People Are Ready To Fight About Their “Am I The Jerk?” Stories
21. AITJ For Telling My Younger Sister That My Partner And I Shared A Bed?
“Last week, my long-distance partner and their friend came to stay over for the weekend for an event. I have a couch and a twin-sized bed in my apartment, so the friend slept on the couch and my partner and I shared the bed.
Before that weekend (about 2 weeks ago), I was telling my parents about how I was having guests over on the phone (I don’t live with them), and they asked me how I was going to fit everyone since I have a studio apartment and they were worried that it would be too small.
I didn’t think this was much of a question because it’s pretty obvious how the room would be split unless I made someone sleep on the floor (which wouldn’t be necessary because we’re all small people, so there would be enough space).
So, I told them that my partner and I would share the bed and our friend would stay on the couch and there weren’t any problems there and they were cool with it.
The issue now is that yesterday, my younger sister was on the phone with me and asked me what I did over the weekend.
She’s 10, so I expected some questions, as that’s normal for her (she calls me pretty often and every day she asks me if I did anything interesting that day). I told her that my partner and friend came over and she asked me where they slept.
I replied with the same thing that I told my parents, which is that I shared the bed with my partner and our friend was on the couch.
I didn’t think this was an issue at all, but I mentioned to my partner afterwards that I told my little sister we shared a bed, and they were extremely put off by it, saying that it wasn’t her business to know and I shouldn’t have told her that because it’s not appropriate.
Am I crazy or is this not really a big deal? I’m thinking that logically, with the amount of space I have, asking where people slept is a valid question. And she’s 10 so I really don’t think she asked out of bad intentions.
Opinions?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. When my baby cousin was about that age, she was very curious about sleeping arrangements. I remember her asking “you only have one bed, but there are two people?” We had a brief conversation about it. It was innocent and in her experience (raised by a single mom), she didn’t realize bed-sharing was a thing.” spagettiohnos
Another User Comments:
“NTJ talking to adults about what adults do is part of how children learn about the real world. Sleeping in the same bed is not an inappropriate amount of detail for a child of 10. Bonus points if you can slip in some consent-based info about how it’s ok because you’re the same age and both like to sleep in bed together (gives them a sense of the difference between age-appropriate consensual behaviour and bad situations that other people might put them in).
We really don’t do children any favours when we’re vague or secretive about normal adult behaviours. Although it might be a good idea to ask your parents (and your partner – they’re entitled to their privacy too) what they’d like you to say if she asks more explicit questions as she gets older and more curious so you can all be on the same page.” Larkus_Says
Another User Comments:
“Here’s my take: I had a best friend Robin she came for the weekend with her latest partner Victor. At the time my youngest Sam was really into vampires and Victor was from Transylvania. Mind you, Sam was 6 at the time.
In the morning, Sam asked Robin where she slept. Robin said in your mom’s room with Victor. Sam said you must be very brave! Why? Sleeping with a vampire?! I had zero qualms about Sam knowing they were sleeping together.” Cultural-Slice3925
20. AITJ For Not Wanting My Mom's New Family To Use My Inherited Cabin?
“My dad bought a cabin before he married my mom. It became a family place for us when he married my mom and they had me. And when he wrote his will, he left the cabin to me, not my mom. But my mom helps look after it in the meantime, but full ownership goes to me when I (16M) turn 18.
My dad died when I was 7 and my mom remarried when I was 10. My mom has two kids with her current husband (6F and 3M).
When my mom got engaged/found out she was pregnant she asked me if I would be okay with the cabin remaining for the family and including her husband and new baby.
She wanted to keep it as the family vacation spot but said if I would turn around once I owned it completely and say I didn’t want her husband and new kids to be there then she wasn’t going to ruin any memories for them or cause them some heartache by bringing them knowing they would no longer be able to go in a few years.
I told her I wouldn’t want them to use it and wouldn’t let it be used by her new family. She told me they were our family not just hers. She saw I still didn’t want to let it be for them as well so she never took them there.
Before Christmas my mom let her SIL and family stay in the cabin because they lost their house. Ever since then my half-sister has been asking questions about it and wondering why she never goes there, etc. My mom told her it was mine and she looked after it for me until I was an adult and she wanted the family to be safe.
So then my half-sister is asking when we’re all going to go and why we don’t ever stay there and how she wants to see it. My mom asked me if I had changed my mind yet and I said nope. So mom was trying to make my half sister less upset about it but she would ask questions once a week about the cabin and say she wanted to visit.
This upset my mom’s husband who said it was ridiculous that a cabin was owned by the family and they couldn’t use it. He said it around me once and I told him it’s not owned by the family, it’s owned by me.
My mom is now blaming me saying it put everyone in a bad position because her ILs stayed there but she can’t bring the kids.
I told her that wasn’t my fault. That she was the one who offered the cabin all by herself and I had no say in it. She told me it was the right thing to do and the right thing to do now would be to accept that my family has changed and let them all enjoy the cabin.
I told her I can’t stop her for the next two years but it’s not going to be used once I take full control. Mom and her husband both told me that wasn’t the correct way to behave. They said I made my half-sister upset by letting her aunt, uncle, and cousins stay.
I told Mom she let them stay, not me, and she needs to own it instead of blaming me.
They were mad that it implied I would have refused to let them stay and that I don’t see how my actions are the root problem in everything.
AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Your mom is causing the issue, you told them you can’t stop them using it until you turn 18 and take control. She is choosing to cause an issue with a nonsense story about only being able to go until you turn 18 and this being some problem.
This reeks of them trying to manipulate you into giving them access. Hold firm.” Varkyvark
Another User Comments:
“YTJ. You treat your half-siblings deplorably as if they’re a result of some illicit affair. Your father was long gone before your mother remarried and you can’t expect her to not seek love again.
It’s only a piece of property that you chose over making new memories. That doesn’t take away from your father.” HOAKaren
Another User Comments:
“Once you are 18, be sure to solely take over the insurance policy on the property and change the locks. Remember that you will have to weatherproof for times of vacancy to avoid broken pipes.
If you plan to go away for college, you may need to hire a caretaker. Once you make it clear no one uses the property without your consent, you don’t suddenly ask them for help when the roof leaks or there’s a break-in.
I don’t mean to criticize; I actually agree with you, but this street runs both ways.” Elegant_Piece_107
19. AITJ For Not Wanting My Husband To Copy My Career Moves?
“My husband (44m) and I (39f) have been married for twenty years, but the last few years have been incredibly rough due to multiple issues such as our sons both going through major health issues. One issue is that I feel like he’s smothering me, and when I tried to explain that to him, he became furious and started telling me how awful I am.
The issue is this: Our entire lives together we have worked together the majority of the time. Almost always, that means separate departments and little interaction. When I say this, I don’t mean all in one place. I mean I started working at a major retail store, and a few months later he started there.
I started my degree, and the next semester he started his, identical to mine. This went through two degrees. I am now in grad school and sure enough, he’s asking me to start the process going to get him enrolled. When I gained my bachelor’s and began working at a museum career, he began volunteering there on his days off but would take over tours and conversations.
When I told him to stop he blew up and said I embarrassed him. When I took a second job at a factory, he also wanted to work at the factory. I quit the factory (as planned) last month because I just wanted extra Christmas money.
He got mad because he said I abandoned him there. He’s since quit and gone back to the retail job, but all he does is complain. The manager at the factory and I still talk and she said they’d accept me back anytime, but pretty much said they don’t want him back.
I am still working at the museum, and have started substitute teaching a couple of days a week. I love it. Now, he wants me to help him get started subbing, and I’m trying to avoid it. He asked if he could shadow me one day and I told him no, due to security.
He messaged the principal and got permission easily, and is upset that I hadn’t even asked. I am trying to avoid it, and he’s saying I’m a jerk for not taking him with me. Is he right?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. But what you have here is a spouse who has serious insecurity issues that compel him to keep an eye on you.
He’s controlling and I’m shocked that you haven’t found this disturbing in your 20 years of marriage. Please get marriage counseling ASAP. If he refuses to go with you, tell him that your marriage depends on it because it does. Go to counseling yourself and find out what you need to know, as well as what you need to do.
I actually fear for you.” LoveBeach8
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. This is very odd, disturbing behavior on his part. If you weren’t married to him, he would be a stalker. Is he anxious if he’s not around you; afraid you will evolve professionally and leave him behind; controlling and needs to keep tabs on you at all times; or some combination of all three?
