People Want To Explain The Reasons For Their "Am I The Jerk" Stories
21. AITJ For Wanting My Son To Put His Family First?
“My husband and I have three children, a 16-year-old son, and two daughters 13 and ten.
Our son got a part-time job as a lifeguard at a pool back in March (We live in South Florida, so the pools are open pretty much always). It was a good job for him, he liked it and was happy to have the funds.
The issue was his boss was a jerk about giving time off.
Our family takes a yearly vacation to this little beach house we rent for a year, we’ve done this since the year I was pregnant with my son. Of course, the kids all love it and look forward to it.
Well, my son told his boss about the week when he signed up, but because that was only six weeks after he started there, he denied it.
We made it clear he was still going, it’s just a part-time job and there are a million of those.
He protested, but we made him go, and his boss fired him. He was furious the entire time, he refused to do any family stuff or listen to us, so he was grounded when he got back.
It’s not that we don’t trust him to stay home alone or anything like that.
We just don’t want him to prioritize work over family, especially some weekend job. He found a job at another pool two weeks later, so it’s not like this impacted him in any way, but he still holds a grudge about it. He claims we didn’t respect his choices, and he’s right, we don’t respect him trying to choose his job over family time, though we don’t hold it against him since he’s just a teen.”
Another User Comments:
“No jerks here. I appreciate the dedication and responsibility on his part. If you’re ok with him being home alone, respecting his wish to sit this one out would have been ok.
At the same time, I see your point about not sacrificing memories and moments like that vacation for something that is temporary.
Time is finite and precious after all, and you guys will never have more time and flexibility to spend together than now/ before they fly the coop and start their own lives.
Grounding him was the absolute wrong call though. A talking to and explanation as to why you wanted him with you guys would have been better.
Him not saying how high when you say jump is not reason enough to put him in jail.” StupidLeafsFan
Another User Comments:
“YTJ. Majorly.
Your kid wanted to act responsibly and you’re actually teaching him lessons to put leisure before responsibility? Then, when he justifiably got mad that he lost his job because of YOUR actions, you decided he deserved even more punishment?
Not only are you teaching your kid that a strong work ethic isn’t important, but you’re also teaching him that his negative emotions aren’t valid. He’s angry at you because he’s trying to become independent and you’re actually holding him back in a very controlling manner.
Are you trying to keep your little baby from growing up and becoming a man, momma?
Allow your kid to grow up. You need to let go.” LucidCunning
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, for taking him on vacation over a part-time source of income. His boss was told about the trip when he was hired. This was a flex of a boss trying to teach a kid a lesson.
You’re definitely right to teach him to prioritize family over work. We work because we have to, to survive. But work isn’t what sustains us as people and is never more important than the time you get with family and loved ones. It’s good to learn that lesson with a first job rather than learning it the hard way and regretting it later on.
Tentative YTJ for punishing him for being upset. I don’t know how he was acting to be upset, but this was a situation where discussing the reasoning and helping him to understand would normally have been more appropriate. I also know what my reactions would have been as a teenager and punishment would have definitely been warranted too.
If he was just processing his feeling and not being interactive, no punishment was warranted.” TheWinterKnight13
Another User Comments:
“YTJ 100% the jerk – he had a good part-time job that he enjoyed and you made him give it up for your own selfish reasons. When you’re starting out in the job field sometimes you have to prioritize work over family/social that’s just the way the world works!
It sounds like you couldn’t deal with someone else giving your child directives and decided to power trip. You probably lost him a very good reference because he got fired, all because you’re a controlling jerk who doesn’t respect their children’s agency.” ariesgal11
20. AITJ For Not Wanting My Husband To Quit His Job?
“We both have what is considered ‘elite’ high-paying jobs that are very demanding. We are expecting our first child due in a few months.
About a month ago my husband told me he hates his job and wants to quit the profession completely. I told him it wasn’t a great time cause we were expecting a baby and I asked him to stick it out until the baby was born so he could get paid parental leave.
I told him I didn’t think it was fair for him to quit his job while I continued to work AND carry the baby.
Fast forward and we’ve had this discussion multiple times, each time I’ve told him I don’t want him to quit. Each time he tells me the job sucks and gives him anxiety.
He hates it, dreads work every day and seems to have panic attacks. When we talked about it, initially I just said no don’t quit. Later, I changed to Okay you can quit, but what’s your plan? What will you do once you quit? He says he doesn’t have one and doesn’t want to think of one before quitting because he’s just so stressed and hates his job so much.
He just needs to quit immediately.
I’ve told him I’m not okay with him just not working, but if it’s just temporary it’s OK. I want him to at least work a job, any job in the future. Admittedly, my income alone could support us, but I don’t want to support someone who just doesn’t want to work.
So I’ve said it’s okay for him to quit and be unemployed for a while, but I’m just uncomfortable with the lack of a plan or even an idea for what comes next. He’s said he wants to quit and never work again. I said I’m not okay with that.
I’ve told him, it’s his life and it’s up to him what he does to make himself happy. If that’s quitting, then that’s fine. But I’m not okay with him never working again. He thinks I only want him around for his earning potential (he and I each make six figures).
While, yes, that’s partially true, I want him to be earning funds, but it’s not like I ask him for the funds he earns. We have separate bank accounts and earn similar salaries. I’m not in need of the funds he makes. I just don’t want him to do nothing.
So he’s angry that I only want him for the funds he can earn because I have told him that I wouldn’t stay with him if he quits and never works again. I’m not happy that he wants to quit his job and never work again.
(FYI we are early 30s).
Am I the jerk?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ
He’s being absurd. It’s perfectly reasonable for you to want your significant other to have a job and professional goals, and very unfair for him to equate that to only caring about him because of his income.
That said, if he’s really so stressed out about his job that he’s having nightmares and panic attacks, he’s not going to be thinking rationally or reasonably about it right now. I think it’s worth seeing if he might be more reasonable after that huge stress is removed and he’s had some chance to recover.
If he remains committed to never working again, or even if he goes back to work but keeps holding things against you like this, that’s easily worth a divorce.
Of course, a baby coming is not an ideal time for this. I hope he reacts differently to the stresses of fatherhood than whatever stress his work creates for him.
As for whether he can quit now, I would also be very resistant to losing that paid paternity leave and the other resources his being employed provides at this time. It does sound like he’s close to a mental health emergency, though. Is it possible for him to start his parental leave early, to ‘help’ you through your pregnancy, as a way to preserve some of the paid leave after the birth?” My_Dramatic_Persona
Another User Comments:
“What your husband is describing to you sounds a lot like burnout. People in this condition are usually having difficulties envisioning the future at all. This is probably why he can’t answer your question ‘What will you do after you quit?’.
He won’t get better, he won’t be able to power through it. Nobody does. The only solution is to get out of the situation that’s causing it. Most people recover after burnout and get back into their professions, and I’m sure so will your husband.
You’re also stressed because you’re pregnant and worried you may have to support yourself, the baby, and your husband. But if you give him the emotional support he needs right now, he may be able to rest and heal just in time for when you’ll need him the most, which is after the baby is born.
With both of you earning six figures, I imagine you both have savings. So let him take the break that he so badly needs and work together as a team. Both of you at home with the baby in their first months will be a wonderful bonding opportunity.
Things comes and goes, but love and mental health are much more difficult to recover if you lose them.
No jerks here” Helpful_Hour1984
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. I think you’re headed for trouble. He’s going to go over the edge when the baby is born, wakes up at all hours, and needs constant attention—but he’s the one staying home and has to manage that because it would make no sense for him to be at home while you send the baby to daycare.
This will not end well, and it’s going to be unsustainable for you. He really has two choices—he can either continue to work in some capacity and keep his family, or he can end up divorced, still needing to work, but the family will be gone.
If he’s this high-maintenance (won’t seek therapy, often burns out of jobs), he isn’t going to be able to handle a newborn on his own. He can say he’ll be a stay-at-home dad, but you’re going to come home to a filthy house and he’ll probably neglect the baby during the day so he can have his ‘me’ time.
Your stress is going to go through the roof. He has given you absolutely no indication he can manage this since he isn’t doing his fair share of chores now. If he wants to prove he’s capable of this, he needs to step up immediately.
Another thought, looking at the long game: If he quits working, that’s half of your retirement savings gone as you’ll only be able to put away funds from one paycheck. How comfortable do you want your retirement years to be? I’m navigating this right now with my husband.
I’m the one with all of the retirement savings and he doesn’t even have a quarter of what I have. If we were to divorce and it all had to be split evenly, we’d both live in poverty. It’s something to consider.
Where do you see yourselves 10 years from now? 25?
Ignore his manipulative behavior. Obviously, you don’t want him for the funds he brings in. I’m not so sure he isn’t projecting there. He seems very eager to let you do all of the work.
I suspect you have some tough choices to make. You can’t control what he does, but you are entirely in control of your response to his choices. I’m sorry. I suspect your marriage has a shorter shelf life.” CPSue
19. AITJ For Wearing A Bridal-Looking Dress To Prom?
“I (17F) bought a champagne-colored grad dress (I go to a small school so high school grad and prom are the same night/same dance event).
