People Are Willing To Hear Our Opinions On Their "Am I The Jerk?" Stories
25. WIBTJ If I Want To Be Adopted By My Stepmom?
“My mother (51F) and I (26F) have never had a good relationship. Like ever. My mom is spiteful, vindictive, SUPER manipulative, & is also a textbook narcissist, along with some other mental illnesses.
My childhood was kind of a lot. She did the usual trashy mom stuff when she & my dad divorced (I was 2), wouldn’t let him see me as a punishment, told me he didn’t love me, she was very emotionally, mentally, & verbally abusive.
At 17 I moved out & went to live with my dad & his new wife. My mom turned everyone against me, & exiled me. That’s happened a lot over the years, so I really don’t care anymore. When I first moved in I was traumatized and I was even diagnosed with PTSD.
Honestly, If I were to list all the trashy things she did I might as well delete this & just write a book so for the sake of the word count let’s just take my word for it. I did my best to make a relationship work with her.
My stepmom, we’ll call her Saint Suzy, because her name is Suzy & she is a saint. Before my dad, she was married to this piece of work & then at 17 her son intentionally passed away & it was/is the greatest tragedy of her life.
But despite it all, she is still the kindest woman I’ve ever met. Like ‘going to nursing homes & visiting the people that no one comes to see, kind, a librarian for an elementary school & pulling aside the kids who don’t have good home lives & telling them how important, smart, & special they are’ kind.
Suzy has loved me & never withheld it, supported & encouraged me, helped me heal, she changed my life. I wouldn’t be who I am without her. I know my mom took her role as a mother & all the special moments for granted & twisted it up into more of a right she was entitled to.
But I know Suzy doesn’t do that, she appreciates every special moment, and she views our close relationship as a gift. I never felt like I had a mom before her.
If I ask Suzy to adopt me I know, pretty much for a fact that my mom & most of my family on that side will probably not talk to me for a LONG time if ever again.
But there’s some family that understand & support me in this. I’m at a place in my life where if I want to fully heal & move on I can’t have her in my life. I know she’s my mom, I know in her own way she loves me, & I can see how this might be hurtful, but she causes too much catastrophic damage.
I watched people my entire life just take her nonsense because they didn’t want to deal with her tantrum so they just went along with it so she just got worse and worse. & I will NOT be another person who enables her.
She may have given birth to me, but Suzy is my mom.
I plan on surprising her this weekend with a little ‘I love you’ book I made, & the adoption papers. Like I said, I don’t think I’m the jerk, but it never hurts to check.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ
If even half of what you said about your bio mom is true, or if any of it is true, I would barely call you a jerk even if the only reason you wanted Suzy to adopt you was to spite your egg donor.
Even then, the only jerk part of it would be that it would have been unfair to Suzy, and has nothing to do with your bio mom.
It sounds like you really love your stepmom, though, so that’s not even a concern.
Honestly, it’s a real testament to your character that you’re even giving your bio mom’s feelings a passing thought.” winsluc12
Another User Comments:
“OMG, NTJ!
Nobody, and I mean, NOBODY is entitled to access to your life; certainly not your abuser. Titles are EARNED and wow, Suzy earned it! Your egg donor sounds like a real piece of work and something tells me that nothing of value would be lost if she or her enablers never talked to you again.
You do you. You keep the people who are a force for good in your life; the time we have on this planet is too short to willingly give any of it to trashy people, regardless of what they want to call themselves. Go forth, be Suzy’s kid evermore.” Cheezslap
24. AITJ For Refusing To Move Into The Basement?
“I (M 18) was approached by my mom (F 53) this morning, and she told me that I will be moving into the basement tomorrow.
Obviously, I was very confused, my father (M 52) just finished renovating my room so I was already kicked out of it for a few days due to potentially toxic fumes and noise. Safe to say I was very relieved to finally have my bed back once his little project was done.
To be told I was going to leave for seemingly no reason right after seemed bizarre to me.
It was then she told me, that my aunt (F 60) would be taking my room for the remainder of her time here in the United States, as she will be visiting her son/my cousin (M 35), who will also be living with us for a time.
Although my cousin will be sleeping on the couch, I will be sent to our basement which has a pretty good guest room, while my aunt takes my room.
I immediately asked why she would take my room when we have a perfectly good guest room, y’know… made for guests.
To which she responded that in my room she had an easier time getting to the bathroom.
Now I was very fortunate to have a bathroom inside my room and I admit, it is super convenient, but the guest room also has a bathroom directly up the stairs, that are also directly next to the guest room door.
To my knowledge, she has zero mobility issues. She would also have to go up an even longer staircase to get to my room in the first place.
Not to mention, this is the last month in my room for a very long time. I will be going to basic training for the USMC in about a month.
After that, I fly out hundreds of miles away for college.
Moving out of my room would also prove a little difficult, our internet isn’t the best so I hooked up my PC to the Ethernet since my router is inside my room. While in the basement, the WiFi is nearly unusable and we don’t have hotspots.
I also need my PC so I can video call my tutor, so I can pass in my missing assessments for pre-calc and graduate since they’ve told me I will not get it until I pass it all in. My college has also been requesting my final transcript which is not complete until everything is in.
It’s not something I can delay any further since basic will keep me occupied the entire summer.
For now, I’ve refused to leave my room but I am unsure if that is the right choice. Am I the jerk?”
Another User Comments:
“No jerks here but I would just take the basement.
Even if your aunt did have health issues requiring proximity to the bathroom, it’s not really your business. And you can always look into a WiFi extender that plugs into the wall, and you can plug your PC directly into it as if hardwired into the actual Ethernet.
I used this for my WFH job before I could have my internet moved into the office and it was fine. I think this is one of those situations where you just have to be flexible.” stably-unstable22
Another User Comments:
“Possible ‘everyone sucks here’. Your mom sucks for just taking your room without a satisfactory explanation.
I’ve never been a believer in ‘because I said so,’ but there might be other explanations that your mom assumes you won’t understand.
But you are also not 100% thinking this through. It’s a month. 30 days. And then you are going to boot camp.
Boot camp is going to make that 30 days in the basement seem like Club Med. And then going to college, so you won’t even be in your room after that. It’s about making a small sacrifice for the greater good. If your aunt has to traverse a set of stairs every time she needs to use the bathroom, and needs to use it several times in the night, that’s not really fair for a 60-year-old.
It’s the sort of thing that any Marine would jump on a chance to help an elderly relative.
In the end, your folks own the house, not you, so room assignments should be considered at their discretion. You have an opportunity to be the better man by agreeing to the switch, especially seeing that it’s only for 30 days and then you move on to your future.
Whatever you do, don’t share this story at boot camp. This is how unflattering nicknames are born.” CutawayChaser
23. AITJ For Moving Away From My Parents?
“I (24F) currently live in an expensive apartment with my parents. We are immigrants and it was the only place we could find that would rent to us when we were trying to move out of my extended family’s house 2 years ago.
I pay half the rent ($2,300) and a majority of the utilities. I am the only one working full-time, my mom works temp jobs, and my dad just moved here a month ago.
I recently got a job at one of my dream companies that’s in a town 3 hours away.
I decided to take the job and move there. This town has a WAY lower cost of living than where I currently live. My mother is FURIOUS that I’m moving. She hasn’t directly spoken to me for weeks.
For what it’s worth, I did tell her after a year in our current apartment that we need to find somewhere cheaper now that we have a renter’s history because we don’t need 3 bedrooms and we are living above our means, but she didn’t want to hear it.
She’s been saying a lot of things to make me feel absolutely horrible about going since I know that she can’t pay the rent and bills for this place alone (while waiting for my dad to find a job). She has expressed no interest in coming with me.
The thing is, I feel like I need to be able to take some risks to get ahead in life. We’ve lived in the US for over 4 years and she’s only had 1 stable job in that entire time while racking up a ton of debt and I’m tired of waiting for her to get sorted out.
I expect them to find a cheaper 1 bedroom apartment and I’d be able to still help them with rent or bills but I think she’s mad that she has to ‘downgrade’ because of her pride.
So AITJ for moving away and leaving them to figure out their living situation on their own?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. 100000 x NTJ. You are amazing helping out your parents but you are only holding yourself back (and also them to an extent). Your parents feel comfortable not actively looking for more work because they know you will take care of them, with you gone they will actually have the motivation to get their lives together.
You need to be able to grow and learn and make your own financial choices, you aren’t going to go anywhere in life if you are stuck in one city and limited by job opportunities. You have got your dream job somewhere else and it would be silly to completely halt your life and forget your dreams for people who aren’t even bothered to help themselves.
These are capable adults, they are not your responsibility. Your only responsibility is to look after and do the best for yourself.” Clean_Put_1588
Another User Comments:
“NTJ
You told her you wanted to find a less expensive place in a year. She’s not working, but she’s running up debt.
She doesn’t want to move to a smaller place because of her pride. And she expects you to support her in her lifestyle. Even if it means keeping you from a good job somewhere else.
