People Are Tense In These 'Am I The Jerk?' Stories
24. AITJ For Denying My Brother's Request To Use Our Mother's Money For A Birthday Gift?
“My (36) brother (38) and I have a tumultuous relationship but are acting as joint Power of Attorneys and Executors of our mother’s (66) Will.
Our mother has been in a care facility with severe MS and early-onset dementia for the last 2 years. I live in a different province while my brother lives in the same city.
He lived with our mom rent-free before she went into care and yet it was my aunts and uncles that eventually phoned me to address their concerns with her health. They even questioned how healthy their living together was. He and I have never had a relationship for many reasons.
When she went into care we found out she had significant debt and we sold her condo to pay it off she now has a fixed amount to pay for her care and accommodation until she passes. What is in her accounts is all that’s left.
My brother has always been terrible with money. Even after everything she has done for him, I see he pays himself back from her account for say $20 he spends on the soft drinks she requests. Something I find petty.
My stance is every penny she has is to be used to support herself until she passes.
This has not stopped him from asking to borrow money for a down payment, to invest, money to cover stolen tools, etc. all of which I have denied. This last request has me questioning if I’m the jerk though.
Today he said he visited Mom and she wanted to give him $500 for a birthday gift for my 15-year-old niece.
I immediately said I wasn’t comfortable with this. In my son’s 2 years of life (she’s not all there so I don’t blame her) she has not given him one gift, let alone all the time and memories my children won’t have with her.
When he was born she offered $500 to buy him a crib but I refused.
I told him I thought it was best if we just left it, as I didn’t think it was fair to my children and I didn’t think it was in her best interest to be spending $500 on birthday gifts.
As expected he lost it. Yelling at me that they were always close (she was the only grandchild for 13 years), that she was struggling with her grandma being in the hospital (she hadn’t visited her in years), asking if I wanted to be responsible for not giving her a gift and that I was a jerk because this wasn’t about me and him but about her.
I feel like a jerk because I don’t want her to suffer, and the situation is unpleasant all around, but I also don’t think that’s fair to my children.
AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. This is not something your mother came up with on her own and that is why you are wisely refusing the request. Honestly, it doesn’t sound like your brother is fit to have POA if he is trying to use it to lend himself money, etc.” JeepersCreepers74
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. You will be if you don’t get some legal assistance and get your brother ousted from being POA. You have the evidence. He’s going to bleed her dry, then claim he can’t pay for her care and it’ll be on you.
Get an elder care lawyer like yesterday.” disney_nerd_mom
23. AITJ For Not Inviting My Brother's Partner to My Surprise Bachelorette Party?
“My brother has been trying to push me to get closer to his partner “Mary” (together 3 months). I’ve done my best to get to know her (initiating dinners, trying her hobbies with her, etc.) but we honestly don’t get along.
I think she’s a snob (she complimented my designer bag, but took the compliment back when she found out it was thrifted. As in literally said “Yike, I take that back”) while she thinks I lack “culture and sophistication” (also something she’s mentioned when trying to convince me to do a “makeover” with her).
The issue is that I’m getting married this year, and my brother has been trying to get her involved. I put my foot down with the bridal party since they’ve only been together for 3 months and I don’t know her, but he insisted that I invite her to the bachelorette.
It was originally supposed to be super lowkey and local. Mary tried to push for something more extravagant, but it wasn’t in my budget. When I wouldn’t budge, she told us something came up that weekend and she couldn’t go.
I was later surprised by my friends who had come together to organize a lavish weekend through favors and points (i.e. one of my friend’s aunts works for a spa, so she was able to get discounted packages, another used her travel points to book a suite, etc.).
I was not told about this and was truly and happily surprised.
The issue is that Mary found out when we posted pictures and she was upset. My brother is now saying that I deliberately left her out, but she told me she was busy!
Mary said that if she had known what the weekend was like though, she would have rearranged her schedule. I feel conflicted because I suspect that my friends didn’t tell Mary on purpose, but they’re claiming they made these plans after Mary bowed out and didn’t reach back out since she was busy.
My brother still says I should have double-checked and made more of an effort to let Mary know my plans, so I figured I’d ask the internet for their thoughts!”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ Where does Mary get off, claiming that you deliberately left her out after she told you she was busy?
If she’s busy, she’s busy and won’t be able to attend. If she wasn’t busy, she lied. Either way, she hasn’t got a leg to stand on here. She IS a snob, which she proved when she complimented your handbag but took it back when she found out it came secondhand.
It’s the same bag, Mary. THE SAME BAG. This woman has her priorities wrong. You can only hope your brother wakes up to her nonsense soon and leaves her behind.” TabbieAbbie
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. It sounds like your brother forced an invite, and she felt it was beneath her and “had plans”.
Then she found out that it was cool, and THEN she was upset. I’d just reply “She said she had plans, and I accepted that”. It’s not YOUR job to chase HIS partner for a friendship that neither of you seems willing to have.” kuken_i_fittan
22. AITJ For Refusing To Uproot My Life To Move Back In With My Parents?
“So I 31M moved out of my parent’s home when I was 19. I have lived on my own and with different roommates for the past 12-ish years.
My current problem is that my Parents want me to move back home, they need my “help” both financially “to which I’ve already been sending them money whenever I can” and to help take care of them. They had me late in the game, they are both in their early 70’s.
I have four older siblings, but because I’m the only one of us five that don’t have kids. They expect me to drop my life and move two states away so that I can move back in with them. On my dime too.
I told them no, that I wouldn’t do it.
I don’t have the best relationship with my mother. While my father is a teddy bear, my mother spent most of my life telling me how much I ruined her plans. How I wasn’t supposed to happen. Took a fit every time she had to spend money on me while at the same time never shying away from dropping $20’s and $50’s in the communion basket during church.
Screaming at me for being too small to fit in my older brother’s hand me down when he was always tall for his age, while I’ve always been short.
I told them no. My father seems to understand, but my mother’s gone on a rampage.
I’ve been getting calls from people in my old neighborhood that I haven’t seen in years talking down to me about my decision. My siblings have also been badgering me about it.
So, AITJ for not wanting to uproot my life and move two states away on my dime, just to move back in with my parents?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Live your own life. Tell each sibling who’s badgering you, “I’m pleased to hear you feel so strongly about this. Thanks for volunteering to move back to our parent’s place. I’ll let them know about your interest.” I don’t understand why you’re sending your parents money unless your siblings are also making matching donations.” extinct_diplodocus
Another User Comments:
“NTJ – Tell your mother that you “acknowledge” that you were an unwanted inconvenience growing up, and that you don’t wish to taint her life again. Essentially giving her the middle finger and making her reflect on her actions as a parent.
Hopefully, you still keep in touch with your father OP, he seems like a nice man from what you’ve said in your post.” Lord_Faded
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. I’m sorry your mother is abusive. You have no obligation to spend time with, (let alone support or live with) an abusive person.
In this case, your mother has learned the consequences of her abusive behavior. Block, ignore, or limit contact with anyone who thinks they can force you to support an abusive parent. Let the people who want them in their life, *be* in their life with their time, money, and effort – you’ve got better things to do with your own life.” savinathewhite
21. AITJ For Kicking My Unemployed Parents Out Of My Apartment?
“I’m 20 years old and live in a 2-room apartment, one of those rooms is my room, and the other one is the kitchen/main room. Since my parents lost their jobs last year, I offered for them to stay in my apartment until they found another job.
My parents sleep on the floor of the kitchen/main room. When my parents and I finish up with dinner, we socialize for a couple of hours and then head off to bed. My parents usually go to sleep at around 10:30 to 10:45 while I usually stay up until 12:15.
My dad keeps complaining about how my TV is too loud, even though it’s at 15 volume. I thought this was rather odd, but I complied with him and turned it down to about 5 volumes. He still kept complaining and I kept telling him back that it wasn’t that loud, I went over to where they slept, laid down, and couldn’t even hear a thing, just the slightest mumbling.
His bright idea was to unplug my router and not give it back, even in the morning, or after work. I told him “It’s my house, and I bought that router and the wifi here, you have no right of taking it from me!”
He responded with “I am your father, I control this house!” which is not true because I own the place. My mom didn’t help me out, she made it worse, she was defending my father and pushing me whenever I tried to take it from him.
This had been going on for about 3 days already, and I decided to kick them both out. I told them to pack their stuff and go, but both of them said that they had full authority over me and that I can’t kick them out because I’m still their child.
