People Are Interested To Get Our Thoughts On Their "Am I The Jerk?" Stories

Seeing things from another person's perspective can be really interesting. For instance, we may believe we are correct in a particular situation until someone else breaks it to us. If our behavior wasn't quite appropriate, hearing other people's perspectives can help us reassess it and, ideally, inspire us to make changes. The stories that follow are great illustrations of complicated circumstances that seek outside advice. Let us know your thoughts once you've read them. AITJ = Am I the jerk? NTJ = Not the jerk WIBTJ = Would I be the jerk? YTJ = You're the jerk

26. AITJ For Taking Down My Fiancé's Certificates From The Living Room Wall?

“My fiance (M 36) and I (F 34) got engaged 2 months ago. I own the house we currently live in but after he moved in he started helping out with the mortgage payment. I have a daughter (Ruby, F 12) who adores animals (she’s had about 7 pets so far in her life). Unfortunately, her dog Tic passed away.

He was her closest friend and favorite pet. It was devastating for me as well because he was so precious.

As a way to honor him, I’ve printed a middle-sized picture of him (Ruby’s favorite), put it in a frame, and hung the frame on the living room wall. Ruby was so happy with it especially since she got to see him smiling at her when she walked in, it gave her comfort.

My fiance saw it and got upset. He commented on how strange it was to have the dog’s picture up on the wall and how much of a distraction it brings. I felt puzzled because we had all kinds of pictures that were hanging on that wall. He suggested we remove it but I ignored him.

One day, I got home and saw that he’d taken it down. Ruby was in her room crying holding the picture. I asked what happened and she told me that my fiance took the picture off and told her she’s not allowed to have it hung up there, also told her to keep it in her room if she didn’t want to lose it ‘for good’.

I was shocked. I rushed out and immediately started taking down all the certificates he had on that wall. His doctorate, master’s, and bachelor’s degrees. And about 4-5 other certificates as well. All of them I took down and put in the bedroom.

He discovered what I did and snapped at me and said that it was his house as well and I should respect his input.

In my defense, I told him that since my daughter has to keep it in her room then he too has to keep his certificates in his room according to his logic. He yelled at me demanding that I stop nagging him and acting childishly and spitefully. He wanted to put them back up but I refused and said that if he does that then Tic’s picture will be put back up as well.

He yelled about how I disrespected him and his achievements and treated them as trash, and then stormed out.

He’s been giving both me and Ruby the cold shoulder for days now saying he won’t speak to either of us til we apologize and put those certificates back up on the wall ourselves.”

Another User Comments:

“This is so concerning.

He took down the picture and threatened a 12-year-old that she’d lose it permanently if she didn’t keep it in her room rather than on the wall in a common area in her own house.

If this is indicative of the way he is with her when you’re not around then I’d boot him out of your life as soon as possible.

Speak to Ruby and have a heart-to-heart, ask her what he’s like when you’re not there because this story is waving a whole bunch of red flags.

NTJ for trying to make a point but there seems to be a much bigger issue going on.” CrystalQueen3000

Another User Comments:

“NTJ. He threatened your daughter with the permanent loss of something precious to her.

He overstepped AND he waited til you weren’t home to do it so you couldn’t stop him. That would be a deal breaker for me. No one mistreats my kid or overrules my parenting. Out the door he needs to go. Your daughter needs to come first. This type of thing will only get worse if you continue the relationship.” ArcheryOnThursday

11 points (11 votes)

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anma7 2 months ago
NTJ... homey get this man gone ASAP... he knows you would have stopped him doing this hence he waited till younwere out then he threatened your 12yr old daughter.... he's been engaged to you for 2months that's all.. what's he going to to be like in another 2 months... take Ruby out talk to her ask her what he's like with her when it's just them..., youndont mention her dad but if I were her dad and heard about this she be outta your custody till he was out of your life... his house !!! I assu,e you managed the mortgage just fine before he moved in so you will manage them again... sounds to me like he picked you cos your a single mom with a house of your own and thinks it's an easy way to get his name on the deeds without the hassle of saving for deposit etc... please protect your daughter form this jerk.. amd yourself he sounds like a monster and this is only the start
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25. AITJ For Crushing My Neighbor's Son's Remote Control Car?

“Coming home from groceries I noticed what looked like a father and son playing with a toy remote-control car in a parking lot adjoining my house. Doesn’t seem too fancy but people play there and I don’t think too much of it.

Later on, I pulled out one of my cars from the driveway, a single driveway, so you have to play musical cars quite frequently and we use the lot as a bit of an overflow to keep cars off the street.

As I was doing so I saw the father and son sitting on a stoop in the shade and as I pulled into the lot I tried to wave at the father but he ignored me or broke contact when I waved. I headed to the spot that I normally park in and as I was headed there I heard a loud crunch and the two of them screaming in shock.

As I was parking, it hit me. I must have crunched their car. So I parked, got out of the truck, and prepared for the worst. The guy was very disappointed and the kid was on the verge of tears. I told him I couldn’t see it and I am sorry. The car was white, in a lot with white lines, lightly colored asphalt, in direct sunlight.

He said the car was a collector’s item and asked if I had any money to replace it. I told him no, and asked if it was a collector’s item why would he just leave it in the middle of the lot unattended?

He scoffed and started leaving for home explaining to his son that I was a jerk for doing what I did.

So I guess I am already at one vote for being a jerk. I genuinely didn’t see his car and tried to explain that and ended up walking into a bit of a mess that ruined all of our days.


Another User Comments:

“NTJ and I may be a salty New Englander but this also feels like a total scam.

Unless you were doing 60 mph, they would have had ample time to move their RC car or flag you down if it was dead or something. Particularly since it’s a ‘collector’s item’, and they’d be keeping a close eye on it. If you’re driving an RC car, even if you’re taking a break, you aren’t just leaving it sitting in the middle of a parking lot.

My bet is that it’s a $10 car from Walmart and they probably get some suckers to give them $50 or $60 for running it over in parking lots. When they saw you weren’t inclined to do so, they just left.” NotThisAgain_23

Another User Comments:

“NTJ and I cry foul based on your description of what happened. Your neighbors leave a toy about the same color as the lot right around the spot where their neighbor often parks.

They then go sit on a stoop and wait. Their neighbor pulls into the parking lot, and waves. They do not respond in any way, much less race over to pick up the toy or wave off the driver. Crunch. NOW they spring to life and the planted toy becomes a valuable collector’s item worth many $$$! The child is tearful, dad is self-righteous! Oh brother, what a scam.” HeartpineFloors

8 points (8 votes)

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anma7 2 months ago
Ntj... they tried scamming g you and it failed else he would have stayed and argued and possibly tried to call the police to try force you to pay up
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24. AITJ For Not Splitting The Sales Of My Parents' House With My Siblings?

“When my mom died, back in 2018, she left me and my siblings a decent chunk of money and her house. My siblings wanted to sell the house and split the money. I wanted to keep the house. It’s a unique property with a pretty big lot in the middle of the city. The house is 4/3, there is a pretty awesome deck, and most importantly not in an HOA.

I had some sentimental attachment to it, but mostly I thought the house was better for my situation than a pile of cash. I asked them if I could buy them out. They were pretty excited about the idea. The house would stay in the family and they still get their cash.

We got it appraised, hired an attorney, and went through with it.

My portion of the inheritance and a chunk of my own savings were enough to cover their shares. As soon as it was done, me and my then fiancé moved in. We saved a bunch on rent, the house was paid off, the location was great, and we were really happy with the house. My brother burned through the cash in two years.

He fancied himself an ‘influencer.’ He bought a Maserati for cash, went to expensive nightclubs, and vacationed in exotic places. Good for him, but money is gone. My sister and her husband bought a really expensive boat. I guess that’s better, they did use it pretty often, and my nephews love it. But from what I understand her portion of the money is gone too.

I got married and we had a son. We would host my siblings on holidays and the Christmas before 2020 I started to notice it. They were making snide comments about how much the house must be worth now. Since 2018, we had an influx of people in my city. It’s growing rapidly and the price of the house essentially tripled.

We’ve had a bunch of all-cash offers on the house when we weren’t thinking of selling. But this year, we decided to move. My wife was pregnant again and we were going to relocate closer to her family. I talked to my boss, and he said the place we were moving to had an office I could commute to on the days I worked in the office.

So we put the house on the market. It sold pretty quickly and that’s when the trouble started. Both of my siblings think that I owe it to them to split the profit I made because it’s only fair.

We were in the middle of a move and house hunting in the new place, so I didn’t really have time to go on about this.

Well, it’s been months, and they have not stopped bothering about how I scammed them out of a portion of their inheritance, and I was being really selfish. They pointed out that the process of my buying them out was pretty smooth, we didn’t have any problems or hiccups, and they did me a favor by not kicking up a fuss.

Now they want to split the profit because it was their house too. This has become really toxic and most of my family is on their side. My mom’s sister says it would have broken her heart to see her kids fight like this and I should split the funds with my siblings. My dad’s sister thinks I should buy them off so they shut up.

AITJ for refusing to split the funds?”

Another User Comments:

“NTJ. They are being ridiculous. You literally had it appraised and gave them what they would have gotten if you had sold it back in 2018. They have no argument and no standing. The people in your family on their side are idiots. Why is it okay for them to get paid twice but you need to give them cash for the buyout AND to split the profits? Answer: It’s not.

God no!” Ok-Context1168

Another User Comments:


Your siblings are the selfish ones, not you. You extended yourself financially to give them extra cash, which they then blew in nothing flat, and that house is now only your house… not theirs. Do NOT give them money. Do NOT. That house is entirely, completely, and without reservation… yours. That you are now profiting from it has nothing to do with your siblings. They made a bad investment choice (by not bothering to… seriously… $100K+ car for cash? That was exceptionally stupid), and you didn’t. Do NOT feel bad about it.” crymson7

7 points (7 votes)

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LilVicky 2 months ago (Edited)
You owe them NOTHING. They got their share & blew it, not your problem. Block them & all the others that are siding with them NTJ
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23. AITJ For Faking An Injury?

“My (17f) sister (15f) plays this ‘prank’ where she will turn the lights off every time I shower. Our bathroom is weirdly long so I’ll have to get out of the shower, walk to the light switch, turn it back on then get back to the shower. It also leaves a mess of water for me to clean up afterward.