She needs to grow up and get a dose of reality.
If she wants to live in a large place and spend a lot, she needs to find a job to pay for it.
Good luck with your career!” Paevatar
22. WIBTJ If I Report An Instacart Shopper?
“So, over the weekend I was feeling ill and re-downloaded the Instacart app. Placed an order for a few meds and some odds and ends to munch on till I could actually go shopping.
I got a notification from the app, that the shopper had messaged me because an item wasn’t in stock. I was sent a photo, showing the item I’d ordered and a message from the shopper: The shopper introduced himself and said that he is a local realtor and if I buy a home from him I’d receive ‘10% cash back at closing’.
Weird… I said no thank you and to just get me the item in the pic. No response.
A half hour or so later, I heard a loud conversation outside my apartment door. The shopper, dressed in a 3-piece suit, had set my stuff down and had stopped a neighbor to give his pitch on buying a home.
I watched him force his card into my neighbor’s hands. The neighbor walked off, and the shopper handed me my bags. There was a business card tucked into a box of cereal, and I grabbed it and looked from it to the guy. I asked him if he was serious about this jerky behavior, and he said there was no reason to talk to him like that and to give him the card back.
I said no, and he started reaching to take it from me but I stepped back into my apartment and shut the door.
What REALLY bothers me, is that on the back of this card for a major local realty group was a handwritten note.
‘OP, Thank you for your order! Always – (Shopper) PS: 10% Cash Back At Closing!’
I don’t know why this personalized note has bothered me so much, but it feels like a MAJOR invasion of privacy. I’m now wondering if my name and address were written down somewhere for this guy to start hounding me about buying a house.
I legitimately can’t stop harping on it, and how I might proceed. I’m leaning towards reporting him on the app, as well as sending an email to the realty group about how much I don’t appreciate the aggressive sales tactics he was using on both myself and my neighbor and communicating that I hope to NEVER receive a mailer from them.
WIBTJ for reporting him through both services?”
Another User Comments:
“If there was nothing else, I wouldn’t be too worried about the card itself; people have discreetly tucked one into a few delivery orders I’ve received, and I just ignore it. It goes in the trash with the rest of the packaging and I don’t think about it at all.
The rest was really inappropriate, and unfortunately, it makes the business card inappropriate in context too now. You have hired a courier for a delivery, not a realtor for a consultation. He is not supposed to double-dip. On top of that, he got offended instead of apologizing when you pointed out that he went too far.
NTJ. Report him in detail.” intripletime
Another User Comments:
“I would report him to Instacart for sure. He has no business trying to hustle customers when he’s being paid to do shopping. I have to wonder if he’s new to real estate and that’s why he’s being so aggressive in marketing himself.
I’m not sure if what he did is an ethics violation, but it is certainly out of line and I would probably speak to the head broker at his real estate company. You also have the option to lodge a complaint with the state real estate commission/licensing board if you want to take it that far.
YWNBTJ.” louisianefille
21. AITJ For Standing Up For My Dad Against My Aunt?
“I (17f) live with my dad (51m). He and my mom divorced 3 years ago, but are on good terms. After my senior year, he got me a dog and I love her so much even though she was a bit messy at first and sometimes she breaks stuff when we are out for more than 7 hours (this is important for the story).
Today is my dad’s birthday. We celebrated it yesterday at my grandparents’ house, but my aunt couldn’t make it.
She invited herself to our house. My dad made me clean everything, but he feels ashamed of our house. Because there are a lot of marks that my dog made on the walls (I erased all that I could but we have white walls so it’s hard) and also cause we don’t have a functional TV, some of our lightbulbs don’t work, etc. But it’s a nice and cozy house and it’s totally ours.
She came to our house with her husband and 2 kids. She didn’t wait to get inside to start commenting on our house. She complained about the walls, the table, etc. She kept saying to my dad that he needed to make more money but in a passive-aggressive way.
Then she started how he was raising me alone with no mother (my mother divorced him, she didn’t die), how alone he was, and how the family reputation was ruined with him. I lost it when she started commenting on our dog and how we should get rid of her.
Our dog is the most precious thing to my dad and he loves her, it’s the only thing that makes him smile after his horrible days at work.
I couldn’t take my aunt complaining about my dad and our house and everything. This wasn’t just this night, all his life she and her brothers harassed my dad with their success and complained about all his mistakes, he entered a really deep depression and no one was helping him, he tried his best to be there for me and I appreciate it so much.
I just yelled at her ‘SHUT UP, SHUT UP, SHUT UP! HE IS THE BEST FATHER, YES, HE DIVORCED MY MOTHER BUT NOT EVERYONE GETS A HAPPY ENDING AND YOU KNOW WHAT? THEY ARE BOTH HAPPY LIKE THIS AND I AM OKAY WITH IT! NO ONE EVER ASKS HOW HE IS AND IF HE NEEDS HELP, YOU JUST SIT THERE AND HARASS HIM, YOU AND ALL MY UNCLES DID THE SAME THING.
AND YOU SAY WE NEED TO GET RID OF OUR DOG? SHE IS THE REASON WHY HE SMILES IN HIS MOST DARK DAYS! MAYBE SHE IS NOT YOUR ‘WELL-BEHAVED’ DOG BUT IT’S OURS AND WE LOVE HER! So I don’t care what you say, I don’t care if you think I am disrespectful, YOU AND YOUR DEMONS (her kids) GET OUT OF OUR HOUSE’.
The room went silent. My aunt got up and said ‘Control your disrespectful child (my dad’s name), happy birthday’. Then she and her husband got out. My dad hugged me and our dog, then cried ‘I’m so proud of you’ was the last thing he said.
Apparently, my aunt didn’t waste time and texted all the family. All of this happened about an hour ago. I don’t stop getting texts from my family saying that I should apologize. I’m not going to. My mom also said that I should apologize because then it’s going to be harder for my dad to go to family gatherings and so on.
I’m not taking back what I said. I don’t know what to do… Am I the jerk?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ
Where was your aunt bringing over a nicer table? Or light bulbs? Or arranging doggie school and trainers? And getting painters to fix the walls?
She doesn’t care, she just wants to complain and judge. Anyone in the family that supports her position can come fix up your house to her standards or shut up and mind their own business.” ScreamingSicada
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. When your dad hugged you and the dog, cried, and thanked you, that was the greatest gift he had to give you.
It was his pure emotion, unclouded, from the heart. He probably had no one stick up for him and he just took everyone’s crap, just to ‘keep the peace’. His family doesn’t care about peace, just themselves. You go girl, don’t stop loving your dad.” in-the-buff
20. AITJ For Giving My Stepdaughter $100 For Babysitting Her Brother?
“I’ve (29f) been married to my husband (34m) for 2 years and we have a 10-month-old son together. My son is my first bio child, however, hubby has a 15-year-old daughter, Grace. Grace stays with us during the summer and on weekends but usually lives with her mom during the school year.
For the first time since having our baby, we decided to have a big nice date night last weekend. I asked Grace to look after the baby and she said yes. It was all well and good and when we got back, the baby was asleep, Grace was watching TV in the living room and even cleaned while we were gone.
My husband agreed we should give Grace money for looking after a baby for 5ish hours and give her $40. I told him that wasn’t enough for what I think babysitting is worth so hubby said give her what I think she deserves and slipped her $60 more before she left on Monday.
Well, Grace’s mom Lexie (35f) has since contacted me, upset that I gave Grace $100 ‘without her permission’ and that Grace should not be paid $20 an hour to watch her own brother since we pay for her living expenses and food already. Lexie said now Grace will expect to be paid just as much for watching her (Lexie’s) other kids too.
I told Lexie Grace did a great job and I wanted her to have money to spend on herself since I don’t think it’s fair to tell a kid they have to work for free and be appreciative just because their parents house and feed them.
Lexie basically told me I’m gonna turn HER KID into an entitled monster with my attitude and I’ll ‘learn better’ when my son gets older. I said expecting a teen to parent younger siblings for free is the most entitled thing I’ve heard.
Apparently, Grace and her mom had a big fight over this and my husband has tried talking to Lexie but still, she blames me since I gave her the extra $60. She says I’m overstepping as a step-parent and my husband is trying to ‘turn Grace against her’.
Grace has been ‘forbidden’ from taking money for babysitting again.”
Another User Comments:
“Absolutely NTJ. Good for you for wanting to make sure that your stepdaughter is well compensated for watching her younger brother. She babysat for 5 hours; that’s fair considering that the hourly rate for one child ranges between $13-17.
She cleaned too.
If Lexie thinks that you and your husband paying her for a job well done will turn Grace against her, then she has bigger problems than she thinks. I’d bet $20 that Lexie doesn’t give Grace a single dime for doing anything ‘above or beyond’ normal chores.” BadBandit1970
Another User Comments:
“Let’s examine the behavior you modeled here.
You asked your stepdaughter to do something instead of ordering her to do it. Lesson one: You see her and respect her as a complete human being.
You offered her a fair wage for the work you were asking.
