People Wonder If We'll Side With Them In Their "Am I The Jerk?" Stories

Recognizing jerk-like behavior opens the door to self-reflection and personal growth. By proactively working on oneself, you can cultivate virtues like tolerance, empathy, and humility. These people below understand that in order to stop acting like jerks, they must first identify their past mistakes. Let's help them in pointing out any wrongdoings in the stories they have provided for us. Let us know your thoughts after reading on. AITJ = Am I the jerk? NTJ = Not the jerk WIBTJ = Would I be the jerk? YTJ = You're the jerk

36. AITJ For Kicking My Sister Out After Being A Nuisance To My Wife?

“So my sister is now divorcing her husband and she’s staying with me while everything is finalized. Without getting too deep, my sister did have a miscarriage a few months ago.

I talked to my wife before this, and I told my sister that I could find her somewhere else to stay if my wife being pregnant is going to be difficult to be around.

She’s been staying with me in the guest bedroom since then.

My wife has lately been hyper-fixated on the baby’s health. At first, I just thought that she was thinking about my sister, and did my best to ease the concerns.

When I came home my wife was in the living room crying and she looked really stressed.

She told me that she was fine and just stressed out, I didn’t buy it, eventually, she confessed what was really bugging her.

My sister was pretty much trying to turn into a parent to our kid, apparently, throughout this time, she was calling herself mom to our kid. When our kid would need a diaper change she would do it, and get mad if my wife did it, when it was breastfeeding time she would get upset, cry, or get mad at my wife, even asking her to formula feed so it’s ‘easier for everyone’.

She did more things but you get what I’m saying. The reason my wife was so fixated on miscarriages was that my sister was apparently berating her with things about miscarriage.

Example ‘Why are you eating that? That kills your baby!’ (She had yogurt?) ‘No don’t do that! Don’t you know that causes a miscarriage!’ She accused my wife of ‘wanting’ a miscarriage because she was doing everything wrong or everything that causes a miscarriage.

The last straw was that day when she tried to tell my wife to also breastfeed the baby, then insulted her when she said no.

I asked how I never heard this because, while I do work late she breastfeeds while I’m here. She said that she would do it when I’m not around but when I left it would start back up again.

I sat down with my sister and told her that I’d be happy to get her a rental, hotel so forth, and I support her in this, but she can’t stay here, and I can’t in good conscience let this affect people who are also going through hard times.

She started pleading with me saying she would never do it again.

I told her that I’d keep helping her with whatever she needs, I suggested intensive therapy or professional help, but she got mad at me, so I said she needed to leave.

She was yelling at me but in the end, left for a hotel, but my whole family has my back on this.

She was saying I would never understand a miscarriage and this is normal behavior, and she will never forgive me for being so mean, I’ll pay to help her, and give her emotional support, but my wife and kids didn’t sign up for this.”

9 points - Liked by IDontKnow, leja2, Spaldingmonn and 6 more

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LilVicky 10 months ago
NTJ your sister needs help & should be in therapy. Keep her as far away from your wife & family as you possibly can
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35. AITJ For Kicking My Uncle Out Of My Dad's Funeral?

“My (36M) uncle (64M) cut us off and went no contact 8 years ago. He’s super right wing and in his head he’s 100% right and everyone else is wrong.

That kind of person. Anyway, we tried to tell him that we don’t care about politics and we respect his views, but he should respect ours and not try to force it down our throats. Not how he operates, proceeds to cut us off.

Oh well, things happen and people change. I got over it and moved on.

My dad (61M) tried for a while to reconnect and get back in contact because he was always a family guy, but my uncle refused and told him that they were no longer brothers (this part is important). He gave up eventually, but it was obvious it hurt him deeply. I just got to a point where I didn’t care about my uncle at all.

So back to it, my dad passed away a few months ago. We were very close, I’d say even best friends so his passing has been very hard for me to deal with. We had a funeral and everything was going okay and lo and behold who do I see coming through the door? My uncle.

I immediately see red. I go up to him and pull him to the side and ask him ‘What are you doing here?’ He seemed a bit taken aback by my question and he had that ‘What do you mean?’ look on his face which made me even madder. I told him to get out and that if he cared so much to mourn his brother’s death, he should’ve shown him that kind of affection while he was still alive.

My mom tried to calm me down and tell me that I shouldn’t be kicking him out, but I didn’t care and still kicked him out. My family says I overreacted and that it wasn’t my call to stop my uncle from saying goodbye to his brother. But the way I see it, it’s disrespectful to my dad’s memory and that’s the last thing I’ll do.

You can’t remember your love for people after their passing while you neglected them and hurt them while they were alive. So, AITJ?”

6 points - Liked by IDontKnow, leja2, Turtlelover60 and 3 more

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LilVicky 10 months ago (Edited)
NTJ & you’re right he doesn’t get to show up after treating your dad so poorly. I’m sorry for your loss
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34. AITJ For Telling My Father That I Will Be Dumping Him At The Cheapest Nursing Home I Can Find?

“If you have any stereotypes in mind about the type of man who marries a woman 14 years younger than him and has kids when he’s pushing 50, my (33F) father (82M) probably meets all of them. He’s narcissistic, controlling, verbally and emotionally abusive.

My brother (35M) is married and has a kid, so he’s low contact just by nature of being busy. I’m single and remain in pretty low contact. So most of the abuse gets aimed at my mom (68F).

My relationship with my mom isn’t great either, but she’s the one who actually tried to parent.

She’d been in therapy for some of her own trauma and has apologized for some mistakes she made.

We just found out that my mom has cancer. She keeps up with routine screenings, so it’s something that got caught early. But cancer is cancer, so the worst possible outcome could still happen. With that being said, I’ve been trying to work on things with her and improve our relationship.

I went home to have dinner with them last week because she wanted to talk about the next steps when it comes to treatment (I would meet my mom solo at a restaurant, but these conversations are private).

You would think with the possibility of losing his wife, my dad would start being a bit nicer, but no. He spent the entire evening being condescending to her, snapping at both of us, insulting my mom’s intelligence.

It was awful, it’s the worst I’ve ever seen him act.

After dinner, he went to do his nightly ritual of watching TV that he doesn’t like, so he can later complain about it, and my mom and I left to another room to share a bottle of wine and discuss things.

The whole time she was holding back tears. I just had it. This woman has supported him through every whim, held his hand through three heart attacks, and two of his own bouts with cancer.

I waited for a moment when I left to use the bathroom, went into the living room where my dad was watching TV, and turned it off.

He started going off about me being disrespectful, but I interrupted him and asked him if he realized that if something happened to my mom, his end-of-life care would be up to me.

I told him that he’d better pray nothing happens, because if it’s up to me and catch him treating my mother like that again and she ends up dying before him, I’m going to find the cheapest nursing home I can, dumping him in it and forgetting he exists.

We exchanged a few choice words after that, and then I left him to go talk to my mom about what I came to talk about.

I didn’t tell my mom what happened, and I left shortly after.

My mom called me earlier today and asked if something happened because my dad was acting strangely, I didn’t tell her what happened because I didn’t want to stress her out.

But it appears that what I said made a bit of an impact.

I have mixed feelings about it because I actually don’t feel guilty about what I told my dad. I do feel a little guilty about lying to my mom about it.

So let me have it, AITJ?”

6 points - Liked by IDontKnow, leja2, Turtlelover60 and 3 more

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Deedee 10 months ago
Just because someone old doesn't mean they deserve respect. You get what you give out.
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33. AITJ For Not Forgiving My Sister For What She Did 7 Years Ago?

“I have two siblings. My brother is 4 years older than me and my sister is 18 months older. She and I became estranged 7 years ago when she had an affair with my then-fiance (now ex) and got pregnant with his kid. I cut the two of them out of my life, and I told her she was dead to me and no longer part of my family.

I have seen her twice in the years that followed. Once at a funeral and then more recently at a party to celebrate my grandpa turning 80.

I’m married now and I have a son. She’s still with my ex, married and they have three kids. I did my best to not cross paths with my sister during the party, but about halfway through she started to approach me with her kids and I walked away, and I kept walking away, until she approached me alone while I was in another room.

Once she walked in I went off on her about trying to approach me and involve her kids. She said they deserved to know their aunt and newest cousin. I told her it’s not going to happen. That she needs to act like we don’t know each other because as far as I’m concerned she’s still a (you can insert what you think I called her here) and she was not forgiven, nor was I interested in moving on with her in my life.

She started to say something else and I told her to shut up and stay away from me, from my husband and son, and to stop dragging her kids into the middle.

Our brother came in and told her to leave me alone. Then she started saying how yelling at her was so wrong and I did it at a party which was awful.

Some of our family members learned what happened and they told me I never should have yelled at her for wanting to introduce her kids to me, that I should want to know my nieces and nephews.


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rbleah 10 months ago
Ask them WHY and make sure they KNOW WHAT SHE DID and that you have NO RESPECT for her and you have NO DESIRE to have her or her kids in your life. If they have a problem with that then THEY can step up for her and her kids.
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32. AITJ For Exposing My Mother's Finances To Our Family?

“My mother is a textbook narcissist and her whole family has always tip-toed around her feelings since she had a kid at 15 and had to give it up for adoption as my grandparents refused to quit their jobs to care for a baby. Her parents have literally bought her houses, and gift her 20-50k a year.

I (25f) and my fiance (27M) just got our first home together, the down payment was 12k and my mom offered 3k towards it to help us out. (I did not ask, she offered, we would have waited a few more months no problem) Anyway, this year my grandfather passed and she got well over 80k handed to her so it’s not like she needed that 3k.

Long story short one of our appliances was on the fritz and I told mom I didn’t have time to talk because I was working on our appliance.

Within an hour my cousin calls me from my nan’s house to say mom and Nan are on the phone and Nan is saying things like ‘Who cares if it’s broken?

Let her buy a new one you just bought her a house you better not give her a dime’.

1. It’s fixed. It works fine. 2. I didn’t ask for a dime. 3. I never said it was broken or had to be replaced. 4. She did not buy us a house.

