People Request Sincere Answers To Their "Am I The Jerk?" Stories

In a world where kindness and empathy are valued, there is a universal desire to avoid being perceived as rude or unkind. We all strive to be considerate and understanding towards others, often questioning our own actions to ensure we're not inadvertently behaving in a hurtful manner. In this regard, these people want to be sure that their actions did not make them jerks in the eyes of others. Read their stories and let us know who you think are jerks, and who are not. AITJ = Am I the jerk? NTJ = Not the jerk WIBTJ = Would I be the jerk? YTJ = You're the jerk

21. AITJ For Making My Daughters Share A Room?


“My wife and I are in the process of getting a divorce.

We have 2 daughters that are 14 & 11. Initially, we were trying the whole, one of us stays there one week then the other while renting an apartment. This was to keep the children in one home and have minimal disruption. However, it just wasn’t working out for any of us but especially the girls.

We decided I would get my own place and my wife would keep the house, with the girls alternating between us every other week.

At the house, my girls each have their own room. I tried to find a place that had 3 bedrooms but they were out of my price range.

At this time, I can’t afford to buy a house, so I’m renting. I found a decently sized apartment and decided my girls could take the master bedroom as it’s bigger and would fit 2 beds. I got a divider and tried to make it so they’d each have some privacy.

They hate it and I understand. It’s not what they’re used to and they are very different. There is a lot of bickering. We’ve had this arrangement for a couple of months now. I’ve tried my best to keep the peace.

I told them hopefully by next year they’ll have a bigger place.

My wife has been shaming me for forcing them to share a room. She says I should sleep in the living room. One, it’s not big enough for a pull-out or air mattress.

Two, I really do not think this is a big deal in the grand scheme of things. I shared a room growing up and was it fun? No. But it was the situation.

I told my girls that I sympathize and I understand it’s hard but they do have to adapt.

My wife says I should put up with the complaining. AITJ for expecting them to start adapting vs complaining every single day? I’ve accommodated them as best I can (the divider, letting them decorate their respective side as they want, letting one go in my room if they need a breather from the other, etc) but at this point, it’s time to start learning to adapt.


Another User Comments:

“NTJ. You shouldn’t have to live in the living room because your children are struggling to get along. I fought with my sister all the time when we couldn’t afford a house with 3 rooms. Then, when we got our own rooms, we bickered about who got the big room and who’d been in whose room.

Sisters fight, roomies or not.

You’re doing your best as a single dad, and your ex is making things worse by siding with the kids. There’s really nothing you can do about it, and it sounds like she’s trying to make you feel bad about that.

Lots of kids share rooms, and it’s never killed anyone. You never know; they might even get closer between the bickering. I had a lot of late-night bonding sessions with my sister, even after we’d spent the day at each other’s throats.” rothrowlingcollins

Another User Comments:


I don’t blame your daughters for not liking this, but that is the best option you can afford, it will have to do. They’re not jerks for feeling that way.

If your wife thinks this is no big deal, she can take over the apartment and you can move back to the house.

She should be 100% supporting this and reinforcing that you’re doing the best you can with your daughters for their sake – if they’re getting a different message from mom than they are from dad, that’s 100% inappropriate and complete jerk behavior on her part.” JsCTmav

Another User Comments:

“NTJ, first of all, your ex-wife needs to shut up about your housing situation, as long as your girls aren’t in a dangerous situation it’s none of her concern. As far as the girls I would stop entertaining this with them, and let them bicker… This is a fact of life they have to deal with right now.

When you’re able to afford a bigger space you still should stay right where you are and teach these princesses that life isn’t always going to go the way they want and they need to adapt to different situations that come up that won’t necessarily go their way.” RecentCharge655

8 points - Liked by joha2, IDontKnow, reth and 5 more

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mima 1 year ago
Ntj. They can share a room.
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20. WIBTJ If I Ask My Daughter To Pay $800 For Rent?


“My daughter Kace (21) and her significant other, Mike (also 21) are planning to move out of the place they rent. Lots of issues with the landlord and their roommate who happens to be the landlord’s nephew.

Mike is moving back in with his mom and Kace plans on moving back in with me and my husband, her stepdad.

Mostly for cost savings since they currently split rent down the middle. Not long-term, maybe 6 months or so. I know rent for a semi-decent 1 bedroom apt is about $1500 a month where we live. I’ve been considering charging Kace $800 a month to stay here while she’s here.

I feel I could be in the wrong because Kace works part-time about 25 hours a week and goes to school part-time so $800 is a lot of money for her. I don’t feel bad because my husband and I agreed we’d open a separate account and deposit the funds in there for Kace to have when she and Mike are able to get another place together.

My husband and I have zero intention of keeping the money. We also know Kace was wanting to stay with us rent-free while she’s here and she’s only 21 so it may feel unfair to her that her mom is charging her rent.

We also don’t plan to tell Kace she gets the money back until she’s ready to get another place.


Another User Comments:

“YTJ… Not so much for charging rent, but for the way you’re going about it. Why not just treat your daughter like an adult and negotiate a figure agreeable to both of you?

Eight hundred dollars to live at home sounds high. Instead of secretly saving her money, respect her enough to talk it through together.” RoyallyOakie

Another User Comments:

“You say that they are moving because they need to save money but you’re planning to charge her the same rent and then save it for her.

Nowhere do you say that she is irresponsible with money or some kind of scofflaw. So why the manipulative behavior?

I think it’s wrong to take the money with the intention of giving it to her later, without telling her.

Further, if you’re charging the same rent they’d pay outside the family home then you’re not really helping. You’re creating a strain so that you can later say ‘Surprise! We are actually helping you!’ Seems very suspicious and manipulative.

YTJ.” loverlyone

Another User Comments:


You know that’s basically every penny you get working full time at Fed minimum wage, once taxes and whatnot come into the picture.

Suppose she makes double the minimum and works 20 hours/week on top of school.

That’s still every penny she’s making.

If she and her SO were paying $1500 split down the center, that’s $750 each. You’re charging more than she paid with a landlord (if she had a ‘decent apartment’).

YTJ because it sounds like you’re using market rates vs what would be reasonable for your daughter to bear.

You’re going to make things unreasonably difficult and stressful.” ArchyDWolf

6 points - Liked by IDontKnow, StumpyOne, LilacDark and 3 more

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alohakat 1 year ago
So you're planning on charging your daughter MORE rent than she is paying out on her own, and certainly more money than she is making at a (probably) minimum wage part time job, and think you are "helping" her get back on her feet? Tell me, IN WHAT UNIVERSE DOES YOUR MATH WORK? YTJ from here to the moon!
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19. AITJ For Having A Fight With My Sister Over Her Getting A Haircut?


“My dad died unexpectedly and relatively young.

My youngest sister was 3 at the time. Her hair was a lot like his. It’s super curly. Because of this, our mom did a lot to maintain it. Growing up, mom would spend hours on my sister’s hair, and each morning was dedicated to the two of them in the bathroom, with my sister screaming and crying because brushing through it was long and unpleasant.

Up until she was 13, mom insisted on washing and styling my sister’s hair. She never let her cut it or dye it. When someone suggested getting it trimmed they were kicked out of the house. I won’t lie, Mom was controlling at times but I thought we all knew it was because of grief and memory of our dad.

Well, mom died and the first thing my sister did was get her hair chopped incredibly short and dyed. She sent myself and my siblings a picture of her new haircut, with the caption ‘Sharon (our mom) always said I was going to grow my hair down to my butt… Not anymore’.

I thought it was my sister’s way of grieving but now she mentions it a lot, like asking how mad I think mom would be if she saw her hair this short.

I told her after the 5th comment to stop acting like her haircut was a big achievement, it’s not, millions of people get haircuts and she should know her hair was important to Mom because it reminded her of Dad.

She said she wasn’t supposed to be Sharon’s doll or a replacement for their dad, she should have been her own person, and if I can’t respect that she doesn’t need me in her life.


Another User Comments:

“YTJ, but I can understand why you don’t understand.

Your sister had a very different childhood than you did. She was mistreated, and your mother indoctrinated you to think that there was nothing wrong with what she was doing to your sister.

Brushing a child’s hair is not abusive in isolation.

But your mother took it to an excess that definitely was. This wasn’t something she had to do for hygiene or maintenance purposes.

Deep, daily brushing of curly hair will actually damage it. Preventing her from cutting it to remove the damaged bits is even worse because that just made the entire mess more prone to tangles, knots, and pain.

Your mom wasn’t doing your sister any favors.

Speaking as a child who had a super sensitive scalp. I’d have rather been spanked every day than have my hair brushed. It was torture. My mother eventually gave up and let me deal with it… when I was six.

I grew out of the scalp pain as a teenager, but even brushing my own hair was agony. I eventually settled on finger combing unless there was a really bad tangle.

Your sister said your mom treated her like a doll.

That’s not a healthy or acceptable way to express grief. If you want to dedicate your own hair as a memorial to your dead loved one, that’s fine. But parents need to respect the bodily autonomy of their children and teach them how to make good decisions about their bodies and what other people are allowed to do to them.

You don’t do that by controlling everything about a child’s appearance until they’re 13 and making them think that they don’t deserve to choose what happens to their own body.

Your sister called your mom by her name. Children who love their parents don’t do that.

You might love your mom, but your sister probably doesn’t. Your sister is celebrating her final and ultimate freedom from her abuser who tormented and controlled her all her life.

I mean this next part in the kindest way possible: I encourage you to find yourself a good therapist and talk through everything your mother did to both your sister and you.