I called the cops on them and got them trespassed from my apartment complex. Over the past couple of days, they’ve been texting me about how selfish I am and how over-sensitive I am about everything. Is this true? AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ.
The level of entitlement infuriates me. I hate how far too many parents see their children as nothing but objects to use as they please. Remember that with them, every accusation is a confession. They are the sensitive ones for complaining about the nonexistent TV sound, unplugging the router, and screaming like banshees.
They are the selfish ones for inconveniencing your daily life and thinking they have rights to everything in your life. The best thing to do is go to NC. Explain it to the rest of your family if you wish before the well is poisoned. Of course, they might have the same idea as your parents and will also accuse you of nonsense because they wish to someday extract resources from their child or just don’t want to be bothered to fight your parents.” Natsuyue
Another User Comments:
“NTJ are you female by any chance? The moment your father said that he controlled his house, he stepped over the boundary. He is the selfish one with a bad attitude. Yes, he must be struggling with the fact that he’s dependent on his child but in adversity, we see character….and he is not so nice.
The fact that his poor behavior impacts you and makes you feel guilty also makes him a bad father. For your mental health, I would cut them off. Tell them that when they grow up and apologize, you will speak to them. Be prepared for this to never happen.
Your father’s pride sounds too strong” hello_reddit1234
Change the locks.
20. AITJ For Calling My Obsessive Roommate Creepy?
“I (F19) have been sharing a room with my roommate (F21) for the past six months. When we first met, we shared little things about ourselves, and she briefly mentioned her crush (M22). Let’s call him Max.
As we settled into our new life (we’re in med school), she recounted everything that transpired between her and Max.
Just a little info: she met Max in cram school and he is one year senior to her.
She confessed her feelings to him in 2019 and he didn’t reciprocate. It has been like 4 years since she last saw him and she is still not over him.
And I don’t have a problem with that. Not everyone gets over their first love so easily. Now here’s the thing: she confessed to him on November 24, 2019. And she cried on November 24 and she told me she cries on Nov 24 every year. She knows where he lives and hangs around whenever she gets the chance because she wants to see him (she hasn’t yet).
She has collected the soil of the locality he lives in and treasures it. She whined every day about why he didn’t follow her back on Instagram and why he didn’t reply to her single ‘hi’.
Very recently, while stalking him she conjectured that he had a partner.
Since then she has been unbearable. She has stalked the poor girl’s account, has sent that girl a follow request on Instagram, and is trying to know everything about her. My roommate first asked her friend about her, then Max’s younger brother about the girl, and now Max’s closest friend (let’s call the friend B for feasibility) She started the conversation with B by asking for recommendations for good headphones (a pretense).
And then she gradually progressed to B’s love life and then finally to Max’s. She asked B about Max’s love life. B answered that he wasn’t in a position to answer that. My roommate grew furious. She was hollering, crying, grumbling about why couldn’t B just tell her if Max had a partner or not.
Called B names and just was being, in my opinion, disrespectful.
Now I learned that she also had a major fight with her friend because the friend couldn’t be bothered with such talks. My roommate asked me whether she should ask B: “So he has a partner then?” for confirmation.
I, being tired of her nonsense, spilled out that she was creepy. She has not talked to me since then, shutting the door very loudly when she goes out of the room and just in general giving me loads of anxiety. The thing with me is I encouraged this behavior initially and now I am stuck with someone who uses me as an outlet for her emotions.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ – The most important thing is for you to be in a comfortable living situation. If you have the means to relocate, I’d recommend doing so. Doing so also removes you from this situation completely (assuming you wouldn’t stay in contact with your roommate if you were to leave).
While you do live with your roommate though, set boundaries and don’t encourage conversation/make yourself heard.” lomond_
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. I do think you have a duty of candor in safeguarding people from this woman. She is a serious, obsessive stalker. She is not emotionally sound to care for patients, especially if she has such attachment issues.
This man also deserves to know he has a full-blown stalker so he can take precautions to avoid this woman at all costs. This woman sounds like she has very little self-awareness, or the ability to take responsibility/accountability. Which again, are all massive no-nos for a medical professional. I’d get away from her, highlight to the appropriate bodies what is going on, notify the man being stalked, and then crack on with your life and studies.” Proof-Giraffe5152
Another User Comments:
“NTJ but stop enabling this lunatic. She’s not quirky, she’s not love-sick. She’s a stalker and that’s creepy and obsessive. If she continues being a stalker (and I’m fairly sure she will), you need to inform someone. She needs mental help before she manages to stalk him well enough that HE makes a report and gets a restraining order against her.
She will ruin her life, and will most definitely ruin his if she can. She was creepy long before this. Collecting soil samples from where the object of her limerence lives is not normal ‘not over your first love’ behavior. It’s unhinged.” Panaccolade
19. AITJ For Dreading A Trip To Visit My SO's Mother After An Argument?
“I (26F) have been with my significant other (29M) for almost 2 years and we just had a baby 2 months ago. My significant other is and always has been a big mommas boy but the longer we’re together I feel like the more it just irritates me a lot..
he literally tells her so much and says that she’s like his “therapist” but he talks about our arguments and tells her things that you just shouldn’t involve your parents in.. sometimes I feel like I should tell him move back to CA so he can be with her (he moved to TX for me) and I know that I would never be able to move over there because we would not last, I would not be able to handle him constantly putting his mother before me..
we have an upcoming trip to CA to see his family and I am so dreading it now because his mom and I got into a small argument today and she tried to say that I said something when I clearly didn’t- and she continued to try and say that I did and I held my ground and kept saying no I didn’t, and she says “well it’s basically the same thing”..
then what really made me mad is the fact that she tried to scare me by saying “oh man if I told my son about this, you can forget about it, he would be so mad… but it’s okay I’m not going to say anything to him” as if she was doing ME a favor when I didn’t say anything wrong to begin with!!
Finally, I said “Tell him if you want to tell him, I don’t care- I will show him our messages and he can see what I said” At that point, she was like “Oh calm down I never said I was going to tell him blah blah blah” but like what the heck….
I finally told her I was not trying to be mean but I got frustrated at the fact that she kept implying I said something else when I didn’t and that next time I would be more mindful of what I text her so this doesn’t happen again and told her “have a good day”.
She never responded.. and she talked to my significant other on the phone but never mentioned it which to me shows me that she knows she was wrong for that…. But now I’m at the point where I don’t even want to be around her or in her home when we go visit, we’re going to be there for 4 DAYS!
Am I overreacting?!?!
Ps I didn’t mention anything to my significant other because I feel like he might just take her side anyway (he sees his mother as an angel who can do no wrong).”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. You’re in trouble. Tell him to go by himself, the baby isn’t feeling well, and you don’t want to get them sick.
You need couples therapy. He should NEVER go to his mom about your arguments, it turns her against you more. She’s hearing a one-sided argument from her perfect baby, and you know she’s hearing what a sneaky witch you are! I’m sure when he took his wedding vows it was to make you his new priority.
You might need to remind him of that. His mom has a husband, she doesn’t need two. You need someone who has your back, so it’s time for him to grow up.” Less_Ordinary_8516
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, however, you have a bigger issue in is that you don’t want to discuss this with your husband.
That’s not how married life should be. You should be able to communicate with him your feelings on the matter and he’s a grown man who needs to cut the cord already. Your marriage is not going to last if you’re already scared of bringing up a topic.
Another User Comments:
“Everyone’s a jerk here. Your problem seems more with your significant other than your mother-in-law. Why wouldn’t you show him the text exchange you had with her and talk about your feelings that he seems to put her above you? And she seems to think so too and threatens you with it?
If you cannot have open communication with him, your relationship isn’t going to work. Get on the same page with him, or once and for all find out that his mother DOES come first and that this relationship isn’t going to be one you can live with.
EDIT: oh, and yes, he overshares big time with her, and you shouldn’t go to visit her with him right now.” ParsimoniousSalad
18. AITJ For Leaving My Roommate Locked Out After She Lost Her Keys?
“So my (28F) roommate (26F) lost her keys a month ago. Going on for 2 months now. She still has not found her keys or went to get a new copy of the keys. We share a 2 bedroom house. At first, I was willing to help her out.
I would even get up in the middle of the night, late hours, and unlock the door for her. Things happen, and things get lost. And I didn’t want her to be locked out. However, I thought that was going to be very temporary and was expecting her to get new keys.
Yesterday she texted me and said she’s about to be home so can I unlock the door for her? I had plans to go to dinner with/ my friends. I told her I could wait for a little then I had to be somewhere.
