People Have A Lot To Say In These "Am I The Jerk?" Stories
21. AITJ For Not Making Time For My Child After My Ex Took Care Of Me While I Was Sick?
“My ex-wife and I have been divorced for 2 years, we have one child together. She tries to be friendly but I think it’s inappropriate so I keep her at bay. I got sick three months ago, I was in a really bad way and I called her.
She stayed with me for 3 weeks, made my food, cleaned for me, administered my medications, and even rubbed my back while I was feeling unwell. She was amazingly attentive. I felt guilty for calling her but she’s always been there and I can always count on her.
Another friend brought me soup, but my ex has always been very nurturing.
As I started feeling better, I started talking to my friends more and I didn’t want her around as much so I started ignoring her when she came in. I could tell it hurt her but I know she still cares about me and I didn’t want her interfering in my other relationships thinking anything has changed.
Recently, she asked me for additional help with the baby. I told her I didn’t have the time or the resources to help because I was making up for missed time while being unwell. My sister told me I’m being a jerk and I should at least make time because she put her whole life on hold to take care of me when she didn’t have to.
She said I was unappreciative and that people look their whole lives for people like her and I’m treating her like garbage. She said the only reason I treat her like this is because I still have feelings and I want to appease my friends and partners.
My sister called her and is helping with the baby now, and she’s turned my family against me. I missed a lot of work and I’m making it up. Am I the jerk for not making time?”
Another User Comments:
“YTJ. You’re prioritizing “friends and partners” over your kid.
Your KID man, what the heck is wrong with you? Also, you were plenty happy to take advantage of your ex when you needed her (risking getting sick no less) but didn’t even have the nerve to tell her not to keep coming when you started feeling better, just ignored her?
I feel sorry for her and most of all for your child.” Grouchy_Afternoon_23
Another User Comments:
“Yeah, YTJ on so many fronts: 1. You used your ex as a nurse while you were ill. When it doesn’t suit your needs you push her away, but if you need a mommy, you are ALL for her being there.
That’s being a jerk. 2. This is your child, she needs help with your child and you can’t be bothered. This is what co-parenting is about. I know you’re making up work, but you’re not even trying. So not only do you use your child’s mother, you are a bare minimum parent.
I don’t agree with her that you treat her like this because you have feelings for her, it’s because you’re just using her for your convenience. I kind of feel bad for your ex being either naïve or desperate.” No-Policy-4095
Another User Comments:
“I’m guessing the baby is the child you had with your ex so YTJ.
Even if she hadn’t come to take care of you, the mother of your child reached out to tell you she needed help with your child. How can you tell her that you don’t have the time or resources for your kid? You don’t work 24/7.
You could make the time to see more of your kid. That being said, you’re an even bigger jerk because you used your ex to take care of you and then ignored her like she was just insignificant.” [deleted]
20. AITJ For Kicking My Parents Out After They Made Homophobic And Racist Comments About My Son's Partner?
“I’ve (45M) have never had a good relationship with my parents, they treated me like crap growing up and my dad would push me so hard in sports that I developed bulimia from the stress growing up.
They also cut off my younger sister for a time when she married a Latino guy. Which is why I and my wife were hesitant to let them into our kids’ lives, but they turned out to be good grandparents for the most part and our boys Nathan and Jordan (16M and 14M) love them.
Our oldest Nathan came out last year and most of our family was accepting except my parents who didn’t like this at all. They never said anything in front of the boys but my wife and I got an earful about how we weren’t raising them right.
I told them they didn’t have to be in our kids’ lives if they kept it up so they’ve left it alone so far.
Nathan started seeing this nice boy Malik (16M) a few months ago. Malik is always super respectful and has been a good influence on Nathan.
On Nathan’s 16th birthday Saturday, he wanted to invite Malik to introduce his partner to the rest of the family, and his mom and I said sure. Day of everybody’s comes over to celebrate and the family seems to like Malik, but I catch my parents glaring daggers at Malik.
I call them outside to talk and I ask them what’s wrong and they start in on this tirade about how they tried accepting this gay thing but that Nathan being with “one of them” (Malik is black) was going too far and that it was bad enough he was gay.
Unbeknownst to us Nathan had come outside looking for us and heard the whole thing. I heard him start to cry as he just ran back inside and into his room. At that point, I lost my temper and yelled at them to leave and not come back.
The party was ruined after that and Nathan wouldn’t come out of his room for the rest of the weekend. I’ve gotten calls from my side of the family saying I shouldn’t have reacted like that and that me cutting my parents out like that makes me ungrateful.
AITJ here?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ at all. Defend your son against homophobia and racism as much as you can, especially from your family! What are you being “ungrateful” about – your parents acted horribly. Let Nathan know you will always have his back, and ask if there is anything else he’d like you to do to address the situation with the larger family.” ParsimoniousSalad
Another User Comments:
“NTJ – but do be a better ally. You knew your parents were racist AND homophobic, and you didn’t say if you did anything to protect your son and his partner beforehand, but sounds like you just threw them into the lion’s den.
And it also sounds like you’re new to being an ally, so I highly encourage you to find the nearest lgbtq center and ask what you can do.” [deleted]
Another User Comments:
“Ntj, as a queer myself, reading this put a small smile on my face.
You saw what was happening and took your parents outside to talk (trying to avoid any confrontation with your son and his partner) and when your son was harmed, you made them leave. As someone who doesn’t have very supportive grandparents (not as bad as your parents, but still) seeing you stand up not just to homophobia, but against your parents to protect your child is very nice.
Keep being an amazing parent, and try and talk to your son about how YOU support him 100% and your parents are bigots and should be ignored.” KandyShopp
19. AITJ For Not Telling My Son About His True Parentage Until He Found Out Through A DNA Test?
“19 years ago during a rocky part of our relationship, my (41M) wife (41F) had a short-lived affair in a country we no longer live in that resulted in a pregnancy.
She was extremely remorseful and apologetic and has gone above and beyond since then to regain my trust, on top of which we previously attended therapy over this; in short, there is no bitterness between the two of us regarding this event.
We decided to keep the son that was born from her affair and raise him as our own and not disclose his parentage to anyone else, in terms of looks there is nothing notably unusual about him for anyone to question his parentage simply being anyone else but my wife and me.
His bio father is someone we’re both certain is childfree and likes it that way, so we didn’t see the point in disclosing this to him, plus like I said, we no longer live in the same country where the affair took place. The entire event is basically a one-off that was wiped clean and far, far behind us.
I’ll add that my wife and I later had a daughter (now 10F) who is definitely mine biologically, and since both our kids were born we have never shown any favoritism or had any serious family conflicts whatsoever. Overall, my son’s parentage never seemed to be a problem in our family nor did he have any doubt or curiosity about it.
Our son (19M) is now an anthropology major in college and is out of state from where my wife and I live. Without telling either of us, he took a 23andme test because he was interested in seeing the precise breakdown of his genetics, and, yes, from this information he realized I could not be his father.
Obviously, he is completely devastated and sent my wife and me a barrage of confused and angry texts questioning the meaning of this and how disgusting he finds it that we never told him this. He said he feels he will never look at me the same again nor his sister.
But from what I said earlier my wife and I simply never saw the reason to. His blood may not be mine, but he always felt like a blessing to us regardless, and certainly always our son. He blocked us shortly after sending all the texts so I haven’t had a chance to even talk to him yet, it’s been about 6 hours, I feel confident he’ll come around and unblock us eventually and we can talk.
My wife and I are now feeling really unsure if we really messed up by not telling him the truth when he was a child, but we just didn’t want him to feel “different” or disconnected from us in any way for essentially no good reason.”
Another User Comments:
“YTJ, though I understand you did what you thought was best. The issue is, your son is his own person. His identity goes beyond being your son, even if he was yours biologically. Parents tend to keep things from their children with the assumption that they know best for their child, forgetting that someday their child is going to be an adult facing the repercussions of the decisions their parents made for them.
He deserves to know things like this and you should have at least told him by the time he was 18, if not sooner.” nephelite
Another User Comments:
“YTJ. Dude dude dude you and your wife messed up BIG time. Now I am not saying you are bad parents but he deserved to know and probably this was gonna come out sometime or the other.
This is almost exactly like an adopted child it’s just that one of the bio parents is still in the picture. Let him go he probably would have a lot of things to say to you if he decides to contact you again and listen carefully and apologise.
Try to understand his perspective he thought you were his dad and your daughter was his bio sister imagine that just one day you find out that isn’t the truth you are gonna be shattered. Also YTJ for not telling his bio dad that he had a child.
