People Are Relieved To Be Telling Their “Am I The Jerk?” Stories

"I (48M) have 3 siblings. I have 2 older brothers who are 53 and 51, and a younger sister who is 44. My older brothers and I lived in different houses growing up, as my parents were divorced and I lived mainly with my mother, while my brothers lived with my father and step-mother.

We've never been close due to the divorce, and we've been in low contact for almost our whole lives.

My oldest brother has 2 kids who are 18 (male) and 14 (female). When he had his younger child I reached out about meeting them, and he told me he never wanted me or my sister in their lives, and when I asked why he told me she “only wants mature adults around her children”.

He refused to elaborate and to this day I'm not sure where it came from.

My stepmother hosted most of our family's events and holidays until she passed in 2017, and that was the only time I saw them. Even then I could tell my brother was encouraging both of his kids not to talk to me, as they both seemed uncomfortable when I was around.

After my mother passed my oldest brother was the only one willing to host and he did, but never invited me or my sister.

My brother and I went no contact after my step-mother died until recently. This past year, he and my sister had a long talk, and he started inviting her to family gatherings.

They had a small get-together yesterday afternoon, and my sister asked me to join her. When we got there, my brother seemed surprised to see me but didn't say anything.

It was the first time I had seen my niece or nephew since my stepmother passed away, and when I went to talk to my niece it almost seemed like she didn't recognize me.

A few minutes later, I overheard her in the kitchen asking my sister-in-law (her mother) what my name was, and that was when I snapped.

I started yelling at my brother and asked him if he felt good about himself and that my niece didn't even know my name and it was his fault.

I told him he needed to grow up, go to therapy, get over the stuff that happened when we were kids, and leave his children out of whatever issue he has with me. After that, we were both screaming at each other and eventually he and his wife told me to get out of their house.

I left and when I got home, I had several text messages from family and friends calling me a terrible brother and uncle. My sister told me she understood where I was coming from but that I shouldn't have started yelling in front of everyone.

My brother called me afterward and told me that he hoped I was proud of myself because I made my niece cry. I feel really guilty now, as I didn't mean to upset her, and now I think I may have overreacted. AITJ?"

Another User Comments:

"YTJ you showed up uninvited to a person's house who you have been low and no contact with for literally years. Why would the 14yo know you???? You lost your cool and reaffirmed to your brother why he is NC with you. And he needs to "get over your childhood stuff" just SCREAMS 'missing info.'" No-Locksmith-8590

Another User Comments:

"YTJ you came to his house uninvited after years and verbally attacked him in front of the kids, who you so want to trust and be part of your life. And then come here acting the victim. Whatever reasons someone has for low or no contact is reason enough and seems you are the one who needs to grow up and get therapy." wewillmessyouup

Another User Comments:

"YTJ for causing an eruption at what was going to try and be a reconciliation meeting. You knew your brother disassociated from you decades ago, so it would make sense that his kids have no idea who you are. Do you think they stare longingly at pictures of you wondering when their unrequited nephewship will soon be satiated?

Your brother isn't the only one who needs to grow up." HeimdallManeuver