This absolutely set me off. I sent my cousin our closing documents (it shows ‘gifted amount’ from ____).

I also sent screenshots of my conversations with my mom talking about this cousin who was recently visiting (mom saying things like ‘She can’t have an eating disorder when all she did was eat when she was here). I was basically saying don’t believe her all she does is talk trash, look what she has to say about you as soon as you leave after acting fake all week.

I found out mom has been telling her whole side of the family she purchased our home for us and has been sending us funds for bills because we are ‘so bad with finances’. I was ANGERED by this as well! I suspect this stems from her jealousy as I started working at her old job, surpassed her position, and not only do I make more money than her they are paying for my BA to promote me further.

After some super sleuthing on my end, I found out mom got 20k from Nana the same month we bought our house because she ‘needed help since she bought a house for her daughter’ when in reality she spent it all on illegal stuff and fancy dinners with men that don’t value her.

After I sent all my supporting documents and screenshots to the family (her bragging about a pound of substances getting shipped to her house, and everything else she wastes money on) I am now being berated and told I am the source of all the drama and I shoulda kept my mouth shut.

This is essentially blackmail and I am trying to destroy our family. I told my mom’s twin this had been brewing for years and her family didn’t do my mom any favors by letting her get away with everything since her teen pregnancy, and it’s unfair to saddle me with the responsibility now.

It’s been over a month with little contact from my mother and her twin still pestering me to apologize and ‘include her in my wedding planning’ so AITJ?”

5 points - Liked by IDontKnow, Turtlelover60, LadyTauriel and 2 more

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oldmama 10 months ago
Ick! NTJ!!! Keep her toxicity away!!
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31. AITJ For Damaging Someone's Wooden Floor With My Heels?

“My partner’s sister invited me go to out with her and her friends today, as my partner is out of town.

She and her friends are super fashionable, and she said I should dress up, and mentioned that I should wear heels. I don’t own many heels, so I ended up wearing a pair of stilettos that I had worn many times and had the metal pin in the heel tip showing.

Anyway, we went out for a while and then decided to go to one of our friends’ houses, which had wood floors.

When we were entering, I started to take my heels off since I knew my heels would damage the floors, but the friend who owned the house said it was fine to wear shoes indoors. I said I didn’t want to damage her floors, and she laughed at me and said that heels don’t cause damage to her floor as it was hardwood.

When I tried explaining, she cut me off by laughing again and said that everyone present was wearing stilettos and they always wear heels on her floor all the time without damage. I took them off anyway, but then everyone looked at me and started giggling, and my partner’s sister laughed and said that I probably just couldn’t handle heels, and the homeowner said I looked like a 6th grader who couldn’t handle heels that hurt at a school dance, and then everyone started laughing uncontrollably while mocking me for taking off my heels.

I felt utterly humiliated and after a bit, I went back and put my heels back on, and only then did the mocking stop. I felt bad that my heels were probably denting the floor and suggested taking off shoes, but was met with more laughter and mocking that I couldn’t deal with the pain from heels so I didn’t do anything.

Anyway, a while after we all went home, I got an angry phone call from my partner’s sister and the friend we went to about how I had ruined the floors. I said that I took my shoes off at first and told them, but was mocked and dismissed, but my partner’s sister said she didn’t think I was such a slob who would wear worn-down shoes.

She called me a jerk and a slob before telling me that I should pay for the repairs. AITJ? I feel bad for damaging the floors, but I tried not to by taking my heels off and was mocked for that.”

5 points - Liked by IDontKnow, leja2, Turtlelover60 and 2 more

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LilVicky 10 months ago
NTJ you tried to tell them & was made fun of. You don’t owe her anything.
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30. AITJ For Refusing To Leave The Theater With My Coworker?

“I (35F) was talking to a co-worker and while talking about plans for the next few weeks I told her I would be taking my daughter (9F) to a Broadway show that we both love.

Another co-worker (30F) heard us talking, she has 5 kids, her oldest being my daughter’s age.

She has tried to force a friendship between my daughter and hers since she started working here. I tried and the girls had a few playdates (over the last 4 years) and my daughter just doesn’t enjoy her daughter’s company. So I decided not to force her into more playdates.

So when she heard us talking about the show she decided her daughter and she would be joining us, I didn’t want her or her daughter to feel bad so I didn’t decline. She asked me about our seats to get some next to us and when I told her and she looked them up she started complaining about the prices and asking why we couldn’t sit in a cheaper section.

I told her I understood if she couldn’t pay those prices and that they could sit somewhere else but we preferred those seats. She ended up buying the tickets right behind us.

She showed up early and inserted herself into our plans. So many things happened but can’t write them all. Dinner was the worst (she hadn’t been invited for that either) she saw the restaurant and quickly said they wouldn’t be able to afford it.

I told her I would pay for them. Her daughter threw a tantrum because they didn’t have what she wanted. She’s 9 and crying like a toddler, her mother does nothing. For info, I can afford this because my family has money so did my husband, he passed 2 years ago and left us his money.

We finally get to the theater and it’s just crap.

Her daughter wouldn’t stop talking loud and whining, she was asked to step out and calm her child several times during the show. After intermission, her child was again crying because she wanted the same cup my daughter had but her mom didn’t buy it. I didn’t know she had asked her mom for one.

She was asked to leave the theater with her kid, she started arguing, lost, and then told me ‘Let’s just go’. I said no, I’m staying.

The show ended and I figured they had gone home, they were outside waiting! Then she went off on me how I should’ve left with her, how she spent all this money for the stupid show and that I should take them home AND pay her for the tickets!

I exploded and told her she could find her way home and that her spending the money was not my problem. She says her kids will go hungry until the next paycheck and it’s my fault. I told her she invited herself and that her bad finances and her children are NOT my responsibility and left with my daughter.

All week she’s been going on about how she can’t feed her kids and that it’s my fault. People at work have sided with me but I feel so bad now thinking about her kids being hungry, I know I can and I could just give her money but the fact that she says it’s my fault stops me.

So AITJ? Should I just give her money to feed her kids?”

5 points - Liked by IDontKnow, leja2, Turtlelover60 and 2 more

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LilVicky 10 months ago (Edited)
NO!! NO!! NO!! NTJ & she & her kids are not your responsibility!! You did not invite her & you went above & beyond by buying them dinner. Ignore her & if she keeps it up report her to HR for harassment
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29. AITJ For Telling My Ex-Husband That His Car Insurance Is Expiring?

“My (36f) ex-husband (41m) and I have been separated since 2018. He moved to Michigan in March of 2020 to start a new job and be with his new partner.

Shortly after he moved, the global crisis started and he lost his job so I started paying his car insurance to help him out. Since then he has been through numerous jobs and housing situations and it even got so bad that he came to live with me again for 6 months rent-free so he could get back on his feet.

He recently moved to North Carolina for another new job and is doing much better financially and even got back over 5k in his tax return. I mention this to bring up the fact that he does not help support our two teenage children since the court never ordered child support due to the fact that our daughter was living with him when the custody agreement was written.

She has since come to live with me and has been with me for almost 2 years now. I am capable of paying my bills and feeding my children with my income but finances are tight so I have asked him to help me. He says that since the kids live with me he shouldn’t have to help me so I decided that I should quit paying his car insurance.

I told him a week ago that his car insurance would expire on the 29th and he would have to make other arrangements. He is very upset with me now because I have ‘inconvenienced’ him and he has to pay for it now. I do feel bad since we have been together so long I still feel like I owe him something (I am in therapy to work on this).

Am I the one in the wrong by cutting him off? And by only giving him a week?”

5 points - Liked by IDontKnow, leja2, LadyTauriel and 2 more

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LilVicky 10 months ago
Why do you feel bad? You have helped him way more than he deserves. Take him back to court & get child support. The kids live with you so of course he needs to pay. NTJ but you will be to yourself if you continue to let him walk all over you.
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28. AITJ For Coming Out To My Family At My Sister's Wedding?

“I (29M) am gay and up until last week, I hadn’t told my family yet. I think my family always suspected, but they never asked because being gay isn’t really approved in our family.

I have 3 sisters (36 Michelle, 35 Julia, and 22 Annie). I have been with Peter for a few months now, but haven’t told my family yet.

Michelle got married last week. During the reception, lots of people were making toasts, including my father. He said something along the lines of ‘I finally have my first son-in-law, and hopefully I will soon have two more. Maybe someday even a daughter-in-law if my son here mans up and gets a girl’. Everyone laughed except Julia.

After the toasts and before dinner Julia came over to me and asked me if I was okay (I was sad and didn’t hide it all that well). I said I was fine, Dad’s comment just bugged me. She said to try and let it go for now, and I did.

During dinner (there were many tables and my immediate family was at one) my father started asking me if I had a partner already, if I would give him grandkids etc. I brushed it off, then Michelle (who just came by the table to ask my mom something) said ‘Well I can hook you up with a bridesmaid if you want to unless you are wired the wrong way’.

Julia rolled her eyes. Then my mom said to her ‘Maybe you should have that girl (bridesmaid) come over here, he needs to be with a WOMAN at his age’.

I just lost it and said, “Actually, mom, I’m gay’. The whole table went silent, some other people heard too and Michelle started crying, saying I ruined her wedding with my awful confession.

Most of my family says I’m a jerk for saying it then. Julia is on my side and said she is perfectly fine with me being gay and if our family didn’t want to hear it, they should have stayed quiet.

AITJ for ruining Michelle’s wedding?”

5 points - Liked by IDontKnow, leja2, ahpu and 2 more

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rbleah 10 months ago
Accuse you of saying this at the wrong time and place BUT THEY pushed and pushed YOU. They played a stupid game and won the stupid prize. Being pushed like that ends up TOO FAR when they won't stop. May not have been the right time or place AGAIN BUT they shouldn't have pushed so hard. They got what they deserved.
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27. AITJ For Telling My Sister That She Is Exactly Like Our Dad?

“I (28F) have an older sister (33F). Our parents divorced when we were 4 and 9. Our mother got full custody because our father was not a good person. Then our father kidnapped us. From 4 to 16 I lived with her and our father in a cult.

