People Feel Remorseful About Their "Am I The Jerk" Stories
22. AITJ For Telling My Mother-In-Law To Stop Touching My Belly?
“I (27 f) am expecting my first child with my husband ‘Joel’ (28 m). I’m currently 7 months pregnant, and the baby has begun kicking very frequently.
To be honest, it hurts and does not feel nearly as ‘magical’ as other people make it out to be.
Coupled with nausea, this has been a tough time physically but I’ve been trying for this to not affect my attitude towards other people. Lately, my MIL (52 f) has been visiting to help me and my husband out with preparing for the baby and other things.
I truly appreciate her support but MIL has a tendency to touch my stomach in order to feel the baby kick and try to make the baby kick by shaking my stomach. This makes my nausea worse and just makes me feel overstimulated from the constant touching.
I’ve tried to talk to both my MIL and husband about this issue to get her to tone down the touching but they both have brushed me off.
Yesterday, MIL came to drop off some food from Thanksgiving since we spent it at home and after getting the food into the food, MIL began touching my belly and then shaking because the baby wouldn’t kick.
MIL was talking about how the baby was clearly more like my husband for refusing to kick and Joel was agreeing and joking about the baby being a mini him. By now, I was starting to feel nauseated and did a dry heave which they seemed to not notice.
I asked her to stop so I could try to get rid of my nausea, but my MIL ignored me and gave my belly another shake. I sorta snapped and told her to ‘stop touching my belly.’
My MIL looked shocked and offended by what I said, and Joel came in, comforting her by shaking it was just my pregnancy hormones and I was acting a little crazy due to them.
My MIL chose to leave shortly after that, and Joel scolded me for snapping at his mother when we getting ready to go to sleep.
To make matters worse, Joel told his sister and she told me in a text that what I did was unnecessary and it was normal for grandparents to want to feel their grandkids kick.
She has kids herself.
So am I the jerk for snapping at her? I feel like not wanting her to touch me is understandable, but I could’ve been nicer about it.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. She is not respecting your boundaries at all and your own husband is egging her on!
Touching someone without permission is never acceptable, pregnant or not, regardless of the relationship. Tell your husband that since he refuses to back you up, the next time she is visiting, you will be in the other room until she leaves.
At your next doctor visit, take your husband to the exam room with you and relay to your doctor or NP what your symptoms are and how to best relieve them.
Casually tell them about what’s been going on with the touching and shaking and could they please educate your husband. You better hope he listens. And he better get a grip on his mom or things are going to go down after the baby’s born because he’ll need visitation rights!
lol” LoveBeach8
Another User Comments:
“NTJ for the algorithm, but YTJ because there is a correct etiquette to how these things are done.
First of all, it is ill-mannered to restrain one’s nausea when someone is touching you non-consensually. The correct etiquette is to aim right at the offender and let loose.
One must aim for a maximum fire hose of vomit. This is a delicate and polite way of communicating the situation. After all, it clearly would not do to use words with someone who dislikes them so much that they didn’t ask permission and wait for it verbally before touching you.
Second, you are literally letting people who think shaking babies is acceptable around your child, which is a greater infraction on your part than drinking all the finger bowls and filling one’s host’s swimming pool from their collection of aged single-malt.
Fortunately, once again etiquette manuals are clear on how to correct such a terrible faux pas.
One speedily and expeditiously removes to a different state before giving birth and files for divorce and emergency custody. It is optional to sign the paperwork with one’s pinky extended, but this is not actually de rigueur.” HelenGonne
21. AITJ For Not Forcing My Son To Entertain Our Guests?
“My wife and I have two sons aged 20 and 17 and we are all Christian. For us, Christmas Day is about God but on Boxing Day we invite some friends and their kids over and exchange gifts and have done this since our boys were little because we don’t want them to miss out on Christmas.
For the last few years different friends have hosted this Boxing Day get-together and my eldest son has skipped it every time. My wife and I are fine with this. We usually give him our presents for him when we get home and we’d rather he didn’t come than come and be grumpy and bring the mood down.
My son isn’t a big socializer, he doesn’t have many friends and is quite socially awkward. He does hang out with the friends he does have but he dreads and avoids social occasions. When he was a kid I would make him socialise a bit more but he is an adult so I am not going to force it.
Yesterday we hosted at ours because it was our turn. My boys and the other children (all 15 – 25) watched a movie while the grown-ups talked but then we all sat round for a chat in a circle and my eldest sat on a chair in the corner on his phone.
He wasn’t rude or grumpy and he occasionally added things to the conversation but I let him do his own thing as I was having a good time talking to my friends and my son had participated earlier in the night.
One of our friends texted us today to tell us how rude it was that I let my son sit on his phone instead of entertaining guests.
My wife and I both believe that because our son is an adult we aren’t going to force him and he wasn’t changed by the pleasant atmosphere of the evening or making anyone pay attention to him. He was just doing his own thing but a few other friends have chimed into the conversation agreeing that we don’t discipline our son enough.
So AITJ for not forcing my 20-year-old son to socialize?”
Another User Comments:
“LOL. NTJ. Your friends are entitled and weird. Might be time to re-evaluate that friendship. You don’t go into someone else’s home and demand that they change how they parent, but that’s a rule for people with children.
You don’t have a child in your home. You have a 20-year-old. If your friends feel slighted, they can choose to just accept the slight or talk about it with the 20-year-old like grown adults. Instead, they came to this adult’s mommy and daddy to tell on him like he was naughty.
I mean, yes, it’s rude to sit on your phone when there are guests over, but as an adult, this is your son’s cross to bear, not yours.” Weird_Inevitable8427
Another User Comments:
“YTJ for allowing these ‘friends’ to say anything about your son. What probably occurred is their kids pointed out that you were not ‘harassing and forcing’ your son to interact.
So those parents are taking it out on you.
I have a 20-year-old exactly like your son. The first and ONLY time someone dared to criticize or say something about his being so reserved I told them they had a choice not to hang out with my family but that I wasn’t going to ask my son to be a performing monkey.
Shut that crap now. Tell your friends to mind their own business” Beneficial-Eye4578
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. These weren’t your son’s guests and he had no obligation to entertain them. He did well to even be out in the living areas with everyone else. Is he neurodiverse?
No one there was a little kid if the youngest was 15. Sounds like they were all entertained by the movie they were watching too. Did your friend want your adult son to do party tricks for them? Your son would’ve been within his rights to spend the whole time in his room or go out to someone else’s house.
Just because this is the house that he lives in, doesn’t mean that he has to entertain people he didn’t invite there or who aren’t his friends.” KitchenDismal9258
20. AITJ For Snapping At My In-Laws For Always Asking My Wife To Give Them Grandchildren?
“My in-laws want their only child, my wife, Diana, to start pumping out grandchildren.
Diana is 28 and just finishing her PhD. Then she wants to get established in a career before we start a family.
My in-laws know how much money I make and they know we could live comfortably off my earnings.
That isn’t what Diana wants. She has worked her butt off to get where she is and she wants to reap the rewards of her hard work. She also says that once she is working then I can cut back on my hours I’m a welder, and relax a little.
I have been working since I was 15, so literally half my life. I make a very good living in return for a lot of fairly hard work. I have supported Diana and her education. She will graduate without student loans. We have a house. She has a good car.
We have a good life. We want a few more years alone before we start our family.
Over Christmas, the in-laws just wouldn’t drop it. I finally snapped. I said that if they wanted grandchildren then they could reimburse us for her education. They could further pay her the salary she would be giving up.
When she returned to work they could pay her the difference between what she could be earning and her entry-level position. They could pay for a nanny so my wife could work.
Or they could back off and wait for us to be ready.
They said that they couldn’t afford all that.
I asked them how they expected us to afford it. I said that if it was really what they wanted they could just give her the inheritance that would be coming her way now instead of later.
They got all offended and said that it was not hers until they didn’t need it anymore.
Diana asked me to drop it. She has tried dozens of times to explain to her parents why we are waiting. They just ignore her. They ignore what we want for our lives.
They have been very cold since Christmas. They seemed to think I was a rude jerk for pointing out the costs of what they were asking for.
A lot of her family agree with them that I went too far in asking them to pay if they want a grandchild now instead of later.”
Another User Comments:
“Everyone sucks here. They for pushing and giving you unsolicited opinions about your married life.
And both of you for not just having clear boundaries and not just shutting it down straight up. Instead, you got into a stupid back-and-forth about money.
Their finances are none of your business. And your reproductive tract is none of their business. So why engage like that?
You both need to practice FIRM boundaries now if you are even considering having kids. ‘Mom and Dad, we will start a family when and if we are ready at some point, and at that point we will inform you. We will not engage in any further discussion on this.’ Change the subject here.
Every time it comes up shut it down. Leave or end a phone call if you have to. Leave a cooling-off period for a while if it gets heated. Do not try to engage in a back-and-forth or personal discussion. If you don’t engage and you’re consistent in response, they can’t ignore it.