In any case, he is living his life vicariously through you, being a chameleon who seems to have no core of identity of his own. This is not healthy for anyone. Of course you feel smothered; you have a metaphorical pillow over your head.” mocktailqueen
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. There’s something very wrong with him. Does he have any similar weird attachment/stalking/overprotective issues with the kids? You said that you and he were always in separate departments and had little interaction, but how do you know he wasn’t always keeping track of where you were and what you were doing?
Based on the details you’ve given, this whole thing is so creepy. Obviously, if he’s otherwise a great husband and father, then it’s just a weird quirk, but still–why hasn’t he wanted to do any kind of job or education that you haven’t done first?” T_G_A_H
18. AITJ For Wearing A Peaky Blinders Costume To A 1920s Themed Work Event?
“I (18F) got a retail job a few months ago to help with living expenses once I graduate.
Our store manager decided we needed to do a “team building event”. So they booked an escape room for us. I’m not going to complain: I like escape rooms.
Only someone decided that we should dress up in 1920s costumes. I make $15/per hour. I don’t have the time or the extra funds to buy a costume.
Since the theme is 1920s, I thought to reuse my Peaky Blinders costume from last Halloween. A few other people got the idea as well.
So while a lot of the girls were wearing glittery little flapper dresses with feather headbands, we had a couple of other guys in suits and my friend Justice reused her Tiana cosplay from Rose City Comic Con.
The morning shift lead, who decided we should dress up, got upset when she saw that we weren’t dressed like rejects from The Great Gatsby.
She said that we must have thought this was real funny to come as gangsters (or a Disney princess in Justice’s case). The dress code was 1920s, not Peaky Blinders or Princess and the Frog.
I told the story to my aunt later. She agreed that I was within the dress code (I mean, they said 1920s, and Peaky Blinders is set in the 1920s), I should have asked what the dress code specified. That sounds like too much for me.
What’s the point in having a dress code if you can’t have fun interpreting it in your own way?
And I stupidly told my mom this and now she thinks I’m the jerk for going as a gangster to a work event. Thanks, Mom.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. 1920s brings two things to mind – flappers, and the gangsters that supplied the beverages for all their parties. Their history is literally directly linked together. You could have been a real buzzkill and gone as a shellshocked infantryman from the war.” Graflex01867
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. The whole point of The Great Gatsby was clearly lost on the morning shift lead; because Gatsby is quite literally a gangster running an underground beverage supplier during prohibition. That’s how he affords his lavish parties. It wasn’t all high glamour and sparkles.
The same would extend to Peaky Blinders costumes.” adapech
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, but also I don’t think I’ve ever been to a 1920’s theme party that wasn’t at least 90% attended by flappers and gangsters. You were 100% on theme, even if your Halloween version had been zombie peaky blinder.
Further, this sounds like a pretty standard poorly organized work party where the organizer forgot their colleagues can’t read their mind and will have different interpretations. If you’re lucky, people actually put in an effort (what you and your friends did). If you’re not, they’ll just show up in what they wore for work that day, stay long enough to smash down a few free drinks, and then bail without telling anyone.
Regardless, don’t ever stop having fun with dressing up for theme parties! People committing to a theme (Peaky Blinder/gangster) makes it so much more fun. Not to mention, when people go off the rails with their interpretations (zombie peaky blinder/gangster) it absolutely sends me and it’s a delight every time.” smelode
17. AITJ For Insisting My Sister Not Be Called 'Grandma' By My First Grandchild?
“My (52F) sister (49F) and I took very different paths through life.
She got married at 18, was a stay-at-home mom, and there’s nothing wrong with that. She has a good life. I went to college for my MBA and didn’t get married until I was 30, and had my only son at 31 thanks to IVF. I always wanted more children but it was difficult for me to conceive.
My sister’s Instagram is filled with photos of her grandchildren. She had 6 kids and has 13 grandchildren and even one great-grandchild. We live about an hour away from each other but I still send all her kids Christmas gifts. They love me as an aunt. Before I got married my sister used to tease that I was “the spinster aunt”.
(Edit – she was not exactly being cruel – we did not know at that time that I would have trouble conceiving.) I brought my son over to play with his cousins as often as I could.
He just turned 22 and his wife is pregnant with their first baby.
His wife has made it clear this pregnancy will be “one and done”. They just posted the first sonogram. My sister immediately posted that she couldn’t wait until the baby was born and that she was going to insist that the baby call her “Gramma”.
This is my one and only chance to be a grandmother and I can’t believe my sister is behaving this way. I got angry and called her to let her know there was no way my grandchild was going to call her Gramma. Her grandkids don’t call me Gramma, they call me Auntie.
She cried and said everyone calls her Gramma and she hung up on me.
My son just called me and told me I am making a big deal out of nothing and that if his aunt wants to be called Gramma that will be fine.
He pointed out that his wife’s mother will also be called Grandma so it is OK to have more than one. I am very confused. This seems like a hill to die on, but is it?”
Another User Comments:
“WOW, this would be my hill to die on.
It is your only chance to be a Grandma and your sister wants to take it away from you – how selfish is she? I cannot believe your son thinks this is okay – did he call her Mom as a child? Maybe sit down with your son and DIL and explain your feelings on the matter.
Ask your son if he wants his child to call another man Dad? Explain that it is taking your role away from you. I am really sorry this has put a damper on what would have been a very happy occasion for you. NTJ.” TanKris67
Another User Comments:
“This would absolutely be my hill. Your sister is not this baby’s grandmother. Your DIL’s mom is also this baby’s grandmother. I’m confused for you. Why would your own son take his aunt’s side? Because what he is saying is it’s ok to call someone else “mom”.
Would he like it if the baby called someone else dad? Probably not. NTJ. Your sister can chill out. The spinster aunt thing? She was insulting you, and being a jerk. I’d make sure people know.” CalicoHippo
Another User Comments:
“I don’t get it.
You will be the kid’s grandparent. Why is there any conversation at all where your grandkid’s great aunt should be called “grandma”? Who cares if your sister is upset? She has no place in the conversation and is butting in where she has no place to be and your son is, strangely, agreeable to it?!
That’s odd, too. So, first a conversation with your son about you being called Grandma and that you’re not okay with your sister being called such. She will be Aunt so and so. Then, I’d call my sister and tell her, “No. That’s my grandchild, so I’m Grandma, and you, sister, will be Aunt Narcissist Inappropriate Buttinsky.” A big NTJ here.
In bold, underlined, 130-point type. Just saying.” katg913
16. AITJ For Telling My Sister Her Future Marriage Will Fail If She Keeps Throwing Away Other People's Things?
“My youngest sister (18) has a bit of OCD and I try to be understanding of that. However, she is an extreme neat freak even for things outside her room in our family house and immediately throws new products and items out without consulting with anyone because it is “clutter.”
I am part of the Amazon Vine program, and you can get a few health products for free here and there under this program. Though not everything I get from there is free, and I do pay for a good amount of products. I buy my parents a lot of goods that can be helpful for their health and wellness, such as massage guns, diffusers, humidifiers, etc. I also get things for my cat and generally things that could be beneficial for the family eventually in the future even if not immediately (like emergency first aid kits or other health products).
None of these products are ever placed in her room nor even on the same floor of her room. They always go in the basement storage which is not used because there is already a bunch of clutter there from my dad’s stuff.
Recently, she threw out a bunch of stuff in the basement, including my dad’s things such as faucet replacements, old monitors, and a few other things, because there was too much clutter there and she wanted to have a space she can “relax” in.
She did all this without asking anyone and both my dad and I got angry with her.
A few days later I got my parents some sea salt because they were complaining about muscle ache, but they never used it immediately. They did plan to use it eventually, so they kept it in their room.
About 2 weeks later my dad asked me to buy him some sea salt, to which I reminded him I just got him some recently. My mother then tells us my sister threw it out literally a day after I gifted it to them, so now I have to go and buy more for my dad.
Given this, I was a bit fed up with everything she’s been throwing out over the years because multiple times arose when I had to buy things twice or three times because they would keep getting thrown out. I lashed out at her and told her that in the future if she doesn’t learn to respect other people’s things, her marriage will lead to a divorce.
She hasn’t spoken to me since. AITJ? Should I just stop getting gifts for the family?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. The sister had no right to even touch that stuff, it isn’t hers. OCD or not it can be extremely frustrating to live in a home where your stuff just disappears because it’s “clutter” and not even be able to properly vent out your annoyance.