And I can’t keep her out because the lock is broken. My parents gave her a verbal warning once but when she continued to do it there was no real punishment. They just told me to just put up with it and she’ll eventually get bored and stop.

Well, that didn’t work because she continued this for three weeks.

One day as I was getting out of the shower to turn the lights back on, I almost slipped and fell. This gave me an idea, I waited until the next time she tried to pull this prank again. When she came to turn the lights off I knocked all the stuff off the shower caddy, the bottles on the tub edge, and the towel rack.

I also pulled the shower curtain down and quickly laid on the ground. My mother burst in, turned the lights on, and saw the mess plus me on the ground. She ran up to me and asked if I was ok, I said no I slipped in the dark and hurt myself pretty badly.

After mom and dad helped me get settled they turned on my sister.

They yelled at her, took her phone, and grounded her for the rest of the week. She was also forced to apologize to me and promise to never do it again. When I told my significant other about this he said what I did was cruel. Not only did I unnecessarily scare my parents my sister got punished for something that didn’t happen.

He says I could have just gotten a doorstop for the bathroom or a lamp so it’s not as dark.

I feel what I did was justified since my getting injured was something that could actually happen. Am I a jerk or am I in the clear?”

Another User Comments:

“So your SO would rather you actually slip and break an arm or something.

Because eventually, something would happen that caused you injury.

She got punished for all the times she turned off the light and didn’t get punished like she should have. If your parents had not told you to suck it up and ignore it instead of ignoring it themselves you could very well have been injured.


Parents – do your job.” Ghitit

Another User Comments:


You told your sister to stop, she didn’t. You asked to parents to make her stop, but she STILL didn’t. This would have happened for real if you hadn’t found a way to put an end to it. You did nothing wrong OP and hopefully, your sister will learn her lesson. (PS your SO sounds like a jerk that wasn’t cruel at all).” HUNGWHITEBOI25

7 points (7 votes)

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mima 2 months ago
Ntj your sis is an jerk so are your parents and so. What she did is dangerous.
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22. AITJ For Parking My Car Crooked?

“I moved from an apartment a few months ago to a new house, and the best part is it has a yard for my dog. The way my neighborhood is set up, it only has parking on one side of the street (opposite my house) or parking spaces in the alley behind the houses.

My landlord put gravel out behind my yard on the property for parking, and the space is big enough for 2 cars, maybe 3 if all are small and squeezed together.

My neighbors happen to know it’s just me living here, and it’s not often I have company, so usually it’s just me using that space.

Lately, they’ve been taking it upon themselves to use my extra space whenever they have company over. The first time I didn’t mind, but it’s been happening more frequently, and they are doing so without asking me if it’s okay.

And while I don’t have company over a lot, I have someone over on Mondays and Wednesdays who uses that spot.

I started parking my car crooked so no one can utilize that spot except me unless I move it when I know someone is coming over. So now, whenever the neighbors have company, they have to park across the street or squeeze in where they can.

Today, my neighbor saw me outside with my dog and asked me why I started parking like that. I shrugged and said it made it easier to back up, which it does. He asked if I could start parking normally again to which I replied no. He explained the previous tenants let them use the extra space, so they just assumed I would too.

I pointed out I wasn’t the previous tenants and whatever arrangements they made didn’t carry over when I moved in. His response was that I was rude and now his family can’t use that extra space when they come over, and they have frequent get-togethers.

I told him that wasn’t my problem, and he told me I was a jerk before going back inside.

Now I am wondering if I should let it go so they can use that spot, since I am new to the neighborhood and don’t want to cause problems.

ETA: If they had asked ahead of time I wouldn’t have minded at all, and I would have explained about my particular days with company. It’s the assumption that it’s okay without asking first that ticked me off.”

Another User Comments:


For all you know the previous tenant did not let them park in those spots either and the neighbors are lying about being able to do so. If you want to be nice tell them you will allow it if they ask in advance each time and it does not interfere with your plans for visitors.” An-Old-Fart

Another User Comments:

“NTJ, your spot = your decision. You are not obligated to give them your designated parking spots. They also shouldn’t have assumed when you moved in. They should have had a conversation about it prior, in order to set expectations.” coma2ula

7 points (7 votes)

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Kilzer53 2 months ago
Lol why are u the jerk for using UR property the way U want?
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21. AITJ For Not Wanting To Have Photos Of My Fiancé's Deceased Siblings At My Wedding?

“I (26f) am planning my wedding to my fiance (27m) in a few months. Everything is going great and I love him so much. I can’t wait to spend my life with him. He loves my family, and I, for the most part, love his.

A bit of background: My fiance has a much older brother. While my future MIL was pregnant three times in between them, all of them resulted in late miscarriages and stillbirths.

As a result, MIL put all of her motherly love and attention on my fiance. He had never tried a fruit or vegetable before I met him because his parents never made him when he was young and he had grown up assuming they were gross. (I got him to try some and he loves them now.)

As we were planning our guest list, we consulted our families about which, and how many, relatives we should invite.

Future MIL asked that we ‘invite’ my fiance’s dead brother and sisters. When we asked what she meant, she wanted us to put up a framed photo of the dead babies in the pews at our wedding ceremony, and then save them seats at our reception.

I was horrified. First of all, we are trying to have a fairly small wedding to start with, and a beautiful, intimate venue.

We can only have seats for 30-50 people, and I would like these places to be for our friends and family, not people who have never met either of us because they are dead. My fiance agrees that three of 50 seats reserved for dead people is too many. He suggested we compromise and just let MIL put up all three photos in one seat.

Personally, I think it’s gross and weird to include any of them. We’re starting our lives together. We want to have a family and it almost seems like a bad omen, but it means a lot to her and it’s a fairly small ask. My fiance’s parents are paying for 75% of our wedding, and this is the only request she’s had.

So AITJ for still refusing?”

Another User Comments:


Your wedding is about you and your fiancé. It’s not about anyone else or what they want, it’s about the two of you and what you want.

I can’t even imagine going to someone’s wedding and there being photographs of dead babies in the pews. I can’t even imagine how traumatic that could be for some people who have experienced a miscarriage or stillbirth.

I would be drawing a firm, firm boundary. I don’t even understand your fiancé trying to compromise and potentially choosing to have those photos at your wedding. It’s not the time, nor the place.

If I wanted to tread carefully, I think my response would be, ‘We don’t know the personal stories of everyone attending our wedding and we have no idea whether or not some of our guests could potentially find photographs of dead babies traumatic.

It’s not a risk we’re willing to take.’

But, I probably wouldn’t tread carefully, I would instead just be firm with boundaries. I think it’s important to have a really clear conversation with your fiancé about this.” SeekingBeskar

Another User Comments:

“NTJ. Tell MIL that the photos may be triggering to people who recently had miscarriages, and you don’t want your wedding (repeat, your wedding) to be a source of grief for the guests (and you).

Maybe you could give her the opportunity during the reception speeches to say something about how she wishes her lost children could have been there. Not that she needs that time either, since it’s a wedding, but if she insists on hijacking a wedding with a memorial service, then something verbal, after the ceremony, seems less intrusive.” DCNumberNerd

6 points (6 votes)

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anma7 2 months ago
Ntj.. however it's got to be partner that tells mom of your joint decision with you there. Tell her you don't know if anyone coming has suffered a late loss or a miscarriage and you would both hate to trigger anyone. Pictures of dead babies is NOT acceptable any event except a memorial or funeral but definitely not at a wedding !! I don't care if they are paying 100% of the wedding their dead babies don't need a seat at the reception or the church.. has she had therapy for this ?
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20. AITJ For Being Mad At My Mom For Getting Pregnant?

“I (20F) always had a complicated relationship with my mother. Throughout my childhood, she always had problems with addiction. Basically, what I remember from my childhood with her is living with her until things got so bad that our family had to step in, moving in with them, my mom getting better, then moving back in with her only for her to get worse and the cycle to start all over again.

However, since I was 13 I have lived with my uncles. They are incredible and they have always been the parents I needed, but since then my mother has not asked me to stay with her again. My uncles always explained that she had a disease and her leaving me with them was proof of her love for me.

You can imagine that my relationship with her has always been complicated, but I’ve always tried to understand that this is something that is out of her control. In the last months, she’s been on a good streak again, stopping all that nonsense, she’s moved in with a new partner and he seems to be someone who wants to help her out.

We don’t see each other much but I try to call her at least every 15 days, and my parents always try to report to me about her improvements.

However, last week, after a long time, she was the one who called me and asked me to go out. I tried not to get too excited because I already knew what she was like, but at the same time, I was happy.

When we met, she explained how her partner has helped her to cut 100% contact with anyone who influences her to go back to addiction, and how she wants to be a better person. She even started therapy and went to rehab for a while. I said I was very happy and asked what finally motivated her to make that decision.

And then she told me that he helped her but that the big motivator that gave her strength was that they decided to start a family and that she wanted to meet me in person to let me know that she was pregnant. She said she needed to be better, to be present, and that is what is helping her focus on recovery.

It hurt me, you know? That they were worth it, but I wasn’t. I decided to leave before our lunch was even over and ignored all forms of contact from her thereafter. As people say, if you don’t have anything nice to say, don’t say anything.

However, yesterday her partner called me (I answered because I didn’t have his number saved) and he started yelling at me, he said I was a jerk, that for him I would never have contact with his family, because apparently no one knows where my mom is and what hindered her improvement was my attitude.

My grandparents were also angry with me and said that I was very irresponsible and that I didn’t have emotional responsibility for someone very vulnerable. My parents said I didn’t do anything wrong but I have my doubts.


Another User Comments:


Your mother is absolutely, positively NOT your responsibility. She failed you as a child. Your family (excluding your uncles) are enablers of a habitual screw-up.

She can get clean and start spouting rainbows from her butt and you are still under no obligation to be impressed. She should get clean. She should be present and focused on progress in her life. But you don’t owe her anything – not even support.

Her partner is a belligerent jerk and she chose him. So, I don’t think she has broken all of her bad habits just yet.

