People Are Yearning To Find Out What We Have To Say About Their "Am I The Jerk" Stories
16. AITJ For Threatening To Leave My Daughter's Wedding?
“My (48M) daughter’s (26F) wedding was yesterday. She moved back to our home state of Utah with her fiance after living in Boston for college and dental school. She does not seem happy to be back here and said that she only moved back because her husband’s (28M) company transferred him here.
She knows that in our area, families run large. She is one of three kids only because my wife (47F) became sick after our youngest but it is not uncommon to have families of 8. When she started planning her wedding she started worrying about venue capacity and having to spend money on babysitters.
For couples with small kids on her list, she made it clear that she could not accommodate kids 4 or under at this wedding.
That caused a lot of ire and we got phone calls asking why. My daughter’s rationale was that she thought older kids would enjoy a party more.
My daughter’s younger sister ‘Ashley’ (24F) has been married for 2 years and begged her sister to invite her husband’s brother and his wife to this wedding too. Ashley’s brother-in-law (41M) and his wife (33F) have 5 kids, 4 of whom are under the age of 4. When they RSVP’d they indicated they’d only be bringing their 8-year-old daughter.
I know Ashley’s husband’s brother well as he funded my brother’s new business and employs Ashley’s husband ( my son-in-law) in a job that allows Ashley and him to be full-time parents to their kids. However, that side of the family took a while to warm up to Ashley as they are wary of newcomers.
So the day of the wedding comes and everybody arrives with the kids they RSVP’d for and then Ashley’s BIL arrives early with all 5 of their kids in tow. The nanny they have for their kids is not there. My daughter is angry when she hears of this and their explanation is that their younger kids were upset and they wanted to be in these wedding pictures too.
An argument ensues where my daughter says that they had on-call nannies and just for whatever reason decided this was the event they didn’t want to leave their kids for.
I look over and Ashley is getting upset and her BIL and SIL won’t budge.
The toddlers are getting anxious and starting to loudly cry and I finally tell my daughter to just let them in or we’d be here forever. She asked why I was taking their side and I finally said that she either lifts this child-free policy for the family or just cancel the wedding because I was done with her rules and leaving.
My daughter says ‘Really dad? Way to take sides!’ She then stormed off and there was a minute where she considered walking down the aisle with her future FIL. She ended up relenting but says her wedding is marred by this event. AITJ? I was afraid that this would become this standoff and Ashley would face ire from her in-laws.”
Another User Comments:
“YTJ. It’s SO clear you have a favorite daughter by the way.
Ashley is a jerk for begging for an invite for her in-laws which is incredibly rude. If your daughter had wanted to invite them then they would have had an invitation in the first place.
The in-laws are jerks for rocking up at a wedding with their entire brood that was not invited in the first place because they wanted to be in wedding pictures.
You’re the jerk for just letting everyone steamroll your daughter on her wedding day and telling her to just let them in.
Then an even bigger jerk for telling her to cancel the wedding.
Then at the end of all of this, you are mostly worried about Ashley facing any backlash from her in-laws?!
If I were your daughter I wouldn’t have let any of you in and walked down the aisle alone.” roastdinnerplease
Another User Comments:
“YTJ. It was your daughter’s wedding, not yours. It’s up to her on the rules, not you, and by all rights, she should have immediately kicked that family AND you out. You had no right to dictate anything to her. She honestly didn’t need to invite her sister’s BIL and family if she didn’t want to.
They have nothing to do with her unless, of course, they happen to be relatively closely related to her new husband in which case they probably would have been on the guest list from his side. Seeing as how you haven’t even named your elder daughter in your story, I’m surprised you even acknowledge her as a daughter.
Don’t be surprised if she suddenly goes completely no contact with you or anyone else in your family just to stay away from you. Don’t be surprised if you have minimal or no contact with any future grandchildren from her. If you want to keep your elder daughter in your life in ANY capacity, you better be down on your knees groveling with completely sincere apologies and you need to shelve your favoritism of your younger daughter permanently.” ToriBethATX
Another User Comments:
“YTJ
How do not know why?
Ashley begged her sister to invite people the bride didn’t know to her wedding. Those people showed up with a bunch of children who weren’t invited and YOU, the father of the bride, basically, tell her to suck it up and let the kids stay or you’ll leave.
You also tell her that if she won’t let in 4 screaming, crying toddlers she should cancel her wedding. Is that right?
First, who cares if Ashley’s in-laws get upset? They are not the BRIDE OR GROOM’S family/friends. They should have all been asked to leave.
Second, who are YOU to insist that the bride bend a rule she clearly wanted in place? Because you didn’t want precious little Ashley to ‘lose face’? You focused on the wrong daughter and should have asked Ashley’s BIL & SIL to leave with their children.
Third, who cares if Ashley is upset? It’s not her wedding. She forced this debacle so you and she should have ended it. And NOT by asking the bride to give in to Ashley.
Fourth, it’s blatantly clear that Ashley is your favorite child.
She’s the only one who you named. Your daughter the bride wasn’t even worthy of being named. You suck for that.
Take some time to reflect on why you treated the bride like garbage at her own wedding.” yeah_right_4685
15. AITJ For Telling My Sibling The Truth About My Existence?
“I’m 18F. My dad married my stepmom Rose when I was about 2 years old. He passed away when I was 6 because of cancer. At the time my little brother Austin was 2, and she was pregnant with my sister Alyssa. She promised my dad that she would take care of me when he was gone.
After my dad passed away, Rose left me to foster care. She told me she can’t take care of me right now but after her baby is born she will be back for me, but she didn’t come back. As I got older I reached out to her (so did my social worker), but she refused to allow me to see my siblings.
I did this every year and she refused every year.
After turning 18 I reached out to Rose again and she told me I’m a stranger, her children don’t even know I exist and they have each other, they don’t need me and she wants to keep it that way.
She told me to go look for my mom’s relatives if I want family, that she and her children are not my family. It wasn’t a pleasant meeting.
A few days later I said (to myself) screw it. I DO EXIST. I’m a real person.
I will go and tell my siblings myself. I talked to my Austin’s best friend (found her on social media) and told her everything, had lots of pictures and documents as well. Once she was convinced she invited Austin and Alyssa over and I met them and told them everything.
I had a lot of pictures, including some of me and him together when he was a baby. Also of me and my dad, and Rose as well. Also, a few with me with my dad on his final days, which they said Rose had shown them very similar pictures but I wasn’t in any of them.
It was very emotional but they were ANGRY. Especially Austin because he always felt like something was wrong but couldn’t put it together. Rose had always told him it was because their dad had passed away.
Anyway, they called their grandma (Rose’s mom) and she confessed as well, she told them that she wanted to tell them the truth but Rose had threatened that she would cut off contact if she did.
They eventually went home and confronted their mom, and things went down. Rose was initially furious with me, even called the police (they dismissed her after talking to Austin and Alyssa), called me, and said some very nasty things about me, my mom, and my dad’s mom for some reason too (they both passed away).
Anyway, I talked to my siblings a few more times and a couple of days later Rose called me again and told me she was happy to let me see my siblings and have a real relationship (she lost the war with Austin and Alyssa) and invited me over.
I went there and had a good day with them, then she asked me to help her make amends with the kids, to tell them that her not telling them about me was a mutual decision between her, my social worker, and my dad because they all believed it would be best. She wants this so that she can move on and for the kids to stop blaming her.
So far I’ve refused.
AITJ for what I did initially (telling my sibling the truth), and what I continue to do (refusing to help her blame my deceased dad for this basically)?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Your stepmother lied to you and abandoned you during the most vulnerable time of your life.
Your need to connect with your siblings is completely understandable. As far as lying to help your stepmother ‘move on,’ this is not your responsibility. It seems like her first impulse in any situation is to lie and, as she has now found it, that catches up to you.
Don’t lie to your siblings now. They have been lied to their entire life, they don’t need to be lied to again. You have a chance to give them a relationship that is based entirely on trust. If your SM wants to fix her relationship with her kids, she can start by owning up to what she did and stop lying.
Besides, if you do back up her current lie, it makes you the villain and you have no assurances that she will not stab you in the back again and then say it was 100% your idea that you were estranged for so long. Your best bet here is to just tell the truth to these kids from here on out and not take part in any lies.
The kids deserve to have someone in their lives that they can trust.” bamf1701
Another User Comments:
“NTJ
Regarding the possibility that Rose stole OP’s inheritance:
There may have been nothing to inherit from your father or maternal grandparents, or there may have been something like a house or an heirloom, where it couldn’t be useful for daily events like buying groceries, but it still had value.
OP’s father may have willed everything to Rose because he expected her to keep her promise of caring for OP, and thought that would give her the ability to do so.
A lawyer who deals with inheritances may be able to show that due to Rose’s breach of contract (dumping OP into foster care), and whatever inheritance laws exist in your jurisdiction, you may be entitled to something you are unaware is fairly yours.” latents
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, she abandoned you when you had no one else because she did not see you as her kid, and she tried to pretend you didn’t exist to your siblings (they mention seeing similar photos of your dad but without you in it implies she photo-shopped them to have you removed, this was a long term meticulous cover-up).
