People Desire To Know "Am I The Jerk?" In These Stories

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Our name is the most important thing that we have. It defines our whole self, and it bears who we are as a person. When we socialize with other people, the first thing we tell them about ourselves is our name. However, it's hard to build relationships when the only thing people remember is that one seemingly awful thing that we did in the past. Soon, our names become irrelevant and we're given labels based on our past actions. Here are some stories from people who desire to know if they truly deserve being called jerks. Read on and let us know who you think the real jerk is. AITJ = Am I the jerk? NTJ = Not the jerk WIBTJ = Would I be the jerk? YTJ = You're the jerk

22. AITJ For Giving My Husband a PS5 Then Selling It When He Couldn't Handle It?

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“I (35F) bought my husband (37M) a PS5 for his birthday a couple of months ago. He was beyond thrilled because he’s a gamer but it’s been a while since he gamed.

Let me say that the house has been a literal warzone ever since my husband started playing with the PS. he started having rage fits, cusses a lot, throws and breaks expensive stuff like headphones and watches and glasses and his phone.

he said it’s his normal reaction to being frustrated by losing a round in a game.

I told him this is no way to live because the house is in a constant state of anxiety and negativity and my husband’s behavior (to me) seemed to be worsening because of how easily he could cuss out and lash out now. I told him if gaming makes him stressed out then he needs to quit.

He was like “Ok I will try to tone it down from now on out but don’t blame me for being frustrated with how messed up these games have become lately”.

Well, on Tuesday, I come home and find the place a mess. 300$ dollar game chair was broken and all the stuff on the desk was thrown on the floor. I asked him about what happened and he nonchalantly told me he lost a round.

I lost it on him and told him that I was done cleaning his mess and paying for a replacement for every item he destroys and let him know he ran out of chances and the ps5 has no negative impact and needed to go. he said it had nothing to do with the ps5 so I told him the ps5 needs to be sold to pay for damages he caused.

He threw a fit but I sold it online..He called me a monster and said that it was selfish of me to return a gift that was for him. Yes, I get that it’s a gift meant for him but I paid for it and also I’m the one who has to deal with damages since I’m the breadwinner in the house. he went into shut down mode and keeps sleeping instead of spending time with me.”

Another User Comments:
“Oh HECK no, that is not a normal reaction to ANYTHING.

NTA, that man needs so much therapy.” Unjessicabiel_evable

Another User Comments:
“100% agreed.

My partner and I and all of our friends are gamers and you know, we’ve all yelled ‘for eff’s sake’ or ‘what the eff’ from time to time but breaking stuff?! Eff no.

None of that is normal and I want OP to know, this is not normal, for even the most stressful games.

I’m in a discord right now watching my guy’s best mates play one of the most maddening games of League of Legends I’ve ever seen and you know what they’re not doing? They’re not breaking their belongings or scaring their wives/fiancés/partners or babies.

NTA.” MrSobh

Another User Comments:
“NTA-

Typically I’d say that it’s not right to dispose of someone else’s stuff..

but this is a serious issue and there is all types of destruction and violence going on in your home and that is dangerous. And clearly he cannot control himself. So clearly it’s the lesser of several evils occurring.

There is something seriously wrong with this situation and it is not a PS5… It is that your husband is behaving violently, destructively, erratically, and financially abusively (he is destroying things in the home and forcing you to pay for their replacement and repair). Super concerning. Sounds like the dude needs therapy” JetITogeher

7 points (7 votes)
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Breezer2800 6 months ago
NTJ. Destroying hundreds of dollars in property is NOT a normal, healthy reaction to losing a video game, and the fact OP's husband thinks nothing of it is disturbing.

I agree that the PS5 needs to be sold to pay for the damage he caused, and to prevent further meltdowns.

Also, OP might want to look into counseling for him so he can learn how to cope with things in a more healthy manner.
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21. AITJ For Drinking A Half Gallon Of Milk At My Sister's Wedding Because I'n Recently Sober?

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“Ok I know this sounds pretty absurd but this is genuinely something my family is fighting about.

I quit drinking 4 months ago and my oldest sister Emmy’s wedding was last weekend.

My younger sister, Sara, has been really supportive of me getting sober and she actually packed me a little cooler bag of soft drinks for the wedding when she knew there would be an open bar and wanted me to have other options.

She’s 15 and doesn’t have a car or anything yet so she just packed this bag with drinks from around the house. But it was still sweet

Anyway, at the wedding, I look in the bag and there were a few iced coffees, a few juices, and a half-gallon of milk.

Now, she knows me a little too well. I’d drink milk with pretty much every meal, I know it’s a little weird for an adult but what can I say, I like it?

So I poured myself some when everyone else was drinking booze.

And I guess I was feeling nervous and a little tense being in a group where most people were drinking heavily for the first time since I’ve gotten sober, so I kept fidgeting and nervously drinking from my cup. Honestly a lot like how I’d compulsively drink booze in the past.

Before I knew it my uncle was like “Darn, you just drank all that milk?” and he was pointing out the empty bottle.

I was like “Darn, guess I did” and my uncle started calling everyone’s attention to that? Which was kinda embarrassing because I’d just been doing it to avoid liquor.

But I guess it became a running joke among everyone there like people just started talking about it? IDK why, it honestly doesn’t seem that interesting to me.

But anyway, the day after the wedding, Emmy confronted me saying that she didn’t appreciate the “stunt”I pulled.

I was confused and she said that the heard I drank a gallon of milk and didn’t puke. I said it was a half gallon. She didn’t find that funny and was convinced I was doing it as a joke.

She doesn’t believe me that I wasn’t trying to draw attention or play some dumb prank. Like even as a prank it makes no sense. What’s funny about drinking a slightly weird amount of milk? It’s kinda boring

But my parents are taking her side and think I did something bad.

AITJ for drinking a half-gallon of milk at my sister’s wedding?

Another User Comments:
“INFO: Did you pour the milk into a glass, or drink it straight out of the container?

If you drank it straight out of the container, I could see why she might think that was a little stunt-like. Even if you did drink it straight out of the container, that doesn’t mean you did anything bad, it’s just a little noticeable.

Honestly, if you did drink out of a glass and add it to your story, I think you can clean up the first part of what you wrote above, and send it to your sister via email, and offer to talk more on the phone. It might help for her to see it from your perspective from beginning to end, without a back and forth conversation.

She might have felt disappointed by all the silliness your uncle caused on her special day, but that’s on him, not on you. She might have gone into the conversation with a preconceived idea of the situation, and once you’ve got something in your head, and you get presented with contrary information, you need time to let it settle in before you can let go and accept the facts.

If drinking is big in your family, your uncle might not have only thought the milk was funny, but he might have also been uncomfortable with your sobriety. One time when I was a young adult, I was drinking at a party, and I’m a lightweight. My friend said he doesn’t drink, and I said, “Why?” I regret having said that, but I had been drinking, and I just blurted it out.

I think I did it partly because I was uncomfortable.

We have a friend from Wisconsin. When she gets lunch with my partner in the company cafeteria, she gets two little boxes of milk and drinks them like water. Like a kid in elementary school. 🙂 I get it, some people just love it.”

Another User Comments:
NTA. First, congratulations on your sobriety! That’s awesome, and how cute of your sister to support you in this way.

I literally can’t understand the reaction of your sister and your parents. Maybe sarcasm is your friend here? “Yes, it is true. You got me. I planned out all the ways I could ruin your wedding and determined that drinking some milk with dinner would be the most exciting and dramatic.” Candid-Square-8889

6 points (6 votes)
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Breezer2800 6 months ago
NTJ. OP was just trying to maintain sobriety, and didn't maliciously go out of their way to draw attention to themselves.
It's not their fault the family decided to make it a huge spectacle.
Nobody should be mad at OP whatsoever.
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20. AITJ For Expressing The Love I Have More My Child On Social Media?

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“I posted an image on my social media of my daughter and I siting on my back patio eating dinner that we cooked together, (she is 4). She and I are smiling at the table with our food and the post reads as follows: “it doesn’t get much better than this”.

My daughter and I just got out of a nasty 2-year custody battle with her mother and every minute is precious to me.

Here was my “girl’s” response to my social media post, she texted me, she also has a child – 3yo.

(Names have been changed: Jack – her son. Michelle – my daughter)

She sent a screenshot of the post on social media with the word “OUCH”

I asked her what the problem was? This was her reply

“–saying something like “it doesn’t get better than this” implies that Jack and I are unimportant to you.

Imagine a wife posting a picture of herself with one kid at dinner saying the same when she has another kid and a husband. Obviously, that’s not us but the same concepts. It’s just poor taste.”

Her and I have been seeing each other for 4 months.

Here is my reply:

“–my post said “much better”. So obviously if you and Jack were in it it could be implied it would be better BUT.

You attacking me about posting about my daughter is unacceptable. You post about Jack being your world or whatever. Does that imply me or Michelle aren’t. It’s a preposterous and an ignorant statement to say to me. That’s my kid. Cooking dinner and eating with my daughter and spending time with her is the height of my life and having you and Jack as a part of it would definitely enhance that.

But my kid is my life and will always be. But in that there is nothing to imply that you and Jack couldn’t be as equally as important to me. After the conversation we had Sunday about how I feel about my daughter and the situation (we’re in with her mother) you would take offense to that? That’s poor taste. ”

She is no longer speaking to me as of this moment.

AITJ? Please comment away.

Another User Comments:
“NTA. 4 months aint long. Doged a bullet on that one.

As a fellow parent, ita ridiculous of her to think a scoial media post about dinner with your kid was malicious. Also, her double standard proves her hypocrisy.

If shes already trying to stir this kind of crap this early on in the relationship, then gives the silent treatment hoping you’ll come back and apologize? Nope.

Sorry because I know it sucks sometimes, but personally I couldn’t deal with someone who looks to pick fights.” OsaBear92

Another User Comments:
NTA.

But I’m concerned from her comments and interpretations how she is or will treat Michelle. This just oozes treating her like crap when OP isn’t around.

My two cents.. OP should treat the silent treatment as if it was a breakup and move on and find a real woman who will love and care for his daughter as her own.