Even if the bio dad is child-free even if he knew he wouldn’t take any responsibility your son is still his bio child he deserved to know.” memerexe121
Another User Comments:
“YES YTJ you should have told him. You would still be his dad, but he needed to know, from the beginning.
Even if his biological father never wants to see him, it doesn’t matter. This is the biggest mistake non-biological parents make, even through adoption, is not saying anything. He deserves to know his heritage, but also it would be helpful to know his family medical history, or what isn’t, that may be life or death at some point if he’s saying oh no neither of my parents ever had x or have a gene for x and a doctor says ok well then you can’t have x, but surprise he actually could.” QuitaQuites
And just FYI, I'm an adopted child who has always known she was adopted, and so it was never an issue. Fools, you could have so easily avoided this if you had only been honest. Gods help you both.
18. AITJ For Leaving My Daughter's Wedding Reception Early To Prepare The Food?
“My daughter got married last week, and after telling me just prior to the wedding that she only wanted pictures of her and her bride, I left pretty soon after the wedding was over to head to the reception site and finish prepping the food, all of which I cooked and prepared.
There was about an hour and a half between the wedding and reception, and I was working alone, as the few people I had asked to help didn’t make it. My daughter also promised me that she had plenty of people to help with food, even sent a text to her “squad” that as I was doing all the cooking, I’d need a lot of support.
I was feeding about 80 people a full buffet meal, as well as some snack-type platters (cheese, crackers, fruit, veggies, etc).
In prepping the food, I had two large dishes of two main dishes prepared and was working in a kitchen about half a mile from the reception site.
In order to serve everything hot, I prepped food in cycles and was busy for the first hour and a half of the reception and missed out on it.
My daughter and her new bride are upset with me and claim I ruined their special day.
I am upset and sad that I didn’t get a picture with my daughter as a bride. I did get hair and nails done, had a mother-of-the-bride dress, and fully expected to be included in the wedding pictures. When I mentioned it to my daughter at the reception (toward the end), she huffed and said we can just take a picture then.
She’d been dancing and drinking for hours by this point, and I’d been in the kitchen for hours. I declined because I wanted a portrait, not a snapshot. She took that to mean I called her ugly, and so her new bride and guests began to heckle me, screaming obscenities at me (and my entire generation!) until I walked away and left. I was blamed for ruining the wedding, their lives, the economy, the country, and the environment.
Maybe more, but I didn’t stick around to hear anything else.
Both daughter and new daughter-in-law live in my home, along with daughter-in-law’s mother. This was arranged prior to the wedding, because of them wanting to save for a home, and her mom not being physically able to live alone.
All my friends now suggest I kick them out for being so disrespectful, what with all the obscenities. I’ve basically avoided my home for the past few days because I don’t know what to do or what to think.
Am I the jerk for leaving early and missing part of the reception, because I wanted to ensure the food was ready and presented at the correct temp?
Honestly, I was nursing hurt feelings over the wedding too, but kept that to myself, until the end of the reception when I brought it up to my daughter.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. You had a job to do at this reception, and it sounds like you got no support from “the squad” or anyone else in doing it.
It’s unreasonable and offensive for your daughter to then turn around and blame you for not being present when you had a huge job to do, that I assume you weren’t being compensated for. A picture, hold the verbal abuse, was the least they could do.
And they live with you? Talk about entitled.” reclaimation
Another User Comments:
“NTJ – I say you send them both a text and set a ‘meeting’ date/time, include the other’s mom. Sit them down and tell them point blank; “My house, I will say my piece without interruption.
I didn’t raise an entitled brat, nor did I think you were marrying one, but here we are. I paid for EVERYTHING. I did all the cooking and NOBODY helped, your ‘squad’ was nowhere to be found. Because I was cooking for you, I missed being an important part of your day.
Did you ever stop to wonder where I was, even once? Think of having someone call or text me? NO, nothing. All I wanted was for you to have a wonderful evening full of memories and a keepsake portrait. All I got was yelled at, massively disrespected, and taken advantage of.
Both of you need to decide IN THIS MOMENT if you will apologize to me for your appalling behavior and for taking me for granted. Hear this: If either of you feels you cannot do that, sincerely– then get up without saying a word and start packing.
You will ALL need to be out of here by Next Friday, PERIOD. Basically, stop feeling bad and get mad. Defend yourself and don’t take the nonsense from either of them.” Babsgarcia
Another User Comments:
“NTJ – she can’t exclude you and then get mad at you for being excluded ….
The fact that she had you feed her entire reception with little or no assistance, despite it being promised, is ridiculous in itself. Had you stuck around and fed everyone late or had anything been lacking they’d have been mad as well. I’m sorry, OP, but your daughter and DIL are entitled brats and you had no way to win in this situation.
I would tell them all to pack their stuff and go because it’s clear you’re being taken advantage of at every turn.” starbucksntacotrucks
17. AITJ For Leaving My Job After Being Promoted Due To Nepotism?
“I’ve been working at the same job for about 5 years. It was my first job after graduation and I really liked the place.
The environment was good and my colleagues were all really nice.
The company is a family-run business and the top positions are all filled by people related to the family. About 2 years ago, one family member was placed as my manager. Before that, I was reporting directly to the head of the company and giving them advice.
I have to admit that I had my eye on the management position so I was a bit bitter. But the thing is, this guy had no experience and could not even answer the simplest questions. His role was to basically approve the quotations I submitted or take my feedback and relay it.
I continued doing my job but as time passed I felt more restless because I didn’t feel like I was getting the credit I deserved. I went to speak with the head who I had a pretty good relationship with. He said he understood my position and they really relied on me so they would do something about it.
From there, I was promoted to manager with a pay increment. The pay was below what I asked for but I accepted because he said their budget was pretty tight now. A while later, a company-wide email was sent out saying my boss was promoted to “Director.”
I then found out he was given a pay increment as well to “match his position.” It was pretty much the last straw for me after they told me the budget was tight so I applied for a few positions and got one with comparable pay but seemed better for my career growth.
I submitted my resignation letter to the “director” but the Head called me in and said he was disappointed with me. He said I shouldn’t have asked for a promotion if I was gonna leave and I was making use of them and now they have to find someone and train them.
I felt pretty bad leaving them in this situation and kinda ruining my relationship with them.
AITJ for leaving a job right after being promoted? Should I have at least stayed for a year or two to work in my new position?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. This is pretty much what companies and employees do – make use of each other. The employees for income, the employers for work. You saw someone promoted above you purely based on nepotism. Then, when they threw you a bone – a nice gesture, but it sounds like a well-earned and past-time one – they also made sure sonny-boy didn’t get his nose out of joint by promoting him MORE and giving him MORE money.
Usually, you’d be a bit of a jerk for leaving this soon after a promotion. In these circumstances, I really don’t blame you. They’ve shown you very clearly that unless you’re family, you’ll always have to fight for fair treatment – and even then, someone else will always receive a much better package.
Screw that.” Rowanever
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Absolutely not. This is business. They chose to prioritize mediocre talent who is easily expendable and to give him pay increases to commiserate with absolutely no increased responsibility or ability. This is a clear case of nepotism, and that is not your problem.” Issyswe
Another User Comments:
“I work for a very large corporation in sales. I call on many smaller businesses that are family-owned. I’ve seen several instances of non-family members who are key to the business being shut out when it comes to who is taken care of.
They are questioning your loyalty when they have shown where their priorities & loyalty are – with the family. You don’t owe them anything. NTJ.” wasting_time_here_
16. AITJ For Lying To My Mom About Quitting Birth Control?
“My mom has always been very controlling over me. When she thinks something, wants something, etc she tries her best to get her way.
A few months ago I started feeling incredibly moody and angry for no reason and my mom thinks it’s because of my birth control. Not because I just started working for 40 hours a week and my relationship was tough at the time. No, it was definitely my birth control causing my stress, anger, and mood change.
When we had fights she would constantly tell me to quit birth control, and when something happened at work that made me moody she would tell me to quit birth control.
I eventually told her I’d consider it, but she just forced me to quit.
She would constantly ask me when the last day was to take my pill.
I told her I quit and a few months went by and of course she says I’m much less moody, more myself, and that she is glad I quit. But I never quit.
I lied to her. Wanted to see if it was REALLY my birth control. Work is still stressful, but I feel more comfortable there and my partner and I are great again.
Yesterday she again told me how much I changed, how happy and relaxed I am, and that she is still glad that I quit birth control.