She still does not want you around just so you know she is only playing nice because her lies caught up to her and her kids are ready to cut her off. She has shown her true colors time and time again. Putting you in foster care, denying you the right to see your siblings, yelling and insulting your dead relatives when she lost her temper you owe her nothing at all and her kids only blame her because she is the one at fault and deserves the blame.
But watch as time goes on she is going to stop playing nice once she realizes you aren’t going to do anything to get her kids back to stop hating her.” OldGrumpGamer
14. AITJ For Saying No To My Family?
“My parents got divorced back in 2016. They’ve gotten back together off and on when it was convenient for them or when they’re lonely.
For the past year, they’ve been separated and my dad has been living in my hometown. My mom has been living with a roommate 90 minutes away until 2 months ago when she moved in with her mother in that same town. Recently my sister went to see our father after not seeing him for 4 months.
I haven’t seen him in over 4 years due to personal reasons and his substance use. My mother went with my sister and they discovered he was currently using illegal substances and was living in filth at an apartment the homeless shelter provided. My dad then agreed to go to rehab.
While in rehab he ended up getting sick. They ended up kicking my father out that night. Everyone lives in the same state but hours away from each other. My sister is the closest one to both parents. My husband and I live the farthest away.
My father-in-law passed away 2 weeks ago, leaving us an abandoned home that needed to be gutted or just torn down due to safety reasons (the subfloor has rotted out). Well with us now having an ‘available’ house my sister took it upon herself to ask if our father could stay in the home until he was better and could return to rehab.
The house has no water, the floor is falling in, no fridge for food, no stove, and no electricity. After telling her this, she got upset.
Our mom ended up calling me asking again if he could stay there with a gas heater and a few gallons of water.
I told her ‘no’ but she requested I ask my husband because it is now his house, not mine. My husband also told her ‘no, that the house is unsafe and had nothing in it. Also that his father has just passed away and can’t mentally handle this stress right now’.
She responded back that my husband is a bad person and all the stress is on her and my sister. (My husband’s mental health has not been slightly ok since his dad passed away). I did give them numbers to call and ideas when they asked for them.
But now they’re not talking to me. They have both completely shut me out. So AITJ for telling them no and not letting someone I haven’t seen in over 4 years stay in an unsafe home?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ
The best thing is for them to stay and not talk to you.
First, the home is not safe and if something happened, you would be liable.
Second, a person in rehab/recovering shouldn’t be in a place that is desolate because not only isn’t it safe, but it’s also really depressing. Then you add sickness to that and it isn’t a suitable place for your father at all.
Third, them forcing your husband to speak with them and calling him a bad person when they know his mental state is gross.
Yes, your father needs help, but you aren’t obligated to provide it, you actually can’t help him in the way they want you to, and you need to put yourself and your husband first.
Cut these people fully off.” mfruitfly
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. By knowingly allowing him to live in such conditions, you are leaving yourself open to a lawsuit that would leave you penniless. ‘He/she would never do that’ is what every person says about their family member before they get taken advantage of.
If you don’t believe me, watch the news. Addicts are/can be black holes of need that swallow up everything around them. It is not necessarily their fault, but it is a problem that their family members have to deal with. Don’t let him suck up your life.
You can love someone and still recognize all the problems they have and won’t let them be part of your life.
If you want to help, try to help him find another program. Don’t throw away your life savings on it, and don’t destroy your marriage doing it.
For your own sanity, maybe look into al-anon or near-anon for support.” IraWeatherall
Another User Comments:
“This isn’t about the house, or your father being in a bad situation, this is about your mother and sister deciding that the solution to their problem is to dump it on you, and they are angry because you aren’t rolling over for them.
Would they live in the condemned house and give up theirs to your father? Are they offering anything other than bottled water and an unsafe heating source? No. And do you imagine they’ll come running to help him out when he falls through the floor or are they going to tell him to sue your husband?
Your father isn’t asking you for help either, you’ll notice. So, no, you’re NTJ for not allowing your mother and sister to dump their self-imposed burden on you.” ScammerC
13. AITJ For Not Accommodating A Stranger My Parents Invited Into My Home?
“So I live in Queensland, and my family lives in New South Wales.
My parents and sister (27 years old) invited themselves up to my house for a week for a holiday, after their cruise was canceled. I didn’t particularly want them here for that long because I’m pregnant and have a 2-year-old and they are not helpful but didn’t say anything.
The house isn’t really big enough for multiple guests, I have 1 spare queen-sized bed which my parents were sleeping in. My sister chose to sleep on my couch. She could have slept with me in my bed as my husband is away for work, but she snores and didn’t like being kicked every hour to roll over.
Anyway, they had been here for 2 days, and during dinner the second night my dad turned to me and said ‘I can see you’re in a good mood so I’m going to tell you now. We’ve invited your sister’s partner (of 5 weeks) to fly up and stay with us all for the weekend.
He’s booked a ticket and will be here on Friday morning at 9 am’.
I’ve never met him. As mentioned, he’s ‘been in the family’ for 5 weeks. I was never asked beforehand. I don’t have any space for him to stay, he would have to sleep on my couch and my sister would have to move into my bed. Or I would have been expected to give up my bed for them.
And I would have had the stress of knowing a random stranger was sleeping in my house, while my 2-year-old slept in his cot in his bedroom.
I rang my husband and we both agreed that we were going to put our foot down and say no, sorry, it’s not happening.
Their behavior of inviting a stranger into our house is unacceptable and we don’t want him here.
So I called my sister while I was at work to let her know. My mother absolutely ripped me a new one, saying I should be ashamed of myself.
How dare I question her and my dad’s judgment of character? Do I honestly think they would invite someone into my house that couldn’t be trusted?! (They’ve met him less than 10 times?)
They ended up hanging up on me, packing their things, leaving my house, and texting me telling me my husband has ‘poisoned my mind’ against them and that they weren’t leaving because they were in the wrong; they were only going because I’ve been a terrible host, I’ve made them feel so unwelcome and I’ve turned into a horrible person since getting with my husband 10 years ago.
Today, 3 days later, they are trying to call me to hang out with them as if nothing has happened at all over the last few days, and can’t understand ‘why I’m being like this’.
Please enlighten me, AITJ? Did I overreact?”
Another User Comments:
“Oh my goodness – you did nothing wrong. You are NTJ and so is your hubby. It is the duty of every parent to look out for the safety of their children and provide a safe environment for them (home). It is not a safe environment when third parties can invite total strangers to stay in that environment and both your sister and parents were ‘out of line’.
It is a good thing they packed and left the house – the best thing out. They don’t deserve to stay there and be treated like family. It’s probably better they live in NSW and you in QLD – gives you some space because they seem particularly narcissistic.
Maintain that distance.” AussieTopCat
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Any unknown adult being in the home ups the risk of SA drastically. You don’t know him, if you can’t trust someone alone with your child (or yourself while you’re unconscious) then they certainly have no business staying the night in your house.
Also, I hate with a passion when people (especially our elders) make you feel as if you’re in the wrong and are thinking they have bad judgment. Some people don’t understand how overly trusting they are, and even if that trust isn’t misplaced it’s never comforting to have someone forced on you.
You and other people will never have the same relationship with the same person. Your relationship with your father for example won’t be the same as his relationship with your child. Therefore your child can’t trust your father the same way, and to teach him that he can trust them because you can trust them would be very dangerous (especially in long term).
My ultimate personal example of this is my dad’s trust in his parents. Because one ended up abusing me in one of the worst ways when I was a tot.
You’re not overreacting, and you are in fact being a good parent. They will have to come around at some point if they want to have a genuine relationship with your family with mutual respect involved.
ETA: your parents have some mad entitlement to show up unannounced AND invite a stranger, letting you know in a way that just proves they knew you’d disagree. Your mom’s response is kinda DARVO (Deny, Attack, and Reverse Victim and Offender) now that I think about it.
I wouldn’t think much of it and just wait for them to come to their senses, and stick to facts when asked why you aren’t acting the way they like. Not to throw things in their face or point fingers, but just facts that show you’re justified in your behavior and it isn’t random.” User
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. The fact that they invited themselves into your home like that is bad enough, but then they tried to invite someone you don’t know without even asking you? Not a ‘Hey, we’d like it if he could come, is that okay?’ just TELLING you what was going to happen IN YOUR OWN HOUSE?
Honey. Change your locks and all if they have any keys, and I’d honestly go no contact. They sound incredibly manipulative, and narcissistic and like they’re all too happy to take advantage of you when you’re vulnerable and are trying to blame you for ‘marrying a horrible man’ for standing up for yourself and not letting a total stranger into your home where you, your valuables, and YOUR CHILD live.
They can go eat glass, and I wouldn’t let them anywhere near your home, child, or self anymore.” Dark_Moonstruck
12. AITJ For Not Giving Money To My Mom?
“I am a 19-year-old college student.
