People Question Their Behavior In These "Am I The Jerk?" Stories
25. AITJ For Refusing To Financially Support My Extended Family Who Constantly Take Advantage Of Me?
“I’m 19 and currently live with my mom due to health reasons. Despite living with her, I am financially independent and take care of my own things. I buy my own groceries, have my own car and while she doesn’t want me paying rent I help her out as well.
I work a lot so I have a bit of extra income to spend on myself that usually goes back towards food, my dog, or my side hobbies. I own a lot of fancy art stuff, figures, and cosplay costumes that I saved up for and bought myself.
I have a decently big family, my mom has nine siblings but she’s the only one with a stable career. Most of my aunts and uncles can not keep jobs or don’t want to work so they live off of financial support from my mom.
It’s not uncommon for family to show up at our doorstep because they need a place to stay for a few days. I always felt they were taking advantage of my mom but never said anything because it wasn’t my place until recently.
Due to it being holiday season my family has been coming over a lot more and have gotten more demanding. I started noticing the food I bought and bathroom products going missing. Some of my art supplies and figures got broken because my cousins were playing in my room when I was working.
I spoke up about it every time but they brushed it off saying I could replace everything or they would pay me back, they never did. It wasn’t like it was small things either, some of the figures they broke cost hundreds of dollars and I would buy full gallons of milk for myself just to walk out that evening and discover that my cousins drank it all.
They also constantly ask for money for food or groceries but then waste it all on other things.
The final straw happened last night. I passed a really tough exam and decided to reward myself with takeout from my favorite restaurant. I had my food on the table and went to get a drink only to come back to find my aunt searching through my stuff.
She asked why there wasn’t enough for everyone and I told her that was way too expensive. She called me selfish for only buying myself food while they starved and I told her if she wanted food she could buy it herself. She glared at me but left anyways.
She ranted to the rest of my family about how selfish I was and they all started messaging and calling me saying I’m heartless and need to think about family. They’re all struggling and it’s unfair for me to waste my money on pointless things if I can’t even help out with dinner.
At that point I had enough, I reminded them of all the times they stole things from me or broke my stuff without replacing it, and all the funds they borrowed that they wasted. I told them I was not their financial provider and I needed to focus on myself.
I’m tired of them taking advantage of me and if they want me to care they can finally pay me back. Now only my mom talks to me and while she’s neutral on the situation she wants everyone to forgive each other because we’re family, though I don’t see that happening.
AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“I think you need to move out to get some peace and quiet. Your mom helped (and was taken advantage of) her siblings all her life. It is unlikely that will change. If you want your freedom you should move out.
NTJ.” amarschderwelt
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, your family absolutely is taking advantage of your mum and now they’re trying to do the same to you. It is beyond messed up for a grown woman to get mad at a 19-year-old for not buying her food.
Your cousins sound like they’re younger than you tho so that’s their parent’s fault for not replacing your stuff.” Glittering_Swamp2572
24. AITJ For Boycotting My Sister's Wedding After She Removed My Daughter As Flower Girl?
“So I (28f) have a sister (26f) who got married last month.
I’m gonna be blunt: my sister has always been one of those people that has to have everything perfect to the point sometimes it was hard to be around her.
But she was my little sister and I’ve no other siblings, so I always made excuses when she’d hurt me when I was doing things right in her eyes. I was kinda nervous when she asked me and my daughter (4) to be bridesmaids in February because I knew she was gonna be a massive bridezilla.
Over the last few months, we have had to practice multiple dances, pay for very expensive dresses and put up with her tantrums. I told her from the start if she was anyway nasty to my child I wouldn’t stand for it. She assured me she’d never be nasty towards her “favorite person in the whole world”.
Well, her now husband’s little cousin (8?) started coming to dance practice with her mom and my sister started to ask her to do little things like show my daughter how to throw the petals. I honestly thought she’d make them both flower girls for a while but when she started to make my daughter sit out and have the little girl do her poem, I knew what was gonna happen but prayed I was wrong.
I invited her out to coffee a few weeks before the wedding and asked her what was going on. She told me she was glad I brought it up because she was looking for the right time. Apparently, my four-year-old wasn’t doing everything right and she was afraid she was gonna “mess up her vision” by saying the wrong thing or not doing the dance right on the day.
I told her she was doing a pretty good job and everyone was always praising her.
My sister giggled and said it’s not THEIR day now is it so it’s not up to US what’s good enough for her wedding. I asked her straight up did she think her niece wasn’t good enough to be in her wedding.
She replied with not as something as big as a flower girl but to attend. I asked her how was I gonna break it to my daughter who’s excited about being in the wedding. She just told me to figure it out. I told her I’d give her a day to rethink her decision if not we wouldn’t be attending and not speaking to her ever again, then left.
Well, two days went so I couldn’t put it off any longer. I broke the news to my child. Even though I tried my hardest and sugarcoated it as much as possible, the news still broke her heart. She cried herself to sleep (so did I and my husband).
Well, after a week when I was a no-show for anything, my sister started to panic and started to get everyone to talk to me, even drop off gifts for my daughter. When I told them why, a good number of our family including bridesmaids dropped out.
We ended up going for a few weeks away with no phones. When we came back, my sister had sent me multiple letters and emails apologizing. Her in-laws and husband have called me a jerk for doing what I did.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ – For the people saying OP is the jerk, consider:
OP was expected to bring the child to the celebration after being told she was no longer going to be the flower girl. Yay! She gets to watch another child do the thing she was so excited to do and not make a fuss.
Get a babysitter?
Great, watch her parents get fancy and leave to go to a celebration she is no longer a part of.
OP’s choice to not go to the wedding was correct. Her immediate family is more important than her sister. OP did not tell other people to not go to the wedding, she told them what happened when they asked. Everyone made their own decision.
I am SURE this was not the only crappy thing the bride was doing.” Catbunny
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Your sister asked a 4-year-old.. a 4-year-old.. Then expected perfection. It’s laughable. Yes it’s her wedding but to ask a 4-year-old to be a flower girl and go through everything when in the end she’s shocked a 4-year-old doesn’t live up to her idea of perfection is just a moronic thing.
Your family asked why you weren’t attending and you told them. You didn’t ask them to boycott. They made their decision. Your sister sounds like a nightmare and a crappy person. Personally, I think it’s cute when little kids go off script during weddings.” Monkeyruler164
You made ONE condition with your sister, for your daughter to be in her wedding - ONE. And she couldn't even hold to that. I wouldn't trust her as far as I could throw her, ever again. And I find it highly amusing that it's her husband's family making a big stink now. If that's how they felt, why not say something BEFORE the wedding, when something actually could have changed?
Nope - I'd bet good money that your sister was counting on you caving and your family attending her wedding and not saying anything. When you didn't, she had to lie to her outlaws and now she's been outed. Boo freaking hoo. She jacked around and found out. And the beautiful part is that karma just took a big bite out of her @$$ and she has no one to blame but herself, and everyone knows.
23. AITJ For Refusing To Adopt My Husband's Strict Religious Beliefs After His Father's Death?
“I (28F) and my husband (29M) met in college and have been married for 6 years.
My husband was raised in a strict evangelical household but broke away from those beliefs around the time we met. We had what I thought was a very happy marriage until my husband’s father passed away in early 2021 (he received a cancer diagnosis and was gone a few weeks later).
My husband was and is, very understandably, completely devastated – he had remained very close to his father, despite no longer following the religious beliefs of his childhood.
My husband decided to honor his father’s memory by rejoining his church. Unfortunately, it is one of those churches that forbids many things I find fun and relatively harmless and classifies them as “addictions” or “tools of Satan.” For example, before his father’s passing my husband and I enjoyed having a glass of wine or cocktail now and then (maybe a couple of times a week) and also enjoyed certain herbal substances (legally) once every month or two.
But after joining the church my husband decided he was an addict and needed to abstain from these substances. He also decided that his occasional use of adult content (we enjoyed it together to spice things up now and then) was also an “addiction.” He is now insisting that I am also an addict because I don’t want to give all these things up.
I tried to meet him halfway – I don’t care about the herbal substances and am fine never using again, and agreed not to drink at home if my husband truly wanted to have a sober household, but said I would still want to have an occasional drink when out with friends.
The latest is that my husband’s pastor told him video games (all games, not just M-rated ones) are sinful and now my husband is insisting I have a video game addiction and need treatment. Gaming is a main hobby for me, probably around 8-10 hours a week.
It’s not an addiction in my view, just something I really enjoy! I work full-time, cook, clean, exercise, etc. I’m not neglecting anything else in my life (except respect for my husband’s new beliefs, I guess) by gaming.
My husband wants me to start going to church with him.
He says he will go to couples counseling but only through his church, not to a secular counselor. I told him that I understand he is grieving and struggling and I want to be kind and supportive, and if it really helps we can keep substances and wine out of the house, but I am not going to become an evangelical (unlike him, I was raised with atheist parents) and am not going to restrict myself to activities he finds acceptable under his religious beliefs.
I also asked him to please stop labeling habits he doesn’t like as “addiction.” Of course he now thinks I am a jerk for being mean to him while he is grieving. Most of our family members and friends also think I should do what he asks in the name of being supportive.
So, AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ
You’ve already made far more concessions to him than I feel like you need to. I appreciate he is grieving but you shouldn’t have to change your entire life to be supportive.