If they started handing over money, would that change your wife’s mind anyway? I highly doubt it. She is establishing a career first which is perfectly normal in this day and age. You responded to the situation in a way that wasn’t even meaningful for the situation nor is it something your wife would have agreed with.” KickIt77
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, I like your style! You owe them nothing and their constant harassment has no end in sight unless you set a boundary. Since your wife hasn’t I think it’s reasonable for you to tell her YOU need one because this has gotten way out of hand.
If I were you I’d go low contact. Don’t give them a platform to whine, and who cares if the flying monkeys agree with them? You have very valid points. Of course, they want fun grandchildren. But they aren’t raising or paying for them so they can get lost.” earthenlily
Another User Comments:
“Everyone sucks here. You have said that money isn’t the issue, it’s your wife wanting to use her education, and both of you wanted time to be together and enjoy your life childless for a while. These are 100% valid reasons.
So why lie and say you’d have children immediately if they gave you money? It’s not true, and it’s not the issue at all. It was boorish and made you look like almost as much of a jerk as they were. Just keep telling them you’re not ready yet, you have other goals and priorities first, and they need to stop bringing it up.
If they keep bringing it up, stop talking to them.” User
19. AITJ For Asking My In-Laws To Buy My Daughter A New Doll?
“This past Christmas, my mother got my daughter ‘Amy’ (4 F) a doll she’d been asking for. It’s a baby version of Mirabel, from the Disney movie ‘Encanto’. It quickly became her favourite.
My husband’s cousin ‘Nat’ has a daughter I’ll call ‘Julie’ (6 F).
I wouldn’t classify her as ‘spoiled’, but she does tend to disobey other people.
There have been numerous occasions in which I asked Julie to do something (‘Please sit down’, ‘Please don’t touch that’, etc.) and she either ignored me or went behind my back to do the opposite.
While I understand that she’s a child, Nat rarely makes any attempt to educate her daughter or correct her behaviour.
Last week, Nat and Julie came to visit us with some other relatives. Julie saw the Mirabel doll and asked my daughter if she could play with her.
Amy refused. Julie protested, but I spoke with the girls and managed to get them to play with other toys.
Sometime later, the kids sat down to watch TV while I and the others got dinner ready. When we went back to the living room, Julie was gone.
After a short search, we found her in my bathroom. She had taken not only the Mirabel doll but also my nail polish carrying case.
Julie had used my nail polish to paint the doll’s hair, face, and dress. It covered most of her facial painting, matted her hair, and ruined her clothes.
Amy saw what happened and was devastated. When we asked Julie what she was doing, she said she was giving the doll a makeover.
Nat and Julie left in a hurry. The next day, I asked Nat what she planned to do about it, she suggested that the girls apologize to each other (Julie for painting the doll; Amy for not sharing it in the first place) and ‘hug it out’, and offered to give me a couple of new bottles of nail polish.
I made it clear that Amy didn’t need to apologize, and while I didn’t care about the nail polish (they cost $4 and Julie didn’t empty the bottles she used), I did expect Nat and her husband to replace the doll.
Nat refused. She said that it wouldn’t be fair for her to waste money over an ‘innocent mistake’ a child had made.
She also doesn’t think Julie should be the only one apologizing, as none of this would have happened if Amy had agreed to share in the first place.
I asked her twice, she said no both times. Finally, I called her husband and explained the situation.
He apologized profusely and agreed to buy Amy a new doll. He stopped by on Saturday and gave it to us. He also brought Julie along and made her apologize to Amy.
Nat and her husband fought over this, as she kept insisting that Julie was just a child and they owed us nothing.
So now, in addition to saying it was entitled of me to expect a new doll, she is blaming me for their fight.
My husband is on my side, but my MIL thinks I should apologize, as this has blown out of proportion and I could have dealt with it more gracefully.
She also thinks it was wrong of Amy to refuse to share.
AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Julie is a little terror. Nat should have been mortified that Julie would go into a private space to specifically seek out an item she’d been told she could not have.
It was not an innocent mistake by any means and the fact that Nat thinks it could have been avoided if Amy had shared it originally SHOWS she (Nat) recognizes that what Julie did was meant to be destructive (ie, she’s saying Julie only ruined the doll because she’d been told she could not play with it).
Honestly, I’d be setting boundaries around spending any time with Nat or Julie. Minimally, they should not be invited into your home and the girls should not be forced to be friendly until Julie shows the capacity to have basic courtesy and reasonable 6-year-old behaviour.” owls_and_cardinals
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, both morally and legally. Parents are responsible for their children until the children reach adulthood. This means not only raising them but also being responsible for any debts or damage incurred by said children. Her child caused damage to your child’s property.
Legally, that means she is responsible for the damage to YOUR property.
Morally, NTJ, and well done for not making your daughter apologize for refusing to let someone else play with her favourite toy. Being taught to share is great, but so is being taught that it is okay to have boundaries.
Your in-laws owe your daughter a new doll (or owe you the value of it). No question.” kaway24
18. AITJ For Telling The Doctor Why I Haven't Been Taking Tylenol?
“I (26 F) have been having some serious health problems. The worry is ovarian cancer. I had a doctor’s appointment yesterday, and my partner (26 M) joined. It was obvious that being there with me was the last place he wanted to be.
I have been sick and in pain, I’m terrified of the diagnosis and have general anxiety about going to the doctor.
My partner first dropped me off so he could run errands, and I walked in by myself, shaking and wishing someone was with me.
He turned up partway through the appointment and shopped on his phone, looking bored to death. When the doctor asked if I took any Tylenol for it, I said no and she asked why. I stated the reason exactly how it was ‘Oh, he (my partner) says I have the habit of overtaking it so I’m trying to cut back.’ The doctor left for a while and my partner didn’t ask if I was okay, didn’t hold my hand, or give me any reassurance.
He yelled at me for making him look bad in front of the doctor, saying I made him sound controlling. I apologized and said that wasn’t what I intended, she asked the question so I gave her a genuine answer without thinking. He was upset and left and I went through the rest of the appointment on my own.
When we got home a fight started about how I made him look bad and I just couldn’t handle it. I told him I had bigger things to worry about than whether or not a doctor, whom he’ll never see again, might think something negative about him.
He knew that wasn’t my intention, and that I didn’t say anything that wasn’t true, so maybe this was a time when he should have just let his ego go. I told him that I had a lot of things to worry about besides this dink in his image that I genuinely don’t believe is even a dink.
So, AITJ for telling him his ego and what appear to be insecurities about how people view him, isn’t anywhere near my top concern right now?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Your partner’s ego should never be a priority regardless of the circumstances. He can take care of his own ego.
Now let’s think about what is going on here. Your partner is completely uninterested in your appointment, or your health, until you say something that he thinks makes him look bad. Do you not see the problem with this relationship? Think hard about where this relationship should go from here.
Is this person someone you can see being supportive no matter what happens? If not, then it is time for things to end.” [deleted]
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. I can see this as two possibilities.
1) Your partner has a very fragile ego and is insecure about others’ opinions of him and is willing to take those frustrations out on you even when you are going through a very stressful and scary time.
2) Your partner is scared about your possible diagnosis and is feeling powerless to help so he’s acting aloof and picking fights so he doesn’t have to deal with telling you that he’s scared.
Neither are good options and show that he’s not emotionally or mature enough to help you through this.
Right now you need people in your life that are going to support you and lend you some of their strength to keep you going. Your partner isn’t one of those people.” snarkyshark83
17. AITJ For Refusing To Help My Mom With A Project She's Working On?
“I (16 f) live with my brother (17 m) along with our parents.
Since I’m an artist my mom asked me to paint something for a project she’s working on. At first, I was hesitant, and originally not going to do it since I don’t make art for free, but she was being very persistent so I agreed to help just to get her to stop asking.
Today she went to drop off some library books and asked me to go with her.
She told my brother (17 m) that she was going to stop to get some lunch and asked him what he wanted, he said he wasn’t very hungry and not to get him anything.
She never asked me what I wanted, but I assumed since I was going with her she would ask me once we got there. We dropped off the books and she started making her way home.
I asked her if we were still getting lunch and she said ‘No, your brother isn’t hungry’.
I said, ‘Well I’m hungry, I haven’t eaten today and there’s no food at the house’. And I’m not exaggerating, we are out of food because my parents need to go grocery shopping, my mom said she’d do it tomorrow, so we won’t have anything to eat until then.
If we had ingredients I would just make something but we don’t even have enough stuff to make a homemade meal. She called my brother and once again asked him what he wanted to eat, he said ‘I’m not that hungry, just get me something small.’ She never asked me what I wanted.
We pulled into the drive-thru and she still didn’t bother to ask me what I wanted to eat, she ordered what my brother asked for and something for herself, then without asking me if I wanted anything or giving me enough time to spit out my order, she said ‘That will be everything’.
Then drove through the line. I was shocked and really upset. But what irks me is she seemed completely oblivious to what she did. She was just like ‘You didn’t want anything, did you?’ After we got the food.
Of course, I wanted something, I told you before we pulled in that I was hungry and didn’t eat anything today.
She wasn’t even going to get food, she was going to drive straight home until I said something. Then she had to audacity to tell me that I needed to work on her stupid project when we got home. I’m fed up that she keeps demanding I do this for her, without even offering me compensation, or at the very least getting me something to eat so I’m not working on an empty stomach.
