People Are Curious To Know What We Think Of Their "Am I The Jerk?" Stories

When we are aware that we have done nothing wrong to them, it is difficult to understand why there are still people who despise us and refer to us as "jerks". We are forced to cope with the reputation of being jerks even when we know that we had a valid reason for what we had to do because when they tell other people about their interactions with us, their stories frequently come out one-sided. Here are some stories from people who are trying to determine whether or not they are actually jerks. Tell us who you think is the real jerk as you read on. AITJ = Am I the jerk? NTJ = Not the jerk WIBTJ = Would I be the jerk? YTJ = You're the jerk

36. AITJ For Refusing To Coddle My Brother With ADHD?

“I have two brothers. There’s Henry (21M) and Tom (19). I’m 23M. Henry has ADHD and his life is chaos. He is unable to hold down a job or attend school. He has seen doctors and is prescribed medication but he doesn’t take it consistently enough for it to make a difference.

He still lives with our parents because he got evicted for failure to pay rent on time. It wasn’t a financial issue, it was purely that Henry just let his rent and other bills fall to the wayside until it was too late.

I am enrolled in university in a Master’s degree program and I have four months left in the program. Once I am done with the program my parents expect that I’ll be moving back to Edmonton in order to ‘help’ them with Henry.

My other brother Tom is in college and they expect the same thing from him when he finishes next spring.

In fact, the reason Tom and I both went to college and university respectively in other provinces was to get away from the chaos Henry causes.

He was much worse before his diagnosis but it’s still not pretty. My parents expect us to ‘pull together as a family’ to help Henry remember to take his medication, to make sure he takes care of his finances and other affairs, and to help him find another job and when he gets one to keep on track at work.

They were furious when I said this would not be happening.

I am currently looking for a job now that my program is near completion. Before this, I was looking anywhere in the country as I honestly was fine relocating but now I have ruled out any jobs within a one-day or less drive from Edmonton.

I don’t believe this is my responsibility but my parents and Henry believe this is the time to pull together as a family and take care of our son/brother.

(I don’t mean any disrespect towards anyone who has ADHD. I know others besides Henry who have it and once they are not children they take responsibility for their own lives which Henry refuses to do.)”

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LizzieTX 6 months ago
Absolutely NTJ. Your parents failed miserably at their task of teaching your brother to be independent, and now they want you and your other sibling to pick up the slack? At the expense of your own independence, lives and careers? Umm, no, that'd be a hard pass.
Hard to believe your parents are so lazy. Just because they enabled your brother doesn't mean you have to enable them. I think you're handling the situation brilliantly,. Keep on your current path and go no contact with parents and Henry if you get push back from any of them. Good luck!
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35. AITJ For Not Pushing My Partner To Come To Every Family Event?

“I (30f) and my SO (31m) have been together for over 6 years and have a 2-year-old together. Slowly, we have become the black sheep/outsiders on his side of the family, and it’s becoming apparent that they feel I am to blame (which, depending on how you look at things, maybe they’re right).

Since becoming pregnant, my SIL has really pushed the narrative that we are a family-oriented family, and we need to attend every and all family functions, or we ‘aren’t trying hard enough, and can’t complain when people don’t talk to us’.

She says this because we don’t attend every single function (whether it was a bad mental health day for my SO, previously made plans we refuse to cancel, or my SO’s bio-father being in attendance that his extended family is trying to force a relationship between the 2) and we noticed over the years that our messages and calls go unanswered, yet the people we’re trying to communicate with have no problem picking up the phone to complain to my MIL and SIL about our lack of communication…

make it make sense.

Anyways, my MIL and SIL have placed the responsibility on me to ‘make’ my SO attend every function so everyone can maintain a relationship with our child, and that it’s my job ‘as his wife and as a mother’ to ensure this happens whether he wants to or not…

and where I may be to blame, is that I refuse to do so. I don’t push him one way or the other, and if he changes his mind 15 times before solidifying a decision, then so be it.

I essentially gave him permission to not attend anything he doesn’t want to when it comes to his family, and that just because he’s their son/brother it doesn’t mean he’s obligated to HAVE to do what they say.

His obligation is to the well-being of our child and his mental health, full stop.

I’m the only one getting the backlash on our attendance (which I would say we attend 7- 8 times out of 10) and it’s starting to get to me and question if I’m doing right by my family of 3. So, AITJ?”

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DeeDeeMarie81 6 months ago
Don't allow his family to make you feel as if this is your fault because it isn't. He grew up in that family and whatever is going on that he isn't as friendly as they want him to be, is on them. They just want you to feel guilty in order to force him to put up with what they want. You only worry about your husband and baby. Your SIL and Mil seem to be trouble makers.
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34. AITJ For Refusing To Be A Speaker For A Women Empowerment Event?

“I (36F) was born in Asia and immigrated to the US when I was nine. Back then, I was pretty introverted and was picked on a lot by the other kids. One in particular, ‘Kristy,’ was especially mean.

In addition to the put-downs and name-calling, she also got her brother and cousins involved. I’ve told my parents on many occasions. Their response? Ignore them.

One day, I got so fed up with her that I fought back.

Well, guess what? Kristy went to her father and accused ME of bullying her. Her brother and cousins backed her up, and the adults believed them. As a result, I was grounded.

Thanks to Kristy’s lies, I was ostracized by the Asian-American (AA) community. Needless to say, I did not have a good time growing up. I moved back to Asia as soon as I graduated and severed all ties with the community.

Now onto my problem: I now work as a life coach. Things are going well for me. I love what I do, and I get to use my personal experiences to help others.

Then, two months ago, I received an email from none other than Kristy. She, too, has become a life coach.

Apparently, she’s hosting an online event on female empowerment and wanted me to be one of the speakers.

I emailed her back and politely declined. After all these years, what she did still hurt. While I’ve come to terms with the pain she’d caused, it wasn’t something I could forget so easily.

That should’ve been that, except Kristy must really need speakers because she wouldn’t stop emailing me. It became this tennis match of emails, where she’d try to convince me to join, and I’d say no in the nicest way possible.

Things finally came to a head when Kristy said that, since we grew up in the same community, I should at least help her out.

At that, I snapped. I told her off for having the nerve to bring up our past after what she did, and how ironic that her goal was to empower women when all she’d ever done was put others down.

Finally, if she’s that desperate for speakers, maybe she should ask her other victims instead.

I haven’t heard from Kristy after that, but I’ve been hearing a lot from the AA community. They’ve been emailing me, calling me selfish for refusing to help Kristy, and I’m being mean for not letting go of the past.

Even my mother said I shouldn’t be a jerk because of what happened in the past.

On the other hand, my dad and sister took my side, though my dad felt my last reply was kinda harsh.

Most of my friends felt Kristy had no right to expect help from me after what she did, but some also said this could’ve been a good opportunity to further my business if I could look past our bad history.

So now I’m stuck. I don’t think I did anything wrong, but then again, my personal feelings on the matter may have blinded me to some things. So, AITJ?”

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LizzieTX 6 months ago
NTJ. The reason Kristy is having trouble getting speakers for her event is that she treated everyone she knew just like she treated you. And now karma is taking a big wet bite out of her @$$ and she doesn't like it one bit.
If you haven't already blocked her, tell her the next time she calls, exactly what I've written above, then block her. And ignore anyone who says you're wrong. You're not.
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33. AITJ For Yelling At My Stepmom For Making Me Take Her Daughter Everywhere I Go?

“My (16f) parents are split up. I have an older sister (20f), and half-siblings from my parent’s other relationships. On my father’s side, I have two half-siblings (11f and 9m) from my dad and some other woman who I haven’t seen in years, and one from my stepmom.

My youngest half-sister (my stepmom’s kid, 6 years old) really looks up to me for some reason, more so than my other siblings. I don’t really know why, but she likes to follow me everywhere I go.

It gets frustrating but I try to be as nice as I can because she’s still young. I do like being around kids (I babysit sometimes and I want to volunteer at a day camp this summer) but I can’t be around them every moment.

My best friend invited me to come over to their house for their birthday on Saturday. It was just something small, only our close friend group was going. Since it was the weekend, my older sister and I were at my dad’s house, and he was out of the house, so my stepmom was there instead.

After a few hours of me being there, I started getting ready to leave for my friend’s, and my older sister got ready to drive me there (she was going out too so she offered to take me to make it easy.)

But my 6-year-old sister really wanted to go out too, and she wanted to come with ME specifically to my friend’s house, because like I said, she likes to follow me everywhere.

When she asked me if she could come, I told her I wanted to see my friends by myself because I don’t see them often (which is a lie) and we would hang out when I got home, which I’d be willing to do.

She was disappointed, and I promised her we could hang out later, and she said okay but my stepmom was mad at me when she found out.

It turns out that she had already told my sister she could go with me, so I was pretty much trapped.

I texted my friends and told them, and they said it was okay if I brought her, because they just wanted me to come. I gave in and brought my sister, but as we left I told my stepmom ‘I’m only doing this because my friends said it was okay, but your daughter isn’t my responsibility.’ She was mad about that, told me I was disrespectful, and called my dad.

I just left before she could stop me, but when I got back I was in a lot of trouble for cursing at her and walking out, and my stepmom grounded me. I got ungrounded later when my dad found out, but AITJ for cursing at my stepmom? I guess I could control my anger better.”

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DAZY7477 6 months ago
She needs to be responsible for her own child. Her job to entertain her, not yours.
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32. AITJ For How I Responded To My Parents' Threat About Not Coming To My Wedding?

“I (28F) and my fiancé (32M) are planning to get married this July.

We are very relaxed and want a stress-free day, so here is what we planned (relevant to the situation): we rented a big house by a lake, we plan on a friend marrying us, casual dress code (my own dress is a beach dress I bought for $40), only invited family we are close with and close friends (less than 50 people total), the food is going to be a cook-out style (FIL and BIL will take care of the grilling, a southern restaurant in town is going to provide us with all the sides and some desserts), cupcakes for a cake, streaming service band my fiancé’s old band equipment for music and no traditional wedding parties.