You’re grieving her, so therapy is a good idea. But you likely have a lot of warped perceptions about how your mother treated you that are not healthy, and you aren’t even aware of that fact. You need to do some serious reflection on your childhood, and you need help to do it so someone can help you see what parts were unhealthy and what parts were genuinely good.” toketsupuurin

Another User Comments:

“Soft YTJ – it is a big achievement for her. What you described as her childhood is straight-up traumatic – having no agency over your own body to such an extreme degree is bad enough, but it also saddled her with a HUGE burden – ‘I miss your dad, so instead of dealing with that grief in healthy ways, you get to represent him for me and if you fail to do that you will receive my wrath.’ That is a terrible thing to do to a child.

The relief she must feel being able to make decisions about her body, it’s clearly life-changing. Honestly, throw her a party, celebrate her unburdening herself like that! Then look inwards and see if there are ways you could unburden yourself as well because I bet ya got a few.” Living-Highlight7777

Another User Comments:


Your mother treated your sister like her own personal bereavement doll. Your sister is now free of the expectation and the pain – literal and figurative – of being a living, breathing homage to her father’s memory for your mom.

She’s been denied a haircut her entire life. This haircut is a big achievement – it’s a sign of her getting control back.

I’m sorry for your loss and I know that you can’t understand exactly what your sister’s going through, but you can do better than this.

At the very least, do NOT defend your mother’s actions when it comes to your sister’s hair.” embopbopbopdoowop

6 points - Liked by IDontKnow, StumpyOne, LilacDark and 3 more

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xxladyluck13xx 1 year ago
YTA, your mum was abusive to her, i bet she's lowkey glad she's dead so she can finally have autonomy over her own body..
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18. AITJ For Not Wanting To Pitch In To Give My Partner's Sister A Gift?


“My (25F) partner Adam (31M) has a sister named Amy (25F). For every birthday and holiday, we always get Amy a nice present – shoes, clothes, tickets, etc. Whenever she comes to visit us, we also take her out to explore the city and pay for her meals.

In turn, Amy has never treated either of us out. Amy not once has wished either me or Adam a happy birthday or Merry Christmas. She’s never even sent a ‘thank you’ message for any of the gifts we’ve sent her.

It doesn’t bother me too much that she doesn’t thank me, but I find it quite hurtful that she would do that to her brother when he does a lot for her. Adam says it’s just because Amy is busy (she is a nurse) but I think it’s a load of nonsense because she always finds the time to send us a wish list of things she would like to get.

The last straw for me was when Adam asked Amy to mail him a box of legal documents he had left at their childhood home and then she sent him a bill to reimburse her for the postage AND for her time.

Amy’s birthday is coming up and my partner asked me to pitch in half so we could gift her a jersey for her favorite athlete. I told him that I was not going to be gifting her anything from now on and neither should he because she was ungrateful and entitled. He said he had to give her something because that’s his sister but I still refused and said he was free to do so but to leave my name off of it.

He then asked me if I was still going to gift my sister something for her birthday. I said yes because my sister, who despite being a student, always makes it a point to send something as simple as a card.

He said that was a jerk move.”

Another User Comments:

“NTJ. He and his sister are jerks. If sis is old enough and functional enough to work as a nurse, she’s old enough to learn the social contracts that apply to relationships.

If she’s not thanking you for a gift AND not reciprocating, yet she’s always ready with her ‘Gimme List’, then it’s time for her to grow up and learn that her behavior is selfish, immature, and alienates people who care about her.” The_Ramenista

Another User Comments:

“NTJ. Your partner has been bullied so much that he doesn’t even realize it. Stockholm Syndrome kind of situation. You really need to examine his family dynamics (which you are being drawn into) and decide if you want a future with him (them.) I don’t think you will ever be put first in your relationship, his sister is.

One thing to be kind and generous. Another to be taken advantage of and be disrespected. No matter what he does, not gonna be enough for them.” Retirednursey

Another User Comments:

“NTJ but if you stay in this relationship you will have a SIL problem.

She is entitled, expects to be treated well each time, never says thank you, etc and your partner – her brother – accepts that? Mate, he will always see her in 1st place and expect you to follow his lead.

YOU will always be the problem if you refuse to do something for her, whatever it may be. He will always resent you for that and he will never see that HIS sister is the problem here.

I would think very hard about this relationship.

Either start setting boundaries with him about what you pay for etc. because if he wants to treat her and take her out, he should be paying for everything and not expecting you to pay half or whatever. His sister is toxic and he, unfortunately, doesn’t see this.

There will be more arguments about her than anything else in your relationship.” weronikap85

6 points - Liked by IDontKnow, StumpyOne, LilacDark and 3 more

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rbleah 1 year ago
So SIL is the golden child and your hubs has been brainwashed into believing that he MUST do what SHE WANTS regardless of what SHOULD happen? Screw her. Tell hubs to read this thread and get his head on straight. Figure out that this is the end of YOUR being shafted by HIS SISTER. Tell him if she does not want to give just take that you ARE DONE WITH HER.
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17. AITJ For Not Wanting My Husband's Father To Come With Us On Our Vacation?


“My husband (M39) and I (F33) are going on vacation next week. He just told me last night that his father is coming to meet us out there and is looking up his hotel. My husband says his father invited himself along.

He plans to stay during our entire vacation. We’re only there for three full days and for one of them, we have a day event.

My husband has family out there, and we planned to spend a day or 1/2 a day seeing them.

That particular family member he hasn’t seen in over 10 years. His father he sees more frequently. He visited us last year for a week. I told my husband we could spend one day with his dad, but having all 3 days is not fair and no longer makes this a couples trip.

Plus, when they are together, they’re kind of in their own world and I feel uncomfortable. I know if his father comes he’ll take over the trip and it’ll turn into a father and son trip, not a couples trip.

I’ll be the 3rd wheel no matter how much my husband tries to make it seem otherwise.

At the end of the day, my father-in-law and I are not close. We don’t really speak much, and when my husband is not around, we are pretty much quiet around each other.

I don’t enjoy hanging around him and we don’t have much to talk about.

My husband says we’ll have 1 day together alone at the event and doesn’t understand why I am upset. My compromise is his father can stop by the day we’re hanging with his other family out there.

We see our in-laws about once a year for about 1 week. This’ll be us coming to their side of the world.

AITJ for being upset that I do not want to spend time with my father-in-law and I do not want him just popping up on our trip without being invited?”

Another User Comments:

“YTJ. Your husband only gets to see his Dad for one week per year. Of course if he is traveling near his hardly-ever-seen father he will want to see him. This doesn’t sound like a planned couple’s getaway at all.

Have your husband plan a couples vacation and don’t make him feel guilty for missing his Dad.” SeriesAlternative173

Another User Comments:

“NTJ. But if your husband needs a father-son trip that badly, probably no use trying to stop him (and his father).

Just say you’ll stay home so he can have quality time with his dad – or if you go, make sure you have your own fun itinerary planned so you aren’t sitting there watching them interact ‘in their own world’ while you twiddle your thumbs.

The bottom line, though, is that this is no couple’s vacation anymore! So just grin and bear it (because anger won’t work), while making sure you have fun on your own while they bond – either at home or at the vacation venue.

Good luck!” dg__875

Another User Comments:

“Everyone sucks here – Your FIL does kinda suck for ‘inviting himself’, I agree with that. Your husband does kinda suck for pushing back when you talked. You kinda suck for being pouty about this situation at all.

You’re going to visit his family, your husband sees his dad once a year for a week at most. I totally see how this situation developed. If I was to go visit my aunt and uncle on my dad’s side, he’d probably come too.

It’s obvious he cares about him a lot and they have a good relationship. Do not get in the way of that because you and your FIL aren’t best friends. That will end poorly for you.

I suggest you schedule another trip, with no family component, and make sure it is labeled as ROMANTIC, GETAWAY, FOR THE COUPLE right off the jump.

It sounds like the water got muddy on what this trip was and now that the understanding is there between the two of you other things have been set in motion. That’s my take, good luck OP.” Thatsaclevername

3 points - Liked by LilacDark, StumpyOne and Ree1778

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Ninastid 1 year ago
Ntj this is supposed to be a couples vacation not a father son vacation I wouldn't want my FIL on my vacation with my husband either
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16. AITJ For Celebrating My Birthday Without My Deceased Sister?


“I (f17) have a twin sister who passed away almost a year ago. She was my best friend and losing her felt like I lost part of myself, it feels like part of me is missing.

I have been in therapy which has helped me a lot. My parents though haven’t been doing well they argue a lot which rarely ever happened before. It has made being at home difficult.

Being a twin means my sister and I share a birthday.

Yesterday was our birthday. I ended up missing school because I didn’t think I would have been able to concentrate. My parents understood so they let me stay home, they didn’t wish me a happy birthday though or buy me a present… They knew what day it was though.

So I kinda just laid in bed all day.

A few hours after the normal time school got out a few close friends of both my sister and me came over with cupcakes, balloons, and presents. It honestly made me so happy my friends did that.

We were in the basement just hanging out and talking when my mom yelled for me to come upstairs. She asked what was going on and I explained what happened. She said I can’t believe I want to celebrate without my sister.

I said well it’s my birthday too and I miss my sister so much today’s been really hard for me but you and Dad act like today just isn’t our birthday. You still have me you should still acknowledge I’m here.

And try to support me.

She got madder and called me selfish. We haven’t talked since. It was very hard having my birthday without my twin but to help me I feel like I can’t just act like this day isn’t happening plus I know my twin would want me to still celebrate.”

Another User Comments:

“1000% NTJ

Wow, your parents need to get a grip and realize that whatever pain they’re feeling, you’re feeling it, too, but at the age of 17. When you still need your parents’ support. They’re the ones who are supposed to shepherd you through the loss of your sister!

Sounds like maybe your very presence triggers your parents in the same way that your shared birthday does. It is mind-bogglingly insensitive to call you out for receiving the love and kindness of your awesome and thoughtful friends!

Your parents should have been celebrating you and loving on you and telling you how grateful they are to have you with them this whole time and most especially today.