Protect your sanity. Your emotions are valid. Screw anybody who tries to make you doubt that.” Hapnhopeless

Another User Comments:


Your mother’s recovery never has been and never will be your responsibility. As the one struggling with addiction, it is your mother’s responsibility to be mindful of the situations she puts herself in. It was on her to prepare herself for the range of reactions you might have to this information. And your reaction was far from unpredictable.

Honestly, it’s the new guy who is a jerk. He has no business yelling at you, neither does your family, but he literally doesn’t even know you. You absolutely are not responsible for any of your mother’s choices.” JustheBean

6 points (6 votes)

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anma7 2 months ago
NTJ.. tell uncles that you are cutting contact completely with mother (when she reappears) her jerk partner amd the grandparents too for yelling at you because apparently its YOUR JOB to bend over backwards to ensure HER mental health to stop her from using.... WRONG she's an addict it's on HER to stay straight or get treatment, she obviously hasn't cut off her old friends if she is MIA cos that's where she is staying somewhere with her old crowd getting messed up.... wtf is wrong with the people hollering at you... SHE chose jerk OVER YOU for the majority of your childhood then announces that cos she's either already pregnant or trying to get pregnant NOW SHE has to get clean and stay clean and they expect you to be happy!!! Err no she should have do e that YEARS ago FOR YOU!! But she didn't so you went to live with uncles who have raised you kept you safe and more importantly LOVE you. Cut them all off tell uncles to please help you and act as the barrier between you and all the JERKS. Then sit and breath.. take a breath what your EGG DONOR has done is wrong huni and for that an internet stranger is heartbroken for you. Change your name to uncles if possible amd like I say get them to help you keep the jerk away... tell uncles that when egg donor has been clean for 10yrs not a day sooner you MAY consider talking to her until then you are not interested. Sending you so much love xXx
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19. AITJ For Not Wanting To Pay For My Stepson's Tuition Anymore?

“I (30F) have recently married my husband (36M). We have one daughter together and he brought in a son from a previous relationship. We were together for 9 years before we got married so I was already familiar with his son. My stepson’s mom is fairly wealthy and she chose to send her son to private school in our state for the final years of high school.

Instead of my stepson living in dorms, we offered up our home for him to live in while he was at school. I’ve never tried to take on the ‘mother role’ for my stepson. However, while he’s been living with us I’ve done everything I can to make him feel as welcome as possible.

We have an amazing bond and I wouldn’t change it for the world.

My stepson plays on his school’s football team and he has big dreams of playing professionally someday. Due to this, a lot of his mother’s money is invested in his football training.

From my own research, I am aware of how much his private school tuition costs each year. It’s a huge amount. I knew that his mother was well off but I assumed that this tuition would be a huge portion of her spending.

Because of this, I’ve offered to take care of all the expenses for my stepson’s football for the rest of his high school life. Of course, my husband is still paying half of his son’s tuition out of his personal account. This deal worked amazingly for about 6 months. That’s when I got a call from my stepson’s mom crying and explaining that she was unable to pay her bills on time because of her son’s tuition.

My heart went out to her and I offered to pay for his tuition until she got back on her feet. She thanked me and said that this agreement would only go on for a maximum of 2 months. 8 months later and I am still paying for his tuition out of my own pocket. I’ve made several attempts to talk to his mom about this but she avoids the topic whenever it’s brought up.

One day she came over to visit when my husband was out with the kids. I took my opportunity and confronted her about the whole situation. She brushed it off and claimed that it was helping me ‘bond’ with her son. I reminded her that he had been living in my house for 2 years at this point and I was also investing in his high school football.

She got extremely offended and claimed that I was trying to take credit for everything her son had achieved. She then told me that I was being selfish as I was willing to support my daughter’s educational needs but wouldn’t do the same for her child. I reminded her that my daughter goes to public school and she only participated in one after-school activity.

She then stormed off and I haven’t heard from her since.

I decided to ask my stepson’s school about his mom’s involvement in the finances. That’s when they told me that she had removed her bank details from the system completely. I went crazy and I then went on the remove my bank details. My husband found out about the situation and he’s telling me that I should suck it up and continue to pay for my stepson’s tuition.

What do I do?”

Another User Comments:


OMG, your husband is enabling his ex-wife at your expense.

I would come clean with your stepson and explain to him the truth. It’s time the parents do the right thing for their son.

Since the school year is out – enroll your stepson in public school and put them on notice. They have to step up.

Or perhaps you could adopt your stepson fully? That might make him feel great and push the issue with his deadbeat mother.

My heart goes out to you.” HughDanforth

Another User Comments:

“NTJ, but I almost went with ‘everyone sucks here’ – not because you withdrew payment, but because you offered to cover her share of the tuition in the first place – that was a huge mistake and a bigger mistake to continue paying beyond 2 months.

There’s nothing wrong with public school. The mom dug her own financial grave – all for the prestige of telling her friends that her son goes to private school (which is the real reason parents send their kids to private school). The mother sucks for taking advantage of you and expecting you to continue paying, your husband sucks for expecting you to keep paying for his son with another woman.” Johnny-Fakehnameh

6 points (6 votes)

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anma7 2 months ago
NTJ.. tell hubby you will not pay another penny to HIS SONS school fees... that if needs be you will SUE his ex for the extra 6months you had to pay cos SHE decided she didn't want to... the biggest issue you have tho IS HUBBY expecting you to suck it up and continue paying while letting HIS ex off the hook for THEIR KID!!! Really!! your kid goes to public school while theirs goes to private school that he expects YOU to pay for !! Err nope I hope he can't add your bank details back to the school account. I take it that stepson is old enough to understand that YOU have been paying for HIS schooling to help mom out and that mom stopped months ago. I would give hubby a heads up first but I would tell stepson that you will not be paying his fees anymore and that dad either cant afford to or won't pay the full fees on his own so he may have to swap schools to public school unless mom starts paying again. From hubby's reaction I think he knew what the ex had planned but decided not to tell you since well your married now, I find it funny how she turns up when hubby was out and had the kids with him when she came to beg for help amd that she had no trouble paying up to the time that you and him got married and now she can't afford it suddenly.. has she downgraded her car/house/lifestyle too then ? I bet not. I smell a rat personally I think they are in it together. You need to put your detective skills to work, find out all you can and then depending on what you find out you might want to hire a lawyer of the divorce speciality and leave the pair of them to it
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18. AITJ For Changing My Baby In The Disabled Bathroom?

“I (24M) have recently become a father to my newborn son, he is now 3 weeks old. About a week ago my old best friend said he was coming back to see his mum but she was still on holiday the day he arrived, so asked if I wanted to get together

I agreed but today, the day we were meeting my partner was working which meant I had to take my son with me.

I bottle-fed him and burped him and then we left. About 20 minutes after we arrived the bomb dropped and so I excused myself to take him to the toilet.

Well, I went into the male bathroom and there was no changing station. I was a bit unsure of what to do since usually I am with my partner so she could take him.

I asked a woman to see if all the women in the bathroom were comfortable with me coming in to change my baby. She agreed however there was a woman who was uncomfortable with me going in.

I couldn’t wait as my baby was screaming and the smell was unbearable so I had to change it. The woman who checked for me said that there was a baby changing room in the disabled bathroom so I went in there.

When I was taking his new one out of the bag ready to put on, a woman started banging on the door telling me to get out. I shouted out I would be out as quick as I could and scurried to change the nappy. Well, when I went out it was a woman and her daughter who was in a wheelchair and looked about 7 or 8.

The woman started shouting what did I think I was doing using the disabled toilet when I clearly did not have a disability? I apologised and just said the men’s room had no changing station meaning I needed to use it.

She told me I was greedy and ungrateful for using it as ‘us normal people’ want to try and take away more from the disabled.

I was getting annoyed as my baby was getting fussy and she wouldn’t drop it.

Apparently, her daughter had an illness where she was not able to use her legs and she couldn’t feel it when she needed to go to the toilet, meaning her mum had to change her as well. She gave me a what felt like a 10-minute lecture on how the changing table in the bathroom was for disabled people who wore nappies not babies.

I told her to shut up as she was winding her kid up and mine, and that the bathroom had been free for a few minutes now so it clearly wasn’t that desperate if she could stand there and say everything to me.

Well, I saw them on their way out as I was still sitting with my friend, as she walked passed she scoffed at me and called me a ‘tramp’.

My partner said it was rude of me to tell her to shut up and that it wasn’t that much of an emergency.

I feel like I am a jerk as my partner’s sister is disabled and I know I would hate if someone said that to her but honestly I didn’t think before I spoke and now I am regretting it.

Please let me know, AITJ?”

Another User Comments:


The changing table is for people who need to change a nappy.

It’s so frustrating that changing tables in men’s bathrooms isn’t just standard. Some places are starting to catch on but until they are everywhere you’ll have to use what’s available, which was the disabled toilet in this case.” CrystalQueen3000

Another User Comments:


I always marvel at how so many places don’t have changing tables in men’s restrooms. Fathers do take care of their children the same as women. It’s just another throwback to the old way of thinking that only women take care of babies. There are so many reasons why men’s restrooms should have changing stations.” Mimi1214

6 points (6 votes)

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Fatima 2 months ago (Edited)
You used the only facility available. That should have been enough for her. If a person with a disability had been in there she would also have had to wait. All you could have done was what you did: hurry up and then apologize. For the circumstances, not for wrongdoing. The lecture from her was inappropriate. I'm not groovy with the "shut up" but I'm not mad about it either. The lack of accommodation is on management not you.
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17. AITJ For Reporting An Employee For Catfishing?

“I am a manager in a work environment that’s rather casual where employees get close and spend a lot of time together outside of work. I am a little traditional when it comes to employer/employee relationships so while I do participate in some activities to build morale and camaraderie (i.e. happy hours after work, attending weddings if invited, etc.), I do not participate in social activities where things might get out of hand (i.e.

going to concerts, clubbing, just going to someone’s house to hang out, etc.).

This is a personal policy that I also extend to social media where I keep my profiles private and do not add or accept employees on all platforms. I just like to keep things private and don’t want them to see where I spend my time, who I am going out with, etc.

Recently a new hire asked me for my account, and I kindly let her know that I like to keep things private. I thought that was it, but she went ahead and made a fake account to follow me (going as far as to post fake photos and write a fake bio to look like we went to college together).

