Let kids run around screaming/yelling, up and down stairs, touching things that didn’t belong to them, making messes, and not making them clean up after themselves;
Parents didn’t bring anything for the kids to do and got mad at us for not having anything for them;
Brought a dog into our house, let the dog on the furniture;
Left chairs sticking out of tables/counters instead of pushing them in;
Stomped around the house with their shoes on despite being asked to remove them;
Left trash/paper plates etc sitting around or balled up instead of placing them in the trash;
Opened multiple bottles/cans of drinks and only took a sip and left it open;
Pulled out and used new rolls of toilet paper when there was still plenty left on the rolls;
Opened medicine cabinets;

She offered to help us clean up, bring out food, etc.

This was a terrible experience. My husband was shocked at his family’s behavior and didn’t know what to say. I don’t blame him for this at all. He was just a part of the hosting as me, but he was seeing his family through new eyes as well.

When he talked to his mom and dad after, they just laughed at us and said ‘That’s what hosting is.’ So, we decided together we would rather not go through all that again. Easter is coming up and my in-laws asked what our plans are.

My husband said that we weren’t going to host after everyone’s awful manners.

His mom and dad are upset with us. We have the big house, so they figured it would be on us from now on. We said that the only way we would ever even consider hosting is if every member of his family pitched in some way.

They said that defeats the purpose of someone else hosting and that no one should be expected to pitch in if we offer to host. So we said we won’t host.

Maybe I’m just not meant to host. But are we truly so far out of bounds to refuse to host anymore because of how his family behaves?”

Another User Comments:

“NTJ. Your house, your rules. And if people are ignoring those rules, then I think it’s fair not to host. I think it’s valid to not want to host for any reason, but your list is wild to me. Going through the medicine cabinet is a HUGE one, I’d be worried about a hidden addict in the family.

That’s who does that. Some of them are easily mitigated: pets on the furniture? Clarify no pets if you ever host again. But what really gets me is the shoe thing. It’s super common in a lot of cultures not to wear shoes in the house.

It’s something you should expect and respect when going to someone else’s house. It’s such a baseline boundary that to disregard it is ABSURD. What are you getting out of it to ignore that rule? A petty sense of control?

I could deal with the chairs, and even the messes, but if people went out of their way to spite the house rules for absolutely no reason, I wouldn’t invite them back either.

If they can’t respect something as basic as no shoes, they don’t have an iota of respect for you or your husband.” User

Another User Comments:

“NTJ – your in-laws sound a little out of touch. That’s not ‘just what hosting is’.

Sure, you’re responsible for a large part of any event you host, but any guest with any ounce of etiquette or just basic human decency would A) behave in a civilized and respectful manner and B) at the very least offer to help with clean up, ask what they can bring, etc.

I’m pretty certain if you and your husband did even half of what they did to you at an event they hosted, you’d hear about it and it wouldn’t just be ‘what hosting is’. Let them be upset.” wildhoneybea

People Ask Us To Critically Analyze Their “Am I The Jerk?” Stories