People Get Spiteful About Their 'Am I The Jerk?' Stories

"So my (f20) father passed away from cancer early last year. He and my mom had a rocky marriage in his last years but she always took care of him and stuck by him after his cancer diagnosis. Approximately 7 months after his passing she told me she found a partner and that she was happy with him.

I was studying abroad when she told me so I just told her that as long as she’s happy and my brother (12) is also ok with it then I don’t mind.

The problem is ever since I came back home I found out he shows up to our house every day and it honestly bugs me and my brother a bit from what I can tell.

It’s just weird having someone else sharing this space with us that isn’t my dad. My mom asked me if I had any problem with it and I said something along the lines of “It might not be too soon for you but I feel like it’s too soon for us to have someone else in the house”

So I don’t know if I’m being selfish, I respect her feelings and want her to be happy but I can’t help being a bit angry whenever he shows up. My brother never leaves his room and sometimes is afraid to go into the kitchen because they’re in there.

It’s just uncomfortable.

Basically, we had a big fight because she started saying what if we want to go on vacations together as a “family” and we just told her she could go with him but we’re not going and not to include us.

He also has 2 kids (divorced) so I asked her if they’d invite her to their family vacations and she said she didn’t know. I said she was moving on too fast and she got mad and I can tell she resents me a bit.

I keep thinking about this and I know I’m probably being selfish but I feel like he was our father until the day he died while she might’ve felt like their marriage was over a long time ago so we had different times to process.

I just need to know if I need to suck it up and accept it and if I’m being a jerk."

Another User Comments:

"No jerks here. Everyone grieves differently. While you lost a father, she lost a husband that she had already started to drift apart from.

I'd have a sit-down and let her know you haven't moved on just yet and would appreciate a little more time before viewing someone else even close to that role. If she's serious about him, and he's a good guy, they should be understanding of you two needing to slow it down. In the meantime, give the guy a chance. Maybe do small things together and just look at him as a guy your mom likes. She's a person too." Discount_Mithral

Another User Comments:

"No jerks here. You and your mom are on different timetables with your grief, which is normal. A lot of people in her shoes would have just walked away from their unhappy marriage when their spouse got sick, but she stayed and made sure he was cared for until the end.

Perhaps try talking with your mom and explain that you will be polite to the new partner and give him a fair chance, but you would appreciate her not trying to force the relationship and family vacations on you while you’re still grieving the loss of your dad. Forcing it isn’t going to do any of you any favors in the long run, and it will likely create resentments that will be difficult to get over." Ajstross