People Want Authentic Responses To Their "Am I The Jerk?" Stories
26. AITJ For Not Telling My Parents About My Living Situation?
“So, I (26m) recently was laid off and due to some poor decisions in the past, I was left homeless for about 3 months.
It actually wasn’t that bad since my friend let me keep my stuff in his garage, shower at his house, and basically live there with a really small rent.
It wasn’t comfortable living but it wasn’t a horror story. I’m just happy I overcame that so surprisingly quickly.
Now, here’s the issue. I didn’t tell anyone except my cousin and best friend.
I’ve always been the black sheep of my family and while it was fun playing into the ‘bad boy’ role as a teenager, at some point I guess their words and attitude started really hurting.
I didn’t realize until one time I just shrugged off my grandmother’s comments about being a ‘degenerate’ and walked to my room and just burst out crying. I’m far too antisocial to ever talk about my feelings with them so I generally avoid talking about my feelings/emotions with them.
It all sort of blew up when I chose my college career and it wasn’t a ‘real’ job so to force my hand, my grandparents took back my college fund.
Now, it was their money and so they always had the right to take it back.
But they paid for all their grandkids (6 including my brothers) and just refused me because they didn’t think my passion was a real thing. It hurt and my dad supported them which hurt worse. But I didn’t throw any tantrums and moved out at 19 and started working and taking loans.
I racked up a debt but I got into my dream university and graduated and got a job in my field pretty much immediately. I can’t lie, I’m incredibly smug about my success and the happiness I get from working in a field I love.
My relationship with my parents/grandparents has been tense as I generally keep them out of my life but I’m not no contact or anything. I still see them on holidays, visit for gatherings, and answer texts/calls. So I’m not sure why they think I ‘pulled away’ from them.
Now, when I became homeless, I didn’t contact them or ask for help or anything. They recently found out from my cousin and since then, my mom has called me crying saying I am still punishing her and my grandparents are angry that I would go out of my way to hurt them for their mistake.
My brother has called me a jerk because he is sure I did this to hurt them when ‘he always made it obvious that I was welcome’.
I just didn’t want to tell them. That’s really all there is to it. But, seeing their reactions, I think I hurt them?
I’m not sure yet.
So, AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“Sure, it sounds like you were a bit of a screwball in high school; but as a result, they forfeited their confidence in you and retracted their trust—evident in the way they spoke to you and for yanking your college fund, which, aside from the unfairness as compared to your siblings (did they have to send their chosen majors to Grandma for review and comment?) is deeply wrong to do to someone who’s already applied. THEY TAUGHT YOU THAT THEIR PRIDE AND SUPPORT ARE CONDITIONAL UPON YOUR SUCCESS.
Now that you’ve made it, their forcing you into thousands of dollars of debt is a ‘mistake’; if you hadn’t, I’ve no doubt they’d be sitting around today saying THANK GOD WE DIDN’T PAY FOR THAT! You hit a rough patch and didn’t expect their support.
Why would you? You learned that lesson ages ago.
‘I’m incredibly smug about my success and the happiness I get from working in a field I love.’ Good. NTJ” aemondstareye
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. You were a bit of a screw-up as a teenager, ok – but you’ve sorted yourself out since then, and it’s not fair of your family to keep acting like you’re still that screw-up, nor is it fair of them to act as though YOUR difficulty (being homeless for a few months) is THEIR problem, or as though your not telling them was done intentionally to hurt them.
You’re an adult, you are not required to share everything with them.
My best advice is to keep living your life as best you can; keep in touch with your family if you want to, but don’t allow them to put you down or manipulate you.
I would probably literally say something like ‘You know, I am no longer a teenage screw-up, and it is not fair if you keep acting as though I am. I am an adult, and I have the right to make my own choices and to keep some things private if I choose to do so.'” AnamCeili
25. AITJ For Refusing To Give My Mother A Ride?
“My mother Barb (70F) and I have a challenging relationship. I love her, but I struggle with her. She consumes a lot of far-right news, government conspiracies, etc. I’m pretty low contact with her and have gone through periods of no contact with her because of her gaslighting, and rewriting history.
My son (16M) and I (43F) were supposed to go and visit my aunt Cindy (55F) this weekend, about six hours away. She was diagnosed last month with stage 4 bone and lung cancer and it has devastated our family. My mom likes to visit Cindy as well.
However, Barb has a habit of relying on others for rides, which often results in prolonged stays at Cindy’s house.
Three weeks ago, during a drive with Barb, I asked her to share driving duties for an hour so I could rest. To my surprise, she refused, citing sudden fatigue and refusing to let my son drive.
This left me frustrated and exhausted as I had to drive the entire way without a break.
Now, Barb and I each separately planned on going up to visit Cindy and the boys. When Barb found out I was going up the same day she said ‘Oh that’s great!
Can I ride with you?’ I said ‘No, I think it’s best if you take your car as planned and I take my car. That way we will both have our cars and you can leave whenever you need to.’ She didn’t like that answer and pressed me for more.
I told her that she didn’t help with driving last time, and she wouldn’t let my son drive either. She should take her car as planned. She was very angry with me, asked why I hated her so much, and finally yelled that she was sorry that I had such a witch for a mother.
It was a weird conversation but I felt proud that I had been true to my boundaries.
That night Cindy called me. She sounded so weak and sick and told me that she was shocked that I said no to my mom. I apologized for her having any stress of this to deal with, and that I didn’t owe my mom a ride.
She was going to drive up on her own and she still can. Cindy said that because of the stress I had caused, I shouldn’t visit her. I was devastated. Being stage 4, she doesn’t have long, and this trip was planned back before we even knew about the cancer.
Barb said I was acting hateful and that I should post this on the internet so I would know just how horrible I was being. I said she should stop involving Cindy in our arguments, and she should stop being a freeloader.
Aunt Cindy called me later SCREAMING at me.
That I am horrible, what kind of person wouldn’t give a ride to their own mother, that I am selfish, manipulative, and mean, and that my deceased grandmother would be so disappointed in me.
I am crushed. I feel like I am allowed to not have to drive someone that I don’t want to, especially if that person has previously been a terrible passenger, they are perfectly able to drive themselves, and their car is working fine.
So let me have it. Am I the worst daughter ever? Or was it ok to say no?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. As you said, she could’ve driven herself or agreed to any other arrangement that made the drive more doable. ‘Selfish, manipulative, and mean’ definitely applies to someone in this story, but not you.
It’s not hard to see that your mom told Cindy a twisted version of events, getting her needlessly upset, and causing harm to her and you. If anything, this confirms your decision to go low contact or no contact with your mom.
So, Barb, if you’re reading this: this is all on you.
You hurt your daughter and your sister because you refused to take the wheel, instead turning a minor disagreement into something hateful and painful, causing stress and upset to someone dying of cancer for no other reason than to paint yourself as a victim. You’re a jerk.” BetweenWeebandOtaku
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Your mum is hateful for dragging this trashy argument into her dying sister’s bedroom. But… Cindy now has laid down the line. She doesn’t want to deal with this crap in her dying days. She is being forced to choose between her sister and her niece… and has made the obvious choice.
You can thank your mother (after Cindy has passed, so she doesn’t hear about it) for forcing Cindy to choose. Send Cindy a much-loved card, and a photo of you and your son. Tell her you are sorry that there’s so much tension, and that you hope her final days will be peaceful.
Offer to come on a different weekend (and don’t tell your mum a word about it). Go low contact with your mum about EVERYTHING for now, she is obviously just going to go and tell Cindy everything and brew a storm up.” Particular-Try5584
24. AITJ For Not Letting My Son Sit At The Kids' Table?
“My sister hosted Easter at her house this year, and my 13-year-old son and I (M) attended. She lives beside a lake and has a nice sitting area on the dock.
Everything was going great until it was time to eat.
My sister had set up a kid’s table so they didn’t leave trash around, and any messes would be easier to clean. My son didn’t want to sit with them, which was understandable as the oldest kid beside him was 8.
There was no table for the adults, so everyone sat wherever.
I sat at the dock with my son and a few others. My sister joined us and almost immediately told him he needed to sit with the kids. I told her it was fine; he was older than them and would be miserable.
Then, my mom chimed in and backed her up, telling me it was adult time. I decided not to argue, and we found a different place to sit. My sister walked by after we finished eating and got frustrated; she just said, ‘Really,’ then stormed off.
She was angry the rest of the day; I even heard her complain to her husband that my son was a brat.
Later that night, I got a long text from my mom saying I had disrespected my sister, was a bad guest, and needed to apologize.
I would get it if he were younger or if there were other kids his age, but there weren’t. All of the kids were super loud, and I could tell he was already getting annoyed with them as they kept shooting him with Nerf guns.
Would it have been easier if I made him sit at the kid’s table for a few minutes, though? This whole thing could’ve been avoided, but my son would’ve been miserable. AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Like your son is still a child but not a kiddie table child.
13 is the age where they start becoming tiny adults. This is a great time to give them autonomy and let them choose what they want to eat, where they want to sit, and just inform them of certain consequences if they make a mess. ‘You’ll have to clean this up if anything spills’.