Lesson two: you value her time and labor.
When you found out that she had done a superb job, you gave her a generous bonus. Lesson three: you are willing to pay more, not less, for this, particularly when it comes from someone in your family.
In your family there isn’t a ‘family discount’ – there’s a ‘family bonus’.
I want to emphasize this last one. You showed your stepdaughter that she should not be undervalued simply because she is related to you. This is so key. You showed her that she doesn’t have to be a slave to her relatives.
You gave an excellent example of How To Be An Adult. You are showing your stepdaughter how she should behave when she is in your shoes. That is incredibly valuable, A+ parenting. NTJ.” diagnosedwolf
19. WIBTJ If I Tell My Friend She Can't Be In My Car Anymore?
“Since I got my license I would often go out with friends including Ruby who I would often take out for drives and take to different places. At the start, everything was fine until around 9 months ago when Ruby moved out of her parents’ house and started renting.
Her personal hygiene plummeted and she often noticeably smelled bad. I had attempted to bring up her hygiene to her gently but every time she would cry and shut down the conversation even when I would offer her help.
At first, it wasn’t too much of an issue because I understand it sometimes being hard taking care of yourself and life being overwhelming but it got worse since she moved into her latest rental. At the first place Ruby was staying her roommates pushed her to try to stay clean but since she’s moved again her hygiene has gotten worse.
In the second place where Ruby lived, her roommates were very unclean and it seems that she picked up some of their habits there. At Ruby’s current rental, her hygiene hasn’t been too much of an issue as she hasn’t been living there long and her space has had to stay clean as the house is about to be sold.
The main issue I am having is around her menstrual hygiene, Ruby claims to use menstrual products although I don’t believe her as on three separate occasions after having Ruby in my car I have noticed blood stains on my passenger seat. I’ve also had other friends have similar issues after having Ruby in their car but when confronted about it she either avoids the situation or cries.
This is causing serious problems for me as the last time this happened I had to spend $60 to get my passenger seat deep cleaned in an attempt to get the staining out. I’ve tried to talk to her about it and the fact that it has cost me money but when I’ve tried to talk to her, she just keeps saying she’s too busy to talk so would I be the jerk if I told Ruby she can’t be in my car anymore?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ – but let me ask you. Wouldn’t it be easier to ask her to sit on a towel/cover rather than not getting her in your car anymore?
You have every reason to say that on three occasions you had her menstrual blood on your passenger seat and even needed to dry clean it, so if she wants to join you, she either takes care of her hygiene or sits on a blanket, otherwise she can’t ride with you.” DennisTheFox
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. It’s your car. You want to keep it clean. I know that sometimes menstrual cycles can’t be controlled, but she could still likely do something to somewhat control it (wear a max tampon and use a heavy absorbent pad along with it).
That should likely control her period. And if not, she should likely start talking to a doctor about what’s going on. You’ve tried talking to her about it and she’s not responsive to your very valid concerns. So at this point, you just have to tell Ruby that she’s no longer allowed to ride in your car until she can control what’s going on.” easybreezylemon
18. AITJ For Going To College Halfway Across The Country?
“Our (I’m f 18 and my siblings are 10m, 6f, and 1f) parents are not good people. Dad is in and out of jail and mom is an emotionally unstable drinking addict who does mostly nothing. I’ve been taking care of my siblings since my brother was born.
I changed diapers, mixed bottles, comforted him, and watched him pretty much every second that I wasn’t in school, as well as an 8-year-old could. I saw his first steps, I heard his first words, I taught him how to read, etc, etc. I used to be scared every day I went to school because I didn’t know what would happen to him while I was gone.
This pattern continued with all my other siblings. Throughout middle school and high school I was trying to manage school work, a part-time job so we could put more food on the table, and raising multiple small children. My dad usually went off somewhere when he wasn’t in jail and my mom acted as the world’s worst babysitter until I could get home.
It got to the point where they would start calling me mommy until I corrected them.
I’ve been dreaming of a way to escape since… forever. I love my siblings more than life itself but I also am so angry that I didn’t get a chance to experience anything but taking care of them.
Throughout all of it, I managed to get decent grades. Good enough to get me a scholarship to a college halfway across the country. Since I was accepted, I have been warring with myself every day on whether or not to leave. The move-in date is coming up next month and in fear of missing my chance to go, I bought the plane tickets which my brother saw me doing.
He asked me where I was going. I broke down crying and told him that I was sorry and that I had to go. He begged me not to leave them alone. I’m seriously a mess. On one hand, I feel like this is finally my chance to do something I want for once, to make something for myself.
I can still come back on holidays and if I manage to finish my degree and get a good job, I could seriously improve all of our living situations. On the other hand, if I leave, my siblings will literally have no one. Not a single stable adult.
We don’t have any other family. I’m afraid that my brother would have to do the same thing I did. And still, I want to leave. I truly want to leave. Am I an awful person? Am I the jerk?”
Another User Comments:
“You have a really tough situation.
In my opinion, one of the best ways to lift you and your siblings out of these issues is to go get a good education and a job you are proud of. It will set a good example for your siblings and show them there is a different path.
However, I would fully communicate that to your brother and say that this is temporary but good for your family long-term. And that sometimes in order to succeed, you have to go through some short-term failure or pain.
I know that it sounds insensitive a little bit and it would be tough.
But you don’t want to continue down the same path that your parents did.” Weary-View-1515
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, unfortunately, you all siblings got dealt a trashy hand in life, I understand you feel like you are abandoning your siblings, but you are not, it is not your fault and you have to look out for your future and that will help your siblings in the long run.
Keep in contact with your brother (have regular phone calls so you know what’s going on). Tell him that he has to be strong and grow up a little faster than he should (poor kid) but reassure him that it’s none of his fault and he can always call you up.
If it comes to that you will have to call CPS.
Good luck and I hope you guys all stick together in the end and continue to have a beautiful bond. Sometimes you just cannot be physically present but you are always there with them in your heart.
I am sorry for you and I hope you find a support system of friends!” iamjuste
17. AITJ For Recording My Cousin Talking Trash About Our Grandparents?
“My mother had a big fight with her parents 10 years ago. They hadn’t spoken since but they were always great grandparents to me and my mom allowed me to have contact with them (for which I’m grateful).
My grandparents NEVER talked badly about my mother (to me or other family as far as I know) and I really appreciate that. My grandparents are not super rich but are wealthy enough to sometimes lend money or support their grandchildren.
Now… my cousin (f 26) gets a lot of support from my grandparents.
She didn’t want to work while studying (like the rest of us did) because her subject was ‘more difficult’ than ours. My other cousins and I didn’t really care about that because it’s up to our grandparents what they want to support.
She told everybody 1 month ago that she was pregnant and needed help (her parents don’t earn much). My grandparents offered to pay a lot and were happy about helping. But since this time my cousin went to my mother (for the first time in like 3 years) and talked to her while having coffee (I don’t live at home so I wasn’t there).
Later my mother called me and told me how happy she is that my cousin agrees with how bad my grandparents are. She (to clarify: my cousin!) called them embarrassing, ugly, stupid (they didn’t have the same chance for school education), and so on. I was really livid and angry!
I get that it’s normal to sometimes be annoyed with your family and talk about it but the way that she talked about them while getting full support from them rubbed me the wrong way. But I didn’t want to do something about it because maybe she was just having a bad day.
But she went to my mother’s 3 times after that and trash-talked again.
The last time I went home the day before but left when they were meeting. I let my iPhone record their conversation. The next day I went to my grandparents and invited my cousin (I didn’t want to do it while all of my family was there because it was not about embarrassing her).
While we were having lunch I played my grandparents the record and my cousin was shocked. My grandparents were also shocked, and sad but mostly angry about how someone from their own family could be so mean. My cousin didn’t even start to say something and left crying.
Since then part of my family has been angry with me (I could have talked to her first, why tear the family apart, she’s pregnant and I am guilty that she doesn’t have any money now) and part of my family is on my side.
I don’t know if that was a jerk move.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Being pregnant isn’t a license to trash-talk people who love you and help you behind their backs.
This wasn’t about venting if she was going on about them being ugly, stupid, or embarrassing.
Venting is when they’ve done something to you and you need to let off steam, whereas here it’s more like she looks down on them and has no respect for them as people, despite being happy to take their money.
She sounds thoroughly unpleasant, and she could easily have avoided her current situation by just being a decent person.
It’s really not that hard. If this had been a one-off that you had recorded – the bad day scenario – I might feel differently. But this is repeated bad behavior and just so mean to your grandparents. They deserve to know. And maybe she’ll learn from this.” QueenGuinevereKitten
Another User Comments:
“NTJ
But talk about biting the hand that feeds you.
She did this to herself, I would definitely set the record straight about her every time the family complains and let them know that your mom told you and that you’re not jealous, you just think it is nonsense that she’s talking crap about people who are paying her way through life.” User
16. AITJ For Refusing To Let My Sister-In-Law And Her Daughter Move Into My Rental House?
“My (45F) SIL (50F) is a widow and has a 15-year-old daughter. My brother (40M) died 10 years ago after having his second stroke.
