’ve asked before I helped myself since he would’ve used his leftovers.

I did leave but not before telling him that he made that meal for us so I could do with some of it as I pleased, and he knew how I feed Shelby.

I tried talking to my friend about it later that night but she said Jay was right to be upset. This friend has never really approved of how I treat my own dog so I feel like she was probably a bit biased and the wrong person to ask.

AITJ for just feeding my dog like I normally would?”

Another User Comments:

“Yes, YTJ.

Your partner made a special meal for you. You took a large hunk of that special meal and gave it to your dog.

Not only that, but you did so knowing it would upset your partner. You should have brought dog food to feed Shelby. You should not have fed Shelby with people food, and you should particularly not have fed your dog the special dinner your partner prepared for you.

It is wholly irrelevant that “Jay knows (you) mainly feed Shelby a raw diet.” He_Who_Is_Right_

Another User Comments:

“YTJ, a quarter of a roast is not “table scraps”. How is the fact that you mainly feed your dog a raw diet at all relevant? Also, you sound very entitled, “You made that dinner for me so I can do with it as I please!” – by that logic, it would have been perfectly acceptable to flush it down the toilet.” RatioNo1114

Another User Comments:

“A roast and raw vegetables is not a nutritious meal for a dog and potentially unsafe depending on the seasonings used.

My dogs get raw food and I personally wouldn’t have tried to feed that to them, it would just make more sense for a person to eat that and give the dog a balanced raw meal or dog food.

I understand both sides but it could have been communicated better by both of you. You might not be compatible if he doesn’t like how you care for your dog.” catferal

-1 points (3 votes)

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Gamergirl 2 months ago
You are a major jerk. Just because he made a meal for the two of you does not mean that you get to go take half of it and feed it to your dog. You should have brought food for your dog. You don't go into his kitchen, his fridge, take what you want and give it to your dog. Absolutely not. It doesn't matter if he knows how you feed her, it is your responsibility to bring her food with you. It is not his responsibility to feed your dog.
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3. AITJ For Hiding The Car Keys From My Dad?


“Okay this is definitely a first-world problem and I need to know how others would feel about this.

There are 4 people in my house. My mom, dad, me, and my twin sister.

There are 4 cars in our possession currently and every person is a legal driver. 3 of the cars were my grandmother’s and passed down or bought from her cheap and only one is bought from someone else.

That happens to be the car I drive. It’s the newest one in our family. As in new to us. The car is a 2009 SUV.

We have two SUVs and two sedans.

The problem stems from the fact that I hate my dad driving my car. He always ruins cars. The car he drives is run down and loud. There is no radio either.

He actually caused most of this. You can’t sit in any of the seats even the passenger seat because he has trash piled up in the car. He has put burn holes in two of the cars from smoking in them.

I know he paid for the car, but he treats it awfully and if he ruins it I don’t have anything to drive. He runs the gas to empty and then I’m the one that has to fill it up and pay for his mileage.

Also, the mess makes me sick to my stomach. He gets ash all over my steering wheel and dash and it makes me gag. At least he rolls down the window but using a car ashtray (that we have multiple of) is too much to ask for.

My mom gets mad because she drives the other SUV, and she has to clean it all the time because he throws his trash in her car too. Not to mention he works outside and always ruins the floor of cars without at least making sure he doesn’t have dirt stuck to his shoes before getting in

I have sunk time into this car to clean it from top to bottom.

It was bought from a fellow like my dad who made the car dirty. Like when he spilled food the previous owner placed the floor mats on top of the food to not have to clean it up.

He can’t drive my mom’s car because she works. He can’t drive my sister’s car because she’s always running around. I stay home a lot because I’m a homebody. I’ve tried compromising like asking him not to smoke in it or to leave his things out of it.

He gets mad when I tell him to give my keys to me right away when he gets home. This car has one key to it and that’s it. It’s a knob start, and the fob needs to be near for it to start.

He’s lost so many keys over the years. He’s even locked a key in the car twice on the same day after he had called a company to get it out the first time.

I know I’m being selfish. I want to compromise but when I try, he just tells me he owns it and he can do what he wants with it.

I’m sorry for the long post but I just need to know if om the jerk and am overreacting.

Now I hide my keys at night so he can’t take the car out in the morning, and he knows better than to wake me up because my mom gets mad at him when he wakes us up early for no reason.

UPDATE: I am a minor (17) I have a job to save up but it’s hard when my dad is constantly asking me for loans. He forgets his wallet and I have to pay for 100 worth of groceries.

I eventually get it back but it’s hard to keep track of it all especially when I pay for gas and I don’t make much at work.

The car is legally his just like my sister’s car is legally his.

I think he deserves to drive it but I wish he would consider not leaving ash in it and running the tank too empty for me to fill.

The main reason I’m so upset is that he pays for my sister’s gas but I pay for my own because my sister has no job but I’ve been working since I turned 16.