It was your run-of-the-mill Christian cult. Homeschooled, forced to dress modestly, any type of independence is seen as sinning… etc. When I was 16, the cops finally arrested him and we were reunited with our mom.

The first few years of freedom were wild, we finally got to grow as individuals, experience normal life, and face our traumas in therapy.

My sister became a tattooed, pink-haired career woman. I went to college, worked for a couple of years, met a good man, and decided that being a stay-at-home mom was what I really wanted.

Looking at me, you would think that I am embodying what we were taught as kids in the cult, but that’s not true.

I just find myself dressing in feminine clothes, and taking care of my home, my husband, and my kid. I am an equal in my relationship, I know how to assert myself, and am as far from what I used to be as my sister is.

My sister on the other hand doesn’t think so.

She takes every opportunity we meet to try and ‘save’ me. She tries to convince me to leave my husband and my kid, pushes me to get a job, tries to force me to go clubbing with her, tries to force me to get ‘makeovers’… etc.

I finally had enough yesterday. She made a profile for me on an app, and she has been chatting with a guy and has set a date already.

I was furious. So we got into a screaming match that ended up with me telling her: You are exactly like Dad, you are both trying to change me to fit the idea of what you think I should be.

She was shocked, didn’t say anything, and just left. Her partner told me that she had an anxiety attack and is ramping up her therapy sessions.

And now I am feeling like a jerk.”

5 points - Liked by IDontKnow, leja2, ahpu and 2 more

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LilVicky 10 months ago
NTJ & your sister is acting exactly like your dad & needed to hear that. You are happy with who you are & she needs to respect that.
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26. AITJ For Wanting To Go To The Museum As A Family?

“My husband (M40) and I (F24) just got into a heated argument. The premise is this – he is obsessed with taking our 2-year-old out of the house whenever possible.

To the point where he deems it to be neglect if I keep him home when I watch him.

The thing is, he always brings our child out with him to places I plan to go as a family and he refuses to go together but will go alone with our kid. For example, he HATES going to the mall.

He needs to be in and out and that’s it. I have ended several of our mall trips together in tears because he is angry, short-tempered, and constantly hungry when we go to the mall together and he makes it a point to make the experience miserable. BUT! Whenever he has to take care of our son, he is happy to be at the mall for hours!

And is upset when I bring this up to him!

Another example – I wanted to take a family trip to our local science museum since it would be our child’s first time there but he took our son alone – and complained that he couldn’t play with him at home or just go to the park/library.

He deems this to be neglectful since that is what I do with our baby when I take care of him and I don’t bring him to other places.

Again today, he has taken our son to our history museum on his own after knowing that I had suggested several times that we all go together – this museum in particular is special to us as we both met in college as history majors and this specific museum holds a lot of importance for us.

I wanted to go together with our son and experience his first time there. He has gotten in an argument with me when I pointed this out, saying that I am perfectly capable of taking my son there on my own and I just don’t because I am lazy and just do crafts with our son at home or take him out to local parks and libraries.

We both work full-time jobs and try to accommodate taking care of our child when our sitter cancels, etc., but I try to save these special places for us to go as a family. For example, I organized a trip to the reptile zoo last weekend for all of us to go together after he NIXED the idea of going to the history museum together.

SO, AITJ for saving these places to go together and not taking my son on my own? Additionally, AITJ for just doing crafts/playing at home/going to local parks & libraries instead of more extravagant places while I take care of my son?”

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DeniseSB 10 months ago
Your husband doesn’t want to do family outings. Unless he’s willing to discuss the reasons why and the two of you can figure out a way that makes you both happy to do these together, you’ll have to do these trips as solo outings if you want to share these experiences with your son.
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25. AITJ For Being Angry At My Stepdad For Throwing My Doll Away?

“I (14F) was very close to my grandfather before he passed away a year ago. When I was little about age 3 he gave me a doll that I loved very much and I took care of her, and when I was gone she went on a shelf in my room.

My room is always messy but I always kept my clothes and the few little toys nice and looking brand new. But for the doll that my grandfather had given me, she always sat on my bed because I slept with her because it reminded me of my grandfather. So my stepfather (36m) had gone into my room and was mad because it was dirty and he had started throwing stuff away that ‘looked trashy or old’.

About a week later I came home from my grandmother’s to find that my room was clean but my doll was nowhere to be seen, not on my bed, not at my desk or on my shelves so I went to my mom and asked her if she had seen it and she told me no and to ask my stepfather.

So I did and I walked over to his work office and asked if he had seen it and he asked me where was it and I said it was on my bed. He went, ‘Oh that doll she’s in the trash. Her clothes were falling apart so I put her in the trash’.

At this point, I was crying and all he could ask was why I was crying and I told him that that doll meant the world to me.

And then he said that it shouldn’t have been on my bed. I yelled at him about how he shouldn’t have been in my room in the first place and this and that. It’s been 3 months since it happened and I haven’t talked to my stepfather since. I started getting calls from my stepfather’s side of the family about how I shouldn’t be mad at him for throwing my doll away and that I was being a jerk because of the way I was acting and what made it way worse was my mother is on my stepdad’s side.

So am I the jerk?”

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LilVicky 10 months ago
NTJ & shame on you mom for agreeing with that a$$hole
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24. AITJ For Not Paying The Whole Amount For My Stepniece's Nose Job?

“I (36f) have just gotten out of my 10-year marriage.

After the divorce, I got a substantial amount of settlement which I plan to use to start my own business (wellness spa). I got a call from my sister (Jane, 34f) last week distraught, she said her stepdaughter (Denise, 16f) had been bullied at school. Denise and her Dad (James, 41M) had just moved to our city 6 months ago after James and Jane got engaged (they’re getting married next year in Feb).

Jane said the kids at school had been treating Denise badly because of how she looks (she has a big nose and a birthmark on the tip). It is still mandatory in our country to wear a mask but the kids see Jane’s nose whenever she takes off her mask to eat or drink. I asked Jane how’s Denise doing and she said Denise had been refusing to go to school.

Turns out she was bullied since day 1.

I know how mean kids can be so I really felt sorry for Denise. I asked my sister what their plans are, and if they are looking to transfer Denise to a different school. Jane said Denise had asked for a nose job. The problem is that they have been saving their funds for the wedding next year.

Jane asked if I could pay the bill for Denise. I said Sure, I’ll cover for a third of the cost and they don’t have to pay me back as I want to help Denise. My sister said a third won’t be enough, she wants me to pay the entire amount. I said I can’t do that and I didn’t have that kind of money.

Jane brought up my divorce settlement, so I cut her off and said that the fund was intended for something else. She tried to reason with me and when it didn’t work she told me I am no better than those who bullied her step-daughter.

After my conversation with Jane, her fiancé called and explained the whole thing.

He said Denise had also asked to get Invisalign. I told James that I really felt sorry for Denise because I was bullied in high school for being overweight. But I can’t give them the whole amount right now. He thanked me for my offer which he gladly accepted. My sister on the other hand has still not contacted me, she’s really mad because by not agreeing to foot the entire bill, they are now going to get the money from their savings intended for the wedding.”

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rbleah 10 months ago (Edited)
You are being MORE THAN GENEROUS by giving what you can. Sis just does NOT WANT TO SPEND HER OWN MONEY on her daughter. She wants it for her wedding. Push the wedding out another year and save more money. IT IS NOT YOUR RESPONSIBILITY to pay ANYTHING for your neice and was, as I said, GENEROUS to offer ANYTHING YOU COULD AFFORD. SHE IS BEING GREEDY.
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23. AITJ For Not Agreeing To Reduce My Ex's Child Support?

“My (45m) ex-wife (40 bi female) asked me to consider reducing her child support payment because the price of gas and rent has skyrocketed. She’s mad that I replied asking her if she’d have done it if I was the one asking. We both know the answer is no. If it’s an actual problem, as it threatens her ability to see our kids (9M,11F), I’ll do what’s best for our kids.

It’s just that she’s always been spendy, and I’m doubting she’s even thought about cutting back somewhere else. I make 2x what she does, so she knows I could cut her a break.

I should point out that our split wasn’t easy, but these days we get along well and easily co-parent.

I don’t look for ways to marginalize her as a parent, we look for ways to make it work. Our kids wish their mom was around a little bit more, but they are in constant contact with their mom and are thriving.

A bit of back story, but try not to lose focus. My ex is bi and while we were married, I was fine with her indulging that part of her life.

Sometimes it was a bit crazy, but it worked for us. There was just one major rule, no other men. Of course, hard to believe, but she met a woman she couldn’t be without, and she had a husband who insisted on being involved. My ex tried to give her up, but couldn’t, so I set about ending our marriage and untangling our lives.

Carefully, we have kids.

My ex moved in with the new girl and her husband. They live about 1/2 an hour past her work about 1.5 hrs away from me. Fortunately, we both agreed that our kids spending time in her new arrangement is not acceptable. So, she got an apartment 5 minutes from my house that she only uses when our kids are with her.

When we started, we tried to make 50/50 work, mostly for her self-esteem, but she couldn’t pull it off. We’ve settled on ‘whenever she can’, which works out to be about 6 or 8 days a month.

Her gripe is she’s paying for this apartment that she barely uses and the rent has gone up at a ridiculous rate, gas too, and her salary has been stagnant for the last three years.

She points out that I own my home and the global crisis has worked out for me (my career is actually better) and because I mostly work from home, I don’t spend much on gas. I make more than 2x what she does, I’ve remarried and my wife works, and I don’t really need my ex’s money, but I do think she has a responsibility.

We have a court order and parenting plan. She pays child support in accordance with our state guidelines and she pays her share of non-child support costs like medical copays and summer camp on a ratio of our incomes.”

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anma7 10 months ago
Ntj… she wanted cake and eat it and she got it.., it’s not on you to subsidise her lifestyle your raising your kids and irrespective of whether you earn more there’s 3 in her relationship so that’s 3lota of wages surely
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22. AITJ For Telling My Sister She And Her Significant Other Can't Stay At Our Apartment?