Instead, they are busy confirming your deepest fear: that they feel weird about you as just you, that you remind them of your late sister, and that they are putting emotional distance between you and them because of the memories you stir up.

OP, please tell your parents how much you need them, and how much they need you. Ask them to go to therapy on their own. Ask them to put you in therapy. Ask for family therapy. Help them snap back into the reality that one of their precious twin babies is still very much alive and available to be loved, and that their deceased child would want nothing more than for all of the love they had saved up for her to be poured out onto her surviving twin.

Be well. And cling tight to your friends. They’re keepers.” successfoal

Another User Comments:

“NTJ – Wow NTJ by a landslide. I get your mom is grieving but she also has to remember she has a living daughter that she needs to be present for.

Is your mom in therapy? I’m sure a therapist would let her know how unhealthy it is to just ignore your birthday because of your sister’s passing.

By the way, I am so sorry for your loss. I can’t even imagine.

You’re right your sister would want you to still celebrate your life. You’re still a completely separate individual and you deserve to be celebrated. Sounds like your mom is lashing out at you due to her grief which isn’t fair at all.” holymolyholyholy

Another User Comments:

“I can’t even imagine what your parents are going through. I know how hard birthdays are for close friends or family members who have passed, I can’t imagine not only dealing with the birthday of a child I lost that is also the birthday of my other child.

But, holy cow, I know your parents lost a child. They lost part of themselves. You, however, literally lost the other half of your whole. You have to deal with the grief of a sibling times 1000 AND deal with every milestone you should be reaching together happening alone.

INCLUDING getting another year older while she is not.

Your parents need to remember that they lost a child but they also have a living child who very much needs them and needs to be loved and celebrated.

NTJ.” WaywardMarauder

3 points - Liked by anmi, joha2 and IDontKnow

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Doglady 1 year ago
NTJ How can any parent act like yours did? Yes, you will celebrate without your sister, this year, the next and so on. Your sister is dead and you will celebrate all future birthdays, Christmases, etc without her. That does not mean that you will not turn a year older, graduate from school, maybe marry, etc . All occassions still need to be celebrated for YOU. Your parents need to get counseling. Thank goodness your friends brought you things.
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15. AITJ For Telling My Partner Not To Call Me Just To Talk About His Shower Thoughts?


“Recently, my partner has picked up a habit of calling me up in the middle of the day (basically anywhere from 9 am to 6 pm) to tell me about a shower thought he came up with. We’ve been together for more than 1.5 years now, and we talk every night either on Discord or in person, so we only called each other during the day when there was an issue or something was urgent.

On one side, him calling me the second he comes up with these is very cute – he just wants to make me laugh. But on the other hand, every time he calls, I think that something had happened and it’s urgent for me to pick up the phone.

Because of this, I had to quit conversations/classes/meetings thinking that it was crucial for him to talk to me, only to hear a shower thought which is very frustrating, especially when I have to come up with a good excuse for getting out of said conversations/classes/meetings.

I have asked him to stop calling me with these, and just send them in text, so I can read them when I have time during the day, but he became very discouraged. I tried to explain why it would be better, and that I like to hear these shower thoughts, just not in this form, but I guess it didn’t soften the unintentionally hard blow.


Another User Comments:

“NTJ. As difficult as it might be, put your phone on silent every time you start your workday/classes. If it is important, he can leave a message and you can get back to him.

If he won’t accept this without pouting, you need a really serious conversation about how your work time belongs to your employer, not him, and you are taking your classes to advance your career and can’t afford to be missing huge chunks of them to listen to his latest brilliant shower thought.

Frankly, the guy sounds like he’s becoming borderline controlling with needing to call you whenever the mood strikes even though he knows you are busy.” IntroductionPast3342

Another User Comments:

“No jerks here. It’s not unreasonable to ask him to not call you during the day, but it’s not fair to blame him for you ‘having to quit conversations, classes, and meetings’.

It’s a phone call, if you’re not available you miss it and call back. Unfortunately, it’s the same even if it’s an emergency – if you aren’t available to answer you don’t and call back when you can.

Especially when this has become a reoccurring thing for him to want to do – there’s no reason for you to panic every time he calls. It seems like he needs to be more realistic about when you’re available to talk, and you need to not overreact every time.” Big_Emergency_7191

Another User Comments:

“NTJ. Texting is a perfectly fine compromise. People are busy during the day and you can’t be expected to drop everything every time he has a random thought he wants to share. Put your phone on mute and stop answering at all when you are busy, maybe he’ll get the message.

Tell him you want to read all his shower thoughts as texts when you are finished with work/class as a pick-me-up at the end of the day. Emphasize that you enjoy them, but you can’t enjoy them when you are busy.” Thesafflower

2 points - Liked by IDontKnow and LizzieTX

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Kilzer53 1 year ago
Ntj. Sounds like he's a bit clingy.
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14. AITJ For "Coddling" My Daughter?


“I (41M) have a 15-year-old daughter Kat with my soon-to-be ex (42F). The split has been decided on for 6 months now and we’re trying to keep it as amicable as possible. I don’t want to go into the reasons for the split, it’s beside the point.

My ex will be the one moving out of the house since the house was mine before we married and we had a prenup, but I’m helping her get things squared away to buy her own place so we’ll be living together for a while longer.

Separate bedrooms. We tried to make the news as easy on Kat as possible and break it over a few conversations across a month so it didn’t feel so sudden and she would have time to process things in pieces.

She was upset, but she seemed to be doing ok. She’s a good kid and I made it clear to her that my #1 priority is her and making sure both of us get through this and have a good life.

I still don’t have a clear picture of what happened, but I came home from work one day to find Kat locked in her room and my ex fuming. She said they had an argument about the divorce and Kat was disrespectful.

They’ve been having the usual teen daughter/mom problems for a while, so I thought it was something similar. Kat wouldn’t talk to me, but she did unlock the door so I could make sure she was ok and I gave my ex some money to go get dinner for herself so Kat would come down and eat.

Since the fight, she hasn’t talked to anyone. Not even to her friends. Her teacher says that she’ll participate in class, but she doesn’t talk beyond that. I had already started her in therapy, but she won’t talk to the therapist anymore.

The most I’ve gotten out of her is a nod when I asked if she would let me know if she needed help or if she felt like hurting herself even if it was just a text or a note.

My ex is losing her mind about it and insisted that we take her electronics away. I resisted but we’re more than a month into this now and I’m coming up with nothing, so we took her phone and put her on supervised computer time for a week.

I told her that I wanted her to have some uninterrupted time to think so she could let me know what she needed. Nothing. Didn’t phase her at all. Anytime my ex is in the house she won’t leave her room.

She does her usual routine but she just seems to mentally check out otherwise.

My ex wants to ramp up the pressure and take other things away and this is where I might be the jerk. I told her that I won’t punish Kat for this anymore, I’m giving her her phone back, and if she cares about her daughter she needs to mom up and go make whatever happened right.

This isn’t just willful kid stuff. She called me a jerk for implying she doesn’t care about Kat and always taking her side and coddling her. My in-laws called to roast me for undermining my ex as a parent and letting my daughter be a brat.


Another User Comments:


If your daughter is willing to nod ‘yes’ or ‘no’ to questions, ask her if she needs to go somewhere else while she works through things. Could be the grandparents, a friend’s house, you and her go somewhere else, whatever.

Alternatively, your ex moves up that timeline for getting out of the house and leaves now.

But I think this is well beyond ‘kid throwing a tantrum’ and into ‘kid is having a trauma response’ territory. You gotta step up as Dad and get her somewhere she feels safe.

Whatever your ex said to her, it was bad.” LadySmuag

Another User Comments:

“Wow. NTJ. Whatever upset your daughter REALLY upset her. And punishing her for her silence is not only cruel but clearly counterproductive. She is one tough cookie and has the willpower to stay the course.

Your wife trying to turn it into a test of wills cannot end well for anyone concerned. And your wife is a huge jerk for not being honest about what happened between them so that perhaps the two of you can begin to get your daughter whatever help she needs.

Stick to your guns and take care of your kid. This is clearly something deeper than teenage spite. I wish you and your daughter the best of luck working this out.” VariousTry4624

Another User Comments:


It’s clear she’s going through something and to punish her for that would only push her away more especially since she will ascertain that this is coming from your ex.

Poor thing. You’re doing great. Keep doing what you’re doing… because she is responding to you, even if it’s small. Continue to nourish a safe space. It does make me wonder what they fought about. I wonder if once she moves out if that will give your daughter the space to feel safe because she does not feel emotionally safe.” RealityBitesProducer

2 points - Liked by IDontKnow and LizzieTX

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rbleah 1 year ago
Seems to me your daughter does not feel safe saying anything in your house right now. Maybe get the ex out sooner rather than later and let your daughter feel safer. With your EX NOT wanting to say EXACTLY what was said could be a sign that she is pressuring your daughter hard about something. You need to protect her even from her mother. Tell the fam that they can MIND THEIR OWN BUSINESS. Keep letting your daughter know that you love her and will help her with whatever it is that is bothering her. Good luck
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13. AITJ For Not Wanting To Buy A Replacement For My Friend's Scratched Oven?


“I (24f) have been friends with this girl (25f) for over 12 years now. Recently she bought a house with her partner and bought everything in the house brand new.

Last weekend they went away for the weekend with her family and she asked me to watch her dog and house for those 3 days. Of course, I said yes, also because her dog and mine are good buddies and it meant a weekend away from my family.

Side note; she and I are not as close as we used to be since she got together with her partner.

This weekend I used her oven on the day before they got back. I couldn’t find the tray, so I used the grill with paper on it, so I could bake my pizza (do this all the time at home and it went fine every single time).