The only exception is a professional photographer. Also since we bought a fixer upper we asked for Lowe’s gift cards as gifts, no register or anything.

The problem is my parents, they are super into keeping up appearances.

They want a church wedding and a country club reception, the big cake, the band, hundreds of people I don’t know as guests, and the bajillion bridesmaids and groomsmen. I shut that down hard.

I told them that the most I might agree to is a party to celebrate our marriage after the wedding itself.

They threw a tantrum, gave me the silent treatment and now they are threatening me to not attend my wedding.

I am not super close to them so all I said was that I would respect their decision and they shouldn’t force themselves to come, that I will have a fun day even if they don’t attend so they shouldn’t worry about me and do what they feel is right.

Well now things went down, I have relatives from both sides of the family calling me a jerk for breaking my parents’ hearts, that I am their only daughter and all they want is to celebrate my day.

I blocked every single one of them. But when I went to my parents’ house my mom really seemed heartbroken.

So AITJ for my response to their threat? (Not to have the wedding I want, that is my choice and I am in the right)”

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Kirkleen 6 months ago
Remind your mom that she has already had her wedding and you want your own. I think your wedding sounds wonderful. Although I might suggest renting or buying a tent for outside, just to spread the people out. Also look into renting a portapotty to relieve the lines inside.
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31. AITJ For Kicking My Cousins Out Of My House?

“I was 10 at the time and my cousins liked to pick on me for my weight, they’d purposely make me lots of food and then expect me to eat all of it, and they’d also give me their leftovers, soon I developed a bit of chub and I got heavily bullied for it.

They even went as far as to whenever I was over their house. Auntie was never around so they’d lock me in the room with a piece of bread and a tiny bag of chips and starve me for hours on end.

But when Aunt was a few minutes away from home they’d prepare me a big dinner to look good in front of Aunt.

Many years later I had just gotten my own place (mid-2021) straight out of college and I’d never really have anyone over except friends and my siblings.

I was having a family dinner and my mother suggested I invited my cousins. No one found out about what they did to me and I sorta retained the weight but lost a bit of it, no chub but pretty thick still.

I was off about the idea since all I had was bad memories. So I said no. My mom got pretty mad and said if my aunt was coming so should my cousins as they’re her kids.

I said no again stating that I didn’t want them there because they made me uncomfortable. My mom said that’s fine she gets it and drops it.

The day of the dinner comes and I made an amazing banquet dinner for my family.

First, my sisters came, then my two brothers, my mom and dad, my uncles, and then my aunt, but slowly behind her my cousins trailed. They seemed to know exactly how to make me angry saying that we were starving and that: in a sarcastic voice ‘I always knew how to eat so I should be amazing at cooking.’ I reluctantly let them in and they immediately and impolitely made themselves at home, leaving their shoes in the middle of the room, watching tv, and not flushing the toilet.

I was getting angry but I wanted to be civil. So I just let it go.

The last straw was when I was making a chicken and a few steaks. As I was seasoning all of that my cousins appeared behind me and said ‘All that just for you?’ And I lost it.

I started screaming at them and told them to get out of my house. And they refused. They said they were here for dinner and that’s what they were gonna get. I said that they had no right to be in my house and make fun of me for my weight.

And not only that but for doing all of the things they did to me in the past and if they don’t get out now I will make them leave. They finally left.

But then my entire family started talking about it and telling me how much of a jerk I am for making them leave. This hasn’t stopped for a few days. And I’m starting to think they meant it in a joking manner. AITJ for kicking them out?”

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DeeDeeMarie81 6 months ago
No, you are not the jerk. Your cousins are huge jerks and bullies. Any of your family that sides with their behavior towards you in your own home are also jerks. Go low to no contact with them.
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30. AITJ For Making My Friend Leave The Bedroom For My Wife?

“I (28M) have a wife (27F) who works full time as a CNA while she is in school to become an autopsy technician. She works a LOT. She is constantly picking up extra shifts working doubles and even triples.

She does all that on top of going to school full-time. Because of that she often takes a nap after work.

Well yesterday, I had a friend over who I will call E.

My wife and E do not get along as E makes her uncomfortable but she and I don’t prevent one another from seeing friends just because one of us doesn’t like the other’s friend.

E was over at my and my wife’s house playing video games when my wife calls to tell me she was on her way home from work. She sounds exhausted and I asked her if she felt ok to drive and if not I’d come to pick her up from work and go back together in the car later.

She says she’s fine to drive and that she’ll see me later. I said ok and told her I loved her. E and I go back to playing video games. It is worth mentioning that the only tv my wife and I have is in our bedroom.

I was laying on the bed playing and E was sitting in my desk chair.

About 15 minutes or so later I hear my wife come into the house and call out to let me know she was home.

I come into the living room and give her a kiss. She all but collapses into my arms exhausted to the point she couldn’t even walk to the bedroom. I ask her if she’s ok and she says yea just a long day at work.

I really need a nap. I nodded and told her to come lay down on the bed.

When we get to the bedroom I politely tell E that he needed to leave as my wife was exhausted and we could play later that night.

E asks why he needs to leave and why my wife can’t just sleep while he and I keep playing. I explained that it was just a game and that my wife and her needs came first.

E then asks why my wife couldn’t just take a nap on our living room couch. I told him I wasn’t making her sleep on the sofa just because he wanted to keep playing.

E gets mad and slammed his controller down on the dresser and goes to leave.

Before he does, he turns to my wife and tells her I’ll bet you are happy he always feels like he has to pick you over anyone else.

He leaves and slams the door on the way out. My wife turns to me and starts to apologize saying she could have just slept on the couch. I tell her no she couldn’t have and tell her to get some rest.

Later that night my other friends are blowing up my phone saying it was rude to kick E out just so my wife could sleep. All of my married friends however are on my side saying my wife’s needs come first before my friends. E is now saying he won’t speak to me until I apologize. So am I the jerk?”

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rusty 6 months ago (Edited)
NTJ....and your so-called "unmarried friends" can take a flying leap at a rolling donut. Your wife's needs should ALWAYS come first, no matter what, especially since she is working ungodly hours to further herself and make life better for the both of you. You should be worshipping the ground she walks on while she is working and going to school like this. She is a keeper and you need to do whatever it takes to keep her. Your immature and babyish "friends" are a dime a dozen and you are better off without them. Your wife deserves the golden ticket from you for whatever it is she wants, and the fact that you have her back speaks volumes (all good) of your character too. Good luck to both of you, and especially to her in her career choice. Keep up the good work!!!!! And one word of advice: DO NOT, UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES, APOLOGIZE TO THAT MANCHILD!!!! If E never speaks to you ever again, it would be NO loss!
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29. AITJ For Not Signing The Deed Because Of My Fiancé's Prank?

“I (F34) have been with my fiance (M37) for 3 years. We are getting married before the end of this year and recently moved into the house that I inherited from my mom.

The house is in my name and it took a lot of talking and convincing from him to have his name on the title as well. Now honestly part of me doesn’t think this is a good idea, at least not right now maybe after marriage? But anyway, I’ve decided to go ahead and put his name on the title so he could go ahead and start contributing towards the mortgage more and light my burden a little bit.

We’ve made appointments and decided on which form of ownership we were basing this on. When it was time for me to sign the deed, my fiance stopped me and gave me a pen saying this pen was his ‘lucky’ pen, and told me to use it to sign the deed.

I took it and tried to sign but turned out it was empty. He was like ‘Oh I must’ve forgotten’ while laughing and then pulled out his ‘other lucky pen’. I took it, tried to sign, and that one too was empty.

Honestly, seeing how he was laughing I figured he was messing with me but he swore he wasn’t and pulled out ANOTHER one of his lucky pens. I tried that one too and it was empty.

My fiance started cackling and I felt humiliated, especially with how the gentleman next to him was staring. I got mad and asked him what that was about and he said it was a prank.

I asked ‘Really? Did you really think this was a time for pranks?’ He was like ‘It’s alright you can use ‘a real pen’ now’. I pushed the paper away and said ‘You know what? Never mind because I no longer want you on the deed’.

He lost it completely saying we had a deal and I can’t back out of it just like that, and that it was a stupid joke that I took too seriously. We had an argument and I refused to sign the deed at least not then and there.

At home, he blew up again saying I was the one who ‘delayed the process’ and that he already gave me a real pen and all I had to do was sign the paper and get it over with.

He accused me of looking for an excuse not to have him on the deed and started the silent treatment saying there’s nothing to say til those papers are signed.

Did I really take this too seriously?”

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rbleah 6 months ago
Get rid of this man/child. DO NOT PUT HIS NAME ON YOUR HOUSE. Idiots like him don't change and he thinks PRANKING is funny. Problem is he does this stupid crap AT THE WRONG TIME and for STUPID REASONS. Please rethink your relationship.
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28. AITJ For Putting A Lock On My Door?

“I (18F) have a younger sister, R (16F). She likes to steal my things. A lot. It ranges from clothes to make-up, to my expensive jewelry, and my really nice perfumes. I still live at home, however, I pay to live there since I turned 18.

I have a good job which allows me to pay my part in utilities and for my room.

R has been stealing my belongings for years now since I was 14 roughly. I would consistently complain to my parents that none of the things I owned were actually mine, as she would take them.

My parents said they would do something about it, yet they never really have.

The last straw was when she decided to steal the $400 necklace my significant other had given me for my 18th birthday.

And she decided to wear it. Thinking I wouldn’t notice. I saw red. And I hadn’t even gotten the chance to wear it yet. I was livid and began to yell at her and tell her ‘How dare she wear my necklace when I hadn’t even gotten to wear it yet’ and ‘You know how much it means to me’.

