People Try To Defend Themselves In Their "Am I The Jerk?" Stories
23. AITJ For Possibly Making My Neighbor Think I Hear Voices?
“I live alone (35M). I’ve never had much contact with my neighbors—they’ve been my neighbors for a couple of years, I’ve lived here for about 12 years. Their kids sometimes play in my front yard, leave their bikes and balls in my driveway; it’s a minor inconvenience, not really a problem, I just push their stuff back into their yard/driveway when this happens.
On occasion, they partially block my garage with their car; again, not an issue, I’m not the type to make a big deal out of minor inconveniences that can easily be ignored.
The other day I was cleaning my house, the windows were open, I was playing music quite loud.
It was a sunny day, it was nice to have a breeze through my living room as I cleaned and my tunes turned up. It’s worth noting that this isn’t a regular occurrence. Usually, I have headphones on, but I was spring cleaning this day.
My neighbor rings the doorbell, she looks fairly grumpy and irate; abruptly tells me to turn it down. She wasn’t rude or anything, just abrupt. I very politely and with a smile said “sure, but you should know that the music helps drown out the voices in my head”.
Immediately after saying that I turn to no one in particular and say “yes, I agree, looks delicious, but I’m not going to do that”. I don’t know why I said this, it was part joke, part wanting to be left alone, part being annoyed that my enjoyment was being interrupted. She looked stunned but left immediately without any comment, I leave the music turned down.
Since then (2 weeks), they’ve kept the cars well away from my garage and there’s been no sign of their kids. I’ve also learned from a different neighbor that they’re looking to move (they’re renting). Now, all of this could be a coincidence, but I have a suspicion that they might be moving because they’re uncomfortable living next to someone who they think hears voices.
Should I tell them? AITJ if I don’t?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ – honestly this is just hilarious. Your neighbor could have gotten over herself and dealt with the music for a bit. They can do whatever they want to, and if they want to move I wouldn’t complain haha.” juiceboxfriend95
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. You, sir or madam or whatever you like, are a genius! I too don’t let myself get annoyed by small inconveniences from my neighbors, but they complain if we so much as fart in our house. I might just have to steal your idea.
You handled it beautifully.” whynousernamelef
22. AITJ For Not Being Grateful That My Parents Decorated My House Without My Permission?
“Alright. I recently made the decision to move back to my hometown and purchase a home, but continue working about 1.5 hours away in the city until I could find a new job to fully relocate home.
My plan was (and is) to work remote 2 days a week, so that I could spend 5 nights in my house, and 2 nights renting from a friend in the city.
I was excited to purchase my own very small home. It happened to be in my parents’ old neighborhood and it has brought up a lot of nostalgia for them.
And they are excited I am moving closer home.
I moved about a month ago (more on this later), and my plan was to slowly unpack, organize, and redecorate over the next couple of months. I wanted to take my time, not stress, and really put thought into making my home a place that I love.
Well, I arrived home this past weekend, ready to dig in, to find my house completely unpacked and set up. In addition, there is furniture in the house (an antique dining room set, a full bedroom set, etc.) that I didn’t (and WOULD NOT) purchase.
In fact, the rooms as I had envisioned utilizing them are set up all different. All my boxes have either been unpacked and put away (who knows where) or resorted and repacked.
I… am so mad. I feel robbed of the moving into my own home experience.
I now have furniture and decor that I would have never purchased or organized this way. And I feel like my privacy has been violated because my parents have gone through everything of mine (including pulling out some medical paperwork and writing a note to remind me to pay the bill and ask why I needed to go to the ER – I have and I won’t share).
I shared with my mom my frustration, and she called me ungrateful and mean. She and my dad helped set up my house and even purchased things (“nice” things) that made my house feel more “homey” and I couldn’t even say thank you. She said it would have taken me forever to do it, since I am traveling and also since I have never set up my own home in a full house before.
She had.
Am I the jerk in this situation for not appreciating their help?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Change the locks and redo it the way you want.
As for the infamous emergency key – in a true emergency, the police and fire can get in in seconds.
If you mean you might lose your key, get a keypad and don’t tell them the code. There is never a reason for others to possess a physical key to your home.” Unique-Rutabaga3207
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. What is up with parents invading their adult children’s private spaces without permission?
You are not required to be grateful, and in fact might as well demand they come remove all the stuff they brought into your new home or call a local donation center, since your parents are trying to be so gracious. Take back the key to your place (or whatever they used to get in), and enjoy doing things your way.
Set this boundary now so they know that they cannot steamroll you on other issues like the color of your fence or that hot tub you wanna put out back. This is a classic case of ‘yours is mine because I’m your parent’. Make them understand why your privacy and adult independence is a prerequisite to them getting to be involved in your life (or invited into your home) from now on.
That should mean no snooping, and not coming over or ‘trying to help’ without permission, and certainly not interrogating you about whatever they shouldn’t have found in the first place.” anonburgermanager
21. AITJ For Convincing My Son Not To Marry His Toxic Partner?
“I feel a little uncomfortable writing about this to strangers, but she’s so upset and I truly feel I have done nothing wrong.
I care about her but he is my son and to me his happiness comes before everything. I need some outside perspective
Most of this happened years ago, when my son who is now 30 was in high school. He had a partner Beth he was devoted to, they were together for 3 years she became almost like a daughter to me.
She was a sweet girl but she had some problems, and there were times when she would treat my son badly, accusing him of being unfaithful to her or intending to leave her. As far as I could tell these accusations had no basis in reality and my son was always blindsided, spending hours or days trying to convince her it wasn’t true.
Often he would be in tears not knowing what to do, it was awful. Sometimes he asked me for advice and I would try to help him see that the situation was not sustainable, but in the end he always managed to talk her round and they would be okay for some months until the next time.
Every time he was convinced it would be the last time but as far as I could see she only got worse. I knew speaking against her wouldn’t work, but I hoped once he went away to college he might gain some perspective, so when they started talking about getting married straight after graduation, I was very concerned. I decided to offer him a deal, that if he would hold off marrying her until after college, I would fund him completely so he would not have to go into debt, which I pointed out would give them a better start together.
He accepted, and within 6 months of him leaving she was pregnant by someone else and he was done.
I was relieved but sad to see how things went for her. She had two kids in two years with two different men, neither of whom stuck around.
I was in touch with her a bit and gave her money a couple of times. For a while she was mostly stable but after having her third child and getting left again she had a breakdown and was looking at having her kids taken away.
It broke my heart, because she really is a sweet soul and such a devoted mother. Seeing as she had no one else I offered to let her live with me till she got back on her feet (and yes I did ask my son, he moved across the country for work and is now happily settled with a wonderful partner, he says he considers Beth family and is happy for me to help as I see fit).
Although things have been difficult all around what with the global situation, the kids are a joy and Beth and I are (were?) good friends, she has a new job and is taking evening classes. All was well until my sister visited and had a silly tiff with Beth, culminating in her telling Beth I was the reason my son didn’t marry her at the end of high school.
She had a complete meltdown, calling me manipulative, treacherous, evil, jealous, saying I stole the love of her life, even implying I had inappropriate feelings for my son(!). She now hasn’t spoken one word to me in a week, I am at my wit’s end.”
Another User Comments:
“You made a good offer, and in doing so, prevented what would have been a toxic situation. You’re NTJ for ‘breaking them up’ because you didn’t. Her unfaithfulness did. You simply made an offer (a good one, too!) for them to WAIT on marriage.
Not stop the marriage. You took a gamble and ‘won’.
However, YTJ for inviting her to move in. YOU KNEW, from watching her relationship with your son, that she is NOT STABLE. YOU KNEW, from watching her life become a mess, that she was NOT STABLE.
You invited toxicity into your home, and wonder why things got toxic? REALLY?
Your sister is a MAJOR JERK. Beth is a soft jerk, because obviously the girl has MAJOR PROBLEMS. Soft YTJ for you. Your heart was in the right place, but your brain wasn’t.” Shebalba64205
Another User Comments:
“NTJ.
The goodwill you’ve shown this woman has been above and beyond. You have nothing to apologize for. Incentivizing your son to make good life choices was the right thing to do. If she had any sense of self-reflection, she’d be horrified at how she treated your son quite frankly.
Be patient, she clearly needs support. But hold firm.” shestammie
It sounds like she was desperate for someone to love her and very insecure. She probably had a toxic, unsupportive home life growing up which made her needy. I feel bad for her just as you do. I hope she learns to accept that you wanted the best for both of them and will continue to allow you to help her learn to love herself and feel that she is worth more than the red flag men she has had her children with.
20. AITJ For Crying After My Housemate Ate My Food?
“I’m 19f, I live with my two housemates, my daughter, and my housemate Julie’s (22F) newborn son. It’s pretty hectic all of the time but it’s also pretty okay. I’m considered low-income. I’m essentially living paycheck to paycheck at the moment.
Usually I don’t have any money left to do literally anything for myself with but this week I did and I decided to get myself a takeaway, I rarely eat fast food so I was really excited for it today.