OP said something mean in retaliation to extremely unacceptable behavior. Monitors and first aid kits aren’t cheap.” Sweet_Negotiation776
Another User Comments:
“NTJ OP. What you said was hurtful but I understand the frustration of having someone constantly throw away stuff that you purchased without asking first. That’s like your sister taking money out of your wallet and throwing it out of the window.
Your sister has no rights to touch, take, or throw away any of your property without discussing it with you first. If she has a problem with you purchasing so much stuff, then she needs to do the adult thing and talk to you to try to reach a compromise on how much you should purchase considering the storage space in the basement.
And may I suggest that you buy a storage shelf and some bins where you can store your purchases in an organized manner where hopefully it wouldn’t bother your sister so much.” Misanthrope-is-ME
Another User Comments:
“ESH. I get your frustration. My dad has OCD, and while he’s not nearly as bad, he has a habit of cleaning the fridge and throwing out anything he doesn’t think people will use…even though they absolutely will…without asking anyone.
So I get how infuriating it is. Your sister needs to stop, or if she can’t, get the treatment she needs so she can. Nevertheless, the reference to a failed marriage was irrelevant and out of line. You should have kept your criticisms to the topic.
You basically said, “No one’s going to want you!” And was that necessary? Couldn’t you just as easily say something about how she didn’t have a right to throw out other people’s stuff?” FrederickChase
15. AITJ For Refusing To Enforce A Grounding Against My Son?
“My wife (37F) and I (37M) have 4 kids: Ashley (13F), Bryer (13M), Colt (5M) and Faith (3F).
When my wife and I go out, Ashley has always been the one to watch the kids. Ashley is home more often as Bryer is an extrovert and we also feel she’s more responsible.
Bryer has his own strengths, he’s much more chill than Ashley and he’s close to his younger siblings as he and his friends will play with Colt and Faith sometimes, while Ashley wants to make sure they follow rules.
On Saturday, we had an appointment to have our taxes done.
We made this appointment about a month ago and didn’t realize Ashley had a commitment for art club that day. We realized the conflict about a week ago when Ashley brought up the event again and we asked Bryer if he could babysit and he agreed.
Bryer has a friend, Cutter (13M) on his baseball team. Cutter’s dad owns a local bookstore and Cutter is allowed to give books to Bryer and his other teammates for free (and to keep). Bryer asked Cutter to bring some books on makeup and painting nails.
Colt has recently expressed interest in painting his nails, my wife and Ashley have both called it silly and said those things are for girls, initially, I agreed with them but Bryer thinks we’re being crazy and how “anyone” can do these things and he’s been very convincing to me.
He also asked Cutter if he could go to the store and buy stuff to bake cookies and brownies. Cutter is a very good baker.
We found out about all of this when we got home from doing our taxes, we noticed the kids weren’t in the house and saw them in the backyard playing.
We asked them to come in and noticed that Colt and Faith were bouncing off the walls. We asked Bryer what happened and he said that they had some brownies and candy, he admitted he let Colt and Faith have as much candy as they wanted because he’s not the “fun police”.
My wife noticed a book on the coffee table about the makeup and Bryer admitted he asked about it for Colt. My wife was upset and asked him to stop “undermining” our parenting. We had to bring Colt and Faith back outside after they nearly broke a vase running around the house.
My wife told Bryer he was going to get grounded for bringing a friend over without our permission, making the kids get a sugar high, and “undermining” her on the Colt issue.
I asked to speak to my wife before we grounded him. I told her I wouldn’t enforce a grounding against Bryer and it was our fault for leaving him alone with the kids.
We went to Bryer later that evening and asked if he regretted anything and he said no immediately. He said he didn’t care as long as they didn’t get hurt and said that Ashley is probably “fun police” when she babysits. He said all that mattered was that no one got hurt.
I said to my wife this proved immaturity but she still wanted to ground him. She said I’m “undermining” her by saying I would not enforce a grounding against Bryer. AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“First – did Bryer know the rule that he is not to have friends over?
Second – the brownies and candy, let it go, that’s not punishable unless you told Bryer ‘no brownies and candy.’ Third – what the heck with the nail polish and make-up? You all need to chill on that, you’re creating a bigger issue than it is.
I don’t see anything ‘groundable’ unless you told Bryer specifically no friends and he specifically went against your rules. But you and your wife need to have a united front on this, otherwise, kids see a crack and they now wedge you apart when it comes to permissions and punishments.
Finally – please involve Bryer in more babysitting, he seems really keen and interested and you don’t want to squash it. And no reason for Ashley to take on all the babysitting because ‘she’s more responsible’. Teach Bryer to ‘be more responsible.'” Canadian_01
Another User Comments:
“Everyone’s a jerk (except all the kids) for starters hire a fricking babysitter, that would solve part of your problems. Quit expecting 13-year-olds to parent your younger kids and quit expecting 13-year-olds to hold up your weird outdated gender norms. It’s ridiculous to tell a 13-year-old to stop undermining your parenting because they are 13, and if you think they are undermining your “parenting” you likely just aren’t parenting.
How is this argument mostly over a 5-year-old wanting to have colorful fingernails? He’s 5, the world is not gonna end if he gets painted nails. Lastly, you both need to work on your communication because you are undermining each other by not getting on the same page.” Plantsnob
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. What decade do you people live in? First, sugar doesn’t make you hyper. Second, boys can wear make-up. Third, boys can babysit just as well as girls. My guess is you have your daughter babysit most often because she’s a girl, not because she’s better at it.
Further, she’s likely becoming the “fun police” because you are lumping all the responsibility on her and letting her brother do whatever he wants. It’s 2024. Let ALL your kids experiment with make-up, don’t have a cow because they had a treat one day, and stop just using your daughter as the go-to babysitter.” inFinEgan
14. AITJ For Not Telling My Sister My Baby's Name After She Used My Chosen Names For Her Children?
“I’m (38f) pregnant with my first, and probably only, child. My sister (36f) is also pregnant but this is her third child and this baby comes several years after her last child who is 8 years old. I struggled with fertility problems for many years.
I could not get pregnant despite trying from the age of 24. We underwent numerous tests but no clear reason for this was ever found. We tried taking breaks between trying, we tried fertility medications in recent years and finally, last year, we went through IVF which was successful for us.
You might wonder what this has to do with the name of my baby. Well, let me explain. My husband and I had a boy and a girl name chosen from pretty much the time we started trying for a baby. These were names we promised to use whenever we had a baby, and we had planned to have at least 2 children.
Those names stayed “the names” throughout everything. But when my sister was pregnant with her first child, she and her husband struggled to agree on a name. She mentioned my and my husband’s chosen names once during my pregnancy and said how lucky we were to have agreed. Then when her daughter was born she decided to use the girl name my husband and I had chosen.
And she confessed that is how the name was decided on. She said her husband liked our chosen name and she didn’t think it was bad so she decided it would be better for them to use it so their baby could have a name.
She told me not to look upset (because admittedly I got emotional when she said this) and told me at least the name would be used. Then when her son was born she used the name we had chosen for the same reason; they couldn’t agree on another name.
This did strain our relationship and I was and still am hurt that she was so dismissive of my feelings and so blunt about what they did. She implied pretty strongly that she expected I would never have children to use the name for. Then a couple of years after her son was born she made the comment that we agreed so easily we could find another name if it worked, implying that we could not/should not use the names anymore.
We ended up mixing our boy choice and our girl choice for this baby. Both had a unisex name in them and we decided, since we loved all four names mixing them wasn’t a huge change. My sister won’t like this. But honestly, we don’t see each other much anymore.
She only reached out more now because we’re both pregnant at the same time and she has asked repeatedly about the name we have chosen. I have refused to tell her. But my two brothers know. They thought I should have used the original name as intended and given our sister the middle finger.
But they also understand why we chose to mix them.
She sent me a very upset text a few nights ago saying I’m being so petty and these babies should grow up close together and we should be working on our relationship and instead I am excluding her and making a point of saying I don’t want her to know anything.
AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, Your sister needs to check her entitlement… She could not come up with meaningful names for her own children? She used the names you had your heart set on using, and justified it by saying “well it’s not like you can use them”.
Does she have a history of being insensitive and tactless? I mean sure no one has entitlement to a name for their child, but you and your partner decided on those names and were going through a tough time trying to have a child together.
She just swoops in and acts like she did you both a favor in using those names so they don’t go to waste? She can’t see how horrible and insensitive she has been? I’m with your brothers on this, but I am glad you and your partner are happy with your new choices.