She said okay she’ll be there soon. I waited half an hour. And texted her and asked how much longer she be. She didn’t answer. So I left. And locked the door. The area we live in isn’t the best. People’s cars have gotten broken into, packages have been stolen, etc. So I wasn’t going to risk and leave the door unlocked especially since she didn’t tell me how much longer she’ll be.
Fast forward to like another half hour later. She texts/calls me, blowing up my phone. Mad at me for not waiting for her to get back. I told her she was the one who lost her keys. And I can’t be responsible for making sure she gets in or not anymore.
We’re both adults. I have my plans and things I have to do. She then asks me to come back. In the past I always had. But I’m fed up and said no. She gets mad at me again and thinks I’m this evil and inconsiderate person for leaving her locked out.
With no place to go after she told me she was on her way.
I genuinely feel like that’s not my problem and shouldn’t have been put on me to begin with/. It’s inconsiderate of her to expect that of me. She expected me to wait an hour for her to get home.
No.
She ends up breaking the A/C and window in our downstairs. The A/C that I bought and screwed and bolted in the window btw. I told her she needed to pay for it or replace it. She blamed me and said if I had waited none of that would’ve happened. We have mutual friends and they all are siding w/ her and saying it wasn’t that big of a deal and I could’ve just stayed and pushed back dinner.
Or just left the door unlocked.
AITJ for not waiting to unlock the door for her?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Your roommate needs to be an ex-roommate. I don’t know why she has people siding with her. Sounds like she did criminal damage just to make you pay.
What she did was pretty unhinged and I would not want to live with her. She could have cooled her heels somewhere else, but she went the destructive route. ” Squiggles567
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. She sounds like others have always taken care of her and pandered to her needs.
She is an adult, and plenty capable of getting another key cut. Does the landlord know that there is a set of keys for their property missing?!? And a broken window?!? You are not your roommate’s keeper. You are not responsible for her. You have gone above and beyond for far too long and she needs to grow up and take a bit of responsibility for her mistakes.
Set clear boundaries about what is reasonable, and stick to them.” CanAhJustSay
Another User Comments:
“NTJ and stupid stuff like this is why I’d rather be poor, living in a bad area in a crappy apartment than have roommates again. It was her responsibility to get new keys.
It’s not your responsibility to become a permanent doorman for her. I’d make sure you document whatever damage she’s caused to the window and take that to the landlord so you don’t get charged. The AC? You can try to haggle her for the money but it’s probably not even worth enough to go through the hassle of small claims court.” weeblewobble82
17. AITJ For Not Telling My Father About My Partner First?
“I (early 20sF) have been with my partner (mid 20sM) for about a year. We are currently living together, having just moved in with each other about 6 months ago. We have known each other and been friends since we were kids.
Important to note for context: my parents have always been weird about me being in a relationship.
Throughout high school, I was not allowed to be in a relationship or even have any phone numbers of any boys. Any time I expressed interest in being with someone, even up until I was 20, I was told I could not be with them for whatever reason.
So last year, my partner and I made some big steps in our relationship. I told a few other close, less judgemental, and easier-to-approach family members about us. We had dinner a few times and things were going very well. However, at one point, one of my family members mentioned my partner in conversation and my father found out.
At first, he seemed happy for me because he had known my partner for some time while we were just friends, and said he was a good guy, but a few days later his opinion changed completely. He called me and told me that he wanted nothing to do with me or my partner.
I was distraught. It was a rough time in my life and my depression reached an all-time high.
A few months later, we had a bit of a reconciliation, but there’s been an understanding that I cannot talk about my partner and I cannot ever bring him over.
Even to this day, despite my living with him and us being very serious, even making plans for the future, I cannot say anything related to my relationship. It’s becoming exhausting, especially because I can’t bring my partner to family occasions he might be attending or I know there will be a scene.
I found out from my brother that my father was upset that he wasn’t the first one I told. I apologized and explained I was worried to tell him given the history as mentioned above and while he originally was receptive, it’s like he’s completely disregarding that entire conversation now.
I don’t know what to do, and I’ve been having a weird struggle where I feel like I don’t owe him to tell him every detail of my relationship life, but I feel guilty because it has so clearly hurt him. I just want to see some other perspectives.
So, am I the jerk for not telling him first? Am I a jerk for a different reason I haven’t even considered?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. You’re an adult and can be with whomever you wish. Your parents, more specifically your father don’t own you.
You don’t need anyone’s blessing for the choices you make. It’s your life, live it on your terms. You can’t live your life for others, they aren’t you. Only you know you. I’m sorry your parents are so controlling, I had very controlling parents while I was growing up and I lashed out.
Good for you for not lol it sounds like you’re making very healthy and productive decisions for your life. I’m proud of you. Your parents don’t own you and you don’t owe them an apology for not telling them. They’re the ones who created the situation where you didn’t feel like you could be honest with them.
That’s on them, not you.” SnofIake
Another User Comments:
“NTJ – Oh no, your father is facing the consequences of his actions! With his prior behavior, why would he think he would be the first person you would tell? Prohibiting you from being in a relationship when you’re legally an adult is wild enough, but then to have no contact with you over it is even worse.
Unless he sees how strange he’s being, then comes back and apologizes for how he’s treated you, you may be better off low/no contact. I’m glad to hear your mom is supportive though, hopefully, you two can work through it together since you’re probably the people who know your dad best.” BloomHoard
16. AITJ For Asking My Roommate's Overstaying and Inconsiderate Mom When She Plans on Leaving?
“My (21 F) roommate’s (22 F) mother has been staying with us after there was a small flood in her apartment. Nothing was seriously damaged, especially since she had been home at the time and managed to mop up most of the water with towels and blankets.
However, when it happened my roommate told me her mom needed to stay with us for a couple of nights while it was sorted. I was fine with a couple of nights, as it was a bad thing that happened to her and she is my roommate’s family and needed somewhere to stay.
However, when her mom showed up, her mom told me that her landlord had offered for her to stay at a hotel at his cost, as the flooding was due to plumbing issues within the house. I was a little confused as to why she chose to stay in our little two-bedroom apartment instead of a hotel, but I figured she may just want to be near her daughter with all the stress.
It has not been a couple of nights. She is coming up to her eighth night of being here. She has also been an incredibly rude house guest (I’ve made previous posts about this woman’s behavior actually) she has been loud late at night,(which is frustrating for me who needs to get up early in the morning to work 10-12 hour shifts) causing a lot of dishes and not cleaning them, taking long hot showers multiple times a day, leaving the heater on full blast, lounging around watching tv at times I would like to, constantly in the kitchen or bathroom when I need to be.
Even when I need to get ready for work in the morning, almost every morning she is in the bathroom for 20 minutes during times I need to be. Every time I ask her to get out she says “I’ll just be a few more minutes!” And stays in there for a while longer.
When my roommate and I go to work, she sits around in our apartment as she’s unemployed so she doesn’t need to go to work.
I have spoken to her about things several times. Asked her to not be in the bathroom when I needed to be, asked her to do her dishes, and asked her to turn the heater off when it wasn’t necessary.
We live in a very expensive city, so since my rent is already expensive I don’t exactly want a super high power bill either. She has also offered no kind of gesture of appreciation to me.
AITJ for asking when she plans on leaving?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. But don’t ask. Tell. “You were supposed to be here “a few nights”. Tonight is your 10th night in my home. This is not acceptable any longer. You will have to move out tomorrow.” And to roommate: “Your mum has spent almost half this month here, wasting hot water and heating like she is a millionaire.
I hope you realize that whatever increase in cost we have for this month will be paid by you. You might want to start saving up for it.” JaguarZealousideal55
Another User Comments:
“NTJ Tell your roommate you need to speak with her alone, today. Then tell her in no uncertain terms her mother has to leave.
She may be banking the hotel money her landlord offered, at your expense. But even if this isn’t happening, she’s overstayed her welcome. Your roommate should have been cleaning up after her “house guest”. And tell her if the electric bill is higher than usual, she has to pay the increase.”Lab-1916
Another User Comments:
“NTJ she needs to start paying rent until she gets out of there which needs to be soon you agreed to a few days. Anything more than that should’ve been discussed. The three of you need to sit down and address the amount of time she has been staying there and decide on a deadline.