So this is a formal prom dress.
A couple from my grade just got engaged and announced they’re going to get married the weekend after graduation. The problem is, the bride-to-be is planning to wear white to prom and asked that I get a new dress because mine is too ‘bridal’ and would take away attention from her.
I told her no and she and her friends are being really mean and hostile towards me.
AITJ? It would be timely and costly to sell mine and buy a new dress, and I really love the one I bought.”
Another User Comments:
“Your dress isn’t white, it is champagne colored.
If she wanted to color-coordinate the grad dresses, she should have informed the people attending way earlier. You already spent your funds on a dress.
Just because she wants to color-coordinate the grad party, doesn’t mean you have to agree.
It’s the grad party of your class, not her wedding.
Grad party means the end of high school. The future bride and her friends need to grow up and learn how to behave in the post-high-school world.
NTJ” DoIwantToKnow6417
Another User Comments:
“NTJ! If she comes at you again with the same thing, explain that prom isn’t her wedding and that you love your dress and won’t go through the trouble of selling it or the cost of buying a brand-new one.
Also, tell her the world doesn’t revolve around her. I would probably be agitated enough to also say that she perhaps needs to be more mature before getting married. When people expect you to do last-minute things for only their benefit and per their ridiculous request and it has you going out of your way and costing you funds or time that you can’t get back, it’s not worth it.” HaveMercyOnMe_007
Another User Comments:
“NTJ
Not your monkey, not your circus. No one is forcing them to get married/engaged on the same night as your senior prom… That was their choice. You only get one graduation. You only get one senior prom. You picked the dress that was special to you, and you are entitled to wear that dress on your special night – your once-in-a-lifetime event.
The audacity of some people, I swear!” Wunderkid_0519
18. AITJ For Trying To Convince My Son To See His Daughter's Mother?
“My son is 26 with a beautiful 8-year-old daughter. He and his ex were both 18 when she came around, and she was definitely a little surprise. Despite the circumstances, my son really stepped up. He got a good job and eventually got them a nice apartment.
They were together for almost three years, but she just wasn’t ready to be a mother, and she ran away with some other boy. She wasn’t a bad girl, she just wasn’t prepared to be an adult. This devastated my son, but he found his feet.
My granddaughter was still very young, so she never had strong memories of her mom. He’s been a single father since then, and it’s still a sore spot for him.
Yesterday my son comes by my house incredibly upset saying that his ex came to see them.
She said she was sorry for leaving like she did and just wanted to see him and her daughter. My son said he told her not to come back and shut the door on her. He was practically in tears telling me this. I told him he needed to calm down and act like an adult about this.
She wasn’t asking for anything but to talk, and the least he could do was hear her out. I tried to tell him that he couldn’t refuse his daughter a chance to connect with her mom, and how good this could be for all of them.
But he was a complete mess, he couldn’t even talk to me, just stormed out. I’ve called, but he won’t answer.
I understand how hard this is for him, but this isn’t some evil, malicious woman, and it sounds like she’s coming from a place of real remorse.
I was just trying to help him think clearly, but it feels like he just won’t be rational here and it’s starting to affect his and his daughter’s life.”
Another User Comments:
“YTJ. Your son and granddaughter were abandoned, and he was unexpectedly confronted by the person who abandoned them.
It makes sense for him to be shaken. You’re showing the person who hurt him more empathy than you’re showing him and it’s trashy.
It’s his choice whether to engage with her or not. Your opinion on her level of remorse (when you didn’t even interact with her directly and have literally no way of knowing) doesn’t matter.” HollowDame
Another User Comments:
“YTJ
You were not trying to help him calm down and think clearly, you were trying to push him into talking with the deadbeat mother.
If you REALLY cared about your granddaughter and son, you’d be putting them first. A parent who left once and disappeared for FIVE YEARS has no right to just show up out of the blue and get what they want.
Protect your son and granddaughter. You’re so hyped up over getting the fairytale ending of mother and daughter reuniting that you’ve become blind to reality.
Think of how much anguish and pain your single parent son has suffered through – alone – all this time.
The hurt and resentment he likely has for the woman who noped out of responsibility and ABANDONED her own child. If you let that kind of person just walk right back into everyone’s life, you risk your granddaughter making memories.. just for mom to potentially disappear again once she realizes how hard parenting can be.” Castle_of_Aaaaaaargh
Another User Comments:
“YTJ
His ex abandoned both your son and their daughter to be with another man.
Funny that you have no problem rolling out excuses for her actions and behavior and yet it seems you have little to no empathy for your son.
It kinda blows my mind, to be honest. It seems to me that you’re more on her side than his. Your son likely sees this and feels some kind of way about it, and who can blame him? First, his ex betrays and abandons him, and then his own mother sides up against him.
Real nice.
Your son doesn’t need to grow up. That’s exactly what he did from jump street. YOU, however, need to learn a thing or two about loyalty.
Honestly, your son doesn’t have the right to deny visitation to his ex; but, he does have the right to force the ex to go to court and petition to do so.
She can pay child support as well.” Significant_Speaker9
17. AITJ For Telling My Daughter How I Truly Feel About Her Concert?
“My daughter (16) started taking music classes in 2020 to pass the time and we discovered that she’s actually a very talented singer.
Last spring she started taking music classes with a theater company and her class had just a showcase. Everyone sang at least once, my kid sang 7 times. I will say that most of the singers were good but her teacher is an opera singer so a lot of the students sang musical theater or opera.
My kid did musical theater, Italian Opera, pop, rock, and country.
My ex, her husband, their kids, my wife, and I went. My wife has a lot of the same interests as my daughter and, to be honest, she was the only one that enjoyed the concert.
Yes, she’s a good singer but we’ve all heard her sing everything she did there at home. The only difference is that we were all roped into driving a half hour to see her sing in a new dress with her hair and makeup professionally done (my wife insisted that she had to look perfect for her first concert) mixed in with a bunch of other kids that we couldn’t care less about.
After the concert, she asked how I liked it and I was honest and told her that she was great but the concert was torture. She said ‘Well nobody forced you to go’, then later that night when my wife found out she tore into me for saying that to my daughter.
Neither of them are talking to me right now but I think they’re being dramatic so I wanted to see if I was the jerk.”
Another User Comments:
“Jeez, you’re selfish. So you had to drive a half hour. So what? That’s what you do for people you love.
Parents sit through all kinds of plays, recitals, and games that they might not be personally interested in. But they do it in order to support and encourage their kids. But no, you’re pouting because God forbid you do something for someone else. You’re the one being dramatic.
You’re a selfish jerk. But hey, next time your daughter won’t want you to be there. And years from now you’ll be whining that she never wants you to be there. But at least you won’t have to drive for half an hour. YTJ.” ComprehensiveBand586
Another User Comments:
“YTJ. Performing on a stage in front of dozens (potentially hundreds) of people takes a lot more courage and can be a lot more rewarding than singing at home. It was a new experience for your daughter, and I’m sure she was really proud of herself for being able to truly perform and not just rehearse.
The makeup and costume add to the idea of it being an ‘experience’, and you pretty much shot the whole thing down. I’d apologize, and bring better energy to her next show if she has one.” charleyshroom
Another User Comments:
“YTJ. I would bet you good funds that every parent who has ever gone to a concert for their kids has wished that they could just watch the part where their own child performs and ditch the rest, but that’s not what you sign up for.
You go. You sit. You clap. You smile. You wiggle your tush when it goes to sleep on the hard, terrible chairs at those concerts. And, when your kid asks you what you thought, you tell them how much you loved watching them do something that they love.
You tell them what your favorite song was that they sang. And you shut your mouth about the other hour and a half (or longer) of the other kids’ stuff.
Please apologize to your daughter. A good way to do this would be to say something like, ‘Hey, daughter.
I’m sorry I said that your concert was torture the other night. I loved watching you perform and I wouldn’t have missed that for anything. I hope you know how much I love and support you, and I’m looking forward to seeing what you do next.’
Those are the things we do for the people we love. We support them in their passions, even if it’s not something we are passionate about.” SpaceyAwesome
16. AITJ For Not Letting My Daughter Have A Day Off To Rest?
“I (46f) have a daughter (16f). Today she came home with a pessimistic attitude and just hid in her room after dinner. She then came out and asked if she could stay home from school tomorrow. I work full-time.
I told her no, and she continued and said ‘But I haven’t missed a day and my grades are good, can’t I just stay home one day?’ By this point, I was already done with her whining and sent her to her room.
After I finished the dishes, I texted her asking if she only wanted to be home because her significant other wouldn’t be at school tomorrow.
She told me that it was a part of the reason, but also she feels burnt out and needs a day off. I asked her what could be exhausting her so much since she doesn’t have a job, and she said school and her extracurricular activity.
Additionally, she said that this month has been full of activities and she’d really just like a day to relax. I told her no, and said if she wanted to keep arguing I’d call her teacher and ask her to be pulled from an activity she has Friday morning.
My daughter immediately said that it’s not fair that everyone else is allowed to miss days, but she isn’t. I replied that since she is so overwhelmed then she’s not going out with her significant other this weekend.
