People Ask Us To Critically Analyze Their "Am I The Jerk?" Stories

"I (28f) am pregnant with my first child. We have not revealed the gender of our baby yet or the name. But the name has been a very heavily discussed topic because my stepmom of 20 years and her family have a naming tradition where the girls get the middle name Elizabeth and the boys get the middle name Gabriel.

This is something they do with all their kids.

When I was pregnant before (I miscarried) the topic came up then and when we announced my pregnancy this time it was restarted once I reached my second trimester. My stepmom really wants me to take part in the tradition, my half-siblings want me to take part in the tradition, and my dad doesn't care as much but wants me to do it as a sign of full acceptance that I am a member of my stepmom's family and that my baby will be too.

My husband and I are not using the tradition. I don't want to and he doesn't care either way but believes the decision should be mine. And we discussed what to say to everyone and initially, we went with a disclaimer that we were not using the names for our children because we wanted to both pick the first and middle names together.

This started a response of 'people can have multiple middle names' and 'think of how important and special the middle names will be' and how Elizabeth and Gabriel are very easy to pair with first names. We then attempted to shut down all conversations about this and we said we did not want to have those names pushed on us. I stepped in when changing the conversation and walking away was not deterring them and said to end the conversation because it was getting tiring and I would take a step back if they could not let it go.

My dad and stepmom then decided to 'approach me together' which was really them confronting me and asking why I was so resistant to the idea and I told them we gave a reason and I didn't need to keep giving reasons because they didn't believe me.

My stepmom said it feels like it's because they are from her family and not from my mom or my dad's sides of the family and she doesn't feel like that's fair. Dad told me it would make so many people happy and isn't that worth it in the end even if they end up as second middle names.

I told them it was not happening and they needed to respect the decisions my husband and I make as parents to our child. My stepmom told me I was being very disrespectful to her and her family and to my own siblings. My dad told me I was being stubborn for no reason at all.

AITJ?"

Another User Comments:

"NTJ regardless. However, I am interested in your relationship with your own mother's family and their potential thoughts on this. The reason I ask is I think taking on your stepmother's family traditions for your children could be seen as replacing your own mother's family with hers in terms of importance in your children's lives.

Even if you were inclined to do it which you are not the diplomatic implications for your mother's family could be tricky. And that is possibly the tack to take with your dad. I am not doing something this pointed to make Stepmom and her family happy because it's a huge slap in the face to Mum and her family." Whitestaunton

Another User Comments:

"NTJ. These are your and your husband's children. Nobody else's. Nobody should be pressuring you to give a child a name you don't want to, regardless of the reason. It would be different if you liked the names, or you wanted to participate in this tradition.

They are being bullies trying to coerce you into doing something you don't want to do. It's fine they asked once... It's fine if they want to do it themselves... It's not fine that they are being aggressive and emotionally abusive about it." GoreGoddezz