So I told her I never quit. How it was other things causing my anger etc. She was furious with me. She asked why I would lie to her for so long and she feels betrayed.
I told her I don’t owe her anything. If I want to take birth control or not… It’s not up to her and I felt she interfered too much with me and birth control.
She still thinks it’s not fair I lied to her about it.
So AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ OP: your mother’s controlling and domineering ways don’t make it any easy for you to trust her. Maybe she wants grandkids and for you to be beholden to her for childcare etc. You’re totally right that you don’t owe her anything; however, if you still live with her, it may be time to plan your exit.” duendepiecito
Another User Comments:
“NTJ at all. Just imagine you followed your mother’s crazy advice while you were feeling so down and depressed and got pregnant by accident! From the details of your post, it sounds like the last thing you would want (babies are great in the right circumstances of course).
Short of having a huge argument with your overbearing mother while you were so stressed, she left you with no option but to lie to her about the birth control. You proved her hunch wrong in the process and hopefully you won’t be taking any further advice from her about these things.
She might have had your best interests at heart, but she needs to keep out of your reproductive affairs.” mafathew
Another User Comments:
“NTJ OP but look into getting contraception she can’t tamper with like a rod or IUD. She might find your birth control, put it in the microwave so it stops working but looks normal. Not sure if relevant to your situation but controlling and abusive people often want their children to fall pregnant before they are financially/emotionally ready because it then becomes that much harder to leave the family dynamic and be socially mobile.
Also, jerks don’t like being told no. Put her on an info diet. “This has nothing to do with you and I won’t be discussing it.”” Catfactss
15. AITJ For Giving An Extra Tip To Our Regular Pizza Delivery Guy?
“My partner and I order in a lot for date nights for logistical reasons. Like a lot. She really likes dominos pizza, it’s an easy food for her and she has texture/sensory issues, I’m not gonna judge, I certainly don’t mind anything whatever she wants to eat, it’s hard finding stuff she likes at restaurants that won’t upset her stomach or set off the texture thing.
She just has a thing where she is the one that HAS to order the food, and she never does more than 12% tip.
The problem is we have been ordering a lot and the same guy has been coming the last half dozen times and he’s always been great.
Never a problem, friendly, on time, hot, no issues with the pizza going sideways and being a mess when it arrives, and so on. One time he even grabbed us an extra thing of garlic dipping sauce and she wasn’t complaining when she used that.
When I saw his name yet again this time (it’s an unmistakable name) I started thinking. I grabbed a five from my wallet and brought it with me when I answered the door. I asked the guy “hey can you accept direct tips, like from me?” and he said yeah so I offered him the money and took the food.
My partner overheard and got on me about being a condescending jerk about the fact being a regular Joe just trying to make ends meet is hard enough without pity handouts or my savior complex. Plus she said I was undermining her, which was the big thing, and that she feels I just called her cheap and undervaluing work, despite her having been in retail, but she said that’s literally what he gets paid to do, that’s the bare minimum, and that’s that.
It’s really messed up date night and she’s super angry with me now. I just wanted to recognize that this guy was doing a lot of work and helpful and always nice to us, that he even goes above what we ask. I don’t know, maybe it came across condescending, and like I was calling her tip not good enough?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Your partner is cheap. It’s not condescending to tip the pizza delivery driver; it is an earned wage for a job well done. Your partner can stay mad. It sounds like this guy has been consistently thoughtful in providing you good service and he should be appropriately compensated.” joanclaytonesq
Another User Comments:
“It sounds like she’s quite insecure, given that she accused you of ‘undermining’ her. I don’t know what about, is there an age gap or wage gap between you? Tipping, even though it’s become standard in the US, is meant to be a reward for good service.
You’ve said this guy has consistently given good service. So you tipped him. That’s just the right thing to do, and good on you for that. He probably makes minimum wage and tips might very well be the highlight of his day. NTJ.” lumoslomas
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Regardless of whether or not people agree that 12% is enough for the delivery driver, I don’t think anyone is ever a jerk for giving them a little more, especially when they go out of their way to be nice and/or give freebies to a regular customer.
Your partner has some weird issues if THIS is what sets her off. I also don’t buy her excuse about food not upsetting her stomach, as Domino’s is literally one of the hardest things on your stomach I can imagine.” Schrute_Farms_BednB
14. AITJ For Not Telling My Clingy Classmate Where I Work?
“I (22, F, Asian) just graduated with honors from a top university in my country and recently started working as a senior analyst in a top American BB investment bank.
I had a classmate in uni, A (21F). A’s nice but a bit clingy. She had high grades but no life direction. We’re not close, but she always messaged me for help back in uni. I didn’t mind at first, but she became deadweight.
She’d always join my group for projects but would freeload as she was busy studying (despite the fact that all of us in the group were busy maintaining our grades too).
Next, she’d always copy me. For example, I’d sign up online for a committee, and she would creepily ALWAYS be there the next day, signing in the slot under my name, too.
When we had to submit yearbook quotes, she kept bugging me to share mine with her so she could see if hers was good enough. She angrily wanted to know the exact photos I submitted so she could do the same. I only showed her after the deadline.
I don’t mind if she wants to copy me, but it’s a bit irritating that she’s very obvious—even my friends have noticed. She only messages me for info, which I dislike as I feel she’s just using me. She never congratulates me or greets me on my birthday—just “What are you doing for this?” when she needs help.
When she found out after stalking my socials that I had an IB internship last year, she immediately applied for the same position at the same IB but got rejected (she accidentally blurted this out to me). It bothers me as she seems to have no originality.
Recently, she messaged me “How are you?” I could tell she wanted info again, as she only checks up on me when asking for info. I said I was fine. Suddenly, she bombarded me with questions, asking if I was going to an online event.
I told her I wasn’t sure if it would fit my schedule, but I heard Friend X was attending but Y wouldn’t. She kept asking, “But what are YOU going to do?”
I told her, “I don’t know yet if I can attend, I might have to do extra work for my job.” She suddenly got very excited and started asking me where I was working, what my job was, etc. I was fed up as I knew she’d just copy me so I seenzoned her & stopped replying.
My friends are happy as they always said I was too nice to people. However, my mom said I should’ve been more polite as the poor girl can’t help it. Frankly, I’m tired of her following my every move and only messaging me for favors.
I love my current IB job, it’s incredibly competitive (I’m the only new hire; everyone else is 2-3 years older than me) so I’m not going to advertise it to people like her who always copy me. I also never share my exact job details as I’ve been a victim of stalking before (my mean high school classmates were photographing me in uni and sending pics of me to their bully group chat, and my friends caught them).
Now A thinks I’m selfish for withholding info, as she’s anxious and desperate to find a job. AITJ for not telling her where I work?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. “The poor girl” can help it. Your mother is wrong here. You are under no obligation to pull people like this up.
I think it’s wise not to tell her where you work or any other details about your life. If she does find out where you work and uses your name to get an in then be very clear to the hiring manager that she’s a school friend and you wouldn’t recommend her.
A bad hire can follow you for years. I hope you have been able to put the stalking and bullying behind you. You have an amazing life ahead of you. Enjoy every moment of it.” emccm
Another User Comments:
“NTJ NTJ NTJ NTJ NTJ NTJ NTJ NTJ and, in case you missed it, NTJ.
The first thing I want to say is Congratulations! You sound as if you have an incredible career ahead of you! A sounds like she is more stalker than clinger. Every single time you do anything, she is right there. She stalks all of your social media.
She asks your friends. She believes you owe her for something and she is not going to stop until you refuse to indulge her fantasies.
There is an incredible book called “The Gift of Fear” by Gavin deBecker. It addresses the abusive types of relationships that we find ourselves in when we truly are just trying to be nice.
The book is amazing and tells you how to hone your instincts. And how to say No and mean it. You are absolutely right to not tell her where you work. If you do, she is going to badger you for a reference. Who knows what she is going to want then but I picture her showing up at your work with two (2) large cups of whatever is the most expensive drink from Starbucks and then telling you that you owe her $20 for the drink.
Then wanting a tour of the place. This girl did not get a job because she doesn’t want to put in the time and work it takes to find a job – especially in today’s world economy. With everything so topsy-turnery, certain jobs have simply disappeared. Others need people constantly due to the sudden upturn of business.
I met my best friend in 1990 while getting my associate’s degree in business marketing. Hers was computer automation. She got a job way before I did and I have never felt that she did not deserve to get a job before me. I have watched her career bloom over the years and seen the raises and praises her company gives her.