I know they’re out there.” Reading4Drama

Another User Comments:
“NTA but you are seeing the “real” person your girl is. 4 months is actually a bit early for someone like that to show their true colors; normally the “I’m on my best behavior to impress you and make you want to stay” honeymoon period lasts 6 months to a year.

Your gf is jealous of your daughter and, if you stay with her, she will do underhanded things to push your daughter out of your life. Your daughter deserves only good people in her life; your girl isn’t a good person and never will be.” ProfPlumDidit

6 points (6 votes)
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Breezer2800 6 months ago
NTJ. OP should be grateful she showed her true colors 4 months into the relationship instead of after they got married, because something tells me she would be the "evil stepmother" type, and treat OP's daughter like garbage.
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19. AITJ For Not Liking My Brother's Dog?

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“My brother and his (former) partner got a small lab when they were together. My dad begged them not to get the dog. Pleaded them not to get a dog! And they got it anyway. We have an 8-year-old black mouth cur (big dog!) living in a tiny home, and we did not want another dog.

He is the craziest dog I’ve ever seen. He’ll pee on the floor without even begging to go out, staring me in the eyes after I open the door, and pee.

He jumps too much, runs too much, and I have to watch after him every evening after school and on the weekends. I don’t even have time to play the games I want to when I want to.

My brother will make an excuse to leave the dog in my hands and head off to drink or something. He has taken no responsibility. My family’s patience is wearing thin.”

Another User Comments:

“NTJ – But don’t blame the poor dog.

It’s only a puppy and part of raising a puppy is dealing with it peeing and pooping in the house until it’s potty trained. Your brother and his girl are entitled jerks. If they want a dog, they should move out and get their own place. It’s not their house. Forcing a dog into someone’s house like that is beyond selfish and entitled. Your parents need to stop letting your brother do whatever he wants.

They need to be more assertive. It’s their house.” politicsnerd66

Another User Comments:

“Everyone sucks here (as in everyone except the dog) – I think you should redirect your anger towards your brother instead of the dog.

It’s not the dog’s fault he isn’t properly trained and is acting out. It also isn’t the dog’s fault that he’s living with you and requiring your care/attention. As long as he’s living with you, you should be taking care of him and training him properly.

Directing your anger at a dog that: a. doesn’t know any better and b. is obviously young (therefore needs more attention) doesn’t help you, your family, or the pet. You wouldn’t blame a child for bad behavior if their parent is never around to teach them manners. Find the dog a good home with a family ready to love him or step up.” the_struggles11

Another User Comments:

“NTJ as it’s not your fault, your brother got the dog so it’s his responsibility and if he can’t manage that then it’s kinder to re-home the dog. Although as a part of the same household the dog lives in you have the responsibility level of not encouraging more bad behavior I guess but it’s not your responsibility to take on all its training.” MashedSpider

5 points (5 votes)
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AMBER143 6 months ago
Ntj not yr responsibility stop caring for the dog n force him to step up
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18. AITJ For Asking My Husband To Turn The TV Down?

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“So, about two weeks ago I gave birth to our first child – a beautiful, healthy baby girl. We were able to bring her home the next day after the doctors had time to make sure she and I were both OK.

Since we’ve been home, I’ve tried to catch naps when the baby does. However, my husband, who really loves action and horror movies, loves watching TV in our living room and taking advantage of his sound system.

He frequently turns the TV up super high and that usually wakes up both me and the baby.

I’ve asked him if he wouldn’t mind turning it down for a little while just so that I can try to adjust to my new schedule since I wanted to be a SAHM and be there for the baby. He told me ‘absolutely not’ and that ‘this is the house the baby was born into, they’ll need to learn to deal with it.’

I don’t know how to feel about this.

On one hand, I am frustrated that he won’t try to keep the volume limited so I can rest and recover. But, on the other hand, he is the primary breadwinner in our house.

I’ve been able to get in some naps when he goes to his office, but since everyone is working from home, he tends to work during his movies.

AITJ for asking my spouse to turn down the TV?”

Another User Comments:

“NTJ, being a primary breadwinner doesn’t give his desires more importance than yours.

You are a family. This isn’t a corporation. You’re supposed to be on the same team. You’re trying to adjust but you need to get your sleep. Is he open to headphones? Maybe after so long of loud tv, he cannot hear well. Maybe suggest a hearing test for his own well-being if he doesn’t totally flip if you suggest it. He could turn on subtitles too while the baby sleeps.

Background noise is one thing but that’s full blasting noise. How can he work with it? Headphones seem like an easy compromise if he’s a reasonable person.” No-Chart-3848

Another User Comments:

“NTJ.

God, no. Lady, you just brought life into this world. You just incubated, for 9 months, and labored to bring your child into this realm. And you will continue to be on the clock for this child, day and night, for many days/months/years to come.

If mothers were paid for their services it has quite literally worked out to be a 6 figure $ job position. So I don’t really care how much bread he is bringing home, you lady are at WORK.

And you and baby need your REST. This is a marathon, not a sprint, and your husband is a fool if he thinks that a baby coming into the house means life as normal for him and yet life upside down for you.

Disrupting your sleep and your baby’s sleep in this violent and inconsiderate way, followed by those words…are a slap in the face of everything you went through in pregnancy and childbirth.

If he doesn’t fix his attitude and start actively contributing (instead of piling on), I’d be fixing to dump his butt/divorce his butt.

Tell him to wear some headphones.” Comfortable-Iron6482

Another User Comments:

“NTJ. Your brand-new baby is used to ambient noise like the dishwasher, vacuum, talking at normal volume, and the washer/dryer. NOT 300 at full blast that would damage most adults’ hearing. You are recovering from the myriad of changes that come with birth. If he wants to watch movies that loud, he can appreciate THX at the movie theater.” pineappledaphne

4 points (4 votes)
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DCisive 6 months ago
I'm sorry that you seem to have found out that instead of having one baby, you really have TWO...
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17. AITJ For Yelling At My Co-Workers About Jump Scares?

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“I work in a public health office which, since 2020, has been dealing with threats almost weekly. That’s in addition to the garden variety hostility we get from dealing with the public. As such, there have been times when there’s a ruckus up front and it’s not uncommon for me to leave my office and go up front to see if I can help or cool the situation down.

A couple of months ago some of my coworkers started playing a game where they would ‘jump scare’ each other. Basically, someone would get it into their head to creep up on someone in their office, jump around the corner and scream at them. This would then lead to a loud reaction from the person being scared and then laughter that goes on for a few minutes.

Then there were revenge scares with the same sort of noise. There are weeks when this would happen a dozen times.

I had mentioned it to one of our managers who wrote the game off as ‘breaking the monotony’ and hinted that I was being too sensitive. She had a point. This is a high-stress environment and people do need to blow off steam.

Today it escalated. Not only was there a big jump scare and multiple screams, but hitting on the wall for some reason.

I immediately jumped from my desk to see if something serious was happening and, when I found out it was more of the ‘jump scare game’ I laid into my coworkers. I told them, in an obviously annoyed tone, that this was not just inappropriate for a work environment but that if something serious was happening I’d be less likely to help, thinking it was just their game.

I did not yell, but it was obvious I was annoyed and unhappy.

Later, one of the employees told me I was too harsh and that I had hurt feelings around the office. AITJ?”

Another User Comments:

“NTJ – frankly it sounds like you are the only one with any sense! Some people do NOT react well to jump scares, myself included. The last time a guy did it to me I ‘jumped’ so badly my elbow shot back and broke his nose.

And in front of loads of people. Awkward, to say the least!

You were totally in the right to call this behavior unprofessional and with a bit of luck, it will now stop.” Flimsy_Kangaroo2395

Another User Comments:

“YTJ. You are not their boss or the office manager. You brought it to your boss and they think it’s fine. If it’s really such a problem for you, then that is on you – you need to let your boss know that you will need accommodations for the noise and disruptions.

Then it’s the boss’s job to tamp it down or give you the accommodations, or do nothing and then you will know your workplace’s priorities and decide if you want to stay.” mmahowald

Another User Comments:

“NTJ. Someone in this office needs to be an adult. At the very least, they could designate a place where it’s okay to do this stuff instead of dragging people whose nerves are going to be even more on edge with random screaming into it. I’m sorry your manager is brushing off how disruptive this has been for you.” mm172

4 points (4 votes)
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AMLostGirl 6 months ago
NOTJ. Your co-workers are keeping it lighthearted and keeping down stress. But... banging on the walls? Why? What does that have to do with jump-scares? As long as they're not doing it to you or anyone else not wanting to play, let them. Life is way too short to be miserable at a job that will replace you in two weeks or less.

The fact that they were obnoxious and loud enough that it made you believe it was a confrontation is inconsiderate. Laying into them was warranted because come on...!

Asking them to tone it down would be a happy medium. Plus, it is also a good idea, if your workplace doesn't already do this, to require a panic word/phrase to be shouted in emergency situations. That way everyone knows it is not a drill or hoax or some folks being goofy. They can still burn off that stress and you can be assured that you'll know when something is truly wrong.
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16. AITJ For Asking My Wife Not To Text When I'm Driving?

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“My wife recently totaled her car. She was not driving but her friend was driving my wife’s car. My wife was on the phone during the accident in which a friend crashed on the highway into a stopped car. (This is just for context)

I now drive my wife to work. I try to use GPS but she wants me to go a different way. She says take a left at Smith and usually that goes okay until sometimes she tells me too late.

Sometimes directions are worse like ‘follow that car’ with no context of what car is in reference.

She is on the phone usually when I’m driving and if I knew the drive or it was shorter I wouldn’t care as much. She is usually online shopping or texting and I usually don’t care.

Today I reached my limit and asked her not to be on the phone and help navigate and pay attention.

I feel like it’s not that big of an ask but the way she responded made me feel like I could have done so differently. I don’t care what she does when I’m not driving but I want to have a co-pilot especially when I’m taking her to a place I’m not familiar with. Am I the jerk?”

Another User Comments:

“NTJ mostly, though you are a bit for saying ‘she wrecked her car’.