My parents had obviously heard the commotion and scolded me for yelling at her. I demanded she take off the necklace (thankfully she did), but I still feel wildly hurt over it as it is one of my prized possessions and I hadn’t even gotten to wear it yet.

Eventually, I told my parents I would be installing a lock on my door. And I even offered to buy a new one with a lock already installed so they can switch the doors out when I move out.

They were against this, and got angry at me for taking measures like this in ‘such a minor mishap’ but I refused to listen and installed a lock on my original door anyways. My reasoning is that I pay for the room, including the door. And I’m sick of my belongings not actually being mine.

AITJ?”

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Kirkleen 6 months ago
Tell them if they expect you to pay rent, you expect the privacy and security of your room. Your sister has blatantly walked all over your boundaries and they have chosen to turn a blind eye, when you, a rent payer, have complained.
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27. AITJ For Going Off At My Spoiled Sister For Trying To Switch Our Rooms?

“I (15F) have a sister (19F). We both live at home, last year my sister had a baby, but the baby’s father wants no involvement. Due to this, my sister has turned to my parents for full financial support, and she has my full empathy.

I can only imagine how hard this is for her.

The only problem starts when she refuses to get a job. Her baby is now well over a year old, and my parents are paying for everything.

Her expensive nights out, her baby clothes (all high-end), her clothes, and her beauty products. I even have to cook for her, generally at least two or three times a week when she can’t be bothered.

And now, suddenly, my sister wants my room.

I have always had the second biggest room in our house, and it’s a nice one. It’s down in the basement, and it’s pretty much the whole basement (Which is a medium size.

It’s not massive.) but my sister wants it now. To clarify, this whole time, she has been perfectly fine with her current room. But I came home from being out with my friends, to find that my sister was dismantling all of my bedroom furniture.

I confronted her about this, and she told me that my mother said she could move into my room, and I could have hers. I told her, under no pretense, that my room and stuff were not to be messed with, and that I was sick of bending to her spoiled, selfish ways, as well as telling her she needed a reality check.

I know I could have worded it better, but I’m just so fed up with what seems like the whole world is about her, and I just blew up. Now my parents are mad at me, and I’m wondering if I should have just let her have my room, after all, she does have a baby.”

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Ninastid 6 months ago
No don't let her have your room and why do you cook and take care of a grown adult she can do it herself stop it please
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26. AITJ For Kicking My Roommate Out For Stealing My Food?

“I (27F) rent an apartment and have stayed here for the past five months. My friend (28F) was between places at the time so I told her that she could come to stay with me as the place I’m renting has 2 bedrooms, and she only needed to help with utilities.

At first, things were going great but after about a week my food began to go missing no big deal we’d just not properly sorted out what was shared and what was personal I figured.

So I set out a shared kitchen cabinet for snacks and we’d each have a personal one as well as a shelf each in the fridge and freezer. I figured that would fix this issue but it didn’t my food kept going missing/being eaten and I talked to her about it several times each time she denied that she’d taken it which I mean come on.

I know I wasn’t eating it and it’s only the two of us who stay here so it has to be her. She even tried to say she never complains when I eat her things so me accusing her was ridiculous but I’m not eating her food either and she’s clearly just trying to deflect the matter.

This continued until I finally lost my patience with her. I looked into how much notice I had to give her to leave our city, it’s 30 days so I told her she had to leave within 30 days as I couldn’t put up with this anymore.

She is upset with me and keeps insisting she hasn’t done anything wrong. I’d feel better if she’d just admit to it rather than continue to lie, she’s been caught out after all.

I feel bad that she’s upset and that things couldn’t work out but I can’t keep spending a lot on food and have it being taken. I didn’t bother to set any cameras up etc though a friend suggested I do so to have evidence to confront my roommate with, honestly, it seemed a ridiculous measure when I know it is her.

AITJ? I know it’s just food at the end of the day and maybe I should have taken additional measures to stop her from getting to it rather than jumping straight to kicking her out but we’re both adults surely she should have more control than this?”

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DeeDeeMarie81 6 months ago
Get the cameras.
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25. AITJ For Not Helping My Sister-In-Law's Foster Kid?

“I (26m) am married to my amazing wife Leah (25f) and we are expecting our first baby in November. I’m a foster kid. I aged out of the system after a pretty trashy experience with the system.

I have trauma. Lots of trauma. It’s not something I can talk about easily. Leah and my therapist are the only people I have opened up to and I try not to burden my wife with this.

She understands and never pushes. But she has told me I can tell her anything when I need to.

Her sister Janet (33f) and BIL Michael (37m) are foster parents and biological parents.

Their first foster kid has been with them for about four months now and the kid is struggling. The kid hasn’t told them much about their experience but they assume, probably correctly, that their time in foster care has not been very positive.

Janet wanted me to take her foster kid under my wing and speak to them about being a foster kid and basically act like a therapist. She said that based on my own history in the system, I would be the best person to help.

But I don’t feel up for that. I don’t think I can deal with someone else’s trauma related to foster care on top of my own and I don’t feel like I could talk about my experiences either or bring up my trauma to the child.

Janet and Michael did not like my response. Leah and Janet fought. Then Janet and I disagreed very strongly on it. She told me I was a jerk and as a grown man and soon-to-be father, I should be willing to help a child and how can I expect to be a good father when I have so much trauma that I cannot put aside for a child in need.

I feel bad about the kid. I feel some guilt. But AITJ?”

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DeeDeeMarie81 6 months ago
You are not the jerk. Your in laws need to get a therapist for that child.
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24. AITJ For Telling My Neighbor I Will No Longer Be Watching Her Children?

“I (23M) live within 1 mile of 4 elementary schools. So, there are tons of kids around here. I have a garden so I’m outside a lot and most of the neighborhood kids end up on my lawn at some point in the day.

For the most part, it doesn’t bother me. They’re all great kids and they have tons of questions about plants, gardening, composting, all of that good stuff. I recently finished my Ph.D.

in plant systematics, so I honestly do enjoy teaching them about plants and seeing them excited to learn about it all. Also, it is a bit refreshing to have kids running around and screaming outside rather than sitting in front of screens.

Recently, an issue has come up though. I was out gardening and the kids came by as usual. I finished up earlier than usual and I went inside. About an hour later someone is literally banging on my door.

It’s my neighbor and after I open it she instantly starts screaming about how ‘I left her kids alone to be kidnapped for an hour’. And I was at first a bit confused.

After some more discussion, I learned that she lets her kids outside every day and tells them to ‘hang out with me’ while she does whatever. Eventually, I just apologized and closed the door.

After some thinking though I really don’t think I’m in the wrong. I am not okay with watching someone’s kid. First, I did not know I was ‘watching’ children. What if someone got hurt? I don’t know what to do.

Second, I feel like this is neglect. This woman doesn’t know me anywhere near well enough to be leaving her kids alone with me outside, while she leaves. Lastly, childcare is expensive for a reason.

I’ve been watching kids for free?!

So, I went and knocked on her door. Maybe I was a bit harsh, but I told her that I am not a babysitter and I will no longer allow her children near my house or me.

I told her I was extremely uncomfortable by this situation and if she leaves her children outside without someone watching again, I will call CPS (I would not like to do that at all).

She went off saying she can’t afford childcare and I’m a jerk to not just watch her kids when she needs help. I have now gone to the rest of my neighbors and told them that I do not want any children in my yard and explained the situation.

Most were very understanding (and watch their children). Today one boy came by and I asked him to leave and he said ‘okay’ but was clearly holding back tears and now I’m feeling like a jerk. I’m needing some outside opinions. Am I a jerk for this? How do I even handle this situation?”

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Turtlelover60 6 months ago
Your neighbors are jerks. You are not neighborhood free babysitter.
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23. AITJ For Calling My Neighbor's Kid "A Little Klepto"?

“We moved into this neighborhood about midway into last year. The environment is very ‘tight-knit’ and everyone knows everyone and honestly I don’t really mind. It’s nice to have easy relationships with the people around you and it’s even better to have everyone willing to watch out for you.

(My daughter and this girl are both 7)

My daughter made friends with the little girl 4 houses down in the summer and I’ve had her over a few times. My issue is that almost every time she came over items went missing.

Snacks, toys, clothes, and sometimes money.

I never wanted to accuse the little girl of stealing but our cat had kittens and she came over to meet them and play. She asked if she could have one and I told her she’d have to ask her mom.

She pouted a bit but it wasn’t anything too crazy.

It comes time for her to go home and I go to feed the kittens as she’s leaving and I notice one missing.

I ask that everyone drop what they’re doing and help look for the kitten and for some reason, she’s really eager to leave. My suspicions get the better of me and I ask to check her backpack.

She starts crying and saying she’s sorry and I open it to see our kitten in her backpack under her stuffed animals. Thankfully he was fine but I asked her not to come back and that I’d be discussing this with her mother.

Her mom didn’t respond to any texts at the time and there was nothing much I could do.

I was a bit frustrated and vented to my next-door neighbor and admittedly called her a ‘little klepto’ and said she had the same problem with her but thought she was being mean for even suggesting it was her.

Since then the other parents have decided not to allow this girl into their homes or near their kids. The girl’s mom came knocking on the door telling me that ‘I hope you’re happy.

My daughter is the neighborhood pariah because of you. She had a hard time communicating if she wants something and I always planned to make her return those items’. To be fair, she had everything she stole with her and did hand them over. She said her daughter has no friends and is being outcast over ‘silly kid crap’. She left after telling me I was ‘such a jerk’ for gossiping about a kid.”

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Kirkleen 6 months ago
"I had always planned on making her return the things" in other words you didn't do anything until your neighbors forced your hand.
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22. AITJ For Filing A Police Report About A Car Accident I Was In?

“So last week, on my way home, somebody rear-ended me right before a roundabout. This was a young guy, clearly on his phone when it happened. I know this because just seconds before the crash I looked into my rearview mirror and saw him looking at his lap.

At that moment I knew he was going to hit me. It was a young guy, maybe 20 years old.