We both inherited my parents’ house after they passed away and after the first stroke, my brother transferred it only to my name for safety and not to be an object of fight after his death, because it’s something important to both of us.
As I already had a great house, my brother continued to live there with his family.
After his death, my SIL was outraged that the house was in my name and even though I offered to let her live in it, she refused and left. She inherited from my brother the inheritance from my parents that he received and all the inheritance from my brother (who was extremely well off), so she received an inheritance that would let her live well for the rest of her life, to be honest.
Currently, I’m in another house, better than the previous one and my parents’ house, because it’s a well-maintained house and after some renovations, it’s for rent, expensive rent for a 2-story house and huge, so it’s money that I appreciate having, even though I don’t really need it.
Yesterday my SIL called and told me to meet for coffee. She told me that she was having a hard time and that she needed a place to live.
I said that my house was not a good option, because my niece was allergic to cats and I have 5.
She replied that she was thinking about the house she used to live in (my rental house) and that it was not possible to live with her mother, because she lived in another state and lived a very ‘simple’ life. And since the house was also my brother’s, it was only fair for the wife and daughter to enjoy it.
I denied saying that the house is mine only, my brother’s will reaffirmed this and I had offered 10 years ago for them to live in it and my SIL refused and left with a lot of money. Also, I was surprised that she is tight knowing the gigantic amount she had inherited and my niece will inherit (only 16 years old).
My SIL said she would pay as soon as she could, most likely when my niece turns 16 (5 months from now). Then she would live in a house for free and not guarantee me even paying the bills.
I denied it again, I love my niece very much, but her mother is a choice and I would easily buy a ticket for both of them to go to my SIL’s mother’s house.
Needless to say, she was disgusted and called me a selfish jerk.
My wife says the house doesn’t make that much difference to us, but understands me.
I see it as a trap without having the security that I will be reimbursed.
But was I the jerk?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Block them both. She is being very entitled and believes you should never have gotten anything. If she spent all that money it was on frivolous things. Do not allow her to stay. It is the principle of the matter. Why would you allow someone who disgustingly disrespects you into your home for your help?” User
Another User Comments:
“NTJ – I feel like you should trust your gut instinct on this. She has burned through (potentially from how I am reading this) a good sum of money. Now she would like to live in a home that requires upkeep, taxes, and various larger maintained projects (as all houses do).
I have a feeling you would end up supporting them and the house. Honestly, it doesn’t sound like she has the means to pay for anything (unless she is not being honest with you).
It’s not your responsibility. If you are feeling like you would like to help your niece, may I suggest a trust account or something for her to access when she is older?” KAJ35070
15. WIBTJ If I Don't Give My Baby Clothes To My Pregnant Sister?
“I (33F) have a sister (31F) who’s having her second child, a girl. (She already has a son.) I have 3 kids (2 boys and a girl) and lots of clothes (newborn to at least age 4) from my daughter.
We’ve had a pretty big falling out the last two times we saw each other and given we’re thinking about selling our house, I’d like to declutter and find a place for the clothes. I’m just not sure about giving them to her and don’t want to keep storing them.
I don’t think she’d appreciate the clothes and she’d find some way to throw it in my face because that’s how she is.
The second to last time I saw her, when we had our falling out she texted my husband ‘No wonder no one can stand being around her’ as we were leaving her house.
The last falling out we had, we were visiting our mom. Sister decided to be passive-aggressive about my son being in a coat outside but having a T-shirt underneath. When I didn’t immediately spring into action and put another shirt on him (cause I was holding his brother who is an infant) she said, ‘I guess he’ll just freeze.’
I said she was being passive-aggressive on my way to getting my older son a shirt and she decided once again to say I need therapy and start going off on me.
As we were arguing Mom asked us to stop, and I did, but my sister just couldn’t help herself and kept going, which made our mom (who we were visiting to celebrate her finishing cancer treatment) cry.
After my sister went outside again I was angry and shaking. I packed up things and began to put them in my vehicle to go. My mom calmed me down but wanted my sister and me to make up. She wanted us to stay and have lunch but I wasn’t going to put up with this again.
THEN after she, her husband, their son, my older two kids, and our brother came in, Mom and sister started making cookies with the 3 kids that had been outside like nothing happened. What?! I left with my 3 kids when they were done. I said goodbye to everyone but my sister.
They all enable her behavior and I’m so done. She’s awful to me, constantly judges people and shares stories about others I’ve never met because it helps her self-esteem to tear others down, and was controlling even to her husband when he made breakfast before the second falling out.
If she was so concerned about my kid, her nephew, she could’ve done the kind thing and brought my son in or gotten him more layers but no, she had to go and be rude instead.
So, in a nutshell, it feels like giving her the clothes would be enabling her again whereas if they’re donated they can go to someone who would appreciate them.
She’s not speaking to me, she’s repeatedly tried to drag my husband into the drama via text, and her friends are excluding me from upcoming events related to her baby (namely a baby shower party in May). I’m counting down the days until our mom asks me to give her the clothes.
At the same time, donating them might just cause more grief for me.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. You’re overthinking this situation. Donate the clothing to a homeless shelter, a home for unwed mothers, or any other organization that has an immediate need for the clothing.
Contact your local social service agency if you need information on what organization may be in need of the clothing. They may ask you to drop them off for their ‘community closet.'” Shaggymaggie
Another User Comments:
“NTJ
Donate them now before your mom asks and tell her ‘Oh I’ve already given them to people who really needed them’.
No further details are needed – you did a good thing with items you owned and you hadn’t been asked for them by your sister so no harm no foul.” Calm_Initial
You and sis are definitely jerks for arguing and pettiness in front of Mom in that moment. When you finish cancer treatment, you still feel like crap and some things never recover. Did you know that some treatment causes your fingerprints to pretty much go away? I've heard it takes ip to a year for them to start coming back. Approaching 3 years post chemo and I still have issues passing out paper in class and things regularly slip out of my fingers. My memory still sucks (did you know that some Dr's are exploring a link for using speech therapy to help exercise and improve memory in chemo patients?) She will be tired for no reason probably for the rest of her life, even in remission. Both of you keep the pettiness away from Mom. She doesn't need to be ignorant of the situation like she doesn't matter, but fighting in front if her or complaining to her? She consumed enough poison with her treatment. Grow up! Both of you!
14. AITJ For Going On Vacation With My Husband During Our Daughter's Prom?
“I have had one tough year. I was in a bad car accident, I started a new job and I lost someone very close to me.
I haven’t had one moment to myself. I’m exhausted and really just need a break.
In February my husband asked what I wanted for my birthday and I said that I really wanted to go away. Nothing fancy and within driving distance I just wanted a break.
We looked at my schedule and his and the only weekend I could take off where I could go away for more than 3 nights was Memorial Day weekend (I work every other weekend and on-call shifts). I got someone who would come stay with my daughter and started my planning.
About two weeks ago (beginning of April) my daughter came up to me and said that she decided to go to prom. She is a junior in high school and really hasn’t gone to any dances (it’s just not her thing). She had previously stated that she was not going to go but, she decided to go with friends.
Now of course I said let’s go look for dresses and we bought her a dress and got shoes not really thinking it would be on a holiday weekend.
Well, it is. My mom and in-laws are saying that I have to cancel the trip because how could I not be there for this?
That I can plan the trip for another time, but the truth is that I can’t. Yes, my lodging at this moment is fully refundable so I’m not losing any money. But, there’s no other time to take off. I looked over my calendar at work multiple times and I requested the time off for that weekend for a reason.
I have invested hours and I mean hours into finding a place within a certain distance from me to vacation at. Lodging, activities, restaurants, you name it. I really wanted this to be everything it could be.
She’s not going with a date so no one is picking her up at the house.
She’s going to her friend’s, getting ready there, and then taking a bus from there. I feel like I’m not really going to be missing out on anything. My husband keeps saying that we’ll figure it out. But, I don’t see what to figure out.
I feel like we should get her everything she needs to have a fun night and stick to our plans.
AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. You aren’t going to prom, your daughter is. I find the reasoning of your mom and your in-laws to be inexplicable… what exactly do they think you will be missing?
I skipped prom myself, but I’ve known lots of people who’ve gone. Not a single person who went has ever spoken about the important role their parents played in their experience.
As long as she knows how to call a cab, and has someone that she can call in an emergency, she really doesn’t need you.
Enjoy your vacation.” DinaFelice
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. While I do think that you need to talk to your daughter about the fact you won’t be there during the weekend in question, I don’t think seeing your kid off to prom is that big of a deal. Make sure you ask her for pictures and let her know you’re sorry to miss it.
That’s all kids really want – to be noticed and loved. As long as you’re not taking the attitude of ‘get over it kid, I don’t care about you,’ she’ll be just fine.” SpaceyAwesome
13. AITJ For Clarifying That I Am Not My Stepmom's Son?
“My stepmother (50) has been a part of my life since I was 5 years old (I am currently 21, turning 22 soon). After my parents separated, my dad remarried months before the divorce was finalized and despite the divorce, both parents agreed that even though they don’t get along they should still put my needs before their hatred for one another.