“My partner (24M) and I (22F) have an apartment with a spare bedroom. My sister (19F), whom we’ll call Lily, and her significant other (19M), whom we’ll call Sam, who met in college are now separated for the summer.

My sister is at my parents’ house which is about 2.5 hours from her SO. My apartment is about 20 minutes from where her SO lives.

They both have busy schedules with work and don’t have a lot of time to hang out together. Lily called me about two weeks ago saying she is on her way to my house and that she and Sam are going to be staying at our apartment for the next two nights.

I’ve only met Sam one other time for about 20 mins, he seems nice but I don’t know him. I had no choice but to let her stay and my partner was kinda mad and felt uncomfortable about it. I hurried up and cleaned the room and everything for them.

My partner and I have our own work schedules and lives, so we don’t really have time to hang out with Lily and Sam when they’re here.

But while they were here they were up in the bedroom with the door closed almost the entire time they were here. It just made us feel weird and uncomfortable that we hardly saw them, and my sister left without saying goodbye.

My partner and I just really liked having our own space and freedom and didn’t like having them stay with us and not communicating with us.

Lily just called me again tonight saying she is coming over to spend the night with Sam tomorrow, and I told her it made us feel uncomfortable and that I would talk to my partner about it. She said she didn’t understand why it was weird, ‘I need an answer right now. I’m leaving from work tomorrow’ and ‘I’m still coming even if your partner says no’.

I understand it’s hard for them to meet up, and I’ve been in that situation before but it makes me mad that she’d been sneaking him into our parents’ house last weekend. She’s also being so aggressive and pushy about it, I wouldn’t mind as much if she gave me more of a heads up, and communicated more with me, so we’re not just sitting around wondering if they’re eating with us or when they’re leaving.

I suggested they meet in the middle for a day to hang out. She said there’s not enough time, but for some reason, there is plenty of time to keep making trips up to stay in my apartment. Anyway, am I the jerk for telling her she can’t keep staying with me?”

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KayeItsMe 10 months ago
She tells you she's on her way? She and her boyfriend spend the whole "visit" having jerk? Then she says she'll come over even if your partner says no? Honey, that is called disrespect.

I'm guessing here, but if she had to sneak the BF into your parents' house, then they must not approve of him and/or the sexual activities. Yet, she expects you to harbor her clandestine activities. That could be damaging to your relationship with your parents.

Do not let this continue! She's an entitled, disrespectful brat. Let them find their own nookie hideout.
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21. AITJ For Leaving My Husband's Mother's House After Her Comment About My Having A Baby Boy?

“My husband (27M) and I (28F) have been married for almost 6 years now.

We have a 5-year-old daughter (‘Alice’) and I’m currently pregnant with our second child, a boy.

We’re a very happy family, but I’ve never gotten along that well with my mother-in-law. I didn’t grow up with a mother and I hoped my MIL and I would have that mother-daughter bond I never got to have.

Unfortunately, she’s the type of MIL who believes that no woman will ever be good enough for her little boy. She raised him and his sister as a single mother, so I understand the protectiveness, but she always tries to put me down and insinuate I’m not good enough for my husband. I know how much my husband loves her, though, so I’ve never said anything to her about it.

Earlier today my husband, daughter, and I went to his mother’s house for lunch to celebrate Father’s Day (he celebrates her on both Mother’s and Father’s Day since she raised him by herself). This is the first time we’ve seen his mother since we found out I’m carrying a boy, so naturally, the conversation turned to my pregnancy during lunch.

This is how the conversation went:

MIL: You’re so lucky you’re going to have a boy. Sons are special to their mothers.

Me: (uncomfortable because our daughter is sitting right there, but still trying to be polite) Sure, but daughters are special to their mothers too, though.

MIL: (laughing) Oh, no, it’s not the same.

You’ll understand when you have your boy in your arms. It’s so much stronger. It’s a bond like nothing else.

Me: I’m sure I’ll love them both the same.

MIL: You think so now, but you’ll see. Alice is going to be a daddy’s girl before you know it. Girls always love their fathers more, that’s how it’s always been.

At this point, I felt incredibly uncomfortable and asked my husband if he didn’t mind leaving early. I could tell he wasn’t happy about that, but for once I insisted. Predictably, as soon as we got home, my husband told me I acted immaturely and that his mother didn’t mean anything by what she said, it’s just how she was raised. My husband told me we both need a few hours to cool down and hasn’t talked to me since, so I’ve been hanging out alone in our bedroom while he’s downstairs hanging out with our daughter.

Now that I’ve had to think, I wonder if he’s right and that I really was acting immaturely. Maybe it’s just the prego hormones, but what MIL said hurt me in a way I can’t explain. I hate thinking that my and my daughter’s love for each other is any less special or important. Of course I’ll love my son, but now I’m worried that I really will find myself more attached to him and end up hurting my daughter.

And now I also can’t stop wondering if my own mother loved me less because I wasn’t a boy.

Like I said, maybe it’s just pregnancy-induced craziness, and I don’t know why it hurts me as much as it does, but it does. I hate that I’ve upset my husband though, and I hate that my daughter had to witness this.


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anma7 10 months ago
Ntj… your mil did what she set out to do which was plant a seed in your head. Don’t let her you will not love your son more than your daughter at all and if that’s what she did than shame on her for playing favourites with her kids
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20. AITJ For Telling My Mom That She Won't Be In The Delivery Room When I Give Birth?

“I (f) am engaged to my fiancé (m). We are about to welcome our child into the world and we’re both very excited. This will be the first grandchild in my family so they are all very excited.

For context, my parents are divorced. My mom and I have never had a great relationship for thousands of reasons.

My dad and I are very close and I’m also very close to my grandparents on my dad’s side. My mom did work a lot and I was with my grandparents every day including some weekends. My grandmother truly is my second mom and she’s my security blanket. She’s my best friend – we talk daily, get coffee together, go shopping, I call with all my happy and sad moments, and I can’t imagine giving birth without her.

The hospital where I’m giving birth allows your partner and 2 other people in the room with you. My fiancé’s mother will be in the room and she and I have an amazing relationship. I truly hit the mother-in-law jackpot.

I never even thought my mom would consider being in the room because if we’re together for too long we argue.

This is where I might be the jerk. It was my baby shower last weekend. My mother started talking about how excited she was to be in the delivery room. I didn’t want to embarrass her so I pulled her aside and explained I was going to have my mother-in-law and my grandma in the room.

My mom went on a rampage about how disrespectful that was and a slap in the face for giving me life. She even included how all her sisters were there when their grandchildren were born. Also about how I love my dad’s family more (I mean that’s never been a secret). She was so loud almost everyone overheard and my dad (who stays as far away from her as possible) even pulled me away while I was crying to get away from her.

My dad’s family agrees with me but my mom’s family has been texting me about how I’m an awful daughter and she tried her best. My fiancé’s family is split down the middle with opinions because they either don’t really know her that well or the situation. So AITJ?”

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LilVicky 10 months ago
NTJ giving birth is not a spectator sport. I would block any & everybody who is giving you grief over your decision. It’s not for any of them to say who is & who isn’t going to be in the delivery room
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19. AITJ For Being Angry At Someone Who Accused Me Of "Messing Kids Up"?

“I (27, M) was at a dinner party yesterday at my parents’ house with my sister, her husband, and a couple (60ish) that has been friends with my family for a long time. I am less close than everyone else with these family friends.

We were having a conversation about how bad the health habits of many Americans are, especially with regard to sugar.

My parent’s friend, we’ll call him Dan, was arguing that parents who feed their kids tons of sugar should go to prison for child mistreatment and be forced to pay for any medical expenses. I know from others that Dan, who is very rich, has caused problems at gatherings by being arrogant and controversial. I pointed out that there are a lot of education issues around diet, and that corporations make a ton of money off of selling products bad for people’s health, which is supported by sugar subsidies.

Basically, I was saying that it would be absurd to throw people in jail for a lifestyle that is essentially promoted by the most powerful people in America.

Rather than continue the argument in this direction, Dan decided to say (sarcastically) that he was glad that I teach children because I am ‘messing them up’ by saying that corporations can be bad.

I teach 9th grade ELA and of course, I never talk about my political views because it would cause a distraction for my kids. I reacted incredulously and sarcastically, saying ‘Oh yeah, that’s definitely what I am teaching kids.’ He continued to insist that this is what I am doing, so I got up to leave the table and said I didn’t need to hear this, and that I probably wouldn’t be coming back.

As I was leaving he said, ‘Well if he wanted to have an argument I would.’ I replied that if he wanted to have an argument, he wouldn’t tell me that I was messing up kids. Dan then said, ‘Well that’s what you are doing if that’s what you are teaching them.’ That’s when I replied ‘Dan, you’re just a jerk’ and walked out.

I had to leave anyway to take care of a friend’s cat, but was originally planning on coming back. My sister and her husband live out of town and are both very busy, so I wanted to spend time with them. As I was leaving my sister implored me to apologize, which I would not do.

I came back later for the stuff I used to make drinks for everyone earlier and even if I wanted to stay, my parents made it clear I wasn’t welcome (Dan was still there).

I’ll acknowledge that maybe I could have handled it better, but I am pretty hostile to any sort of line that implies that I am harming children as a teacher.

There seems to be a resurgence in that kind of language as of late. I’m not here for it.

On the other hand, I ruined a family gathering. Dan’s wife was trying to explain to him (before I said he was a jerk) that I wouldn’t teach political opinions. I probably could have let it blow over without escalating it and using language that makes everyone uncomfortable (Dan is a pretty powerful businessman and probably doesn’t get called a jerk a lot).”

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LilVicky 10 months ago
NTJ because HE was the one pushing the issue & he ruined the gathering.
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18. AITJ For Setting Aside Leftovers For Myself?

“I make dinner for our family (there are 8 of us. 6 kids, one being a baby that nurses, and 2 adults.) Lately, I have noticed that when I make just enough for everyone, it feels like my husband takes half of all of it, leaving no leftovers and just enough for the kids and me to eat and feel content in the moment.