It’s not that hard. Your sister and mother sound controlling and resentful.” TheBearyPotter
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. If your son wasn’t causing any problems by hanging with the adults, I genuinely don’t understand your sister’s upset. It sounds like a control thing; she made this arbitrary rule and she is angry you didn’t help her enforce it.
My oldest is 13 and hates noise. If I take him to parties, he generally hangs with me and talks to the adults for an hour or so, then withdraws to a quiet corner with a book. My friends & relatives always enjoy talking to him as this is an age where teens often ignore adults.
Your mother & sister are being irrational. They manufactured a problem and now they expect you to apologise? Pfft. No thanks.” Ok-Map-6599
23. AITJ For Not Wanting To Move Back Into My Mother's House?
“My (18F) mother (44F) started asking me to pay rent because I turned 18.
I would say that we live an upper middle class life and they definitely do not need the money.
Additionally, I am the ONLY person who is being asked to pay rent. My 21-year-old brother still lives here rent-free, and my stepbrother also lived here rent-free when he was still here, it’s only me. I don’t have the best relationship with my mother or her husband Kyle (44M) so I’m not surprised.
I told my mom that I would rather have my own place with some independence and I moved out. I told her there were no hard feelings because she had the right to charge whatever she wanted in her home, but I had the right to move out.
She thought I was bluffing, she ended up very shocked when she came home on the day I said I was leaving to see my room empty. It was about 3 weeks after she asked me to pay rent.
In my culture, girls do not move out of their family homes until they are married. I scoured the internet and spoke to friends and could find NO ONE that was looking for a roommate.
Landlords are also reluctant to rent to young people without their parents’ support because if the young person can’t pay, the parents would usually cover them which wouldn’t happen in my case.
In the end, I moved in with a man called Michael (39M) as a live-in housekeeper/roommate situation.
It was a decent salary with discounted rent and the work was basic tidying up/laundry and occasional cooking. I found the listing online and met him to make sure it was safe.
I’ve lived there for about a month now and my mother is very unhappy.
She is saying that members of our community have found out I’m living with a ‘random man’ and I’m bringing shame to the family. She is demanding I move back and she promises she won’t charge me rent. She also promises to treat me like an adult.
I refused her offer. I’ve never experienced a home without yelling and bullying and it’s been the best thing ever. My mental health has improved and I’ve even befriended my employer which is funny because we are very different people. My brother called me a jerk for refusing to come back and he said that I was embarrassing my mother.
AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Rip the band-aid off and be honest. A bit of light housework plus rent in a house where you aren’t yelled at is absolutely worth bringing shame to yourself and your family. If you look at it a certain way the shame is earned by them making your home such a horrible place to live that a random stranger with poor housekeeping skills is so much better.” ContributionOrnery29
Another User Comments:
“NTJ for doing what’s best for yourself. I would suggest trying to maintain some kind of backup plan though in case your employer no longer needs you in the future or in case that situation feels unsafe down the road. I also hope that now that you’re safe, you’ll figure out a plan for how to build a career for yourself.
You don’t want to be reliant on finding domestic work jobs for the rest of your life and you seem like a smart and capable young lady. Best of luck to you!” asecretnarwhal
22. AITJ For Threatening To Cut My Son Out Of My Will If He Keeps Our Grandkids Away From Us?
“My son and his wife’s home needed repairs. Before living together we had a good relationship, the problem came when his wife wouldn’t follow the home rules.
They are pretty simple like clean up after yourself, don’t be loud at night and the big one was no drinking in the home. No liquor in the home. We made this really clear and my son knows his mother has trauma related to drinking.
We informed DIL in general terms also.
The first few months seemed fine but it turned for the worse when the weather got cold. We couldn’t prove it at the time but we were sure they were drinking. It came to a head when cleaning my wife found wine in the attic.
She was angry and poured it out. Apparently, it was a 300-dollar bottle and it caused a huge fight between her and DIL.
We let them stay until the renovations were done and they were out two weeks ago. Their relationship has been tense and I figured we just need time apart.
My son met up with me and told us we couldn’t see our grandkids anymore. That the incident made him rethink our relationship.
I told him that was nonsense, that he knew the one big rule in the home, caused stress to his mother (my wife).
He told me it was final and I told him if he goes through with this he will be out of the will.
This started another argument and he is mad at me.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. DIL is a jerk for bringing liquor into your home when it was forbidden.
IF DIL couldn’t abide by that rule for a few months, she has a drinking problem, which makes it unlikely she’s spending $300 on a bottle of wine. I would frankly be amazed if she had a $300 bottle of wine in your home (despite her claim) because people who appreciate fine wine aren’t going to hide it in the attic.
There’s a reason people have wine cellars and not ‘wine attics.'” 1962Michael
Another User Comments:
“Everyone sucks here. They should have abided by your rule, though I wonder how your wife functions in society if she’s so traumatized that someone having a glass of wine in their room is triggering.
Your wife should not have poured out their wine as it was not hers. He shouldn’t withhold the kids over something this stupid. You shouldn’t write him out of the will over something so stupid. Honestly, you’re probably all better off just going your separate ways.” Mindless_Whereas_280
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. They were guests in your home with very clear rules that they couldn’t manage to follow. Their refusing to let you see your grandkids because they can’t act like respectful adults is selfish and wrong. You were right to keep them out of your will.
They messed around and found out. They don’t get to be so disrespectful to you in your own home, not allow you to see your grandkids as punishment then expect to be in your will. The audacity of some people amazes me!” [deleted]
21. AITJ For Telling My Sister-In-Law She's Weird For Her Comment?
“So I (27f) am pregnant with my last child.
I and my husband already have one daughter and we both feel that two is enough for us. My SIL and my brother (both 30) have four kids. They have one daughter and three sons.
I just found out that I am going to have another girl and we just announced it over dinner.
Everyone congratulated us but after dinner, my SIL took me to the side and told me that it was completely fine to feel devastated by the bad news. I asked what she meant and she told me that even though she loves her daughter, no love compares to the love she feels for her sons.
I told her that I was in no way dissatisfied with the news and I was glad with whatever gender, as long as they were healthy. She told me it was ok to be in denial and that if I ever felt it was too hard on me, I could always talk to her.
I walked away but not before I said ‘You are extremely weird, you know that?’
My husband and I left right after and later that night my brother texted me telling me off and that his wife was just showing compassion and trying to be understanding and that just because I am sad about it doesn’t mean that she deserves my treatment of her.
I feel like I may have been a bit harsh on her because my brother rarely gets upset with people but he is very upset with me now.”
Another User Comments:
“You know, before I finished reading I was thinking I’d most likely comment against your favor because usually calling someone extremely weird isn’t the nicest thing to do.
But in this case, I find myself in total agreement with you. NTJ.
SIL’s comments were weird and also really sad. I wonder if it has something to do with her family and how she was raised, but it sounds like a lot of internalized misogyny.
I also would consider discussing it with your brother: NOT IN A WAY WHERE HE CONFRONTS SIL but maybe to check on his daughter because SIL’s comment would make me worry that her daughter is receiving different treatment. Please do consider checking with your brother to make sure that the kids are not being inundated with this kind of thinking.” TylerLockwoodTopMe
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. But I probably wouldn’t have been as polite in vocalizing how weird her statement was. She wasn’t showing compassion. She was upset that you didn’t agree with her whole sentiment of being a ‘boy mom’ like it’s the only thing worth being a parent for.
I feel for your niece, but I also worry that your nephews are going to have some major issues in later life with her. If your brother keeps on, I would definitely ask him if he knows why you called her weird. Cause as much as gender disappointment is a thing (and weird) you don’t feel that way, you’re not in denial, and you have nothing to feel sad OR bad about.
If they feel some kind of way about having a daughter, then they both need to look at themselves rather than trying to force and push their way of thinking on you.” Adorable-Reaction887
20. AITJ For Telling My Significant Other He Should Legally Adopt His Brother's Baby?
“My (f 20) significant other’s (m 22) twin brother got a girl (she was a friend with benefits) pregnant and she waited 3 months to tell him.
Neither of them wants a baby right now but doesn’t want to lose a relationship with the child so they asked my SO to take the baby in when it’s born.
My SO is financially stable enough to take in a kid and he wants what’s best for his twin brother.
He also feels a deeper connection to the child as it technically shares his DNA so he was ready to say yes but when he talked to me about it I said he should have his twin and the mother sign their rights away because I’ve seen so many stories of ‘parents’ demanding their kids back.
I don’t think it’s healthy to have an arrangement where the child would go back to its bio parents after they’re ready for a kid.
He brought it up with his brother who flipped his lid and now I’ve gotten texts from my SO’s family asking me why I would put that idea in my SO’s head that his brother ‘is trying to harm the baby’.
Was I wrong for telling my SO that?
I should also clarify that my SO’s choice to take in his brother’s child does not affect my life and I am not expected to step into a mother-like role seeing as we do not live together and our relationship is not in a very certain place yet because we are both just starting our lives individually.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. You provided a reasonable suggestion based on the potential complications that could arise from the situation. You’re concerned about the possible confusion and emotional turmoil the child might face if there’s an uncertain arrangement between the biological parents and your SO.