He recently told us we will start paying insurance the same amount at the same time even though my sister has been driving for almost two years and never had to pay but I started driving 3 weeks ago but need to pay.

My dad hasn’t even gotten the car registration official yet. All he got was the title signed over. He won’t let me do it because he must do it.

Honestly, it isn’t about the car.

It’s about how he treats me differently than my sister.”

Another User Comments

“NTJ. Your father has some real problems, and your mom is enabling him instead of making him seek help. I get your frustration.

He should respect your need for fresh air. Smokers can be pretty self-centered. Does he have other addiction problems? You could look for an Ala-teen group to go to just to have a place to vent and not end up a doormat like your mom.

Good luck!” FLmom67

Another User Comments:

“ESH. Just because he has the right to trash the car, that doesn’t mean he should. It’s a shared space, and when you share spaces with other people, it’s unkind behavior to leave messes.

You have every right to be annoyed by his behavior, but it is his car, so it’s not right to try and limit his access to it” Red-belliedOrator

Another User Comments:

“Sorry, YTJ.

I know it’s a bummer but it’s not your car. It is his car and honestly, I’m kind of surprised he hasn’t just told you that you can’t drive it instead.

He easily could and that would be a reasonable response to you trying to keep him from his vehicle. It’s a shame he’s so messy with his vehicles but that information wasn’t even really relevant, it’s his car, he can do as he pleases. I’m sorry because he sounds frustrating but yeah, for this specific case you’re the jerk. Good luck on getting your own car, I hope you manage it soon.” MagicianGOBBluth

-2 points (2 votes)

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kr 3 months ago
His dad is the jerk. He should stop driving the car. Maybe take the bus or Uber or something else. If he doesn't drive it then his dad will be forced to put gas in. If he is able to do without the car then he can tell his dad he doesn't want to drive it anymore and therefore doesn't need to pay the insurance for it. Curious to know how the sister pays for gas or what running around she needs to do all the time if she doesn't have a job.
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2. AITJ For Not Wanting My Mom's Friend to Travel With Us?


“My mom (F49) is really close to her friend, Erin (F50~). They’ve known each other for years and got really close recently. So close, that my mom goes over there two-three times a week to spend the night at her house and they’ve gone on several vacations together including Iceland, Arizona, Mexico, Cabo, New York, etc.

Since I (17F) am graduating next year, my mom has already agreed in the past that we are going to go wherever I’d like to for my graduation, and I chose Japan.

It has already been established that I just want it to be family coming along since my mom always invites Erin and tends to do whatever THEY want to do instead of the rest of us—Dad, Brother, me—since Erin is very particular, and they want a more adventurous trip while we want to take the laid-back approach.

However, last week, I decided to bring up the topic again since I just started school and wanted to discuss it a bit more before I forgot. After I finished, my mom adds that she will invite Erin since she’s also always wanted to go there too, it’s her dream destination, etc.

seemingly disregarding how this trip was meant to focus on MY graduation. Every time we bring up a dream family vacation, she mentions she wants to invite Erin and suggests I bring my close friend, too, I believe, to compensate.

I got really angry but tried to keep my cool since we’ve had these fights before about her always being gone somewhere with Erin, and they never get resolved or end in a shouting match.

I simply repeated that I did not want Erin coming because my mom only caters to her, and if she was going to invite her, I might as well just take the trip alone.

My mom laughed at my pettiness and didn’t acknowledge anything I said before slamming the front door.

I feel bad because Erin is a good person, and she has every right to go on a dream trip she’s willing to pay for.

I just don’t understand why it has to be during my graduation trip. Am I the jerk?”

Another User Comments:

“NTJ – this is a trip for you, not Erin. Erin can go with your mom on another occasion.

Set your boundaries and stick to them. Personally, this would be a hill for me to die on to the point that if I were ignored and Erin was there at the airport, I’d turn round and walk right back out and go home.

You are graduating – apart from anything else, the symbolism of it is you are moving onto a new phase in life and your mom needs to start respecting your boundaries.” Relevant_Turnip_7538

Another User Comments:


Furthermore, tell your mother that if she invites Erin that she should consider only the start and end of the trip as things you’ll be doing together. You will be making your own plans, as otherwise, it will turn into Erin’s trip with your mother, with you having to tag along doing whatever Erin wants to do.

Tell your mother as much as you like Erin and think she is a good person there are times when it should be about family and if your mother can’t see that she is the one who is blind to something important, not you.

Talk with your dad and see if you can get him to back you up so if your mother starts making it Erin’s trip you can go separate ways, with your mother going off with Erin if that’s her choice.

If you have to, resort to asking to go by yourself as you refuse to make your graduation into you tagging along like the last duck in line with your mother following along behind mother duck Erin.” jwjnthrowawaykfeiofj

Another User Comments:

“NTJ – But you aren’t paying for this trip.

It’s a gift and sometimes gifts don’t come exactly how we want them. You have a lot of time to prepare though so use it wisely. Research and plan out the things you want to do and see while you are there.