My daughter then started crying and has just stayed in her room all night.
I don’t really feel bad because she really doesn’t have that much going on and she’ll be fine. AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“YTJ – you made it very clear to your daughter that you do not care at all about her feelings, that they have no validity, and that your immediate reaction to her request for a little bit of a break was to find a way to punish her for even daring to think such a terrible idea.
You obviously have no empathy and have totally forgotten how taxing the teen years can be. I’m sure you’ll be much happier when she’s stressed into depression. That will give you all sorts of opportunities to denigrate her feelings and tell her how worthless she is for not bucking up and just getting over it.” Dipping_My_Toes
Another User Comments:
“YTJ. People saying things like ‘you’ll be fine’ is exactly what makes it so difficult for people to be open about mental health struggles. You have a very responsible daughter who is trying to take care of herself, and your immediate reactions were to dismiss her concerns and threaten to take away events that very likely contribute to her happiness.
If she had a cold or the flu and wasn’t feeling great, would you let her stay home? Yes, right? (If not, that’s a whole separate issue…) Well, mental health is just as important as physical health, so it’s about time you add that to your list of priorities.” fallenangel17xX
Another User Comments:
“YTJ, and it’s depressing that you’ve raised someone for 16 years without realizing that already.
You’re not necessarily in the wrong for keeping your daughter from missing a day when you have work, but something is clearly harshly affecting her mental health. High school is stressful.
She is struggling and in genuine emotional turmoil and your response is just to invalidate her feelings and punish her for feeling like she needs some time to herself. That is downright evil behavior.
To put it bluntly, you’re raising a daughter who is going to hate you as soon as she realizes what life is like away from you.
That is if she doesn’t already resent you. You need to accept that she has stress in her life and she can feel burnt out without working a full-time job.” aitabrowsermostly
15. AITJ For Canceling My Day Off?
“My sister has a wedding coming up (edit: she and her partner are both guests and this is her close friend’s wedding) and as all grandparents are busy, has asked if I and my fiancé could babysit my 14-week-old niece.
We said yes and asked for dates so we could both take the day off work. Due to life being generally busy, I had forgotten the dates when I went to book them so I asked my mum as my sister isn’t on her phone very much.
My mum told me April and so both me and my fiancé put in a day off for April. A few days ago at lunch, I made a comment about how it won’t be long now until we look after my niece, and my sister was confused as the wedding isn’t until June.
My mum had given me the wrong dates.
My mum then offered us to my sister anyway and told her we would still babysit in April to give her a rest even though it’s not up to her and I explained that as I don’t need that day off now, I’d actually rather cancel it as we are short staffed at work and I’d like to save my holidays for when I really need them.
My fiancé doesn’t get a big holiday allowance so he was happy to cancel his day too so he could use it when he really needs it. Both my sister and my mum are upset at me for doing this and think I’m being unfair as babysitting would allow my sister some time to herself.
I have told her that I will happily take my niece in June for the wedding but that I would rather not use a holiday in April to babysit if I don’t need it. She’s upset that I’m now canceling my day off in April instead of helping her out by babysitting in both April and June and I feel like a jerk.
Am I?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ
You offered to babysit for an event and have started you still are. You are NOT withdrawing your offer, just correcting the day.
If she still complains, tell her she can have the day in April, but then you will not be able to babysit in June for the wedding, as you will already have used up your day off.
Also, if your mom keeps saying your sister needs help, thank her for volunteering to help her.
That being said, if this is her first, your sister is probably feeling overwhelmed. Is the father in the picture? He should also be helping her out so she gets some time to herself.” Tiffy_the_Doc
Another User Comments:
“‘She’s upset that I’m now canceling this day instead of helping her out and I feel like a jerk. Am I?’
You aren’t ‘canceling’. You made an agreement for a wedding and were given the wrong date, for whatever reason.
You are making a correction, not canceling.
If sister wants a day off, she can make arrangements for that, with any number of other people, like other relatives, or paid sitters, on any number of other days that work for her, and them. Her wanting a day off isn’t what you agreed to do, and has nothing to do with this.
Her calendar isn’t your responsibility. Her needs aren’t your responsibility. Her wants aren’t your responsibility. If she needs time off, it’s up to her to make that arrangement, not to manipulate you into a situation to force you to do double what you agreed to do, and then use guilt and obligation to further manipulate you into feeling responsible for what are your sister’s responsibilities.
You also have needs and a life, and you are responsible for yours.
If she had openly asked for you to work out a day to volunteer in April, you could have worked out a day that wouldn’t mean taking off work. But instead, they did this manipulation dance, to try to force you into this.
That’s wrong of them.
NTJ” blueberryyogurtcup
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Since you and your partner have to take off work to babysit, the April date is off the table. Now maybe if she’s willing to pay you both above what you would make in a day at work, you might reconsider the April date but that’s your decision, not theirs.
Work comes first and to try and insist that you miss work to babysit is just plain nuts.
Your mother and sister have no right to try and dictate about your fiancé. That’s really some fierce entitlement right there. Then to tell you that you two must miss work – heck no.” Itbemedjg
14. AITJ For Showering With My Brother's Wife?
“I’m (28 F) gay, but I’m not attracted to my SIL (31F) at all.
Yesterday I was helping my brother (33 M) and SIL with a landscaping project at their house. At one point my SIL and I were using a chemical fertilizer on the lawn and we weren’t careful enough about not getting it on our skin/clothes, so afterward we were both getting itchy red splotches on our skin.
The warning label said to rinse immediately if that happened, so we both hopped into the shower for a couple of minutes. My SIL said she was also going to wash her hair, so I got out of the shower and she stayed in longer.
When I came out of the bathroom my brother then asked me why I was in the shower with his wife, so I explained about the chemical fertilizer. He said I could’ve used the hose outside if it was such an emergency, but he didn’t see why I needed to be in the shower with SIL.
I told him to chill out because I think of her like my sister. He said that he thinks of me like his brother, so to use my head. My SIL was coming out of the shower by that point so we just dropped it, but he was still kind of mad about it the rest of the afternoon.
So AITJ? I know I’m gay but obviously, my SIL isn’t, so I feel like that makes this a complete non-issue. I’d see my brother’s point if there was any chance of mutual attraction.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, your bother is a bit homophobic if he thinks you being without clothes around his wife is a threat to his marriage (which he clearly does).
If you were straight he would not have cared, straight women walk around each other without clothes without issues, same with straight men, but the second you put a gay person in the mix suddenly the fact you’re not interested in the person means nothing, they steal your agency and punish you for it.
I’m so sorry.” TransbianMoonWitch
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Weird or not, you had no ulterior motives and your SIL consented. Neither of you knew the results of NOT getting the chemicals off your skin, it was perceived as an emergency, and you both jumped in a shower to get said chemicals off.
You didn’t stay in any longer than necessary, I don’t see what your brother’s malfunction is, here. On top of that, if he’s so upset about it, he should be upset at his wife, as well, not just you.” User
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, just because you’re gay doesn’t mean you lose impulse control and start breaking up relationships.
To be honest, it’s pretty creepy to me that your brother thinks that you’re just gonna jump anyone you come in contact with like that, it says a lot more about he views gender and sexuality than anything else. SIL was fine with it then it’s not your problem, and honestly the fact that he’s yelling at you instead of talking to his wife speaks volumes of how he views things.” kstaff529
And unless you and your SIL.were pouring those yard chemicals down each other's clothing, a hose used to rinse exposed skin should have at least mitigated the reaction.
I don't blame your brother for being annoyed. Adults don't, as a rule, shower together, especially women. Something here doesn't pass the smell test.
13. AITJ For Not Wanting My Mother-In-Law To Come To My Wife's Ultrasound Appointment?
“My wife is catching a lot of flack for telling her mom that we’ll be the only ones to attend my wife’s ultrasound.
She has constantly stressed my wife out during her pregnancy. Her mom doesn’t work, her whole life has revolved around the idea of having grandchildren (my wife is her only child).
Now that this is happening, she constantly overwhelms my wife with questions about the baby, unsolicited advice, and generally overloading her with constant stimulation over this pregnancy. My wife feels like she’s basically just a vessel for her mom’s grandchild at this point.
To avoid drama between families, we decided to not invite anyone to my wife’s next ultrasound (gender reveal so it’s a big deal).
We’re only allowed to have one person attend this outside of us, and we wouldn’t want to hurt any feelings by inviting a single family member and leaving others out. We plan to video call the family.
My mother-in-law is extremely unhappy with this decision.
My wife revealed this news recently and her mom was short in her response, upset. She eventually wrote this novel text to my wife saying she’s very disappointed and that she guesses it’s up to us how involved she is in our and the baby’s lives (my wife is pretty close with her mom and has made it obvious that she and our entire family would be involved in our child’s lives.
My wife literally talks to her mom daily and they constantly talk about the baby, so for her mom to say this was just a guilt trip for not getting the outcome she wanted.
Before my wife could send her a long and thoughtful response outlining her issues, her dad called her and complained on her mom’s behalf and said verbatim that it was her mom’s birthright to attend the ultrasound.