Your SO’s twin and the mother need to understand that raising a child is a huge and important responsibility and that there should be a clear and stable plan in place. By signing over their parental rights, they would be giving your SO the legal authority to make decisions in the child’s best interests without future interference.
It won’t hurt to talk about and consider the potential consequences of not having a legally binding agreement in place.” EvelynWhirlwind
Another User Comments:
“This should be a formal adoption so your SO can make 100% of decisions without having to listen to input/complaints from the birth parents or anybody else.
If the birth parents are not willing to allow the legal adoption then your SO should say no. Otherwise, he must follow their every whim while doing all the work, spending all the money, sacrificing all the time, and connecting as a father only to have the threat of them taking the child back every time he doesn’t comply with their orders.
It looks like the entire family chimed in so the entire family can step up if they’re so invested. Good for you for advocating for the child and your SO. You’re in a good position to think more pragmatically and I feel this would be the best for the child as well as the intended parent.
NTJ.” shikakaaaaaaa
19. AITJ For Warning My Friend About My Coworker?
“I (28m) work with this woman Lydia (24f) who has a very annoying habit. She has an online profile that she uses specifically to lure guys to buy her expensive dinners at restaurants she wants to try and then ghosts them. Lydia brags about this all the time and is never interested in actually being with someone, but she’ll act like it to sell it.
I can’t stand this because it’s playing with people’s hearts, but Lydia thinks of it as a life hack to try food or drinks she otherwise couldn’t afford.
My friend Daniel (32m) is also on apps but for the right reasons.
His late wife died a few years ago, and he’s just started jumping back into seeing other women. Daniel’s a very sweet guy, and I really want him to find a great lady for him.
A few days ago, he texted me asking if I knew Lydia.
They matched and got to talking about work, which is how he found out we worked at the same place. I told him all about Lydia’s nonsense with the restaurant thing and made it very clear to him that he should do his best to drop things off with her early on.
Daniel said he’d probably go out with her but ask for separate checks.
Well, they went out this past weekend and on Monday Lydia came into work very upset. I asked her how it went with Daniel, and she ripped into me asking if I was the one who told him not to pay for her dinner.
Apparently, she had Daniel take her to a high-end steakhouse and she ended up splurging. She got a drink, a full entree with a side and dessert and Daniel just ordered a sandwich and salad. Her bill alone came to $70 something, and she was almost in tears at work as she didn’t expect to pay for it and now her car was low on gas.
I got a little upset too as she tried to use my friend as a literal meal ticket, but somehow she didn’t see it that way. Daniel told me later the date was going kind of well until he asked for separate checks, and then Lydia just got weirdly cold.
So now Lydia’s mad at me because I told someone about her little tactic and it backfired on her. I don’t feel like I did anything wrong since it was a grieving friend I was protecting but some other people we work with said I should have stayed out of it because it was none of my business.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. She’s playing with fire and fortunately, her scam was thwarted by someone who had an inkling that she was up to no good ahead of time. She will eventually get entangled with someone who absolutely won’t let the issue go of paying for an expensive night out with no intention of building on that (or reciprocating in other ways to justify the price tag wink, wink, nudge, nudge).
And then she will quickly realize that conning men out of fancy dinners is not worth the repercussions.” roxywalker
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. You didn’t trick anyone. Lydia took advantage of countless men out of time and money to fund her extravagant meals she wouldn’t otherwise be able to afford.
That’s a really crappy thing for her to do. These aren’t ATMs, these are human beings with hopes and feelings she’s taking advantage of. You did right by your friend and THAT is what matters. Not your kinda slimy coworker.” Panaccolade
18. AITJ For Giving My Niece A "Talk" After She Said I Was A Karen?
“The only teacher that my (44F) daughter ‘Sarah’ (17F) has ever had issues with is ‘Miss Jane.’ From what I’ve heard of Miss Jane, she gives special treatment to the more popular kids because she views herself as a popular kid and wants their approval.
Miss Jane turns a blind eye to a lot of bad behavior from the more popular kids in her class. One of these more popular girls, ‘Amber,’ has been bullying Sarah for weeks. Miss Jane witnessed most of the bullying directly yet said and did nothing about it.
I had to escalate it to administration for anything to be done about Amber, at which point she was finally given detention and had her seat moved away from Sarah’s in the classes they shared.
After this incident, Sarah said that Miss Jane seemed to take it personally on Amber’s behalf and began grading her assignments unfairly compared to the other students.
The last straw was the recent project where she gave a presentation that accounted for a good portion of her grade. It was clear that Miss Jane graded based on her personal dislike of Sarah. Just one example was that she marked Sarah for standing in one place during the presentation and not moving more.
This was not in the rubric and Sarah confirmed with her classmates that Miss Jane had marked nobody else off for that.
I again had to escalate this to the administration for anything to be done about it. It took fighting with them for Sarah’s grade to finally be raised to the one she deserved. I also put in a request with the administration to transfer Sarah to another teacher’s class.
I told my sister ‘May’ (40F) about this because naturally, we talk about everything.
Unfortunately, my niece ‘Chloe’ (19F) decided to purposely misconstrue what happened in order to create drama at a recent family event. And it’s far from the first time she’s done something like this.
I overheard her telling my (rather uncomfortable) dad about how I was a ‘Typical Karen’ throwing a tantrum to get her kid’s way. She was saying rude things about Sarah too, accusing her of only passing because I whine to the school, which is not even remotely true.
Sarah is on the honor roll because she is highly intelligent and works hard.
I pulled Chloe outside for a word, and I did dress her down for the things she’d been saying both that day and at family functions before then. I told her that I don’t know if she’s bored or insecure about herself and that’s why she needs to make up drama all the time, but I am done with it.
I’ve bitten my tongue before but I’d wanted to say that to Chloe for a while now.
Chloe apologized and was silent for the rest of the event. May later called me to say I was wrong for how I handled Chloe. May agreed I was okay with being frustrated, but our relatives all know Chloe tends to dramatize things because it’s just what people her age do.
And there was no need to embarrass her like I did. AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. You are a concerned parent. Bad teachers are out there, and yes, they play favorites. I know. I had a couple of them. You actually took your niece aside instead of dressing her down in front of all the people that she had been running her mouth to about you and your daughter.
In no way are you inappropriate as she is 19 and an adult. Slander/defamation is a thing, and these ‘young adults’ think it’s okay, and there will be no repercussions for their actions and words. She feels entitled to slander/defame you to all your family, and Mommy is backing her up and allowing her to be what she accused you of being.
Because we all know that those types are just big bullies.” mphflame
Another User Comments:
“As someone who had teachers like that growing up but also had a mom like you, NTJ. Your daughter is going to look back later on in life and feel so grateful that she had you in her corner.
Your niece, on the other hand, well, you put it best when you said she makes up drama because she’s bored and insecure. Better you calling her out now and nipping it in the bud than her growing up to become even worse because her behavior remained unchecked. Since her mother refused to give her a reality check and it was negatively affecting your daughter’s reputation within the family, it was your job and you did it perfectly.” User
17. WIBTJ If I Accept My Brother Back Into The Family?
“My (58f) brother (64m) married a narcissistic woman. He was what they call the ‘enabling parent’. His wife scapegoated their oldest daughter and he went along with it to keep the peace, and bought into his ex-wife’s nonsense that it was the child’s fault, and they both horribly emotionally mistreated her her entire life.
I, my other sisters, and my parents all knew she was bad news before they got married but he’d heard none of it and was enmeshed with this woman. She isolated him and the kids from all of us so we didn’t get to have a relationship with them growing up.
Their eldest daughter went no contact with them when she reached her 30s, my brother tried to ‘strong arm’ (basically bully) her back into the family fold because his now ex-wife was giving him a hard time and he just wanted her off his back.
The eldest daughter (scapegoat) left the family, and they finally turned on the golden child, she ‘woke up’ and left too. That was when my brother finally ‘saw the light’ and divorced this woman.
My niece (the scapegoat) found me and my sisters (her other aunts) and our kids/her cousins on social media and developed a relationship with us.
She’s been in therapy and has come a long way but that poor girl is so traumatized she qualifies for a service dog.
Since my brother has finally ‘woken up’ and realized we aren’t the villains his ex made us out to be, he wants to recover the family he’s lost. His daughter wants nothing to do with him ever again and I don’t blame her.
I told him I understood he was a victim of narcissistic abuse but that he had a responsibility to protect his child and he failed miserably, he threw his child under the bus to keep a woman in his bed and told him I was disgusted with him for that, and horrified how he mistreated his daughter for years despite being ‘brainwashed.’
I told him we would be willing to reconnect with some ground rules:
A) his daughter wants nothing to do with him, do not ask us to encourage reconciliation on his behalf because we will not, these are the consequences of his actions
B) she gets first choice of family events, he can only come if she’s not there.
I thought this was a reasonable compromise, but my niece is so upset she’s saying if we have anything at all to do with him she will go no contact with all of us, these rules ‘aren’t good enough.’ I hate what he did to her, but he too was a victim and he’s my brother and I don’t want to have to choose.
I think I made very reasonable compromises, but she’s giving me an ultimatum.”