My mom is a very dedicated Christian woman and kicked me out of our house when I was 17 for being bi. This was right at the beginning of 2020, I lived in my car for a while until moving in with my extended family. I’ve been financially independent since then & paid my way to college.
My mom & I have recently begun speaking again, mostly because I feel obligated to try maintaining some sort of relationship with my mother, it just seems like the right thing to do.
The other day she called me and said her car had broken down, and asked if I would lend her 500 dollars to fix it.
Her reasoning was that she would not be able to drive my younger siblings to school without the car or buy them groceries. I decided not to loan her the funds. I would be put in a difficult situation until my next paycheck because I budget to get me through each pay cycle.
Also because her husband makes a decent amount of money from his hardwood flooring business. My reason for wondering whether I’m the jerk in this situation is because it really made me feel bad when she referenced my siblings’ reliance on her having a car.
I don’t want to put them in a situation where their quality of living is impacted but I didn’t feel that my mom 1. Deserved my money 2. Was being entirely full truthful about needing it. I’m not sure what her intentions were but I hope you guys can bring me some ethical clarity.
EDIT: I wanted to add that my mother’s husband also has a van he uses for work, so I’m not sure about whether I’m not my mom or could use that, but he does have a vehicle.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ
It’s generally a good idea to never loan someone money.
When you loan someone money, you give it with plans to be repaid and, sadly, that almost never happens with personal loans. So, you would put yourself in a precarious financial situation. Also, lending money changes the relationship… because the other person is beholden to you and you may become resentful.
If you’re ever in a position where you want to help someone financially and can afford to do so, then you should give them a gift in an amount you are willing, and able, to give (which may be far less than the amount the person needs).
You should never risk your ability to pay your bills or buy yourself food for someone else.
At present, you’re a college student living paycheck to paycheck. You shouldn’t be giving anyone else any money at all. Your mother’s request to borrow money from you is absolutely ridiculous.
And given the fact that she thinks you’re such a sinner and she kicked you out as a minor, you should never give Mom any funds at all. Period.
My guess is that you won’t hear from Mom as much if you politely refuse to give her money.
She may have only been in contact with the intent to get you to give her sums of money. Say no, repeat as necessary, and see how your Mom treats you when there’s no money to be had.” teresajs
Another User Comments:
“NTJ
You actually can’t afford to lend her this amount, even if you wanted to.
Even if you could afford it, you don’t owe your mother anything after the way she has treated you. I would argue that even if she hadn’t treated your badly, your mother would still be a jerk for pressuring her 19-year-old son for financial support in this way when she most certainly has other options.
Since you are already suspicious of her request., I do wonder if the whole thing is part of a larger manipulation from your mother. Like maybe she’s annoyed that you survived her treatment of your and came out the other side strong, independent, and able to support yourself.
Maybe she’s resentful of that and trying to bring you down by keeping you low on funds.
There’s nothing wrong with trying to maintain some sort of connection with your Mom, but make it clear that you want it to be about love, not money.
Take care of yourself.” Used_Mark_7911
Another User Comments:
“NTJ
She went out of her way to mention your siblings and how it would allegedly be detrimental to them if she couldn’t get the money (translation: if you didn’t give her the money, you would be ‘hurting’ your siblings).
She’s trying to manipulate you, and I doubt she was telling you the truth about why she wanted the money (note: I specifically say ‘wanted’ because it could well be a case of her trying to scam you, rather than any genuine need).
Conspiracy thought: I wonder if she has some secret issue that’s financially related (e.g gambling or other addiction, etc) that she’s trying to hide from hubby, and she’s trying to manipulate you into covering her arse so he doesn’t find out?
Me, I’d contact her hubby with fake concern, like ‘oh mum called saying her car broke down and she needed five hundy to fix it. I couldn’t help as I don’t have that amount spare, but she was worried about (siblings) and being able to afford groceries.
I just wanted to check in and make sure everyone is ok and you were able to find a solution.’ Buuut I’m petty and would love to see my mother squirm in a situation like that.” Art3misiA_Ao3
11. AITJ For Belittling My Sister's Wedding?
“I have always been ‘the favorite’ among my siblings. As the baby of the family and the only boy, I got doted on a little extra.
This extra doting increased when I expressed an interest in dance and actually discovered a talent for it. This makes sense in my mind: my schedule required more time and money devoted to it since I now had to be taken to classes and showcases, needed the proper attire, etc…
There were a few years of tension between my sisters and me, especially during our teen years, where it seemed like they blamed me for what was going on or expected me to apologize for our parents’ choices – something I adamantly refuse to do.
Tensions seemed to ease some when we went our separate ways. My sisters stuck around in our hometown to get jobs while I moved to a city about an hour away for college. I met my now husband there and despite what my parents tried to talk us into, we got married in a small ceremony at the local courthouse where only immediate family was present.
We had a party with our close friends and family later to celebrate, but the ceremony itself was just like we wanted: a small part of an intimate and peaceful day focused on my partner and me. My oldest sister got engaged a couple of months ago, and my parents jumped at the chance to start planning an over-the-top wedding.
I’ve been around for some of it and a lot of what is being offered to the new happy couple is what was suggested to my husband and me when they were trying to convince us to have a big wedding. This didn’t bother me at all.
In fact, I was happy my sister was getting what seemed like the wedding of her dreams.
Unfortunately, it seems she’s still holding a grudge over what happened when we were kids and has made multiple jokes about how ‘she’s the favorite now,’ and that this is ‘payback’ for all the things she missed out on when I was being chauffeured to dance practice.
I took the first few in stride, but it’s getting tiring now that it’s been repeated so many times. I recently told her the jokes were getting old, but that still didn’t stop her.
I finally had enough last night and after a few drinks at a little weekend family get-together, I told her that her wedding was essentially a knock-off of mine and that I doubted our parents would be putting this much effort in had I gone through with the extravagant plans they had wanted me to a few years ago.
She left the room in tears and I’ve gotten mixed reactions from family over what I said.
AITJ?
ETA: I have no interest in special attention from my parents and moved on from the feud with my sisters years ago, as I thought they had as well.
I live a good distance from them all with a life of my own, and can only make it back to visit a few times a year. This doesn’t stem from me craving attention — I’m glad my sister is getting all of it, as my parents have a tendency to hover even all these years later.
My complaint is in the repeated jokes despite my request that they stop.”
Another User Comments:
“Yes YTJ, and it sounds like you’ve been the jerk their entire lives. You happily soaked up your parent’s attention, knowing you were the favorite and didn’t even care that they didn’t share your golden child status.
Then the second the attention was off of you, you decide to try to attack as low as you can instead of being happy that your siblings actually got to experience some of the rarified air you’ve been in your entire life.
Your sibling taunts you because you are entitled and spoiled and not very likable as a result.
You taunted her because you are mean and resent not being the center of attention. YTJ.” imothro
Another User Comments:
“YTJ
After years of feeling unimportant to your parents, your sister can’t control her giddiness at finally having their attention. While her comments are obnoxious, it speaks to a lifetime of being overshadowed by you.
While you’re not responsible for your parents’ trashy behavior, you need to acknowledge it–and acknowledge that you believed you deserved it because of… dance? Give me a break.
The biggest problem is that you STILL SEE NO PROBLEM WITH IT. And the minute your sister is getting their attention, you have a problem with it.
You’re so full of yourself, you have to claim the wedding you didn’t have as your own.
You’re a crappy brother.” Rhuthbarb
Another User Comments:
“YTJ
Clearly, you have held on to being the favorite and it showed fully as soon as you were aggravated or made uncomfortable.
An adult would have said ‘hey, knock it off’ even if you had tried that already, not going for ‘well I am the favorite and could have had all this if I wanted it (insert raspberry sound).’
You are an adult, act like one.
You told her to stop once, but it happened again, so you addressed it more firmly. ‘Hey, I asked you to stop these comments, it hurts my feelings and makes me think you are still mad about what happened when we were younger. I thought we had worked through that, and if you have feelings about it, can we talk about it instead of you making digs.’ Instead, you went full nuclear.
I can’t even go with ‘everyone sucks here’, because you write like you SHOULD have been the favorite, and clearly, you still hold dearly to needing to be the favorite by making it clear to all of us – not just your sisters – that you are the justified favorite and have no responsibility for anything, so my guess is the vibe you give off at these family gatherings is the same vibe you give off here – pretentious and not okay with not being the center of the universe.” mfruitfly
10. AITJ For Talking To My Mom About Her Bringing Her Partner And His Kid On A Trip?
“So, I (16F), my sister (12), and our mom (39) had been planning on going on a trip out of state for a bit.
We hadn’t had a vacation in a good while, and I and my sister’s birthdays were coming up.
Since the three of us live with my mom’s mom, I figured it would either be just the three of us or, maybe, Gran would come with us.
The weeks go by and the day we’re going to head out comes. My mom gets us from school early so we can finish packing and head off.
After we had finished packing, my mom told us that her partner and his kid (who’s 10) were coming with us and we were riding in his truck.
Just before he got here.
Now, I don’t know her partner that well. I had had maybe 5 conversations with him besides just saying hi when we happened to be in the kitchen together. I didn’t even know he had a kid.