Assuming your mom won’t budge about bringing her friend, take the time to talk with Erin and get her on board with your ideas.” Jibber36

Another User Comments:

“I don’t think kids really get the empty nest and that when it happens parents have to rebuild lives, friends, and social circles they may have lost sometimes.

Maybe your mom is starting early and maybe you should also understand you will pull away from her also for your own deal. Letting her have a friend is fine provided they prioritize your needs also on this trip and not just theirs.

Your mom wants to enjoy it and so do you so actually making plans and deals beforehand means you both get something out of it but growing up is also learning not to be the center of your parent’s universe because one day you will cut them loose entirely.

Sharing the holiday as two adults with other interests and priorities while also prioritizing each other if you can. Expecting your mom to come and dote on you though is not moving forward with the inevitability of life.

Just as you will move on, so must she…maybe she needs to be reminded you are still here though, and she could also cut you some slack and not act as if you have already left. There is room here for both of you to enjoy the trip.” scharise

-3 points (3 votes)

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kr 3 months ago
Is everyone going to ignore the elephant in the room, or am I the only one seeing it? The mom spends the night 2 or 3 times a week with Erin even though she has a husband? Erin is not just her friend! I am sure OP would like to go on a trip and spend quality time with her mom. She can do that during a weekend getaway with her mom. For this trip she should just let it be and spend time with the rest of her family doing things they want to do while mom and her mistress do their own thing.
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1. AITJ For Refusing To Give My Nephew My Dog?


“Just some background info. My (33F) sister (35F) moved in with me and my partner six years ago when my nephew Jayden (now 11) was 5. She was going through a really rough breakup with Jayden’s father and needed support.

She started seeing Steve about 2 years ago and they just recently moved in together.

About a year after they moved in, I adopted a husky mix named Flynn. My nephew loves Flynn to pieces.

Flynn is a very well-behaved but active guy. We have a fenced yard for him and we also take him for two walks a day. He was kennel trained as a puppy while we were working on potty training, but now that he’s older we never lock him in his kennel.

The door is just open with his dog bed and toys in so he can lay in there as he pleases.

Here is where our issue started. My sister and Jayden just moved in with Steve.

Jayden was really sad to be leaving our home, but we tried to make plans so he could come back and visit whenever he wanted and encourage him to give Steve and their new family a chance.

Jayden asked me if he could take Flynn to his new house. I was very sympathetic and had a serious conversation with him about it, but I told him the answer would have to be no.

Steve is afraid of big dogs, he always avoided Flynn while visiting our home and would make comments about keeping him in his cage. Also as much as my nephew loves Flynn, he was never responsible for his care in any way and I don’t think he understands how much responsibility it takes.

I thought that was the end of the story but I recently got a phone call from my sister, furious that I wouldn’t let Jayden have “his” dog. She said that Steve wanting to kennel the dog wasn’t a deal breaker and I was just being selfish.

I explained to my sister that Flynn needs a lot of exercise, we have a large, fenced yard (she does not), we take him for multiple walks a day and we never keep him locked in his kennel.

At this point, he’s five years old, and he hasn’t been locked away in his kennel since he was a puppy potty training. She argued with me that he would only be in the kennel until Jayden got home from school and overnight (that’s the majority of the day?) and that she would make Jayden walk him.

I told her that I was sorry but Flynn is my dog and I’m not budging.

She told me that I’m not welcome in her home anymore and that I’m no longer allowed to see my nephew.

This is not behavior that’s normal for my sister and it made me wonder AITJ for not just giving my nephew my dog?”

Another User Comments:

“I’m saddened by this. You took your sister in when she needed you, and her thank you was trying to take away your dog because her kid wanted it? She clearly doesn’t understand what it takes to have a dog and I would worry for any dog she might own in the future.

Now, putting this aside, this is YOUR dog

You trained him. You feed him. You take care of him on a daily basis.

Loving a dog is not enough to provide him with a happy and healthy lifestyle.

Even more so when talking about huskies (and their relatives) as they are known for their high levels of energy.

You are his home, don’t let anyone make you think otherwise. Your sister owes you an apology.

Oh ya, and NTJ.” Big-Bug6427

Another User Comments:


I’m guessing your sister is having an emotional reaction to the fact that her son isn’t enjoying the move and is asking to go back to yours.

Maybe she was hoping that Flynn moving to theirs would fix everything and is a little desperate with things not working out.

Ultimately when a pet is included in our lives we are responsible for making healthy decisions for them – and Flynn staying with you is the healthy decision.

I hope your sister calms down and things get back to normal soon.” SlothLordMcMarekat

Another User Comments:

“NTJ. Borderline ESH. It sounds like if Steve liked dogs and Flynn wouldn’t be crated all day that you’d say yes. Do you even like your dog? You make him sound more like a project/chore to you than family.” Legitimate-Suit-4956

-5 points (7 votes)

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Squidmom 2 months ago
No need to explain. You said NO. Thats it. Idk we all feel the need to explain ourselves.
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