It did not take long for my stepmother to claim that I was her son and that my father and she had me before they got married. Although, she did not treat me like a son. Obviously, at the time, I was too young to understand what she meant by that so, not only did it not bother me, I didn’t understand what that meant.
As I got older, I got annoyed that she kept calling me her son, as it felt disrespectful to my mom. I do remember telling my mom about what she did, and she was understandably upset. On several occasions I brought it up to her, asking her to stop telling people I am her son since it wasn’t true (to which she agreed possibly to get me to stop bringing it up after I told my dad about it).
At the same time, my dad said that he would talk to her and told me that she likely did not mean what she said.
Fast forward a few years and at a gathering, my stepmom walks up to me, introduces me to her friend, and says ‘This is my son’.
Now, it had taken me off guard a bit since she hadn’t done that in a while and I responded with my name and ‘I am actually her stepson’. Her friend was taken back a little like I had revealed a long-hidden family secret and my stepmom looked at me like I had just committed the biggest betrayal in history.
Nothing was said after that and I largely spent the gathering keeping to myself for the most part.
After it was over, I was told I was disrespectful and that I should have just said hello. She claims I ruined the gathering (even though I kept to myself the entire time) and my father is on her side stating that I need to apologize.
Now I think it would be different if I never knew who my mom was and my stepmom was the one to have helped raise me, then in that case it would be a different story. I feel like what I have done is harmless, but obviously, my stepmom thinks otherwise.
So, am I the jerk?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ
‘It did not take long for her to claim that I was her son and that my father and she had me before they got married.’
Sounds like she wants to forget your father had you with someone else and to forget your mom.
Did they have an affair? From the sounds of the story, your father was with her immediately after leaving your mother.
Just tell her straight up, ‘If you wanted to avoid the embarrassment, you should have just abided by my wishes of you not calling me your son.'” Dear_Rhubarb8716
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. You communicated with her and asked her to stop and she continued to do it. Not sure what else you could have done. It is part of your identity, and important to you. She needs to respect that.
On a side note, it’s amazing how many enablers (in this case your dad) are always demanding apologies.
Like that is gonna solve anything.” EconomyEntrepreneur9
12. AITJ For Insulting My Friends' Moms?
“My (14M) mom (43F) is really pretty. Everyone always says so. She is naturally thin and keeps in shape with her daily yoga practice and she walks a LOT. She also looks younger than her age. My brothers are 22 and 21 and they both have laughed when people don’t believe she’s their real mom or they think she’s their significant other or sister.
Mom doesn’t do anything special to look like she does. She doesn’t have surgeries or even go to the gym, which leads to Saturday.
On Saturday my friend group came over. My best friend Jake (15M) and his SO, A (15F), my neighbor, Claire (14F), and her SO, Desi (15F), and my other friend from school, J (14F).
My mom came home while we were watching a movie and she texted me from the kitchen to ask if we wanted a snack. I said yes so she brought us some veggies and stuff. Claire asked her where she got her sundress and Mom said it was from a donation shop and left. Claire got kind of annoyed and rolled her eyes and said ‘Suuurre’.
I asked her what she meant and she claimed it was a $600 dress. I laughed because my mom would never. Her SO said that she knew for a fact that my mom was wearing that specific dress to hide her fake tan lines.
Now I’m confused because my mom NEVER tans.
She’s as white as a piece of paper and wears sunscreen every day even if it’s raining. I said that and Desi said, ‘Watch this’. So she gets up and goes to the kitchen and asks my mom a ton of questions about her workout (she only walked that day), what she washed her face with (water only in the mornings), how much she weighs, what she eats, how many items in her skincare routine, etc. My mom was annoyed but nice and then we left to go back to the den.
When we got there, I asked Desi what the heck and she said that her mom spends thousands on some shots and fancy eye cream and my mom was clearly just hiding it. I laughed until Jake said, ‘No, OP’s mom has always been hot.’ I lost it at that point.
My friends were all accusing my mom of eating disorders and lying about spending money on stuff she doesn’t, and then my best friend starts laughing and humping the air like an idiot. So I yelled at them and told them all to get out.
Here’s where I might be the jerk, though. I also told Desi and the other girls that it was gross to talk trash about my mom just because they and their moms were all old, overweight, and full of pimples.
After they left, I told my mom why I told them to leave and she hugged me and said that she didn’t care what those little girls thought.
She said it was natural to feel what I feel but she wished that I didn’t swear at them. Dad was more upset because now the neighbor might be snobby for a while. My brothers just laughed. I got upset that no one was mad at my friends for what they said so I left and spent the rest of the weekend at my cousin’s house.
So AITJ for getting mad and saying what I said?”
Another User Comments:
“No, you’re NTJ. You’re a good guy that stood up for his mom. Was it necessary to insult their moms? No, but they also had it coming. People aren’t taking it seriously because you’re young, and realistically your mom has no reason to care about them not believing she could naturally be how she is.
You did the right thing by standing up for your mom. I guarantee you she’d have your back. Good on you OP.” Sad-Ad-4384
Another User Comments:
“NTJ at all! Thanks for standing up for your mom, that is a noble thing to do. Your female friends are jealous of your mom’s beauty and your male friends were completely disrespectful towards your mom with that comment.
Who says that about someone’s mom? Even if they felt that way, that should be kept in their head and never reach their mouths.” Weneeditdun
11. AITJ For Blocking My Mom?
“I (43f) have a very rocky relationship with my mother who is 68.
Mom is one of those people who adore Joan Rivers, the whole ‘looking 50 is great – if you’re 60’ thing.
She is a perfectionist and had some work done: nose job, fillers, botox. She never leaves the house without hair and makeup done. Additionally, she is very petite and never had much of an appetite, so she remains super skinny and short. She eats only once a day.
I, on the other hand, am very low maintenance and take after my dad’s side of the family who were on the bigger side, and I like to eat.
This is a bit of backstory to understand the conflict.
I loved Mom so much but we started to have conflict after I started my own family.
It seems that each year, she is more and more critical of the way I live my life. I try to ignore and laugh it off but it is very annoying.
The other day, they had a move and I took the day off work to come and help them.
Throughout the day Mom berated me—everything from ‘How can you go out with your hair so messy, you’re a grown woman!’ to ‘You really need a tummy tuck. I can tell you are depressed and if you only do this one small thing you will be so much happier.
My friend had one done, recovery is really easy, I can give you her doctor’s number’.
I explained that I actually was not depressed and she is making me more depressed when she tells me this crap and she says ‘I love you too much to see you let yourself go like this.
I cannot be a fake who tells you what you want to hear’. I am 5’7 and weigh 175 pounds. Granted a little on the overweight side but not obese.
So after a whole day like that, which made me wanna hurt someone— I went home, and she started calling me and suggesting plastic surgeons and all that nonsense.
She also said I needed Botox because I was getting wrinkly and my husband would start looking for another woman.
So after yet another phone call, I said ‘Sorry I need to go do something’, hung up, and blocked her. No explanation. It has been over a week – this is the longest we have gone without talking to each other.
I feel happy and guilty. I keep wanting to call and explain why I blocked her but I know it will be another screaming session and I just can’t. Also with Father’s Day coming up, I will visit Dad and probably she will be there too.
Am I the jerk for blocking her like that?”
Another User Comments:
“Omg no you’re NTJ, your mom isn’t respecting your boundaries and is trying to push her lifestyle onto you when you’ve repeatedly shown her that you’re not interested. Especially telling you that your husband is gonna find another woman if you don’t get work done is absolutely unacceptable!
She’s creating issues where there are none and I wouldn’t fault you for going low or no contact with her in the near future.” crispyliza
Another User Comments:
“NTJ
What you might consider doing is writing her a letter explaining why you’ve gone no contact with her.
You won’t have to endure a screaming match that way, and she might understand what is going on. That might also give her some time to reflect on how she’s been treating you and open up the possibility of a more respectful relationship with you.” napathon
10. AITJ For Refusing To Help With My Grandparents' Dog?
“I (31F) am 24 weeks pregnant with baby #2. My grandma (69F) is like my mother. She raised me and my siblings. She is currently in the hospital and battling issues with her illness. She has COPD and emphysema and recently had a lung biopsy done, the lung collapsed, and she’s been in and out of the hospital ever since, 10ish weeks off and on.
It’s been an incredibly stressful time for everyone. There have been many close calls and we have thought the worst a few times, gathered everyone there to see her one last time, etc. My grandma has 3 children, 2 live here and are not much help, involved with substances, etc. But she has one daughter who lives many states away and is successful, responsible, and fairly well-off.
All of this is going on and my aunt (the one from out of town) keeps calling and demanding to know why I’m not doing more to help out. Well, because I’m struggling in my pregnancy, caring for my sick 3-year-old (Hunter), and still trying to work too.