The driver did, not her unless she was harassing the driver at the time.

That being said, she is telling you not to follow the GPS and take the way she knows – she needs to pay attention to give you directions. If there is a lot of poorly labeled construction and you have just been driving a few days in an unknown area, she has to stay off her phone if she cannot be aware of what is happening around her enough so that you don’t miss stops.

My wife and I trade off driving and if we are giving directions to the other, we at least make the phone a second priority. If you are going to be driving miles in a straight line, she could spend a few minutes on her phone. If there are more turns and you cannot follow the GPS, she needs to make that her priority.” HKatzOnline

Another User Comments:

“YTJ.

I mean seriously how old are you here and what do you expect a ‘co-pilot’ to be able to do? Seems more like you are angry you have to take her to work and you found something to be petty over as a way to work through that frustration.” Krisbone

Another User Comments:

“Everyone sucks here. You, as the driver, need to make a decision and stick with it.

Use the GPS and tell your wife that you’re driving your way or you won’t be driving her. She’s an unreliable ‘co pilot’, so rather than try and change her, learn to navigate for yourself.” GlassSandwich9315

Another User Comments:

“Not sure of who is the jerk here. I’m gonna say her. I see this going three ways… 1. She shuts up and lets you use GPS, 2. If she wants you to go a different way, get off the phone and give you actual directions, or 3, She gets her own car and drives herself to work or ubers it.

Also, I would question whether the friend was actually driving your wife’s car… To me, it sounds like the friend is covering for your wife who was probably texting and driving.” The_Fires_Of_Orc

4 points (4 votes)
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Breezer2800 6 months ago
NTJ. She can't insist on OP taking a certain route they don't know and then not help navigate it.
If she wants to be on the phone so bad, then she needs to let OP do whatever is easiest for them to get there, including using a GPS.
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15. AITJ For Not Wanting To Stop My Workout For A Woman Who Wanted A Good Gym Shot?

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“This is becoming more and more common at the surrounding gyms, which is really annoying and a reason I’ve changed gyms more than once this year alone. Working out is a pillar of my everyday life, and it has been for the past ten years. I’m at the gym every day of the week.

Now, I don’t go to the gym to talk to people, make friends or make funny videos.

I go to train and go home. However, now with the new video trends, many folks want to record their exercises to post on social media. This is their business and not mine, they can do whatever they want, but I also don’t think I need to stop doing my own workout to accommodate them.

Last night, I was doing squats on the smith machine. I work out with headphones and didn’t notice someone trying to get my attention.

I suddenly felt a tap on my shoulder mid-squat, and only then, I noticed a woman with a very annoyed expression.

She barely allowed me to finish the movement to start talking, which was muffled due to headphones. Long story short, she was annoyed because I was training in the smith machine, as she wanted to record herself doing regular squats. However, she said the best spot was in front of that smith machine (there’s more than one), and she didn’t want me on the frame, so she wanted me to stop my series for her to record.

Now, usually, if someone comes to me with a good attitude and asks if it’s ok for me to stop for a series or two for them to record or even move machines, I would absolutely not mind and comply. That woman did nothing of the sort, being extremely arrogant and honestly, extremely annoying.

So, I was petty, and told her to record once I was done, and proceeded to do every single exercise I could on the same smith machine.

Squats? Smith. Hip Thrust? Smith. It was petty, and I know I shouldn’t have done it. But I felt very vindicated, seeing her annoying expression.

That being said, a few people said I was an asshole for doing that, as there were other machines I could use. Honestly, they might be right, but hey, I thought I’d ask the internet, was I too much of an asshole here?

Another User Comments:
“NTA.

First off, who the heck interrupts someone mid squat?

A lot of gyms have a no recording policy where I live. In my last gym, these people just got reported to the fitness manager.” Any_Cantaloupe_613

Another User Comments:
“NTA LOL, for all those people trying to film themselves in a public place, get over yourselves. We don’t care about your 1327 followers seeing your gains. Stop disrupting public space with your ego.” whatsmypassword73

Another User Comments:
NTA

Not only was it extremely dangerous for her to touch you while you were in the middle of a squat, but the extreme entitlement that followed just sent it right over the edge.

Honestly, you were petty. But in this case? It was warranted. You don’t owe her the “good spot” for filming.

Can you report her to the management? It really was very dangerous for her to interrupt someone like that, someone without proper muscle memory and technique could definitely get hurt if she startled them!” Okayish_22

4 points (4 votes)
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Breezer2800 6 months ago
NTJ. OP shouldn't have to drop everything and move to another machine just because the woman demanded they move.

She could've easily filmed herself in front of another machine, but she chose to act entitled instead.

I would honestly see what that gym's policy is about recording, or at the very least complain to the gym manager about her.
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14. AITJ For Asking My Passenger If She's Safe When She Got In With A Shady Man?

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“I drive Uber. I picked up a couple tonight from a wedding party. They’re a younger couple, probably in their early 30s. The woman gets in first and I can tell right away she’s not happy. The first thing she says is, “I’m just going to warn you he’s very inebriated.” She seemed very annoyed and to be honest a little “stiff”…like she was walking on eggshells or something.

I got the feeling maybe she was scared.

The man gets in the car and they’re immediately arguing. It was just a verbal argument, but an argument nonetheless. We get about 50 ft. down the road and he asks her where his phone is. She tells him she doesn’t have and he’s agitated because he thought she did. Hearing all this I know where it’s going, because I’ve had these types of rides before, so I immediately ask if they want to circle back for his phone.

We were literally right there still.

We do, and the man gets out, and runs to the venue to get his phone. The woman immediately starts apologizing for how wasted her partner is and I assure her it’s not a problem and my job is to drive intoxicated people around, basically, that she has nothing to worry about. Mind you, neither party had done anything “wrong” at this point, but that feeling I had was nagging me.

I made a promise to myself at one point in my life that if I ever saw anyone who I thought was in need of help/in danger that I would do what I could, even if that’s just asking if they were safe. I swallowed my hesitation and knowing he was inside I simply asked this, “I’m sorry if I’m being nosy ma’am but I just wanted to ask, are you safe?”

Her mood immediately soured.

She seemed agitated and just said “What? What do you mean?”. I’ll admit I was a little embarrassed then so I just stammered “Well..I..uhh…he seemed agitated and you seemed may be nervous or scared…I’m sorry I shouldn’t have said anything”…then trailed off and not thinking I waved my hand in a don’t worry about it kinda way.

I shut up, and she just looked at her phone.

The man got back to my car with his phone, and I took them to their hotel. The rest of the ride was silent and frankly kinda awkward so I just turned the music up a little. That was that. Well, I got an email saying she complained to Uber that I was inappropriate to her during the ride. I explained to them what I just explained to you.

They advised me not to ask personal questions to my passengers, which I normally wouldn’t, but considering the circumstances, I felt justified. Either way, nothing will likely come of that.

I did tell the same story to a friend of mine earlier, however, and she thought I was kind of a jerk for just “assuming this woman was a helpless damsel in distress” and that I was being “a chauvinistic jerk” for assuming women can’t speak for themselves. I was kind of flabbergasted but she was so adamant that it has me questioning my own intentions.

Am I the jerk for just trying to help someone I thought might be in danger?”

4 points (4 votes)
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mach4 6 months ago
Ntj. I don't understand how your position isn't also mandated to report abuse or trafficking. As a stylist, we are required to step in if we feel something like abuse is happening to our clients. She's a jerk for taking it further and getting offended at someone concerned for her safety especially when theyve been arguing in public. Victims are too afraid to step up reguardless of gender, so no, we can't follow your friends mentality here either. Also! Whenever something like abuse or trafficking IS happening,the same rhetoric is always passed around 'why didn't someone do something?' Damned if you do, damned if you don't I guess. This irritates the hell outta me. You did the right thing.
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13. AITJ For Not Feeling Like A "Complete" Family?

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“My parents broke up when I was a tiny baby. Dad ended up with my stepmom before I turned 1 and my siblings are 2 and 4 years younger than me. Dad’s family has never really been around. My stepmom’s family are the “extended family” at my dad’s. I spent time equally between my parents until around a year ago I chose to stay primarily with my mom.

One thing that has always bothered me is the fact my stepmom and her family points out what a perfect and “complete” family we are together. They say it on such a regular basis. I have asked them to be considerate of the fact my family isn’t complete with just them and they never listen. Because “it is our complete family.” Even when I point out my mom isn’t there it’s dismissed quickly.

My dad and I have talked about it. He said it should feel nice for them to feel like I complete the family. I told him it’s not that way for me. That my mom will always be part of my complete family. I asked him how he would like it if his mom remarried and I said my complete family was there with them. He never had an answer.

So last weekend was my brother’s birthday (he’s the youngest) and they wanted a family photo. I was in a pretty crummy mood for part of the day because my stepmom was asking me to spend summer with them and travel with them as they planned. We had fought because I told her I didn’t want to be away from my mom for the entire summer.

Then during the photos, I was told to cheer up by her mom, that my whole family was there.

I snapped. I corrected her that my whole family was not there and they needed to stop pushing the idea that my whole family doesn’t include my mom. That I like being with them less and less because they refuse to acknowledge my whole family is different from theirs.

She told me I had an actual family with my dad and stepmom, unlike my mom. I told her it was crappy to say my mom was less deserving of being in my family because she chose to stay single and only have me. I said never once had she pretended that she was my whole entire family and tried to cut my dad’s out.

My brother chimed in and said he always found it weird that they did that and always kinda figured that was why I chose to live with my mom instead of staying with 50-50.

My dad, stepmom, and her mom all say I was rude to go off on her like that and told me the time was not the right one.

AITA?”

Another User Comments:
“This isn’t the first, and I suspect, nor the last time I read a story like this one on this sub. Stepparents with no boundaries or respect for their step kids other bio parents. There’s a weird possessiveness that happens within some step families, and I’ve noticed it, particularly from stepmoms.

Not saying everyone. But there are a lot of boundary stomping stepmom stories on here.