A real friend celebrates your successes with you. So, thanks for coming to my TED Talk. I didn’t know that I was going to go on this rant to back up you are NTJ. I wish you the very best. Take care of yourself and stay safe.” CocoPuff1969
13. AITJ For Snapping At My SIL Over Her MLM Products And Prioritizing My Baby's Health?
“Recently my (35F) SIL (26F) joined an MLM company (pyramid scheme). I looked at what she was selling and saw that it was all health supplements and stuff like that and was extremely overpriced ($80 for 15 servings of coffee that they claim makes you lose weight but if you join the loyalty club it’s only $45 ).
I let her know that since I am pregnant I will not be buying these products as they are not safe for the baby. Her response was that I could start stockpiling it now to lose the baby weight. I told her that since I will be breastfeeding that will not be happening either.
She then started trying to tell me that the stuff is fine to take when breastfeeding. This is where I may be at fault. I told her that my answer is no and that I will not take anything to risk making my baby sick.
She then began telling me I’m not being supportive and my baby doesn’t need to be breastfed and will be fine with formula. That is when I snapped and told her that unlike her, I care about my kids and their safety rather than using substances while I’m alone with my kids.
I then hung up on her.
I called my mom and told her what happened and she agreed with me. She agreed that when I said no she shouldn’t have kept pushing. Later however my brother called my mom and said I was out of line for bringing up her substance abuse and open CPS cases.
Then he got mad when my mom said she wouldn’t be buying either as her doctor said not to with her health conditions. He is not talking to either of us saying that I influenced my mom to not buy either and we aren’t supporting her dream that will allow them to buy a house.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. I was going to say esh, but the fact that she wants you to not breastfeed in order to buy her scam products swung it for me. Many are saying that you went too far when you brought up past events, but she has no right to give you parenting advice when her past clearly proves she does not have the best decision-making abilities when it comes to parenting.” [deleted]
Another User Comments:
“She pushed and pushed and pushed. It would have been enough to make anyone snap, but especially a pregnant one she is pushing to follow unsafe practices. NTJ. Also, it sounds like your brother is delusional if he thinks that this MLM will earn her enough to buy a house.
If the product is so wonderful, they don’t need to push it on you/your mom. There should be plenty of customers lining up to buy it.” del901
12. AITJ For Snapping At A Stranger Who Tried To Dress My Baby In The Supermarket?
“Today I took my 3-month-old twins to the supermarket by myself while my wife had a day to herself (she is a stay-at-home and I have been working a lot more due to the holidays).
While shopping my daughter pooped, and I mean she POOPED. There were no changing tables in the men’s room and there was no family bathroom.
I went to the Starbucks in the store and asked if I could change her on one of the tables in the back (I have a blanket and a changing pad in my bag, she wouldn’t be on the bare table) The barista said yes so I got to business.
An older woman, probably late 40s or early 50s came up to me and started talking to my son who I was baby-wearing on my back. He’s cute so I didn’t pay any mind. She then started telling me I needed to make sure to wipe her properly.
I told her I am well aware of how to change a diaper, she continued to critique (best word I can use) my wiping style and eventually when I went to change her clothes due to baby poop blowout and while I was putting her dirty clothes in a waste bag, the woman goes to put her clothes on her.
I snatched my daughter up off the table and told the woman “I don’t need someone else dressing my baby, go away you creep.” The woman looked flabbergasted and then started crying saying she was only trying to help. Pretty much everyone in the surrounding area told me that was an overreaction and she was only trying to assist me.
I feel bad for snapping at her. My wife told me not to because she would have done the same thing, but I feel like a jerk.
AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Poop-splosions are the worst. I’ve done the same (find the best spot, throw a change pad down and get it taken care of).
That lady was being super creepy and was way out of line. Everyone around you saying it was an “overreaction” is wrong. I’ve yelled at many strangers trying to touch my children, like get out of here, we don’t know you. It’s not help if you didn’t ask for it and don’t want it.” czekyoulater
Another User Comments:
“NTJ – You did everything you could to get your baby changed in a safe environment, yes the back of a Starbucks isn’t ideal but not leaving your kid to sit in poo for the rest of the trip is responsible.
You gave this woman a hint and you were (for lack of a better word) standoffish. I feel it would have been clear that you were uncomfortable with her input. It’s parental nature to keep others away from your children, especially when vulnerable. People also forget that stranger danger is a very real thing, not only with men but with women as well.
As a stranger, she had no right to grab your child regardless of her motive. For all you know, this stranger could have been a predator. It’s weird to sit and watch someone change a baby and make comments. This woman gives me major alarm bells, not strictly saying she had ill intentions for definite but her behavior was far from normal. Even if she thought you needed help because of being a single father, that’s kinda sexist.
No idea what her intentions were whether they were sexist, predatory, or entirely innocent, you did the exact right thing by telling her to mind her business. Nobody should be touching or commenting on a stranger’s baby. Also, it isn’t that bad to be told to mind your own business, she didn’t have to start crying in public.
It reads as she just wanted to make a scene and thought you’d let her play with your child if she started acting out. Babies are not playthings for anyone, especially childish adults.” ShiroShototsu
Another User Comments:
“Imagine the helpful stranger was a guy.
Same age range, maybe he’s balding, has a mustache, big wire-frame glasses. If someone matching that description sounds like a creep and the original lady doesn’t, then being a creep would have more to do with appearance than actions. If it has to do with actions and not appearance, then she’s just as much of a creep.
Maybe her intentions were good (who knows?) but she was weird about it and ignored a reasonable boundary. NTJ.” Differently
11. AITJ For Booking A Hotel Without My Partner's Approval And Deciding To Go On The Trip Alone?
“My (23F) partner (24M) and I are in a long-distance relationship and visit each other every couple of months and go on trips together near our cities.
I visited him around a month ago & wanted him to book the hotel in advance, but he didn’t. He booked the hotel the day we needed the hotel, so we had to get a hotel in a sketchy part of town.
This week, we are going on another trip.
I recommended to my partner to book the hotel 1 week in advance. He is having trouble at work and got upset at me for springing the hotel on him too. I asked him if it was okay for me to book the hotel instead and he said no, because he wants to also have input on the hotel.
Now it’s 3 days before the trip. We agree for us to discuss the hotel options. He says his budget is $250. I try my best to accommodate that and send him many hotels. He rejects many of the hotels I send, because he says it needs to be close to his soccer practice.
I find more hotels in that region and send them to him with no response. The hotels he sends me are a bunch of cheap Inns with reviews talking about bedbugs. To me, it seemed like he just wanted to find the cheapest place for us to stay at, even though he is very financially stable compared to me.
As I am discussing the hotels, he abruptly says he is going to bed. I text him and call him but he doesn’t respond. I was afraid that he would leave it to the last day again, and we’d end up at a bad hotel again.
I take matters into my own hands and book one of the hotels that I really liked. It is near his soccer practice, $300 (only $50 more than the budget), has great reviews, extremely clean. I send him the details expecting him to be happy that I was decisive and he didn’t have to deal with it anymore.
He texts me about 15 minutes after I book it, extremely angry. “Why the heck would you book that?” It turns out I booked a hotel that was about 20 minutes further than the city we were visiting, but still close to soccer practice. I also accidentally booked a nonrefundable hotel.
He was angry that I booked it without discussing it with him, especially at that price range. He has been saying what I did was stupid.
I was getting extremely upset because I was trying to take things off his plate, and let him focus on his work and instead get a whole bunch of anger and insults from him.
I know his work has been a great stressor on him which is probably why he abruptly left and went to bed when I was trying to book the hotel. But this is important to me too, if he can’t deal with booking the hotel, should I even bother coming?
I decided that he doesn’t need to pay anything and he doesn’t need to come on the trip. I’ll handle all the costs myself and have a solo trip. He is saying that he wants to come now, but his reaction to everything has made me not want to hear his complaining for the entirety of the trip.
AITJ for booking the hotel and deciding to go without my partner?”
Another User Comments:
“You booked more than the budget he said was all he could do, so that’s fine if you pay the difference. But… why do you want to bring a whiny complainer on a trip with you?
And if money is an issue for him, why do the whole “hotel thing” anyway? You have residences you can stay at (unless there’s something like spouses at home I’m missing), and spend money on fun activities instead. His dragging his feet on the booking, and complaining, suggests he’s not really up for getting together on the trip.
Maybe take the hint? Enjoy your solo vacation. NTJ.” ParsimoniousSalad
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Maybe with a mild E-S-H for booking over budget at not the best location but your partner is taking such a grand portion of the suckage here I’m keeping it NTJ.