It had arrived and just as it did my baby started crying. It was 6 pm when that happened and I wasn’t able to put her down until 7:15 pm. I finally went back into the kitchen, knowing I’d have to reheat my food but I was really hungry and didn’t really mind that I’d have to do so.
When I got into the kitchen, I noticed the food was gone and that the container my noodles had come in was sitting in the sink. I went into the sitting room where my two housemates were and asked if they had binned it seeing as I took so long.
Julie said that she had eaten it, thinking it was a gift for her since the meal consisted of her favorite menu items from the place and since she orders from there regularly she thought it was a surprise for her.
I’m really not sure what got into me, whether it was the fact I’m now not able to do anything for myself this week, the exhaustion, or the fact I was hungry.
Or all of the above, but I just started crying. I left the room and went to cook something out of the freezer and just went to bed after that. I got a text from my housemate in the group chat about 15 minutes ago saying I was a jerk and I should’ve left a note or bottled it up.
AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. The roommate should have immediately replaced it or given you money. Who the heck assumes something they didn’t buy is a gift for them just because it is something they like. If you bought a new phone would she think it belonged to her because she loves new phones?” cleveraccountname13
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, and don’t overlook the simple fact you are not crying because she ate your food, you are crying because of disappointment and defeat… someone took something from you that you anticipated and was looking forward to – they stole your reward for being responsible, and that is NOT ok (at any level)…
Your housemate is a selfish, insensitive jerk for stealing your food and patronizing you by making up a stupid excuse “I thought it was a surprise for me because it was something I liked…”…
WRONG: she stole from you when you least expected it and then she lied, now she is trying to guilt you into thinking it is somehow YOUR fault for being upset.
Your housemate owes you an apology and a new dinner. Also, get a new housemate – the one you have now is a selfish and narcissistic JERK.” BigDaddyTrixter
Another User Comments:
“HARD NTJ. I once lived with 6 other people and none of them ever ate my food, I didn’t label crap.
If you didn’t buy it or ask for it or have a note with it you don’t touch anyone’s stuff.
Heck, we had one roommate who would ask “for a taste” of someone else’s food and take out a full plateful. It’s disrespectful, disgusting behavior.
You can ask to share food but you have to ask before you do it, the entitlement is making me see red honestly.
I occasionally threw out other people’s food when I lived with them but that was when they were away and it was rotting in the fridge.
Sure, I could have taken it and eaten it but I either asked or waited until they were back. You don’t touch anyone’s food without permission.” oakendurin
19. AITJ For Telling My Roommate That Our Other Roommate Might've Purposely Tried To Give Him An Allergic Reaction?
“I (22M) am roommates with a gay guy “Brady” and a straight guy “James” and have been for three months.
Both of them have always seemed like nice, chill, normal dudes to me.
I’ve recently started hanging out more with Brady and have been noticing some odd things with how he interacts with and describes James. They have had a friendly relationship, and Brady is very fond of James and is good to him.
He does cool things for him like buying him his favorite snacks all the time and treating James to dinner or scoring him tickets to shows.
Brady has always been nice, but I’ve noticed he seems to deliberately try sometimes to get James into compromising positions and then swoops in to save him.
For instance, they both did shots per Brady’s request, and James was not trying to get intoxicated since he had things to do in the morning. Brady pressured him to drink more and more and kept insisting he do more shots until James was eventually completely trashed and ill.
Brady then took care of him and consoled him all night, and he seemed to greatly enjoy it. A few times, Brady has used all the gas in James’ car and James has been left stranded somewhere after leaving the house without checking. Brady always is very eager to pick James up and rescue him.
There’s also been other similar instances.
James is allergic to peanut butter. Not deathly, but enough that he will break out in hives and will puff up. Yesterday, Brady asked me about his allergy and how severe his reactions are. I said he would be very uncomfortable but he wouldn’t die.
Brady asked me whether he would need someone to look after him if he came in contact and had a reaction. I said probably even though I’m no expert.
90 minutes later, James had a reaction to some cookies Brady brought him and freaked out.
Brady spent hours chilling with James and soothing him. He claims the bakery owner had specifically said they were peanut-free cookies and blames them for being careless.
I am certain now that Brady purposely set off an allergic reaction in James, knowing he wouldn’t be seriously harmed, so he could step in and comfort him after the fact.
This has been a pattern of behavior, and I believe Brady may have a crush on James, so he wants to be the good guy and rescue him. I told James, who was horrified and said that would make sense. Brady and James are not speaking at all now.
Brady knows what I told James and said he is appalled and that I’ve ruined their friendship over nothing.
I want to be clear that I don’t think Brady having issues has any relation to him being gay. I don’t believe manipulative behavior has any gender or sexuality.
But I absolutely believe he did this intentionally to look good around James. AITJ for probably completely ending their friendship?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ – Hurting someone so you can save them is hugely manipulative and not how you show them you care. It’s also a huge sign of disrespect and selfishness that Brady doesn’t seem to care if James is straight or not.
Brady is throwing himself at someone who can’t reciprocate. Brady is the one who hurt his relationship with James.
Poisoning someone is a whole bunch of steps past manipulation. That’s assault. That could be seen as an attempt on James’ life. It is insanely dangerous and reckless.
I’d consider filing a police report if I was James. Brady needs to not be welcome in your home anymore. You and James literally can’t trust him. What will he do if he gets angry that James isn’t interested or that James is angry at him?
If he is willing to poison someone to show affection, he is capable of much worse.” thetoiletslayer
Another User Comments:
“NTJ the timing is super sus, and I don’t know any bakery that doesn’t take nut allergies seriously. Also allergies can become more severe/change, and just because James isn’t deathly ill now, doesn’t mean he won’t ever be.
That’s dangerous and pretty sure illegal, and I would try to get contact info of the bakery for James just so he can check to see if it was Brady or not.… idk this is pretty scary stuff not gonna lie.” [deleted]
18. AITJ For Not Allowing My Friend's Kid Over After They Wrecked My Furniture?
“This child is 3-4 and my friend and her husband practice the “never raise a voice or tell off a child” method… News to me this was a method.
I’m not a child person, I accept they exist and I co-exist with them. I am good at pretending I find them cute but they do nothing for me and I find even well-behaved ones annoying.
Anyway, this child came over about 6 months ago and it was a disaster..
NEVER wanted someone to leave my home so bad.
She walked with shoes all over my sofa, smashed her doll so hard into my coffee table it dented, and got ink on my wall and dining chair.
She also was just obnoxious and screamed the whole time while the parents sat back and let her crack on.
I’m so awkward with kids so I was just having a mild panic attack inside.
Anyway, I got over it fast as I moved.. Sold this furniture and replaced it with much nicer furniture which I’m pretty protective over to an extent.
I presumed we both knew the last visit was horrible and they’d never come back…
Anyway, they arrived as they were in the area out of the blue and I panicked and said “Sorry, I really can’t have (name) in here because all my furniture is brand new and the walls have just been painted”. The mum confused asked what on earth am I on about and I said “just last time a few bits of my furniture and the walls were damaged which is fine but I don’t want that to happen again”.
She exploded, screamed how pathetic I am and what a sad existence I have to push people away once they have kids and that it’s just furniture.
She said I’m a pathetic jerk and stormed off.
I worked hard to afford my new furniture, it’s from my favorite store, and I feel proud it’s not all Ikea, and I have had other kids over who are well-behaved.
AITJ?! Surely I shouldn’t be subject to my home being ruined by a badly behaved child?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Parents are responsible for their children, especially in public or visiting others. Until your friend and her husband are ready to make sure their child behaves when visiting you, they’re not doing their job as parents.
If they never teach No, they’ll be in for a shock when they try to invoke it later on.
Your friend is showing disrespect for you and your home. Just because she’s got a child doesn’t mean everyone has to accept whatever the kid does when they wreak havoc from lack of discipline.” ScorchieSong
Another User Comments:
“NTJ at all.
But I would have let her cover the costs of replacing the things her kids destroyed. People with kids usually have insurance that covers stuff like that.
Additionally, this doesn’t sound like a parenting method, more like setting the kid up for failure because they won’t be able to handle consequences and criticism in the future.
If she won’t teach her kid to behave properly, kid is not allowed over, simple as that.” x_melodymalone
17. AITJ For Losing My Temper At My Friend After She Threw Out My Medication?
“I (18F) and my lifelong best friend, Emily (18F), share a dorm at college. For backstory, I started having really bad panic attacks when I was ten after my parents died. My brother, Dylan (32M), took me to a psychiatrist, and I was diagnosed with GAD and put on Prozac.
I have taken it ever since, and I have occasional panic attacks, but it’s been a lifesaver. Emily has stood by me through all of it, but she never liked the medication. She was raised extremely Christian, as opposed to my agnostic upbringing, and thinks I just need to repent and ask God’s forgiveness.