I stepped out, screamed at him (for which I apologized later; it was the adrenaline I guess), and immediately called the police.

He was apologetic but denied being on his phone.

As we were waiting for the police, I asked for his insurance card, but he did not have one. I asked him to put up a warning triangle while I was on the phone with the cops, he didn’t have one.

Good thing I called the police.

While waiting his dad pulls up in a nice new Audi and asks what happened. His son told him he was responsible and I said I called the cops.

He started telling me that I should call them and tell them that they do not need to come, as this will just add a fee for his poor son. I insisted that I, as the one with the damage, would like to have the police file a report in order to be sure.

That’s when he started losing it, screaming at me that I am stubborn and stupid for insisting. He screamed that he had much more life experience and I would be stupid for not listening to him.

I ignored him throughout his tirade, as I do not intend to have a discussion with a grown-up screaming like a maniac. After a while, he seemed to be bored as I was not even responding in any way and drove off with screeching tires.

The police came, and to add to everything, he didn’t have his license with him, as it was stolen 4 months ago. That’s when I thought: Man I am glad I called the police.

Later in the shower, I started to doubt it again. Maybe he will be in trouble with his obviously impulsive father. Or maybe the 35 EUR fee was painful for him, even though I think that this was a petty thing to mope about as the father arrived in his shiny car.

For additional information, my car is fairly new and never had any scratches. I do not particularly care about my car, but I worked hard for it and would like to keep its value up.

Therefore I wanted to make sure I would not be scammed afterward, as this happened to my cousin recently after he dealt with a crash without calling the police.

The officer said it was okay to call as one should do this whenever you are feeling something is up.

Now I am asking myself if what I did was okay, or a jerk move.”

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Kirkleen 6 months ago
The only thing I would have done was called 911 while the father was screaming at me, especially if he was close to me
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21. WIBTJ If I Skip Out On My Partner's Birthday Party?

“My (35M) partner (F) turned 25 yesterday, 3/24/22. I took her out to a romantic dinner and we had a great time. She loved it.

My best friend from high school is throwing a bday party tonight, 3/25/22.

A few weeks ago, my partner’s friends decided to throw HER a party tonight as well. I had every intention of going until my buddy called me up to invite me to his party.

I love my partner, but I don’t get along with her friends. I always feel excluded from them, like they purposefully start talking about stuff that I don’t understand just so I won’t be able to participate.

I have a high school diploma and went to trade school. They’re all in law school. They have different definitions of fun. Their idea of a party is this fancy, dressing up cocktail party where I have to wear a tie or something all night, and they don’t have any of the games I like.

My buddy’s the complete opposite. He’s having a keg, a pong table set up, he lets us smoke in his house, the whole 9. I knew my partner would be mad, so I decided to take her out to dinner on her bday to make up for me missing her party.

When we got home, I asked her if she’d be cool with me going to my buddy’s party. She actually got upset, telling me I promised her I’d be there, that I’m her partner and my presence matters.

It doesn’t. HER guests are there for HER, not for me. I told her as much, and I told her that I took her out to dinner to celebrate her actual bday, the actual special day.

Tomorrow’s not her birthday, it’s just a party. She asked me if the only reason I wanted to go out was to ‘compensate’ for not showing up tomorrow. I didn’t want to fight or argue.

I told her that if she really wanted me at her party, then I’d skip my buddy’s for her.

She got this really sad look, which annoyed me because I didn’t even do anything wrong, and I told her that I’ll skip the party for her.

She told me she was tired, and asked me to leave.

She didn’t respond to any of my messages, but her friends have been posting passive-aggressive stuff on their Twitter about me specifically.

Nothing by name, but one of them posted how she wishes her friend stopped being with immature losers.

My partner hasn’t been answering her phone all morning, and it’s making me feel terrible. I want to go to my buddy’s party because at least there, I won’t be surrounded by people who hate me and think I’m a ‘degenerate loser.’ WIBTJ?”

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rbleah 6 months ago
If you marry her THIS will be YOUR ENTIRE LIFE. At some point you will be FORCED TO CHOOSE. Her or your friends. Think about this for a bit. Do you REALLY want to live this way?
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20. AITJ For Suddenly Moving Out?

“I (20M) have been living with my mother (50F) and three siblings (M13, F9, and F15) for the last two years and working full time. My mother demanded that I deposit all the funds into her account on the day I receive my pay.

While I realize this seems extreme, my mother would often tell me that I am the man of the household and am responsible for supporting her and my siblings. When I asked to keep some of the funds for myself as savings she would start screaming and/or cry and shaming me.

One time when I suggested I wanted to move out she flipped and started packing all my stuff and told me to leave right then and there. When I explained that I couldn’t because I have no money to my name because I paid it all to her she continued to tell me to ‘go now’ if I wanted to leave.

Obviously, I relented.

I discussed my issue with a coworker, and he suggested I move out the day I got paid. So I kept the peace at home while looking for a place I could rent with roommates, and on my payday went to work with my clothes and essentials and then went to my new place.

I then sent a message to my mother telling her I wouldn’t be coming home.

Now she has blown up my phone with a bunch of texts, stating that I am abandoning her and my siblings and that I won’t live up to my responsibilities.

I think this is absurd. But then she says I could have at least given her a heads up that I was leaving a few weeks in advance, as she relied on my money to pay for the rent, bills, and food.

She is now asking for my part of the rent from my pay for the past two weeks, saying it is only fair because I didn’t give her any advance notice. But I didn’t give her any advance notice because I feared a big blowup. I still feel guilty though, have I thrown her and my siblings under the bus?”

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Templetexas 6 months ago
Just leave
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19. AITJ For Being Mad At My Brother's Fiancée Because Of What She Said About My Son's Wife?

“I (54F) was supposed to officiate my brother Paul’s (56M) wedding. He is getting married to Beth (49F) and she has been nice enough over the past 2 years. When they asked I was surprised but excited to be involved.

Everything was going well until this issue with my son Ben (28M) and his wife Lucy (27F).

The backstory about Lucy. She and my son have been married for 2 years and have been together for 4.

Lucy was also a heavy drinker. Honestly, I would never have known but she had told the family before the wedding. She was sober before she met my son and there haven’t been issues since she joined the family.

She went to rehab when she was younger and has stayed away from liquor since.

I had lunch with Ben, I mentioned the wedding and my son said they were no longer going after Beth uninvited Lucy from the wedding.

This surprised me because they have gotten along so well before this. When I asked why, he said that she had found out about Lucy’s past drinking and banned her from the wedding, saying she no longer trusted her.

This seemed out of character so after lunch, I called her to get her side. Imagine my surprise when she said, ‘I uninvited the wino’. She went on to say that she was surprised we even let Lucy come to family events and that it wasn’t safe to have her around others because according to her, heavy drinkers are not meant to be trusted.

I told her that Lucy was sober and had been for years but she just said ‘That you know of. She’s probably hiding it. Honestly Ben should have left her when he found out but that was his mistake to learn.’ I told her I did not appreciate the slander against Lucy and told her I was also not going to be able to make it either.

She freaked out and said that I was leaving them in a bind because they now had to find a new officiant (For the record, their wedding isn’t until December). I told her that unless Lucy can come, I’m not going either.

This has now spread to other family members and they are divided. My brother is mad and while he wishes Lucy could come, he thinks I should have respected his fiancee’s wishes.

My son is happy but Lucy now feels as though this whole thing is her fault and she would have just stayed away as asked. The rest of the family is split.

Some think I’m making drama while others think she was being unfair. Lucy is like a daughter to me but other people’s comments have made me think I was too hasty to drop out. AITJ?”

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rbleah 6 months ago
This is a hill to die on. Lucy has shown NO SIGNS of drinking behavior. What is with your brother's SO? Did she grow up with drinkers who WOULD NOT QUIT? Your son and daughter are MORE IMPORTANT HERE. Can we say judgemental much? WOW
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18. AITJ For Making My Husband's Kids Watch Their Dog?

“My husband and I have four kids – a 4-year-old between us and older kids from his previous marriage ranging between 13 and 18. My husband works one week out of town and then is home for a week, the older kids are with us when he’s home, with their biological mom when he leaves to work.

I have a Belgian Malinois myself, my oldest step has a two-year-old Labrador.

So here’s what’s up…

This year, Spring Break fell on a week when my husband is out of town and the older kids are with their mom.

I packed up my little Sprinter to take the 4-year-old and our Mal camping and then to my parents’ place for a few days, the oldest step was supposed to be road-tripping with some friends and the other kids were going to go to a more local resort with their mom.

As we’re out in the driveway saying goodbye to the kids before they head back to their mom’s, I say ‘See you next week!’ The 16-year-old replies with ‘We’ll drop Fido (the Labrador) off on Monday so we’ll see you then.’

This is the first I’d heard of the dog coming back, so I said as much and pointed out that I would already be gone on Monday.

He says, ‘Oh, well I guess we could just leave him now then.’

The Lab is a nice dog around the house, but he’s not easy to travel in a Sprinter Van with.

He’s trained well for duck hunting, which is what the kids do with him, but he’s not the greatest when it comes to walking on a leash, his manners around crowds and other dogs, or manners inside a small space like a camper van.

He chews and nonstop bothers the female Mal if she doesn’t have someplace to get away from him. The Mal on the other hand can walk in crowded public places and be invisible.

Long story short, I would take Fido if my husband or one of the other kids were coming along in our larger camper, but was not going to jam him into the Sprinter with what our travel agenda entailed.

I told the kids I was not prepared to take the dog, they hadn’t said anything to me about it to give me a chance to plan, so I wouldn’t be able to watch him.

Apparently, their bio mom had also made plans that were not at all dog friendly, so the oldest son’s trip had to be cut short to watch the dog until they could get him in to be boarded and a day was cut off the resort trip for the younger kids as well.

Bio mom was also peeved that it cost to board the dog.