When we got home I told her she could do it herself, and that I won’t be helping her with it. She called me rude and entitled, and maybe I am, but I feel disrespected, and I won’t take that from my mother. So AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“You need to tell a teacher or your school counsellor about this. It’s neglect, but I don’t know if it’s severe enough for CPS to come out and nudge your parents into decent parenting. But they can’t take action if they don’t know.
You’re the only one who can tell them.
Also, even if they can’t make your parents change their behaviour, I bet there are some resources they can get you, even if it’s just some ramen noodles you can quietly keep in your room for the next time your mom ‘forgets’ to buy you food.
But seriously, if this is real, you have to tell an adult at school. You are underweight, it’s not good for you to not be fed properly.” Reasonable-Sale8611
Another User Comments:
“Go to the school nurse and tell her you don’t have food in the house for days at a time and that your mother buys food for your brother and herself but not for you.
Ask if there’s a food pantry where you can get food. All the schools in our area have a closet stocked with food and personal care items like socks, tampons, deodorant, shampoo, soap, etc for kids that do not have what they need at home.
Librarians know a lot about resources too. If you can’t get what you need at school, ask about food pantries.
Our town has little free pantries in various locations – like little free libraries but with food instead of books. You deserve so much better than what you’re getting.
I hope you get the support you need quickly. I’m glad you at least recognize that the way you’re being treated is not right.” TwinBoomr50
16. AITJ For Not Wanting Anyone To Know About The Inheritance I'm Receiving?
“I recently discovered I will be inheriting some properties and a significant amount of money. I told my wife but clarified that this is only between us and she’s not to tell anyone, especially her big-mouth sister.
I don’t want anyone to know about the inheritance, invest almost all of the money, hire a property management company, and intend to keep our current lifestyle.
Last night at dinner with her parents and siblings, her father congratulated me on my impending windfall and my brother-in-law pulled me aside to ask about the houses I’ll be receiving.
He and his wife (my wife’s big-mouth sister) have been saving for a house but haven’t saved enough yet and their credit scores are low. I was very angry with my wife all night but kept it in check.
On the drive home, I yelled at her.
I admit it wasn’t my finest hour but she did the exact thing I told her not to do. She argued that my secrecy demand was not right and that she had the right and duty to tell her family about our financial situation because it was also her financial situation.
We argued for hours so when I finally had enough, I told her she couldn’t be trusted to keep our secrets and that I was not telling her anything else about the inheritance from that minute on.
I said that in the heat of the moment but the more I think about it, the more it makes sense.
She tells her sister everything and whatever her sister knows, everyone knows. I don’t want the entire city to know what’s going on with our bank account. We’re due to meet our attorney and later a financial advisor next week but I think I’ll change that appointment to just me.
Just to be clear, she’s free to discuss anything with her family. I’ve only had 2 topics she’s not allowed to talk about, my health and our finances.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. If you’re in the US, an inheritance that is kept entirely in your name only is your sole property, not marital assets.
I highly recommend that you consult a good attorney (probably a Divorce Attorney) to determine how best to ensure that these assets remain solely yours. You could then use income from the inheritance assets to improve/benefit your and your wife’s lives without allowing her or her family to have any rights to your inheritance.
(by the way, this is the same advice I would give my spouse. Inheritance is a sole asset, not a marital one, but needs to be kept separate from all marital assets!)” teresajs
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. What happened the first time they saw you?
They, specifically your BIL, immediately start dumping his financial woes on you. Even if he didn’t flat out ask you, he was asking you to give him money/property. You are NEVER going to hear the end of this. Your SIL and her husband, if they don’t get what they want, are going to tell everyone about how cruel you are.
How you are responsible for all their financial woes since you can solve them. Talk to your financial adviser about a proxy/trust to own/manage the money/properties. Maybe something that neither of you can access the funds on without permission from the other.
Because if your wife doesn’t think it’s ‘fair’ to not tell her family her finances, it’s a short hop to her not thinking it’s ‘fair’ that they not get handouts.” Natural_Garbage7674
15. AITJ For Not Siding With My Sister After She Overstepped The Boundaries My Husband Set For Her?
“My sister will sometimes decide that she knows better than everyone else and does or says something that can create conflict. This happened recently with my husband and I 100% stand by my husband and do not agree with my sister. She confronted me when it was made very clear we did not want to see her and she was no longer welcome in our home.
Her reaction is something I should have seen coming. She told me she was defending my husband, standing up for him, trying to show how on his side she is, and in return we cut her out. She said it was wrong and where was the love and family loyalty.
The background provides some context about the whole fallout. My husband went into foster care when he was just 4 years old. His three older half-siblings were placed at the same time he was. Initially, they were placed in the same home. But his half-siblings did not view my husband positively and were bullying him.
The separation happened when the older kids (ages 12 to 16 at the time) locked my husband out of the house while their foster family was not home. My husband was only 4 and a half at the time. The foster family had brought up many concerns prior to that but according to his file, which my husband got access to, that was the final straw for them and the social worker agreed. She decided to take my husband and place him somewhere else.
He was not adopted. He does not really remember his half-siblings from back then.
When he left foster care he made contact with his half-siblings in the hopes of having someone in his life. But they were very clear that he was not their family and they wanted nothing to do with him.
My husband was upfront with me when we met. He also told my sister. He was clear he had no desire to try and establish anything again. My sister said they deserved to be told they were trashy for rejecting their own flesh and blood little brother.
My husband was very clear he did not want any of us doing that. He told my sister it should be left alone. The topic came up again a couple of months ago and my husband told her not to do it and he didn’t want or need her to.
She did it anyway. We found out when her partner told us that my husband’s half-siblings were blowing up my sister’s social media DMs and saying disgusting things to her. My husband was furious. My sister said she did it for him and acted like he/we should be grateful.
So after she confronted me I made it clear she had to live with the consequences of her overstepping. I told her my husband could not have been more clear. She told me I should be making him see reason. Not turning on her and rubbing her nose into it like I did.
AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. What reason does your husband possibly need to see? His half-siblings treated him abhorrently as a child, as an adult, he made the decision to cut all contact with them. There’s nothing left to say here other than she was wrong and whatever vitriol she’s receiving from them is deserved. She was told to leave it alone, and yet she continued to press the issue.
The only jerk here is her. You didn’t rub her nose in it. You stated the truth. Mess around and find out.
People are allowed to have boundaries, and others need to respect them. Your sister failed to respect your husband’s.” BadBandit1970
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. And to be real cold, however horrible your husband’s siblings’ behavior was (and… is), it’s irrelevant – your husband said ‘Don’t nobody contact them’ and your sister in a wild show of arrogance did, in fact, contact them. I guess you guys owe her ‘gratitude’ alright, and you should be ever so grateful for her actions… by staying away from her.
She has shown how she will act in a way to benefit HER and her worldview and screw everyone else – what, does she think she’s fooling anyone? She did it to stir crap and, if things miraculously went down like a saccharine movie, there would be a heartfelt reunion and SHE would be the mastermind.
As is, she’s the mastermind of a realistic response. Hope the guy is taking notes, he would be a right fool not to.” OffKira
The only point at which she might deserve some support from you is if these half-siblings cross the line into unacceptable harassment of her, in which case you might offer to give a statement to the police to the extent that no one in your family wants any contact with these people.
14. WIBTJ If I Spend Christmas With My Son Instead Of My Husband And Step-Family?
“I (46 F) have been with my husband (55 M) for 7 years, married for 4. I have a 21-year-old son who is mildly on the autism spectrum and who I raised mostly alone. My husband has an 18-year-old son and a 12-year-old daughter who he raises 50/50.
I work full-time.
My husband is a part-time student who lives off some family investments. He owns the house we live in. We keep finances separate mostly.
We all lived together as a family for several years until my son left for university 3 years ago and it has been mostly easy.
We’ve been lucky – all the kids are nice – although we’ve had a few disagreements about parenting styles and tolerance.
My son now has a significant other (18) whom he lives with. She has had no contact with her mum – who I believe is bipolar and angry – and didn’t really know her dad.
The girl seems nice but has some mental health issues which she gets help for. She seems to love my son and make him happy.
This year for Christmas my son asked if his SO could stay with us- otherwise, my son won’t be able to join us as he doesn’t want to leave her alone.
My husband finds having people stay over very stressful – it causes anxiety – so said no. My husbands been dealing with his own mental health issues for the last year so I understand that but it puts me in a tricky spot with my son.
I have said that I would want to join my son at his house to help cook and make a fuss if they can’t come here. My son says that would mean a lot to him as it feels more family-ish. My husband is very upset about this and doesn’t want me to go.
I tried to offer a compromise to my son of paying for an Airbnb for them nearby to sleep at whilst spending Christmas day with us – but he says his SO feels unwelcome and awkward now.
I have told my husband I might still go to them for Christmas.
I didn’t expect this to be an issue as my husband doesn’t like Christmas. His kids will come to us after 2 pm from their mums, open presents, and then do their own thing until dinner – which is traditionally chicken schnitzel in their family.