It is extremely rude of her to bum off of you and use all this power and not pay for it, it would be nice if you could discuss some kind of compensation or at the very least minimize the amount of power she is using throughout the rest of her stay and adjust her bathroom, kitchen, and tv usage since she doesn’t need to work and you do.” Zcout8
15. AITJ For Not Giving Up My Queen Bed For My Plus Size Friend On Vacation?
“I (30’s F) am going on vacation with 4 of my friends (30’s and 40’s Fs). We go every year and always use a randomized selection tool to help us choose who gets which bedroom. The tool assigns the order in which we can choose. I got 3rd choice, and my plus size friend (Marie) got 5th choice.
The first 3 of us all chose the queen-size beds. The other two got twin beds and had to share a room. Yeah, it’s not ideal, but that’s why we leave it up to chance so nobody can complain.
Marie asked me privately if we could switch places so she could have the queen-sized bed. She is plus size, but in my opinion not so big she can’t fit in a twin bed. I have lost over 100 lbs and at my largest, was bigger than Marie is now.
I never once asked to switch beds when I was bigger.
I therefore said no. She started crying and told me I was being unreasonable, and that I of all people should understand. I do understand, but it’s my vacation too and I’ve worked hard to be in a body I’m comfortable in.
I don’t feel like I should give up my spot to accommodate her when she can still fit in the twin bed.
AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. I am a plus size and can sleep in a twin bed. Sure, a much smaller person would have an easier time in a twin, but I can sleep comfortably.
She knew about the room situation in advance, so if she was truly concerned about needing accommodation for bed size, she should have told the group in advance. It can be embarrassing, but she could have told people in advance since you are all friends- listen, I can’t sleep in a twin bed so am happy to pay more to secure a queen or look for a different house.” fruitfly
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. She knew what the arrangement was, if she truly needed a larger bed she should have spoken up before rooms were chosen, and asked the whole group if it was okay for her to claim one of the queen-size beds before everyone else used the random method.
She asked, you said no. That should have been the end of it. Her trying to manipulate you by crying and saying “You of all people should understand” is a jerk thing to do. The fact that you used to be big like her doesn’t mean you’re somehow obligated to accommodate her demand.
She’s a jerk for singling you out like that. She should ask the other 2 people who got queen-size beds if they’d be willing to switch. Maybe one of them would agree because they don’t care so much about having a smaller bed, and they’d like the $75 savings.” Bookish4269
Another User Comments:
“NTJ… if she wasn’t ok with a twin she should have spoken up before y’all went ahead with the system to choose. And it’s bothering me how many people are commenting on how you mentioned your weight and being righteous about it when you said that you used to be bigger than her and sleeping in a twin bed wasn’t an issue which is the point of even mentioning it.
She thought you would understand because you used to be the same weight however you didn’t throw a fit and make a big deal when it came down to it like she did. She sounds entitled and if it’s such a big deal to her then maybe she should make some lifestyle changes to accommodate herself rather than expecting it from others.” Ok_Record5019
14. AITJ For Kicking Out My Friend Who Endangered My Dog?
“I let my best friend Amy stay at my place for a few weeks while her place was getting renovated (it’s a rental and she didn’t have much of a choice in timing).
I also have a French bulldog that will eat anything and everything, as much as I love him, he’s not the brightest. This is why there are a few rules to follow when staying at my place, which I also informed Amy about.
Other than not leaving anything on the sofa or in his reach, the most important is to not leave anything on the table and to move the chairs away from the table when we’re not home.
Cut to a few days after her arrival, I got home and my dog looked a bit unwell, I asked Amy if she saw anything and she said he was fine when she got home.
I took him out for a walk and as I was picking up his poop I saw a candy wrap in his poop. Came home and asked Amy if she left anything on the table or in his reach and she said no, that maybe he had eaten something off the street from the previous walk.
I explained that it’s very important for me to know if he ate anything so I can take him to the vet, she adamantly said no and told me it’s my fault for not paying attention to what my dog picks up from the street.
Needless to say, my dog started feeling sicker and I had to take him to the vet, where they discovered that he had around 8 or 9 candy wraps in his stomach. I came back home and confronted Amy and she finally admitted that she left a bag of candy on the table but that she pulled the chairs away so she thought he couldn’t reach them indeed when she came back home the bag was on the floor and the candy was gone.
I told her that she could have killed my dog since she didn’t come clean in the first place and I wasted precious hours instead of taking him immediately to the vet.
She apologized and said she was afraid I would get angry since she knows how adamant I am about these rules.
I started yelling at her and told her to leave, that I didn’t care if she didn’t have where to go, she needed to figure it out. She is now staying with some friends that live outside of the city but she has to commute 1.5 hours to get to work.
So AITJ for not talking it out with her and letting her continue to stay at my place?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. She lied to you and deliberately tried to make you believe it was your fault, literally saying you must have been the one to miss something.
Even worse, she knew your dog was unwell and could potentially and still refused to stop lying, causing you to delay taking him to the vet.” Sebscreen
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Mistakenly leaving the candy within reach is one thing, but she tried to hide it from you and lied, even when your dog was sick.
This isn’t someone you should allow into your home – or, frankly, your life. Your dog’s health was at risk and she didn’t care enough to be honest. What does that say about her?” puzzled spoons
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. You don’t get a second chance when 1.
You do something that affects my pets’ health, and 2. When you lie about it (or anything else). Of COURSE, you would have yelled at her if she told the truth and admitted she screwed up with the candy. I would’ve kicked her out, too. I’d block her on top of that.” Gattina1
13. AITJ For Changing My Tailgate Location Because Of A Dog?
“My (33M) family and friends and other acquaintances tailgate for every home game of our alma maters college football games.
We have tailgated together for 10+ years. I own thousands of dollars worth of equipment. We drink, we grill, play games, and watch other football games.
Last year, a couple that I know, but did not super well, started bringing their dog to the tailgate. They let the dog all over my stuff. They would take pictures of the dog on my cornhole boards, and let it on my camping chairs. I’m not a dog-friendly person so I asked them to stop and not bring the dog next time. They dismissed me. I asked one friend, Bob, who I know well and knows the couple well to leave the dog home. He refused, said most enjoy the dog, and sees no reason why it shouldn’t be allowed. It is a public space.
In the last game of the year last year, they even fed the dog steak that I grilled. They were fair game for people to eat, but I didn’t want them going to the dog. So I asked to be reimbursed 20 bucks. I never got the money. It upset me.
I’m looking into moving spots and making things a little more private, and not as public as they used to be. We’ve had the same spot for nearly 10 years and I think it’s time to downsize as I get older and less rowdy. After some feedback from others, it was split.
Some friends are upset. They don’t want to move due to a variety of factors. I have most of the equipment and it’s several thousand dollars worth of gear, plus I’m willing to deal with the hassle of moving and transporting everything. So people are at my will or find somewhere else.
I’ve been called the jerk. Phil called me and asked me to reconsider. I asked if they were going to reconsider bringing the dog and pay me back for the steak. He said I was being unreasonable. They said that I’m ruining it for dozens of people over a dog. My view is not, that people can follow me, I think others are being rude and disrespectful to me. It was left at that. But AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ Look I love dogs to death, but they don’t belong at EVERY function. It’s ok to keep a dog at home now and then. This especially applies when you know the main host isn’t keen on said dog eating his food and sitting all over his stuff.
The dog owners are entitled and seem to think that because they love their dog, everyone else does too. The fact that you asked them not to bring the dog and they still do is very telling that they don’t care. It’s appalling that they fed it food you bought and cooked too.
If they want to feed their dog human food, have at it, but I’d never feed my pet something expensive that someone else paid for. Steaks aren’t cheap these days.” Caspian4136
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, you explained why you are not willing to do it again and that them bringing their dog makes you uncomfortable, but, they are insisting on bringing the dog… As you are the owner of most of the gear and are finding an alternative location, the ones who want can go with you, and the others, will need to make other plans…” Ravenclaw
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. If the issue is really that they won’t restrain their dog (meaning, specifically, keep it away from your stuff), and they are going to give their dog the expensive people food you’re providing, which is not meant for dogs, you are not the one being unreasonable or wrecking things.
I love dogs. I hate jerk dog owners. (edited to remove confusion)” mifflewhat
12. AITJ For Defending My Tomboy Daughter Against My MIL's Gender Stereotypes?
“I am a dad of 3 (10F, 10M, and 6F).
My 10-year-old daughter is pretty girly but my 6-year-old daughter follows my son around like his little shadow and is what people sometimes call a tomboy (Disclaimer: I have no idea if that is an offensive term now but apologize if it is). She loves sports and being outside with her big brother and they are pretty close.