While logically I don’t feel like it was my responsibility to take the dog when no one even bothered to ask me about it first, I do feel bad that Spring Break plans got thrown for a loop for the kids. AITJ for not sucking it up and just jamming the extra dog in the van?”

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rbleah 6 months ago
Their mistake thinking YOU COULD NOT SAY NO. This should have been brought up the minute these plans were being discussed. YOU ARE NOT THE JERK. It is enough to take your child and YOUR DOG with you on this trip. Them EXPECTING YOU to watch THEIR DOG without asking? Play a stupid game, win a stupid prize.
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17. AITJ For Not Going On The Family Vacation Because I Don't Want To Be A Babysitter?

“Last summer my dad, uncle, 2 of my cousins (15m and 12m) and I (16f) went to our family cabin for a week. My other cousin ‘Emma’ (9f) didn’t come because she was busy or something but my uncle said he’d bring her next year (this year).

Well, I guess he’s planning on taking Emma to the cabin over memorial day weekend. Just her, not her brothers. He called last week and asked my dad if we wanted to go.

My dad’s going but I said no.

I would have gone, except men in my family have this habit whenever there are kids around they just expect me to watch/take care of/entertain them.

Then make it a thing when I don’t want to.

Ex: Last year we were at the cabin and my grandpa’s friend came over with his granddaughters that were like 4 and 5 or something.

All the men were just hanging out and doing whatever and just expected me to play with them. I’m not even a kid person but they were definitely brats. That was only a couple of hours but still.

When we came home I was venting to my grandma about dealing with them, she said ‘Aw they’re not that bad they’re cute little girls’.

Yesterday my dad’s family celebrated Mother’s Day and my grandma asked me why I wasn’t going to the cabin with them.

I was honest and said that I didn’t feel like being stuck babysitting all weekend. That I knew exactly what would happen, my dad and uncle would go do what they wanted and I’d have to stay back and take care of Emma.

My grandma said, ‘She’s your cousin you should want to spend time with her, you went to the cabin for a week with the boys. It’s mean that you don’t want to go with her just because she’s younger’.

The thing is my other cousins/her brothers didn’t need to be taken care of or watched. Besides we’re closer in age so have more in common.

AITJ for not going?”

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DeeDeeMarie81 6 months ago
No, you are not the jerk. And you also aren't a free convenient babysitter.
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16. AITJ For Telling My Best Friend I No Longer Think She Deserves To Be My Maid Of Honor?

“My childhood best friend and I (both 25f) have been inseparable since primary school. Grew up together, and did many activities together, we were basically like sisters. Even once we entered adulthood we kept being very close despite having different interests and lifestyles in some aspects.

We’d always find common ground, hang out, and be there for one another. She has a huge social circle and I’m more introverted. Her being more of an extrovert and party animal with many friends never caused an issue in our friendship and I never felt replaced or disrespected until now.

She now decided to study for her Master’s degree and she’s met some new people at the uni she’s studying. She is with them every single day spending the entire time with them.

At first, that was not an issue until she started being unreliable with me and some other friends of hers where she’d cancel on us last minute multiple times and ditch us to hang out with her new friends.

When she ditched me on my birthday party which she’d help me plan to go out with them and when she constantly let these people mock not just me but also some of her other friends on their choices regarding their life, their studies, their families, relationships, etc.

For example, her friends constantly mocked me and talked down on me for being in a relationship with my fiancé for 5 years and getting married, and planning a family so young instead of investing in my future by studying something or completing my own Master’s.

After several talks and several apologies on her part and many promises of how she’d change her behavior, I came to terms with the fact that she’d never change because after she apologized she’d go back to her old ways in just a few weeks.

So I sat her down and talked to her and I told her that while I don’t mind keeping a nice typical friendship with her, I no longer think she deserves to be my maid of honor at my wedding if my wedding, my fiancé, and my life choices are such a joke to her to the point she laughs about it with her other friends and refuses to cut them down whenever they’re making these jokes.

She said I’m being unfair by doing this to her and how I’m breaking a promise we’ve made since we were kids and how she jokes with her other friends is none of my business and it doesn’t affect me and making jokes doesn’t mean she doesn’t respect my choices and I’ve got it all wrong. I would like to know if I’m the jerk for the decision I’ve made.”

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DeeDeeMarie81 6 months ago
No, you are not the jerk. You are very wise to let go of this friendship and find a new maid of honor. If she still treasured your friendship, she would not allow anyone to mock you let alone laugh along with them.
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15. AITJ For Giving My Partner The Silent Treatment Because She Didn't Settle The Electricity Bill?

“My partner (34F) and I (33F) divide the house bills. Between our individual and household bills, we make about the same salary a year. My partner is responsible for the electric bill.

When I first met her, I told her that my biggest trigger is being left alone in the dark and that having the electricity cut off for non-payment would be a very traumatizing event for me.

Fast forward to the present day – my partner has not paid the monthly electric bill in full in over a year, so our bill is always bigger than it should be – for this reason, the electric company put us on a payment plan.

We haven’t spent a lot of time in our home over the past year, and my partner has been working out of town. For the last 2 months, on the electric bill due date, and right at the payment cut-off time, my partner has asked me to help pay, which required me to pay an extra $200 out of pocket.

Last Friday was the most recent due date. Once again she tells me at the last minute that she needs help with the bill. The notice says you must pay by 5:00 pm to avoid disruption in service.

She tells me at 5:30 pm. I end up paying an additional $300 on the bill. Because we did not pay the full amount by 5:00 pm – the company’s system auto-set us for disconnect.

My partner is well aware of the auto disconnect issue because we had the same problem before and she spoke with a rep who removed the disconnect from our account. This time, my partner never called the electric co.

After being out of town for a few days, I returned on Tuesday. The electricity was disconnected. I called my partner and she said she would call the electric co. For the next 3 hours, I sat in the dark with no heat in the home.

My partner would periodically call saying that the electric company said we had an outage and that power would be restored soon.

Meanwhile, I was also calling the company and was told we were disconnected because we did not pay the full amount by the cut-off time.

I was so upset and desperate, after 3 hours, I paid the full balance of $800 and the lights came back on. My partner texts me a few minutes later and says that the lights are back on.

I told her that the electricity was out because of payment. She denied the whole thing and told me the electric company screwed up. I got off the phone because I was emotionally drained.

Later she called and I told her that I wanted to be left alone for the night. She said I have no right to be angry with her, my feelings were not warranted, and that being in the dark for three hours ‘was not an ideal situation,’ but she has nothing more to say.

I feel like I am going insane. I can’t understand my partner’s behavior and suggestion that my feelings are unreasonable. I don’t understand why she will not apologize. I feel like I cannot trust myself.

Maybe something is wrong with me.

I might be the jerk for giving her the silent treatment and not letting the situation go or for not believing her explanation and for expecting her to acknowledge she was at fault and for making a big deal out of nothing.”

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rbleah 6 months ago
WTH????? GET OUT NOW....RED FLAG WARNINGS YOU HAVE IGNORED.
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14. AITJ For Not Bringing My Kids' Stuff Over?

“I (37f) have been a single mom to my two kids for the last 9 years. Their dad (34m) recently got married, and now decides that he can be a dad and have the kids consistently, thankful for that.

My kids (9f and 6m) don’t stay overnight anywhere and prefer to have me come get them usually.

Yesterday he asked if they could come over, and pack an overnight bag. I asked both kids if they wanted to stay or have me come get them later on.

Both didn’t want to stay, so I didn’t pack an overnight bag. He got them at 1, I had plans at 7 and was home ALL day until then. On my way to my plans, my daughter calls saying they want to now stay the night and asked if I could bring an overnight diaper for my son.

I said no, and that her dad could go get diapers if he wants them to stay the night.

I asked to speak to her dad, but she couldn’t find him so I said for her to have him call me.

He calls me, and I lost it on him. I said no I wouldn’t bring that stuff to his house and if he wanted them to stay he needed to go to the store to get what was needed.

His response was, ok then just pick them up.

AITJ for not taking the stuff over to him? We don’t live near each other, and is completely out of my way to go to my plans, then my house, then his house, instead of straight there after my plans.

I’ve literally been the only one taking care of these kids for the last 9 years. He’s had ZERO responsibility when it comes to being a dad. Both kids were adamant about not staying, so he guilted them into staying, then wanted me to bring their stuff after I was already on my way to do my plans, when I was literally home all day.

Added info: Had he texted me earlier saying they changed their minds I could have planned accordingly to swing the stuff over to his place. Trust me, if they stay then I don’t have a time limit and can stay out all night.

He’s been in their lives their whole lives. He’s never been stable enough or wants to have them overnight. We co-parent pretty well. My kids tend to be more honest with me since he’s never been super reliant on them.

No fault of mine. He’s had them overnight on rare occasions when I needed to do something that required them staying, like my birthday this year, or once I went to a concert and wouldn’t be back at a decent time to get them.

My frustration is that he knew I had made plans, waited until I was on my way to my plans, and then changed up what was going on with them.”

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CG1 6 months ago
No reason he can't go get the Diapers and hey maybe buy them clothes and toothbrushes etc for his house when they are at his place .He needs to step up
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13. AITJ For For Refusing To Raise A Child That Isn't Mine?

“I used to be friends with T. About 13 years ago, T went to a party and got pregnant. She did not know who the father was, and her family kicked her out, so she came and stayed with me.

The day her water broke, I brought her to the hospital, and she begged me to sign as the child’s father. Young and dumb, I agreed because she was crying her eyes out.

She and the child lived at my place for a few years rent-free. I kept the interaction with the child to a minimum because I am not good with kids and do not want any children myself.

I then met my now husband. Since I owned the place, and I would like to move in with my husband in another state, I asked her to move out so I could sell the house.

I also agreed to cosign a rental for her. I moved in with my husband.

Fast forward to 2 months ago. I received a letter from some agency, telling me I have to pay child support, and the name of the mother was T.