Now, I’m pretty good at just ignoring that, since I trust my therapist and doctor. However, since we’ve gotten to college, she has been looking at me weird and making snide remarks every morning when I take my medication. She has asked me not to take it in front of her, and I try to do it when she’s in the bathroom, but she insists that she can hear the pills rattling.
It has caused tension, but I never thought she would do what she did.
Thursday afternoon, I was feeling restless and went into the city with my partner, Eva (18F) (Emily thinks we’re just friends). We had a great time, but Emily kept texting and calling even when I insisted everything was okay.
I’m usually okay with her being so overprotective because of an incident when I was 14, but I just wanted to be with Eva, so I told her I’d call if anything happened and turned off my phone. A couple hours later, I got back to the dorm, and Emily screamed at me for having my phone off, and threatened to call my brother and SIL.
I apologized because I didn’t want her to call and worry them. She accused me of not having morals anymore, and I just didn’t say anything and went to bed.
Friday morning, I was getting ready and found that all my pills were missing. I asked her about it, and she said “You don’t need substances, you need to pray,” and said she had flushed them.
I lost my temper and told her that I need my medication to function properly and that she had no right to do that. I had to go all day without it, and was a complete disaster. I had to step out of a chemistry lab because I felt so bad.
It was about time to replace the prescription anyway, so I did that, and I’m hiding it in my backpack. However, Emily is demanding an apology for how I yelled at her, and her friend agrees with her completely. Eva, Dylan, SIL, and our other friends think I’m completely right and should be angrier.
I don’t know. We’ve been friends for so long, I feel like if I don’t apologize it’ll all be over and the rest of freshman year will be so awkward. I know she’ll hold a grudge for a while. I shouldn’t have shut off my phone, but she knew where I was (she has my snapmap location) and that I wasn’t alone.
I just want it all to blow over. This whole Saturday has been tense and weird.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, she isn’t your friend, she is a judgemental, holier-than-thou control freak and she has shown her true colors.
You have been given plenty of red flags, get away from her if you want to become stable and happier.” Santos_Dude
Another User Comments:
“You need to go to the housing office and demand a single room. What your “friend” did is unforgivable. If you hadn’t been able to refill your prescription the side effects could have been disastrous to your health. I don’t care how much this person has been there for you in the past, they are pushy, overbearing, and overall just awful.
Does your brother live nearby? Perhaps you could live with him for a while. Your friend is toxic, honey, and you need to get out as soon as you can.” AsleepAtTheWheel88
16. AITJ For "Causing" My Partner To Fall Into The Toilet?
“Partner (26M) and I (22F) have been living together for 1.5 years. Week ago we got into an argument re: him not putting the toilet seat/lid down. I know it’s “small” but this is maybe the 100th time we’ve talked about it.
I always put the lid down before flushing because I don’t like spray painting the bathroom with waste particles but he never does.
Our convo went like this: I asked him to please put at least the toilet seat down when he’s done. He said if I wanted to be polite, I should put the toilet seat UP for HIM.
I said that makes no sense, what if I use the bathroom again before him? He said Fine then you should put it up at night before you go to bed because you know I always use the bathroom in the middle of the night then again in the morning before you get up.
I said the toilet seat is down when I use the bathroom, down when he uses the bathroom, and only up when he uses the bathroom standing up so 3 out of 4 bodily functions necessitate seat down, so “logically speaking” the seat should be put down.
He got mad I said “logically speaking” because that’s the phrase he uses when he’s being emotional and wants to pretend his emotions equal logic so he shut down and muttered, “the LEAST you could do is put the seat up at night when you KNOW I’m gonna use the bathroom next.” That was that.
I need less sleep than him so he goes to bed around 10 and me between 12-2. Day after the argument, I did my nighttime routine, (use the bathroom, close lid, flush, open lid, wash hands, brush teeth, wash toner lotion face, braid hair) and while I was braiding I thought back to how he moped around after our previous toilet convo and thought to myself it’s a stupid concession but minor and will make him happy.
So before I left the bathroom I lifted the toilet seat for him.
Went to bed. Hour later wake up to the sounds of him screaming and water splashing. Jump out of bed, run to the door yelling if he’s okay. I heard a loud squeak then THWACKTHUD so I rushed in to find him boxers around his ankles on the floor in toilet water SCREAMING at me how could I do this.
Unfortunately for me my nervous panic reaction is laughter. I don’t think it’s funny but my body won’t stop panic laughing. He knows that. I tried to help him up while he was shrieking about me being a psycho who knew this would happen and that made me upset.
My intention was 100% doing what he TOLD me to do. He said he had spicy food for lunch (which I didn’t know) so had to use the bathroom instead of standing up and sat in the unseated toilet. He yelled he “thought he was being attacked” which is the ONLY thing I found legit funny, idk why.
I helped him clean up/go to bed, both of us upset. My brain was trying to match the AAAAUGHOUGHOUGHEOWGH sounds he made in the bathroom to some memory, thought of this poor grape-stomping lady who fell and made me burst out laughing. He screamed I was cruel, abusive and he needs to rethink the relationship then slept in the dog’s room.
At first I thought I wasn’t the jerk because I did what he wanted but it’s been a week and he’s still sulking. Now I don’t know. AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. First of all, everyone should put the seat AND lid down because of germs. Second of all, your partner just met the consequences of his own actions, and the fact he thinks you’re cruel and abusive for it is insane.
You were 100% in the right every step of the way, and it is laughable HE’S the one rethinking the relationship.” heartbrekker
Another User Comments:
“Lmao!! Sorry but this IS funny!! NTJ. You were trying to find a compromise and didn’t know about his spicy lunch lol.
Seriously though.. you would think he’d understand where you’re coming from now about the problem with the toilet seat up.” FuntimeChris79
15. AITJ For Locking My Wife's Makeup Up After My Daughter Kept Stealing It?
“I married my current wife Barbara (38) 2 years ago. She and my daughter Molly (16) get along well. They have lots of interests in common including makeup.
Molly loves makeup especially the more expensive stuff. She unfortunately can not afford expensive brands and so she started taking my wife’s makeup. My wife works as a nurse. And has experience with makeup brands that she says are the best. She buys her own makeup which in my opinion is expensive compared to what Molly has.
My wife wasn’t ok with Molly taking her makeup and brushes and damaging them but didn’t want to say anything out of politeness. This went on for 2 months. Molly has so far cost my wife money by replacing expensive makeup that she kept taking without even asking.
I of course had many conversations with Molly about it and her argument is always that women can share makeup and besides this is family and her stepmom is like a mother to her so why not take each other’s stuff? I told her to stop and at least ask her stepmom before taking anything from the bedroom.
She just shrugged and walked away.
Days ago my wife told me Molly took a whole set of makeup products and hasn’t returned it then said she threw it away when asked about it. I was mad for my wife since she said she can’t tell Molly how upset she was and will just go buy a replacement.
I went out and bought my wife a lockbox and suggested she store her makeup there and she agreed. I sat with Molly and told her she was punished for what she did and she happily took the punishment but threw a temper tantrum after I told her that I got my wife a lockbox to keep her makeup and how sad I was things had to come to that.
She said I don’t understand and that it’s logical and not weird to use her mother’s makeup products but I argued that it is unacceptable and just because my wife said nothing doesn’t mean what Molly was doing was ok. She started crying saying I know that she can not afford the makeup she used from her stepmom and that her stepmom can afford it and now I’m forcing her to go back to using cheap makeup that damages her skin.
She called me mean and selfish to do that instead of encouraging her shared interest in makeup with her stepmom.
AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ she thinks it’s okay to steal from people she loves. That’s just messed up logic on all levels. Plus the whole point of being an adult is to slowly be able to afford all that crap you couldn’t have as a teenager.
It’s a right of passage she needs to understand.” NotSoBunny
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Your daughter needs therapy or something. It is not okay that she is 16 and doesn’t understand that she needs to at least ask before using someone’s stuff and needs to return it in good condition…especially when she’s been talked to before.
That is really not okay behavior. A lock box isn’t going to fix that.” designated_floater
14. AITJ For Not Letting My Sister Enter My Apartment After She Kept Forgetting To Lock The Door?
“My sister’s (26f) taking college courses but her roommate canceled their internet. So she asked me if she could come to my (29M) place for her classes since I have internet.
They’re in the mornings after I leave for work so I had to give her an extra key so she can go in when I’m not there. My ONLY rule was absolutely make sure to lock the door before you leave. I don’t know why it’s been such an issue.
It’s serious for me because in my neighborhood there have been more break-ins in the last couple of years. Luckily it hasn’t happened to me because I take precautions. All my windows have locks with an alarm, cameras at my door and each window.
On 3 different occasions, my sister had left my place with the windows open or door unlocked. Again no idea why it’s not an issue to remember to lock a door or close and lock a window you just opened. It seriously ticked me off.
I’m a jeweler. I bring my work home with me. Gold and expensive jewelry that I keep locked in my house could be stolen because she left a darn window open or left my front door unlocked for 20 mins while she went to grab something to eat in between classes.