But the kids ask for something to eat about an hour later. So I started doubling the food I make. It worked for about a week, and then he started it again, taking about half of what I made for dinner. The difference now is that everyone could eat and feel full, and not ask for more food right before bedtime.

However, I enjoy eating leftovers for lunch the next day. So I started setting food aside as soon as I finished making it in a black container for my next meal. I serve myself and the kids, call everyone to eat, and then he serves himself his own food. This worked for about two weeks when he noticed my container full of food on the counter.

He asked me why it was there. I told him it was my lunch the next day. He then asks why I didn’t wait till after the meal to set aside leftovers. I explained that if I waited, there usually weren’t leftovers due to it all being eaten. I said that I am doubling the food I make and adding a few side dishes of fruit or veggies and it’s usually all gone, that I just want a small portion for my lunch.

I thought I was good. But now he’s upset. He’s telling me that I am hoarding food from him and preventing him from feeling full from our meal. I pointed out the extra sides I set out and he tells me that he doesn’t want more of those. I say that if he frets have a small snack food item from the pantry as long as he doesn’t go overboard eating a lot of them, I try to save them for the kids’ lunches.

I measure out snack bags for the kids and with school starting I don’t want to find myself short before I can make it to the big box stores nearby.

He said I was being controlling of our food and a jerk.

So, am I the jerk for setting aside my own leftovers?

ADDING: I don’t portion control anyone’s food but my own.

I let the kids eat till they say they are full, I don’t give them huge portions to start with. Often some of them will also come back for seconds of a smaller serving of whichever dish they want.”

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LilVicky 10 months ago
NTJ but your husband has some issues. Maybe get into couples therapy or something
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17. AITJ For Not Leaving Anything In My Trust Fund For My Stepkids?

“I (M49) was with my ex (F46) until she had an affair with one of our close friends.

We have two children together (F19 and F17). I was diagnosed with stage 3 cancer and had to go into treatment. Due to this, my business didn’t do well as I couldn’t give it 100%, so according to my ex, I could not provide the lifestyle she wanted so she left me for someone she met online.

Divorce was a pain in the butt and I had to buy her out of my share of the business.

The cancer passed and I survived and doing well, so I went back into my business with a strong head and a new lease on life. Business is booming and I am making a good income which I use to support my kids.

Due to the cancer scare, I have created a trust fund that only can be accessed by my kids in the event of my demise.

I have met someone. She has a daughter (16) and a 14-year-old son with the dad still in the picture who also makes a decent amount of money. We are married and keep finances separate.

The new wife is mad that my stepkids won’t get anything and their siblings (my bio kids) will get everything I own and will be financially better off than their siblings in the long run. She is angry that I have not left her as the executor of the state and for her to manage my estate if I were to pass away.

I told her that she has her own finances and my stepkids’ dad is still in the picture and will he be leaving anything for my kids if he dies? She got defensive and has not spoken to me in days.

My friends are saying I am a jerk and should have compromised and left something for the stepkids as they are now my family as well.”

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LilVicky 10 months ago
NTJ & you don’t owe her or her kids anything. Like you asked, is her ex going to leave your kids anything? Your wife is being ridiculous & you need to make sure that your will is iron tight so she can’t contest it.
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16. AITJ For Getting Different Accommodation Without Telling My Mother?

“I (F43) was born in Colombia but my family moved to British Columbia when I was 4.

I am Canadian. I do not have Colombian citizenship and I don’t really want it. I love visiting the country but my life is in Canada.

I am down here right now for a family wedding. I traveled down with my mother (75) because she thinks she is getting old. She has no problem going on vacations in Europe or Asia by herself but she always tries to drag myself, one of my siblings, or my father down here.

It is a beautiful country and the people are friendly and kind. But she always tries to make us stay with family. This would be fine as many of our relatives have large homes and apartments with spare/guest rooms. But she never picks those. She always wants to stay with the girl who just had her sixth baby and is only 25, that’s an exaggeration but not by much.

Or with her uncle who literally lives in a house with dirt floors. Once again nothing wrong with that but I don’t really enjoy that experience.

So this time around I got myself an Airbnb in a really nice part of the city without telling her. When we arrived one of my cousins on my dad’s side picked us up and gave us a ride there.

It is spacious and lovely. We unloaded all her luggage at the apartment and we spent the day strolling, shopping, and stopping for food whenever we felt like it. No pressure from anyone.

When we got back to the apartment she started giving me trouble for making her stay so far away from her family.

I told her no one was forcing her to stay with me and she was welcome to call someone to take her wherever she had arranged to stay.

So she called her sister who came and got her. They kicked a grandchild out of a room and that’s where she is staying, with eight people in a four-bedroom apartment.

I saw her at the wedding and she is mad that I am staying in luxury while she isn’t. I did rent a two-bedroom in case she wanted but she said she didn’t.

Her family also gave me trouble and said I abandoned her.


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BJ 10 months ago
NTJ. Why be uncomfortable on your trip. Your mom is tho for staying with family and forcing people out of their bed to accommodate her.
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15. AITJ For Calling Out My Friend For Her Comments About Adopted Kids?

“My friend Ava (37f) officially adopted a baby a month ago.

Yesterday, we finally got to meet him in a group setting (first 2 weeks just parent/toddler bonding, and then they introduced him to everyone slowly over the next 2 weeks). Since he’s been responding really well to people, Ava decided to throw a small party and invited a few close friends.

One of her friends, Jen (35f), kept going on and on about how she’s SO happy for Ava, ‘but having your OWN kids is just different.’ It was getting annoying and Jen clearly had the ‘I was popular in high school and if I talk louder than anyone, no one questions me’ syndrome.

I can’t lie, it rattled me. So I started quizzing Jen on why bio kids are so DIFFERENT from adopted kids. Here’s how it went:

Jen: ‘Well, because they’re your flesh and blood!’

‘Okay, but your friends aren’t. Do you still love them?’

Jen: ‘Ok but you know your baby’s medical history!’

‘Adopted children in the UK come with a THOROUGH medical report, they cannot withhold any medical conditions from prospective parents.’

Jen: ‘Ok but what about wanting kids that look like you?’

‘Why would anyone care what their kids look like? Unless they’re a vanity project, in which case one should probably consider if they’re really ready to be a parent.’

This is when it got AWKS and Jen abruptly stopped talking to me. I didn’t care, my intention was to get her to stop killing the good vibes of enjoying spending time with my new nephew. My friend Lea thought it was hilarious, but today Ava called me and said a few of her friends were mad by what I said because they have bio kids.

I said… ok, that’s good for them, but my point wasn’t that ‘if you have bio kids, they’re a vanity project,’ it was that ‘if you think your bio kids are better than someone’s adopted kids, then you’re probably not the parent you think you are’.

Ava agrees that Jen was being rude and obnoxious, but also said that I basically called her a trashy parent in front of everyone so she can see it from both sides.

Full disclosure, my partner and I intend to adopt. Ava said Jen apologized to her if she was coming across some type of way and I think that’s great that she apologized to Ava. But Ava also wants me to apologise to Jen but I really don’t think I’m in the wrong here.

Could use some perspective because now I’m being made out to be the stubborn jerk – it’s not like I want an apology from Jen.

So, AITJ?”

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oldmama 10 months ago
Why should you apologize to her friend. For her rudeness. If you and Jen were friends, then maybe...ish, but you aren't. So why should you care how Jen feels? Ntj! Jen is, who cares!!
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14. AITJ For Standing My Ground With Only Having A 40/60 Deal With My Sister?

“Recently, I (25F) started designing shirts and art for certain fandoms and celebrities. Just something fun to do since I am finally able to do digital art. Well, my sister (31) fell in love with one of my designs and decided she wanted to get it on a shirt.

That was fine and I let her as long as she would find someone to do it and I would buy one too. She found someone on social media and I never learned who it was just the price for my shirt and how long it would take.

Well, the day that the shirts came in, I was showing my coworkers and they all loved the design and a few wanted to order shirts as well.

Some even wanted me to make new designs for them, which I agreed to. So I messaged my sister, super excited, and asked her to reach out to the woman who was making the shirts to ask for pricing. It was agreed that we would obviously try to make a small profit from the orders as well and it came to about 27 dollars for 11 shirts/hoodies.

As I was telling my sister this, she said ‘So thirteen dollars each!’

This is where the trouble began. I wasn’t sure she deserved 50% because I was the one who had to make the designs and get the orders from my coworkers. While she is messaging the woman and going a few blocks over to pick up the shirts when they are done.

When I brought this up with her, she said she thought 50% was even because she does all the ‘dirty work’ and I should be happy that she didn’t want more. I disagreed but offered her a 40/60 deal and said she would get 10$ and I would get 16$. And by then I was getting more orders so it would have been more.

She completely disagreed and we were arguing about it all day. She was asking why 50/50 was such a big deal and that if it was anyone else I would have given them 50/50 (which if I’m not giving my sister half I’m not giving anyone half.)

It all boiled down to us arguing and her telling me to find someone else to make the shirts because she wasn’t going to give me the name of the woman who did the shirts unless she got 50/50 because I couldn’t do this without her.

So I did just that, I found someone to make the shirts and cut her out of the equation altogether. But I still feel weird about it. And even now, we still aren’t talking. So tell me, AITJ?”

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LilVicky 10 months ago
NTJ & you’re right, you do more work than your sister. Don’t feel weird about cutting her out, she messed around & found out
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13. AITJ For Telling My Friend Not To Force My Significant Other To Eat Her Dessert?

“My (23F) significant other (22F) has an extremely serious peanut allergy like eating almost nothing and having her throat blocked and ending up in the hospital.

My friend (24F) invited us to have lunch at her house along with other friends and sent me by text message what the menu would be. For dessert, one of the ingredients was peanuts, so I proposed that in order not to completely change the menu that she had been planning for days, I would bring my SO a cake because she is extremely allergic to peanuts and so she wouldn’t feel left out.

My friend said it was okay and that was it.