I’m painting some pretty broad strokes, but from what I’ve read from both sides, stepmom and step kids, and as a stepdaughter myself, a lot of it stems from jealousy and insecurities. Some stepmoms, like op’s I suspect, can’t handle the fact that they weren’t the first and only. They weren’t their spouse’s first love, first spouse, or the first and only to bear their child.

And when they can’t reconcile those feelings, I’ve seen it go one of two ways in the form of alienation.

Either they alienate the child(ren) from their parent, and make sure the focus, love, and money are spent on “their kids/family.” The other type, which again is what I suspect us happening here, is they try to alienate the child from their other bio parent.

Making constant statements about them being they complete family, trying to convince her to spend her entire summer away from her mom/other home, and the whole comment about mom not being an “actual” family with op because she’s single? Yeah, no.

It’s clear dad and stepmom view themselves as op’s parents, and her mom is, idk, along for the ride? Either way, I don’t think this comments and several others are far off.

They either don’t or refuse to accept that op has a mom in her life, who is very much involved and very much her parent. Just as much as they are. They will never have their dream nuclear family, and I don’t think they can accept that.

Her mom loves her just as much, if not more. Because from what it seems, she’s not the one out here disrespecting their daughter’s feelings.” ImagineSnapDragons

Another User Comments:
“NTA

Apparently, years and years of trying to communicate nicely didn’t do the trick.

It really does seem like there is an element of trying to limit your mom’s role in your life – because I can’t see why your stepmom wouldn’t understand you want part of your summer with your mom. I’m glad your brother sees it.” Curious-Mousse-8714

Another User Comments:
“I wonder who of them brings in the insecurity. I mean, there has to be a reason why they always quickly dismiss what you’re saying as soon as your mom comes into the picture. In general, they (or maybe just stepmom and dad is going along with it) seem quite obsessed with the idea of having their enclosed separated family with OP away from mom as she ‘doesn’t fit into the perfect picture’. Manipulative and immature af. NTA.” mollysfox

4 points (4 votes)
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12. AITJ For Telling My Husband He Cared More About His Bathroom Time Than His Own Kid?

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“I (27f) am married to a man (34m). Together we have 2 children. His daughter (11), and a son we share (4). We’ve been married for 6 years.

We have the older girl on a 50/50 schedule. The way it works out, she is at our house typically 3-4 nights a week and then at her mother’s house the same amount of time.

A BIG area of conflict between my husband and me is that he feels he doesn’t get enough time with his child.

We fight about it all the time. And I’m not really sure how to help him with this. He has been divorced for 10 years and the custody schedule he has had been in place since long before I came into the picture. Years. Recently he has been working only part-time so he is off 100% of the time she is here, even if she’s at school.

And I took a second job so we could work the logistics financially. Because I really wanted to help him with this.

Our day-to-day schedule looks a lot like I get up with the kids and get them off to school, then I go to work. Since Hubby has to be at work at 5 am the days he works I let him sleep in when he is off.

The kids do aftercare after school until I get off from work and I pick them up around 4:45 pm. When we get home hubby will talk to the kids for about 10-15 minutes while I walk the dogs. Then my son will watch tv while my SD (stepdaughter) and I will do her homework. My husband will take this as an opportunity to go to the bathroom.

Around 5:30-6 I’ll start cooking dinner while SD and son play.

At this point every single day my husband is still in the bathroom. Around 6:30 I will knock and tell him dinner is on the table, it takes him roughly 15-20 minutes to come to eat with us. As soon as dinner is over he excuses himself back into the bathroom. The kids and I clean the kitchen and then they do their baths etc and around 8:30 I will knock again for him to come to tuck in our son.

Husband and SD will hang out for about an hour while I do the house chores and then I will go walk SD up to bed and hubby will take his shower and go to bed himself. I walk the dogs again and then do the same.

So the other night my husband told my SD she didn’t have to go to bed on time and I pulled him aside and reminded him she had a big test the next day and past performance has proven she needs effective rest the night before.

After she went to bed we had another all-out fight over how he feels it’s my fault he never spends time with her.

I yelled at him that if he didn’t spend HOURS every night in the bathroom he would have more time with her while she is awake. Obviously, something else is going on with him because if he even cared about her he would make time for her the way I do.

He has not spoken to me in 4 days even though I have tried to say I’m sorry so many times so I know I really hurt him.

I think I may be the jerk because I know this is the one thing he is most insecure about and I threw it in his face in a moment of anger.

So… AITJ?”

Another User Comments:

“You have 4 problems going on here.

1. He has made you take 2 jobs, on top of doing all the chores, so he can have his way. He gets to be at home all day even when the kids are at school. This is nothing to do with wanting to see his daughter. He just wants to contribute the bare minimum. He’s played you for a fool.

2. He spends the bare minimum of time with your children.

When he does, he treats them like his mates, totally disrespecting their needs.

3. I don’t want to say he’s doing something else in that bathroom, because I have an ex who did this (it was part of the reason we broke up). Every time it was my turn to make plans and he didn’t want to do it (because he only wanted to do things for himself) he’d lock himself in the bathroom with his computer.

If he’s watching adult videos, not a big concern for me. It’s what it means: he is locking himself away from you. He needs to get away from you, and his kids.

4. He became angry and aggressive because you questioned him, and now has been giving you the silent treatment for 4 days. All of this is very alarming and controlling behavior. He’s trying to force you to do exactly as he says without question.

You are not an equal partner in this marriage. He is obviously not intimate with you, he’s intimate with the toilet.

OP, you are his slave. What do you get out of this marriage? NTJ.” HiddenDestiny251

Another User Comments:

“This may be the most obvious situation of willful ignorance I’ve ever seen. Your husband is clearly hiding in the bathroom to avoid parenting and any other responsibility bc you are letting him.

You say something, he gets mad, and you let it go. He doesn’t think he gets enough time with his child bc he lives in the bathroom, but I’m not seeing how this is your fault. Why is he blaming you? You do all the child care while he sits in the bathroom and then… it’s your fault?? What??

I know you don’t want to hear this, bc I saw your previous comments, but he’s either sick (which he isn’t if this only happens at certain predictable times of day) or he’s addicted to inappropriate stuff.

Your husband is a jerk and an awful parent. You aren’t doing anything wrong other than enabling his behavior. He doesn’t want to see a doctor bc he’s watching nasty stuff and he knows there’s nothing wrong with him physically.

YTJ bc you are letting him blame you for his trashy parenting while you do everything. Something is up with him bc his behavior is not normal.

Let him file for separation or divorce bc then he’ll have to parent his kids himself. I’m guessing he’ll change his tune bc he’s literally using you and you’re letting him. You need to call him out for his awful behavior.” TA122278

Another User Comments:

“This is about way more than the fact that your husband is in the bathroom all the time which could be a legitimate medical issue he might want to see a doctor about, I say that as someone with IBS.

You have rearranged your entire life including getting a second job so that your husband can work less to spend more time with his children and yet… you’re the one that gets up and takes the kids to school, you work all day, you pick the kids up and take them home, where you proceed to cook, clean, do homework, and all the bedtime routines while your husband…?

There is no reason whatsoever that if your husband is not working on the days your stepdaughter is around that he can’t pick them up from aftercare and yet for whatever reason that falls on you yet again.

There is no reason that he can’t be the one responsible for helping with homework, helping cook, helping with baths, and yet somehow these responsibilities again fall on you.

He has to be reminded to tuck his kids in at bedtime because somehow the responsibility of reminding him to do this also falls on you.

Are you seeing a pattern here that I’m laying out for you?

Why are all of these things your responsibility and why is it when these things don’t get done your husband blames you?

He picks fights and yells and starts arguments with you because he feels like he doesn’t spend enough time with his child…

when you’re the one doing everything for her because he won’t do it.

I think I understand why he got divorced once before.

NTJ.” TheBattyWitch

Another User Comments:

“Everyone sucks here but the kids.

I feel like what you said to him was perfectly justified. From your comments, you say he’s home alone all day and then he goes to be in the bathroom for hours of alone time again once everybody is home.

Then he had the audacity to be mad at you for spending time with his daughter. Should you neglect your step-kid just to soothe his ego? Does it register to him that the perfectly feasible solution to his problem is to… just… actually spend his time with his daughter?

You say he doesn’t want to share his health info with you. You say he can do social functions and stuff without having to haunt the bathroom the whole time.

He is choosing to spend his time in the bathroom alone. You purposefully rearranged your life to give him more time to spend with his daughter and he is making the decision every day that his continued alone time in the bathroom is a priority over spending that time with his daughter. AND he’s got the audacity to be mad about how you spend your limited free time?

To be honest, at first, I was pretty much on the NTJ side, but you need to think of your son in this situation too.

It’s one thing to let your husband walk all over you and tell you off for things that aren’t your fault, but it’s totally another thing when that guy is also going to affect your child. I grew up in a situation like this OP, where my dad prioritized everything other than his family and then got mad at everybody else about it. It turns out my dad was a secret heavy drinker during the time he was spending away from us.

I’m not saying that’s necessarily the case here. I’m saying your son deserves to be protected from this guy and the emotional trauma this situation seems to be headed for.” QuackersParty

3 points (3 votes)
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rbleah 6 months ago
Quit telling him you are sorry, it's HIS ass who should be saying that to you AND his daughter. Tell him from now on he must get up with her in the morning, get her off to school and pick her up afterward along with his son/your son. Chores? he must pick up the slack and HELP YOU with those AND cooking. You may have found out why he got divorced before. NTJ
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11. AITJ For Discarding My Dog's Waste?

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“I try to walk my dog every day… living in an apartment, she doesn’t have a lot of room inside to move around in, and I can’t just open my door up and let her out because our complex has a leash policy, so I try to walk her every day or take her to the park so she can chase the frisbee and have a good time.

When we walk, we walk through our neighborhood on one of three of our four different routes. The route we took today is all flat and through some side streets with cookie-cutter homes the whole way.

Well today, as she does every day, she stopped to relieve herself. Like a good dog owner, I picked up her droppings in a poop bag and continued on our way down the street.