I’m helping when I can by letting their dog outside when my grandpa is at the hospital with my grandma. But she’s calling me up demanding I go and spend at least 2 hours a day with their dog (he has heart failure, a collapsed trachea, kidney failure, and a hurt leg) telling me this isn’t rocket science, we’re all letting down the family and should be ashamed of ourselves.
I asked why can’t her other daughter (no job, no pets, no responsibilities) come and take care of their dog for at least a few days. That wasn’t good enough because ‘it will stress out grandpa/her dad’.
I tried to explain I was having issues with my pregnancy, taking care of my very sick son right now, and now starting to feel sick myself.
She said, ‘Nothing matters right now but my mother.’ I felt incredibly hurt by this because I felt it was implied she doesn’t care about my health issues or my baby and we all have our own lives too and are all doing the very best we can.
A huge fight ensued between her and me and now things are very tense. I’m really struggling here and feel overwhelmed and spread so thin. AITJ? Am I in the wrong?”
Another User Comments:
“‘She said ‘nothing matters right now but my mother’.’
If her mother is so important to her, she can look after her mother.
Not guilt trip you into doing what she or her daughter can do. Just tell her that you have your own health issues right now. Aunt raised a failure, she should rather send her daughter to help, rather than a heavily pregnant and busy mother.
She’s blaming you when she does nothing. Also, add that sending a heavily pregnant woman to the hospital on a daily basis is endangering your health and the health of your baby. Just tell her that if her mother is really as important as she says she is, she should look after her mother, and not try to bully and guilt her pregnant and struggling niece into doing things she should do.
NTJ. OP, not to be insensitive, but where is your husband/partner/baby’s father? ‘Cause it sounds like you need some help. Good luck.” DystopianTruth
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, but maybe you should block her number. You need to stop and take care of yourself and your children.
The stress will make being pregnant worse. So stop. You are only one person. If she is that sure that ‘only her mom matters’, then why hasn’t she brought her butt down here to take care of her? No. Just stop. Nothing you do will be enough and you are risking your unborn baby’s health as well as your own.
There are other people who can pick up the slack.” KittKatt7179
9. AITJ For Telling My Sister To Get Her Son Tested For Lyme Disease?
“My sister, her 3 kids, and her fiancé live in a small wooded area. It’s not anything big like a whole forest. Just some trees that separate the streets. Her backyard is only a few feet away from long grass and trees.
Her neighbor also never mows his lawn and long grass has reached very close to my sister’s crosswalk that leads you to the front door. She lets her cats outside as well and they go into this long grass.
A few weeks ago all 3 kids were playing outside.
No one thought anything of it until the next day when my sister found a tick on the back of her eldest son’s (age 8) head.
The following morning he woke up complaining that his arm and wrist hurt and that he had a headache. I told my sister that joint pain is a symptom of Lyme disease and she should go get him checked out.
She brushed me off and told me not to tell her how to take care of her kids.
Just this morning he was rushed to the emergency room with a fever, throwing up, and a headache. Test on what they think it was came back negative and they still don’t know what’s wrong, it’s nothing she’s ever seen in her son before.
I want to tell her to get him checked for Lyme disease because I’ve seen it before with other people but because of our last interaction with that subject, I’m scared to say anything.
She did something like this a few months ago where the same son had a stomach bug and when I suggested going to a doctor she told me to ‘shut up with that nonsense’ (He did end up having a stomach bug).
I care for my nephew deeply and I don’t want to see him ill. But am I the jerk?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ
Sadly, it seems like your sister has an acute case of ‘Mother knows best’ syndrome. It’s often the case that parents tend to think they know the best way to care for their own children, even when it’s transparently obvious they don’t.
Frankly, you should not need to step in to tell your sister that she should get her kids checked out at the hospital when an 8-year-old is complaining of joint pain. An 8-year-old getting joint pain is not even remotely normal and should immediately get the alarm bells ringing.
As to how to approach this, I really don’t know. Your sister seems very stubborn.” SpareUmbrella
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. She sounds a bit negligent to me. I know a few people who are very opposed to getting Western medicine when they need it, and one of them ended up passing from a type of cancer that could’ve been detected early and treated. I hope your sister isn’t super adamant about not going to the doctor, that’s not good parenting, in my opinion.” zvalentia
8. AITJ For Being Mad At My Aunt After What She Said When I Asked For A Bigger Slice Of Cake?
“I (17f) went with my family to my aunt’s house yesterday to celebrate my dad’s birthday. Now my aunt has always made it obvious that she thinks I eat too much but she hasn’t really said much about it before. Now she would always make me stop eating or would serve me half the amount of food she would serve everyone else.
I feel like it’s worthwhile to mention that I have had really bad struggles with bulimia and anorexia due to my family doing things like this. Anyway, I digress.
While she was cutting the cake I noticed she was cutting really small slices so I politely asked if I could have a bigger slice and she looked at me and said ‘Oh so you’re a heifer?… you want a heifer slice?’ My family all laughed after she said that and, I’m not gonna lie, it really hurt.
I didn’t finish the cake after that and gave the rest to my mom and went and cried in the bathroom. When we were leaving she gave us the rest of the cake and jokingly asked if I was going to eat the rest of it and I said ‘Not after that comment’.
I tried bringing it up to my mom later and she said that not everyone means everything to be so offensive (whatever that means).
I just want to know if I’m being a jerk getting so offended and angry over it. I really want anyone else’s opinion on this because I feel like I’m going crazy.
I understand that she could have been joking but in my opinion, it was extremely rude and I can’t fathom why she thought it was appropriate to say that to anyone let alone your own niece. Not that it matters but I’m pretty thin and play sports so I really don’t know what she’s trying to do here than cause an eating disorder.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ
Your aunt just straight-up sucks. If I were a betting man, I’d wager she was cutting smaller slices to bait you into asking for a bigger one. Then she goes back for another crack…
Your mother is trying to stay out of it – I’m guessing aunt is her SIL, not her sister – and take a path of least resistance.
I’m sorry. I won’t say don’t let it get to you or it gets easier, that’s not helping you right now. But your aunt is sick. Rotten inside. When she says things like that to you, it means absolutely nothing about you.” TheTrueAHWasInsideUs
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. I assume your aunt is aware of your eating disorder history. If so, then the ONLY reason she made that comment is because she chooses to be ignorant about how eating disorders affect people. She’s probably never had one, so the effects of your eating disorder on you are probably not very ‘real’ to her.
In some sense, I’m sure she ignorantly believes it’s not that big of a deal. Thus, she made that comment specifically to get a ride out of you. She probably thinks your eating disorder just = you being needlessly over-sensitive, so she wanted to bait you into reacting to something so she could make a point about you being over-sensitive.
I might be wrong, but I think that’s a good description of her mentality. Unfortunately, that mentality is absolutely deplorable and inexcusable. I’m sorry your aunt is the way she is. But the good news is you’re not the jerk here. Oh no. That title is reserved for your aunt.
She is Queen Jerk.” zszal
I don't think you were rude at all. Tell your mother that if she has a problem with you clapping back at your aunt, best tell auntie to stop being such a b!tch and making nasty comments to you, because you're through backing down and won't apologize. Your mother should have your back on this, no matter whose sister your auntie Heifer is.
7. AITJ For Not Letting Anyone Go Into My Bedroom?
“My mum and stepdad have gone on a holiday for 2 weeks and won’t be back until the 12th of September. I too (19F) will be going on holiday on Monday the 5th and won’t be back until the 12th.
For context, I have been away for university this year and have made occasional visits back home as I do prefer being alone usually.
My family isn’t ‘close-knit’ when it comes to my siblings (I have 2 brothers) except for me and my one brother (27M).
My brother has recently started going out with a slightly older woman (I’d like to say early thirties?) and she has a younger son (about 6 or 7).
They have only been together for 2 weeks and she has been over at our house with her son while my mother has been away. My stepdad does not live with us and has a Jack Russell who misbehaves a lot. Chews up anything he can find, tormenting my own dog, etc. For that reason, I always make sure to keep my bedroom door shut at all times even at university.
I made it clear when I left for university that no one is to be in my bedroom, especially since it’s not usually very tidy and I also have very inappropriate things in there that are easy to find if someone was to snoop (which I did not communicate to my family for obvious reasons).
Fast forward to today, I came home to find out my brother had let his significant other’s son sleep in my bedroom. Bearing in mind there were 2 other rooms readily available. I come back to a messy and dirty bed with stains on my sheets.
Cups were all over my room, kids’ toys were everywhere, and worst of all my plushies had stains on them. Turns out my brother did not say anything about closing my bedroom door while the other dog was around and he ended up going into my bedroom and ruining a lot of my plushies, tearing one to shreds and the others having stains on them.
All I could do was cry as I had communicated time and time again that my room was not to be used by anyone. Not to mention the fact that I do not know this child whatsoever who’s been in my room where I have inappropriate things at arm’s reach and dirty undergarments in a washing basket that is easy to see.