It sounds like pretty much everything you do for any kind of recreation he’s having an issue with.
It’s your personal time, he should have no control over what you do with it.
And I definitely wouldn’t do the church couples counseling.. I would not trust them to have a neutral, unbiased perspective.” Kore888
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. You don’t share his belief, and don’t wish to, which should be the end of that discussion.
Religious belief (or lack thereof) is intensely personal, and cannot be forced upon anyone — my grandfather was fond of saying “A man convinced against his will, is of the same opinion still.”
I agree that couples counseling is in order, but it must not be through his church.
That’s an instant and automatic two-against-one situation. You need an impartial counselor, and that means a secular counselor.
Sadly, you probably need to consider that your marriage may be nearing its end, and prepare yourself for life without him. You didn’t mention any children; I hope that’s because there aren’t any.” PingPongProfessor
22. AITJ For Refusing To Buy Land On My Reserve For My Financially Irresponsible Father?
“I’m (23f) indigenous. I grew up in a small town outside of my reserve. I have never lived on my reserve and was raised by my white father (47m), so I wasn’t raised in my culture.
He works under the table. He grew up in the town outside the reserve and spent a lot of his life hanging out on the reserve and currently works there, but doesn’t live on it. I live 3hrs away from my reserve and am in full-time school, which is funded by my native band office.
They know my plans, which don’t involve me moving back home any time soon. My dad has been asking me for years to get him land on the reserve and told me that they would just ‘give it to me’, which is not how it works.
Every time it’s brought up I say “I’ll think about it/I don’t know/let’s talk about it when I’m older.” The land on my reserve is not great; unsafe water, bad soil, etc.
It was brought up in our family group chat and I explained I have too much on my plate with heavy schooling, personal issues, and the already unbearable housing crisis we are having.
My aunt said “I know you’re not interested but you could buy a small parcel and have your dad pay for it! Then he would have somewhere to build the tiny house of his dreams”. I again said not right now, and she said “But he is trying to look for stability.”
I don’t have a job, I am funded by my band office and my partner supports most of our finances while I’m completing my schooling. In order to get any kind of loan/mortgage in my area, I need nearly perfect credit, which I don’t have and am working on.
I explained this in my response and they got defensive, saying he “just wants to use my name” on the land.
He has horrible credit, bad spending habits, unstable income, and has declared bankruptcy. He is in terrible debt. I don’t know the process of buying a house/land, but I know he can’t just use my name.
I would have to be completely involved in the process. The loan, that we cannot get with our credit, would have to be in my name (right?) and he said he would pay it. No idea where the money would even come from. I just see this as something that could potentially ruin me financially when my dad is so dodgy with finances.
My response was very annoyed because I am tired of telling him the same thing over and over. I expressed this process is not something I want to do until I’m more stable. He responded with “Forget it. Not asking for any help other than your name.
I just wanted some land.” The way I see it, it’s native land for indigenous people, not my white dad. Both he and my aunt think I am the jerk.
I feel bad for feeling this way, because I want to help my dad, but I have been there for him for so long and our relationship has turned into me being the parent, instead of him being a parent for me.
I don’t feel it’s my responsibility to help him find stability. When I’m trying to find my own.
AITJ for refusing to buy the land?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ! Aside from the ethical issue of who deserves the land, he’s trying to “use your name” for something he doesn’t qualify for.
When (not if) everything goes terribly, terribly wrong, it’ll be your name on the land. If he’s “looking for some stability”, it likely means he’s not the kind of person you really want to bind yourself to financially.” VanguardLLC
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, I too am indigenous and no, they don’t just ‘Give it to you’ it’s a process that you still need money for (at least in Canada). Even then, it wouldn’t be your dad’s property it would be yours, and renting/letting family live on your property is challenging and can have bad outcomes.
Especially on a reserve to a person who is not a member from there, don’t do it.” Current-Read
21. AITJ For Cutting Off My Abusive Bio-Mom Who Stole From Me and Faked My Death?
“My (25M) biological mother (45f) has been trying to get back into my life for the past few years now, my grandmother raised me until she passed away and I was put into foster care because my bio-mom was an unfit mother and was extremely abusive.
About 5 years ago she had begun to tell family that I hadn’t been in contact with for many years that I had died in a car accident and she needed funds for the funeral, I only found this out when my grandfather called my adoptive parents in tears asking what happened. It turns out she got about $1000 out of him for travel and disappeared.
I cut off contact with her until this year when I found out I was very sick, and she reached out to me wanting to make amends, so I went down to see her and my siblings for a week, however, while I was there she took my car keys from my room while I was asleep and drove my car to another state and spent well over $500 on my credit card (I had left my wallet locked in my car and she got it when she took my keys).
When I confronted her about it, she began screaming about how I was her son and I owed her, and that she should have terminated her pregnancy with me so I wouldn’t have grown into such a selfish man. That she was my mother and I needed to take care of her.
I lost my temper and told her that my real mother (my grandmother, her mother) died 20 years ago, while she was off using illegal substances after abandoning me. I grabbed my things and left and haven’t spoken to her since. I feel really guilty for the things I said because I know I hurt her.
AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ – I know two wrongs don’t make a right, but she said some nasty things about you. Don’t feel guilty. She is the ‘mother’ and you are the ‘child’ – Has she apologized to you for saying she wished she never had you?
For stealing?
Maybe it’s time to cease all contact forever.” MysteriousWays10
Another User Comments:
“I would say definitely NTJ. In my opinion, you don’t deserve respect for giving birth to someone. Respect is earned from your actions afterward.
Your biological mother’s actions do not deserve a modicum of respect from you.
Not only did she steal from you, but she also told your grandfather you were dead to steal from him too. I say this again, she doesn’t deserve anything from you.” Aethalis
20. AITJ For Lashing Out At My Friend's SO Who Hates Doctors?
“First things first, I (25F) am a doctor, right now doing my residency in pediatrics.
One of my best friends, almost a brother, Kevan (26M) started going out with Olaf (28M) 3 years ago.
In general, Olaf is a good guy, or at least that’s what I have been told, because he has a “peculiar” character trait. He HATES doctors. With all his soul.
Kevan told me this hate started more or less 9 years ago, when Olaf lost his mother in a simple surgery due to a medical error.
I honestly don’t know more details, but since then, Olaf hates hospitals, doctors, etc. Luckily he is healthy and hasn’t needed any medical attention in recent years. The small health problems he has he solves with homeopathic medicine and traditional cures.
Because of this, Olaf is pretty cold towards me, and while I avoid talking about medical topics around him, if they come out it always ends in him making mean comments, one of the most common being: “Western doctors are just licensed killers”.
I want to believe I am a very patient person, but yeah, imagine how fun these past few years were with him around.
And now, to the event in question. On Sunday, my friend group, including Olaf, was hanging out in a cafe talking about life, when one of the girls, Shila, got a text message.
The next conversation ensued (more or less).
Shila: OP, my aunt is a little confused with her formula, here, can you tell me what these pills are?
Me: Sure, this is for …
Olaf: Puff, are you really asking her?!
Shila: Umm…yeah? She is a doctor.
Olaf: You say that like it is something good.
Me: Sorry?!
Kevan: Babe, you should not…
Olaf: Why not? They are useless. People will be healthier without them and their poisons. Look at me, I am perfectly fine and haven’t seen one in a decade.
It’s not my fault she chooses to waste her life and be part of a murderous mafia.
I blew up. I will not even try to transcript all the things I said because most were insults, but I do remember the last part, which was, word by word:
“… I am sorry your mama died, but that’s not my fault, nor the fault of all the doctors in the world! And I am sure that if she had been in the care of the same type of imbecile that you are, she would not be more alive today!”
I was red, angry, and it was obvious most of the patrons at the place heard me. Olaf was dumbfounded, tears in his eyes. He suddenly got up and ran away, Kevan following behind. A waiter kindly asked the rest of us to pay and leave.
I haven’t heard from Kevan since then, he is leaving all my messages on seen. My friends say they understand that I was mad, but that I know his reason and that I went too far by striking that chord. Honestly, I don’t feel remorseful, but there is still anger in me so not the most impartial judge.
What do you guys think.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ Olaf has formed an opinion that all doctors are licensed killers because of an unfortunate and fatal mistake that was made. He instigates arguments because you’re a doctor and is extremely disrespectful. People have a limit, he keeps testing yours….
you’re human and you finally snapped back. If he doesn’t like it, too bad.” Saraqael_Rising
Another User Comments:
“NTJ
There’s not liking doctors and simply stating that and letting it go.
Then there is just being a flat-out jerk which Olaf is being.
There is absolutely no excuse for being like that. For treating someone that way. People can have a difference of opinion and be respectful. He is not doing that. If Kevan in this situation is okay with how Olaf is treating you and is in the end mad at what you said to him, he isn’t your true friend.
Find new friends who actually respect you and your career.” 926dr
19. AITJ For Being Upset At My Step-Sister For Getting With My Partner?
“My (25F) father married my step-sister’s (23F) mother when I was 4 and she was 3. We’ve lived together most of our lives and are a family. She and I were extremely close.
She developed cancer when she was 14 and was sick for about 2 years.