It’s probably for the best they spend minimal time around their aunt and cousins. All the best with your new baby. Congratulations.” Doktor_Seagull
Another User Comments:
“NTJ the minute she knows the name she will use it for her latest baby. You don’t owe her anything and if she wants your kids to be close then surely she’s the one who shouldn’t be treating you like rubbish and constantly disrespecting you.
I get the feeling any time you are around her with your child she will use it to disrespect you and act superior. I would reply “I used to dream about my kids being close to yours and then realized that meant exposing them and ourselves to toxic you.
Thanks but I’d rather protect myself and my kids than be constantly disrespected and used. Oh and stop asking I am not going to name your latest baby for you.” Sweet-Interview5620
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. She stole your baby names before and will do it again.
Also her comments about you being childless are straight disgusting. I wouldn’t even talk to her anymore. Baby names are so personal and private. My siblings never shared their baby names ever and nobody was ever upset. It’s respecting privacy. Only my brother shared it once – with instant regret – because of stupid comments from his MIL.” Wumpa_Fruit_Enjoyer
13. AITJ For Not Wanting My Toxic Family To Interfere With My Wedding Plans?
“My (29 M) wife (26 F) and I plan on hosting our wedding next February. My parents and brother have a history of being very toxic to me. I was always their punching bag. I became estranged from my brother 7 years ago and my life has been way better.
Being able to be civil with him during the holidays but not conversing for more than 30 seconds. My parents always are upset when my wife and I can’t make plans with them. My parents hang up abruptly in anger on the phone when we voice anything that doesn’t align with them.
It’s become quite the norm. They also always threaten to leave my life if I make a decision that doesn’t align with theirs. And leave me in an awkward ultimatum.
My wife and I plan on budgeting our wedding on our own as we are financially stable.
We’ve denied all donations from family as we want to leave all strings detached. We picked out our garden venue and it had a maximum of 150 guests that we have picked.
We and my parents had a get-together which I begrudgingly went to because I knew it would end in an argument.
My father kept telling us he was inviting over 30-40 of his friends and distant relatives. Some I have never met and other family members I do not enjoy the company of due to them being always critical and judging. His argument was “you need to show respect.
They babysat you as a baby. They’re my best friend.” They wanted us to change our venue and have their band perform, pick our outfits. He was constantly talking over my wife saying “don’t say no to your parents, I don’t want to hear it.”
My wife and I decided to only invite the family that we see during the holidays.
The argument turned to my father saying “what about us? We are your parents!” I tried to explain I wouldn’t mind him having guests if our guest list frees up.
But more shouting continues “don’t tell me no, just say yes now!”
I told my parents, “you don’t have any respect for us!” Once again, the ultimatum from my parents, “if you want your parents to come you better let my friends in, I will stand outside the venue until you let us in!”
At this point, my wife and I leave with me telling them “don’t come!”
At this point, I am not inviting my parents until they apologize to my wife. And not inviting my brother as I was doing this only as a favor for my parents.
I will leave space open for them if they apologize and agree to not interfere with planning.
I just want them to be guests and not part of any wedding plans as they are so narcissistic and controlling.
Am I wrong for feeling this way?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. I would be afraid of some stuff getting started at the wedding. Your father and brother need a keeper, or they will be dragging 40 of their buddies through the doors! Be strong about setting your boundaries, because they are determined to break them down.
Luckily you are an adult, and you don’t have to listen to them anymore. They are mad at the loss of control, and trying desperately to get it back. Congratulations on your wedding, stay strong, and good luck!” Less_Ordinary_8516
Another User Comments:
“Of course NTJ regarding the argument and your decision.
“I just want them to be guests and not part of any wedding plans as they are so narcissistic and controlling.” I would reconsider this part, however, in the sense of not inviting them at all, not even if they apologize. At this point, their apology would definitely be fake, just an excuse to be at the wedding, and as someone else pointed out, there’s a good chance they’ll hijack your wedding, making a scene, causing drama, acting like it was their event, inviting the people you rejected. Having them present in any form, even just as guests, is a train wreck waiting to happen.” 000-Hotaru_Tomoe
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, just don’t invite them, do you really want to go through all of this planning just to have a dark cloud over your head? Or better yet your sweet wife? She doesn’t deserve that worry when all she should be focusing on is getting her hair and make-up done, putting her beautiful dress on, and having the best day ever with her husband (you) These people are narcissists but I’m sure you know it already, if those people aren’t adding anything positive to your life and are causing continuous pains after you should’ve freed yourself from that then why are they still a part of your life, the wedding is the beginning of their selfish demands and the wedding day is only the start to bigger milestones, imagine when you have kids, will the baby shower be about them and their guest list?
Or your baby’s first birthday will they take those moments and ruin them too? In my opinion, this would be it. You haven’t taken a single cent from them because you knew it would be conditional, and to yell “don’t say no just say yes” is your father a 5-year-old throwing a fit like this?
I hope you make the best decision for you and your wife moving forward, enjoy your wedding day!!” cjbay87
12. AITJ For Refusing To Lock My Dogs Away During My Friend's Baby Shower?
“A few months ago I (F28) offered to my best friend to host her Baby Shower.
We’ve known each other for 20 years. I was her maid of honor. She accepted. Invitations were sent out a few weeks ago. We are in the thick of planning it. It is next weekend.
The topic of my dogs came up. I have a lab and golden.
She doesn’t want them at the party. I was like this is the dog’s house too, I’m not going to take them anywhere or lock them away. She said there are going to be a lot of people here including several young children. We’ve known each other forever, she knows my dogs are well-behaved and great with kids.
Even if they were messed with, I trust that nothing would happen.
She explains that my dogs can be a bit much, I’m like I don’t know what you are talking about. She says she is fine with them but doesn’t think in a party setting like this they will be great.
She again asked at the very least if I could keep them locked away. I told her that she can find a new venue to host her baby shower. She called me a jerk. She didn’t think this was a big deal. I asked her to leave.
She has let everyone know that there is a TBD venue change and now I’ve had people reaching out to me about what happened. AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“ESH – a lab and a golden are big enough to get in the way of a party.
I have three the same size and I’d never imagine hosting a party with little kids and food and having them run around. They’re better off in their beds for a few hours, away from the craziness that is a baby shower. Not everyone loves dogs.
Especially big dogs. You no doubt believe they’re the best dogs that have ever dogged, but even good dogs are still animals. I don’t understand how that was out of bounds of compromise? But I don’t understand how this wasn’t brought up at the beginning.
Seems like it should have been discussed far prior to invites being sent out which is where her blame lies.” TronnertheAwesome
Another User Comments:
“As a hard-core dog lover (my dogs are family) YTJ. Not because you won’t protect the guests from the dogs, but because you refuse to protect your dogs from strangers.
You said there will be kids at this party. Kids should NEVER be around dogs unsupervised. You will be hosting this party, so there is no way you can pay attention to your dogs and their interactions with all the guests. What if a kid pulls a tail, or pokes an eye?
You’re supposed to protect your dogs, not leave them out in possibly dangerous situations.” Prior_Lobster_5240
Another User Comments:
“YTJ. They are dogs. Being locked up for a few hours won’t hurt them. A lab and a golden are both big dogs that easily get in the way and can take food off the table.
I’m 100% animals are family but that doesn’t mean they need to be involved in everything. Even the best-behaved dog can unexpectedly snap at a small child or accidentally bowl one over. Be a responsible dog owner and put them in a different part of the house or outside while the party is going on so that no accidents happen.” horsecrazycowgirl
11. AITJ For Wanting To Meet My Sister's Date And His Family Beforehand?
“I (28M) am raising my 14-year-old sister, Nicole. Recently, Nicole came to me and said a guy asked her out. She’d be going to the water park with his family but they’d be off doing their own thing while there.
I didn’t see much wrong with this but said I wanted to meet the boy and his family first as I had never heard of him until now. I truly just intended on a quick, hey, can we just talk about what the plan is for the day, where they’ll be, etc?
As well as just get to know them. I’d do the same if a female friend I had never met invited her somewhere.
Nicole had no issue with this and passed my number along to the boy’s family. I got a very irritated call from the boy’s mom.
She said I was “archaic” and “sexist” for insisting on meeting her son. She started accusing me of wanting to intimidate her son. I said that’s not at all what I was doing, I just wanted to know who my sister was going to be with – adults included. The boy’s mom acted as if I was being nefarious.
I asked Nicole what exactly she said when passing along the message and she told me it was only “my brother wants to meet you guys before I go out with him”.
EDIT: Nicole says she told them I’m her guardian and I also mentioned it during the phone call.