My husband loves to cook for his kids and cooks nearly all the food in our home (lucky me). My husband is very upset that I’d go elsewhere for Christmas Day and wants me to be with him and his kids. He’s been very unhappy for days and making it clear I’ll be letting him down if I go.
I know I’m a part of their family and my son is a grown up but he’s still my son and I feel torn. My son can’t leave his SO alone but wants to see me, my husband isn’t comfortable with her staying, she feels too rejected to stay nearby and visit and my husband feels I should be with him for Christmas.
I’m just stuck! I want everyone to be happy.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Your husband wants his cake and eat it too if he doesn’t want your son to come home with his SO and he doesn’t want you to go to visit your son.
That is very unfair of him. He wants Christmas with his kids but is willing to deny you Christmas with your kid. If it were me, I would go see my son and my husband would have to just get over it. If he isn’t willing to compromise then the decision falls to you to do what you want.
Happy Holidays and I hope you get to visit your son and your husband is able to understand.” ConfusedAt63
Another User Comments:
“NTJ – you’re in a really tricky situation. With that many mental health issues involved, it’s going to be nearly impossible to make everyone happy.
However, he can’t just expect you to neglect your kid, nor can he expect family Christmas to never change – kids bringing around their partners for Christmas is a very normal thing to happen as they grow older. I understand that it gives him anxiety, but I’d still venture he needs to learn to cope with this.
Would he tell his own kids their partners can’t come over for Christmas? If no he’s being a hypocrite, if yes, he needs serious help to overcome his anxiety.” Interesting_Tax456
13. AITJ For Getting A Guy Kicked Out Of Our Gaming Group?
“I’m a very touchy person and I like physical affection (only if the other person is okay with it).
I’m part of a hobby group for gaming, and when I get there, I’ll hug some of the other members (only if they’re okay with it), sit close, engage in flirty banter, etc.
However, I purposefully don’t touch and avoid interaction with one guy there (Alex).
Alex told us he’s autistic. He has a real issue with the fact that I’ll be physically affectionate with other guys (and girls, but he ignores that part), and engage in flirty banter with other guys, but not him. Honestly, I don’t like him very much.
He’s always ignoring social cues, getting too close, making inappropriate comments, or touching people inappropriately. I, as well as other people, have had multiple extensive conversations with him about his behavior, but he just ‘doesn’t get it’. In the end, we’ve given up on trying to explain the nuances of why he can or can’t do certain things with certain people, and have tried giving him black-and-white rules, such as ‘Don’t touch anyone unless they explicitly ask you to’, or ‘Do not make those sorts of comments to anyone.’ and it still hasn’t really worked to curb his behavior.
His main gripe is that he sees me hugging or touching other people, and I don’t have to ask them beforehand, so why can’t he? Or I can make certain comments, but he can’t. He’s also really really upset that a lot of the other guys will get hugs, and he doesn’t.
We have tried explaining multiple times, but he makes excuses or because he ‘doesn’t get it’ he’ll just ignore it. He doesn’t like the black-and-white rules, because he says we’re being ‘lazy’ for not making him understand why. He’ll complain that we’re not ‘being fair’, and we’re being hypocrites because it’s ‘rules for thee but not for me’.
Unsurprisingly, I’ve been avoiding Alex and I don’t include him in anything that I’m doing. I had a frank talk with the guy in charge of the group, as well as other members, and told them that if Alex was going to keep being a part of the activities, then I’m sorry, but I can’t continue.
Now there are talks about Alex getting kicked out.
Alex is claiming that I’m being a jerk for not ‘helping him’ and not being more tolerant or understanding of him and his condition. He says I’m bullying him by always excluding him, and for getting him (maybe) kicked out.
While I get that social cues can be really hard for people with autism, and if no one explains it to them it can be really hard for them to learn, I also feel that it’s not my responsibility. I tried. It’s also been pointed out that we could have made the environment less triggering for him, for example, but making sure everyone followed the rules we tried to enforce for him, like asking before touching anyone, or just not hugging anyone in front of him, but I don’t think that’s realistic.
AITJ for always excluding an autistic guy and potentially getting him kicked out?”
Another User Comments:
“Light NTJ but it’s borderline. Doubting someone when they tell you their diagnosis is a jerk move. However, being honest about your capacity to keep explaining and not wanting to change how you interact with your friends is not a jerk thing.
Not wanting to be cuddly with someone you don’t get along with isn’t a jerk move.
It sounds like you all already have had frank conversations with Alex. Perhaps someone who is better/more patient can try again and clarify that ‘people who have established relationships and trust with each other do gain a degree of closeness and don’t need to ask every single time.
Just like your parent can parent you as their child but may not parent another child to the same degree.’ Or even be blunt and say ‘We ask you to ask bluntly until stated otherwise because it is hard for us to use subtle social cues and be understood.
OP can read the cues well and has established relationships with some of us. It’s similar to being in a different language, native speakers may have faster interactions because they can gauge nuances faster while a second language speaker may need to try and be a bit clearer first. It is hard and frustrating but hopefully with time and practice it will get easier.
Getting mad at OP isn’t helpful’.
I don’t know how emotional these conversations have gotten, but being autistic doesn’t automatically make you bad at boundaries or unable to listen to no’s. People with neurodivergence can still be jerks and that jerkness isn’t part of their diagnosis.
You may want to check in with the group though and make sure that your level of flirtation actually is welcome. Some people may not feel comfortable speaking up too.” AdviceMoist6152
Another User Comments:
“NTJ and it’s weird how many guys here are trying to say you are.
If 5 people in a group like hugging and flirting with each other but not a 6th person in the group, the solution isn’t to try and bully those 5 to stop doing what they like. And if the 6th person isn’t listening to requests for consent, the solution is pretty simple: that person is a problem and isn’t a good fit for the group.
Maybe it IS ‘rules for thee but not for me’, but if the rule is ‘we can touch each other but you can’t because we don’t want that’, too bad. If you don’t like it you don’t have to try and be a part of the group.
Nobody is entitled to anyone else’s physical affection, regardless of the situation. The fact that he does this exclusively to women makes the root of this problem really obvious. Autism isn’t an excuse for predatory behavior but it sounds like a lot of dudes commenting want it to be.” waaaghboyz
Oh, and if he tries to play the "you can't exclude me because I'm autistic" card, tell him that the only reason he's lasted as long as he has in your group is BECAUSE he's autistic and you all wanted to be fair. All bets are off now.
12. AITJ For Not Rescheduling My Doctor's Appointment?
“I (25 F) have a 4-month-old baby boy, Adam, with my husband Harry (46 M).
My MIL is a lovely woman. I don’t get on with my mother and she’s the closest thing to a mom I have. She treats me like her daughter.
My son is the first grandchild that she’s had the opportunity to look after as she recently moved to the US from the UK.
My husband has three older sisters and she never got the chance to care for any of their children.
She watched my son about two weeks ago because I needed to go to the ER and yesterday I asked her if she was able to watch my baby again next week because I have an important doctor’s appointment (related to the ER visit).
She agreed. She was over at our house at this time and I was really struggling to get my baby to sleep. That’s when she mentioned that the last time she had him, she put a tiny bit of whiskey in his milk bottle to help him sleep.
She said that she did it with all her kids too. Now, I know that it was pretty common for parents to do this in the past, my grandma even put whiskey on my gums when I was teething as a child so I assumed she didn’t know that this wasn’t okay to do anymore.
I didn’t get angry or anything and just asked her if she knew that it wasn’t acceptable to do anymore. She had no idea and apologized immediately. She had a bit of a panic about how often she did it to her kids (they’re fine, My SILs are teachers, nurses, and lawyers respectively and my husband is a surgeon) and she suggested that I take Adam to get checked out.
We decided to ask my husband when he got home and turns out he had no idea his mother did this to him and his sisters (which makes sense seeing as he is the youngest), and he was really upset.
Now, he wants me to tell her that she can’t watch my son next week and he’s asking that I reschedule my appointment to his day off so he can look after our son.
I really need this appointment to prevent further complications to my health and I truly don’t believe MIL was being malicious, she was just behind on the times. He’s upset that I won’t listen to him.
AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“Nah you’re fine.
She was a bit out of date on a practice, you filled her in, and she apologized, nobody got hurt. I’m not saying it’s ok that she did it in the first instance, but it’s good that she won’t do it again and your husband, despite his best intentions, is overreacting.
Beware the doomsayers in this thread that will say ‘Omg that’s child abuse have her arrested’ and ‘Wait, your husband is 46? Sounds like he’s a controlling abuser exploiting your lack of life experience’ and so on. Your mother-in-law is of the generation where you do your best with what you have, and what info you have to hand, rather than consulting a million different instruction manuals on raising a child via Google.” an_achronist
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Maybe you could ask your husband and his mum to stay together for a few hours to look after the baby which would give him the opportunity to observe if there are any other things she does that are unacceptable/unsafe and tell her calmly that she shouldn’t do it again for this this reason.
You seem to have a good relationship with your MIL which is rare, and she agreed with you about the whisky thing, so you have to find a way to make your husband and his mum be on good terms so that your baby can see a positive family image growing up.