If he offers a budget and then turns down all places within the budget for just the cheapest places then why did he offer such a budget in the first place? You may not have picked the best place but at least it’s not a roach motel.
Plus now he doesn’t have to deal with any of it because you’re taking this one yourself. Enjoy your solo trip, the guy sounds like a headache. A nice trip without a sentient migraine by your side should be rather pleasant.” Mr_Ham_Man80
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. He didn’t book a hotel, refused hotels within the parameters HE set, and then left the conversation without resolution. It also seems like the hotels he sent you did not take into consideration anything you wanted, and so I have to ask, what does your partner do for you?
He wants to control these trips, but makes no effort to include you in the planning, and also seems bad at planning. I have to guess that translates to other aspects of the relationship. I highly encourage you to stick to your guns here and make this a solo trip.
If he can accept that he messed up with some grace, maybe by day 3 you will invite him to lunch. But honestly, this sounds so frustrating, he was mean to you repeatedly (stress can only excuse so much) and I think a solo trip and how he handles a hard “no” and has to deal with the consequences of his behavior will really tell you whether this is how he is going to be, or if he can actually learn and apologize.” mfruitfly
It sounds like he's playing a game of "tell my long distance girlfriend I'm no longer interested without telling my long distance girlfriend I'm no longer interested". He tells you he will book a hotel but he doesn't. He tells you to stop annoying him about booking the hotel and that he'll do it, but he still doesn't. You send him hotels within his parameters but he's not happy with that and tells you he'll book the hotel, but he doesn't. He then sends you back a list of fleabag, bedbug infested hotels that he wants to book, but you don't want to stay there because you don't want bedbugs, and he's probably counting on that.
Girl, give it up. He's not interested in being with you. So oblige him by going on the trip you booked by yourself, don't contact him again, and tell him to shove it up his @$$ if he does. You're better off without him.
10. AITJ For Preferring My Restaurant Job Over Babysitting?
“When I was 14 my parents paid for me to take a babysitting class. It taught CPR, first aid, and basic skills for babysitting.
Then around 15, I got my first babysitting job. I didn’t like it. The mom always wanted me to “help out” after the kid fell asleep.
Meaning wash dishes that I didn’t dirty, “tidy up” their living room when it literally was a mess when I got there, and having me help with her business stuff if she was home like filing or helping with mail. I always had to remind her to pay me and how much before I left which was awkward.
The last straw was when she called me one day and asked that I sit for her that night, I said that I couldn’t because I had orientation for school at 8 the next morning. She said she promised to be back by 10, and not any later and practically begged. So I said fine.
I went over there, the kid fell asleep around 7. So I watched TV. Then 10 o’clock came, at 10:30 I called her and she didn’t answer, I called again at 11 and no answer. She finally showed up at 11:30. “Oh sorry my friends just wouldn’t let me leave, they kept wanting to talk and talk”.
I decided not to babysit for them anymore.
Then 6 months later I turned 16 and I got a job at a restaurant that pays way better than babysitting did plus I make tips. I have a scheduled time that I get off and I don’t have to remind them to pay me.
My dad’s friend Ned’s wife had a baby a year or 2 ago. Ned asked my dad to ask me if I could babysit on weekends. I said “I work weekends”. He was like”well maybe they’ll ask ahead of time and you can ask off work”.
I said “no, I’d rather work. I’d probably make more money than I would babysitting anyway, and I didn’t like babysitting”.
My dad was like “wouldn’t most girls your age rather babysit than work? Just because you had one bad babysitting experience doesn’t mean they’ll all be like that”.
Dad’s partner said, “I babysat from when I was your age until I went to college and I loved it”.
My dad said something like Ned wanted me to be their sitter because he’s known me since I was a kid and trusts me and I should be more willing to help.
Then my dad said, “You’re too young to be one of those jerks that only does stuff for the money”.
AITJ for not wanting to babysit because I’ll make more money working?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. I always hated babysitting too–just because you’re a girl does not mean you are required to do it.
Ned just wants the convenience of a trustworthy, hard-working person he already knows to watch his child. Well, guess what, Ned, that trustworthy, hard-working person already has a better job!” JeepersCreepers74
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. First of all, I highly doubt that most girls your age are tripping over themselves to babysit.
Secondly, babysitting IS working. You’re not too young to value your own time and energy at a reasonable rate. If the choice is between a job that 1) You hate 2) pays poorly or a job that pays well and doesn’t drive you up a tree, it’s a pretty obvious choice.
Any working person is going to choose more money and more sanity over the alternative. And as a side note, why in the world would anyone want to leave their child with someone who doesn’t want to watch their child?” PrettyFly4AYaoGuai
9. AITJ For Refusing To Buy My Partner A Six-Figure Car?
“I (24M) am seeing a woman (26F) who we’ll refer to as A.
For some context, I drive a 2019 Nissan GT-R. It was my dream car growing up and I told myself when I “made it” and made enough to afford it financially and not have it be everything in my bank account. I work a job making close to 6 figures and I’ve learned to invest in stocks and crypto.
I’ve made some good income but of course stocks and crypto are never promised and could crumble tomorrow.
My partner drives a 2018 BMW M3 and it’s a very nice car in good condition with no issues under the hood. The other day she suggested I should order her a new Tesla for Christmas.
The one she wanted before I put work into my car was more than my car had cost. Of course I’m not saying I don’t or won’t spend on her but she drives a very nice car that I paid for (she pays the insurance and for the maintenance and upkeep) that is still a luxury car that drives well.
I argued with her that I wasn’t going to drop 6 figures on a car when I’m looking at buying us a house. Yes even though we’re under the “seeing each other” title we have extremely strong love for each other; she has my name tatted on her (not my idea) and while I love her and am always buying her what I think she’d like or told me she liked as gifts I just really think it’s financially irresponsible to buy a new car for no reason.
She tried insinuating I was being cheap because I spent more on my car than I did hers and my car has work in it. She tried accusing me of not loving her and “only caring about myself”.
I genuinely don’t think I’m the jerk for spending what I work for on whatever I’d like (yes she works a job that she finds ideal and went to school for and enjoys) and I’m not pocket-watching her.
AITJ for refusing to buy her a new car?”
Another User Comments:
“Does she guilt trip you to buy her things? Does she often call you cheap if you don’t buy her the right things? I don’t want to read far into your relationship, but be careful she isn’t just using you or something.
Also NTJ at all! You already got her a car! And are buying a house!” Starry_lady_
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, your partner is an entitled jerk amongst other MANY things. Does she work? If she wants a car she can buy one her own darn self.
Sounds like you are nothing but a sugar daddy to her. If all your stocks/wealth/status crumbled tomorrow, do you honestly think she’d stick around?” sickofdriving007
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. And you need to reassess. She’s displaying gloriously apple red flags that you should be paying attention to.
The entitlement and financial irresponsibility on display here burns. This is who she is. She’s showing you. Better listen or you are going to regret it down the road.” GloryIV
8. AITJ For Not Accepting My Dad's New Wife After Their Affair And Her Public Humiliation Of Me?
“I (28f) am struggling to accept my dad’s (58) new wife (56).
Just a bit of background.
My mom (57) had a drinking problem. That was the main reason why my dad wanted to get a divorce. Totally understandable and I supported it. My dad and I tried to help her and supported her to get sober, but she didn’t want to. She was verbally abusive towards him.
In comes New Wife (NW) who started as being a friend to my mom and wanted to help her. Instead, she couldn’t help my mom and got into a relationship with my dad. My dad ended up having an affair with her (parents were still together at the time: divorce papers were non-existent at the time).
I found out about it. But for almost a year or more he and NW lied about it. About 3 months after I found out about the affair, the divorce happened. And within a year, dad and NW got married.
My mom’s drinking spiralled out of control after that.
And about 9 months after my dad’s new marriage my mom had a stroke which she is still being cared for at a clinic (it’s been more than 1yr since her stroke).
Now present: My sister and I as well as my dad want to mend our relationship really bad.
But it is difficult for my sis and I to accept the NW after everything that happened. Now my dad is forcing us to accept her otherwise we are not allowed to see him again. It’s either the both of them or nothing. We had a huge fallout because of it earlier this year after meeting up, where I had a mental break in public.
I had to see a therapist afterwards where I was diagnosed with depression. Luckily, things are looking good for me and I’m getting better. I kept my dad updated about everything.
Over Christmas this year, my dad came to visit me in my current town I’m living with the NW.
I was really excited to spend some time with my dad. And was actually really nice with NW. At the restaurant, she decided to rip me apart for not accepting her, and my dad just sat there. I was in tears, as it was so humiliating as others were staring at me bawling my eyes out.