I told my wife that regardless of anything that had happened up to this point, that sentence and level of privilege automatically discounts their side. It’s my wife’s body and her decision, and the idea that anyone, even her mother, has a God-given right to attend this appointment is absurd.
My wife is conflicted emotionally on if she did the right thing in advocating for herself and her own right to her body and our child.
But here we are, asking the internet: Are we the jerks for allowing my wife to make this decision for herself?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, her mom is being absurd!! She has no right to be involved in anything. This isn’t her baby. It’s YOUR baby! Honestly, if it were me I’d be pulling back from her mom. If she’s this bad before the kids are even born, I’d be very, very concerned about what she’s doing to do when the baby arrives.
She’s going to try to be the parent regardless of what you and your wife want. So stand firm now otherwise she’s going to walk her entitled self all over your and your baby’s life. This kind of behavior is what leads adult children to go no contact with their parents.
I don’t think I’d want her to have a key to your house.” ExRiverFish4557
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Stress is bad during pregnancy. It’s bad during birth. It’s bad when trying to establish breastfeeding. Your MIL’s behavior poses an active risk and harm to your wife and the child she is carrying.
Is your MIL expecting to be in the room or at the hospital when your child is born? Because that level of entitlement has no place in that environment. Keep protecting your wife and child. And if you have any doubts, ask your doctor how bad stress is during pregnancy.
That should clear up any remaining guilt. Your job is to protect your baby, not to pander to your MiL’s out-of-control entitlement.” bickets
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. If your MIL’s behavior is any indication as to how far she’d go in the future, there’s a problem.
Boundaries need to be determined NOW before the baby is born. This will reduce stress on all sides, especially your and your wife’s.
It seems like the MIL has based her identity around the idea of being a grandparent, and honestly, that’s sad.
It gets me thinking about her own mom, grandmother, emotional stability, etc. Why is she so insistent on making this her thing? It’s good to want to be involved in your child’s life, but to that degree of entitlement is insane to me.” meen0ru
12. AITJ For Not Wanting To See My Estranged Father?
“I (20f) have been estranged from my father for more than a decade. He and my mom divorced when I was 5. My mom was his second wife.
His first wife died about five years before my parents met. He had no kids with her but had wanted them. He never got over his first wife. She was always his one and only. But everyone was concerned about him and encouraged him to seek help and move forward with his life and his brother told him finding someone new to love would help.
He met my mom and decided he would just pretend she was his first wife or something. Mom had some concerns but he told her all the right things and she was young (21) so she naively thought it was just how serious relationships go.
When mom was pregnant with me she developed eclampsia and I had to be delivered by emergency C-section.
On top of the seizures, Mom had a pretty major bleed. She didn’t come around for a couple of weeks. In that time my father named me… after his late wife. Had all the paperwork submitted and everything while mom was sick. It was the beginning of the end for my parents even though mom stayed married to him for a few years after that.
After the divorce my mom had primary custody and my father saw me every other weekend. He very clearly never wanted me. I hated being called his first wife’s name, I hated how he would only talk about her. One day when I was 6 I told him he didn’t love me he only loved her and he said that was right, that he loved her and only her, and he never should have pretended he could ever love another woman or love children who were not born from her body.
He said the only way he could tolerate me was by giving me her name.
My mom eventually helped me change my name, something that was complicated to do, but by then my father was no longer in my life.
His parents were and they were good to me.
We are close. But now they are celebrating a milestone wedding anniversary and they want me to attend while my estranged father will be there. I have not seen him or been around him for 10 years. I don’t want that to change. They still want me there though and begged me.
I told them I won’t go since he’ll be there but we can celebrate on our own before or after. My uncle said I should be there for them and I should give my father a chance, that maybe he’s found a way to love me and want me in his life, that I should have compassion for him, he’s all messed up, and even if he’s a jerk, my grandparents aren’t.
AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. The only way your father could tolerate you was by giving you her name. Seriously?!
Your grandparents and uncle know this. They know he’s not been in your life. A parent shouldn’t have to ‘find a way’ to love or want you.
I know family gatherings are really hard when you can’t go cause he’s there but stand your ground. His side of the family isn’t going to stick up for you, you’ll have to do it yourself. Maybe offer to celebrate privately with them on a different date.
NTJ at all. And, in case it hasn’t been said, I’m sorry for your loss. You’ll always hold some grief for the man who your father should’ve been.” pharmchik324
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, you offered to celebrate with them separately. It’s funny that if you turned down the invite for any other reason there probably wouldn’t be an uproar but because the reason is due to their child they want you to make amends.
They should be telling their son he’s a jerk and needs to make up with you before the party my guess is he’s still a jerk and refused his parents’ request so now they want you to be the bigger person. No disrespect to them for wanting their family together but they are jerks.
Your uncle needs to never give anyone advice his record for that sucks, he should be telling his brother to seek help and grieve his wife appropriately.” Remarkable-Ad3819
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. This man manipulated a young woman into giving her the child he wanted with his first wife, named that child behind her back, and then was emotionally neglectful (before being physically absent) punishing you for literally existing.
A person’s most formative relationships are those with their parents and you were failed by one of yours. The impact that would have had on your self-worth as a child and has had to carry through to adulthood is something your uncle – who appears to have had good formative relationships – could never understand.
To ask you to put aside your feelings for a man who could never deal with his own enough to show up and be a good father to an innocent child is selfish and, quite frankly, hypocritical.” coppeliuseyes
11. AITJ For Not Telling My Daughter's Father About What She's Been Through?
“I (36F) had my daughter ‘April’ (20F) when I was 16.
Her father, ‘Jack’ (36M) was somewhat involved the first 10 years. His attendance was spotty but he would see her at least once a month. Always paid child support.
Then he got married and they had a baby. This coincided with my marrying my husband ‘Adam’ (now 40M).
Adam has always been great with April and has honestly been more of a father figure. I definitely feel that Jack thought ‘Well, she has Adam now, so I can check out’. He continued to pay child support, but visits and contact became further and further.
Then when April was 13, Jack and his new family moved out of state. He maintained some contact but that was it. This broke April’s heart but she grew closer with Adam.
When April was 16, she ended up in inpatient therapy for a multitude of reasons, but one being severe depression that spiraled from her father’s absence.
At this point, we hadn’t heard from Jack in 3 months. April didn’t want him to know. Legally, I had sole custody and he didn’t have to be informed. Up until this point, I had. But given his extreme disconnect, I didn’t tell him.
By the time he did get back in contact, April was doing better. She’s been in outpatient therapy since but I’m so relieved that she’s not in that place anymore.
Last year, Jack reached out to April and they’ve begun to heal their relationship.
April has made it clear that Adam is her dad, but she is willing to have Jack in her life provided he follows her boundaries.
I hadn’t spoken to Jack since April turned 18. He reached out last week and screamed at me for not telling him what April had been through.
I said he was barely around and she didn’t want him to know. He said this was unforgivable and he would’ve been there.
Adam is starting to feel a little guilty. April still feels we did the right thing but she’s the one who asked us, so it makes sense there.
Was I wrong?”
Another User Comments:
“No, you weren’t wrong. April didn’t want him to know – and since she was 16 I would have deferred to her wish too – and now that she’s an adult this is between her and Jack. (I’m assuming April told him about it?) Given her state of mind at the time she probably didn’t want to deal with either her dad not showing up, or showing up and making bad worse.
Jack seems to think it’s all about him. I’d tell him to get over himself.
NTJ” FitOrFat-1999
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. I think it was a kick to his ego, rather than an actual sadness of not being informed of his daughter’s health. If he really cared back then, he would show it through his actions; he would’ve checked on her.
And if he really cared now, he would be able to reflect on how his absence has affected his daughters and his relationship. He should be disappointed in himself rather than angry at you.
He can’t dip in and dip out at his convenience.
He can’t have the luxury of being cued in on everything but not the realities of dealing with it. He wants the cake and to eat it too: to have the label of being her Dad, not the complexities and hardships that string along with it.
But none of this matters and your daughter decided she didn’t want to tell him and so, it doesn’t matter past that.” Aylthrowaway
Another User Comments:
“NTJ
He wasn’t around. You made the right call by respecting your daughter’s wishes.
April needed to focus on her own well-being, with or without his presence, not on managing his responses to her crisis and their strained relationship.
Him showing up transiently during a crisis and then disappearing again would NOT have been good for her, and there’s nothing to say he would have shown up and stayed involved.” thirdtryisthecharm
10. WIBTJ If I Report My Landlord's Neglect Regarding Building Maintenance?
“I live in a pretty run-down apartment building. It’s 116 years old. I’ve been in my apartment for 15+ years and in that time, nothing has been upgraded, it’s a complete dump, and even worse, no regular building maintenance has occurred.
My landlord never fixes anything. If I don’t fix things on my own, they will not get fixed. I went almost 10 years with windows that were falling apart from dry rot, waiting for him to fix them.
I finally took the rent and paid someone to fix them.
Currently, it is raining in my kitchen. There is water coming in through the ceiling in one spot. One of the bedrooms is also unusable because there is a water leak so bad, fungus is growing on the wall inside.
