People Feel Remorseful About Their "Am I The Jerk" Stories

"I (27 f) am expecting my first child with my husband 'Joel' (28 m). I'm currently 7 months pregnant, and the baby has begun kicking very frequently.

To be honest, it hurts and does not feel nearly as 'magical' as other people make it out to be.

Coupled with nausea, this has been a tough time physically but I've been trying for this to not affect my attitude towards other people. Lately, my MIL (52 f) has been visiting to help me and my husband out with preparing for the baby and other things.

I truly appreciate her support but MIL has a tendency to touch my stomach in order to feel the baby kick and try to make the baby kick by shaking my stomach. This makes my nausea worse and just makes me feel overstimulated from the constant touching.

I've tried to talk to both my MIL and husband about this issue to get her to tone down the touching but they both have brushed me off.

Yesterday, MIL came to drop off some food from Thanksgiving since we spent it at home and after getting the food into the food, MIL began touching my belly and then shaking because the baby wouldn't kick.

MIL was talking about how the baby was clearly more like my husband for refusing to kick and Joel was agreeing and joking about the baby being a mini him. By now, I was starting to feel nauseated and did a dry heave which they seemed to not notice.

I asked her to stop so I could try to get rid of my nausea, but my MIL ignored me and gave my belly another shake. I sorta snapped and told her to 'stop touching my belly.'

My MIL looked shocked and offended by what I said, and Joel came in, comforting her by shaking it was just my pregnancy hormones and I was acting a little crazy due to them.

My MIL chose to leave shortly after that, and Joel scolded me for snapping at his mother when we getting ready to go to sleep.

To make matters worse, Joel told his sister and she told me in a text that what I did was unnecessary and it was normal for grandparents to want to feel their grandkids kick.

She has kids herself.

So am I the jerk for snapping at her? I feel like not wanting her to touch me is understandable, but I could've been nicer about it."

Another User Comments:

"NTJ. She is not respecting your boundaries at all and your own husband is egging her on!

Touching someone without permission is never acceptable, pregnant or not, regardless of the relationship. Tell your husband that since he refuses to back you up, the next time she is visiting, you will be in the other room until she leaves.

At your next doctor visit, take your husband to the exam room with you and relay to your doctor or NP what your symptoms are and how to best relieve them.

Casually tell them about what's been going on with the touching and shaking and could they please educate your husband. You better hope he listens. And he better get a grip on his mom or things are going to go down after the baby's born because he'll need visitation rights! lol" LoveBeach8

Another User Comments:

"NTJ for the algorithm, but YTJ because there is a correct etiquette to how these things are done.

First of all, it is ill-mannered to restrain one's nausea when someone is touching you non-consensually. The correct etiquette is to aim right at the offender and let loose.

One must aim for a maximum fire hose of vomit. This is a delicate and polite way of communicating the situation. After all, it clearly would not do to use words with someone who dislikes them so much that they didn't ask permission and wait for it verbally before touching you.

Second, you are literally letting people who think shaking babies is acceptable around your child, which is a greater infraction on your part than drinking all the finger bowls and filling one's host's swimming pool from their collection of aged single-malt.

Fortunately, once again etiquette manuals are clear on how to correct such a terrible faux pas.

One speedily and expeditiously removes to a different state before giving birth and files for divorce and emergency custody. It is optional to sign the paperwork with one's pinky extended, but this is not actually de rigueur." HelenGonne