As we were walking, I noticed that many of the houses already have their trash and recycling bins down to the curb as tomorrow morning is garbage day. I tied the poop bag up, and simply lifted the lid of somebody’s trash bin and discarded the waste as we had almost a mile left of the walk. Keep in mind, that I did not walk onto somebody’s property to discard it, the trash bin was down to the curb.

About ten minutes later, a woman in a Cadillac SUV pulls up and drops the bag of poop out her window, and proceeds to scream at me about how dare I throw my dog poo in her bin, how she doesn’t have a dog because she doesn’t want to deal with the dog poo, I had no right, yadda yadda… I’m curious, AITJ for throwing my dog’s poop in a neighbor’s trash bin the night before garbage day?

Info: the bag was tied, and the bags are scented.”

Another User Comments:

“YTJ – but with good intentions.

While it’s great that you’re cleaning up after your dog, it’s not ok to use someone else’s household bin to dispose of the evidence. While I understand it’s a bin and it all ends up eventually in the same place, many areas have strict regulations about what can and can’t be put in certain bins. Plus no one wants their bin smelling of poop, particularly poop not connected to them.

I do think chasing you with the poop bag is a bit of an overreaction but her bin, her rules I guess.” moogle2468

Another User Comments:

“NTJ.

It sounds like the trash cans were out on the street waiting to be picked up by the sanitation crew so I don’t really see the problem.

However, I live in a city where this is super common. I always clean up after my dog and throw it in the nearest trash can.

Which is a huge improvement from what many others decide to do and just leave dog waste on the ground.

I totally get that people are worried about the bag breaking and making a mess but I also think some of us are spending a little too much time worrying about what happens with trash cans that are on the street.

And that woman’s reaction was totally out of control.

Like everyone who is out policing their garbage cans every day and waiting to scold their neighbors needs some perspective. There’s enough going on in the world, do we really need to be so angry about literal trash?” melelle18

Another User Comments:

“Everyone sucks here.

She’s a crazy lady for actually picking up your dog poop bag and following you in the car, but you’re a jerk. It is someone’s private trash can.

What if your bag leaks, then their can is covered in poop. What if you don’t close the lid tightly enough and it blows away. Someone else’s property… carry your poop until you get to a public garbage can.

Also, do you ‘try’ to walk her every day? You sound like you have a goal of only 1x a day and don’t even always meet that.” Usrname52

3 points (3 votes)
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Breezer2800 6 months ago
Light ESH, mainly because that lady's reaction was beyond over the line, but at the same time OP should be more careful about how they dispose of dog poop.

Sure, the trash cans were lined up and ready to be collected anyway, but some people, as evidenced by the crazy lady's response, don't want other people's garbage in their trash cans.
Even if it is one very small bag of dog poop.

Next time OP needs to hold it until they get to a more appropriate place to throw it away (gross I know, but it will prevent future drama).
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10. AITJ For Wanting My Daughters To Wear Nice Dresses At Their Cousin's Wedding?

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“My nephew is getting married in July and my husband, our daughters (19, 15, 4), and I were invited. We were told this is going to be a casual outdoor wedding at the park. My nephew’s fiance is getting her wedding dress from a pawn shop and I have no idea where she’s getting the bridesmaid dresses but I’ve seen them and they’re not something that you’d expect to wear at a wedding.

They’re church dresses at best.

I told my daughters that I don’t care if the bridesmaids or even the bride choose not to look presentable but if we’re going to a wedding on the other side of the country with family we haven’t seen in at least 3 years, we’re going to look good. I asked my older two what they were going to wear and my oldest showed me her prom dress and my middle said she couldn’t decide and walked out of her room with 3 of her church/homecoming dresses.

Two of them were $50 from a boutique near us and the third was from the Macy’s children’s section (the middle is tiny). They’re nice dresses but I would never let her wear them to a wedding.

I pulled out a dress that she wore at another wedding and told her I wanted her to wear that. She said no because her cousin said causal and she doesn’t want to upstage anyone.

I tried telling her it’s their choice not to dress for the occasion and that I’m not paying for her to fly across the country just to wear any old dress. She also was upset that I’m taking her to get her hair, nails, and makeup professionally done before the wedding and we will be taking pictures while we are there.

She still refused and ran to tell my mom (nephew’s grandma) that I won’t let her wear what she wants and that I’m trying to upstage my nephew’s fiance (I’m not trying to upstage anyone, I just want my daughters to look their best when they see family members that they haven’t seen in years).

My mom said I’m going overboard and to let the girls wear their church dresses. I told her my girls will be dressed formally no matter what everyone else is wearing and she threatened to buy my middle daughter a new dress to wear and take her nails and makeup off because she wants to follow the dress code.

My husband thinks I’m going overboard and I should let her wear what she wants but my oldest agrees with me.

We can’t settle this so I wanted to know if I was wrong in this situation.”

Another User Comments:

“YTJ. And you’re not even considering what your relative’s real reaction will be. Maybe not to your face but rest assured it is not ‘Haven’t seen them in years they look so grown up and sophisticated,’ it is going to be ‘Did you see the ridiculous dresses, they looked like they thought this was some sort of ball at the fairytale castle.

And the way they upstaged the bride, pretty rude’. This will go on for years ‘Remember that time cousin Alice and her kids wore those stupid fancy dresses to Paul and Pearl’s wedding?’ Followed by laughing and comments like how silly you looked, and how stuck up you are.

Weddings are what you make them and it’s a personal choice lavish or laid back. As long as it’s not putting undue financial strain on you respect the theme and the bride and groom’s wishes.

Or be the family laughing stock, your choice.” AliceReadsThis

Another User Comments:

“YTJ. It’s your nephew’s wedding yet you’re acting like a superficial bridezilla…? You’re going about this all wrong! Take a deep breath and back off. You have until July to prepare for this without being an overbearing Stepford mother.

If the kids don’t want their hair, face, and nails done, you need to respect their autonomy. While you can’t control what happens the day of, you can book their usual haircuts a week or so before you leave…

Maybe a couple of days before, go get mani/pedis and lunch.

Cute summer dresses will be hitting the shelves soon. Plan on taking them shopping for a couple of new casual pieces. I don’t understand why you’d ask what they’re going to wear if you already know they don’t have ‘the right clothes’ to wear, and then berate them. Zero logic.” seasalt-and-stars

Another User Comments:

“YTJ.

Weddings aren’t always formal.

Some are, some aren’t. The bride and groom decide the dress code based on what makes them happy.

Choosing to wear formal dresses to a casual wedding is as big of an etiquette violation as wearing jeans to a formal wedding. In both situations, it’s clearly ignoring the wishes of the bride and groom. It’s THEIR day and their opinions are the only ones that matter.

If you want to get dressed up, then meet with your relatives on a different day when everyone’s in town. A casual park wedding isn’t the time to do that. You will humiliate your children and insult your nephew and his bride. You will not look good; you’ll look ridiculous. Everyone will be wondering why you dressed so inappropriately.” LadyMRedd

2 points (4 votes)
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Youranasshole 6 months ago
Yta. You're definitely trying to have the attention on you and your family. The bride and groom set the dress code you do not. Entitled attention seeking bitch.
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9. AITJ For Breaking Down Over What's For Dinner?

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“I (17 M) am high functioning autistic. That comes with a lot of sensory issues, mix that with not being raised to have a healthy relationship with food, I struggle with meals most days.

At home I’m relied on a lot, I do a lot of chores, take care of my young sister who is also neurodivergent, and take care of our dog. A lot of this leaves little time to cook dinner, so when my parents do get home they usually make dinner.

Most of the time they don’t consider what I like, making foods that trigger my sensory issues, and if I try and eat them I’ll get sick. My parents play this off as I’m picky and just choosing to be rude.

Well after a long day for me and my parents we all came home exhausted. I thought it would maybe be a good night to order food since we do that about once every other week, but today when I asked I got snapped at.

My stepmom told me I was being a brat and I broke down. She said that I need to be considerate and not a jerk because they’re the ones making dinner and taking care of me, so I don’t get to be picky. I tried not to get emotional until she put a plate of food that will make me sick in front of me.

I broke down crying and she called me a brat again.

So, am I the jerk and just being dramatic?

Note: my parents don’t offer me or allow me to have something else, it’s what they serve or nothing at all!”

Another User Comments:

“NTJ. This one hit home. My son is high-functioning autistic and it can frequently be frustrating when I can’t feed him what the rest of us are eating. However, I understand that this is directly related to his autism and he’s not doing it to make my life hard or be a jerk.

Now that he’s older, I’ll sometimes require him to fix his own dinner if he’s not eating ours (something he can do). I can’t imagine ignoring his sensory issues and refusing to let him eat unless he eats the family meal.

Your stepmother needs to educate herself. As a parent of a child on the spectrum, her ignorance is very troubling.” klc123

Another User Comments:

“YTJ. You are 17, not 5.

Most people aren’t fussy to that extent so this really is a ‘you’ issue. I think as you are almost an adult, you can’t demand the whole household to be limited by what you want to eat. Just get some quick meals in the freezer or dried stuff like instant noodles or tinned soup and a sandwich etc in case your family cooks a meal you don’t want to eat.” Wonderful_Ad968

Another User Comments:

“NTJ.

Sensory issues suck. I have minor food issues myself, and I’m 28 and have ADD. If something tastes even the slightest bit not right to me, (ie fat on my meat, a tendon, or a bone in something that’s supposed to be boneless), I am done eating immediately.

If you can, start cooking yourself just to make things easier for yourself.” shutterbug-2011

Another User Comments:

“Everyone sucks here. Your parents suck for not at least offering an alternative which would be considerate however it’s also not fair to expect people to always cater to you. If you don’t like what is being made then make something for yourself.” tkdwarriorprincess

2 points (2 votes)
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maza 6 months ago
I'm loving all the comments that demonstrate they didn't even read the post.
How in the h€[[ is OP supposed to deal with their sensory problem with food if mummy and daddy are pulling the "you eat what we give you or you don't eat" routine. Most are offering advise like get a few simple things you can eat and make them yourself, lol.
OP is NTJ. This type of behavior from parents is damaging for children with no food related problems what so ever. This is not the Great Depression and that's the only food there is to eat, it's 2022 and most people in industrial countries can get food they want, versus having to take what they can get, so this is abuse.
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8. AITJ For Giving My Coworker The Cold Shoulder?