She’s since made a full recovery. During that time, my parents became understandably over-protective. They also asked a lot of me. I quit my extracurriculars so I could get a job (the money went towards her medical bills) and so I could drive her to appointments.
I didn’t go to dances and any fun activities I did needed to include her. I did almost all of this willingly, the exception being having to quit my high school volleyball team – I did throw a bit of a tantrum about that, but was swiftly punished. And I think having one emotional breakdown was pretty chill given the circumstances.
Anyhow, I go to college and meet my ex, we’ll call him Ben, when I’m a junior. We fall in love, blah blah blah. He and I move in together when we graduate, so we’ve been living together for about 3 years. We were serious until July when I walked into my bedroom and saw him two-timing me with my sister.
I broke it off, tears were shed, he moved out, etc. My sister apologized at first but then backed off. I thought she was giving me space but last week she called and asked if we could meet up. She told me that she and Ben were in love and was just telling me as a courtesy before they started posting photos online.
Distraught, I left her in the restaurant by herself and did not pay my portion of the bill. She later Venmo’ed me asking for the funds.
She told my parents who then called me to their house, telling me how disappointed in me they are for not supporting my sister’s relationship with Ben.
They brought up the fact that because she had cancer as a teenager, she never learned proper social etiquette, and has a hard time meeting people. I don’t buy this, in part because I’ve seen her socialize just fine and since we spent a good chunk of the time she was sick together, that would also mean that I should have bad social skills as well, by that logic.
They then told me that if I don’t accept my sister and Ben’s relationship, they may have to go no contact with me. I reminded them that I’m also their daughter and they should understand my point of view, but they are adamant that this is about me being jealous of her.
For the record: I’m not jealous of her. I’m not upset that Ben picked her over me. I’m sad about the end of the relationship and do feel betrayed, but lord knows that I don’t want to be with someone who’s unfaithful. What I’m upset about is the fact that my sister chose Ben over me.
That she got with Ben knowing he and I were in a long-term, committed relationship, and continues to be with him knowing how much it hurts me.
Now no one in my immediate family is talking to me and I’m getting messages from aunts and uncles and cousins telling me that I’m a jerk and a selfish person.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ: Oh heck no! Your sister is using an illness she had a decade ago as an excuse to sleep with your partner and thinks that’s okay. It’s not. The fact your parents are going along with this smacks of having a golden child.
I’m sorry to say that sometimes the trash takes itself out. Your sister is awful. Your parents are and WERE awful (it was not your job to quit every activity to pay your sister’s medical bills and drive her around). It’s good that you know this now and can get some therapy and move on with your life.
You deserve better people in your corner and they are out there waiting for you.” Rtarara
Another User Comments:
“So getting cancer means you can be a jerk? Learn something new every day…
NTJ, obviously.
Your sister is a jerk but your parents are even bigger jerks for thinking you just need to get over it and accept things.
You may not see it that way but she did you a favor because now you’re not with a two-timer, and you know that your sister and your parents are toxic and selfish and that you shouldn’t be having a relationship with those people.
They’ve screwed you over your entire life.
You’ve sacrificed most of your childhood for that girl and that’s the thanks you get.
They are so not worth your time or your awesomeness.
Just screw them!” Primary-Criticism929
18. AITJ For Uninviting My Fiancée's Family From Our Wedding After They Hijacked Her Bridal Appointment?
“Last week my (28) fiancée (28) had an appointment at a bridal store. Since her friends are all over the country for work or school and also because of health protocols the appointment had to stay small so only her parents and sister (29) went with her.
My fiancée got home from the appointment in tears. She said when they got to the bridal store her sister was looking at dresses instead of paying attention to the appointment and then their parents especially their mother started looking with her and she started trying on dresses herself and then her parents bought her sister a dress.
Her sister is single. Not engaged. The appointment was supposed to be for my fiancée but her sister took over and my fiancée didn’t even get to try on a single dress. When we announced our engagement her parents said they couldn’t help us with the wedding but we didn’t ask or even expect them to.
The dress they bought her sister was more than what our budget was for my fiancée’s dress. And her sister isn’t engaged or even in a relationship.
Her parents called me a few hours later to ‘warn’ me my wife got emotional and dramatic at the appointment.
I told them that both of them and her sister were no longer invited to the wedding because of their actions. Normally I wouldn’t interfere with my fiancée’s family and if she wanted to overrule me I would 100% support her but she was so upset when she got home from the appointment I felt I had to do something.
It’s been almost a week and my fiancée is ignoring her parents and sister’s calls and texts and she hasn’t said anything about re-inviting them even after I let her know it’s up to her and I support her decision. Her parents and sister have been leaving me voicemails and texts saying I’m controlling, out of line, it’s none of my business and they also accuse my fiancée of being emotional, overreacting, and being mean to her sister and ruining her fun.
My fiancée is the least selfish person I have ever met and I don’t think she’s wrong for being upset at what happened at the appointment.
My fiancée graduated medical school in 2019 and began a residency in internal medicine at a hospital in June 2019.
We all know about the health crisis that hit less than a year later, it has been very hard, fraught, and emotional for my fiancee and her colleagues. I don’t know how they do it. Some days she cries a lot. My fiancée doesn’t ask for much and while we are not having a big or expensive wedding come high water I’m making sure she gets to be happy.
I am furious at her parents and sister. They are my fiancée’s only family and they should be supporting her. Was I wrong to uninvite them when I found out what happened? Does it make me the jerk if I did it without consulting my fiancée?
Thank you for your input in my situation.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Her parents are playing favoritism and the whole family sounds narcissistic and manipulative. Your fiancé deserves a wedding dedicated to her, not them. They seem like the type to wear white to the wedding and act confused when you’re upset.” AppropriateBasket94
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Yes, you “overrode” your SO, but sometimes our partners are not strong enough to deal with problems so we have to be strong for them. You disinvited them but let your SO keep the door open to reinvite them, so all is ok on your side.
Being the scapegoat of parents favouring a golden child may be hard and the one has often not enough power to withstand their abuse. You are a good partner.” BertTheNerd
Wishing you a wonderful wedding and a long, happy marriage.
17. AITJ For Refusing To Cancel My Trip Home To Cover My Roommate's Rent After Bailing Her Out Of Jail?
“I (19M) have been living with my roommate, Ashley (18F) for roughly two months. Ashley had taken me in after her breakup, and she could really use the extra help, as the rent was split between them.
For context on this situation, I have ovarian cancer (I’m trans) and I should also mention that Ashley is a recovering substance abuser, and recently relapsed about two or three weeks ago.
Now that you know that, here’s what’s going on. After my chemo appointment yesterday morning, I came home and went to sleep.
It’s extremely tiring having to do treatment twice a week, so I was exhausted. I went to sleep at around 1:30 and woke up sometime around 9. Ashley would usually be home by then, but she wasn’t. I thought that maybe she had a late shift at work, so I let it be and decided to wait for her to come home.
Fast forward to 6 am and I have called her several times, left voicemails, and texted her over 15 times and haven’t heard anything. As anybody would, I started to worry, but I know that she sometimes stays with her mom, and thought that maybe she forgot to tell me, so I went to sleep.
I woke up at 2:30 this afternoon to find that she still hadn’t come home. Panic set in, and I went to the police to see if she had been in some sort of accident and was admitted to any local hospitals. After two hours, a missing persons report, and an interview with a detective, I found out that she had been arrested for possession of a controlled substance.
I was livid to say the least.
A few hours later, I got a call asking me to go and get her, as she had left her wallet at the house and she needed funds to bail her out. Please note, these are funds I gave her for rent this month.
I agreed because I don’t want her to stay in jail. After I picked her up AND got her car from impound with the rest of the funds, we came home. I thought that I would get an apology for not being informed or something, but instead, she asked me for MORE funds.
When I asked her what for, she said that she needed the rent money back, and she couldn’t pay my part with her salary. When I refused, she told me to cancel my trip home and use the refund to pay my rent.
Extra context: this trip was paid for by my parents for me to come home for the holiday, as my grandmother is sick and this will most likely be our last Christmas with her around.
The trip cost them around $500, which is my share of the rent, and the refund funds would come to me, per my parents’ request.
I refused and was dumbfounded by her even suggesting I cancel on my folks, for obvious reasons. She called me an idiot and told me that I was a bad friend for not giving her the funds.
She then offered to make me pay just her car payment instead of my rent share again, as that’s what is holding her from paying the whole rent. I also refused to do that. She stormed off in a rage and now I feel like I’m in the wrong.
So I gotta ask, am I the jerk?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ… your roommate made the choice to have a controlled substance in her possession causing her to go to jail. You were kind enough to run around helping her get out of jail. In no way are you the jerk.
I would seriously rethink living with Ashley. You have a serious health concern and do not need the added stress. Ashley is the irresponsible one and she needs to figure out how to pay the rent and get car payment.” devoursbooks86
Another User Comments:
“Of course you are NTJ.
I’m dumbfounded by the audacity and psychotic lack of empathy from your roommate. You need to move out and distance yourself from her, pronto.
She’d probably end up using the funds for substances or something anyway, and before you know if you’ll be homeless, sick, alone at Christmas and never see your grandma again… and when that happened she won’t have two craps to rub together.” Fernoohlalaa
16. AITJ For Refusing To Let My Half-Sister Borrow My Necklace?
“Today, I (16f) returned to my mom’s house from my dad’s house earlier than usual. My stepmom was the one who insisted I leave.