I don’t know, I just feel like my privacy was invaded and I made it clear to my brother that I will not tolerate this anymore as my bedroom was completely disrespected by a child I don’t know and a dog I was keeping out of.
When I brought this up all he could do was apologize for not asking permission but I reminded him that I made it clear numerous times that no one is to be in my bedroom.
I’m unbelievably upset at the damage that was dealt and I don’t really know how to proceed further with this, so, am I the jerk?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ
Contact your parents. Let them know what happened, and advise them that since you have to leave before they get back, you’re installing a lock on your door. Tell them you’re sorry for any inconvenience to them, but you will discuss it with them properly after you get home, and you will mail them a key if they insist. Do not let your brother know that last bit.” Amiedeslivres
Another User Comments:
“NTJ
It’s your space and you have the right to privacy, and the right to be upset when your privacy is violated and your things are damaged.
It’s not like you were asking for this kid to sleep on the couch so your room can sit empty, and even then it’s still your room and your choice whether you offer it up.
Really rude of your brother and his SO to not clean up after the kid and the dog, too – they’re the jerks here. It seems they could respect your request to stay out of your room when it meant not having to tidy up after the kid they’re responsible for.” weasely_black_guts
6. AITJ For Not Wanting To Go To My Sister-In-Law's House For Christmas?
“I am married to a wonderful man. Sadly, for almost all of the last 20 years, on Christmas Day, we go to his sister’s house, who is a textbook narcissist. It used to not be so bad, but since she got divorced about 12 years ago, it gets worse every year.
One year she had surgery on her arm a few days before and we offered to help with things. She said no and then got mad later because her arm hurt.
One year we all had to leave early because of an ice storm (long drive) and she got mad saying we had not taken the picture yet and it might be the last family picture in her house because she would lose it to the divorce.
My MIL said we could take the picture and she said to forget it. Later she calls my MIL and says we are all horrible for leaving at 4:00 on Christmas Day, even though we were there for four hours. Did I mention there was an ice storm and we needed to get home before it got worse?
Last year she screamed at my MIL over her cats. She has three cats and they hide every time we come there. When we open the door to go outside, she makes us all check to find all the cats. I get it, I have a dog, but this is constant and we are always being careful because we know how she is.
Once the yelling starts, I say we have to leave, I want my daughter out of there. Then later she tells her mom how awful we are for leaving when she didn’t know where her cats were and she should have helped.
If we are a few minutes late, she complains that the food got soggy/dry/mushy waiting for us.
If we are a few minutes early, she is not ready yet, even though she told us to get there early. She acts like she is so put out for having us over, yet insists she has Christmas. Something almost always gets her going every year.
My husband’s dad has memory issues and she gets very irritated with him and treats him like a child.
I have anxiety and I truly hate the month of December now, because I never know what it’s going to be like. Also, my 15-year-old daughter hates the drama but still likes to go and see her grandparents.
It’s the worst when we are at her house, on her turf, that’s why Christmas is so much worse than other holidays.
My husband told me I don’t have to go, but I know he wants me to. He goes for the sake of his parents.
Part of me thinks I should keep sucking it up because this is what families do, they stick together and I need to support him. Also, I started blaming myself and telling myself that my anxiety is my problem and I should get it under control (I am on meds) and not let this get to me.
But then I get mad thinking my mental health matters too and why should we always be the ones to walk on eggshells every year?
In the end, I’m probably going to go, because that is the kind of person I am. I want to be there for my husband and support him so he doesn’t have to deal with this on his own.
I want my daughter to have me with her on Christmas. But it still makes me mad every year. Tell me, AITJ here?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. ‘because this is what families do’ – this is why there are so many toxic family systems and so many people who hate the holidays.
You deserve to have a happy, peaceful, joyful Christmas as well and if you’re unable to because of her bad behavior, it is absolutely reasonable for you to remove her from your occasion. I would really recommend discussing this more fully with your husband because he should also want to be there for you and support you and prioritize your happiness in the same way you do with him.” hannahkelli
Another User Comments:
“Everyone sucks here for enabling this individual. Stop going. Hubby can still go if he wants to suffer, but you don’t have to and neither does your daughter. And no one has to allow her to host holidays. No one has to go to her place; if she insists on hosting y’all can say no and counter invite, or you can invite just his parents the day after Xmas, or any number of arrangements.” Michaelalayla
5. AITJ For Defending My Social Media Post?
“I (33f) have been with my company for six years. I ADORE my job.
I love my boss and coworkers, I love our clients, I love what I do every day. It’s the best. All of that makes me want to continually work to better the place for our clients, for my boss, and for my coworkers.
I’ve been slowly bringing us out of the dark ages, moving us over bit by bit to more digital systems. For example, calculations previously made by hand for commission for employees are now done on Excel and our Practice Management Software.
I also implemented two-way texting and other online access things for our clients. I then decided I was going to attempt to build a simple app for our clients to download. I taught myself HTML, Java, and some CSS growing up and have built dozens of websites, so off I went to get started.
I almost immediately realized how cumbersome and expensive it is to build an app for Apple products. In my frustration at the hurdles and expenses, I posted on social media how annoying it is that they make it so difficult, and asked for advice. I was told I would need a Mac to write the code for and submit an app to their platform.
A subsequent post said, ‘Really frustrated that I have to have access to a Mac to build a mobile app for Apple users. I just want to build an awesome app for our clients to use!’ Both of those posts were public as I was hoping for as much feedback as possible.
I came to work and had a normal day. Toward the end of my shift, my boss called me to his office and told me that his wife had seen online that I was complaining publicly about our business; she and I were not friends online at all.
Utterly perplexed (because I adore my job and would never disparage it online), I admitted that I was confused and asked what it was I was alleged to have said. He said that she said that I was ‘complaining that I had to build an app’ and that ‘I shouldn’t have to do this’.
In my shock, I said to him, ‘Anyone who can read and understand English would know that that is not at all what I was saying.’ He (maybe understandably?) snapped for me to ‘watch it’. I offered to show him my entire timeline right then and there, with no opportunity to delete or hide anything, but he declined saying he believed me.
I told a friend about this interaction and she was appalled that I would have responded the way I did. I’m trying to see it, but I was also crept on by someone who I’m not friends with, and I maintain she — rather purposefully or not — tried to get me in trouble for a nonsense reason.
So, AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“Wow. Definitely the jerk. You disparaged his wife for no reason? I know you were caught off guard but that was a really hostile response. You could have said, ‘I think she misunderstood. Let me show you the messages.’ You jumped to anger pretty quickly and handled this really badly.
On the other hand, your boss should have looked at the messages himself before calling you into his office. He didn’t even know what he was talking about.” Sudden_Rooster9609
Another User Comments:
“YTJ. You shouldn’t have linked your frustration about the Apple infrastructure to your professional work on social media.
It’s a public space, open to misinterpretation and misunderstanding as you learned quickly.
To then put the accountability of what I truly believe is your misstep here on his spouse’s shoulders in a rude and condescending way is a jerk move. Should she have been there?
No, but when you put it out there for the world you open yourself to the consequences of doing so.” ktjbug
4. WIBTJ If I Don't Credit My Sick Classmate On Our Group Assignment?
“I (16f) had to do a group project with 4 other people from my class.
The teachers made the groups and we had no say in the teammates. Because of this, they want the reports to be handwritten, so that they can figure out who researched how much and all that stuff. One of my teammates, Andy, had a medical emergency.
He could not contribute to the project. This project makes up to 30% of our final grade, so we have to take this seriously.
Andy’s mother called me and the others yesterday, and asked us to not mark him under ‘no contribution’ and asked us to do some work and get someone else to write it and put his name on it.
We told her that even if he doesn’t do this, he can always do a solo project in the next few weeks to make up, but she said it would just stress him out, and he doesn’t need that while recovering. We still said no, because we didn’t think it was fair that we work and he gets the grade.
Andy’s mom asked us to please sympathize and then asked us if we would want to be stressed while recovering. We didn’t say anything, just hung up. I was telling my mom about this, and while she said that the decision was up to us all, she does feel sorry for Andy.
I do know that I wouldn’t want to stress about a project while sick, but I also wouldn’t want others to do my work for me. My reason is that I might not be happy with what they do, and for moral reasons, so there is that.
The more I think about it, the more I feel like we are all being jerks to Andy.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ
Go to your tutor, and tell them that although Andy did not contribute you believe he would be willing to do a solo project when he’s fully recovered. Then tell them his mum has other ideas and has tried to guilt trip you into doing something dishonest because she doesn’t want Andy to have to do a solo project.
Tell the tutor you feel bad for Andy that his mum has put him in this situation. Can they contact Andy about his medical recovery and his solo project?
That way Andy has a second chance to do the right thing and do a deferred solo project.” Fit_General7058
Another User Comments:
“No jerks here
Neither you nor Andy nor Andy’s mom are jerks. The school is one giant jerk if they don’t give Andy a reasonable opportunity to make this up after he has recovered. If the solo project is as big as a group project, that would make the school a jerk.