Many of us got a taste of whisky as a baby, it’s not acceptable now which we know but for the older generation it was a done thing and it’s a huge deal when they actually agree with us instead of defending themselves.
Good luck with your recovery, hope you are doing well now.” DranBrd
11. AITJ For Telling My Family To Stop Tolerating My Sister's Wants?
“My (24 M) parents (61 M and 63 F) love to do family activities and so do I. However, over the past 18 months, everything has been increasingly dictated by my sister’s (26) mood and her schedule. She is a registered nurse so her hours are already hard to schedule around.
She will never meet the rest of the family at a location, she outright demands to be picked up. No matter if we have to drive in the complete opposite direction after picking her up.
I worked at Target when I was 20, I missed Thanksgiving and my parents and my sister left to go skiing on Christmas day that same year.
I add this because she has made us reschedule both Christmas and Thanksgiving because she either worked that day or was ‘too tired’ to get in her car and come to our parents’ house. My parents travel a lot but have two very elderly cats that need a lot of attention.
My sister says she is too tired to drive an extra 10 mins to my parents’ house to check on the cats. This forces me to stay at my parents’ house for 2-3 weeks sometimes when she could very easily drive an extra 10 mins after work and assist me so I didn’t have to spend the night or just give me a break, I work full time as well.
My SO, who is medically handicapped might I add, has had to leave work early, multiple times, so she could be in the car with us to go pick up my sister because she will not meet us anywhere. I confronted my parents this evening about this and their response was, ‘We have to do this because having the family together is what is most important to us’.
I couldn’t muster up a response that was not an insult so I just took my coat and left.
Am I the jerk for wanting my sister to act like an adult? Am I the jerk for the way I didn’t respond to my parents?
I just need someone to make sure I am not going insane, it feels like I am being gaslighted whenever I am at home.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Ignore the matter of the cats. You have a personal interest there. Your sister being catered to is partly because you’re recognized as the family doormat.
She insists on doing things her way, and you cave. Just refuse to pick her up, refuse to change your schedule, etc. The family will scream at you because they EXPECT you to be the doormat. Once they finally get used to you not being the doormat, either things will change, or you’ll find that they really do favor your sister.
I’m betting on the latter since they already left you behind on a ski trip. At least you’ll know and you’ll have your self-respect.” extinct_diplodocus
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. You realize you have the power here, right? Specifically, the power to see if what is really important to your parents is actually having the family together at all costs.
Stop pandering to your parents and sister. If they want the family together, make them come to you. If they complain you won’t go to your sister, point out that you’re busy too and you don’t have the time or energy. But, of course, you’ve had to do so much that it’s, of course, your sister’s turn to come to you.
And if they won’t? Well, then you’ve proven their hypocrisy and you don’t need that in your life.” Natural_Garbage7674
10. AITJ For Not Having My Niece As A Bridesmaid?
“I (25 F) have three nieces. For ease of reading, we’ll simply call them A, B and C. My two eldest nieces, A and B are my brother-in-law’s children from a previous marriage whereas my youngest niece, C, is my sister’s biological child with my brother-in-law.
A and B are two years apart (19 and 17) and have been in the family since they were very young children. As the age gap isn’t that big between us, I spent a lot of time with them and they’re almost like little sisters to me as opposed to nieces.
C is 9.
When I got engaged and decided on my wedding party, I included B as a bridesmaid. A and C are very much still invited. Everything was fine until C found out that B was going to be a bridesmaid and not just a regular guest. She became incredibly upset and I received a call from my sister, asking me to give her a role as well.
I explained that I was sorry but I would not.
A and I don’t talk as much anymore as she’s currently away at university, living her own life. She took absolutely no offense to not being a bridesmaid and agreed that it would probably be a bit weird as we weren’t quite as close as B and I (She’s absolutely lovely, we just don’t have much in common).
My sister was told she would never be able to have children of her own. C is a miracle baby. As such, my sister has admittedly spoilt her a lot and to be quite honest, she’s not the most pleasant child to be around. It’s not her fault, and I understand that however I still don’t want her in my wedding party.
It’s causing a lot of tension. AITJ for not just giving in on this?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ and no, all children don’t cry when they hear ‘No’ at 9 years old! At 2, yes, the terrible two! But at 9, she has a bad temper and I suppose that A and B didn’t do that to you when they were 9.
Remember one important rule about the wedding: it’s yours. Only yours. Nobody can tell you what you have to do, who you must invite, what will be the menu. You’re two to decide. If you don’t want C, you say ‘I don’t want C, I have a clear vision of my wedding and she’s just a guest in it’.
It’s supposed to be your big day, remember it to your sister, and tell her she’s stressful about it! She can buy a beautiful dress for her princess, that will be soon forgotten. She’s just a child! Adults decide, not children.” Lyzab77
Another User Comments:
“NTJ – You only want people who are there to support you, and a 9-year-old child who is unkind and only wants to be included is not there to support you. Also, those are not normal childhood behaviors. And IF a child of mine behaved that way I would 1) be deeply embarrassed, 2) explain to them it is incredibly rude and inconsiderate and if they behave that way no one will like them, and 3) be deeply concerned that they have no empathy and if I can’t teach it to them get them therapy.
You need to be honest with your sister that her unpleasant brat is not going to be an enjoyable addition to the wedding party.” guardlamamama
9. AITJ For Being Upset About Not Being Invited To Our Family Christmas Dinner?
“I’m in my 30s, married with two teenage kids. Every year we go to my grandparents on Christmas Day for dinner.
Our Xmas get-together consists of my family, my brother, my aunt/uncle, 3 cousins and their kids. We have a fairly small family. Well, my grandmother is in her late 70s and decided just this week that she didn’t want to host it this year.
Totally understandable that she doesn’t want to host anymore. The timing is a bit short notice but that’s fine.
Every year either on Christmas Eve or Christmas morning before my grandparents’ thing, my aunt will have my brother, three cousins and their kids over to make cookies and do gifts.
So when my grandma said she wasn’t doing Xmas this year, I figured my aunt would tell me ‘No problem, just come to my house’… but she didn’t, she said she wasn’t ready to host it but would start next year due to the short notice.
What is kind of hurtful is that my grandparents are now going to my aunt’s house on Christmas Day for dinner… as well as my brother, cousins and their kids. They’re cooking and doing the whole thing. So when she said she wasn’t ready to host it, she meant she didn’t want my family coming lol.
We’re nice to everyone, helpful and give good gifts, we’re not difficult people to be around. They are though so a part of me is relieved we won’t be going to Christmas and will be able to do our own thing but another part me of is mad and hurt that we were left out… and I have already purchased gifts for everyone.
My kids and I are semi-often excluded from things so I’m not super surprised but somewhat am because it’s freakin Christmas lol.
AITJ for this Xmas thing being the final straw and limiting any future interactions? I’m kinda just done with all of them and over it.
They’ll think I’m the jerk for distancing myself but I think it’s more than justified.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, but I’m wondering if your aunt was piled on and had no intention of having that many people for Christmas until it kept snowballing after she had already talked to you.
You may want to reach out to her and say hey, I know this whole Christmas thing happened to you at the last minute, is there any way I can help? Can I bring you a dessert/salad? And say if she wants to do a bigger dinner next year you and your kids are happy to come but since you know she didn’t sign up for the big family dinner you’re actually a little excited to have a quiet Christmas at home together, since you won’t have them at home much longer.
You just want to offer help if she needs it. This is a gracious thing to do if you don’t really want to break ties with your family. If deep down you do, then go a different route.” Esmer_Tina
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, at the moment your emotions are very raw.
Focus on Christmas Day and your immediate family this year, and maybe start some new traditions. Wait until you can think more clearly, free from the raw emotions, and then make your decision. No need to rush, just focus on making this year a great one for your kids.
(This year we are making it a day of our favourite things. We have all picked a dish each for me to make and the kids have picked their favourite PlayStation games. Spending time and enjoying our day with our favourite things is our focus and the kids are very excited).” SwimmingZombie7
8. AITJ For Kicking My Friend Out Of The House After She Knocked Over Our Speakers?
“My (f 15) two parents are both doctors and they go above and beyond to make sure I have everything I need and that I live a good life.
Anyway, today, I invited 7 friends (all f 15) out to come to my house and watch Christmas movies since my house is a lot bigger and they just prefer coming over.
My parents were ok with it and we made it happen which is great. They came over and my parents and siblings headed to their rooms so we could watch movies and it was all a grand old time. That was until my friend decided as a ‘joke’ she would knock over a surround speaker behind the couch.
For context, my dad has dropped thousands for the sound system in our living room: From surround speakers to a subwoofer, a soundbar, and even speakers in the ceiling. I asked her to stop since I was aware of how much it was worth but she didn’t listen.
I guess she thought I was just joking so she made another ‘joke’ and decided to knock over the second speaker.
At this point, I had had enough and I told her to get out of my house as my parents came downstairs wondering what was all the ruckus going on.
Her mom came and picked her up and so far the hangout with my other friends has been completely fine.
A couple of minutes after she left, she started blowing up my phone and then she blocked me. She said some very nice things that would probably get me banned so I’m not gonna repeat that.