I found out because after I accepted her, she took screenshots of my photos and shared them with other colleagues. Thankfully there wasn’t anything off base on my accounts, but she did share photos of a new guy I haven’t introduced yet as well as photos of a new designer bag I purchased, and ‘jokingly’ asked everyone if he was my ‘sugar daddy’.

It was a huge breach of my privacy (her comments also embarrassed me), and I ended up writing her up (which is a semi-serious offense at our workplace that can lead to termination). Since then, it’s caused a huge drama at work with some employees thinking I can’t take a joke and that I was taking things too far while others came out to support me.

I hate that it’s split up the team. Upper management supports my decision, but some employees have mentioned that I could have just verbally warned her first and that it was my own fault for falling for her catfish. AITJ?”

Another User Comments:

“NTJ, that is a gross violation. She pretty much took the worry most of the general populace had and made it a reality.

The blatant victim blaming by your employees also needs to be addressed preferably in a seminar where they take harassment training. Keep an eye on those employees because it sounds like a worst-case scenario they would do something similar as a ‘joke.'” BriefHorror

Another User Comments:


Catfishing is not a joke. This employee broke a huge boundary on so many levels and invaded your privacy. As someone who works in HR, I don’t condone this craziness. As for the other employees, how would they feel if they were on the receiving end of this? They should think about that for a while.” Appropriate-Public50

6 points (6 votes)

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Kilzer53 2 months ago
Ntj. What she did was malicious. She has proven herself to be a liar and a gossip. Why would anyone else at ur work ever trust her with anything ever again?
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16. AITJ For Being Mad At My Family For Lying To My Partner About My Past?

“I have a criminal record for stuff like theft under $5000, trespassing at night, creating fake bank notes, fraud under $5000. I did lots of stupid things in the past and no one forced me to do them. It was all on me. My sentences were for 6 months or sometimes even a year but the last time I got 2 years less a day and it was a wakeup call for me.

When I got out I quit my old life. I got a legit job and stopped talking to anyone from my old life.

I am ashamed of my past but I am honest about it. I am honest about it with anyone who I am going to have in my life on the regular. My boss hires people like me with records to give us a chance so I have a good thing going at my job.

But I am open about my past so if anyone has a problem they know up front. I wasn’t a full-blown drinking addict but I realized drinking wasn’t helping me so I quit and went to AA. I go to the church whose members visited me when I was inside. They all know my history and I am not the only one.

I am seeing a counselor. I am going to night school for my GED.

I am in a relationship with someone for the first time in my life. I was upfront with her and she accepted my past. I didn’t hold anything back and she is good with being with me. Some of my family visited her and they told her to avoid me because of my past.

They thought she didn’t know and my partner said they were shocked she already knew everything. They also told her some lies. Like they said I would take her prescription pad or try to steal medication from her work because it’s what I used to do. My partner is a phlebotomist so she doesn’t have a prescription pad.

The walk-in clinic she works at has almost no medication in it and they don’t give anyone or prescribe painkillers, benzos, or narcotics. You have to go to your family doctor or a hospital for that.

My past is not clean but I never did anything involving illegal substances or using them and I never was charged with anything like that.

My family also told my partner I was convicted of things I wasn’t and spent way longer inside than I did. The 2 years less a day was the longest and it was only one time. Not 5 or 10 years. My record is all summary convictions. Some of them were hybrids but I only ever was charged with summary offenses.

I have never been charged with an indictable offense despite what my family told my partner.

I am mad at my family and when I confronted them they said she deserved to know. They know I am open about my past but they thought I lied to her. They were the ones who lied to her about parts of my past, not me.

They can’t tell me why they lied. I made sure my partner knew everything before she was all in so she went in eyes open. My family says I have no right to say anything or act like I am the moral one here since I have such a bad past.”

Another User Comments:


That’s a toxic family if I ever heard of one.

They should be wanting to help you, to support you, and to support any relationships you are trying to establish. To be honest, you wouldn’t even be a jerk for cutting them out of your life entirely for a stunt like this.” User

Another User Comments:

“NTJ – it’s very odd that your family approached her and lied about your past, I’d understand if you had a history of violence against women.

But you were upfront with your partner and once they saw she was okay with it they made your past sound worse.

Is there anything else going on in the background? You said it’s your first relationship, what prevented you before? Did your family always interfere?

Mistakes in the past do not mean people can treat you like crap for the rest of your life. You’re moving on and if people are trying to trip you or cause obstacles you can remove them from your life even if they are family.” kezzarla

5 points (5 votes)

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Kilzer53 2 months ago
Ntj. U need to sit them down with ur SO and talk to them all together so everyone is on the same page. Also tell them if they want to remain in ur life, to never, EVER pull this crap stunt again.
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15. AITJ For Not Wanting To Share My Room With My Parent's Baby?

“I am a 17-year-old girl and my mom and stepfather recently got pregnant. My family is kind of confusing so to sum it up, my older half-brother, 19, he’s my stepfather’s and my mom’s child, and I am my mom’s and dad’s child. We live in a three-bedroom house, the master suite, my brother’s bedroom, and my bedroom.

We also have a basement with a bathroom.

When I found out my parents were pregnant one of their first requests was that the baby share my room. I immediately declined because they wanted a newborn not to sleep in their room, but in mine, while I was finishing my last year of high school and preparing for college.

I said no and the baby should sleep in their room, and when it was old enough to have its own room I would already have moved out. (One of my friends is kinda rich and her parents are gonna buy her an apartment for college and she told me I could stay there for cheap.) They got really mad at me and told me how much stress they would have after having the baby.

Now I understand pregnancy is hard and all, but I really don’t want to have to listen to a baby crying, have them run into my room when I am sleeping, doing homework, etc. I told them that I thought it would be easier if the baby stayed in their room, or if I moved to the basement, but that would be a little annoying as our basement isn’t really room fit, like I don’t know how to describe it but I wouldn’t want to live there.

I understand I might be a little rude because my parents won’t have their baby till February (They are like 2 months pregnant or something I don’t know they just said the due date is in February) But I feel like that’s going to be an incredibly stressful time even for just the fourish months I am staying here, you know with school ending, college entrance exams, waiting to see if I got in, etc.

all the works. And on a more personal note I hate babies, they weird me out. I think I could be in the wrong because their room is more cluttered than mine, and they could have a problem making space. And my parents have their ideas, you know, so I could just be biased so am I in the wrong?”

Another User Comments:


They want the baby in your room because they want you to take care of it.

And they will probably expect you to babysit and change diapers, etc…

There’s even a good chance that they expect you to stay living with them instead of going away so they get free childcare.

Stick to your boundaries. This isn’t your baby and your parents need to make plans that don’t rely on you.” teresajs

Another User Comments:


That’s just a load of crap on the part of your parents.

They are having a baby you are not. You shouldn’t be expected to put up with a fussy infant in your room.

You can bet that they are going to also expect you to deal with it a lot. So, be sure to set that boundary and hold firm that you are not a babysitter.

I’d make this a hill to die on.

Is moving in with your Dad an option?” Velocityg4

5 points (5 votes)

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CG1 2 months ago
Ummm they will be under stress after having the baby !!?? Tough jerk ,it's Their Baby !! It's their job to take care of the baby ,Not Yours !!
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14. AITJ For Not Wanting To Cook A 2nd Dinner Party For My Significant Other?

“My (22F) significant other (20M) had about 6 friends over last night for his birthday, and I cooked dinner for everyone. I love cooking so I was happy to do it. I took a half day at work, and was able to start cooking around noon, but didn’t get done till about 6:30. In between cooking, I was able to clean the house and tidy up so that everything looked nice for when his friends showed up, which was at about 5:30 pm.

So I was cooking, and he and all his friends were on the back patio drinking beers and having a good time. All was well, everyone was happy. After everyone ate and then left, my SO seemed less than happy and went to our room. So I finished cleaning the kitchen, shut off the lights, got ready for bed, and finally laid down.

Mind you, by this time I had been on my feet from 7 a.m. to 10 p.m., so I was exhausted.

I had, however, promised my SO a back rub for his bday. So after about a 30-minute back rub, I laid down on my back and started to drift to sleep. My SO then wakes me from my almost sleep, and asks if I am mad at him… I replied no, I am just tired.

So he asked again. I then sat up and reassured him that I wasn’t upset, I was just exhausted cause I had been on my feet since 6 a.m., and that just cause I was not being super affectionate didn’t mean I was mad – he interrupted me while I was talking and says verbatim ‘that’s all I wanted today tho, was just some love and attention and you weren’t giving me that at all.’

Shocked at this, considering I had taken time off work, spent hours cleaning the whole house, and cooked a full meal for not only him but also his friends, which included dishes such as:

  • Sweet pulled pork sandwiches
  • Smoked herb chicken
  • Maple bourbon sweet potatoes
  • Cornbread casserole
  • Balsamic Brussel sprouts
  • Raspberry pasta salad
  • Homemade blueberry muffins, for dessert.

    (Like I said, I love cooking)

I am mad at the comment, and I was supposed to cook a SECOND dinner on Saturday for an even larger group of his friends, but now… I don’t want to. I feel unappreciated. AITJ for not wanting to cook a 2nd dinner party?”

Another User Comments:

“No jerks here – this is a perfect example of ‘Love Language’.

You were showing your love and affection through an act of cooking. He wanted to spend time with you. Nobody is right or wrong here, just a lack of communication. Would he have been just as happy with some pizza and beer with you actually being present? Your being mad is on you, not him.” svmc80

Another User Comments:


I would refuse to cook another dinner. Your SO is treating you like his private cook/maid and doesn’t appreciate your effort at all. If he wants love and attention so much, why doesn’t he request a romantic dinner for just the two of you? Why have these labor-intensive parties? Did he even help you with cooking and cleaning?” Important_Cost_7165

5 points (5 votes)

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Kilzer53 2 months ago
Ntj. Ask him straight out if he wants to just order out for the next partyx and that way u can spend time with him. If he would rather u cook, then remind him of this first party.
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13. AITJ For Laughing At My Brother-In-Law For Using Our Cat's Trimmer?