On lunch day, at dessert time, my friend offered dessert to me and my SO and before my SO took it, I told her that she couldn’t eat it because it had peanuts (she hadn’t noticed). She politely declined and took a piece of cake.

I ate my friend’s dessert and since I can’t kiss my SO after eating peanuts, because she also has an allergy (yes, it’s that kind of allergy), I went to the bathroom to brush my teeth. When I got back, my friend was offering her dessert again and my SO wasn’t sure what to do.

I asked what was going on and my friend said ‘Letting the girl eat what she wants instead of having someone else control what she eats’.

And again, any time my SO eats peanuts, her throat closes up and she can eat minimal portions and then take medicine, but she can’t take the risk and have to end up in the hospital, being a place where we know the risk currently and my SO having pulmonary fibrosis.

My SO was asking for help so I spoke quietly just to the three of us so she could stop forcing my SO to eat her dessert, as she really couldn’t. My friend stayed quiet and gave dessert to someone else, but I knew she was mad.

The mood got weird between us and after half an hour, I left.

I was planning on texting her apologizing and explaining the whole situation. But as soon as I got home, there was a huge message saying that it was rude of us to turn down dessert (I didn’t) and that she was surprised at how controlling I was. And that it was rude of me to talk to her like that.

Other friends who were at the party also said I was rude.

It’s worth saying that my SO is an extremely shy person and often in some uncomfortable situations, we have some (non-verbal) signs agreed on when we need the other to help. She gave me one, so I said that to my friend, after saying more than 3x that my SO couldn’t because of the peanuts.


Edit/extra: I even asked my friend if it was that dessert on the menu and she said yes.

In the text she sent it looked like she wasn’t taking seriously how strong my SO’s allergy is, I think she thought it was more drama and an excuse not to eat her food.

It’s a party with my friends that my SO knew 1 or 2 out of 10 people and it’s a thing of my country, never say no when they offer food.

So in addition to being shy, she was in a house where she didn’t know many people and it’s considered rude to refuse food.

And I didn’t force her to go, she wanted to meet my other friends.”

2 points - Liked by IDontKnow and pamlovesbooks918

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anma7 10 months ago
Ntj… send them all a group text explaining that your partner has a severe nut allergy and that eating the dessert could have put her in the hospital and that you had already told host this. That host was a rude host by pressuring girlfriend into eating something that could literally KILL her and as such you were protecting her not controlling her food intake
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12. AITJ For Not Being Able To Get My Stepson New Shoes?

“I (42F) have been in a long-term relationship with my partner (40M) for 2 years now. I have a 12-year-old daughter let’s call her Sarah and my partner has a 15-year-old son, let’s call him Kyle. Kyle and Sarah are not close at all.

They barely speak with each other and as far as I’m aware they don’t even follow each other on social media.

Sarah’s father (47M) is quite well off. He takes Sarah on a lot of expensive vacations and always buys her the newest gadgets on the market however Sarah is not spoiled. She was spoiled before she experienced what it’s like living in poverty.

Now we are pretty good with finances. Sarah is mostly annoyed by her dad since it’s obvious he is trying to buy her love. Sarah has her birthday on the 14th and her dad, like always started with early gifts in June. He bought her a new phone, a new TV and clothes.

About a month before that he bought her 3 pairs of shoes and now she is getting another.

Sarah has around 9 pairs of shoes but Kyle has 3. Yesterday it was just me and him in the house as Sarah was out with friends and his father was at work. I was on the phone with a friend and mentioned Sarah getting new shoes. After I hung up, Kyle asked me if he could get new shoes.

I told him that, that wasn’t up to me, then he asked me why Sarah was getting new shoes and I explained that Sarah’s father was buying her the new shoes and I had no say there and in their relationship.

Kyle went quiet and went to his room. Later his father and I were talking and he pointed out that I should’ve just told him to call his father and talk to him and that he would’ve handled the situation.

My parents told me I should apologize to him.


2 points - Liked by pamlovesbooks918 and LilVicky

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LilVicky 10 months ago (Edited)
I’m going with NTJ Kyle asked & you explained it. You weren’t mean about
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11. AITJ For Serving Beef Heart At Family Dinner?

“I (33F) live on a small farm with my husband (31m) and 4 kids. We grow and raise most of our own food.

Once a month my family comes over for a weekend. They help around the farm, feed the animals, etc. I’ll cook for everyone, using food from our little farm.

Last weekend they came and we had gotten one of our cows back from the butcher. We keep as much as possible, leaving very little to waste.

My family helped put everything away, positively commenting on how much we had gotten. We have a separate freezer for organs, which they know about, and have put organ meat away for me. So it’s no surprise.

For this dinner, I made beef hearts and vegetable stew. It’s cold where we are, so I thought a stew would be nice.

My sister is vegan, so I made her a vegetable stew. There are a few food allergies, but I make sure to stay clear of them.

Everyone loved the meal, no one asked any questions. I made bread and butter, so it was all fresh for everyone. Until my BIL saw in the bin that I had used beef heart.

He flipped out saying Organs are disgusting, I should have told everyone what I was feeding them, and that it was a jerk move to ‘feed everyone scraps’. My sister told him to calm down, but he kept yelling at me. Then everyone else (except my parents) jumped in and agreed. I told them that if they don’t like what I cook, then someone else can provide and cook the food.

They kept yelling so I asked everyone to leave (except my parents). I said I would not be treated that way, especially in my own house.

They all left but blew up my phone. With calls and messages. Saying I was rude, I was a jerk, how dare I feed them organs, etc. My parents were fine with the meal, they loved it but said I should have told everyone first and that I shouldn’t have kicked them out.

Never, in the 5 years we have been doing this have I announced what dinner is. If I’m asked, I’ll tell people it’s not a secret. But my family isn’t fussy, we just eat what’s in front of us.

What I don’t understand is, the month before, we had STEAK AND KIDNEY PIE! Everyone knew what it was and they all ate it!

(Except for my vegan sister, I made her a chickpea and pumpkin curry) AITJ?”

2 points - Liked by IDontKnow and pamlovesbooks918

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rbleah 10 months ago
What did they miss on the steak and KIDNEY pie? KIDNEY being the key word here. They had no problem eating THAT and IT IS AN ORGAN. Just don't feed those who are picky like that and let it go. If they whine about not getting fed then like you said, feed themselves. I am a picky eater so I would just NOT ASK AND DON'T TELL ME and I should be fine. Unless the taste and texture is not acceptable to me. I have a problem with those. BUT I am told if it is cooked right NOONE WOULD EVER KNOW.
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10. AITJ For Posting A Bad Review About The Salon My Friend Goes To?

“I recently (F24) asked for any recommendations for nail salons in the area because my current nail salon moved locations.

I went to this one nail salon my friend (F25) goes to regularly and it was starting out great when I mentioned I was referred by my friend. I mentioned I wanted a French tip for a special event coming up, but I was told only for acrylic and my nails were too short. No worries, I went with a baby pink color instead.

The woman accidentally spilled acetone and it splattered into my eye. I didn’t appreciate her laughing at the situation, but I figured accidents happened. Then the nail polish comes out really bumpy and she constantly runs to put it in a machine every few strokes. I asked about it and if I needed to pick a different pink, but I got literally no answer.

I even repeated in case I was speaking too softly.

When it was done it looked really bad, patchy, uneven, and bumpy. I pointed it out again and got the manager. The manager told me they would do it again and make it right since I wasn’t happy. I did go with another nail color since the one I originally picked out was too clumpy.

It came okay, but wasn’t what I originally liked. I told my friend I wasn’t happy, but it was fine.

I posted a review about the experience with photos of the nails before and after the manager did them. I didn’t give them zero stars, but in the middle because of the lack of communication when I got the color.

I appreciated the manager made it right and did my nails themselves. I also didn’t appreciate the lack of professionalism at my eye stinging.

Here is where the problem occurs. My friend is mad at me because apparently it was the owner’s wife who did my nails and she’s been given the stink eye when she goes now.

My friend says I made her look bad and now the relationship she has there is bad because I caused drama. She says they don’t talk to her like they used to and brought me up a few times. She said they even brought up the review I posted! I told her that I posted a review about it and I pointed out the manager did make the situation right.

I didn’t lie and even mentioned they may have had a bad day during the week.

Besides, if they really appreciate her as a customer they would let this blow over as a less-than-stellar experience. Now my friend is mad at me because she says she has to find a new salon because of me.”

1 points - Liked by IDontKnow

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LilVicky 10 months ago
NTJ the first nail tech was very unprofessional & you didn’t lie. Too bad they are taking it out on your friend, again being unprofessional.
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9. AITJ For Refusing To Change Who I Am For My Best Friend's Wedding?

“I’m non-binary (20 – They/them or she/her) with an androgynous appearance, basically so… I look both genders. I have a beard and I wear women’s clothes, I rarely wear men’s clothes. I wear a beard because I think it’s beautiful.

My best friend Elly (22F) is engaged to John. The two of us don’t have the best relationship, as I’ve heard from others that he talks badly about my appearance behind my back, but we talk normally when I’m out with them.

It’s been 2 years since he asked her to marry him, but in 4 months it will finally be the ceremony and obviously, I was invited to the wedding and to be a maid of honor.

So… Elly was weird this week with me and when I asked if something had happened, she asked us to go out for coffee.

‘Well, you know John’s parents are super conservative and they’re paying for the wedding. John and I would like to ask if you could CHOOSE a gender at the wedding, like shaving your beard and wearing women’s clothes or men’s suits. Love your style, but I think it will draw unnecessary attention and I want this day to be about me.’

I’ll be honest, it upset me. She wouldn’t ask a cis friend to change their appearance to fit in as a man. I even understand this to draw attention, but in 15 years of friendship, it was never brought up by her and we always had a very sincere friendship.

I replied, ‘Elly, I understand, but you’re asking me to give up my looks, something I took years to get to and finally love myself.

It’s just…’

And she sent a ‘Do you mind then just showing up at the party, that makes it easier?’