I asked to stop as I couldn’t control my emotions, but she just continued and I continued crying. After leaving the restaurant, I had a panic attack, I could hardly breathe. Afterwards, she kept saying how big of a jerk, brat, spoiled, etc I am.
Now, my dad is super upset because I still don’t want to accept her. Especially now, after what had happened. I still get super emotional when I think about it. It feels like I lost my trust in my dad.
So AITJ for not accepting her and her family?
Am I really just selfish?”
Another User Comments:
“Holy cow, so you agree to spend time with your dad and NW and were having a nice time… and this absolute jerk of a NW decides to tear into you in a public space where you’re unable to defend yourself, and your dad refuses to step in???
Jesus Christ, I am so sorry. No, your dad is being a jerk. You are NTJ. You’ve done everything you can to make this relationship work TO THE POINT OF HARMING YOUR MENTAL HEALTH and he won’t even stick up for you when you do make an effort.
Also wow NW sounds like an absolute narcissist tbh. Pretty sure that “both of us or neither of us” ultimatum was her doing. But your dad is still a jerk for not putting you first. Distance yourself, tell him you accept him but will not tolerate being abused by anyone, especially his new partner, and look after yourself.” Safe_Representative4
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Your dad should’ve stood up for you at the restaurant, I’m so sorry he didn’t that’s literally horrible. He’s a major jerk. You can’t force a relationship with someone if they’re giving you an “all or nothing” ultimatum, I would argue that you having mental breakdowns and setbacks in your mental health is not worth having contact with your dad, but ultimately it’s your call.” braddahbela
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Divorce and re-marriage are really hard. It sounds like you’re trying to do what they asked (by engaging with the NW) and she blew up on you. She’s the jerk and so is your dad for not speaking up. So glad you’re taking care of yourself and doing better.
Do what you need to do to continue that.” DelightfulOphelia
7. AITJ For Not Meeting My Roommate's Cleaning Standards While She Leaves Cat Vomit Around?
“In my house: Me, Beth, Tina, Hannah, and Lisa (all 21). We are all full-time college students.
Last year, it was discussed that Beth, Tina, Hannah, and I are not the most organized people, but keep the communal spaces clean – dishes never sit for longer than 24 hours, no trip hazards, no food left out. Lisa was bothered by some of the clutter in the living room, but when she asked us to clean up, everyone else would.
Over the past year, she has become increasingly mad that the living room does look perfect constantly, even after talking about the fact that Beth has chronic migraines and I worked a full-time job, making it difficult to be on top of her high expectations.
There are NO health or safety concerns with the cleanliness, simply personal items in the living room. She also has the largest room, a private master bathroom, and private fire escape access. Hannah and I share a room in the basement, and Beth and Tina share a room.
Lisa has a cat, who eats fast and vomits at least 2x weekly. Lisa’s method of cleaning it is to let it sit because “he will eat it again.” On multiple occasions, this has led to other people stepping in cat vomit left in the middle of a hallway or near stairs.
She lets the cat throw up on her rug and it will stay there for a day or more.
This fall, Lisa decided to stop talking to us, and said it was because talking to us or being around us was causing her mental health to decline.
She started going out to restaurants and bars without telling us, something we agreed to talk about beforehand for safety. After confronting her, she said she didn’t consider us friends and should be able to live her life, if we were going to be messy in the living room.
The biggest conflict has been that Beth decided to adopt a second cat so her first is less lonely. Beth told Lisa about this, and while she believed that another cat would render Beth unable to do her chores, she said that it was okay.
A month later, Beth adopts a very sweet kitten, with no behavioral issues. Lisa refused to work with Beth to introduce her cat to the new kitten, instead keeping her cat locked in her room all day. Her cat then stopped eating regularly, and she took him to the vet, which told her he was stressed. She took this as the new cat is the stressor, not him being locked up.
He also has returned to normal in the past week. Beth has offered numerous times to make a plan to slowly introduce them, and consult with the vet on the plan. Lisa has refused, and instead asked Beth to pay all the vet bills, her allergy medication, Ubers to the vet (she has a car?) and the pet fee to fly her cat back to her hometown (again, she has a car the cat has been in).
She has threatened to tell our landlord that we are too messy and that we are hiding a cat (Beth already pays pet rent). We signed individual leases, and now she has stated that either Beth’s new cat has to go back across the country to Beth’s family or Lisa will break the lease to move out.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. What the heck Lisa complains if the living room is not tidy but leaves her cat’s vomit on the floor? Lisa sounds like a selfish nightmare that you would be better off without. Can the rest of you take over the lease if she breaks it?
How can she tell the landlord that Beth has a cat if Lisa herself has one?” OrcEight
Another User Comments:
“You are NTJ. Lisa sounds like she blames everyone else for her problems. Put simply – if you let your cat puke everywhere and don’t clean it up, you have NO right to complain that the living room is messy.
I suggest letting her break the lease, move out, and take her cat with her. And don’t pay her a dime.” SirEDCaLot
Another User Comments:
“NTJ your roommate there is looking for any excuse to get out of the lease. If not this it will be another reason.
She already started it with different standards of cleanliness. You have to pick up your stuff but she doesn’t have to clean up when her cat pukes (gross). Take her up on her offer and start interviewing new roommates right in front of her.” Bondo_Wallace
6. AITJ For Telling My Family To Stop Discussing My Body And Workout Routine?
“I (22F) live an independent life. I work two jobs, go to the gym, hike with my pup, and am very active and balanced. However, I lost my one job and my health insurance. I didn’t have access to my meds. I found it difficult to do daily tasks and keep a balance.
Now, I have health insurance again and I’ve been on my meds for two months. I feel great. I hike with my dog, I have my jobs (to specify, one is more commission-based. So, it isn’t as physical). I love going to the gym every day.
Recently, my biological mother and I started a challenge with each other on Apple Fitness. (Now, I burn through 1100+ calories a day. However, I eat a lot, too. I don’t starve myself. I eat healthy and I also eat soul food like pizza, pasta, going out occasionally.
But I do have alarms set on my phone because I can become hyper-focused and forget to eat. It is unintentional, but if I do not have the timers, I might blow through lunch or dinner accidentally. I have to eat when I take my meds.)
Last night, my grandma and I went out, and I jokingly stated I was starving and could eat a whole pizza. She got upset with me, telling me that I was “too hard on my body” and that I should “take after my mom and lose the weight before working out.” I politely explained that I knew my body and I knew what I could handle; there isn’t anything to worry about.
(Like, I do take “rest” days but I still walk or do yoga. I focus on lighter activities. I have a daily routine and I mix things in as I go. I have never had an injury and… I feel great.) She kept harping on me through dinner that “pizza is fattening and you’re too hard on your body.
You need portion control.” Then she proceeded to get upset when I only had two slices of pizza. (Again, I do portion things out at home. I was out and I don’t like making food my enemy.)
By the end of the night, I was so incredibly frustrated with her that I finally asked if we could stop talking about MY body.
She let it slip that it was my mother that was concerned. (Which, in our competition on the stupid app, I’m winning.) So, today, I called my mom and told her to stop talking about my body. She told me seven days is too much activity.” But the point is, I’m HAPPY and I’m healthy.
They both told me I was being unreasonable… and then proceeded to talk about the fat on my body, etc. So, am I the jerk for telling them to not talk about this anymore and that I don’t think their “concerns” are valid/warrant yelling at me?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, that’s either some weird psychological nonsense to win a challenge (in which case, yikes!) or a troubling lack of respect for you. Either case, the ball is in your court: you can’t control what they talk about (but good for you for putting them on notice), you can only control what you’re willing to listen to.
Shut that stuff down. Walk away.” Sea_Spirit_55
Another User Comments:
“Ugh. NTJ. You know your limits and what your body can/cannot handle. Unless either of them is your medical doctor, it’s none of their business. “I appreciate your input but this is a decision for my doctor and myself.” When it inevitably comes up again, change the subject.” littlebeanonwheels
Another User Comments:
“NTJ but leaning towards them being the jerks. Their concern is valid just like your desire to drop the subject of your body is. You didn’t have to share any additional details with me or them. I asked out of concern based on the information given.
They know you a lot better so may see something different. For some people, any change in behavior is seen as a bad thing. The fact that they resort to yelling at you is concerning. In the end though it’s your body. You don’t have to talk about it with anyone except your healthcare professionals.