Another User Comments:
“She’s so traumatized that she qualifies for a service dog. She reached out to family that her abusive father had no contact with, to have a safe haven.
From your perspective, this seems like a reasonable compromise. From her perspective, this is her abuser weaseling his way back into repeating the same behaviors and taking away her safe haven after all of her work to escape. Has your brother done the work, and the therapy, and offered any sincere apologies and efforts to make amends?
I have a feeling that he has given you the poor woe is me, a little lip service, and you want to do exactly what he did, which is go along to get along and it will all be fine. Choose wisely but still, YWBTJ.” ResoluteMuse
Another User Comments:
“A loving parent cannot be coerced into mistreating their child. He CHOSE to mistreat her. And he made that choice to mistreat her every day for years and years and years. The way he treated his child was EVIL. (And I don’t use that word lightly.) You are inviting an evil man back into your life because you do not yet understand/believe/accept that he is evil.
Because he’s played the victim card so effectively that you believe it. His ‘waking up’ is just another word for feeling sorry for himself. Your niece, however, sees through him.
YWBTJ if you fall for his self-pity. He does not deserve a second chance, however limited. You would be spitting in your niece’s face.
She will never feel she can trust you again. She will feel she has lost the only loving family she has. And you will lose her forever. If she came here, I would advise her to cut you out of her life, because if you do this, it would be effectively DISMISSING all she suffered.” notforcommentinohgoo
16. AITJ For Letting My Nephew Play Xbox At My House?
“My (29f) sister and nephew (14) have had some trouble in their relationship since he hit puberty. Nothing major, just the occasional arguments between them, which I believe to be a part of him growing up. My sister is an amazing mom, but since he is the oldest, she can be strict with rules with him.
A few times a week he comes to our (my and my partner’s) house after school. I work from home, so there is always someone there to open the door. He usually comes in around three and I finish work at around four. He feels very at home at our house, gets his drinks and snacks, and plays on the Xbox in the living room for about an hour.
When I finish work we drink tea together and chat a bit. Sometimes he does homework and I help where I can. He occasionally tells me about the fights with his mom. I always empathize with him, but I never talk trash about my sister.
I just want him to feel he can open up to me and encourage him to do the same to his mom. My sister knows he’s been coming to our house and is fine with it.
Just the other day she found out he’s been playing on the Xbox when he’s at our house.
She became mad at me for letting him play, while I knew he was addicted (I didn’t). I tried to tell my side of the story: that I don’t see him having difficulty stopping playing and he told me he never plays late at night.
He sometimes on the weekend plays till 1:00 am, which I don’t think is that bad for a teenager, but he assures me he likes his sleep better. He does well in school and is active in various sports. My sister was adamant about him not playing at my house and since it’s her son, I want to abide by her rules, but I do think she’s overreacting a little.
The last time my nephew was here, I was swamped with work and he was bored and asked me if he could play. As I was not about to finish early, I told him he could play for a while. I don’t really see the harm in it, but I was going directly against my sister’s rules.
Since I don’t have children myself, I don’t know if this is very wrong. AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, you didn’t know. Going forward, you need to find some kind of agreement. It’s a different home, your sister doesn’t get to dictate your rules, though, of course, it’s her son so she kind of does – that’s what godfather and godmother do around here, they get to bypass rules that apply at home but only in cooperation with the parents.
Until such time you shouldn’t let him play. Most of all you’d need to find out what her definition of ‘addicted’ is, and if there’s a way to prove the opposite, from your description, it could be daily play regardless of how long.” NeverThere128
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. You didn’t know. But for now, I would respect her wish that he not play at your place. Parents have different rules around when is OK (weekdays, weekends, school year, vacations, etc.) and it can really undermine things if he is being told it is OK to break those rules sometimes.
Maybe have a conversation with her to figure out what the rules ought to be (and let her know the extent to which it is helpful for your connection with your nephew). It’s not clear why she thinks he has an addiction. I wouldn’t dismiss this out of hand but also would talk to your sister about this.” rezardvareth3
15. AITJ For Wanting My Husband To Arrange Childcare Himself?
“I (40F) have been married to my husband (47M) for 10 years.
We have 2 kids together (6 and 9) and I have a son (19) from a prior relationship. He has autism. I teach, coach two sports, am in school myself, and run the household. I plan the meals, grocery shop, cook, clean, maintain the budget, etc. Every week I communicate with two babysitters, two teachers, and him about where the kids are going, who’s picking them up, if they are on the bus, who is getting them from the sitter, etc. Husband works rotating shifts, some 12-hour shifts here and there, and has a 45-minute commute.
He has days off when the kids are in school. He has 2 weeks on the 1st, a week on the 2nd shift, and a week on the 3rd shift.
Recently he told our therapist that his life is incomplete because he does not get time to do what he wants – work out, hang out with friends, hang out by himself, etc. I encourage him to do things on his days off when the kids are at school or on his 2nd shift weeks.
Keep in mind any days I have off are also days I have with the kids and I’m busy cleaning, shopping, and running them to various activities. When I do ask for his help with activities he is annoyed and acts super inconvenienced.
For example, he hasn’t taken our youngest to basketball in a month, and took him today.
5 minutes into the activity I got a call, ‘When does this even start?’ I work all day and come home to be a mom, wife, and student myself. Would I like to have time to do things for myself or with other adults? Yes.
But I need to arrange childcare in order for that to happen. He brought up that there are times when he wants to do something but then he can’t because he has to get the kids from school, again only on his off days. I told him if he wants to do something on those days he needs to arrange childcare and communicate with all involved what is happening before he decides to do it.
He thinks I am obligated to do it because when I want time I arrange the schedule to do that.
The last time I did something was in August 2023. I would move heaven and earth for my family. I have planned trips for him to connect with family, and I plan outings that cater to his and the kids’ interests.
I put myself last in a lot of aspects. I am standing firm on this. So am I the jerk for expecting him to arrange childcare so he can go live his best life and feel more complete?”
Another User Comments:
“Honestly I am hoping you have told your therapist you do all the emotional labor.
I would:
A. suggest you get him to move out (temporarily). I bet your life would be easier. I also bet he wouldn’t even attempt to see the kids – he is checked out of your relationship.
B. let your husband attempt to do all the chores and invisible labor for a week to see what you do (yes, you will need to tell him everything) and there will be balls dropped and he will need to deal with those consequences.
I hope with the therapist y’all are seeing you also contact a lawyer because I couldn’t live with a partner who throws a pity party because he can’t get wasted with his friends every time he gets off work. NTJ.” Shiel009
Another User Comments:
“He’s a selfish child who is running you into the ground until you are a worn-out hag so he can blame you for trading you in for a newer model. Don’t choose this for yourself. You will receive from the people you do these things for as much credit and gratitude later as you are receiving now.
And when he does finally trade you in, nobody will care that you sacrificed your life, your time, your body – ‘We never asked you to; you did that on your own.’
You’re too buried in tasks to see how dire your circumstances are.
This is your cue to stop everything and design the rest of YOUR life the way you want it. Your husband is designing his life, kids are designing theirs. NTJ.” shikakaaaaaaa
14. AITJ For Telling My Mom To Remove Our Address From Religious Mailers?
“Many moons ago, when I (33F) was a young warthog, I realized my parents’ religion wasn’t all it was cracked up to be. After graduating college and leaving the church, I always seemed to get religious mailers with my name on them.
I guessed it was my university or home church keeping up with me, or maybe updating their systems when they got returned mail with my new address.
Anyway, I bought a house last Fall and eloped shortly thereafter. I told my immediate family I’d bought a house, and sent my mom and siblings my address.
I didn’t give our address to anyone else.
My wife (34F) and I started getting religious mail with our first names but only my last name. For reference, my wife does not have my last name, so seeing her first name with my last name was suspicious.
My wife throws out there that the only person who fits all the details, right and wrong, and motive is my mom. She made a solid case, so I texted my mom, ‘Hey, we’ve been getting religious mailers addressed to my wife and me. You wouldn’t happen to know anything about that, would you?’
Not an hour later, ‘Your grandparents wanted it sent to you.’ Grandma died 5 years ago and grandpa died 2 years ago. Grandpa knew of my partner at the time, but they never met before he passed. I followed up with, ‘Well, they’re not around to update these places on my address or marital status.
Is it fair to assume you’re doing this on their behalf?’ She admitted it, but then justified it by saying she also was sponsoring a kid in Africa on their behalf, too.
After talking with my wife, we didn’t care about the mailer content per se, just that my wife and I’s address was being given out to a religious institution we wanted no part in, without our awareness or consent, and that the goodwill memory of my grandparents was being used for manipulation to cross my wife and I’s boundaries.
I waited a few days and then texted back in a long text that my wife and I weren’t ok with how our address was being used and to not misuse it further, to not use the memory of my grandparents like that, and she wouldn’t like it if we signed her up for agnostic or Buddhist mailers.
Rather than give an apology of any kind, she called the confrontation ‘Dumb,’ justified her actions as ok because she believes in Christianity, and threatened to go no contact. We haven’t heard from her since.