After I was done with the oven I noticed a bit of cheese on the bottom that fell off the pizza while baking. I totally forgot to clean it that night, so when my friend got back the next day, she noticed it.

She texted me if it was me who did it and that she was upset because she had to clean it. I apologized and didn’t hear from her for the next hour. Then she texted me that her whole oven was ruined and that she couldn’t get the stain out.

She sent a picture and saw a LOT of SCRATCHES on the bottom of the oven where she had cleaned. Now she is asking me to call my insurance for a new oven. I’m stunned and don’t know if I’m overreacting.

So, AITJ for not indirectly paying for her new oven?”

Another User Comments:

“NTJ. It’s an oven, you used it to heat up food. Should you have cleaned up? Yeah, but you made a mistake and forgot, it’s not like you leave cheese scraps everywhere all the time.

It was an accident. For her to actually get angry over a little cheese scrap is unreasonable and just downright weird. And then for her to damage her own oven by attempting to clean it with the wrong materials, and then expect you to pay for the damage she caused, is even more ridiculous.

I don’t understand where she’s coming from at all on this. The most I would do is send my friend a picture and rag on them a bit. To get legitimately angry over this is really weird.” delicate-butterfly

Another User Comments:

“Not cleaning up a mess you made is one surefire way to never be invited back to someone’s home. One should always leave a place in the same state as when one arrives. That’s an oversight on your part that you’ve clearly owned.

On the other hand, a few scratches in an oven don’t render it inoperable. An oven will get many more scrapes, stains, and dinks over the course of its time. Also sounds like this friend of yours used something too abrasive to clean the oven, although, again, it’s an oven, not the hood of a Corvette.

Everyone sucks here.” SamW20910

Another User Comments:

“NTJ. OK, it was an error on your part not to clean the oven, but it sounds like an honest mistake and not laziness and you apologized. I wouldn’t even bat an eyelid or mention it to anyone who had been staying in my house, but I understand this is all new and exciting for her.

Her suggestion is absurd. She has clearly scrubbed the oven with steel wool or something, not knowing what she’s doing, and damaged it in the process. This is not your responsibility whatsoever.” msfinch87

2 points - Liked by IDontKnow and LizzieTX

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Ninastid 1 year ago
Ntj she damaged it you didn't she should have to pay herself
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12. AITJ For My Reaction When My Sister Let My Baby Lick Chicken?


“My (37M) 8-month baby is on a hypoallergenic ever since we tried different types of food on her. We found out that she was allergic to chicken a month ago. She developed rashes all over her body and also colds.

So we were advised to reintroduce it again when she is older.

My sister (41F) was playing with her yesterday and let her lick a piece of chicken. I immediately told her to stop it and she wiped my baby’s tongue afterward.

Around lunchtime, my baby started sneezing and had the sniffles. I knew immediately it was because of the chicken. I got mad at my sister for what she did but she said that my baby has caught a sickness. I was quite sure we haven’t exposed my baby to anyone with colds the past few weeks.

My mother (62F), who is a doctor, took her side. I shouted at both of them for persisting that it wasn’t because of the chicken and they shouted back at me for being oblivious because my baby didn’t even ingest the chicken.

I’ve read online that you don’t need to ingest the food you are allergic to develop the symptoms.

AITJ for getting mad at them or am I overreacting?”

Another User Comments:


Once the chicken touched the tongue, consider it ingested. The allergy is related to the protein in chicken and if you lick it, you can ingest it.

Once on the tongue, saliva can carry it to the stomach. Food allergies are always serious and can be life-threatening even from minimalist exposure. That’s a pretty awful doctor to not be aware of this. She could have killed your child and you have every right to be overprotective.” ShadowFallsAlpha

Another User Comments:

“NTJ. You are UNDERreacting. This is a massive breach of trust and a real risk. They cannot be around the baby unsupervised, and maybe not even supervised while they do not fix their attitude. Triggering allergies is not only dangerous, but it also delays the cure in cases where the child outgrows the allergy.

Total exclusion of the allergen for 6 months or 1 year + reintroduction with the child’s allergist and precautions in place = you’re good. If the baby is breastfed, mom needs to not eat chicken as well during the exclusion period.” Solid-Recognition669

Another User Comments:


Your sister and mother have no right to give your baby a known allergen without your permission. That’s huge boundary stomping and would’ve given me cause to go no contact with them for a while if they argued back about it.

But as for the allergy – as an allergy mom myself – it’s likely that they’re right and your baby came down with a cold or some spring allergies. Most oral allergies happen within 15 minutes of exposure. It sounds like from your story that there was a bit of time between the exposure and when she got the sniffles.

Your baby could also get colds from adults that aren’t even exhibiting noticeable symptoms since some germs affect children more than adults.

But again – the utter lack of respect your sister and mother showed for you regarding your daughter is concerning.

If I were you, I’d hold my ground on that or they’re just going to boundary stomp you more in the future.” JJSweetPea

2 points - Liked by LilacDark, LizzieTX and Britbo

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Spaldingmonn 1 year ago
What's wrong with your mother? What a quake. Anaphylaxis does not work neatly. No one will be informed they have 20 minutes before their throat closes - so get ready.
The baby is allergic to chicken and that moron shoved a piece in front of the baby who did what.babies do and investigated with her tongue. This seems criminal. Go no contract with both of those psychos.
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11. AITJ For Chewing Gum?


“I (f20) was practically raised by my grandma and she had this habit of always chewing peppermint gum. She always carried a package of gum with her and she would share it with me daily, I guess I got a taste for it because of that and it eventually became a habit of mine as well.

Now I chew gum basically every day, especially when I’m doing something difficult or stressful or when I feel nervous or angry, you could say it’s the equivalent of needing a smoke to relax. I like to buy large packages of sugar-free gum to carry with me.

My partner has known me since middle school and he’d always known about this and was cool with it the entirety of our relationship, until a few months ago when he started complaining, saying I waste a ridiculous amount of money (like 5 bucks a week) on gum and that I’m ruining my teeth (not true, I have good teeth according to my dentist).

He also started hinting I might have an addiction and that’s going to ruin my health. I just think it’s not that serious, I’m aware I consume more than a regular person but I don’t see how it is going to affect my health or finances, it’s not like I’m doing illegal stuff or selling off things to support my ‘addiction’.

Besides, he doesn’t seem concerned for my health or his when we’re drinking and he gets completely hammered or when I tell him to eat healthier because his doctor actually told him to have a better diet because he’s anemic.

I suppose there’s a deeper issue here and I’ve confronted him about it multiple times and demanded he gives me the real reason it bothers him so much and he can’t give me one, he just says I’m being inconsiderate and I should just listen to him when he tells me to stop.


Another User Comments:


Sugar-free gum isn’t bad for teeth as it stimulates the production of saliva, which has a protective effect. It does contain sweeteners that can have a laxative effect on some people, but if you aren’t constantly having stomach issues, it clearly doesn’t affect you and as vices go, it’s pretty cheap and if it is an addiction, there are worse things to be addicted to.

All his excuses are ridiculous. If he finds it irritating (I would depending on exactly how often it was, and would probably cut down on the time spent with someone who was constantly chewing), he needs to say that.

Assuming that is the real reason, whether you want to change your habit based on that is up to you, it wouldn’t make you a jerk if you didn’t (especially as he isn’t being upfront or having a mature conversation about it), but at the same time if it really does irritate him, the only solutions available are for you to stop, or for him to remove himself from the situation, which means removing himself from you.” Sunflower_dream85

Another User Comments:

“NTJ. There’s another issue hiding that likely has nothing at all to do with the gum, but it’s a quirk of yours that he doesn’t notice in others anymore. Basically, he’s fixated on it and is finding fault with it, because there is a bigger problem that makes him need to find fault AT you.

It happens in long-term relationships. It was cute/endearing in the beginning, but now it bothers him for no other reason than the fact it’s always happening.

He may not know the bigger issue that is causing this frustration. He may know it.

Typically, and that doesn’t mean it fully is, he may be at the point of wondering about the what if.” Certain_Accident3382

Another User Comments:

“NTJ. Your partner is being controlling and isn’t being forthright with you about his reason for wanting you to stop chewing gum.

It’s alarming that he tells you that you should just listen to him when he tells you to stop. I suspect that if you cave on this issue, he will spend the rest of your relationship telling you what to do or not do.

You mentioned that he likes to drink. Booze costs way more than gum does.” maccrogenoff

2 points - Liked by IDontKnow and NeidaRatz

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CmHart2008 1 year ago
NTJ. This is a big red flag. Take heed. This fellow is a control freak. His drinking to jerk is OK but your gum chewing is not? You need to dump this jerk!
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10. AITJ For Not Doing More Housework?


“I (53M) think that if you have kids, taking care of the house is a full-time job.

If one partner works full time outside the home and the other doesn’t then the second partner should take care of all of the home stuff. Both my wife (52F) and I have full-time jobs outside the home and so agreed to split the chores years ago.

I handle the laundry for myself, my wife, and our 2 boys and the grocery shopping. She handles the general house cleaning including the bathrooms, dusting, vacuuming (though we have robot vacs so not much to do there), polishing the floors, etc. She does about 75% of the cooking, though when she cooks I end up being her sous chef, and I do about 25%.

I handle about 75% of the homework help and she about 25%. In the yard, I am responsible for mowing and she for weeding and edging.

The issue is that she doesn’t make the boys (17 and 13) really do anything and so ends up doing it all for them – cleaning their bathrooms, their bedrooms, picking up after them, etc. Because of this, she gets irritated at times, feeling like she does too much of the work.

We’ve had conversations about it and I am firm that I’m not going to do more just because she won’t make the boys clean up after themselves. They are great kids and will absolutely do it if she asks but she feels like she wants to let them have fun being kids.

Once the boys got old enough I started having them mow the yard so she gets especially irked about that.