Basically, the boy’s mom is now offended and told her son that Nicole couldn’t come. According to Nicole, the mom says she’s protecting him from “toxic masculinity”.
Nicole is now mad at me. Apparently, she asked her friends who claim their parents would never ask to meet these people.
None of my friends are in my situation and I don’t exactly have “parent/guardian” figures I can turn to and see if I was wrong. So, was I wrong to ask this?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. This is such a bizarre reaction. I mean, you are basically acting as a parent for your sister, it sounds like, and a parent wanting to meet a child’s friend (male or female) feels completely normal. The crazy, out-of-proportion response is worrying to me.
What’s up with these parents? I wonder if these parents have put you in the category of “controlling brother” rather than “caring parent”?” SushiGuacDNA
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. The mother is completely off her gourd. You are placing a minor in her care. SHE should want to have a quick chat with you.
SHE should want to have your number in case of an emergency. What if your kid has allergies? SHE should want to know that! Anyway. I get your sister is irritated at you because she sees it like you’re embarrassing her in front of a boy she likes.
Duh. That’s what parents do. But do try to smooth it over. You’re absolutely NTJ.” QfromP
Another User Comments:
“Holy crap. NTJ. That’s not a toxic masculine thing, to want to meet the people your sister will be going out with, that’s a common sense, regular practice parenting thing.
Stick to your position on this one. You are doing what is absolutely right for your sister, and if you give in this time when she’s 14, she’s going to be reminding you of it when you want to meet other parents until she’s 18. Eventually, the boy will pester his parents to the point that they are willing to meet you.
What a ridiculous position for them to take.” Own_Lack_4526
10. AITJ For Not Inviting My Dad's Younger Partner To My Wedding?
“I (F25) had a close relationship with my dad (M55) until he started seeing Taylor (30). When they started seeing each other, I was living at my dad’s house and had just graduated college in 2020.
I was shocked. The age gap surprised me, plus they met because he was their boss. It was serious and he was planning for Taylor to move in and he gave them a permanent (nonseasonal) position at his company. I was concerned that he was seeing someone my age, and also continuing a professional power dynamic and having them move in so quickly.
I voiced my concern to my dad and asked him if Taylor had a good relationship with their dad, and he said their dad abandoned them in childhood. I worried, but tried to be friendly when Taylor moved in.
I guess I failed to hide my awkwardness because right away Taylor started avoiding me and asked my dad if we could talk.
I agreed: I wanted to make it work. Taylor said I was being unfriendly by wearing AirPods in common areas and not asking enough questions to get to know them. I apologized and said I felt awkward and unsure how to navigate the new living situation.
After, I made a huge effort to be outgoing even though I’m an introvert.
Days later, my dad asked me if I was willing to talk to Taylor because Taylor was upset again. Taylor came into my room and told me they didn’t like how I spoke to my dad because I sounded ungrateful and “that’s not how children should speak to their parents.” This was because I had cried because I asked my dad to go grocery shopping with me and when I was ready to go he told me he and Taylor had gone without me.
I admit it was childish but explained I had a lot of other things going on and I was lonely because I wasn’t allowed to socialize and my dad had been my only company outside of work.
Time went on and Taylor had more and more reasons I needed to apologize.
I moved out because I was miserable. I went to therapy with my dad, sent some letters back and forth to Taylor, and the conflict lasted years until I finally stopped engaging. 1 year in, Taylor told my dad that they weren’t ok with me going to his house (my childhood home) to visit him, even when Taylor wasn’t home.
My dad was devastated but agreed.
When our family therapists told my dad he needed to stick up for himself he always just said: “I think we can work everything out.” But all he did was repeatedly ask me (on behalf of Taylor) to apologize.
I had apologized already for a lot and it couldn’t go on like that. He even agreed and said it was a pattern in their relationship that he always had to apologize and couldn’t share his side. But they are still together and I am still banned from the house.
I live on the other side of the country now. I met my fiance and invited my dad to the wedding. He asked if I was inviting Taylor. I said even if Taylor was willing to come, my wedding wasn’t the place to suddenly decide to speak to me again!
In the end my dad wasn’t upset but I felt bad. AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“Your dad is a coward and a wuss. He cares about his so-called peace more than his own daughter. No parent should allow their partner to ban their child from their house.
That’s a bad parent. Boohoo, he’s sad to do it. Still does it. And will continue to do it because he’s a coward and cares about his peace more than his daughter. At this point I don’t know why you even talk to your father, he’s a constant disappointment and reminder that you are disposable to him.
That can’t be good for your self-esteem and mood. He’s a bad father and has shown how little he’s willing to fight for you. Cut him loose, honestly. He is just as bad as his partner. He’s your father and knows what’s going on and knows what he’s doing, but refuses to do anything.
This man does not like you. This man does not care for you. This man allowed you to be banned from his house. This man allowed this person to make your life miserable and isolate him from you.
Your dad has shown who he is, why are you still putting yourself through this?
Would you be okay with him constantly making your kids and spouse apologize to his partner, when they are out of line? Are you okay with exposing your children to an uncaring grandpa? What benefit do you get, from him being in your life? Seems like planned heartbreak, to me.
You deserve so much better than this. Please surround yourself with people who choose you and respect you and defend you. I wish all the best for you. NTJ” unsolicitedPeanutG
Another User Comments:
“You are NTJ. I hope your dad attends without them. If he doesn’t, you know where his loyalties lie.
You have nothing to feel bad about. This is a person who is jealous of the relationship you have with your father. They do not want you taking any time away from them. It’s really sickening that your dad is allowing them to control him.
Kids should always be a priority.” NOTTHATKAREN1
Another User Comments:
“NTJ and stand your ground. If it makes your dad face the facts of his situation, so be it. It’s not your place to be the buffer zone between his choices and the consequences of them.
As the wedding gets closer, it’s likely the attempted manipulation will increase. Screenshot/Broken record technique works well. Repeat the same answer, adding in a count if you like. “This is the 23rd time I’ve said this. The invite is just for you. That won’t be changing.”” chippy-alley
9. AITJ For Insisting My Friend Removes A Potentially Dangerous Crib Setup?
“After seeing what I consider to be an extremely hazardous and potentially life-threatening set up in my friend’s 19-month-old crib, I immediately voiced my opinion to my friend about it.
I do sometimes forget to appreciate the differences in our parenting styles and tend to be quick to micro-manage or judge her parenting specifically because I have spent a decent amount of time with her recently since we met.
That said, I was positive something like this was common sense….
The setup is a 6 to 8-inch small rope with a drawstring on both ends…. One end is fixed around the bottom bars or platform of the crib. The other end is fixed and pulled onto/around the child’s bottle. There is definitely enough slack for the worst to happen, and if that even were an argument, should the child take the drawstring and loosen it or should the bottle happen to escape the drawstring, that same notion no longer applies (IMO).
Now, in my eyes, the fact that she says she has done this since birth has me thanking god that the child has not been harmed by this thing. I understand that not every situation means absolute death, but isn’t it the job of anyone who is a parent to mitigate the risks with that possibility as much as possible?
That is, if there is even the smallest possibility of such a horrible thing might happen and we have the ability to remove that risk, to eliminate it?
To me, this is a HUGE deal. My friend insists or tried to insist before removing it (but not before being annoyed by my persistence over the matter), that she has done this since he was born basically and that it is a comforting mechanism….
Otherwise, he throws it out of the crib.
AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“I guess technically it is being a “jerk” to tell other parents what to do — so the issue then would be, is it worth it to you (ie, that important) to be the jerk here?
Sounds like you think yes, and I agree. If it helps at all to show your friend this thread – I’m a random person out here and I have an acquaintance who lost her 1-year-old in nearly exactly this manner (a cord connected to a monitor in the crib).
And I think you’re NTJ for following your conscience on unacceptable risks for the vulnerable.” Justsaying0000
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. This is a hazard on multiple levels. Yes, there is the strangle hazard. But then there is the choking hazard from the bottle. A child that young shouldn’t be taking a bottle by themselves.
And finally, there is the issue of teeth rot. I would go ahead and assume and be generous that this is water except you said she has been doing this since the baby was born. (So either it is milk and they are rotting the teeth, or they were using water and being dangerous that way).
This whole thing is a nightmare. Yes, it can be a jerk move to tell someone they are doing something wrong with their parenting. But that it is a completely different scenario when you are literally protecting a kid’s life” boredgeekgirl
Another User Comments:
“Holy heck – I don’t know how someone could see that and NOT say something.