Maybe I should’ve said nothing… AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Funny how she’s claiming she’s doing it because she’s Christian but a true Christian shouldn’t be doing anything that makes anyone uncomfortable. It’s okay to share information if asked but to force things seems to fall closer to Satan than Jesus. No wonder you left her church!” Clean-Fisherman-4601
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Try to get an order of protection and tell police that religious material is traumatizing to you both (that might help them understand) and that your address being given out is a violation. Send every publication a cease and desist letter insisting they permanently delete your address and never take a new request under your names.
And send your parents Church of Satan materials.” nosuchbrie
Any such organisation that keeps sending you such rubbish afterwards should be sent, perhaps, flyers from strip clubs on a regular basis.
13. AITJ For Making My Nephews Go To Therapy?
“So my parents (60s) have custody of my two nephews (7 and 8). My sister, the mother of my nephews, died last year. Her ex wanted nothing to do with the boys and did not want custody of them after my sister’s death. So my parents took them in.
My sister and her husband of four years lost their lives in the same accident. They each brought children into the marriage. My sister had my nephews and her husband has a son of his own who is 12. After the death of my sister and her husband, my parents wanted to take all three boys and raise them together as brothers, like my sister and her husband wanted. But the other boy wanted to go with his biological family and last I heard he was living with his maternal grandparents (his mom sadly passed away when he was a baby).
There has been zero contact between my nephews and their stepbrother since.
My nephews miss their stepbrother like crazy. But he never felt for them what they felt for him. That was always clear. He didn’t bond with anyone in our family even though my sister would say he was her son and my parents would say he was their grandson.
I wasn’t around as much back then because I was in college so I hardly knew the kid except for the last few months before the accident and even then I could see he hadn’t blended like my nephews had. It’s because of this the grandparents who have him have not facilitated any contact between them.
My parents told me this in outrage. They claim he belongs with his family. They do not want to hear that he is with his family. It sucks for my nephews but it’s the reality. My parents have not helped my nephews process it at all and they are allowing them to hold onto hope and belief that one day they will all be brothers again.
I don’t think that will ever happen but even if it does, that’s a long way away yet. My parents want them to hold onto the memory of a brother they never really had as a way of being more peaceful about losing their parents.
They refused my suggestion that therapy could help the boys.
I had the boys for 7 weeks this year because my parents both ended up needing surgeries. While they were with me I got them in to see a therapist who specializes in grief and trauma.
It basically drained me financially but I wanted them to get the help they needed and I knew I would never get my parents to agree. They weren’t happy with me when the boys went back to them and they told me I had no right to get the boys therapy without their permission because they are the legal guardians.
AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“You’re a good person trying to help these children under devastating circumstances, but I’m going with everyone sucks here. Your parents are no doubt jerks here for deluding the children into believing the relationship with their stepbrother is more real than it is.
Refusing therapy for them is also a jerk move. However, I think you inadvertently put the children through emotional whiplash. Getting them support in the form of a therapist knowing that your parents would likely take that away was a very short-sighted decision.
I know you were trying to help, but in less than two months the children went from 1) living with their grandparents telling them they’ll see their (step)brother again, to 2) living with you and being told their feelings are valid and getting them the support that wouldn’t last, to 3) back to the original situation.” AgnarCrackenhammer
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Children are not chattel property. Legal guardianship doesn’t mean that they own them. The kids were in pain and you, the adult in charge, helped them treat their pain while they were in your care. A guardian should not be able to tell you to ignore a child in pain and let them suffer.
You did what you could while you had them and it probably helped a lot. Kids who lost their parents absolutely need professional help to process everything and I hope they got some tools while someone decent cared for them. ” Rtarara
Another User Comments:
“Everyone sucks here.
But softly on your part. They absolutely are ignoring possible trauma and not giving the boys the option to deal with their grief with some professional counseling. You had the best of intentions, but did you ask the boys if they were even interested, or did you just throw them into that situation?
If they didn’t express a desire to go seek therapy and you put them in that place, they are probably very confused/upset about the quick changes and emotional whiplash, as someone else so perfectly put it, and it may have made matters worse. Not only that, but you now put a divide between you and the guardians and they may not be likely to leave them in your care again, which would further upset the boys depending on your relationship with them.
This would mean you too did not give them the option to decide themselves. ” Busy-Metal9218
12. AITJ For Talking Back At My Father-In-Law For Saying We Need To Have A Baby Boy?
“I (F 30) and my husband (31 M) have two daughters (7 and almost 1).
Due to complications in my pregnancies and a traumatic pregnancy loss, we decided our family was complete and we would not be having any more kids.
Recently I had a full hysterectomy and my FIL and his wife babysat for us while I was in surgery.
After my surgery everything was fine, my family and my husband’s mother’s family openly supported our choice. We noticed his father and stepmom along with others never really said anything about us no longer having kids.
However, now that time has passed my FIL and his family have begun ‘joking’ that we need a little boy.
We have been nice about it and blown them off but last weekend was my breaking point.
My FIL invited us over for a large family dinner and as soon as we walked in right in front of my oldest daughter he started in about how girls are fine but boys are better, we need a little boy running around, it’s selfish to not give my husband a male heir to carry the family name, etc. Basically, it was a whole speech those were just the highlights.
Well, my daughter was very clearly upset and began to cry. My husband and youngest were not within earshot of this conversation as they were stopped by his grandma as they walked in. So, I took it upon myself to say something and looked at my FIL and firmly said, ‘Well I am sorry that your granddaughters are not good enough for you, and since that’s the case you don’t need to be involved with them.’
Everyone in the room began yelling at me as I picked my oldest up, carried her out, and told my husband to grab the baby and let’s go. I explained on the way home what was said and my husband agreed with me and defended me.
His dad’s family, however, is calling us non-stop demanding I apologize since it was all just jokes and we know how much they love the girls.
This is not a new thing with the family and everyone has made comments in the past. We have repeatedly laughed and brushed them off and asked people individually to stop making such comments especially after our daughter told us they hurt her feelings.
And everyone ignored us.
So, AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“Absolutely NTJ. Good for you and your husband for taking a stand and walking out. This is beyond hurting your daughter’s feelings. Yes, that in itself deserves an apology. But it’s a much bigger issue. It’s the patriarchal misogyny that boys are better than girls (I mean, if anything, history has shown that is not the case.
Look at the world.) It’s appalling that he would say it IN FRONT of a child. It’s appalling that anyone would have the audacity to suggest the size or anything about your family.
To your in-laws and any other family members, I would limit gatherings until they all apologize and acknowledge why they should.
No ‘I’m sorry your feelings got hurt’ apologies. Until they are ready to own up to their trash beliefs, I wouldn’t let them anywhere near my daughters. It’s bad enough they get trashy messages from society, they shouldn’t get them from family as well.” veroaf
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Kudos to you for showing your daughter you’ll back her up – she’ll remember this for a long time. Kudos also to your husband for having your backs – yours and your daughters. FIL and people like that try to hide their nastiness when called out on it as ‘just a joke’.
No, it isn’t. A joke is when everyone is laughing. When it makes someone cry it stops being a joke and is revealed as bullying. The fact that they’ve persisted in this behavior after previously being asked to stop only makes it worse. Two very enthusiastic thumbs up for your parenting, and yours and your husband’s shiny shiny spines.” AcuteDeath2023
11. AITJ For Deducting My Ex-Husband's Debt From The Money He Accidentally Sent To Me?
“A few days ago my ex-husband mistakenly transferred two payments of 8700 and 9275. He did this at around 7:40 am and I didn’t notice because I had just worked a double/night shift and was getting ready for bed. So my phone was charging on the nightstand.
At the same time, my 4 children were with my parents so I planned to sleep away half the day. I guess he realized his mistake around 8:30 am and by then I was dead asleep. I woke up at around 4 pm to at least a hundred missed calls and maybe 150 texts asking and begging me to send him back the money.
My initial thoughts were to send it back but then I remembered he owed me 12000 and hasn’t paid me back since I lent it to him 4 years ago and he’s had a million excuses why he can’t pay me back and yet I always see him living it up.
I kept the amount he owed me and returned only 5975 and told him I deducted his debt.
Since then I’ve had him call me every name in the book because this was apparently money he was saving to buy his partner an engagement ring, the engagement venue, etc so according to him he had to tell her.
This then led to it ruining the surprise engagement he planned for the next weekend. His partner has been bad-mouthing me and it has caused a bit of a problem with me having to shut down my social media and even his parents whom I had a cordial relationship have been impacted by it.
I discussed the situation with a friend and colleague and it was overheard by another colleague. He has called what I did a jerk move and I guess he shared it with a couple of other people and now I’m not too sure anymore whether I am being a jerk or not.
Is this a jerk move?
The money was loaned to him after our divorce we’ve been divorced for 7 years and I loaned him the money 4 years ago after he had lost his job and fell behind on bills and his rent. This has nothing to do with his child support payments (of which he is also behind on) and that’s being handled by family court/the child support company.
There are texts of him asking for a loan and it included a repayment plan and time but he never stuck to it. So there’s a legal trail if he ever decided to involve the law but I seriously doubt he would because it would cost way more to sue me and I think I would’ve won in court since I only deducted his debt to me.