My dad didn’t want me to go, but my stepmom practically controls him so I had to.
So, I have a half-sister from my dad and stepmom. She is a 6-year-old and really likes me and follows me around everywhere, and is really interested in what I do.
I think it’s fine, I don’t mind it too much, and it’s kind of sweet. She also enjoys looking through my stuff, and today she got her hands on a special necklace of mine.
That specific necklace is a security item. It’s something that makes me feel safe and I can’t go a day without seeing it or wearing it.
In both of the houses I stay at, I leave the necklace on the doorknob in my rooms. I noticed it was missing this morning and looked around my room and eventually figured my sister had taken it. So I went and asked her, and she said she liked it and asked if she could bring it to school to show her friends tomorrow.
I told her she could have a look at my other necklaces and bracelets and I kind of avoided the fact that my necklace is a security item. My sister was a little upset and while I felt pretty bad, I still refused. My sister said okay but about 5 minutes later my stepmom comes marching up to my room and demands to know why I wouldn’t let my sister take my necklace.
She said “it’s only one day, can’t you share?” I told my stepmom no, because it’s my necklace and my sister has her own jewelry.
My stepmom wouldn’t listen and just kept yelling and calling me a bully. Eventually my dad heard and came upstairs, and my stepmom told him how big of a brat I was being.
I explained my side of the story, and then I admitted that my necklace makes me feel secure. My stepmom yelled at me again, saying stuff like “you’re already safe” and other stuff, and repeating the “it’s only one day” thing. I could tell my dad felt a little bad but he still sided with my stepmom, telling me that I would get my necklace back next week, when I came back to see him.
I admit I overreacted here. I told my stepmom to stop spoiling her daughter just because they’re related, and that my sister would become an entitled jerk in the future if she kept this up, and that I needed my necklace back. My stepmom was annoyed that I disrespected her, and demanded my dad send me back to my mom’s.
I did overreact, I guess. She just made me really mad and it was hard to control myself. I shouldn’t have used harsh language in a house with younger kids in it. AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ – Sorry you have to deal with such an entitled parent and that your father doesn’t stand up for you more.
Is there any way you can get him alone for a long conversation to get him to see how your stepmother treats you so poorly compared to letting her bio-child be such a brat?
You should really talk to him about the favoritism, she shouldn’t be allowed to kick you out like that, when your father isn’t doing anything for you, and he needs to see he’s choosing HER over his own children.
She’s a jerk and he’s being spineless, which needs to stop when it comes to not protecting either child, even from his wife.” EvocativeEnigma
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Your SM sounds horrible. It would be silly to let a 6-year-old take something precious to school.
She will have to learn to take no for an answer like we all do.
Have a private word with your dad. He should have defended you.” MerlinBiggs
15. AITJ For Making Light Of Our Childfree Decision At Our Housewarming Party?
“My husband and I (both in our early 30s) have been together for over a decade and made the decision to not have kids. I like kids, I have nieces and nephews, we just don’t want them for our own reasons. He had a vasectomy which only a few people know about.
Our families are aware we don’t want kids as they’ve asked this before during different major life events (our wedding for instance).
We recently bought a 3 bedroom home with a nice yard in a nice area. Excited to show our new home to family and friends (major upgrade to our previous home), we hosted a housewarming.
During the party, one of my sibling in-laws (Alex) made a few indirect comments about all this space, and kids would love it in our house, etc. Eventually they asked point blank when we were having kids.
I made a lighthearted joke about it, which is my go-to for this question.
“Oh, well, I like sushi too much to have to give it up for pregnancy. Plus not drinking for pregnancy and breastfeeding? No thanks!” I tried to make it very light-hearted and laugh it off. Most people just laughed along. That seemed to anger Alex and I was told “children are a joy, and a good mother puts her kids before everything else”.
I agreed, ‘children are a joy, I like spending time with the nieces and nephews, and obviously I can’t be a good mom if I chose sushi over kids so I just won’t be a mom’ (paraphrased). Still trying to brush it off in a gentle way because I’m not trying to start a fight by telling them to stop asking in front of everyone because I know my tone will be seen as rude and abrasive.
We move on, but Alex is still annoyed and making little comments in their group about how flippant I am about it and how when it finally happens, then I’ll understand. My husband heard this and jokingly said “well, if she gets pregnant, that’ll be a problem for the divorce lawyers.” That seemed to tick them off more but they stopped.
With holidays coming up, we have not been invited to Alex’s usual Halloween bonfire. When husband spoke to his parents, they told him Alex was annoyed we were so careless and callous about our childfree status and to say what we did and they realized we had taken permanent steps to ensure we never had kids.
That we know they had to do IVF to have kids etc. And we are jerks to just not care. I feel bad because they did do IVF and lots of fertility treatments to have their kids, and even then they still had a few miscarriages.
I can’t imagine wanting kids and struggling to have them and then dealing with miscarriages. But at the same time, I’m so tired of justifying living my life how I want. AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“Their struggles in having children do not mean they get to push their desires for them onto you.
Alex was jealous (of your lack of that struggle) and rude, plain and simple.
NTJ.” l3rambi
Another User Comments:
“NTJ
You made an intentionally flippant remark to express something lightheartedly. It was interpreted poorly by someone in the opposite circumstances because Alex was too shortsighted to understand that not everything in the world is about their fertility issues.
Your choice to be child-free is in no way related to Alex’s frustrated desire to have children. If Alex doesn’t understand something that simple and continues to snub you for daring to make personal life decisions without thinking of their needs, then throw your own Halloween bonfire party next year at your new big house.
Congrats on your new home!” LeoSolaris
14. AITJ For Running Away From My Surprise Halloween-Themed Birthday Party?
“I (25F) was born October 31, 11:59 pm. Halloween’s midnight. The stars aligned so that I could be the queen of this festivity, a damsel of shadows, lady of the night, supreme consort of illusions!
Well, it didn’t happen. As years went by, I started to resent this fact.
At first, because a lot of my friends would rather go out and spend the whole afternoon/night going treat or treating around instead of remaining in just one place, and then because in my teenage years I somehow ended in a position that people expected me to throw a Halloween party, but when the party came it was all about the costumes and the buzz (yei, underage drinking, woohoo/s).
Most of them didn’t even buy me a gift. I was not the birthday girl, just the Halloween hostess. When I finally grew a spine at age 19 and said that that year there would be no party, I celebrated my birthday alone because everyone had better things to do that weekend.
Since I started college, I had made clear to all my social circle that I hate Halloween. I don’t like costumes, I don’t like decorations, I don’t like spooky things. It’s not like I go around destroying and cursing everything during October, but don’t expect me to celebrate.
Nowadays, I do my birthday at mid-day, with a very vanilla no thematic party.
Knowing all this you should understand why, last Saturday, when I went home after spending the day with my parents and found a surprise COSTUME party, fully decorated with orange, black, pumpkins, bats, and spiders and with all my friends as superheroes and monsters, I went in complete shock.
There are videos of it. I entered, saw it all, made a very weird expression, similar to that of a deer startled by headlights, suddenly turned around and ran into my car. People tried to stop me but it seems I was too fast. I don’t remember honestly, it’s all a blur.
I just remember the shock and then “waking up” in my car, in a big mall’s parking lot, crying. It’s like I went full autopilot. I then went back to my parents.
My friends are mad at me. It seems that somehow they all got the idea that I was over my Halloween hate since I haven’t talked about it in a long time, and thought it would be the greatest plan to surprise me with it.
They spent the whole day decorating, spent a lot of money on the event, and, according to them, the whole logistics were extremely difficult. A party for more or less 30 guests ain’t an easy deal.
All for me to just arrive, ruin the mood for everyone, and send all their effort to the trash.
These people, who I don’t know if I should call friends anymore, sent me to what I assume was a panic attack, but I am the villain in the story because I wasted their hard work.
Honestly, I don’t know, I have barely spoken to anyone this week because the environment is super dense and I don’t know if I am the crazy one here.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. They had good intentions, but the road to heck is paved with them. If you were so upset at their surprise that you turned and ran and then spent half the night crying in your car in a mall parking lot, then I would say their surprise gift to you was A Very Bad One.
You don’t owe them an apology. They assumed you would be pleased and they obviously assumed wrong. The fault is on them.” Better2021Everyone
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. I’m going to say no jerks here. Your friends were incredibly misguided, but I don’t think they were malicious.
Just naive. You should talk to one of them, the most level-headed of them, and explain this or show them this post. It’s always a risk with surprise parties that the surprise-ee won’t be happy about it. Your reaction was extreme, but it was also something you couldn’t control.
That happens with strong enough emotions, you blacked out and were absolutely on autopilot. They may not have the life experience necessary to understand what happened, but this is not your fault.” SlartieB
13. AITJ For Refusing To Leave My Apartment During My Roommates' Three-Day Thanksgiving Celebration?
“I (25M) live together with my roommate and her partner. While we do live in the US, I’m not American myself.
I have never really celebrated Thanksgiving nor do I have relatives here to celebrate with. But I do understand it is a pretty big and important holiday for Americans.
Now my roommates want to invite their families for Thanksgiving, first time they host and also use that chance to inform their family about their plans to get married. They approached me and asked if they could have the kitchen/living room.