So AITJ for not doing more housework because she refuses to make the boys take care of themselves?”

Another User Comments:

“If your kids don’t know how to do domestic chores, well they are going to have fun later when they show off their incompetence to their roommates or relationship partners.

Your kids should absolutely be doing chores around the house.

Your wife is enabling them to be little pampered pets. We clean up after our pets because they can’t clean up for themselves. Your kids are smarter than a pet.

Letting them have ‘fun being kids’, is doing them a disservice.

At seventeen, your oldest could be out of the house any time now, does he know how to cook? Do laundry, clean the bathroom? I went to college with a couple of girls, rising seniors – they didn’t know how to load a dishwasher, (grew up with a maid).


Stick to your guns, OP. Life skills are important, your wife is hindering your children’s growth. NTJ.” YouthNAsia63

Another User Comments:

“NTJ. Telling your kids to help with the chores is absolutely reasonable, so why would you consider that only her job?

Sounds to me like you guys have an honest but annoying miscommunication at your hands.

Especially 17 and 13 is not the age of ‘kid’ anymore where expecting them to clean up after themselves is unreasonable. Letting kids be kids is one thing, but telling them to clean their rooms, pick up after themselves and help with laundry or cleaning is absolutely reasonable.

It’s not like telling them to run the house.

I’d be asking your wife why she thinks that expecting your children to help with some age-appropriate chores is mutually exclusive to ‘letting kids be kids’. Having and running a household is also a life skill.

Just saying, her angle in the matter seems a bit off.” Iothil

Another User Comments:

“NTJ. You are definitely pulling your weight around the house while also working. If you are already trying to teach your kids some responsibility and your wife is refusing to join you, then she doesn’t get to whine about having too much work.

Honestly, they are old enough that they should be doing their own laundry, as well as cleaning their own rooms and bathrooms and taking turns with things like dishes and sweeping/mopping. They could probably benefit from helping make dinner too.

They live in that house and help create the mess, they eat the food and use the dishes. The oldest is literally about to be old enough to move out and that young adult has been set up for failure because they haven’t learned a darn thing about properly caring for themselves and the place they live in.

I feel bad for their future roommates if this continues. I’m almost 40(f) with 4 kids, all of whom share in the housework because these are skills they will need the rest of their lives.” Secure_Abrocoma_9891

2 points - Liked by joha2 and IDontKnow

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Ninastid 1 year ago
Definitely ntj your boys are old enough to help around the house she doesn't get to let them slide then b*tch cause she's making more work for herself
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9. AITJ For Telling My Sister-In-Law To Stop Blaming My Family For Her Decision?


“My (28F) brother ‘Mark’ (30M), is getting married next week to my future sister-in-law ‘Sara’ (29F).

They got engaged in 2020, but are having the wedding now after waiting a few years to save up.

Sara really has become a part of our family, and she and I developed a nice friendship. She and Mark have also been really excited about the wedding up until maybe 2-3 months ago, which is to be expected as the big day looms closer.

Now, they’re both stressed and say that they wish they had just eloped to save all this money and headache.

We had Sara’s bachelorette party over the weekend. It was myself, Sara, and two of Sara’s longtime friends who are also in the wedding party.

We were having a nice time at a restaurant when Sara started talking about how much she regretted deciding to have this wedding in the first place.

Then, she said that the only reason that they’re having a wedding is because my brother’s family (my family) would ‘never have gotten over it’ if they’d eloped. I protested a bit, at first feeling bad that she felt pressured by my family into something that she didn’t want to do but also reassured her that my family would have been perfectly fine if they hadn’t had a wedding.

Sara then kind of laughed and looked at me and said: ‘Do you really think that your mom would have gotten over it if her firstborn son decided to elope?’ I said that she absolutely would have gotten over it and pointed out that my parents also eloped. Sara then turned to the others and said, ‘She’s wrong, their mom would have hated me forever for marrying her son without a wedding, and Mark could never bear letting his mommy down anyway.’

I admit that my mom can be a bit over the top when it comes to events and such, but she’s stayed out of the wedding planning entirely, on purpose. I told Sara that she was wrong and told her to stop blaming my family for a decision that she made.

Things got awkward after that. We all sipped our drinks for a minute before Sara and her maid of honor got up to go to the bathroom together, leaving me and the other bridesmaid at the table.

The other bridesmaid (‘Lily’) then turned to me and told me that it was super rude of me to call Sara out in front of her friends just days before her wedding.

I stood my ground and said that I wouldn’t let my family be blamed for something that isn’t their fault. Lily insisted that maybe I don’t ‘know the full story’ and that I could never understand how Sara is feeling, so I shouldn’t add stress to her life while she needs to vent.

No one else spoke to me for the rest of the night. Things were a bit better in the morning, but everything still feels awkward, and Sara has been distant since then.

Now I’m wondering if I overreacted and if I should have just let her vent.

I wouldn’t want to be called out in front of my friends like that, but I also felt a little cornered and that it was my job to stand up for my family.


Another User Comments:


If she was venting privately on the phone and you overheard and called her out, then I could understand why she would be upset.

But she’s venting about her fiancé’s family, which includes you! You weren’t rude and you didn’t overreact. I think she was being rude about your mom and if there’s more info to add to get the ‘full story’, why didn’t she share that part?

My guess is that there isn’t anything else to add. Sara sounds like drama. As you mentioned, you two get along well, so hopefully this is just stemming from wedding stress.” HardKnocksSam

Another User Comments:


Was what she said rude?

Yes. Is it understandable that you’d defend your family? Yes.

However, context is key – this wasn’t a massive party where she was laying into your family to all and sundry and you happened to have been invited for form as the fSIL.

This was an intimate dinner, to which you were invited as a friend. She vented and may have embellished, but what she said wasn’t particularly egregious – fMIL would never forgive me if there wasn’t a big wedding, fH wouldn’t want to disappoint her – these are things you could say about any mother and son who have a relationship.

She either didn’t think or thought that your friendship was developed enough to override your instinct to defend your mother. Ultimately the two others there will probably have no interaction with your family other than ‘Hello, lovely to meet you’ so it’s not like their opinion matters.

Your brother could well be venting to his friends about fFIL on the very same topic.” GuybrushThreewood

Another User Comments:

“NTJ… BUT, it did seem like you were a little quick to take umbrage over a small comment and therefore turned an offhand statement into a conversation that went further than it was meant.

The original comment might have had some truth to it. She sounds stressed and there might be pieces to this puzzle you are not aware of. Perhaps this is the picture your brother is painting of his/your mom and he has made comments on how excited she is for the wedding… or would be to see him get married (in previous discussions about the possibility of eloping).

Even if he or his/your mom made only subtle comments, she might feel like it would let her or your brother down and she wants to support her husband. People vent and they are human. I understand the reaction to wanting to defend your family, but unless she is saying something truly terrible (E.g., bullying, racist, homophobic, etc.), maybe give a little grace at the moment.

If it is still bothering you later, you could chat one-on-one and ask what she meant by the comment and how it made you feel.

In some cases, I might say otherwise. For example, if you knew someone to already be mean or not like you or your family, you would have cause to have your guard up.

It sounds like, in general, she likes you, you like her, she likes your family, and your family likes her. In the past, giving others the benefit of the doubt and talking about it later has given me the perspective I didn’t have at the time; making me glad I tried to see the best in the person.” challenge_accepted22

Another User Comments:

“Gentle ‘everyone sucks here’. Moms often treat their daughter-in-law differently or in a way that’s unexpected to the daughter so it is conceivable that the truth lies somewhere in between. It’s great to stick up for your family but also maybe not be ideal to do in front of people.

Also, she didn’t need to keep pressing once you said the first thing. Just seems like a really awkward situation where both people just kept digging into the tension…” Obvious_Reading_8161

2 points - Liked by IDontKnow and AmeliaClarke

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Ninastid 1 year ago
Big ntj it doesn't matter if it was a big event or just casual conversation you always stand up for family (unless they're wrong of course) especially when that dumb a** thinks she can talk bad about them when they didn't even do anything
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8. AITJ For Busting A Relative Who Gives Out Fake Gifts?


“For graduation three years ago my uncle (53M) gave me (25F) a $100 gift card, but when I went to use it the teller said there was only $6 on the card.

I assumed it was a mistake and didn’t say anything to him. For Christmas two years ago, he gave me a $50 gift card, which was $25 over the limit per person. When I went to use it, the teller said it had never been activated. I again didn’t say anything, but thought it was odd it happened twice.

Last year, I finished grad school and my uncle loudly announced to everyone at my party that I should get an email with a digital gift card and that it should help me pay for new furnishings when I move.

I checked my email that night and had nothing in my inbox or spam. I waited a few days, then texted him and mentioned I didn’t get an email, ‘just to make sure he had used the correct email address.’ He never responded.

I finally hit the limit this Christmas when he handed me a $100 Visa gift card and announced that he had been doing well at work and wanted to be generous. I thanked him and checked the balance later and saw that there was only around $3 on the card.

The next day when my grandma said she was going to the mall I said I would go too to use my gift card. I tried to use it with her standing next to me, and when the teller said there were insufficient funds she was shocked. I logged into the website where you can check the balance and showed her that the card had been spent months ago and how little remained. She seemed confused, and when we got to the car I mentioned that this happened every single time my uncle gave me a gift card.

She got mad and called him and told him off for bragging about being generous but giving out fake or used cards.

He later texted me and said I was wrong for calling him out in front of his mother and that he had been having financial issues he wanted to keep quiet.

I responded by saying I gave him the chance to fess up the time before about the email gift card but he wouldn’t answer, and that if he was having financial issues he shouldn’t have bragged about going OVER the prescribed gift amount and just actually spent $25.