As I write this, my friends are still here and now I’m wondering if I was too harsh when she was doing what she was doing and if I should’ve given her another chance.
So, AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. No, actually, you were being an honorable daughter; you are caring about what your parents have provided and respecting your parents – you’re found she is disrespectful to your family and she wouldn’t stop but did more after you asked her – so she crossed the boundaries.
Forgive her? Yes. Invite her over again? No. She clearly does not have the same standards of respecting your parents your family or your things i.e., respecting other people’s property. Be kind, forgive.” TimberJackChip
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. I’d explain the situation to parents if it was reasonable.
The first one might have been an accident the second one wasn’t. Keep the text messages. I’d be inclined to show your parents or her parents and explain your side of the situation. They were expensive speakers and she was out of line. Keep them as well because if drama happens at school you’ll have evidence that she is speaking to you in an inappropriate way.” ChancePool8953
7. AITJ For Sleeping In My Best Friend's Partner's Bed?
“I (F 18) have been living with my best friend’s partner ‘Nick’ (M 19) for the last couple of months. We went to high school together and got an apartment with another roommate since we all went to colleges in the city.
My best friend ‘Anna’ actually was the one to encourage me to room with him.
She wanted us to bond since we weren’t very close in high school despite being in the same friend group, as he’s standoffish and cold. (my friends refer to Anna and Nick as the black cat golden retriever duo).
Over the last few months, I’ve gotten to be good friends with Nick, which makes Anna really happy.
I still maintain some more distance than I usually would with friends, out of respect.
About a week ago I went to a party and got super wasted. Nick came to pick me up and take me home so I wouldn’t take the subway alone.
When we got back to our apt, I was parked in front of the toilet throwing up for about ten minutes, all of which he held my hair back. Then I stumbled into the nearest bedroom to collapse in, which was his as it’s right next to the bar.
Nick tried to get me to go to my own room but every time I moved I would end up falling. Our third roommate was still studying for finals so to prevent me from bothering her with my noise Nick just let me stay in his room.
I fell asleep on his bed and he stayed with me to make sure I wouldn’t throw up in my sleep. He originally slept on the floor but I almost threw up on him in the middle of the night so he just sat with me on the bed where I ended up falling asleep on his shoulder.
We came home for break and I told Anna and a couple of our other friends the story as I didn’t want to keep it from her since I felt bad. She told me it was totally fine as she trusted us both and was glad he had taken care of me.
Our other friends though have been calling me and saying it was wrong of me to sleep in his bed plus falling asleep on him. Nothing happened but I still feel guilty. AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. You were wasted and were incapable of fully thinking through whether you should sleep in his bed, and he did the right thing by taking care of you.
I’m glad your friend understands that, and isn’t mad. Good for you, being upfront and making sure that she knows what happened — that probably went a long way in helping her not feel insecure and suspicious about it. Everyone actually involved in the situation is totally fine, and everyone else needs to butt out because it’s a total non-issue.
Not like anyone was being deliberately inappropriate, and it’s not like this is a habit. Everything is fine.” EdgeOfaRainCloud
Another User Comments:
“YTJ. You cuddled up with your best friend’s partner, just because you nearly threw up on him, if you could walk to the toilet and around the bar just fine, you couldn’t have slept in your own bed, or on the couch where he could’ve helped you if you had thrown up again?
And you could’ve fallen asleep on the pillow and remained a clear distance from him as you were saying you were IN THE BED WITH HIM? But instead, you lay on his shoulders getting closer to him. You’re weird OP and I suggest you should let Anna and her partner be together without you trying to sleep all over him.
I would be furious if my partner did that with someone else, would you be okay with that? Thought not.” aspenparkinsonx
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. I get why the situation could be upsetting or off-putting for Anna but the fact that she didn’t mind and you felt bad and instantly told her to get it off your chest and to be completely transparent with her proves how healthy and understanding your relationship is.
Your common friends shouldn’t make you feel worse or make the situation much bigger than it is in Anna’s head if truly nothing is going on with you and her partner because then they’re just messing with your friendship for no reason. Try to as much as possible not to get in a similar situation with the guy again because that will be… messy and just put you in an overall bad position” violetvenus-21
6. AITJ For Not Letting My Stepkid Invite Her Friend To Our Trip?
“My husband and I are going to an indoor waterpark resort for a few days. We’re taking his bio Avery (14), my bio Robin (9), and our bio Alex (2).
This will be the first time since 2020 that we’ve been able to do something like this with the kids.
Avery wants to invite a friend to go with us for the weekend. I’m not a fan of this and told my husband that. When Avery does invite a friend over, they and the friend stay locked in the bedroom, gaming, talking, refusing to come out to talk or eat with everyone else and it feels like other than the noise they make, they might as well not even be here.
We’re lucky if Avery speaks more than 10 words to us the whole weekend when they bring a friend over.
That said, I told my husband I was really worried about that being what would happen if Avery brought a friend on the trip. Avery will spend all the time with their friend and none with us, and with this being our first time away since 2020 I want it to be family time.
My husband said that he’d set rules that Avery and her friend would get some time during the day to do their own thing, but the rest of the time would be doing things altogether. It’s not even the case at home, so why would that be the case now, but if he’s positive he can make that happen, go ahead.
My husband called Avery (we were both talking to her) and told them the rules and expectations. Avery said sure no problem, then said the friend they originally invited couldn’t go, so they invited a new friend they recently made. (That’s not a big deal and it happens.) I asked Avery for this new friend’s name (Avery said Jade) and for the parent’s phone number.
Avery started saying it’s fine, Jade’s parents don’t mind if they go with us, and besides they don’t even know Jade’s parents’ numbers, but they promise it’s fine. At that point, my husband told Avery to call or text Jade, get their parents’ number, and get it to him by the end of the day.
We’ve never met Jade or their parents, and I wasn’t sure if it was a good idea to bring a kid we hadn’t met trip and I said as much. Anyway, 11 pm rolls around and Avery texts their dad that they didn’t get Jade’s parents’ number but it’s still OK because it’s fine for Jade to go and their parents don’t mind.
I said to my husband that I don’t agree with taking another child several hours away without at least talking to the parents and making sure they don’t mind and know where we will be and how to contact us directly. My husband agreed and told Avery that and since they didn’t get us a way to contact Jade’s parents they are no longer allowed to bring a friend on the trip.
Avery is upset and blames me for ruining the trip for them and tells us they’re going to have the worst weekend of their life. My husband feels bad for how Avery feels but says he does agree with me. And I just feel bad about it all around.
AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. You have to be able to meet the friend and talk directly with the parents, before taking the friend anywhere, especially overnight. You should ideally meet them and exchange contact info and discuss ground rules. Do you have a sense of what they are usually allowed to do, etc., as well as medications, and other needs?
Your stepchild will get over it eventually but may pout. However, 14-year-olds do that a fair amount. Everything feels like an attack on them sometimes. Make the trip as fun and relaxed as you can, and all will be ok.” Euphoric_Travel2541
Another User Comments:
“No, you did everything you could to be a good step-parent in the situation. Your stepkid may not realize it, but it is a huge liability and responsibility in the same breath… taking someone else’s kid without even meeting their parents. If Jade just so happens to be lying about her parents saying it’s OK to go you and your husband would be in so much trouble and completely unable to explain how you got into that situation.
This is going to be a good lesson for your stepson to learn to make better plans and follow through with things if he wants to invite people on a trip.
NTJ, you were very accommodating, even when you didn’t feel entirely comfortable. You have to put your foot down at some point.” Emotional_Wedge
5. AITJ For Not Wanting My Wife's Son To Call Me "Dad"?
“I (38 M) am a father to 3 kids (14 m, 9 f, and 2 f) who are not important to this story, and a stepfather to 1 kid (6 m) who we’ll call Michel, who is important to the story.
For background my wife (35 f) and I were high school sweethearts, however, my wife had a male best friend Keith (36 m), who was obviously in love with her.
To make a very long story short, my wife and I married, she got pregnant and insisted she wanted to drop out of college to be a stay-at-home mom.
All was good, until one day she up and left with the kids. I guess Keith had been whispering in her ear about all the things she missed out on being with me and she left me for him.
Fast forward about 2 years and Keith was a controlling jerk.
My wife got out of the fog, saw how he manipulated her, and begged for me back. I’ll admit I was heartbroken and wanted her back so I jumped at the chance.
All that brings us to the present, My wife and I are good.
We attend marriage counseling twice a month and had our youngest. The only major issue is my stepson Michel. Now Michel is a sweet and affectionate kid and I love him, but I am not his dad. For all his flaws, Keith has been a very involved dad.
Keith pays for 100% of expenses relating to Michel including family trips he’s taken with us, he also pays a hefty sum in child support. Despite that, my wife still despises Keith and does all she can to limit how often he sees his son. I disagree, but I try not to butt in into her and Keith’s custody arrangement.
Just know we have Michel a majority of the time.
To finally get to the point, lately, Michel has been switching between calling me Dad and my name. He’s called me only my name for years, so this confused me. I sat him down and asked him what was up.
and he told me I was like a dad to him and Mommy said he can have 2 dads. I told him that was sweet, but he already had a dad who loved him very much.