I was fine with that, I just asked what time their families would come so I would spend the evening in my room and stay out of their way.
But, turns out their plans were a lot more “extensive”. 1) They want to do a three-day event.
First day, her family, second day his family, third day friends. 2) They plan to make a huge feast with several days of preparation, decorating, and so on. 3) One of her cousins would have to stay overnight because he needs to travel quite far away. And they were hoping that the cousin could sleep in my room.
For all these reasons, they don’t just want me to be in my room. They want me completely out of the house for the three days. “I could stay in a hotel, have a mini vacation” was their argument.
And that was the part where we started arguing.
I have no problems spending three evenings in my room and giving them space. One time thing, no problem. I have no problem with them using the kitchen for hours (days?) to prep the food. I have no problem with the decoration.
But I will not have some stranger sleep in my room nor do I want to go on a “mini-vacation”, plus who would pay for the hotel?
Cause I definitely won’t.
They told me I don’t understand because I don’t celebrate Thanksgiving, that it is a one-time thing. I told them I’m already compromising a lot by just staying in my room for three days, despite equally paying rent and everything.
Her partner made a comment about how I don’t understand “because my family is a screwed-up mess”.
And the rest of the conversation was dissolved into a shouting match and throwing insults (on both sides I admit).
The next day, her aunt came to visit. She pulled out a couple of hundred dollars and told me this would be enough to cover the cost for a very nice hotel plus some spending money.
I refused citing again that my room is off limits and I do not want to just get kicked out of my home. Money is not even the issue.
As you can guess, the mood has been pretty awful and I get pretty much constant side remarks from my roommates.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ.
Why would you leave your own home?
If it’s not good enough for them for you to stay in your room, tell your roommate they need to take their butts somewhere else for Thanksgiving.
It’s rude that they would have Thanksgiving at your place and not invite you anyway.” gw2kpro
Another User Comments:
“NTJ.
Wow. The part that shocked me most is the aunt literally paying you to get out of your home. How rude and forceful. You are not the jerk at all. Your roommates are unreasonable to request you give up the personal space of your room for their cousin.
That’s absolutely not on. If they want the luxury of space to themselves then they should go find somewhere else to live.
Stand. Your. Ground.” [deleted]
12. AITJ For Expecting My Partner To Take More Responsibility In Our New Home?
“So my partner and I literally just moved in together. He’s been great and we’re sharing all the work and expenses of moving in.
The thing is, I’ve got 6 almost 7 years of experience living out of home, doing adult things like organizing my tax, conversing with real estate, getting my own Medicare card, cooking, planning meals, car payments, etc. My partner has lived at home until recently and has everything done for him essentially.
He always SAYS (keep note of this) that he “should learn how do to all that” but whenever it comes to it he always leaves it to me. That I know how to do “all this stuff” but I don’t. Most of the time I google things and speak to people and that’s how I learn.
I am very open to being a beginner and not knowing how to do stuff. But I guess for him it’s a lot. I get that it is overwhelming but I’m right here to support him. He knows that. But he says so himself he’s lazy.
The last straw was today when I’ve been sick at home. As we just moved into our new place, I’ve had to make sure my old place was up to standard to get the bond back. We had it assessed by his brother who is a tradesman that does inspections for a living.
He luckily could squeeze us in to do so. So he gave us some pointers and advice to fix up some issues in the apartment which needed things from the building supply store which I was going to get. Note my partner and I are at the same level of cluelessness and we’re both there to hear what his brother had advised.
When his brother left he said he’d go to the store and get those items because I’m really sick. But then continued playing his video game for maybe two or three hours while I asked what time he was going to go (the repairs need to be done before the cleaners arrive tomorrow morning).
But he sits there and doesn’t answer me until I get upset. I sent him a screenshot of every item, where to find it, how much it costs, its name and everything. And then he sits there and sighs saying that he “doesn’t want to do things that I know more about” but understood there was nothing else we could do because I’m very ill.
I’ll push myself tomorrow before the cleaners come to get the repairs done but I’m not going to risk someone else in public getting what I have. So it’s not like he has to do the repairs.
That comment really frustrated me.
Am I a jerk for thinking he’s not trying enough?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ
Sit him down and explain that you have no intention of parenting him and that part of adulting is figuring crap out and pulling your weight in a relationship.
His attitude would be a dealbreaker for me.” CrystalQueen3000
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. This is called “weaponized ineptitude” – determinedly refusing to learn basic skills, or deliberately doing a bad job with chores, so you’ll get frustrated and do them for him. It’s manipulative and immature, and you shouldn’t stand for it.” Venetrix2
11. AITJ For Wanting To Cut Both Our Spending Income To Hire A Nanny?
“I am 29m and my wife is 28f, we have 2 kids (5m and 3m) and planning on 3rd kid.
I work 70-80h on average and my wife is a stay-at-home mom, I make really good income even by USA standards and we live in Europe in a country where the cost of living is way lower.
The argument my wife and I are having is that I keep telling my wife I don’t have time to iron my clothes etc and since she is a stay-at-home mom, she should do it, but I know that having 2 kids makes her job as hard as mine, so I offered to get us a nanny or help for our house, but it would mean both of our spending money would be cut by around 10-15%.
I manage all of our finances and we get the same spending money after investing and savings, but my wife is angry that I would cut her spending money too.
I don’t have time to do things around the house, I am trying to help my father retire since he is turning 70 next year and he helped me a lot (bought me the first apartment when I was a student where my wife lived too during uni).
I don’t help him financially, I am just slowly taking over his company as well (I have 2 brothers, but only 1 works there and I am the only one qualified to actually take over according to my brothers), that means I pretty much have 2 jobs, that’s why I work so much, but it also means we have a lot of spending money.
(around 6.5-7.5k euros each month)
Note that spending money is different than money for paying everything like groceries and things for kids, we have separate accounts for that, my wife is really into designer brands, etc, and spends all of her money on clothes shopping usually, she thinks I should only cut my own spending if I want to hire a nanny or help, I disagree and think we should both have our spending money cut, I got a call from my sister-in-law and she said I am being controlling by wanting to cut my wife’s spending money, so I am starting to honestly doubt myself, because I don’t want to financially abuse my wife (my mother used to do that to me).”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. The moment you both decided to have kids they became the priority. That’s sacrificing most of your things for them. She’s being selfish. Don’t feel bad for having to cut off her spending money. She’s just being immature. It’s only fair that you both do it together for the greater good of the family.
Plus you have a kid on the way.” [deleted]
Another User Comments:
“Hiring help for the household and childcare should come from both of your spending money. I don’t see any good reason why you should take the financial “hit” alone when you’ll both benefit.
You can’t work 3 jobs, if you try to take on the home chores she doesn’t seem to have time to do. You need to be able to live your life and have quality time with your kids (and your wife) too. NTJ.” ParsimoniousSalad
10. AITJ For Locking The Thermostat To Prevent My Roommate From Overheating Our Apartment?
“So, a bit of background. We live in Texas, on the top floor of an apartment with no tree cover.
The apartment is a 3Br/3Ba that is student-oriented, with roommates that are assigned to each other. It is off-campus housing. Yes, I’m an older student.
My (25M) roommate, G (21M) had been repeatedly turning the thermostat off to “save money”. As a result of this, the temperature in the apartment would regularly reach 84⁰F+ due to Texas heat combined with Sun exposure.
To help with this, I installed a Nest thermostat (with compliance to lease and permission from the landlord) to help alleviate the cost angle. We agreed to demo a month of low usage to see price changes. I ran a schedule that kept the thermostat at 78⁰F max during sun up and 75⁰F max at night with blessings from both roommates.
During this period, G would still continue to turn the thermostat off. I communicated to him over three times that if he is uncomfortable, he should raise the temperature threshold instead of turning it off, as it is causing the apartment to become unbearably hot and making me and H (23M) sweat while trying to sleep.
At this point I put a lock on the thermostat to prevent variation from our pre-agreed temperature range. G complained to the landlord that I was “unilaterally controlling the whole unit” and had the landlord ask me to remove the lock (which I did the day the month completed).
Once the month had finished, our AC use was down over 50% from the previous month; but our utilities were only about $36 less overall split 3-ways.
Now that our test month was over and winter was beginning, H and I agreed that we were sleeping better with AC running more consistently, and set a Heat to 70⁰F and Cool to 74⁰F range.
G continued to turn the thermostat off on a daily basis, which let the unit AGAIN hit the mid-high 80s. I communicated the situation honestly with the landlord, gave them the password to the lock, and re-instated it with their blessing as I had shown them logs of H and I complaining about the high temperature and G ignoring our requests to raise the temperature threshold instead of turning the system off entirely.
G complained to the landlord again, and we are now going to have to go through roommate mediation (?).
AITJ for locking the thermostat? I feel like I’ve tried everything else at this point and have communicated as much as I can with all parties involved.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. G clearly has some issues regarding saving money. If he won’t stop, I think the only option is that he get assigned to another room. If it helps, I don’t think there’s any way the roommate mediator could reasonably side with him.” EnRouted
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Per what you described, you tried meeting this roommate halfway in multiple ways and every attempt was shut down, literally. If 2 out of the 3 roommates agree on a temperature, that to me seems more than reasonable, the 3rd one should mind their business or look for an accommodation by themselves in a smaller unit where utilities cost less.” Endosym93
9. AITJ For Losing Patience With My Roommate's Eating Disorder And Mess?
“I (20F) have two random roommates (both 20F).