Then last week I came home early and my freaking front door was OPEN. Literally about to have a heart attack but luckily no one actually came in. My sister left in a hurry to work and just…didn’t close the door completely or locked it when she left. I was extremely angry and after that I took my key back from her.
Now she’s not happy because she has to do her class outside on my porch and it feels humiliating to her and it’s really uncomfortable.
My sister says she can’t even spend that much time on her assignments because her laptop loses battery and needs the outlet inside.
My mind is made up because I’m just way too paranoid that something else will happen but she thinks I’m being a huge jerk messing with her academics like this. I don’t know if I’m overthinking it or not by not letting her come back in when I’m not there.
AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ has she ever heard of a library? Or Starbucks? Like you gave her your expectations and she failed to follow through with them. That’s on her.” Leeper90
Another User Comments:
“This is coming from a customer who as I type this has some of my Mum’s jewelry at the jeweler – I’d be super (MAJOR) upset if her jewelry was stolen because a family member left the door or window unlocked. Just reading your post is hitting a raw nerve for me.
You’re NTJ. Far from it. I’m surprised you gave her 3 chances. If your place is actually broken into, and your insurance found out, they may not even cover what was stolen. It could cost you your livelihood.
Your sister now needs to pay for her own internet at her own place.” DiamondHeist1970
13. AITJ For Calling A Woman A Bad Mother In Public?
“Up until a few months ago I was the activities director of a before and after school program that also takes children in small pods for alternative school. I have my teaching license and degree and also a Bachelor’s degree in Early Childhood Education so I’m extremely qualified and trained for my position.
And, since I was in the military for about six years to pay for my education I thought I was pretty adept at being screamed at and demeaned by people for no reason.
One of the kids I had in my study pod, “Brandon”, had really bad behavioral issues.
It wasn’t anything related to an actual disorder, Brandon, to be frank, is just a spoiled little jerk who has absolutely no parenting beyond an iPad and dismissive parents. It took about four weeks for me to realize that I couldn’t stand him and one of the biggest reasons was his mother.
Brandon was awful but his mother, “Brenda”, was worse. She’s one of those parents who doesn’t do anything to parent their children into decent humans but rather she ignores her parental duties and then lashes out when her son is called on his behavior.
We had weekly reports we submitted on each kid in our pod.
I tried everything I knew how and took advice on how to help Brandon out of his behavior and nothing worked. In fact Brandon’s behavior worsened and it seemed he was taking pleasure in behaving abysmally. I tried to engage his mother to help with his behavior and quickly learned that she is a big part of the problem.
She doesn’t parent Brandon, she just leaves him to his electronic device. She’s one of those parents who expects everyone else to parent her kid and lashes out when Brandon’s behavior is called out. I must have had seven or eight nasty phone calls and personal meetings with her where she screamed, accused, threatened, bullied, called me nasty names.
I eventually developed anxiety and depression and through therapy realized that dealing with Brandon and his mom was a huge part of the problem.
So, I quit the program at the end of term in May and got a job elsewhere. I recently ran into Brandon’s mom at the grocery store and she had the audacity to come up to me acting like we were buddies, telling me she missed having me as Brandon’s teacher, Brandon missed me, no one had cared about Brandon like me, why did I leave, etc. So I told her point-blank that she was the reason I left. That she had been an awful person and the thought of dealing with her caused me real mental anguish and stress.
Basically I unloaded on this woman in public. I called her a bad mother, an awful person.
She started crying and left the store without completing her shopping. And, a couple of on-lookers called me a bully.
AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ people reacted like that because they don’t have the full context.
But also awful people like Brenda love weaponizing tears when called out. Don’t feel bad. You did nothing wrong.” SnooRabbits5620
Another User Comments:
“NTJ if this is how she is treating teachers, there is truly no mechanism to restrain parents that are like this and protect teachers.
If you multiply the amount of abuse you endured over the time that you endured it and compare it to the 5 minutes she had to hear the truth, you are still owed time to yell at her before you’re the jerk. You didn’t do it in front of the entire parent group or teachers she still has to interact with.
As long as your current job is secure, I think you are NTJ.” DerbyDogMom
12. AITJ For Wanting My Cousin's Kids To Stay With Their Foster Family?
“I (27F) grew up being pretty close to my cousin (also 27F). Then in high school she got really into substances and the party scene and ended up dropping out in her senior year.
She eventually had my nephew “Evan” (now 8). I babysat a lot for her–I was attending college locally, so I was around to help out. Long story short, the stuff I saw ended up with me calling CPS. They determined it wasn’t bad enough yet to remove Evan but did give her some kind of parenting plan.
Not sure what, as she cut off everyone in the family at this point.
Fast-forward to now, I moved away for grad school, then came back to my hometown. I haven’t heard from my cousin since she cut us off. Until recently, when she contacted me through an older email account.
She said that CPS had removed Evan and his siblings Connor (5M) and Gracie (3F) 3 years ago–I wasn’t even aware she’d had other kids. They’ve been with the same foster family all this time. Now CPS was taking away her rights for not working her plan, and she had given my name to them as a relative who would adopt them.
She begged me to take them, since I was the only family member who even had a possibility to (parents have health issues, other cousins are too young/in college, etc.). I agreed to meet with the kids and their foster parents in a park.
Turns out the foster parents also have my cousin’s youngest child Anna (1F)–which my cousin never mentioned! I guess since she was born later in the case, she’s not on the same timeline, and my cousin isn’t losing her rights to Anna yet. All the kids LOVE their foster family.
The family had two older kids–I’d guess older teens–and I could see the bond between all of them. I decided not to try and take the kids, but the foster parents are allowing me to stay involved in their life as an aunt figure. Evan still remembers me vaguely and was happy to see me.
On top of not wanting to take them from the only home most of the kids remember, I also don’t want to deal with my cousin–she’s still using and is not someone I want in my life right now.
When I told my cousin, she was furious.
She said the kids deserve to grow up with their family, and I’m doing a terrible thing by not adopting them. AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ – Oh not the jerk AT ALL!!!! The kids sound like they are in a good place, it sounds like they are happy and healthy and perhaps may even be adopted by them in the future.
Bonus, you can stay part of their lives.
Screw your cousin, you probably already know that she wants you to adopt the kids so she can manipulate things and get back in their lives and be a complete pain in your butt. And yes, I know several people who have their children “adopted” by family members so that the family member is the parent on record but they take the kids anyway.
I don’t blame you one bit for saying no.” No-Policy-4095
Another User Comments:
“NTJ
Cousin was trying to get around CPS placing them with the foster family, she was thinking that you would just adopt them, and hand them over to her. Well it is a big deal to adopt one kid, not to mention four.
Foster parents have to go through background checks and paperwork to ensure that the environment is safe for them, they have to prove that they are capable of taking care of them, and in this instance the kids like them and are doing well in a stable environment.
You shouldn’t be in that. You made a wise and difficult choice to do what is best for the kids, which is what it is all about.” ForwardPlenty
Make sure you are aware of what will happen to the kids and whether it is something you can live with before you decide you don't want them if you would have taken them if their foster home was bad.
11. AITJ For Wanting My Fiance's Twins To Spend Some Time Apart?
“This is turning into a real issue between me (35f) and my fiance (40m), and I could use perspective on if I did something wrong.
My fiance and I have been together for two years. We’ve recently moved in together, and the house has three kids- my son, Sean (15m), and his twins (Jason and Jack, 17m).
The problem particularly concerns Jack. When he was fourteen, he expressed depressive thoughts, something that made my fiance think it was really serious.
Jack daydreams and “phases out” a lot, can be obsessive about his interests which nobody else shares (my fiance has mentioned he has anxiety and depressive disorders). The twins’ late mom was a very artsy sort of person and left behind a bunch of drawing books and journals that my fiance and his kids treat like historical artifacts and from what I’ve gathered Jack is a lot like her (important).
My fiance and Jason treat Jack like he’s made of glass. Sean goes to the same school as the twins and tells me that Jason walks Jack to all his classes and practice, sits with him during meals, and makes sure he eats plenty, and honestly it’s the same at home.
I’ve noticed the two excluding Sean deliberately from things that they do, like their amateur musicianship, or just in general having lots of inside jokes and personal communication, and I think that’s basically due to Jack – Jason can be pretty social when he’s got a moment away from his brother, but Jack is closed off and introverted. Sean is really eager to be friends with Jason, who’s well-liked in school despite not spending a lot of time with anyone except Jack.
My fiance basically treats Jack the same way (lets Jack be messy, doesn’t make him fix his sleep schedule, and has set the bar as low as “if you’re alive you’re doing good”), and refuses to talk to him to make Jack friendlier to Sean and me – it’s alienating, and I feel Jack doesn’t want me in the house.
I don’t think the way everyone treats Jack is good for him, and I have a suspicion that my fiance has a soft spot for him because he resembles his mom. I mentioned to my fiance that the boys’ codependence was concerning to me, and maybe Jack would do better and come around to other people if he and Jason spent some time apart, and my fiance considered it seriously.