Yes he is the father of our 4 kids. I also didn’t deduct the overdue child support payments because that is being handled by the courts and I don’t want to muddy the water and get myself in trouble. The child support company is aware of his arrears and if I’m not mistaken he will need to start paying soon or they’ll start garnering his wages.”
Another User Comments:
“HAHAHA! How good of him to send you all that money he owed you and promised to pay back in writing plus a bunch of interest that you so generously gave back! Anyone who wants to make a big deal out of it can be reminded that he owed $12k to the mother of his children before he decided to buy his new piece a shiny ring and still owes thousands (?) of dollars of unpaid child support for the kids he helped make.
Anyone with an opinion is welcome to pay his debts for him or buy his hunny her new ring. She may as well get it now because he’ll probably leave her in debt with a couple of kids in a few years too. Hard NTJ.” Thingamajiggles
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. You loaned him $12k when he was struggling to pay bills. His top priority should’ve been to pay that off as soon as possible. His current fiancee can bad mouth you all she wants but he essentially kept delaying paying you back a significant amount of money for years.
Money that could have gone to the 4 kids you had together. He’s lucky you didn’t charge him interest on that $12k. If she keeps slandering your good name, tell her that you’ll just take his deadbeat butt back to court since he’s behind on child support.” Signal-Story-6337
10. AITJ For Hating My Parents For Homeschooling Me?
“My (16f) parents (both like 55, their age doesn’t matter, I don’t even know it) decided to homeschool me when I was born.
I have no school records or report cards. They kept me inside my whole life. And they didn’t teach me anything, educational neglect. My whole life, I haven’t known any math really, I only know the very very basics that you would teach a kindergartener.
(1+1, 2+2, 10+10, those types) and I have been BEGGING them to enroll me in public school since I was 9, it’s never been a ‘No’, it’s always been a ‘next year (excuse for why it’s next year yet again)’.
I’m tired of it, I literally cannot teach myself.
I’ve tried to learn math alone since I was 14 but I can’t. I just don’t get it at all, I need someone IN THE ROOM with me helping me, TEACHING ME.
Not only the educational neglect, they never let me out of the house until I was old enough to go out alone.
I can now go on walks & such but that doesn’t let me find any friends. I have had no friends or family growing up. We stay inside, we avoid people.
So, two months ago I decided since they won’t help me with anything, then I don’t need them.
I have my ID, it was hard convincing them to take me down and get it, but I managed after 3 years. I’ve been ignoring them, I go out there and make myself food, all while they try to talk to me but I say nothing.
I act like I live alone in this house now, I don’t hear or see them.
I’ve told them why, I told them if they enroll me, I’ll stop. They haven’t. I’m holding on strong, and haven’t broken it yet. But I’m starting to feel bad, my mom’s been crying, saying things like ‘What did I ever do to you, baby?’ ‘Please I just wanted to protect you.’ – it hurts.
Even my dad has had some tears because of this, (I refused to eat my favorite meal that he makes) and they’re both calling me a terrible human, saying they didn’t raise a jerk who would do something like this.
I miss them, I do love them, but I don’t know if what I’m doing is right, or if I’m actually going too far.
We were so happy together before I decided to do this.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Changing your behavior is the only thing you can control right now and I completely understand why you behave like that. Your parents are neglecting you. Denying you access to education is mistreatment in my book and your mum’s ‘What did I ever do to you, baby?’ shows she doesn’t recognize what she’s been doing to you.
Do you have any aunts or uncles or grandparents or neighbors or any adult in your life you can trust and talk to and maybe get help from? Are your parents willing to pay for your homeschooling? Could you find a program online that caters to your needs?
There are programs that let you talk to teachers via video chat. It’s not what you want but it might be a compromise your parents could accept. You need education. Community colleges either require an entry exam and/or a record of education. Without some form of standardized education, you probably will not be able to get into a community college.” VineViniVici
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, and I’m so sorry your parents have profoundly failed you. You deserve a good education, friends, and fun life experiences. You owe your parents nothing at this point; Your silence is warranted. It’s great you have an ID now – fiercely protect it, and see if you can find and hide any other important documents, such as your birth certificate, social security card, and medical records.
At a minimum, make copies of those things if you can. I hope the rest of your life vastly makes up for what has lacked in your first chapter.” xenedra0
9. AITJ For Calling Out My Nephew For Using AI-Generated Art?
“This story involves two of my nephews, who we’ll call Greg (16) and Bill (17), who are not brothers. Bill has been taking art classes, lately, and has put up a few of his works on our family’s social media group. After a few family members replied with how proud they were of Bill, Greg posted some digital images of far, far higher quality that he claimed were his own.
His tone was mocking of Bill, as he had commented that he taught himself and didn’t need school. Additionally, he posted some rather harsh criticisms of Bill’s art.
A few of our older family members complimented Greg and were naturally blown away, but then I noticed a few very obvious signs of AI art generation (weird hands, for example), so I called him out on it.
I pointed out to the family that Greg had not made these but instead, they were created using a website. Greg was first defensive but then took the images down without admitting guilt.
I want to be clear that I only called Greg out because he was obviously trying to one-up Bill, who is putting legitimate effort into his work.
Greg’s mom reached out to me, and said she understood but wished I’d talked to her rather than posting out there for the family to see because now Greg feels too ashamed to talk to the family. I can appreciate that, but my concern is that if Greg had merely taken the images down without any explanation, then there would remain that idea in people’s heads that Greg was (unfairly) the superior artist in the family.
Greg’s father, on the other hand, says I’m a jerk since he sees it as me bullying a kid a decade younger than me.
Was I a jerk on this one?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. He purposefully tried to show off and steal attention from someone’s hard work using fake images, he needs to learn a lesson, and outing him like that is the only way to do it.
If you’d gone to his parents, they’d either have defended him, claiming he still made the art or he’d have quietly removed the images and not apologized for lying. Your way lets everyone know exactly what he did.” Strain_Pure
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. That Greg’s parents aren’t turning this into a teaching moment about lying and bullying and making him apologize publicly to Bill and the rest of the family is concerning.
They’ve instead chosen the path of ‘being mad at the person who pointed out that their son was lying.’ Greg should feel ashamed because his behavior was shameful. What he needs to do is apologize in the same manner in which he misbehaved (that is, in the family chat), and everyone should be able to move on.
Ideally, Greg would learn a lesson and maybe grow up a little bit. This is, ultimately, a fairly low-stakes thing unless the adults involved start acting like jerks and blow it up.” Tony_the-Tigger
8. AITJ For Purposely Making Mistakes On A Test So I Can Take Free English Classes?
“I (54f) moved to England just over 10 years ago. I’m not a native English speaker.
Even though I have been living here for 10 years, I still panic when it comes to speaking with nurses or explaining any issues I or my husband might have since I mostly speak in my native language with friends or family.
I became eligible for free English classes for foreigners which are due to start next academic year and had my interview last week. The lady at the interview assessed my skills and basically told me she doesn’t think I need the classes and struggled to understand when I tried to explain to her I need to work on my grammar and that I want to feel more confident when I talk to people, so I don’t have to rely on my adult kids to have conversations for me.
The final bit of the interview was a test and I purposely made some mistakes on it to show I need practice and the classes would be helpful to me.
This has worked and I am due to start in September. I was talking about it with my friend and mentioned my ‘strategy’ only for my friend to get angry at me for doing so.
She called me a jerk for ‘stealing someone else’s spot who might need the classes more; and that I should do the right thing and drop out of the program. I have tried to reason with her and mentioned that the level I got into is quite high and that they don’t have a lot of students at that level, but my friend is still annoyed with me.
My husband and my daughters are on my side, but I am wondering if I was a jerk for doing what I did.”
Another User Comments:
“In addition to these classes, you may find that there are other local initiatives to help non-native speakers practice using the local language.
I would suggest asking local libraries and community centers whether they know of any. These are also often free and probably don’t have tests to pass first.
I don’t approve of dishonesty but I don’t think that people who need help getting confident in the local language should be excluded on the basis that they have an okay grasp on it.
So I feel you shouldn’t have had to be dishonest to get the extra support you’re looking for. I hope the classes are useful, it would be far worse to lie to get in and then give up because they’re too low-level for you. That would truly be denying someone else that specific opportunity.
No jerks here.” Equivalent-Board206
Another User Comments:
“YTJ in my opinion. I completely understand the desire to take courses to better yourself but it’s a difficult one. Sometimes assessments like this are to see if the course content will help you with what you need. It’s not always that you are being judged or tested, it’s to see if the content is right for you rather than to see if you are good or bad enough to attend.
Someone who won’t get what they need from that type of course is more likely to drop out or lose interest and that is a waste of everyone’s time. If your children help you now why can’t they help teach you grammar and why aren’t you practicing conversation with them to gain confidence?
That kind of consistent, everyday learning may build your confidence better than sitting in a room full of strangers.” MonkeyNumberTwelve
Another User Comments:
“No jerks here. I’m an ESL teacher (in Canada, not the UK, but the systems aren’t too different.) I understand why your friend thinks you’re using resources but the thing is, those resources are not finite – there’s not much more work between having five or ten students in my class, for example, and if there is I’d much rather have the larger number.