I started to notice small quantities of food disappear from time to time. Then my other roommate started missing huge quantities. Both of us kind of started noting what was missing after that, and we started labeling food.
About two months after living together, she got a stomach bug.
I knew she was sick, so when I was cleaning up vomit occasionally I was really grossed out (I have pretty severe emetophobia), but I understood. I cleaned it because it made me extraordinarily anxious to have a half-cleaned toilet.
Three weeks later, I’m cleaning up vomit upwards of three times a day out of my sink and my toilet.
She says she’s no longer sick and is going to the gym and class again. I have never actually heard her throw up.
One morning I discover chunks of food on. My. Towel.
Same day my other roommate asked me again about her food, and then it hit me.
I wanted to stop cleaning up vomit, but I was starting to recognize the food missing/vomit cleaning line up really closely. I didn’t know how to address it with her, so I asked her one time if she would help clean the bathroom sometimes because it gets “messy” quite a bit.
She shut me down very angrily and tried to play dumb (My other roommate is gone a lot and we’re friends now. I am very sure it is not her). I apologized and went back to my room when she insisted she didn’t know.
She has not said a word to me since.
The food issue has increased tenfold. I budget extra for groceries. I came home once from work to find an entire week and a half’s worth of groceries missing, and it really set me over the edge.
Typically she will eat entire bags of snacks, three days’ worth of cooked meals, any kind of hummus, peanut butter, salsa-type food/container, and often a loaf of bread and a few sticks of butter with the residue and crumbs everywhere.. The only food she ever buys is iceberg lettuce, hummus, & nonfat plain yogurt.
I sent a text to both roommates saying that I want food to stop going missing because I was tired of having to skip meals until my next paycheck (I’ve lost 15 lbs from eating one meal a day because I can’t afford to buy so much).
Her response was.. ugly.. We planned a time to all talk, then she went home for two weeks and avoided it. She sent a text saying it was for her mental health.
When she came back, bathroom started getting cleaned, food stopped disappearing, she continues to angrily ignore us.
Until tonight. I come home to find vomit. All. Over. My. Bathroom. On the floor, on the mats, down the toilet. She will “clean” but with several rolls of toilet paper, a very very clogged toilet, and significant amounts that she apparently just missed.
AITJ for no longer feeling the need to be sympathetic despite an eating disorder?
I don’t care what her deal is anymore, I just want it to not be my problem.
WIBTJ if I directly called her out again? I know it’s a sensitive topic, but I’m so done with playing nice.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ.
People throw around the term “ableist” a lot these days. You don’t have to feel sympathy towards this situation. You aren’t mad at her for having an ED, you’re mad because she is leaving a mess behind and stealing your stuff. Just because someone has an ED doesn’t mean they can get away with doing crappy stuff and have no consequences.
Obviously she needs to get help, but that is on her, not you. Tell her she needs to actually clean up after herself and she will be responsible for any damage done by clogging toilets or sinks. Tell her that she can not use toilet paper to clean and keep all rolls hidden away from her.
If this continues, work on removing her from the household.” Reddit User
Another User Comments:
“NTJ
This is so bizarre to me. Most people who have an eating disorder usually don’t want others to know they have it? Like did she live with her parents before and they never questioned the copious amounts of vomit?
Personally, I would bluntly attack the situation head-on since she wants to avoid it. Tell her you know about it and she needs to stop or leave. I would already be ready to throw hands if someone kept stealing my food, even more since they’re just throwing it up and wasting it.
That’s not good advice though so don’t follow that.” sidewalkeater
8. AITJ For Gifting My Cousin A Toy Assistance Dog Instead Of A Real One?
“I honestly don’t think I’m the jerk here but one of my social media friends has gotten into my head so I’m second-guessing myself.
I have a Medical Alert Assistance Dog who goes pretty much everywhere with me, so, when I went to stay with family recently… So did she.
My wee cousin was fascinated by her, but was very good about not interacting with her in public… But was basically obsessed with how my girl can prevent me from becoming ill by letting me know an episode is coming so I can take my meds and then laying down with me until I feel better.
My lil cousin is special needs (ASD, ADHD and other health issues) that makes them very emotionally volatile and struggles emotionally with mainstream school, etc, but my AD (animals in general) really help them to express their emotions before they build up to explosion levels and for self-soothing… Was amazing to see.
They are too young to handle an AD by themselves and my family doesn’t want to explore an adult-handled AD for them at this moment in time (ethics of Assistance Dogs for children is a whole thing) but wee cousin was so upset at me and my dog leaving that I wanted to do something for them.
So for Christmas I bought her a “Build-A-Bear” Assistance Dog! It is a chocolate labrador with a heartbeat sound and lavender scented (her favorite scent) and has a wee Assistance Dog coat! Absolutely adorable!
Wee cousin has permission from school under their accommodation plan to take a toy to school every day so I figured this gives them their own “AD” without all the hassles of a “real one”… But hopefully without the teasing they currently get for taking a security blanket to school/toddler toys (they already get “cool points” after I walked them to school for a week with my real AD so am hoping the plushy version carries it over, they are under 10).
But… When I shared this story among my Assistance Dog social group, whilst several thought it was sweet… A few were saying it was an absolute mockery of our “real” dogs and I’m a jerk for making it look like a cuddly toy can replace what they do etc. That I should have been pushing my relatives to get her a “real” AD.
I just thought this was a cute gift to help support her and take the pressure off my dog when we visit… AITJ for that?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. You did something kind in a genuinely tricky situation and frankly, those who are saying you made a mockery of assistance dogs need to lighten up.
There are ways in which assistance dogs are mocked or trivialized and this was not one of them.” CJL2021
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Honestly, some people get too wrapped up in their disability turning it into an identity they need to defend. And I get it, as a person with disabilities I feel frustrated when able-bodied people don’t understand or downplay my difficulties.
People with invisible disabilities are especially vulnerable to having their struggles dismissed. However, to say you made a “mockery” of assistance dogs is too much. You were trying to cheer up a little girl that can’t properly process her emotions. Of course a stuffie can’t take the place of a real trained animal, but you weren’t claiming it could, you were giving her a comfort item.
It was not the place of some strangers to say that you should have put pressure on your cousin’s family to get a living being that they aren’t prepared to handle. It’s still a dog and requires care.” MishMoshtheBoss
7. AITJ For Accepting Payment To Reconnect With My Cousin Who Betrayed Me?
“I (30f) have a cousin “Jessica” (28f) who I was close to growing up but stopped caring after high school. Why? She hooked up with my partner during the summer when I was away and a girl, who hated Jessica, caught them kissing, took pictures, and spread it around on social media.
I got the news while on vacation and it ruined the experience for me.
I dumped my partner via text and told Jessica to never speak to me again. She would try and come to the house to apologize and explain the situation but I didn’t care.
By the time school was back Jessica developed a “reputation” and was harassed constantly about it. We went to the same school and while I could’ve stood up for her and told the other kids off, I didn’t. I was a hurt and bitter teenager back then but as an adult I can now recognize the uneven and sexist treatment Jessica received. My ex got to continue his life while Jessica had to switch schools by Winter Break.
Obviously my aunt and uncle were upset that I didn’t do more to try and protect their daughter and wanted me to forgive her, but I refused. My mom and I had talks about how even though I was the initial victim sticking up for Jessica would’ve been the right thing to do but wouldn’t force me.
After that I just distanced myself from Jessica because I just didn’t trust her anymore but that didn’t stop her from reaching out. I’d ignore her at family gatherings and not respond to any messages she would send out. In college Jessica’s attempts finally stopped so I thought she’d finally given up but a few years later I received a wedding invitation from her and just sent it back.
My grandparents told me that this had gone on long enough and that I needed to let the anger go. By then I was truly over my anger over the situation but explained that I was just no longer interested in Jessica and me having a relationship anymore and that there were other things that I would rather do than take off work to go to a wedding for someone who I was indifferent to.
Jessica really wanted me to come so her father (my aunt’s husband), offered to chip in on my Student Loans if I attended the wedding and be happy for her. I initially refused but when I was offered $10,000 I agreed. Jessica had a nice wedding but unfortunately she started to think that we could be close again and was sad that I didn’t want to play catch-up after her honeymoon.
Well, her dad called me up again and offered more pay and so for the next couple of years I was getting paid to hang out with Jessica.
Sadly, my uncle passed away in 2020 and I was genuinely sad because he was a nice guy.
My aunt was going through bank records and found out about the money and confronted me, I assumed she knew and said “Yeah, that’s from the time I went/did….with/for Jessica.” I never would’ve thought that my uncle would do this behind my aunt’s back and was shocked. Well, Jessica now knows and other family members are upset with me.
AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“Everyone sucks here. Your cousin for the obvious. Your family for trying to push a relationship. Your uncle for lying to his wife. Your cousin again for using this moment to turn everyone against you. You for faking a relationship. This family is built on lies.” celestecatherine
Another User Comments:
“NTJ I don’t blame you for taking the money, but I think your uncle had really unrealistic ideas about what money can buy. How did he think Jessica would feel when she found out he was buying her a relationship? And after he paid the first few times, did it not occur to him that the relationship would ever stop being financial?” Alternative_Year_340
6. AITJ For Refusing To Uber With My Kids So My Husband Can See His Other Child?
“My husband had a child outside of our marriage and I stayed, and it has been a difficult journey ever since. I know most people are going to feel like I deserve my husband’s treatment because I stayed and should have left. I didn’t, and now we’re here.
We evacuated last week due to Hurricane Ida with our three children out of state. Before we left, he was able to see his other child. Our area did not have power or water, and I did not have anyone else that was close to stay with, so I decided to extend our stay for 7 more days so my children would not have to be in a home without power or water in extreme heat.
My husband decided to go back to assess the damages. The agreement was that he would leave for 3 days and then return. I rented the car from Saturday to Monday.
He spoke with his baby mama and she advised that she was leaving for a relative’s house out of state and may return on Mon.
or Tues. My husband asked me if I could extend the rental to Tues. or Wed. so he can see his other child. I agreed to try to extend the rental even though I could not afford it, renting a car was not in my budget, really neither was evacuating.
I tried to extend the rental, but due to car shortage and being completely booked, I was not able to extend the rental for as long as he requested, I was only able to get a later drop-off time. When I told my husband I was not able to extend the rental, he asked if I could get an Uber back to the hotel.
When he asked me to take the Uber, I asked him if he was serious and advised we stated we would be returning 3 days later he could see the other kid then. Since we evacuated, he maintained contact and was able to see the child via FaceTime.
He then got mad at me and in so many words told me I was being selfish. I told him it was incredibly unfair and unsafe for me to take an Uber with 3 children (two of which are toddlers and are in car seats) in a city I am unfamiliar with late at night, but he does not think it is a problem.
Am I being selfish?”
Another User Comments:
“So I’m gonna go with NTJ for wanting him there with you when you had to leave your home and go to a new place with three little kids. You didn’t go on vacation, it was a safety thing and evacuating was obviously somewhat planned.
I will say that YTJ for letting him have his cake and eat it too. Why are you staying with a man who left his family in a hotel in a different city and is causing you more stress and uncertainty so he can spend more time with his “other family”?
I’m sorry for you and your kiddos, I truly am, but my gosh he’s kinda once again showing you what his priority is here. Time to take care of you since he doesn’t seem too worried about doing it. Again, I get what you are saying.
This has nothing to do with the other little kiddo. I’m glad your husband stepped up for him, but he is in a safe scenario right now with his mom.
Prayers for you momma and your kiddos! I hope it all works out for you all!” Alternative_Rise8563
Another User Comments:
“Everyone sucks here – if you’re not happy having to deal with an affair child then divorce. Just because you decided to stay doesn’t mean you have to stay forever.
You both want different things and you’re both going to treat that child differently.
You’re never going to agree on how to handle things. Either get counseling so you don’t take issues out on kids or leave.” BoredAgain0410
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. It was unreasonable of him to ask you to Uber across a strange city at night with toddlers.
You probably need to sit down with your husband and have an open and very honest discussion. He’s got kids with two different women: life will force him to make choices like this again. The two of you need to arrive at some kind of understanding about how he’ll handle these problems in the future, or you and he (and the children) will continue to be hurt.” AGoodFaceForRadio
5. AITJ For Telling My Friend He Needs to Accept His SO's Past Relationships In Our Small Town?
“This story begins 2 years ago, before the health crisis came into our lives. Lorenzo (32M), a big city boy, came to our humble town in the middle of nowhere, as part of a temporary job. His plans went awry when the sickness spread wide and far, making his home a source of danger and isolation so he decided to remain in Nowhere.
Then thanks to the magic of a gay hook app for those not in the business, Lorenzo met your amazing narrator (26M) and the handsome Alejandro (39M). Because of a “logistics” problem (two locks, no key) me and Lorenzo didn’t go anywhere in the relationship department and just struck a good friendship.
On the other hand, his relationship with Alejandro quickly blossomed from a night of passion into a full-blown romance.
But problems arose 6 months ago. While it is true that Nowhere wasn’t strict, social events were still small. And as restrictions were lifted, Lorenzo started to learn more about Alejandro’s social circle, something that came with a nasty surprise.
You see, in a small town with traditional values, gays are scarce. Without joking, I would say there are maybe 100 of us, with 50 of them actually being “out” and the other 50 being “curious” guys and closeted husbands. This leads to a lot of overlap inside the community, by which I mean that we all have had intimate relations with most of the others on at least one occasion.
In a special case, Alejandro is not only one of the few guys you could actually call handsome, but he is also one of the few keys in a town full of locks. As you can guess by now, Lorenzo learned that Alejandro has had relations with a lot of the guys in the area (maybe 30 of the 50), including myself by the way.
Coincidentally, he is also friends with a lot of these men, again including me, and those are the people he hangs out with.
This makes Lorenzo extremely jealous, especially since some of the guys are still kind of flirty with Alejandro. He doesn’t reciprocate, but as this has always been the dynamic in our group, he doesn’t stop them either.
Lorenzo’s jealousy is causing a lot of problems and fights. Their last confrontation occurred last week because Lorenzo forbade Alejandro from seeing anyone he has been with, aka a lot of his friends.
Lorenzo came crying hoping for me to give him the reason for this debacle.
But I told him the truth, that he needs to learn how this town works and to accept that his partner was no saint in the past, but that it doesn’t mean he would be unfaithful.
On a very expected plot twist, Lorenzo got mad with me, told me I am just helping “the sleazy people behind his man” and implied that I am one of them.
I haven’t heard from him in the last 3 days and as one of the only friends he has here, I am beginning to think that it would have been better for me to keep my mouth shut.
So, my little readers, can you help me see if I was in the wrong?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Providing sound judgment is the hallmark of a good friend. It may not be what Lorenzo wanted to hear, but he still needed to hear it. Siding with him for the sake of being a “good friend” will only do more harm in the long run.
I would reach out and extend an olive branch, hopefully he’ll cool off by then and understand you meant well.” Exzerofive
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, for you.
But I feel like it’s everyone sucks here between the two of them. I know I wouldn’t feel comfortable if I was with someone and one of their exes was actively flirting with them in front of me (or in private but I feel like it takes some extra courage to do it in front of their partner).
And I would definitely be hurt/upset if I told my partner that I didn’t like it and was just told “well that’s our dynamic” and to just get over it.
However to tell someone “you can’t hang out with anyone you’ve gone out with/slept with before” knowing that that’s a large portion of their friend group and probably also isolates them from those they haven’t slept with because of association is a jerk move too.” AnimalLover38
4. AITJ For Offering My Sister To Wear Our Grandma's Necklace On Her Wedding Day Without Letting Her Keep It After?
“My younger sister is finally getting married after many delays in a “minimony” that involves about 9 people, including the officiant and photographer.
They’re planning on having a much larger wedding in a couple of years when international travel is easier.
When she texted me the aesthetic she was going for a few weeks ago, I realized a very beautiful, expensive necklace I inherited from our grandma would go great with her dress so I offered to let her wear it.
My exact phrase was “you could wear it if you wanted!” She was excited about the idea and said she’d try it on and see.
Fast forward to today when she’s visiting my place, I got out the necklace and showed it to her and I again commented how lovely it was and how I was obsessed with it.
She agreed and asked if I didn’t want to eventually wear it at my wedding then? I shrugged and said I still could and it didn’t bother me that she’d wear it first.
She got really angry then and said that if she wore it at her wedding, the necklace would then be hers.
I have to admit, I was really taken aback and didn’t know what to say. I think I said something like “oh I thought you were just borrowing it” and she told me that it was insane I’d tell her she could wear the necklace at her wedding and not give it to her to keep.
I genuinely don’t know what to do. I adore the necklace and was looking forward to owning it and wearing it for years to come. But was it a faux pas to offer to let her wear it without giving it to her? I want her to be happy on her big day but this is literally the only necklace I have from our grandma.
AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. You didn’t offer for her to keep it.
Something borrowed is a part of the wedding tradition and yes that includes jewelry (unlike what she is telling you).
It seems she is trying to guilt and manipulate you into permanently giving her the necklace.
She knows what she is doing. At this point I’d say sorry for the miscommunication but it is not for keeps and she will have to find something else.
DO NOT LEND HER IT, you won’t ever get it back.” Status-Pattern7539
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, it is your inheritance that you are letting her borrow, for her something borrowed, and not a gift. She can either borrow it for the day and thank you for your extraordinarily kind offer to allow her to wear your necklace, or she cannot wear the necklace.
It’s your inheritance, you get it back.
Unfortunately you may have a bridezilla on your hands. You know the one that thinks she’s entitled to everything, do not give in on this. Make sure to make a recording that includes her on it, or have her sign a document that states that she understands that she’s borrowing the necklace for the day and that it is not a gift.” Stace34
3. AITJ For Defending My Drinking Habits To My Judgmental Roommate?
“So I 20 (M) am in college and live with four other guys in an on-campus apartment. Besides one other issue we get along ok although I wouldn’t call any of them friends as I largely keep to myself. However one did something that really irritated me and made it tense in the apartment so most nights 5 or so nights a week I like to drink.