Don’t get me wrong, her partner is a cool guy.
I don’t think he’d do anything. I just didn’t feel strongly enough about that to feel comfortable sharing a hotel room with him.
We go on the trip and it was fun, but I was a bit upset my mom had invited her partner and his kid on our birthday trip and didn’t even tell us the whole time.
I couldn’t really place the feeling, but I just knew I didn’t like how it happened.
A bit after the trip, I told my mom that I was upset with how the trip went. She told me her partner had helped to pay, she didn’t have to tell me anything, and I could’ve said I was uncomfortable with him if I was.
When I was younger, I told my mom that my dad scared me. Her solution was to tell him and have us talk it out alone. I’d say my mom’s problem-solving skills haven’t improved.
Not to mention he was going to be our ride for the trip.
What would’ve been the solution if I was uncomfortable? Have him stay at our house while we take his truck. Leave me out of the trip I was excited about.
But my mom said I was just looking for problems, and I feel like I’m being ungrateful for a free trip out of state.
AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ
Your mom had plenty of time to tell you that her partner and daughter were coming. I would hate to go on a trip with someone I barely know, and with a kid that you didn’t know. This kid is much younger than you and your sister, so she wouldn’t fit in.
She purposely hid it from you until the last minute because she knows that you would be uncomfortable.
It’s rude and inconsiderate of her to drop this ball on you. This should’ve been an intimate trip with just your family.
Your mom deflected your concerns and made you look like the bad guy.” luvduvbunny
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, your mother has the communication skills of an elementary school child and it seems that her way of taking care of stuff is to say nothing and let everyone else deal with the inevitable. I’d tell the guy that it’s nothing really against him but before they plan another ‘family’ trip he might want to clue you guys in since your mom doesn’t know how to do it and you are still kind of resentful about how you were told mere hours before he showed up that he and his kid were even coming on your birthday vacation.
But I was born a pretty petty person and I don’t like being manipulated by people I’m supposed to trust and respect.” Grannywine
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. I think your mistake was thinking it was a ‘birthday trip’. It wasn’t. Even if she says it was.
This isn’t how emotionally honest people behave. Don’t try and win these battles, you won’t win with her. She has her view and that’s the only way she’s ever going to see it. People like your mother don’t really understand the meaning of loyalty, and emotional honesty, nor it seems, to not make your kids emotionally beholden to others for ‘birthday trips’ that were an informational bait and switch.
These are some really bad lessons she’s teaching. Your mother lied about the logistics of the trip and has the nerve to call you ungrateful for being uncomfortable with her manipulations and lies. Not good.” Impressive-Amoeba-97
9. AITJ For Hiding My Friend From Her Mom?
“So I (21m) was approached by my friend (19f) one night who was very upset because her mom had tracked her phone when she was working (she works as a delivery driver/hostess) and got her in trouble because she called her work and was asking where she was.
Then she invaded her privacy even more after work by forcing the bathroom door open on her when she was on her period. So after that, my friend was really upset and mad at her and asked me if she could stay at my and my roommate’s apartment.
I obviously said yes.
She also asked me to disable the tracking on her phone, so I helped with that. Well turns out the mom wasn’t happy that she didn’t know where her daughter was and called the police on me. My friend told the police what was going on and they didn’t do anything because she was 19 and an adult and was safe.
Well, they ended up telling the mom my address and she came over furious to ‘retrieve her daughter’. I then proceeded to tell her that in a few years your daughter will never speak to you again and that she was being a horrible person by invading her privacy.
I pretty much made her mad and she tried to forcefully take her daughter back and the police got involved again. So was I in the wrong? Should I not have let her stay with me?”
Another User Comments:
“OP, you are a noble friend and you are NTJ.
You said your friend is 19 right? That makes her an adult in the eyes of the law and what her mother is doing is unacceptable to the point it is overly controlling. So good on you for helping her
I cannot help but wonder what next would her mother control her over.
Her daughter’s right to date and/or marry, the right to get a job in a multinational/local company, and her right to move overseas for better opportunities? This is extreme.
Moving forward for you and your friend, this is my advice to you:
In case her mother wastes police time and resources again, you both talk to the police and tell them to dismiss her mother’s future police reports on the grounds that she is invading the daughter’s privacy and right to function as a proper adult.
Your friend needs to tell her employer and coworkers that her mother has been causing so much trouble and the best solution is to warn the mother to stop on behalf of the daughter (I once heard of a real-life case where is an employer at some office company warning an employee’s mum to stop being an extreme helicopter parent) and put the mother on a no-call blacklist and ban her from coming to the company to cause a scene.
If your friend needs to move out and crash with you temporarily until she finds a place of her own, do be her ally and her support.
If the mother goes too far, your friend should not be afraid to take out a no-contact order against her (you both can research privacy laws and restraining orders).
If your friend decides to move out of town and start ‘living off the grid’ to keep her mother off her back, you can help your friend to create a new email, get a new mobile phone and relocate her to another city, state, or district where the mother cannot find her.
Continue to be on her side.” KangarooOk2190
Another User Comments:
“NTJ – the daughter is an adult and sooner or later the mother is going to get in trouble for wasting police time.
You should advise your friend that if she needs to flee again she should notify the police on their non-emergency number that she’s safe and well but that her mother might report her missing.
That way they will know that the mother is causing trouble and they will deal with her appropriately without having to come and check your friend’s welfare or waste their time dealing with a troublemaking stalker of a parent – they’ll be able to point out to the mother that they have no concern for your friend’s safety as she’s been in touch but that they are not able to reveal her whereabouts to any third party as she’s an adult who has chosen to be where she is.” redcore4
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Her mother sounds unstable. She seems to have the belief that her daughter is her property. The description of this shows serious signs of an abusive relationship. She is completely confused about the age that one is no longer a minor and can leave the home without any say-so of the parents.
The police had no right to give your address to the mother. Once it was known she was in no danger the officers should have told the mother that and been done with the situation.
Since they gave her that information, there could easily have been issues of safety.
Do everyone where to find the victim/survivor? The OP should have called the police when she showed up to her place having a meltdown to kidnap her daughter, which is what it would be called if someone is taken against their will. If nothing else, the mother was trespassing.
The daughter needs to get a protective order and cut ties with her mother.” Nessaj1976
8. AITJ For Asking My In-Laws To Choose Between Their Two Daughters-In-Law?
“Right before I was about to leave for my M&FIL house I got a phone call from my husband.
My husband was extremely upset and asked me if I had left for his parents yet. I said no and he told me he needed to make me aware of a situation, a few hours before his father called him and shared with him screenshots of a profile on a website for mingling people containing my name and photos.
Before I could say anything my husband reassured me he knew it was fake. A few things tipped him off.
Screenshots from the profile said ‘less than a mile away’ when referring to the distance of the user.
It was my SIL who found the account.
My straight, female, and married SIL just randomly decided to go on bumble and somehow fell upon my profile even though we live over 100 miles apart.
When I got to M&FIL’s house FIL rushed out to talk to me, he told me I had every right to be upset but asked me to be the bigger person and not cause any more unnecessary drama.
When I got to SIL, initially she denied everything but after about 2 minutes she couldn’t keep her story straight. Instead of apologizing she just started bawling her eyes out, she blamed the whole thing on pregnancy hormones and tried to play it off as a joke.
My M&FIL both pulled me outside to try and get me to calm down. I asked them why they were taking her side they told me there were no sides and they were just trying to keep the peace.
After they said that I lost it and told them keeping the peace it’s just an excuse used by enablers.
I told them that they had a very important decision to make, if they choose to standby SIL they will lose me as consequence.
They told me they were afraid to lose their grandchild and I responded with ‘You’re going to lose a set of grandchildren, either way, it’s either going to be the ones in front of you now or the future grandchildren I and husband will have.’
My husband and I are on the same page and we have both agreed to cut contact with his family unless some kind of just consequence for SIL happens.
Edit: Husband is currently 12 months into an 18-month deployment for the military.
Edit 2: I am not biologically related to anyone in this story.
I am married to my husband who is biologically related to his brother. BIL is married to SIL FIL & MIL have two biological sons and two daughters-in-law (myself and sister-in-law)
Update My husband and I talked about everything that happened between me and his family, after a lot of back-and-forths we couldn’t agree on how to handle the situation so we decided to do couples therapy.
After therapy, we have both decided to completely cut all communication and ties with his brother and SIL. As for his parents, the plan is for me to no longer go and see them or for me to make any active attempt to communicate or be a part of their lives.
If his parents do not attempt to reach out to me for the remainder of my husband‘s deployment (5 months) then we have decided to go no contact with his parents and cut them off completely.
The biggest question I saw in the comments is why does my SIL hate me so much?
Here is some more information,
SIL became pregnant after two weeks of being together. BIL, SIL and BIL remained unemployed throughout SIL’s entire pregnancy and lived 100% off of the means of my in-laws. My husband and I are homeowners and both of us are very successful in our independent careers.