“Yesterday was my sister’s engagement party (she’s marrying my husband’s cousin funny enough) and she asked to have the party at our house since we have a huge backyard and she just wanted something simple like a BBQ. I of course agreed and the start of the day went well. Everyone from both sides of the family mingled, the grill was going, people congratulated the soon-to-be bride and groom, etc.

Well as everyone was loading their plates up to eat I noticed my BIL grabbing a plate and paused because I swear he looked different than he did when he showed up. I couldn’t pinpoint why at first but when he sat down at the table his mom/my MIL asked him if he’d trimmed his beard.

That’s what it was! His beard, which had been sorta bushy when he’d arrived earlier was now trimmed down and neater. That’s when he looked at me and said he hoped I didn’t mind but he’d used the trimmer we had in the bathroom to freshen himself up. I was confused because my trimmer and my husband’s were both in our connected bathroom, which was off-limits to guests.

But then it hit me. HE’D USED THE CAT TRIMMER I KEEP IN THE DOWNSTAIRS BATHROOM. The one I use to trim my four VERY fluffy cats’ butt hair and shave off dingle berries to keep them clean.

I must have looked just as shocked as I felt because hubs asked what was wrong and I ignored him and asked BIL if he meant he’d used the small white trimmer that had been in the back of the bottom drawer of the bathroom cabinet.

BIL flushed a little at being outed for going through our cabinets I guess and huffed but confirmed, yes, that one. And y’all… I lost it. I laughed so hard I thought I might choke. Even typing this out now is hard cuz just remembering it is making me laugh again.

BIL got mad and asked what was so funny and without thinking I just blurted out what that trimmer is used for.

Hubs started laughing his butt off followed by just about everyone on my side of the family and a good chunk of hubs’ side too. At some point during the laughter, BIL got up and called us all jerks before storming out. MIL tried scolding me for saying that in front of everyone (some of hubs’ family agreed) but hubs shushed her and said he shouldn’t have gone through our stuff.

I feel bad for laughing. I could have pulled BIL aside to tell him instead of blurting it out in front of everybody. MIL says I should apologize. AITJ?”

Another User Comments:

“NTJ at all but holy crap that’s funny.

Who goes through someone else’s bathroom cabinets and decides to groom themselves using a trimmer they find?! I honestly expected it to be a trimmer used for personal bits, so the revelation that the trimmer is used on cat butts was an unexpected turn.

I’d buy that guy his own personal trimmer as a birthday/Christmas present but that might be taking it too far.” dadjokes4evah

Another User Comments:

“NTJ. He was totally wrong to just dig through your cabinets looking for a trimmer without permission, and it sounds like he received a very just punishment. Who snoops through people’s things and uses their personal hygiene items without permission? He’s just embarrassed that he got called out on the several different things he did that were massive breaches of etiquette.

He deserves the dingleberry beard. I hope he wears it with pride.” FrobisherLetters

4 points (4 votes)

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rbleah 2 months ago
You have a main bath of your own, why would he NOT wonder what a trimmer was doing in the guest bath? and all I gotta say is LAUGHTER IS THE BEST MEDICINE.... hahaha
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12. AITJ For Walking Out On My Pregnant Sister-In-Law For Criticizing The Prices Of The Baby Clothes I Gave Her?

“I (F 27) live with my husband (M 29). He has a sister Britney (F 26). Britney recently announced that she is pregnant with a baby girl, and is due in December. She made a social media post asking for money or gift cards to buy baby clothes, and I sent her a message, offering up some of the clothes that we have.

My husband and I have a son (M 2) who was a Summer baby. When he was born, my extended family bought so many sweaters and other warm clothes in newborn and little baby sizes for him that he never got to wear and have been sitting in storage. They are mostly gender neutral, in colors like gray, yellow, and beige.

Britney agreed and we arranged a day for me to go over to her home and sort through the clothes.

When the day came, we went through all the tiny clothes talking about babies and having laughs. I noticed Britney kept pausing to look at the clothing labels and googling them, but I didn’t think much of it until she started making comments about the clothes being ‘cheap’.

She isn’t necessarily wrong, my family isn’t the type who are into expensive brands. I believe most of the clothes were from H&M and Walmart.

I changed the subject and she didn’t bring it up again, but then later went off about how some of the clothes look ‘tacky’ and how she can’t be seen taking her daughter out in them or she’d ‘look like an orphan’.

I was mortified by her attitude! I told Britney if she doesn’t like them she doesn’t have to take them, but she is being very stuck-up. She got defensive and said that she was not wrong for wanting her daughter to have nice clothes that would last. We sat in awkward silence for a few minutes and I told Britney I’d leave her to it and I went home.

Before I even got home she told my MIL what happened and she’s expecting me to apologize for upsetting her pregnant daughter. My husband however is on my side and says Britney was acting entitled.”

Another User Comments:

“Your SIL sounds foolish and immature. Maybe her self-worth depends on having certain labels.

She will have a rude awakening when her baby pukes and worse like a baby does on designer outfits and not like a model in an advertisement.

You were being kind and generous and had it thrown in your face.

I hope she has good prenatal care that can enlighten her before she becomes a mother. And maybe someone can teach her some manners.

NTJ.” Time-Tie-231

Another User Comments:

“NTJ. Kids that young have no sense of self and can’t be ashamed of having cheap clothes. They do nothing all day but spit up, vomit, pee, and poop.

They’ll grow out of the clothes in a matter of months and, if they have enough, probably won’t wear the same outfit more than three times. Your SIL is being ridiculous and rudely wasted your time. Even if she was a bougie weirdo about infant clothes she could politely thank you for your time, take some outfits, then donate them. That’s quite rude of her to not be polite when you were doing her a favor.” beanfiddler

3 points (3 votes)

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rbleah 2 months ago
I would have packed all of it back up and taken it home with me and told her don't ever call you for anything again if she is gonna act like she has MONEY.
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11. AITJ For Being Mad About My Parents' Blatant Favoritism?

“My family (2-year-old twins and my wife Susan, 23F) and I (24M) were invited to my parents’ house for a family dinner along with my other siblings and their families. That includes my older brother Max (26M), his wife Megan (24F), my sister Chloe (30F), her wife Bella (28F) and their daughter (5F).

Chloe has always been my parents’ favorite.

They only cared about her achievements, her success, and her ambitions in life because they clearly reflected their own interests. They always ignored Max and me. Now, they are doing the same with Chloe’s daughter Ava.

Ava has a room in my parents’ home. They got her a horse to ride when she’s a bit older, and they just adore her to the moon and back.

The same can’t be said about any of us. So while we were having dinner Dad asked about Chloe’s job. She’s a lawyer like him so they had this lengthy conversation about how amazing Chloe was at work and how Dad hoped Chloe would take over his role at the firm one day.

After the conversation, I asked Dad if he would like to know about Max’s and my career too.

He said sure. The conversation lasted 10 seconds for each of us. So I told Chloe as she could see by the conversation, she was always the favorite child. She denied it of course. But I said it has always been this way.

Chloe asked me to elaborate. I told her all the things I said here.

The part where I may be the jerk is that our traditional parents even came to terms with her being gay while if Max or I were gay it would never be accepted this way. This escalated to an argument which ended with Chloe and Bella leaving with Ava and our parents being mad at Max and me.

My parents think I am a monster. I however think it needed to be said. AITJ?”

Another User Comments:

“YTJ – I hate passing this judgment dude, but I say jerk because of time, place, and context. You came across as someone who wasn’t getting the attention they wanted and decided to drag your sister to prove a point.

I feel for you, I actually do, but there was no argument to warrant this. No one was up in arms. This could’ve been a private conversation between siblings or in therapy to address this issue but you wanted a public soapbox. Using her sexuality as a talking point was a low blow, especially in this setting.

Please invite your sister to lunch, apologize, and explain yourself. Then talk this out with a professional, there’s clearly a lot here you want to say and need to deal with.” CuriousTsukihime

Another User Comments:

“Everyone sucks here except Chloe and all the kids.

Presuming this is being faithfully presented, your parents are jerks for blatant favoritism, and especially for continuing that favoritism in their grandparenting.

It sounds like you really need to get this off your chest and have a conversation with the family about this, however, I think the way you handled it makes you a jerk as well. Throwing a gotcha question and then seemingly focusing it on Chloe and not your parents specifically.

Your parents are the ones in the wrong here, it’s not Chloe’s fault she was the golden child. And yes you are a jerk re: her sexuality and your parents’ acceptance because you both will never know how true what you said is or, presumably, if there weren’t some really hard times between your parents and Chloe that you weren’t privy to.” DragoBrokeMe

3 points (5 votes)

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rbleah 2 months ago
Just tell your parents that since it has ALWAYS seemed to you that she is the favorite and they don't seem to care about your life if they wish they can consider themselves no longer your parents or your kids grandparents. Then you can go no contact and go on with your life.
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10. AITJ For Feeding My Daughter's Vegan Best Friend Pizza?

“I (36F) have 2 kids – Ellie (6) and Ben (14).

Recently Ellie and Ben had some friends over, Mira and Masie, who are siblings but the same age as them. I cooked them some dinner, however, Ben and his friend Mira ordered takeout so I only had to cook for Ellie and Masie. I got them to make their own pizza by putting the toppings into bowls and gave them ice cream for after as a treat.

Note: This was the first time Mira had been over but Masie had been around a few nights before, and this night she was having a sleepover.

It was about 6.30 when Ben and Mira went to go get the pizza. To get to our front door, you had to walk through the kitchen, where the kids were sitting and Mira saw the pizza.

She asked for a bite of her sister’s and said ‘Mmm, where did you find this vegan stuff, tastes like the real thing’. I laughed and asked her what she meant. She told me how her family has been vegan for 8 years now.

I was panicking and told her no one told me that they are vegan, as I could have made her something different, she had already eaten half of the pizza at this point.

Mira called her dad and told her everything that happened, and he was mad. Turns out they only ate meat on Friday in honor of their mom, something about tradition in her honor as they would go and get a nice meat meal every Friday before she passed.

I felt so bad and started panicking not knowing what to do, however, he said he would come and pick them both up as I had forced them to break tradition and respect towards their mother.

I argued that Masie could have said something or he could have before he dropped them off as that’s something most people tell other families when they will be eating with them. He wouldn’t listen and hung up. About 10 minutes later I heard a knock on my door and he came and picked them up.