Another User Comments:

“NTJ. Your uncle is a tool. If he is having financial difficulties, he could have given you something else instead of calling attention to himself by bragging about being generous. He could have spoken to you in private or made you a gift or found something on sale or any number of other things.

Instead, he decided to showboat and pretend to be someone he is not. He sounds like one of those fools that pretend to be wealthy when they are not. You did right to call him out. He’s probably doing this to other people too.

Or he plans to. I’ve always just been honest with people and given what I could, or made something, or waited for a good sale. Everyone is always grateful and never complains that the gift isn’t expensive enough.” YettiChild

Another User Comments:


It’s not your fault that you’re consistently being let down by expectations set by your uncle. He didn’t have to make it seem like he is giving these gifts. Graduation could have been a simple congrats! If he doesn’t have the financial means, he shouldn’t be making these grand gestures of ‘giving’ large amounts for gifts.

He gets to benefit from the praise but you’re left without a promised gift and would look bad if you said anything AND get the added embarrassment of using a bad card in public. Have you talked with your siblings or cousins (if you have them) or other family to see if it’s happened to them?

You’re probably not the only one and, like you, have been polite all this time. But it probably doesn’t matter anyway. If anyone else this has happened to find out, they’ll speak up if they want to. At least it’s exposed to your grandma, arguably likely one of the more important people to find out about this.

Sorry this happened to you. It’s way better to not get a gift at all than this.” megers67

Another User Comments:

“NTJ, your uncle sounds like a narcissist who underestimated you. Narcissists absolutely detest being called out for their crap (especially in front of witnesses) and he acted very predictably responding by bypassing any responsibility or acknowledging your feelings and shifting the blame onto you.

I wonder how many other people he’s done this to. Great job standing up to him. You were smart to handle it the way you did. Cut ties while you are ahead. This man doesn’t care about you.” yellowjacket7771111

1 points - Liked by IDontKnow

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silvabelz 1 year ago
I wonder how many others have been duped by him. I'll bet many.
And I'll bet if they said something to him he asked them to keep his secret.
NTJ, but I know who is
4 Reply

7. AITJ For Being Mad Over A Joke About My Dog?


“On Easter, my partner and I went to her mom’s house for dinner. They pushed me to bring our dog as well, they all love him. He’s a big boi, a mix of a golden retriever, a Bernese mountain dog, and a German shepherd, and he loves people, at the parks he will go up to people for pets instead of playing with the other dogs.

Now I’ve always been hesitant to bring him over to her mom’s house as my MIL and my partner’s brother smoke inside all the time, so I have to ask them to smoke outside when we are over as I have asthma and I don’t like having my dog around it.

So after bickering with my partner, we both agree to bring him over.

The dinner is me, my partner, MIL, my partner’s brother, my partner’s sister and her fiancé, and my partner’s grandma. Everything is fine while we are there.

That is until after dinner.

My partner brought out hot cross buns for everyone and tried to give one to the dog, I told her no as some of the fruit in the bun is toxic to dogs. I say this well within earshot of everyone there.

My partner agrees to not give him one. While she is eating her bun she picks out all of the fruit and puts it on her plate.

She then gives the plate to her grandma to eat, and the next thing I see is her feeding something off the plate to the dog.

I ask her suddenly but loudly, not yelling loud but loud enough that you can hear the panic in my voice. Grandma responds right away by saying she’s feeding him the fruits from the buns.

That’s when I get angry and panicky and yell that he can’t have the fruit and that I just finished explaining that it’s toxic to him.

That’s when everyone starts yelling at me for yelling at her. Meanwhile, I’m trying to pick up the dog to take him to the vet.

That’s when, in between getting yelled at, they tell me it was a joke.

So now I’m the jerk for yelling and I shouldn’t be upset with everyone because it was a joke.”

Another User Comments:

“NTJ. You were worried for your dog’s health and safety and made this verbally clear to everyone.

Then they play a joke and expect you to take it as a joke when it could’ve been something serious. They can’t get mad about you yelling when they’re the ones that caused it.

Long story short, don’t play a bad prank on someone and not expect the outcome of them not liking it.

That’s like when people ask someone out and expect them to say yes all the time. If you’re scared of rejection, don’t do it.

NTJ.” FriskyJr303

Another User Comments:

“NTJ, giving your dog food that has toxic substances in it is NEVER a joke.

Yes, the fruit (raisins, I’m assuming) was removed, but the fruit has oils that can be absorbed, even when dried (raisins still stain paper if you leave them on there, also bread is frequently used to absorb). Furthermore, that’s not even considering what happens to the ingredients in the bun while being baked or if tiny fragments were embedded elsewhere, the sugar, milk, etc in this product.

If you’ve tasted dog biscuits, you’ll know they’re… An acquired flavor. I believe dogs can’t digest lactose, but depending on the breed/individual they have varying intolerances and toxins.

This family has shown you they can’t be trusted. At best, your partner picked out the fruit and conspired with her grandma, at worst, her grandma willfully tried to harm your dog.

Maybe she didn’t notice, people don’t think about the composition of food, but you explicitly asked them not to feed it. Either way, it’s not a joke and you need to have a serious chat with your partner if she thinks this is acceptable.

Your dog may be big, but that doesn’t mean the poor thing can’t get sick. My dog as a puppy jumped on the table and ate a fresh packet of choc chip cookies while we were out. They were in the middle of the table and for the life of me I still don’t know HOW he jumped on the dining table.

He’s fine, it gave us a heart attack and we now clear out everything he may be able to reach because he’s a… Lovely dog… He is, but my god did I have a heart attack! He doesn’t jump on tables anymore (as far as I know), but I don’t leave anything up to chance anymore.

I’d also like to add that, if children are something you’re interested in in the future, then bear in mind that these people don’t respect you, or your pet and they definitely won’t respect any children you may or may not have.

You’re asthmatic and they smoke around you, putting your health at risk. Your partner tolerates this and has subtly told everyone that your overall health doesn’t matter.

I can assure you, if my family smoked near my asthmatics partner, I’d advocate for my partner and make them listen.

If they don’t then we’d only see them in explicitly non-smoking areas (pubs, cafes etc). If that means they miss out on holidays, well that’s such a shame.

Is this the life you want? They don’t respect you, your partner doesn’t advocate for you and they sure don’t seem likable from what you’ve said.

Of course, this is just from what I’ve gathered in your comment, they could all be lovely people who have their vices and quirks, but I’d never think of treating another like this.” NalinaBB

Another User Comments:

“Erm. Pretending to poison your dog for a joke is not funny man!

Raisins and currants are so poisonous for dogs. You probably did overreact but I think at the time you were justified. If you are still holding onto that anger now then yes, you are the jerk, and also you should never shout at your partner’s family because whatever the reason they will think you are a jerk.

I’m going with NTJ because they had no right to pretend to poison your dog for jokes.” Anniemarsh69

1 points - Liked by IDontKnow

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DncgBbyGroot 1 year ago
I would have gone NUCLEAR KAREN and immediately taken the dog to the vet, anyway. They played it off as a joke, but there is still a possibility that grandma is senile or, worse, meddlesome and actually did feed him some fruit. Then, I would send them the bill and even file a police report. They obviously had malicious intent, one way or the other, and you were not about to let your dog potentially die because they do not like being told no.
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6. AITJ For Taking My Daughter's Side?


“My (28f) wife (29f), my daughter (7) and I have been living together since my wife and I had our daughter at 21 and 22. We are married by common law, so we haven’t had a ceremony. We thought it would be too expensive so we decided to just buy a cake instead.

Last year, though, we decided to spend some extra money on a tablet for our daughter. She was ecstatic and soon got very into playing the piano.

One day when she was on her tablet, she found Rush E. For those who don’t know, Rush E is an insanely impossible sheet of music created by Music Sheet Boss.

When I say impossible, I don’t mean really hard, I mean impossible. I recommend listening to the original video to fully understand what I’m saying. She got super into it and eventually stumbled across a cover of someone playing Rush E by hand (the original thing is computer generated, I’m pretty sure).

She immediately ran to us to show us. Now, something you have to understand about our daughter is that she is very antisocial. She’s been diagnosed with ADHD, meaning she also hyper-fixates a lot. When someone shuts her down when she’s trying to show them something she’s passionate about, she gets very quiet and embarrassed.

My wife knows this about our daughter. When our daughter went to where we were sitting, she immediately started to explain and then hit play. My wife scoffed and said it was too late for that. She told our daughter it wasn’t that impressive, and that she needed to go to bed. I countered this and asked our daughter how long the video was.

She shyly responded that it was only about two minutes but apologized and said that she would get ready. I told her it was okay and that she could show us since it was really short and that I was actually really interested to see it.

My wife took her tablet and told her she needed to go get ready. I sighed in defeat. After our daughter left, I turned to my wife and asked her why she did that.

Wife: It’s late and I don’t really want to watch something like that because it’s boring.

Me: You know she’s sensitive to being shut down, though. It was only two minutes.

Wife: I don’t want to argue. Just drop it.

Me: Part of being a good parent is enduring things you don’t really want to.

She’s only seven, wife.

She stormed off to our room, leaving me alone in the kitchen. I went upstairs to my daughter’s room first and asked her to show me the video quickly because I was really genuinely interested in seeing it.

She shyly showed me it and I expressed how cool it was. We had a conversation about it for a bit, and she then went to bed. I took a deep breath and went to my and my wife’s room.

My wife was angrily laying on our bed. She called me a jerk for countering her and told me I should listen to her. I told her I understood but our daughter’s feelings mattered too. My mom told me I was in the right, but my friend told me I should apologize to my wife for going against her.

So, AITJ?”

Another User Comments:

“NTJ at all, good for you for sticking up for your child’s interests. Shame on your wife for writing off something your daughter was excited about as ‘boring’. News flash for your wife – most parents don’t go to their children’s ballet recitals or orchestra concerts because they think it’s the most exciting thing in the world.