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“I (40F) and my husband (39M) are currently living separately. To make a long story short we bought a house across the country two years ago. Shortly after, right before we were scheduled to move his uncle had a stroke. Because of this his uncle (65M) and his grandmother (90F) needed someone to stay with. Eventually that someone will be his father (67M) but for now father needs help.

I stayed for a while but the house was too crowded. It’s a three-bedroom house and we are a family of 5 with several dogs, cats, and fish. So we proceeded with the move.

My husband went back to help his father. Fast forward to now. Last week I thought I had broken my washer. My husband had just gone back across the country and was at work so I called a colleague.

I asked him if he could help me find a repairman. After some time he responded with ‘call me’. When I did and explained the problem he yelled at me and told me ‘your husband needs to be here taking care of his family! This is unacceptable’ I was speechless. He then proceeded to inform me that he couldn’t get to me because his truck was stuck in the snow.

I told him I was not asking for that at all, and because I am farther north the blizzard was worse here. He told me what to check and I politely got off the phone.

Later he tried to apologize but I didn’t answer his call. Then he sent me a picture of his dog saying that his dog misses me (I never met his dog, nor have I been at his place).

Again I didn’t engage. So, just to make it clear he knows why my husband isn’t here, and with current events finding care for two disabled people is hard. So AITJ?”

Another User Comments:

“NTJ. Hmmm… maybe, he sent the text to the wrong person? Even in the age of smartphones, I have accidentally sent one or two texts to unintended recipients. If it keeps happening however and the situation becomes very uncomfortable to you, tell him that he’s making you feel uncomfortable and let HR know if that doesn’t work.” Z_Laurent

Another User Comments:

“NTJ.

Wow, that guy is weird. It’s also possible he thinks that you and your husband are actually having marital problems and are really separated and lying to everyone. I know that sounds like an insane leap of logic, but that’s the conclusion a lot of people jumped to when I had to work 3 months at a remote site and my husband had to stay home for his job.

No amount of explanation would convince them otherwise. Apparently, we women are helpless without our men.” schwa76

Another User Comments:

“NTJ. All you did was call someone you knew to ask for help.

He was really weirdly aggressive about his response, but why on Earth did you ask him? Did he ever mention you could call him if you need help with anything? Did you want his help finding a repairman because you figured he knew a guy?

His behavior afterward is really odd too. That’s probably the most concerning part.” Obvioushousecat

2 points (2 votes)
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rbleah 6 months ago
With OP in a new state and not knowing who the honest businesses are I would have asked as well. His response is rather unsettling. NTJ
2 Reply

7. AITJ For Not Making My Coffee The Exact Way My Coffee Snob Partner Wants Me To?

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“I (23f) know, but this has been a point of contention for a while. My fiance (25m) is a foodie and is extremely particular about a few things, one of them being coffee. We use a manual grinder, get distilled water (the water in our area is really hard and according to him affects the taste, but I don’t notice anything), and we have an Aeropress and a metal coffee filter to make the coffee.

I’m very much not a foodie (unless being a Sour Patch Kids connoisseur is a thing). My fiance weighs his coffee beans to make sure that he’s using the exact right amount, changes the setting on the coffee grinder depending on whether he’s using the Aeropress or the metal coffee filter, measures the water, and if he’s using the Aeropress lets the coffee grounds and water brew for a certain amount of time before actually making the coffee.

On the other hand, I use a scoop to measure my coffee beans, use whatever setting the grinder is on, will usually just use tap water, eyeball the water instead of measuring it, and don’t let it sit to brew. And y’know what? It’s fine. It tastes fine. It makes me happy. The end. Thank you for coming to my TedTalk.

Problem is that this really bothers my fiance.

We’ve had multiple arguments about me making my coffee wrong, and it’s very normal for him to badger me to weigh my coffee beans or switch the coffee grinder to the optimal setting while I’m making my coffee. If I’m making coffee for him, sure, I’ll measure the beans and all of that jazz because I know that he can taste the difference, but I don’t think that I should have to jump through all of those hoops for something that doesn’t affect him.

On the other hand, he seems to be really bothered by this. Today, as I was trying to scoop coffee beans into the grinder, he reached around me to put the scale he uses in front of me and asked me to please weigh my coffee beans. I was really frustrated because we’ve had this conversation so many times, so I snapped the word “no” at him, and he walked away and muttered “you, too,” saying that even though I hadn’t said it, I’d definitely been thinking “eff you.” For the record, I wasn’t thinking that.

I don’t know if this is important, but I drink decaf and he drinks regularly, so I’m never making coffee for both of us. I’m either making coffee for him or I’m making coffee for myself.

I sat him down and told him that I needed him to never comment on how I made my coffee and how I was making it. He repeated it back to me in his own words to check that he understood me (a counselor once told me that this is helpful to do in an argument), and then he agreed.

(Okay, people keep bringing this up. Google an Aeropress because I don’t feel like explaining it. Basically, you push on a phallic symbol until you have coffee. Putting hard water through it does not damage it. As much as my fiance drives me crazy, I would never do something to damage his equipment because it’s important to him.)

So AITA for not making coffee how my fiance thinks I should and for sometimes snapping at him when he gets pushy about it?

UPDATE:

So it’s been about a year since I made this post.

Whenever I read posts like mine on here, I’m always wondering, did OP leave that jerk, so for those of you who care, I left that jerk.

A lot of you were on the nose that this wasn’t the only way that he was controlling. My ex believes that he’s the smartest person in the room, so if you’re doing something differently than how he would, then you’re doing it wrong and must be corrected.

I’m not saying that everyone’s responses to my post gave me a revelation and I immediately knew what I had to do, but it was a nail in the coffin.

I’m living within an hour of my parents now when before I was on the opposite side of the country.

I have a job as a caregiver and am planning to go to grad school to be a social worker. I have a partner who doesn’t try to control every aspect of my life. When I go grocery shopping, I’m not stressing about accidentally buying the wrong brand of pasta (which was the right brand of pasta when we lived in a different state, I still don’t get that) or juice that’s from concentrate.

And I’ve switched to pre-ground coffee because freak you, I want to. None of this would’ve happened if I’d stayed with him.

So yeah, thank you to everyone who played a tiny role in helping me see what an unhealthy relationship I was in.”

Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Why should he care how YOU make YOUR coffee. He needs to distance himself from things that don’t affect him. Honestly, it would be like you telling him to stop weighing his coffee or using distilled water because since you can’t tell the difference, it bothers you that he can.

Would he think that was reasonable?

EDIT: If his counterargument is “but my way is right” he’s wrong. His way is how HE likes it, there is no objectively right way to do. Alton Brown would tell you using distilled water is madness, spring water would be better.” Amelia_the_Mouse

Another User Comments:
“Yeah, it’s one thing to be precise about making yourself coffee. Like, you do you, if that’s your jam then rock on.

However, when you’re demanding someone else makes their coffee your way, that’s a problem.

He needs to manage his own issues, and let OP drink their coffee in peace. Especially considering if she’s making it for him, she does it his way.” IChooseYouSnorlax

Another User Comments:
“Sometimes my husband will ask why I do things a certain way when he does them differently. He might offer his way as a suggestion once, if he thinks it’s better.

Then never again. It can be annoying for things that don’t matter – but honestly, it comes up maybe twice a year? Like, “why do you put the glasses in the cabinet upsidedown?” because he likes them to come out ready to fill. I like them to come out without any dust in the bottom. He just said oh, ok. Now half the glasses are right side up and half the glasses are upside down depending on who put them away and neither of us has ever said anything to the other because who gives a rats ass?? Just be grateful you didn’t have to put the dishes away and move on with life.

If my husband was micromanaging my coffee making, I’d tell him to make it for me for the rest of his life so I never have to listen to that noise again.

Plus, I then get hand-delivered coffee.” UnapprovedActivities

2 points (2 votes)
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StumpyOne 6 months ago
SO GLAD she dumped him!!!
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6. AITJ For Telling My Husband He Can Only Use Certain Bathrooms?

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“My husband and I have an ongoing argument about which bathrooms one should use to poop. We have 3 bathrooms, two of which have fans. My husband evacuates his bowels 2 times a day and they stink (as poops do). I have requested that he use one of the 2 bathrooms that have fans (both are on the second floor). He is choosing to use the downstairs guest bathroom that doesn’t have a fan out of convenience (and probably to bother me).

When he is finished sometimes the smell lingers for a while and it’s very off-putting – especially because that bathroom is next to the area that is most frequently used in the house. He has repeatedly expressed that I am the jerk for making a big deal (commenting and calling him gross) about him using the one bathroom that doesn’t have a fan and stinking up the downstairs.

He says that if I hate the smell I should spray but I feel like he should be considerate of the other people in the house. To be clear there is spray available to him in the downstairs bathroom that he bought but won’t use (he says he forgets but then refuses to go and spray when I comment about the smell).

Can you please help us resolve this? AITJ or is my husband?”

Another User Comments:

“NTJ.

Sometimes the number 2 can smell, but to disregard the well-being of others to the point OP thinks it is intentional behavior to harass/bother other people, is incredibly rude and immature.

Little things like this tear at relationships, damaging the foundations of a relationship. Then when big troubles come in life, as it always does, the foundation collapses, the relationship ends and the husband will be left wondering ‘how did it go so wrong?'” Legitimate-Review-56

Another User Comments:

“Everyone sucks here, while yes it does stink and he should be more considerate of others in the house.