I talked to my lawyer, and he advised me to attend the court hearing and ask for a DNA test. I went to court and informed the judge about this, I asked for the test, and I offered to cover the test fee.

She was at the hearing, but she started yelling at me because according to her, I have no right to deny her child support because my name is on the birth certificate.

She asked for $1000/week for child support, I would have to provide health insurance for the child. I told her that was ridiculous, I would not pay a cent until there is a court order asking me to do so.

The judge then agreed to grant me a chance to do a DNA test. The test came back negative, we went to court again, she said because I paid for the test, the doctor at the lab would alternate the result of the test to my favor.

The judge decided to dismiss the case, and asked her to pay the court fee and part of the test fee, and also asked for a new birth certificate for the child without my name on it.

From then on, I have been receiving text messages and snarky remarks on social media about me being a jerk for refusing a future for the child. To be honest, I and my husband can afford that amount weekly and also the insurance.

We are not rich, but we are both working and earning decent incomes, but I think it is unfair to spend our money on someone that we barely know. I am now so frustrated and sad, I and T used to have a good relationship, but now everything went to dust, just because I decided to sign the birth certificate. Am I the jerk here?”

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Bruinsgirl143 6 months ago
Ntj block her completely and counter sue for harassment bet she stops then
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12. AITJ For Being Annoyed About Not Being Able To Go On A Trip With My Husband?

“I (32F) married my husband (39M) almost a year and a half ago. He’s a pretty successful man so he has provided everything his 21-year-old daughter (SD) ever wanted. I don’t want to call her spoiled but she didn’t work a job until she was 19 and has her tuition completely paid for by my husband and his ex.

She apparently makes up for it by supposedly being smart and going to a good college.

The reason that I am writing this is because she is graduating this summer and we wanted to make a whole trip out of it.

After my husband told her the plans SD made it very clear that she does not want me to be at her graduation and blames it on not having enough tickets. When my husband brought up that she had a lot of tickets she said that her last one is going to her best friend’s mom, but I think it’s unfair and she’s just making up excuses at this point.

When my husband suggested that dinner might be a great way to include me she then explains that she already made dinner reservations for a large party and she cannot add more people.

My husband thinks that it might not be the best idea for me to go to her graduation but I really wanted to go through with this trip. He said that his focus is on SD.

All of my husband’s friends and family talk so highly of SD and I cannot find out why. SD has slandered my job. I would try to explain to her that I did not have a lot of opportunities growing up, and she would then talk about how her mother is ‘so successful despite all that she has been through’.

She tells my husband that he’s gonna go broke because he has to support me as if he isn’t supporting her through college.

I have had to deal with other people constantly celebrating her and her accomplishments and I have had enough.

Am I the jerk for being annoyed I can’t go on the trip with my husband?

Edit: He is well-off but not wealthy and he and his ex both provide for her the same.

That is why I was confused about her saying he was going broke while ‘supporting’ me.

He had his daughter at 18/19 and was with his ex until 4/5 years ago. I was not with him during his previous marriage and he went out with someone before me.

I went out with my husband for a little over a year before we tied the knot. I wanted to go to her graduation because it’s important to my husband and we planned the entire trip and booked a hotel.

Never did I state that I wanted my husband to cut off SD or choose me over her. One of the things I admired about him was how he spoke of his daughter before I met her.

I could tell he loved her so much and she was his greatest achievement. I understand it is her day, but I wanted to celebrate with my husband because I know it’s a big day for him to celebrate as well.

He has worked hard to give that young lady a good life and it is paying off. I do not care for or want to take his money. I was trying to state my frustrations because I feel as if I am being punished for simply not being her mother. She doesn’t want to know me, okay but I find it unfair for myself and my husband.”

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DeeDeeMarie81 6 months ago
If you would go SD would make your presence miserable. Allow your husband to go alone. How does she treat her mother's new man? I think SD is a spoiled, entitled self centered brat. She sure isn't worried about her dad's happiness.
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11. AITJ For Arguing With My Brother Over His Plan To Have A Child-Free Wedding?

“I (25f) have 5 siblings including my oldest brother (36m) who I used to idolize. He recently got engaged, in my opinion, rather quickly after his divorce (6 months).

Tonight was his engagement dinner.

I’m gonna be honest here – I hate his soon-to-be wife, Amanda. She’s a two-faced fake witch that’s obsessed with my brother’s ex-wife. I went tonight because I loved my brother and with all our family’s comments about putting them in their place I was gonna try to keep it civil for my niece’s sake.

Well, shockingly it was going well because my brother kept our grandmother and siblings away from Amanda by sitting me and dad next to her.

I tried to be nice I used all my years in retail to help me channel my best polite positive attitude even tho I wanted to tell this woman to go screw herself.

We got talking about their wedding which is in July, it started off civil enough till it got to the part my mom asked would my nieces (4, 5, 8) be flower girls.

They looked at each other then my brother answered and said ‘Well actually we thought of having a late wedding so we decided it would be best if it was child-free’.

Me, in shock and a little wasted: ‘How can you have a child-free wedding when you have kids?’

Amanda: ‘Well they won’t be coming because it wouldn’t be fair to my friends or you guys’.

Me: ‘I wasn’t asking you. I’m talking to my brother – THEIR FATHER’.

Brother: ‘Please calm down. We both agreed it would be inappropriate because the ceremony starts at 7 and we plan on partying into the night.

Please, as my family, respect and support my decisions. If you can’t respect my relationship or my future wife I will ask you don’t attend the wedding nor speak to me till you’re ready to apologize’.

Me: ‘Having a child-free wedding is completely nonsense. You know what screw you, screw your wedding and your FuTuRe wIfE’.

My grandmother then said ‘They always downgrade, don’t they? He was running around with crap in a sack when he had a good woman at home’.

We all started laughing then my brother and Amanda started yelling so everyone goes in it then we got kicked out of the restaurant.

Now that I’m sobering up I think I’m a jerk.

Here are my reasons for disliking Amanda and why my brother’s kids not being invited to his wedding tipped me over the edge:

Amanda is my ex-sister-in-law’s friend.

My brother has seen his kids a total of ten days in the last year and a half.

When his kids’ uncle got into a crash he wouldn’t even let his kids stay with him when his ex needed to spend time with her 18-year-old brother who passed away due to injuries.

I had to step up for those kids when he should have.

They talk trash about his ex 24/7 when the woman is just trying to live her life.

Amanda told my niece she was fat and boys won’t like that.

Also, they both called his ex a bad mother when the girls stayed with us for a while after her brother’s death.”

2 points - Liked by IDontKnow, LilVicky and Turtlelover60
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Bruinsgirl143 6 months ago
Ntj and your grandma is my jerk hero. Take the kids out and post tons of pictures during their wedding
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10. AITJ For Being Mad After My Dad Called His Other Kid By My Special Nickname?

“I (17f) recently found out my father has a second family. My mom has since then filed for divorce. My father has been trying to get me and my brother (15) to have a relationship with his other kids (17f, 16f, 9m).

We were having dinner with my father. My father let us know he was overjoyed to have all his kids in one room. The 17f mentioned that she was overjoyed to have the opportunity to meet us.

She always had to watch from a distance but is happy to finally have a relationship with us. I was not engaging in the conversation a lot.

In fact, I was getting annoyed but I was able to keep my annoyance unnoticeable until he called the 16f ‘Toti’ and she confidently told my brother that it was her special nickname.

My brother looked at me in horror, because he knew I was about to lose my mind and my dad knew too. He knew that he messed up. Again. I got up calmly and told my dad that he was dead to me.

I told his kids that they’re awesome but I don’t want to have a relationship with them.

I walked out, my brother of course chased after me because I was his ride home.

My brother on the way home told me I overreacted and that it wasn’t that serious. I interrupted him and said that he can also be dead to me if he doesn’t choose his next words carefully.

He just said nvm.

That nickname is special to me. My grandpa (mom’s dad) gave me that nickname because he thought that it was extraordinary that I was able to walk at 7/8 months old.

He never called me by my name, always by my nickname. He even said my nickname over and over again when he was on his deathbed. It’s so special to me even though it just means small in my language.

A language that I know my father doesn’t speak. He only speaks English. And I’m not going to share that nickname with someone that doesn’t even know what it means. Especially not my father’s other kid.

My brother knows how much that nickname means to me. I maybe shouldn’t have said that to him but he also shouldn’t have said that to me. Thus why I feel like he deserved it.

My brother is really upset and my mom feels like I shouldn’t have reacted in that way, but I feel justified in my reaction because it was my special nickname and my father just gave it to somebody else.

My brother didn’t show an ounce of sympathy for me.

My mom said that my father and brother don’t have to be my enemy. I agree my brother isn’t my enemy but my father will be my enemy until the day he dies.

So am I the jerk for telling my brother that he can also be dead to me?”

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mima 6 months ago
Ntj. My father and his other family would all be dead to me and I would never speak to them again. This is the ultimate betrayal.
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9. AITJ For Not Lending My Teacher Money?

“I (25F) play tennis regularly, and I train 3x a week, with two different teachers. One of them just started training me as my usual teacher was not available in my timeslot anymore.

My dad (we train at the same facility) wasn’t thrilled about this, as he told me people he knows don’t like working with him, however, he didn’t know the specific reasons. However, I didn’t have issues with him since we started our sessions in April up until a month ago.

I pay for my classes in advance, so I paid for my May classes in April. My first issue was when the teacher asked me for payment in mid-May again, and I felt like he tried to guilt trip me by telling me he was in a rough spot financially.

I told him I already paid, and he left me alone but went to my dad and tried to get payment from him. My dad (bless him) paid him the month of June in advance for me so he’ll stop bothering me.

Yesterday he straight up just asked me for money (about 50 USD), and that he’ll repay me next class. I don’t feel comfortable lending money to ANYONE, let alone someone I have known for 3 months.