Usually it’s Titos, Lemon Juice and Soda Water, or Pink Whitney (I know I’ll get made fun of but trust me it’s good stuff). If it’s Pink Whitney I’ll finish anywhere between 1/2 and 3/4 of the handle (750 ML), if it’s Titos probably around 1/3 to a 1/2 of a (750 ML) handle in a night.
I do this most nights, I’ll come in around 8, take a shower, change, and sit down in front of the TV and watch whatever interests me (usually sports) or if someone else is watching TV I’ll stream on my laptop and drink for a couple of hours.
I’ve been doing this since we moved in late August. I really like to drink, it helps me destress and I feel like I get a better night’s sleep when I do. I am not belligerent or obnoxious when I drink, I largely sit in silence besides maybe the odd comment on the game if someone else is watching with me.
And to eliminate all property issues I buy my own beverages it’s not communal.
This has been my routine since my senior year in high school and I see no reason to change it now. However last night one of my roommates confronted me and told me I drink way too much and need to stop.
I told him, I’m an adult, he’s not my parents and I don’t need to do anything. He says it’s harmful to my mental health and it’s concerning. Worst of all he tried to embarrass me in front of my roommates by talking about this in front of them and looked to them for support.
They were mainly like shut the heck up dude because we were trying to watch the Lions game. Without the support he was looking for he retreated into silence.
This kid is a hypocrite, I come back at one in the afternoon to warm up lunch and he’s playing video games.
I take six classes and work as a student research assistant. I get good grades I’m in the upper 1/3 of my class. Drinking doesn’t affect me at all yet this kid who doesn’t work hard wants to grandstand like he has the upper hand on me.
Anyways I haven’t talked to him and it’s been awkward around the apartment since our argument. AITJ for fighting back when he tried to control my life.”
Another User Comments:
“Yes, YTJ. You’re also a serious heavy drinker and I am also very concerned for you.
Good on him for expressing concern even though you aren’t close, that’s not easy to do. I am willing to bet he and the other roommates talked about their concerns with your drinking, the other ones just don’t care. The defensiveness you’re showing is not uncommon.
I’m not judging you, and your roommate may not be either. He probably wasn’t trying to embarrass you, the other roommates probably agree and just don’t want to involve themselves.
Furthermore, if he was trying to embarrass you he would have brought up around people who don’t live with you.
Rest assured that the other people you live with are WELL aware of your drinking. They just would rather not say anything since they don’t want to cause issues. Even though saying something could help you.
ALSO it’s possible that this particular roommate knows more about heavy drinking than any of you guys, maybe due to personal experience with family or something.
You’re all very young, when I was that age I didn’t realize how detrimental substance abuse is, even if you are “functional.” PLEASE seek help now before it’s too late and you’re 40 with dementia and liver failure. It’s not pretty.
Also, I feel like OP’s claim that he and his roommates aren’t really friends, just roommates, is just a defense mechanism to justify why they shouldn’t even be giving his drinking a second thought.
Putting booze above relationships is a sign of an addiction.” x3whatsup
Another User Comments:
“I’m going with everyone sucks here. He overstepped bounds and fumbled the delivery, but he’s right: you drink WAY too much. If he’s living with you, I get him being concerned and wanting to say something in case your drinking escalates.
Your liver and bank account will thank you if you can cut back to like a shot a night instead of a freaking half a handle.” [deleted]
Another User Comments:
“No jerks here, however, you are a heavy drinker. Just because you get your work done, and are able to function in the day doesn’t mean you aren’t one.
You are dependent on booze and you need help.” PajamaShannon
2. AITJ For Kicking Out My Teenage Brother After His Disturbing Prank?
“My (25F) Husband “Marcus” (28M) and I have a beautiful 2-month-old daughter. Background: About a year ago, my little brother “Jacob” (17M) came to stay with Marcus and me. My Mom said that she and Jacob were constantly fighting, so Jacob asked if he could stay with us until he goes off to College.
I was a bit hesitant at first, but Jacob is my brother and I wanted to help him out.
For the past year everything has been going fairly well…until yesterday. Marcus was at work while I, Jacob, and my daughter were all at home.
I asked Jacob if he could keep an eye on my daughter for a few minutes while I was in the bathroom. After I walked out of the bathroom, I saw Jacob playing with my daughter. He was at the top of a long staircase, before I could blink, Jacob stumbled and my daughter came barreling down the stairs like a rag doll.
I started crying hysterically and bolted over to the bottom of the stairs. After I got a closer look, it turns out that it wasn’t my daughter, it was one of my niece’s baby dolls wrapped in my daughter’s blanket. My mind was blank, I looked up and saw Jacob cracking up, saying he “can’t believe that worked.” I snapped!
I started screaming at him and told him that he was “beyond messed up!”
Jacob tried to calm me down, he said it was just a joke and that my daughter was safe and sound in her room. I was inconsolable at this point, I told him to just pack his stuff and get out!
Jacob started crying, he begged me to let him stay and said that he didn’t mean any harm. I called my Mom and told her that she needed to come pick up Jacob, or he’s going to be on the streets!
My Mom came and got Jacob, but she later called me and said that I was massively overreacting.
Even Marcus agrees with my Mom, he says that Jacob is a dumb teen and should be given a second chance. Now that I’m in a calm state of mind, I’m starting to doubt my reaction, and I’m wondering if I went too far. AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ – he made a dumb decision and he’s going to learn there are consequences. And I’m sorry you had to live for even a second thinking your daughter was flung down the stairs.” pinkie18
Another User Comments:
“You are absolutely NTJ for kicking him out.
Gee, I can’t imagine why your mom is having problems living with him.
Maybe after a month or two consider offering him a chance to live with you again, if he keeps in mind that your child’s safety is not a joking matter to you.
But absolutely, he can deal with a few months of living at home with your mom again so he can realize that his actions can have consequences even if no one gets physically hurt.” Standard-Wonder-523
Another User Comments:
“I’m gonna go against the grain and say everyone sucks here.
The prank is horribly stupid, but he’s 17 and you said yourself that the cohabitation has been going fairly well until now. I think adults tend to forget all the stupid stuff they did when they were that young – I surely have situations from my teens that I still cringe about and think “how could I be that stupid/mean/inconsiderate?”
I should say that I hate this kind of prank, but it’s been very popular on social media, so I’m not surprised that a dumb teen thought this would’ve been “acceptable” and funny. He definitely knows now that it’s neither of those things, and I’m pretty sure he won’t do it again.
If I were you, and if everything were smooth til that point, I would consider letting him move back in again, provided he profusely apologizes for being such a freaking idiot.” griselde
1. AITJ for Leaving My Hair Appointment After The Stylist Refused To Give Me A Pixie Cut?
“I (22F) have been seeing the same hairstylist, Talia, for a few years now, and because we always chat during my appointments, she knows the basics of my life.
I have always had long hair, sometimes going a bit shorter (shortest has been to my shoulders), adding bangs, adding layers, etc. Nothing crazy. Well, I had an appointment yesterday and I decided to go for a super short pixie cut.
My stylist was shocked, but then she made a joke like “Oh no, this is breakup hair, isn’t it?” I was weirded out by that but I confirmed that yes, actually, my partner of a year and I broke up a few weeks ago, but it had nothing to do with my hair.
She then tells me that she really doesn’t want to cut my hair that short, because my hair is so nice (her words, I don’t really care) and it would be a “waste” to cut it. She then remembers that I’m going to be my sister’s Maid of Honor in a couple of months, and that I’ll have graduation in the spring, and she said that I’ll regret having short hair in the photos.
Honestly, I was pretty offended by that. As a grown woman whether or not I regret a hairstyle down the line is none of her business, as long as she does the cut well. She told me the shortest she would go was a long bob, and so I told her that I would be leaving, as that’s not what I want.
She tried to get me to pay the “cancellation fee”, as now she was going to lose the 2 hours booked, and what I would have paid. I told her that wasn’t my problem, and I left anyway. On my way out, she told me I wasn’t welcome back.
I relayed this story to my friends today, and the response was mixed. A couple of people told me she was just trying to look out for me in case I did regret the haircut, and that after the past couple of years, me walking out may have really hurt her financially.
I feel really torn. I don’t like conflict, but I really felt like Talia crossed a line when she refused to do my hair the way I wanted.
AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ! You are an adult and can cut your hair short if you want!
Short hair is cute! It might be that the stylist is not as comfortable cutting short hair, as you have to be very precise to do it well. I’ve had over 20 yrs of pixie cut experience (and experience growing it out and chopping it short again), I recommend researching for a stylist who does a lot of short cuts – check out their posts of customers online!
I found my latest stylist through the salon’s website and her professional social media site, where she posted she was excited to be soon taking a weekend class on how to do a really good fade! I’ve also left a stylist who asked after a year if I was going to change my style soon – I figured if she was bored cutting my hair, then I’d take my business elsewhere!” Pitiful_Stretch_7721
Another User Comments:
“YTJ honestly as a stylist this happens regularly. After a breakup clients do something rash, if we do it we later get ‘why didn’t you stop me?’ And have to deal with the client complaining for the next 2 years until it grows back.
Also being a bridesmaid. Do you know how many dramas there are over bridesmaids chopping off all of their hair before the wedding?
For some people it’s just hair but when it’s what you do all day every day you know when a client will regret their decision.” Justheralice2
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