There are things such as poo Pourri either one of you could have bought. There is also air freshener, or if you have enough funds for a three-bathroom house why not get estimates on getting a fan in that bathroom.” PeaDramatic1541

Another User Comments:

“NTJ. He knows he’s being a jerk. He’s not a toddler who shows off his potty skills so he either needs to grow up and use poo Pourri to be a respectful partner/human or walk his butt upstairs to a bathroom with a fan. Oh and because he seems like ‘that type’ to turn the fan ON before he goes and not long after he decides to bomb the house with a stink bomb again.” Bookworm75

1 points (1 votes)
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Khat 6 months ago
Husband's kind of a jerk here. He knows he smells, but is not willing to do anything about it. There are simple solutions here. Get a fan in the downstairs bathroom or use the air freshener, or buy one of those timed or motion sensor air fresheners. Problem solved.
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5. WIBTJ If I Don't Ship A Customer's Order?

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“I’m a small business owner on Etsy and have been selling for 3 years. Recently, I made a $5 sticker sale to a customer named Julia. Per Etsy’s rules, since this sale was below $10 it was eligible to be shipped via a stamp. Buyers are aware of this as I mention in the listing description.

So I hand-made and shipped Julia’s order to the address provided.

Fast forward two weeks, Julia contacts me saying ‘never received. ship to xxx address’. I noticed the address she provided when she placed the order was different than the one she just told me. I informed her I shipped her order to the address that she originally provided and she responded, ‘that address does not exist, so where did you ship it to??’ I informed her that we ship products to the address we receive, so if there was a mistake then that’s probably why it hadn’t been delivered.

She then informs me ‘my phone must have entered the wrong address, what can you do to help?’

This was not the first time a customer has provided an incorrect address, so I was very aware of what to do in the situation. I told her 1) I can wait until the order gets rerouted to me and I will send it out to her again, 2) I can wait until the order gets rerouted to me and I will issue her a refund, or 3) she can contact Etsy Help and they will refund her with their own funds.

I didn’t hear back from her, then 3 days later received a very harsh negative review, stating I am a bad seller, didn’t ship her products, and was not helpful to her. Now, I’ve received negative reviews before but like I didn’t do anything wrong here lol… so I sent her a message saying I saw her review, that I apologize if I made her feel like I didn’t care, and asked her if she contacted Etsy for the refund and if they were able to help her.

She replied with:

‘I gave the poor review due to the fact not only did I not receive my product but you all have done nothing to help resolve the issue. I can’t even check with the post office due to not being able to give them a tracking number. I feel robbed and if this is how you all treat customers over a small error I wouldn’t want to imagine if it was something major.

If I could have given no stars I most definitely would have. It’s a poor business so I feel it deserves a poor review!!’

… like, lol? I let it go and considered it a loss, you win some you lose some, it’s business. well LO AND BEHOLD today her order showed up at my house with an ‘invalid address, return to sender’ stamp on it JUST LIKE I SAID IT WOULD.

Now I have the opportunity to contact her and tell her I got it in the mail and can ship it to her, but like… a part of me just doesn’t want to…after that negative review, horrible message, and the fact that I TOLD HER TO WAIT until I get it back in the mail, I just do not want to contact her again. But then again, I don’t want to think with my emotions and be a bad business owner… so WIBTJ if I didn’t contact her about receiving her order back in the mail and drop the issue completely.”

Another User Comments:

“You play nice and publicly respond to her review.

With a photo of the returned package and her address edited out. And circle the ‘invalid address, return to sender’ stamp. Use your sweetest honey diplomacy in public and make the egg drip from her face as she figures out a way to eat her own words and eventually grovel for an apology. Or remove the review entirely.

YWBTJ to pass up an opportunity like this and take the chance at removing or at least defending from a bad review.

Next time, if she does order from you again, you can either decline her order due to past difficulties or you can double-check with her on the address. The point of your business is to earn, and carrying vendettas and holding grudges like this serves nobody. You want to bring in money not dwell on useless emotions that don’t boost your income.” BeeYehWoo

Another User Comments:

“NTJ, my sympathies on this, but I think you should send it in any case for your own sake so that, in the likely event she does not update or rescind her review upon receipt of the item, you can accurately respond to the negative review in a way that best reflects your business.

Incidentally, do note that I believe that the buyer providing a wrong address when making an Etsy order and then asking that you send it to another one is something that removes some of your protections as a seller and something scammers may do to get around that. But that shouldn’t be too important for a $5 order.” Grimogtrix

Another User Comments:

“YWBTJ keeping the product and not refunding.

You really have 2 choices here; 1 contact and reconfirm the shipping address to ship it to the customer or 2 since you have the product, issue a refund.

I’m not sure how selling on Etsy works with reviews, but if you can return a comment, I would do so clarifying you provided options to refund and since the product was returned to you due to an invalid address provided at the time of sale, you have now issued the refund (or something to that extent to at least show you made effort to other potential customers).

I purchase based on reviews, and a few bad ones do not usually deter me from buying if the majority are positive because I know there are some people you just cannot make happy.

Although you can be totally petty and not say a word, morally it wouldn’t be right to do that AND keep her money, considering you have the product she purchased.

If you truly do not want to reach out to her, then refund it and call it a day, IMO.” xXHoRRoRFieDXx

1 points (1 votes)
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DCisive 6 months ago
Contact Etsy and see what they would have you do. If she never contacted Etsy, they may take down her harst and now, untruthful review. More than that -- people can be banned from Etsy if they make false reviews, so she just might lose her privileges and you might help out another Etsy sales person.
3 Reply

4. AITJ For Insisting On Getting A Cat Despite My Husband's Disapproval?

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“I (49f) and my husband (45m) are falling out because I have said I want a cat.

We have been married 17 years and have one daughter (15) who lives with us and I have a daughter (24) from a previous relationship that doesn’t live with us.

When we met I had 2 cats. They lived to grand old ages of 21 years or so (both rescues) and the youngest only passed away 4 years ago.

My husband loved the cats.

Throughout our marriage, we have also had dogs and currently have 2 staffies who we all adore. I have had cats all my life until the last 4 years without one and I really want to get another one. The cat I want belongs to my eldest daughter who has a number of cats but the cat in question is being bullied by the others and is really unhappy.

It is also a jet black cat, which tends not to do so well getting rehomed from rescue centers.

We live in a rural area, with no roads nearby and plenty of fun for a cat to be had as we live in the woods.

I have tried to discuss this with my husband and he has stated NO. We are not getting a cat. He doesn’t want one and feels that his word goes.

AITJ for putting my foot down and insisting? I am a 49-year-old woman and I feel like he is being controlling in thinking he has the final say.

It really is a cause of contention. Usually, we can reach an agreement but I feel like I am being dictated to, but now I am questioning whether I am the jerk for insisting on getting the cat.

I feel like I shouldn’t have to ask permission in a partnership for something I feel so strongly about.”

Another User Comments:

“YTJ – When it comes to adopting an animal, both people in the relationship need to agree.

because it impacts both of you. Unfortunately, there is no way to compromise, since you cannot halfway adopt an animal. That does mean that when one person wants to adopt a pet and the other doesn’t, the only outcome is not to adopt.

This is not about him giving you permission to do something you want to do, this is about him giving you his consent to do something that impacts both of you.” Forward_Squirrel8879

Another User Comments:

“NTJ for wanting a cat and for feeling that you are being controlled.

Have you sat down and actually discussed why he doesn’t want a cat? Maybe he was so attached to the other that he doesn’t want to upstage their memory? Maybe he doesn’t want to deal with the potential loss again…” The_Fires_Of_Orc

Another User Comments:

“No jerks here.

With a slight YTJ. You don’t impose new pets on anyone. There are a number of very valid reasons for someone to not want new pets.

For example, he could have been saddened by the passing of your previous cats and he doesn’t want to go through the same. Or he just doesn’t want them because he doesn’t, and imposing them on him is NOT ok. You are also NTJ for wanting a new pet, and if this is a hill you think is worth dying on, then you have a right to fight on, but the final line here is you leaving him, not bringing a cat to live with someone who has stated he doesn’t want it.” ristlincin

1 points (1 votes)
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TJHall44 6 months ago
NTA he isn't the lord of the manor
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3. AITJ For Wanting My Friend To Use The Local Slang Term For A Food Item?

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“I live in the UK. The term we use for what Americans call ‘potato chips’ is ‘crisps’, and the term we use for what Americans call ‘French fries’ is ‘chips’. I am born and bred British. My friend was not born in the UK, but she has lived here since she was 5 years old. She also is not American though, she is Zimbabwean, which is why I’m conflicted.

A while back, I was visiting said friend and she asked me to pick up some ‘chips’ on my way over to hers. No problemo, right? So I go to the mini supermarket and buy a packet of McCain’s frozen oven chips. I turn up at hers and she sees the bag of chips, stares at me, and says ‘No OP, I meant CHIPS. Like, salted chips.

Cheese and onion chips.’ I’m really confused for a moment and then it dawns on me that she meant crisps. She gets annoyed – like, really annoyed – and tells me I should have known what she meant.

I apologize, since I’ve never used the word chips to refer to crisps, my brain just defaulted. But – and I also point this out – as far as I can remember I’ve never heard her call them chips either.

I don’t think I ever had any way of knowing that she called them chips and not crisps. Everyone in our social circle calls them crisps. Everyone we know who lives in the UK calls them crisps. So is it really that unfair to penalize me for assuming that by chips she meant oven chips?

The friend goes ballistic, telling me that British people are stupid for calling them crisps, they should be called chips and I should have known what she meant.

I feel guilty, because knowing that she isn’t British, could I have made more effort to understand what she meant beforehand? The truth is it didn’t even occur to me. Does that make me the jerk?”

Another User Comments:

“NTJ! People need to learn to call a thing by its name in the place they live. There was no reason for her to give YOU a hard time.

It was her mistake. I used to live in Spain and learned pretty quickly that if I asked for ‘jugo’ (juice) at a restaurant, people would be super confused. In the end, I had to learn not only to call it ‘Zumo,’ but to pronounce it with a ‘th.’ A language is a communication tool. Nobody is exempt from needing to learn new words.

If I’d asked for chips in the UK and gotten fries, I would’ve laughed and said, oops my bad.” eeksie-peeksie

Another User Comments:

“Well YTJ for the actual question posed in your title.