I brought it up to my wife, and she was overjoyed. She went on and on about how we could be one happy family and get Keith out of our lives.
I told her I’m glad Michel sees me that way, but I’m not comfortable with the dad label, and maybe we could have him call me another name that he doesn’t call Keith, such as Papa ‘OP’. She called me a heartless jerk to reject the child I have been raising for years.
I told her I had to go through 2 years of her trying to turn my children against me and I won’t let her use Michel like that. Now she has been giving me the cold shoulder and has even gotten my mother involved who is on her side, this really made me start questioning because my mom hates my wife.
so AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“Your wife, ‘who is also your ex’, is attempting to erase an involved and committed father from her son’s life. It sounds like your ex, ‘who is also your wife’, tried the same trick with you during the 2 years you were apart.
You’re choosing not to be party to that cruel tactic because you recognize the damage it does. That doesn’t make you a jerk. I suspect this wasn’t an organic recognition on Michel’s part. I’m betting your wife put the bug in Michel’s ear about having 2 dads in order to move forward with her plan to forcibly evict Keith from Michel’s life.
Again: choosing not to be an accomplice to this madness doesn’t make you a jerk.
I think finding a name for your stepson to call you is an excellent compromise. It honors the fact that Michel’s dad is an active part of his life while recognizing the complementary you play in his life.
Plus, it puts Michel in the driver’s seat… something I’m pretty sure his mom isn’t doing.
Keep having conversations with him, and try to be a little more sensitive to what he’s going through. Your wife is a problem, bro. Hope you guys can work this out because she is gonna screw up her kid if she keeps these shenanigans up.” creaky-joints
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Honestly. I probably wouldn’t obsess over what Michel calls you, as he seems to have the pretty healthy sense that he can have a blended family. Your wife, on the other hand, does not seem to share that healthy sense of a blended family, even though this is a blending of her own making.
The fact that you’re in a better emotional state to deal with that fact than she is a bit concerning. I 100% agree that you cannot allow her to try to shut Keith out of Michel’s life, especially if Keith, as you’ve described it, has been a positive force.
They deserve to know each other and let their relationship evolve. Your wife is not entitled to deny them that without a very good reason.” cruxdaemon
And I'll probably get flamed for this, but I think you should contact Keith and let him know exactly what's going on with his son and your wife, and what she's up to. If he's that supportive and active a parent, it would be a huge injustice for him not to know what she's trying to pull and put a stop to it. Best of luck to all.
4. AITJ For Taking Photos Of People Who Are Breaking The Rules And Posting Them In Public?
“I’ve been living in an estate for two-ish years. It’s just a small community with only one road going in and out of it.
There are a couple of apartment buildings in it and some townhomes (about 30).
Anyway, we all pay fees (we call them body corporate levies) which are used for different things (particular to each building), including maintenance of our communal facilities: small park, pool, gym, multi-purpose room, barbecue area.
Lately, we’ve had a sudden growth as more and more homes are being built, some newcomers and more and more families with children. The rules for the community facilities are pretty clear (no glass in the pool, clean up after yourself in all areas, etc), yet we’ve had a lot of people not follow them.
Today I was on my balcony mopping the floor and saw some children trying to jump the fence into our private park and pool area. I clapped my hands loudly and yelled ‘Get down’. They quickly got down and just stood around.
Shortly after a woman pushing a supermarket trolley walks up and asks them why they aren’t in yet, and the children say ‘A Karen told us to get down’.
Clearly, the parent knew they were planning on jumping the fence. That fence Perspex glass has already gotten broken and fixed again (that prevents people from opening the gate from the street and it covers the top of the fence), and I’m starting to think that it was this exact thing that broke it the first time around, people jumping the fence.
We have on-site management but he’s useless (he’s 85 years old and we’re currently trying to get him out).
I’ve made a pretty condescending decision-making map (those that ask yes or no questions) and I’m thinking of putting it up myself.
Also, my balcony is on the top floor, so I was able to take very good photos of the park and pool area and the people who were breaking the rules. I also know where they live because I watch them get back to their townhome.
I’m just sick of having our body corporate levies go up because of careless people who break our facilities, and I’m also sick of having our facilities broken by people who don’t look after what we have. As mentioned before, the manager/caretaker is useless.
So… would I be the jerk if I put the signs and their photos up in our communal area?”
Another User Comments:
“YTJ. Your irritations and frustrations are two different emotions that stem from two distinctly separate issues.
1) Kids climbing fences and people being irresponsible with community assets irritate you.
2) The manager’s lack of attention to critical property issues that have resulted in dangerous living conditions, extra costs, and high fees, borne by you, is frustrating you because it could cause you financial ruin if you don’t do something.
You have combined these distinctly different issues and then indulged your temper.
This results in your determination to ‘solve THE issue’ (as if the two are one) by blasting away at your irritants (careless children, etc.) while doing nothing to resolve your very real frustration. That makes you the jerk.
The children have already called you out for your mistake, and while you heard them, you weren’t paying attention to the information they were imparting when they called you ‘Karen’: You are angry about your utter lack of control about one thing, so you’re asserting your authority against people you feel are not as powerful an opponent; children.
They’re right. They point out that the only impact your misdirected aggression is having is to make them and yourself more frustrated.
You can step it up a notch; be the jerk and create even greater hostility between yourself and your fellow community members; but in the end, you’ll only have turned your irritation into another real and overwhelming frustration.
You’ll be even more hated by your neighbors than you are now and you’ll still be bleeding out financially for the management’s negligent behavior toward the property.
A better solution would be to focus on resolving your frustration and stop getting distracted by mere irritations.
Stop fighting with children and start fighting with the adults. Go put up the pictures and statements about the management around town so others will know not to buy into the community; and that the developer is only focused on ditching these units so they can move on to their next project.
Report to the media in your area that those who buy in now will be inheriting damaged property that will cost them dearly, financially, in many and unexpected ways. Apply your creativity and photography skills to resolve your frustration and maybe do something nice for those irritating kids you’ve been harassing.” Mysterious_Pea_5008
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. I don’t care what people do as long as their actions do not affect my wallet. Their actions affect your wallet and therefore, if formal routes are not possible, new ways need to be found. However, I would approach it differently, I would propose that the main responsible for the increase pay the increased amount.
Keep the evidence when they are breaking the rules and provoking damage that would increase the admin fees. When the admin fees increase, send an email to everyone proposing for X and Y to cover the fee related to the damages, and explain the situation.
If they try to play innocent, come with the pictures.” Ankirara04
Another User Comments:
“YTJ. The respectful way to handle an issue with your neighbors is to talk to them directly. In the case of the kids climbing the fence, I have no problem with you yelling at them to get down because they were doing something dangerous and were apparently unsupervised. Once the mom appeared, you could have gone and spoken to her and apologized for not realizing that she was watching them.
You could have explained that you were concerned about the kids’ safety.
If you have a problem with management, the first thing to do is to speak to them or email them directly. If nothing is done, follow up but keep it respectful. The manager’s age is not something he can control, so should not be mentioned. If there is a board, you could volunteer your services to be a member.
You could also speak to the current board members and come up with a joint decision about what actions to take. Your personal photographing, naming, and shaming campaign would probably make you the most visible target of the neighborhood. It communicates that you are unable to work together with your community members, and instead take enforcement on yourself.
I would be surprised if it complies with all the rules too. Are you permitted to post flyers? Is it legal to photograph people without consent and publish those photos?” IncessantLearner
Publish ALL of those photos, be sure to send them to your onsite manager AND the building owners as well as posting them in communal areas. Taking pictures of people out in public isn't illegal or immoral or anything else. Stand your ground.
3. AITJ For Not Inviting My Fiance's Friends' Partners To Our Wedding?
“I got engaged to my long-term partner and our wedding will be in a few months. A small wedding. He is American and after proposing he rang his friends and they are organizing the bachelor party because they are groomsmen (I think this is the right word).
I, on the other hand, am not American. I will follow my traditions and have ‘godparents’, i.e. a couple. So a maid of honor and a man of honor if you wish. For my partner, this is no issue as he will proceed with the guys but in church, he will have his best man and his sister posing as godparents.
Here is the issue. He has 9 guy friends in the wedding party and they organized a bachelor party a few days before the wedding. They will be traveling to my country and bringing their partners and found out my maid of honor organized my bachelorette during these days as well, the event is going to be pretty cool, and several of the guys asked if their SOs could participate.
I said no. It is something for close friends and family members. One of them called me and said that I could be more accommodating of my partner’s traditions and have their partners as bridesmaids and include them in the bachelorette. I told him no. He still wanted his partner and the others to be a part of the party.
Of their partners, only two, who are close and good friends, will be attending the wedding. As I said, small wedding. So I told him no again.
This is an issue because a few of them want/need to bring their partners/wives and think they should attend.
My partner is standing with me but his family is split. Our wedding is having 40 guests, just close family, and close friends, so adding 7 is going to increase the cost a lot and I want a small intimate party! One of his groomsmen dropped the bachelor party because of this but he will still come to the wedding.
Now I’m getting messages on my Instagram from one of the wives saying I’m ruining decades-old friendships and calling me all sorts of names.