However, he went again with the guilt trip about his family and his children. I ended up just ignoring him until he didn’t message me anymore. I feel terrible and can afford the money, but it’s the principle for me, as I don’t know how he feels comfortable constantly begging me for money.

I’m not even comfortable with having classes with him anymore, but I know he’ll take a hit financially if I don’t pay for my classes, and more so, my sister also trains with him and will drop him if I do (he doesn’t ask her for money, as she is still a student).

AITJ? I feel terrible and conflicted.”

2 points - Liked by IDontKnow and LizzieTX
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rbleah 6 months ago
NTJ he is just a mooch. If he has money problems maybe he should get another job. IT IS NOT YOUR JOB TO SUPPORT HIM any further than paying for YOUR TRAINING, PERIOD.
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8. AITJ For Not Including My Sister-In-Law's Name In My Husband's Obituary?

“My husband passed away recently and suddenly. He and his sister had a very contentious relationship. I never liked her because she always made everything about her. When their mother had surgery she told her daughter she needed her AFTER she was released, my SIL came over when she was IN the hospital and went home four hours away the day she was released.

We had to scramble to make sure she had what she needed when one of us couldn’t be there. When my MIL eventually passed away, she did NOT attend the funeral because it was held in a church.

In settling her estate, SIL insisted she gets a bigger portion because my husband and I both worked well-paying jobs and didn’t need the money. Every few months, SIL would contact her brother (my husband) for money.

Fast forward a few years and my husband retired from his job and I had burned out of engineering and was on a different career path with a lower salary range. We had a child in college who was using some of his retirement funds to pay for tuition.

He didn’t want our son to begin his career with thousands of dollars in debt. His health started declining, and on several occasions, I asked if he wanted me to let his sister know.

‘Absolutely not! Don’t let her know anything until I am in the ground!’ was always his reply. The final straw for him was when his sister asked for money, and he told her he had retired and was paying for our son’s college tuition (private college).

She then asked how much he received in retirement. He threw his phone down and yelled, ‘I don’t have a sister! She thinks I’m just a freaking ATM!’

So, from these conversations, I left her name out of his obituary when he passed… and she was mad! EVERYONE, including her daughter, understood.

No one on his side of the family gave me any grief for it. They told me I was abiding by his wishes.

So, AITJ for leaving my SIL out of my husband’s obituary?

Edit: it was not recently that the relationship with his sister became bad.

He told me stories about long before I came into the picture: when he was stationed in Japan, he sent his mother a Japanese tea set… sister opened the packages (they lived at the same address), liked it, and claimed it for her own.

Mom said she never got it, so he assumed it was either confiscated by customs or lost in the mail. It was years later that he found out the truth.

Sister would drop off her children with him ‘for an hour at most’ and be gone for six.

She refused to let her daughter (whom he treated like the daughter he never had) serve punch at our wedding reception because it was part of a religious ceremony. We got married in a rented clubhouse by a minister friend of a friend.

He hated how she took advantage of their parents… always asking for money and then talking about the fabulous vacation they took.”

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Deedee 6 months ago
Nope. She treated him and their parents like trash and the rest of the family saw it. She isn't entitled to anything
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7. AITJ For Wanting To Bring My Significant Other To My Sister's Wedding As A Plus One?

“My sister’s wedding is coming up 5 weeks from this Saturday. I’m a bridesmaid. When I agreed to be a bridesmaid I understood I would have to walk down the aisle beside one of the groomsmen, stand beside him in some pictures and sit at a table with him and the other bridesmaids and groomsmen.

No problem. I’m in a relationship and I assumed my significant other would be invited to the wedding or I could bring her as my plus 1. Last week the invitations were sent out and my SO wasn’t invited and I wasn’t given a plus 1.

When I brought this to my sister’s attention she said the groomsman (I’ll call him John) is my date. She told me John is single so it made sense to ‘pair us up’ and have us be each other’s dates.

Me not getting a plus 1 is not about cost savings. My parents are dropping at least $75k on the wedding, the expenses skyrocketed during the planning. It’s not a destination or out-of-town wedding.

My sister wanted a beachfront venue and the one she booked cost over $20k. The maid of honor, the best man, and all of the other bridesmaids and groomsmen were given a plus 1 and so was every other guest.

None of the other wedding party members are married either and the full guest list wasn’t kept to spouses only. This came out of the blue.

A few months ago I showed my sister a picture of the dress my SO bought for the wedding and my sister’s exact words were ‘I can’t wait to see her wearing it’.

She didn’t even have the courtesy to tell me I wasn’t getting a plus 1 or my SO wasn’t invited. I found out when I got the invitation.

I have nothing personal against John but I’ve never met the guy and being that I’m a lesbian I don’t go out with men.

I’ve been out for 15 years. I took a girl to my prom. My parents and sister have taken me to pride parades in the past. My SO of 3.5 years has been welcomed to family events and holidays with no negativity.

Everyone knows I’m gay and it’s never been a problem but now I feel like it is. My sister complained to my parents about my request and they sat me down and said while they are fronting the funds they aren’t involved in the planning and my sister can do as she pleases.

I was reminded it is her day and not mine and demanding changes to the guest list is self-centered.

I’m honestly shocked this happened. Part of me just wants to say screw it and not go but I’m a bridesmaid and finding a replacement in under 6 weeks would be difficult and as angry as I am with my sister and parents I don’t want to disrupt the wedding.

The guilt is adding to my confusion. I feel like it’s homophobia no matter what my sister and parents say to that. Was it wrong of me to ask my sister to add an extra spot to the guest list?”

1 points - Liked by lebe
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rbleah 6 months ago
Get a refund on whatever you can and tell sis that you will not be going if your SO, who has been treated like family, IS NOT INVITED as your plus one. That the two of you are a pair and you WILL NOT pair off with HER CHOICE OF DATE. PERIOD. HER DAY, HER WAY? Okay, she chose to NOT TREAT YOU AND YOUR SO AS FAM? Then don't feel OBLIGATED to bend over for her DEMANDS. Tell her I think she is being a BRIDEZILLA.
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6. AITJ For Wanting My Wife To Have A Side Gig?

“My wife (34F) and I (42M) have been married for 12 years. We have 3 kids (6, 8 and 10).

She married me young (22). She never really had a job and did not do well in school and did not attend university.

These things don’t really bother me.

I have been a work-from-home dad since day one. Very flexible schedule. I wake up early, make breakfast for the kids (my wife sleeps in), would send them to school most of the time, send them to sports practice, and cook dinner sometimes (otherwise it’s takeout as my wife doesn’t like to cook).

I also hired a maid who takes care of the daily cleaning, laundry, ironing, etc but my wife does have mild OCD and cleans it again (mopping and vacuuming) daily despite us trying to tell her not to.

We live in an upper-middle-class neighborhood, and we make decent money but we could save more. Especially with the kids growing and we are not getting any younger. I say ‘we’ as we are a family but I am really the sole earner in 12 years.

Despite my wife’s lack of say education and work experience, over the last 12 years, I (and her own family) have always asked her to find a working hobby outside the family circle so that she can have something of her own.

My wife is very insecure about her background or education and if pressed, often results in negative outbursts with huge defenses.

She always resisted the idea and confronts me with ‘I am toxic and unsupportive for not wanting her to be comfortable’.

So come 2022, I had a chat with her that as much as I can provide, there has to be a plan B and if we want to plan for retirement and save for better educational options for the kids, we gotta start now.

Together.

Instead of a full-time job, we decided (after much drama) on joining her friend selling mutual funds and healthcare which is something she can do on her own time, and the income is hers to keep.

So yeah, she hates me for it. She has to study and do something outside her comfort zone. Keeps telling me that I am toxic, unsupportive, and can’t see her be happy.

Real anger in her voice.

For me, as much as she wants to relax and be comfortable, I want to grow and provide the best education and future for my kids and our retirement.

But I can’t do it alone, especially if my very capable wife (very charming and approachable), instead of trying to contribute and work together, just wants to let things be.

So AITJ for wanting my wife to have a side gig income so that we can provide a better life for our kids and retirement?

Side Note: Currently, I give her a monthly allowance (to spend on herself).

I pay for groceries, mortgage, bills, and everything, including her insurance and monthly investment funds. She refuses to have her own credit card and uses mine with my permission to manage to spend but still, there is a lack of accountability from my POV. But again, it’s always a big fuss and I am being called ‘controlling and toxic.'”

1 points - Liked by IDontKnow
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Kirkleen 6 months ago
Start an extra bank account and move all your money into it. Then pause the credit card. Cut all extras that you don't need. Then give her a very small amount for groceries and gas. Do some math figure up about how much you will have per month when you retire with your current plan. Tell her that you have to live in that situation because this is what the future looks like. If she can't li e in it now, she won't be able to later. Tell her it's a reality check and she needs to deal with reality.
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5. WIBTJ If I Announce My Pregnancy As A Birthday Gift To My Husband?

“I (28F) and my husband (29M) have been married for 6 years. And for a large majority of those years, we have been trying to have a baby. However, my infertility issues have brought us to the point of us reconsidering and looking into adoption and surrogacy instead, after years of IVF treatments and various other outlooks.

Around two weeks ago a miracle occurred. I was pregnant!

I was ecstatic and overjoyed to tell my husband, however, I wanted to bring the news to him in a more elaborate fashion as this is something that is dearly important to him.

After checking in with my doctor due to chances of me having pregnancy complications and planning the surprise it occurred to me that my husband’s birthday was also coming up around this time.

My sister (26F) and I (my sister and I have been good friends with my husband since we were children) have been tossing ideas around about his 30th birthday for a while.

My husband’s family had never been big on birthdays and we wanted to make the occasion spectacular for him as due to complications in previous years none of his birthday gifts in the past have been as perfect as I wanted them to be.

I brought up the idea of me announcing my pregnancy to my husband as a gift as I realized I didn’t have the time to pull together the plans we had previously agreed on, but I had already started arranging plans for announcing the baby.