The best thing you can ever do for a kid is nurture their interests, and your wife needs to get her head out of her butt.” swishystrawberry

Another User Comments:

“NTJ – Always advocate for your child’s needs and feelings to be respected in the home because they need to feel they are a valued part of the family.

It sounds like your wife has a hard time controlling her emotions and maybe you can sit down and address it with her. I think marriage is a whole lot easier when both partners invite each other to come to them without blame to address concerns.

This is a fault in her that you have seen has hurt your kid’s emotions and, assuming she wants to avoid things like that in the future, seeing things through your eyes can help her. Be kind since she could feel guilty about you bringing up her being unreasonable but be sure to make sure your daughter gets her own conversation about it.

I think it would improve things leaps and bounds if she got a kind apology from her mother.” Conejita_y_Ardilla

Another User Comments:


Good for you for supporting your daughter. She’ll remember how you took an interest in her interests (or at least she should incorporate it into her personality).

Sadly, she’s also going to remember what her mother did. And incorporate that too.

It’s going to be a hard journey for her to try to keep the positive and reject the negative.

I hope you are able to find out why your wife is choosing to be cruel to her own daughter.

Yes, as parents, friends, and partners we participate in things we don’t personally enjoy for the sake of the other person (listen to songs, watch a movie, try a new food, etc).” Blacksmithforge3241

1 points - Liked by NeidaRatz

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Ninastid 1 year ago
Ntj your wife is just being a childish b*tch
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5. AITJ For "Ruining" Someone's Flight?


“I (33m) am traveling and had just found my seat on a looooong flight.

15 hours or so. I was in an aisle seat and a stranger about my age approached me. He closed the overhead bin above me. The bin had a few bags in it, but it still had room for one more.

He said to me, ‘Tell people that this one is full, okay?’ I just shrugged.

He went back to his seat, which was a few rows ahead of me, and started rummaging around in his carry-on to get out his pillow, book, headphones, etc. His row was the first in the economy cabin, so it was in that weird spot by the emergency door and the bathrooms and didn’t have an overhead bin of its own or even a seat in front of it to store a bag.

The flight continued to board, and the overhead bins closed one by one. Eventually, the woman who had the aisle seat across from me showed up and started looking for overhead space. Most bins were closed by then, so she decided to start looking inside some.

The guy who closed the bin noticed this behavior and was watching her like a hawk but he couldn’t get to his false bin because the line was backed up by this woman.

When she started reaching for his false bin, he started yelling, ‘No!

No! That one is full! It’s full!’ But the woman ignored him. So he looked at me and screamed, ‘Tell her! Tell her it’s full!’ But by that point she had opened the bin and discovered that it was, in reality, not full.

He screamed, ‘You were supposed to tell her it was full!’

Everyone in the vicinity was looking at me so I shrugged again and said, ‘You can’t call dibs.’

The man was furious. I ruined his whole flight.

He had to find bin space at the back of the cabin and, since he didn’t have a seat in front of him, that meant he had to wait for the entire flight to be empty to get his bag.

I made accidental eye contact with him a few times while waiting in line for the bathroom and could tell he was not letting anything go.

After the flight, I was waiting at the baggage carousel with my boss and telling him the bin story.

Well, The guy happened to walk by at that moment and yelled something at me. I told my boss, ‘I think he called me ‘the dibs guy.”

He turned around and said, ‘No! I called you the dibs jerk!’

So, am I the dibs guy or the dibs jerk?”

Another User Comments:

“NTJ at all here.

While I am a big proponent of dibs, that isn’t what happened here. If this were a simple dibs situation, he would have been preventing you from using that space.

What this gentleman is attempting is nothing short of a universal dibs, which cannot be achieved by simply notifying one person. He would have to announce it to every potential challenger, which he failed to do.

Additionally, just because he called dibs does not place you under any obligation to defend his dibs.

There is no such thing as a third-party duty to defend dibs, particularly when you aren’t even friends.” Desperate_Elevator_3

Another User Comments:

“If this guy was so concerned with putting his carry-on stuff in a bin, why didn’t he do so when he had the opportunity?

He could’ve waited for the seatbelt light to turn off, got up, got the stuff he needed, and got hunkered down for the remainder of the flight. Then he’d have easier access to it at the destination.

It wasn’t your duty to guard the bin for anyone’s use, and it was presumptuous for him to have asked. Everyone knows storage on a plane is first come, first served. Trying to call dibs on an overhead bin is nonsense.

NTJ.” SamW20910

Another User Comments:


When you book a flight where you can pick a seat, it tells you if the seat has extra space, less space, no under-seat storage, no overhead storage, etc. If he knew that he shouldn’t have picked that seat.

If he was assigned a seat that same day he should have asked the flight attendant where he could put his things (if there was still space left), or asked if they could check it into the cargo space (sometimes they do that if overhead is full).

It’s his own fault for not preparing for it and taking away space from other people – those who were entitled to that overhead space.” Kaben_TheRareCase

1 points - Liked by IDontKnow

4. AITJ For Not Helping My Mom Move?


“My parents got divorced in 2005. In the settlement, my mom got 1 out of 2 homes that my dad had purchased, as well as alimony for 10 years.

The house was mortgaged, and she said she would keep it for a year and sell it. Years passed, and I tried hard to get her to finally move so she wouldn’t drain her finances, but nothing worked.

In the past 10 years, she developed some pretty serious hoarding habits.

She got involved with an organization that accepted donations, and her house basically became a storage unit of random crap. Every once in a while I would help her clean up, and she would not want to throw away or donate anything of hers or any leftovers from the organization after it closed. We would usually end up fighting.

The hoarding got so bad that no one was allowed to visit, (including my brother and me). She bought a small apt in 2012 and it has been completely empty since 2014. I tried to no avail to get her to pack, sell the house and move to the small apt for YEARS.

Fast forward to today. She drained her investments and now ALL her money is tied to the house. Now she wants my help to pack, declutter and move. But now we are in a hurry. I need to lend her the money for next month’s mortgage/maintenance (6k or so) because she’s down to zero.

Her husband works doing Uber Eats and what he makes is what is keeping food on the table. Before she called to ask for help, I was in the middle of passing my exams to become a registered architect (6 pretty tough exams).

I stopped everything and have risked my future and my job for the last 6 weeks. (I work remotely and have neglected my job and my house/husband, to help her pack).

When I’m there, all I get from her is yelling, sarcasm, and temper tantrums. The house is in complete chaos… She still doesn’t want to get rid of stuff and will sit down with her collection of garbage and stare at it, cry over it, and won’t take action.

She also won’t let me do anything on my own and will want to micro-manage everything I do. It’s unbearable and makes me feel I’m wasting precious time.

This has taken a big toll on my mental health and today after a usual tantrum, I told her I won’t be coming back after May 4th.

There is a chance she could lose the house if she doesn’t move in time. She has a mild mobility issue and a previous heart attack. I feel really bad, but I just can’t take it anymore and feel like I’m just wasting my time anyway.

Am I the jerk for not coming back to help my own mother?”

Another User Comments:

“You’re NTJ and should have bailed out earlier. If she asks for help, she should accept help. Once she started fighting you, you should have given one warning and then washed your hands of the whole thing when her behavior didn’t change.

You should not be risking your future fighting her and her self-inflicted damage. Don’t feel bad or guilty for what she’s purposely done to herself.” extinct_diplodocus

Another User Comments:


Unfortunately, in life, people who are supposed to be there for us and be a support system end up being the exact opposite and toxic.

Based on your description it sounds like that may be happening. It’s one of the most difficult things to reconcile but I think the help she needs goes far beyond what you’re able to provide.” LorAsh288

Another User Comments:


OP, you tried. You really tried. And she needs a level of help you aren’t capable of giving. She needs a team of professional cleaners and packers who specialize in hoarding, a therapist or two, and probably meds and cognitive therapy.

If it helps, one reason your mom is so vicious right now is how a hoarder’s brain processes their things. Her body is processing and throwing away garbage like her life is under threat every time. It’s like she’s a diabetic being forced to throw away her own insulin.

At the same time, she needs to be the one to move forward and manage her disorder. Even if she raged and screamed and then apologized for her craziness.

And $6,000 is not ‘mortgage and maintenance’. That’s back taxes and late payments, isn’t it?

I don’t think you should pay for it. If you do pay it, do not give your mother the funds. Go straight to the bank/county/whoever and pay them.

I’m sorry OP. Hoarding is a tough disorder.” Lily_May

1 points - Liked by NeidaRatz

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IDontKnow 1 year ago
NTJ. It sounds like you have really tried. Until she recognizes she needs professional mental help, and until she gets that professional mental help, there is nothing more you can do for her. You're only going to cause more damage to yourself and your house/husband.
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3. AITJ For Not Watching The Kids?


“I (27m) was at a backyard cookout with some friends and coworkers. So the ages were late 20s to early 40s. It was a family-friendly event so people brought their kids. They were playing in the yard while most of the adults hung out on the backyard deck.

And like always, the parents saw other adults in the area and decided to just walk away and go inside. I don’t know why this is a thing a lot of parents tend to do. Parents, why do you just walk away at outings and expect other people to watch your kids?

I don’t get it. I could see if it is your immediate family but even then I would warn someone that I was not going to be watching for the safety of my kids.

It was near the end of the night so some people were gone.

It was also getting dark and colder so people were inside. The kids were still running around playing outside when I decided to go home. I went inside and said goodbye to the host. Then I got in my car out front and was on my phone for a minute and someone angrily walked up and asked me why I left the backyard.

They said I was back there and they were counting on me to watch the kids. Note that this was never said to me. They just went inside and said nothing.

I was on the deck and at no point in the night was I ever paying attention to the kids.