She doesn’t have to use the local slang or the National term, but she can’t expect you to know what she means or further she can’t get so angry that you bought something different than she meant in this circumstance.” QuitaQuites

Another User Comments:

“NTJ and tell her to be sure never to visit New England, especially cities populated with older lifelong residents. If she wants coffee with nothing in it she might have to say ‘black’ (regular doesn’t mean not decaf; it means two creams and two sugars).

If she wants a concoction of milk, ice cream, and flavored syrup she will probably need to ask for a frappe (a milkshake is a syrup and milk). And if she wants more than a carbonated beverage like Coca-Cola or Pepsi she should say she wants an ice cream soda (a soda is the former).” A_EGeekMom

Another User Comments:

“Everyone sucks here.

This is horribly petty. You both could have done better, she could have laughed it off, and you could have clarified. Honestly, if someone asked me to pick up chips, I’d ask what kind and the error would have been discovered.” alas_vikn

1 points (1 votes)
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Rock42 6 months ago
Tell her to get her own crisps next time. You were nice enough to bring her something. I probably wouldn't have even brought it up. Shes just rude. Find a better friend.
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2. AITJ For Not Making The Babies Talk More?

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“My (19M) brother (18M) and I would always help our mother (39F) with our baby siblings (1m&f) when needed. I would sometimes play with them for a little bit just to cheer them up when they were upset or because I want to.

My mother said that we need to talk more when we’re around them because they don’t talk as much as they used to. The issue is that I’m not much of a talker.

Sure, I would say a few words around them, but I would feel awkward if I just start making them say stuff. I’m obviously not used to this and I think I’ll admit the problem is mostly me not speaking much. I think I have a better chance of doing it alone than with someone around me watching me doing it, but IDK.

Truth be told, I think a parent should be the one helping their children learn to speak.

I guess it wouldn’t hurt to help her out, but I feel a bit awkward doing it.

ATIJ for not helping the babies to speak more?”

Another User Comments:

“NTJ.

I imagine that having babies again after 18 years is probably a lot like being a first-time mom all over again, so I can empathize with your mother’s apparent obsession with infant milestones, but most one-year-olds don’t talk. As they approach 18 months they usually have a handful of words or sounds they can mimic.

But it’s usually not until 2 and after that, they go through a language explosion. So, it’s fine. Relax.

BUT (if you want), one great thing you could do is read to them. It feels way less awkward than just randomly narrating your own life and it can do wonders for their future language skills and relationships to reading in general.” personofpaper

Another User Comments:

“No jerks here, but let me tell you something important.

Language development in children happens as they listen to others speak. It’s how they learn. So the more they hear others speak, the more they acquire language skills.

If their linguistic skills are delayed, that can affect them for many years, because their social development, their cognitive development, and their eventual development of literacy depend on their language acquisition.

To help them develop language skills, everyone in the family should be talking to them, talking when they are nearby, and reading to them.

Helping a child develop linguistic skills starts with just narrating what you are doing. ‘Now I am going to get you a delicious bite of applesauce. You like applesauce a lot, I can tell.’ Or, ‘Did you hear that sound? That was the neighbor’s dog barking. Do you know the dog’s name? It’s Charlie.’ This is exactly the way to ensure that your sibs will be able to meet their developmental milestones.” matthewsmugmanager

Another User Comments:

“NTJ, they are your siblings, not your children.

If your mom wants their language skills to develop that’s on her or she can hire help and ask them to help with her wishes.

Language is a skill that kids need to develop, but forcing it and making you feel awkward isn’t going to help anyone. IF you wanted to get more comfortable talking to them (not making them talk as that is weird) just kind of narrate life as you play with them.

‘Oh do you need a drink? OK let’s go get your sippy cup, cool it’s the blue one! I like blue.’ Kids pick things up and learn quickly, but this is only if you WANT to.

Honestly, my kids were fairly quiet until they needed to speak. I met their needs before they had to cry for it, and I never made them talk, I just randomly talked to them, then they wanted to try it. But this is in no way a sibling’s responsibility.” NeverIncorrectBanana

1 points (1 votes)
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ankn 6 months ago
Not fun forcing yourself to talk when you're the silent type. How about if you read aloud one kid's book per day? Kid's books aren't that long, and there's strong data that reading to kids does them good.
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1. AITJ For Making My Grandmother Give Me Her House?

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“I’ve been mostly estranged from my father since I was 15. I’ve only ever maintained a relationship with my grandmother.

The estrangement was due to my mom, him, and me. I won’t blame him entirely.

When I was 23, I found out that my father had ‘given’ my grandmother’s home to my stepbrother.

My father had given it under the assumption that my grandmother would give it to him once she passed away.

Which she’d promised to do several times.

My stepbrother was older, married, had a child, and apparently needed a home. I have nothing against him as a person.

But I was feeling bitter about it and basically griped to my grandmother about how my father had sidelined me again. After I vented, I made myself forget about the house.

My grandmother passed away earlier this year and to everyone’s surprise, had given the house to me instead.

It was obviously a very awkward situation.

It was made even more awkward when I found out that my stepbrother and his wife had completely gut renovated most of the house by putting in nearly 90k of their own money.

My father called me and begged me to let him buy the house for around $150k so my stepbrother wouldn’t have to pay for his mistake.

Here is where I think I’m the jerk.

Honestly, I don’t think I’ll ever be able to own a house otherwise.

So I told my father I will be keeping the house and I gave notice to my stepbrother to move out.

I’ve since moved into the house and while I’m slightly guilty about enjoying a renovated house that I didn’t pay for, I can’t help but think this whole mess would’ve been avoided if my father had waited to receive the house before giving it away.

I’ve since had a conversation with my father about why my grandmother might’ve done what she did (because of me venting to her) and he’s upset.

AITJ?”

Another User Comments:

“I’m gonna say no jerks here, except your dad. Your stepbrother knew you were estranged and I think it’s realistic that he thought he was getting the house. It seems no one told him otherwise, including your grandmother. She owned the home, why did she let him renovate nearly 100k on a home she knew she wasn’t going to give him?

Sounds like grandma was manipulating your stepbrother.

He and his family are absolutely not in the wrong, and neither are you. I do think you should pay for some of the renovations though since he did a lot for a home he thought he was going to get. I’m not talking about the 90k but coming to a compromise with him. Maybe let him and his family stay longer while they figure things out, and let them live there rent-free.

You say realistically there’s no way you’d get home without this being left in your name. Can your brother say the same?” dawnmountain

Another User Comments:

“YTJ, while it may seem ‘unfair’ of your father to promise something when it comes to NC or LC I always say this ‘how was the relationship between the two parties?’ You kept a LOT about your relationship with your father vague.

That’s okay. But it makes this seem like a spite move on your part to snake the house away from your father. You don’t have a relationship with your father. Why would he consider you when you were not having a relationship with him? Many times LC and NC children will not accept inheritance from parents they are not in regular contact with as a final hit.

Well, you KNEW this house was promised to your father and you intentionally went to your grandmother to cry and moan about that fact. This was a very sneaky and manipulative move to spite your father and in the act, screw your stepbrother and his family. I truly hope they only PAID for the improvements and did not do the labor themselves. I would find you unforgivable if it turns out that your stepbrother and his family did the work themselves on a home they wanted to make their own and now you are enjoying it.

Personally, I honestly believe you should make a payment plan to pay your stepbrother back for every penny he spent on your house. Good thing you never wanted a good relationship with these people because you most certainly burned any bridge by playing the victim to grandma and then evicting the people who literally made the home nicer. But plenty of people are totally on board with screwing over an entire family as collateral for you getting back at your dad.” LogicalJudgement

Another User Comments:

“NTJ – your grandma clearly thought she wasn’t finished with teaching her child how to be a good person.

And you’re quite right to continue to uphold her message on that one – it’s entirely on them if they were foolish enough to invest in property they didn’t own, and especially if your dad was well aware that he was treating one of his kids more favorably than the other. Your grandma clearly thought you needed an advantage in life and she gave you one – no blame is on you for taking it.

Your dad’s upset with your grandma and the fact that she’s called him out on being a crappy parent to you (by being a better parent to you herself!) but you don’t need to concern yourself with him being upset about that, he needs to process the information and work out how to handle his feelings about it, it’s not your job to comfort him or make him feel better.

Your dad is definitely a jerk for his blatant favoritism and for abandoning you and then thinking that he could expect favors from you when he needed them.

Your grandma may or may not be a jerk – if she actively encouraged them to spend on the renovations instead of explaining that they weren’t getting the house, all the while thinking ‘hehehe (evil laugh) OP is going to get such a lovely house at stepbro’s expense’ then she’s a jerk too (and more mildly so if she allowed the expenditure without encouraging it) because stepbro isn’t really at fault here either, he’s also a victim of your dad.

But if she tried to discourage them from spending or just didn’t mention her plans and they assumed and spent without telling her then she isn’t a jerk.

But you had no knowledge or expectation that any of this will happen so you are definitely in the clear.” redcore4

Another User Comments:

“Everyone sucks here. Except for the stepbrother.

Here’s the thing, your grandmother promised to give your father the house.

Your father, acting in good faith on that promise, tried to help out his son. His son, acting in good faith on that promise, put money into that house. A huge amount. 90k is more than a lot of people make in a year.

Legally, the house is yours. Morally, you’re the jerk because you didn’t take into account your stepbrother’s contributions to the house, and just turned his family out.

Your stepbrother did nothing wrong here and ended up losing a home he put a ton of money and effort into.

Your father even offered to buy the house from you to protect your stepbrother’s family, and you refused knowing an innocent family was going to be harmed.

You basically hurt your stepbrother because you were mad at your father. You complained to your grandmother because you were mad at your father. You didn’t even want the house, you just set all of this in motion out of spite.

Your grandmother sucks for promising your father something and not delivering knowing the renovation situation.

Your father sucks for not getting the ownership in writing before encouraging the renovation.” TinyRascalSaurus

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StumpyOne 6 months ago
YTA I understand that you wanted a home, but why didn't you take the cash from your dad and go buy your own? Spite. That's why. Why couldn't you let your brother have the house he work so hard on? SPITE AGAIN. You may be the most selfish ass I've ever read on any of these posts.
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