SIL has always struggled with what she wants to do with her life, she doesn’t like taking care of her baby but doesn’t want to work. She goes back and forth on these grandiose ideas for a career but doesn’t want to go back to college.
About a year and a half ago my SIL started talking about becoming a realtor, but they couldn’t afford the fees and classes required to do so. I had always toyed with the idea of getting my realtors to license so I told my SIL I would happily pay for her classes, fees, etc and she and I could go through the courses together.
After a month my SIL bailed on the idea of becoming a realtor but I finish and got my license.
I am unable to physically have children, I found this out a few years ago, and emotionally I have never recovered. Ever since I found out I refuse to hold or play with any baby, older kids are easier but emotionally I am not mature enough to interact with a baby yet.
I have never held my SIL’s baby and although I have had conversations with her directly as to my reasons as well as my in-laws they take it very personally. I have this issue with all babies even my sister‘s and best friend’s baby.
I am currently in counseling.
My husband and I have decided that we are going to start looking for a house in my home state so that way I can be closer to my old friends and my family. And no matter which way things go with his parents we both believe some distance is a good idea.
P.S. I have not given up on my cake-decorating hobby and since then I have made almost a dozen more cakes for friends and neighbors. Thank you to everyone who gave me the confidence for moving forward and not giving up.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, but think about your husband a little bit, even though I’m quite impressed he’s on your side this much, which is good. What SIL did was terrible, not a small deal at all, but also not something you deprive someone of access to family over
If it was me, I would demand an apology from FIL and SIL. Put the ball in their court, because now, it’s you who took the action, and they are just… so normal, and you so overreacted. See what excuse they have for not apologizing (I suspect they won’t do it without pouting and whining) for almost ending your marriage.
And make sure they know that you know they almost ended your marriage.
But you have to be very careful. Family separation is something that Americans are very weird about and it can cause long-term unresolved trauma years from now. Your husband is on your side now, but what happened when there’s some unfortunate development happened and he missed it or he could have stopped it?
Built-up tension can cause bigger problems later on, I’m talking decades from now. Nip it in the bud is my suggestion.
But remain vigilant because it’s obvious now that your FIL is a drama addict and that side of the family is not there to make your life easier at all.
But family is family. Keep your enemy closer.” Panasit
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Not only is what she did to you horrible, this kind of thing could blow up in her face very badly and lead to legal trouble if she targets the wrong people.
This isn’t ordinary inter-family nastiness. So she may screw herself down the line. But think a little bit about pulling up just a bit. You have the upper hand. ‘Choose a DIL’ is going scorched earth. You are the clearly wronged party. You can set conditions for the relationship now.
In your place, I would refuse to be at any event she’s at. I wouldn’t go to any event at their house. You can, and should, refuse contact with her. What that means is your in-laws will have to see your families separately. They will have to do the work of separate holidays, and they will have no group family photos, no grandchildren together ever.
You probably don’t want to see them much anyway, and you don’t have to. You and your husband may end up going no contact eventually but no one will be able to point at you for doing it. They’ll try, but they won’t have nearly as much of an argument.” floopdoopsalot
Another User Comments:
“This is not a hormone problem and it’s beyond that. She planned to not only ruin you but your marriage. She went as far as to take your personal photos and create a fake account on a website. She’s accusing you of something and claims it was a joke.
I’m sorry but I would look and see if anything can be done legally.
How much more is she willing to do and how far will she go?
If your in-laws are willing to enable her then that right there says a lot. They’re willing to hurt you and their son in the process.
Asking you to be the bigger person is a cop-out.
Maybe go no contact for the rest of your husband’s deployment. You’re under enough stress no need to add more to it. Once your husband is home then you both decide what your future with them will look like.
Your SIL has an unhealthy need for attention and directs it at you. Unless she’s willing to get help and others continue to allow it then nothing will ever change. It’s not fair to you nor is it healthy for you to be in that type of relationship/environment.
NTJ and I’m glad you have the support of your husband.” dragonmom03
7. AITJ For Letting My Daughters Have The Master's Bedroom?
“I (M 35) Have four daughters with my late wife, a six-year-old and five-year-old triplets. I live in a 3 bedroom house with quite a large master bedroom, a smaller double room and a small single room. Up until now all four of my daughters have shared the master bedroom because it has plenty of space for their toys and lots of floor space for playing.
My fiancee ‘Laura’ is moving in soon with her sons, aged 12 and 14. They’ve had to share a bedroom up until now as Laura lives in a 2-bedroom flat, but I know they argue a lot. We are planning on looking for a bigger place, but in the meantime, I thought it would be nice (and quieter) if the boys had their own rooms. I suggested that Laura and I sleep downstairs in the seldom-used dining room, while her older son takes my room and the younger one gets the smaller room.
Laura thinks that the boys should have the dining room, the girls should move into the two smaller rooms and we should get the master bedroom, ‘especially as the girls aren’t here all the time’ (they stay with their grandparents on their mum’s side every other weekend).
I pointed out that the girls have lots of toys that I want to keep contained, and the way I suggested would mean the boys each get their own room. Also, I didn’t want to be moving around any more bedrooms than necessary. She said they like sharing (they don’t, they’re always arguing, and the oldest is always complaining about having no privacy), I suggested asking the boys what they wanted (because I was sure they would jump at the chance for their own rooms) but she said that she doesn’t want her oldest having any privacy ‘because he might take advantage of the privilege’ (he’ll start exploring his body just like every other teenager does), when I suggested we could just get him a lock so the younger kids didn’t walk in on him she stopped responding (for your information, this was a conversation we had on messenger, not in person).
Edit: The dining room is enclosed and has a proper door. As it is further away from the other bedrooms we wouldn’t have to worry about the kids hearing us.
On the subject of closets, I actually live in the UK where it’s the norm to have wardrobes as opposed to built-in closets.
None of the bedrooms in my house has built-in closets.”
Another User Comments:
“Laura doesn’t need the biggest room in the house just because she is moving in with you. There’s no rule that says that says the parents get the biggest room, especially when you have 4 kids of the same age/gender.
It’s not fair to split the girls up, kick them out of their room, and probably have to get rid of some of their stuff to fit in the rooms and take their room away because they stay at their maternal GPS every other weekend.
It’s your house and you get the final say, but it’s also your daughters home. You’re not letting them have the master, it’s already theirs. This is going to be a huge change for them. You need to be their advocate. Cos from what I’m reading, it’s all about what Laura wants, not what’s in the best interest of everyone, given that she’s now stopped responding because you aren’t giving in to what she wants.
NTJ.” HunterDangerous1366
Another User Comments:
“Sounds like she has a plan that you’re not following and she’s getting annoyed you have your own ideas. She wants the big bedroom and doesn’t care if it makes sense or not. She doesn’t care that her sons don’t want to share a room even tho you have come up with a great plan.
She doesn’t care that she is displacing 4 young children who are already settled.
If this is the only argument you’ve ever had and in all other areas you are great together, may I suggest only moving in together when you have the bigger house?
Once you have the bigger house and assigned rooms, no one is having to ‘give up’ anything or sleep in the dining room.
NTJ” Heraonolympia123
Another User Comments:
“NTJ for making the suggestion, but by now you need to stay in your own lane.
I think you’re absolutely right about the boys, but you don’t get to make that decision.
She does. If she wants them to share, then they will need to share, even though you and I are convinced that it would be better for them to have privacy.
About your daughters, however, you have the absolute right to decide for yourself, and now it’s your partner who needs to stay in her lane.
You get to decide that they’ll have the bedroom they’ve always had, and your partner doesn’t get a say in that, any more than you get a say in whether her sons share or not.
So suggest a compromise that allows each of you to make the decision for your own children: your daughters keep the master bedroom, the boys share one of the other bedrooms, and you and your partner take the other if she would prefer that to the dining room.
(If she wouldn’t, and she decides to accept the dining room rather than the small bedroom, then make the smallest bedroom into a play/hangout room for the kids, and put a lock on the door. I guarantee you that her oldest son will figure out that if he wants privacy, he can go in there and lock the door.)” VoyagerVII
6. AITJ For Not Wanting To Attend My Engagement Party If My Fiancé's Mom Is There?
“My fiancé comes from a big gym family. They love the gym and fitness and all that. Which is great! He’s perfect and I love how much he likes to work out. I, on the other hand, am not a gym person. I am a curvier girl.
Yeah, I’ll work out, and go on hikes and runs but I’m not hitting it like his family. Doesn’t mean I’m unhealthy. He loves me as is, and I love him as is. When I met his family his sisters welcomed me with open arms. I love them like they’re my blood.
As for his parents, the first thing his dad did was look at my partner and ask if he was serious. My fiancé and his sisters went off at their dad for saying that. He tried to write it off as a joke, but we all know what he meant.
Anytime I saw his parents his dad would give me looks and his mother would make snarky comments about my weight and outfits. She would never do it when my partner or his sisters were around because they would tell her off for it.
My partner proposed and we started planning our wedding.