I’ve been telling the landlord since January about these leaks and the only response I get is ‘I’m sick, be patient.’
About 1 year ago, he was diagnosed with a ‘blood disease’. This is all I know. We are not friends, we’ve had a pretty terrible relationship due to his being consistently difficult over the years regarding maintenance and other illegal things he has done.
(Throwing away everything stored in the basement, clear-cutting the yard, and throwing away furniture and plants for no reason and with zero notice).
I want it to stop raining in my apartment.
The city I live in has very good renter protection, and if I filed a complaint with the city, it’s very likely they would make him give me a monetary settlement.
I’m tired of being ‘patient’ when I have fungus growing in a bedroom. We have a business relationship, and I’ve never stopped paying rent, yet he does nothing. No property manager or anyone to do anything, ever.
So WIBTJ if I told him I’m tired of his lack of care and I’m going to the city to file a complaint because enough is enough?
If he’s too sick to take care of his building, he needs to hire someone. His illness is not my problem.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. He has a contractual obligation to provide rental premises that meet the terms of the contract. Additionally, he is responsible for upkeep and repairs to maintain a safe living environment.
Mold could be deadly. Water could cause property damage.
It’s unfortunate he’s ill, but in that case, he should find a property manager or some other arrangement to make sure he can fulfill his duties as a landlord.
I would make sure to keep it professional and just mention the lack of maintenance and things he’s told you that suggest he no longer has the ability to fulfill and perform the required upkeep and maintenance.
Say that unless he commits to fixing these issues in a timely manner to prevent potential health concerns or property damage, you’ll, unfortunately, have no other choice but to seek help outside of this landlord/tenant relationship.
Document, document, document. Protect yourself. Send all of your issues in writing (even text is fine) or if it’s a phone call, follow up with a written summary of ‘Hey here’s what we talked about’.” Morbo_TheGreat
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. It sucks that he’s so unwell, but, as someone who works in housing, I’m here to tell you he’s in violation of your lease agreement without even having to look at it. The issues you’ve described here would immediately call for an inspection in my field and the landlord would be held 100% responsible for repairs.
If he’s unable to fulfill his duties as a landlord, he shouldn’t be a landlord. YOUR health is at risk right now living in that apartment. You need to talk to him about repairs. If he doesn’t do anything, you need to talk to a tenant’s union or legal service.
Again, it’s unfortunate he’s so unwell, but you’re going to be unwell too if he doesn’t start doing his job.” hipster_mcfly
Another User Comments:
“NTJ but you should leave. At this point, if there’s mold growing in the walls it can make you extremely ill.
What’s worse is mold spores can infect all your belongings and be almost impossible to remove from porous materials like bedding and furniture. Mold made from water-damaged buildings makes potent Mycotoxins, some of which are carcinogenic. It’s worth it to leave, trash your belongings and sue for the damages.
At this point, I’d be taking extensive photos, and contacting your local health department. Your landlord is probably sick from chronic mold exposure himself.” lilgreengoddess
9. AITJ For Not Giving The Rude Gym-Goer What She Wants?
“I (28m) was at the gym this morning and usually do weights and move on to cardio.
I had been on the stair master for about 20 mins when a woman interrupted me by clacking her keys on the bottom step which made me lose my footing and I landed on my knee. I told her what is she doing since I don’t know her and she says something along the lines of ‘Would you mind moving machines as this is the one I use and I’d feel more comfortable if you were further away’.
To say that I was surprised and ticked off was an understatement.
I told her no because she basically made me fall down the stairs in order to get my attention for something so meaningless. I got back up and put my headphones on and I could clearly hear her yelling at me even with music playing.
The next thing I know the gym staff member was behind me to see what the problem was and here she is berating me for not moving while I continue on the stair master. The staff member gets my attention and I come back down and explain the situation.
When I’m told that I can stay where I am the woman goes livid and walks out.
I’ve always been quite aware of my surroundings especially in public because I know many women feel uncomfortable being so close to men they don’t know. I probably would’ve moved if she asked nicely, but I don’t feel like I did anything wrong.
I’ve told a few friends and some of them agreed that I should’ve just moved. AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ
She made the choice to approach a person who was minding their business, using a machine. There are other machines available, and it’s a public gym, so she has no claim over machines that she likes better than others (or to say that you should be far away from her).
I could understand if you were being creepy (staring or engaging her when she didn’t want to be), but that isn’t the case here at all.” morirtea-bb
Another User Comments:
“NTJ
This has nothing to do with her comfort level around men (I don’t know her or her story) and everything to do with her being a jerk.
You don’t interrupt someone’s workout. You don’t make people move just because you want a specific machine. If you want that particular machine, she can get there earlier and start working out on it, just like you were. What an entitled idiot.” feyinbetween
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. If she wants to use that machine, sucks to suck. There are things we want in life and it isn’t guaranteed. This is one of them. For her.
Also to have you move further away is problematic. You were there first. It would be one thing if she was there first and you set yourself directly behind her (like it happened to me) and there were countless other options you could have taken.
But no. If your being near her was a problem, she can go to any other machine as she isn’t currently working out.” sbballc11
8. AITJ For Letting My Son Wear A Mohawk Hairstyle At School And Be Suspended?
“At the weekend my 14-year-old son asked his older sister to cut his hair into a mohawk.
As his hair was already long, he has a rather impressive mohawk (around 7 inches) and was ecstatic to see it up for the first time. He wanted to dye it but I knew that it was against his school dress code so I told him he should wait until the summer.
On Monday morning I received a call from my son’s school telling me that his mohawk was against the dress code (under distractive hairstyles) and to pick him up and bring him back once he washes his hair out so it’s flat. They told me if he returns to school with the same hairstyle he would be suspended for a week.
I picked him up but let him skip school for the rest of the day and took him out to lunch and the movies.
He expressed he was disappointed about not being allowed the mohawk at school and said he would most likely shave it off as he didn’t really like the way it had looked flat.
I told him if he wanted to wear his hair in a mohawk the next day and be suspended that was his choice and I wasn’t telling him he couldn’t. I’m not too worried about him missing school because he gets great grades and is most likely going to be home-schooled next year.
My older kids have attended the same high school and had issues with the dress codes as well. Except on a few occasions, I’ve never agreed with their decisions and think they are overly strict on the kids’ appearances. All my daughters have been sent home at least once for their skirts being too short, one of my daughters got in trouble for having too many earrings, and my autistic son was always being told off for not shaving his beard.
My son went to school today with his mohawk and was suspended. My son’s biological mom (he’s adopted, and his mom is my sister) called me mad after he messaged her to tell her about the suspension. She thinks it was inappropriate for me to encourage him to be suspended over a hairstyle.
She’s tried to make it a greater attack on my parenting as she has been complaining for some time, that I’m not strict enough on her son and that he needs to be disciplined more.
My wife agrees with her regarding the hairstyle and thinks that my son should just shave his hair now if he doesn’t like his hair when it’s down and regrow it in the summer.
If he is home-schooled next year, this will be a non-issue. To me, this isn’t entirely the point, I see this as a small protest for my son and a good education in standing up for himself and what he wants. Was I the jerk for encouraging him to do as he wants?”
Another User Comments:
“I don’t like it. Here’s why. Your son is a part of a community. You encouraged him to break the rules to the point where he will be banished from that community for a short time. I understand why you did this.
And I understand why you gave him a choice. But. There are other options.
Such as talking to the school board about the dress code. Such as talking to other parents, and raising awareness about how limiting the dress code is in gathering support. Such as talking to a lawyer, and making sure this dress code is constitutional and in line with other dress codes in your area.
But you have just fed him into the grinder of this nonsense. And you don’t know he’ll be home-schooled. You don’t know if his disciplinary record will follow him in meaningful ways. The military would be interested in that if he is ever interested in the military.
Ditto being in law enforcement.
As the adult in his life? I think you let him down. YTJ” dekebasswood
Another User Comments:
“YTJ. You sound like an amazing parent, and it’s great that you’re encouraging your son to express himself and be creative, etc… but you’re also responsible for teaching him to live in a community and pick his battles.
Encouraging him to get suspended in this situation may not seem like a big deal, but what happens when he breaks the rules and you need him to understand that he’s being punished appropriately? I’m not wording this great, but you need to balance independent thinking with at least a modicum of respect for authority, even when you don’t agree with the authority.
A hairstyle isn’t a hill worth dying on.” nmatenumber34667
Another User Comments:
“YTJ. This was a teaching moment for your son. He will be in many circumstances in the future, and a lot of these require following certain rules in order to participate. Dress code to one of these rules.
He will be required to show up for work in an appropriate outfit, with an appropriate hairstyle for the job. It may not be the way he chooses to express himself in his personal life but we all conform to some extent when we are in our workplace.
He should be prepped now so his life is not one constant confrontation between him and his employers.” dell828
7. AITJ For Using My Snoopy Shopping Bag?
“This started like 2 weeks ago. My country is slowly phasing out plastic bags. So I (28M) bought an XXL reusable shopping bag.