I thought it would be very special to him to combine the ideas of his birthday party and the baby announcement as we have been wanting a child for so long, and honestly, it seemed better than the gift idea we previously had.

However, my sister disagreed and told me I was selfish for wanting to make his birthday about me, and that I was a bad wife for not prioritizing the plans we had already agreed upon and changing them at the last minute.

I argued that there was little time for us to even make the elaborate plans anyways, and my husband would appreciate my idea just as much as a grand party. My sister told me by no means I should announce my pregnancy as a gift, and I would be a jerk if I did.

So, WIBTJ?

EDIT: When I meant to announce, I meant to announce it privately to him afterward as a gift as I do understand it wouldn’t be ideal if everyone were to find out at the same time! Also, my sister found out about the pregnancy with me as we were together when I heard from my doctor. (My husband couldn’t take me to my appointment that day)”

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mima 6 months ago
After the party in private is fine. Congrats,!
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4. AITJ For Disciplining My Stepdaughter By Not Allowing Her To Meet Up With Her Friends?

“A year ago I (26M) got married and moved into a new home with my wife (38F) and her two kids (14F and 8M). The little one and I get along wonderfully, but his sister just doesn’t seem to like me, I can’t get through to her no matter what I do, and believe me I tried.

Before we got married I would hang out with the kids at least a couple times a week, I’d take them to the zoo, go on walks on the beach, teach them how to cook, and other various activities to bond with them.

Things that I was told their bio father never did with them. My stepdaughter at the time just showed indifference towards me, she wouldn’t talk much but I’d still try my best to engage her.

It was after we moved in together that she really showed her distaste for me.

Whenever I tried making conversation she would just ignore me, and when I tried to ‘parent’ she would lash out at me and tell me I wasn’t her real father so I had no right to tell her what to do.

I was more forgiving at first because I thought she was probably having a hard time adjusting to the change and I was an ‘outsider’, but as time went on I felt like she had no intention of accepting me.

My wife told me that she has a hard time opening up to new people, told me not to take it personally, and that she would come around eventually.

Well, I don’t know when ‘eventually’ is but to this day her attitude hasn’t changed.

A couple of days ago she seemed to be in a really bad mood, I thought maybe something happened at school so I asked her what was wrong she just snapped at me and told me to mind my own business.

I thought that was just too out of line and told her very firmly that I was her parent and the least she could do was show me some respect. She just scoffed and said that I was pathetic and that she didn’t need me intruding into her life.

Things escalated and finally, I told her that she wasn’t allowed to meet up with her friends because of her behavior, and she just screamed even more and started crying. She locked herself in her room until my wife got home and told her what I had said.

I thought my wife would agree with me, but she actually told me that I was being mean and unreasonable. She said that she had struggled a lot after the divorce, and it was petty of me to punish her because my feelings got hurt.

I still don’t think I’m in the wrong here, I was just disciplining her like any parent would. Do I have limited authority because I’m a step-parent? AITJ?”

-1 points - Liked by lebe
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LizzieTX 6 months ago
YTJ. You're 12 years older than your stepdaughter. If the situation were reversed and she were the 26 year old stepmom trying to make 14 year old you behave, how would you feel?
I do believe your SD owes you common courtesy, but that's it. If you have an issue with her, leave it until you can discuss it with your wife, and go from there.
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3. AITJ For Leaving My Pregnant Wife At Home While I Go To Croatia?

“My brother married into a large Croatian family that has large parties in their home country once a decade. This year in August their eldest son is having an engagement party with all the family.

My mom, dad, and brother are going. The wedding is next year in New Orleans. We are currently saving up for the baby we hope to have and going together would be very expensive.

My mom was a flight attendant, however, so I can get to and from Croatia very cheaply, though I have yet to sort out the exact cost. I’m having serious FOMO for a lot of reasons, chief of which is that I’m close with my family.

Being together on vacation is so nostalgic and heartwarming.

This trip is in August. August is looming heavy in my wife’s heart, as it was when we were meant to welcome our first baby into this world.

The baby’s birthday was estimated to be 08/13/2022. In March of this year, when my wife was 16 weeks pregnant, we learned the fetus had a fatal genetic defect known as trisomy 13.

We lost the baby right before 17 weeks. Even though we are pregnant again and hoping for the best outcome, my wife has shared that she senses August will be emotional. Hence she would like me to stay.

I’m trying to find some compromise where a friend of my wife comes to stay with her while I’m gone to help keep her company. Our grieving processes are not the same and I don’t want to get depressed.

That said, we are generally very attached to each other, I know I’ll miss her deeply while I’m gone. We’ve spent the last 20 years together. I just can’t shake this feeling of FOMO and also wanting to take a trip before we have a baby.

Am I the jerk for trying to make this work?”

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LizzieTX 6 months ago
IF you go, your wife should go too. I'm very surprised that you would even consider leaving her, because of cost. You can always save up more money. How much is it worth to you, to have your wife happy and excited about accompanying you on a trip to such an important family event, versus being stuck at home alone, fretting about her pregnancy, resenting you for leaving her at such a time, and being mad as he11 that you were too cheap to take her to this party?
Shame on you! Find the money for both of you to go, or neither of you should go. Stop being so selfish. Time to get used to thinking about putting others before yourself, because you have a child on the way.
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2. AITJ For Siding With My Partner And Asking My Sister To Tell Her Husband Not To Bring His Bible When They're Visiting?

“My (M28) brother-in-law Luke (M31) (my sister’s husband) is a devout Christian. He’s the quiet, calm, and most respectful person in the entire family but his only issue is that he acts introverted and gets offended easily.

In other words, he’s socially awkward if you will. That’s fine, no issue here, he clearly isn’t a fan of socializing and deals with this pressure by bringing his pocket Bible (or compact Bible) to read at the corner of the room while we all talk and socialize.

This happens at my mom’s house by the way.

I started bringing my partner who’s an atheist (meaning she doesn’t believe or follow any religion) to my mom’s house to attend family functions.

She noticed Luke sitting there reading from his pocket Bible and made a few comments about him to my sister. For some reason, my sister thought that my partner has an issue with Luke but after talking to my partner she told me it wasn’t about Luke, it was the way he sits there with the Bible on display that made her feel uncomfortable.

She refused to elaborate and last week she got into an argument with my sister. After talking to both of them, turns out my partner asked my sister to tell Luke to stop showing his Bible whenever she is around.

I tried to calm them both down but my partner said she will no longer come over if Luke doesn’t stop. I tried to talk to my sister to reach a compromise but she told my partner to go screw herself.

I am not gonna lie, that set me off and I told my sister that Luke’s choosing the wrong time to read from his Bible. Also told her to tell him to leave it at home or in the car.

She called me and my partner entitled, controlling jerks then got mom involved.

Mom took her side and told me I don’t get to dictate how her guests behave at her house, then said that I and my partner are guests ourselves and should show some respect.

I asked her about the ‘respect’ Luke was showing by sitting in the corner reading and ignoring everyone in the room. Mom said at least he’s not hurting anyone or harassing anyone in the house.

We argued some and I left with my partner. Now my stepdad wants me to be the one to apologize to Luke then my sister then mom for causing a scene at her house. But I haven’t called or anything yet.

AITJ? My intention was to make sure my partner’s concerns were heard and that she felt comfortable at my mom’s house.”

-2 points - Liked by lebe
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LizzieTX 6 months ago
I'm trying to decide who is the bigger jerk between you and your partner, but I can't, so you're both massive jerks. Your mother is absolutely right; nobody gets to dictate behavior of another guest in her home. Luke wasn't bothering anyone. It was your job to shut your partner down and demand that she be courteous to everyone in your parents' home. Instead, you backed her, AND doubled down. Your mom should have kicked you both out of the house.
Oh, and you're the bigger jerk. Shame on you.
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1. AITJ For Worrying About My Fiancé's "Best Woman"?

“My fiance (m29), who I’ll call Ryan, and I (f28) are getting married next year and it has been a lot of planning on our end to get everything ready. Ultimately I want things to go smoothly and without a hitch but Ryan’s choice of ‘best man’ is something I’ve asked him to reconsider.

His best man is more of the best woman as she’s (male-to-female 25) trans, I’ll call her Sky, and before people go there I have nothing against her for being trans, and overall no issue with that.

Sky and Ryan have been friends for nearly seven years now but she’s only been out for the past year and even then she’s only out to her group of friends, her parents, and myself.

Initially, his choice to have her stand in our wedding party had me a bit worried especially because Ryan had gone behind my back to tell her that she could wear a dress (although I later found out that she probably won’t wear one as she’s not ready to come out to his and my family nor does she think she’ll be ready by then).

My issue comes from two possibilities that both aren’t ideal. The first issue is that if she continues to move so slowly in her transition she’ll still be very much so a guy in appearance which will cause issues in the future when people ask who’s with Ryan in all these photos as she’ll no longer be that person.

The other possible issue is that if she does start to transition but isn’t fully passable I’ll have to explain it to my family who aren’t always the most accepting and I’d rather not have all of us go through that.

So for these reasons, I’ve asked him to request that he not have her in the wedding party and instead pick one of his other friends or my brother to be his best man.

This conversation caused a bit of a fight though as he’s unwilling to change her out and he says that it’s just something we’ll have to deal with. I’ve still brought it up on occasion for him to consider but it’s led to a fight every time. So AITJ for just wanting to protect Sky?”

-3 points (3 vote(s))
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LizzieTX 6 months ago
You're the jerk and you're not trying to "protect" anyone except yourself, from having to give a lot of explanations.
Stop worrying about Ryan's attendants and concern yourself with your own. It's his wedding too, and if he wanted to have a 500lb bearded lady from a side show as his main attendant, it's HIS choice. By the same token, if there are questions about Skye, they're Ryan's to handle, not yours. If anyone is so rude as to ask about Skye's status, point them to Ryan.
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