Now my kids are mad at me as they are not allowed to see them anymore because I messed up, and I feel bad.

So, am I the jerk?”

Another User Comments:

“I don’t understand the repeated references to ‘panic’.

You didn’t feed peanuts to a kid that’s allergic to peanuts. That’s a reason to ‘panic’.

This wasn’t a toddler getting into a toxic cleaning chemical.

That’s a reason to ‘panic’.

A vegan kid eating some meat? That’s an unfortunate misunderstanding that you had zero knowledge of. But that’s all.


But Mira’s dad is a major jerk on multiple levels.” gw2kpro

Another User Comments:

“Okay first of all let’s make one thing clear. If they eat meat on a WEEKLY basis, they are NOT VEGAN. They may choose to eat a primarily plant-based diet, but they are not vegan.

Vegans do not eat animal products, period. If you sometimes voluntarily eat meat, you are not vegan or vegetarian.

Second, if your kids have dietary restrictions, it is YOUR responsibility to make sure they have proper food. Allergies, religious or moral restrictions, whatever it is. If your kid will be at someone else’s house, you give the grownups a heads-up about restrictions.

Third, you did NOTHING wrong. You did not mess up. That dad is a first-class jerk for his behavior. If he won’t let the kids hang out with yours anymore over this, I have a feeling those poor kids aren’t allowed to be friends with many people, because stuff like this is going to happen if the dad isn’t proactive about informing other parents of his dietary preferences for his kids.” Sweet_Baby_Grogu

3 points (3 votes)

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helenh9653 2 months ago
NTJ. Their dad should have told you in advance that he wanted the kids to have only vegan food. And his reaction was overdone.
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9. AITJ For Telling My Dad And Stepmom That They Are To Blame For My Stepsister Moving Out?

“I (17M) live with my dad (43M) and stepmom (41F). Up until recently, my stepsister (18F) lived with us too. I never knew my bio mom because she’s been in and out of prison my whole life. My dad and stepmom got married when I was 7, and they might be the worst people I know.

They are narcissistic and emotionally, verbally, and financially abusive.

Between the two of us, my stepsister got the worst of it. She was always in trouble, and even when she was being quiet and keeping to herself, my stepmom demanded she come downstairs to be interrogated for no reason at all. And by demand, I mean she would scream for her in a voice that terrified me.

It was unnerving, and no matter what answers my stepsister gave, it always ended with her being grounded. Or worse.

I got some of it too, but I learned how to throw it back in my stepmom’s face when I was about 11 when I called CPS and asked what to do if there was abuse. They asked me more questions and while I was still on the phone with them, the police came to our house.

We weren’t removed, but it scared the crap out of my stepmom and she never messed with me that way again. My dad said he was disappointed I felt like I was in an abusive situation, but they knew I’d do it again so they left me alone.

But my stepsister wasn’t as lucky. She told the cops that nothing was happening when they came.

After that, things went back to the way they were for her, and if I tried to stand up for her, it made things worse for her. My dad would stand by with a smug look and tell her, ‘You do this to yourself’ instead of standing up to my stepmom. So as soon as my stepsister turned 18, she took off and went completely no contact.

My stepmom was actually crying about it on Sunday and my dad was consoling her. I told them both that they shouldn’t be surprised because they are crappy people and crappy parents. This upset them both and my dad tried to ground me for rubbing it in, but I just slammed my bedroom door in his face when he tried to take my phone.

This made him madder and now neither one of them is speaking to me. My aunt texted me and told me I was a major brat and now’s not the time for this.

AITJ for telling them they are bad people and bad parents?”

Another User Comments:


When you have issues in interpersonal relationships, you need to interrogate the things you might have done that contributed to the breakdown.

If your only instinct is to throw a pity party for yourself, then you’re a crap person.

NTJ. When you can, join your stepsis in leaving these losers in your rearview.” Jjustingraham

Another User Comments:


If inclined, text your aunt and tell her that the extreme mistreatment your parents inflicted on your stepsister is the reason she left.

Find a safe place to keep your social security card. Carrying it in your wallet is discouraged. If it falls into the wrong hands, especially along with your driver’s license or ID, that could spell serious trouble.” Dazzling_Window9981

3 points (3 votes)

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anma7 2 months ago told them the truth, its a shame you couldn't ring thr police while they were abusing stepsister so they were caught doing it. As for the aunt I would tell her exactly what dad and stepmother are like and the reason you don't get abused the same way stepsister did... then get all your important documents together ASAP, store them out of the house and the minute you can leave and don't look back, block dad, stepdemon, aunt everyone and go live your best life even if it means changing your name getting scholarships and grants etc for school. Keep threatening them with legal action evsrytime they come at you.. tell them both that THEY are the reason that stepsister left, that the only reason the pair of you weren't removed is because for some reason stepsister wouldn't tell the police what THEY DID TO HER. Even of you don't feel brave you are very brave.. if needs be tell school, can you reach out to stepsister and make sure she's OK? Just don't let them find out.. if needs be go to court yourself and tell, them exactly what they do
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8. AITJ For Not Being Supportive Of My Friend Wanting To Have Another Baby?

“I (28f) am friends with a girl, let’s call her J. She’s 32. I’ve known J for decades and am best friends with her sister and grew up around her and her family. I love her and her family but J seems oblivious to situations going on and how much pressure she’s putting on her family.

Backstory: So J got married a few years ago and had a baby. The baby’s father doesn’t work or watch the baby at all and plays games most of the time, he’s loosely in nursing school and he’s 42. He’s wanted to be a pilot and a detective since I’ve known him.

J works full-time at a minimum-wage job to support her family.

Her baby is like 3 now and spends 20-25 hours a week with either her aunt or J’s parents. The parents are both retired and watch her for free. Her folks are also in very poor health and adore the grandchild but are vocally overburdened. Like we talk and I’ve seen grandma cry because she can barely keep up.

Even when J gets off her child is often still at the parents’ place which is next door. J is always tired and worn thin due to work. J lives in a house her parents own and drives a car that they no longer need. She doesn’t pay any significant or regular rent and isn’t self-sufficient in the least.

Her parents are spending retirement to afford this. When we were out the other day she mentioned trying for baby number 2. I asked her if she was ready to handle a second baby when she seemed so exhausted and spent after the first. She got very upset and told me I was a crappy friend.

I talked to her about how her parents were feeling and that if they passed or cut her off how could she support her family. She stormed out and I paid for the meal. She then texted me today saying she was pregnant and didn’t appreciate how unsupportive I was being and that I should be happy for her.”

Another User Comments:


Ordinarily, I would say it was none of your business. However, you were trying to look out for her parents who appear to be at the end of their rope.

Her getting pregnant again is one of the worst decisions in the history of mankind. They can’t even take care of the first one… at all. How could you POSSIBLY be happy for her? The only reasonable emotion has to be extreme sadness for her parents.

How are they EVER going to get through this?” User

Another User Comments:

“NTJ. Friends sometimes need to give each other tough love and I am sure you were just trying to help.

Although I will say her parents actively choose to help her even at their detriment and there’s not much you can do about that. It’s unfortunate but some people put themselves in horrible situations all the time and it’s not your responsibility to save them.

Just make sure you set clear boundaries for if she comes to you for help in the future (just in case, not sure if that’s something she would do but if she’s asking this much of her parents who knows), and know that the choices she makes, good or bad, aren’t on you. Good luck girlie, this one’s a doozie.” mellykitten

3 points (3 votes)

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Kilzer53 2 months ago
Ntj. Ur friend is in a tough situation that she got herself into. She wanted u to affirm her decision and u didn't do that. So, instead of getting mad at herself for screwing up, she got mad at u for telling her the truth.
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7. AITJ For Proposing To My Fiancé When He Proposed To Me?

“So a few weeks ago I (27F) got engaged to my fiance (27M) and for some reason, it started some drama I don’t really understand.

We had been together for a few years already, and I thought about proposing to him for quite some time, so recently I made up my mind and got a ring (which I carried around because honestly I was always too nervous to actually propose to him and later I just didn’t take it out of my bag).

A little bit of backstory: We sometimes go with our families to dinner at a restaurant (most of the time it’s my dad, mom, his mother, and sister). Nothing big, just good food and a chance to catch up. It may sound cheesy, but I always like those dinners.

Some time into the dinner, he gets down to one knee and pops the question.

I’m super shocked, and then I remembered I had the ring I bought for him still with me. I agreed of course, and in the heat of the moment took out my own ring and asked the same question. I only remember how happy he was then and how the people in the restaurant cheered.

Later on, I got a text from his mother about how awfully I treated him with my proposal, how I embarrassed her, and how ‘I stole his spotlight in his most stressful and important moment’.

I never really had a good relationship with her but still, I don’t really get how I was rude, because we both think it was awesome and sweet.

We recently hosted another restaurant dinner with some of our more distant family (an engagement party or whatever) and when we were talking about how we got engaged his mother was making mean comments about it and was clearly displeased.

So, AITJ?”

Another User Comments:


You were both happy with how the proposal happened and that’s all that matters.

You didn’t steal his spotlight at all and I don’t understand how that would have embarrassed her. It seems like she is trying to take the spotlight by making it about her.

His mother doesn’t get a say in how either of you propose.” Fun-Two-1414

Another User Comments:


This sounds like the sweetest most precious moment & your future MIL is crapping all over it. Sounds like she’s a traditionalist who only thinks it’s the man’s job to propose. Times are changing & she needs to get over it. She is the only one who has a problem with it. Let her feel like the black sheep & talk to your fiancé about your feelings. Maybe he hasn’t noticed her attitude.” Holmes221bBSt

2 points (2 votes)

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anma7 2 months ago
NTJ.. show partner the texts, ask him if he really feels the way she says he does tell him that you need to know because the last thing you wanted to do was make him feel bad etc... then if he says well no I don't etc ask him to sort it with HIS mom cos you don't want the hostile comments texts etc while your wedding planning etc
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6. AITJ For Being Upset When My Parents Didn't Get Me A Christmas Present?

“I (17F) recently got accepted to University. But yesterday during my family’s Christmas celebration, my parents didn’t get me any presents for Christmas. I did have an actual present to open, they wrapped a box with a card that had a message about them paying for my school and stuff, so essentially my ‘present’ was going to be paying for my tuition.