It has this Snoppy design. I don’t like or dislike Snoopy but my partner (28F) dislikes Snoopy because it reminds her of her ex. As far as I know, they broke up on bad terms. No violence was involved but a lot of argument.
My partner hates everything related to her ex.
She hates his hometown and dislikes anyone from his hometown. She didn’t show it out but she told me she will avoid anyone from his hometown. Anyway when I showed her the picture of the bag, she told me she disliked the bag. I told her it was time to let go of the past and I didn’t think too much about it.
2 hours ago, I went shopping with my partner. When I took out the bag, she look quite uncomfortable. She asked me to throw away the bag. I told her no and I refuse to condone her behavior. I told her she should really learn how to let go of her past. She remained quiet the entire time we were in the car.
AITJ, the bag only costs like $3?”
Another User Comments:
“You’re the jerk. Not for buying the bag or using it, but for dismissing your partner’s problems and telling her to let go of her past.
Her reaction to the bag isn’t normal. And while it seems childish to many for her to feel uncomfortable around it and even ask you to not use it/throw it away as it’s ‘just a bag’ implies there’s more to the ex than you know of, other than they broke up on bad terms. The Snoopy bag is a trigger of her past relationship.
Triggers happen when we see, smell, taste, hear, or touch something that is related to traumas making the victim of the trauma remember and feel uncomfortable. Triggers can be anything.
The ex could have been verbally/emotionally abusive for instance (putting your partner down, controlling, calling her a jerk, and all that kind of stuff)
The ex could have had an affair and lied to her about it.
The ex could have been lazy to the point where she had to do everything, to the point where it affected her mental health.
There’s all sorts of reasons why your partner avoids anything that reminds her of her ex and you’re not going to figure it out if you keep dismissing her being uncomfortable around whatever triggers her and telling her to let go of her past.” SSpotions
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Breakups suck, sure, but she wasn’t mistreated by her ex, but merely incompatible with him and you didn’t get the bag just to spite her or give her Vietnam War type of flashbacks either. Her behavior is definitely not normal and she definitely needs therapy to untangle and process her feelings and whatever else that may have contributed to the state she’s in right now.
A $3 bag isn’t really a hill worth dying on, so maybe don’t use the bag if she’s with you if you don’t want to throw or give it away. I really hope you two can solve this.” brokenangel998
Another User Comments:
“YTJ – You know she had a bad relationship and regardless of you saying that she’s strong and independent with a good job, it still doesn’t mean she isn’t damaged from that relationship and some people don’t just get over trauma so easily.
You say ‘It’s just a bag’ but even after knowing the memories the character brings up for her you still use it when with her. It may only be just a bag to you but the design holds some awful memories for her, so if it’s ‘just a bag’ why can’t you just get rid of it?
Why does she have to suddenly get over her past trauma so you can have ‘just a bag’?
Honestly, it seems like you’re deliberately trying to hurt her… I started this with a soft YTJ but changed to YTJ because you know the bag triggers her yet you still insist on minimizing her feelings about it.” West-Kaleidoscope129
6. WIBTJ If I Don't Help My Parents Pay Off Their Debts?
“My siblings and I (all in our mid to late 20s) were all put in a private school for most of our lives because our parents wanted us to learn English. My older brother was kept in private school all of his life cause my parents didn’t want him to get bullied for being different (plot twist, teenagers suck) but I and my sister were taken out pretty early (around 2nd grade and 4th grade I think) cause they couldn’t afford to keep us all in private school (but they didn’t tell us they couldn’t afford it cause we were young lol which made me feel like they just loved him more or something cause I was like 7 or something.
LOL).
They put me and my sister in different public schools like every couple of years for some reason and to this day I don’t know why, I had to try to make new friends and struggle every time, this doesn’t really have much to do with this, just the fact that we were put in private schools for WAY less time than my brother.
I always promised myself that I’d help my parents pay their debts back if I ever made enough funds because if I never learned how to speak and write English, I would have struggled SO much moving to America and would probably not have been able to meet the love of my life (cause they don’t speak Spanish.
LOL)
But now I’m a trucker and team with my fiancé where we make like almost quadruple my parents’ wages when combined with my fiancé, my fiancé and I want to save up as much funds as possible to buy land and build a house because we’re basically debt free already and all we have is rent/insurance to pay.
I told my parents about wanting to help them pay back their debt after finishing paying off my debt, and they were grateful at first, but lately, they’ve been kinda nudging me to send them funds (not even to pay off their debts, but to go on trips and stuff like that) and I’ve been a little hesitant to send them anything cause I recently found out that they charge like over $1500 for people to live on their land (they’re charging my sister’s coworker $1000 a MONTH TO LIVE IN AN RV THAT THEY GOT FOR LIKE $800, they also charge my brother’s friend over $500 just to PARK his RV on their land, AND THEY CHARGE MY SINGLE MOTHER SISTER RENT TOO) that’s already more than enough to pay their OWN mortgage!
(I forgot to mention that they used to charge me and my siblings like $200 in rent when we all got jobs since we were like 16)
So I kinda stopped wanting to pay their debts off cause then it means me and my fiancé can get closer to our dreams even faster.
But now my mom just sent me and my siblings an old bill of what she used to pay for me and my siblings’ schooling basically trying to guilt us to pay them back along with a long message generally saying ‘Look at how much we sacrificed for you guys’ and it’s just been pretty annoying to deal with, they’ve just always been weird about funds.
Would I be the jerk if I didn’t help my parents pay off their debts?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. But I think you should pay back whatever you borrowed. You needed to borrow those funds, they made it clear it was a loan, and you agreed to pay it back.
It’s funds you owe, and it doesn’t matter what they choose to do with it once you repay the debt.
However, you also need to directly address their expectations of you giving them more. You offered to pay them, but you offered before you realized some things.
Now that you have this new information, it has changed your mind.
What parents choose to spend on their minor children is not a debt the child should be obligated to pay back as an adult. Your parents may have had a lower income while you were growing up, so you wanted to help them survive without struggling, not pay for vacations.
They are making more funds now and don’t have minor children to support anymore, so you’ve re-evaluated your obligations to them.
Don’t say this with any sort of nervous shame or guilt. Say it like you assumed it would be a given you aren’t paying it.
Because they can pay off this $20k they owe with what they’re making now. They just need to make a budget and hold off on vacations until they can afford it.” RulerOfNyaNyaLand
Another User Comments:
“NTJ – If you actually owe them funds pay that and nothing more.
You don’t owe them just to be born. They chose to raise you in private school for some time, you didn’t ask for them to do that. They kind of sound like people who will take a mile instead of the inch you give them.
Don’t set yourself on fire to keep them warm.” dandelionbuzz
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Your parents will get mad because they know if they do, they can make you pay them. This is a ploy they are using to get your funds. If I could get angry and that would get you to give me 5000, I would do it too.
But for me, you would just laugh. For them, you are still programmed to do what they want, because when you were a child not doing what they wanted was scary and dangerous. But you aren’t a child anymore. Do what makes sense for you.
Pay what you owe for the bills when you can pay it, and the rest… well, that isn’t part of the deal. Let them be mad until they realize it is not doing any good. Good luck.” FreeRustProofing
5. AITJ For Not Giving My Daughter Her Inheritance From Her Father?
“I (52f) have a daughter Emily, who just turned 18 in February. Our family was completely destroyed 3 days after her birthday when my husband Jeff (55m) and son Dylan (21m) suddenly passed.
Ever since then, parenting Emily has been rough. She has been lashing out and running away for days with no contact.
She has no job, sleeps all day, and doesn’t help me with anything. I try my best to get her to therapy or something, but she just won’t go and wants to be left alone. We have been a lower-income family for years. I have had to put aside grieving, in order to get a 2nd job and pay the bills.
Until yesterday.
I received an unexpectedly large sum of funds from my husband’s life insurance. I told Emily about this and she immediately asked me how much she gets. She knew she was written in the will. I told her I’m not giving her anything right now because she is clearly unwell.
She freaked out at me and said she was going to move out and get a lawyer.
She told my SIL (48f) who texted me and said that I’m ‘stealing’ from Emily and that she’s 18 and I can’t control her anymore.
If my daughter was in good health, I would give her funds.
But I am worried she will be reckless.
AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“YTJ. If your daughter is named as a beneficiary for the life insurance you are going to be in legal trouble. Your daughter knows she’s named in the will and at some point will seek legal advice.
I’m sorry for your troubles but you cannot arbitrarily decide not to give your daughter the funds. Your best course would be to sit down with her and discuss how to give her the funds. You legally cannot withhold it. Don’t get yourself in further trouble.” squirrelsareevil2479
Another User Comments:
“NTJ if you are holding on to it so that she doesn’t spend it unwisely when she’s clearly unwell and not able to handle large sums of funds. If you mean to spend it on your own you would be the jerk.
But if you’re taking care of the funds for her you need to sit down and have a conversation with her, and you need to get help from a financial advisor who can make sure the funds goes to your daughter but she can’t use it all at once.” KrakenTeefies
Another User Comments:
“YTJ. She is 18 and if she does get a lawyer you would absolutely be destroyed and have to give it to her, and in turn waste a lot of funds in this process. Give her the funds, and maybe try sitting down and talking to her more about how she’s feeling and what would help her move through this.