For the spring she just started playing lacrosse, which my 10-year-old son has been playing for years, and they have been spending so much time together outside practicing. It’s pretty cool to watch as a dad since I was worried about my singleton bonding with the twins when she was born.
Anyway, my MIL was over the other day and the kids were outside playing while we were on the porch watching and my wife was making dinner. They were just playing catch and my son leaned over to spit so my 6 year old did the same.
My MIL said nothing to my son about it but yelled, “Rosa! You need to be more ladylike. Don’t copy your brother when he does that!” I told her it wasn’t that big of a deal but she insisted that we need to get this under control because Rosa doesn’t act like a lady should and is getting too old to think it’s okay.
I argued with her a bit and she ended up leaving. Now my wife is mad because she thinks I disrespected her mother and should have understood that it’s cultural for my MIL and she will always think this way. If it matters I am a white guy from New England and my wife’s mom is from Nigeria but my wife was born and raised in the US.
My wife insists that I need to be more understanding of the cultural differences and understand where her mom is coming from.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ You can understand cultural differences and still understand they are wrong. All MIL is doing is enforcing gender roles.
Why? Partly out of an innate selfish desire to see our offspring reflect our own identities and partly because they want the next generation to fit in and not have problems. But a girl being whatever she wants when she becomes a woman isn’t a problem in this country.
Your wife is on the wrong side of this argument. There is something to be said for not letting kids simply do whatever they want as a means of “being themselves”. That’s not good parenting either. Kids need to understand that there’s a lot of doing what you don’t want to do that goes into being a functional adult.
Going to support family by attending events, going to religious services, doing chores, etc. But I think it is perfectly healthy for your daughter to pursue the hobbies she wants to pursue.” WTxLeanin
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. The kids are being a kids. Your wife is the disrespectful one.
She needs to tell her mom not to say those things in your house because it’s a cultural thing that guests let the parents, parent. Let her use her reasoning on her mother instead. Your MIL is also a jerk. She can believe what she wants but It’s not her place to yell at a 6-year-old and not for some nebulous thing like being more ladylike.
A 6 yr old doesn’t know what that means. If she has concerns she can talk to you calmly when the kids are not around.” Parasamgate
Another User Comments:
“NTJ It’s not cultural. It’s sexist. She is forcing the societal expectations of what it means to be a woman on your daughter *and* your son by saying what she said.
And it’s completely unacceptable. Your wife needs to get on board. She is raising her children in a very different time than her mother did, the world has moved on, and those gender stereotypes have been proven to be incredibly harmful to everyone. Don’t let your MIL inflict those outdated and cruel stereotypes on your children.” Cursd818
11. AITJ For Not Attending A Girls Trip Due To Unreciprocated Interest In Life Updates?
“I (27F), have a group of female friends (8 of us), we have been friends for over a decade, since school. Now we don’t live in the same place, we meet up a couple of times a year for a weekend in an Airbnb. This used to be a weekend of good food, drinks, hot tub, etc.
I am content with my life at the moment, I am single, seeing someone and I don’t know if I would like children – but in the event I did I know I wouldn’t want one soon.
Around 5 of my friends are either married or in very long-term relationships, of these 5 two either have a baby or are pregnant.
I will see all my friends this year for various wedding/friend/baby events.
I have been invited to this year’s girls’ trip, but I have said I can’t come. I didn’t originally provide a reason.
When queried, in person by my friend, who is pregnant – I told her the truth.
I am not going because it’s a massive financial expense, for three, we only talk about people’s upcoming engagements/weddings/babies. I have a lot going on, but I feel a lot of my friends do not show interest unless I talk about someone I’m seeing.
I also last time, listened to one of my friends talk about her breastfeeding plans, with vengeance, for over an hour. She is not pregnant or trying. Truthfully it’s boring, and it feels dismissive.
It’s also a really expensive way to feel bad about myself.
I made clear when telling my friend this, that I am thrilled for them all living the lives they want, but maybe it’s not the weekend for me at the moment. Meaning it feels like the group has two distinct life stages, I’m in the minority and it focuses on one stage.
My friend has since told me, she’s hurt I am not excited for her, or our other friends. I responded by saying, I was (from other actions), but I just didn’t think the trip was for me. I do have numerous other things on, and to fit this in both in the calendar and financially is a struggle.
I just want to add for this friend specifically I have gone on three weekends away for her wedding, and I am flying to go to her baby shower – all the in the last two years. I have not asked her, nor has she wanted to fly to see me for anything in the last two years.
So my query is AITJ for being truthful with the reason why I can’t go?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ because the real issue here is different from how it seems. On the surface, this seems like it’s just about engagements, weddings, and babies.
You go out of your way to be constantly supportive of them. However, they don’t reciprocate that for you. They can’t relate to anything or want to relate to anything outside of their lives. It would sort of be like if you just won an award but all they talked about was the pie they just ate that morning.” Dependent_Praline_93
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. We all change as we get older. You naturally drift apart from some friends, especially if their lifestyle changes dramatically (think married with children, in particular). I wouldn’t want to spend a lot of money to spend 3 days with a group that had such dis-similar interests.
And I don’t think it was wrong to be truthful when your friend asked you why you wouldn’t go.” Smokin_HOT_Ice
Another User Comments:
“NTJ and what you are experiencing at 27 is what a lot of the rest of us have also experienced. Lives change and all of a sudden, some of our friends don’t have much in common with us anymore.
I’ve casually drifted from friends because all they could talk about was diapers or insist on bringing their kid to an outing. That’s just not my thing.” LowBalance4404
10. AITJ For Expecting My Ex-Partner to Pay Her Half of the Rent After Breaking Up?
“I have been with my partner for 3 years and we have lived together for around a year and a half. In the last few months or so I have started realizing I’m not happy in the relationship, a lot of the effort seems one-sided.
Whenever I have tried to talk to my partner about it she gets defensive instead of listening to what I am trying to say or will just dismiss what I’ve said and act like there’s nothing wrong.
I have tried multiple times over the last few months to talk about how I’m feeling and the concerns I have and have been shut down every time.
After being dismissed yet again I told her we needed to talk. I told her I wasn’t happy in the relationship and that I think it’s best if we break up.
She asked what had brought it on and I pointed out the repeated dismissals of my concerns and she denied it happened but I told her it’s best if we end things.
I do still love her and wish her the best and everything but I don’t want to be in a relationship with her.
The issue came when we started discussing living arrangements. I have no family or friends nearby that I could stay with and we have 8 months left on the lease.
We both transfer half of the rent to our landlord each month. All the bills are in my name.
The cost to end the lease early is 6 months rent or the remainder of the lease, whichever is smaller but we wouldn’t have that much money to just pay in a lump sum.
I told my partner I was happy to take the couch for now and then look at getting a little bed for the spare room since the apartment is both of our homes.
She said she’d probably just move back home with her parents but then said she would not be paying the rent and bills when she moved out.
I told her while she might not be living here she’s still on the lease so she still has to pay her half of the rent until we can find a roommate to move in after she’s moved out.
I said I’d pay all of the utilities but I can’t afford the full place on my own. She said she’s not going to be paying for somewhere she doesn’t live but I tried explaining that she’s still on the lease for the apartment so until we find a roommate for the spare room she should be paying her half.
She again just said she won’t be paying and that I’m a jerk for expecting her to. AITJ for expecting her to still pay half of the rent?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. She is acting quite immature in this scenario. If her name is on the lease, she definitely should be paying half of the rent.
Even if it wasn’t common decency to do so given everything that has happened; breakups are a normal part of life and she can’t just run away from the financial commitments she has made, especially since you seem to have been so considerate towards her in this entire process.
Good luck man!” ksai78
Another User Comments:
“NTJ *She again just said she won’t be paying and that I’m a jerk for expecting her to.* I bet she won’t call the judge a jerk when he tells her she is responsible for her half of the lease until it runs out.
The choice isn’t hers and let her know that you will pursue legal action if she doesn’t. It’s best to just rip off the band-aid and put it all on the table. The relationship is over and feelings have no place in finances.” slap-a-frap
Another User Comments:
“No jerks here. Breaking up is hard, especially when you cohabitate. I think you need to come up with a compromise that isn’t continuing to live together until the lease is up or her dumping all of the financial responsibility onto you. Since you initiated the breakup, the mature thing to do would be to take on the responsibility of finding a roommate.