When he went to have a talk with the boys about trying to spend some time apart, they blew up on him. They think I’m being too involved with their affairs, when I honestly want the best for them and their development as people, it can’t be healthy for any two people to spend this much time together, and it’s not good for Jack to be coddled so much.
Now Jack is starting to say that he doesn’t feel comfortable in the same space as me, and Jason as always is backing him up. My fiance is really upset and doesn’t know how to be strict with his kids, and the boys might be trying to convince him to break off the engagement.
AITJ, is it really such a giant thing for me to have called them codependent?”
Another User Comments:
“YTJ 100%
You’re upset that your husband and Jason treat Jack like he needs help. Duh, he does. Anyway, it’s not for you to say what is best for Jack.
It’s for his dad and whatever professional I assume Jack is seeing.
You’re upset that your stepsons aren’t as close to your son as to each other. What do you expect? They’re brothers, you and Sean are latecomers into their lives and they’re TWINS! Twins typically do have a close relationship.
I’d say Jack and Jason have a point about you interfering. You’re shaping up to be one of those stepmoms that doesn’t respect her stepkids’ boundaries. BACK OFF!” Libba_Loo
Another User Comments:
“YTJ
Twins often have a very deep connection. Plus, one of the twins is sick and both of them lost their mother.
They need support, which it seems like they are not getting from you.
Your son wants to be friends with one of the twins, he does not (at least for now). What do you do? Try to separate the twins for what exactly? So your son can have a new friend?
That’s not how friends work. Stop interfering and support Jack.
Your partner has no business in telling his sick son (especially when he is almost an adult) how he has to treat people who suddenly just live with him. And to be honest, I can understand if he doesn’t want you in the house.” antisocial-potato-
Another User Comments:
“No jerks here.
I think that your heart is in the right place, and I am surprised to see absolutely no one acknowledging that this may actually be very unhealthy for Jason to be so focused on helping his brother, and for Jack to be so dependent on him.
Their bond and whether or not he wants to isn’t as important as the fact that he may be inadvertently holding himself back from things or setting up an unhealthy dynamic.
That being said, you’ve done your part – you’ve expressed your concerns, and it’s up to your fiance to handle it from here.
I think that you should tell him that, and say that you will leave how to handle it to him as he is their father.” codeverity
10. AITJ For Refusing To Grocery Shop For My Neighbor?
“I (30s) live in a rental that also has another rental house on the same property.
I am a single mom who works a full-time job. My new neighbor (40s) (who moved in at the beginning of November) has been constantly pestering me for different groceries. Her husband makes $60,000 a year according to her whereas I make around $18,000. She is home all day and gets the mail for both houses.
Right before Thanksgiving, I went to the grocery store and had to go to several because most of the stores were out of things. She waited until the Wednesday before Thanksgiving to do her shopping. They were out of a lot of things. She sent me a long text with about 20-30 things she “needed”.
I told her I didn’t have most of the items but had a few. She begged for the few that I had. Since I had extra I gave her what I had (3 jars of peanut butter, 4 cans of green beans, 6 cans of beans, and 2 cans of cranberry sauce).
She said thank you but never offered to pay or replace them.
The 1st week of December, she asked me for more items but I didn’t have any of the items. She repeated this the 2nd week. I ran errands on Sunday and she sent me a text with about 80 items she wanted me to shop for.
I told her I didn’t have the extra funds for one and second I didn’t have the time to shop for two households. She got really upset and told me it wouldn’t take that much longer to pick up her 80 items. I told her I wasn’t able to.
Tonight, my cell phone chirped for a text message while I was giving my son a bath. Within 2 minutes, she is bamming on my door because she needed peanut butter, milk, evaporated milk, condensed milk, and butter. I told her that I have to stretch my food dollars and cannot afford to keep giving them groceries.
She replied that I was getting SNAP (she knows this because she “accidentally” opens my mail constantly). I told her I don’t get very much and I just qualified on Friday and I had to buy baby food for my son. She told me I was being a jerk because they don’t qualify for any help and the least that I can do is help them when they need help.
I may be the jerk because I refuse to shop for her. We have 7 grocery stores within 7 miles and all of them have delivery available.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. This is outrageous behavior!
You need to catch her husband some time and ask him, “do you need help getting on SNAP?
I simply can’t afford to continue giving your family food, especially since I’m never paid back.”
I imagine that will be the end of it.” moondoggie1960
Another User Comments:
“This is a horror all around but I’m strangely stuck on who can be bothered to type out an 80-item grocery list in a text.
I don’t honestly understand why you don’t block her number and say ‘No, I’m not buying or fetching your food, what is wrong with you’. Like, obviously you don’t have to buy food for a neighbor, even if you weren’t on SNAP?
Get a letterbox for your own address and cut this person out entirely.
Well, that or hustle: you’ll buy what she has already transferred funds to your account for plus a shopping fee plus tip.
NTJ.” Left-Car6520
Another User Comments:
“NTJ and you should also tell her that opening someone else’s mail is a federal offense (if you live in the US) and you’ll report her if she ever opens your mail again.
Also tell her that you aren’t going to let her or anyone else take advantage of you, so she doesn’t even get one more thing from you until she’s paid you back in full for what she’s already taken. You also need to file a complaint with the landlord in case she escalates.” Reddit User
9. AITJ For Kicking My Partner Out After He Disrespected My Brother?
“I (20F) and my younger brother (16M) have always been extremely close our entire lives, even after I moved out recently to attend university.
We’ve always had opposite styles, and he’s the sun to my moon.
My brother and I always enjoy matching our clothes; he’s always loved wearing flashy clothes, and I’ve even lent him some of mine on many occasions, since he likes to present more femininely.
My parents have never had a problem with this, as they’ve always encouraged us to be the best version of ourselves we can be, no matter what. They’ve always loved and accepted us. I decided to invite my partner (22M) to a family dinner. He comes from a conservative background, not at all like us.
I asked my parents and brother if it was ok to invite him, and they all agreed, as they had been wanting to meet him.
When it came to the dinner, my partner instantly gave my brother a weird look when saying hey, since he was dressed in some of my old clothes I had given to him, but was cordial to my parents.
We began dinner shortly after, and that’s when things got bad. Things were fine for about the first 20 minutes, and he was getting along great with my parents, while he and my brother did some lighthearted banter back and forth. But then my partner asked my brother, “why do you dress like that?” My brother asked what he meant, and he said “like a girl”.
My brother is used to this, and just shrugged and said it’s what he liked. He scoffed, and asked if he thinks he’s a girl or something. He raised an eyebrow and said that that’s just how he likes to dress. My brother can hold his own, he’s sweet but doesn’t let anyone push him around, and I was going to talk to my partner after dinner to let him know not to do that.
However, I know my brother is much more sensitive than he lets on, so I glanced at him to silently ask if he was ok. He nodded slightly, returning to his food. My partner decided to remark on how he was cutting his food, and asked “why is the (slur) acting so gay?” My brother visibly paled, stuttered out a what, and my mother glared at him and said “that language is not acceptable in this house.” I agreed, and was getting visibly bothered since I am very protective of my brother.
He then started mocking him, called him a slur, and asked if he had a partner. He stood up, visibly on the verge of tears, and said that yes, he does, and he’s not going to let someone he doesn’t even know make him feel horrible for being who he is.
After that, he took off crying.
My dad asked him to leave. I did too, here’s where I’m thinking I might be the jerk. I stood up and yelled at him to get out of our house, that I was ashamed I was ever seen with someone so vile.
I stomped over to the door to the kitchen, pointed, and said “back door is that way. See yourself out.” He called me a witch and said that I had no right to disrespect him for pointing out the obvious, and I repeated that he had better leave right now and that I never wanted to see him again.
AITJ for losing my cool on my ex-partner?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, OP, and I want you to think about something – you have now demonstrated to your little brother, whom you love, that you will eject from your life anyone who disrespects him for who he is and who he loves like you’re firing trash from a cannon into the open sewer where it belongs.
There isn’t much better way to prove you have his back no matter what.
Your parents are also awesome.” [deleted]
Another User Comments:
“1000% NTJ
You stood up for not only your brother but yourself for not letting that disrespectful person stay in your life. Even asking questions about the way someone dresses is walking a fine line (It’s not really anyone’s business why someone chooses anything in their own life), curiosity can easily sound malicious, but to call him anything and force him to come out along with any and all abuse…naw.
I would have blown up too.
It sounds like your brother is happy and living his best life, and with a sister like you, he’s a lucky guy.” DeadlyAngel84
8. AITJ For Telling My Partner He Has A Sleep Disorder?
“I have been with my partner for 11 years and we have 3 kids, the youngest being almost 3 months. Since I’ve met him, he’s been awful to wake up in the morning. I have to set an alarm for myself to start waking him up about an hour before he needs to be up.
I start out waking him up nicely and gently but eventually, I have to resort to “yelling” as he just doesn’t hear me or shaking him. This happens no matter what time he goes to sleep at, although it’s a little bit easier if he gets 8 hours of sleep.