NTJ. I get no one wants to hear that someone else doesn’t like their parenting hack but if something were to happen to that baby you’d never forgive yourself for not saying something. This wasn’t you telling them to feed their kid a different diet.
This was you trying to prevent a dangerous issue.” lovetotravelanytime
8. AITJ For Refusing To Be Nice To My Dad's Partner Who Blamed Me For My Brother's Death?
“I am a 27F, daddy’s girl if you will. My parents divorced when I was 13. Dad (53M) has been with the same partner (55F) this whole time, her name is Susan. Susan and I never really bonded but I was always respectful towards her for my dad’s sake.
I did have an older brother, they got along great. To the point where she was in awe of him.
When my brother passed away in 2022, things went downhill. On my brother’s 1 year celebration of life that I planned with my dad, Susan had a horrible time and started a fight with me cause she wanted to plan it which then she blamed me for his death and stated she’s hated me since she’s met me.
My dad heard everything and told me in the heat of the argument people say the worst things they don’t mean.
Time has passed since that happened, I put a lot of space between me and her to the point where we do not talk.
This year on my birthday April 6th, I went to visit my dad. My dad asked me to say hi to Susan but I did not feel comfortable doing so. Susan made a scene cause I wouldn’t say hi to her but I feel like she owes me an apology before we go any further.
Dad yelled at me at the top of his lungs to drop it and took her side. My dad said “If you can’t be nice to her then get out“. I feel like I’m on the back burner and my dad and I haven’t spoken since my birthday.
AITJ for not wanting to be nice to my dad’s partner of 15 years?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Susan said something horrible, and yes she was grieving but it was still horrible. She could have reached out to apologize at any point but didn’t. I couldn’t be pleasant to someone who accused me of being the cause of my loved one’s death, no matter how upset they were, especially if they never even attempted to apologize.” Ok_Grapefruit_4421
Another User Comments:
“My parents taught me to never say something in anger you can’t take back… because even if you don’t mean it you can’t take it back. A good example I saw on social media said throw a plate on a ground. Tell it you’re sorry.
Did that fix it? Even if you glue it back together the fractures will always be there. Also, I am HORRIFIED that Susan never even apologized for the horrible things she said to you. At the very least she needs to apologize. Also your Dad owes you an apology for yelling at you.
He told you to get out so let him know I’m not speaking with him again without an apology. As for Susan, even with an apology, you do not owe her forgiveness for what she said. NTJ. I’d walk away from them both.” KimB-booksncats-11
Another User Comments:
“So she “hates” you but you still have to respect her? No. NTJ. It sucks because it sounds like you will lose your dad for the most part over this but when you enable bad behavior it perpetuates trauma cycles. You are just asking for an apology.
Anyone with pure positive intent after the grief wave passes will apologize without being asked to. There seems to be more under the surface here.” Certain-Cake-3903
7. AITJ For Refusing To Be A Role Model For My Neighbor's Disabled Son?
“I (34M) am an Army vet. Retired after sustaining a serious injury in combat that left me with 30% burns. I recovered fine, though.
I moved into a new apartment and one of my new neighbors is a lady in her 40s who has a 12-year-old son.
The son is in a wheelchair because he lost his legs in a traumatic accident.
The lady sparked a small talk and I told her about my experiences. In a really PG way with no juicy details. She asked me if I could talk to her son because she feels like he needs “an example of a brave man” in his life.
Don’t ask me wtf this means.
I politely refused. Not like I dislike children or anything. I feel like he won’t be able to relate to me and vice versa. I still can run, jump, lift weights, etc, and he’s in a wheelchair and will experience that forever.
It probably will be like rubbing it in. And I don’t want to trauma dump a pretty graphic story on a small child.
She told me that he needs some guidance and needs a person who he can look up to and relate to.
I told her that I’m not exactly the best role model for a 12yo and that I doubt he could relate. She said I’m being heartless and dismissive of her struggles. I was like “what the heck?””
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. She needs to find a willing role model – someone who wants to fill that role.
Not just try to rope in bystanders who neither want nor are especially qualified for the job. Maybe you could tell her that if she wants a disabled veteran to mentor her child, to call the local VA or DAV and see if they have any wheelchair-bound veterans who would like the opportunity to mentor a 12-year-old boy.” mifflewhat
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Classic over-entitled parent. That’s not your kid and you aren’t this lady’s friend. You are under no obligation to mentor this kid. And to top it all off she says YOU’RE being dismissive of HER struggles? Does she think that as soon as a soldier comes home disabled they are automatically required to play hero and mentor every kid?
A lot of vets have PTSD. It’s unfortunate that her son is disabled, but it’s disgusting that she thinks that you should have to relive your injury and the circumstances surrounding it, possibly triggering you, just because she thinks it would be good for her kid.” 1u___u1zZz
Another User Comments:
“Her child needs a mentor or big brother/sister in a wheelchair with similar abilities. Someone that comes through an organization that does background checks and matches up the needs to the child and is done in a supervised manner with accountability.
You are not obligated to help out just because she thinks you can empathize and she’s honestly crazy to ask someone she doesn’t know. This isn’t an insult to you at all but how does she know what your limits are psychologically?
Physically? What if you have anger issues and don’t have the patience to deal with a child? What if the child has a temper? Anger issues? Psychological issues? What does she expect you to help him with when the disabilities are different? So many things that are unknown and she’s just looking for someone close by who can watch her kid and is using this mentoring request as an excuse.
NTJ.” mynameisnotsparta
6. AITJ For Not Pausing My Home Renovations To Accommodate My Neighbors' Airbnb Guests?
“I (25M) bought a modest townhouse with my wife (24F) in a quiet street near a popular area of the city. It shares walls with neighbors on both sides. We bought it because of the great location, but the house is currently uninhabitable due to drainage issues, mold in the bathroom, ceilings coming down, and electrical problems. A full renovation is needed and we need to demolish all the bad stuff.
This means drilling through walls, floors, and the concrete foundation.
We hired a construction crew to do most of the heavy lifting for us. They started demolishing two days ago and scheduled these works for another 5 days. The heavy machines needed for this job make a lot of noise and produce dust.
Our neighbors on one side recently converted their house into an Airbnb, accommodating up to 10 guests. When we met them about a month ago, they showed us around their house while we were discussing renovations.
They rent out their house for about $600/day and had guests staying over today while our construction crew was working on the demolishing job.
That is when the guests started complaining to our construction crew first, escalating to our neighbor who then called my wife. Their guests have canceled the rest of their booking due to the noise. Our neighbors’ Airbnb relies on good reviews and having loud noise is obviously not good for business.
During the call with my wife, they discussed the upcoming booking schedule and requested for us to keep the noise down when they have guests staying over. We can however not keep the noise down without stopping all of the work temporarily due to all other jobs relying on this demolishing work to be done first.
If we were to follow the schedule and stop the work during the days they have guests over, it would cause a 7-day delay in our plans, not even counting the weekend. Since we are renting and our rental contract ends soon, every day we are postponed from moving in would cost us about $100 for a hotel.
On top of that, the construction crew would also have about $40/day of costs to reschedule work in other locations to accommodate this request.
We basically told our neighbors that we are willing to follow their request if they would reimburse us for the cost that comes with it, which is about $980 for the total delay.
We understand that our neighbors have a business and don’t want to ruin their reviews. But in my opinion, doing business comes with a cost, and I don’t think it’s totally unreasonable to have 7 days of noisy work done during working hours, once in a year.
They received our offer and scolded my wife, telling us to “be more considerate of our neighbors” and “be very thoughtful of our next steps”. I’m not planning on stopping the work and paying out of my pocket for their profits on their business. So, AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. I assume none of this work is being done within whatever your region’s “quiet hours” are (where I am, this is from 10 pm to 7 am) and I assume you’ve gotten all required permits posted in accordance with local laws. You don’t have “neighbors” as such; you have people running a business from a house they don’t occupy.
Where I live (sorry, this is my only frame of reference for your case), Airbnb is no longer allowed for stays of under 30 days when the host is not on premises, so your business owners may be breaking a similar law near you.” TemptingPenguin369
Another User Comments:
“Forget them and the horse they rode in on. You have no obligation, moral or otherwise, to acquiesce to their demands. You bought a house, are renovating before you move in. That is completely normal behavior. You going to a hotel between the end of your rental and move-in is not acceptable.