I’m Pakistani, and we traditionally have big weddings and it’s not uncommon for parents to pay for it. So my parents offered to pay for our big desi wedding. My fiancé and his sisters are excited and since the wedding will be huge we decided to make the engagement party very small.
Well, when his parents heard my parents will be paying for the wedding and they offered to pay for an engagement party, we refused, they insisted, so we just agreed.
Last night we had a family dinner at his sister’s place and at the dinner, my fiancé’s mother made multiple comments about me going on a diet and starting to lose weight before the wedding.
And she kept mentioning how she is paying for the engagement party. There is only so much a person can take. So I confronted her about it in front of everyone. I told her that if she can’t stand a fat bride-to-be, then she doesn’t have to pay for it and she’s uninvited to our engagement party.
My fiancé intervened and said we can’t not invite his mother.
She started crying and yelling at how she already paid for the venue and catering so she IS paying for it and she WILL be attending. I don’t know what venue and catering because nothing was run past my fiancé and me to check if we approve.
His sisters agreed with me and also berated their mother for her behavior towards me and said that it is fair she is uninvited. We all went back and forth and I got sick of it so I left it. Later, when my fiancé came home he said he understands how to hurt I am but we can’t uninvite his mum, especially since she has already planned and paid for everything.
I told him then I won’t attend and now he’s mad and told me I’m being immature and a witch. But I stand by what I said, if she can’t stand the way I look then why should she be there? If he wants her there so bad then I won’t go.
I won’t tolerate being insulted and criticized at my own party.
AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ.
I think you do need to take a step back here though and sit down with your fiance, because this isn’t going to get fixed, no matter how the engagement party ends up if you two don’t fully address what is happening.
Tell your fiance that you will not be around any person who makes negative comments about your body. His mother (and father) have done this multiple times, you all know they do it, and it isn’t good enough for people to defend you after it happens, it just cannot happen at all anymore.
Being defended isn’t the same as being safe, and his parents are not safe for you to be around because you shouldn’t have to ‘be defended’ on a regular basis. His mother and father either need to fully apologize, and promise to never mention your body and health EVER again, or your fiance needs to appreciate that you will never be around his parents.
If his parents aren’t willing to do that, then no, there is no engagement party that you will go to where his mother is there. Your fiance can then decide if he is going to build a life with you or stick with his mother and father.
Oh, and, I highly recommend not marrying someone who would call you a witch, full stop.” mfruitfly
Another User Comments:
“NTJ
Both his mom and dad have been making comments and body shaming you which is not acceptable and even your fiances family has noticed them doing that and spoken against them.
you have the rights to refuse them at your engagement party.
Engagement parties are not even close to how much the actual wedding cost she claims to have paid for it but you have no knowledge about her paying for it or even how much.
Something you can do here is have her at your engagement party but refuse to let her or her husband at the actual wedding seeing your parents paying for it means you have all the rights to refuse them. could also let her come to the engagement party but warn her that if she even makes on comment related to your body that she is kicked out.
Your fiance called you a witch for this? Cancel that engagement. Tell him to apologize for even siding with his mom on this or that he can find someone else to be with. Calling your soon-to-be wife immature and a witch for standing up for herself is a major red flag and could hint towards his behavior after you are married. After getting married he could suddenly start forcing you to diet or go to the gym.” Heavy_Assistance7478
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. I’d talk to your fiancé about everything if I were you. Given he’s stood up for you in the past it seems like the situation just got a little heated and you and he both blew up. Just talk to him about how she makes you feel and that she talks about you behind his back (if he doesn’t know that already).
Not siding with him, but it is his mom and they have a relationship (it’s not like she’s estranged or anything and just showed up the cause of the wedding) so you probably should re-invite her. But tell him that you can’t handle her making rude comments about you, especially at your own celebration, and that if she says anything there’s going to be problems, and then he can relay that message to her.
Then just avoid her as much as possible at the party.
Personally, I’m super petty so I wouldn’t speak to her or be in photos with her or anything like that, but that’s just me, and if she still goes out of her way to put you down by all means go off.
Then afterward make it clear you want nothing to do with her. Your fiancé is going to visit his parents? Stay home. She’s coming over? Don’t speak to her unless absolutely necessary. But don’t let her put you down!! I’m sure you look beautiful in your wedding dress!!
Her putting you down is just a reflection of her own insecurities. Being happy in your own body is all that matters.” ResolutionRoyal3905
If they're like this with you, imagine if any children you have don't meet their "physical standards". A good spouse stands by you and supports you regardless if they completely agree. But it does go both ways, talk and compromise. If that can't be done.... run.
5. AITJ For Having A Nickname For My Nephew?
“I’m (22m). My nephew is 7 and my brother is 23.
I have a special nickname for my nephew. I call him ‘blip’. I call him that because he was a tiny baby when he was born and when I first held him, my dad said ‘He’s barely a blip on your radar’ (that was a joke because I’m pretty tall and my nephew looked extra tiny when I was holding him).
Since then, ‘blip’ became my nickname for him. I still call him that and he doesn’t like it when anyone other than me calls him that
The issue happened earlier today. My siblings(they’re technically my stepsiblings, but I consider them siblings) and I were visiting my dad and stepmom.
I got there at the same time as my brother. I walked in and said hello to everyone. I said, ‘Hey Blip’ to my nephew. My brother walked in after me and said ‘hey blip’ to my nephew as well.
My nephew didn’t like that and politely asked my brother to not call him that.
That started an argument between my brother and me that ended with him asking me to not call my nephew blip anymore. I refused and my brother called me a pompous jerk.
The families are pretty split on this. My dad and older sister(my nephew’s mom) think I should be allowed to have a special nickname for my nephew but my stepmom and younger stepsister think that if they can’t call him blip then I shouldn’t be allowed to either.
So AITJ for refusing to stop using my nephew’s nickname?
Editing to add: after the argument between my brother and me, I asked my nephew if he was still okay with me using his nickname. He said he still wanted to be called blip by me.
Also adding: my brothers not my nephew’s dad. He’s just another uncle.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Your nephew likes the nickname, it’s not cruel/unkind in any way, and it’s probably a nice thing for him to have between you. I think everyone can relate to not wanting to be called a nickname by someone else, but this kind of feels like your family being jealous of your relationship with your nephew.
Your nephew is really impressive for asserting his boundaries at such a young age, and I would love to hear what he thinks.
It’s important to enforce reasonable boundaries children want. It’s especially important to listen to them when they assert boundaries, they have reasons and feelings.
I say you do what makes the kid happiest, your family should really get over themselves.” StitchStory
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. And you’re family better think through what they’re doing here. At the surface level they’re targeting you with a retaliatory demand, ‘if I can’t do it, neither can you.’ That’s childish and unreasonable enough as it is.
But in demanding you stop using that nickname, they’re attacking his relationship with you, and his right to decide who calls him what. A. Seven. Year. Old. What is this poor kid going to think if you start calling him by his name instead of a name special to him between the two of you?
Do you love him less? Did he do something wrong? And when he finds out its the fault of the rest of his family, it will have the exact opposite effect they’re looking for as he realizes they’ll sabotage his relationship with others, again he’ll not know exactly why – if it’s because they hate him or he’s being punished or what – he’ll just feel the retaliation intrinsic in the behavior.
This is petty, irrational, harmful nonsense aimed at the relationship a child has with one adult because other adults are jealous that their relationship isn’t the exact same. Well, tough. The adult thing to do would be to respect the 7-year-old’s boundaries and work on learning to appreciate and nourish their own relationships with him rather than trying to stunt yours in some sick, twisted bid to feel better about themselves at the cost of their nephew’s happiness.” ISTFMM
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Keep calling him ‘Blip’. It’s not inappropriate and he wants you to call him that. Encourage your brother and family to find their own unique nicknames for your nephew so that everyone can have a special thing with him to both strengthen their relationship with him and cheer him up.
The family going against the nephew’s wishes over something like this is going to make him feel like they don’t respect his identity in the long run. It seems small to some people, but refusing to respect the rules over this nickname can eventually lead to more significant issues and the nephew only trusting certain people in the family.
This is a very normal thing in most families, certain people have certain nicknames from certain people that ONLY THOSE CERTAIN PEOPLE can use. My mom has always called me ‘monkey’ (monkey was just something she started saying when I was little and it stuck).
No one else called me ‘monkey’ and while I probably wouldn’t have minded if anyone else did, it would be weird if they did.” mermaidsyno
4. AITJ For Hiding My Breastmilk?
“I have a 5-week-old baby. I get 12 weeks of parental leave. My plan was to breastfeed, then start pumping at 6 weeks to have a supply to take to daycare at 12 weeks.
My birth was traumatic, the baby was in the NICU (for a few hours) due to my emergency c-section and his being hypoglycemic.
The baby was given donor milk in the NICU. We had to keep giving him donor milk until mine came in. I started pumping.
My milk came in and I was able to feed, but my husband insisted we get more donor milk ‘just in case’.
Then he would pull a bottle from the freezer and ‘we might as well use it’. I put my foot down, we compromised on one bottle a day and I would otherwise breastfeed and freeze pumped milk.