The two of you can come up with a deadline for this and until that deadline (or a roommate is found, whichever comes first) she continues to pay rent.” queenchubkins
9. AITJ For Not Wanting To Lie To The Police About My Family's Criminal Activities?
“I need some serious opinions on a situation that’s tearing me apart. My family has always been close-knit, I’m talking great-grandmother and below live in the house, but lately, they’ve been swimming in deep waters.
The other day, the police showed up at their doorstep, asking questions about some seriously sketchy stuff my family is involved in.
And let me tell you, it’s not just a little white lie or a minor misunderstanding. We’re talking about full-on criminal activity here.
So basically, my family got caught up in this business venture that turned out to be a front for all sorts of illegal activities.
We’re talking about fraud, laundering, you name it. It’s the kind of stuff that could make headlines and ruin lives.
Now, when the cops came knocking, my family immediately went into panic mode. They started freaking out and my father answered the door in like a fake white suburban father act, acting like he had no idea what happened and agreed to get questioned, and he had actual forged papers and passports in the house at the time.
(That’s all I know)
I know they were brought in and asked questions, but I don’t know the details of that.
Part of me understands where they’re coming from. They’re scared, desperate, and willing to do whatever it takes to stay out of prison. And yeah, they’re my family, so I feel this sense of loyalty pulling me in their direction.
But on the other hand, I can’t ignore my safety. I believe that if I do this I might get brought into their problem. Lying to the police would just put me in this crazy ordeal.
So now, I’m stuck in the middle of this mess, torn between loyalty to my family and staying true to myself.
They see me as betraying them, abandoning them when they need me the most. And yeah, I feel guilty for potentially throwing them under the bus.
They are making me feel like I’m betraying them by not helping.
But at the end of the day, I can’t shake the feeling that maybe my family is not who I thought they were.
I’m lost and could use some outside opinions.
Yes, I understand this is a very easy decision, but I don’t live with my family, and I haven’t for a while. I have learned all of this within the past week or two and I’m just kind of lost at the moment.
I believe they are already in trouble because of the forged papers so even if I do lie, I think I would just be equally as in trouble as them.”
Another User Comments:
“Get a lawyer. Follow their recommendations to the letter. If you don’t live with them, what do you know?
What have you seen firsthand? From your post, you don’t seem to have direct knowledge of anything, so why would talking to the police be a problem? Don’t offer assumptions. Talk about what you have personally witnessed if you get interrogated unless your lawyer tells you something different.
If your family accuses you, turn it around. Why would they want you to put yourself into hot water by lying to the police? You had nothing to do with their issues, so why would they want to pull you in? What kind of family does that to an innocent person?” SpinIggy
Another User Comments:
“NTJ they betrayed you the moment they put you and your home at risk. They wronged you by expecting and demanding you lie to the police which could get you in trouble. They know what they are doing is wrong and there’s no way they have forged passports and don’t know it’s wrong.
Any trouble that falls on them is their own doing and the consequences of their actions. If the police are visiting then they know your family is breaking the law and it won’t be long before they have enough evidence to act. Protect yourself completely and if I was you I’d move out as soon as you can.
I don’t care they are your family but they are risking your home and you. Best to get yourself to safety and ignore anyone shouting “but family“ as none of them cared about their family when they went into this venture. Many people would judge you falsely because of who your parents are and what they have been doing.
Once it’s out and they are facing charges everyone will judge them by their actions. You need to distance yourself from them before your future and name is sullied by them. Yes, they are your family who haven’t cared what their actions will do to you or how it will affect your life.” Sweet-Interview5620
8. AITJ For Not Punishing My Daughter After She Told My Sister She Smelled Bad?
“I (35m) have a daughter “Kelly” (8f) with my wife. I also have a sister “Dina” (33f) who has 2 kids (7m and 12f). Our houses are literally across the road from each other. Occasionally we babysit kids for each other, however, the kids have to stay at our house since my daughter is allergic to dogs and Dina has 2.
Both my wife and I were attending a work event last week and have asked Dina to babysit our daughter in advance which wasn’t a problem as the kids wanted to watch some cartoons together anyway. However, halfway through the event, I received a call from Dina saying I needed to come home now as she was leaving over what my daughter said.
I was very confused so my wife and I left the event early, thinking something horrible had happened.
Upon returning my sister was furious and said she would never look after our daughter as she has an attitude. I asked Kelly what happened and she said she just brought my sister some towels saying she can take a shower if she needs to as well as there are some “feminine products” in the bathroom because “there was an unpleasant smell coming from the auntie”.
I came closer to my sister and could also smell a rather sharp unpleasant odour from her so I could understand where my daughter was coming from.
Dina demanded I punish my daughter, but I refused and said she didn’t do anything wrong and my wife or I would possibly have similarly approached her in this case.
Dina called me a jerk and since then would bring her kids home not allowing them to play or talk to Kelly, which is upsetting. My wife thinks my sister is being petty and unnecessarily cruel over an innocent comment and our daughter wanted to be helpful.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. It sounds like Dina is very sensitive about her smell and took it hard. It sounds like Kelly was being pretty decent for doing and saying that to her aunty. Kids can be pretty savagely honest so she could have said or done something worse.
Kelly is a kid, so for Dina to react in that way is concerning. I hope she gets over herself and realizes her reaction was unnecessary. If you want to extend some sort of olive branch to your sister, you can let Dina know that you have raised Kelly, to be honest in her interactions with others, and had a conversation about being a little more sensitive in the future.
I would only say that to hopefully let your kids play together again, I would not have Dina watch my kids if she’s going to react in that way to a child.” Zcout8
Another User Comments:
“Having worked with kids for years, you can’t take the things they say so personally (even when it is personal).
The aunty, especially having kids of her own, should have the maturity to use it as a teachable opportunity about how suggesting to someone they smell can be offensive. From the post it sounds like your daughter seemed to approach it politely enough, however, I also know kids don’t have the best tack when it comes to things like that.
But again it’s one of those times for a teachable moment and certainly didn’t warrant calling you guys home from a night out and the pettiness she is showing NTJ IMHO” chandler
Another User Comments:
“Everyone’s a jerk here just because you observe something doesn’t mean you need to say something.
Kids do come out and say inappropriate things sometimes and aunt should shake it off better but it isn’t appropriate for a kid to tell other people they smell and then imply they need help figuring out how to solve the issue. Maybe aunt smelled, but she is 33 and doesn’t need suggestions for how to get clean from an 8-year-old.” pixp85
7. AITJ For Moving Out After My Friend Confessed His Feelings For Me?
“So I (25M) have a long-term friend (Max,28M). We have known each other for 13 years. When Max was 18, he came out as gay and was kicked out by his parents. He moved to another state to live with his uncle, though we still contacted frequently until he confessed to me when I was 19, I politely declined. After that, he slowly distanced himself from me, and we barely talked to each other until we reconnected 2 years ago.
About me, I’m a single father with a 4-year-old son. A year ago I was let go from my job and could hardly afford to pay rent. He called me and suggested my child and I could move to his apartment until I found another job and a place to live.
I didn’t have many options so I agreed but informed him. Don’t get me wrong, Max is a nice person, he bought my son toys and candy, and played with him when I was busy. I tried not to bother or annoy him as much as I could and did most of the household chores even after I had a new job.
He convinced me to stay and pay rent to him.
In March, Max confessed his feelings again and I was very surprised. (For more context: Back to when we reconnected, I did ask if he still has feelings for me, he laughed and joked that I’m delusional to think about that.
He is kind of popular in the town where we live and has social engagements every weekend until now). I told him that though I’m not against the idea of being in a relationship with a man, I don’t want a relationship now especially since I still have a kid to raise and I see him as a good brother.
He said I should think again and went to his room. The next morning, Max said I had a week to consider or find a place to move out. I tried talking to him but he dismissed me. So I quit my job and moved back to my home state to live with my mom.
After 2 weeks, Max texted me saying that he was sorry and wanted me to move back. I was furious and blocked him. Max’s friends started to harass my phone, saying that I was toxic, abusive, a gold digger, and many more horrible names mainly that I’m a jerk because Max became depressed and I took advantage of him.
I don’t think so but I started to have doubts. So I want to ask, did I take advantage of him? Am I the jerk? What should I do now? I’m grateful for what he has done but I don’t think our relationship can come back to normal again?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, remember his friends are getting his side of the story, so ignore or block them. You made it clear to him that you did not want a relationship and that your priority was your child. You even said you were open to one in the future, which is a lot for a straight guy, which I am assuming you (mostly) are.