This has caused many arguments but it’s getting worse as I’m so exhausted from getting up with the baby. I have to be so loud in the morning that it wakes the baby up and there is no chance of me going back to sleep (I’m a SAHM.
I understand this is a privilege and I’m sorry he has to wake up “early” but I feel like I should be able to “sleep in” if I’m up with the baby all night and the other kids are sleeping).
He woke up this morning asking why I’m so mad at him and I replied I’m not mad I’m just talking loud so he will hear me and wake up.
He replies, ” I AM up!” And falls back asleep. I’m nursing the baby stuck in a chair near the bed and every time I yell the baby startles and unlatches and it really is starting to annoy me and is painful. He semi-wakes up and we are going back and forth and I’m like “this isn’t normal!
You have to have some sort of sleep disorder because this is messed up!”
He looks at me aghast and says “who talks to someone like that first thing in the morning?!” So I tell him it’s not first thing in the morning, I’ve been trying to wake him up for over an hour.
He just grumbles at me and gets in the shower. When he gets out my middle son is asking for something and he snarks to him, “be careful, she might tell you you have a disorder.” I’m just so frustrated at that point I tell him to get out and get to work and start crying.
I’m wondering if I’m out of line for saying he has a disorder and maybe just need to suck it up and accept it since I don’t have a job and get to stay home. What do you think, am I the jerk?”
Another User Comments:
“Bet he starts waking himself up the first day he misses work because you stop doing it.
Tell him he’s on his own. It saves you the aggravation, and if he DOES have a disorder, it forces him to figure it out so he doesn’t lose his job.
NTJ – but this is a conflict that’s easily resolved by just treating your partner like an adult.” Propofol_Totalis
Another User Comments:
“NTJ but stop waking him up in the morning. Tell him that since he doesn’t have a disorder, he can be responsible for getting his own grown adult self out of bed on time.
Presumably, he did so before you lived together? You already have three children to care for, he can take care of himself.
And if, after finding himself late for work because of oversleeping, he realizes that he does in fact have a disorder, it’s still his responsibility to get help for it.
You can only do so much.” Suitable-Cod-1381
Another User Comments:
“No jerks here.
I don’t blame you for getting so frustrated, especially considering you are dealing with a 3-month-old baby through this. But I think you need to reset your pattern here. If he needs to be up at (say) 8, why are you trying to wake him up at 7?
When you do all this waking, if he gets up at 8, why not just start doing that at 8? Or even better, start at 8:15, assuming he will get up at 8 on his own, and you are just the backup to that?
I bet you’re anxious that he’ll oversleep or something but I don’t think the extra hour is actually helping him be up on time, it just makes his last hour of sleep less restful and makes you both upset and frustrated.
He probably doesn’t have a “disorder” but he may need to go to sleep earlier if he can’t be up on time for work like he’s supposed to be.” nylonvest
7. AITJ For Telling My Ex We Can Only Communicate Via Text Or Email?
“My ex (Brad) and I have an 8-year-old son (Ryan) together. We are high conflict to say the least. Brad and I both have attorneys and are currently 50/50 custody but for other reasons I’m hoping to seek primary.
Brad has a tendency to lie about exchanges between us, I know this, so now when he calls I reject the call and send him a text asking him to text or email me what he needs to say so I have documentation of it.
Recently, Ryan was sent home from school sick on my time and I let Brad know our son wasn’t feeling well. He suggested I get Ryan a (you know what) test which I agreed with and did the same day. This was over text. Later, Brad went complaining to his lawyer that I knew Ryan was sick and refused to get the test done and that I knowingly and willfully endangered Ryan’s health by refusing to get him tested.
That was not true. The next day when I picked up Ryan’s results I immediately snapped a pic of them, they were negative, and sent it to Brad in a text along with a message from the doctor saying it was recommended to keep Ryan out of school for the rest of the week and I’d pick up his make up work.
Again, Brad goes running to his lawyer claiming I’m being a bad mom and now I’m forcing Ryan to miss school and fall behind on assignments. This time his lawyer reaches out to mine and is up in arms, fully backing Brad’s allegations and threatening me with court.
My lawyer calls me to relay what Brad and his lawyer were saying and ask me what the heck is going on? So I sent him all the screenshots of the conversation I’d had with Brad, proof that nothing he was saying was at all true.
I also told my lawyer that with Brad’s tendencies to lie I will no longer be answering if he (Brad) calls and will only communicate via text or email. I informed Brad of this as well.
Now Brad is saying I’m inhibiting communication regarding Ryan and it’s hurting our son because if there’s an emergency and he calls me he won’t be able to get in touch with me as easily.
I told Brad that’s his fault because of his lies. He’s claiming I’m willing to risk and hurt Ryan to be petty to him.
AITJ??”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, and I might even suggest going a step further and requesting that all of your communications be through either a court-approved app or in writing with approved parties attached at all times.
That way communication outside of this does not exist. Also him claiming these falsehoods should help you get primary custody.
If he has a predilection for lying about your son’s well-being, thank your stars because it’s happening in real-time and hopefully your lawyer is recording all of these interactions with his lawyer as well.
Honestly, they should just be entering motions to the court if he truly feels you are endangering your son so even the attorney calling yours that way sounds past mediation and negotiation – this sounds like bulldozing. Best of luck.” SwordfishGood4619
Another User Comments:
“NTJ.
Child of divorce here. My mom had to deal with my dad lying too. You have to do what’s best for you. If you really wanna grind his gears, record the phone calls? That’s what she did, and used that in court so she could get primary custody.
At the end of the day, do what’s best for your kid. Because if he’s gonna gaslight you, he’s probably gonna gaslight them. I know that firsthand.
Good luck OP.” Blue_Sky42
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. For about 10 years or more I was involved with two of my exes in custody fights for our children.
I quickly learned to not take their phone calls, primarily because they were abusive. I would let everything go to voicemail and then take the tape of it to my attorney which actually saved our butt several times because they pretty much yelled at me what their intentions were over some issues.
So then email became more common and then texting and that’s the only way that I would communicate with them because documentation saves a lot of hassles. Just like with you we went through some of the same stuff and I learned it was great to have everything in writing.” [deleted]
6. AITJ For Never Working Overtime?
“4 years ago my brother-in-law died, leaving my sister with a daughter and an autistic son. After his death she was convinced that she would shortly follow him so she made arrangements for me to be her kids’ guardian.
Then 2 years ago she died. Since my autistic nephew needs a lot of attention I quit my job and started looking for a new one that would suit my schedule.
I accepted a job with a lower salary (my sister left me her paid-off house and half her life insurance while the kids got trusts from the other half and their father’s policy) with the stipulation that I will have a set schedule, get all the weekends and holidays off no matter what happens and absolutely no overtime.
The reason I did that is because my nephew needs a set schedule or he has meltdowns, and most of my weekends are dedicated to my niece.
About 6 months ago a new mom joined the team, and since the beginning she hated the fact that I leave the office at 5 on the dot and am never called outside of office hours.
She used to complain loudly to people where I could hear but I never engaged.
Then yesterday we had a meeting and when we were leaving she confronted me, saying that I wasn’t the only one with kids, that my refusal to pull my weight means that she is missing on time with her baby and that I am a horrible person who will raise entitled kids…etc.
I didn’t respond and just sent her an email and cc’d HR and told her all further complaints about my schedule should be directed to them.
I guess she was pulled aside and got a talking to, and even though I didn’t want anyone to know about my private affairs I guess the HR person spilled the beans.
And then she confronted me again in the break room in front of everyone saying that I should have told her that I specifically negotiated to have fixed hours to take care of my autistic kid instead of making her look bad. I just left before I did something that would have cost me my job.
But after cooling down I feel a bit guilty. Should I have accepted to work some OT from home after the kids go to bed? Is it really unfair to my coworkers that I don’t even work OT when we have an emergency at work?”
Another User Comments:
“She made herself look bad by behaving childishly and unprofessionally. She’s not your supervisor and is not entitled to your personal information. It sounds like you handled it perfectly. Though I’d have a word with HR for releasing info you didn’t want released. NTJ.” mypreciousssssssss
Another User Comments:
“NTJ your co-worker is just jealous because she never thought to negotiate her schedule like you. Never feel guilty for doing what’s best for your family. If you want to do OT after the kids go to sleep is entirely up to you.
But make sure if you do it it’s because you want to and not feel guilted into doing it. Hope all is well with you and the kids.” Nik7cole
5. AITJ For Telling My Friend I Can't Be Her Maid Of Honor Because I Hate Her Future MIL?
“My best friend “Tessa” is getting married and asked me to be her MOH. At first I was super excited, despite knowing that I had issues with the groom’s mother.
I’m going to call her “Jasmine” and her husband “Brad”.
I used to be a nurse at a major hospital in our area. Before they were married, Jasmine was a doctor and Brad was also a doctor and the head of their department. Jasmine is awful, massive massive ego and always had to be the cool girl.