And it’s going to be a lot more than $100/day. Did you factor in eating out 3 times a day? Laundry costs? Plus if you start telling the contractor that they can only come in on days here and there, the work will never get finished. Contractors schedule work to take x number of consecutive days and then move on to the next job.” ashern94
Another User Comments:
“NTJ – You’re not breaking any laws by doing construction. Do they think that them running a business somehow takes precedence over you making your future home livable? Do they think that if a hotel has construction going on around it, the hotel has a right to ask people not to do their construction?
No, because that’s not how things work. You don’t owe them anything. And honestly, I’m sure that they’ve done renovations before, and I bet they probably didn’t go around to the neighbors to make sure it wasn’t going to interrupt anyone’s income streams. Besides, AirBnB is supposed to be an alternative to a hotel, and hotels are for sleeping overnight; I’m pretty sure construction probably stops before enforceable quiet hours, so they should be able to sleep just fine.” Jendy86
5. AITJ For Cancelling Our Trip Because My Cousin Won't Go To China With Me?
“Long story short we planned to do a trip to Asia.
The initial plan was Japan & Korea and we initially planned on doing 10 weeks. We then added China & Thailand (I wanted China she wanted Thailand, fair.) In January she tells me she can’t do the full 10 weeks and tries to talk us down to 6.
I rearranged the itinerary for 7 1/2 weeks (55 days) from our original 10 weeks.
Then we started inquiring about the Visa to China and she’s making a big deal of us having to go to Washington DC to apply (a 6-hour drive from GA) so she wants to just take China off altogether.
I don’t agree with this.
Well yesterday we talk about starting to go ahead and book our housing for our trip and she tells me she’s not going to do China and she’s just going to go with me for Japan, Korea, and Thailand and then fly back ultimately leaving me to travel to China alone.
So I told her if that’s the case I’m not doing Thailand. She’s fine with that because now she makes up an excuse that she can only do 4 weeks instead of 7 anyway. So I decided to tell her I’m calling Delta to cancel my flight because I no longer have a desire to go if I can’t go somewhere I really want to go to.
She’s upset and trying to make it seem like it’s a me problem and I’m the issue for canceling.
So I must ask, AITJ here?”
Another User Comments:
“Yes YTJ. I understand you’re disappointed that your travel buddy has changed her mind about China but, why cancel the whole trip?
It sounds like she is fine with doing Thailand alone can’t you be fine with doing China alone? 7 weeks is a long trip. I’m not surprised she can’t/doesn’t want to be gone that long. Instead of making the best of things and enjoying part of the trip together and doing the rest alone you threw a hissy fit and canceled the whole thing.
Talk about cutting off your nose to spite your face. I realize she indicated she would go on a longer trip including China at one point but, it’s one thing to have the idea of doing something and another thing to start sorting out the logistics and realize that it won’t work out the way you initially thought.
It’s probably for the best (in her case) that you canceled though because you sound like a pain to travel with.” Trouble_Cleff
Another User Comments:
“Soft YTJ. Why the drama? If you want to do China so badly then go alone. These are all countries that are safe and easy to travel to as a solo traveler (personal experience).
Just do what you can together and then go your separate ways. It’s really not worth getting upset about and messing with your relationship. Honestly, it’s a lot of time to be spending with someone traveling and you may find that a shorter period together is actually better.
I personally love traveling alone, I can do exactly what I want to do when I want to do it. On the other hand, it is nice to have company at times. This way you will be getting the best of both worlds.” [deleted]
Another User Comments:
“YTJ. It sounds like the itinerary for this trip has changed many times, so maybe it’s best that the trip gets canceled…but you kind of just rage-quit because your cousin will not go to a country she does not want to go to. These kinds of disagreements happen, but your cousin seemed pretty flexible on all but one thing.
You saying that you don’t want to go to Thailand comes across as kind of a “punishment” to your cousin for not wanting to go to China. Your cousin completely accepted this and you still decided not to go because you “can’t” go to China.
As written, it just seems like you are having a tantrum. Even if your cousin just doesn’t want to do 12 hours of driving/transport…that’s a perfectly valid reason not to do something.” RebelWithoutASauce
4. AITJ For Not Wanting To Make A Second Batch Of Dessert For My Picky Sister?
“My partner (30M) and I (33F) have become lactose intolerant and allergic to eggs over the last few years, and not in a “oh no I have a tummy ache” way but in a way that will have us confined to the bathroom in agony for 2-3 days.
It’s no joke. We’ve put a lot of effort into learning how to accommodate for ourselves and maintained a love for cooking and baking that’s safe for us. Some of my family members have commented that they find our allergies confusing, and we’ve occasionally been caught at events where there’s little we can eat because everything was cooked in butter and the only salad dressing was ranch.
We’ve been getting better at either bringing our own dairy-free options or asking about meal plans beforehand when we’re guests.
My sister (36) is a picky eater, not in a mental illness way, just annoying, and has been all her life. She’s coming to visit next week, and I’ve offered to host a family dinner.
This is something my husband and I do frequently and really enjoy – we’ve even hosted dairy-free Thanksgiving and Christmas meals with little fuss – and none of my siblings or other relatives have food allergies. My sister has been talking up the fancy cheese charcuterie board she’s going to bring for months now.
She doesn’t care that we can’t partake and even asked for fancy grocery store recommendations in our area to add local cheeses to the mix. I told her I didn’t know any but kept my follow-up question (why the heck would I know where to buy fancy cheese I can’t eat?) to myself.
When she began asking about what we were planning to serve for the family dinner, I told her I hadn’t decided yet and asked if she had any requests. I knew she’d been trying to eat more vegan meals, so I was expecting something like that.
However, her main focus was on reminding me that she didn’t like curries, coconut, or seafood, and really doesn’t like substitutions in baked goods, so for desserts, could we make 2 batches, one we can eat and one she prefers? She offered to buy the ingredients, but didn’t clarify if she would also be the one to make the 2nd batch or if she expected me to.
Maybe I’m being too sensitive, but I think it’s ridiculous to ask the host of a dinner to make you something specific that you know they can’t eat. If she wants to bring her own dessert, her own butter for the corn on the cob, her own fancy cheese, that’s fine.
But to ask me to make 2 batches of dessert just because she’s picky feels absurd.
When I looked up the etiquette for this sort of thing, all the articles I could find addressed how hosts can accommodate guests with allergies, not how to host when you yourself have allergies and your guests are being demanding.
So AITJ for not wanting to make a 2nd batch of desserts that I can’t eat for my picky sister?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. It’s kinda crazy to specifically request a host makes anything, especially if it’s just a family dinner and not an event like Thanksgiving.
Also more crazy if it’s dessert and not the main course — she could easily just skip dessert?? She could also bring her own store-bought option to add to the table for anyone who wants it. As a relatively picky eater myself, I can’t imagine asking that of any host, even my sister.” idkwiadtrn
Another User Comments:
“Your sister is the jerk. I am a baker and have no allergies. But I am a picky eater. I would never make that sort of demand. Me being picky is my issue and not life-threatening. I love trying food where substitutes have been used, to see just how good it is.
Because then if I have a guest with allergies, I know what works and what doesn’t. Forget your sister. Make a single batch and if she doesn’t like it tough. Eat what we made or bring your own. No way would I accommodate her when you have real allergies.” Logical-Fox5409
Another User Comments:
“INFO: Did you try to clarify with her if she planned to make the second batch? Or explain to her that if she wants a dessert without substitutes, she has to make it herself? You’re not the jerk if you don’t feel like baking additional desserts for her because you don’t have the time or fear contamination that much.
But from your tone, it sounds to me like you’re more annoyed that she wants to have some dishes that you can’t than the logistics of baking. Why else bring up the cheese board?” Anxious_Algae
3. AITJ For Not Inviting My Sister-In-Law's Parents To My Wedding?
“My fiance (37nb) and I (32f) are planning a wedding! Months ago, I was discussing wedding planning with my brother (35m) and his wife (36f). I mentioned to them that I was grateful for my parents’ support because I thought I’d be able to invite more people, like my SIL’s parents, who are lovely people.
My SIL was touched that I had even considered that, and we moved on to discussing all the second cousins I wasn’t going to invite.
As we continued to plan the wedding, my fiance and I discovered that we had very different cultural expectations about what counts as a “big” or “medium” size wedding.
My fiance feels strongly that the bigger it is, the less fun they will have, and I have a very large family that expects to be invited to everything always. We agreed on a hard cap of 100 people, and my SIL’s parents did not end up making the cut.
We sent out save the dates in the fall, and I figured that was that.