The fact that you are taking such steps alone warrants a round of applause.” Reddit User
5. AITJ For Prioritizing My Pregnant Daughter Over My Stepchildren After She Slept With Her Stepsister's Partner?
“I (46f) have a daughter Katie (18f, fake name) from a previous relationship. I’ve been married to a man (50m) with three kids (18f,15m,12m) for the last 5 years.
My stepchildren and I have an ok relationship but unfortunately, Katie and his daughter (who I’ll call Rose for the sake of the post) haven’t had the best relationship. I’ll admit my daughter was the problem which even therapy didn’t help.
It’s got to the point if Rose has it Katie wants it. I try to play peacemaker by helping the girls share but it ends up with me and my husband’s ex having issues.
Five months ago there was drama because of a boy whom Rose was seeing.
It caused my other stepkids to pretend like Katie didn’t exist and say mean stuff to each other while Katie was in the room. I tried to make them all make up till I found out Katie was pregnant with Rose’s ex who is now living in America with his aunt.
I said enough was enough and we all needed to put everything behind us for Katie and her baby’s sake, my stepdaughter screamed rude stuff at us so I banned her from our home till she got her attitude in check. She didn’t and as of October is not my problem nor her father’s anymore.
But her siblings have set out to make Kate’s life miserable they’ll call her the queen of indecent women and tell her to get lost when she asks them to do anything. It came to a point where tonight I found Katie crying, apparently she asked her step brothers for some of their pizza and they threw it in the garbage in front of her and said “this is for Rose”.
I blew up at them and demanded a family meeting to put an end to this bullying (Rose and my husband’s ex included). When everyone arrived I explained what happened and told them it was disgusting to bully a pregnant woman like this and then asked my stepsons if they wanted to be a part of their niece/nephew’s life.
They replied with no because my “disrespectful daughter” nor her kid meant anything to them. Both I and my husband lost it, their bio mom stood up and screamed “WHAT ABOUT MY DAUGHTER. WHAT ABOUT WHAT KATIE DID TO HER”.
I simply told her my daughter’s life and pregnancy were more important than her daughter’s depression and heartbreak over a silly high school partner.
It ended up with my husband’s ex calling me and my daughter “two ugly indecent women” then told my “weak” husband she’d see him in court. My stepchildren called my husband a bad father and weak then said their grandfather was the only decent man they had to look up to then took their leave.
Since then I’ve had multiple calls from my husband’s family calling us the jerk but I think my pregnant daughter regardless of what she’s done deserves some empathy because her baby is innocent in all this.”
Another User Comments:
“So, your daughter slept with your stepdaughter’s partner, got pregnant by him and you expect everyone to put your daughter and future child on a pedestal to bow down to every day?????
Plus all of the entitled brat behavior your daughter displayed before this? I congratulate you on sending a clear message to your stepchildren about how in your eyes they don’t matter. I’m shocked your husband has supported you in any of this. YTJ.
Big time.” Janetaz18
Another User Comments:
“YTJ. Your coming grandchild is innocent, but their mother isn’t. Their mother has behaved badly for a long time. Let’s start with before she got pregnant. You said every time Rose had something Katie wanted it. Instead of “helping them share” you should have told Katie no and dealt with the ensuing fit with appropriate consequences.
Maybe if you had, she wouldn’t have betrayed her stepsister because she would have learned to keep her hands to herself and off other people’s partners. Then, your stepchildren wouldn’t hate her and you would have an intact family and a husband who still has a relationship with his kids.
Instead of “not being your problem anymore.” Be honest, you wanted to drive them away, didn’t you? So your husband would forget all about his children and focus on you and your child alone. Were you by any chance the other woman?” lady_wildcat
Another User Comments:
“YTJ, you, your daughter and your husband. Your daughter slept with her step-sister’s SO and got pregnant. You want everyone to treat her nicely just because she is pregnant (having a human inside your belly doesn’t automatically make you NTJ), and tell them their well-being matters not.
Your husband supports you bullying his children.” tatasz
4. AITJ For Asking My Sister To Change Her Wedding Date Because It's On My Birthday?
“My older sister (23F, let’s call her Kayla) and I (20F), used to be pretty close, but we had a major falling out a year ago when I started seeing her ex, “Alex” (24M). The problem wasn’t even that I started seeing him after they broke up, but that she thought I tried to steal him from her while they were still together.
Which is totally ridiculous, as I didn’t even find him attractive or interesting when they were together. She’s always had some jealousy towards me for no reason (she’s very smart and beautiful), but it never became a real issue for us before the whole Alex situation.
Flash forward to now, we still aren’t on great terms, but I thought she’d moved on since she’s engaged to an entirely different person and is planning to marry him next year. I was so excited when she asked me to be a bridesmaid, but I could tell something was a little off about her behavior when she asked. She was almost giggling.
Come to find out, she’s planning to have her wedding on my 21st birthday.
I almost thought our mom was kidding when she told me, but she was 100% serious and she fully supports my sister’s decision. Kayla is claiming that she’s always wanted to have her wedding on the summer solstice, and she didn’t even realize it fell on my birthday next year until she’d already started planning.
I was shocked. When I told our mom I thought Kayla was being petty, she said “it’s just an unfortunate coincidence” and “I think you owe her this much” (alluding to my relationship with Alex). She even guilt-tripped me about how I agreed to be in the wedding and can’t skip it because they’re already having the bridesmaid’s dresses made.
Unsurprisingly, Kayla isn’t going to allow Alex to go to the wedding, which I understand, but I don’t want to spend my whole birthday without my partner. I didn’t mean to get anyone else involved, but our dad and Alex both saw me sobbing and they agree that Kayla is doing this intentionally.
Kayla is still claiming that it was an accident, and my mother is saying that I’m being selfish because I get a birthday every year but Kayla only gets one wedding, but I don’t want to give in. After talking with Alex and my close friends I decided to tell Kayla that she needs to change the date or take me out of the wedding.
Even though I didn’t ask him to, our dad told Kayla and our mom that he won’t be going either because he already has plans to take me to dinner for my birthday.
Kayla is accusing me of trying to ruin her wedding after already having stolen her partner and my parents aren’t talking.
AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“YTJ. Seeing your sister’s ex and asking her to change the date of her wedding AND encouraging your parents to fight over it. Do your family a favor and don’t go to the thing if a birthday party is more important to you.
Very little girl behavior.” Ellis-Bell-
Another User Comments:
“I think everyone’s the jerk tbh. Seeing your sister’s ex is a big no-no, especially if she isn’t okay with it. That makes you a jerk. Your sister is being petty by placing her wedding date on your bday to get back at you which makes her a jerk.
You both are jerks and you two need to work out your differences, instead of giving off passive-aggressive energy towards one another. Maybe start by apologizing for seeing her ex-partner?” invi13
Another User Comments:
“YTJ for seeing your sister’s ex alone. Was this like her last partner before her fiancé?
Is her fiancé next on your list of conquests? I wouldn’t be surprised if you lose some friends next because if you’d do this to your sister no one is safe lol. Of course she picked the date to screw with you (which is honestly chef’s kiss).
All I’m saying is you set the tone for what’s acceptable behavior between you 2 going forward. Personally, you wouldn’t be in my wedding but that’s just me.” StarbornFaeHeir
3. AITJ For Kicking My Mom Out After She Insulted My Bob-tailed Kitten?
“So last year my beloved Eddie cat passed away at the age of 14 after a lengthy illness.
I was devastated as I had raised her since she was a newborn kitten and her mama abandoned her. I’m talking about like literally having to sneak her into high school with me to be able to bottle-feed her.
I’ve been living alone for a year and it’s been kind of lonely so I’ve slowly gotten to the point where I felt I was ready to adopt another cat.
After reaching out to main rescues I found two brothers who I fell in love with the moment I saw their pictures. I ended up naming them Bucky and Steve after the two main characters from the Captain America movie/comic franchise. The thing about Steve is he was born bob-tailed which means just like a bobcat he was born without a tail.
He has a little nub which kind of resembles a rabbit tail.
My mom came over today to meet both of my new boys and from the moment she saw Steve the comments just started coming. About how freaky his nub looks and how it’s not normal. I was really annoyed but he’s a kitten so it’s not like he really understands he’s being insulted. What really upset me and led me to kick her out is when Steve climbed onto her lap and attempted to curl up in it, Stevie is the more shy of the two kittens so he often hides or takes longer to become comfortable with unknown people and situations but he loves to cuddle up in people’s laps once he feels safe.
He had just settled into her lap and was contentedly purring when she roughly picked him up and I don’t even know how to describe it she didn’t exactly throw him to the other end of the couch but she didn’t simply place him there either.