You’re not taking away resources. Quite the opposite – your experiences, knowledge, and opinions will be a positive addition to the class. You’ll be exposed to other speakers of English and they’ll be exposed to you, and that’s so important, especially for people like you, whose families speak their mother tongue at home.
Take the classes, participate enthusiastically, speak with your classmates in English as much as you can, and feel no guilt. Happy learning! ” Savings-Ad-8519
7. AITJ For Not Wanting To Accommodate My Sister And Her Husband?
“I (25f) own a 3-room apartment where I live alone. It’s excessive, but I had the funds to do so, so I don’t mind.
My sister ‘Jane’ (29f) and her husband ‘Max’ (30m) live abroad. They’re coming over for the holidays like every year. For some context, I didn’t get along well with Max. Jane and Max have known each other since high school, and Max would come over every month as a ‘family bonding session’.
Max would always pass passive-aggressive comments about me. My appearance, my possessions, whatever he saw. I had severe acne in junior high school and he always bugged me and passed comments to me for that. When I first bought my house, I converted one of the 3 rooms into a personal office.
I’m a small business owner and also work full-time, so I need that space. They were invited to a housewarming and he said something along the lines of ‘I’m sure you’re a scam like the other small businesses. You just want to look cool by having a home office.’
Max and Jane usually stay at my parents’ house, but due to renovations, they cannot be accommodated. My parents asked me to accommodate them in my guest bedroom. I refused without a second thought because I don’t want to have a person who constantly makes me uncomfortable stay in my house for more than a week.
Plus I go to work and I wouldn’t want to leave my house under their supervision.
Jane and my parents called me a jerk for being unhelpful and rude. Max said, ‘This is why Jane is the favorite child.’ I couldn’t understand why he has to butt in every time, but Jane also doesn’t talk to him about his behavior so that’s that.
Jane also called me a jerk for always bickering with her husband and that I should ‘stay away from him’.
Am I the jerk?”
Another User Comments:
“Your sister is right you should stay away from him by not letting him enter your space. That is your Mojo Dojo Casa House and no one should stay there if they make you uncomfortable or are as rude as Max is.
It does seem like your sister is the Golden Child and it’s super crappy for Max to try and throw that in your face. Keep your inner peace and do not let them stay at your home. NTJ.” Ath_acc
Another User Comments:
“It is abhorrent for a sister to be this blind to abuse upon you from her husband and want to involve you in their marital life, it’s improper, to say the least, to be sleeping together in your house.
They are adults and should be together in some hotel room or earning more before they come. It’s not your responsibility to offer them a home, and you aren’t the only one in your family or the head of the family so let them bug someone else who has the time to play their failed marriage games.
If they’re having financial issues now they cannot handle like adults wait til kids come. Don’t let the abusive man anywhere near you, especially never in your private space. This screams danger. Don’t interfere in their marriage, your sister is blind but that’s her responsibility, stay away from danger unless she asks for help.
Her decision to be with him is starting to cost her family life.” Puzzleheaded-Net6944
6. AITJ For Not Wanting To Make My Niece's Wedding Dress?
“I (30s/f) am a regular old boring mom with a regular old boring job (think like HR lead, accountant, blah blah blah). But for several years in my twenties, I worked as a seamstress for some very, very major costume shops (think Broadway).
I gave all that up for better pay and normal non-crazy working hours, but I still make clothes and costumes for special occasions (like Halloween!).
I made my niece’s (A, 20s) wedding dress a few years ago as she got married during the global crisis and couldn’t safely go to a bridal salon.
She looked stunning and it came out beautifully (I’m not just saying this as her aunt, she could be a model). I was able to call in favors and get luxury materials for very, very cheap so the dress was quite reasonable.
A’s sister, B, recently got engaged to a great guy.
We are all very excited for them.
B called me today to ask about her dress, when she should come over for a fitting, how to reimburse me, etc.
I love B, but I can’t make her dress. B has been in treatment for an eating disorder for the past several years and has had some extreme weight fluctuations.
The nature of my work is that I need to openly and bluntly discuss my client’s body changes (including weight) with them. Otherwise, the garment won’t fit correctly or be comfortable. I just don’t feel comfortable having those conversations with B while supporting her in recovery.
My husband is in support of me, but my sister (C, 40s) called me a jerk.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. The situation for niece A was very different. She could not go dress shopping, and you offered to make her dress. Niece B took it for granted that, because you made the dress for Niece A, you also agreed in advance to make her dress as well.
Without checking with you first. Besides, the bridal shops are open again, which means that there is no necessity to seek alternative dresses. The situation is very different, and there is no reason for niece B to not go dress shopping herself. You have absolutely no obligation to make her a dress.
‘No’ is a full sentence! Tell them to stop bothering you about this, or there will never be any dress or costume-making for them ever again.” Zonnebloempje
Another User Comments:
“No jerks here. I think you should talk to B’s mother (or her sister if they’re closer) to ask if they think she can handle this line of questioning, or if they (A or mother) may know the answers well enough to inform you of them.
If you’re willing, you could probably also find some resources online or something to help find better ways to discuss and/or handle this situation. Ignore these thoughts if it really is too daunting to take these extra steps, but, in the event that you do really want to do this for her while also being conscientious of how to not poke any eating disorder/body image triggers, perhaps you can find a way.” fallingintopolkadots
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. You’re setting a boundary because you believe what is going to be said here could be detrimental to your future relationship. Unfortunately, without being able to say that to your niece, she’s going to see this part as being detrimental. Realistically, you don’t owe her anything.
The circumstances regarding the other dress you made were specific to the situation, not specifically as a gift to her. I’m sorry this has caused upset but she shouldn’t have assumed you would also be making her one.” Squiggle345
5. AITJ For Helping My Ex-Wife Without Telling My Partner?
“My ex-wife (28f) Jane and I (28m) divorced 4 years ago after 8 months of marriage.
She was caught having an affair. We didn’t have any kids.
When we divorced I became so depressed and focused on spending time on my project and after years of struggling financially and mentally I managed to start my own business.
I’m doing quite well financially and a year ago I met Aisha (25f).
We have been together ever since and I’m so happy to have her in my life.
Jane got married a few years ago and has 3 kids. But her husband left her and she’s a single mother now. She’s struggling financially to raise her kids.
I feel bad for her because despite her being unfaithful to me, she was my first love. So I offered to help her out. I send her money every month and would sometimes look after her kids.
Aisha found out about this last week and blew up on me.
She said what I’m doing to her is also considered ‘infidelity’ and wants me to stop because she doesn’t feel comfortable. She asked me if Jane tried flirting with me and I said yes but I set boundaries and told her that I was not interested in a relationship with her.
This made Aisha mad so she dumped me. I was planning to propose next month and my whole world is gone in a second. I tried reaching out but Aisha is not responding.
My friends who like Aisha are disappointed in me. They called me the jerk for helping out Jane because I don’t owe her anything and she’s taking advantage of me.
AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“You are not the jerk for helping your ex, even though she does not deserve it, her children are very lucky to have someone with resources in their life to help. YTJ because you kept that significant information from Aisha and did not discuss it with her so she could have a say in the financials and discuss boundaries.
That’s what healthy partnerships do. You can’t just go rogue and not include her. It only made her feel like you kept that information from her because you had something to hide (i.e. infidelity). If you can hide this, what other stuff are you hiding?
Also whether you realize it or not, you admitted in this story that you still love your ex, and she has crossed boundaries by flirting with you. You can’t be mad at Aisha for seeing the signs and bailing before you waste more of her time when you are still clearly stuck on your ex.
Don’t get back with your ex. She is manipulating you, and she might fool you again or you will just mistrust her and have a toxic relationship. Did the husband leave because she continues to be unfaithful? She makes her bed every night and lies in it.
You don’t need to help her.” DumpTruckSupremeDuck
Another User Comments:
“YTJ, sorry but it’s true. You were paying your ex-wife while seeing someone else. And it doesn’t sound like these were alimony payments required by law. So it seems like you were hoping to get back together while you’re seeing someone else.
I can’t imagine you don’t see that. No matter what you say you were trying to do, your partner rightly sees it that way. Honestly, your best bet is to get remarried to this girl, have her sign an ironclad prenup, and hope for the best. You aren’t over her and you’re not going to get over her.
So either lean into your obsession or stop being involved in her life at all.” brsox2445
4. AITJ For Refusing To Watch My Sister's Kids After Finding Out She's Been Helping My Ex?
“I (24F) bailed on watching my older sister’s (31F) kids for a night after we got in a fight about her continuing to help out my stalker ex. I had told her I didn’t want him coming over anymore because he refused to leave me alone, but found out through my niece that he was still coming around.
This ex has consistently come to my house and my job and he goes over to my sister’s house on a regular basis, he would watch when I went to my breaks at work and then come knocking on my car window. On my days off he would come to my job and follow my coworkers around, he would go to my sister’s house multiple times a week.
He goes from house to house so I didn’t have an accurate address for a PFA.