Then last night, my brother called me, extremely upset, because his in-laws reached out to him to plan where they were going to stay for the wedding, and he called my parents to see what their plan was, and they were like “um I don’t think your in-laws are invited?” Turns out they have had my wedding on their calendar for months and are really excited about it.
My brother was very apologetic for putting me in this situation but strongly urged me to invite them after all.
If it were just me, that’s what I’d do. Like I said, these are perfectly lovely people who I’ve always gotten along well with. But this is our wedding, and my fiance has already compromised significantly on the size, and even chose to not invite most of their extended family in favor of their friends to keep the total wedding size down, and they are deeply unhappy at the idea of adding more people.
WIBTJ if I reached out to my SIL’s parents, apologized for the miscommunication, and let them know they aren’t invited after all? They were on our B list of people to maybe invite if we got lots of nos and I don’t know whether to say that or not.”
Another User Comments:
“YWBTJ if you didn’t invite them. You specifically verbalized that you would, and said you were excited to be able to have them. Your fiancé needs to be okay with adding TWO more people. If they aren’t then that’s a flexibility issue that might come up later in marriage.
Congratulations!!! Hope the day is everything you dreamed of.” lonelypizzalover
Another User Comments:
“Info on the original conversation: “I would like to invite them” is not the same as “tell your parents they can come”. A lot of people are claiming you’re the jerk for what sounds like a hypothetical conversation early on in the planning process.
Is there someone else you left off that you’d WANT to attend more than them? Like more people you WANTED there that also didn’t make the cut? (not just family that expected an invite) Because I feel inviting them over people you personally want there is a compromise you shouldn’t make twice, it’s okay to cull your list for your fiancé, but not a guest. YWBTJ if you tell them about the “B-list”.
Go about organizing that by who YOU want on the top, not your SIL, and if they happen to make the cut when those invitations go out, so be it.” simplywonderfulsoup
Another User Comments:
“YTJ if you don’t properly invite them. You messed up by letting their daughter know they were on the guest list when you hadn’t finalized it.
By your own words, they are “lovely people”. You can never have too many people like this in your life. It will also badly affect your relationship with your bro and SIL. Explain to your partner that you made a booboo and you would like their support in fixing it, which is inviting them.
If your partner refuses well then you have another problem on your hands.” Longjumping-Lab-1916
2. AITJ For Refusing To Participate In A Prank At My Best Friend's Wedding?
“I (23M) am one of the groomsmen for my best friend’s (35M) wedding.
His fiancée (33F) is a known jokester and likes pulling pranks that don’t affect anyone beyond making us laugh. Stupid, funny things like this that she’d go out of her way to do to make us laugh. It’s never anything harmful, and the farthest she’s ever gone was “accidentally” destroy the groom’s poor quality Toshiba laptop, and surprise him with a brand new modern Alienware one that he had been saving for two years (she backed up everything and only destroyed the screen, so stuff could still be salvaged just in case).
Pretty sweet stuff, honestly. My friend is a bit more of the serious, logical type so she balances him out a lot. He finds her antics pretty amusing too, probably a driving factor in their relationship.
So, neither of them really cares for the ceremony aspect of a wedding.
They’re going to get a courthouse wedding and save the money for a nice reception with only close friends and family. There are going to be three witnesses (me, the best man, and the MoH), and the wedding will have at most four to five more friends and some of the groom’s family.
The bride was all for this as she can get really anxious in big events like this, but she still feels like it’s not something to really “write home about”. So, she wants to pull a pretty notable prank by having a dramatic objection or something during the ceremony.
Since I’ll be the only single one there, she wants me to do the objection thing, seeming like I’m going for her, and then–plot twist!–vie for the groom.
Then she wants us to do a sword fight for his hand??? I wish I was joking, but she and the groom actually have a sizable sword collection, and she said she’d get her MoH to sneak two of the smaller ones.
The MoH (who was there while the bride was talking to me) interjected and said it was a stupid idea.
Relief.
She’d get fake swords. Plus, she’d run it by the officiant and whoever else she’d have to at the courthouse to make sure not too much of a commotion was created.
Stress.
I, admittedly, am a bit of a doormat and didn’t outright say no at first and I was hoping the MoH would say something. Then, I realized I needed to pull my big boy pants and say no. Which, I did! Yay! They weren’t happy, and not in an angry way, but in a way that made me feel immediately guilty.
Not yay. I stupidly offered to think of a different joke to pull.
They’ve added me into a group chat where I’ve constantly tried reiterating how I didn’t feel comfortable with the pranks and they’d try to reassure me, trying to get me to reconsider.
The MoH is calling me a jerk for not following the bride’s wishes, as is one other mutual friend who the bride talked to about this. It’s getting harder and harder to stick to my no. So, AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Ask her how does the officiant feel about you wasting his time for a prank that’s not funny?
Keep saying NO. If the bride wants to pull this she can easily invite another person to the ceremony who’d be willing to do that. Make sure you keep screenshots of all the chats where you say no you won’t do it because when this blows up they’ll throw you under the bus.
Besides it doesn’t matter if swords are fake if one person perceives them to be real then the law says they are. It’s no different than robbing a store with a fake gun.” wlfwrtr
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Someone correct me if I’m wrong but there was a story on here a while back where someone objected at a wedding as a joke and somehow they made the ceremony unable to continue even though the groom was in on the joke.
The bride was devastated and the wedding funding was wasted on a ceremony that couldn’t continue. The whole day was spoiled and nonrefundable.” Nobody_asked_me1990
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. This is something that would be fine if the bride, AND groom, AND you planned it to surprise and get a laugh out of the guests.
It’s extremely inappropriate for her to ask you to do this on both of their wedding day, at what is often the most emotional part of the day, without the knowledge of the person who is also getting married. Absolutely not. If I were in your position, I would refuse to do it, and I would also speak to the best man about the situation.
I would also consider speaking to the groom.” girlyfoodadventures
1. AITJ For Not Paying For My Mother's Cancer Treatment Because She Won't Use Her Own Savings?
“I (35f) migrated to a different country with my husband 10 years ago. I was unqualified then but we worked hard and now I’ve got a degree and a decent job that pays about $100,000 a year.
My mother was diagnosed with stage 4 lung cancer in 2022.
They live in a different country. They are not wealthy but they live comfortably. Both my parents have retired.
The same year my husband and I started our IVF journey as we have been trying for a baby since 2019. IVF is expensive and between me and my husband, we don’t have a lot of money to spare after our living expenses.
We are also saving for a house, aiming for the perfect suburban life.
My parents expected me to pay for my mother’s cancer treatment because they didn’t want to dip into their savings. The treatment is roughly $500 a month and although it doesn’t sound like much, added to our other expenses, it meant we either had to give up IVF or our dream of owning a house.
I’ve felt like I’m stuck because as an only child, I feel obligated towards my parents but I also have certain duties towards my own family and my husband. Since my parents can afford to pay for the treatments at the moment, I think it is unfair for them to expect that of me.
I am more than willing to help once I get more stable financially. However, every time I call home, they mention money which makes me feel horrible.
Since both of them were employed and had good-paying jobs, the fact that they failed to prepare for their own future infuriates me.
My mother has a lot of gold saved up but she is unwilling to use those towards her treatments as well. What makes it worse is that my father said “if I use all my savings on your mother, what is going to happen to me?”
AITJ for refusing to pay for her at this moment? AITJ for putting my and my husband’s needs first?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, your mother has money saved up, and refuses to use it. Also, you’re their child, they should not be expecting you to pay for it just because they’re being stingy.
That’s like if I had a functioning car but demanded to use someone else’s because I wanted to keep mine new and shiny.” AnakinSkywalkerisfav
Another User Comments:
“Their retirement savings didn’t include medical expenses? NTJ. Medical needs are a primary aspect of retirement financing. “If you had no savings, this would be easier for me to understand.
But, you aren’t unhoused and you do have savings. You have to manage your money like adults. It’s the same thing all adults have to do. Do you want me to look at your budget and show you what to trim so you can manage these bills?”” AndSoItGoes24
Another User Comments:
“I hope your mom makes it through the cancer diagnosis and treatment with the best outcome. It’s inappropriate of them to ask you to take care of their expenses, especially as they already have assets saved up that they can use. Even worse is that they acknowledge they have those resources, but just don’t want to use them.
You’re not stuck paying their bills as an only child. We raised our kids with the expectation that they’d pay their own way when they moved out (they do) and that we’d take care of ourselves as well. They’ve got this. They just don’t want to have it.
NTJ.” baka-tari
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