She’s grieving, as are you, and everyone does that differently. It’s not your place to tell her (as an adult) she isn’t grieving properly. It’s still very early on. Let her grieve and don’t take her funds.” yellowcat_vs_redcat
4. AITJ For Being Angry At My Husband For Replying To My Parents?
“My husband (35 M) and I (40 F) got married 2 years ago. I have 2 children from a previous marriage and I had our daughter last year.
My husband dotes on her constantly which is wonderful, however, the rest of us (his dogs, my children, and me) are not even a close second. Our first Mother’s Day he didn’t celebrate at all. He yelled at me and told me painting the garage floor was my present because we needed it done to pass inspection on the house we were buying.
My birthday, once again nothing. He said one day we would take a trip, then forgot he said that. Fast forward to today, it is my daughter’s 1st birthday.
Some context for the next part. I am currently in no contact with my parents. 8 weeks after my C-section my niece called me crying.
She and her sister (10, 13) were staying with my parents and things were apparently bad over there. I intervened and got the girls to stay with us instead. They told me some crazy but entirely believable things, and also told me the things my parents were saying about me.
Growing up my parents used my name like it was the worst word in the English language, to the point where I now go by a different name (that they refuse to call me), and they were calling my niece by my name. My mom has some mental issues (she will feed people things they are allergic to trying to prove they are faking, among other things) and my dad was physically and emotionally really abusive.
In the last few months, I have gone with no contact but it’s a struggle. There is family pressure because everyone wants to be able to get together for Grandma’s birthday. On top of that, in some messed up way, I miss my parents.
I have asked my husband to help me stay strong and continue going with no contact.
Today parents messaged my husband wishing our daughter a happy birthday and that they missed him (They didn’t even ask about me.), and he pleasantly messaged them back about our daughter.
I was so shocked and hurt. I took our daughter and left. I texted my husband and our families videos of her out. When I got home he said he was in the wrong and apologized. I thanked him and asked him why he replied to them.
He said ‘Because they never did anything wrong to him or our daughter.’ and ‘He didn’t think about it and was surprised that I was upset.’ I told him he betrayed me and our family. He was mad I wouldn’t accept his apology and move on.
I told him my ex would have never texted my parents back, he always supported me.
This made my husband very upset. I told him to take our daughter out so she could enjoy her birthday, but I don’t know how many more of these lost special days I can take.
He invited me to go, but I declined. AITJ for bringing my ex up, not accepting my husband’s apology, and not going out with our baby on a day I won’t be able to get back?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ
Your husband is neglectful, doting on your baby but ignoring you and the other children and pets, screaming at you to do tasks, never celebrating you, and contacting your abusive parents.
I’d bet that once your youngest is no longer a cute baby who can be carried around and made to do things but a child with their own opinion who says no to him that his doting dad mode will change and he will treat her the same as you.
Even if he doesn’t then do you really think she won’t notice how he screams at you, treats you like a skivvy, and only dotes on her? What effect will that have on her? You don’t mention his treatment of your older children but what do you think they feel seeing how he acts and treats you?
Your parents are horrible, clearly, and I know you are working on going no contact with them and rebuilding your normal meter but I’m sorry, I think you have swapped one abusive relationship for another. I’m so sorry that your first Mother’s Day gift was being screamed at to paint the floor, I’m sorry that he doesn’t even care enough to get you a birthday card, I’m sorry he’s contacting your abusive parents.
Frankly, I’d advise speaking with a therapist about what is happening and taking your children somewhere safe if you can. This guy is not decent to you and you don’t deserve this. Nor do your children deserve to be trapped in an abusive home where their sister is fawned over and their mother is screamed at.
Please don’t continue the cycle which started with you in your parents’ home for your kids.” Lulubelle__007
Another User Comments:
“Everyone sucks here.
I’m no professional, but it sounds like you were raised by abusive and possibly narcissistic parents, then fell into a relationship with someone cut from the exact same cloth.
He dotes on the child you two share because he view their children as extensions of himself, and since she’s not old enough to develop into her own person and challenge his perception of things, he will treat her like his most prized possession.
That won’t extend to you and your children from your previous relationship.
No matter how he behaves, it’s really a low blow to compare him to your ex. That’s immature and toxic, and it needs to stop. How YOU conduct yourself is about you, and the example your behavior will set for your children.
Honestly OP it doesn’t sound like this relationship is very healthy, which is unfortunate given that there are children involved. It also sounds like you have some internal issues to resolve regarding the situation with your parents. Your reaction to your husband’s behavior makes it sound like you expect your partner to ‘save’ you from the situation.
Maybe not, but that’s how it comes across. I hope you can learn to let go of that for your own well-being.” Efficient_Panic_748
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, but you need to stop hoping your husband will suddenly become your ex or some other person.
You have your husband as he is. He doesn’t celebrate events especially well, but that is him. If you want to celebrate, celebrate! Don’t expect something that you know won’t come and feel hurt and upset. Invite friends/family to events and let your husband know the event is planned. His choice is to attend or not.
If this isn’t acceptable to you in the long run, then leave. You can’t change anyone except yourself.” No_Pepper_3676
Another User Comments:
“Everyone sucks here, your husband isn’t a good husband and it’s pretty obvious, I would think he would grow out of it if u chose to stay with him.
However the comment about your ex was a low blow and no one wants to hear about that, no one, it’s one of the worst things you can say in a relationship, you wouldn’t want him saying his ex was better than you. And the texts to your parents sounded like he was happy to do it cos it was about your daughter and they were being nice to them.
You guys really need family therapy.” ThatGuySpeCtrE32
3. AITJ For How I Reacted When My Partner Turn Off The Electricity?
“I (M24) have been going out with Helen (F22) for 2 years and we moved in together 2 months ago. This is my parents’ old second home, my parents gave it to me when I moved out of the family home 5 years ago. Helen and I are very happy with this house because it is comfortable and well-located.
There is just a little problem with the kitchen, there are two ovens, one big and one smaller. The small one works well but sometimes the big one cuts off the power when it switches off (you just have to turn the power back on the meter).
It is not every time, maybe once in five times but to avoid that, I always use the small oven which was more than enough when I was living alone.
When Helen moved in, at first we took turns cooking but she quickly insisted to manage the cooking alone, she thinks my cooking is a bit too basic.
Her parents own a restaurant so I guess she has higher standards and she cooks better than me, to be fair… I once suggested that we could cook together sometimes so I could improve but she doesn’t want because she finds me too messy in the kitchen…
I warned her about the big oven and to prioritize the smaller one or to let me know before using the big one. I like to play Football Manager on my PC before dinner and it would be a shame to have a power cut at this moment.
If she tells me beforehand, I can save my game in case of a cut.
2 weeks ago Helen used the big oven without telling me and the power went out, while I was playing. I gently remembered her to warn next time and it’s ok, I had saved a few minutes before, and everyone can forget or mess up.
Yesterday she wanted to make cookies and used the big oven again without telling me, I was playing, and I hadn’t saved for several in-game weeks (stupid, I know) so it was lost.
I was annoyed and I asked why she didn’t warn me. Instead of apologizing, she said aggressively to get over it, that I shouldn’t get upset about that stupid game, after all, cooking dinner was much more important.
I got angry and answered that she shouldn’t disrespect my hobbies like that and she could just enjoy her so much important dinner alone and I stormed off.
I went to visit a friend (24M) to vent, and I ended up sleeping there (I told my partner by message that I will sleep there and it’s best to talk tomorrow).
My friend thinks that Helen messed up and is in the wrong but this morning, I received a text from a friend about Helen calling me a huge jerk.
After reflecting on it, I start to feel bad, maybe I did overreact or was completely in the wrong.
So, AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ
You made a simple request that she tells you when she’s about to use the big oven so that you know to save at that point, which she agreed to. She didn’t do what she agreed so you reminded her.
She didn’t do it again – when you pointed it out she could have said ‘I’m sorry you did ask me to do that but I forgot’ Instead she went for ‘The entirely harmless thing you asked of me is stupid and the impact which matters to you doesn’t matter to me – therefore it doesn’t matter and you’re not allowed to be upset’.
That’s selfish and disrespectful.
It doesn’t matter that it was ‘only about a game’. The point is that she refused to take responsibility for not doing what she agreed to and then went on the attack to invalidate your feelings.
This specific scenario can be pretty easily avoided by getting the oven/wiring fixed (which you really should do anyway).
But the underlying problem – her refusing to accept when she’s made a mistake and jumping to invalidate your feelings any time that she thinks her mistake shouldn’t matter (because she only cares about what she cares about, not what you care about) – that’s not going to be as easy to fix.” lemlemsx
Another User Comments:
“Everyone sucks here. Your hobbies are valid even if other people don’t ‘get it’ or like it, so I understand being frustrated about losing progress, it’s happened to all gamers at one point or another. It was pretty rude of her to write off your hobby like that when it seems it’s something you really enjoy.