She was also best friends with my work nemesis. Jasmine and I had a couple of issues while I was working there. It began with us clashing over a patient and she screamed at me in front of other staff to go spend 8 years in medical school and called me an idiot.
I did report her, but Brad pretty much said nurses are replaceable and finding a specialist is much harder, so I should probably stay out of her way. At another point, she interrupted my conversation with a co-worker and said I should probably try meeting people online, because I’m just not special and don’t stand out.
Some words were exchanged, and again I was told that she is more important than me and to just let her be a jerk. There is an annual holiday dinner with benefactors of the hospital, and obviously that isn’t something I’d get invited to, but Jasmine and Brad both were and I found them being overly affectionate that night after the dinner, so I guess that is why he was always covering for her.
Note she was married at the time, though rumor was her husband was unfaithful.
Flash forward about six months later, and Brad didn’t like Jasmine as much. I have no idea what happened behind the scenes, but she was no longer his fave. Brad began pursuing me and we were together for 7 months.
During that time, I really fell for him. I know how it makes me sound in hindsight, but this man was the love of my life. Long story short, he dumped me, Jasmine dumped her husband, they are married now.
I quit that job for my mental health and moved to a smaller urgent care center.
Anyway Tessa is marrying Jasmine’s son, and I thought that I could move past it, but she had an engagement dinner recently, and Jasmine had the biggest smug grin when she saw me. She made a smug comment about me looking tired and asked how urgent care was going (woman was a snob, I know what she meant).
Then after a few drinks everyone was hanging out by this fire pit, and seeing her being affectionate with him was like a painful stab in my heart. It just brought me back to that toxic work environment, the night they were overly affectionate in an elevator, and the times they would be all flirty and inappropriate right in front of the nurses, because we weren’t even real people to them.
Anyway, I texted Tessa (who knows all of this) and told her that I can’t be MOH. I will go to the wedding, but might have to leave early because this is all too painful. She said I was being a bad friend and she doesn’t like Jasmine either, but this is her once-in-a-lifetime wedding and I should be there for her.
She has been distant ever since and I kind of feel like a jerk.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ for leaving a situation that makes you uncomfortable. But if Brad was this rude to you and enabled Jasmine for so long to be rude to you, why in the world would you be with him?
And your absence is obviously going to affect your friend, especially if she’s made it clear she also doesn’t like Jasmine.” rawgardenwaxpen
Another User Comments:
“Here’s a thought that might help you get over Brad. I think Brad got tired of being the side piece of Jasmine so what he did was be with YOU, the woman Jasmine hates the most, to light a fire under Jasmine’s rear to get her to dump the husband for him because he was signaling he would be moving on if she didn’t.
I think he never loved you but used you as a tool to get what he wanted.
I’m guessing the second he heard Jasmine separated is when he dumped you. This man is not the love of your life and frankly it’s wrong to keep pining for him.
Jasmine and Brad are both jerks of the highest order.
As for your current situation, NTJ in that being a MOH is a lot of work at best and this is not the best of circumstances.” Maleficent_Ad_3958
Another User Comments:
“Soft YTJ
I get it…
I was in the wedding party with an ex. Granted I wasn’t in love with him, but I felt it was important to be there for my friend and I also want to prove that he doesn’t have power over me. I do believe the best revenge is to live a happy life.
Sounds like Brad always wanted Jasmine even after the breakup and while he was with you. I’m sorry you had to go through that. He is a jerk and you dodged a bullet. He chose a person who has been cruel to you.
Just focus on your friend, believe that Jasmine and Brad are not worth your energy over.” eikenella415
4. AITJ For Announcing Our Pregnancy Right After My Brother And His Wife Did?
“My wife and I (29M) found out a while ago that we’re expecting a baby. The reason we waited to announce anything was to make it past her first trimester. Then last week we went to my parents’ house and thought that would be a good time.
However we didn’t because my brother and his wife announced that they too were expecting. So we decided to wait another time to say something, let them have their moment. My grandma who was also there didn’t give us that chance. She has what I call “granny senses” because then she points to my wife and says “you’re pregnant too aren’t you?” Not as a question more of a statement.
No idea how but sometimes she just knows. It’s happened a few times with cousins where my grandma tells them they’re pregnant even before they know. We are caught off guard and there was no denying it anyways so we said yes.
“Congratulations” goes around the whole family, my mom’s crying, at the corner of my eyes I see my brother fuming.
I should add that since we were little kids my brother was always extremely competitive over literally anything. I was too back then. He asks us how far along and then gets mad since his wife is only a few weeks. Because that means we’ll be the “first” to have kids out of all our siblings.
Accuses me of trying to “one up” him because I knew they were trying to have a baby. The whole thing felt so ridiculous.
My mom was trying to settle him down but he was in a bad mood. I finally got fed up with his snarky attitude a half hour later and told him he’s so pathetic getting worked up over something stupid instead of being happy that he’s going to be a father.
Or that our kids will be close in age and will have someone to play with. Suddenly I was the bad guy invalidating his disappointment by calling him names. My brother and his wife just got up and left. He still says we ruined their moment and on top of that berated him acting like it’s not a big deal. It’s a week later, he’s still mad about this.
Again because of how I treated him when he’s allowed to feel the way he does. I’m just not sure if I’m really being the jerk he seems to think I was in that moment.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. You had decided to keep quiet, but your grandmother was the one to ask.
Were you supposed to lie? I don’t blame grandma either. It wasn’t some big thing that your brother planned, it was just a dinner and they decided to take the opportunity just like you had planned to. It shouldn’t take away from the moment, it should have added to it.
Why on earth does it matter whose child is “first”? All that should matter is that you and your brother are going to be parents and your kids will be able to grow up together (hopefully).” smartiesmouth
Another User Comments:
“My sister and I aren’t close geographically (we are close emotionally, she’s the best).
I wish we were. I would have been thrilled if she were expecting at the same time as me! Omg we would have so much fun. I’m sorry your brother didn’t feel that way. You didn’t try to steal his moment but he’s acting petty.
I don’t know why he can’t be happy for himself and you. When I was expecting I had to just call our families separately to share the good news. I can’t imagine being jealous that someone would be expecting before me lol NTJ.” mushroomrevolution
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. . . But I am more interested in this competition complex between you and your brother. . . . How many times did you “win”?
His reaction was bad, but it is deeply rooted in something bigger for him. May I suggest, yall have a sit down with each other?
Maybe have a good look at your childhood and make amends with each other about how yall treated each other and make a plan to not bring it into your kids’ lives???? I fear if yall don’t the competition complex will bleed into your kids.
. .
Hopefully yall can get on the same page. . . I have learned that siblings can have the same life, encouragement, love, nurturing and still look at life completely different, in retrospect. . .
Have a heart-to-heart, seriously. And try to break generational curses. . . It would suck if yalls kids can’t appreciate their growing together because one of their Dads can’t offer support, but will say, baby A is in soccer now, baby B has to do soccer now too.
Or baby A is making all As, you have to as well, because you are better than them. . .” mindlessmandee
3. AITJ For Not Accepting My Sister's Apology?
“So I (21F) was having an argument with my sister (19F) and my mother was present. To start off, we are black and, as you may know, some black people have darker skin tones than others, even within the same family. So, I’m fairly dark and my sister is fairly light despite being full siblings.
Anyways, during this argument, I basically told her that if she doesn’t want my dad to drive her where she needs to go she can bus or walk (in a rude tone) and her response was that I have “ugly charcoal skin” among other things but that was what really resonated with me.
After that I basically told her off and told her that our other sister is my favourite sister among other things. This was months ago.
My mother has been trying to have us reconcile and telling me that I need to forgive my sister although my sister has never apologized. Until today.
This evening, my mother brought my sister into my room and she said something along the lines of “I’m sorry for my unimaginable words” in a very flat, forced tone. I basically responded that her apology is not genuine and my mom got mad at me and they both left.
Regardless of whether her apology was genuine or not, I don’t really mess with colourism and, IMO, that’s not something you just blurt out in an argument if you’re not a colourist. Like, a racist saying something racist when they’re mad means that they were racist all along if you ask me.
If I had kids in the future and they were dark I wouldn’t want a known colourist around them but that’s just a hypothetical. I don’t really think that’s something I can forgive and forget but it makes my mom very upset because she wants us to be close but I am not interested in reconciling.
AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ
“I’m sorry for my unimaginable words” doesn’t actually acknowledge what those words were or why they were wrong. Those words aren’t “unimaginable” – you didn’t have to imagine them, they were actually said to you.
An apology that means something would be “I’m sorry I said you had “ugly charcoal skin.” You are not ugly.
Darker skin is not ugly compared to lighter skin. I am wrong to think or speak this way, and I know I am picking up on many horrible things of our larger culture when I do so, and I will work on this very bad problem that I have.”
Feel free to copy and paste the above and share it with your mother and sister.” Jazzlike_Humor3340
Another User Comments:
“Okay, I’m 100% mayo white, but I’ve seen the effects of colourism on my friends and listened to them enough to feel comfortable saying: NTJ.