I was in shock and when I saw that she was serious, I said: ‘A best friend wouldn’t ask for this kind of thing.’

I left. I’ve been receiving messages from mutual friends, from her saying that I was very sensitive and that it was a reasonable request on behalf of her best friend.

I don’t think it’s a reasonable request, I won’t be comfortable at the wedding being something I’ve never been, but all this pressure makes me question.


1 points - Liked by ahpu

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Storm 10 months ago
NTJ! As a best friend she knows the issues you've had to face, and yet she asks you to be something you're not. Frankly, with the person that she is marrying, I do not think that she will continue to be a best friend for much longer as her soon to be husband, is not comfortable bring around you. Stay strong and true to yourself. I wish you well.
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8. AITJ For Not Bringing My Kids To My Dad's Wedding?

“My husband and I are 32, and our kids are 12, 7, and 4.

My dad (62) recently got remarried for the third time to ‘Lisa’.

Lisa is doing 90% of the wedding planning. I’m not that close to my dad, my parents divorced when I was 10 and my dad by choice didn’t take on a lot of custody or really make me a priority especially once he remarried and had another baby with his second wife. In the last few years, I think he’s starting to realize he screwed up and is trying to get closer, though I’m still keeping him at arm’s length, and as a family, we’re much much closer to my mom’s side.

Lisa decided the wedding would be explicitly child-free.

I called my dad and said that given the travel involved and the 4 child-free wedding events over 4 days, we weren’t going to be able to make it work from a childcare POV. I DID NOT demand he make an exception and in fact, part of me was secretly a bit glad to have an excuse not to go.

He said he’d talk to Lisa and get back to me. I think from there, my dad went to Lisa and demanded an exception be made for us, Lisa said Well if I do that then we have to allow everyone else to also bring kids (she has a lot of second cousins and such on her side of the family), my dad gave Lisa some sort of ultimatum, and she chose to rescind the child-free policy entirely.

Personally, I don’t think it would have been unusual for an exception to be made for the only grandchildren of the groom, but it’s absolutely their choice and Lisa knows her family dynamics better than I do.

Flash forward to the weekend of the wedding. We’d traveled and found an Airbnb within walking distance of other attractions.

On Thursday, there was a casual welcome event so we brought the kids and my dad did get a chance to see them, introduce them to others, and take photos with them. On Friday night, for the rehearsal and rehearsal dinner, we got all three kids a babysitter as planned. We came back and the kids have had a great time with the babysitter and are clamoring for her to come visit us at home.

The babysitter pulls me aside and says you know I’m free all day Saturday if you want me to come back.

I went to the kids and asked them what they preferred and 7 and 4 wanted to just hang with the babysitter. I let my dad know they weren’t coming and framed it as us trying to keep the spotlight on them and the little kids being tired and therefore not being confident in them being up to it behavior-wise.

7/4 had a great day without us, and 12 came with us to the wedding and held his own. However, we did bring all 3 kids to the send-off brunch on Sunday morning.

My dad and Lisa were mad. My dad was much less mad, I think he would have liked to have the 7-year-old there but was fine with the 4-year-old not being there since she’s not old enough to remember anyway.

His fiancé was much more upset that she’d been forced to invite all of these other kids (some of whom, to be honest, were actually somewhat disruptive) just so my kids could attend and then in the end we didn’t even bring them.”

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paganchick 9 months ago
NTJ Lisa has every right to be angry, but at your father not y'all. Tell dad you'll bring the other kids to his 4th wedding, and ask why all of a sudden he's so concerned about your children when he obviously didn't care about you growing up
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7. AITJ For Wanting To Teach My Kids Swedish?

“When I (31F) was at university I met this guy (32M) from a different country who also studied at my uni. We were together from 19-26 and had a fairly amicable breakup.

During the relationship I started learning his native language (a European one: Swedish), eventually becoming fluent. This came in handy because when I did my grad scheme I even got involved with their branch in his native country, letting us live there for a year or so. I guess that helped trigger the end because I was ready to move back to England after and he dragged his heels, it went long-distance but fizzled out yadda yadda.

I’m still very close to one of his sisters, as well as my own friends made on that year there, and have been back a few times over the years, occasionally seeing him in the process (all the siblings live in the same small city).

I met my now fiancé a couple of years after the split and the relationship has been smooth sailing.

He knows about me learning this language and even encouraged me to get my language certification (C1, yay!). Two months ago we found out I was pregnant and were overjoyed. Now comes the issue.

We both grew up monolingual and I feel that teaching my kid(s) this language is just a free gift. My accent isn’t perfect but my grammar and vocab range are excellent, and I have enough media or friends who are natives to help make sure the kid’s pronunciation is great.

My fiancé feels that this is a little too far because this is something that so clearly ties me to my ex. I think he also worries because it’ll mean time with my ex’s sister (one of my best friends) who has offered to take our kids on holidays there for immersion, and thereby an extension of my ex being in our lives.

He’s also worried about them speaking a language he doesn’t at home and has no desire to learn it himself because of my history with it.

He’s asked me to compromise and teach our kid German instead, which I’ve been learning for a couple of years. But I’m nowhere near fluent! I still do occasional work in my second language so it’s not like I’m rusty by any means.

The other night it came up again and he got really frustrated but I just don’t see what I’m doing wrong.

AITJ here?”

0 points (0 votes)

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Storm 10 months ago
NTJ! Your husband is projecting his own insecurities on you and your future children. Yo do what you feel is right and teach your children to be bi-lingual. I wanted to learn French and Spanish when I was in school, but was not supported by my parents and was forced to study other subjects. So give your children the chance to learn different languages and brown their horizons.
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6. AITJ For Forgetting To Pick Up My Niece At School?

“My (25F) sister (28F) has a daughter, Dina (7F), and a son (7 months old). My BIL works out of town.

Normally, I have my lunch break from 12 AM to 2 PM and Dina leaves school at 12:50. As my sister has a baby, I always pick up Dina at school on Tuesdays and Thursdays and that’s how it was for 2 months.

But, as I asked initially and she did for these 2 months, she always sends a message confirming if I could and so far it never happened that I couldn’t.

Thursday, I didn’t get any messages (I usually get from 8 AM-9 AM) and I understood that today she wouldn’t need it, but I’ll admit that I failed not to send a message.

I’ll try to justify myself by saying that I had a lot of problems with my work (so I didn’t even think about sending a message).

At the request of my boss, I changed my lunch schedule (2 PM – 4 PM) and continued to try to solve a problem, totally forgetting about Dina and my sister.

At 1:20, I started getting several messages that I didn’t see because it was at my desk and I was far away.

I only got my cell phone at 2 PM and I had a total of 43 calls and 83 messages.

I will summarize their content:

1. My sister asked if I remembered to pick up Dina.

(Several unanswered calls)

2. She is outraged that I forgot to pick up

(Several missed calls)

3. She called me irresponsible for keeping my niece waiting for 30 minutes

(Guess what? Missed calls)

4. She calls me different names. Going to get my niece (1:40 PM).

The school called my sister and told her that no one had picked her up. Dina was inside the school (they don’t let children wait on the street, they only release them if it’s a person that the parents release (they informed the school) or the parents).

So she didn’t really take any risks. School closes only at 5 p.m.

When I called my sister, she was already with my niece at her house. She repeated the content of the messages, calling me irresponsible for leaving a child waiting and that Dina was crying, thinking they had abandoned her.

I even tried to justify myself by saying that I didn’t receive any confirmation message and that I wasn’t free because I changed my lunch schedule.

She said that there was no justification and that I knew that every Tuesday and Thursday, I would pick up my niece. (She forgot to ask too).

I don’t know if I’m the jerk, because as I said, I always get a confirmation message and I wasn’t postponing it at my house, I was at work.


0 points - Liked by LadyTauriel and LilVicky

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Deedee 10 months ago
It is on her to pick up her child if she didn't get confirmation that you were doing so. Hopefully she quits having kids because she obviously can't handle the 2 she has. Having a baby, not even a newborn, is no excuse. Put baby in the carseat or hire a babysitter.
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5. AITJ For Reporting My Boss To HR For Harassment After He Followed Me On Social Media?

“It started when I was hired. I recently quit teaching because it is too much for the pay. I was so stressed all the time, working 80+ hours/week, and having existential crises about how I could better help my kids while parents at conferences implied I suck at my job.

I was SO happy to start working a desk job where I could log off at the end of the day and not think about work.

My new bosses were immediately surprised at my choices and kept inquiring as to why I was working in an entry-level job after teaching for so long. I told the truth about the stress and how I just wanted to work with adults.

One guy, in particular, asked a lot of personal questions, but I am a people pleaser and laughed about it and tried to be as affable as possible. At one point I had to say, no I’m not telling you what I take meds for (after he saw me taking a bunch of pills at work.

In my defense, I had to take them at work because of my shift time and the meds were time-sensitive).

He seemed overly interested in me sometimes when he came up to me and one day friended me on social media

I didn’t even know how he found me and other things he had said about my looks made the social media thing feel extra weird.

I decided to report it was the smart thing to do right? WRONG.

Big corporations don’t care if your manager is crossing boundaries with you. They care about public perception.

I’m essentially being blacklisted unofficially for reporting this guy now. Managers won’t talk to me. People who used to greet me every time I came in wouldn’t even make eye contact with me.

I’m not imagining it, it has been a month. Nothing has changed except what I said to the HR on-site.

I saw the guy I reported the other day with the HR we have on site. I didn’t know he was such good friends with them or I wouldn’t have even bothered reporting him.

I tried applying for other jobs internally and my online apps didn’t get past the initial screening.

I don’t think I’m crazy for assuming it’s related as I think they keep tabs on this sort of thing and I basically shot myself in the foot trying to do what I thought was right at the time.

I tried venting about this to my partner the other day and she said the Me Too movement is out of control and as long as no one is grabbing me I should just be fine with it.

I actually think I may be the jerk now because I can handle sexism and harassment, I’ve dealt with it all my life, but I don’t know how to handle this kind of workplace politics. Teaching was just different. AITJ?”