That’s when I lost my cool and told her that she was a guest and my home was now Steve’s home and if she couldn’t respect him she needed to leave. She scoffed and didn’t take it seriously so I doubled down and was like I’m 100% serious leave my house now.
She started yelling that she raised me and how disrespectful I was being all because of a cat. I dunno I just feel like she was being unnecessarily mean to an innocent animal just because he looked different. AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, pets are part of the family and some people don’t understand that.
I have 3 cats at home and I thought one had escaped once when my mom was over at my place and I started crying a bit because he was MY child and my mother started to make fun of me because it’s just a cat and in her eyes can be replaced. I don’t plan on having kids so he is my child as weird as it may sound.” Frosted_Flakes-0
Another User Comments:
“Prepared for my downvotes, but YTJ. By your own admission, mom didn’t throw the cat or hurt him in any way. She didn’t want him on her lap and she moved him off, albeit not as loving and gentle as you would’ve done.
You were more concerned that she insulted his tail. I love my pets, too, but come on. Not everyone is going to love your pets like you do. Sounds to me like there are other issues at play between you and your mom.” [deleted]
Another User Comments:
“YTJ. You overreacted. It’s your place sure but if she got uncomfortable with the cat (that’s new to her) on her lap then it’s not really the worst thing in the world for her to remove it from herself. Handling animals isn’t always smooth. Sure it may have seemed like she could have removed the cat in a better way, but it’s an animal she is not used to.
Sometimes interactions with animals you’re not close with are awkward. It seems like she didn’t intend on hurting the animal, it was just a creature she didn’t like having on her. That’s okay.” Noe_33
2. AITJ For Ignoring My Roommates After They Stopped Inviting Me To Things?
“I (22f) live with 3 other girls my age (Ali, Chloe & Daisy, not real names). I moved into the house last year with my friend. Ali & Daisy were already living in the house, we didn’t know each other previous to moving in, we just liked the house and area and they needed 2 roommates.
Ali & Daisy were always cordial with us but we didn’t really talk or hang out. Ali & Daisy talked a bit with me at the very end of the year but still, we were not very close. In the summer, I went and visited Daisy at her house and we had a great time.
This year, my friend moved out to live with some girls in her sorority. I did not have another friend who wanted/could move in so Ali invited her friend Chloe to move in. Chloe was very friendly and fun to be around. At the beginning of the year, everyone in our house would go out to dinner, go to parties, watch movies, and even have home-cooked dinner every Sunday with each of us switching weeks.
We probably hung out 1-3x a week.
Within the last month or so, Ali, Chloe, & Daisy stopped inviting me to things with 0 explanation. Daisy would still do things with me occasionally, but not often. They even went to one of their friend’s Friendsgiving and told me I could not come since the host wanted it to be his friends only.
2 days ago Ali, Chloe, & Daisy got ready to go to a party then the bars after, neither of which they told me about. I asked if I could meet them at the bars (they def would say no to the party; it’s an “invite only” frat) and Ali responded with “that’s fine”, which hurt me.
Daisy said sure, which was nice. Not even an hour later, they decide last minute to skip the bars and go to the party without telling me things changed. I hadn’t gotten ready yet and they knew this. When Ali, Chloe, & Daisy came back later, I was on the couch watching TV and neither of us acknowledged each other’s existence.
When they started talking to one another, I turned the TV up.
Since this has happened, I put all the cleaning supplies & paper towels I bought for the house in my room, took their things off my shelf in the refrigerator (we all have one shelf and mine is the top; sometimes they will put a pizza box or pickle jars up there which annoys me but not enough to bring it up), and refused to do any after-party cleaning or chores the next day.
For the past 2 days, I have been mostly in my room with my barely cracked door for my cat to walk in and out. None of us have acknowledged each other’s existence or even looked at one another. Ali, Chloe, & Daisy are watching a movie downstairs as I type this.
AITJ for completely ignoring them?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Something tells me this — as in, you distancing yourself further — was their goal and intention for icing you out. Could it be they want to isolate you so that you move out? That way, your absence makes room for a mutual friend of theirs that might want to live there?
I’m not saying this could get worse, but it might be wise (if possible) to get a mini-fridge for your room and house some of your food in there. Better safe than sorry, right?” [deleted]
Another User Comments:
“Sorry but I’m gonna have to go ESH here.
They’re wrong for obvious reasons – they shouldn’t just push you out like that, and they’re incredibly rude. But your reaction is just as immature. I once lived in an apartment with 4 other roommates, and whenever one of them was upset, he’d spend days locked up in his room and make everyone feel incredibly awkward when he’d come down to grab something from the kitchen.
I’m getting flashbacks to that. Once he finally got to confronting one of us about what he was upset about, it was easily resolved. Be an adult and just talk to people about what’s going on.” dcm510
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Though I wonder if there is something that bothers them and they are embarrassed to tell you.
Could be some controversial opinion that you voiced recently. Or maybe body odor? Did your grooming habits change recently? Maybe ask your friend who moved out if they overheard something. In any case, being an adult and communicating about what could be the problem would probably be preferable to just staying in your room for the rest of your lease.” throwaway-a0
1. AITJ For Applying For A Home Loan Without Consulting My Partner?
“I (21F) applied for a home loan to purchase my first investment home, my partner (21m) and I have been together roughly for about a year. Today I decided to apply for a home loan as my father said he’d put down the down payment for me, and I’d proceed with the mortgage.
I was very excited to inform my partner of this opportunity. Once I told him he was very mad saying that I hadn’t consulted him and that it should be about helping each other grow and be successful. The thing is I didn’t plan on purchasing the home with him as we aren’t even married. And my father is putting down a very large down payment.
I didn’t think it’d be fair for me to just let him tag along as it’s basically my father’s money that he’s allowing me to invest. I feel very bad and see where he’s coming from but I definitely know he won’t put in half the amount of money or energy that I’ll be putting into the home.
As well as seeing as we haven’t been together for a long time I’m scared of what may happen if we were to break up if we go into it together. I’m calling it an “investment” as I plan to repair some of the damage to the home and rent it.
As a little back story: My partner and I have previously spoken about purchasing a home together, as well as we’ve talked about marriage and kids, and are fully committed to each other. I do understand how he might feel betrayed but it’s something I want to have on my own and have it as a source of income.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Yeesh to the people replying YTJ. They’re 21, not 30. It’s her dad’s money, not the partner’s, just to say one thing. Then, we gather that they’ve only been together for a year. I mean?? Of course I wouldn’t trust anyone I’ve been with for a year with my father’s money.
It’s an investment, and if I had a 21-year-old daughter I’d be mad if she spilled the beans with some dude. Of course I would’ve told the SO after the fact, and he’s complaining for nothing. Leave his behind.” Nephrites16
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. You are so smart to be looking into an investment property at your tender age.
I wish I had done so way back then. There is no way I would include your partner in this business endeavor. Tell him it is an investment with your father because it is essentially, right? There isn’t an option for him to join in this one at this time.
If he wants to buy something too, you can both begin to save the down payment for that one and rent it out too. I would encourage him to begin putting aside all that he can to possibly invest it in something together. But buying the home separately is the smartest thing you could do.
That doesn’t mean you can’t buy something together down the road. And please, keep this one separate even if you do end up married to this guy.
My father helped me hang onto my current home when I divorced. He paid my ex off for his half.
I began immediately paying my father back what he lent me to buy my ex out. I eventually paid him back. I am now selling that home and there is enough equity to pay cash for my next home. I am retired and want a smaller, single-story place.
If my father had not helped me those many years ago, this wouldn’t be a possibility for me. I really applaud you for getting into real estate so young. If your partner cannot save enough for a nicer place for the two of you to live in, look into buying a small vacation home together and keep it rented out.
I have friends who did that. They purchased a fixer-upper small cabin. They did all the construction repair work themselves and furnished it with pieces purchased at yard sales that they refurbished. It was an adorable cabin in our local mountains and they spent every weekend working on it.
Eventually they married and sold the cabin to use as a down on their first home.” 77Megg77
Another User Comments:
“YTJ – not for buying a house, but for not telling him when you’ve had conversations previously about buying a house together. I completely agree with you that it’s your dad’s money and you’re not married – it makes no sense for your partner to be involved. That said, if you’ve had convos about buying a house together before, you could have at least given him a heads up about your plan for the house.” rat_and_bat
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You are a reprehensible excuse for a human being and you will die alone and friendless if you continue on your current path. Shame on you. You suck.