If the solo project has a much smaller scope and he would have to put in as much work as he would have put in for the group project, then it seems fair.” AnnieJack
3. AITJ For Not Helping With Our Baby For A Day?
“My husband and I have a tiny toddler. I change most of the diapers. I feed our son and get him ready for daycare in the morning. I work from home, and he commutes so this just happened naturally. He takes him to daycare.
When I’m done working, I pick up our son, bring him home, feed him, cook dinner, play with him, try to teach him new things.
My husband comes home and comes and hangs out with us in my son’s room. I bathe our son, lotion him up, trim his nails when they’re long, and put on his PJs, and my husband usually tells me to leave at bedtime so he can put him to sleep.
This is a typical day for us.
This past weekend, I come home from the grocery store, open the door, and my son gets excited. He wants to go outside, and whines when he can’t because he doesn’t have on the proper clothes and we’re trying to bring in the groceries.
My husband mentioned that he was fine all while I was gone and then, when I showed up, suddenly he was whiny. I mentioned it was because he wanted to go outside, and my husband said it was more than just that. He said when our son wants something he comes crying to me and not to him, and that he knows who to go to in order to get something.
He noticed my change in attitude and said he didn’t want me to misunderstand and that it’s not that I’m doing anything wrong.
I don’t see how that’s not what he meant. If he was fine all while I was gone and then suddenly got whiny when I showed up, and you felt the need to say something about it, then you must feel like I’m doing something wrong.
I got frustrated because, of course he comes to me; I feed him, bathe him, change his diapers, 90% of the time. He’s used to getting what he needs from me.
So I ended up not feeding our son, changing his diapers, or disciplining him for the rest of that day.
My husband did everything.
At first, he tried to act like it was no big deal. By the end of the day, he was visibly frustrated and my son was whiny with him all day.
He thinks I read too much into what he was saying.
He was just trying to say we need to not give our son things when he’s crying so that he doesn’t cry to get what he needs. I told him that message didn’t come across the way he said it.”
Another User Comments:
“He’s a toddler, he’s gonna have different stages where he goes to one parent more than the other. Both my kids did. You are with him most of the time, of course he is going to come to you. There’s absolutely nothing you are doing wrong.
The important thing is your baby is healthy and happy. If he wants him to go to him more he needs to do more with him and be more involved. He can’t just expect it to be easy.” Last-Construction295
Another User Comments:
“This situation sounds exactly like my own household, and what your husband said is something mine has said before.
He admits that he is jealous because it’s obvious our toddler has a favorite. I’m not sure if favorite is the right word, but my husband is hurt that our son wants mommy and only mommy will do if I am around. It’s perfectly normal especially if you are doing the heavy lifting of childcare.
Your husband should have found better words to express himself. Time for you to do some more emotional labor (sigh) and talk with him about it. No jerks here.” Piercey89
2. AITJ For Wearing A White Dress To My Friend's Wedding?
“I (F 23) attended a friend’s wedding (F 25). I’ve only been to 4 weddings in my life – two were ‘goth’ weddings (wearing all black) and the other two, I was a little kid. I’m an American but marriage has never been something I’ve wanted. Beyond ‘you may now kiss the bride,’ I have no clue how weddings work.
The bride and I were goth/emo kids growing up. I still have blue hair although she looks more normal now. It honestly didn’t occur to me to ask if my hair/etc would bother her. We used to dye our hair together as teens.
Her husband was punkish growing up as were other wedding guests.
I bought a new cocktail dress for the wedding. It didn’t look like a wedding dress – it was short, mostly white with black accents. It didn’t occur to me this was rude. I was thinking white might appease some of her more conservative family since they didn’t like her ‘goth’ clothes/friends.
I sent her a picture of the dress before I bought it and she liked it. She definitely knew prior to the wedding what I was wearing. Same with my hair. She joked blue was her wedding color.
At the wedding, her husband (M 38) pulled me aside to say I was trying to ‘steal’ attention with my dress/hair and that I was selfish for not asking permission.
She hadn’t seemed upset at me when I saw her earlier but, not wanting to make a fuss, I apologized to him and tried to stay out of their way for the rest of the wedding.
In the morning, I texted her to say I hope they had a great honeymoon, to thank her for having me at the wedding, and to apologize if I’d caused any offense with my look.
She texted back ‘gothgirlgang4life luv u.’ So I thought it was fine.
A few days later, she called me screaming that I ruined her wedding ‘by making it about me’ – first with the dress/hair and then by ‘interrupting her honeymoon’ by apologizing.
(I had thought about waiting until after the honeymoon to text but I thought that might be worse if she was upset.) She also told me I’d upset her husband and his family with my ‘gay stuff.’ I’m queer but I didn’t bring my significant other, didn’t talk about her, and I removed my rainbow pin from my purse when her husband yelled at me about it.
Then she blocked me on all her social media. I feel like this is maybe about more than the dress (her husband is really homophobic and makes me uncomfortable). But I don’t know.”
Another User Comments:
“Everyone sucks here. I understand that you might not be familiar with wedding etiquette.
But Google exists for occasions such as this.
But… if you literally showed her the dress you were intending to wear and she was fine with it then you were safe to assume it was fine.
I really think the issue is the new hubby.
It doesn’t seem like your friend was mad until she realized he was mad. Shame on her. Really. If she can’t decide if she is mad or wants you as a friend unless her new husband is okay then shame on her.
I don’t think you’ll have much of a friendship with her at this point if the hubby is a roadblock.
But… do you really want a friend that makes you feel like crap? Probably not.” Kittymom4
Another User Comments:
“Everyone sucks here… Don’t wear white anything. Not even white with black accents.
Look, I think wedding crap is absolutely stupid. Even a decent bride might be marrying a homophobic jerk for some unknown reason to anyone outside of their relationship.
There are 2 people, 2 families to consider. When attending a wedding just be basic or don’t attend. Still ridiculous but brides & grooms plus families are often jerks. It’s dumb if you ask me but many people still think this arbitrary nonsense is of the utmost importance.
Even though the bride acted like it was cool, doesn’t mean the groom was or the bride didn’t have the balls to be honest & used her new hubby to be the jerk for her. Either way, your so-called friend isn’t a friend.
To be honest, weddings are an obligation to the majority of guests who aren’t immediate family.
Brides become ridiculous about stupid stuff that no one cares about. Your friend sucks & her husband is garbage if he’s homophobic.” UrCrazyMatchsMyCrazy
1. AITJ For Going Off At My Sister For Telling Our Parents I Am Seeing My Former Teacher?
“My sister (18F) and I (19F) are Irish twins. Last February our bio teacher got sick a month into the term and we got a substitute (24M), who ended up teaching the class for the rest of the year (which was like 50% online school). So my sister and I graduated and that summer I ended up meeting him again at a soccer camp we were both coaches at.
We became friends and then something more and now we’ve been together for almost 9 months.
My sister and parents know I’ve been seeing someone, but I haven’t introduced them and I’m not one to really talk about my relationships so they don’t know he was once our sub.
I planned on letting my parents get to know him (and like him) first before I told them, for obvious reasons. I didn’t bother telling my sister, as I don’t like talking to her about my romantic life after she told a girl I had a crush on in middle school that I liked her.
So today my significant other and I went out by the waterfront. A couple of hours later when I was back at my dorm I got a ton of messages from my mom freaking out and asking me a million questions about my SO. She told me my sister saw me out today with one of our former teachers and told her.
I called my sister and started yelling at her, saying she should’ve talked to me first before going and telling someone something she knew nothing about. She told me she thought telling our mom would be the right thing to do because she didn’t know if I was ‘in trouble.’I said that was nonsense because she completely misrepresented our relationship to our mom, as she seemed to think I was seeing some 40-something-year-old weirdo since high school.
My sister knew he was young and knew I was 18 before he even started subbing for our class, so even if she thought we got together in high school, it’s a completely different situation than she let our mom believe. She said that she was just doing what she thought was best and that it wasn’t her fault our mom had a different idea.
She called me a jerk for not seeing that she was just trying to help. I can somewhat see her point, but at the same time, I see no reason she couldn’t have talked to me first. AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ
You’re an adult and have been in a relationship with someone close of age after school.
Your sister should have minded her business, or at the very least spoken to you first before spreading misinformation to your family, who are getting the worst-case scenario.
Stuff like that will affect your trust in her, along with her reliability further.” saltysegall
Another User Comments:
“YTJ
Him going out with a student, especially a student he taught in high school, is extremely ethically dubious.
The fact that he didn’t have the good sense and basic concern for his professional reputation to not go out with you is definitely a red flag.
You not understanding why going out with him is an issue is understandable since you’re still very young and inexperienced, which is yet another reason he shouldn’t be going out with you.
Even after y’all inevitably break up, this is going to follow him and affect his career, and honestly could follow you around, too, depending on what career you pursue (God forbid you go into politics or become in any way famous because any halfway competent investigator will find out you went out with one of your high school teachers).” User
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