MIL came to help us out the second week we were home and offered to let me nap after.
I asked to be woken up by the next feed. She noted she could just prepare a bottle and not have to wake me up, but I was clear I only wanted him to have one bottle a day and that was at night so I could sleep.
I woke up and was told MIL had prepared him a bottle to ‘let me sleep’. She had no idea how much he should be getting. The next night I prepared his one bottle, then woke up after pumping and noticed a second bottle. I asked my husband about it and it became an argument about her trying to help and me needing to sleep.
MIL came to visit again this weekend and asked if I wanted her to take him for the night. I agreed, then hid the bag of milk in the fridge behind some items. I didn’t trust her to not try again. My husband thinks I don’t prioritize sleep enough.
While he said he would support me next time, I refuse to risk it. My baby struggles to latch after a bottle. Tonight I purposely pumped an extra session to have enough to freeze the bag. My husband realized what I did when he saw the date from ‘yesterday’s’ bag and asked about it.
I was honest and said it was a jerk move to hide the milk instead of talking to them about it (again). I feel like after 2 times I’m asking for a 3rd if I don’t do something.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. I was going to go ‘no jerks here’ until you said bebe has trouble latching after being given extra unnecessary bottles.
Because ideally, they’d only be thinking of a new mom’s rest. But.
They don’t seem to appreciate that if they actually want you to be able to prioritize sleep, that means being able to care for him appropriately and on a workable and least-stressful schedule for you.
They throw a wrench in that every time they defrost, and it does collect in your sleep. They probably think you’re being hormonal and oversensitive, but the schedule and latching are the things to hammer in addition to the boundary of ‘my fluids, my rules’.
Editing to add: Also examine whether MIL is doing this on purpose to give herself bonding time by feeding the baby, rather than handing him off to you.” LadyMacGuffin
Another User Comments:
“NTJ – Sit your husband and MIL down. Tell them how you are feeling and that you have to set boundaries.
Your MIL is welcome to help. And helping you means doing stuff you ask her to do: cleaning toilets, cooking food, running errands, etc. If she is lucky she might get to change a diaper. Husband does the same thing: he can get the baby for feeding time, change diapers, cuddle awake, and not let the baby get hungry.
Your MIL doesn’t need to bond with the baby. You and your husband need to. Tell him they are compromising your self-esteem and with that risking your mental health which may endanger the baby in the long run. After a traumatic birth, you bonding with the baby and building confidence is the first priority.
And feeding is one of the most important parts of bonding for a hormonal postnatal mom.” User
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, your baby, not her baby. She raised a son who doesn’t see anything wrong with deliberately going against someone’s expressed wishes, going behind the back of someone who trusts them, and purposefully doing something they know will upset someone who is already stressed. MIL needs to back off until you are better and has shown she will stop making your life harder just so she can feed the baby, your husband needs to step up and stop patronizing you while treating his mother breaking your trust, lying to your face by agreeing to things she has no intention of following through on and messing with your baby’s ability to latch/bond after a traumatic birth as inconsequential. You and your baby should come first, he is not taking your health or the well-being of his baby seriously because he is more worried about upsetting his mother.” HannahAnthonia
3. AITJ For Prohibiting My Children From Going To Church?
“I (32f) have been married to my husband (34m) for 7 years. We have two kids together (4m) and (1f). My husband and I were both raised Catholic, his family was the type that went to church every Sunday and mine was more of a Christmas and Easter-only type of family.
I became an atheist very early on in my life but my husband is still religious and goes to church every Sunday. This has never caused an issue until now. We agreed to let our kids choose whatever they want to believe. When my oldest was old enough to understand we explained that my husband believed in God and I didn’t and he could do what he wanted to do when it came to church.
This year he started going to church with his dad and he seemed to really like it.
This week though he came home crying and when I asked him what was wrong he said he was sad because I wouldn’t be able to go to heaven with him and his dad.
Apparently, that was the topic of this week’s sermon. My husband seemed to think it was funny and something that he would grow out of eventually when he was able to think more for himself. I told him that I wouldn’t allow my children to grow up believing I would not go to heaven for my beliefs and that our children would not be going to church until my husband found one that was more tolerant.
This upset my husband because he said it violated our agreement that our children would get to choose what they wanted to do. This got even worse when I told my son today that he wouldn’t be going to church tomorrow and he started crying because he was worried God would be mad at him.
My husband and I fought about it once the kids were asleep and he thinks I need to let my son go because of how much it’s upsetting him but if anything this has made me want to keep him from going to church at all until he’s much older.
I don’t want him to be taught he has to feel guilty like this or that he is a bad person for something so inconsequential.
AITJ?
Edit to clarify a few things: I’m not going to tell him what he can or can’t believe.
I just don’t want him to continue to go somewhere every week that is hurting him emotionally.
I have been to this church before. I go with the whole family every Christmas Eve, for me it’s just more of a nice tradition than something religiously important.
I hadn’t heard anything bad when I went.
When we talk about religion with my son we let him ask questions and answer them honestly. He has asked me why I don’t believe before and I’ve answered honestly and my husband has done the same when my son has asked him similar questions.
Why I didn’t anticipate this happening? I don’t really have a good answer. I didn’t think about it too much and that’s on me. My experience with the church as a child wasn’t actually a bad one. I went somewhat regularly with my parents until I was maybe 5 or 6 and then we started going only on Christmas and Easter.
I believed as a young child but I must have gotten the dumbed-down version of Catholicism where good people go to heaven and bad people don’t go to heaven and that’s that. I definitely don’t remember hearing things like what my son has been hearing but maybe that was just my church or my memory is failing me.
At some point in elementary school, I realized that none of it made much sense to me at all and stopped believing. I’ve asked my husband before what he thinks about it and he always tells me that he knows I’m a good person and that’s all he needs me to be regardless of what I believe.”
Another User Comments:
“No jerks here. If your son is old enough to have a basic lesson from you both on religion and the goodness and bigotry it may encompass, now wouldn’t be a bad time to do it. And if he’s crying from the priest’s sermon, he’s capable of a level of reasoning.
I know this won’t be a popular opinion, but the best way to inoculate against bigotry at a young age is to expose him to it and show why it makes no sense by talking to him about it.
Giving him the opportunity to go to church and talk to you & Papa about what he hears will help him develop reasoned thinking, and not make it forced. He will eventually arrive at a logical conclusion about the likelihood of unsubstantiated realities based on common sense influenced by both of your teachings, not the church’s.” Vera_Telco
Another User Comments:
“Everyone sucks here – but mostly you.
The Bible is clear that Christians and people of other/no religions shouldn’t marry for this exact reason. That’s on both of you. This stuff is going to come up for the entire time you raise these kids.
You are going back on your agreed position to let the kid decide his preferences on religion or not because it said something you don’t like. And you knew it would say that Christians go to heaven and atheists don’t because you literally grew up in this type of church.
So now you’re controlling what your kid can and can’t do with religion and what he can or cannot believe.” JurassicParkFood
Another User Comments:
“As a Christian that went to church as a child, NTJ. This is indoctrination, the child is 4. He isn’t choosing to believe in Christ and follow him, he is copying his dad and probably wants to spend time with him alone.
Hearing about Heaven and the satan and that he won’t be with his mom in heaven is spiritual mistreatment, especially if the fear of not seeing you again after death drove him to the point of tears.
Please keep him away, until he is old enough to choose what he believes in and find a church that focuses more on spreading Christ’s message of love than condemning atheists.
Yes, I have my own biases – deal with it. Please make sure that they aren’t trying to make him into a little missionary, by telling him he has to persuade his sister when she grows older or classmates later to go to church with him.
Some Sunday schools and churches do that.” Serious-Yellow8163
Another User Comments:
“Everyone sucks here.
Seriously, did you not think through the Catholic versus atheist perspectives enough to foresee the struggle young kids would face?
Your husband shouldn’t find it funny but he is right that your son will grow out of it.
You told your son he could make his own choice, now you are reneging on that. Is that really a lesson you want your son to learn? If he wants to go, let him.
I am curious that a four-year-old is sitting through a ‘not going to heaven’ sermon though.
Is there not a more appropriate Sunday school for children of that age?
Signed a long-standing agnostic.” Stormschance
2. AITJ For Blaming My Partner For Ruining My Christmas Decors?
“I love Christmas, a crazy amount. Have 5 Christmas trees, hundreds of decorations, etc.
Converted the shed for my partner when he moved in 3 ish years ago to be a workshop and attempt to start a small business from home.
He didn’t start using it until the beginning of this year.
The problem is, the shed got TRASHED. He just can’t focus on anything else but the project at hand. He literally ran out of room in there (due to rubbish), so moved to the garage.
I can’t even park my car in there for the last year.
I have tried to clean it (all of it) for months but he gets upset and says he will do it, refusing to let me in there.
I started the clean-out today and honestly, my heart is broken.
There are mouse feces and urine in everything. I have hand-knitted Christmas teddies that are older than me, and the mice got into the storage container. All my decorations are filthy, the boxes are stained from the pee, and it stinks beyond belief. My trees are covered in it.