-1 points (1 vote(s))

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Essess 10 months ago
Was it a one-time comment about your looks, or persistent? The way you just barely mention it makes it sound like you had a major overreaction to a one-time comment. You could have blocked the social media. Everyone may be worried that you will overreact to comments that they make now.
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4. AITJ For Being Mad At My Partner For Giving Me A Ring?

“My partner (25m) and I (25f) went out for our sixth month anniversary this weekend and towards the end of the dinner, he said he had a gift for me and handed me a box.

It was a gorgeous ring and I confused this gift as a proposal. I teared up and screamed ‘Yes!’ repeatedly and other people clapped and cheered. My partner looked confused and kind of awkward the rest of the night but before I found out this was a mistake I assumed he was just shocked that I said yes.

Fast forward to today. I had him over and asked him when we should start telling friends, family, and other plans and that’s when he finally said ‘Yeah, about that, I’m not sure how to tell you this but I didn’t mean to propose, my mom and I just thought that would be a perfect first gift’.

I just laughed it off at first and said ‘Oh, well that will make a really funny story for our wedding!’ and he corrected me that there was no wedding yet. He said this was going too fast and that we shouldn’t be getting married for at least another 2 years.

I was really heartbroken and called him a jerk, and that it was stupid of him to get me a ring if he wasn’t proposing.

A necklace or something would have made more sense if he was going to give me jewelry. He called me a jerk for being ungrateful and jumping to conclusions and putting him in this position in the first place.

This was our first really big fight and I ended up kicking him out. I called my parents about this today and my dad seems to think that he’s the jerk but my mom says I was being a complete idiot because it’s not like he got on one knee or actually asked me to marry him.


-1 points - Liked by IDontKnow and Spaldingmonn

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LilVicky 10 months ago
YTJ for assuming it was a proposal after only 6 mo & he’s a jerk for not clarifying it was just a gift
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3. AITJ For Asking My Sister-In-Law To Only Give My Son Simple Food?

“My (35M) son is 6 and has always been a picky eater. It’s been especially hard since we’re on food stamps and half our food comes from the food pantry.

For the last 2 months, my SIL has been looking after him 3 afternoons a week and I’m so grateful, especially with how things are getting so expensive now. So saving a bit on childcare means so much to me and she feeds him which helps too.

The thing is, SIL is very well-off and cooks quite extravagantly.

We can’t even afford the brand name mac+chesse but at Aunt GG’s they’ll have homemade mac + cheese with a four-cheese mix. When I serve him the box stuff, he wants pecorino sprinkled on top. I’ve never even tasted pecorino! My son used to love hotdogs, but now he’s used to real sausages. Tuna sandwiches were our go-to, but now he wants fresh fish.

It’s like this every meal, where I have to explain to him that we can’t afford better food. And he barely eats now, I can’t get more than a few spoonfuls in him. When I drop him off, he runs to the kitchen where SIL’s prepared a snack tray. If I’m early when picking him up, I see he’s chowing down on dinner and I see him often licking the plate.

So I know he’s hungry!

The other day, he was talking about the broccoli soup they had. Thought that might be something I could make, so I asked SIL for the recipe and made it for him. He ate 3 bowls for lunch and polished off the rest for dinner! Any parent would be happy seeing their kid eat a whole head of broccoli, but that cost me $12 worth of ingredients!

A quarter of our weekly budget is on soup! I’ve never cried so hard in my life. I can’t even afford to make soup for my son!

The other day we were at my mom’s (brother, SIL, mom, me). I told SIL that I was grateful but asked if she could cook less extravagantly. I suggested pasta with just a jar of sauce.

She said she didn’t want to cook separately for my son, that they’d have to eat this too. I was taken aback a bit and asked her what she meant by ‘we’d have to eat this too’ her exact words. It felt like she was saying they’re too good for pasta with sauce. And that’s basically her answer, that she didn’t want to eat that.

I tried to explain my situation, how it’s so much harder getter my son to eat now, but mom cut me off and we started talking about something else. Later, my mom told me I should apologize to SIL and that I was being an ungrateful jerk to her. But I don’t think I am, I’m grateful but she’s made it so much harder for me to feed my son!

So, am I really in the wrong here? I want to have the conversation again with SIL, but my mom’s words are making me feel like a jerk. On the other hand, I’m really struggling to get my son to eat.

Edit: My brother and SIL both work (SIL works from home on days she looks after my son) and have no kids.

It’s just me and my son. My wife walked out on us soon after he was born.”

-1 points (1 vote(s))

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anma7 10 months ago
Esh… here’s an idea explain what’s going on calmly, ask her if you could have the recipe for some of the meals she makes for them, you can buy the ingredients cheaper than h are I do know. Tell her he’s not eating properly at home because the food is different and that while u appreciate her feeding your boy not to mention being his childcare FREE you are worried that he doesn’t understand why you eat more simply at home due to only 1 wage versus 2 etc. your mom is right you can’t expect her to plain Jane their food just cos you can’t afford better meals.
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2. AITJ For Trying To "Come Out Of My Shell"?

“My significant other invited me to a party yesterday, in his hometown with a bunch of his lifelong friends from like high school.

He was saying he wanted his friends to like me, and that I should ‘get out of my shell’ some and get to know people. I do tend to be reserved around new people but I was willing to try being more extroverted.

Well, we got to the party and first we hung out with his two best male friends and their wives. Both couples had kids and one of the ladies was pregnant.

They were talking about their kids and asked me if I wanted to be a boy mom or a girl mom. I kinda laughed at the question and was like ‘Oh neither, unless things go in the ‘government-mandated baby’ direction ya know?’

His friend was confused and didn’t get the joke so I awkwardly explained it was a joke about losing my reproductive rights.

So after that one of his friends asked what I’d recommend seeing on a road trip because he was planning one to the same state I just came back from. The first things that popped into my head to say were…

  1. A campground that was nearly empty, super chill about drinking and smoking, and was only 6 bucks a night, on the lake.
  2. An adult beach, a chill spot to enjoy nature unlike the family beaches with people blasting trashy music and not watching their kids, most everyone just hangs with friends and is pretty laid back.

His friend was kinda noncommittally saying ‘That sounds cool’ or ‘Wow, you’re brave to do that’ and I didn’t really catch that stuff was awkward until my SO said that his friend was traveling with his wife and toddlers… I did feel silly for just listing my favorite spots without asking him what the vibe of the trip was.

I talked to a bunch more people but I think those were the things that upset my SO the most.

Anyway, I thought I did well at getting out of my shell and getting to know people, but when we got in the car afterward, my SO was angry. He asked me why I’d ‘acted so immature’ and embarrassed him.

I asked him what he’d meant because I thought I was being fun and friendly and chill. But he said I talked several times about finding having a baby ‘ick’ and not wanting to be around kids, talked about drinking heavily, talked about embarrassing things I’d done with friends while wasted, etc.

I said I was frustrated because he told me to ‘just be myself’ and when I really tried for him now he says I’m immature.

Like I just turned 21, maybe I’m not immature, maybe I’m just out of place being the only one under 30.

He got frustrated and wanted to talk again when I had sobered up. We haven’t talked again yet. I’m still trying to figure out if I should apologize or stand up for myself still…

AITJ for acting ‘immature’ at my SO’s party with his old friends?”

-2 points (2 vote(s))

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anma7 10 months ago
NTJ but it’s obvious he’s older than you and so are his friends and he should realise you are all at different stages in life, and he doesn’t want you embarrassing him to his older friends ki don’t know how long you have been together but I can’t see this working out to are both totally different people in age and by the sounds of it interests
3 Reply

1. AITJ For Refusing To Replace My Roommate's PS4 That I Did Not Break?

“I (25M) live with a roommate (22M).

We aren’t close, we aren’t friends, we found each other on a housemate finder run by our uni because we both have similar desires for a roommate. We live in an off-campus flat together instead of a dorm. It’s pretty small and only has one real bedroom. The bedroom is private but it’s tiny so my roommate decided to sleep in the front room, it’s far less private as the front door opens onto his room but it has a big TV, he has 24/7 access to the kitchen and he thought it would be best as he goes out a lot more than I do and gets back late and wouldn’t want to wake me.

Because of this, I hang out in the front room usually during the day because it’s a communal space. He’s told me he doesn’t mind me chilling in his room doing my own thing when he’s home but if he’s out and I have a girl over not to hang out in his room and to hang in the kitchen or my room instead.

I feel creepy bringing a girl back to my room straight away and you can’t really make out in our small kitchen and the front room is a communal space so I do it anyway and it’s a point of contention.

Anyway, I had a girl over and we were making out on the couch opposite my roommate’s bed, she asked me if there was anything on TV.

My roommate doesn’t like it when I use the big TV when he’s out. Sometimes we watch movies together but he has a load of expensive gaming equipment and consoles he’s protective over. I have a TV in my room but it’s kinda a piece of crap so we used his TV. I was figuring out how to get it working so the girl came over to help me and in the process tripped over the PS4 wire pulling his PS4 off the shelf, she also spilled the beer she was holding all over the console.

It smashed. I kind of don’t think that is my fault because he keeps it on such a high shelf. Anyway, we left it be and she went home.

When my roommate got home he exploded, he was so mad. I told him it wasn’t our fault because he kept it so high up and he shouldn’t keep something he’s so protective of near liquid.

He told me he repeatedly told me not to use his TV (it wasn’t repeated just once or twice) and to call the girl up so she could pay for the damages. I said I didn’t want to call up a one-night stand and that’s kinda embarrassing so he said I should pay for it then.

I refused and he’s gone to live with his sister and refused to pay rent. I kinda don’t think it was my fault because he shouldn’t keep breakables in a communal space or should put them on the ground so they don’t fall but he keeps asking me to pay for the damages. I don’t think that is my responsibility as I didn’t break it.


-6 points (6 vote(s))

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BJ 10 months ago
YTJ. Pay him. He asked you not to use his TV which was with his other electronics. Girl was YOUR guest in an area not yours. You are responsible for the damage and a huge jerk for saying you're not.
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