AITJ here?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ for the bachelorette party. I am questioning why his groomsmen who are traveling to a whole other country, albeit with their partners, are not allowed to have them for the wedding ceremony and reception.
I completely get that it is your day, and certain customs, you want something small and intimate, but did your partner and you not discuss this beforehand, including how to handle the blowback? Why are you being attacked? Why isn’t your partner handling his side of individuals?
This leads to my next question: Are you sure your partner is not throwing you under the bus and blaming you on his friends, even if he agrees with you? Did you send out invitations that included no plus ones? More information is needed.
It is not your job to be the communicator and your partner needs to stand up for you and be in control of this.
I will also say that many would deem it in poor taste to have individuals part of the wedding party, without inviting spouses. It also does not help that it is a destination. Your partner also needs to understand that friendships will be lost and should be happy that people have not already dropped out of the wedding.” SweetSerenityxx
Another User Comments:
“YTJ, it’s not like it’s as though they’re bringing flings they met two nights ago, it’s their wives… While you’re NTJ with where you stand in terms of the bachelorette party, it’s obnoxious to exclude them from the whole wedding ceremony.
At the end of the day, I’d pick my spouse over my friend’s bachelor party and more of those folks will. It’s not an issue of nationality but of respecting their marriages. The irony is you expect them to be celebrating your relationship and you can’t be inclusive and understanding of theirs.
Double standards hun, never end well.” Adventurous_Gur6998
Another User Comments:
“Everyone sucks here. You want a small intimate wedding of forty people but your fiance wants 9 close friends there, who come with 9 wives. You both such for not having talked about this and worked it out better long before now as those are very different sets of expectations for how your mutual wedding will proceed.
Meanwhile, re the bachelorette… I agree that it’s reasonable for your bachelorette to be people you care about but consider this. These nine guys are your husband’s best friends. They’re willing to travel internationally to come to his wedding. Do you not think that it’s probably a good idea in the long run to get to know and form a good relationship with their wives?
Depending on which country you two actually live in, you’re going to end up spending a lot of time with those women in the future. Probably not a good idea to start off with blocking them from two important events. Is there time in your pre-wedding schedule to have a second girls’ night to get to know them?” Zaxacavabanem
2. AITJ For Not Wanting My Husband To Give Money To His Daughter?
“My husband Nate and I (both 50) have been married 24 years with twin sons (22). He got into an awful car accident a couple of months ago and though was not seriously injured he was shaken. He now often talks about how life is fleeting and we should make sure to be prepared.
Nate has 2 siblings, an older brother and a sister Tina (33). Tina is Nate’s biological daughter. He had her in high school and his parents adopted her from birth. Her mom was never in the picture. The family all knows about this including Tina herself.
Tina and my family were cordial but not close.
Nate’s parents passed within a year of each other almost a decade ago. They split all they had 3 ways for their 3 ‘kids.’
Five years ago Nate’s older brother decided to join a monastery.
He left behind all of his worldly possessions to Tina and my sons though my sons mostly got things of sentimental value while Tina got things of more monetary value.
I think my in-laws were all within their rights to handle their money as they saw fit.
My problem is Nate.
Yesterday Nate told me he had a rough idea of how he would like his possessions taken care of. He would like to split all he has 3 ways: Tina and our 2 sons. We don’t have a lot but Nate has his parents’ inheritance and he would like to give that to all his children equally.
I asked him how was this fair. Tina was adopted by his parents and already received her inheritance as their daughter. If his parents gave him and his brother half and half, I would understand why he felt the need to provide Tina with something.
As it is, Tina already took from his share of the inheritance. Moreover, his brother also gave her money and valuables worth more than our sons received. Tina is also a dentist. She is in no way in need of financial help.
Nate said at the end of the day Tina is his biological daughter and it is only right that he left her something.
I don’t think we need to pile more money onto a capable woman with a good job who already has so much while our sons are still young and just starting their careers. AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“YTJ. You cannot factor in what Nate’s brother gave her.
You can’t factor in her financial stability. It sounds like you have some kind of beef against the girl, not sure why. He’s trying to validate his relationship with his daughter and rightfully. If you want to be that tacky about it then split your totals 50/50 and give your two kids your 50% and he can split his between his three kids.
Did you get your boys’ input on this? Is that affecting your position on this? I assume they want a shot at more of an inheritance if they can push for it. Ultimately the majority of this came from his family.” Lauer999
Another User Comments:
“Everyone sucks here. Your husband for not considering the life you two have together and providing for you and your nuclear family and considering that Tina has already been given more than a fair share of what was available. He should also consider if finances are combined that he cannot just make a unilateral decision on the disbursement of what you have together.
You because it does sound like a vendetta against his daughter for things out of her control. You should speak to an attorney about what your rights are to protect the estate in case he does die before you and how to protect your interests should you die before him as it is clear you do not want to leave anything to his daughter.
Maybe once you have checked the legalities and your options you can both have a better understanding and conversation on how to proceed” Illustrious-File-125
Another User Comments:
“YTJ. You don’t get a say in how someone leaves their inheritance. You also don’t get a say in if someone thinks their biological child is owed something.
Did you ever think there are feelings that he has about being a teen parent that he hasn’t shared with you? Maybe it was traumatic for him etc. You can be jealous and whine all you want but you’re not entitled to make choices on who gets his money.” FlipRoot
1. AITJ For Telling My Parents They Don't Have To Leave Any Inheritance To Us?
“I am the ‘baby’ of the family, and because of that I had more alone time with our parents, I was still in middle school by the time all of them were in college/living their lives, we have a 15-year age gap between the oldest and myself.
Earlier this week my parents wanted to talk to me about inheritance and stuff while I was putting up Christmas decorations. They were conflicted because their accountant said they should think about their legacy and children. I told them ‘Screw that’. I said they should make it their goal to spend as much of that money as they can together while they can still do things.
I told them to go have fun, not worry about the future, and live solely in the moment. They have earned it.
I told them not to worry about healthcare costs or anything like that, if it comes down to it I will take care of that cost. I am single, do not plan to have children, and do very well for myself.
When they told me one of my siblings came to them for a down payment help for a house and asked me if they should help. I was honest and said no, because I know my siblings god forbid our parents needed help I know how they are they will not raise a single finger because their own lives/families are far more important.
Which I 100% respect, but like I told my dad if they have that mindset regarding giving help, they should have the same mindset regarding receiving help. They will need to figure it out.
Later that evening I got a call from my sibling asking if I told our parents they should not help them, I was honest and said they asked for my opinion and I gave it.
My sibling told me I was being a ‘royal jerk’ and in passing said that no matter how much I suck up to them they will still get some inheritance.
I just said are you sure about that? Cause, we also spoke about that, and I suggested that they not worry about us and just live their lives and focus on living in the moment, and told them they should have a goal to burn through their money while they still can.
My sibling told me I was manipulating them, when I asked how he simply stated that I am encouraging our parents to be irresponsible. He asked about if they got sick, and I simply told him the same thing I told our parents. I will cover all of their costs if need be no questions asked.
My sibling was mad, called my other siblings, and tried to have a meeting with our parents regarding their plan. My mom called me, and I came over. I told my siblings to build their own wealth and stop trying to take shortcuts. Let our parents live, and be happy that they can enjoy their money together.
Many do not get that option.
They brought up things like grandchildren’s college funds, trying to pull on the emotional heartstrings of our parents. I jumped in and said as parents that is your responsibility, not our parents. They left in a huff and puff and one of my siblings told our mom she better remember this cause what they are doing is wrong.
This got me thinking, am I in the wrong?”
Another User Comments:
“YTJ, not for your stance (I have told my parents the same, to enjoy their wealth and if they have enough to cover their own end-of-life expenses I’ll be more than happy), or for giving them your opinion… but you don’t get to unilaterally make speak on behalf of all your siblings or encourage your parents to go a route that would affect your siblings negatively.
You are entitled to your stance/opinion, which you shared… your siblings are entitled to theirs just as much. You are all allowed to speak your peace to your parents and at the end of the day, your parents get to decide what they want to do.
Also, I’m curious… did your parents receive any inheritance from their parents? Or did they build all their wealth themselves? If the former, I’d argue it’s unethical to be the recipient of generational wealth and then spend it all without consideration towards the next generation.” tits_on_bread
Another User Comments:
“YTJ because this has nothing to do with genuinely wanting your parents to enjoy their years and everything to do with wanting to stick it to your siblings. Your words and tone and stupid lectures (‘build your own wealth’) indicate that.
There’s a big difference between encouraging your parents to focus on themselves first and telling them not to help their other kids.
There’s a big difference between telling your parents to live comfortably and live their dreams and encouraging them to spend it all because you want to make sure there’s not a red cent left for your siblings.
If you’re as rich as you claim you are and this was really just about your parents’ happiness, you’d just fund or help fund these twilight adventures you’re encouraging them to take.
Your siblings are not entitled to your parents’ money but you should not be manipulating your parents (and yes that IS what you’re doing) into not leaving them anything just because you, oh holier than thou baby child, decided that they don’t deserve it and that you’re the only good kid.” GhostParty21
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