I have made it very clear that I didn’t want him around my family. I don’t think it’s right for my stalker to be able to be around my family whenever he wants to be but my sister doesn’t see it that way, she has a ‘soft spot for struggling people’ but not her own sister.
I told her that I was tired of her never caring about my feelings, that I was pretty sure she would never care about my feelings, and that I didn’t really like her as a person anymore so she told me I could no longer be in her or my niece and nephew’s lives and that she would no longer help me when I needed it.
AITJ for just wanting my sister to care about my feelings for once?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. It’s sad that your sister has decided her being friendly with your ex is worth more to her than respecting your feelings. Usually, I think family has a right to be friends with whoever they choose, but your situation is different, so very different.
Your ex is stalking and harassing you, criminal behavior. Your sister is not only not taking your feelings — feelings of FEAR — into account, she is encouraging that ‘struggling’ person to keep hanging around in hopes of encountering you. In my honest opinion, your ex sounds somewhat deranged and your sister is a fool for allowing him around her children.” NanaLeonie
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Not being able to spend time with your niece and nephew will hurt, but it’s nothing compared to the suffering YOUR OWN SISTER is inflicting on you and the potential great harm your ex WILL inflict. Anytime your ex shows up, call the police.
Get his behavior on the record with a paper trail. Go no contact with your sister. (She’s vile.) Go no contact with anyone else who might be an information pipeline and/or flying monkey for your ex. Make it an absolute airlock. Moving seems like a good idea, too.
Keep your plans as secret as you can. And when you move, do it all in one fell swoop. Good luck!” Temporary-Exchange28
3. AITJ For Refusing To Do My Lab Partner's Part In The Assignment?
“I take a physics lab course and of course, there is a girl who asked to be my partner because she knows that I generally strive for good grades.
I was reluctant to say yes but after she asked and said that she’d work hard I agreed and said sure.
A few weeks ago she sent me a text saying that she won’t be able to work on the report which was due at midnight that night because her uncle had died and she was upset.
I said oh okay and I understand and I completed the whole lab write-up by myself. While I was working on it she sent me several texts asking if I was done yet, and I said yes and submitted it. I then checked Snapchat stories and I saw that she was out at a bar with friends getting wasted and was there for the hours I spent working on the project.
I was kinda mad about it but I just let it go.
A few weeks later we had another lab report due Friday night at midnight, and on Friday morning she sent me a text and said that she was in Nashville and that she felt that she contributed enough to the weekly lab project that she wasn’t gonna do any more work on the project and that she was gonna spend her time enjoying herself in Nashville.
When I logged into the Google doc there was no work completed other than 2 data tables filled out which is just copying and pasting and takes 2 minutes to do, no introduction or conclusion written, none of the questions answered. So I sent her a text and said I am going to fill out my own lab and that she can do the same.
AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, but get your ducks in a row. She’s a known liar at this point, so she will most likely lie to your professor about the quantity of work that she has done. Compile evidence (all correspondences, her text messages, the bar pictures, the Google Docs) and present these to your prof before she can spread her lies.
Then ask to change partners, and if you can’t, do it alone.” VegemilB
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. She took advantage of your understanding and generosity, and she needs to learn that she can’t treat people like that. I’m an educator and I get students coming to me about problems like this, where someone in a group assignment isn’t pulling their weight.
I assume you’ve kept some notes on what she did for these projects and when – to be honest, I wouldn’t just submit your own lab report without her name on it; I’d also ask the advice of your lab tutor on how to navigate this situation.
I think they should be aware of it.” wanderleywagon5678
2. AITJ For Defending My Brother's Ex?
“My nephew is 3 years old and we only found out about him a few months ago. Obviously, the last few months have been rough on all of us, but especially my brother who I think was in shock and denial for the longest time. One of the big reasons his ex didn’t tell my brother about their son was because she didn’t want him to grow up spoiled and entitled like most of my family.
My parents also really hated her and did a lot to try and get my brother to dump her (e.g. my dad had her fired from her grad job and I think he was the reason she couldn’t get another one in that field) for the longest time so she was scared of how they’d react if they knew.
My nephew turned 3 right around the time we found out so we weren’t able to celebrate and his ex would only accept one small gift from my brother for him so my family is belatedly celebrating his birthday and they’re going all out.
My brother has bought more toys than one kid needs and is talking about taking him to Disney even though there’s no way his ex would let him take my nephew abroad.
Anyway, we were talking about the party yesterday and I told my brother he should tone it down and he shouldn’t give his son that many gifts in one go because it’ll upset his ex and most likely overwhelm my nephew whose life has already been flipped upside down.
I think for my nephew’s sake it would be best if we work with his ex because we’re all going to be connected forever now so there’s no point fighting or holding onto grudges. My brother disagreed and said he wouldn’t let his ex dictate his relationship with his son.
I was going to explain why fighting with her wouldn’t be good for my nephew but our cousins were all siding with him and ganging up on me for defending her. They think I’m only siding with her because she was one of my best friends and I’m trying to be friends with her again.
I do want her as a friend but that’s beside the point. I was irritated because they were ganging up on me and in the heat of the moment I said ‘This is exactly why she never told you about him’ to my brother.
He didn’t say anything but my cousins tore me to shreds. My brother has barely spoken to me since and for some reason our family is now convinced I knew about my nephew all along when I absolutely didn’t. My brother is also being so nasty to his ex now when he wasn’t before and I think it’s because he’s taking his anger at me out on her.
AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“YTJ, hugely. Barring cases where it is absolutely essential for safety, it is massively awful and cruel to both the father and child to not have that relationship exist. And the total lack of empathy here is staggering. Is your concern a little valid?
Probably. It could be a bit much for a young kid to get so much attention. Would it be normal for any parent who hasn’t seen their kid in years to be overwhelmed with emotion and want to make up for lost time? Of course.
It takes two people to refuse to compromise. It’s both parents’ responsibility to co-parent well, and ‘too many gifts’ is not exactly the line in the sand that can’t be compromised on from mom’s perspective either.” Neo_Demiurge
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Your dad sounds evil.
Really – got her fired from her job? Hindered her career after that too? As a grad student, someone getting me fired because they didn’t like me would utterly ruin my plans for the future. That isn’t just petty resentment, that’s malicious sabotage of someone’s whole life.
I understand exactly why your brother’s ex doesn’t want her child to be a part of your family. They act horribly and then try to buy forgiveness with expensive gifts, right? Kids don’t care about fancy stuff. They need to be loved. Your brother needs to plan some activities to do with his son that let him get to know what his son likes and build trust between them.
He needs to grow up and collaborate with his ex, not treat her like an enemy. Moreover, why are your cousins involved in any of this?” leethecowboy
Another User Comments:
“YTJ. Your brother just found out he has a son and he has missed the first three years of his life.
He’s allowed to be excited and want to dote on his son a little. He is also correct that his ex does not get the sole say in how their son is raised and what the son can or cannot have. She is his fellow parent, not his boss or owner.
In an ideal world, parents would work together and meet halfway on what they think is appropriate for their child. If what you say is true, your dad is an awful human being, so I can understand why she may not have wanted him in her kid’s life.
But the fact remains that she initiated the issue and fired the first shot when she chose to not tell him about his kid. This situation and the parenting are something that your brother and his ex need to work out. Butt out.” GhostParty21
1. AITJ For Accidentally Telling My Friend's Husband About Her Plastic Surgery?
“So I have a friend who when we were in college got some work done. It was known to everyone and she never had a problem sharing with people and giving them tips on who to go to, the aftermath, and everything.
We are now 30 and the whole friend group knows and whenever she meets new people she tells them (or so she told me).
Yesterday she invited me to her and her husband’s and we were playing some old video tapes and pictures of our memories and we were reminiscing about the past and everything. Until a photo of her pre-surgery appeared and her husband was like ‘Oh she looks so different’ so I was like ‘Oh it must’ve been pre-surgery’.
He was like ‘What surgery?’ I looked at him then at her and then she tried to deflect the situation but the setting was awkward for the rest of the night.
Apparently, she went out with him and married him but she lied about getting work done and he believed her.
After I left he demanded answers which forced her to say the truth.
She called me today saying I am the jerk for exposing her but I was like ‘How could I have known you lied to him when you are always upfront about it’ like if she doesn’t mention it herself she expects me to mention it on her behalf to other people we meet… except to her husband.
I also told her she invited me to view our old photos why didn’t she just give me a heads-up about it like she knew old photos pre-surgery would appear?
She hung up on me saying she doesn’t wanna know me anymore and that I am a terrible secret keeper.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ and this is so weird. Did he make some early comment about being anti-plastic surgery or something and she just never had the nerve to tell him? How on earth would she think he would never find out when all of her friends know, setting aside the fact that she specifically arranged to view old photos with you and him?
(And where were all the embarrassing childhood photos at their wedding?) She made her bed and now she’s lying in it.” Ashamed_Ad4280
Another User Comments:
“YTJ. You don’t mention or bring up anyone else’s personal medical history including cosmetic surgery. Even if they have disclosed it in the past, that is their call to make not yours.
If they want to talk about it or disclose it then that’s fine. But you should never assume it is OK to disclose this type of information. Discretion is what is missing here.” h2ogal
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