The thing that bugged me was that my brother (13M) received a PlayStation 5 as a gift.

I understand that my tuition is a big financial responsibility for my parents and I am grateful that they are able to support me in that way. But I can’t help feeling jealous of my brother and upset that I didn’t receive any presents.

I feel like my parents promised me that they would pay for my tuition when I was younger, and now it feels like they are using it as an excuse not to get me anything. I told my mom that this year I wanted a watercolor paint set, because I like to paint as a hobby, and it seemed like she was listening and I really thought I was going to get something like that.

When I opened my ‘present’ yesterday I was obviously really happy that they were going to help me, but when I saw my brother get his PS5 and some other stuff, I kind of grumbled that I didn’t get any real presents to open myself. My mom noticed I was upset, and asked me what was wrong.

I told her I was sad I didn’t get any presents to open and my dad immediately jumped to my mom’s defense and said my present was a lot more expensive than a PS5. So I said ‘If you’re paying for my school now I feel like you’ll pay for my brother’s school eventually too, so why does he get something and I don’t? I didn’t ask for much I just thought I’d have something to open and enjoy today.’ My dad told me I was being really rude and ungrateful.

My mom didn’t say much and looked really upset, and then my brother started saying I was being a jerk but it seemed like he was trying to egg on the situation because he was kind of smirking. So I ran off to my room and I’ve been hiding since then.

So am I the jerk for getting upset with my parents that they didn’t get me anything?”

Another User Comments:


I get what you are saying. Even a $5 gift would be nice just to have something tangible esp compared to a PS5. You could’ve reacted a little better but yes you are 17. I know 27-year-olds who still are trying to control their feelings. I hope you apologize and just explain that you don’t think they did wrong you just couldn’t help how you felt in the moment.” Chuckinbuck22

Another User Comments:


Food, housing, and clothing are basic needs that parents provide for kids.

Tuition is a bit different as it’s somewhat optional but still the same category of non-fun life stuff.

You don’t give a kid a bill for heating and water and groceries and tell them it’s a Christmas gift.

Christmas gifts are for fun, optional bonus things. It’s great your parents are paying your tuition. And it might make things a bit tight for them.

But in that case, the kind thing to do is tell you, in advance, that they will be paying tuition so it’ll be a little tougher at Christmas and you should expect a smaller gift than usual and smaller than your brother.

Then they can get you some chocolate, a couple of good books, fun crafts, cute jewelry, and maybe a book of photos of you from 0 to 17.

That’ll come in as a fraction of your brother’s gift but gives you nice memories and a way to spend your day.

I am sorry your parents did that.

However, it’s worth telling yourself that overall, they might be a bit callous but you are in a much better position with paid tuition and no shiny gifts. Think of it as your parents caring for you but not being great with affection. Does that sound like them?” coffeecoffi

2 points (2 votes)

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LilVicky 2 months ago
I’m sorry they did that to you
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5. AITJ For Telling My Friend I Won't Be Able To Come To Her Wedding Because I Am Sick?

“My friend’s wedding is tonight and I am a guest (not in the wedding party). I ended up feeling ill last week and my symptoms are at their worst right now. I gave my friend the heads up that I was sick when my symptoms started and on Friday, when my symptoms got worse, I messaged my friend that I may not be able to attend.

For context, I believe my symptoms are different from most people when I get sick. Everyone tells me they recover in 2-3 days, but I get sick for 2-3 months. I feel like I cannot breathe whenever I get sick and start wheezing. My chest always hurts when I cough and I frequently would get coughing attacks that I cannot stop and leave me red in the face.

I’ve always been called immature for deciding to stay at home and canceling plans when sick or physically injured.

At this point, I know the phases and I will not be getting better any time soon.

When I told my friend 2 days ago that I wouldn’t be able to attend because I was sick, she was pretty upset.

She suddenly FaceTimed me and then hung up after I answered. She messaged me ‘It looks like a little cold. Suck it up, get over it, and come to my wedding LOL’. We argued back and forth where I said that I think it’s better if I rest in bed but she thought it was impolite of me to miss her big day esp when her wedding costs $200/person so thousands of dollars.

In the end, she said it’s up to me whether I decide to be a good friend or not, and if I don’t go, I can just PayPal her wedding gift to her.

I feel bad for missing her wedding and upsetting her before her big day but I also would feel miserable if I attended and would need to bring a tissue box because (too much info) I would be coughing up a lot of mucus.


Another User Comments:

“NTJ. Your friend should have THANKED you for staying home and not getting people sick. She should also have said she hoped you would feel better. That’s what a friend would do, not – ‘Get over it, bring your germs to the wedding. No one cares. It’s not like people won’t be close to each other or anything.’ And of course, if she had gotten sick, you’d be blamed.” FuzzyMom2005

Another User Comments:


You are doing what every person with a brain should do when is sick. Especially now, that we are still recovering from a deadly global crisis. So, you absolutely did the right thing. Going to a wedding while being sick would only make you miserable and worse. Also, your friend is a giant jerk and not worth being called a friend.

She only cares about money, and I am disgusted that she asked you to send her money even if you don’t attend. So please, DON’T give her any money, and don’t let her guilt trip you. And find better friends to have around you.

Also, if I can suggest, maybe it’s worth doing some accurate checks in the hospital to understand why you stay sick for so long every time.” Miss_Kitty87

1 points (1 votes)

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rbleah 2 months ago
She is not being a good friend to you. As for just paypal the money for the gift? NO That is being greedy when she states if you don't go YOU are not a good friend but send money. No JUST NO. BUT you need to see a Dr. Being sick that long IS NOT RIGHT. You may have something other than JUST A COLD.
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4. AITJ For Not Telling The Woman I Nanny For That I'm Trans?

“I have fully medically transitioned. I’ve had Top Surgery, I’ve been on Testosterone for almost 7 years now and I fully pass as a male. So I am a nanny, I had a really hard time in school when I was younger due to my mental health, and couldn’t keep up with my schoolwork causing me to not be able to get into college.

So I decided instead of going to community college I would use the money I saved for college from working to fully medically transition. It was great. I had finally felt good in my body and was truly happy for the first time. Money was scarce and I love kids so I decided to start babysitting.

One of my first jobs was with a nice single mom, we’ll call her Lily. Her husband had died pretty early on in the pregnancy so she’s been alone from the start. Her kid – let’s call him Ryan, is a pretty hyper kid. And before you say ‘Isn’t every kid a little hyper?’ no. I mean this kid is HYPER like he is bouncing off the walls hyper.

So when she came home one night from a long night at work to a peaceful sleeping child she was overjoyed, and she has continuously told me that is one of the main reasons she hired me. I quickly became Ryan’s full-time nanny. Teaching his mom how to make things like brushing his teeth or eating fun for him.

She always praises me and tells me what good of a man I am and how she is so impressed by how feminine and motherly I am to children. Which yes, kinda rubbed me the wrong way.

My mother every once in a while comes and visits, and this past weekend she was in town so she decided to come visit.

We were walking around the local farmers market catching up when we ran into Ryan and his mom. I have weekends off but it is always nice to see Ryan outside of when I am babysitting him so I went and said hi and introduced the two to my mom. Lily and my mom hit it off immediately and my mom asked that they become social media friends.

Now I don’t have social media so I’ve never actually seen my mom’s posts. So it was my surprise when Lily sent me a social media post about my transition – made by my mom. Lily went off on me, she started cursing me out, calling me slurs of all kinds, and telling me I should be ashamed of myself.

She told me that the only reason she hired me was because I was a man and she wanted Ryan to have a father figure in his life. She continued to lecture me about ‘How I’ll always be a woman’ and how she can’t believe she let a monster touch her child.

I am shattered. I can’t believe that this woman whom I trusted and who was becoming one of my closest friends was a transphobic monster.

I have been cut out from her and Ryan’s life completely and she has blocked me on everything.

I admit I know it was wrong to not tell her that I was trans but I consider that something very private due to it being something that I can get harmed for. I know it is not my fault for what Lily believes but I still feel guilty about letting Ryan live with that woman.


Another User Comments:

“NTJ at all. You do not have to disclose to anyone that you don’t want to. It has no bearing on your ability to do your job. No one has the right to demand it of you. I am so sorry that this has happened to you. Maybe you can explain to your mother how her actions have impacted you and if she could bear this in mind in the future.

Your boss is not a good person and I am sorry you had to find out this way.” TeelaNighteyes

1 points (1 votes)

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anma7 2 months ago
Ntj... you need to talk to mother... explain how you love that she's supportive of your transition however not everyone in the world is the same..
Ask her to please remove all her posts about your transistion from her ALL of her social media...
When she asks you why.. because she will...
You tell her that lily saw her posts about your transition and she was not at all happy with you for not telling her about it before she hired you ....
Then you tell mother exactly what lily said to you, the names she called you and that you have been fired from your job...
Explain to her that if that had been perhaps a man or another woman you could have been assaulted or possibly killed as some people really are extreme homphobics...
Keep reassuring her that you love her it's not her fault however you do not want her to risk herself or yourself because of your transition and that by putting it online for all to see leaves you both open to both verbal and physical homophobic attacks...
The fact you have transitioned is noones business but your own, you may however want to speak to your Dr about whether there is a free service for the LGBTQ+ Community in your area so you can seek legal advice on whether you HAVE to legally tell prospective employers about your journey to happiness.
How did you meet lily? If it was thru an app or something or an on,ine service you may want to check to make sure she hasn't been spouting toxic vitriol about you online
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3. AITJ For Giving Very Specific Instructions To Delivery Drivers?

“I (26M) am a math teacher who orders from Grubhub quite frequently. I live on the 6th floor of an apartment building, and sometimes I get food delivered because I am tired from a long day, don’t want to cook, etc.

I have a contactless delivery preference specified on my Grubhub app because I am tired. Here are the current delivery instructions: ‘Please call me so I can let you in and unlock the elevator.

Come up to unit N on the 6th floor.’

They used to be more wordy, but I’ve polished them to help non-native English speakers.

I’d say there’s a 60% chance things go like that. The other 40% of the time, I get a text or call that says something like ‘I am parked in a red zone. Could you come down?’