What she said strikes a lot deeper than family bickering.
I hesitate to ask, but is your mother also lighter-skinned? Because she seems to be downplaying the issue. If so, it might be more difficult to stand your ground if she (even subconsciously) buys into the nonsense and/or doesn’t understand the effects.
My advice (for what it’s worth coming from a 33-year-old white woman) is to be polite with your sister since you said you all live together, but keep whatever boundaries make you comfortable. If possible, you could try and explain to her how damaging what she said is, but otherwise disengage.
My grandmother spent years trying to force her sons to get along and be buddies. They are all much happier now that everyone has come to terms with that not happening. Your mother needs to learn to deal.” Elaan21
Another User Comments:
“NTJ – If someone has to be forced to apologise, it’s never going to be genuine.
I know some others will say YTJ for not accepting an apology, but your feelings were hurt in a big way, what was said was probably said deliberately to make you react. Believe me, I’ve just had a massive argument with a friend, they said something they knew would be hurtful, and I told them to screw off, and moved out of the share house we were living in, I’ve been told she’s waiting for me to apologise, which I’m not going to.
In saying that, we’re in our late 30s, we should know better. If you want to be the bigger person, and believe me, it’s bloody hard sometimes, ask your sister, without your mother around that, you’d like to talk.
Without knowing the context around who started the argument, this will be the hard part, tell her that you’re sorry about arguing with her, that she really hurt your feelings by saying what she said, and you’re sorry that you 2 argued.
Being the bigger person sometimes means apologising first, your sister probably looks up to you more than you think, and setting an example about honest and open communication, especially at her age, is a super important lesson.
From someone that didn’t start to learn that until recently, believe me, it’s a hard lesson to learn, but makes life so much easier.” ithinkitmightbe
2. AITJ For Kicking My FIL Out After He Kept Feeding My Dog Scraps?
“Christmas Eve my wife (Sara) and I hosted my mother-in-law (Jane) and father-in-law (Robert). Sara and I are in our 40s and the in-laws are near 70.
Every time we have them over, I have to remind Robert not to feed our dog table scraps. We don’t want to promote begging, we are trying to keep her weight healthy, and the dog has some allergies which require expensive shots.
Each time I have to remind Robert not to feed the dog from the table. He laughs and stops.
Christmas Eve, I catch him again. I ask him like usual. He laughs. Some 20 minutes later, I see him sneak a piece of chicken off his plate.
We do not feed the dog chicken at all because we think that is one of her allergy triggers.
I tell him again. I explain about the allergies and he plays dumb with a smirk on his face. I am not happy. I leave to help Sara in the kitchen clean up and I look over and he does it again.
Don’t know what he gave her.
At this point I’m seeing red. How dare you come into my house and continually disrespect me? It’s not like it’s just me. Sara has gone through this previously on other nights we hosted.
I simply walked over to the table and said, “I guess that concludes Christmas Eve.
Have a good night.”
Everyone’s jaw hit the floor. We hadn’t done presents yet or dessert. Yada Yada Yada. I explained that I told him twice tonight. I felt disrespected multiple times.
Sara is upset with me because I made that decision without talking to her.
I admit I was a jerk but I have seen her mom and stepdad walk all over her before and we had discussed this very dog-feeding issue after previous dinners. She doesn’t stand up to them and it’s always “next time”.
I also have to admit it isn’t just the dog feeding issue.
I had to hear this out-of-touch man talk about an outdated view of the world. “Poor people should just get better jobs” and a bunch of quasi-racist comments.
I told Jane she could stay but she wasn’t going to take sides against her husband and they drove together.
When I saw it was 3 against 1, I just retired for the night. Sara didn’t talk to me until Christmas morning.
I had embarrassed her in front of her family. I should have kept the peace until another time. He’s an old man and forgets. Also, her brother and sister-in-law allow their dogs to get scraps.
I stopped her and told her I reminded him twice that night and about the smirk, and how he waited for the third time for my back to be turned. I also told her how awful it is to have dinner at her brother’s house because their giant dogs have their head in your lap, slobbering on you.
It’s gross.
She understood better but still thought I should have consulted with her and waited until it wasn’t a holiday. Since they had plans with us, they would have nowhere to go. It wasn’t a big deal and I went overboard.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ
I do think you should have consulted with your wife first, but putting your beloved dog at risk, and not respecting you or your house is not acceptable.
Do not let internet opinions get to your head. Keep a cool mind, and think things rationally, and try to see everyone’s perspective be they right or wrong.
Good luck.” Dag-nabbitt
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. You admitted that YTJ for doing what you did BUT in the general whole of the story, NTJ.
As a dog owner, I get this. How many times do you have to constantly ask someone not to feed your dog?
Several times over several dinners, yeah. Someone needs to put their foot down. My dog won’t come to the table unless someone is offering him something. If they’re coming over to the house, they’re agreeing to follow the house rules.
I’m surprised your wife isn’t concerned with the well-being of her dog and lets her dad do what he does.
She should have stuck up for you in that regard. Yeah, you should have said something before you spoke up, but she should have also realized that her dad was potentially hurting her pet.” HolyUnicornBatman
Another User Comments:
“YTJ, You kicked your wife’s parents out on Christmas without discussing it.
You should have just put the dogs somewhere else during dinner if this is the big concern. I understand feeling concerned and disrespected, but you still took it a lot farther than it needed to go.” JennerikUse
Esh - even the wives.
1. AITJ For Not Wanting My Husband To Own 50% Of My Business?
“My husband M35 is a bank clerk and I F29 have a WFH job which I barely bear since I’m an active outdoor person and like doing gardening stuff in particular.
I figured since I have a background in gardening I decided to use our spacious backyard to grow flowers and sell them online after arranging and organizing them into bouquets. When I brought this up with my husband he said this was the worst idea ever, adding this would be a major waste of time and resources, and suggested I look for a 2nd job.
I didn’t listen and started my business little by little. In a matter of 18 months, it started bringing decent income and I gained customers. My husband offered to look at how much I was able to make in the past months and was impressed.
The other day he was standing with his drink while I was checking my flowers.
He talked about what a good job I was doing keeping “our” business “flowing”. I corrected him about it being our business and reminded him about how little faith he had in my potential to make a decent income out of growing and selling cut flowers.
He was like “Well…I didn’t honestly think your little gardening hobby was going to get anywhere but now that business is “flourishing” I want my fair share of profit and won’t settle for less than 50%.”
I was puzzled I asked why he thought he should get any share of the profit let alone 50%.
His answer was that I was using his soil to grow my flowers on.
I said this is our house/our soil not just his since we’re married and both our names are on the title. He was like “actually I owned this house long before you came along so it’s technically mine!” I replied that he must be aware it’ll be split in half in case of separation.
He laughed and joked about how silly I was for “hinting” separation just because he was asking for something that he so richly deserves which is 50% of the profit. I said no and that he was delusional to ask cause even his soil alone doesn’t magically grow my flowers there’s a lot of work to it from picking, buying seeds, taking time, and effort to care for them.
Collecting, trimming, and selling them while all he does is sit back.
I said it didn’t matter to him when I started using “his soil” why now? He said it always matters when money is involved! We had an argument about it and he apologized BUT ONLY for approaching the subject rudely but still wants 50%.
He’s been silent about it since after stating that he already said what he needed to say and I needed to make the right decision. AITJ?
To clarify my husband and I both have our own salaries, we contribute equally towards expenses. It’s his idea since he had a divorce before.
He still has things that he owns alone which isn’t bad since money has never been an issue. It’s not like he needs anything for an emergency or something he just wants 50% of profit going forward.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ and I really hope you’re consulting a divorce lawyer.
Your husband just showed his true colors and the picture isn’t pretty at all. Leave his sorry behind to rot on “his” soil and plant a new garden somewhere else without an entitled burden.” minenangel
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. This guy has seriously been thinking it’s his house and you just, what, live there by his largesse?
You owe him half of everything you make from a venture he mocked, because the soil is really his? And now he’s keeping quiet waiting for you to do “the right thing”, meaning what he wants.
You have a poor partner there, OP.” brokeanail
Another User Comments:
“You were okay with taking 50% of the house he owned before marrying you, but aren’t okay with sharing the business you grew out of his house? He willingly added you onto the title of a home he owned before he ever met you. If he was selfish or greedy, why would he ever risk losing his home in the case of divorce?
Obviously he never asked you to sign a pre-nuptial.
Both of you clearly value finances and property more than the marriage itself.
Neither of you is the jerk, but it doesn’t sound like a great marriage when you’re both focused on what you can get from the other, over the actual relationship itself and the vows of a marriage.” Mean_Patience
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Adjust your attitude from thinking they are trying to control you to thinking they were so thrilled to have you near and wanted to make your life easier.
Thank them and set things up your way. Replace the furniture they got you as you decide what you want. There is no hurry and you can now take your time to make sure what you end up with is exactly what you want, no purchasing something because you need it now and it's cheaper than what you really want. You may decide that not everything the bought you has to go.