He threatens you, which is the wrong way to have a relationship with someone, and you take the appropriate action when he thinks you have no other options. You called his bluff and now he regrets it because his house is very lonely. This is not how a “brother” treats someone.
You’ll need to move on from this friendship, and he has probably had an intense attraction to you for 13 years, which is not healthy.” TallOldBtm680
Another User Comments:
“NTJ – You didn’t take advantage of him at all, you accepted the help he offered. He is the one who took advantage of You.
He got you to move in, establish roots in this new place, and convince you that there’s no love issue anymore only to hit you with an ultimatum of being with me or facing homelessness in a matter of days. Despicable behavior to do to anyone let alone someone with a toddler in their care.” Lazarus_Ritz
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, he is a predator. He was waiting for you to have a weak moment so he could force you into a relationship. You even asked if his previous crush on you would be a problem but he tells you, “You’re delusional” then tries to present himself as a hero, hoping you would fall in love with him.
I would not be friends with him again. He has rejection issues he is projecting on to you.” stross_world
6. AITJ For Wanting My Husband's Aunt To Use My Legal Last Name?
“I’m trying to decide what to do about this issue and needed some outside perspective. I married my husband 9 years ago and I never took his last name. I didn’t want to go through the hassle, plus I don’t appreciate the tradition and history as to why a woman is expected to change her name to her husbands.
My husband is fine with this and has never pressured me to change my name. His family, however….well, they have made little passive-aggressive comments about this, which I usually ignore, and their remarks have long since ended. His family also automatically assumed that I would take his last name, so there has been some clarification that has occurred over the years.
Nothing crazy, just a “Yep, I’m still a [my last name].” “Nope, I’m not taking husband’s name.”
Everyone in his family has gotten on the same page and when they mail anything they use my proper, legal last name. Everyone except my husband’s Aunt, who still mails things to Mr. & Mrs So-and-So.
I’ve sent her many Christmas cards over the years and they ALWAYS have a return address of Husband’s Last Name + My Last Name. I keep thinking she’ll get the idea. Heck, even his 90+-year-old grandma mails things using my correct name, and I was going to give that sweet ol’ bird a pass because, ya know, grandmas.
This Aunt has also not invited me to family baby showers and I’ve only found out about them b/c I was on a mass text chain with every female in his family as they tried to sort out group presents. So, there’s that, too.
Which makes me think the Aunt just doesn’t like me.
Anyway, here is what I need your help with. We received an invite to my husband’s cousin’s ordination and yet again, the invite was addressed to Mr & Mrs. So-and-So. It just chaps my you know what.
A name is pretty much the most basic thing you can know about someone, and it just feels like she is deliberately doing this as a way to thumb her nose in my feminist-liberal-heathen direction. The Aunt is very conservative, religious, and traditional (as in, a woman should make babies).
And, well…I am a feminist-liberal-heathen with no babies. So we don’t have much in common nor do we see her all that often.
The invite asks for an RSVP to her cell or email. Now, here is where I need your help. WIBTJ if I responded via email and also took the opportunity to kindly ask that from now on, please use my proper name.
Or should I just let this go? Am I reading too much into this or being too sensitive?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, and ok to request using your actual name. I remember confronting my mother with the, “Why is grandma sending you cards as Mrs. John B Smith?
That’s not your name!” And she said, “It’s an honor to be called that.” I asked why it wasn’t an honor for my Dad to be called Mr. Mary J Smith” and she had no answer. While it is thankfully starting to fade out a bit, so many women still think they have to take on their husband’s name, “for the kids.” Oh, come on.
No one is confused by that. You have the right to be called the name you were born to, or to choose some other name. But let’s stop with the presumption that taking the man’s name is required.” MadTownMich
Another User Comments:
“Do you genuinely think that saying something will get it to change?
If so, then yes. Let her know it bothers you. If not, why waste the energy? It kind of sounds like this conversation has already been had so at some point you will have to decide if this bothers you enough to cut contact or if you are going to ignore it” jadeariel12
Another User Comments:
“NTJ but just let it go and move on. You’ll be happier when you can come to terms with the fact that one rando aunt’s opinion of you or what she calls you should not concern you in the slightest. She doesn’t matter.” CalendarDad
5. AITJ For Being Frustrated When My Wife Won't Accept My 'No' To Snacks?
“My wife has trouble understanding when I give her an answer.
I will give the example that drives me the most nuts.
She will ask me in the middle of the afternoon if I would like a snack. If I say yes then she will make it a snack or tell me that she would like to go get something.
However, if I say no she won’t just make herself something or go get something for herself. She will ask me if I’m sure. I am. She will then give me a list of things we could eat. I still don’t want anything. Then she will check again.
Nope still not hungry. Then she will go to the fridge and start listing random stuff we could eat. Not interested.
I told her that she could just eat something by herself. I told her that she could go get something by herself. I offer to make her a snack.
I offer to order in. I offer to go out with her so she doesn’t want to sit somewhere by herself. None of those is a good enough response.
Then she will go back to check if I’m sure I don’t want anything. By this point, I’m done and I tell her very clearly that I’m not interested and that it is the last time I am going to answer politely.
And this is when she says that I do not need to be so aggressive about answering a simple question.
I swear it takes all my self-restraint not to lose it on her.
But she still complains about me being so aggressive. It is becoming a real problem.
I don’t think that warning her that I’m done being polite is aggressive. I think it’s me being frustrated that she won’t just accept no as easily as she will yes.
She still tells me that I’m being a jerk when I react so aggressively.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ But start counting. “Honey this will be the (second time) I’ve said no” “This is the third time I’m going to give you the same answer- no.” “Do you want to hear the same answer for a fourth time?” “This is my fifth no in under 5 minutes.
Let’s talk about why you aren’t understanding no.” For the sixth time, break into an interpretive dance. On the seventh time, hand her a piece of paper with no written down. On the eighth time, tell her you are just going to start answering in Spanish- “¡no!” Or Recognize you have a very insecure wife and take her to a therapist.” ConnectionRound3141
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, but your wife shows signs of disordered eating. She needs you to eat so she can permit herself to eat. I would couple’s counseling it before it turns into resentment. There’s a deeper need for connection or consideration that your wife isn’t expressing to you but has not sat with her feelings on why no isn’t an acceptable answer for her to be able to articulate, which is why it gets turned around on you when you push back.
In the future, you can stop offering options and just say no until she gives up. No is a full sentence. You don’t need to engage in the banter to make it clear, you don’t need to be aggressive, you can just keep saying no thanks to all of her questions.” Ok-Vacation2308
Another User Comments:
“NTJ for being frustrated and expressing that. But clearly, there is something more going on here, and that should be explored or this is always going to be an issue. I like another commenter’s solution of keeping a count, so when she asks again “I’ve already answered. This is my second time saying no” and just keep doing that and asking her why she is not accepting your no. Turn it back on her, make her explain herself.
Getting aggressive with her is not going to fix this, you need to get her to understand that what she is doing is uncomfortable and not at all healthy.” SirenSingsOfDoom
4. AITJ For Expecting My Partner To Have Dinner Ready On Time?
“My (32 F) partner (34 M) and I both work full-time.
I am also in the process of obtaining my bachelor’s degree and take three AO classes per semester.
My partner gets home significantly earlier than I do, by almost three hours, on Wednesdays and Thursdays. Those are the only two nights in the week that I request that he handle dinner for us.
Thursdays are particularly important because I don’t get home until 6-6:15 (after an almost 12-hour day) and then I have a class from 6:30-7:45 that I cannot eat during, so I like to eat before we start. The other five days I will cook, usually from scratch (I enjoy it).
When my partner cooks I’m okay with things that are “easy” like salads etc. I have also completely altered my cooking habits to accommodate my partner, he is vegetarian, and I am not, so for the last two years I’ve been cooking vegetarian at home.
When we eat out we split meals 50/50.
Because my partner has ADHD he has severe time blindness. Often, on Wednesdays and Thursdays, we eat much later than our usual time of 6 pm, sometimes not eating until 7:30-8 pm. I end up getting annoyed and hungry.
On Thursday, I had a particularly long day at work and asked if he could please manage to get dinner ready by the time I got home so we could both just sit and eat together. He told me no problem. When I walked into the door he said he hadn’t started yet and told me to come with him upstairs and hang out while he prepped everything.
I got upset and told him that if he didn’t think he could get dinner ready in time please don’t tell me he would because it led to my feeling upset. He told me I got home earlier than I usually do, so it wasn’t his fault (I was less than 10 minutes early…..).