She is still doing you a service by cooking for you, and I also know that oftentimes gamers (myself included) get really into what they’re doing, so as simple as it sounds to just tell someone beforehand, there is a chance you won’t be focused on what is being said.
It also sounds like you do a lot of gaming, perhaps a little bit too much, if it interferes with cooking. Gaming is fine, but other hobbies are good too, especially ones where you get out of the house and move around.
Lastly, get the oven fixed. There is no good reason to have faulty wiring in your house, that is dangerous.
Then it won’t matter if cooking and gaming happen simultaneously, but also your house won’t burn down and both of you to a crisp. If you smell a fishy smell, get out of the house. That’s an electrical fire. Seriously though, get it fixed.” alcapwn3d
Another User Comments:
“YTJ, you’ve had an issue with this since you were living alone yet haven’t got it fixed. You have electrical faults you are ignoring that could potentially cause a fire. If she’s cooking assume that it would likely get cut off unintentionally and save often.
It’s clearly not intentional and she’s working hard to cook and clean for you.
Reading between the lines here you spent your time gaming, she does all the cooking and cleaning when you game yet you’re mad at her because an electrical fault that you ignored caused you to lose progress because you didn’t save.
Also coming back to the saving thing, not saving for weeks? That’s 100% on you and a rookie mistake. Who doesn’t save for weeks? You took out your own mistake on her because you couldn’t be bothered to get the fault fixed or save your game.
Why should she apologize?
She shouldn’t have to remind you to save your game when you know that you have an issue that causes the power to go off. You should be saving every half hour at least!” TheSuperAlly
Another User Comments:
“Everyone sucks here.
You both of you overreacted. You asked her to do something for her, but she forgot. It’s not the end of the world. There is no reason for any of you to fight about this.
She’s the one doing chores (even if they re ‘fun’ chores) for both of you.
I get that losing your progress sucks, but that’s life. From this story, it doesn’t seem like she was malicious just forgetful. Accidents happen and if you want to avoid them because your game is so important just fix the oven. At the same time, it’s kind of her fault that she didn’t pay attention and ruined your fun even though you asked her before, so while this doesn’t warrant you to get mad she should have at least apologized.” juniperzz
2. AITJ For Telling My Brother His Wife's Secret?
“My SIL’s sisters are absolutely terrible. Most of what I hear about them is from my brother but I was pretty involved in their wedding and yeah they sucked.
Anyways, SIL gave birth to twin boys 6 months ago! Her sisters haven’t met them yet but my SIL does send them pics.
She usually only sends pictures of the boys but apparently, she sent a family one, and the two started to make fun of her weight, of being the ‘odd one out’ in terms of looks, and yeah. Apparently, my SIL cried a lot and my brother blocked them from her phone.
Sadly, the damage was done.
She became very self-conscious of her weight. She’s now on a diet and exercises way more than I think is appropriate. She’s already lost a lot of weight but I don’t think she plans on stopping. My brother’s trying to support her and tells her that she shouldn’t listen to her sisters.
She just tells him that they’re right and that she doesn’t understand how he was okay with how she looked.
She unblocked her sisters behind my brother’s back and texts them often for advice which is just them shaming her. I only know about this because her phone was blowing up so I grabbed it to give it to her and noticed the names on the notifications and asked her.
She admitted it and begged me not to tell my brother. She told me to keep it between us girls claiming my brother wouldn’t understand. I just said sure.
But my brother told me she’s getting worse and it was honestly really depressing.
I told my brother.
He was very thankful. I don’t know what happened between them but my SIL called me some time later and it was clear that she’d been crying. She said that I promised to keep it a secret and she can’t believe I broke her trust like that.
She said that she was even more offended that I didn’t trust her and told on her like she was some baby.
When I tried explaining that I was concerned she told me to shut up and said that there’s nothing to be concerned about and that I should mind my own business from now on instead of snooping through her phone and manipulating her trust. She seemed really distressed and I couldn’t help but feel like I messed things up.
Maybe I shouldn’t have told my brother. I clearly don’t understand what she’s going through and maybe she has a valid reason for not telling her husband. I don’t know, she’s never ever yelled like that before and my heart still hurts.
AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ because it sounds like she’s developing an eating disorder because of how horrible her sisters are being to her. She’s not a child, but her husband does need to put his foot down and insist that she see the doctor with him involved in the appointment.
Maybe you and he can sit down with her together and tell her that you both love her and this is becoming dangerous and emotionally damaging for her. I think you should offer to babysit while they go to the doctor’s office and maybe while he supports her at her first dozen Overeater’s Anonymous meetings.
I would also look up those support meetings (they are for all kinds of disordered eating from Anorexia to severe overeating) it might be really beneficial for her to hear others talking about their struggles even if she doesn’t want to actively participate. This might be a form of postpartum anxiety too.
I think that her OB might be a good doctor to start with especially if that’s a doctor she has a good connection with already.
If she hated her OB then I would recommend seeing a general practitioner instead and going from there. Her jerk sisters are creating anxiety in her, but that can be easier to do with hormonal changes following birth and also how much pregnancy changes your body too.” Agreeable_Doubt_4504
Another User Comments:
“YTJ. The only reason you obtained this information is that you grabbed her phone unprompted and, whether it was intentional or not, looked at it without her consent.
What is more, she is an adult. She gets to decide who she has in her life and who she blocks from it.
This has nothing to do with you. And ultimately, it has nothing to do with her husband; he doesn’t get to decide either. All he can do is be as supportive as he can as she navigates her body image issues.” Few-Eye880
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. You did break her trust, but you were forced to weigh breaking her trust with your concern for her health and well-being and personally, I think you made the right choice, even if it might damage your relationship with her for a bit.
I wonder if growing up with toxic, awful sisters like that has made it hard for her to believe that you would ‘tell on’ her like that out of genuine concern and love for her rather than hurt her or hold her back.
Like she might not be able to see your motives clearly because no one has ever done something like that to help her in her experience. I think with therapy she’ll come to understand and appreciate what you did.” CumulativeHazard
Another User Comments:
“YTJ.
You told her you’d keep a secret and didn’t. It was kind of dumb to agree to that secrecy in the first place. Instead, you should have said you wouldn’t say anything if she told your brother the truth. Then it is all on her, not you.
If you talk t her in the near future, tell her you will never again agree to keep secrets from your brother and she needs to not include you in such deceptions.” No_Pepper_3676
It has reached a level where her health (physical and mental) and safety are in serious peril. She'll realize that when she's back to health. You did the right thing.
1. AITJ For Yelling At My Sister And Calling Her Names?
“I have a five-year-old son with autism spectrum disorder (ASD) who I homeschool. My sister is very against homeschooling and has spent the past year fighting with me about my son, which I honestly find exhausting. I recently announced that I am pregnant to my family.
Everyone was happy, especially my sister. Yesterday she asked me when I was going to enroll my son in school, and I said I wasn’t.
My sister got very upset and said I can’t homeschool my son once I have the baby. I said I can.
We got into another argument, which I finally ended by saying I don’t care about her opinion and don’t want to hear anymore. She said my baby will probably ‘also be (terrible word)’ and that I was irresponsible for having another child.
I yelled at her.
I called her a meanspirited witch who thrives off of saying upsetting things. I told her she was a terrible aunt and horrible sister. She said I’m a terrible sister and horrible mother. My mother is upset my sister and I fought and wants me to apologize for calling her names.
I do love my sister and would like to resolve the argument, but I can’t find it in me to apologize. Was I a jerk for calling her a witch, or did she deserve it?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ
She completely deserved it. As long as your son is thriving in homeschooling, it is none of ANYONE’S business whether you choose to homeschool.
And on top of that to essentially call both of your children a horrific slur! I’d completely cut her off, forget completely about apologizing! Does your mum know she said such a horrific thing about her grandchildren?! There’s a line you don’t cross and jumped over it with a smile on her face.
That’s unforgivable in my book.” NeekaNou
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, she isn’t you, she doesn’t know how it must feel to be in your shoes and that isn’t her child. She cannot dictate how you choose to raise your child, if this works best for your family there is no need to change it.
Likely it would disrupt his routine anyway and cause more issues, if he’s happy and you’re happy that’s all that matters.
As for the pregnancy that’s cruel to even suggest such a thing. No parent wants their children to struggle and it’s horrible to even want such a thing for a child that isn’t even born yet.
She definitely needed putting in her place.” RaunchyRaven99
Another User Comments:
“I think you’re a jerk for calling your sister a word that invokes a terrible legacy of sexism. I also think your sister’s a jerk for, well, basically asking her actions you describe.
Name-calling, especially with problematic words, is wrong. Period. It’s not as bad as doing something terrible. But two wrongs, however, they’re balanced, don’t make a right.
I think that you were wrong to invoke that word. I don’t think you were wrong in any other way.
I think you may owe your mother and sister an apology for your word choice. If you apologize, I would keep it really, really narrow. Because your sister is definitely a terrible, disrespectful, judgmental, bigoted, and mean-spirited person, and doesn’t deserve an apology for being called out on it.
I’ll give you a pass this time because I’m loathed to give you the same judgment as your sister. Go forth and sin no more. NTJ.” BigBayesian
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