My building is on a busy street.

There are only like 3 parking spots immediately outside. But for the cost of a few minutes, you can find legal parking: Across the street; Or 200 ft further along the block.

Usually what I say is ‘There’s more parking if you drive a little further.’ That almost never works. Sometimes they make some excuse or repeat their request for me to come down (at which point I relent).

Other times, they don’t reply and leave the food on the floor in the lobby, or hanging on the front door. The front door is the worst outcome because my street has some sketchy people on it.

For a while, I put up with this. Here was my thinking:

  • Grubhub drivers make lots of deliveries per day and probably don’t want to come up to my apartment because they are tired.
  • Maybe they don’t understand my delivery instructions because they aren’t confident in English.

    (This is less of a concern now that I’ve shortened the instructions.)

  • I don’t really NEED contactless delivery.
  • The fewer deliveries they complete, the less money they make. They might be in a hurry.
  • I am for sure the privileged one in this situation. I don’t need to deliver food to survive.

But over the months, my thinking has shifted:

  • I am tired too, and that’s why I pay the Grubhub fee: so someone does the work for me.

    That’s called ‘service’!

  • If you can’t follow delivery instructions, you probably shouldn’t be a Grubhub driver.
  • Just because you’re in a hurry doesn’t mean you can do whatever you want. A hit-and-run might let you complete more orders, but it’s still wrong.
  • I teach math to low-income students. I am doing my part.
  • (Most of all) When a driver parks in a red zone and calls to say, ‘I am parked in a red zone.

    Could you come down?’ They are basically saying, ‘Hey, I chose to break the law to save a few minutes. Will you accommodate my crime?’

Now, when drivers do this, I report them to Grubhub customer support. I’ve reported 3 drivers in the past month.

So, AITJ?”

Another User Comments:

“YTJ. Seriously. Take the elevator and go meet them. ‘I am tired from a long day.’ Yeah.

I bet they are too. And I bet they don’t want to drive around for some jerk trying to find a legal parking spot on a busy city street, walk an additional 200 feet to your building, go up the elevator, go to your apartment, then go all the way back to their car. Be a decent human being and think of someone other than yourself.

Yeah, they are in service. But they are not your slave.” BrandonUnusual

Another User Comments:

“Delivering to the exterior most door is reasonable. Stop being lazy, YTJ. And no one cares that you are a math teacher.

You’re asking far beyond their pay grade to find parking, prompt you to unlock the door and elevator, and then goose chase to find your apartment, and some people (especially women) are not comfortable going alone into non-public places.” Escape_Overlander

1 points (3 votes)

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sticklerforcorrectbehavior 2 months ago (Edited)
The delivery drivers need to follow directions and obey laws. Parking in a red zone=illegal! How do they know that they won't be tipped by following directions? I would be so happy to actually have my directions followed that I would tip them. Calling a client to tell them to come get their food is laziness on delivery persons actions. If I give specific directions when I order something in an actual restaurant and directions aren't followed, I get upset and don't tip, so why can't I be upset if directions aren't followed? They get paid for delivery, if they don't want to do their jobs correctly then they shouldn't be working that job. then again if they can't do a delivery job correctly, maybe they are lazy and lax about their work ethic and can't/won't work any other job. NTJ!
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2. AITJ For Telling My Mother-In-Law To Stop Patting My Son's Back When He Coughs?

“My MIL has been staying with my wife and me for the past month or so. She lives far away from us so when she visits, it is for extended periods of time. I honestly dread these visits as I don’t like long-term guests in my space. But these are pretty much the only times my wife sees her mom and that MIL gets to see our son, her only grandchild.

But the visits aren’t the topic of this post.

Our son is 3 and in daycare. As a result, he is almost constantly fighting off a runny nose or a cough. It’s just the nature of the petri dish that a room full of toddlers is. Of course, we keep him home if he’s really sick, but a sniffly nose or cough is pretty much constant.

MIL has a habit of kind of rapping on our son’s back when he coughs. She’ll take an open palm and do a quick set of 4-5 hard pats on his back. I don’t like it and I asked my wife to tell MIL to stop, but she says MIL did the same thing with her and her siblings and her nieces and nephews too.

It’s something she does when a kid coughs.

A couple of nights ago we were getting our son ready for bed and he coughed while sitting in MIL’s lap reading a book. She did the quick pat thing and he started gagging and then threw up. He had not shown any signs of being sick all day, so I am convinced it was the pats that caused him to gag.

When we got everything cleaned up, I told MIL to stop doing the pats on his back when he coughs. She said it doesn’t seem to bother him and I told her that I don’t care what he ‘seems’ to mind, he’s 3. I told her I didn’t like it and I wanted her to stop and that I was not asking, I was telling.

She got really quiet and left the room. After MIL left my wife told me I was too harsh and that MIL means well. I told her she just caused our son to gag and vomit and my wife said that we don’t know for sure if her pats caused that. I told her it was pretty obvious that it did, and either way, I don’t like it and I want MIL to stop.

The next day our son coughed again and MIL did her pat thing. I wasn’t there to see it, but I heard it from the other room. He didn’t gag or vomit this time, but that isn’t the point. I walked into the room and told MIL ‘I told you already I don’t want you to do that anymore.’ She said she forgot and that it’s just a habit at this point.

I told her it’s a habit she needs to break if she wants time with her grandson.

Later that night my wife scolded me for being so harsh with her mom and that I didn’t need to threaten her like that. I told her I already put a boundary in place and her mom didn’t respect it.

I said I was not going to allow her mom to disregard my boundaries as a parent. My wife said she doesn’t see anything wrong with what MIL is doing and that since she’s just here for another week I should try to be nice and civil.

I told my wife that I don’t appreciate her taking her mom’s side on this.

I told her it feels like she’s undermining my place as a parent in order to appease her mom.”

Another User Comments:

“NTJ and the ‘back slapping’ technique is a little out-of-date. Current medical advice is to do several strong back slaps only if someone is choking and unable to cough. If they are coughing, the slaps may help OR they might cause mucous/etc to dislodge and become aspirated which of course makes the choking worse.” Ugly4merican

Another User Comments:

“I am going with check with your pediatrician because I know the pats on the back you are describing are things people do to help break up mucus etc.

when a kid is coughing. I have never heard it countered as bad, but a pediatrician would know.

You escalated quickly on this one and it seems a bit premature for that as this is something that was normal parenting and I have never heard of it being an issue.

You need to square this away with your wife because you do not get to decide MIL is banned on your own, your wife has equal say.” glom4ever

0 points (4 votes)

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IDontKnow 5 days ago
NTJ. It doesn't really matter if her pat thing caused anything. You asked her to stop. Also, yes it can help a child if something is stuck, clearly nothing was stuck, but it recommended to do it with a cupped hand, not an open palm. If you can hear her "patting" his back from another room, she's doing it too jerk hard!!
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1. AITJ For Calling My Mother-In-Law A Psycho?

“MIL doesn’t like me. She isn’t the typical MIL with baby rabies who thinks I stole her little boy. It’s kind of weird because she isn’t too attached to her son and has mostly healthy self-imposed boundaries, but still just likes to annoy me.

This has been a challenge for years because she is good at it and she is subtle.

She thinks I am an idiot because I am not as smart as she is. She looks down on me because being a mom is really my passion. My husband and I both like our lifestyle of me not working, so it is important that he maintains an income that allows me to be a stay-at-home mom.

He works in a field where networking (butt-kissing) is everything. It is really important that the boss likes you. MIL should understand because her husband is in a similar field and he is the boss, so their wives suck up to her.

MIL became friendly with my husband’s boss and his wife at our wedding. This does make me a little uncomfortable because mixing work and pleasure, but I don’t view it as my business.

With my husband’s current boss, everyone knows you have to suck up to the wife. Most of his previous ones had like a mistress in an apartment somewhere, but this dude loves his wife. I don’t think she is the biggest fan of me, but I play nice.

She told me she was a medical scientist and I thought that was a weird term and I’d never heard it.

I was casually unloading to my mom about the stressors of my husband’s job and how awful some of the wives are (MIL was there) and I mentioned her being pretentious and that she told me she was a medical scientist but I don’t know if that’s a real thing. MIL told me she worked in cancer research and I was like oh that makes more sense.

Anyway MIL told the woman and his boss made a joke about it in front of me and my husband. My husband called MIL to confirm and MIL admitted they were talking about me and she thought it was funny. I took the phone and screamed at her that she was psycho and went way too far this time.

She is endangering her son’s job and her grandbaby’s lifestyle and for what to take some digs at me. My husband agreed with me.

After the conversation I said he needs to really lay down the law, so whether that is not seeing her for a while or something else, he needs to do something in terms of boundaries.

He said he just wanted to let it go and see if she messes up again with the boss’s wife. I accused him of not being proactive and being afraid of his mom. I said he wasn’t being a good husband or provider and I would not be letting this one go.”

Another User Comments:

“YTJ. Don’t talk trash about the people paying your husband’s salary.

You need a hobby or clearly some sort of job so you don’t have time/energy to compare yourself with other women. I sense some sort of inferiority complex and it does not sound pretty.” shzan1

Another User Comments:

“YTJ. You gossip about this woman’s job in front of MIL who dislikes you and is friends with the woman.

Then you’re all shocked when it blows up in your face. MIL isn’t the one hurting his career. You are.

Interesting that both MIL and the medical scientist woman dislike you. Have you taken a good long look in the mirror? Maybe you’re arrogant about your and your kid’s ‘lifestyle’. Maybe you’re jealous of career women, and it shows.

You need a stern wake-up call about your way of dealing with others.” Unit-Healthy

-2 points (4 votes)

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helenh9653 2 months ago
YTJ. YOU risked damaging your husband's career: YOU've never heard of a 'medical scientist' so instead of asking for more info, or googling it, YOU trash talked the boss's wife to your MIL, whom you know dislikes you and is friends with the other woman. Then you get furious with MIL for taking the golden opportunity you gifted her. Way to shoot yourself in the foot! In future, don't say ANYTHING to or in front of your MIL that you don't want to go any further: you may not want to be part of the butt-kissing brigade, fair enough, but don't be antagonistic or derogatory either or your MIL's friendship with Mrs Boss may not protect your husband next time.
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