He then told me I was acting like a ” husband who works all day and expects his wife to have dinner ready the second he sits down” and how it was “messed up” of me to expect that from him. I got upset because I just wanted a, “Whoops lost track of time babe, I’ll make dinner super quick, don’t worry about anything” and it would have been okay.
His immediate defensiveness and claim that I was acting abusive greatly bothered me, but I also don’t know if my expectations were out of line.
AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“It sounds like your partner is weaponizing his incompetence. If you weren’t cooking the other 5 days your expectations would be questionable.
But I don’t think you’re making an unreasonable ask. His response sounds childish and considers that it probably won’t change. NTJ” everyone
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. He shouldn’t agree and not follow up. Adults make commitments and stick to them unless there are exceptions.
If he can’t or won’t have dinner ready he needs to say that. Then the ball is in your court and you can decide to bring home a burger in a bag.” Far_Information_9613
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, and the fact that they went defensive after not doing what they said they would do is not cool.
As for the time blindness, I don’t understand why they just don’t use reminders. My ex uses reminders for everything, she knows if she doesn’t, things won’t get done. Her sister has the same issue but refuses to use any reminders…I guess you can figure out who the functioning adult is.
3. AITJ For Refusing To Pay Half For Our Son's Dentist Visit When I'm A Dentist?
“My ex-wife, Lena, and I have a son, Matt (6M) and I have 50/50 custody. We don’t have such… healthy co-parenting, we avoid each other most of the time and everything about the routine, and Matt, we resolve it through an app.
All expenses related to our son, such as school, doctors, and others, we split 50/50.
I’m a dentist to be clear. And until last year, before we separated, I took care of my son about this.
Recently, she sent a message to me through the app, letting me know that the dentist appointment was x amount and for us to pay 50/50.
I asked if something emergency had happened, and she said no, just routine and I asked why she didn’t just let me know and I would take care of it. She responded that now she has her dentist and went through him, since our kid was with her, and would be more easy.
I agreed but asked what the point of because it would be free if it was done by me.
She kind of snapped at me and said she expected payment from me.
I replied that I would see because I don’t refuse to pay anything for Matt, especially for health reasons, but a stupid expense like that doesn’t make sense and she can afford it, if she simply prefers to pay for something that I do for free.
She was not happy, she said that this was an expense for our son that we agreed to share and I was refusing to do so, considering that I am his father and that she was not obliged to choose me as a dentist.
We do have an agreement to split 50/50, but, for me, this is the most absurd expense she had charged me because I would understand if it was something emergency or outside my specialty, but a routine appointment…
AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Yes, she is mom, but this is a medical decision. Changing doctors should be something that is agreed on, not done unilaterally. I would look at the SPECIFIC verbiage of the divorce decree. Do you have rights regarding medical care? Are you listed as his dentist?
This sounds like she is deliberately just trying to make you pay extra – even if she has to pay extra to make you do so.” nunya_busyness1984
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. You state you have 50/50 custody, so I’m going to assume that means you also have joint decision-making.
Changing doctors would qualify under that. Since you have 50/50 and you’re a dentist, maybe just be the one to keep on that and make sure the cleanings and routine stuff is done on your time.” Disastrous-Nail-640
Another User Comments:
“No jerks here. My initial thoughts as I read through were that if I were in that situation as the wife, and you say that you don’t have good communication and tend to avoid each other, I’d want my kid treated by someone who I didn’t have a strained relationship with so that I felt I could talk openly and freely about his medical/dental procedures and requirements.
I get why you’d be surprised she went to another dentist, but to be honest I probably would too. It’s also possible that your son didn’t want you to do the work and didn’t want to tell you. edit, typo” GrecianGator
2. AITJ For Charging Friends for Haircuts and Dyes Despite Not Being Professionally Trained?
“I (29M) have been cutting and coloring my hair since I was a preteen (11/12ish). I am not black but I have very thick curly hair and struggled to find people who would cut it properly so I started doing it myself. I started cutting hair for my friends in my teens, mostly my black and biracial friends who didn’t trust anyone to cut and style it right because there were no black barbers locally.
These days as a bit of a gig on the side I cut, style, and colour friends’ hair. I do not charge that much at all, just for my time and it’s a bit more if they want a dye because I charge for the cost of that as well.
It used to be free just for mates and stuff but all my friends started telling their friends about it and now I’m booked weeks in advance so I charge like £5/£10 a cut and maybe £16/£20 if I dye it as well so not salon level prices.
Mostly the people who get their hair cut by me are black or biracial or Middle Eastern or have thick curly hair, which the shops near me are notoriously bad at cutting.
A friend told me in passing she wanted to get her brother a nice haircut as a birthday treat because he’s always wanted it dyed and no one has ever cut his hair right I told her that I’d be happy to do the whole thing (cut and dye) for a tenner.
Mates rates. She got upset at me and said that if I was a real friend I’d do it for free. I said I wasn’t pulling a number out of my behind and that I cut hair in my free time and have a waiting list and a ton of returning customers.
She asked me if I was trained professionally and when I told her I wasn’t she said that I was lying to my customers (I make it very clear upfront that I’m not professionally trained and some people have decided not to let me cut their hair because of that which is fine!
but the people who I cut and dye my hair know I’m not a professional). She also said it was illegal to cut people’s hair for money and that I was taking work away from the trained hairdressers and barbers. She got really upset and hasn’t spoken to me since.
I feel like maybe it was an overreaction but she’s normally very levelled-headed and calm so I’m worried I did something wrong. AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ about wanting some money for the haircut. She’s a bit ridiculous about you taking money away from other hairdressers because it doesn’t sound like anyone near you does the type of styles and cuts you do.
However – if you’ve got a long list of clients and you’re getting paid for what you do, you need to look into local/state requirements for licensing and operating a business. You’re probably not paying taxes on what you make, and if you’re doing a few cuts here and there you can get away with it but book for weeks in advance.
you’ve got a business going, no matter how low your rates.” Own_Lack_4526
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, the price you charge is reasonable for someone who doesn’t have any training however you could get the hairdressing training as it sounds like in your area your skills are highly needed and if you get the appropriate training done you could raise your prices even higher and create your own little business with plenty of clients that are seeking out a hairdresser who specializes with thick hair, also I suggest looking into registering as a self-employed on gov website as it sounds like doing what you do you earn up to the £1k that should be classed as self-employment in UK which should be taxed.” No_Law_4450
Another User Comments:
“You ARE doing something wrong if you have not had proper training and licensing. There are rules and laws about sanitation and the use of the chemicals that are used in salons, commercial water usage in private homes, and no doubt many other things that I don’t know anything about.
The licensing processes are put in place to protect people. You probably don’t even have liability insurance in place; if someone trips and falls on your premises, your regular home insurance won’t cover you. YTJ” voyageur1066
1. AITJ For Refusing To Go On Trips With My Father Unless He Includes My Family?
“My father left for another family when my twin brother and I were 14 years old, our little sister was 3 at that time. A nasty divorce and a bunch of bad meetings between us kind of erased any form of contact in the 10 years that followed. Years later, in 2018, we established contact again, and slowly things got better to the point that we see each other a few times a year.
My brother and I both have families, he has a 5-year-old, and my wife and I have no kids.
Now, for the last 3 years, my father has insisted on going on weekend trips with my brother and me once or twice a year. At first, it was a nice idea, he said he wanted to use the trips to reconnect with us.
After one or two times, however, I started asking him to include my wife and my brother’s family. It felt odd that he was only interested in contact with us. My brother did not raise any concerns.
I have now refused again and again to go on the trips because I want him to make an effort including my family.
He doesn’t seem to care. It feels very much as if he is just living in the past.
Even though I have asked him to use the money he spends on plane tickets and fancy hotels (he has money) to just rent a cabin or house and invite both our families for the weekend, he has continued to just book fancy trips for me and my brother.
If I don’t go, he just takes my brother (who raises no protest). When I didn’t go the last two times he told me what a shame it was I didn’t want to be there afterward and tried the whole process of taking me and my brother on a trip again a few months later.
My question is Am I The Jerk for refusing him and asking him to connect with his son’s families instead of trying to make up for lost time and ignoring the people we have become so far? It sucks that I am always the only one resisting and don’t seem grateful.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ What is the point of all the trips just the 3 of you? There does seem to be an element of him wanting to play Santa a bit, spending money, thinking that he’s making up for the past, perhaps. I think saying no or just telling him outright that you’ve had enough of the trips is all you can do since he seems to not want to include anyone else.” hadMcDofordinner
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