Nothing dangerous happened to the kids. The parent just saw me walking to my car and freaked out. I told her it’s not my job to watch your kids but I probably would have stuck around IF I was asked. I was just sitting on the deck drinking beer and minding my own business.

I had already been going back and forth from outside to socialize the whole night like everyone else. Not sure why I was the one singled out. There were times when another person happened to be outside and I was inside.

Did they assume we were taking shifts? I don’t get the mentality of parents but maybe I’m the jerk here.

Also, I want to note that the backyard is NOT fenced off. She brought that up a lot and I just retorted with ‘Even more reason to stay with your kids.’ The backyard was one of those open ones that opens into the forest.

I did not drive under the influence. I had a single drink and was not wasted or even somewhat tipsy.”

Another User Comments:

“NTJ. I can’t stress this enough – never, ever assume some random adult is ‘watching the kids.’ Never take kids someplace and place their safety in the hands of another adult without confirming they are ‘watching the kids.’ Unless they are being paid to do it or volunteered to, they are not there for your kids.

End of story. This includes teenagers. Teenagers at events are not there to watch your kids. Teenagers that are part of a family member’s family/coworker’s family are not there to watch your kids. You, the parent, are responsible for your kids.

Nobody else. Period.” Historical-Groundhog

Another User Comments:


You were not obligated to watch anyone’s children because you are not their parent. If a person has children, it is their responsibility. Quite frankly, it was stupid of them to just assume someone was watching the kids and for them to just walk away.

That is how accidents happen.

I honestly question that person’s mental capacity. Not only did they walk away from their own kids, but they also left their children in the care of someone who was drinking and who didn’t know they were ‘supposed’ to watch the kids.

Bless their heart to heaven, because they ain’t getting there with their brain!” False-Guess

Another User Comments:

“NTJ. The big thing I’ve learned about people who do this is that they are trying to assert power and their place in some pecking order, with you beneath them.

I could be wrong, but the woman in question sounds to me like she has had this done to her ever since she was old enough to target with this nonsense and had it drilled into her that she just had to take it, too bad, so sad, the only way out is to ascend in the pecking order/wait for someone to come along who is lower than you.

That doesn’t excuse her; she is clearly old enough to realize it’s all nonsense. Some people resist that realization, though, because the only comfort they can think of for how they’ve been treated badly is the promised treat of being able to unfairly push their work off on someone else, so instead of grieving their own hurts like a good person would, they seek to get that treat even if it means inflicting the same hurts on someone else.

It’s best to avoid people who do this, or at least come up with some serious snark to use in response to all the screaming. Bullhorns are good – every time they start screaming, hit the bullhorn. Some people decorate them with bows and sparkles for extra style.” HelenGonne

1 points - Liked by LizzieTX

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Kali 1 year ago
I would have asked how much the woman is planning on paying me
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2. AITJ For Being Too Hard On My Brother?


“I (33m) have my own contracting business that I started when I was 18. It started slow and was more of a side gig while I went to a trade school, eventually, I made connections and through word of mouth built up quite a successful business over the years with around 20-30 employees.

I’ve worked hard and poured as much funds into this as I can. We do everything from plumbing, electrical, woodwork, etc. and everybody gets trained in a little bit of everything just to build knowledge and in case of emergencies where we need more hands.

Flash forward to 2 weekends ago and my mom asked me if I could get my brother Tom (19m) a job at my company to help him get off his feet. I agreed but set ground rules that he doesn’t get a free paycheck and will work for his money and put in the same amount of effort as the rest of my guys/girls.

They both agreed and Monday morning he showed up and put in a good day’s work. This lasted until Wednesday and then I got a call from my mom telling me I need to reprimand my employee, Jeff.

Jeff is a phenomenal worker and is amazing at what he does.

He caught my brother on his phone at a job site multiple times and after multiple warnings yelled at Tom. I told my mom I trust Jeff as he is my best employee who I’d trust fully with my company and Tom needs to learn to stay off his phone and work or he can quit.

My mom frustrated, yelled and hung up on me.

We had a family get-together Friday night and Tom lashed out for giving him ‘the hardest role out of everybody just so I could see him struggle. You make me carry all of the heavy equipment and supplies while you sit on your phone’.

I snapped back that he doesn’t know hard work and struggling and that he’s just a lazy guy who can’t stand working and if he doesn’t like it so much he can leave. He stormed out and my mom started flipping out and my dad stopped her and reminded her of all the work I’ve put in and that it’s my company I’ll run it how I want.

After that, I excused myself and went home. I‘ve been receiving angry texts from my mom and my brother hasn’t spoken to me since. He’s been showing up to work and actually has been working harder but keeps his head down.

I’m wondering, AITJ for being too hard on him?”

Another User Comments:

“NTJ. You build a company from the ground up, have certain standards to hold, and explained as much to your family.

Your brother probably was expecting an easy ride and a no-work paycheck.

If he wants to act like that then he can go find a job elsewhere. You are doing him a HUGE favor by allowing him to work for you.

Glad to hear that he’s keeping his head down and working harder.

Maybe he actually got the point that this isn’t a free ride and if he doesn’t want to do the job, you’ll hire someone who actually does.

Congrats on running a successful business OP!” AmaltheaPrime

Another User Comments:

“NTJ. This is why it is not always wise to work with family.

Your mom’s interference may be the biggest problem here. Her berating you for not protecting her baby gives your brother the impression you are not the authority at work. If you give in to this, it proves your brother right, and every time he doesn’t like the job he will cry to Mom.

The real world doesn’t work that way.

It will be harder for your brother to gain respect at the workplace purely because he is your brother, but if you take it easy on him or they catch wind that he tells on you to Mommy, there will be even less respect, and less for you if you give in or defend him when he does something wrong at work.

People really don’t respect nepotism for a reason.” littleblackkatt1234

Another User Comments:


You said that if you gave him a job he’d be expected to work like all the other employees. You gave him a job and now he’s having to work like all the other employees.

There is no justification whatsoever for his and your mum’s objections.

And on a side note, you need to hold your ground on this for the sake of your business. From what you’ve said a good part of your business’s success is down to having a well-trained and hard-working team working for you and well-experienced people like Jeff keeping things running smoothly.

If you allowed your brother to swan about the place getting paid for doing less than they do and acting like he was too good to do the work they do, then you would lose their respect and goodwill. That would damage your business (as well as being just plain wrong).

Your team will appreciate seeing you play this fair and you won’t hold their loyalty or respect if you don’t carry on doing that.” lemlemsx

1 points - Liked by IDontKnow

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stro 1 year ago
Ntj. The sooner tom realizes this is how the world works, the better he'll turn out.
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1. AITJ For Not Wanting To Give My Engagement Ring Away?


“I (35f) was married to my ex-husband (36) for 10 years. We divorced 3 years ago. We have a son together who’s 5.

Our divorce wasn’t messy. No one had an affair and we agreed on everything when we divorced. We co-parent our son and he’s an active father.

In the divorce, it was written that I would keep my engagement ring (it was a family heirloom from my ex-husband’s family) and would one day give it to our son.

My ex-husband has a new partner. I really like her and so does my son.

I invite them both over for all the events involving our son and holidays. They just had a baby girl together. I’m very excited for them both and my son is excited to have a sister.

My ex-husband sat me down and asked me to give him the ring so that he could pass it down to his daughter since it’s an heirloom and that way would stay in his family forever.

I reminded him the ring is specifically in our divorce agreement and belongs to our son. He suggested we change that and he pass down something different. I said no and I’ve been getting non-stop calls and texts from him about how unfair it is because at the time he didn’t also have a daughter.


Another User Comments:


This honestly sounds like something that his partner asked for. Why would he put it in the divorce agreement to give to the son and all of a sudden change his mind?

It makes sense to give it to the son in order for him to use it as an engagement ring when the time comes.

Maybe if the son doesn’t get married or have kids, but the daughter does, it can be passed down to her. But if his concern is for it to stay in the family, then there shouldn’t be an issue with the son having it.” QueenOfBoggle

Another User Comments:

“Soft YTJ because it’s his family heirloom, agreements are fine and you have a right to do with it what you want, but it doesn’t mean it’s the dignified thing to do.

That being said, there is a very simple solution to it all.

You give the ring to your son when he is 18, he can choose whether he wants to use it someday, or whether he wants it passed through his little sister.

There’s a lot of things that could happen between now and when the little sister might need it, there’s no rush.” boomosaur

Another User Comments:

“NTJ – that ring is yours by virtue of the legal agreement in your divorce. It’s traditional that if the bride breaks the engagement, she returns the ring. However, multiple years of marriage and a child would seem to make that tradition rather moot in this case.

That ring is yours to keep and give to your son if you so desire. I hope your ex isn’t going to screw up what appears to be an amiable co-parenting situation with this misguided demand.” Dipping_My_Toes

Another User Comments:

“YTJ. You’re treating this ring as an object but it has meaning to his family and I think it’s strange that you want to keep it. Rings typically go to daughters in the family, not sons, unless there is no daughter.

Now there is a daughter. I don’t really care why you wanted to keep it in the divorce, that’s a weird power play to me. Like if you can’t have it no one in his future can? Why do you have veto power when you are not tied to this ring by blood?

It really wasn’t yours to take but you demanded it. You need to think hard about what your ex-husband’s family would have wanted in this situation as well as how you would feel if the shoe was on the other foot.” blahblah130blah

-5 points - Liked by joau1

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alohakat 1 year ago
Ring belongs to OP, pure and simple, as decreed by the divorce agreement. It goes to the son to present to his GF when/if he decides to get married. End of discussion on that point, and NO is a complete sentence. Sounds to me like Ex's new girlfriend has been in Ex's ear screaming she wants the ring. Just on that point, my answer would still be a hard and fast NO without an explanation, and let Ex figure it out for himself.
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