I don’t even know how to start fixing it.
I know not all of it is ruined, I can clean a lot. But this is thousands of dollars of decorations. And it’s not about the expenses. 95% of my things have a story or were gifted for my birthday, or my grandmother knitted them, etc. This is years and years of friends and family gifting me things I love.
I can’t replace the sentiment if the items are ruined.
I was really upset and he could tell. So I told him, I’m upset about my Christmas things. He said ‘are you saying it’s my fault?’. So I replied ‘yes. I don’t think you did it intentionally, but the state in there caused this’.
He says there was never any food in there, and there were mice when it got cleaned out for the workshop. So I said ‘yeah, but the state it’s in, and you wouldn’t let me in there because you were embarrassed, means I couldn’t be proactive and lay traps, or move the things that mean a lot to me’
He basically lost it, said ‘I’m sorry you are upset, it sucks they are ruined, but it’s not my fault. I never left food in there’. He rarely yells, but raised his voice and said I’m in the wrong for accusing him of being at fault here.
He’s been avoiding me since, and things are tense. AITJ? Do I just not understand how mice work? I know I’m partly to blame because I should have put my foot down months ago and just cleaned it out.
There are other things at play which is making it really hard for me to know if I’m overreacting or if I’m justified to be upset.
I feel like a jerk for blaming him but my heart hurts for what I’ve lost, and then I feel bad because they’re just possessions.”
Another User Comments:
“First, if he is actually running a woodworking business and isn’t cleaning CONSTANTLY he is 1) an idiot who will lose business and wreck his tools and 2) a health risk for you and your family.
Not just the mice, but the sawdust is incredibly flammable and the smallest spark can literally explode your garage with the amount of sawdust you are describing.
Also, yes absolutely mice love sawdust and will use it for warmth and bedding while feeding elsewhere.
If you look at ANY business involving wood the first and foremost rules/investment needs are setting up a dust collection system and ensuring a clean workspace for your projects and workspace.
Given how things are going, I’d bet on the fact that he has barely met any contracts, and, for those he had, he probably half-meant it enough to the point where he is barely making enough to justify the Etsy shop.
You are NTJ, but you need to have your partner rent space elsewhere if they want to keep doing this.
They are 100% at fault for the ruining of your materials. Their anger is deflecting guilt.” Encartrus
Another User Comments:
“Your partner is a hoarder. He feels a lot of shame and guilt. His hoarding and guilt/shame cycle: He hoards because he is too ashamed to clean; because he is too ashamed he can’t clean.
He is generally unable to clean these spaces and take care of them. This is ACTIVELY HURTING YOU. And this is also ACTIVELY HURTING HIM. And the most significant part of this: 1) this is a several-year problem which means 2) there are now patterns set in place that feed the problem even more so 3) it will be very difficult for him to change unless 4) DRASTIC and IMMEDIATE change is introduced and this can only happen 5) if he is able to admit that change is needed (he is an adult.
if he refuses to acknowledge that he needs help no one can force help on him) and 6) is willing to get the help he needs however 7) you have explicitly said that he refuses to acknowledge the fact that he has a problem and 8) his solution to this right now is to lash out at you.
If this continues it WILL ruin your relationship. It’s only a matter of time. No relationship can survive a situation where someone needs help, refuses to acknowledge it, and lashes out at their partner instead. That will hurt you and you will grow resentful and you’d be justified in doing so.
He’ll grow resentful because his guilt and shame will eat him alive.
If it were me, I would have a real sit down two three-hour conversations about what’s going on and what next steps need to be taken. I would probably tell him that it’s time for him to temporarily move out and that couples therapy and personal therapy are both necessary and required for the relationship to continue.
There are other ways too but the point is really this: Something needs to change and it needs to change now.
I understand that you want to be supportive but right now supportive does not look like letting him continue to be responsible for this space or continuing to go on as if nothing is wrong.
there is a serious mental crisis here that is actively affecting both of your day-to-day lives. the American disability act (ADA) defines a disability as a physical or mental impairment that substantially limits a major life activity/your day-to-day life. this is what is happening.
He is in need of real professional help that is outside the scope of what you alone can provide.
NTJ” Flat_Jackfruit_9359
1. AITJ For Not Letting My Wife Bathe The Dog In The Sink?
“So we have a 4-pound chihuahua. We also have 4 full bathrooms in our house. We were discussing giving the dogs a bath and a walk. My wife suggested that we can wash Romeo in the kitchen sink because he is so small. I said that’s disgusting because our dishes go into that sink and food-related products.
She disagrees. I said dude if I ask people, you’re going to be roasted. I will not wash a dog in the kitchen sink. AITJ?
EDIT: we are a lesbian couple. I’m not a controlling womanizer man lol I just think it’s gross even if she cleans the sink.
The thought of having dog hair where I eat is repulsive to me
EDIT: I don’t eat my food in the sink. We clean it regularly with cleaning products. It’s still gross to me and no one has severe back issues at the moment so it’s not a health issue.
ALSO, I don’t want my wife belittled. I was trying to prove something. I said you’re gross and going to be roasted. I am the one giving the dogs a bath tonight and it definitely isn’t in the kitchen sink Little Romeo.
Edit: I’m not a control freak dike who doesn’t ‘allow’ her wife to do things.
If you met my wife, you’d think that was hilarious anyways. She literally does whatever she wants and doesn’t care what anyone thinks. We are not actually even fighting about this issue. I gave Romeo a bath (in the bathroom tub) while my wife was at work.
All is right in our world. No divorce being filed.”
Another User Comments:
“The kitchen sink is not only ok, but it’s also actually ideal for this. Using a bathtub means you would need to kneel and bend to reach the dog- uncomfortable for an extended period of time.
Using the kitchen sink brings him up to a good working height. Not only that, your kitchen sink (unlike the various bathroom sinks) likely has some sort of spray nozzle, which can be very useful for pet washing. Your kitchen sink probably also already has some sort of strainer to catch food – or in this case, hair – which your tub might have, but your bathroom sinks probably lack.
Finally, the ‘yuck’ factor – that’s why you clean the sink when you’re done. Wipe out the sink with a towel to get any remaining hair, clear out the strainer, then sanitize it with your method of choice (bleach, sanitizer spray, boiling water, vinegar, whatever) and it’ll be just fine.
Your wife is certainly not the jerk for recognizing a reasonable and practical strategy, and you’re not the jerk for being grossed out, although you are incorrect (you can be incorrect without being a jerk, after all). Therefore, no jerks here.” _higglety
Another User Comments:
“YTJ unless your bathroom sinks have the same sprayer nozzle your kitchen sink does. In my house, the reasons we use the kitchen sink to bathe the dog include 1. The sprayer nozzle 2. The height of the sink 3. The depth and size of the sink. 4. There’s no cross contamination if you properly clean everything
Bathroom sinks (where I live at least) are small and shallow with no sprayer nozzle. Unlike kitchen sinks which are more of a big basin-style and usually do have a sprayer nozzle. And it’s not like we’d bathe the dog with dishes still in the sink.
The sink gets cleaned thoroughly both before and after.
I don’t know, to me, it’s only gross if you don’t clean the sink again before adding more dishes. And I’d much rather do that than break my back leaning over the bathtub.” Head-Jackfruit-8487
Another User Comments:
“No jerks here. There’s probably nothing on that dog that’s grosser than salmonella or e. Coli which can be on raw meat and even some veggies. As long as you clean it well after the dog’s bath, I don’t see the big deal. And I’m sure it’s easier to wash the dog in the sink than the bathtub (and uses less water), although a dog that small could probably be washed in the bathroom sink.
(Pretty sure there’s a dude on TikTok that does this.)
Otoh, if you’re grossed out, you’re grossed out. Logic doesn’t always help with that. I don’t think it’s unreasonable to ask her to wash the dog somewhere else unless it’s a hardship for her for some reason not mentioned. If that’s the case, maybe you can bathe the dog.
I hate to break it to you, but that dog’s hair is going to be everywhere anyway.” Friendly_Shelter_625
Another User Comments:
“Honestly… I think YTJ. You’re not a jerk, I understand where you’re coming from, I just think you’re wrong in this instance.
Yes, it is gross to wash a dog around things you’re going to eat off of-but I’m assuming the sink isn’t going to be filled with dishes or food when she’s washing the dog. I thaw raw chicken in the sink, trim it, wash veggies, etc. That’s not only gross but dangerous if it were to get on food/plates.
But then I bleach the sink…because it’s a sink. It’s routinely used for gross/unsanitary stuff.
I think as long as neither of you is a careless slob (which I’m sure you’re not…or at least hopeful that you’re not lol) there will be no problems washing the dog and then sterilizing the area.
I think your disgust is mostly mental rather than based on actual germs or contamination – and I get it, but I don’t think it’s necessary. Full disclosure, I have horrible spine problems and have been considering washing our small dog in the sink, because I can’t bend over… so maybe I’m slightly biased. I haven’t done it yet, but I don’t think it’s a horrible idea.” LovecraftianLlama
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